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It takes every ounce of self control in me to NOT write a wall of text in his comment section. Ignorance isn't bliss

I feel this. I've experienced this deeply myself. I think this is what quite a few people on this path go through. I wish you the best no matter which path you chose to take to solve this. Know that I for one unconditionally love you for who you are . Right?! Trying to rationalize these insights always takes my mind for a ride. also, about the whole sexual compulsion thing. Have you ever tried looking into tantra or cultivating the energy? An example would be channeling your sexual energy through visualization, body movement and clenching of the PC muscle to move your Creative energy(sexual energy) to different parts of your body. Heart chakra to experience bliss and ecstasy or third eye for creative insights into your work. I've been informed by some spiritual practitioners on how once they started this they were able to use this energy to actualize their dreams, such as writing books with this energy or creating communities that help benefit mindkind through the use of this energy. P.S seems like some people use all that to have better sex too. So if your into that then have fun

I haven't journaled in a little while. notes: 1) I woke up today with so much love in my heart. I still feel the beauty of the now. I love life so much. I love how I'm able to wake up in so much love. I've figured out that if I just sit there for a few minutes I can tap into so much love. 2) I'm noticing addictions to distractions. T.V, talking to people, video games. When I started actualized.org I let go of my addictions to T.V and video games. I would only ever watch anything if I went to someone's house because that's what most people do or visit my brother. Last week for the first time in a while, I started playing video games for fun. The first time was really joyful, but the fullfillment soon left me. Now I feel strong disires to play. Im seeing how when I drop one addiction that distracts me from the now another one pops up. When I went through my awakening I dropped all addictions for a few weeks. Man, I was the most aware I have ever been. I would often go from extreme bliss to extreme suffering. awareness doesn't = happiness. meditation: 20 min I have changed my meditation to do nothing and I've had great success. Really getting great results.

