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@LfcCharlie4 I am not cranky I am just foolin' around. Nothing new I guess. Yeah coffee sucked balls drinking this turkish black one need to change it but got addicted. In all honesty confused af what to do, with enlightenment devil completelly dies and you lived for it even this spiritual games are for it. Don't want to continue this but I have to, real mess. Ignorance is a bliss sometimes. If I could choose again would delay enlightenment til age of 75 then I would be ok have a good laugh and will die in peace.

@Alextvvv Yes, the ‘brain getting rewired’ is a ‘real’ thing. It’s unmistakable, and “rewiring” is a pretty accurate description of the change / experience / sensation. I can attest to the front, the entire brain and spine, and the lower area in the back of the brain just above the spine. That last one was by far most intense, though not painful or concerning in any way. There is also what I can only describe as an aura activation, like body awareness / presence beyond the body. It seems to go from 3 ft to maybe 12 ft and then beyond discernible edges / borders. There is also a similar body bliss change that occurs which seems to encompass & basically ‘reprogram’ all of the systems. All separate occasions. Not sure if they’re related in the sense one would always occur before another. Then there’s another which honestly can’t be approached with words, but is remarkably more unmistakable. Take it for what you will. Sharing cause you’re interested. Totally get how it might sound. The most impactful one, the back of the brain, took 3 - 4 days, and then the more gradual aspect of it was any thoughts arising, being ‘re-filed’ in accordance with the change. That took around a month. Also, one occurred in the very end of a trip, one in meditation, the rest ‘in the middle of a day’ out of nowhere.

Hey! I'm also twenty and have been on this path for ab 4 years rather seriously. Remember, ignorance is NOT bliss. If you feel like your spirituality is preventing you from enjoying mundane life then you are missing something in your practice. There are 2 aspects of spiritual practice, both are important: Wisdom: Knowing I am nothing. Love: Knowing I am everything. It sounds to me like you have too much wisdom and not enough love. I'd reccomend doing more self-love, compassion, forgiveness, and heart opening. I find myself falling into the trap of too much wisdom and not enough compassion (it's a very common masculine trap). Try out some self-love meditations or heart openers. It's very easy to ignore these practices. Don't! They feel amazing. Much love, Adam

Question that comes up from suffering. Do I really want to do this? Become conscious of what's actually the case? Feels like I'm dying. Nope, you know what bliss feels like already. Doesn't feel like that at all. Do I really want to do this? I do. I do. I've had a few little love affairs They didn't last very long and they've been pretty scarce I used to think I was sensible It makes the truth even more incomprehensible 'Cause everything is new And everything is you And all I've learned has overturned What can I do Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me Don't go sharing your devotion Lay all your love on me

from a self-inquiry Im not "behind my head" or my "visual field" Im a everywhere in the body, the visual field is just one aspect of myself that Ive fixated upon so hard that I think I am that, but if I look closely I can see that I exist everywhere in the body but in different sensations and flavours. this insight was accompanied by a feeling of adrenaline, bliss and a weird sense of floatiness... this is a very fresh out of the oven hot baked bread insight, if anyone wants to clear it up for me or tell me Im wrong, please do

Yeah i really got this vibe when tripping with a friend realizing i'm talking to my self while on Lucy.I might post that trip someday. To me it makes sense if you are eternal consciousness forever that you are lonely.Of course i didn't mean this post as something negative but educational.Insanity ain't a bad thing perhaps it is like a defence mechanism,but it does explain how we forgot we are one being and created all of reality with imagination.It does explain how we see a world when it's sheer emptiness beyond our form.A human analogy for me would be people with alter personalities.These personalities exist only in their minds and they are a part of their mind.But when the person looks deep within they are facets of his mind.Having seemingly their own character and problems.Taking this to the infinite mind perspective is a great way to open up one's imagination about the arising of form..Forgetfulness and ignorance seem to be main elements of existence.To me this ignorance is bliss there is nothing beyond it but nothingness itself. So i have fallen in love with it's insanity. Created out of love and beauty for its own good.The magic of it is that you don't feel alone,if you aren't conscious that you are all of it. Maybe that's the purpose of the ego,love yourself through being all the forms you can be always and forever..

