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I'd suggest going for only 1 trip (since it's a short retreat). And I'd say shrooms (but LSD is probably fine too, just my preference). I'd suggest somewhere between 2,0 and 3,5 g as a dosage. Up to you. Less is more sometimes. Perhaps 2,5 g? If you do LSD then between 100-150 ug, perhaps 100ug is fine if you know the LSD is of good quality. You have to leave time between trips to integrate, I'd say. I feel the after affects of a strong psychedelic trip for days afterwards. For instance, meditation is often (much) deeper for many days after a psychedelic trip. Do the pychedelic in the middle of your retreat. So if your retreat is friday-sunday, do it saturday. Bliss to you! EDIT: If you decide, anyway, to do shrooms/LSD 2 days in a row (which I again, dont recommend, but up to you!), then yes, there will be *some* cross-tolerance given the trips are only 1 day apart. It depends on dosage. LSD lasts a few hours longer, so it would be wise to do the shrooms first (to minimize tolerance; the longer a drug works in the brain, the more tolerance you build to it. If you do 2,5 grams of shrooms, then you would probably need to do 125-150 ug LSD the next day to feel what 100ug LSD would normally feel like).

So from the end of 2019 until ~April 2020 I've had my biggest ego backlash yet. It's hard for me to quantify how severe it was, but the ego backlashes before were just minor backslidings, unwillingness towards the path and just pushing through some emotions. That time, it really hit me. I couldn't really identify a trigger for it, but some kind of fear (probably of the unknown) stirred up heavily in me. This resulted in me not being able to consume "spiritual material" aka teachings, trip reports etc. But I still meditated and did Kriya Yoga. (Weirdly enough, that was not such a big issue for me. I think I was more afraid of the concepts than the actual reality. Now that I write this, I remember how Leo said, that Fear is a concept. Makes sense in this case.) Until this day, I still don't consume that much spiritual material like I did before - but this time it's not because of some fear. I just need to digest all the teachings, before stuffing my brain with further concepts etc. Before learning more spiritual teachings, I first want to embody what I've learnt so far to a certain degree. During the ego backlash, I really backed off from "spiritual stuff" and granted my ego some room to just let it out. Like Leo said in his video, I mindfully suffered through it - though I backed off from personal development and spirituality (counterintuitively, in retrospect, this was probably the "most spiritual thing" I could do back then). I felt like if I would've just ignored the ego backlash, consumed more spiritual material, tripped further etc. my ego would've just grown stronger and ultimately kick me off the path for good. Thus, in my mind, I said to my ego: "Alright, I'm going to let loose a bit and you can do what you want. One day, I will naturally back off from you - back off from my self. And find my Self." -> Now I am exactly at this step. From day to day, my ego loses more and more of its grip. I connect more to this mysterious thing looking out of my eyeballs. Here and there I have minor moments of "ohh now I get it, it's so not what I thought what it would be" - which grows my trust stronger in this path. Bliss, Love, Acceptance, Understanding are what increasingly conquer my days. Now my question is: If I should experience an ego backlash again, maybe more severe than ever, should I do it just like I did it last time? Should I go with all my weapons against the forces of ego? Would I just nurish the ego with more power by fighting against it rebelliously? Can I trust my gut in such moments? The only thing which I can hold on to seems to be Love. Even though during my last ego backlash the love didn't feel bliss like, even hurted me in a way, I could still love. Loving ego, even when it screams like a crazy maniac, is possible. Unconditional Love seems to be something I can always apply, even though it tears me apart. Maybe it's just another concept I cling to and it's not authentic Love. Or maybe not. Maybe Love is not always connected to positive feelings. I honestly don't know. I appreciate any advice from you guys! Thank you for reading.

@OBEler Hmm, I don't know, 5 mg seems a little... what's the opposite of excessive? Incessive? Lol. I know from my experience with shrooms that there is that awkward spot between low/medium high and 'heroic' doses - which for me is around the 5g mark - where reality starts melting away but the ego is still intact (which is always an unpleasant experience); a 7g trip, on the other hand, is pure orgasmic bliss. So when it comes to 5-Meo, I am wondering if it might not be a good idea to just skip the zone of awkwardness altogether and go straight for the jackpot, you see?

Contemplate these concepts for yourself " An enlightened being who is constantly high on bliss "is just a funny Fantasy in my opinion. It doesn't make any physical sense even. This is enlightenment. You are looking at it. It's not event that happens to your non-existing ego.

