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Hello, I want a God-Awakening. Something is building up in my consciousness right now, I believe that I am close to an awakening, and I am looking for self inquiry methods specific for God. I would like to access "Access concentration" everytime before I do self inquiry. So I'd love to use a method that can be used while being in that deep state of concentration. Somehow I never got the awakening I wanted. The nothingness came because of a trauma, when I tried to focus on the nothingness I got the infinite consciousness and spent days without ego, and when I tried to meditate on inf. Consciousness I had a spontaneous kundalini awakening. Now unfortunately I cannot get those awakenings to come up regularly again, and would like to realize I am god. What can I do during meditation to find HIM. I am going to do that for 30 days and see what happens. I can't use psychedelics, because those might shoot me in the dark night of the soul again. I'm going to keep you posted.

@cetus @cetus My sense if self is very subtle, but I get your point. @Breakingthewall On multiple occasions, I also wasn't really fully emerged into it either. God is such a big word, nothingness and infinite consciousness might be 2 aspects of God, but not the full picture (I hope). I want to be speechless after the God awakening.

Creativity that comes from what? I saw that my substance is the nothingness, so I'm nothing, you are nothing, but you are concious that you are nothing...how?

It does not come from anywhere, it is nothingness appearing as that. When we talk about the experience of the dream we need to tell stories, because the dream is not actually happening. This appearance, this exact appearance (but not exclusively this appearance) is nothingness. It is not nothingness becoming the appearance, that would create a distance between the appearance and nothingness. It is just fresh, totally unique, never recyclable pure creativity. This can not be recognized by the dreamer though, because in the dream this is known as something tangible and real. The dream is pure creativity appearing as boring known dead stuff, the dreamer is boundlessness appearing bound.

I saw that in my non ego experience, the infinite void. But it's a problem with your thesis: the illusion is not "nothing", is something. Even a thought or a dream are something...so, from where the dream that we are comes? From the nothingness? So the nothingness is dreaming...a nothingness do nothing...the birth of the "I" is destined for disaster you said...so the I has birth. From the nothingness. Like the thoughts. They came from the nothingness.

But you said in your first post that you focused in the nothingness and you got the infinite consciousness.

@Breakingthewall Ego death mostly in the evening while eating. Only nothingness, I was told that this is basically God, but I don't think that was everything there is to it. Apparently during the God realisation you can only utter the word God. It just stopped happening after 6 months. No treatment, nothing.

So you had ego death, you got immersed in the nothingness but only that, nothingness...how finished that process? Ego death every day? In what circumstances?

I tried with a trip sitter but I didn't feel relaxed, and I haven't the breakthrough...I guess that increasing the dose at the end happens. At the end I did alone smoking 5 mg, and thinking, let's enjoy of the effect of 5 mg, after another 5, and I thought...it's almost, let's stop and another day I'll do...but at the end I thought another day is never, and I was like high with the other 10 so I smoked another 5 and I had that breakthrough that you read. It was the first ego death in my life and as I experienced only the nothingness I got like horror feeling at the end, when the "I" started to come back. I'm sure that for many people that nothingness could be really beautiful. Now I think I'm going to go to that nothingness until I love the nothingness, I'm not looking for god experience for now, if comes, cames, I want experience that nothingness that scared me until I love it. Good luck with your trip! I recommend you to do, even it's a bad trip it's a huge teaching

@Breakingthewall I felt the presence of the infinite consciousness and smoked a blunt to "come down". It resulted in a spike in prana in my whole body, started and i paniked for hours. The next 6 months i had involuntary ego deaths everyday. Ego deaths were existential torture. Those 6 months were my dark night of the soul. Also called DP/DR After every ego death came the classic nothingness (as explained by shinzen young).

What is the dark night of the soul? What trauma brought you the nothingness? Could you explain?

@gswva Nope, you got it slightly mixed up Nothingness is the ONLY thing that exists, it's the only possible thing. Non-existence can't exist (by definition). Consciousness exists as the only thing that exists, because it IS everything. Don't just build a theoretical philosophy out of these kind of statements (or out of anything that you hear from Leo or anyone else) it's not in the least bit useful.