When you live these “smart things” rather than intellectualizing about them, they most certainly help our situation on Earth. Bliss, happiness, love and truth are available right now, regardless of form. This is a radical possibility many do not see.

It’s pure bliss. Can’t be achieved. Focus on relaxing while breathing from your stomach. Don’t add to that, don’t question it, simply do it.

if your mental health is fucked up the only logical thing to do is become a hardcore seeker. take it slow and slowly intensify your practises. ive worked up to an hour and a half of kriya yoga/self enquiry every day. will be starting intense 5meo retreats soon. if someone has a mind that is broken, no matter how many "good things" you bring into your life...your life will probably still be shit because your mind will still be fucked up. i'd consider it utterly nonsensical to dedicate myself to anything else in the given circumstance...i was the same, but now im happy...and im going to get enlightened eventually...like, actually. learn how to do self enquiry, kriya yoga, practise for at least an hour a day and do 5meo retreats periodically and keep doing that until you enter a state of super knowledge, divine wisdom, perpetual bliss and eternal life...

Take me away Shower me with bliss or throw me in hell I'm all yours This Love, inevitable You're damaging the soul, the heart is saying But both are redeemed To You You already know everything! Glimpses give rise to longing To passion Then to connection Why are You hiding?! Why are You shy?! Then to annihilation To permanence Bury me there!

Spiritual consumerism is a plague in spiritual groups. The consumer feels he cannot get enough of the correct information in the correct way & feels he knows more than the teacher. Criticizes, schools or degrades the teacher, loves to argue and challenge, no appreciation, yet hangs out on the forums rather than moving on and actually creating something of value for the world. Book for a process of disintegrating the ego: The Direct Means to Eternal Bliss by Michael Landford Using this book, one reads a section repeatedly and slowly and does not move on to next section until previous section is fully integrated. The ego is very resistant to being disassembled by repetition. Ego vehemently resists repetition - because it works. Giant egos hate repetition, gets bored easily, loves spiritual consumerism, loves to criticize, will not create.

I’ve been doing that actuality technique that Leo once posted some time ago since my country went into lockdown in mid March. I started off starring at my hand or details in leather, or crumps and marks lying around. Then I moved into a spot in nature surrounded by trees starring at dead leaves. Eventually I started to gain the ability to hyper focus but be relatively hyper conscious at the same time. I got to points where I was like wtf this is real? Almost as things gain an extra level or realness, like pulling back layers of being asleep more and more. I do it for half an hour every other day or two, since my brain can’t candle that much strain of focus because it takes a lot. Recently while doing it I start laughing for no reason or feel intense waves of bliss, but also notice that my state seems to slightly change when I finish the sit. I decided I’d go balls to the wall and just hardcore focus for an hour. After I finished when my concentration lapsed I was walking back and realised I was tripping balls identical to a low dose of shrooms, I was on a very different state and it seemed to have a comedown with the feeling being identical to a trip as well. I was wondering if anyone else has had an experience like this where they are mildly tripping? Or at least had a very noticeable altered state after some type of meditation? Also, why does this happen? This doesn’t seem to happen for any other type of meditation. Only very strong focussing.

I wouldn't say 5-MeO builds up energy - although it is very energetically intense (hard to explain). It's much more about releasing stored and repressed energy, untying knots etc. The vibrations that I experience with 5-MeO feel like i'm shedding off layers of energy. There isn't any orgasmic bodily sensations like in the video you linked (at least I haven't experienced them), but there is Bliss. I have had permanent, lasting changes to my entire sense of being from 5-MeO, but there is still much more to work on. On another note, that video is kinda' hot!

