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To be honest, there is a lot of misconception about kids and sexual identity. I have worked with such children in training, and a lot of the misconception is based upon ignorance. Yes there are some children who question their sexual identity where it is a symptom of something else. Many of them grow out of it. Health personell rarely addresses it, but in some instances, where the feeling of incongruence between for example body and sexual identity is so extreme that the child is capable of comitting suicide, then they are acting upon it. Only the worst parents arent capable of accepting it. This stuff is real. Like racism, you need to get exposed to what you are ignorant to.

Because you've yet again perfectly articulated the harsh reality of the world that the rest of the world hides from you and themselves. I've been coping by saying to myself that it'll all be good in the end and I will find someone, but through your words I now realize I will most likely never. Even if I get through the bottleneck of healing my brain fog, libido-surpressing panic and anxiety, dysarhtria/apraxia of speech, inflammation and extreme stiffness of neck and mouth, which is a far fucking stretch to begin with, I will still be in a situation where dating is hell simply because I'm not chad, although I'm not ugly either. Since even those starting conditions will probably never be met it's time I face reality like you do, cutting all the fantasies and seeing my situation as it is: I'll be forever alone. Hell, even maintaining a job and communication on the job will be of the utmost difficulty. Even though I have a relatively high IQ and am learning CS and other subjects while at home, and becoming quite advanced at it, in my mind preparing for a life in the future, I've come to the realization that none of those skills matter if you can't communicate and socialize with actual people to work on a job, let alone find a girlfriend or wife. The loneliness, sexlessness, and the physical and mental disability are just becoming too much to bear after 25 years. I've always had hope but now I realize it's just a fantasy I've been holding on to to cope. I'm getting tears in my eyes writing this, since women are truly the most beautiful thing in the world, not only physically but also mentally, and the one time I kissed a girl in high school was literally the best moment of my life. After hs it all fell apart. The only hope I have left is that my symptoms are psychosomatic or somehow caused by spirits or something. Over the last two years, when my symptoms have worsened to the degree I couldn't keep my job and studies, I have had like 10 days where somehow all my energy returned and I could talk normally again, and somehow all my symptoms dissipated, felt great in my body and mind, and I called my friends and had a great time. But the next day that would be all over again, to my disappointment and despair. Since doctors have not been able to find anything it's my only hope to go to some Teal Swan method or some cooky spirit healers. I have suffered sexual abuse in my youth, but it wasn't that bad (not rape) , and in the years after it I didn't have the symptoms I have now that have developed over the last years, so I doubt my symptoms are psychosomatic because of the abuse trauma. Although I don't have much faith in it, I'm still going to try my best. But if everything fails I don't see what I should do in my life. A part of me just wants to murder me for having dissapointed the young buck in me, never having had sex except with a prostitute and now not even be able to do so, and not have related to women and falling behind in life, not having had relationships and real conversations with women. I'm horny all the time which makes it absolutely unbearable to an almost spiritual degree, like rattling a cage from the inside. I've turned to religious ideas to try to find a raison d'etre in some ascetic manner but I don't really see it happening if all that buddhism and sufism stuff is fake anyway and i'm just imagining reality and thats it. Thinking about starving kids etc makes it easier to still feel thankful for my life. But it's just the lovelessness and sexlessness, and absolute lack of female company that just strains me so much, to the point I often don't feel human anymore. Maybe what I will do in the end, is just living ascetically, wandering the world for Truth and taking in the beauty of Gods creation. But I'm afraid I will always feel unworthy in the darwinistic sense, unworthy of human love and far removed from it. and that fear and hate makes me want to kill myself. I no longer really fear hell, although that fear kept me from pursuing suicide in the last few years, I realize it's all based on imagined dogma and dharma by prophets and yogis, who built a moral system for society, but I have absolutely no reason to believe them about the afterlife whatsoever. Although I have an intuition suicide will lead to hell, it's probably just human survival bullshit concocted by the mind. All I really know is that consciousness is immortal, for that is something I have witnessed myself. I'm just going to go on and try everything till I absolutely can't bear it anymore, but I won't delude myself with fantasies anymore, even when those fantasies kept me from ending it all. Thanks for everything Leo.

