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I try and fulfil the boredom but lately nothing is fulfilling it. It's more conscious (ie eyes open, doing stuff) emptiness than boredom. Everything seems just completely pointless, including suicide, which I pondered, slightly. Everything is just like, going at its own rate, there's no "fun" anymore there just "is" without sounding cliche. The other thing is my Grandad died last week and the whole family is still upset about it but I didn't even shed one tear. Grief seems stupid, to me he has either reincarnated and he is a baby somewhere or he merged with "Consciousness" and that's the end of it. I don't really know what to make of my lack of compassion?

Hey everyone this is my first ever post,I'm glad to be here. I'm having a big hard situation right now... I been doing actualized.org work progress and personal development since I was 18 years old(now I'm 23). Since then I was doing good with my life,been doing my life purpose,having up and downs but always being aware with my higher self and intuition...I had this flight on October through November(1 month) last year,I went to Nashville,TN for 3 weeks and 1 week with the idea to "live in New York". Somehow my intuition told me to go back to Puerto Rico wich is where I live now and before the flight but I came back diferently,the trip was hard and by myself...Before the trip I blocked all the people I had sex with to just "forget them" but karma did his thing. I knew since I buyed that ticket for go and live in the USA wasn't the best idea... Fastfoward to now I had to said sorry to everyone including the people I blocked.I felt weird and not grounded(and I been meditating for years)also been dealing with a porn/masturbation recovery. The thing is that now I'm dealing with a trauma and I belive is a PTSD symptom. I can't even go out anymore because I feel the outside world is my enemy(the way a victim thinks). I been aware most of my live until now that I feel the right opposite,like something happened on that trip... Since I cameback from the trip I tried by myself: LSD(December),DMT(on group but wasnt big,it made my symptoms worst),thats why I did later Magic Mushroom(for "grounding") on January and finally MDMA on February. I did it alone but in a urban place... I knew I had to fix this but can't do it alone,it's been getting worst and worst the symptoms like a spiral that now I came back to live with a family member wich I know they are not so "aware of themself" and my parents are separated and my mom live outside Puerto Rico and my dad doesn't have a car so we can met and he is having his trouble with money... I thought suicide but not yet...I visited a psychologist and then took pills for depression from a psychiatrist (wich I felt to let go after a week,felt worst). The last option for me is do an Ayahuasca ceremony but not sure if it gonna work on me,I have small faith,very small,need to wait a week or so for the day to come...I even done nootropics but still,not helping to fix the main problem... Someone have suggestion or know some similar experience? Thankyou for everyone who could read my story. Blessings.

Okay, so, someone(probably) just killed himself /herself and all I see is mocking, memes, jokes and all sort of individuals showing off their "knowledge" and spiritual egos... I find this interesting, yet horrifying. Honestly, I can't see how you can make the decision to kill yourself out of a place of consciousness and enlightment,most of the time it would come from a place of suffering and loneliness. The truth is that no of you personally knew him/her, so you don't know what kind of person he/she was or what kind of problems he/she was facing, so you should shut up. You are just making assumptions about his "conscious death" that came from a "place of free will". Also, please imagine you are one of his/her relatives and you discover this particular post... You'll see people making jokes and memes instead of trying to help or at least get to the reasons behind this action.Isn't it a bit weird why he hasn't fully expressed his reasons for committing suicide? I highly doubt that most of you are enlightened, yet most of you claim to know what happens after death and claim to have knowledge about the mechanics of the existence itself - _-...when in fact they are just beliefs. Spiritual egos are indeed dangerous. I'm pretty sure people will start mocking me subtly. Go ahead, I'm not near the level of personal and spiritual development that you have attended, I surely need your valuable insights. Personally, I no longer see any purpose in continuing this thread, I would advise the mods to close it.

