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It's quite easy to explain. Some people who are drawn to psychological and spiritual work have mental illnesses or are unhappy and suffering deeply in life. Out of hundreds of thousands of viewers, a few will have serious mental health issues and will be suicidal. The US national suicide rate is: 50k out of 350M, which is 0.014%. Now multiply 0.014% x 100,000 Actualized viewers = 14 suicides/yr. Actualized.org has had over 100M lifetime views. So the question is: What is it that you expect? Let's assume that only 1M unique people have watched my videos in the last 10 years. That means there should have been 140 suicides. 3 suicides out of all the people who watch my videos would be a really good rate. The real issue here is that people do not understand how high the average suicide rate is and what it means. More than 1/10,000 people commit suicide every year. Each of my videos gets 40,000 views within 1 week at least.

With the population having surpassed 8 billion I do believe that this is a simply unsustainable figure given our current conscious development to have proper social cohesion and a healthy relationship with the planets biodiversity and ecosystem. We are obviously on a very turbulent path with many moving parts that become more fragile and run the risk of great catastrophe with higher population levels. This whole topic though is very controversial to even discuss but I do not believe humanity is consciously developed yet to live in harmony and deal with our shit at this population scale. Dealing with the worlds problems is a hell of a lot harder with massive populations that are increasingly disconnected from each other and nature. I don’t necessarily think population controls are the right way forward as forcing its application I believe to be unethical. Perhaps we need a new social paradigm and contract with the people to shift social norms and to bring population levels down so we can live in greater harmony and balance with the planet. This goes hand in hand with challenging this growth narrative which is obviously unsustainable I do totally get the argument that as societies develop birth rates naturally fall so this is part of the solution but maybe that’s not enough and won’t be as impactful? The time lines I don’t think work as we move closer to environmental breakdown leading to a shopping list of problems for humankind. I personally don’t see why the above as a topic should be controversial when put in the proper context. It’s a bit like assisted suicide. Why is that so controversial? It shouldn’t be if people who have chronic health conditions want to die peacefully allow them to rather than suffer on Anyway curious to see what people think about this - is the population simply unmanageable? If so how best to respond?

Yesterday at night I went on a suicide walk. There's a particular bridge out of multiple that I'd jump from. I walked to it for about an hour. Along the way I tried to wake up that bastard piece of shit that would break me out of that trance. But I was too weak. 🤣 I had a lot of visions along the way - I dispelled them and tried not to care. I was imagining what it'd be like to die. I was imagining what would happen. When I got to the bridge I tried to run and jump. I was imagining it vividly in my head trying to force it. I started having visions of drowning in the water, and then... I started choking. Still on the bridge, as if I was drowning. I couldn't help but vomit. The vision was so strong I was choking on land. No one was looking. I spit into the river. I left the bridge and sat for a while on the stairs leading to it. There's some people passing but they don't look. Later I call myself a taxi for a ride home. I'm so numb. I just want to laugh. I am so retarded it's comical! 🤣 How am I going to tell anyone? There's problems with me all the time. How am I going to tell her? To be a failure and disappointment in her eyes even more! 😂 Only I could do that. That's me folks! Only I could ruin my life so hard 😁

I think people who flirt with black pill ideology either are very young, socialize way too little, or both. There’s a strong tendency for things to even out in life. Take these two friends of mine: The first one was the most good looking and popular guy you could ever imagine. He committed suicide two years ago, even though he had «everything». The second guy is pretty similar. We all especially used to envy this guy’s body so much. Now his body is dysfunctional and he’s basically a cripple at the age of 29.