What would happen is Trump will launch the national guard as soon as he can and hammer you into submission and then crown himself national hero. It would embolden Trump to smear democrats even further and contribute to undercuting democratic processes. Political suicide is not going to solve the problem. People have to suffer the consequences of their immature voting practices through mass inflation and hollowing of social services and democracy for them to learn. I know it's frustrating because just how stupid it all is. It should be obvious how bad Trump is politically.

Yeah, that's a good point. You could build a good case for both. There's a lot of compelling evidence that points in the opposite direction if you want to look into it. It's all circumstantial from what I've seen, but when you add it all up, it's not easy to dismiss. Also, "puppet" doesn't necessarily mean 100% controlled. It could just mean 25% or 50% controlled or it could mean "in cahoots" or colluding with. So "puppet" isn't the best term. I was just using Lyubov's term. Collusion for power/material gain would be more likely but it's also possible Putin has some dirt or leverage on Trump, which could explain a narcissist taking orders from someone else. Russia is big into spying. Think of the weak security around Trump's properties, especially from the 70s to 2000s. Maybe they recorded Trump fucking a kid and are blackmailing him with it. That might get a narcissist to do your bidding, especially if you promise him unfathomable riches. Remember, when Trump was asked by reporters if he'd release the JFK information, he said absolutely. Then was asked if he'd release the information of some other big thing, and he said absolutely. Right after those two questions, he was asked if he'd release the Epstein files and he said "that I'm not sure about, I probably would". Also, Epstein passed away from "suicide" when the cameras just so happened to be off. It's not outside the realm of possibility that the Russians have dirt on Trump. Again, I'm not saying they do, I'm just saying they might.

The press conference started fairly well. Trump praised Ukraine and Zelensky, he wanted the deal signed. Before the discussion started, the least diplomatic thing Trump said was that it was difficult because Zelensky hates Putin and vice versa, which is true. Zelensky was willing to sign the deal, too. At some point, when he lists the presidents, he tells him, "Thank God you were elected again." But they are two big egos incapable of diplomacy. We all know that's true for Trump. It's also true for Zelensky, who has had ovations, hero treatment, and zero challenges of his positions from Western leaders and the media for three years. He rejected any possibility of a diplomatic route with Russia, which was what Trump and Vance were proposing, and he did it in front of the press. His side of the story is the only valid one and he won't accept anything out of that narrative. But Russia's side has many valid points too, the way CIA, NATO, and Ukraine's most nationalists have been messing the situation, including Trump's Javelin missiles. Merkel, who Zelensky cites as witness of Russia's deceptions, admitted that the Minsk Accords were a mere tactic to give Ukraine time to arm itself. But Zelensky doesn't want talk, he wants war, his problem is he can't win it. Any future deal proposal from Russia will be worse than today. Russia will pay a price of continuing the war with blood, both sides will, but Russia will charge that price with more land in the end. Trump was right in questioning the idea that Russia will become a menace to the peace of the USA. Russia can't militarily take, and even less maintain, much more than it has in its vicinity. But it can with Eastern Ukraine, who are culturally Russian in a big part already, and they justify what they are doing as a way to defend these people, and it's not totally out of reason. For now, it's good the mineral deal didn't take off, but Zelensky was willing to go with it, so it's still a menace for Ukraine to lose its economic control and resources. The deal was giving the US half of the revenues obtained from the Ukrainian minerals, and control over the expenditure of the other half, getting good contracts for themselves, the US contractors, obviously. It's pure economic colonialism, at this point they should even consider if Putin is willing to offer a better deal for Western Ukraine, because that was economic suicide. By the way, this deal didn't mean the end of the war by any means, it had nothing to do with Russia. The war continues, Russia is grabbing more land each day, and it's only going to get worse. So what Trump said that he was handing Ukraine a good card was absolutely false.