I don't know if throwing the baby out with the bathwater is the best approach in life. I wouldn't be voting for Peterson to design an overarching narrative for my life but he is an incredibly intelligent individual that I have enjoyed listening to. I picture him as a 1950s type of guy. Trained behavioral psychologist who is heavily influenced by Piaget and developmental psychology. His lectures are interesting. His ability to remain centered while under attack deserves recognition. Not many people are capable of such composure. Tearing people down isn't challenging, finding common ground and distilling truths from murky places is. I am far from wise and am guilty of ribbing people out of my own ego frustration. I will continue to do this and attempt to grow out of it. Ignorance is not bliss, for anyone.

So about those friends, I gave them so much love and care, but also they got to know my dark side, and I didn't want anything back for helping them in their own lives, but after some time when I am trying to talk to them, they just don't say anything, I think I made them confuse or they are afraid of me in some way. I wrote a poem for them, I didn't believe my creativity after finishing it, it was just like a very good hindi song lyrics but I have got no one to share it with. The problem is when I get to talk to one, I just don't like her because I find her way more ignorant than I ever imagined. Then I just treat her like a sex slave, and then it stops working. I feel so alone, though I am very happy, I feel bliss all the time, but when I go down to talk to her, the desire and suffering cycle start repeating, though it's slowly vanishing, but when this moment comes it's very painful. It hurts to not have anyone, to understand you.

So maybe I had big expectations or its the state I am coming out of, but I feel depressed when I see that I have had this state of bliss in my meditation but now I can't be authentic in front of people, as they think something weird with me. I had only couple of female friends in my life till now, and at times, I feel intensely desperate for someone. I try to express myself authentically, and it goes to the deep end, which they don't get and think I am trying to impress them or something. It has become a catch 22 problem with me, I want to continue doing self actualization for my own good, but it makes me intense in my ways of expressing myself in my personal relationship. Though my relationship to my family and friends are becoming healthier, I am becoming more creative but it's very sad at times when I feel desperate for a girl who could have understood me, that's something which I have used to express myself through. In these kinds of moment, it's very relaxing for me to post on the forum. Somehow it releases the tension, I don't know how much of this resonate with you, but please let me know if you felt similar to this.

I've done over a year now, not every day of exact same technique as Leo's but breath work in general. I reach an state of euphoria/bliss like every morning when I do my routine. It's supercharged my energy lately, I have crazy amounts of creative power. Also combined it with cool/cold showers and sexual transmutation exercises, and body weight fitness training to ground myself pretty much. I also do Kundalini Yoga and Chi Gong. I've almost passed out many times but now I've learned to control myself really well. So pay attention to that, and don't do the exercise standing up or in dangerous places. I can not recommend it enough though. It's really life-changing stuff. E: When I say Kundalini Yoga I'm referring to the exercises that SantataGamana shares in Kundalini Exposed

I'm on 400ug acid and vaped 30mg or more of N,N-DMT. I got to "there". I got to that "this is everything" place. There was no emotion: no fear, love, anxiety, bliss; nothing but existence itself exists here. But this is what I think people ought to know: Rather than feel tiny compared to the universe, the universe felt like it was just one of these pretend things on the sheet of existence that we can't let the rest of us know about or it'll spoil the joke. At the time, I was bigger than the entire universe. There's no big or small or expansive or limited. Existence is a 2D sheet... A plane... Perceptions of things being huge (like the universe) is manufactured, it's nonensical untruths. The only real and definite truth is that blade/sheet of existence that everything is. You are as big as the Sun or the planet Neptune or the entire fucking galaxy and Solar System and universe, because existence is ALL that there is. Size, dimensions, time, it's all manufactured. And THAT... THAT is EVERYTHING. "God", "entities", the "universe", "you", "us"... Nothing exists but existence itself. IT is EVERYTHING