These are a couple comments I've transferred from a thread about attachment to desire where someone made some good points. Desire is a wonderful thing. But attachment to desire is something else altogether. Attachment to anything is conditioned and dependent. I would have to say either you are or aren't mired by dependent habitual conditioned energies. But mostly it is a matter of gravity and degree. In terms of the most basic necessity, observing the disease of the mind entails suffering. This is an habitual relationship not with the world, but with oneself. It is neurosis. This neurosis is a mental crutch. This is dependency one must acknowledge and cut away from one's life. Keying one's attention to externals without being sidetracked, without abandoning oneself to craving, one learns to deliberately manage following the heart's desire without stepping over the line. The most subtle veils of delusion are of your own making and must be swept away until there is nothing left of your habits. When you don't crave, personal issues of self and other turn into a matter of mutual response because now the situation becomes the context. Sure, no one else knows that— but when you do, you are not at issue with conditions, and you don't get swept away by emotional craving or selfish psychological patterns. So when others seek to manipulate or cling psychologically or emotionally, you detach from their issue, not the situation. The situation may very well go on, but you don’t perpetuate issues relative to self and other and right or wrong. This is itself an expression of compassion, even should it be ruthless. Who can start and end here without further deliberations? Not sidetracked by externals in this regard, one follows the heart's desire without stepping over the line. It is a most curious affair, because, in terms of clarity, you do not go along with the world's momentum— but then you find that the world must have you without exceptions. It is relentless. This is where (the buddhist image of) Mara comes into play. She is relentless. She never goes away …only temporarily recedes from time to time. Even sudden enlightenment only severs the compulsion to follow conditions; stopping without rejecting is always in your power, so harmonizing enlightenment does not depend on the sudden. Whereas creation is fecund— endless manifestations material and mental; enlightening activity is endless transformations according to the time without unknowingly changing along with creation’s phantasmagoria. You have the power to choose going along or not, whereas the norm is going along with Change unawares. As it so often happens, something comes in from left field and one's flow is obstructed, and one naturally stops. Ordinarily, one’s psychological momentum, characteristic of insistence, might seek to push through obstacles— or even assign self-reifying definitions without benefit of objective knowledge. That is stepping over the line— merely seeking definitions relative to self and other is entertaining intellectualism, which perpetuates habit-energies fueling the personality’s psychological momentum bound to creation. Should one admit objective impersonal analysis, the only measure is mutual accord in reality. Beyond the fact that creation is already oneself without beginning, being the partial aspect in the real meaning of unity, mutual accord is the affair of subtle response carried out by virtue of the nature of reality. Working with potential is possible because it is inherent in situations themselves. Admitting objective analysis is really just immediate impersonal knowledge. As one gradually stops using the selfish perspective relative to self and other, the immediate objective knowledge of potential relative to situations gradually becomes apparent. This is mentioned further on as the Dharma Eye. Seeing potential actualizes immediate acquiescence, or virtuous accord in reality, also known as nonresistance or the virtue of the receptive. Just different names to express the arising of enlightening potential. To the degree one follows the heart's desire within unknowing (innocence, that is— not ignorance or cunning rationales), situations are naturally self-refining. This is all made possible because effective self-refinement enables immediate acquiescence. By selfless mutual accord, conditioned situational gravities stop; it's not that you have to stop outside of stopping. It's a matter of seeing reality. Real seeing is spontaneous transcendent seeing. It comes about by not exercising the personality's psychological apparatus habitually. In terms of physics, it is simply an absence of momentum, so one is not carried over into arbitrary action and one stays within the response-body. Enlightening being is the innate quality of subtle response, which is to affirm that sudden realization is not a necessary consideration in terms of expressing effective enlightened qualities. Why? Enlightening being is the quality of being so— it's self-refining, and is therefore selfless action in the world, Using the world's situations for self-refinement, instead of self-gratification, one begins to see reality— not that self-refinement and self-gratification are mutually exclusive, because they’re not. Reality is inconceivable; good or bad is not the criteria of enlightening being(s). This is the means to develop authentic practice. Wielding potential without thoughts of good or bad, enlightening activity is open and sincere unminding response in meeting the created energy of ordinary events. Sudden enlightenment is just waking up to the fact that the light shines (or not) as creation radiates the causeless. The light is like spontaneous enlightening activity adapting to conditions by one who is awake to the activation of innate spiritual function. Subtle spiritual response is natural because Creation and Nonorigination are not different. I've noticed a certain reluctance and trepidation in some to personally own up to the term enlightening. At the risk of appearing glib, I only mention it because people need to know that sudden and gradual are two rails on the same track. They are one continuum. Don't be misled by the analogy of the two rails. The light is one substance and so are its inconceivable functions. It’s like Blues and Country (being music) are Rock&Roll. It’s the Mystery Train and no one knows why. Getting back to momentum, or even further— back to some good points someone made regarding "now." The exquisite realm of now is effortlessness, whereas the perpetually creative realm is beginningless arbitrary ideas arising out of nowhere to upset the weak balance and harmony of those clinging to personal conditions: that's karmically bound evolution. Creative evolution is Karmic. Self refinement is the long process of ridding the aware being of clinging bias and inclination to arbitrary psychological stimulus whereby one’s autonomy in the midst of worldly situations is gradually stabilized. Enlightening being is not a matter of insularity, it is unity