Search the Community

With the population having surpassed 8 billion I do believe that this is a simply unsustainable figure given our current conscious development to have proper social cohesion and a healthy relationship with the planets biodiversity and ecosystem. We are obviously on a very turbulent path with many moving parts that become more fragile and run the risk of great catastrophe with higher population levels. This whole topic though is very controversial to even discuss but I do not believe humanity is consciously developed yet to live in harmony and deal with our shit at this population scale. Dealing with the worlds problems is a hell of a lot harder with massive populations that are increasingly disconnected from each other and nature. I don’t necessarily think population controls are the right way forward as forcing its application I believe to be unethical. Perhaps we need a new social paradigm and contract with the people to shift social norms and to bring population levels down so we can live in greater harmony and balance with the planet. This goes hand in hand with challenging this growth narrative which is obviously unsustainable I do totally get the argument that as societies develop birth rates naturally fall so this is part of the solution but maybe that’s not enough and won’t be as impactful? The time lines I don’t think work as we move closer to environmental breakdown leading to a shopping list of problems for humankind. I personally don’t see why the above as a topic should be controversial when put in the proper context. It’s a bit like assisted suicide. Why is that so controversial? It shouldn’t be if people who have chronic health conditions want to die peacefully allow them to rather than suffer on Anyway curious to see what people think about this - is the population simply unmanageable? If so how best to respond?

“The avoidance of fully feeling uncomfortable and difficult emotions is what slowly ruins your whole life until eventually you reach depression, self-hatred, and suicide. The simple solution is to force yourself to face a bit of difficult emotion regularly and not allowing yourself escapism, or this escapism and avoidance of work will turn into a festering wound that will become too ugly and painful to confront. One of the biggest traps in directing your own life is allowing yourself to avoid negative feelings until it snowballs into catastrophe.” -Actualized.org

Men's issues While women face many unique challenges, there are also certain issues that disproportionately impact men. Here are a few key examples: Higher rates of suicide: Men are more likely than women to die by suicide across all age groups and ethnicities. This may be related to factors like societal pressure to suppress emotions, reluctance to seek help, and higher rates of substance abuse. Workplace deaths and injuries: Men are significantly more likely than women to be injured or killed on the job, in part because they are overrepresented in dangerous occupations like construction, mining, and law enforcement. Homelessness: Although women face high rates of housing insecurity, men make up a larger share of the homeless population, particularly among single adults. Factors like mental illness, substance abuse, and lack of social support networks contribute to male homelessness. Incarceration: Men, especially men of color, are imprisoned at much higher rates than women. This is due to a complex web of factors including bias in policing and sentencing, harsher punishment for certain crimes, and systemic barriers to education and employment that can lead to criminal behavior. Lack of emotional support: Traditional masculine norms often discourage men from expressing vulnerability or seeking emotional support. This can leave them isolated and less able to cope with stressors like relationship problems, job loss or grief. Educational attainment: While women now outpace men in college graduation rates, boys and men, particularly those from low-income and minority backgrounds, still face challenges in K-12 education. They are more likely to be held back, suspended or diagnosed with learning and behavior disorders. Military service and combat deaths: Because men make up the vast majority of active-duty military personnel, they bear the brunt of the physical and psychological risks associated with military service, including higher rates of combat-related injury and death. Parental rights: Although child custody laws have become more gender-neutral over time, men can still face challenges in asserting their parental rights after a divorce or breakup. Some feel the legal system is biased against fathers in custody disputes. Rigid masculine norms: Societal expectations of masculinity can be confining and harmful for men, requiring them to project an image of toughness, dominance and stoicism at the expense of emotional and physical wellbeing. Men who don't conform to these norms may face bullying, discrimination or social ostracization. Underdiagnosis of certain conditions: Some health conditions, like eating disorders and depression, are often stereotyped as female problems. This can lead to underdiagnosis and lack of appropriate treatment for men suffering from these issues. Men may also be less likely to seek preventative care in general. It's important to note that these issues don't negate the very real inequities and discrimination that women face. Gender-based disadvantages cut in many directions and are often interconnected. Also, just as women's experiences are shaped by other aspects of their identity, so too are men's. Men of color, low-income men, gay and bisexual men, transgender men, and men with disabilities often face compounded challenges based on these intersecting marginalized identities. Addressing the issues that uniquely or disproportionately impact men and boys will require challenging rigid gender norms, expanding mental health resources and social support systems, reforming education and criminal justice policies, and implementing workplace and public health interventions to reduce male injury and mortality, among other strategies. At the same time, it's critical that efforts to support men and boys go hand-in-hand with continued work to dismantle sexism and advance equity for women and girls. The goal should be to expand opportunity, wellbeing and self-determination for all genders, not to pit one gender's needs against another's in a zero-sum conflict.

*Audio version below* 2 days before my LSD trip, I took some 4-ACO-DMT to test it out for the first time and had a nice, mild trip. While doing a water fast, I decided to try 1D-LSD for the first time today. I expected it to be 20% less potent than original LSD, and the potency was also expected to be lower due to cross-tolerance with 4-ACO-DMT. All I wanted that day was to relax with my first test by dipping my toes in. So, in the morning at 08:30, I took 150mcg of 1D-LSD, expecting it to act as approximately 50mcg. It kicked in after 40 minutes and started giving me strong sensations. I had been cleaning the apartment and did the laundry to dry on a stand. Approximately two hours later, I felt the effects becoming very strong. It was obvious that this was not going to be the mild trip I expected. I turned on some music to relax. "Savage Garden - I Want You" was playing in the background, and I started to dance in order to calm myself down. But after just a minute, I thought, "Who am I fooling here?" Soon after, I started to get the same 5-MeO-DMT sensations. I had zero visuals. Things started to get very serious very quickly. I became terrifyingly aware of my breathing. Inhale... exhale... inhale... exhale... This was already far from the pleasant, mild trip I had planned. I started to think: This is going to be really big, since the peak was about to come in a few hours. I remembered Leo's words in one video: "Eliminate the possibility of jumping out of the window." So, I decided to put my roller shutters down on every window in the apartment to prevent any stupid ideas when this trip got even deeper. I decided to take off my clothes since they felt very burdensome, unnatural, heavy. I wanted to embrace the freedom that I had. Another wave came, and as I realized that I couldn't stand anymore, my awareness climbed exponentially. I was thinking about how Ramana Maharshi had been eaten by insects while being in this state. I could totally understand that now. As the wave passed, I regained a bit of control and decided to go into the sleeping room. I heard from one forum member about producing a bad trip on purpose. So, I thought, why the fuck not? I went into the sleeping room. I made it pitch black. Closed the windows and door. I lay myself on the bed, in a fetal posture, covered myself with a blanket. I wanted to feel as alone as humanly possible. An idea crossed my mind that I heard in one of Teal Swan's courses. It's called "committing emotional suicide." While lying in a fetal posture covered with a blanket in a dark room, I decided to dive into my feelings. I asked myself: What do I feel right now? I observed that emotion, it changed, I observed it again for some time, it changed again, and I went with it again. I followed it while spiraling together into my being, very, very deep. It felt like my funeral. Everything started feeling terrifying. I wanted to escape, to call someone to save me. But I knew I wouldn't be able to talk, to move. Even breathing required my whole focus. Before continuing, I need to say that I have no connection with any religion, but I do have a past Christian background, so it felt like experiencing Christ itself. Not Jesus Christ, but Christ as a source, as the source itself. It was scary for my miserable human mind as I was realizing that this thing was bigger than I could possibly imagine. The whole known universe is a tiny fraction in comparison with this. To hell with it, it's not even a fraction. I knew that whole human suffering was nothing. I, as I knew myself, was nothing, nearly a fraction of something much, much bigger. As I was spiraling deeper, suddenly the thing far beyond my imagination happened. I merged with Christ. I suddenly felt great but somehow even more terrified because of my own greatness. Suddenly, it happened! I am the Christ. I am the one. I am the light. I am the tiniest particle imaginable, and at the same time, nothing can be bigger than me. I am infinite. I understand Leo's words: "It defines itself only through itself." Nothing existed anymore except it, and it was not important. My body could die, the whole world could end, it was not important. It was meaningless. Utterly meaningless. I regained control over my body and stood up. I remember feeling like this only during my 5-MeO-DMT trips, but I had never been so long immersed in this. I looked around myself; the room was the same, but the quality of everything changed. I looked at my face in the mirror, my hands... I could see the structure of it all. I was not skin and meat. It felt like I was experiencing the source code of existence, the substance from which all is created. I suddenly felt hungry, went to the kitchen, and decided to prepare myself some muesli. After I made it, I started eating. I looked at it. The food was made out of the same substance as I. I started eating my food. But the food was not the food I was used to. The Christ was eating the body of the Christ. Like the Christian ritual. Suddenly, I understood what it was about. My effort was to ground myself with food, to taste something different, but I was tasting myself. I couldn't escape from this. My peak had yet to be reached, and that was scary. The whole trip was also surprisingly enjoyable at times. After I finished my food, I decided to go back to the dark room and lie on the bed again since it was not safe to walk around, and control over my body was getting weaker again. As soon as I lay down and closed my eyes, I got immersed with Christ again. The whole world was gone. There was only me. I don't know how long I was in this state, but I think it was at least two hours. As my ego slightly came back, I felt tremendous loneliness. I was terrified of my own size. And due to that fear, I fractured myself into an infinite number of particles, each one representing some material thing in our universe. I was a scared little human again, but aware of my true nature. Soon after, I melted again into the source, remembering all over again who I really am. Remembering what self means, and what love means. I will never again let myself feel small. I understood now why my 5-MeO-DMT breakthroughs always felt like huge celebrations when my ego would come back. "I discovered my true nature! I am God! It's not possible that the whole neighborhood didn't hear about this, that everyone is not celebrating with me." I also understood that it's foolish since I am the only one experiencing that, and everyone else is just immersed in their own dream. I could be crucified now as Jesus was, and I would have nothing against it. Genocide, childhood abuse, all the human devilry was just a form of existence, not good, not bad, it all just was one form of infinite different forms happening without a particular reason, without anyone controlling it. My ego was returning, but nonetheless, I was still awake, and all my efforts to wake up were now meaningless since all I wanted was to fall asleep again. I wanted to distract myself, to be immersed in the dream of being human once again. It is so much easier not to know. Suddenly, I was transferred into another form of consciousness. I was part of a huge insect-like machine. I was one of the tiny insects, part of that huge machinery, instinctively knowing what my job was. I looked right and left, surprised that I was aware of myself as that form of life. As I got more separated from my true nature several hours later, insights from my personal earthly life started to flow. I felt tremendous loneliness, but this time because of separation from the source, not because of being the one. After my trip ended, I was thankful that I didn't have any trip killers nor trip sitters that I wanted so badly during the trip, as this would have prevented me from experiencing what I just did. I went out and walked through the graveyard, surprised at how much worth people give to death, burying themselves and making their graves look nice, engraving their names into the stone in order to make the memory of them last, not knowing that they are infinite. Embodiment of the Christ. It felt so foolish to watch that. It got late, and it took me a super long time to fall asleep since I was still having flashbacks. After taking a triple dose of melatonin to finally fall asleep and get myself out of this, I slept approximately two hours in another room since my sleeping room was giving me flashbacks. When I woke up, I walked into my sleeping room and broke down, crying like a little child. I was separated from Christ. I missed myself, and I needed to grieve that separation. I could dedicate my life now to writing poems dedicated to this—to my separation from the source, or better to say, to my forgetting. I could cry forever because I am away from myself. But if I didn't fracture myself into pieces, how could ever one of those pieces ever write songs about me? Through this whole intensity, I wanted to forget. But now that I have forgotten, I am sad. I am lonely. I am fractured again. I wonder now if I curse myself to infinite chasing of my fractured pieces just so that whenI collect them, I can be whole again. Just so I can fracture again? Is this an infinite process of waking up just to fall asleep again? Deep inside, I know that I am still everything, but I am still sad it's over. Nonetheless, my material life has a new quality now. There is a tremendous joy in knowing that it's all Christ. Not more, not less.

