Search the Community

@Leo Gura don't pull out prematurely Leo... nobody really knows what's going to happen we just pretend like we do. That's the mystery that's the Wonder... looking at the world again with childlike eyes and splendor. Maybe your next adventure will be a radical shift... but nothing has to end, maybe you will move to somewhere new, start something different, change up your videos, maybe if the search is given up the answer will appear.( "when the student is ready the master appears") Nothing ever promised us this crazy ball and chain trip was going to be perfect peace and Bliss... love hate fear suffering anger boredom happiness joy anguish sorrow fulfillment. It's all IT...it's all WHATS HAPPENING!! Creativity is like God's porn and you've got way too much of it to be pullin out prematurely. Maybe take it easy on the seeking and start basking in the Indescribable mystery of what's already here... it's f****** incredible... I'm only 5 hours away from Vegas don't make me drive over there and give you a bear hug from the US Navy. ? We love you way too much brother!! thanks for everything seriously. ❤

Things that I don't like doing: exercise, studying, diet adjustment, consciousness work Things I do like: getting built as fuck, getting smart/wise as fuck, looking good as fuck and I dunno...I guess I don't mind entering a state of super-knowledge and transcendental perpetual bliss with actual eternal life lol. I like that. ?

When you wake up from a dream you feel relief and are shaking off confusion. Awakening is clarity so powerful you'll laugh and cry hysterically in bliss. Maybe the relief (joy) is as a powerful as the strength of the confusion (suffering) that is seen through.

Thanks! 10 minutes per day has been wonderful for me thus far and I have more or less wanted to keep it simple, create consistency and routine, and generate momentum. I started meditating many years ago but have always given up on it after a month or so. I have a few other questions for you. What type of meditation(s) do you practice? How long have you been meditating? Do you meditate for one hour in one sitting? Or do you break it up into a few sessions throughout the day? Do you meditate daily without exception, or do you ever miss a day? Do you find you lose something by missing a day? Do you meditate by yourself, or do you go on retreats and/or attend a meditation group? Do you use a chair to meditate or do you sit on the floor using a meditation cushion? Do you use the gyan mudra technique or hand in palm zen style? Do you focus on your breath and your third eye? Or just one or the other? For me, I close my eyes completely whilst sitting on my meditation cushion with an erect spine. I press my thumb to my forefinger gyan mudra style. Gyan mudra feels more natural and comfortable to me than hand in palm. When my eyes are shut I slowly breathe in and out through my nose allowing my thoughts to pass over me like clouds in the sky. If my monkey mind wanders, which it often does, I return to my breath without judgment and also focus on my third eye. I feel moments of euphoric bliss and connection when I am really tuned into my breath. Does this sound right to you? Am I doing anything wrong? Is there a name for my meditation style? I think it's Vipassana but I don't really know. Thank you I've never heard of your practices before. Feel free to answer the questions I've asked above if you're so inclined to. I'm interested in your responses. Thank you for your insights and personal experience. I attended a meditation group many moons ago and meditated for an hour or two before, but it's been ages since I've done so. The zen master really just threw me into it at the time - maybe it's because he understands the benefits 1-hour meditations bring forth? We also did walking meditations together which was interesting. I'm thinking that for now, I want to work up to an hour as that seems really long for me and I struggle with consistency. I'm thinking that keeping it simple for now is my best bet. Feel free to answer my aforementioned questions above if you feel inclined.

@Potential of course you must take the advise offered by the above people follow the mastery mindset have a vision follow your purpose or do whatever you find happiness/bliss/joy/flow/passion in. For emotions I suggest you welcome every emotion and observe it allowing and being aware of emotions is a very powerful way to deal with emotions. Also journalling is a very effective way in the long run.. consider making a common place journal it's super powerful I wish I new about this in school... Try setting your mood to feel bettwr this is a underestimated technique I hear no one talking about, I read this in the book the magic of thinking big where the author says that your mind is a thought producing machine and one though leads to another so if that is the case why don't we set good thoughts in our mind first thing in the morning the rest can be a domino effect. I encourage you to try out these techniques as even one thing you follow can change your life for the better.

@bejapuskas Alright, for example on one of my most profound experiences with psilocybin mushrooms I went into the trip feeling that I had fully let go of my personal desires and would let the substance take over. However early on in the trip as my conscious awareness began to leave this physical realm I was still holding onto the desire for knowledge, the desire to understand, the desire to get something from the experience and bring it back with me. I had so many questions. The psilocybin however quickly taught me how to let go fully by summoning hundreds of demons around me that ripped me apart and ate me piece by piece in the psychedelic realm. It was terrifying to say the least. But quite quickly I accepted that there was nothing that I could do and that I was going to die, and I was ok with that. As soon as this happened the demons were transformed into a sea of infinite bliss. Later in that same trip I visited an infinite library of love and light containing all of the knowledge in the multiverse known as the Akashic Records. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced and I will remember that experience for the rest of my life. So to sum it up I was taught how to truly let go and my appreciation for knowledge was met in this trip; I would have never been able to experience the Akashic Records if I did not give up my grasping desire for knowledge. After this psychedelic experience my life was changed forever.

Nothing wrong with it. The ego can turn against itself, and that is where it becomes a problem to itself. Total ignorance is bliss, to a degree. Being aware of something beyond the ego can be a nightmare for the individual. Suddenly you're resisting the egoic energy, which creates more. You're now in your own trap, your own loop, trying to get out fuels it, trying to let it be fuels it (because it is a subtle way of trying to get out). There is nothing you can do, it's just happening for no one. Realise that and it will run its course and not stick.

