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I was thinking that as well, but then I was thinking about this guy Kilindi Iyi that talks about doing doses of 30g-50g of dried mushrooms and having a powerful trip that he claims is like a 3-4hour dmt trip. It could because it was liquid form maybe - I don’t know. I remember thinking to myself “this is why it cant be explained to anyone” - that must’ve been the multidimensional part and I was getting overwhelmed with bliss, I think I literally just there crying with happiness at whatever I was witnessing, like really sobbing, I felt like I was having a proper emotional release and then laughing to myself like a madman ? ; but then as it started fading away it just disappeared, I literally can barely even remember any visual And the emotional release I felt like I was having from past traumas came back per-se, I havent necessary had a traumatic life but at the point of release I felt free from it but I then returned to my normal state before. I’ve done two vials before and it was trippy, had visuals that I can remember, was laughing at how silly the mind acts - I reminded myself of how Eckhart laughs in that childish way when he’s explaining how the ego works. Will 3 vials be the magic number? Tbh I was going to try 5 next time to see what happens but I’m not sure.

Enlightenment is the recognition of your true nature as infinte love, formless being etc. Everyone has different definitions, and so the end of seeking is likely to be different to different people. For me i would consider myself "done" when i can embody the bliss and energy i felt during my god realization on LSD. Once you finish the seeking and find enlightenment, which i haven't done yet so i could be off here, you have nothing to do but to live your life. It goes full circle. Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment... (you get the deal). Once you the find the bliss and love and happiness intrinsic in your own being, you are free to do whatever you want. The world becomes heaven and you are free to live as you wish. I've always played video games so this website is really a forward thinking plan on my part, for how i want to spend my life after i'm done seeking. For everyone their path after seeking will be unique based on their life experience. I've always played games, sports, competed etc. There are no shoulds, musts, needs etc with a true awakened being. It's all about what YOU want to do. Because you're god baby and you're free. So do what you want. I want to write and play games, and make money doing it lol.

On April 5th 2020 at around 11:00 PM I had an experience that changed the way I perceive life and an experience that I will remember for the rest of my life. I had a nondual experience unlike any other I’ve ever had before. It was an experience of Infinite Love, complete and total Infinite Love. Recently I have been thinking about and meditating on the areas of being, manifestation, suffering and love. In the days leading up to this experience I have had an increased feeling of calmness, freedom and intense mindfulness. Despite the external appearances of my personal life currently as well as the current affairs of the world right now I feel more free and calm than I ever have in my life. It all feels quite ineffable. On this particular night I could feel the intensity and depth of the mindfulness I was experiencing. It was a depth, calmness and present moment awareness that I have noticed always precedes my past spontaneous nondual experiences. At the time I was listening to my favorite ambient song and taking in the profound beauty of it. While I was mindfully listening something happened. In an instant everything in my experience of reality just collapsed down into a singularity the experience of perceiving time ceased and I was overwhelmed by a massive torrent of Nondual Universal Love. I began crying and this crying quickly grew to sobbing as my perception expanded almost instantaneously into everything in all of existence. I was everything that ever was, is and will be. I was all of it. However there was no experience of I the self was obliterated the moment this infinite love overwhelmed my being. I have had several nondual and psychedelic experiences on my journey thus far but this time there was an incomprehensibly large flood of ultimate Universal Love like a transdimensional dam had burst and a flood of love from the totality of all existence itself completely engulfed my being. This Love was so much, so powerful that human language entirely and completely fails to describe the absolutely profound level and depth it had. I immediately knew that existence is Love. I saw the ever present nondual beauty of everything from this state of overwhelming Love. I felt so much love flowing through my being that I felt was melting. Everything that constituted any sense of separation was melting. All I could do in the presence of this Infinite Love was cry in its infinite beauty. Tears of sheer joy and love streamed down my face as I had never felt love so intensely before. I could feel this energetically affecting my physical body on multiple levels, subatomic, atomic, molecular and so on. The feeling of melting away from the intensity of infinite love was ever present. More and more all forms of individuation were melting away. It was as if the Infinite Love of all of creation was a red hypergiant star and that my individuated ego and body instantly melted into disintegration when coming even into contact with this profound absolute Love. It was the most profound thing I have ever experienced in my life. Out of all of the nondual and psychedelic experiences that I have had I’ve never felt such profound Love like this. As I was totally enraptured by this experience I felt the love that a mother feels for her newborn child, the love that the earth has for all of the lifeforms on it, the love of the fabric of existence itself. I felt love that I would instantly sacrifice my physical life for and even beyond that. Love beyond what I thought was ever possible and still that love bloomed and became even more intense. It was an infinite absolutely unconditional love for everything; for all beings, for all phenomena in existence. As I looked at the room around me I noticed the objects around and I was one with everything. I was on an existential level no different from the bed, the walls, the clothes, the air in the room, the carpet, the dirt on the carpet, the computer. In the binding unity of love I was everything in all of existence without exception. I picked up one of my shirts nearby and folded it up and I held it and hugged it as if it was a baby. As if it was my baby, my child because really all of existence is just that. I felt and exuded this love more intensely than I can put into words. There was a pillow nearby and I picked it up as well and I held it with all of the Love that I could muster. And still the perceiver of the experience was totally melting in contact with this infinite and profound love. The intensity of the experience got to the point where I felt that my body began vibrating. And I felt this very strange and intense feeling of vibration specifically from my heart area. This strange pulsating vibration branched out from my heart across my entire chest, neck, shoulders, my upper abdominal area and upper back. This pulsating vibration was so strange to feel going through my body. With every breath this pulsating vibration expanded more and more through my body. The intensity of this Love was so great that I didn’t know how I could possibly take anymore, however it continued to expand and even further more engulf me even though there was no me left. As this continued there was the overwhelming feeling of gratitude and reverence that arose as well. I totally embraced obliteration by love and totally gave into the massive tsunami of universal love. The feeling of reverence was too much for words. Tears continued to stream down my face. The pulsating vibrations I felt in my body became even more intense as I placed my hands on my heart I just wanted to open my chest and blast out Love everywhere infinitely. I am not too knowledgeable on the chakra system about how energy flows through it but I feel that that in this experience I had a powerful heart chakra opening. With each heartbeat and each breath I felt my entire being vibrate and reverberate with Love. There is just pure Love. I came into a state of awe for the enormous love which always emanates through the totality. I just began to say, “wow”, over and over again. Followed by; “this is too much”, over and over again. The level of love that existence is and has for all incarnations is so profound that I don’t think we’ll ever have a way of describing it. You just have to directly experience it to know. As I was fully embraced by the infinite Love of existence I grabbed a blanket and I just wept uncontrollably into it. This went on for what felt like a while. I wept into it from the existential bliss, the existential joy and the sheer incomprehensible amount of love that I was experiencing. And I realized that the substance of existence is Love; that without love that nothing and I mean nothing could exist. Nothing could exist without love. You and I are love. We are love incarnate. We are a love that is so profound that when we know ourselves it’s the most amazing and beautiful thing that you could experience. The peak of this experience lasted for about an hour. For the rest of the night through sleep and into the next day I was in the afterglow of experiencing the profound infinity of love that constitutes all of existence. I had the realization that everything we beings do in life without exception, we do for love in one way or another and it is expressed in a spectrum of countless ways. This is the first time in life that I have experienced the Love of reality as it actually is; pure nondual infinite Love beyond the illusion of individuated ego experience. Love that will obliterate you because it’s just so much, Love that will break you down and make you cry, make you sob intensely. A part of my being is fully awake now. I feel energetically different than before that experience. I feel energetically different now, as if I am a different person from before this experience. Experiencing that level of Love permeates every aspect of our being and our experience. One realization I had was that my entire life up until this experience I thought that suffering was bad. Now I know what suffering is. Suffering is what happens when we knowingly or unknowingly turn away from Love. Because a person who truly understands Love, a person who truly loves themselves would never turn away from Love whether it be the Love of existence itself, the Love of another being, or Love of themselves. The only reason truly that we suffer individually and collectively is turning away from Love, that’s it. And that can breed many other things as a result but fundamentally it’s very simple. If you turn away from Love you turn away from what you truly are and when you turn away from what you truly are you’re out of alignment with the loving flow of the totality of existence and when you’re out of alignment with the loving flow of existence itself; it is so painful. That is when our experience becomes suffering. And we don’t have to suffer. What would serve us best in this life is to constantly and consistently choose Love at every second of every day. Forever. To choose whatever is the highest expression of love. And bask in its radiance and live in this place for our entire time of incarnation. I felt true freedom in this experience. True freedom. Love is the substance of existence. Love is what you are. There is never ever anything to fear. There is never ever anything to fear. There is never ever anything to be afraid of. Just Love. Just be Love. Just choose Love every single time. Because that is what existence is built upon. That is what existence is. It only hurts when you turn away from love. But if you dive completely into love and totally melt into that experience of being love you will truly know and experience what you are, what the universe is, what God is and that will change every aspect of how you look at life, on the deepest level in every way and thusly change your experience of being forever. I Love you, whoever you are, for we are One. I want to thank @fridakaia for helping me so much to truly understand what Love is. She is a beautiful and profound being and a lightworker. I also want to thank @Consilience for encouraging me to dive more deeply into Love on my journey.