*Audio version below* 2 days before my LSD trip, I took some 4-ACO-DMT to test it out for the first time and had a nice, mild trip. While doing a water fast, I decided to try 1D-LSD for the first time today. I expected it to be 20% less potent than original LSD, and the potency was also expected to be lower due to cross-tolerance with 4-ACO-DMT. All I wanted that day was to relax with my first test by dipping my toes in. So, in the morning at 08:30, I took 150mcg of 1D-LSD, expecting it to act as approximately 50mcg. It kicked in after 40 minutes and started giving me strong sensations. I had been cleaning the apartment and did the laundry to dry on a stand. Approximately two hours later, I felt the effects becoming very strong. It was obvious that this was not going to be the mild trip I expected. I turned on some music to relax. "Savage Garden - I Want You" was playing in the background, and I started to dance in order to calm myself down. But after just a minute, I thought, "Who am I fooling here?" Soon after, I started to get the same 5-MeO-DMT sensations. I had zero visuals. Things started to get very serious very quickly. I became terrifyingly aware of my breathing. Inhale... exhale... inhale... exhale... This was already far from the pleasant, mild trip I had planned. I started to think: This is going to be really big, since the peak was about to come in a few hours. I remembered Leo's words in one video: "Eliminate the possibility of jumping out of the window." So, I decided to put my roller shutters down on every window in the apartment to prevent any stupid ideas when this trip got even deeper. I decided to take off my clothes since they felt very burdensome, unnatural, heavy. I wanted to embrace the freedom that I had. Another wave came, and as I realized that I couldn't stand anymore, my awareness climbed exponentially. I was thinking about how Ramana Maharshi had been eaten by insects while being in this state. I could totally understand that now. As the wave passed, I regained a bit of control and decided to go into the sleeping room. I heard from one forum member about producing a bad trip on purpose. So, I thought, why the fuck not? I went into the sleeping room. I made it pitch black. Closed the windows and door. I lay myself on the bed, in a fetal posture, covered myself with a blanket. I wanted to feel as alone as humanly possible. An idea crossed my mind that I heard in one of Teal Swan's courses. It's called "committing emotional suicide." While lying in a fetal posture covered with a blanket in a dark room, I decided to dive into my feelings. I asked myself: What do I feel right now? I observed that emotion, it changed, I observed it again for some time, it changed again, and I went with it again. I followed it while spiraling together into my being, very, very deep. It felt like my funeral. Everything started feeling terrifying. I wanted to escape, to call someone to save me. But I knew I wouldn't be able to talk, to move. Even breathing required my whole focus. Before continuing, I need to say that I have no connection with any religion, but I do have a past Christian background, so it felt like experiencing Christ itself. Not Jesus Christ, but Christ as a source, as the source itself. It was scary for my miserable human mind as I was realizing that this thing was bigger than I could possibly imagine. The whole known universe is a tiny fraction in comparison with this. To hell with it, it's not even a fraction. I knew that whole human suffering was nothing. I, as I knew myself, was nothing, nearly a fraction of something much, much bigger. As I was spiraling deeper, suddenly the thing far beyond my imagination happened. I merged with Christ. I suddenly felt great but somehow even more terrified because of my own greatness. Suddenly, it happened! I am the Christ. I am the one. I am the light. I am the tiniest particle imaginable, and at the same time, nothing can be bigger than me. I am infinite. I understand Leo's words: "It defines itself only through itself." Nothing existed anymore except it, and it was not important. My body could die, the whole world could end, it was not important. It was meaningless. Utterly meaningless. I regained control over my body and stood up. I remember feeling like this only during my 5-MeO-DMT trips, but I had never been so long immersed in this. I looked around myself; the room was the same, but the quality of everything changed. I looked at my face in the mirror, my hands... I could see the structure of it all. I was not skin and meat. It felt like I was experiencing the source code of existence, the substance from which all is created. I suddenly felt hungry, went to the kitchen, and decided to prepare myself some muesli. After I made it, I started eating. I looked at it. The food was made out of the same substance as I. I started eating my food. But the food was not the food I was used to. The Christ was eating the body of the Christ. Like the Christian ritual. Suddenly, I understood what it was about. My effort was to ground myself with food, to taste something different, but I was tasting myself. I couldn't escape from this. My peak had yet to be reached, and that was scary. The whole trip was also surprisingly enjoyable at times. After I finished my food, I decided to go back to the dark room and lie on the bed again since it was not safe to walk around, and control over my body was getting weaker again. As soon as I lay down and closed my eyes, I got immersed with Christ again. The whole world was gone. There was only me. I don't know how long I was in this state, but I think it was at least two hours. As my ego slightly came back, I felt tremendous loneliness. I was terrified of my own size. And due to that fear, I fractured myself into an infinite number of particles, each one representing some material thing in our universe. I was a scared little human again, but aware of my true nature. Soon after, I melted again into the source, remembering all over again who I really am. Remembering what self means, and what love means. I will never again let myself feel small. I understood now why my 5-MeO-DMT breakthroughs always felt like huge celebrations when my ego would come back. "I discovered my true nature! I am God! It's not possible that the whole neighborhood didn't hear about this, that everyone is not celebrating with me." I also understood that it's foolish since I am the only one experiencing that, and everyone else is just immersed in their own dream. I could be crucified now as Jesus was, and I would have nothing against it. Genocide, childhood abuse, all the human devilry was just a form of existence, not good, not bad, it all just was one form of infinite different forms happening without a particular reason, without anyone controlling it. My ego was returning, but nonetheless, I was still awake, and all my efforts to wake up were now meaningless since all I wanted was to fall asleep again. I wanted to distract myself, to be immersed in the dream of being human once again. It is so much easier not to know. Suddenly, I was transferred into another form of consciousness. I was part of a huge insect-like machine. I was one of the tiny insects, part of that huge machinery, instinctively knowing what my job was. I looked right and left, surprised that I was aware of myself as that form of life. As I got more separated from my true nature several hours later, insights from my personal earthly life started to flow. I felt tremendous loneliness, but this time because of separation from the source, not because of being the one. After my trip ended, I was thankful that I didn't have any trip killers nor trip sitters that I wanted so badly during the trip, as this would have prevented me from experiencing what I just did. I went out and walked through the graveyard, surprised at how much worth people give to death, burying themselves and making their graves look nice, engraving their names into the stone in order to make the memory of them last, not knowing that they are infinite. Embodiment of the Christ. It felt so foolish to watch that. It got late, and it took me a super long time to fall asleep since I was still having flashbacks. After taking a triple dose of melatonin to finally fall asleep and get myself out of this, I slept approximately two hours in another room since my sleeping room was giving me flashbacks. When I woke up, I walked into my sleeping room and broke down, crying like a little child. I was separated from Christ. I missed myself, and I needed to grieve that separation. I could dedicate my life now to writing poems dedicated to this—to my separation from the source, or better to say, to my forgetting. I could cry forever because I am away from myself. But if I didn't fracture myself into pieces, how could ever one of those pieces ever write songs about me? Through this whole intensity, I wanted to forget. But now that I have forgotten, I am sad. I am lonely. I am fractured again. I wonder now if I curse myself to infinite chasing of my fractured pieces just so that whenI collect them, I can be whole again. Just so I can fracture again? Is this an infinite process of waking up just to fall asleep again? Deep inside, I know that I am still everything, but I am still sad it's over. Nonetheless, my material life has a new quality now. There is a tremendous joy in knowing that it's all Christ. Not more, not less.

True. What comes next is civilizational suicide because people no longer have kids. Birth rates are so low that there won't be a next generation to sustain technology and advance it. We won't have enough young people to continue the economy. Growth requires human labor. Demography matters. Demography is destiny. Another thing about this hook-up culture is that casual sex does grave damage to society. And sex is overrated. So, so overrated. But people continue to practice it, paradoxically. Sex is no longer used for procreation. Most people use sex to gratify themselves; they use it for pleasure. As long as we don't correct course, YouTube won't exist in a few decades. We won't have airlines. BMW's. A stable infrastructure. And so on...

Leo has said it best. You guys want land more than you want peace. Recognize Palestine alongisde the 1967 borders and destroy and kick out all the settlers and you this will end. Your soverign Jewish state is alongisde 1967 borders, everything else is illegal stolen land. How hard is that to do? Otherwise, do not cry when you get suicide bombers and Hamas attacks. You are asking for that, so no complaints. They will not stop until you do what I wrote above. By you I mean Israel at large, not you personally.

Since reality is infinite and everything is imagined into being, why wouldn’t it be? If you’ve seen my threads on the dating sub you might know my craving to have a whole bunch of sex with lots of people is powerful enough to create a googol multiverses If channeled. Problem is, I’m stuck in this dense, 3d prison reality in which every single aspect of life is set up in a way to prevent me from achieving my one true purpose for existence as much and effectively as it possibly can. Maybe I imagined this experience for myself, maybe I chose this life before being born. Idk. All I know is I regret immensely my decision to be born into or whatever caused this pathetic, worthless pile of pig shit excuse of an existence where I’m not even allowed the one thing I long for more than anything in the universe. So my question here is: Is it possible (and easily doable) to create your own world after death while keeping all your memories and ego from this life that way you can experience everything you were denied here once you’ve crossed over? I know that since everything that is is imaged into being by us all, technically there must be some way to create all the sexiness I want while in this life, but the amount of work it takes to make things happen in this reality is highly unacceptable. If I’m god and I created everything, it should be very possible to get all the women I could ever dream of easily and without all the years of mental and emotional torment of trial and error. Death should make that a whole lot easier because it’s like a great reset; an opportunity to actualize my needs and desires because I’d have much more creative ability since I’m temporarily outside the laws of physicality. The only utility of this life is that it has shown me exactly what and who I want. So now my only hope is being able to keep all those memories and desires after death while remaining with the exact same ego I’ve developed so I can have everything fulfilled once I’ve returned to the pure, creative power of the great beyond. Im asking this here in hopes of getting some insight from some people who remember past lives, have navigated some of the territories of the great beyond or know how to design future lives based on desires from this one. And if anyone has experienced higher dimensional sex with feminine entities, tell me all about what that’s like in great detail and how you achieved it Disclaimer: This is not a suicide post. I have no intention of killing myself anytime soon. Not within the next five years at least. But you’d have to be a clinical moron to take this bullshit life on earth over having all you want of these bitches, imo

There is no such thing as deeper consciousness or awareness, there is just existence. If you recognize the simplicity of this, there is no greater depth to be achieved in regards to the nature of existence. Not sure what that has to do with suicide. Consciousness is mental construct, or, a construct of existence, just another form. In the end there cannot be any description or grasping of existence in and of itself, because it has no form other than it's form. Redness simply is redness, there is no further depth.