@Truth Addict That's exactly what I thought, because I'm sure I have been repressing all kinds of feelings for a really long time. Yesterday I was focusing on relax and let all the emotions come up without trying to get way from them, Lots of things came to the surface, and I know there's more yet to come @SriBhagwanYogi thanks for sharing the video, all watch it !! I really like Spira, he was the first teacher that I watched and actually understood what he was talking about @Javad The problem is I think, that before going to non duality and spirituality, I tried the main stream self-help to grow my self identity, and most of this traditional self-help doesn't deal with the core issues, they make you forget about your feelings and emotions and give techniques to change yourself, like trying control the thoughts, pretending to be who you want to be, and all sorts of non sense. I've been doing this for some years, and it has probably repressed a lot of feelings, and eventually they had to come, probably the awakening was a trigger to them @WelcometoReality This thread perfectly described what is going on, very helpful , thanks !!! @Gabriel Antonio I am always open to the possibility,I am always trying to look for more options, but I can see much difference between this and depression, I had depression when I was a teen, and I got treatment, I remember the accompanying feelings were, a really strong hate towards myself, and others, a deep sense of sadness, anger, feeling like a victim from the world and life, and of course, thinking that suicide was a way out. Right now this feeling that I was facing doesn't have any of it, it's more like how would you feel if you found out that you actually don't have any control, when all the mind is built upon the assumption that it has control, and all that people search all their lives is to control, because people don't want happiness or freedom, they want control, the mind wants to control, but it can't but anyway, I will book an appointment with a psychiatrist, I wanted to do it for a while now, and I think now is a good time thanks for the reply !! @Nadosa That's true, most people who are suffering don't like to think about this possibility, and going to doctors for me was always the last option, depression is the disease that most affect people in the world (or so the medicine says), I know a bunch of people that the doctors diagnosed having depression and now are having to take pills everyday, just to numb them, I know people who have been taking medicine for depression for more than twenty years, people who have gone to lots of doctors and haven't gotten better, so most of the causes of depression are surely not physical,

We are all suffering and feel pain. We all want relief. Suicide can seem like the least worst option. And we get to seize back control and self esteem by being able to choose when and how we go. But even a life of suffering is really amazing and precious and it's okay just to carry on and grow and mature and learn how to escape the suffering in the end. Maybe you get to live and not suffer?

@Mikael89 We don’t know for sure what happened to him, yet mocking someone’s suicide is over the line. Please tone it down,

@Fountainbleu I overcame a severe TBI which occurred 3 years ago. It lasted for 2 full years. After losing everything, I'm back to 100% and, now, way beyond. Minor recommendations: Meditate like your life depends on it. In complete blackness. Watch how quickly your suffering (not your pain) goes away. Journal every day. Go full out with self-actualization and use this opportunity to rebuild your entire life. That's how I used my concussion. Major recommendations: Immediately switch to a whole foods plant based diet. Nutritionfacts.org is one solid resource. Consider getting photobiomodulation therapy done: https://bioflexlaser.com/ (this may take anywhere from 10-30-50 sessions). My recommendation would be to go in for an initial diagnostic and then rent a unit and take it/ ship it home. It will be much cheaper that way. There are now a bunch of locations in the US and Canada. Personal Note: A long time ago I planned to write an entire post on here about this. Once I found this, I healed by 90% in 2 weeks. There's no guarantee that it will work for you, but it's worth a shot. It's side-effect free. It uses light to stimulate the dead/non-functional cells, especially the mitochondria. It then produces ATP and increases oxygen absorption. The technology is so ridiculously simple but so ridiculously effective that I convinced my dad who's a Neurologist to put it into his practice. As I was working with him last summer (for about a month) I cured 3 people who had chronic migraines for over 50 years. And I've never heard from them again. DO NOT go back to work, school, or anything. Take time completely off to heal. And then use every second to get better. DO NOT go back on anti-depressants or ANY medication except headache medication. Only if you're about to commit suicide would I recommend anti-depressants. People saying to take medication so that you can start a business and make money is the DUMBEST SHIT I've ever heard in my life. If you listen to your body and take care of it, it will take care of you. Manipulating it for good grades, success, achievement, and money (which I tried to do) will leave you more depressed and more anxious and more sick and more miserable than you could ever imagine. You will literally go in the opposite direction of healing. Please PM me if you'd like to talk. Virtually no one has any idea how to cure concussions or TBI. My dad, who's a neurologist, couldn't even help me. You're especially not going to find the answers on this forum. To even find that one resource I shared with you took years of research and was a divine gift from the universe. The great irony is that the concussion itself was also a divine intervention from the universe. It's how I found Actualized.org! I was fortunate enough to meet the guy who invented it and received treatment from him directly. Hopefully you won't squander what I've said here. This information was unbelievably hard won. PS: @Leo Gura I've frequently heard you talking about your thyroid and other various physical ailments. Hopefully your right knee isn't still giving you trouble from that Reiki post I made a while back Maybe we can ask that girl to send you another long-distance transmission. I've been struggling to think of ways to provide value to you. Hopefully you can check out this resource (https://bioflexlaser.com/ ) if things ever get out of hand.