No because Tier 2 (Yellow, Turq, Coral) are very understanding and find value in every interaction. Especially Turq.. because Turq is pure BEING and bliss. Glad you liked it! Are you russian? You might enjoy my doomer gopnitsa outfit in my last video. Also Spiral stuff https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C0jbNu7SkA

Hey guys. This is basically an unfiltered transcript of some voice notes I took during my 3.2 g Penis Envy Mushroom Trip (Lemon Tek). I had the deepest awakening of my life. Feel free to add some thoughts. Much love! Be careful not to lean against divine states of consciousness. It's more about realizing that I am the divine. There's nothing to lean against. It's about leaning into myself. Dream is the substance of reality Remember to stay connected to the divinity of my voice. If I've lost track of that, it's a clear sign that I've lost touch with myself. My voice is a prime pillar of creation. Speaking is one of the most direct forms of manifestation. I don't even want to take notes. The idea of leaving something for myself is so silly. The beauty is something else. It can't be visualized, it can't be though of, it just is, and it's nothing. It's all just a dream. That's what I am. Things just are the way they are. I can let go of all of the rules and rigid boundaries and just go with the flow, but also be the creator of all this. I can be my creation while creating at the same time. Life is a dream with no consequences because the doing and the consequences are one. They are the same. Doing IS the consequence. There's nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing to be said. It's just astounding. It's surreal. There is no real. This is all a perfect imaginary wonderland, of course. I was lying on some rocks, looking up at the trees, swaying in the wind. I also had mild visual distortions moving the tree. I realized that there is no difference between the wind moving the trees and my mind moving the trees. At this point I started to understand my present experience as My entire lifetime itself is a piece of art in all of it's depth. The entire experience is a masterpiece created by an artist so intelligent that there are no words to describe it. I've noticed this deep longing for love and surrender to myself. The paradox is that the state of longing for surrender is actually part of total surrender. There is no difference between the two because in order to want surrender, you have to surrender to the state of wanting surrender. What. I don't know anything. There nothing to cling to. There's nothing to try to do. Oh my god, its all just infinite perfection. That's all it is. That's what's happening. It’s an infinite gift to yourself. Oh my god. It's all perfect. It's all love. It’s all healing. This whole game of awakening is so fucking perfect. It's all this perfect fucking game that I just made up for myself cause it's fucking beautiful, just cause I can. I am God, I am Love. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is what I am. Oh my God. There is no difference between my heart and the rest of the world. There is no difference between suffering and love, It's all just one thing, It's all fucking - oh my God. I get so caught up in the technicalities of the best way do things or live my life, but no, there is no best way. Just do whatever you want. Whatever you want goes. That's what reality is. Anything you want. Oh my God. Anything you fucking want. Oh my God. What the fuck. What am I gonna do? Oh my God x10. Anything I fucking want. Oh my God x7. It doesn't matter. Nothing fucking matters. Oh my God this is fucking amazing. This is perfect. Infinite perfection. Infinite bliss. It know no end. It knows to bounds. All the barriers to bliss are just fucking bliss in disguise. Oh my God X2. There is no protocol to awakening. This is just what I am. It's all a giant gift for myself. I want to share it so bad. I can't even fucking believe this. I can't take this on. Like this is for me? (started coughing and spitting) so much fucking shame and unworthiness being coughed up. Holy fuck. I can't even… this is all for me? This is all for me? Are you fucking kidding me? This is so fucking amazing. All of the delusion, all of the pain, it's all perfect, it's all for me. I see the sacredness of what you are. Oh man. I'm just creating this infinite beauty for myself. I'm grounded in nothing. Nothing makes this possible. There's nothing that could make this possible OMG. There's nothing that could make this possible. And that's precisely why it is happening. OMG. All of the cold is part of the bliss. All of the discomfort is part of the bliss, part of being. It can't be put into words but its all so amazing. I am creating everything. I don't mean that I'm this human being that can create anything from my human imagination. No, I have absolutely fucking unlimited ability to do anything and I imagined that I was a human being with infinite imagine. I'm a human being because this is exactly what I want to experience and this fucking awesome! It's fucking awesome. OMG. I imagined that I'm a human being. All of this healing is imaginary. It's all a gift for me. I still can't even accept this. I'm struggling so hard to accept this. I get it now but how can I even accept this. What does it even mean to accept this? I guess to take on the responsibility of God. But there an emotional barrier in my chest. Accepting the responsibility myself an infinite creator is a lot… it's scary. Like… what am I gonna do? That's the fucking question. I keep having epiphanies and then like half an hour later, I'll have another insight that transcends my first epiphany and takes it a layer deeper and there seems to be no end to how deep it goes. There are infinite layers of complexity and beauty. And now I'm awake in my creation. Beauty only exists right now and nowhere else because there is nothing else. This is infinite beauty. So I'm this infinite creator. I can choose to be this human being and identify as this human being. But I can choose to be this human being and be the creator at the same time? Ohhhhhh. Oh that's what this has always been. I just keep being reminded that surrender is not what I think it is. It's not getting rid of all the opposing forces in your mind. It's being at peace with the opposing forces in your mind - being at peace that I'm not at peace.( Laughed for like fat minute). That's what peace is. That sounds kind of sad, like you're giving up. You are giving up, but there's multiple levels to giving up. Ultimately, giving up can be one of the most beautiful things you can experience because once you give everything up, you're left with what is. It'll always be here. I also keep being reminded that there's nothing to cling to. There's nothing to grasp. I keep trying to hold on to the rules and boundaries of the universe, but those are just made up, they're all part of this dream I dreamed up. There's nothing real about them. Is enlightenment just constantly being like this? Or - oh wait, enlightenment doesn’t exist. Enlightenment is just Being. It just is. So fucking cool. I love this. I love everything. I love myself. Every part, every single part. With all of the little things I don’t like, experiencing them is part of the perfection. The give and take of life is part of the beautiful experience. That's part of what love is. The entire experience of life. That is what Love is. All of it. Every single part of it. It's all one gift. It is Love. It is God. I'm just trying to breath this truth into my body right now. My breath is an expression of my acceptance and engagement with life. When I am fully accepting life, I can breathe fully and deeply. There's no wisdom in what I'm saying. The wisdom is in the present moment. It's not what I'm saying that's wise. The wisdom is what actually is. There's not a wise way to be. The wisdom is the Being itself. The biggest difficult I'm facing right now is the unworthiness. But it's not an unworthiness that has a rational explanation. It's more like. I didn't know something so good could be possible. I didn't know it could be THIS Good. All of the doubts I'm having about this awakening, It's all part of the love, the gift to myself. There's a deep craving to be totally consumed by love. There's like this deep longing. As God, how the fuck else could I express this? Like… here ya go! Here's your life! There's no difference between being awake and being asleep. Also, I was awake all along. I was always awake. This goes infinitely deeper. I can't imagine any limits and any limits I do imagine are imaginary and can be transcended. Absolutely abundant. One big infinite… whatever I want it to be. God is whatever I want it to be because I am God. I feel like I can always be this conscious but I've chosen not to be this conscious. There's no problem. At the same time, Problems are a gift. The gift is in overcoming it. The gift is in learning from it. The gift is in the stories you tell yourself. My heart can't even accept this love. Haha, that's part of the gift too. Thank you nature. Enlightenment is nothing to be believed. It's just what can't be believed. It's just this present moment. That's it. There's nothing more. The present moment is the gift. That's why it's called the present. The present…the gift. It's the same thing. There's nothing outside of the present moment. Right here, right now, that's where all of the magic is. That's where all the love is. Enlightenment is like realizing you've always been enlightened. Reality is anything that we want it to be. Whatever we focus on becomes reality, whatever we choose becomes reality. If I were to stare at a rock, the experience of that rock would become reality. The rock, itself, doesn't really exist, only the experience of that rock that's real. That's what the real is… the experience itself. Rule number 1 of being God: all of your limitations are imaginary. My ideas about myself as an infinite creator and to this infinite and this magical experience of perfection are all delusional, of course. But also, the ideas that we are not infinite creators of that reality is not perfect are also delusional! Choose your delusions wisely lol. It's all too good to be true. I want to shar this so bad. Even the process of wanting to share it and sharing it is part of the perfection, part of this gift. And if you're trying to catch this elusive gift, you’ve already caught it! You caught it. There's nothing to catch. The whole thing is just a gift. Its right now. It doesn't get any deeper than that. Right now is the gift. Enlightenment will never go away. It's just what is. There's no such thing as not being in the present moment. If you're not in the present moment, where are you? There's nowhere else to go. There's no escaping this gift. It cannot go away. And it's whatever we imagine it is. The past and the future only exist in our imaginations. When you imagine something, that thing becomes your present moment. That becomes your reality The old paradigm was "do the best you can". The new paradigm is "be whatever the fuck you want"