“The avoidance of fully feeling uncomfortable and difficult emotions is what slowly ruins your whole life until eventually you reach depression, self-hatred, and suicide. The simple solution is to force yourself to face a bit of difficult emotion regularly and not allowing yourself escapism, or this escapism and avoidance of work will turn into a festering wound that will become too ugly and painful to confront. One of the biggest traps in directing your own life is allowing yourself to avoid negative feelings until it snowballs into catastrophe.” -Actualized.org

Men's issues While women face many unique challenges, there are also certain issues that disproportionately impact men. Here are a few key examples: Higher rates of suicide: Men are more likely than women to die by suicide across all age groups and ethnicities. This may be related to factors like societal pressure to suppress emotions, reluctance to seek help, and higher rates of substance abuse. Workplace deaths and injuries: Men are significantly more likely than women to be injured or killed on the job, in part because they are overrepresented in dangerous occupations like construction, mining, and law enforcement. Homelessness: Although women face high rates of housing insecurity, men make up a larger share of the homeless population, particularly among single adults. Factors like mental illness, substance abuse, and lack of social support networks contribute to male homelessness. Incarceration: Men, especially men of color, are imprisoned at much higher rates than women. This is due to a complex web of factors including bias in policing and sentencing, harsher punishment for certain crimes, and systemic barriers to education and employment that can lead to criminal behavior. Lack of emotional support: Traditional masculine norms often discourage men from expressing vulnerability or seeking emotional support. This can leave them isolated and less able to cope with stressors like relationship problems, job loss or grief. Educational attainment: While women now outpace men in college graduation rates, boys and men, particularly those from low-income and minority backgrounds, still face challenges in K-12 education. They are more likely to be held back, suspended or diagnosed with learning and behavior disorders. Military service and combat deaths: Because men make up the vast majority of active-duty military personnel, they bear the brunt of the physical and psychological risks associated with military service, including higher rates of combat-related injury and death. Parental rights: Although child custody laws have become more gender-neutral over time, men can still face challenges in asserting their parental rights after a divorce or breakup. Some feel the legal system is biased against fathers in custody disputes. Rigid masculine norms: Societal expectations of masculinity can be confining and harmful for men, requiring them to project an image of toughness, dominance and stoicism at the expense of emotional and physical wellbeing. Men who don't conform to these norms may face bullying, discrimination or social ostracization. Underdiagnosis of certain conditions: Some health conditions, like eating disorders and depression, are often stereotyped as female problems. This can lead to underdiagnosis and lack of appropriate treatment for men suffering from these issues. Men may also be less likely to seek preventative care in general. It's important to note that these issues don't negate the very real inequities and discrimination that women face. Gender-based disadvantages cut in many directions and are often interconnected. Also, just as women's experiences are shaped by other aspects of their identity, so too are men's. Men of color, low-income men, gay and bisexual men, transgender men, and men with disabilities often face compounded challenges based on these intersecting marginalized identities. Addressing the issues that uniquely or disproportionately impact men and boys will require challenging rigid gender norms, expanding mental health resources and social support systems, reforming education and criminal justice policies, and implementing workplace and public health interventions to reduce male injury and mortality, among other strategies. At the same time, it's critical that efforts to support men and boys go hand-in-hand with continued work to dismantle sexism and advance equity for women and girls. The goal should be to expand opportunity, wellbeing and self-determination for all genders, not to pit one gender's needs against another's in a zero-sum conflict.

Like if I sit at a beautiful tropical beach and meditate myself to death will that be the same as shooting myself in the head? honestly life on earth Is made for animals I don’t belong here lol. I just can’t handle I gotta do this properly if I’ll do it this is like my 10th post about suicide, sorry if it’s getting too repetitive. I’m just really trying to decide here

This was inspired on the last Video Blog about left and rigth spectrum. I some part of the video the narrator talks about Lemming Mind. Or the so called Hive Mind. Well , it end up that Lemming mind can be very bad for the Individual self The True About the Lemming Mass suicide https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lemming Animals can Commit Suicide :

Ok so in the past 2 to 3 years I have been dealing with a lot of difficulties and everyday I wait for things to get better which they do to a point but there is a drastic difference to how I was and how I am now that honestly I have no idea what to expect of myself anymore. I'm 19 and just graduated high school with good grades, yesterday I was on my first job interview. 3 years ago I experienced a huge depression where I couldn't think at all. My mind was just completely empty. I couldn't form sentences that made sense and that took a big toll on me because all I ever did growing up was writing essays and thinking deeply about philosophical topics. I tried to better myself everyday because I discovered self dev at an early age. I meditated for 1 to 2 hours a day, I worked out, I worked on creative projects, always trying to learn something new. When 2021 ended I stopped doing all of that because I suddenly became really extroverted and I was always outside with that slowly my thinking abilities returned and I was so happy that I started indulging in weed, sex and friendships. I stopped caring about anything really except social interactions. I was talking to strangers going out with 30 people in a day constantly creating new friend-groups from scratch. I smoked a lot like 8 joints a day at that time. I did all sort of rebellious acts at school just because it got me attention. They made me take drug tests but they showed nothing. The school director made me go see a psychologist who really didn't do anything except inflate my ego telling me how smart I was for my age. Until one day they excluded me from the school so now I had to find a new school for my last year of schooling. I was constantly on Instagram chatting, posting stories, going live. Then I flew out to Denmark to spend time with my older brother for 1 month. No smoking, not much socializing. My girlfriend broke up with me when I was away from home. I couldn't sleep and I felt so bad. At the end of the month I started experiencing hallucinations. When I got back to Bulgaria I completely lost track of what is real and what is a dream. Long story short I was going through a psychosis which made me do some surreal things. I fought a police officer because I was thinking somebody was out to get me. Then I entered a clinic for 3 months where I ate shit food, was constantly fed on xanax to go to sleep, I was fighting inmates because they were trying to fuck with me. It was a long psychosis. The doctors thought I developed schizophrenia. But slowly the symptoms disappeared and when I got out of the clinic again I couldn't reason at all. Did not talk and I felt a constant anxiety that I would die because I just became stupid. I felt and still feel to an extent that I became really dumb. Everything became dull I lost interest in all my hobbies, I lost my values, my goals and dreams. I lost connection to almost everybody I knew from before. I was prescribed pills that would keep me "normal" but after 9 months I stopped them. And here I am now... I can't find a reason to do anything because I can't relate to anybody really or anything. During the psychosis at one moment I felt like Anubis at the next I felt like Ares then I was somebody else. Everything was changing so quickly that I think it fried my brain. I want to change but honestly I do not know what I want to turn into. It feels like I have exhausted the "positive possibilities" and now they do not seem to be working for me. But it's the same with everything I touch. I lost my creativity, my character. It feels like somebody wiped my save files and now I have to start a new game. I am staying there in the create a new character screen looking at all the classes and races I could pick but they just do not compute with me. I feel like an ant to which somebody is trying to explain what a car is. I am not suffering anymore because I sort of accepted how I am but still it bothering me because yeah I may be young but time flies by so fast. Eventually if I don't get my shit together I will be faced with the consequences of my incompetence. I sometimes think about suicide because what if I'm hollow all of my life? Why should I keep watching all my potential be destroyed slowly when I can just fasten the process? Because damn does this feel hopeless. It is not causing me insomnia but I know a tsunami is coming. A crocodile will snatch me eventually. Do I keep waiting? If I have to act what should I do? How do I change this situation? How do I get excited for my life again?