@PopoyeSailor This is an awesome summary. Thank you for sharing so many ideas. Seeking truth seems to be an awkward inquiry. If all is love, then abstractly thinking about it is obviously a distasteful approach, but in other hand if this is a permanent fall, then a conscious choice is appreciated. It could be impossible to share how unrestricted awareness feels about itself, since the liberation of our own selfish biases leads to the lack of desire, including the will of sharing this information within ourselves, at least if we assume that consciousness can't be anything else but totally accepting. We can predict that if God were unsatisfied, that there are issues inherent to its own existence, it would reject itself or not become conscious in the first place, but this isn't guaranteed to be possible since this undermine one of the only truth we have right now, that "it" "is". We usually assume "being love" as the only source of happiness, but it could be confused with the very act of breaking through fears, which would be its own reward. Nothingness could lack such feelings. As in, being a completely blank indifferent creator and not feeling anything from it. We can't even know what's the most transcendent intention of kindness between selfishness and selflessness, since both "feel good" in their own way. Well, I'm not trying to shape random conspiracy theories against spirituality, but I just want to be exhaustive. Enlightened people can't prove anything to sleepy dreamers beside saying that this is obviously nonsense. That's said, it's likely that awakening is permanent for the same reason this fearless "state" is where happiness is maximized for the Self. Yes, in a sense we can say that there is no such thing as an universe being imagined right now. Our own desire for a dream within a set of consistent rules creates this projection. We usually like stability and the lack of logical contradictions since it reinforces the idea that our fated escape is leading somewhere, Brahman has no other choice than accepting it. Interesting analogy. Some understandings about the structure of life are useful if we want to know what's best between endless dreams or infinite nothingness. While it's hard to make an accurate sampling of all dreams, and even harder to measure their "awesomeness" since it would be estimated within the lens of our survival biases, it's possible than most of them end after some threshold of love/fear is reached, such as the experience can not be too good or too bad without melting back into Oneness. Yet it doesn't make sense because it would imply the existence of some mathematical distribution beyond the scope of logic, and that the knowledge gap of karmas racing against their own self-entanglement isn't uniform, which is impossible to say. Then it doesn't explain how it is possible for us to understand anything, or how lucky we have to be in order to even understand this. Avoiding waking up might as well be a completely foolish idea or a genius take, I'm not sure of anything. Personally, I will probably be pursuing enlightenment since there is no telling how incredible it is to be in a dream where fear can be recognized as the tearing fault. More convoluted incarnations will only feel hopeless and useless as long as the maximum amount of kindness isn't squeezed out of them. Dreams are only beautiful thanks to the benediction of Love. But then it could be a funny (or horrible) idea to keep accumulating fear in order to make better fireworks. Some speculative reasons for the apparition of jivas: - Part of the birth process of God, which is infinite, therefore this process is endless - Process inherent to the creation of the highest love, required to reach other deeply buried jivas themselves - Divisible bits of awareness trying to escape or falling out of sync, because Oneness is hell and all lies, or whatever unknown reason - In the opposite way, overflow of love are looping back into dreams - Or I'm just alone with extreme schizophrenia I've always found the way consciousness store information really intriguing. Intuitively, I have initially thought that all form that is, is all that is aware. But some people report experiencing the void/emptiness in their trip and coming back from it to their previous human dream. I doubt the relationship between love/fear, form and awareness can be too complicated. One simple explanation is that since God is infinite, it doesn't need to store anything because it already stores everything, including the most nonsensical conscious states. But then it doesn't explain how everything was created at once, through a selective process. I have overlooked the simplicity of God's design. You are right. Since the mechanism of incarnation itself is within a dream, all possible models we can make about it are theoretically possible. I made a another schema based on that without superfluous content.

Nothingness, as formless awareness, is impossible, therefore it doesn't exist. Consciousness can not not be because it never existed in the first place. It all makes sense now.