So I recently entered Turquoise after being in Yellow for a long time now. I view my relationship differently now...so do I the World, so do I the people, etc. So right now I am maybe 40% Turquoise, 40% Yellow, 20% Green. My loving boyfriend is stage Blue. ~ 60% Blue, 40% Orange. He is loving, kind, quiet and a good Christian believer in God. We get along well. I would like to present an analysis of our relationship because it's really interesting. Love and intimacy: My boyfriend's primary love language is action. Mine is kind words. We both communicate very well. He always surprises me with new job opportunities (I never asked him.. he just intuitively likes to help me and I am grateful.) As a Blue, he values hard work and community, and he desires me to be part of a larger community and society. As a Turquoise and an introvert I love alone time, Being, meditation, and my freelance job as a digital artist, but I cannot be financially independent if I don't work more.. which means more than 10 hours a day. Marketing included, it's a lot of work...trust me. And I need to meditate all the time or I lose touch with my Inner Being and infinite peace. Also I procrastinated while in SD Yellow because I love ideas and facts and reading... My mind is kinda scattered, I love knowledge, mysticism, I need intellectual stimulation nonstop. I want to be a psychologist but I don't have Bacalaureat diploma ( also because mind scattered), so I cannot apply to University yet. I like to show my love by communicating spiritual Truths and awakening him to Truth. He likes to listen to my ideas and finds me very interesting (He is Gemini Sun and Gemini Moon(?) I think). I am Aquarius Sun - Scorpio Moon. Our activities together include: - Listening to subliminal videos (quarantine beauty yeeeeesss! ) - Talking on the phone for long hours - Before quarantine we used to hike in the mountains and cuddle in the grass - Discussing politics, religion, God - Strengthening our bond, planning business ideas together He shows his love by actions. So he looks for jobs for me, for after the quarantine. I speak 5 languages to we are thinking translation job. We live in a small city and I never worked, apart from delivering newspaper. (I was stage Green.. unhealthy af :c ) ... Communication + Interests: As a Blue-Orange he likes history, nationality, culture, books, religion, money-making ideas, phone-games, movies, scary videos and paranormal, youtube, technology, science, arguments and debates. I try to elevate him to Orange-Green by teaching him about money, gym, business, marketing, technology, self-help, self-development, environment, government, and showing him veganism, compassion, empathy, self-care and subliminal / binaural audio (very Green! I'm passionate about subliminals. ^^ ) As an emerging Turquoise, my current interests are: subliminals, mantras, meditation, music, dancing, singing, creating, inspiring, helping others grow, helping others heal, reading and studying spiritual material and @Leo Gura 's material, sharing love, communicating, Being, Truth, healing myself, finding valuable friendships, experiencing bliss, exploring reality/other realities, feeling energies, developing psychic abilities and healing abilities, abundance mindset, forever growing, infinite love and gratitude, self-development, connection with God. As you can see a Turquoise thinks very differently than a Blue. But they do not contradict. In fact, Tier 2 can befriend anyone and help them grow. I know my list sounds sounds a tad bit airy-fairy, but it's more practical than you think! ^^ I am a goal oriented person. You can ask me anything btw.. ^^ So our communication and things we do together is mostly me helping him grow to my level. Personality: As a healthy Blue he is: serious, calm, collected, smart, independent, God-fearing, helpful, funny, optimistic, loving, kind partner, nice to people. As a Turquoise I am: playful, happy, calm, conscious, understanding, empathic, psychic, spiritual, positive, helpful, infinitely and unconditionally loving, also nice to people and other beings. We make a good couple. Sex: As a Blue/Orange, he views sex as a means to connect to his lover and strenghten the bond (Blue/Green), and an activity that feels good and that makes him a REAL MAN, as he said with his own words (lowkey Orange?). He is a very simple minded man haha. As an emerging Turquoise, for me sex is an expression of Love and connection. I can also use it for altered states of consciousness. I do not crave sex, I have low sex drive.. I channel sexual energy into creativity and physical energy most of the time. What do you guys think? Anything else you want to know about this unusual spiral combination?