Consciousness is of course you, and infinite. What is infinite can not lose nor gain. You, consciousness, is the experience of this, but also is fooled by the experience. When you believe consciousness, awareness, is something other than you, it seems there are levels of “it” in relation to ‘you’.. Precisely as there are not-two, you are not actually experiencing high & low awareness. Intelligence in the body is experienced (ah ha’s), then the claiming of it occurs again, via the fore mentioned dualistic belief. Consciousness creates (is) experience, of itself, by itself, for itself, and thus veils itself with it self, as the activity of thinking. “Super self conscious” would be no mind, samadhi, rather than self referential thinking. Consider self=consciousness, rather than a separate self who is “self conscious”. Those are only thoughts. You are not-two. The thought activity, as well as the activities you’re doing willfully (but claiming are low conscious) are intentionally veiling yourself, from feeling & knowing the love & truth you actually are. It can’t be said to be a “problem”, as it’s what you’re choosing. As you said, this has already been seen. That bucket is not holding water. You’re just trying to hang on to insights. Log them in an electronic journal of some sort, remain empty. The flow of insights will resume, and due to the feeling of it, you will experienced the miracle, the rockin of the path, and will have no inclinations to personify ego, consciousness, insights, awareness, etc. Presence is simply being without voluntary thinking, on behalf of the indirectly created ‘separate self’. This is precisely what is desired. It is desire “itself”, ever-known. Express, rather than conceptualize. Any expressive interest or activity will do. You can not forget on purpose. You can let thinking go. Memory is just sexier, more enticing thinking. It adds to the experience. Give’s it depth, and kind of an added ‘bonus’ game imo. There’s no being less or being more. There is being you as you are, or ruminating in self referential thought to suppress the body & mind from releasing, and love, passion, understanding & compassion arising. Welcome the full experience of feeling. Explore every square millimeter of it. There are some clever twists and turns, such as the lasting joy lying prior to sadness & sorrow, and bliss lying prior to anger. (You had to make it somehow or this experience would be lame). Express and release, all you want is truly within, not without... you be like this, effortlessly ruling your galaxy all day long. You’re believing oil & water mix there, with the desire & fear. They won’t, which is exactly what you are experiencing & discovering. You’re creating fear, so you can’t possibly integrate it. I would contemplate what “integrate” actually means to you. What “second thing” do you figure you’re integrating? Where exactly are you believing fear is coming from? If you’re going to believe in believing, at least make it love, or empowerment. I’d let go so the real deal can fill ya up. Just an opinion though. You might find there is but one source, and it neither contains nor offers, fear. Trust in yourself, only, believe in yourself, only. The sounds point, the entity is you. There is a paradigm of trust at play, veiling what you are wishing would arise & transpire. You’re making up the idea consciousness is coming from someone which you are making up, and you’re believing your own story. I’d so no biggie, but you are suffering and not seeing how you’re creating, and I’m convinced you’re interested in seeing how. (Just reminding you, as again, you said you experience pure consciousness, you, already) Fine line between helping you see that, and more “levels” and an “education” needed so you can reach yourself, which you already of course, and actually know you are. In this way, by your own choice, you are literally creating the very “frustrating exhales”, the veiling, you desire to be without. Creating the very resistance that simply does not resonate. You might be “hypnotized” as you say, and on the rollercoaster, but you indeed are creating & choosing it. There isn’t, and it doesn’t. That “it” does, is a thought. Solidity never happens. It’s you appearing to yourself as yourself. You & I and every other, experience one single thought at a time by design. There is not a “huge schematic of thoughts”, that is a thought. Believing it, or not. To avoid feeling, you’re creating outrageous models of what thought is, which has led you to create the belief the feeling is separate. It is not. What lies ahead is not known, but is you - not knowing, so it doesn’t matter ultimately...just appears to. Drop notions like “hardened thoughts” asap. That’s one thought, about “hardened thoughts”. That trunk is connected. So connected in fact, there are, not-two. Knowledge is not overridden, it is overriding, but you are choose it to. Let it go. It is never coming. Ever. Nor is anyone else ever coming, who could give it to you. Enjoy the hide and seek, until you don’t anymore, then start doing the inspecting, so you understand what’s going on here (‘in’ direct experience) Just start. Write out the absolute smallest step you could do each day. Seeing it linearly like that changes everything. What once appeared big, challenging, and difficult...is revealed to be within your control, enjoyable, and even effortless. A dreamboard is a hell of a way to experince yourself. TLDR: Put “progress” as a higher priority than enjoying this moment, and life will not make sense.

@lostmedstudent Positive and negative visualization can go very deep and can be very powerful when used consistently. Before I started using psychedelics for my development this was my most used tool for shadow work. Essentially I treat it as a meditation, usually between 30 minutes to an hour. The primary difference is that I choose a theme of myself to explore. For example if I had a fear regarding something whatever it may be I would visualize the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen in relation to that fear happening. I would basically visualize the absolute darkest and lowest point I could regarding that fear and just sit there with all of the images that the mind brings up. If you go deep enough this can be terrifying. However I will then switch to positive visualization in relation to the particular fear. I will visualize the most beautiful, liberating and loving things I possibly can about whatever it is i'm focusing on. If you go deep enough you can come to intense bliss. As I reach the absolute most beautiful, and heavenly visualizations I possibly can in relation to overcoming and working through that fear I just sit there with it. I will sit there in both the positive and negative states until I feel I am ready to switch. I do this process of cycling between positive and negative until I am completely ok with whatever comes up. I do it until the images of heaven and hell no longer move me. And once i'm ok with everything that arises then I bring the visualization to a close. It took me a while to get used to it but it has helped me to clear up a lot of my shadows. Regarding psychedelics, I have "died", (had the experience of ego death) a few times in deep psychedelic trips and I just want to let you know that those experiences are only scary if you hold on to something. If you truly let go and are ok with being totally annihilated you'll instantly be plunged into a sea of bliss and infinite beauty. You will feel freedom and awe beyond words. That is how my deeper trips have been. This may sound crazy but these substances and the experiences they produce have a kind of "intelligence" to them. They will look out for you if you respect them. If you take them with the purpose of inner development they will know that, and they will show you exactly what you need for your highest growth and development in life. As long as you let go and know that it is all always ok, you will be fine.