Its a rabbit hole. In hindu literature you will find many ways of meditation - kriya, dhyana, bhakti, puja, nirahara, ajapajapa, shoonya, purnattva, tyaga, tapas e.c.t. Spiritual practice is really independent and necessary by itself, because it will purify you in ways and intensity you never dreamed of. It will make you acess the meditativeness more easily to enjoy the pleasures more completely and ultimately suffer less and less. It is a very unfortunate thing calling just about anything as meditation, for example, playing an instrument or really enjoying something like a game of football e.c.t. or after some positive event in your life; yes, that can be meditative but only unonsciously, the access there is dependant on external factors. But with spiritual practice your life energies and access of the bliss will be more and more in your hands. I don't think i can give you an accurate description of how to. You have to look for somebody else for tips like searching Leos videos e.c.t.

Insights Today: 1. Accepting reality does not mean accepting devilry or delusion. It does not mean accepting 'bad', 'evil', 'corruption', 'judgement', 'hatred', etc. It means accepting the thing that causes those judgements. Accept the thing that causes those judgements, but replace the judgements with optimism, love, passion, bliss, 'being proud', etc. For example if you're socially awkward. Accepting reality does not mean accepting that you're a no hoper, or that you're bad with humans, etc. It means accepting the awkwardness that causes the judgements of being a no hoper or bad with humans. Then loving that awkwardness, being optimistic that the awkwardness can be loved by others and can lead you to living a good life (reframing the awkwardness from = lack of prosperity to = lots of prosperity) is beautiful, funny, cool, cute, and you should be proud of it. 2. Handling the macro and micro. Macro = hands off. Micro = hands on. When inventing a solution to a problem, and you're the leader of a team, give your employees the macro tasks, but be hands on and largely do the micro tasks yourself (if you're a creator like me). The micro task being the 'linchpin' or the crux of the whole idea. The important part, the gem, the oracle or the heart of the entire thing.

Exercise: Suffering I have experienced forms of suffering, such as: bad self esteem in school- was bullied a lot from middle school on, and had no friends from that time until I went to college. Then I realized homosexuality and was alienated from my dogmatic christian family. Thank god I had my mom, who also had her own awakening around the same time I did….actually she beat me to it and gave me the space for it to manifest. Thanks mom!! Suffering does not drag on continuously, thankfully there are also moments of clarity, love, completeness, and contentedness. Its interesting, I do not feel suffering in much of my life outside work, unless I'm at home thinking about work. Work brings 99% suffering, even though there are many things going on at home like termite damage in house and a depressed, possibly bipolar husband. Much energy is spent thinking about work. Home seems like a cake-walk. I meet this suffering by whining, avoiding, tantrums, covering, compartmentalizing, obsessing, hating, loving, questioning. Possibly running to an alternate form of suffering. The core of experience of my emotional pain? Fear of uncertainty. I'm scared of the unknown, every bit as scared as when I used to love it. I still love uncertainty on a great roller coaster or amazing cinematic experience. The unknown could also bring pain, and I'm obsessively scared of pain. Even seeing that pain is self inflicted, that fear remains. It exists because i believe in it. Sorry, I love beliefs. Kind of addicted to them, in a way that I don't mind identifying with them. They're beautiful. And they make a wonderful excuse for many things. Such as not letting go of them. An unnoticed suffering would be: maybe what I'm doing to my body, since I don't think long term and only about what I see right now, which is not immediate changes from how it's treated. I endure it because… its inevitable. A cultural-matrix self will inevitably suffer, like the best kind of art. Culture itself is ART. I definitely see the manifestation of suffering. It's built on the foundation of self-doubt and emptiness. Of want. Of believing thought. I get nothing out of this suffering, except perhaps the dopamine rush of bliss when the suffering ends and I feel peace once more. I become disinterested in everything except how much my life sucks in relation to what is bringing suffering. I'm very dramatic.

So you're telling us that there is no reward upon reaching the end of the tunnel, or am I misunderstanding something? Maybe you mean there's no bliss at the material level, but at some kind of meta-level there must be bliss and ecstasy to be found, right? If not, then what is it exactly that incentivizes one to move toward God and Love? Doesn't make any sense.