I've been digging through some dirt, metaphorically. Feeling as if rather than digging memories up like the past year has been off and on, it's energetic. Dealt with an episode of rage over a week or so, then another and threw a can of green beans across the room. I went outside a moment and came back in and resumed destructive lack of control. My husband shouted at me to leave and go for a walk, so I did. I went to the cemetery and sat on Dr.P's grave. A small fly came and sat on my hand and stayed there. It reminded me of the poem I shared here weeks ago. “Trust your wound to a teacher’s (God) surgery. Flies collect on a wound. They cover it, those flies of your self-protecting feelings, your love for what you think is yours. Let a Teacher wave away the flies and put a plaster on the wound. Don’t turn your head. Keep looking at the bandaged place. That’s where the Light enters you. And don’t believe for a moment that you’re healing yourself.” Rumi— I knew what to do and sent a message to Nahm and he helped me understand it. Muninn dug a hole randomly in the middle of the yard yesterday like he was possessed. I got my nightmare of alders and invasive roses cut and cleaned our of my neglected shade flower garden. Last year at this time I was riding the wave of bliss from the awakening. I'm so glad this year at this time that my reality was broken. Yesterday I went for a hike somewhere that had been written on a my dreamboard, I haven't been there for months. When I got there the tide was just right and it was spectacular. I've been thinking about (as you know) pyramids a lot lately. I cut off through the woods and went to a shore. There were rocks shaped like pyramids, I hopped down to the beach and looked out a while. Instead of being happy or at peace I felt a kind of anxious energy along with other feelings moving through. I saw a seal pop up for a moment and then I thought of the symbolism on the dollar bill, the eye of providence, the pyramid, the seal ( seal). I want to see an eagle I told myself. At first I judged myself for making the intention. Then my desire grew stronger. I went out and sat on a rock that overlooks the water, and closed my eyes and tried to connect with the power of it, feeling the fear of the water and the impulse to push through and join it and knowing that it was metaphorical currents within I wanted to allow and join. Then I glimpsed an eagle, impossibly high in the sky, I recognized him for a moment until he flew even higher out of sight and recognition. The sunset last night was a spectacular pink pyramid. “The day of resurrection is determined in this manner. The first Sunday after the full moon in Aries is celebrated as Easter. Aries begins on the 21st day of March and ends approximately on the 19th day of April. The sun’s entry into Aries marks the beginning of Spring The moon in its monthly transit around the earth will form sometime between March 21st and April 25th an opposition to the sun, which opposition is called a full moon, The first Sunday after this phenomenon of the heavens occurs Is celebrated as Easter; the Friday preceding this day is observed as Good Friday. This movable date should tell the observant one to look for some interpretation other than the one commonly accepted. These days do not mark the anniversaries of the death and resurrection of an individual who lived on earth.” ― Neville Goddard Say Yes Quickly Forget your life. Say God is Great. Get up. You think you know what time it is. It’s time to pray. You’ve carved so many little figurines, too many. Don’t knock on any random door like a beggar. Reach your long hands out to another door, beyond where you go on the street, the street where everyone says, “How are you?” and no one says How aren’t you? Tomorrow you’ll see what you’ve broken and torn tonight, thrashing in the dark. Inside you there’s an artist you don’t know about. He’s not interested in how things look different in moonlight. If you are here unfaithfully with us, you’re causing terrible damage. If you’ve opened your loving to God’s love, you’re helping people you don’t know and have never seen. Is what I say true? Say yes quickly, if you know, if you’ve known it from before the beginning of the universe. - Rumi Don’t let your throat tighten with fear. Take sips of breath all day and night. Before death closes your mouth. There’s no love in me without your being, no breath without that. I once thought I could give up this longing, then though again, But I couldn’t continue being human. -Rumi You are the only faithful student you have. All the others leave eventually. Have you been making yourself shallow with making other eminent? Just remember, when you’re in union, you don’t have to fear that you’ll be drained. The command comes to speak, and you feel the ocean moving through you. Then comes, Be silent, as when the rain stops, and the trees in the orchard begin to draw moisture up into themselves. -Rumi

Just that you seem to have been meditating for only a few months (if I've understood it correctly), and you have had some deep experiences of emptiness which are frightening and blissful in turns. Integrating it as in having a context for the mystical awareness, to feel ok with being nothingness and having an identity for normal life purposes "I remember calling my girlfriend in a panic and asking her to please start an argument with me so that I could take a definitive stance and in so continue to live the lie that I was living." you've had a taste of bliss and emptiness and you are now working on integrating this with your regular relationships in life, which can carry on with a deeper love rather than fear and panic. You're doing nothing wrong. Although there's nothing to hold onto because there's no separate self to do the holding, and everything is in flux, yet life is infinitely creative and provides new patterns to flow with, even as the old ones dissolve away. Sorry if I sound a bit vague and woolly, are you looking for something more practical or a reassurance that all's well and you're on the right path?

@Jo96 You're exactly where your meant to be. You're shedding layers and layers of yourself which is what is leading you to bliss. What I would say as someonewho has meditated for a while, be aware of having a goal in meditation. You sound like you're mixing up self inquiry with meditation. When we meditate, we come home to who we really are. When we self inquire we explore who we really are. Good luck ?

Day 12 - x3 breathing, 8 minutes in the river. I stilled my mind to the point of completely letting go of the pain and actually felt warm. There were seconds that passed when I was so present I didn't know if i was dead or alive in the river it was complete bliss. I'm really getting into this now!

@Leo Gura According to your experience, do you think that the author of the book is right in his hypothesis about the purpose of God/Mind? ”These considerations point to a telos for the topology of the membrane: if the entire membrane could fold in on itself to form one single loop encompassing all of mind – a kind of cosmic sphere of mind – there would be no trade-off. Self-reflectiveness would be all-encompassing, in the sense that all vibrations of mind – all mental contents – would fall within the field of self-reflection. There would be no ‘unconscious.’ Moreover, there would be no illusion of separation either: this one loop of mind would identify itself with all good and all evil, all bliss and all suffering, all polarities and perspectives. The full nature of mind would unavoidably penetrate the field of its own self-reflective contemplation. Why doesn’t the membrane of mind simply use its freewill to form this single global loop at once? Why hasn’t it happened yet? Why all the struggles? The answer here is rather simple: for mind at large to know that it should shape itself as a single loop it would already have to have the global self-reflectiveness that only a single loop could provide.”