Beautiful and probably true...for now for me is enough to know that god isn't a prisoner in an eternal jail of loneliness, nothingness and desperation...was not a nice image, but was me, the ego, trembling in front of the eternity...thanks to god wasn't god. Thanks you all for the help, I was really desperate hehe

Of course - in a sense - God has a plan for everyone (everyone is Him/Her), cos God is all-knowing, omnipotent. But the metaplan is just God/Nothingness/Love itself. So void of ground, it is infinite. The ground of being is groundlessness.

@Dazgwny @WaveInTheOcean the problem wasn't the terror. The problem was that , if no one tell me the opposite and I believe, after the experience I absolutely thought that I saw the deep reality, and it was: I'm an human, deeply I'm like a being, and this being is in the infinite nothingness for the eternity, alone. I'm sure that I didn't surrender to the nothingness, because it's a repulse. But when I was there looks like pure nothingness, no thought, empty. Now I'm starting to remember that the nothingness wasn't "good" or "bad" I was dissolved and was nothing. But after a while I started to feel again who I am and I thought: nooooo, all except this! And after I was in my room again. It was a huge teaching, today I was meditating and my meditation was easier and more silently than ever, my breath remembered me to the void. So not so bad at the end, my ego is strong, I know that, I need control , the opposite of the dissolution. But this ego is going to surrender, maybe soon maybe late

Language is a consensus. Each word is a label/symbol. In order for language to work, we must first agree on what aspects of our direct experience we are going to apply a particulat label or not. The label/symbol itself is greatly arbitrary. A cat doesn't look like the word "cat". It's just something we agree upon because it's useful. This consensus is imperfect for two reasons: - Many objects are going to share the same label (all the "cats" in the world, we call them like that). - And more importantly, there will be disagreements on wether some things diserve that label or not (which is why in this forum people discuss things like if we should say reality is everythingness/nothingness/both/whatever). Because of this two factors, we cannot convey absolute truth (direct experience) using language. When we use language, if we both agree that it corresponds with our direct experience we will say it's a true. But a third person may not agree with our use of labels and consider it false, this happens because it dependends on our prior consensus, which is imperfect. Therefore, a statement being true/false is relative. These disagreements happen all the time in everyday life, so it's not about being "overly-techincal". What counts as "cheating in a relationship" for example, is not the same for everyone. . For some a kiss will be chating, and for some only sex will be cheating. People use labels differently This happens because what we are transmitting is not our direct experience. I hope this helps .

The ego has yet to surrender to Love and its own unreality. Takes time, takes more consciousness work. It's a sneaky trick of the ego. It senses its obliberation, and pulls up a last resort trick: "perhaps everything is false/nothing/unreal: but <I> must be true, I exist, me me me! And see what you have done to me by engaging in psychedelics and spirituality and seeing everything is unreal (except me ofc!): I've become depressed by it, stop, stop!" You were just as much God during the peak of 5-MeO as you are now. You're never not God. Only God is! 5-meo "merely" expanded your consciousness as God. "Its what I experienced. only was the nothingness, and me. I'm the only being that exist, alone, in the nothingness" What do you mean when you say "I experienced" : can you show me this "I" ? You say you were the only being existing, alone, but where is this 'being' you speak of? What is it made of? You cannot have 'up' without 'down' -- can you have "me" or "I" or "self" without "other" ? Contemplate.

If isness is only nothing, then you're right. No words can ever describe nothing (except the word nothing ). But luckily isness is everything too, therefore the distinctions are true and included in isness. So you have nothing and you have everything as two different things, yet at the same time only one thing. This paradox allows for both correct and incorrect interpretations. Someone may be identified only with nothing and then deny the everythingness of reality, and someone else may do the opposite and identify only with everything and then deny nothingness. Wouldn't you say that that would be a misinterpretation of isness? And that the only true interpretation has to be that nothing = everything, necessarily?