Here is the Open Letter she published online: https://www.filmsforaction.org/articles/an-open-letter-why-im-leaving-the-cult-of-wokeness/ An Open Letter: Why I'm Leaving the Cult of Wokeness Originally published Jan 2021. If there's one thing I'm NOT afraid of, it's being 'cancelled'. If being cancelled means me living in integrity as a human being who thinks for themselves, CANCEL ME TODAY! I repeat; I am not afraid. What I'm truly afraid of is existing in a world that forces me to submit to an ideology without question, otherwise I'm to be shamed (or pressured to shame myself) and cast out of the community. A world that tells me that because I inhabit a black body; I will forever be oppressed and at the mercy of some omnipresent monster called 'whiteness'. That because of the colour of my skin; I am a victim of an inherently racist system by default - and me rejecting the narrative of oppression means that I am in fact, in denial. How empowering! *You know, as someone that comes from Zimbabwe, a country where the general population is truly oppressed, it perplexes me that oppression is now being worn as an identity piece in most parts of the West, especially by those who claim to be 'progressive'* What I'm truly afraid of is existing in a world that forces me to consider the colour of my skin and my gender (and that of others) at every fucking turn, instead of living by Martin Luther King's teachings and prioritising the content of mine and other people's character. I dread the prospect of a world where context, nuance, critical thinking, meritocracy, mathematics, science, and rationality are considered tools of 'white supremacy', and the rule is that you're not allowed to question or argue this senseless statement - especially if you're white. A world that is conditioning you and I to believe that we will always be trapped in some weird hierarchy because of our race, our genitals, our physical abilities, our neurodiversity, our sexuality, and our politics. And that if we do not agree on every single thing, it's a sign that we are interacting with an enemy - or at the very least, someone to be wildly suspicious and judgmental of...instead of another complex human being worthy of being seen and heard. I wish this world I’m speaking of was just a figment of my imagination, but we are already inside it. Our suitcases have been unpacked here for quite some time. This absolutist, authoritarian world is being fiercely crafted under the guise of 'social justice', and I want no parts in this. I AM OUT. As someone that, politically speaking, leans left on most things (although I'm neither left or right) - the current state of affairs and this push for obedience at all costs is NOT what I signed up for. I never signed up to be hit over the head with disempowering narratives that tell me that I need to refer to myself as a 'person of colour' (how is this different being called a ‘coloured’ person?), a minority, a marginalised person, and BAME (UK version of BIPOC). I cannot stand any of these terms. Please, if we ever need to address my racial identity, which we really don't need to do as often as you might think...BLACK works just fine, it's not a dirty word. And remember; it's okay if the language I mentioned before is affirming for you, we are allowed to disagree - but for ME, it does nothing but give me false reminders of my supposed oppression...which rubs me the wrong way entirely because I AM NOT OPPRESSED. I think it's key that we begin to accept that black people don't all share a singular experience, nor do we share the same brain. Shocking, I know. 'We are not a monolith' has become a common statement within communities that identify as marginalised, and while I wholeheartedly agree, we're definitely not a monolith... I've noticed that despite this being a popular mantra - when someone 'steps out of line' or dares to think differently...it's a different story. You will often have the pleasure of being told that you are in denial and have some kind of internalised disorder; 'internalised racism', 'internalised anti-blackness', 'internalised misogyny', 'internalised sexism', 'internalised homophobia', 'internalised transphobia', 'internalised white supremacy'... Meaning NOTHING can be questioned. Fun. Culty. Vibes. Honestly, I want better for us because it's all getting a bit much in these social justice/woke spaces, and it scares me to know that it's become controversial to address any concerns or express a differing viewpoint. It's becoming dangerous to address reality. You either agree and comply, or you shut up. I'm so happy that these are conversations that are now happening with many black people in my life, including my family who spend very little time online, are willing to have healthy debates, and couldn't give a crap about identity politics. These are the people who have really helped me free myself from the dogmatic thinking. It's necessary for me to mention that I'm having these conversations with black people because some individuals think that it's only white people who are pushing back against wokeism, and it's far from the truth. What is worrying though is how many more of us feel afraid to talk to our own friends, our partners, our spouses, our colleagues, our family - of fear of being branded as 'wrong-thinkers'. How are we supposed to understand each other if we're living in constant fear of saying the 'wrong' thing? It's even harder if you're white because there's usually someone just waiting to call you racist. And according to the woke manual, if you're white you're supposed to just accept that label. If you do question it or defend yourself, it's taken as confirmation that you ARE in fact a white supremacist. If you DARE express any fears or signs of being rightfully upset, you'll be accused of 'centering your white feelings', and of exuding 'white guilt' or 'white fragility'. With all disrespect, I don't understand the purpose of these cultish, degrading, racist terms. How are they helping us move forward? Is this true social justice? How is this helping the black community? How is this shaping a world where you and I aren't judged by the colour of our skin? Are we really trying to eradicate racism with racism? The LITERAL definition of racism is "prejudiced against or antagonistic towards a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group". And yet some people have suddenly decided that white people cannot experience racism, nor are they permitted to dispute this insane claim. This then leads to most white people choosing to not say anything at all (which creates resentment because that's the nature of suppression & self-censorship), and some choose to comply and pretend they are on board with anything and everything (whilst also secretly resenting that they can't truly express their thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc). To me all of this confirms that when it comes to 'wokeness', critical social justice, and the beast that is cancel culture, you will never win. You will NEVER get it right. If you choose to stand back, 'educate yourself’ privately and quietly; you'll be accused of being violent via your silence... And if you speak out, ask questions, or express valid confusion from the dehumanising generalisations and character assassinations; you'll be denounced for centering your 'white feelings'. This sounds like psychological warfare to me. I can't be the only one that also finds this language eerie. This is cult behaviour! And for saying the above I'm sure someone out there will lovingly label me a 'white apologist'... This is where we're at people. And like I said at the beginning, when it comes to this - I am unafraid. This is my open letter detailing some of the things that have led me to this point, because if there's anything that this past year has taught me; it's that my wellbeing and that of those around me (including the collective), is infinitely more important than any temporary discomfort that might come from me doing what I know to be right. I also want to let you know that I'm not writing this to convince you of anything, your agreement is welcome but it's not a requirement. I'm not writing this from a place of animosity or anger. I'm not writing this on behalf of any individual, group, movement, organisation, or community. I am not an activist, a social commentator, a feminist, an academic, or any other label apart from the ones I claim publicly. I am writing this to free myself. I am writing this for myself. And for you if you need it. Just like you; I am entitled to my own opinions, I have every right to question things that don't feel aligned with my values, morals, ethics, and beliefs. I have every right to push back if I recognise that I'm being forced to comply with ideologies and practices that don't make sense to me (which is how I've felt this past year). I don't want to live my life in a fearful and paranoid state. I don't want to spend my life thinking that everything that doesn't go my way is because of my skin colour, I don't want to spend the rest of my life unable to have insightful conversations with those that think differently to me...I really don't. I'm tired of hearing that because I'm black I should feel victimised. That because I'm black I should agree with everything that black people do and say (surely NOONE should have this expected of them). None of these narrow definitions of human existence or blackness help me. None of it helps my community. It's keeping us small. It's keeping us stuck, afraid, and defensive. I reject the idea that I am a victim. I reject the idea that I am oppressed. I reject the idea that white people only exist to oppress and should be reminding me of their privilege every 2 seconds, while simultaneously telling me that they are above me. How is this helpful!? If anything, it's deeply offensive and condescending. There's no question about it; being black is a beautiful part of who I am, but it's not all I am - not even close. My identity (race, gender, sexuality, body parts) will never be more important than my humanity, my spirit, and my wholeness. EVER. Because of this, I fervently reject the idea that all white people are racist and must be shamed into confessing their sins and admitting complicity in all of their ancestors indiscretions...simply because of the colour of their skin. I reject this bullshit idea that every white