When I began meditating it was very clear the goal I was seeking. I was seeking truth. I wanted to let go of all the noise in my head, the noise from my brain and thoughts and the noise from other people. Within a month I had an experience of emptiness. I felt as if my whole body reassembled flowing water or what I would describe as dream stuff. The sensation was pure emptiness and as I watched my actions throughout the day it was as if I was faced with a choice. I could give in to whatever response had been planned no matter how much it made sense or I could simply let it go. As I went deeper and deeper into letting things go I felt my whole being disintegrating. I felt such a fear grip me that I had not felt in my entire life. I felt as if all the theory I was learning might be true and it terrified me. If there is no me? If all I am is a belief ? Who would I be ? this experience was again revisited after an 8 day retreat where my body head and chest lost all feeling in it. It felt as if every story I told myself was caving in on itself. I remember calling my girlfriend in a panic and asking her to please start an argument with me so that I could take a definitive stance and in so continue to live the lie that I was living. It worked and I returned to my body, but not for long. The following week I felt such fear/ bliss and pure love for reality. I was afraid of what I was becoming Or unbecoming and I was also in love with and grateful to be here. To have people here to counter me, to disappoint me to give me conflict because it all served a higher purpose to keep my ego in place. I remember looking up at the moon the following week and seeing pure love in the sky. It was so beautiful I can’t even explain it. But I was afraid of leaving so I slowly came back to normal life with only the slight after glow of a dream like feeling in my head that still continues to this day. And every now and then if I focus I can still feel my body dissipate like smoke if I focus hard. After these experiences I decided to put it into practice. I decided to dedicate some of the day to let things go or to meditate. What’s funny is as I go deeper into letting things go I realize the ridiculous nature of that. The act itself of letting things go is doing? How can I choose to let go? Is that not not letting go? The deeper I dive into meditations the more unclear everything seems. Ultimately what I’m saying may be misunderstood because I’m not even sure I totally understand it but all I’ve learned from Leo and other teachers it’s all ultimately words. If I dive deep into them they break down just like my body does. Nothing can really be held onto. I say this with uncertainty. So please correct me if I’m wrong. Just sharing