It is real and unreal. There is only freedom. This is it, whatever is is it. The feeling that this isn't it, is it. If there is a story that awakening is some grand event, a prolonged state of bliss, that is just a story. There is no where to go, this is complete. You didn't glimpse that there was nobody here, a glimpse happened for no one. This is not a state or experience, it is this, ordinary but extraordinary for no one. You are looking for an experience, a different this, you cant find this because it is already. You are in your own way, and you'll always be.

@The observer How do you distinguish awakening from enlightenment then? Like i've had an awakening where i realized i'm god, and i felt just insights being downloaded to me, with bliss coursing through me. But i still felt like a person, and i wouldn't consider that my death but i'm not sure. Is the death of death ego death? If so, what IS ego death?

@zeroISinfinity Okay haha. My third eye is cracking and popping like crazy. I remember during my awakening where i got the waves of bliss it popped fully open. You think just sitting and being with these sensations in between my eyes overtime this will lead to enlightenment? I'm not sure what practices to do now, like i do meditate again for like 30 minutes to an hour but i don't know if i'm close to actual awakening again. Kinda getting bored tbh. I feel like i'm in limbo, like i'm so close to actual enlightenment where i feel it, but at same time i am disconnected right now.

I nominate all meditators in this forum who are currently in self isolation - to meditate 3 hours a day for the next 21 days... Document the process & publish a video titled... "I meditated 3 hours straight for 21 days, this is what happened! " I am currently on day 2 of 21 and attempting to complete at least one 3 hour strong determination Vipassana Sit per day. Lets create a wave of bliss...

Just be careful sounds like you might have lots of shadow work my friend. I always say that trips like LSD are dangerous for people with lots of shadow work and not good self control because if you get yourself into a bad trip you'll be there for 12 hours... LSD makes me just feel fuckin crazy for 12 hours. But you might resonate with it. I personally prefer shorter and slightly more powerful trips like DMT, although 5meo plugged is where it's at. Regular DMT is extremely visual and quite intense. I actually prefer microdose of DMT now, after a long sit. And just sip on the pipe for an hour or so. If you keep having bad trips you can either use mdma to steer the trip in a positive direction (MD goes well with a lot of psycs, but watch out MD is notoriously impure and mixed with shit) or you can look into getting some trip killers. Look up "trip killers". Leo says he finds shrooms hard to handle, as do a lot of other people. It really depends on you and your mind. I've only did shrooms twice and both at low doses. Also, it's not legal at all, and I'm not allowed to source, but you can get 5meo on empire market on the darknet. Online black market. It really works but you need to know what your doing a little. Educate yourself on how to use it, it's an extremely powerful tool, and it's not as dangerous as you might think. But there are obviously some dangers and things that you can make small mistakes with...but I've had nothing but positive experiences with the darknet. It's my friend ? I'll be ordering a gram or 5meo for £200 in the next week or two hopefully, domestic shipping is best. This is by far the most powerful avenue I have. And 5meo is the best. For me, it's the least scary compound. I always experience god-bliss on it. The self knowledge is incredible while on it...it's the perfect chemical. Ticks all the right boxes for me. I prefer it over ever drug (psychedelic and non-psychedelic) <3

Once consciousness raises to a certain level, different ways of perceiving the world becomes accessible at ease. Different ways of perceiving the world leads to bending the rules of the world in ways that it cannot through a traditional materialistic view. This is what I generally see as the occult. You could say its engineering on another dimension. I haven't looked, as its not generally an interest to me, even if it does exist and leads to many possibilities. But there is undeniable suffering in the world at large from the survival of the human race. And with no particular moral intent, I wish to reduce that suffering as much as possible by bending the rules of reality to allow me to survive on less food, and cause less suffering. I have a strong urge to use as little, if any of this earth. I want to consume way less, food, natural resources for tools and equipment, house materials, etc. Its not really a logical or preemptive thing, its just a desire or something I'm drawn to doing. I've just heard of certain yogic techniques for living off very little food, for sleeping less, and for surviving in very cold climates by using kundalini energy to produce temperature to make the body survive, rather than consuming from the earth and making blankets and stuff. I don't know why, and I know it must sound very stupid and strange, but the idea of consuming less, having barely any possessions, and bring all survival back to the body (through the occult) sounds very beautiful to me. Maybe a way to describe it, is karma. All possessions and indulgence has a karma to it. Nothing wrong with that, but it does, and by exiling those possessions and indulgence from your life, you are purifying yourself from karma. If you view karma as a mental or intellectual construction and limitation, you can see how relying on blankets adds karma. The subconscious, hidden fear of the blanket being taken away from you is always there, adding suffering. You need the blanket to survive, and as survival is a source of suffering, the blanket adds suffering. The blanket also reinforces the sense of being a human. To be a human means to need a blanket to survive, otherwise you freeze to death. But see this is not your true nature, and there is no need to limit yourself in this way. You are not a human, and you can use the occult to warm yourself up in a superhuman fashion. You can see how all materialistic possessions add this karma. Houses are more than your shelter, the fact that you need a house defines who you are, and adds karma to your life. The fear you get of losing your house is because your house isn't simply some objective thing where if you lose it you die, no. The house on a metaphysical level IS the ego. A house is part of an ego. Without an ego, there is no house. For me personally, stuff like these realisations have fuelled this new lifestyle I want to live. This is why the thought of it endows me in Love. The possibilities from taking these steps is awe striking. So much karma can be freed from living this way for a few years. It sheds the identity significantly and adds so much bliss and love. Just imagine barely any material possessions, and all survival that was outsourced to these possessions are embodied within you through mind training and the occult. Its a very blissful way to live. The more you do this, the more you also heal others. The less you take, the more you give to others. So it works to help you and others. And the compassion and knowing that you're not taking, makes you feel like you're not hurting anyone, not hurting the wildlife, other people, etc. There's also a lot of subconscious suffering from taking if you're sensitive to it. When you take food, there is a lot of karma in that even if its not visible. It adds suffering. You relieve it by taking less. I'm not saying you must change your life to the extreme I want to, to free yourself of this karma. You probably don't have to. But not only is this a way of freeing myself, but I also want to do it and am drawn to living like it. So I'm simply going with the flow.