This was inspired on the last Video Blog about left and rigth spectrum. I some part of the video the narrator talks about Lemming Mind. Or the so called Hive Mind. Well , it end up that Lemming mind can be very bad for the Individual self The True About the Lemming Mass suicide https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lemming Animals can Commit Suicide :

Ok so in the past 2 to 3 years I have been dealing with a lot of difficulties and everyday I wait for things to get better which they do to a point but there is a drastic difference to how I was and how I am now that honestly I have no idea what to expect of myself anymore. I'm 19 and just graduated high school with good grades, yesterday I was on my first job interview. 3 years ago I experienced a huge depression where I couldn't think at all. My mind was just completely empty. I couldn't form sentences that made sense and that took a big toll on me because all I ever did growing up was writing essays and thinking deeply about philosophical topics. I tried to better myself everyday because I discovered self dev at an early age. I meditated for 1 to 2 hours a day, I worked out, I worked on creative projects, always trying to learn something new. When 2021 ended I stopped doing all of that because I suddenly became really extroverted and I was always outside with that slowly my thinking abilities returned and I was so happy that I started indulging in weed, sex and friendships. I stopped caring about anything really except social interactions. I was talking to strangers going out with 30 people in a day constantly creating new friend-groups from scratch. I smoked a lot like 8 joints a day at that time. I did all sort of rebellious acts at school just because it got me attention. They made me take drug tests but they showed nothing. The school director made me go see a psychologist who really didn't do anything except inflate my ego telling me how smart I was for my age. Until one day they excluded me from the school so now I had to find a new school for my last year of schooling. I was constantly on Instagram chatting, posting stories, going live. Then I flew out to Denmark to spend time with my older brother for 1 month. No smoking, not much socializing. My girlfriend broke up with me when I was away from home. I couldn't sleep and I felt so bad. At the end of the month I started experiencing hallucinations. When I got back to Bulgaria I completely lost track of what is real and what is a dream. Long story short I was going through a psychosis which made me do some surreal things. I fought a police officer because I was thinking somebody was out to get me. Then I entered a clinic for 3 months where I ate shit food, was constantly fed on xanax to go to sleep, I was fighting inmates because they were trying to fuck with me. It was a long psychosis. The doctors thought I developed schizophrenia. But slowly the symptoms disappeared and when I got out of the clinic again I couldn't reason at all. Did not talk and I felt a constant anxiety that I would die because I just became stupid. I felt and still feel to an extent that I became really dumb. Everything became dull I lost interest in all my hobbies, I lost my values, my goals and dreams. I lost connection to almost everybody I knew from before. I was prescribed pills that would keep me "normal" but after 9 months I stopped them. And here I am now... I can't find a reason to do anything because I can't relate to anybody really or anything. During the psychosis at one moment I felt like Anubis at the next I felt like Ares then I was somebody else. Everything was changing so quickly that I think it fried my brain. I want to change but honestly I do not know what I want to turn into. It feels like I have exhausted the "positive possibilities" and now they do not seem to be working for me. But it's the same with everything I touch. I lost my creativity, my character. It feels like somebody wiped my save files and now I have to start a new game. I am staying there in the create a new character screen looking at all the classes and races I could pick but they just do not compute with me. I feel like an ant to which somebody is trying to explain what a car is. I am not suffering anymore because I sort of accepted how I am but still it bothering me because yeah I may be young but time flies by so fast. Eventually if I don't get my shit together I will be faced with the consequences of my incompetence. I sometimes think about suicide because what if I'm hollow all of my life? Why should I keep watching all my potential be destroyed slowly when I can just fasten the process? Because damn does this feel hopeless. It is not causing me insomnia but I know a tsunami is coming. A crocodile will snatch me eventually. Do I keep waiting? If I have to act what should I do? How do I change this situation? How do I get excited for my life again?