http://humandesign.net/basic-concepts.html """ FOUR TYPES OF HUMAN BEINGS AND THEIR STRATEGY The Human Design System groups people into 4 specific types: Manifestors, Generators, Projectors and Reflectors. The main difference between each type is in their aura. Although there are endless variations within each type (and within our genetics), each type has a specific auric quality that determines its strategy - a correct way of approaching and navigating life. Strategy and authority are two key elements of the Human Design System – and all you really need to know to live a fulfilling life free from resistance. We are objects moving in space. Just like a street car when driven off the road, we too encounter problems and resistance when we don't respect our unique nature. MANIFESTOR Manifestors are a minority - around 8% of all people. You are the only type that is here to initiate. Historically, Manifestors were the rulers and law givers of the world. So many of our habits and accepted generalizations are created by and fit for Manifestors. You are the ones - the only ones - who really can go out and make things happen. As children this happens as soon as they can reach the doorknob. You are designed to be an unstoppable force that will not allow anyone to control you. If there is something you want, go and get it, as it will not come to you (be it a job, partner etc.) - just listen to your authority. You have the potential to shape the world the way you want it to be. On an energy level you have a very deep impact on others, but your aura doesn't communicate as much as the auras of other types. That's why people often don't know what to think about you. It creates un unconscious fear in them and they try to control you from the moment you were born. This leads you to your predominant negative feeling – anger. The secret of success for you lies in communication. The way to operate correctly for you as a Manifestor is to inform. Inform those that are going to be impacted by your actions about what you're going to do. In this way, others will not be so intimidated by you. They may actually help you and put their energy into whatever it is that you have initiated. Then you can find what you are looking for - PEACE. Without informing, you will get resistance every step of the way. That's why many Manifestors, already in their childhood, resign, after being punished over and over again by parents, teachers and others. They give up their manifesting powers and concentrate on going through life, just getting by. They may feel ignored, or like they've been run over by a truck. The last thing they would want to do is to inform others. Everybody else is in their way all the time, so the idea of making it easier for others by informing is unacceptable. Yet it's the only way out of the circle of control and resistance. (While still living with parents, Manifestor's strategy is actually different - they need to ask for permission.) Go to sleep as soon as you begin to feel tired. You can read or watch a movie for a while before you fall asleep, but already lying down in a horizontal position. If possible, sleep alone, not in other people's aura – you will feel the difference in you in the morning.Remember that there may be a neighbor above or behind the wall and if you're closer then your two arm-lengths, you are still in each other's aura. Strategy: Inform those who will be impacted by your actions. Think about that, you'll see you impact quite a lot of people. Predominant negative feeling: Anger Famous Manifestors: Johny Depp, Richard Burton, George W. Bush, Adolf Hitler, Frida Kahlo, Jack Nicholson, Robert DeNiro, Orson Welles and Susan Sarandon GENERATOR Almost 70 % of all people are Generators. If you have a defined Sacral center, then no matter how the rest of your chart looks, you are one of them. Generators are the great workers of the world. But also the slaves, who doing work they can't stand, day after day. You can imagine Manifestors as the Pharaohs of the ancient Egypt and Generators as all those multitudes who built the pyramids. Sacral is a tremendous energy generator (hence the name) that gives you all the energy you need to do things, anything you enter into correctly. For Generators, life is all about RESPONSE. Instead of chasing after life, let the life come to you. Your aura, like a powerful magnet, brings to you everything you need to fulfill your purpose. Sacral can not initiate, it can only respond. The only truth is that which comes to you through your response. Without responding, you will end up deeply frustrated. SATISFACTION is the key word for Generators. You need to be selfish; it's all about self satisfying work. Do only what brings you satisfaction. Your life is all about doing what you love and only that shows you who you are and brings you happiness. In words of a renowned anthropologist Joseph Campbell: "Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors for you where there were only walls." If you initiate, if you don't respond and enter into things incorrectly, you get the theme of frustration and want to get out, quit. Your energy is cut off and you end up feeling depleted, tired or frustrated. There are 2 categories of Generators: (Pure) Generators and Manifesting Generators. The main difference is that Pure Generators work in gradual phases, much like climbing a mountain: going up, things are moving on, until they reach a plateau when nothing seems to be happening. If they didn't begin whatever they are doing out of response, this is the moment when they feel stuck or trapped. However, if they entered into it correctly, eventually an impulse will come from outside and they will resume their work, and start climbing again. Manifesting Generators do things very quickly and are even more tempted to initiate (not waiting for something to respond to). They are very efficient and skip that, which is not important. But in doing so, they also often skip something essential and then they need to go back to it. If you're a Generator, it's healthy for you to go to bed only when you are exhausted. If you haven't used up your energy, you will have problem falling asleep and will not wake up fresh the next day. Strategy: Wait to respond Predominant negative feeling: Frustration for Pure Generators and frustration and/or anger for Manifesting Generators. Famous Pure Generators: Albert Einstein, Dalai Lama, Elvis Presley, Bill Clinton, Meryl Streep, John Lennon, Madonna, James Dean, Vladimir Lenin, Carl Jung, Timothy Leary, Oprah Winfrey, Meg Ryan, Greta Garbo, Margaret Thatcher, Deepak Chopra Famous Manifesting Generators: Frederic Chopin, Marie Curie, Hillary Clinton, Clint Eastwood, Sigmund Freud, Mahatma Gandhi, Steffi Graf, Marie Antoinette, Mikhail Gorbachev, Jimi Hendrix, Pope John Paul II, Janis Joplin, Friedrich Nietzsche, Richard Nixon, Yoko Ono, Prince, Jaqueline Onassis, Martin Luther King, Vincent Van Gogh PROJECTOR If you are a Projector (22 % of population), you are not here to work. You are here to know others, to recognize and guide them. But that can only happen if you yourself are 1) recognized and 2) invited to do so. Your strategy is to wait for an invitation in the important areas of you life (your relationships, work etc.). If your authority says yes, then you can really share your gifts and guidance. To be invited means that you are seen and recognized for your values. If you don't wait for an invitation, or the energy of invitation, you meet resistance. Through your open centers, you take others in deeply. You take in other people's definition and you can clearly see who they are. Your aura focuses on the very core of their being and you can recognize others. But if you try to guide others without being invited to do so, you meet resistance, or feel that no one really sees you, no one recognizes you. Out of that comes a deep feeling of bitterness, often mixed with exhaustion. Projectors fear that they will not be invited. But if you follow your strategy of waiting for the invitation, what happens is that your aura's frequency starts to change and the more you live according to your design, the more invitations you get. This will bring you SUCCESS. Once invited, you don't need to wait for any more invitations regarding whatever you were invited to (project, job, relationship etc.). Just follow your authority in doing what you do and don't initiate. The invitation, correct entry into anything, is the key. The feeling of being recognized, appreciated, heard and seen. Is it there? Great. If not, you may stop talking in mid sentence and save yourself yet one more disappointment of not being understood. Projectors are the eternal students of humanity and system masters. You need to have a system through which you can relate and understand life. Projectors often have the need to study Human Design deeply in order to gain the intellectual understanding of how they are to operate correctly. Projectors are the only type who can really know what's going on. Your openness can be energetically exhausting, so it is important to have your own space where you can relax. The same advice regarding sleeping applies to you as to everyone else with an undefined Sacral: go to bed as soon as you begin to feel tired and if at all possible, sleep alone (see Manifestors for details). Strategy: Wait for an invitation, or the energy of invitation Predominant negative feeling: Bitterness Famous Projectors: Queen Elisabeth II, Mick Jagger, Joseph Stalin, Ringo Starr, Osho, Napoleon, Woody Allen, Salvador Dali, Elizabeth Taylor, Fidel Castro, James Joyce, Barbra Streisand, Ulysses S. Grant, Douglas MacArthur, Demi Moore, Princess Diana, Tony Blair, Ramana Maharshi, George Gurdjieff REFLECTOR Reflectors make up only about 1 % of the population. If you have all your centers open, you are a Reflector. You are completely open to the world and others. As there are no defined centers in your design, you take in the definition of everybody else. It's like seeing the world through their eyes, sampling their particular frequency and reflecting back the other. You are like a mirror and the reflection of other people constantly changes your perception. One moment you many feel extremely emotional, the next moment it's gone. Then you may get all these ideas and a strong sense of knowing where you're going in life, and then it's gone again, and so on and so forth. That's why it's very important for you to choose your friends and partners carefully, as they will have a great impact on your feelings and your experience of yourself. For you, the open G center rule - to be only in places that you like - is even more important. Then you will be with the right people and get the love you seek. Your total openness can make you at times almost invisible to others. Without knowing the mechanics of your design, you may feel deeply disappointed in life. But this very openness is a potential for a great wisdom, if you learn how to work with it correctly. You are here to sample life. To successfully apply this knowledge, Reflectors have the need to study and intellectually understand the Human Design System. Any kind of pressure is detrimental to your health. Take your time to make important decisions and don't let anyone pressure you. You are a lunar being, tied to the lunar cycle, so the strategy for you is to wait 29 days before making any major decision . During these 29 days, talk with different people about your decision - and listen to what you yourself say about it. That's how you find something different and how you get to be SURPRISED. Life for you is an impersonal experience. As you go through life, learning the truth of "this isn't me" again and again, your greatest potential is that of complete transparency. Your openness can be energetically exhausting so it is important to have your own space where you can relax. The same advice regarding sleep applies for you as for everyone else with an undefined Sacral: go to bed as soon as you begin to feel tired and if at all possible, sleep alone (see Manifestors for details). Strategy: Wait 29 days (the full cycle of the Moon) before making a major decision and talk with others about it, while paying attention to what you say Predominant negative feeling: Disappointment Famous Reflectors: H.G. Wells, Sandra Bullock, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Ammaji (hugging Amma) TYPES - CONCLUSION The strategy of each type is very simple, yet it may be not be easy to put into practice at first. Manifestors, who feel controlled by others all their life, need to inform. Generators, who have oceans of energy, can't just go around doing anything - they need to wait and respond. Projectors, who can see others and are here to guide them, need to wait for an invitation - something they never expect to happen. And Reflectors, with their openness and taking in other people's definition, must wait 29 days before making a major decision - no matter how certain they feel about something in the moment. """

Yeah if you inquire 'whose feeling the pain?' and this sit is what You (not you) want to do, the suffering from the pain tends to dissolve, and the pain is what remains, along with bliss because you are doing what You want to do. In my experience, inquire why you want to sit for this long, and that will likely give you a good answer as to how to move forward. If sitting is really worth it for You, You Will get through the 2 hours. Otherwise, walking or taking breaks or even meditating while doing the dishes might be just as effective, and your idea that you must sit for 2 hours to get results is spiritual/new age social conditioning.