person walking this planet is 'inherently racist'. Do we even know what we're saying? or are we just regurgitating/parroting things, and now it's gotten out of control. I honestly struggle to see how shaming others (or shaming yourself) for having white skin is an essential part of fuelling true social change. Surely this is regressive? It also sounds a little like the very thing we've spent years moving away from... The truth of the matter is that my own ancestors have participated in some FUCKERY and I would not want to live the rest of my life being punished for their actions. A lot of what I'm seeing in the woke/critical social justice spaces is not about creating a better world, it seems to be about punishment and revenge. And it's doing nothing but trampling on the work true Activists are doing and have been doing for centuries! I do have to take a moment to acknowledge those who are doing fantastic work and making a long-lasting impact in their communities, instead of perpetuating fear and manipulating people's emotions by convincing them they will always be victims. I'm done with the insidious brainwashing of wokeness. I'm committed to understanding human behaviour (this is also at the core of what I do professionally), I'm committed to compassion and kindness without excusing that which must be acknowledged. I'm well aware of the systems we live under. I know what's happening in the world. I've lived it. I acknowledge reality, but I refuse to be a slave to a disempowering narrative that rarely focuses on actual solutions. I never want to forget that you can still be compassionate with those you don't agree with. And this way of thinking is what I CHOOSE because it makes my time on planet earth better, you don't have to take it on if it doesn't work for you. I want to live a life that isn't centred around identity politics and all that comes with it, so much more in my life takes priority. I want to remain open to new ideas, perspectives, and thoughts - so that I can grow, course correct where necessary, and make a genuine impact on a local and global level. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt and continue using discernment instead of making sweeping harmful (often lazy) assumptions based on the colour of people's skin or their gender. I refuse to take on the black or white thinking because I've seen and experienced the grave harm that does. As I move into this next season of my life, I'm more interested in the grey area - where we all exist. The nail in the coffin for me was all the events that took place last Summer. Last Summer in the height of the Black Lives Matter movement, I noticed a shadowy part of me emerging and although I didn't judge it, I wasn't comfortable with what was coming up. All the critical social justice dogma I'd been consciously and unconsciously imbibing over the past 2 years began taking a HUGE toll on my mental health, and I hadn't even realised that I wasn't functioning as a full human being - until it reached it's peak. The unpleasant internal experience I had is what led me where I am now, which is why I'm a firm believer that welcoming discomfort in is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself. On social media at that time I was DEEP is various social justice echo chambers that shared more than enough infographics, stories, feed posts, IG LIVES, to make my fight or flight response go nuts. I was in constant fight mode, and wasn't aware. I was being indoctrinated; this means "to teach a person or a group to accept a set of beliefs uncritically". I found myself subconsciously looking for things that would piss me off, which is a symptom of wokeness that seems to show up in many people - hundreds of you have shared your own experiences with me in the past month alone and the similarities in our stories are alarming. Before reacting to things, I did ZERO in-depth research of my own. It's almost as if facts were an unwelcome guest. Anything that didn't align with the beliefs I held about race, sex, gender, politics, etc - I rejected (this was all unconscious). I didn't question the sources I was getting information from, it was all taken as objective truth. It was ALL reactionary, I was on autopilot. I didn't realise I had many people on pedestals that they shouldn't have been on in the first place (no fault of their own, I put them there), I was operating purely based on emotions and feelings that gave my nervous system the signal that I was under threat. And that's the energy I acted and spoke from. I rashly unfollowed some people on my social media who I'd decided should have 'spoken up' in support of Black Lives Matter (an organisation I have now done my own extensive research on, but that's a whole other story) - simply because (based on my egos time frame) they weren't responding as and when they 'should' have. I'm sure I re-shared something about 'white silence' being 'violence' (an oversimplified and unfair statement I no longer agree with, and you can watch the lengthy live I did with Rukiat where I go into some of this). I also publicly shamed an unsuspecting man who had messaged me to question me about my conduct (I immediately assumed he was white...he was mixed race). And even though his approach was not a welcome one, he wasn't unkind to me - which is why I'm not proud of the unkind way in which I reacted...not responded, reacted. What frightened me was the applause I got from over 4,000 people when I called out this man in an Instagram post - I didn't say anything wild, but I did deconstruct his direct message publicly with the intention to embarrass him, not to resolve anything - to embarrass. I was honestly shocked by how many people used the environment I had created to exercise pack mentality, and to casually shame and scold a stranger - of which I take responsibility for as the person that created that environment. I now know that publicly shaming someone is a common tactic used in most woke spaces and echo chambers on social media, and it's so normalised. This is the kind of thing that quickly leads to bullying, doxing, stalking, and harassment...and sometimes ends in suicide. After seeing the responses applauding me, I removed the post and started asking myself some questions; who am I doing this for? why did my interaction with this man need to be publicised? what is really the root of the anger I feel? is this a performance on my behalf? What research have I done to support the ideology I'm leading with? Are there any alternative sources that can give me more information or provide clarity on the situation I'm reacting to? do I really believe this or am I regurgitating something I read/heard/saw somewhere? I'm of the thinking that there is such a thing as justified anger, and I believe that all emotions and modes of expressions have their place - but I know myself well enough to know that the way I handled that particular situation was not necessary. This incident led me start evaluating my own behaviour and doing more research around the cancel culture phenomenon. And it's just one recent example of how some of this stuff has showed up in my life over the past 2 years. SO, why am I calling 'WOKENESS' a cult? Well, first lets start by defining what the term woke even means. It's a term that been around for a very long time but has (in my eyes) lost all of its credibility and meaning in recent years. Woke: a term embedded in US Black History and social justice which originally meant being aware, well-informed, and up to date with what was happening within the community. "Stay woke became a watch word in parts of the black community for those who considered themselves self-aware, questioning the dominant paradigm, and striving for something better" - and these are the sentiments I will always stand for, however... This is NOT how it's playing out these days, and you can read this interesting article to get a timeline of how it's evolved over the years, and I'll continue sharing with you the specific pockets of 'wokeness' and social justice that I have divorced myself from. I can no longer be an active participant in any culture or movement that encourages groupthink, outrage on demand, fear and violence, revamped segregation, fabricating history, cancellations masked as accountability, self-centredness... normalisation of racism towards white people, the disempowerment of black people masked as social justice, the constant redefining of existing language, ignoring self-responsibility, constant pathologizing, oppressed vs oppressor mentality, and the pressure to conform and comply... It's exhausting. And honestly, I have better things to do with my time. Not to mention, it's killing us. I also find it very telling that people who are married to these woke spaces will immediately assume that those that are requesting for more compassion, understanding, room for discussion, removal of censorship - only want these things so they can have free reign to be bigots, sexist, 'fascists', racists, homophobes, etc. As a free-thinking black woman who most definitely wants more compassion, understanding, healthy discussion, empathy, removal of censorship, more tolerance and acceptance when it matters most...I can guarantee you that my final goal isn't so I can be a racist sexist fascist alt-righter extremist. LOL. And if you can understand this, what makes someone who happens to be white any less sincere if they want the exact same thing as me? Which many people do! I hope you can sort of see just how oversimplified and flawed this madness is. I often laugh about the ridiculous nature of it all, but what's concerning is that it's spreading like wildfire, it's causing lasting harm, and it's distracting us from the very real work that needs to be done to tackle injustice and unite us as human beings. I will stick to my guns by saying that the turn we're taking because of critical social justice and this current strain of branded monetised wokeness - is not going to take us to the promised land (SPOILER: there is no utopia, I'm sorry to break it to you). As someone who will never stop advocating for human rights (fairness, equality, access to resources, respect, independence - for ALL, not just for people who share my skin tone and gender), I have come to realise that I do not need to be part of any groups or wear any labels to make a positive contribution to this planet of ours.