I may have misinterpreted on that one. For me, this gets super tricky. If there is a truth prior to language, evidence or interpretation - how can my mind conceive of it without language, evidence or interpretation. The best we could do is say “It’s just ISness”. Yet what it the substance of that ISness and how can we describe it without language, evidence or interpretation. Imagine you have lost all of your senses and cannot imagine. You are in a space of aware Nothingness - not even a thought or image. What ISness is here? Thinking “this is an empty space of Nothing” is something - it’s a thought. What is objective and universal in this environment? Objective relative to what? I’m not necessarily disagreeing that you are describing a truth and an important truth - especially in today’s society with so many people creating their own narratives of their relative truth. Yet I wouldn’t term it “absolute truth”. And what is the point of reference of this thing you call an “apple”? Is it not a diffuse cloud of atoms indistinguishable from the “tree”? What is the objective, universal truth of what you call an “apple”? This is why I included the term “external”. You seem to be suggesting that there is an innate truth “out there”, independent of an internal perceiver.

Its what I experienced. only was the nothingness, and me. I'm the only being that exist, alone, in the nothingness, in the eternity of the no time. I didn't see any imagination, only the nothingness, the absolute lonely. When I hadp pass to this world again, I felt: it's horrible, I'm god , and god is alone and can't escape of being god. Could god be like "desperate" or anything negative? Could god be triying to forget that is god and is alone in the nothingness? There was no love there, only nothingness, eternity. That's why my experience was so bad. I was god, and I don't want to be conscious that I'm god, because I'm alone in the nothingness. Wasn't love, only void. Now I don't feel good, I'm trying to accept the nothingness, to live again that void, but something inside me impulse me to do things, to meet people, to drink, to stay far of the void, difficult to sleep well or being alone. Well only was 2 nights ago. But now I remember clearly the void. Wasn't horrible by itself. The horrible was just when I pass to here. I felt oh no, I'm prisoner of myself, no escape for the eternity. Maybe I'm creating that illusion to forget that horror

I feel like I reached a plateau in my meditation practise. My thoughts subside rather quickly and then nothing (with lower case n). My awareness is clear and vivid and I'm observing the nothingness. When a thought appears, I quickly spot it and I can let it go. Then, the nothingness continues. It's not blissful and it's not the peaceful stillness either that you can read about in books. It's just pure blank. If I ask myself the typical self-inquiry questions (who am I?, who's aware? etc), nothing changes, I can't seem to go deeper. I do know that meditation is not about expecting something to happen and there's nothing to achieve and yet, it seems there's a part of me deep inside that's still waiting for something to happen. I'm honestly not sure what's going on. Is this just a phase? Have you experienced anything similar during your practise? Any ideas?

Your distinction between 'being in a state nothingness' and 'being in a state of dreaming' is that: an imaginary distinction, your ego is making; trying to grasp something that it cannot grasp. Nothingness and life/dream/Maya IS completely identical. No difference at all. What you are experiencing right now is nothingness. It's absolutely nothing other than your own imagination as God. Sure, we can talk about states of being stuck in dreamland, and states of being aware 'of what's going on' , but even the state of being 'aware of what's going on' (nothing, imagination, God, Love) is actually just a state of complete and utter amazement, cos it cannot be understood within any thoughts what-so-ever. We can only talk ABOUT the truth with words. We can never GET to the truth with words/thoughts. The truth IS ALWAYS THE CASE. It is not a state. It is what is. What stories you then create inside this 'is-ness' (your mind as God) is exactly that: stories, perspectives, narratives. This is the job of the separate self: to understand its own place in this world. Enlightenment is seeing that all 'trying to understand' is completetly and utterly futile. Reality is seen to be an utterly complete mystery, always out of reach for the separated logical mind. To be enlightened is to give in. To let go. To stop trying. To surrender oneself to the truth is to pour so much love into the ego that it explodes and surrenders to the mystery of existence.

My thought. My awareness. I’m observing. I spot. I let. The nothingness. It’s not. It’s not. It’s just. I ask myself. I can’t. I do know. A part of me waiting for something. The devil’s in the detail. Maybe meditation just isn’t for you.