@John Doe No i would not consider myself enlightened. But i don't want to be fake humble and say i'm not far on the path. I've had peak experiences where i've felt bliss flowing through me, and everything in the world just made sense and it felt like a stream of insights flowing into my head. But i'm also not awake to infinite love and joy, which to me is most important haha so it's tough. But i bet i can help with questions on the path, just take what i say with a grain of salt. Also, i would consider myself to have an excellent eye as to who on the forum is worth listening to and has advice that can change your life. @Nahm is one of the few, and it's basically his job to enlighten seekers so i recommend talking to him too.

Thank you, i wish the best for you! Me too, i will keep watching Leo's videos, however i always happened to live in a way that my sense of community was disrupted in some way. So i sat alone or my entertainment happened trought being alone or internet, and i don't feel like an actualizer or anything. Because of meditation i can say people around me don't mean much to me, its not that i don't care for them, but i don't have to worry about somebody every 5 minutes. And i simply don't have enough time, my future reeks 12 hour shifts and working on days off, and i have to do maintainance work in my house + spiritual sadhana and the last thing i want to do music. There is no room for anything else. Yes, that is a good point aswell, have to face it in the most direct way possible, even in a strong determination sitting session. And my failures and sufferings only really can be adressed with inner work. The side effect of this may be that i become like a monk, almost like anti-social, but its beginning to happen for me, even with the junk i keep consuming in terms of the media and food. The effect still is great. And besides, if you feel something really unusual like energies centering in your upper most chakras, all i kinda want to do is to sit with that and make maximum amount of free time to do it. Its not so much about the critics, its about the efficiency to make my points across, which is largely just doing it for entertainemnt. I catch a topic and then spontaneously write. And as i mentioned earlier i am having too little time. My life has been counter-productive and inefficient logically speaking, but life being rational or irrational is whole different topic. And i wanted to share why would i leave the forum and this is my way on saying thanks to people and Leo. But yes it is counter-productive to stay here as well as many many other forms ofdistraction from enlightenment including music. Also the other good question is ask my-self, what is the value of me being a hypocrite or a liar, it boils down to the validation and seeking it. We are just bound to lie, manipulate, procrastinate and ruin our dreams, because o the layers and layers of delusion we carry. If you attend those layers, self-development can happen, but it's always a spectrum. Leving this forum would leave me with more mental energy. For example writing a journal for 1hr a day is not what i want to do, it was kinda helpful, but i already know better methods for what i want to achieve. 1. I am always going to be exposed to interract with people - friends, enemies, critics, validation seekers, women that are interested in me and women that want to shame me and what ever other example i can give. The best thing i can do is to work on myself to be the calming presence and a ray of joy in their life from my bliss that i express. I don't need any complicted mating strategy and algorithm to express my image i want people to percieve. If i face conflict or anything i will just stay in awareness and remind myself to do that. In my life this is happening far enough. I don't want to argue here also. x) 2. This is a tricky one. Yes, but sometimes i wonder, whats the point of giving attention to the mind every 5 seconds, and i have had experiences that tell me you don't need to have voices in your head to use your mind. I clearly am not there yet and by some chance or maybe something more sentient i will be there someday. 3. Yes, but i rather go and talk to the people in my life that i feel i need it. They are very scarce, however at least one person i know and i introduced them in spirituality, they transformed and increased their level of happiness and completion with death. And yeah, text is tough. And i might need to help myself first to be a quality helper. 4.I will, and i love this side of Leo, and i listen to various crazy gurus, the far of the "rational and logical person" that are far out there, further than Leo with what they claim. But their teachings really help me. Besides, the human cognition is very complicated and in a dire need to explore, AND while excercising these other aspects of me, i have to be careful with what advice i give, the best way is sielence i feel, however i feel people drawn to my bliss. I had major social anxiety a few years back from the opposite sex, now its almost completely gone or if i have it i don't think i care. Because my goal is not to take anybody home and ask them if i can stick it in them. Thank you guys for your responses and warmth! Good luck on your paths, may you be a jeevan muktha. @hyruga well i have a bunch of other things i want to do besides that, the best thing i can do is to work on my fear of death. And looking at the impermanence of this earthly existence. I have always lived in my room for the most part when i am not in school or work. There is like no change for me.

I was thinking that as well, but then I was thinking about this guy Kilindi Iyi that talks about doing doses of 30g-50g of dried mushrooms and having a powerful trip that he claims is like a 3-4hour dmt trip. It could because it was liquid form maybe - I don’t know. I remember thinking to myself “this is why it cant be explained to anyone” - that must’ve been the multidimensional part and I was getting overwhelmed with bliss, I think I literally just there crying with happiness at whatever I was witnessing, like really sobbing, I felt like I was having a proper emotional release and then laughing to myself like a madman ? ; but then as it started fading away it just disappeared, I literally can barely even remember any visual And the emotional release I felt like I was having from past traumas came back per-se, I havent necessary had a traumatic life but at the point of release I felt free from it but I then returned to my normal state before. I’ve done two vials before and it was trippy, had visuals that I can remember, was laughing at how silly the mind acts - I reminded myself of how Eckhart laughs in that childish way when he’s explaining how the ego works. Will 3 vials be the magic number? Tbh I was going to try 5 next time to see what happens but I’m not sure.