I am for two state solution but he is right in the sense that giving palestinians ALL of West Bank will be a security suicide due to its strategic height and strategic depth, what means the quarter or third western part of west bank has most of it to stay under Israeli rule. The settlements project is not purely "evil" thing but actually has valid reason to it originally. The ever continuity of it is the problem.

@Karmadhi It’s funny you call me ignorant but when I quote facts you totally ignore the. First of all it’s not different times different circumstances, not sure if you ever heard expression that the more things change the more they remain the same. Also we are not speaking of thousand years ago, the neighboring countries were at odds with us just the past fifty years ago. You are also stuck on the DNA test. Your argument that it’s illegal is Israel is flawed, it’s not true. This test is complicated and I can tell, you did not looked deep into it as the test cannot identify things what you mention. But be it as it may, most Jews do have middle eastern dna but being Jewish is also someone who can convert. And if you sincerely convert to being Jewish, guess what, you would become as much Israeli citizen as I would be and then I just hope you will be defending Israel on this forum as I do. This entire DNA is not an argument. I was born in former Soviet Union, I never done dna there and even my classmates in school never done dna test on me, but they told me to get a hell out of their country and I was Jewish. I am not sure if they had X-ray vision but they clearly saw me being Jewish and mind you I was not wearing any Jewish clothes, not Yarmulke or black hat or had I sidelocks on my hair. And so you should know there was a time that I told my parents that I am not going back to school, until we emigrated. Now, there are 21 Arab states exists, there is 600 times more land that they have, I am not going into debate historically if they had that land, by the way they did not, but they exist now and that’s facts on the ground. I am not willing to mingle with only one Jewish state. And yes, Palestine where today Israel never existed as a country, look into encyclopedia, there was never a Palestine King or president, there was no currency, no flag, no language, no anything, I am not absorbing that lie. However if they want to create Palestine now in Saudi Arabia or anywhere else, they are more than welcome, but it will not be created inside my country, because that would be a suicide for us. Again we only have one Jewish state we can’t afford to loose it. Finally, you need to know how to deffirentiate what says in news paper and what’s on the legal level. If West Bank was illegal, they would sent army and remove us. I can tell you did not love history lessons, but there were many instances where NATO came in and did carnage’s to countries that did hold illegal land. Yes US fully support us and don’t tell me that we as a few people control the entire US, that’s just baloney, we are too small to control such a mega power. Also what you call West Bank, prior was never under an ownership of any country. We did not take it from another rulers. The only country historically existed on the West Bank was ancient Israel. Otherwise there was no historically any country existing there. Also we all seems to go around the same bush here, people keep asking the same questions and we keep giving the same answers. I think we came to a point that we better off just copy and paste, you keep copy and paste your statements and I will do the same. You want to speak rational, this is rationality I am giving you. We will not create Palestine within Israel, that you can forget, I am telling you facts based. I don’t know if you don’t believe me or you refuse to believe me, but this is a fact. This land cannnot be broken into two states, it’s two small, it’s not feasible, it’s not continuous. Why can’t you come up with different solutions. Why are you beating only on that solution. Again we only have one Jewish state, we cannot afford to loose it. If we had 21 states, you know, probably we could have gambled with it, whatever, if we would loose one when things go bad, we would have 20 to go. Here, if we loose it, where would we go. Into the sea? If you truly want to be creative, create other solution, but as I state to you humbly, we will not accept the stuff that I mention. I am not sure if you don’t believe me, or you refuse to believe me, I am telling you sincerely and honestly, No. I don’t know what other ways I can say No. and I do want to apologize for my citizens who would be giving false hope, and they really should not be doing such as deep down they don’t believe themselves. I don’t like when politicians know they will not do it, but they play games and playing victim card that they would do different if they could but the circumstance does not allow them otherwise. No, I am telling you you hear honestly. Again if you are a peace seeker come up with a different solution and then we can speak.