coming from within differentiation. Creation evolves by virtue of its conditioned potential. After a long time of gradual practice, seeing reality is recognized as such, but one still loses this again and again when seduced by phenomena. Unbending intent is single-minded determination to avoid following externals unawares. Beginners use renunciatory discipline or precepts; adepts plunge fully into delusion, without differentiating. In practice, one develops discipline first (symbolized by the 3rd I Ching hexagram, Difficulty), then deflects externals (symbolized by the 4th hexagram, Darkness or Innocence). First stopping conditioned stimulus; then seeing situational potential void of one's self-reflective psychological patterning. Stopping is not static and seeing is not relative to the person. Stopping sees the relative (movement), whereas seeing is just awake without bias or inclination. Secure in one's dedication to now, presence is basically being ultimately natural, without hangups. From this vantage, it is easy to see momentum (or conditioned potential) in situations. That's why I say either one is or isn't attached to kinetic (karmic) momentum. One only sees the real by virtue of stillness; conditioned energy is its mass times momentum squared. Not that it matters~ what matters is that in seeing the real from within the false, one gradually enters the inconceivable. One uses delusion to enter reality. This is possible because enlightenment is not different than karma. Enlightening being sees this. Spiritual illuminates match creation by its inherent potential and use it to partner with creation according to the time. Partners of creation do not go along with its karmic evolution, while ever gathering its potential. That's why some have been known to "ascend to heaven in broad daylight." Jesus isn't the only one by a long shot. In many respects, desire is complete in and of itself. Attention is mutual, in terms of self and other in the sense that one necessarily attracts when another is attracted. That much doesn't require deliberation. In terms of application, desire and bliss are coeval. The timing depends of their arising (or their arousal). The point is, it's mutual. This is the direct relationship we have right now within the heart of nonorigination. Relative to the essence of the creative, enlightenment isn't different. When one follows desire with openness and sincerity presently, without anticipatory momentum, one is activating the tao in reality without intermediary. This is enlightening being, but don’t expect the world to cooperate, so don't mention it. If it did, adapting enlightenment to conditions wouldn't be exceptional, and buddhas becoming people wouldn't be a secret— even though it has always come and gone without saying. This is because selfless movement doesn't have mass, only potential, therefore it can't be said to be still or moving. Subtle adaption is like that. The inconceivability just is without any body knowing better or being the wiser. Since it's already your own mind right now, immediate acquiescence is like taking over creation and stealing its potential. Poof. The ancient taoist alchemical classics all tell us to refine the self and await the time. They also say neither rushing ahead nor lagging behind, like a cat watching a mouse-hole, ever vigilant, ever careful not to miss the timing: when the celestial time arrives, human energy is responsive. It's not a matter of helping the tao, it is just in an ever-ready equipoise in mutual respond to situations fearlessly, honestly and without cupidity. Obviously, the timing arises in the situational context. The whole point of this kind of subtle intensity is to follow the breath of creation, which waxes and wanes in intimate accord with the celestial design. Only enlightening beings see this. This is an affair of transcendent living whereby one has no mind in going along with creation which is literally neither here nor there. One clings neither to the falsity of the conditioned matrix nor to the reality of the mystery, because they are not different. It is just as is and no one knows why. The ancients have left this teaching for those who have the affinity to follow in their footsteps to carry out the open secret, and go on …beyond. In the final analysis, the benefit is this: taoism calls it stealing potential. Such is that the spiritually aware potential energy that makes manifestation possible can be gathered by any individual not going along with the karmic matrix of creation. This gathering of potential is real, yet one doesn't actually gather anything. It goes back to following the heart's desire within unknowing: innocence following the heart's desire naturally steps over no line. It is all a matter of seeing. One last thing… it is like the story of the monkeys who do not want 3 nuts in the morning and 4 nuts at night. So the monkey feeder says, "Ok, I'll give you 4 in the morning and 3 at night"— at this the monkeys are very pleased. One doesn’t seek to please because that’s the monkeys’ business. First of all, you adapt to the situation selflessly and respond impersonally to give the universe its arbitrary causeless requirement in each situation as it arises. It is not a matter of logic, but of strategy. Secondly, one uses the current situation as a means to master the 3rd and 4th hexagrams in order to transcend the conditional aspect (without anybody knowing). Since you don't speculate on the conditional manifestation, you naturally cull its essential potential and seal it away void of intellectualism. You see, the way of the world is to get it all backwards— and keep it that way! So the way of all prior illuminates is to foment subtle audacious reversal within the course of creation in order to take it over and steal its potential (back) unbeknownst to anyone. Actually, it is a matter of freeing unrefined potential from its conditioned matrix simply by seeing reality as it really is, as it is. In terms of alchemy, those of you who know the I Ching, know that the 3rd hexagram Difficulty is done before, i.e., in the morning. This is advancing the yang fire. This is effort. This is following desires. This is entering the tiger's lair. The 4th hexagram Innocence should be done after. This is withdrawing the fire when the killing energy of the yin convergence first arises, in order to gather potential and seal it within innocence void of intellectualism. This is non-doing. This is only a possibility by virtue of following real desire without stepping over the line, so to not act on arbitrary ideas relative to the personality. Just the not-doing of intellectual activity is itself stealing potential. Having done so is gathering the medicines of the spiritual elixir. Guard this in the wordless. Spiritual release is spontaneous awakening. Having directly divulged the secret, who can put it to use? ed note: add "without rejecting" in 5th paragraph; put a little in the middle; put "acting on arbitrary ideas" in parentheses in last paragraph