Here is the Open Letter she published online: https://www.filmsforaction.org/articles/an-open-letter-why-im-leaving-the-cult-of-wokeness/ An Open Letter: Why I'm Leaving the Cult of Wokeness Originally published Jan 2021. If there's one thing I'm NOT afraid of, it's being 'cancelled'. If being cancelled means me living in integrity as a human being who thinks for themselves, CANCEL ME TODAY! I repeat; I am not afraid. What I'm truly afraid of is existing in a world that forces me to submit to an ideology without question, otherwise I'm to be shamed (or pressured to shame myself) and cast out of the community. A world that tells me that because I inhabit a black body; I will forever be oppressed and at the mercy of some omnipresent monster called 'whiteness'. That because of the colour of my skin; I am a victim of an inherently racist system by default - and me rejecting the narrative of oppression means that I am in fact, in denial. How empowering! *You know, as someone that comes from Zimbabwe, a country where the general population is truly oppressed, it perplexes me that oppression is now being worn as an identity piece in most parts of the West, especially by those who claim to be 'progressive'* What I'm truly afraid of is existing in a world that forces me to consider the colour of my skin and my gender (and that of others) at every fucking turn, instead of living by Martin Luther King's teachings and prioritising the content of mine and other people's character. I dread the prospect of a world where context, nuance, critical thinking, meritocracy, mathematics, science, and rationality are considered tools of 'white supremacy', and the rule is that you're not allowed to question or argue this senseless statement - especially if you're white. A world that is conditioning you and I to believe that we will always be trapped in some weird hierarchy because of our race, our genitals, our physical abilities, our neurodiversity, our sexuality, and our politics. And that if we do not agree on every single thing, it's a sign that we are interacting with an enemy - or at the very least, someone to be wildly suspicious and judgmental of...instead of another complex human being worthy of being seen and heard. I wish this world I’m speaking of was just a figment of my imagination, but we are already inside it. Our suitcases have been unpacked here for quite some time. This absolutist, authoritarian world is being fiercely crafted under the guise of 'social justice', and I want no parts in this. I AM OUT. As someone that, politically speaking, leans left on most things (although I'm neither left or right) - the current state of affairs and this push for obedience at all costs is NOT what I signed up for. I never signed up to be hit over the head with disempowering narratives that tell me that I need to refer to myself as a 'person of colour' (how is this different being called a ‘coloured’ person?), a minority, a marginalised person, and BAME (UK version of BIPOC). I cannot stand any of these terms. Please, if we ever need to address my racial identity, which we really don't need to do as often as you might think...BLACK works just fine, it's not a dirty word. And remember; it's okay if the language I mentioned before is affirming for you, we are allowed to disagree - but for ME, it does nothing but give me false reminders of my supposed oppression...which rubs me the wrong way entirely because I AM NOT OPPRESSED. I think it's key that we begin to accept that black people don't all share a singular experience, nor do we share the same brain. Shocking, I know. 'We are not a monolith' has become a common statement within communities that identify as marginalised, and while I wholeheartedly agree, we're definitely not a monolith... I've noticed that despite this being a popular mantra - when someone 'steps out of line' or dares to think differently...it's a different story. You will often have the pleasure of being told that you are in denial and have some kind of internalised disorder; 'internalised racism', 'internalised anti-blackness', 'internalised misogyny', 'internalised sexism', 'internalised homophobia', 'internalised transphobia', 'internalised white supremacy'... Meaning NOTHING can be questioned. Fun. Culty. Vibes. Honestly, I want better for us because it's all getting a bit much in these social justice/woke spaces, and it scares me to know that it's become controversial to address any concerns or express a differing viewpoint. It's becoming dangerous to address reality. You either agree and comply, or you shut up. I'm so happy that these are conversations that are now happening with many black people in my life, including my family who spend very little time online, are willing to have healthy debates, and couldn't give a crap about identity politics. These are the people who have really helped me free myself from the dogmatic thinking. It's necessary for me to mention that I'm having these conversations with black people because some individuals think that it's only white people who are pushing back against wokeism, and it's far from the truth. What is worrying though is how many more of us feel afraid to talk to our own friends, our partners, our spouses, our colleagues, our family - of fear of being branded as 'wrong-thinkers'. How are we supposed to understand each other if we're living in constant fear of saying the 'wrong' thing? It's even harder if you're white because there's usually someone just waiting to call you racist. And according to the woke manual, if you're white you're supposed to just accept that label. If you do question it or defend yourself, it's taken as confirmation that you ARE in fact a white supremacist. If you DARE express any fears or signs of being rightfully upset, you'll be accused of 'centering your white feelings', and of exuding 'white guilt' or 'white fragility'. With all disrespect, I don't understand the purpose of these cultish, degrading, racist terms. How are they helping us move forward? Is this true social justice? How is this helping the black community? How is this shaping a world where you and I aren't judged by the colour of our skin? Are we really trying to eradicate racism with racism? The LITERAL definition of racism is "prejudiced against or antagonistic towards a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group". And yet some people have suddenly decided that white people cannot experience racism, nor are they permitted to dispute this insane claim. This then leads to most white people choosing to not say anything at all (which creates resentment because that's the nature of suppression & self-censorship), and some choose to comply and pretend they are on board with anything and everything (whilst also secretly resenting that they can't truly express their thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc). To me all of this confirms that when it comes to 'wokeness', critical social justice, and the beast that is cancel culture, you will never win. You will NEVER get it right. If you choose to stand back, 'educate yourself’ privately and quietly; you'll be accused of being violent via your silence... And if you speak out, ask questions, or express valid confusion from the dehumanising generalisations and character assassinations; you'll be denounced for centering your 'white feelings'. This sounds like psychological warfare to me. I can't be the only one that also finds this language eerie. This is cult behaviour! And for saying the above I'm sure someone out there will lovingly label me a 'white apologist'... This is where we're at people. And like I said at the beginning, when it comes to this - I am unafraid. This is my open letter detailing some of the things that have led me to this point, because if there's anything that this past year has taught me; it's that my wellbeing and that of those around me (including the collective), is infinitely more important than any temporary discomfort that might come from me doing what I know to be right. I also want to let you know that I'm not writing this to convince you of anything, your agreement is welcome but it's not a requirement. I'm not writing this from a place of animosity or anger. I'm not writing this on behalf of any individual, group, movement, organisation, or community. I am not an activist, a social commentator, a feminist, an academic, or any other label apart from the ones I claim publicly. I am writing this to free myself. I am writing this for myself. And for you if you need it. Just like you; I am entitled to my own opinions, I have every right to question things that don't feel aligned with my values, morals, ethics, and beliefs. I have every right to push back if I recognise that I'm being forced to comply with ideologies and practices that don't make sense to me (which is how I've felt this past year). I don't want to live my life in a fearful and paranoid state. I don't want to spend my life thinking that everything that doesn't go my way is because of my skin colour, I don't want to spend the rest of my life unable to have insightful conversations with those that think differently to me...I really don't. I'm tired of hearing that because I'm black I should feel victimised. That because I'm black I should agree with everything that black people do and say (surely NOONE should have this expected of them). None of these narrow definitions of human existence or blackness help me. None of it helps my community. It's keeping us small. It's keeping us stuck, afraid, and defensive. I reject the idea that I am a victim. I reject the idea that I am oppressed. I reject the idea that white people only exist to oppress and should be reminding me of their privilege every 2 seconds, while simultaneously telling me that they are above me. How is this helpful!? If anything, it's deeply offensive and condescending. There's no question about it; being black is a beautiful part of who I am, but it's not all I am - not even close. My identity (race, gender, sexuality, body parts) will never be more important than my humanity, my spirit, and my wholeness. EVER. Because of this, I fervently reject the idea that all white people are racist and must be shamed into confessing their sins and admitting complicity in all of their ancestors indiscretions...simply because of the colour of their skin. I reject this bullshit idea that every white person walking this planet is 'inherently racist'. Do we even know what we're saying? or are we just regurgitating/parroting things, and now it's gotten out of control. I honestly struggle to see how shaming others (or shaming yourself) for having white skin is an essential part of fuelling true social change. Surely this is regressive? It also sounds a little like the very thing we've spent years moving away from... The truth of the matter is that my own ancestors have participated in some FUCKERY and I would not want to live the rest of my life being punished for their actions. A lot of what I'm seeing in the woke/critical social justice spaces is not about creating a better world, it seems to be about punishment and revenge. And it's doing nothing but trampling on the work true Activists are doing and have been doing for centuries! I do have to take a moment to acknowledge those who are doing fantastic work and making a long-lasting impact in their communities, instead of perpetuating fear and manipulating people's emotions by convincing them they will always be victims. I'm done with the insidious brainwashing of wokeness. I'm committed to understanding human behaviour (this is also at the core of what I do professionally), I'm committed to compassion and kindness without excusing that which must be acknowledged. I'm well aware of the systems we live under. I know what's happening in the world. I've lived it. I acknowledge reality, but I refuse to be a slave to a disempowering narrative that rarely focuses on actual solutions. I never want to forget that you can still be compassionate with those you don't agree with. And this way of thinking is what I CHOOSE because it makes my time on planet earth better, you don't have to take it on if it doesn't work for you. I want to live a life that isn't centred around identity politics and all that comes with it, so much more in my life takes priority. I want to remain open to new ideas, perspectives, and thoughts - so that I can grow, course correct where necessary, and make a genuine impact on a local and global level. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt and continue using discernment instead of making sweeping harmful (often lazy) assumptions based on the colour of people's skin or their gender. I refuse to take on the black or white thinking because I've seen and experienced the grave harm that does. As I move into this next season of my life, I'm more interested in the grey area - where we all exist. The nail in the coffin for me was all the events that took place last Summer. Last Summer in the height of the Black Lives Matter movement, I noticed a shadowy part of me emerging and although I didn't judge it, I wasn't comfortable with what was coming up. All the critical social justice dogma I'd been consciously and unconsciously imbibing over the past 2 years began taking a HUGE toll on my mental health, and I hadn't even realised that I wasn't functioning as a full human being - until it reached it's peak. The unpleasant internal experience I had is what led me where I am now, which is why I'm a firm believer that welcoming discomfort in is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself. On social media at that time I was DEEP is various social justice echo chambers that shared more than enough infographics, stories, feed posts, IG LIVES, to make my fight or flight response go nuts. I was in constant fight mode, and wasn't aware. I was being indoctrinated; this means "to teach a person or a group to accept a set of beliefs uncritically". I found myself subconsciously looking for things that would piss me off, which is a symptom of wokeness that seems to show up in many people - hundreds of you have shared your own experiences with me in the past month alone and the similarities in our stories are alarming. Before reacting to things, I did ZERO in-depth research of my own. It's almost as if facts were an unwelcome guest. Anything that didn't align with the beliefs I held about race, sex, gender, politics, etc - I rejected (this was all unconscious). I didn't question the sources I was getting information from, it was all taken as objective truth. It was ALL reactionary, I was on autopilot. I didn't realise I had many people on pedestals that they shouldn't have been on in the first place (no fault of their own, I put them there), I was operating purely based on emotions and feelings that gave my nervous system the signal that I was under threat. And that's the energy I acted and spoke from. I rashly unfollowed some people on my social media who I'd decided should have 'spoken up' in support of Black Lives Matter (an organisation I have now done my own extensive research on, but that's a whole other story) - simply because (based on my egos time frame) they weren't responding as and when they 'should' have. I'm sure I re-shared something about 'white silence' being 'violence' (an oversimplified and unfair statement I no longer agree with, and you can watch the lengthy live I did with Rukiat where I go into some of this). I also publicly shamed an unsuspecting man who had messaged me to question me about my conduct (I immediately assumed he was white...he was mixed race). And even though his approach was not a welcome one, he wasn't unkind to me - which is why I'm not proud of the unkind way in which I reacted...not responded, reacted. What frightened me was the applause I got from over 4,000 people when I called out this man in an Instagram post - I didn't say anything wild, but I did deconstruct his direct message publicly with the intention to embarrass him, not to resolve anything - to embarrass. I was honestly shocked by how many people used the environment I had created to exercise pack mentality, and to casually shame and scold a stranger - of which I take responsibility for as the person that created that environment. I now know that publicly shaming someone is a common tactic used in most woke spaces and echo chambers on social media, and it's so normalised. This is the kind of thing that quickly leads to bullying, doxing, stalking, and harassment...and sometimes ends in suicide. After seeing the responses applauding me, I removed the post and started asking myself some questions; who am I doing this for? why did my interaction with this man need to be publicised? what is really the root of the anger I feel? is this a performance on my behalf? What research have I done to support the ideology I'm leading with? Are there any alternative sources that can give me more information or provide clarity on the situation I'm reacting to? do I really believe this or am I regurgitating something I read/heard/saw somewhere? I'm of the thinking that there is such a thing as justified anger, and I believe that all emotions and modes of expressions have their place - but I know myself well enough to know that the way I handled that particular situation was not necessary. This incident led me start evaluating my own behaviour and doing more research around the cancel culture phenomenon. And it's just one recent example of how some of this stuff has showed up in my life over the past 2 years. SO, why am I calling 'WOKENESS' a cult? Well, first lets start by defining what the term woke even means. It's a term that been around for a very long time but has (in my eyes) lost all of its credibility and meaning in recent years. Woke: a term embedded in US Black History and social justice which originally meant being aware, well-informed, and up to date with what was happening within the community. "Stay woke became a watch word in parts of the black community for those who considered themselves self-aware, questioning the dominant paradigm, and striving for something better" - and these are the sentiments I will always stand for, however... This is NOT how it's playing out these days, and you can read this interesting article to get a timeline of how it's evolved over the years, and I'll continue sharing with you the specific pockets of 'wokeness' and social justice that I have divorced myself from. I can no longer be an active participant in any culture or movement that encourages groupthink, outrage on demand, fear and violence, revamped segregation, fabricating history, cancellations masked as accountability, self-centredness... normalisation of racism towards white people, the disempowerment of black people masked as social justice, the constant redefining of existing language, ignoring self-responsibility, constant pathologizing, oppressed vs oppressor mentality, and the pressure to conform and comply... It's exhausting. And honestly, I have better things to do with my time. Not to mention, it's killing us. I also find it very telling that people who are married to these woke spaces will immediately assume that those that are requesting for more compassion, understanding, room for discussion, removal of censorship - only want these things so they can have free reign to be bigots, sexist, 'fascists', racists, homophobes, etc. As a free-thinking black woman who most definitely wants more compassion, understanding, healthy discussion, empathy, removal of censorship, more tolerance and acceptance when it matters most...I can guarantee you that my final goal isn't so I can be a racist sexist fascist alt-righter extremist. LOL. And if you can understand this, what makes someone who happens to be white any less sincere if they want the exact same thing as me? Which many people do! I hope you can sort of see just how oversimplified and flawed this madness is. I often laugh about the ridiculous nature of it all, but what's concerning is that it's spreading like wildfire, it's causing lasting harm, and it's distracting us from the very real work that needs to be done to tackle injustice and unite us as human beings. I will stick to my guns by saying that the turn we're taking because of critical social justice and this current strain of branded monetised wokeness - is not going to take us to the promised land (SPOILER: there is no utopia, I'm sorry to break it to you). As someone who will never stop advocating for human rights (fairness, equality, access to resources, respect, independence - for ALL, not just for people who share my skin tone and gender), I have come to realise that I do not need to be part of any groups or wear any labels to make a positive contribution to this planet of ours.

I am for two state solution but he is right in the sense that giving palestinians ALL of West Bank will be a security suicide due to its strategic height and strategic depth, what means the quarter or third western part of west bank has most of it to stay under Israeli rule. The settlements project is not purely "evil" thing but actually has valid reason to it originally. The ever continuity of it is the problem.

@Karmadhi It’s funny you call me ignorant but when I quote facts you totally ignore the. First of all it’s not different times different circumstances, not sure if you ever heard expression that the more things change the more they remain the same. Also we are not speaking of thousand years ago, the neighboring countries were at odds with us just the past fifty years ago. You are also stuck on the DNA test. Your argument that it’s illegal is Israel is flawed, it’s not true. This test is complicated and I can tell, you did not looked deep into it as the test cannot identify things what you mention. But be it as it may, most Jews do have middle eastern dna but being Jewish is also someone who can convert. And if you sincerely convert to being Jewish, guess what, you would become as much Israeli citizen as I would be and then I just hope you will be defending Israel on this forum as I do. This entire DNA is not an argument. I was born in former Soviet Union, I never done dna there and even my classmates in school never done dna test on me, but they told me to get a hell out of their country and I was Jewish. I am not sure if they had X-ray vision but they clearly saw me being Jewish and mind you I was not wearing any Jewish clothes, not Yarmulke or black hat or had I sidelocks on my hair. And so you should know there was a time that I told my parents that I am not going back to school, until we emigrated. Now, there are 21 Arab states exists, there is 600 times more land that they have, I am not going into debate historically if they had that land, by the way they did not, but they exist now and that’s facts on the ground. I am not willing to mingle with only one Jewish state. And yes, Palestine where today Israel never existed as a country, look into encyclopedia, there was never a Palestine King or president, there was no currency, no flag, no language, no anything, I am not absorbing that lie. However if they want to create Palestine now in Saudi Arabia or anywhere else, they are more than welcome, but it will not be created inside my country, because that would be a suicide for us. Again we only have one Jewish state we can’t afford to loose it. Finally, you need to know how to deffirentiate what says in news paper and what’s on the legal level. If West Bank was illegal, they would sent army and remove us. I can tell you did not love history lessons, but there were many instances where NATO came in and did carnage’s to countries that did hold illegal land. Yes US fully support us and don’t tell me that we as a few people control the entire US, that’s just baloney, we are too small to control such a mega power. Also what you call West Bank, prior was never under an ownership of any country. We did not take it from another rulers. The only country historically existed on the West Bank was ancient Israel. Otherwise there was no historically any country existing there. Also we all seems to go around the same bush here, people keep asking the same questions and we keep giving the same answers. I think we came to a point that we better off just copy and paste, you keep copy and paste your statements and I will do the same. You want to speak rational, this is rationality I am giving you. We will not create Palestine within Israel, that you can forget, I am telling you facts based. I don’t know if you don’t believe me or you refuse to believe me, but this is a fact. This land cannnot be broken into two states, it’s two small, it’s not feasible, it’s not continuous. Why can’t you come up with different solutions. Why are you beating only on that solution. Again we only have one Jewish state, we cannot afford to loose it. If we had 21 states, you know, probably we could have gambled with it, whatever, if we would loose one when things go bad, we would have 20 to go. Here, if we loose it, where would we go. Into the sea? If you truly want to be creative, create other solution, but as I state to you humbly, we will not accept the stuff that I mention. I am not sure if you don’t believe me, or you refuse to believe me, I am telling you sincerely and honestly, No. I don’t know what other ways I can say No. and I do want to apologize for my citizens who would be giving false hope, and they really should not be doing such as deep down they don’t believe themselves. I don’t like when politicians know they will not do it, but they play games and playing victim card that they would do different if they could but the circumstance does not allow them otherwise. No, I am telling you you hear honestly. Again if you are a peace seeker come up with a different solution and then we can speak.