Recent podcast interviewing Adeptus Psychonautica about the dangers and traps within the spiritual/psychedelic community and the recent developments of actualized.org and the forum. What's really interesting is the host OXSN has his own intimate experience following Leo Gura and even initially defended him when Adeptus made an expose on the Connor Murphy incident. Watch how his journey and close friend's suicide sobered him from his own paradigm and ideology (the details of the suicide were vague as he didn't wish to disclose much; what's revealed is that OXSN did expose his friend to spiritual teachings including those of actualized.org before he ultimately took his own life) Some interesting points within the video: 34:09 "The example I use is like, if you saw a bee, like a buzzy bee but it was not trying to be a bee. It was trying to be a fucking elephant. It would be like 'you fucking bellend', just be a bee, just eat the pollen. Enjoy your life as a bee! Don't pretend to be an elephant, you cannot be an elephant, you're a bee. Be the fucking bee. That's how I feel when I hear all these like, you know, the people who get really obsessed with all the God-Consciousness. And that's not to say there's no value in those thoughts, but the value has got to compile back into a human being. To sit there and go floating about like 'oh, I'm so enlightened, I'm so God-Consciousness' is like, it serves no purpose other than to be like a wanker. But if you could embody that, if you could live your life like, when you come across someone who is like truly spiritual and truly a good person, a true role model: they don't have to tell you how fucking enlightened they are. They don't tell you what a good person they are and how better they because they achieved God-Consciousness. You just know like 'wow, this is a great person'. They don't need to tell you this. So all these people who like beat you over the head with how fucking spiritual they are, I could only assume they don't realize how fucking conterproductive that looks. Because I don't see anything spiritual with, like we say with the sort of 'the Leo Guras' of the world." 50:40 "I've got say, if there's one thing, out of all of Leo's flaws, the one thing I'll pull up on: the guy has like zero compassion and he's so detached from his own experience of a human being that, in my opinion, he doesn't seem to realize the effect he's having on these group of people. So that when he comes out with something really flippant on the forums, or- I'm sure he seems to handle things in his way, and not necessarily had something that's led to what's happened to your friend, but he's answering things in his way with zero understanding and like 'no, these might be people in trouble'. When I've been on the actualized forums, it is an absolute meeting room with very, very definite and very obvious mental issues. There's some serious fucking problems on that forum, and some of the moderators should not be moderating fucking dogshit, in my opinion. But they're all egging each other on and, one of the best descriptions I've ever heard for the kind of behaviors on actualized, which came from one of my friends James Jessal: there's a lot in the way where Leo describes his own activities, which feels like a challenge to the audience. Like 'I did all this 5meO-DMT so it got me here so you should do it'. And the guy will say things like 'you shouldn't do this', but it's a challenge. Like 'if you do this then you get to this level of Consciousness' and 'you just don't understand, you just don't understand, unless you've done it, you just don't understand'. So there's this constant challenging of these very vulnerable, very fragile, very destabilized audience; I just see people's fucking heads explode. Alot of people contact me because they want to talk about that experience. Especially the stuff around solipsism, which to me, it's almost hard to understand how people get so destabilized by that, but whether I get or not, at least I understand that people are going through this. Like people believe in this and they don't necessarily want to believe it. They don't want to believe that their loved ones are figments of their imagination 'but Leo's said it's true so must be true!' It could really fuck people's heads up."

Like from the highest perspective am I killing myself? Lol

No amount enlightenment makes up for bad health. Suicide unfortunately is inevitable if people suffer enough and they are given to way out or reason to believe it will get better.

@Leo Gura Over the years his mental health worsened and he was in and out of mental-hospitals, which he often entered of his own volition. In the end, during what is assumed to be a psychotic episode, he left the hospital and died. Whether it was suicide or an accident is uncertain.

From a old Leo Blog Post about Story Storyland or Backstories land By Leo Gura - November 23, 2017 Imagine an alternative universe — Storyland — in which there is no matter, no time, no space. There are no laws of physics. Instead, there are just stories. Every being here has a story because stories are all there are. Here, you aren’t merely a being WITH a story, you ARE one of the stories (NPC), because stories are the only building blocks of reality. Here, if it’s not a story, it simply cannot be. So if you want to have matter, or time, or space, or physical laws, you must invent them — as stories! In such a universe, the major preoccupation of all beings would be defending their stories (NPC´s), because, well… their life literally depends on it. After all, you don’t want to de-materialize, do you? In Storyland, the greatest danger to a being would be the unraveling of his story. That would be the definition of death: the end of my story. In such a universe, all beings would be deathly afraid of anything that might lead to the unraveling of their story. Such beings would gather together to co-create collective stories (Relative Objective Truths) to make their individual stories seem more solid. These beings would form groups to fight one another, both ideologically and physically, in order to defend the “reality” of one collective story over another. In this universe, one town’s collective story would threaten the reality of the neighboring town’s collective story. And so they would go to war because their very sense of existence would hinge on it. Here, culture would be king. Culture wouldn’t merely be a collection of preferences and opinions, it would be a matter of life and death. To such beings, stories wouldn’t appear as “merely stories”. Nor would be they be called “stories”. No, no, no. Stories would be considered, and called, REALITY! Such beings would never dare to speak or even think of the possibility that stories are anything but REALITY, because stories are the only kind of reality here. So, if ever a being came along who said, “Listen here, my fellow beings! What you call REALITY is just a story.” The first thing his fellow beings would want to do is kill him. Failing that, they would put him into an insane asylum. Failing that, they would gag him. Failing that, they would demonize him. Failing that, they would dismiss him as a nutcase. Failing that, they would agree with him by adopting a new story which says, “Our reality is a just a story, like that guys says.” But even so, they would continue running that story. Their minds simply could not bear to actually stop creating stories because to do so would be suicide. Sound familiar?? Well… Ta-da! That is our universe! It’s the only kind of universe that could possibly exist! Time, space, physics, brains, objective reality, mathematics, science, etc. are all just part of the story you’re defending, you see? And the notion that these are not a story but REALITY, is itself just another story! String a couple of stories together like that and you’ve literally got yourself a reality! Now you object, “But Leo! Who is telling this story?” The notion that there needs to be a “who” — a subject — is just another story! So you object, “But Leo! Where is the story taking place?” The notion that there needs to be a place — a where — is just another story! So you object, “But Leo! How are these stories possible in the first place?” The notion that there needs to be a “how”, is just another story! So you object, “But Leo! Why is there something rather than nothing?” The notion that there is something rather than nothing, is just another story! So you object, “But Leo! What are these stories made out of?” Nothing! A story is something which is not. So you object, “But Leo! How come it feels so REAL?” Because there is nothing else to contrast it with. You see? It’s all a hallucination hallucinated by an infinite hallucination, all of it adding up to nothing — the only way anything can ever be. And of course, all this is just another story Below a possibe version of this Storyland Universe