Challenger ADC Playing league of legends is effortless Joy, love, bliss, freedom, creativity, playing league of legends Pushing the limits in every game.

Jhana practice from the mind illuminated. I'm going to look for specific types of meditation to cultivate bliss, joy, ectasy, etc. All the pleasant feels i've been craving. There is resistance in the way. Resistant thinking. But simply be pressent of who you really are, hint it's not the guy in the thoughts. And then act.

@TrynaBeTurquoise I did like 50ug of LSD a few weeks ago because my baseline was already pretty psychidelic so i thought a minor dose would push me to a break though into bliss. But i just got stuck prior to full surrender, and I was just in misery. I find going with larger doses is good because it forces a sink or swim situation. Especially, for me because i have a hard time pushing my comfort zone, the drugs just do it for me. Especially at higher doses.

@Rodrigo SIlva I know your situation from myself. Good work, that you decided to do it anyway, you have strong will power. This sounds like a good trip in terms of growth, which will help you a lot in your journey. But dont go up. make a break and then do 50 again and again until you can rest in silence with bliss. silence is pure beauty. your ego just hates it For me I also get this claustrophobic silence, and I feel weird. Even music will not stop this. I then concentrate on the breath, that helps

Don't know what it is, but I have a deep desire and curiosity to explore chakras, kundalini, bliss, different feelings, etc. Not for healing, not for relieving suffering not even for seeking, but for the sake of understanding, and becoming more conscious and aware of who I am (god), how I work, and exploring what types of states of consciousness are in God, what can be explored, what can be discovered metaphysically. I'm just so excited and curious about Myself, that I just want to explore deeper and deeper about what I am, really. I'm sort of like a metaphysical scientist, that's just deeply curious about what I am, what I'm made of. I want to explore, discover, see different metaphysical aspects of myself, etc. Do kundalini or chakra practices fit this bill? Are they helpful for exploring yourself for the sake of quenching your curiosity? Or are they really just made up systems for healing and relieving suffering?

We find it a beneficial combination because we are VERY familiar with the weed high, so we can handle ourselves in situations that others would completely freak out, and therefore unlock the hidden potential in it. I'm stoked that I'm not the only one who has had this experience For the gram joint, I got some king size Raw papers, chopped up the buds very well, and once the roll was done I continued putting weed into the end of the joint and packed it down with a little stick. Didn't even get close to finishing it though, I only just started smoking it when the wave of infinite bliss slapped my in the face, lol

It depends on many different factors. Ime, the most influential factor would be the willingness to let go and surrender. Yet there are other factors as well. "Ego death" isn't necessarily a scary experience. I've had some that were indescribably beautiful and blissful. When faced with "surrender" the ego has been like "I get to let go of that misery to enter this bliss? Heck yea!! Let's go!!". . . Yet other times have been difficult. If there is a lot anxiety prior to the trip, I'd make it as comfortable as possible as we don't want to traumatize the mind and body. For example, tripping in a crowded train station during rush hour wouldn't be a good idea. For me, I would say vaping 5-meo because there is the option to pull back if it gets too intense. Yet that option could also make it harder to "cross over".

I did 1.5 tab of LSD. Here we go. I'm expecting a breakthrough into bliss.