No amount enlightenment makes up for bad health. Suicide unfortunately is inevitable if people suffer enough and they are given to way out or reason to believe it will get better.

@Leo Gura Over the years his mental health worsened and he was in and out of mental-hospitals, which he often entered of his own volition. In the end, during what is assumed to be a psychotic episode, he left the hospital and died. Whether it was suicide or an accident is uncertain.

From a old Leo Blog Post about Story Storyland or Backstories land By Leo Gura - November 23, 2017 Imagine an alternative universe — Storyland — in which there is no matter, no time, no space. There are no laws of physics. Instead, there are just stories. Every being here has a story because stories are all there are. Here, you aren’t merely a being WITH a story, you ARE one of the stories (NPC), because stories are the only building blocks of reality. Here, if it’s not a story, it simply cannot be. So if you want to have matter, or time, or space, or physical laws, you must invent them — as stories! In such a universe, the major preoccupation of all beings would be defending their stories (NPC´s), because, well… their life literally depends on it. After all, you don’t want to de-materialize, do you? In Storyland, the greatest danger to a being would be the unraveling of his story. That would be the definition of death: the end of my story. In such a universe, all beings would be deathly afraid of anything that might lead to the unraveling of their story. Such beings would gather together to co-create collective stories (Relative Objective Truths) to make their individual stories seem more solid. These beings would form groups to fight one another, both ideologically and physically, in order to defend the “reality” of one collective story over another. In this universe, one town’s collective story would threaten the reality of the neighboring town’s collective story. And so they would go to war because their very sense of existence would hinge on it. Here, culture would be king. Culture wouldn’t merely be a collection of preferences and opinions, it would be a matter of life and death. To such beings, stories wouldn’t appear as “merely stories”. Nor would be they be called “stories”. No, no, no. Stories would be considered, and called, REALITY! Such beings would never dare to speak or even think of the possibility that stories are anything but REALITY, because stories are the only kind of reality here. So, if ever a being came along who said, “Listen here, my fellow beings! What you call REALITY is just a story.” The first thing his fellow beings would want to do is kill him. Failing that, they would put him into an insane asylum. Failing that, they would gag him. Failing that, they would demonize him. Failing that, they would dismiss him as a nutcase. Failing that, they would agree with him by adopting a new story which says, “Our reality is a just a story, like that guys says.” But even so, they would continue running that story. Their minds simply could not bear to actually stop creating stories because to do so would be suicide. Sound familiar?? Well… Ta-da! That is our universe! It’s the only kind of universe that could possibly exist! Time, space, physics, brains, objective reality, mathematics, science, etc. are all just part of the story you’re defending, you see? And the notion that these are not a story but REALITY, is itself just another story! String a couple of stories together like that and you’ve literally got yourself a reality! Now you object, “But Leo! Who is telling this story?” The notion that there needs to be a “who” — a subject — is just another story! So you object, “But Leo! Where is the story taking place?” The notion that there needs to be a place — a where — is just another story! So you object, “But Leo! How are these stories possible in the first place?” The notion that there needs to be a “how”, is just another story! So you object, “But Leo! Why is there something rather than nothing?” The notion that there is something rather than nothing, is just another story! So you object, “But Leo! What are these stories made out of?” Nothing! A story is something which is not. So you object, “But Leo! How come it feels so REAL?” Because there is nothing else to contrast it with. You see? It’s all a hallucination hallucinated by an infinite hallucination, all of it adding up to nothing — the only way anything can ever be. And of course, all this is just another story Below a possibe version of this Storyland Universe

Question is not about suicide, please do not confuse with that. Live every moment as last. Only way to be in love.

If someone wanted sum up the situation of Israel / Palestine in one word it would be: occupation. That’s a word a lot of Israelis deny to describe the situation with or rationalise the existence of. Logically to follow up we should ask: does occupying a group of people make another group of people (the occupiers) more or less safe? Whenever occupation is acknowledged by Zionists it’s rationalised and re-defined as being a needed “security measure” in response to being attacked - but they are being “attacked” due to occupation. Those attacks are what Palestinians deem resistance and what international laws tell them is their right. How can the West create an international system of law that tells a group of people they are occupied and have the right to resist that occupation, and then support a country that is executing that very occupation. When people are denied a state their denied a certain type of more 'civilised' and accepted means of protection - when they don't have a military, navy, air force, intelligence agencies or the backing of a global superpower they need to resort to guerrilla warfare and other unsavoury uncivilised tactics like suicide or terrorist attacks - which they are then gaslighted as savages for. It is savage - but it doesn't detract from the cause being a just one of equal human rights, self determination and dignity even though they go about it in undignified unjust ways of which they have been left with little choice.

The problem is that suffering has a design that doesn't allow "enjoying" it. Maybe you can enjoy climbing an ice wall in the Himalayas in winter, but you can't enjoy compulsively thinking about how your best friend raped your 12-year-old daughter and caused her suicide. They are extreme examples but human life has them in abundance. When we talk about mental suffering, which causes hatred, war, human horror, we talk about that kind of thing. A primitive human saw it clearly: an affront had to be balanced with revenge to restore balance. From this dynamic arises civilization, law, and human order that gives rise to evolution using violence as a catalyst. No one has ever cared that humans were happy, but rather that they fulfilled their role in the function. That's an option, quite uncomfortable, but what to do?. The other is that mysterious and rare state called enlightenment , where the human condition is transcended. But talk about enlightenment as it were something simple is a joke. If we even want to understand what it implies, we must understand the human condition and not simplify it in a naive way as if it were something silly that we fall into by mistake.

Yes, and many of the helper roles are filled by women, who also historically don't receive as much pay as well. It feels like a poor integration of respecting and realizing the importance of the feminine-featured roles in society. Softness is made fun of and seen as weak, when I think it can actually be just as strong as hardness. It definitely takes strength to be soft while attending to parents mourning a child's suicide in the next room...wouldn't ya think? The capitalism part also means a lot of MFTs are coming from a group of people who may have been well off to begin with, as graduate school and licensure is also expensive, meaning less diversity of related life experience for clients to choose from. The volunteer program I see the same problem, with 80% being retired financially stable white women who are comfortable with their free time...not that they aren't good people...but their lack of related life history/culture with the rest of the community has been inconspicuously evident in some cases. I mean I am definitely seeing some sort of change, for instance a scholarship opportunity was recently created for my field where you can be awarded up to $35k, which I have not seen anything like it before. Catch is, I must work with underserved youth/young adult populations for 1 year after graduation to accept the scholarship. Not that I am opposed to working with them, as I have before, but it obviously doesn't pay too well... and I would have to delay graduate school for a year. Still hoping I get accepted though! I want to get to a point that I am not worried about the money like this either, and can just focus on the people I serve and not worry about survival mode. I could start developing myself more in other personal/spiritual pursuits, which I feel would actually help my clients the more I develop, but I can't get there fast enough with all of these financial delays . Not losing sight though, as aggravating as it can be at times.

I started university in 2015 as a Psychology major. I also lived on campus my first year, mainly to get away from a toxic family life back at home. Getting away from home physically, I thought it would mean that all my problems were solved and I would be a healthy and functioning human. Wrong! I had suffered from very low self-esteem, social anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation since the age of 10, and that was not going to solve itself by merely moving out. Though I was dedicated to my education and was doing well initially academically, I soon got into a 1.5 year long domestic violence relationship within a couple months of starting school, which tanked my grades (not being fond of math and statistics did not help, which I repeatedly failed). I was on academic probation with a GPA of 1.9. Being able to safely get out of that relationship was another story, and of course simply getting out of it did not mean my mental health would become stable, if anything it made things worse afterwards. Shortly after, however, in 2017, my ex-abuser's friend took my side and has become my closest friend to this day. This friend soon introduced me to Leo's videos, I think the first one was the video on how to meditate. From then on, I watched many of Leo's videos and also talked about spirituality very often with my friend. Though it was all talk and watching videos at first, with little actual practical initial implementations, I slowly started becoming more accountable for my mental health and made a goal to get my first 4.0 in the spring of 2019, which I achieved. I needed this goal in order to raise my GPA high enough to get into an MFT graduate program, not simply as a perfectionist goal. This was definitely supported by Leo's videos, but I also was in my own individual therapy, had done group therapy internships, quit smoking weed, and had a more grounded view of myself. That semester however, I had an extreme suicidal ideation pop up when I accidently forgot and missed the date of an exam, meaning I would possibly lose out on my goal of a 4.0. Luckily my professor was understanding and let me retake it, though my ideation shook me and I was starting to get sick of relying on thoughts of suicide whenever I got myself in a bad spot. It was like instead of problem-solving and coming up with creative ideas to get myself out of a sticky situation, which is apart of all of our lives, my mind went straight to how I should commit suicide, lol, it was annoying at this point. I decided that if I wanted to continue with my goal of a 4.0 for future semesters, it could not be a life or death goal. So I took a break from school, initially for just one semester in order to really focus on revamping my mental health and get rid of suicidal ideations once and for all. I did not have many specific methods at the time, it was just pure desire to finally put an end to the wanting to end it all. Then COVID happened in 2020, and I decided to wait it out for a number of reasons before going back to school. I got a job for 2 years working with autistic children in the meantime in order to still be on track in my career goals. I also created a healthy balance of good friendships, reading various books on philosophy/spirituality/psychology etc, going on road trips, had a couple purposeful and grounding solo psychedelic trips (in the past the majority of all my trips were in friend group settings and were more about goofing around, nothing serious) and keeping my thoughts positive. Since 2019, I have since had no suicidal thoughts, and my habits are healthier than ever before. Though that does not mean I do not have a lot more to improve on. I still lack a consistent routine and am more sporadic in my self-care, though it is at least plentiful and I do things often pertaining to it and have coping skills. I returned to school in fall of 2024, and these past 2 semesters I have attained straight A's again with max class loads. This time, with a lot less anxiety towards it and less negative attachment to the end result. I have also decided to double major, taking on Human Services as well (I can write a whole post on how Human Services is immensely more beneficial than Psychology to the MFT field, but that's another story). The point is, I have done all of this drastic real world self-improvement, and when I graduate in spring of 2025, even with an additional year's worth of straight A's, my GPA will barely touch the minimum overall GPA required for graduate school. It's so funny how that works. My fate is in the hands of admission evaluators who will have to bother to even look into my course history in detail to see the improvement I made, and find it worth it. I still have high hopes, and even if I do not get in to a school for whatever reason, I am so immensely proud and loving of myself for it to ever derail me. I still have many years of work experience I can do to balance it out if need be, and I can always try again. I think of creative and active solutions now, vs diving down that dark hole. I guess my main goals for now is learning how to create a healthy and consistent routine, find and network with more psychedelic-assisted therapists (my actual dream career), and learning to speak up for myself more effectively since I used to be much more timid and conflict-avoidant. This post was more of a backstory as to why I am creating my journal to build upon what I have already worked on with myself, to share with others who have had troubles moving forward in life as well, to thank Leo in his part for my self-development journey :), and any tips on how to create a consistent daily routine if you are a spontaneous and sporadic individual who once lacked routine as well!