Europe has been dwelling in a self-imposed strategic twilight for decades. When you outsource your vigilance to an empire's pitbull for generations, your geopolitical vision atrophies like an unused muscle. The continent that once possessed the sharpest strategic minds has willingly developed diplomatic glaucoma, content to let America scan the horizon while they focused on internal bureaucratic minutiae. This dependency didn't happen by accident. It was cultivated, nurtured, and enforced through a complex system of carrots and sticks – NATO bases, financial entanglements, intelligence sharing that was really intelligence capturing. The arrangement suited the empire perfectly: Europe remained comfortably blind while their resources were redirected, their industries captured, and their sovereignty quietly hollowed out. Europe's strategic myopia is now so advanced that they can't distinguish between their own interests and Washington's commands. They've forgotten how to assess threats independently, how to engage with neighbors directly, how to calculate the true cost of following imperial directives. They've traded their binoculars for a blindfold and called it security. It's time for Europe to reclaim its sight – to dust off those spectacles that have been gathering cobwebs since the end of the Cold War. The continent needs to rediscover its capacity for independent strategic thinking, for seeing beyond the narrow frame the empire has provided. The alternative is continued blindness while being led toward conflicts that serve another's interests. The carrots that once seemed so appealing have revealed themselves as the most expensive meal in history. Meanwhile, the stick is no longer just looming – it's firmly pressed against European backs, driving them toward economic suicide and unnecessary confrontation with their neighbors. True vision requires the courage to open eyes that have grown comfortable in darkness. It requires the willingness to see uncomfortable truths: that treating your largest energy supplier and natural trading partner as an existential enemy might not be the strategic masterstroke it was sold as. That perhaps the greatest threat to European prosperity and security wasn't coming from the East after all. Europe must rebuild its atrophied strategic vision before it's marched blindly into one last, final abyss from which there is no return – all while believing they're walking toward the light.

Ffs this is such a closeminded but expected take, to say that if someone is ethnocentrist it must mean they can't identify with more than just their own people is too black & white (no pun intended), i am ethnocentric and a white nationalist (if i was any other race i would be a nationalist for that race too, it's not about identfying with a race for the sake of race, it's for the sake of not having your race wiped off the face of earth) and at the same time i am aware at all times that this is my dream that i'm constructing in this moment as God where everything is a figment of my Godly imagination including people of different races meaning that ultimately everything is one and there is no duality, but despite all of this there is still duality in maya and as long as i'm dreaming this dream it's absolutely healthy to want to have your race of people to stay alive on the planet, it's basic survival 101 and survival is a healthy thing, what you're subtly proposing by calling ethnocentrism "level of cognitive identificiation" is suicide, which you show in a more direct manner at the end of your post by calling me racist for caring about the survival of my race within the dream. Sure, Kanye considers himself superior to many people but that's more from an egoic point of view, Kanye doesn't see any race or group of people superior to another, which is what you implemented by saying he thinks he's superior to jews because he sees something wrong with them. Kanye is not a nazi, all the nazi stuff that he does is just an intentional response to supression of all the nazi things, this happens with every supressed thing in the world, if things like nazis, swastikas, Hitler, talking about the jews weren't supressed topics he wouldn't see a need to put resistence to that supression which is what he's doing, him making a swastika shirt and saying i love hitler is him giving a big fuck you to the overall supression, that's mostly done by the jews in the media (which also proves his point about jews being overpowered in the media and all jew releated things like the Holocaust and Isreal being "greatest ally" being the most pushed topics by that same media in comparison to all the other topics within those categories). The example i gave you of jews seeing themselves as superior to others is directly releated to you saying Kanye sees himself as superior to jews, i gave you the reverse example and it actually made more sense because it has an entire religion backing it instead of an ego of a famous rapper. And in that last sentence of course you have to use the overused racism card in big 2025 because someone thinks one of the races of planet earth actually shouldn't cease to exist, there is nothing wrong with being protective of your own race, if i was black i would be a black nationalist, it's not about race, it's about not being suicial and instead wanting to keep existing, it's literally that simple and blatant. And you're the one talking about "contamination", i don't use that word so stop putting it in my mouth. And also your main point wasn't about me but about people in power, i'm not a person in power so that still doesn't explain the claim that there are white nationalists in positions in power, as i have said there are people in power who have talked the white nationalist talk but didn't walk the white nationalist walk, it's been this way since the 40s.

@VeganAwake I recognize I am extremely lucky. Not many make it this far. I ve seen people die by suicide because of this. Serious mental illness and substance abuse is not something you can just joke around with. I am lucky because I have been able to help others. But people relapse and die because of such comments. Why not better search for Truth? The Devil is a Liar. God is Honesty, Truth. It is that simple.