@VeganAwake Precisely, there was never really a suffer to have suffered. Only if we agree with it, believe in it, attach our identity to it and fill our being with it does it manifest as suffering in us. It's not just undesired thoughts...even desired thoughts. It may start out as releasing from what we don't want but even attaching to what we do want can be a source of suffering. The thoughts of wanting truth, enlightenment, awakening, freedom from suffering, bliss, love is conceptually perceiving a lack of it as if we don't already have all we seek, that we are incomplete. The 'desire' is a yearning as if we don't already have it like hunger is from an empty belly but that yearning is the desire in our consciousness that can fill our being with a sense of emptiness. In liberation there is a sense of fulfillment that quenches the yearning, a peace that transcends conditions, joy that emanates through everything we experience. What's ironic is that when I first did experience liberation I was pretty ignorant of so many things but I didn't even have any desire to understand, I was content in the freedom from self suffering. Yet my lack of desire for knowledge turned out to be the very key to the vault of insight like being served endless meals with already having a full belly and no hunger. So, yes, seeking 'truth' can put some on the treadmill chasing after something they perceive they don't have to feed the desire. It's a yearning that won't ever be quenched because the mind's craving for new knowledge and deeper understanding acts like a belly that needs to be fed 3 times a day to fill it...but only temporarily. The ego will use the search for truth and any perceived truth it gets to justify it's identity but that ego's desire is so difficult to satisfy, the ego won't let it.

@Martin123 I would, if I thought they could handle it Because its the truth Ignorance may be bliss but the truth will set you free I believe if any victim of any injustice embraced those quotes they'd be better for it

@dimitri Yeah i think 1 tab will be enough for me to. I will look into 5 Meo if the LSD doesn't work for me. I don't mind the length of the LSD high as long as I can hit the peak. I actually feel like kinda high on LSD right now, my baseline is just naturally high and psychidelic now. But i need a bit more expansion to surrender fully to the bliss.

In theory this is a walk in the park. In direct experience it is extremely difficult. In practice, I've found it helpful to enter places of panic and terror to surrender and transcend panic and terror. Panic and terror equals peace. Yet this is infinitely more difficult to do in direct experience than thinking about it in the mind. This is why psychedelics have been helpful for me. . . . I had to directly face panic and terror in my direct experience to realize the absolute peace within panic and terror. I could not have thought my way through it. On my own, I will not volunteer to enter panic and terror - and surrender to it. Yet with psychedelics, I had no choice. There is a similar process with surrendering into love, peace and bliss. Yet this is much much easier to surrender into, ime. . . . If the above video was titled "Direct access to Terror", I doubt many people would watch it. If the teacher said "Rather than a meditation session of serenity and peace, we will now have a session of mental torture to teach you the nature of absolute peace. People would get up and run away. . . Yet, Terror = Peace. It's the same thing on an absolute level. Other beings may have different paths. I'm just speaking from my experience and I'm not saying it is the ultimate truth. For the vast majority of people, it is best that they relax the mind and allow the sense of peace to reveal itself - and to theorize about how absolute peace exists within trauma. Actually realizing this in direct experience is extremely hard on the human mind and body. My practice has involved what appears to be some irreparable damage to my physical brain and body. Yet there is absolute peace within that. However, I would not suggest my path for 99.99% of people.

Yes. I understand that. I think most people would interpret this "peace of our true nature" as a "thing". It is seeking the "peace of my true nature" and not seeking the "non-peace of my false nature". I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that. It's a wonderful space. Ime, there is a deeper level of an unconditional peace that is present regardless of what the mind and body is experiencing. That absolute peace is present during anxiety, panic, terror. love, bliss etc. It is unconditional. I don't think this is how most people would interpret the video above. I think most people would associate this "peace of our true nature" as a sense of serenity and peace. Absolute peace is present during those moments of course, because it is absolute. Yet it is also present when the mind and body is distressed. If I organized a spiritual retreat entitled "The realization of absolute peace while you experience panic and terror", I don't think many people would show up. Most people are seeking relative feelings of peace and thats totally fine. If I organized a retreat in a serene area of nature and called it "Discover your true nature of peace and serenity" - a lot more people would show up. The human mind and body wants to experience states that are pleasing. There is something to be said for that. It is very loving and healthy for the mind and body. I would not discourage someone from pursuing this.