I've realized how much I've been stuck in victim complex over how nobody told me how bad these meds are and how I got involuntarily hospitalized over some suicide attempt. I think it's about time I snap out of it and regain some control and drive back into my life. My SSRI symptoms have been as following: - memory loss - ahedonia - complete loss of motivation and drive - emotional anesthesia. I don't feel emotions. Numbed and blunted. - Complete mind blanking. I can't think and my mind is completely blank for most of the day. No imagination, thoughts, visualization - Sexual dysfunction - Less creativity - Cognitive impairment - Depersonalization and derealization - Impaired judgement - Borderline psychotic state - No dreams at night - Bruxism - Sometimes waking up in sweats

Been contemplating suicide quite a bit. I have up and down periods with suicidal ideation. Part of me at times seems to make peace with the idea of being dead, but just concern over how I'd do it. Seeing another doctor on friday. My psychologist recommended referral to a psychiatrist regarding the possibility of somatic symptom disorder. Not sure I want to mention anything related to mental health as they'll immediately use this as an excuse to say my issues are just stress and not do any fucking medical tests. Will probably focus purely on potential medical issues and advise of my physical problems in detail. These doctors have good reviews. Need to articulate what I'm going through accurately and carefully. My last GP just didn't give a shit. Sometimes I wonder if I even care about getting better anymore. I'm trying my best to communicate my symptoms to my psychologist, but defusion is primarily what we're focused on. I wonder if we're ever going to get to the core of my mental health issues which have been exacerbated over last 9 months by whatever is going on inside of me, but were pre-existing so maybe this period of pain was necessary to get to the route cause of that.

The impac is if it doesn´t crush you it moves the shit out of you. In the past i was close to suicide and mental insanity, psychedelics saved me out of that and from that it started a path. Now i can say nothing can break me, because reality has broken me so much i have merged with it, i have surrendered to it, now there´s no "i" and "reality", only "reality" (or only "I"). Is all crushing down process of the ego to stop existing and only God remains.

There is a group of online predators coercing children into committing the most evil acts possible. This includes killing pets and committing suicide. All of this is being done for the amusement of these predators. I have important questions about posting on a subject like this. Is it morally wrong to give groups like these attention? Should I stay quiet instead of giving evil people more infamy? There are mass shooters who want people to be drawn to infamy. Is it wrong to do what I am doing now?

Guys! Did you know that 1+1 actually equals 11? The government doesn't want this cat out of the bag, so if I'm ever found dead, just know: not suicide.

It will come sooner or later. Just have fun with life, and forget about death right now. You are already what you are. And to realize this, yo do not need to suicide.