I think Kindness is one of the fundamentals to living The Good Life. But what is Kindness? What is Service? I think it is understanding and attending the Anger that the Other has against you and solving it, as illustrated by the above verse from The Sermon of The Mount. you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you "CLEAN THE FLOOR, you made an awful mess." Yes Ma'am. "Do 100 Push Ups NOW" Okay, Godfather. "Do the laundry CORRECTLY" Yes. "Do it again, YOU MESSED UP". Okay. "AGAIN!" Okay. I think it is not about solving my own anger, but other people's. I think that is the essence of service and abnegation and a route to enlightenment. After doing that, others will smile and you will sow Peace. In a clinic where people have commited suicide, this attitude can save their lives, and your own. I think this is part of Christ's message.

Is governmental assisted suicide just another form of the death penalty?

It objectifies people, the worst should be life in prison or exile, with the option of assisted suicide, if human life is sacred then human life is sacred.

This will be an analysis of a incident now in court from a spiral dynamics perspective Summary: Richard Bilkszto was a fill in principal attending a anti-racism training for the Toronto District School Board. The sessions were led by Kike Ojo-Thompson, founder of the KOJO Institute. Bilkszto alleged that Ojo-Thompson told educators that Canada could be considered more racist than the US. Bilkszto, who had previously taught at a high school in Buffalo, New York, completely disagreed with the suggestion and called out Ojo-Thompson, who allegedly lashed out at him. During a follow-up session the next week, Ojo-Thompson allegedly brought up the argument again. Bilkszto claimed that after he reported Ojo-Thompson’s alleged misconduct, the school board failed to look into it, appearing to side with the instructor. The Workplace Safety and Insurance Board (WSIB) eventually looked into the matter and found that Ojo-Thompson’s conduct “rises to the level of workplace harassment and bullying.” Then, following a six-week medical leave later that year, the district refused to reinstate his contract, which Bilkszto claimed was a result of either his fallen reputation or as retribution for having the WSIB investigate the incident. Richard Bilkszto eventually committed suicide and his family blamed the backlash and reputation harm as the cause. In my opinion this event shows many examples of a society transitioning from stage orange to stage green and what to expect, I will explain with further details of what happened: 1. Traditionally in a stage orange society most non-political institutions and companies actually avoid taking front facing political stands, focusing instead on donating behind the scene to causes. Due to the stage green transition of workplaces however companies are taking a public role in declaring alliances and directly educating their workers in their beliefs. This is resulting in conflict as older, stage orange employees aren’t used to direct ideological assertions they are forced to attend, as seen here in the principal, a 60 year old man, arguing with the educator. For example, A recording of her presentation which was verified by a Canadian journalist has more detail on Thompsons arguments for why Canada is more racist than the USA. She brings up an example of Canada’s Monarchist tradition as evidence for its racism. Claims like this would generate disagreement from stage orange, because Britain outlawed slavery decades before the US civil war and Canada’s creation. This however misses the stage green perspective the educator is giving that is about the symbol of the monarchy and colonialism itself, not the specific circumstances. 2. Stage orange is individualistic, as a result they tend to argue from the perspective of what was said rather than who is saying it. Stage green is collective and prioritizes advancing knowledge about structural and class issues. This can be seen in how specifically the principal and educator disagreed: Bilkszto was reinforcing the stage orange perspective by challenging her claim. This creates friction because the stage green perspective is that he is centering himself as someone with racial privilege over someone facing racial discrimination. The education they were receiving was not supposed to be open debate. 3. Stage green puts the collective over the individual. In a stage orange society normally it maintains traditions of often standing by someone you know even when they do wrong, or at least remaining silent. However stage green evolves to focusing on collective harm, and the transition includes greater emphasis on openly engaging in the criticism. This can be seen in how Bilkszto’s coworkers reacted: Bilkszto himself was let go after this event, he claims allegedly because of the accusations of racism. This is an extremely important survival mechanism for stage green collectivism, because an individual’s backlash against it can spurn further backlash, so all defensive mechanisms need to hastily stand against it as a warning to anyone else considering joining the backlash. See here, a stage orange journalist reporting the story expresses disappointment no one has publicly come out in support, likely to avoid facing backlash themselves. 4. Because stage orange is individualistic, generally it looks at events as more local to exactly what happened and maybe examples of more directly related factors, in this case stage orange people have been criticizing the school board and using this event as a negative example or anti-racist trainings in general. But similar to how collective stage blue will extrapolate further based on individual events (ex using a minority criminal as an argument against the minority as a whole), stage green views events from a wider lens. In this case stage green reaction to this event was to coalesce around the educator and push back against attempts to reform or reduce anti racism trainings in the future, because stage green prioritizes anti racism trainings (as a push back against racism in general). See the response from a Toronto MPP on Twitter: For further examples, a group of activists, students, and teachers have come out saying they are worried this event could hurt anti racism education initiatives and have produced a list of demands for the school board to affirm its anti racist stance and funding. sources: https://www.thefp.com/p/a-racist-smear-a-tarnished-career-suicide?utm_source=tfptwitter https://nypost.com/2023/07/24/ex-canadian-principal-who-sued-board-for-bullying-during-anti-racism-training-dies-by-suicide/#:~:text=A former Toronto principal has,more racist than the US. https://quillette.com/2023/07/21/rip-richard-bilkszto/ https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/hamilton/toronto-principal-suicide-weaponized-rhetoric-1.6928122 What is your opinion? Is my analysis off or wrong? What is the solution?