Insanity doesn't exist. What seems to be insanity is the concept, mental construction of it. It felt so good going through it. Letting it go. Every trip I do lately gets me to a point where I literally feel like I am going insane. Automatically the question arises, what exactly is going insane and this just doesn't stop. The question is asked and it pulls me deeper into it. It's becoming harder and harder letting it go, symptoms of panic start coming up, these are hard to let go of too. It's like I reach "the line" of insanity, ask myself who reached it and what is this line, get past it and automatically ask the same again. This crazy loop. I was about to lose my shit, but am proud of myself I got through it.? Damn, so much heavy shit came to surface this time. All of my loved ones, characters that I am still attached to. My mother, my grandmother, my dearest friend, my ex.. All I had to detach from. This was very painful, however bliss is what I've found in doing so. I started contemplating after a while the appearance of other. This was so profound. I got revealed to a show, where first I was this being that realised it's existence. I was that for a while before I became everything I observed. Also, in that state there was no observer. Felt like I was looking back at myself and myself looking back at me. This state felt so powerful. Not long passed before this bliss started turning into deep, deep sadness which lead straight to Nothingness. I became absolutely nothing. And from this nothing, misinterpretations of it started appearing and before long I was asleep again. Everything just slipped away like nothing ever happened. This repeated some number of times. It was ridiculously beautiful and profound. What caught me off guard was that just 50ug LSD got me this deep. Had sample of 10mcg DMT mixed with vape juice, gave it a go too, that had to affect the trip I suppose. Thank you for reading. Something different is happening lately. Absolutely Love it.?❤️

This reminds me of an experience I had in Belize a couple years ago. I spent two weeks in an isolated village that was full of love and acceptance. The people had healthy diets - they grew their own fruits and vegetables and caught fish in the ocean. There was a man there from the U.S. that was a Wall Street Broker that had a nervous breakdown and went "insane". He was destined to live in an assisted-living home for the mentally disabled, yet found his way to this small community in Belize. After two years there, he was completely healthy again. That's how healing love and acceptance can be. For me, everyday was like a month of therapy. One day, I was floating in the ocean and had an experience similar to your MDMA experience. My self dissolved. All negative connontations about myself dissolved. There were no more mind attacks. There was simply beingness. This beingness of Now was complete as it is. In the absence of self and mind attacks, the default state of being is what is happening now and it was beautiful. Yet then when I returned home, self-centered thoughts would re-appear. Yet I know had a new perspective. Because awareness "above" these self-centered thoughts arose, there was now an awareness observing them - noticing how they form and the impact on my mind and body. It took some practice and effort - that self-centered attachment/identification and anxiety can dissolve. For example, I would be doing Yin Yoga and reach deep levels of relaxation and "I returned" to that space of floating on the ocean in Belize. . . in my living room!!! I didn't need to spend thousands of dollars and take to weeks off to go to Belize! This was great news. I would be mindful of creating a thing called "enlightenment" that I desire to attain, pursue and experience. In one sense, having an "enlightenment" goal can be motivating to do practice, yet in another sense - the mind/body can become desirous of escaping discomfort and experiencing bliss. This can lead to chasing experiences. For example, I may start thinking that "enlightenment" is that place in Belize, which is not Here and Now. Yet that place in Belize is always Here and Now. Certain practices and psychedelics can reveal this, yet it's very tempting to chase that and think "Here and now isn't it. I want a better here and now". For me, the process has included both: 1) To become aware of, and release, self-referential thought stories and 2) to become unconditionally present Here and Now, regardless of what is happening.

Leo's latest Video I see deep inner conflict and deep suffering in Leo's latest vid. I see someone not resting enough or taking a break from this work. Physical health issues are a manifestion of emotional difficulty. Next Steps- Walkabout In Australian Aboriginal society Walkabout is a rite of passage for young males to transcend childhood and make a transition into adulthood, usually as a spiritual practice. Its time for my own Walkabout. For so long I have been carrying weight from the past which has conditioned my current perceptions. After lots of deep inner work, where these difficulties have risen to the surface it is time to shed this conditioning to pave way for my higher self, my Truth. I will enter a new phase of expression and exploration without any focusing on end result. I have already begun to experience deep states of bliss but I continue to be pulled back to habits of the ego. From silence comes energy, healing, new beginnings and Truth.