Yes, the entire conscious physical experience is the Ego. It is just an extension and a vehicle of consciousness from the psyche (your conscious "Self" in formless beyond the physical experience), which allows us to play with limited thoughts, ideas, imagination etc., in this physical dream reality we are participating. The "Physical conscious mind", being the whole of this reality itself as an individual and as a collective! The physical suffering, or bliss, is "within" the "Ego Physical Conscious Mind" that is created with the thoughts, ideas, imagination, beliefs., we focus our attention on! We are very similar in our perspective. Thanks for sharing Victor! ❤✌

Hello everyone, i would like to share something what happen yesterday, I'm not sure if it was Spritual awakening access to absolute nature of reality or not. Here is the story I have being doing meditation and mindfulness from past 3years just for getting real world benefits, but i wasn't really interested in enlightenment, it was just unknown to me what exactly is that. As lots of people are going through suffering and adversity right now, i also was little bit anxious about whats going on, few days ago i checked out Leo's videos benefits of enlightenment, i got me little bit interested in this topic. Fast forward two days later i randomly meet someone who has the LSD, i got one from them, before taking LSD, i watched some more videos on self enquiry, just so i can practice his techniques while I'm tripping. As i took lsd, as lsd start to kick in I couldn't able to focus on mediation or self enquiry for past 4 hours, then i went to my backyard its very green and has lots of trees. I sit there then i started to practice self enquiry trying to find my true nature by ask who am i? And as i try to locate my self inside my head, i started to become aware of that emptiness, the i put my all efforts to become observer of my own consiouness or emptiness inside me, after few minutes something happens which is hard to express in words but I'll do my best. As becoming more and more conscious of my emptiness inside my head, suddenly there is exploding on my consiouness which move out of typical location where it resides near eyebrow, my consiouness has move way from that direction came near the neck and scattered and after that it connect's with infinite consiouness, it feels like I'm the whole consiouness I'm struggling to come with words. It feels like my body is connected with everything in the universe I'm not separate from plants or table or anything. It feels like I'm not my body, mind or thoughts, I'm just one infinite field of consciousness which was now detached from my body, I'm become that expanded consiouness, i can feel that everything was consiouness with different forms of reality. I was like floating in the sea of consiouness and completely become separate from my thoughts, Thoughts were there but i was completely detached, i was completely detached from my body i didn't care if anything happen to this body or not, because i knew i was much more than my body, I'm infinite consiouness which is one with whole reality, later i started crying with blanket of bliss wash all over me, for few minutes i was amazed what i saw can't me unseen , i was just saying wooo this can't be true it was too much to handle. I'm still shocked what i saw yesterday. Hopefully some of you can resonates with this experience, hope you can give some insights what happen to me. Thanks for reading

“Facing the music”, no longer avoiding one’s emotions, is divine & ecstatic indeed, incredibly freeing & empowering. The pain body is not the source of this bliss, of this divinity, but the “veil” of it. The pain body is the emotions created in our misunderstandingS of self & reality. Love & understanding frees us of the pain body. There is a realization we reach, and that is how we have been identifying with the pain body. Meditation is like free falling into the ultimate fire of our source, of you, of unconditional love, all conditions are burned away. In this falling, in truly letting go - everything you do not want, everything that does not feel good, all which does not resonate with you, is burned away. Let it be Let it go. Watch out for the sneakery of thinking, attempts to ‘hold on’, to justify the feelings and thoughts that you don’t even want. Let them go! In returning to your true self, that which you never in truth, left - burn the boats. In the journey home, everything, every thought & every feeling which no longer serves you - which never did serve you - burn it. When a thought arises, tempting you back to that place which does not resonate in your being - light it afire. Visualize turning behind you as you’ve now returned to the shore of your all-loving & ever-loving self from your many journeys thus far, and lighting the boats a blaze. Smile, and watch them burn, feel the warmth. There is a psychological method in which a therapist develops trust with a patient, with the forethought and understanding that the patient will eventually explore the root experiences of stored emotions, of their pain body. Understanding arises in that the pain body was created in misunderstanding of past experiences. The idea on the therapists behalf, is that the patient will express these stored emotions, by basically venting them, or lashing out, onto the therapist, as if the therapist actually was the person in the original relationship, of which the patient created the emotions. Thus, freeing the patient of the hanging onto the pain body any longer. Understanding arises in the clarity, the clearing out, of the ‘old’ emotional blockages. The Emotional scale can be most useful in seeing this, and gaining understanding of the power of letting go & how it relates to the emotions we create & experience. The power of now (I don’t mean the book, but that which the message points to, - this, - now ) is as ‘real’ as it gets, and it’s quite shocking to become aware of the infinite levels of sneakery at play in thought, which appear to mask or veil the miracle of now. If, and only if, it resonates with you, that is, feels like “yes, this feels like the thing to do”...I would express all what you’re experiencing about her, if you go to see her again. Empty both barrels, so to speak. Don’t leave a drop of any of that which is not resonating within you. Don’t be concerned for her, it will only result in her feeling more of the bliss & ecstasy of being. That “something” might be a solid “clue” as to connecting what I said above. Something remaining, something identified with. Through ‘getting it out’ - expressing, understanding arises ‘behind it’ - fills in the space which was cleared in the expressing. (Reference the visual of the emotional scale, to see what’s being pointed to.) Also, I think you are at a much deeper place of acceptance, and Leo’s Authority video might be just the thing to shed the light. You might see that ultimately it doesn’t matter about the reiki lady. But again, if there is pain body to be released, and expression feels like the helpful thing to you, do that. You “win” ultimately in understanding, however you go about it.

Reincarnation is a thing imo. Past/last life karma determines what shitty/blessed life you'll get next time. But never mind that, did you know that you "consciousness" will not cut its tie to the physical body after clinical death? So in short you'll feel the physical and emotional pain of your body being cremated/slowly decaying in a coffin? This intense pain is a thing of life that we think modern technology made obsolete for most of us. All sources on these theories in my signature. That's how the soul/consciousness evolves spiritually (intense suffering after/during death), now it's the first time in history when we can choose to take breakthrough doses of psychedelics to avoid reincarnation and make the process of attaining bliss FASTER.

I'll leave this here too https://podcast.mindvalley.com/jamie-wheal-hustle-versus-flow/ Jamie Wheal and Steven Kotler are co-founders/authors of The Flow Genome Project/Stealing Fire. In this podcast, Jamie touches base on Quote "Why we Should all Be Like Surfers Hustling vs. Surrendering and Which is the Way to Success What Spiral Dynamics can Teach Us About our Thought Patterns What Microdosing on LSD can Teach Us (listen to this first!) The 3 Things Human’s Need for a Deep Stage Change State vs. Stage Changes and Which One We Should Focus On How High Waking State Delta can Give Us a Deeper Perspective of Personal Growth What Thinkitating is and How to Use it to Come up with Brilliant Ideas How we can Use Non-Ordinary States of Consciousness to Reshape the World Why the Vagus Nerve is Critical for Intellectual Growth The 5 Areas we Need to Optimize to Evolve as a Species The Bliss Molecule we Need to be Concentrating On Why we Need to build Ethical Cults Vishen’s Plan to Build an Earth Flag (and where! hint: it doesn’t reside on this planet) Why we Need a Psychedelic Renaissance (and the one book that can guide us) How the Seretonin System is Key for Humanity’s Liberation" There was a mention on nootropics and 5MeO as well.