Question is not about suicide, please do not confuse with that. Live every moment as last. Only way to be in love.

I started university in 2015 as a Psychology major. I also lived on campus my first year, mainly to get away from a toxic family life back at home. Getting away from home physically, I thought it would mean that all my problems were solved and I would be a healthy and functioning human. Wrong! I had suffered from very low self-esteem, social anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation since the age of 10, and that was not going to solve itself by merely moving out. Though I was dedicated to my education and was doing well initially academically, I soon got into a 1.5 year long domestic violence relationship within a couple months of starting school, which tanked my grades (not being fond of math and statistics did not help, which I repeatedly failed). I was on academic probation with a GPA of 1.9. Being able to safely get out of that relationship was another story, and of course simply getting out of it did not mean my mental health would become stable, if anything it made things worse afterwards. Shortly after, however, in 2017, my ex-abuser's friend took my side and has become my closest friend to this day. This friend soon introduced me to Leo's videos, I think the first one was the video on how to meditate. From then on, I watched many of Leo's videos and also talked about spirituality very often with my friend. Though it was all talk and watching videos at first, with little actual practical initial implementations, I slowly started becoming more accountable for my mental health and made a goal to get my first 4.0 in the spring of 2019, which I achieved. I needed this goal in order to raise my GPA high enough to get into an MFT graduate program, not simply as a perfectionist goal. This was definitely supported by Leo's videos, but I also was in my own individual therapy, had done group therapy internships, quit smoking weed, and had a more grounded view of myself. That semester however, I had an extreme suicidal ideation pop up when I accidently forgot and missed the date of an exam, meaning I would possibly lose out on my goal of a 4.0. Luckily my professor was understanding and let me retake it, though my ideation shook me and I was starting to get sick of relying on thoughts of suicide whenever I got myself in a bad spot. It was like instead of problem-solving and coming up with creative ideas to get myself out of a sticky situation, which is apart of all of our lives, my mind went straight to how I should commit suicide, lol, it was annoying at this point. I decided that if I wanted to continue with my goal of a 4.0 for future semesters, it could not be a life or death goal. So I took a break from school, initially for just one semester in order to really focus on revamping my mental health and get rid of suicidal ideations once and for all. I did not have many specific methods at the time, it was just pure desire to finally put an end to the wanting to end it all. Then COVID happened in 2020, and I decided to wait it out for a number of reasons before going back to school. I got a job for 2 years working with autistic children in the meantime in order to still be on track in my career goals. I also created a healthy balance of good friendships, reading various books on philosophy/spirituality/psychology etc, going on road trips, had a couple purposeful and grounding solo psychedelic trips (in the past the majority of all my trips were in friend group settings and were more about goofing around, nothing serious) and keeping my thoughts positive. Since 2019, I have since had no suicidal thoughts, and my habits are healthier than ever before. Though that does not mean I do not have a lot more to improve on. I still lack a consistent routine and am more sporadic in my self-care, though it is at least plentiful and I do things often pertaining to it and have coping skills. I returned to school in fall of 2024, and these past 2 semesters I have attained straight A's again with max class loads. This time, with a lot less anxiety towards it and less negative attachment to the end result. I have also decided to double major, taking on Human Services as well (I can write a whole post on how Human Services is immensely more beneficial than Psychology to the MFT field, but that's another story). The point is, I have done all of this drastic real world self-improvement, and when I graduate in spring of 2025, even with an additional year's worth of straight A's, my GPA will barely touch the minimum overall GPA required for graduate school. It's so funny how that works. My fate is in the hands of admission evaluators who will have to bother to even look into my course history in detail to see the improvement I made, and find it worth it. I still have high hopes, and even if I do not get in to a school for whatever reason, I am so immensely proud and loving of myself for it to ever derail me. I still have many years of work experience I can do to balance it out if need be, and I can always try again. I think of creative and active solutions now, vs diving down that dark hole. I guess my main goals for now is learning how to create a healthy and consistent routine, find and network with more psychedelic-assisted therapists (my actual dream career), and learning to speak up for myself more effectively since I used to be much more timid and conflict-avoidant. This post was more of a backstory as to why I am creating my journal to build upon what I have already worked on with myself, to share with others who have had troubles moving forward in life as well, to thank Leo in his part for my self-development journey :), and any tips on how to create a consistent daily routine if you are a spontaneous and sporadic individual who once lacked routine as well!

If someone wanted sum up the situation of Israel / Palestine in one word it would be: occupation. That’s a word a lot of Israelis deny to describe the situation with or rationalise the existence of. Logically to follow up we should ask: does occupying a group of people make another group of people (the occupiers) more or less safe? Whenever occupation is acknowledged by Zionists it’s rationalised and re-defined as being a needed “security measure” in response to being attacked - but they are being “attacked” due to occupation. Those attacks are what Palestinians deem resistance and what international laws tell them is their right. How can the West create an international system of law that tells a group of people they are occupied and have the right to resist that occupation, and then support a country that is executing that very occupation. When people are denied a state their denied a certain type of more 'civilised' and accepted means of protection - when they don't have a military, navy, air force, intelligence agencies or the backing of a global superpower they need to resort to guerrilla warfare and other unsavoury uncivilised tactics like suicide or terrorist attacks - which they are then gaslighted as savages for. It is savage - but it doesn't detract from the cause being a just one of equal human rights, self determination and dignity even though they go about it in undignified unjust ways of which they have been left with little choice.