What I’m about to tell you has been very concerning to me for sometime now. About a year. So this post has been in the making for that long now. It’s a little bit long so please bear with me. - To make a long story short, quite some time ago, I got a nasty concussion in a car accident and was knocked out cold for a few hours. After that, I started to experience a lot of anxiety, insomnia, personality changes, and quite a few other emotional disturbances. Fast forward many years later and I discovered Eckhart Tolle and the Power of Now ? Wow o wow. Practicing the pain body as explained in The Power of Now was truly transforming. I was basically meditating every waking hour, because my anxiety was 24/7. When I was conscious of my painbody, I felt pure bliss and ecstasy. Now fast forward about a year later. I started doing Reiki with this wonderful lady. She would do a little Reiki on me and then run her hands hovering around my body and I could literally feel her energy, this warmth I had never been able to perceive from someone before. I always felt really comfortable and calm when she was finished, actually so calm I’d usually fall asleep when she did it. It was the 2nd meeting when she said she found an energy in my body that wasn’t mine (i had told her on our first visit that for the past few months I had this very weird energy in me that didn’t belong to me and that it wouldn’t go away.) So on the 2nd appointment she said she located the energy and just started yawning. Straight up yawning for like 10 minutes. I said what the heck are you doing? She said she located the energy and is extracting it from me (mind you I didn’t believe in any of this stuff before I met her). I kid you not. When I got out of there that energy was completely gone for me. This is when I started to realize there is something special about this lady. I kept seeing her for months and loved it. She would do these angel meditations that were truly remarkable. Turned me into a believer. I’m convinced that she could read minds. She would know stuff about me before me even telling her (I never experienced this before with someone and just in case you're thinking, I’m not schizo or anything like that). I even mentioned that about her and she had a smirk on her face. So going forward, I had told her in 1 meeting that recently I had been experiencing a lot of anger and aggression lately, even towards strangers I didn’t know. In the next appointment we had gotten into a kind of heated discussion about something and I kinda snapped at her. I just remembered the way she looked at me, thinking like, ok this guys concussion has really done some bad to him. So the next appointment she said she was going to work on my head (brain). She looked like she had been thinking long and hard about this. For like 20 minutes she was hovering her hands around my head and speaking these incantations (dunno if Spanish or what. She is from South America, indignant background, FYI). When I got out of there I felt like my emotions were completely numb. My anger was gone. My good feelings were gone. I couldn’t feel my pain body anymore. I used to take these long baths every night, in a low lit bathroom with some nice music and just feel pure bliss. I would just feel my being. That all went away. I used to love connecting to the earth. Just five minutes of being barefoot in the grass and I would feel ecstatic for hours after ward. That also went away. I love dogs. There was this dog that lived in the same building as me and knew me well and really liked me. When he saw me after that the first time he ran up to me, barked at me, and ran away. SUPER strange as I am a really big dog lover. Same thing with a cat one day. I walked into a friend's house (that I’d been before), and the cat hissed at me and acted all weird (never did that before). My friend even mentioned it and got a little worried. Also my intuition. It’s like my inner compass is gone. My answers used to come from my being, not anymore. I can sense that it’s there (my intuition and being), but there’s like a wall there not letting me access it. Acceptance. Acceptance was a really big learning for me from the Power of Now. It really was huge. I just learned how to accept my new difficulties and any challenges I faced. I can’t feel my acceptance anymore. It’s like I just can’t accept things anymore. My intellectualism is gone. My answers used to come from my being and I would just speak so elaborately and passionately about something. That’s gone. My burning desire and passion for learning is gone. I’m like a sponge absorbing new information. I remember watching many of Leo advanced videos on Enlightenment (i.e: Why brains don’t exist), and I would just understand and eat up everything the first time I heard it. Not anymore. Not so interested and don’t really grasp it. Same thing for reading. My passion for reading is gone. When people ask me questions now it’s like my desire to answer them is gone (I used to like to entertain peoples thought provoking questions). Dunno if you believe in the fifth dimension and all that? But after I would be done grounding outside I would just be absolutely beaming with energy. My pupils would dilate. Other people also noticed this about me. But I don’t feel these ecstatic energies anymore. Mind you, this all started immediately after she worked on my head. It was as clear as day to me. I remember the first week following that session and me thinking what the hell is wrong with me?? I started wondering if this lady put a curse on me or what? My reasoning at the moment was that she was doing for the better of mankind (I guess so I don’t get angry with other people and hurt them). When I had mentioned this to her all she told me was that she leveled my energies out. That I was really intense (my anxiety, my energy, everything). That all she did was work with light from the angels. I did feel more balanced, but I didn’t like this new me. I told her to please undo whatever she did that I was feeling horrible. So she worked on my head again. I felt considerably better (a lot less numb) but not like I was previous to the first time she worked on my head. To this day, I still can’t really feel my painbody My inner compass is gone. I don’t get that feeling when I connect with nature anymore. I don’t get that spiritual bliss anymore. It’s been almost a year. What the hell is wrong with me? Did she do something that left me permanently emotionally and spiritually blocked? I must mention that the 1 good thing that came out of that was that I don’t feel this really bad anger that I would get (not frequently) after my concussion (it was a scary anger though, not so much intense, but like a deep and dark anger). But I don’t care. I want to feel again. Someone, please, help!

Enlightenment is the recognition of your true nature as infinte love, formless being etc. Everyone has different definitions, and so the end of seeking is likely to be different to different people. For me i would consider myself "done" when i can embody the bliss and energy i felt during my god realization on LSD. Once you finish the seeking and find enlightenment, which i haven't done yet so i could be off here, you have nothing to do but to live your life. It goes full circle. Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment... (you get the deal). Once you the find the bliss and love and happiness intrinsic in your own being, you are free to do whatever you want. The world becomes heaven and you are free to live as you wish. I've always played video games so this website is really a forward thinking plan on my part, for how i want to spend my life after i'm done seeking. For everyone their path after seeking will be unique based on their life experience. I've always played games, sports, competed etc. There are no shoulds, musts, needs etc with a true awakened being. It's all about what YOU want to do. Because you're god baby and you're free. So do what you want. I want to write and play games, and make money doing it lol.