What I’m about to tell you has been very concerning to me for sometime now. About a year. So this post has been in the making for that long now. It’s a little bit long so please bear with me. - To make a long story short, quite some time ago, I got a nasty concussion in a car accident and was knocked out cold for a few hours. After that, I started to experience a lot of anxiety, insomnia, personality changes, and quite a few other emotional disturbances. Fast forward many years later and I discovered Eckhart Tolle and the Power of Now ? Wow o wow. Practicing the pain body as explained in The Power of Now was truly transforming. I was basically meditating every waking hour, because my anxiety was 24/7. When I was conscious of my painbody, I felt pure bliss and ecstasy. Now fast forward about a year later. I started doing Reiki with this wonderful lady. She would do a little Reiki on me and then run her hands hovering around my body and I could literally feel her energy, this warmth I had never been able to perceive from someone before. I always felt really comfortable and calm when she was finished, actually so calm I’d usually fall asleep when she did it. It was the 2nd meeting when she said she found an energy in my body that wasn’t mine (i had told her on our first visit that for the past few months I had this very weird energy in me that didn’t belong to me and that it wouldn’t go away.) So on the 2nd appointment she said she located the energy and just started yawning. Straight up yawning for like 10 minutes. I said what the heck are you doing? She said she located the energy and is extracting it from me (mind you I didn’t believe in any of this stuff before I met her). I kid you not. When I got out of there that energy was completely gone for me. This is when I started to realize there is something special about this lady. I kept seeing her for months and loved it. She would do these angel meditations that were truly remarkable. Turned me into a believer. I’m convinced that she could read minds. She would know stuff about me before me even telling her (I never experienced this before with someone and just in case you're thinking, I’m not schizo or anything like that). I even mentioned that about her and she had a smirk on her face. So going forward, I had told her in 1 meeting that recently I had been experiencing a lot of anger and aggression lately, even towards strangers I didn’t know. In the next appointment we had gotten into a kind of heated discussion about something and I kinda snapped at her. I just remembered the way she looked at me, thinking like, ok this guys concussion has really done some bad to him. So the next appointment she said she was going to work on my head (brain). She looked like she had been thinking long and hard about this. For like 20 minutes she was hovering her hands around my head and speaking these incantations (dunno if Spanish or what. She is from South America, indignant background, FYI). When I got out of there I felt like my emotions were completely numb. My anger was gone. My good feelings were gone. I couldn’t feel my pain body anymore. I used to take these long baths every night, in a low lit bathroom with some nice music and just feel pure bliss. I would just feel my being. That all went away. I used to love connecting to the earth. Just five minutes of being barefoot in the grass and I would feel ecstatic for hours after ward. That also went away. I love dogs. There was this dog that lived in the same building as me and knew me well and really liked me. When he saw me after that the first time he ran up to me, barked at me, and ran away. SUPER strange as I am a really big dog lover. Same thing with a cat one day. I walked into a friend's house (that I’d been before), and the cat hissed at me and acted all weird (never did that before). My friend even mentioned it and got a little worried. Also my intuition. It’s like my inner compass is gone. My answers used to come from my being, not anymore. I can sense that it’s there (my intuition and being), but there’s like a wall there not letting me access it. Acceptance. Acceptance was a really big learning for me from the Power of Now. It really was huge. I just learned how to accept my new difficulties and any challenges I faced. I can’t feel my acceptance anymore. It’s like I just can’t accept things anymore. My intellectualism is gone. My answers used to come from my being and I would just speak so elaborately and passionately about something. That’s gone. My burning desire and passion for learning is gone. I’m like a sponge absorbing new information. I remember watching many of Leo advanced videos on Enlightenment (i.e: Why brains don’t exist), and I would just understand and eat up everything the first time I heard it. Not anymore. Not so interested and don’t really grasp it. Same thing for reading. My passion for reading is gone. When people ask me questions now it’s like my desire to answer them is gone (I used to like to entertain peoples thought provoking questions). Dunno if you believe in the fifth dimension and all that? But after I would be done grounding outside I would just be absolutely beaming with energy. My pupils would dilate. Other people also noticed this about me. But I don’t feel these ecstatic energies anymore. Mind you, this all started immediately after she worked on my head. It was as clear as day to me. I remember the first week following that session and me thinking what the hell is wrong with me?? I started wondering if this lady put a curse on me or what? My reasoning at the moment was that she was doing for the better of mankind (I guess so I don’t get angry with other people and hurt them). When I had mentioned this to her all she told me was that she leveled my energies out. That I was really intense (my anxiety, my energy, everything). That all she did was work with light from the angels. I did feel more balanced, but I didn’t like this new me. I told her to please undo whatever she did that I was feeling horrible. So she worked on my head again. I felt considerably better (a lot less numb) but not like I was previous to the first time she worked on my head. To this day, I still can’t really feel my painbody My inner compass is gone. I don’t get that feeling when I connect with nature anymore. I don’t get that spiritual bliss anymore. It’s been almost a year. What the hell is wrong with me? Did she do something that left me permanently emotionally and spiritually blocked? I must mention that the 1 good thing that came out of that was that I don’t feel this really bad anger that I would get (not frequently) after my concussion (it was a scary anger though, not so much intense, but like a deep and dark anger). But I don’t care. I want to feel again. Someone, please, help!

Bud I'm honestly telling you, you have taken the I am God belief and stacked it on top of your egoic self agenda and have convinced yourself you are God. There isn't even a you to be God... I don't have any attachments so I don't know why you keep projecting that belief this direction... You also avoid any tough questions on your direct God realization experience... I'm sure you would just say something like it's Indescribable pure Bliss.. But this is just a non dual mystical experience... barely a glimpse it's not Enlightenment Awakening Liberation or anything of the sort. It's super noticeable also when your Paradigm gets rocked a little bit you start panicking... it's so funny to see... but I kind of feel bad for you also... I don't need my experience validated over and over again to satisfy some kind of egoic specialness requirement... I love you but seriously holy smokes dude you're stubborn as hell...

@Arzack - "Old souls" and "new souls" don't exist. A breakthough will teach you that. Hell, even science will teach you that. Remember "energy cannot be created nor destroyed" Fear can be a real bitch. I've faced it with doing MEO many many times. But guess what? On the other side of that fear is complete liberation and bliss. @Leo Gura has said (along the lines of) "you think its going to be hell then you do it and it's like landing on feathers" . A NIN song title comes to mind... "The only way out... Is through" Stop making excuses and either : -Face your fear directly - work on yourself with breakwork enough to eventually face your fear - continue with the same patterns, living the same life and make no progress once so ever.

No, you don't, not even close, you still play video games and waste your time, you still have many questions. You're not even 1% of the way there. Not trying to be mean, but this rabbit hole goes infinitely deep, not a couple of trips deep. There is nothing else to do. Read my post above about "nothing-to-do-ness". You don't just stop once you've "made it". God made this creation to explore itself, not to sit and bask in bliss.

State of no thought, just experiencing the entire body with with no uncomfortableness which is bliss. I don't know it's personal, maybe that's why there are a lot of explanation. I just have a sense of good feeling. Respect to Nihilism too! I always connected Nihilism to a low vibration state but I guess everything has a truth to it . But I misunderstood your post! Why fear freedom? Why do we not deserve freedom? Why aren't we worthy? Why is it barbaric?

No i can describe it to you outside the forum but it probably won't do it justice. I have said that it is Divine, frozen - in that it is outside time and space (time and space happen within Infinity) and a feeling of Bliss and Love as if you melted into Absolute Love. Because that is what it is. What you and i call death is actually a melting into Absolute Infinity or Love. And realizations into the nature of reality, your true nature, that the self is illusory, all can happen instantaneously. You should get a hold of some psychedelics with all of what you know now and trip.