After a day I think the ayahuasca I had did affect me more than I expected, because my baseline was a bit lower than it was on the ayahuasca. Orientation for living a good life: Life is a play/dance/story/movie/dream. Its made of magical pixie dust (aka consciousness). Life becomes not fun when you take it too seriously, when you fear death and don't see the bigger picture: which is the entire point of life is to create for the sake of creating, because as God you love your creations and you love creating. Bliss and Love IS creating. When you fear death, and fear other stuff, you start projecting stuff that isn't fun and isn't true, such as your coworkers don't like you, you're bad at blablabla, you're evil, you're a monster, lava and certain items are poisonous and bad, etc. Its so much more beautiful to see lava as a dream, rather than to see it as something that can kill you. Compare the lava in real life vs the lava in legends of zelda. Notice that the lava in legends of zelda is 1000x more beautiful than the lava in real life? That's because the legends of zelda lava can't kill you! Notice that horror movies are so much more fun when you're conscious that they are just movies. Not real. Too much immersion = fear. Not enough immersion = cynicism, nihilism, stupid adviata vedanta traps like everything is an illusion, intellectual detachment. Get the balance right. The bigger picture of life is to create! Create beautiful, amazing awesome things. If you do that, you're in tune with God. If you don't do that, you're fucked, and FYI low self esteem, fear, devilry, self deception, etc. Is not beautiful creation. Beautiful creation is passionate creation. Creation that brings you bliss and love. Instead of life being a 3D world, its actually a language designed for God to communicate to you Truth, Love and Bliss. And God communicates to you this way due to Your love of creation. He doesn't tell you stuff directly, because by telling you stuff indirectly, he can create an epic play in the process of your waking up process.

No. In practice it's very hard to eliminate such judgments and survival habits. Survival is seriously stubborn. No, I'm rarely in a blissful state. Some days I feel shitty. It all depends. There is the spiritual ideal, and then there is your actual life. And they are very different. You have to be very careful with this goal of bliss and happiness. You're likely yo be disappointed on that front.

To give my own oppinion,maybe Jesus Christ's teachings about Adam and Eve's ancestral sin could be a answer! I am a Christian and i am biased but maybe God's will is for alive beings to experience duality! Both suffering&hardship and bliss&well being!And any kind of little bliss state must be hard earned!I don't take Christian teachings litteraly but rather as metaphors for spiritual understanding! Maybe that is God's will and that the reality we experience must be this way! Without only rainbows and butterflies!

I want to share my 5 meo experience after my breakup one week before with a long term relationship (5 year). During this week I was in very bad mood, was total depressed, watched a lot of porn, played video games and worked hard to distract me. I also did sport every day and was in a strong low carb diet. I lost 2 kg in this week. So I thought it would be interesting to give 5 meo a try. I fastet 8 hours and did 20 minutes meditation before the trip. I measured 2 cups ( 3 mg) 5 Meo hcl and used the boofing technique (https://www.reddit.com/user/WeirdOneTwoThree/comments/98o55b/guide_to_per_rectal_administration_of_opiates/ ) for optimal results (@ LeoGura, no you dont need to stick it in your ass for 1 Minutes it only needs 3 seconds). I was not afraid at all, my mood was normal after meditation. I played a song (Liquid Records), closed my eyes and the effects started immediately to kick in. A little nausea arised in beginning, then my breath got stronger. The trip went unpleasant, the music I did not enjoy at all. I had the feeling something is wrong/weired. I opened my eyes for some seconds and then in my mind comes the thought "I dont want to break reality right now, I dont want non duallity whatever that is". Strong fear kicked in and I closed my eyes again. I tried to relax, smiled. I managed the fear somehow but still very very unpleasant, my heart beat raised. I had strange headspace like everything is moving and I cannot locate where I am. 5 hours after the trip I went to sleep and a reactivation happened. I had strange trippy dreamthoughts and even if I closed my eyes it felt like everything is moving like a pile of worms. This was very unpleasant. I felt alone. In the end I could sleep well. All in all I learned a lot from the trip. This trip had no positive vibrations at all, the music I did not enjoyed really and it was more like a distraction. And it seems you need to be in good mood for 5 meo otherwise it will be unpleasant. For me this low dose 5 meo experimentation comes to an end I think. Low dose can get very serious and not something to play around. I dont know what to do next with 5 meo. It was very interesting to master the plugging technique and get a little little taste what 5 meo can offer and whats it all about. This fear and unpleasantness which arives almost every second time hinders me to go further. My first trip ( 4 mg) was the only one I experienced bliss. It never happened again during any other trip. What are your experiences with low dose 5 meo and do you have similar experiences like mine?