I always think...if a person is in constant pain or torture...literally the *only* logical thing to do would be to stop the torture...by any means necessary. I had my own torture and it was getting to the point where I wasn't being able to get out of bed and I had to call my dad because I was trembling with anxiety and fear. I now do an hour and a half of self enquiry/kriya yoga every day and I'll be starting my 5meo retreats soon. I have never been happier...and the knowledge that my happiness will grow exponentially brings me even greater joy hehe. From deep torment to bliss ey. Can't wait to start playing with the big boys with 10 day kriya/SDS 5meo retreats hehe

@LfcCharlie4 Much appreciated man, and again, thank you, for all the kind words and also just for talking about the transmissions, for ‘getting it out there’. I’m reeling like an atheist who glimpses Truth the first time with those. The spiritual ego and bliss of it is too much currently. It’s much like a trip, integration, and backlash in a very short duration, like five minutes. Seems to be a full circle of conditioning, in that the body gives out from the love. More likely, some conditions held will be purified out. Both surely lol. I don’t imagine Ramaji is reduced to a pile of tears & joy and needs recovery time with transmissions...but I’d guess he was when it first started. ‘Who knows’. It’ll likely be on the website soon enough, along with the other stuff you mentioned. We shall ‘see’. ??‍♂️ 5 years sounds generous. Also - the q n a, or even just some dialogue, and the transmission after, super clear now how 1 + 1 = 100 in that regard. Thanks for helping me see the light there. ??