Sounds like typical Christian rehab law. Suppress and repress instead of express on a healthy way. Did they commit suicide and went crazy because they expressed their anger in destructive ways, or because they suppressed it until it became unbearable?

@Aaron p @Leo Gura A drug rehab center in Mexico can be a place with A LOT of anger. Ive seen two commit suicide because of this, many relapse and many simply go crazy. I've observed my anger and I can see it come and go. But working with other addicts can be very challenging. One day a 50 year old woman asked: Why, after working with dolphins, art, group therapy, psychiatrists, many clinics, why has nothing improved? Because of RESENTMENT, I yelled and her eyes opened a bit, the owner of the clinic noticed this. So, I think there is something profound about Hate, Resentment and, Anger that creates a Duality between Self and Other and that somehow must be resolved. When I saw the Kingdom, I found a word - Conflict, which I have not yet resolved. What is Conflict? I will research and practice Sedona Method, thank you

Firstly, eventually, of course we will have to evolve to showing kindness towards especially mass murderers. Not in some sort of naive way, as you here suggest as a dunk of stage green naivety, but a genuine, structured compassion that maintains society while also allowing us to grow. Many mass murderers were traumatized, mentally ill, abused. If you do not have compassion, you will never get rid of this phenomena, because if you cannot recognize their humanity you will never even attempt to find a way to prevent them from becoming what they became. What even is the point of the killing? Again, the death penality has not shown to have any effect on criminality, nor on mass-murders. Mass murders happen in a context that will be completely removed from any impact the death penalty could have. Most of these people do it with the expectation of suicide or death anyways. And of course it's cruel, the death penalty is a severe form of psychological torture. Just read up on the torment it inflicts on individuals. And again, you completely avoid the necessary cost that will come with such laws, which is innocent people getting killed by the state. If you think that is avoidable, you don't understand the justice system. And again, to what end? What is the point of the death penality. To discourage mass murderers? How naive of a world view can you have if you think a mass murderer would think to themselves "Oh no, I better not kill a bunch of people because they have the death penalty on this". That's just an absurd picture, if you are committing such a crime there won't be any thoughts of the consequences. Yes, it does contradict kindness and love, it obviously does.

You and @puporing and most other leftists are just too stuck in victim mindset to take action on these changes and empower your lives and thus gain enough knowledge through doing it to see that it's going the right way. You're basically like people criticizing CEOs for being overpaid while never having started a business and not understanding the difference between commodity labor and executive skillset. I don't think we can come to an understanding but Purporing just proved my point that he's so clueless about how to impact the world that he would resort to suicide if the situation became worse. Reflect on the fact that you're a human and that humans are the most powerful creatures on earth. And that now you have AI and literally decentralized finance meaning that you could litereally take over Trump yourselves if you wanted to. TELL ME LITERALLY WHAT IS TO STOP YOU??? Your weak mindsets disgusts me honestly. Go back to spiral dynamics and integrate some Stage Red. You're not a hamster nor a victim nor a powerful man you're literally an infinitely powerful God that fooled himself thinking he's a powerless victim. Beta male energy. Get a grip.