There's a lack of focus occurring because there is large energy/bliss and a strong sensation of pressure at the forehead. And this is causing the stream of thoughts to disrupt every 30 or so seconds, which disrupts focus on everyday activities like work and driving. Anyone who has experienced this before, I would love for you to share your experiences on resolving it. Thanks!

@Jesus Daniel From what I know: Work your way up. Don't start strong. Start with training-wheels. You do NOT want to be scared of riding the bike because you had a near-death-experience when you fell off it the first time. 5-MeO-DMT is fucking strong bro, you will experience fear like never before. It is, like any psychedelic or drug, to be FULLY respected! But then again, I have no fucking idea or experience. Shoot for the stars and perhaps your ego will cave in and not-you will experience the highest bliss. Die safe my bro, you've got my best wishes

1. I have extreme levels of bliss that are crazily and chaotically disrupting my focus, sense of reality and motor function. 2. I keep having moments, every 2 to 5 minutes, of forgetting who i am, what just happened, my history, forgetting the physical universe, etc. 3. I have totally forgotten what death is. If someone gets shot in front of my i would not give a fuck. ive totally forgotten who my friends and family are. They all just seem like me. I need help. Who knows a good online rasa, spiritual or reiki healer i can have a session with? I suspect, but not sure, i somehow contemplated my way into a premature kundalini awakening. Even though ive only taken psychedelics once in the past, i feel like I somehow contemplated myself into a big psychedelic trip. And its not going away.

Thanks for the advice dude! A deep, kept secret a lot of people on here don't know, is that I had a session with Nahm back when i was almost suicidal, and I practiced a thing he taught, and as soon as i did that, all of this weird shit started happening hahahahahhahahahah EDIT/DISCLAIMER: Nahm's advice has helped me generate levels of bliss unimaginable, just from 1 session which was about my career and getting over suicidal thoughts, rather than spirituality. Definitely recommend him and not trying to say if you practice his stuff you will become psychotic. This is just personal to me.