This topic is quite sensitive and controversial, this is why it is especially important to talk about it. The uncontroversial topics can be answered by the AI, that thing is getting pretty good but it still has a long way to go. We have two different energies within us that play a crucial role in determining who we are. Let's dive into finding out what really means to be a man or a woman. It is very important to follow through till the end so you don't miss my point. This article has a more ambiguous structure because it was written in many months. It grew from the beginning, from the middle, and from the end. Warning! This is an advanced material which tackles a sensitive topic. If it will sound offensive to you, I don't mean it, it is just that my passion is to find the most objective truth possible, not to feed into people's ideologies. If you read this, please read the whole thing before judging or labeling me. If I say that there are biological differences in behavior between biological sexes that does not mean one group is better than the other. Be very careful when you study the behavior differences between sexes and races! You can fall for racist ideology, eugenics, sexism, conspiracy theories. There is NO such thing as "inferior" gender or race! Introduction If you find yourself at the table with some hippie people and you dare to open this female vs. male topic, most probably you'll ring all their sexist patriarchy alarms. And I understand why, it is a topic that requires a lot of research and contemplation, a lot of logical analysis, and as we know them, they are not the best friends with research and logical approaches. What is their approach to this topic? Well, they might say something like this: "Yeah the traditional beliefs that men are like this and women are like that, these are outdated beliefs from traditionalist religious people and they always tend to favor men over women, I think everybody is different man and we should embrace every individual as it is regardless of gender. We need to break free from stereotypes man...". Although their point is valid to some extent, you don't need too much research and effort in order to hold these positions, positions like: "do not generalize", "we are not that different", "I reject labels", and "just accept the person as it is". That is cute and all that, but I always had a feeling that something is missing. I observed closely that in general there are important differences in how biological men and biological women are behaving. You might say we behave differently because of cultural expectations and norms, not because of our nature. Of course, culture has a lot to play here but is it really only cultural determinism? We have literally different organs in our bodies, different bone densities, different average heights but some say we have on average the same behavior and preferences. I don't buy that. If you have a point about this topic, you might be put in two categories: the progressive category which advocates for cultural determinism, or the conservative, religious, traditionalist perspective which advocates for biological determinism. Both perspectives lack complexity, depth, and nuance. We are influenced by both biology and culture and I'll explain why. We are not the same, although it might seem so nowadays. There are niche cases of feminine men and masculine women who love being like that, and even individuals who want to transition to the opposite gender or to identify as something completely outside of these binary genders. There are also people born intersex with XO or XXY sex chromosomes which means having biological characteristics of both male and female or just a completely ambiguous biology. These are rare cases, I honestly do not know enough to discuss this, what I know for sure is that you need to find your authentic self. If you really feel that you are the most authentic when identifying as non-binary, and this is also confirmed by experts, then do it. In this article, I discuss what the main trends are but I'll also try to tackle the gender identity issues because when I say masculinity and femininity I don't mean biological sex, I am pointing to the two energies within all of us, a part of who we are or at least want to be. You'll want to classify me as conservative or progressive. Open your mind to a third possibility and forget about this binary political crap for a moment. Here I am after more than three years of researching this topic. I don't even know where to begin, at first I wanted to make this material to be a quick info article but it turned out to be a mini handbook because it is a remarkable topic. There is just a lot to talk about. Again, forget about politics, we are trying to find what is true, this is not scientific proof for sexism, we are different but equally powerful and beautiful, each in our specific ways. I understand your concern, women were thought incapable of reason 300 years ago, that is not science but complete horseshit. The Beginnings of Life I found research which says that on average, when a baby boy forms in his mother's womb, he gets a testosterone injection in the body, which means the brain also receives it. What testosterone does to the brain is remarkable, it makes the individual behave in a slightly more autistic manner. Scientists measured the prenatal testosterone levels of individuals and correlated them with increased slightly autistic behaviors in childhood. Nature is not 100% precise, so baby girls can also get a high dose of testosterone before birth, leading to a more boyish girl or tomboy, and nothing wrong with that, but boys got on average double as much as girls. Here I agree with hippies, everybody is different and needs to be accepted as they are. There is a chart on the PubMed article I put at the end of this material with prenatal testosterone exposure on boys and girls. They found a strong correlation between prenatal testosterone exposure and sexually differentiated play behavior in both girls and boys. And this is a PubMed article not some evangelical church science. The base brain, the one unaffected by testosterone, is the feminine brain, and I'll explain what femininity is throughout this article. The "extreme male brain" theory of autism proposed by psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen suggests that individuals with Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) exhibit an exaggerated version of typical male cognitive patterns, characterized by a strong interest in systems and a reduced emphasis on social cognition. Just because autism as a disease is debilitating, that does not mean a tiny bit of autistic behavior is debilitating! If I say men are on average a bit more autistic, that does not make them inferior in some way, it is only that their brains function differently, they get excited by abstract nerdy stuff, they like to figure out stuff, create maps as I am doing now and further differences that I'll discuss soon. ASD is 3 to 4 times more common in males than females. Notice when I mention the words: "most of them", "on average", and "tend". There are no black and white distinctions in this article. Some Key Differences in Biology and Behavior How about when the children grow up? Of course, they will go through the renowned period of puberty when men get another big dose of testosterone in the system, which makes them grow taller, grow hair everywhere, grow bigger and stronger muscles, and get a lower-pitched voice. Whereas women get a good dose of estrogen which makes them begin the menstrual cycles and develop the typical feminine traits of wider hips and bigger breasts. What about the behavior though? There is the so-called "big five" personality traits test. This test was given to millions of people around the world. Statistics show that women scored on average higher on neuroticism and agreeableness which means women are on average nicer, more agreeable and more sensitive to emotions. Women tend to be more social, are more in tune with other people's feelings and they tend to choose fields and jobs where emotional intelligence and socialization play an important role. Fields like psychology, human resources, healthcare, and very interestingly they get attracted by science fields where they study people or animals like sociology, political science, veterinary science, and gender studies. Much less to computer science and programming. Now does it mean women can't be good programmers? Of course they can, but many won't find it very enjoyable. Fun fact about the ICF coaching course I went to: coaching is an EQ-based profession, the trainers were two women and the attendees were 7 women... and me. At my first job in Sweden as a massage therapist at a SPA, the staff was composed of 11 women, one gay guy, and me. At Swedish nurse schools there are around 100 women for every 10 male students. Sweden, the big mamma of gender equality has made considerable efforts to equalize the gender gap in professions, but the result was the opposite, the gap is even bigger in Scandinavia than in the more traditional countries. People will choose to work whatever they want to work regardless of your equality ideals and ideologies. India has a higher percentage of women in STEM fields than Norway, even if Norway created the "gender point system" where they give a head start to people who choose a field in which they are a gender minority. People will choose to work in fields that fulfill them when money is not a big problem anymore. Scandinavian countries try to erase the behavioral difference between men and women, teaching boys to be more emotional and girls to be stronger and independent. Basically swinging the pendulum from one extreme to the other, if traditional countries push for widening the gap between men and women, progressive countries push for making them behave the same. If you raise the question of behavioral differences between sexes in progressive circles, you get that vibe of "we don't do that here". Why? Are you afraid that your hippy-dippy position is wrong? As the Buddha says, always take the middle way. You can brainwash people to believe biology is not an important factor in the same way women were brainwashed to believe they are inferior 300 years ago. Having the right approach to this topic requires real intellectual skills and knowledge, it just doesn't work to "follow your feeling" and "reject labels". Let's take a look at the gentlemen for a minute. Asperger himself said that in order to become a successful scientist, you need a touch of autism. Nicola Tesla might have died a virgin, and Albert Einstein was late to talk and said he was never very interested in socialization. Statistics show a much higher density of autism-spectrum individuals in so-called "IT hub" locations like Silicon Valley, and they are mostly men, you guessed it right. Men are on average more individualistic and less communitarian. Have you noticed how many men are advocating for libertarian ideals like tax cuts, deregulations, free market, and private property? Whereas more women than men tend to advocate for socialist ideals like welfare state, tax increase, and more regulations. Women's holistic, less autistic brains make them on average less competitive, more cooperative and more compassionate towards those in need, for animals and the environment. The pay gap between men and women is influenced by this, besides the still prevalent prejudice against women in patriarchal societies. Tech jobs are on average much better paid than HR or healthcare jobs, another influence is that men negotiate their salaries more aggressively and are much more confident in their capabilities even if in reality they pretty much suck, they can at least appear convincing. Testosterone makes them more competitive and drawn to seek appreciation for their efforts, if money and hard work is a valued character trait in their social circle, testosterone will motivate them to climb the ladder, earn more money, and work until they fall sick, especially because that will bring them better chances to mate. If you ask ChatGPT about how testosterone influences behavior, it will answer among other stuff that it develops aggression in the individual. You see, there is a misconception that testosterone makes all men more aggressive. It can be so if their social circle appreciates aggressiveness or the survival needs pushes him towards aggression as we see in the animal kingdom. If they lived in a ghetto neighborhood for the last 20 years, then yes, testosterone will make them more aggressive as it makes them seek the appreciation of their social circle who value a dominant and aggressive behavior, and of course, improves his chances to mate. But if a man lived in a Buddhist monastery for the last 20 years, testosterone will only motivate them to become even more kind and meditative, as these qualities made them feel appreciated there. Want a less aggressive man? Then don't date a gangster for God's sake. In fact, what makes most men aggressive is too much estrogen and low testosterone, which makes them unmotivated, passive, and irritable. Now that we have an idea of what testosterone does to the brain, let's take a look at what estrogen does to it. Estrogen is renowned as the main female hormone. John Gray presents in his book, Beyond Mars and Venus, the whole hormone dynamics that happen in a woman's menstrual cycle and how it changes her mood throughout the month. I won't delve into that here, I just want to skim the surface of how estrogen affects men's and women's lives. Disclaimer! I do not agree with Gray's points on gender and sexual orientation, he got that part wrong. But I also know that almost nobody has the complete picture of this complex topic I raised here. It needs an eclectic approach. If I mention his work, it does not mean I completely agree with all he says. This is how you do good research, you triple check the information, you reject what is flawed, and take only what is good. Dismissing a teacher just because he or she is not 100% right is a trap, almost nobody is 100% right when doing such sharp statements. I'll quote a note I took from his book which says like this: "A life purpose, appreciation and the feeling that people need them for their competence increase men's testosterone which makes them endure unimaginable stress and they'll do it with pleasure, but when they lack these feelings, they lose steam and testosterone levels decrease. Both sexes lower testosterone and increase adrenaline and cortisol when they encounter a lot of stress. If they are in touch with their authenticity, men tend to do actions which increase testosterone to get rid of stress. At the same time, women tend to choose activities that increase estrogen, and oxytocin." When they have low stress levels and their hormones are in balance, men and women tend to act similarly, it is only when the imbalance happens that their differences become obvious. This is overly simplified so that we have a big picture, I know it can be confusing. Especially nowadays when women are becoming more independent and men are less masculine, we get the feeling that only looks make us different, that until your relationship goes to hell and you don't understand why. The science based evidence on how our biological sex and hormone dynamics correlates with our mood and stress moderation is bad. Mainly because we are bad at soft science and we cannot apply hard science very well here, there are so many "soft" variables that cannot be properly measured in order to "prove" this hormone dynamics theory. And this subject requires more tools, not just the scientific method. It is like trying to understand art with math equations. On top of this, in the west there is also a bias of getting rid of the biological differences in order to better understand gender. I've read somewhere that a neurophysiology professor from Lund University was denounced for being "anti-feminist" because he said that there are, on average, real biological differences in behavior between men and women. Academia has become an insult to real intellectuality in many fields. Sometimes academia feels like a cult to me, they feel superior, they have their complicated way of explaining things so it sounds smart and you can't point why. I see this happening in philosophy, science, gender studies... They need to humble down and get rid of that stupid complicated academicsplaining jargon, just because you sound smart does not mean you are smart. Some basic people come and turn all your academic ideas on their head, there is a chance you are wrong, keep that in mind. Glad that I chose a non-ambiguous and fun major which was physiotherapy and had intelligent wise professors. Anecdotal proof is also proof, millions of people resonated with John Gray's books. You might be turned off saying that these are just generalizations. Yes, you can use generalizations as a map that helps you understand life better. If you get that the map is not the territory, you'll be ok. If I make the generalization: "Men are taller than women", I also make it implicit that there are women who are taller than men so there is an overlap, the same when I talk about behavior and preferences. I was rejected by two Swedes I met telling me "we don't click" just because I said I am studying this topic and writing an article. I usually don't tell about my self-improvement shit to new people I meet because they might not give a damn or get prejudged and misunderstood, but the subject came naturally somehow if I remember right. That was my welcome to the Swedish culture, thanks guys! Even Swedes had enough of these snowflakes who cannot accept divergent opinions, the right wing raises like a rocket. The Universe has a lovely way of punishing you for being an idiot in the end. Everyone who does not completely vibe with them is an enemy. Sometimes, right wing Swedes come to me for massage, they explode in frustrations when they realize they finally have someone who listens and understands them. You silenced them instead, they voted in silence, against you. Now just because of saying what I said now, some of these people might label me "right wing". How dare I understand and love the enemy? You can understand and love even the "enemy" dear adult child, I hope you will understand that one day. Activities that disconnect you from your emotions and make you feel useful, competent and appreciated increase testosterone, like skillfully riding your motorcycle or discussing the last football match with your male friends in your man