Enjoying this slice of heaven today, thought I would share.. What a seeker.. Leaves me hungry for more.. THE BOUNDLESS IN ANCIENT COSMOGONIES Nowhere and by no people was speculation allowed to range beyond those manifested gods. The boundless and infinite UNITY remained with every nation a virgin forbidden soil, untrodden by man's thought, untouched by fruitless speculation. The only reference made to it was the brief conception of its diastolic and systolic property, of its periodical expansion or dilatation, and contraction. In the Universe with all its incalculable myriads of systems and worlds disappearing and re-appearing in eternity, the anthropomorphised powers, or gods, their Souls, had to disappear from view with their bodies: — "The breath returning to the eternal bosom which exhales and inhales them," says our Catechism. . . . In every Cosmogony, behind and higher than the creative deity, there is a superior deity, a planner, an Architect, of whom the Creator is but the executive agent. And still higher, over and around, within and without, there is the UNKNOWABLE and the unknown, the Source and Cause of all these Emanations. — The Secret Doctrine, II, 42-3 Many are the names in the ancient literatures which have been given to the Womb of Being from which all issues, in which all forever is, and into the spiritual and divine reaches of which all ultimately returns, whether infinitesimal entity or macrocosmic spacial unit. The Tibetans called this ineffable mystery Tong-pa-nid, the unfathomable Abyss of the spiritual realms. The Buddhists of the Mahayana school describe it as Sunyata or the Emptiness, simply because no human imagination can figurate to itself the incomprehensible Fullness which it is. In the Eddas of ancient Scandinavia the Boundless was called by the suggestive term Ginnungagap — a word meaning yawning or uncircumscribed void. The Hebrew Bible states that the earth was formless and void, and darkness was upon the face of Tehom, the Deep, the Abyss of Waters, and therefore the great Deep of kosmic Space. It has the identical significance of the Womb of Space as envisioned by other peoples. In the Chaldaeo-Jewish Qabbalah the same idea is conveyed by the term 'Eyn (or Ain) Soph, without bounds. In the Babylonian accounts of Genesis, it is Mummu Tiamatu which stands for the Great Sea or Deep. The archaic Chaldaean cosmology speaks of the Abyss under the name of Ab Soo, the Father or source of knowledge, and in primitive Magianism it was Zervan Akarana — in its original meaning of Boundless Spirit instead of the later connotation of Boundless Time. In the Chinese cosmogony, Tsi-tsai, the Self-Existent, is the Unknown Darkness, the root of the Wuliang-sheu, Boundless Age. The wu wei of Lao-tse, often mistranslated as passivity and nonaction, imbodies a similar conception. In the sacred scriptures of the Quiches of Guatemala, the Popol Vuh or "Book of the Azure Veil," reference is made to the "void which was the immensity of the Heavens," and to the "Great Sea of Space." The ancient Egyptians spoke of the Endless Deep; the same idea also is imbodied in the Celi-Ced of archaic Druidism, Ced being spoken of as the "Black Virgin" — Chaos — a state of matter prior to manvantaric differentiation. The Orphic Mysteries taught of the Thrice-Unknown Darkness or Chronos, about which nothing could be predicated except its timeless Duration. With the Gnostic schools, as for instance with Valentinus, it was Bythos, the Deep. In Greece, the school of Democritus and Epicurus postulated To Kenon, the Void; the same idea was later voiced by Leucippus and Diagoras. But the two most common terms in Greek philosophy for the Boundless were Apeiron, as used by Plato, Anaximander and Anaximenes, and Apeiria, as used by Anaxagoras and Aristotle. Both words had the significance of frontierless expansion, that which has no circumscribing bounds. Chaos (4) was another word used for Space in ancient Greek writings, and as originally employed, for instance by Hesiod in his Theogony (116) — "Truly, indeed, was Chaos first of all" — it had the meaning of the Void. Even the somewhat orthodox poet Milton grasped this idea in his "Void and formless Infinite" (Paradise Lost, Bk. iii). As time passed, however, Chaos to most literate Greek thinkers came to mean a later stage in the evolution of any particular kosmos, and this would correspond to another phrase used by Milton, "Matter unformed and void" (Bk. vii); for here we have matter already existing through emanational unfoldment in its primordial or elemental stages. It would therefore be analogous to the Second Cosmic Logos of the theosophical philosophy. Yet the earliest conception of Chaos was that almost unthinkable condition of kosmic space or kosmic expanse, which to human minds is infinite and vacant extension of primordial Aether, a stage before the formation of manifested worlds, and out of which everything that later existed was born, including gods and men and all the celestial hosts. We see here a faithful echo of the archaic esoteric philosophy, because among the Greeks Chaos was the kosmic mother of Erebos and Nyx, Darkness and Night — two aspects of the same primordial kosmic stage. Erebos was the spiritual or active side corresponding to Brahman in Hindu philosophy, and Nyx the passive side corresponding to pradhana or mulaprakriti, both meaning root-nature. Then from Erebos and Nyx as dual were born Aether and Hemera, Spirit and Day — Spirit being here again in this succeeding stage the active side, and Day the passive aspect, the substantial or vehicular side. The idea was that just as in the Day of Brahma of Hindu cosmogony things spring into active manifested existence, so in the kosmic Day of the Greeks things spring from elemental substance into manifested light and activity, because of the indwelling urge of the kosmic Spirit. The early philosopher-initiates were extremely reticent, because of their oath of secrecy, in speaking of the kosmic (or cosmic) beginnings; and hence while archaic Greek literature, exactly as the literatures of all other ancient peoples, is replete with references to primordial cosmic beginnings, these are cloaked in carefully guarded language. There was the constant fear that teachings so abstract and difficult would be distorted and degraded if too openly enounced, becoming the common property of minds untrained by the discipline and teachings of the Mysteries. The common misunderstanding of Chaos as signifying merely confusion, or an unregulated vast aggregate of atoms in kosmic space, is simply a degradation of the original philosophical meaning. We have then, first, Chaos as originally meaning the Boundless; and, as a later development, the conception of Chaos as the mighty womb of nature evolving from itself the germs and seeds in order to form and bring into being manifested worlds. These seeds were the sleeping monads of spiritual and divine characteristics coming over from the preceding kosmic period of manvantaric manifestation, and existing in their nirvana or paranirvana. Chaos, therefore, may be looked upon as an expanse of spirit-substance, every point of which is a consciousness center or monad. This expanse is enwrapped in the paranirvanic rest and bliss, awaiting the time for awaking into a period of manifested kosmic life. The human monad resting in its devachanic bliss is an exact analogy on its own lower plane. From the foregoing we see that Chaos was the same as Brahman-pradhana in its condition of kosmic pralaya, and hence is identic with Space in its primordial state of abstract spirit-substance. Thus it is that many peoples looked upon the Divine not only as being in itself utter Fullness, but likewise as the infinite Abyss, the boundless Void, the endless Deep, or the ocean of the kosmic Waters of Life. Water was so favorite a symbol of Space because of its suggestiveness: it is at one and the same time translucent, and yet solid; it is crystalline and yet dense, making it an excellent symbol of kosmic Aether. This sublime concept has been universal since the beginning of conscious thinking man on our earth in this round, and whether the adept was Lemurian, Atlantean, Turanian, or Aryan, the same intuitive conception guided the thoughts of all.