Hey guys. This is basically an unfiltered transcript of some voice notes I took during my 3.2 g Penis Envy Mushroom Trip (Lemon Tek). I had the deepest awakening of my life. Feel free to add some thoughts. Much love! Be careful not to lean against divine states of consciousness. It's more about realizing that I am the divine. There's nothing to lean against. It's about leaning into myself. Dream is the substance of reality Remember to stay connected to the divinity of my voice. If I've lost track of that, it's a clear sign that I've lost touch with myself. My voice is a prime pillar of creation. Speaking is one of the most direct forms of manifestation. I don't even want to take notes. The idea of leaving something for myself is so silly. The beauty is something else. It can't be visualized, it can't be though of, it just is, and it's nothing. It's all just a dream. That's what I am. Things just are the way they are. I can let go of all of the rules and rigid boundaries and just go with the flow, but also be the creator of all this. I can be my creation while creating at the same time. Life is a dream with no consequences because the doing and the consequences are one. They are the same. Doing IS the consequence. There's nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing to be said. It's just astounding. It's surreal. There is no real. This is all a perfect imaginary wonderland, of course. I was lying on some rocks, looking up at the trees, swaying in the wind. I also had mild visual distortions moving the tree. I realized that there is no difference between the wind moving the trees and my mind moving the trees. At this point I started to understand my present experience as My entire lifetime itself is a piece of art in all of it's depth. The entire experience is a masterpiece created by an artist so intelligent that there are no words to describe it. I've noticed this deep longing for love and surrender to myself. The paradox is that the state of longing for surrender is actually part of total surrender. There is no difference between the two because in order to want surrender, you have to surrender to the state of wanting surrender. What. I don't know anything. There nothing to cling to. There's nothing to try to do. Oh my god, its all just infinite perfection. That's all it is. That's what's happening. It’s an infinite gift to yourself. Oh my god. It's all perfect. It's all love. It’s all healing. This whole game of awakening is so fucking perfect. It's all this perfect fucking game that I just made up for myself cause it's fucking beautiful, just cause I can. I am God, I am Love. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is what I am. Oh my God. There is no difference between my heart and the rest of the world. There is no difference between suffering and love, It's all just one thing, It's all fucking - oh my God. I get so caught up in the technicalities of the best way do things or live my life, but no, there is no best way. Just do whatever you want. Whatever you want goes. That's what reality is. Anything you want. Oh my God. Anything you fucking want. Oh my God. What the fuck. What am I gonna do? Oh my God x10. Anything I fucking want. Oh my God x7. It doesn't matter. Nothing fucking matters. Oh my God this is fucking amazing. This is perfect. Infinite perfection. Infinite bliss. It know no end. It knows to bounds. All the barriers to bliss are just fucking bliss in disguise. Oh my God X2. There is no protocol to awakening. This is just what I am. It's all a giant gift for myself. I want to share it so bad. I can't even fucking believe this. I can't take this on. Like this is for me? (started coughing and spitting) so much fucking shame and unworthiness being coughed up. Holy fuck. I can't even… this is all for me? This is all for me? Are you fucking kidding me? This is so fucking amazing. All of the delusion, all of the pain, it's all perfect, it's all for me. I see the sacredness of what you are. Oh man. I'm just creating this infinite beauty for myself. I'm grounded in nothing. Nothing makes this possible. There's nothing that could make this possible OMG. There's nothing that could make this possible. And that's precisely why it is happening. OMG. All of the cold is part of the bliss. All of the discomfort is part of the bliss, part of being. It can't be put into words but its all so amazing. I am creating everything. I don't mean that I'm this human being that can create anything from my human imagination. No, I have absolutely fucking unlimited ability to do anything and I imagined that I was a human being with infinite imagine. I'm a human being because this is exactly what I want to experience and this fucking awesome! It's fucking awesome. OMG. I imagined that I'm a human being. All of this healing is imaginary. It's all a gift for me. I still can't even accept this. I'm struggling so hard to accept this. I get it now but how can I even accept this. What does it even mean to accept this? I guess to take on the responsibility of God. But there an emotional barrier in my chest. Accepting the responsibility myself an infinite creator is a lot… it's scary. Like… what am I gonna do? That's the fucking question. I keep having epiphanies and then like half an hour later, I'll have another insight that transcends my first epiphany and takes it a layer deeper and there seems to be no end to how deep it goes. There are infinite layers of complexity and beauty. And now I'm awake in my creation. Beauty only exists right now and nowhere else because there is nothing else. This is infinite beauty. So I'm this infinite creator. I can choose to be this human being and identify as this human being. But I can choose to be this human being and be the creator at the same time? Ohhhhhh. Oh that's what this has always been. I just keep being reminded that surrender is not what I think it is. It's not getting rid of all the opposing forces in your mind. It's being at peace with the opposing forces in your mind - being at peace that I'm not at peace.( Laughed for like fat minute). That's what peace is. That sounds kind of sad, like you're giving up. You are giving up, but there's multiple levels to giving up. Ultimately, giving up can be one of the most beautiful things you can experience because once you give everything up, you're left with what is. It'll always be here. I also keep being reminded that there's nothing to cling to. There's nothing to grasp. I keep trying to hold on to the rules and boundaries of the universe, but those are just made up, they're all part of this dream I dreamed up. There's nothing real about them. Is enlightenment just constantly being like this? Or - oh wait, enlightenment doesn’t exist. Enlightenment is just Being. It just is. So fucking cool. I love this. I love everything. I love myself. Every part, every single part. With all of the little things I don’t like, experiencing them is part of the perfection. The give and take of life is part of the beautiful experience. That's part of what love is. The entire experience of life. That is what Love is. All of it. Every single part of it. It's all one gift. It is Love. It is God. I'm just trying to breath this truth into my body right now. My breath is an expression of my acceptance and engagement with life. When I am fully accepting life, I can breathe fully and deeply. There's no wisdom in what I'm saying. The wisdom is in the present moment. It's not what I'm saying that's wise. The wisdom is what actually is. There's not a wise way to be. The wisdom is the Being itself. The biggest difficult I'm facing right now is the unworthiness. But it's not an unworthiness that has a rational explanation. It's more like. I didn't know something so good could be possible. I didn't know it could be THIS Good. All of the doubts I'm having about this awakening, It's all part of the love, the gift to myself. There's a deep craving to be totally consumed by love. There's like this deep longing. As God, how the fuck else could I express this? Like… here ya go! Here's your life! There's no difference between being awake and being asleep. Also, I was awake all along. I was always awake. This goes infinitely deeper. I can't imagine any limits and any limits I do imagine are imaginary and can be transcended. Absolutely abundant. One big infinite… whatever I want it to be. God is whatever I want it to be because I am God. I feel like I can always be this conscious but I've chosen not to be this conscious. There's no problem. At the same time, Problems are a gift. The gift is in overcoming it. The gift is in learning from it. The gift is in the stories you tell yourself. My heart can't even accept this love. Haha, that's part of the gift too. Thank you nature. Enlightenment is nothing to be believed. It's just what can't be believed. It's just this present moment. That's it. There's nothing more. The present moment is the gift. That's why it's called the present. The present…the gift. It's the same thing. There's nothing outside of the present moment. Right here, right now, that's where all of the magic is. That's where all the love is. Enlightenment is like realizing you've always been enlightened. Reality is anything that we want it to be. Whatever we focus on becomes reality, whatever we choose becomes reality. If I were to stare at a rock, the experience of that rock would become reality. The rock, itself, doesn't really exist, only the experience of that rock that's real. That's what the real is… the experience itself. Rule number 1 of being God: all of your limitations are imaginary. My ideas about myself as an infinite creator and to this infinite and this magical experience of perfection are all delusional, of course. But also, the ideas that we are not infinite creators of that reality is not perfect are also delusional! Choose your delusions wisely lol. It's all too good to be true. I want to shar this so bad. Even the process of wanting to share it and sharing it is part of the perfection, part of this gift. And if you're trying to catch this elusive gift, you’ve already caught it! You caught it. There's nothing to catch. The whole thing is just a gift. Its right now. It doesn't get any deeper than that. Right now is the gift. Enlightenment will never go away. It's just what is. There's no such thing as not being in the present moment. If you're not in the present moment, where are you? There's nowhere else to go. There's no escaping this gift. It cannot go away. And it's whatever we imagine it is. The past and the future only exist in our imaginations. When you imagine something, that thing becomes your present moment. That becomes your reality The old paradigm was "do the best you can". The new paradigm is "be whatever the fuck you want"