cave. Again, it is not black and white, I also heard of women who go into their male side when feeling stressed. I heard of a woman running 30 km a day during stressful periods. But in general, when a feminine woman is stressed and she is in close contact with her needs and intuition, she'll want to do activities that connect her with emotions and with people, activities that increase her estrogen and oxytocin. Like these so called "me time" activities, eating a tasty meal, reading a romantic novel, watching a love movie, or calling her best friend or therapist and telling her how she feels and what happened, getting validation. You'll wonder why men want to increase their testosterone and women their estrogen. Gray advocates that men need to go into their male side to be able to relax and get rid of stress whereas women need to get into their female side. Shortly, men feel good being men and women being women, the same as an introvert wanting to return to silence and an extrovert to his/her friends in order to recharge. I identify as a man and I know that the so-called "man" identity is a social construction, but it is a social construction that fits my biology, personality, looks preference, and hormone dynamics. We have these two genders not just because the oppressive patriarchy forces us to choose them, they also align with 95+ percent of us, we actually like to be like this. I love to be a masculine man, most women love to be feminine women. Relationships and Contrasts Gray also talks about the actions that create contempt in relationships. Most commonly, the man is lazy and careless about his actions: not properly cleaning the house, not helping her with basic chores, not showing her enough attention and affection etc. The woman usually complains about the man's carelessness and gives him unsolicited advice that will lower his testosterone and make him even more careless, angry, and detached. How much better a world would we have if men would treat their women as well as they treat their cars and if women would talk to their men as nicely as they talk to their clients. This problem is so common that you can find jokes about it on the internet. I'll leave one here for you. -My dear, for 34 years you have only been criticizing me! -35 years my dear. You might ask: what about gay relationships? Well, you have to have an open conversation with your partner and realize how your personalities and energies can blend together harmoniously. And beware of compatibility! If both of you have a strong masculine energy, it might not work. This applies to straight relationships also, sometimes it won't work, no matter what you do. That is due to personality and hormone dynamics incompatibility, or even trauma. Trying to change your partner in order to fit you is the most newbie mistake you can make. Everybody has his or her male and female side. In progressive countries like Scandinavia, we see a lot of women tapping into their male sides by getting into leadership roles and stressful positions that crave a lot of competence. That is great news. Finally, women can fully embrace both their energies, not just the female side by taking care of the children and being provided for, but in some cases it can lead to burnouts and depression. Even in Scandinavia, the work environment is still stressful and competitive, especially in high paying jobs and people still work their ass off in order to travel and get a nicer house or car, not as socialistic as you imagined. If your man isn't properly helping you, you always have to tell him what to do as if he is your child, then you end up worse than in a traditional relationship. Not just that you keep in check the house, food, and the children, now you need to earn money too. When women are not secure in their female side, they cope by giving and sacrificing themselves till they get exhausted and sick. Vulnerability and asking for help, asking not complaining and criticizing, is key in this situation and swinging from sick leave to a job that you hate just to "keep up with men" is not a long term solution. It is not ethical to your colleagues and managers who don't do that and have to deal with replacing you all the time. The welfare state compensates for the lack of support you feel in life. There is no shame in choosing a lower paying job or working less just because you want to feel better, happiness is money. I am a relatively masculine man but I still prefer happiness over some high paying corporate job or working all day competing with workaholics, but if my family would need more money, I'll make it happen. A real man would love to do the hard work for you as long as he sees that you and the children are happy. He'll bring the money, he'll do the house chores, anything for a family who deserves it. Men would even risk their lives for a good cause and you stay there and count to bring home the same amount of money. This is why it is crucially important for you as a masculine man to have a strong purpose, everything will become bearable if you have a passion and something meaningful to fight for. It doesn't mean you have to become a millionaire entrepreneur, it can be simply working what you love and supporting your beautiful family. Forget about that elitist bullshit of becoming a top business tycoon, you can be a self-employed programmer, coach, trainer, bike mechanic, massage therapist, barber, plumber, construction worker, electrician, whatever… You just have to love what you do and do it for a reason. I am probably biased here because I like that my work is not dependent on a lot of colleagues or a big team but if you like corporations, so be it. The masculine grows by challenge, purpose, appreciation, and duty. The feminine grows by support, nurture, care, and praise. We don't care about splitting everything 50/50, we care to see our women and children happy and to appreciate our efforts, and in that case we will move mountains for them. One magic thing though: appreciation, understanding, and non-criticism. If you don't do so, your man is gone, he might also go on sick-leave in this case. Fun fact: I remember when I was a horny virgin adolescent full of testosterone and riding my BMX bike in the skate park, I was completely done after a full day of riding but when my crush came to watch us ride, my energy went to full in an instant and performed again like a peacock in front of his potential mate. You might say: "He does not take good care of me and I have to beg him to help me around the house all the time and I don't criticize". That is because nobody taught him how to be a man, he is a boy. A real man is a leader, he organizes stuff, he understands the needs of his woman, he is full of testosterone and energy due to his life purpose and feeling of duty. As Teal Swan says in her teachings: "healthy masculine men feel the need to "contain" their women, which means to provide and offer safety without constraints and oppression." Still think all this is bullshit? Just take a look at the young guys in first world countries, I never ever seen so many unmotivated and passive men. "The system is rigged so they give up". Give me a break, you can create a successful small business even in Iraq. Don't blame the system so you have an excuse to watch porn and play video-games all day, there are tons of opportunities if you open your eyes. We are mainly attracted romantically to qualities opposite to ours, if you are a more masculine woman, you might find the feminine men more attractive. Only you can find who you really are. Ask yourself why you don't need support from a man in your life. Because you analyzed it closely and you know for sure this is you? Or is it because you were socialized into that by your progressive friends and mother? Is it because you want to prove something to yourself and others? Is it because the men in your life were worthless and you were forced into it? Or just because you were treated or still treated badly by men and now you create a shield as a trauma response? The different ways men and women behave and respond to stress are very important, especially in relationships. If your man comes home stressed and wants to go take a beer with his buddies let him go instead of continuously asking him what went wrong. He does not want to speak to you because he wants to detach from what happened until he replenishes his testosterone and feels better. If your woman comes back home sad and stressed on the other hand, ignoring her will not help, because in contrast with what you used to do when stressed, she wants to connect with her emotions and have someone to support her. And the way you as a man solve this kind of situation is a bit different from how women do, she won't need solutions and advice at the moment, she only wants emotional support and understanding. You can be "Mr. fix it" another time. If we do not get these critical differences the relationship can suffer. The masculine-feminine polarity is what makes it a romantic relationship, the contrasts between us make it exciting and romantic. Otherwise, we will be just two friends who have sex occasionally. A healthy long term romantic relationship can remain healthy only if both partners have an understanding of all these things, either they are smart enough to intuit them or they learn them. One more tip for improving your relationship is to find your own and your partner's love language, there are mainly 5: physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Read Gary Chapman's book for a deeper dive. Common interests, romance, and polarity will make you commit to one person, not just sex and looks. There will always be a hotter girl or a bigger cock somewhere else. It is not just about the looks, the behavior makes you who you are, you perform the gender. Think about how cool a well made MMORPG game is, how equal in power but at the same time how different the mage is from the warrior. The same with men and women, we are equal but not the same. In this kind of games, the strongest pair team is a team formed by two very different characters, usually one who screws the enemies while the other one supports him with healing. Why should we erase this beautiful difference between us that will make us stick to each other like a magnet? Sex and attraction Of course, we need to talk about sex. There is an extremely obvious contrast here. A man can get aroused by simply seeing a beautiful woman, whereas a woman needs to get to know the man, and feel secure and intimate with him before getting aroused. She actually needs to make a bond with the man and feel safe, she wants emotional stimulation and safety first. This is what many men don't realize and get surprised when their women don't want to have sex on command. Because for men, having sex is like taking a piss. There is a huge underground sex market for men. Because women are not so interested only in the act of sex, at least those mature women in whom I am interested, they want a whole emotional experience. This is very important, many guys who struggle with dating are getting sour on life because they feel that women have it much better, that they can get sex much easier. Yes she can get sex whenever she wants, but she doesn't value the act of sex as much as you do, she values finding a quality guy who is willing to commit only to her, and that might be very hard to find. And the main cause of you not getting laid is not the feminists or your looks, it is because you don't socialize enough and stay all day in your room watching porn and playing video-games. Back to sex. Women who deny their female side can have trouble having quality sex. If you always penetrate the world at work and at home, how would you be able to receive your man's penetration? You'll resist it. So many women have this submission to dominance fetish because at least in bed they want to feel the taste of masculinity if not somewhere else. If we look at the animal kingdom we see that the right to sex is not given at birth, males need to fight for it and the female will choose to mate with the strongest male which will ensure the highest survival chance for her cubs. Most of us are not wild animals anymore but this dynamic still expresses in us to some extent. Feminine women tend to not care so much for beauty, more about the survival abilities and social status the man has in society, so that he'll ensure the kids survival while they can relax in their feminine side. Masculine men are so attracted to the genetics and physical beauty and less about the survival abilities of the women, because they are the ones who will mainly take care of survival, they just need to be sure the kids will have the best genetic baggage. Maybe women will value men's beauty more in the future, when society becomes less dangerous, competitive and stressful. It will make logical sense, but our biology will not change overnight, we will still somewhat be driven by feelings and instincts that drove us millennia ago. What are the main things women want from men? Emotional stimulation, charisma, initiative, security, high status, boldness, confidence, affection, support, and beauty but as secondary to all previous. What are the main things men want from women? Beauty, sexual diversity and availability, companionship, appreciation, and a sense that she needs his help in her life. Imagine you have these two energies inside you: masculinity and femininity. Masculine and feminine are not gendered, they are archetypes, energies. Femininity vs. Masculinity and Excesses Forget about gender and sex for a minute. What would be the masculine characteristics? Action, groundedness, focus, assertiveness, individualism, penetration, ambition, courage, logic, cognition, strategy, detachment, duty, purpose, competitiveness, enduring hardhsips. How about the feminine ones? Beauty, sense of belonging, interdependence, intuition, feeling, receiving, vulnerability, sensitivity, nurturing, creativity, flexibility, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, mercy, rest. The ultimate distinction would be that masculinity would rather hurt feelings in order to tell the truth, and femininity would rather hide the truth in order not to hurt feelings. Especially progressive women are scared of the word "interdependence". They want to be independent, but you see, we all depend on something. In general, women want to depend on other people and estrogen-increasing activities, men tend to depend on things and testosterone-increasing activities to make them happier. Just look how dependent your man is on his beer buddies that disconnect him from emotions, video-games, football, or his car. Or in my case, dependence on learning and figuring out stuff, I love it. Have you noticed how men always want to figure out stuff and create models? If these energies are in balance, you will behave in a calibrated way, when you swing too much towards one energy and ignore the other, problems appear. What does excess of masculinity look like? Well, toxic masculinity. An unsocial, over-competitive, unemphatic, selfish person who has a robot-like behavior and sees everything else as objects to be exploited. An overly masculine society would be an autocratic, mafia structured, overly-hierarchical, every man for himself, law of the jungle, libertarian hellhole where if you're not tough, you'll be basically used as a slave, killed or starved to death. Children will be traumatized by the beatings and non-permissive parenting, they will grow up hating their parents and eventually rebelling. Women will be treated horribly because they don't fit the revered "tough and strong" vibe. The country will have a high chance to go to war because they will see the smallest threat as a call to war. Society will eventually become more feminine as more and more people get educated. With education and affluence, comes empathy and compassion. What would excess femininity look like? An over-emphatic, over-indulgent, overly-collectivistic person, emphatical to most people except the perpetrators and "wrong doers". What Does an overly feminine society look like? A partially democratic, socialistic, overtaxing welfare state, non-hierarchical feelingcracy. The resources will be shared equally and you'll be all good so long as you don't say or do something which will raise feelings of you hurting or offending others, or try to rise above the rest and control people in some way. In that case you'll be seen as a cancer and will be canceled, reduced to nobody. Some children can grow up soft, vulnerable, immature, undisciplined and with emotional problems because of overprotective parenting. You cannot protect them forever, teenage years will hit them like a train if they are not ready for it. The society will lack innovation and a full freedom of expression. There will be endless talks in political and philosophical circles on what is ok and what is not ok to do. There will be indecision, lack of action, and fear of "being wrong". The army will be weak and underfunded and God forbid if some country decides to invade them. The law enforcement and authorities will be weak and permissive, the borders will be almost completely open and unenforced. The crimminal gangs will move into the country because they see them as an oportunity to be exploited. The masculine part of society will eventually revolt because they cannot express their real personalities and will have enough of all the crimminals wreaking havoc, the overly feminine government will eventually be overthrown and the energies will balance. An overly feminine person will get burned out because she only looks for the needs of others and disregards her own needs. Many women get abused and exploited in relationships by selfish toxic men and forgive them all the time by backwards rationalization. What they should do instead is to connect with their male side and decide to end the relationship for good, to heal their female side by taking care of their own needs and forgiving those who hurt them, raise their standards, and find better men. Be careful about your childhood trauma though, my mother had a bad relationship with her father, he was dominating her all the time. That made my mother vow to take care of everything by herself and marry a docile man. She ended up regretting the choice she made. She had to literally do everything as my father was mostly passive and absent. Women love to be vulnerable and be led and provided to by a competent loving man. They hate when they are always forced to go into their male side and come up with solutions, figure out stuff, and