Yes, Gurdjieff has said that a woman cannot attain except through a man – and he is right. He is right because female energy differs from male energy. It is just as if someone says that only a woman can give birth to a child. A man cannot give birth to a child – he can give birth to a child only through a woman. The physical structure of the woman carries a womb; the physical structure of a man is without a womb – he can have a child only through a woman. And the same in reverse order happens in spiritual birth: a woman can get enlightened only through a man. Their spiritual energy differs also, just like their physical part. Why? Why is this so? And remember, this is not a question of equality or of inequality – this is a question of difference. Women are not lower than men because they cannot attain directly; man is not lower than woman because he cannot give birth to a child directly. They are different. There is no question of equality or inequality, there is no question of evaluation. They are simply different, and this is a fact. Why is it difficult for woman to attain enlightenment directly? And why for man is it possible to attain enlightenment directly? There are two ways, only two, basically only two, which lead to enlightenment. One is meditation and the other is love. You may call them Gyana Yoga and Bhakti Yoga – the path of wisdom and the path of devotion. The basic ways are only two. Love needs another; meditation can be done alone. Man can achieve through meditation – that’s why he can achieve directly. He can be alone. He is alone deep down. Loneliness comes naturally to man. For a woman, to be alone is difficult, very difficult, almost impossible. Her whole being is a deep urge to love, and for love, the other is needed. How can you love if the other is not there? You can meditate if the other is not there – there is no problem. Woman, the female energy, reaches the meditative state through love; and the male energy reaches love through meditation. A Buddha becomes a great loving force – but through meditation. When Buddha came back to his palace, his wife was very angry, naturally, because for twelve years he had not shown his face. One night he had simply disappeared, not even saying anything to her. While she was asleep he escaped like a coward. The wife of Buddha, Yashodhara, would have allowed him. She was a brave woman. If Buddha had asked she would have allowed him; there would have been no problem about it, but Buddha would not ask. He was afraid something might go wrong, she might start crying and weeping or something. But the fear was not because of her – the fear was deep down in himself. He was afraid it would be difficult for him to leave Yashodhara weeping and crying. The fear is always of oneself. It would be very cruel and he could not be so cruel, so it was better to escape while his wife was asleep. So he escaped, and after twelve years he came back. Yashodhara asked many things. One of the things she asked was: Tell me, whatsoever you have attained there, could not you attain it here, living with me? Now that you have attained you can tell me. It is said that Buddha remained silent. But I answer: Buddha could not have attained, because a man deep in love...and he was deep in love with Yashodhara; it was a very intimate relationship. If there had been no relationship with Yashodhara, if she had simply been a Hindu wife, no love relationship, then Buddha could have attained even living with her. Then really there is no problem. The other is there on the periphery, you are not related. If you are not related, the other is not – only a physical presence moving on the boundary. But Buddha was in deep love. And it is difficult for a man to attain meditation when he is in love – this is the problem. Very difficult, because when he is in love, whenever he sits silently, the other arises in the mind; his whole being starts moving around the other. That was the fear, that’s why Buddha escaped. Nobody has talked about it before, but Buddha escaped from that house, from the wife, from the child, because he really loved. And if you love a person, then whenever you are occupied you may forget him, but when you are unoccupied the other will come to the memory immediately, and then there is no gap for the divine to enter. When you are occupied, working in a shop, or.... Buddha was on his throne and looking after the affairs of the kingdom, then it was okay – he could forget Yashodhara. But whenever he was not occupied, there was Yashodhara – the gap was filled by Yashodhara and there was no passage for the divine to enter. Man cannot attain to the divine through love. His whole energy is totally different from female energy. First he should attain to meditation – then love happens to him. Then there is no problem. First he must reach the divine, then the beloved also becomes divine. After twelve years, Buddha comes back. Now there is no problem, now in Yashodhara the god is. Before, Yashodhara was too much, and it was difficult to find the god. Now the god is totally there, there is no space left for Yashodhara. The totally opposite happens to a woman. She cannot meditate because her whole being is an urge towards the other. She cannot be alone. Whenever she is alone, she is in misery. So if you say: To be alone is bliss, to be alone is ecstatic – a woman cannot understand it. This emphasis on being alone has existed all over the world because of too many seekers who are men – a Buddha, a Mahavira, a Jesus, a Mohammed. They all went into loneliness, and they only attained in loneliness. They created the milieu. A woman, whenever alone, feels anguish. If there is a lover, even in her mind, she is happy. If someone loves, if someone is loved – if love exists around a woman, it nourishes her. It is a nourishment, it is