No because Tier 2 (Yellow, Turq, Coral) are very understanding and find value in every interaction. Especially Turq.. because Turq is pure BEING and bliss. Glad you liked it! Are you russian? You might enjoy my doomer gopnitsa outfit in my last video. Also Spiral stuff https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C0jbNu7SkA

Hello everyone, i would like to share something what happen yesterday, I'm not sure if it was Spritual awakening access to absolute nature of reality or not. Here is the story I have being doing meditation and mindfulness from past 3years just for getting real world benefits, but i wasn't really interested in enlightenment, it was just unknown to me what exactly is that. As lots of people are going through suffering and adversity right now, i also was little bit anxious about whats going on, few days ago i checked out Leo's videos benefits of enlightenment, i got me little bit interested in this topic. Fast forward two days later i randomly meet someone who has the LSD, i got one from them, before taking LSD, i watched some more videos on self enquiry, just so i can practice his techniques while I'm tripping. As i took lsd, as lsd start to kick in I couldn't able to focus on mediation or self enquiry for past 4 hours, then i went to my backyard its very green and has lots of trees. I sit there then i started to practice self enquiry trying to find my true nature by ask who am i? And as i try to locate my self inside my head, i started to become aware of that emptiness, the i put my all efforts to become observer of my own consiouness or emptiness inside me, after few minutes something happens which is hard to express in words but I'll do my best. As becoming more and more conscious of my emptiness inside my head, suddenly there is exploding on my consiouness which move out of typical location where it resides near eyebrow, my consiouness has move way from that direction came near the neck and scattered and after that it connect's with infinite consiouness, it feels like I'm the whole consiouness I'm struggling to come with words. It feels like my body is connected with everything in the universe I'm not separate from plants or table or anything. It feels like I'm not my body, mind or thoughts, I'm just one infinite field of consciousness which was now detached from my body, I'm become that expanded consiouness, i can feel that everything was consiouness with different forms of reality. I was like floating in the sea of consiouness and completely become separate from my thoughts, Thoughts were there but i was completely detached, i was completely detached from my body i didn't care if anything happen to this body or not, because i knew i was much more than my body, I'm infinite consiouness which is one with whole reality, later i started crying with blanket of bliss wash all over me, for few minutes i was amazed what i saw can't me unseen , i was just saying wooo this can't be true it was too much to handle. I'm still shocked what i saw yesterday. Hopefully some of you can resonates with this experience, hope you can give some insights what happen to me. Thanks for reading