Update: I posted here yesterday because I was having severe psychotic symptoms accompanied with extreme chaotic levels of bliss. Who I was, what time period I was in, what objects are, what space is, kept being forgotten every 2 to 5 minutes, and I felt like I was being transported to different dimensions and totally forgetting the dimension I was in the past. Motor function lost control for a few moments completely. It was like being in the last scenes of 2001 space odyssey. Fortunately it has passed now. Key learnings/change in consciousness: 1. became fully aware that there are actually 3 things operating right now: the body, mind and YOU; Who you actually are. You are creating the entire universe including the body and mind. The body and mind are tiny subsets of you. 2. As a corollary to 1, while the body is a subset of you, paradoxically, you are not the body. I now have a very strange ability to completely dis-identify with the body at will, just by focusing awareness on the body's sensations, physical look, and becoming aware that the body is made of consciousness, like everything, and that's me. I got a sense that this has very strong advantages to loosing weight and completely eliminating body image issues. As you are not the body, the physical appearance of the body does not affect self esteem. Also negative sensations with the body are not affecting happiness. Discomfort is not affecting me as I am not the body. Fear of death can be reduced, if not eliminated with dis-identifying with the body, as the body may be destroyed, but I am not the body. I became very aware that I do not want sex, the body wants sex, and I thought I wanted sex because I identified with the body. If you don't identify with the body, you don't want sex, your body wants sex. That's paradoxically does not mean you will never have sex, it means you will have sex for the sake of the body, not because you want it. 3. As a corollary to 1, the mind is the ego, and the ego is YOU getting sucked into thinking you are not you, but instead are apart of you. The ego is micro flashes of thoughts (falsehood or things pretending to be true but aren't true) which very subtly suck you into thinking those things are real for split seconds. If you have enough of them going on in awareness, you can maintain a sense that partiality is real, and wholeness is false. This is what people on here probably refer to as egoic consciousness. I became very aware that I do not care about how I look, how smart I am, etc. This is what the mind/ego cares about, and its what I want if I identify with the ego/mind. If you don't identify with the ego, then you don't want it. Paradoxically though that does not mean you will not care about survival of the mind anymore, you will, but on behalf of the mind, not on behalf of you. by the way, in this post I use I, me and you as interchangeable, because in reality they are interchangeable. 4. As a corollary to 2 and 3, the mind and body have their own needs and wants, and communicate that through feelings and sensations. while you are not the body and the mind, the body and mind are designed in such a way that they communicate what's necessary for them to survive or do what they want to do. If you are in egoic consciousness, you can actually believe that you are the body and mind (hahahaha) and then because you are the body and mind you literally feel you need to do everything the body and mind wants, because that's what you want, and you are the most important thing in the universe. This is the heart of neurotic behaviours. Having survival needs from the body and mind, and fulfilling them because you identify with the body and mind. 5. As an addon to 4, you (or god whatever you want to call yourself) also have wants and desires for the body and mind, but may have trouble communicating them if you identify with the body and mind instead of you. You have a very holistic, unified drive for a direction, which includes the body, mind, world, different universes, the whole thing, and the body and mind are small cogs in that big picture of what you want. If you can get out of egoic consciousness, you can align the mind and body to what you want, and this is pure joy and happiness. Your body and mind's desires, are deeply distorted representations of what you want. If you contemplate your body image issues enough, you will contemplate your way to your(gods) wants. And see that the body image issues was a badly described way of communicating you're not in line with what you (god) wants, as a whole. Some personal things: 1. I had a strong pressure and energy located in the 3rd eye for like 2 weeks and it was getting stronger. I dismissed/ignored it because I thought it was an innocent sensation. It is now clear to me that this sensation was a signal of a future psychotic episode, and chaotic bliss, and if I took that signal as a sign that I must prepare myself for such an episode, things would have happened much more smoothly. 2. I've been searching for psychedelics for past 12 months, and am actively finding them. I feel like this experience was a preparation for my entrance into the field of psychedelics. I've taken 1 psychedelic in the past and there were a lot of similarities to what happened on that trip and this experience. 3. I now want to discover/contemplate more on the body, mind and soul/me and how these guys relate, and how best to control the body and mind to do what I want. Not what the body and mind wants. I'm still not an expert in this, but that will be my focus for the next few weeks. 4. I'm now aware that I'm creating the reality around me, but I am not aware as to why I created this reality around me in the first place. That's another point of contemplation for me (or if I get psychedelics sooner than later, a question for them). EDIT: If I'm god, why can't I just make a Lamborghini pop up in front of me? Because 'doing' is an illusion/imaginary. Therefore God cannot do, because doing does not exist, God can only imagine to be in a universe (physical) where doing is seemingly(pretend) possible, and do as an actor in that universe. All God can do is Be, and therefore making a Lamborghini pop out of nowhere does not make sense absolutely. 5. While I'm aware that I am not the mind and body, I can very very very very easily slip into thinking I'm the mind and body for short milliseconds. Its very easy to slip into thinking you're the mind and body and you must put effort into placing awareness on the mind, body, and you(self aware) to maintain a sense of God consciousness. This may explain why some enlightened masters do silly things like make cults or rape, etc. So another goal of mine is to continue to maintain a sense of awareness 24/7. This also explains how you can slip back into thinking you're an ant: its easy, just stop meditating hahaha. 6. Enlightened teachers who refuse to say I, me, or you, or speak in 3rd person are idiots hahaahahahahahahhaha. Because you do exist lool. EDIT: fuck its happening again. Massive surge of energy just exploded my brain and I forgot who I was again. And I'm forgetting what's going on. Fuck. Wooooooow massive wave of energy, just engulfed everything. Soon this post will not be identifiable by me, and I will not recognise who wrote it. I better write the time is 3:41pm Sunday so I don't forget.