a subtle food. Whenever a woman feels that love is not there, she is simply starving, suffocating; the whole being shrinks. So a woman can never think that loneliness can be blissful. This female energy has created the path of love and devotion. Even a divine lover will do – there is no need to find a physical lover. Krishna will do for Meera, there is no problem, because for Meera the other exists. He may not be there, Krishna may just be a myth, but for Meera he is, the other exists – and then Meera is happy. She can dance, she can sing, and she is nourished. The VERY idea, the very notion, the very feeling, that the other exists and there is love, and a woman feels fulfilled. She is happy, alive. Only with this love will she come to a point when the lover and the beloved become one. Then meditation will happen. For female energy, meditation happens only in the deepest merger of love. Then she can be alone, then there is no problem – now she can never be alone – the beloved has become merged, now it is within. Meera or Radha or Teresa, they all achieved through a lover – Krishna, Jesus. This is my feeling, that whenever a male seeker comes to me he is interested in meditation; and whenever a female seeker comes to me she is interested in love. She can be made interested in meditation if I say that love will happen through it. But her DEEP desire is for love. Love is God for a woman. This difference has to be understood, deeply understood, because everything depends on it – and Gurdjieff IS right. Female energy will love, and through love will flower the meditative state, the samadhi. Satori will come, but deep down in the roots will be love and satori will become the flower. For male energy, satori will be in the roots, samadhi will be in the roots, meditation will be in the roots, and then love will flower. But love will be a flowering. When female seekers come to me, it is bound to happen: they will feel more love, but then a physical partner will be less satisfying. Whenever there is deep love, a physical partner will always become unsatisfactory, because the physical partner can fulfill only the periphery, he cannot fulfill the center. That’s why, in ancient countries like India, we never allowed love – we allowed arranged marriages. Once love is allowed, the physical partner is going to be unsatisfactory sooner or later, and then there will be frustration. Now the whole West is disturbed. Now there will be no satisfaction at all. Once you allow love, then an ordinary man cannot fulfill it. He can fulfill sex, he can fulfill the superficial, but he cannot fulfill the deep, the depth. Once the depth is functioning, once you have disturbed the depth, only God can fulfill – nobody else. So when female seekers come to me, their depth is shocked. They start feeling a new urge, a new love arising. Now their husbands or their boyfriends, their partners will not be able to satisfy it. Now this can be satisfied only by a much higher quality being. This is going to be so. So either your boyfriend, your husband, has to become more meditative, create higher qualities of being...only then will he be fulfilling. Otherwise the relationship will break, the bridge cannot remain; you will have to find a new friend. Or, if it is impossible to find a new friend – as it would have been for Meera – difficult, then you have to love the divine. Then just forget the physical part – now it is not for you. The same happens to male seekers in a different way. When they come to me, they become more meditative. When they become more meditative, the bridge between their old partners is broken, becomes shaky. Now their girlfriend or their wife has to grow, otherwise the relationship is on the rocks, it cannot be maintained. Remember this, that all our relationships, so-called relationships, are adjustments. If one changes, the adjustment is broken – for the better or for the worse, that is not the point. People come to me and they say: If meditation brings higher qualities, then why is the relationship broken? That is not the question. The relationship was an adjustment between two persons as they were. Now one has changed, the other has to grow with them; otherwise there will be trouble, things will become false. Whenever a man is here, he becomes more meditative. The more meditative he is, the more he wants to be alone. The wife, the beloved, will be disturbed by it. If she is not understanding then she will start creating trouble – this man wants to be more alone. If she is understanding, then there is no problem; but that understanding can only come to her if her love grows. If she feels more loving, then she can allow this friend to be lonely, alone, and she will protect his loneliness. She will try to see that it is not disturbed – this will be her love now. And if this man feels...if Buddha feels that Yashodhara is protecting, safeguarding, seeing, caring, that his meditation is not disturbed, that his silence is helped, then there is no need to escape from this Yashodhara. But this happens only if Yashodhara’s love grows. When a man’s meditation is growing, a woman’s love should grow. Only then can they keep pace, and a higher harmony will arise and it will go on, higher and higher. And a moment comes when the man is totally in meditation and the woman is totally in love – then only the PERFECT meeting, then only the real, supreme orgasm between two persons. Not physical, not sexual – total! Two existences meeting into each other, dissolving. Then the lover becomes the door, the beloved becomes the door, and they both reach to the one. So whosoever comes to me should come perfectly aware that it is dangerous to be near me. Your old arrangements will be disturbed – and I cannot help it. I am not here to help your adjustments; that is for you to decide.