When I began meditating it was very clear the goal I was seeking. I was seeking truth. I wanted to let go of all the noise in my head, the noise from my brain and thoughts and the noise from other people. Within a month I had an experience of emptiness. I felt as if my whole body reassembled flowing water or what I would describe as dream stuff. The sensation was pure emptiness and as I watched my actions throughout the day it was as if I was faced with a choice. I could give in to whatever response had been planned no matter how much it made sense or I could simply let it go. As I went deeper and deeper into letting things go I felt my whole being disintegrating. I felt such a fear grip me that I had not felt in my entire life. I felt as if all the theory I was learning might be true and it terrified me. If there is no me? If all I am is a belief ? Who would I be ? this experience was again revisited after an 8 day retreat where my body head and chest lost all feeling in it. It felt as if every story I told myself was caving in on itself. I remember calling my girlfriend in a panic and asking her to please start an argument with me so that I could take a definitive stance and in so continue to live the lie that I was living. It worked and I returned to my body, but not for long. The following week I felt such fear/ bliss and pure love for reality. I was afraid of what I was becoming Or unbecoming and I was also in love with and grateful to be here. To have people here to counter me, to disappoint me to give me conflict because it all served a higher purpose to keep my ego in place. I remember looking up at the moon the following week and seeing pure love in the sky. It was so beautiful I can’t even explain it. But I was afraid of leaving so I slowly came back to normal life with only the slight after glow of a dream like feeling in my head that still continues to this day. And every now and then if I focus I can still feel my body dissipate like smoke if I focus hard. After these experiences I decided to put it into practice. I decided to dedicate some of the day to let things go or to meditate. What’s funny is as I go deeper into letting things go I realize the ridiculous nature of that. The act itself of letting things go is doing? How can I choose to let go? Is that not not letting go? The deeper I dive into meditations the more unclear everything seems. Ultimately what I’m saying may be misunderstood because I’m not even sure I totally understand it but all I’ve learned from Leo and other teachers it’s all ultimately words. If I dive deep into them they break down just like my body does. Nothing can really be held onto. I say this with uncertainty. So please correct me if I’m wrong. Just sharing

I've been digging through some dirt, metaphorically. Feeling as if rather than digging memories up like the past year has been off and on, it's energetic. Dealt with an episode of rage over a week or so, then another and threw a can of green beans across the room. I went outside a moment and came back in and resumed destructive lack of control. My husband shouted at me to leave and go for a walk, so I did. I went to the cemetery and sat on Dr.P's grave. A small fly came and sat on my hand and stayed there. It reminded me of the poem I shared here weeks ago. “Trust your wound to a teacher’s (God) surgery. Flies collect on a wound. They cover it, those flies of your self-protecting feelings, your love for what you think is yours. Let a Teacher wave away the flies and put a plaster on the wound. Don’t turn your head. Keep looking at the bandaged place. That’s where the Light enters you. And don’t believe for a moment that you’re healing yourself.” Rumi— I knew what to do and sent a message to Nahm and he helped me understand it. Muninn dug a hole randomly in the middle of the yard yesterday like he was possessed. I got my nightmare of alders and invasive roses cut and cleaned our of my neglected shade flower garden. Last year at this time I was riding the wave of bliss from the awakening. I'm so glad this year at this time that my reality was broken. Yesterday I went for a hike somewhere that had been written on a my dreamboard, I haven't been there for months. When I got there the tide was just right and it was spectacular. I've been thinking about (as you know) pyramids a lot lately. I cut off through the woods and went to a shore. There were rocks shaped like pyramids, I hopped down to the beach and looked out a while. Instead of being happy or at peace I felt a kind of anxious energy along with other feelings moving through. I saw a seal pop up for a moment and then I thought of the symbolism on the dollar bill, the eye of providence, the pyramid, the seal ( seal). I want to see an eagle I told myself. At first I judged myself for making the intention. Then my desire grew stronger. I went out and sat on a rock that overlooks the water, and closed my eyes and tried to connect with the power of it, feeling the fear of the water and the impulse to push through and join it and knowing that it was metaphorical currents within I wanted to allow and join. Then I glimpsed an eagle, impossibly high in the sky, I recognized him for a moment until he flew even higher out of sight and recognition. The sunset last night was a spectacular pink pyramid. “The day of resurrection is determined in this manner. The first Sunday after the full moon in Aries is celebrated as Easter. Aries begins on the 21st day of March and ends approximately on the 19th day of April. The sun’s entry into Aries marks the beginning of Spring The moon in its monthly transit around the earth will form sometime between March 21st and April 25th an opposition to the sun, which opposition is called a full moon, The first Sunday after this phenomenon of the heavens occurs Is celebrated as Easter; the Friday preceding this day is observed as Good Friday. This movable date should tell the observant one to look for some interpretation other than the one commonly accepted. These days do not mark the anniversaries of the death and resurrection of an individual who lived on earth.” ― Neville Goddard Say Yes Quickly Forget your life. Say God is Great. Get up. You think you know what time it is. It’s time to pray. You’ve carved so many little figurines, too many. Don’t knock on any random door like a beggar. Reach your long hands out to another door, beyond where you go on the street, the street where everyone says, “How are you?” and no one says How aren’t you? Tomorrow you’ll see what you’ve broken and torn tonight, thrashing in the dark. Inside you there’s an artist you don’t know about. He’s not interested in how things look different in moonlight. If you are here unfaithfully with us, you’re causing terrible damage. If you’ve opened your loving to God’s love, you’re helping people you don’t know and have never seen. Is what I say true? Say yes quickly, if you know, if you’ve known it from before the beginning of the universe. - Rumi Don’t let your throat tighten with fear. Take sips of breath all day and night. Before death closes your mouth. There’s no love in me without your being, no breath without that. I once thought I could give up this longing, then though again, But I couldn’t continue being human. -Rumi You are the only faithful student you have. All the others leave eventually. Have you been making yourself shallow with making other eminent? Just remember, when you’re in union, you don’t have to fear that you’ll be drained. The command comes to speak, and you feel the ocean moving through you. Then comes, Be silent, as when the rain stops, and the trees in the orchard begin to draw moisture up into themselves. -Rumi