I had this realization today from Leo's video on Self-Deception. It would seem that life is inherently full of suffering. The only way to raise your levels of consciousness is to suffer for a temporary amount of time. Is life then not worth living. Im not contemplating suicide but I just don't see whats wrong with it. I guess high consciousness must be worth all the suffering. Is my mind self-deceiving me into thinking that the suffering is worse than it really is, if I suffer consciously.

What happens when someone commits suicide? I guess it would be very funny to wanna escape from life and return to the same place you were before Lol.

So ..... Sharp is dead now then? Hasn't been online since yesterday, and was quite adamant about suicide, so seems he went thru with it. Born in 1960, so a pretty good run of 59 years. I've seen many people on this forum thru the years say they are going to commit suicide. Wonder how many actually went thru with it. Never any way of knowing. Now 'Sharp' is God realized, so yay.

Happy explosion brother. I mean, you don't have to do it, it comes down to stillness, in mind and body, or love, but what ever you do is fine. I would write a carefully written suicide note to your past loved one's, and be as honest as you can, don't leave them in unanswered questions. And don't beat yourself up over it if you don't decide to do it. But the point is, it's accessible here and now!

On a serious note the thought of suicide rises sometimes on downcycles for me. For me it is the great equaliser because you cannot go lower than suicide. I take a minute or an hour to just be, in the suicidal mood, and mind tends to GTFO and the end of the downcycle arrives IN THE MOMENT and changes to an upcycle. Spirituality for me and many I have spoken to is about cycles of up down up down up down it is NOT constant like all these teachers make it out to be. Without going down you cannot go up higher. Thankfully the cycles have slowed down lately but they still happen. It's life!

@Preetom :) great wisdom on suicide

All the meme and jokes aside, I think it would be great if death and suicide could be culturally re-contextualized. Actually there is nothing wrong in the the drive for death or to commit suicide. It is one of the natural(probably the most intense) urges of the mind. Why? Well because death is the ultimate release. It is the innate intelligence in us that does everything for seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, it knows that dying will be the ultimate happiness/release. Osho used to say that it is probably impossible to find a person who has never contemplated suicide. If a person never glimpsed the urge for his own annihilation or meaninglessness of life, he is either an animal or just plain stupid. In any endeavor to fulfill any of our desire, we actually don't crave the object of desire. We merely crave for the release after that desire is subsided, that even, clam, self-happiness or relief. Looking in this way, it is obvious that an urge for suicide is actually a wake up call; not something that is to be treated as taboo. It's a wake up call to wake up from the dream and be what one really is. But there are countless stupid ways to treat this intelligent message. Killing the physical body is probably the most stupid way out of them. The urge for suicide is not the urge for annihilation of the physical body. This flesh doll is already dead. It is the urge to get relief from the hideous cancer which is the sense of being a separate self, the ultimate tyrant there is

* Initiate quantum suicide *

distract them for few minutes from suicidal thoughts. That should do the work. probably 99% suicidal thoughts/attempts are not clearly and consciously chosen decision made over a long period of time. Mostly it is just a fickle mind virus that takes one over for a short time. If that short time can be countered by shifting the attention to something else, usually that suicide impulse die out as well.