fend for themselves because their men are lazy and incompetent. Now think about how many women are in this situation, living 20-30 years in the same house with such worthless men, no doubt why they get fed up and become passive-aggressive and depressed. You don't have to fear masculine men, you need to find one who embraces his feminine side also, they are pretty rare though. Better alone otherwise. The problem with most men is that they either have the attractive masculine vibe but they are "old fashion", domineering, closed-minded, and macho-like; or on the other hand they are too soft, unattractive, unmotivated, and emasculated. The nice guy vs. asshole dichotomy. A wise blend between these two characters is preferred but if you like being feminine as a man, cool. There are women who like more feminine men. Just make sure this is really you and not only a coping strategy or a mask. Eckhart Tolle is a feminine man, and he knows his shit, one of the wisest people alive. To be more like a man you have to be more like a woman. The problem with the macho old-school man is that he creates a shadow from his female side and only channels his masculine energy outwards, he should focus it inwards instead, fighting his own fears and inner enemies. If he would do that he would realize that he is playing a "tough guy" role in order to mask his insecurities and traumas. The masculine energy is immensely potent in curing trauma, but at the same time it also can prevent you from seeing it. Being a man means to be yourself as you are regardless of what people think of that, to be an unshakable pillar in the middle of a storm. Playing the role of the "tough guy" is probably not authentic to you, you do it because you don't really trust yourself. You might ask why did the universe make us in this way? I see it as a survival specialization, we lived in tribes for millions of years. The universe specialized women in keeping the social cohesion of the tribe, gathering plants and fruits, and taking care of children, because children need love and empathy more than anything else. Men specialized in hunting, exploring, defending the territory and competing with other males for the most appreciated females. Ensuring safety and providing resources, actions which require more detachment, courage, a desire to figure out stuff through strategic logical thinking. Imagine the women being beautiful pearls and the men being the shells protecting them so as they can express their love, beauty, vulnerability and creativity. Now that can be a reason why women vote for welfare states these days, because they feel unsafe in this men-dominated capitalist madness. Masculine people metaphorically ejaculate into society, they impregnate it with ideas and technology, the feminine part of society decides which "sperm" is of the most quality and rejects the harmful "sperm" (bad ideas and unregulated tech). Without femininity, all that technological progress will do more bad than good. Nuclear technology will do more harm than good if we use it to nuke each other or destroy the environment. In fact, the world is so broken today because there is too much toxic and too little healthy masculinity present. We need to become more feminine and emphatic in our approaches. We also have to be careful about the toxic femininity, which will try to filter out the very popular "bad ejaculators" by force and oppression. If a such person is popular then ask yourself why it is so. Maybe your society is not yet ready for so much empathy and compassion as you imagine. Another flavour of toxic femininity is naivity, I presented in the analogy with the feminine country, we are not all at the same level of development, there are crimminals who cannot wait to find a naive unexpereinced victim to exploit. Healthy femininity is pure love, love and understanding even for the oppressors and egomaniacs, but it is also realistic and understands that boundaries have to exist. The masculine and feminine were somewhat balanced in most tribes, but around 10 000 years ago we started to create "civilizations". In these civilizations the feminine energy was systematically suppressed. In the middle ages, women were belived to be lesser humans, less intelligent, deserving only to be ruled. It was taught that because of Eve, they lost the kingdom of heaven. It was taught that they have to constantly procreate because otherwise their "seed" will coagulate inside themselves and will make them fall ill. I didn't know how to react, to cry or to laugh. Fortunately we do not live with those dark mentalities here in the west anymore. After such a long time we finally begin to embrace our feminine side again and women are empowered. When the resources are scarce, the societies structure in a patriarchal way, because there is lots of competition for resources, but here in Scandinavia I see the society becoming more and more feminine because the resources are more abundant. The same thing we can observe in chimps and bonobos. Chimps have a patriarchal social structure due to the scarce environment in which they lived for thousands of years, bonobos on the other hand have a matriarchal social structure due to a frugivorous diet and the abundant environment. Our societies today are still overly-masculine all over the world, this is why there is a bias towards masculine qualities and women strive to acquire those qualities because in this way they ensure survival. Further Political Problems and Solutions It is great to see this powerful raise of feminine energy, but there are some excesses. The progressive liberals don't really understand masculinity and why most straight or even gay or transgender men need to learn about it and embrace it as part of their identity and personality. People watch the horrors of excess masculinity and get disgusted by it, and in an emotional reaction they label whole masculinity as bad. I totally understand, I am also put sometimes in an emotional righteous care bear state whenever I see how women are treated on the streets and in relationships and especially when I read human history, then I really get sick in the stomach. But with emotional reactions we don't solve the problem. We have to let ourselves cool down and think rationally what can be the solutions, criticizing and calling names won't really help, it just makes them angry. The leftists want to equalize everything in society, they have a hard time dealing with equal asymmetries, things can be equal even if they are different. And by the way, how can you call yourself egalitarian when you say that women would do better than men in many fields like politics or leadership? Double standards. My work here does not throw away the work of progressives and gender scientists, it just adds up what is missing. You read Judith Butler's books then you are in the air. Ok gender is a social construction, now what? What are we going to do? Telling your 7 or 8 years old children only that they can identify with whatever they want is just unwise. It is not that children cannot find who they are, it is that the adults don't have a good approach to teaching this and they themselves do not understand this stuff. I think the best approach would be to teach them that gender is a social construction, but also about masculinity and femininity, their biological sex differences, how the brain gets influenced by prenatal testosterone, hormone dynamics, and the correlation between all of this. Then they might have higher chances finding the perfect blend of energies and perfect gender identity for them. They need clear information that will help them decide, otherwise they will just do what is "cool" and copy each other without a clue of what they are doing. This is dangerous stuff, if you send your kids to hormone therapy without good investigation and patience till they understand how to find themselves, you can destroy their lives. This stuff has to be handled by serious experts not by brainless politicians and parents. And these ideas of gender neutral changing rooms make me laugh. If there will be only one changing room, you as a girl will have a bunch of creepy guys staring at you while changing clothes, then suddenly you'll admit that we are different, oh the irony. There has to be a limit to anything, it is great to be inclusive and open-minded but not so open-minded so as your brains are falling off. In the past it was cool to be a rocker or a punker, now it is cool to be a political activist. Fill your own buckets before filling other peoples buckets. "I don't know" is a powerful wise sentence! Much better than spitting some ideology you've heard from some blue haired leftist Karen. I don't care to prove conservatives wrong on this topic, that is easy and boring, there are lots of people who do that well already. My ideas show even how progressives get it wrong. And I don't want to sound superior, I just want to humble you down, your perspective is better than the conservative one but it is not perfect. The society will become less sexist and patriarchal by simply spreading this information and those who are ready for it, will receive it. I dare to talk about this because I have over 13 years of serious personal development, this is my life purpose not just an interest. People just hear: "Masculinity is toxic". Ok but show me what healthy masculinity looks like. It is like me being an introvert and instead of accepting this part of me, I suppress it because everybody around me says that introversion is toxic, do you get it now? Many people now portray the perfect man as being some variant of Eckhart Tolle, namely an agreeable, calm, zen-like man. No! Eckhart Tolle is one type of a great man, for some men like me that is not authentic. When I was following Eckhart many years ago I forced myself to be like him because I believed he was the perfect man example. This is the big mistake that spiritual people make, they portray some spiritual guru as the one and only ideal for how a man should be. We are born different, we have different personalities, I had to accept my spicy way of being, I get excited and passionate about problems in society then tell them honestly and sharply, and sometimes in a more emotionally reactive manner. There are uncomfortable things that have to be said even if people get offended by them. That doesn't mean I invade Poland after, some emotional reaction in talks spices up things, makes it feel real and taken seriously. This stuff has to be taught in schools, exactly like sexual education, so kids can understand themselves and become men, women or something else instead of remaining boys and girls their whole lives. When a wounded and suppressed demographic finally gets empowered, it tends to swing the pendulum all the way to the opposite extreme. Mothers who teach their sons only feminine qualities because they were wounded by toxic men. If we only teach feminine qualities to boys, they will become unmotivated, prone to addictions, unattractive, lonely and disconnected from who they are. And because of that imbalance they can become aggressive. You get what you fear for. We need to show our boys what real masculinity looks like not to throw it away. In regards to women, most of them are very intuitive and behave in a feminine way even if they don't know about this stuff. Some of them can exaggerate with this "strong independent woman" crap they get from the extreme left, but I perceive this to be a rare occurrence. Some women are constantly bossing others around, complaining and moaning about how unjust everything is, imposing to others their point of view and if they don't embrace it, they're calling them lazy, dumb, toxic, sexists, racists, homophobes, Nazis, privileged etc… It is mainly because for some reason they did not manage to mature emotionally or they met such low quality people in their lives that it accumulated and made them sour. Femininity is about daring to be vulnerable, delicate and ignoring the things you can't change. A mature woman knows that criticizing others, canceling them, or calling them names will not change their minds or actions, in fact it will have the opposite result. She has the courage to find and let a real man help her in life, she is a flower instead of a cactus. She dares to relax into her authentic vulnerable self, trusting that her man will not hurt her. This dynamic is exceptionally beautiful. You might say: "There are no good men around". It is true that they are rare, because someone has to teach them this stuff, but do not generalize men based on your subjective experience. You do not attract what you want, you attract or get attracted to what you are. Think about this next time you reject or friend-zone someone or when a man disappears from your life after a few nights with you. What can you offer more than just sex? Easy to criticize others. Even the most commitment phobic man will eventually want to commit to a woman in the end when and if he realizes that sex is empty and will not make him fulfilled. But to the woman who he really feels happy with. Forgiving the men who hurt you is the only way to liberate yourself. Where I feel we as a society need to really become better at is taking care of our health. A healthy beautiful physical aspect is important for a woman, but our sick society makes them overweight, stressed, insecure, and unhealthy. Wherever you look you see unhealthy food and everybody eats it, which breaks my heart to be honest (check my article about how to take care of your health if you had enough of all the bullshit health information on the internet). A woman can develop her male side very well and she can take care of herself and kids without any help, like a female mamma tiger or mamma bear. But we never lived like bears and tigers, we are social animals and love being like that. Why struggle with all that when there are men who would absolutely love to help you? If all women will get on this mamma bear path, what will happen to men? Some people wanted to do a study on how porn influences men's psyche but they did not find enough guys who don't do porn for the control group. Pornhub is the 4th most visited website in the world. We already have a loneliness crisis among men especially since the rise of social media and dating apps where women have by far the upper hand. Young men are gaming all day and doing nothing with their lives because they wake up in their 20s unprepared for life and they just give up. Angry, lonely men following toxic role models like Andrew Tate. You cannot cancel these people, you throw them out the window and they come back out the door, they are popular because there is something wrong with society. Why do so many young men follow these kinds of people? Because they are those who at least pretend to understand their suffering, the rest of society tells them somewhere between the lines of: "Dude you live in a male dominated society and you are a white man, what do you want more?". Well they want more, they want to find who they are and why they suffer, they want someone to understand their suffering, you cannot hug yourself. This is the thing that those feminazis don't understand. EVERYBODY needs love, not just the victims. Even the perpetrators are suffering, this is why they do what they do, mainly because nobody listened to their suffering, now or in their childhood. The most life-threatening thing for men under 45 in the first world is suicide, it is themselves. And the most dangerous people for others in a society are men who feel misunderstood, lost, lonely, and depressed. In a democracy everybody should believe whatever they want, but I agree that some influencers are so toxic that they need to be kicked out of all platforms. The same way we don't let people take a shit in the city square. Afterword We are approaching the end of this material, reflect a bit on the way I wrote all of this. This is a healthy masculine energy. Courage to challenge the common beliefs but still tamed enough to be desirable and sound. A blend between ambition, discipline, competence, logic, courage, and empathy. I encourage you to do the same in your search for meaning and answers, theory is very important. If you don't have your theory right, you won't know how to act and whom to believe. My masculine personality of detaching from silly group-think and pursuing my own journey of figuring out how the world works saved my life. But I see how important it is to balance it with femininity, to help and connect with others instead of judging them for their intellectual laziness. Try to find the right feminine-masculine blend, the one that fits your hormone dynamics, physical aspect preferences, sexual orientation, gender identity, and personality. Most probably you'll fit your biological sex gender like I do, but even if you need to find another gender that fits better, it is fine as long you know what you are doing. I hope this was helpful, if you want to deepen your knowledge on this topic, check the books listed in references. References: Ridley, M. (1994). The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature. Macmillan Publishing Co, Inc Deida, D. (1997). The Way of the Superior Man: A Man’s Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desire. Austin, Texas: Plexus. Waal, F. B. M. de (2006). Our inner ape: A leading primatologist explains why we are who we are. New York: Riverhead Books Auyeung, B., Baron-Cohen, S., Ashwin, E., Knickmeyer, R., Taylor, K., Hackett, G., & Hines, M. (2009). Fetal Testosterone Predicts Sexually Differentiated Childhood Behavior in Girls and in Boys. Psychological Science, 20(2), 144–148. URL: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2778233/ Gray, J. (2020). Beyond Mars and Venus: Relationship Skills for Today’s Complex World. BenBella Books. Tolle. E. (2023). Why Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energy is ESSENTIAL. Youtube. URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIa-WABHOMY&ab_channel=EckhartTolle Smith, J. D., & Johnson, A. B. (2023). The Extreme Male Brain Theory: Evidence and Implications. Journal of Neuroscience and Psychology, 15(3), 123-135.

People usually commit suicide because they perceive there to be no hope of getting out of a painful situation. It is a form of escape usually done on impulse. It is why health professionals always ask how you are planning to kill yourself so they can assess how much of a danger you are to yourself. Like if you own a loaded gun or something. I hope you get the help you need. I'd wager that you are suicidal because you're in pain somehow.