@VeganAwake If meaning is an illusion, why do firefighters rush into burning buildings, doctors risk their lives in war zones, and parents shield their children at their own expense? Why did Schindler save Jews, Beethoven compose deaf, or Van Gogh paint through despair? If survival is the only motive, why do people sacrifice for something greater? If insight has no impact, why do addicts recover, ex-criminals transform, and therapy prevent suicide? Why does purpose pull people from depression? If nothing matters, why prefer food over poison, justice over false imprisonment, or a skilled surgeon over a blindfolded one? If direction is fake, should pilots ignore altitude? If morality is a construct, should we comfort abusers instead of victims? Even animals protect their young, are they hallucinating meaning too? Evolution itself favors meaning-seekers; if value were false, why does it increase survival? If nothing matters, why engage at all? The moment you reply, you validate discussion. The second you reject injustice, you assign meaning. And if this “isn’t a mental health forum,” why does it bother you if people seek understanding? If nothing matters, why care where they go? Reality won’t let you live your philosophy. The illusion isn’t meaning, it’s pretending you don’t need it.

As unstable as Trump is, as soon as prices start going up in the u.s. he will obviously cancel the tariffs. The threatened countries shouldn't flinch, Trump is a political suicide bomber with tariffs, he'll blow himself up. This is a legal way for foreign nations to have influence on U.S. politics.

I don't know if this is against forum guidelines, but I need help. I can't hang myself and need a good idea for how to die. Please help. I should and I simply need to. My life cannot work anymore. I lost everything and am not in circumstances that allow me to be mentally healthy. All ways for how to do that are gone.

Perfectly put. I had a friend with this mindset. He once set me an email about how much he loved to manipulate people and how good he was at it. It was the most psycho thing I’ve ever read. He ended up addicted to heroine and in jail with no friends left. Also, don’t be so sure about Karma. You really think God/The Universe wouldn’t input any kind of system for getting back what you put out? Leo doesn’t know everything and it’s unwise to just assume you can get away with fucking people over. Karma is real and it’s not a joke. Some people have such bad karma they end up living lives as schizophrenic homeless drug addicts who live in a literal hell everyday with no escape. They simply have to move through all that karma and suffer it. Suicide is not an escape and many traditions say just adds to your karma. Dont fuck with your Spiritual Karma. That’s no joke.

I am a Bachelor's graduate, studied psychology. Now i am struggling with my relationships with my family. They are total opposite from my philosophy and lifestyle. I leave my family and my hometown and now i am staying in Dubai. But here now i found that there is not a great scope of medical field especially psychology. Now i am struggling also feeling depressed. Cause i don't wanna go back to that home. Also if anybody is here from dubai. Contact me please to help me finding a job. My phone no: +917558159692 Also i spend a big amount on my visit to here. Now i am trapped here. I also applied for some odd jobs but not get even one response. I don't know what to do now?

Also apparently the transition from being alive to death as a ghost from NDE reports is sort of instant and like popping out of the body into the timeless state to which you visit realms that aren't of Earth and are difficult to describe which sounds different than say different alien realm planets or Psychadelic realms ... Though apparently idk sounds like there are loving angels on the other side and you get wrapped in unconditional love which to an extent sounds better than being a human, and many suicide attempts wanted to stay on the other side but were told their time wasn't to die yet so they had to return ... so

@Bobby_2021 @Oppositionless @gengar @kavaris Thanks Soul Fam for sharing some insights - Personally I've been listening to NDE reports about suicide attempts or general deaths, and honestly it is quite interesting ... I mean there does seem to be slight differences amongst stories - Although the same gist of things accross cultures even ... Sometimes I hear that a person may enter a hell realm on death but the moment they begin say praying to God or Jesus, then immediately a mirror reflection in the spiritual realm will reflect the divine heavenly bliss realms which is apparently the natural way of being for spirits ... Which is believable, it makes sense why the majority would prefer Heavenly states naturally over the hell realms, so I suppose it shouldn't be difficult to maintain unconditional love. Anymore insight feel free to add them in and I'll continue responding over time - Thanks again!