O @allislove you are right, low dose is breakthrough possible. I felt like I could not hold on to anything and this was scary. Like if I would go deeper I would not know where is up and down. total delocalization. I think this is what ego loss must be. @Leo Gura You are right. Pushing an experience to get bliss goes wrong. It is like forcing to love someone you dont like. It doesnt work that way. I will make a break for now with 5 meo. When I come back I will be in for a breakthrough experience. Enough of this low dose experimentation.

1) Don't trip when you are in a bad mood. 2) Don't trip for the purpose of experiencing bliss or pleasure. Those are your two mistakes.

Ignorance is bliss

@OBEler I agree with you. 5-MeO is amazing. It's the clearest psychedelic from my experience. The thing is, even on the low dose you can breakthrough, depends on you. It's essential to know how to let go. Meditation, every morning, 1 hour, attention on deep breathing teaches you that. You are the bliss.

@allislove I experienced one time bliss with low dose 5 meo. It is possible. I wish I could trigger this experience again. Any advice is welcome. 5 meo for me is a great substance, you just need 30 minutes of time. Easy to consume if plugged and no hangovers. And almost no tolerance at all. Furthermore if Nahm is right, 5 meo low dose could burn some karma if you bring stuff to the surface. i rarely do LSD because you really have 8 hours effects and I dont like this trippy feeling. 5 meo is much more clearer.

@RedLine When entering into a bliss meditative state, can you open your eyes and close them again wile maintaining the state? or move your hand or stand up and sit back down while maintaining the state? Try meditating to bliss then open eyes and work/do a task while maintaining that bliss, when the bliss fades stop and meditate back into bliss and start the task again. Its like repetition in the gym. Same concept. Eventually it will be quicker and quicker to enter into deep states and it can be maintained longer and longer, until it becomes your default state. Also think to train incrementally with small things like at first meditate to bliss then try ti stand up and sit back down and maintain it. Build up slowly.

I had the same experience when I first started experimenting with 5-meo. My trips were terrible. I was scared, anxious, it was uncomfortable, and I wanted it to stop. It gets worst before it gets better. The first time can be brutal until you break through. Once you on the other side, its pure bliss. The breakthrough actually changed my relationship with the substance. Every consecutive trip was pleasant and therapeutic regardless of the dose or the substance. 5-MeO amplifies what you feel inside. If you're new to psychedelics, you will have internal baggage and bad karma that will get burned. I went through total hell on my first trips. Its just how the substance works, there's no free lunch here. Yet it's the best thing I've ever done. Living a higher consciousness lifestyle and being inturned with spirituality will reduce the negative side effects for sure. Leo was pretty developed when he first did 5-meo, hence it wasn't as bad for him. But form personal experience, and the majority of reports I've read, the first attempts usually go bad. I recommend you spend a few months getting over your ex, then get your life together by quitting video games and porn. Then go back to 5-meo and commit to 10 trips with increments in dosage.

@nistake This trip was not to avoid negative feelings but to learn more about this substance. A I said I mostly get no bliss from 5 meo low dose. The real purpose was to experiment with music during the trip ( I never did this before) and how it affects me. Also I was interested how the breakup affects the 5 meo trip. I have better tools to avoid negative feelings (sport, video games, porn), I clearly had no expectation what this trip will offer me, I was just curious. And this was not a bad trip at all. It was very unpleasant, yes. Still I have no regrets and am happy right now I did overcome this challenge.

My main mistake here is that I do not trust the external force, does not seem like it is bliss to me, would be fair to say unknown.... Not new to me, been there, down that Surrender is my prayer I only want what is best for me, even though I do not see the bigger picture yet. Peace can be established immediately. yes, otherwise the slap on the face hurts a lot.