Suicide or mahasamadhi? if you do decide to go, don't go into the white light. It's false. Stay in the void, don't go down the tunnel... https://www.trickedbythelight.com/tbtl/light.shtml

@FoxFoxFox i say suicide is the easy way out rather than actually dying Bored consciousness? I like that

@Sharp Fun fact: when you die, you will just come back. I suggest you try and get a direct experience of death while keeping your body alive. You'll see how consciousness literally gets bored and recreates the world to reincarnate directly. It makes suicide kinda pointless.

@ASJ hey. welcome to the forum i am no expert in this field and i hope someone else also shares their POV/answer with you. but i will tell you this. people have many perspectives and all differ. if you show a random object to a room of 50 people, there will be 50 different ways it is being viewed/thought about. what helps me in situation such as yours in truly viewing the situation from the other person's Point of view (pov) keep in mind, there are only relative POVs. yours vs others. you have to understand that nobody just does anything or believe in something for the sake of it... if you do not believe in ghosts and someone else does, then you have to truly understand this . understand that to the one believing in ghost or demons, it is as real a fact as earth being round for example. to someone who has had a paranormal experience, it is a very true thing... a doctor or scientist may give him/her explanation which stems from their own understanding and pov... but it doesn't change the fact that the person directly experienced it for themselves. each party always only (naturally) protects its own interest. when you happen to be on the opposing side, there naturally will be conflict it is like watching a game of football and either supporting team A or team B. there is no "right" team who should win or deserves to win. it is just a game and there are 2 teams and supporters for each side. so before cutting off ties. just UNDERSTAND that the other party do not view their actions/beliefs are wrong and they are 100% correct for them as anything you might believe is 100% for you. a suicide bomber 100% believes that he will be going to heaven after doing his deed. to him, it is such a strong deep belief that he willingly blows himself up for it IT IS ALL RELATIVE