@Leo Gura what do you mean by "so conscious it starts to hurt"? Surely more consciousness would mean more love & peace & bliss? Are you only referring to the physical pain from the intense body-load? Thanks :).

Existential confusion and periodic loss of touch with reality is symptomatic of some kind of shadow work in my opinion. Of course this is exactly what a mystic experiences, but he experiences it in a much more beautiful way. I have experienced both. I'm very existentially confused often but I can feel a deeper layer of knowing beneath that confusion. If your experiencing this kind of shit with no "deeper bliss" beneath it...then I'd focus on consciousness work instead of life purpose. Who wants to have a life filled with amazing things that you cannot enjoy because of your mental health? Absolutely pointless. I'd rather enter a state of perpetual bliss haha

Imagine you're a hamsterwheel. A hamsterwheel turning by itself. Within you, a hamster spawns. You begin to identify with the hamster and you (the hamster) are now seemingly making the wheel turn. The hamster runs and runs and runs, the wheel keeps turning. After a while the hamster gets tired of running, it wants to know why.. One day the hamster hears something called non duality. It hears great things such as liberation, merging with god, bliss, union, absolute love. This makes the hamster excited, this gives it hope. So the hamster starts running again, it runs faster than it have ever ran before. It is determined to reach this thing/state, it is determined to realise non duality. After years of running the hamster suddenly forgets that it is running and falls of the wheel. What is left? The wheel, turning. The hamster wasn't doing anything, it wasn't getting anywhere. Everything it strived for was an illusion. It's whole life, it's whole story was an illusion. The wheel was already complete, hamster in it or not. You were a hamster, you felt all of it's experiences, the tough times, the good times, the realness of it all. You were sure that you were getting somewhere, that you were on a journey. That you were real... But just like that, the hamster never was, and the wheel keeps turning ?