@Galyna pain is such a crazy thing...i became real intimate with how it works while on a shroom trip last year. It became nonexistent How dare we walk the infinite path, moving up the ladder of awareness, spiraling higher and higher into utter bliss The deeper we feel the greater we love, it's like a gift and a curse relatively speaKING I want to escape myself, but then when i cannot, i will be forced to escape the need to escape....surrender sounds better than escape, sometimes surrender has to look like an absurd irrational action... We are living the test and the only way to "pass" is to not give a fuck

August 20, 2020 Today I finally did it. I started the life purpose course. I think I will be fine typing on this, but I do not need to hold it very high. If it is like chessable, it turns into a time sink if I am not really helping myself. I will need to contemplate this activity I am doing right now to determine how helpful it is. Maybe it is helpful because it constantly reminds me of personal development and self actualization. I also managed to finish giving away all of my rubies. The people in the site seem very happy with my decision and they support my search for my life purpose. I wish them good luck in continuing chess and learning. Chess bothers me a little in that it is very narrow for a life purpose, and therefore can't be the middle. I also realize that it reinforced my identity as the mind which might be cool to transcend. Sometimes I blow myself away with what I write even though it is not a common way of thinking. I did more meditation on my day off in the backyard. I am happy for only working part time because it lets me work on all of this stuff. The life purpose course might help me find a better job which is why my intuition tells me that I should get a car because it probably will not be within walking distance. I live with my grandma still, but this is temporary as is my dependence on people driving me around. I noticed that it is easy for me to focus on things that I am interested in. When I am not interested I do not focus or listen. This is my greatest strength and weakness because I can seriously commit to a goal and master it if I truly want to. I become mediocre in things I don't care about and I just don't do As well. I need to make sure this does not hurt me in key situations while capitalizing on one of my greatest strength. I also noticed that I automatically started thinking more positive thoughts. I did not force myself to. I just put my awareness on how the negative thoughts drain me and are counter productive. I had some very unusual things written in self reflection given how I typically think. I don't want to get sucked into the vortex and downward spiral. Politics bubbled up again and the thing that bothers me about it is that it is riddled with competing ideologies. I would like to subordinate the least productive thoughts to my life purpose. Maybe I will pick it up again later when I'm done aligning myself with my life purpose. Maybe I will stay away from politics because I feel dirty when promoting an ideology as if it is true. FInally, I the minor annoyances of walking with audio books started to discourage me. I am not as focused on them especially when they get complicated. Instead I go to the park to work out a little and meditate at home. If I am not meditating, working out, studying the course, or taking a break with music, then I will listen to audio books. The ones I like most are the books which point to the true nature of being. It makes me cry, but now I am happy. I can use audio books to diversify the spiritual teachings. So far it is working well for me and I am listening to Eckhart Tolle. He is pretty good so far. Continue to follow your heart and you will find bliss. Also don't fear the fluctuations, they are all temporary because of what you do in your spare time.

There are similarities but depersonalization is a loss of a sense of self. Enlightenment is becoming directly conscious that you are not a self (ego death) but that instead you are (via being) the Self/Infinity/God/Love/Consciousness. The similarity comes in because awakening can have that feeling of no sense of self too, which can lead to nasty ego backlash on the return - but during awakening it is accompanied by immense bliss, unlike raw depersonalization.

Guys, as you know enligthenment is no joke nor an easy task. So, I would like to know from your personal experiences how have you dealed with this dilemma in the past. This also goes to any enlightened being in the forum who sees this. My dilemma is the following. Is it better to get your shit together in your life and then go full enligthenment or get enlightened & dont suffer but be a misery in the game while it lasts. I have tried becoming enlightened in the past and have been close to it, dedicating from 1 to almost 2 years of really nothing else but theorical spirituality, psychology and insane meditation. No social life, no focus on money, no girls, not caring much about my career, job etc. Then I got tired (my ego dragged me down again) because, yes i was feeling amazing and had peace, stillness, clarity, bliss etc. But, this created alot of external drama. My family thought I was going crazy. I almost got kicked on my job. I almost quitted college. I broke up with my last gf. And no, I wasnt affected at all. I was willing to die physically with no problem whatsoever. The thing is, after that I realized like whats the hurry? Too much speed is from the devil. Maybe even in enligthenment... But, is like, after seeing God I dont want to waste such opportunity and time. But at the same time I would like to have my shit together. Like, what if after enligthenment I become a homeless and I could have prevented that by learning how to trade and build some business that I can still run after liberation. From what I have seen from most enlightened people, they continue doing what they did in the past, unless they just become teachers. But, only because they learned that skill in the past. And they do it now as an art form. But if you get enlightened with no skill, you will have no interest in learning it. Which is the case with most sages in India living on the streets. Its like every year passing by without total liberation is hurting me because it could be a golden year from my youth to explode and explore. Or am I just exagerating? And now with so many business and investements opportunities but also so many gurus talking about the apocalypse... Its a dilemma on which to make the best investement and dont regret. Maybe this is also happening to someone else here. What do you guys think?