I lately wrote the topic " I woke to the GOD. Death is the only whey to forget?' (sorry for my English, i'm not a native speaker) Thank you so much for all your help there, and also i want to send all the love to : @Kksd74628 @Godishere @Tim R They helped me on priv, so much!! i don't know what would i do, without them. Background: i've had spiritual experience for over 2-3 years, 16-17 trips, (lsd,shrooms,dmt). I mediate every day, lately for 2h a day. Also, I've had some retreats, on which it was 7-8h meditation daily. Almost every tip, till last, was pretty easy, some were challenging, but overall it was rather calm. I've experienced pure nothingness, no-dual states, i've seen my reflection in face on my girlfriend, i had God experience on DMT, when everything and everyone dispreaded, there was no time, only infinity etc. It was all ok. Dosage: 3 days ago, i took 250 uq LSD. I had one trip on 400uq, and it was nothing like that. Trip: After 1h i went to the God state. To the point, I exactly saw God everywhere. The floor was made of God, air was pure God, walls were God, which obviously is all me. I knew that, there was no going back, cause even if i go to the hospital, i can't meet anyone other than God, which is me. If I take some pills, it's going to be only self-deception to forget. I was deceiving my-self all the time, that i'm not God, it was obvious to me. it was all fine, i knew it was the case. But then i went to the bedroom, to talk with my girlfriend, she took LSD too. She was in GOD-state as well. She told me, that "I'm God" i don't why, but i felt like God, which is me, perfectly designed every aspect of my life, from birth, to this moment, and now, it's speaking to me, by the mouth of my girlfriend. I sat down on the bed, to look outside the window.... and all the people in the next building were gone. All the lights in their flats went down. I said "what? Am i really GOD?" there's no-one else? , she said, "yes". Then all the buildings collapsed into me. Weather started to change pretty rapid. Time stopped. Out of my pure imagination. I was 100% sure, that my-small-self died, and i'm out of the dream and i can't go back. There was only face of my girlfriend left. So i said, " really? i was God all my life? i'm dead now?" And then something happened, which shocked me to the core. That was the moment i felt like i want to go back, and forget. That was the moment i regret that i was even alive. The horror: i looked at my girlfriend eyes. It was all sparky with life as always, but suddenly it was gone. I was looking to the dead eyes, completely without a life. The woman i love, was not only dead, but she was empty and shallow. Dark. Void. She was like a withered flower. Like empty costume. It was the most horrifying things i saw in all my life. I was all alone, staring into the empty void of my girlfriend's eyes. Every fucking horror is a joke compare to that. With tears i asked " are you there?" and then i saw like life is going back to her. Her eyes went sparky again. But at that point, all the solipsism horror was unbearable. I wanted to kill myself. I wanted only cease to exist. I don't want to live with knowledge like that. I don't want to be alive with costume-people. It was pure-fuckig-madness-hell. My post on forum: At this moment I tried to write a post here, on the forum. But i knew, i couldn't get any advice from no one, because even actualize.com and Leo Gura is pure fucking imagination, only to cheat me into thinking, that there are others. I'm here, alone, trapped in this empty-shallow-world, to the infinity. It's Only me. I can't die, i can't escape. I wrote every music there is, i wrote every book, it was always only me!! fuck! i wanted to know infinity, and it turned out to be fucking back-mirror-hell. I wrote this post anyway, but i knew, i was talking only to my-self, and my infinite imagination. After the trip: Next 48h i couldn't sleep. I was crying, and shacking on the floor. I couldn't eat. I wanted only to die, and forget. Right now: People on this forum helped me with going through this. Today, after 6-7h of sleep, i'm back to the "old-self" and i don't see imagination and God everywhere. Thank God! Any idea what went wrong, and how do i integrate this? You guys said God-realization it's all about love, and i got fucking horror X1000 to the infinity. Thank you, for all your support. Personally, i think my "ego" still corrupts this forum solipsism, and i feel it through an illusion of separated self. But i don't know.

if this post is in a wrong section i can move it. im not a selective person if you are kind thats alright. you can dm me if you want. you may look up my last posts to decide. i really dont know if this post is against the guidelines of the forum. i can delete this post if moderators wish. i had some online friends in the past and it was a nice experience. i thought that people on this forum are very openminded and it would be nice to be friends. i wasnt looking this forum for over a month and first think i see was a mods *suicide*. i hope everybody is doing fine! have a nice day!