@Zigzag Idiot @tsuki I really appreciate your input and intend to respond later. First, some observations this morning. Now that I've been on dates with 4 girls, I get nervous about how and when to propose a next date. And what if they say no? I know the answer to that: I get over it and meet new people. This is the flow of life. So even though I feel more at ease now that I can meet and connect with girls when I want to, I'm still clinging to these particular ones. Not as tightly as if it would be a single person, but still. The feeling of abundance is increased, but not the deep abundance. But I can't help to draw a parallel: I meet a few girls, now I'm scared to lose them. Rich people don't have peace, they worry about their money. I have had an underlying assumption, pretty much all my life, that getting enough money and sex is working towards inner peace. It made sense: my path isn't blocked by lack of anything, I don't have to work so I'm free. I don't have to worry about money because there is enough. I don't have to be harsh with myself to go meet girls because that part is so integrated that it happens by itself. But what if that's wrong? Businesses take work to maintain, you can worry about those. Even plainly having a ton of cash is a huge responsibility: you have to worry about how your investments are doing, you have to make sure that you give enough to charity and that people are seeing that, because more eyes are on you. Most of your friends will be fake friends who hope to get stuff from you. This alone can drive people to suicide. It's still worth doing, but it's not a way to end all worries. You're just worrying about different things. Like RSDTyler likes to say: "Increase the QUALITY of your problems." I'm seeing a couple different girls now. I mean, I don't know whether I'll see them again, and I worry about that I noticed this morning that I want to text them all and set a next date, so that I can feel safe. But I noticed that would be coming from the wrong place, so I didn't. On top of that, I have more Tinder matches than I have attention or energy for. So I kind of gave up, and am seeing all these potential connections being ignored by me, and dying. This also bugs me. Also in the words of RSDTyler: "Stop trying for completion. There is no completion. It will never come." I'm paraphrasing. But, it pans out so far. A few months ago I set out to change my habits and activities so that I would get closer to my goals. Work out, eat better, meditate regularly, get laid, make LP plans. I worked on all of those. What did it bring me? Greater life satisfaction. I don't feel like I'm "wasting" my life anymore Better sense of self-worth. I like explaining my life to people, and don't feel inferior and envious opposite almost everyone, like before. And this is profound. For me. When getting to know people, but also with good friends, I remember always feeling like they have their shit together sooo much more than I do, I'm a mess. That's gone! I know what I'm doing and not doing, and it needs work but I feel valuable and together already. Decreased neurosis. The constant "I should eat better, dammit, I should get laid, damn it, I should ..." chatter is diminished. Greater confidence in my ability to achieve and push through. Because I fell out of the diet and got back up. Now, I fell out of meditation habit, and that makes me feel guilty still, but I'm certain that I'll pick it back up. I feel more comfortable in public places. I used to feel very self-conscious and projecting how people (strangers) see me. When I would overhear conversation, I would project whether I would be friends or foes with these people. There's a lot less of that. Sometimes I just automatically talk to a stranger. And after that it's easy to let go of that connection as well. What did it not bring me? Inner peace. Nothing to worry about. The ability to have an empty mind most of the day. I'm writing this because I'm feeling stressed about a lot of things, and I was hoping to get rid of that. I have to check my phone, answer my email, take care of my relationships, keep a calendar, et cetera et cetera. Also, if I understand David Deida correctly, merging with the feminine is a temporary moment of bliss and emptiness, which the masculine is always seeking, after which he has his purpose to get back to. Giving his deepest gift. Always willing to fight for peace, emptiness, that he never gets to keep. So if there's no end to the rat race, the stress, it becomes more important to be relaxed in it. Since the only way out is death or enlightenment, and both of those are probably far away, I might as well value inner calm over everything. Get some mindfulness into my day. Since that's all the peace I'm going to get. The peace in my daily life. It's not going to happen when I reach the next level: when I get more money or sex. I will have to strive to live peacefully despite there always being things to worry about. At every level. Got up at : 9:30 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 19 Total infield time : 12h10 Total meditation time : 13h45 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 69 alcohol : 4 caffeine except tea : 6 TV : 0 grains : 17 sugar : 7 dairy : 23 peak orgasm : 5 porn : 26

That doesn't address the problem of the solipsistic madness Leo keeps pedalling in his most recent videos. The belief that I am god and all of you people on this forum are just fake cardboard cutouts is pure madness and it goes against the view that all of us are appearances within consciousness and we all exist together as that. As such I can no longer consider Actualized.org as a platform for personal or spiritual development. The stuff he comes out with is dangerous and a catalyst for psychosis and suicide. If you are all that exists and everything is just fake and empty then you may as well be dead. That is not the fullness of life nor is it awakening. I will be going to a mental health specialist to try and repair the damage Actualized. org has done to me before it is too late.

Tinnitus is a ringing in ears and head, kind of like a buzzing sound which can drive people to commit suicide, it causes stress , anxiety, and there is no cure for it. And now my goal of life is to experience enlightenment and want to achieve real happiness is it still possible for me !

@Nahm I might just be ignorant about the topic, but I don't think Adolf Hitler actually killed anyone by his own hands (he might have during the war when he served in the Austrian military, and ofc there are the allegations that he forced his wife into suicide). Anyhow, There is no doubt that his ideology brought about the death and suffering of millions of people, and that is the issue. Like Winterknight said in another thread. The problem is in the psyche. So no. I wouldn't kill Adolf Hitler. I would try to help him get over his demons, if I could. So the answer to all of those questions is no. I wouldn't kill him even if i had the chance during the height of his power and destruction. I don't think death is a suitable penalty even for a murderer who kills personally.

I get that this may be funny for you and I can understand that but please see that I am going through a very difficult existential crisis with all of this and I am seeking help as it has caused me to suffer from depression which may go on to psychosis if left unchecked. Please understand how destructive the idea that the computer in front of me right now as well as the rest of my family actually have no form of existence whatsoever. That shit can really mess people up and I hope that nobody has committed suicide after watching some of the deeper stuff Leo creates.