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I was on a solo retreat for a week, it was the first one I ever done. I did a lot of kriya yoga, meditation, physical yoga, reading and just sitting with the sound of the forest. On the last day I dropped 170~ug lsd. And oh boy did I awake to my true self. I just sat on the grass looking at a flower field just observing life as it was. It was very beautiful. Then I noticed that I could concentrate not on one spot, but to kinda look at the whole thing without focusing on anything but focusing on everything at the same time. And it was very weird and unusual to do this for some reason so I did it for some time observing what it is as it got weirder and weirder. On the back of my mind I got a little taste that somehow a feedback-loop is happening, but I didn't understand what it was, so I just observed it sitting very still of focused, and after like a minute or so I realized that I'am Consciousness. As soon as that realization happened the ego died. It shut down for about a half an hour leaving me time to explore what I actually am. There was a clear separation from my true self and the ego(the mind). And I felt so empty inside. Just a total nothing, empty nothingness, but there I was. And as soon as I saw that, I saw that in other people, the exact same emptiness. Also I felt like I could go inside my head and reach myself so I just laid on the grass and went inside myself like in self-inquiry and I saw a lot of visuals, a something! So I tried to understand what that it, what consciousness is, but as soon as I started to look what it is it always was one step ahead of me. It was like catching my own tail. And so I realized that I cannot grasp myself because that would take infinity and yet I wouldn't be able to catch me as consciousness is a STRANGE LOOP, I can only BE Myself. So that was the best BEING moment in my entire life. Consciousness is so beautiful. Also the possibility of death to consciousness doesn't exist. It's eternal with no beginning and no end, forever just being. This realization just awe-struck me. I was in complete shock to find my true self with a very clear separation from the ego me. And in that ego-death state I understood that I still have to have some kind of ego and it has to come back eventually in order for the bodies survival. As being in such a consciousness state you no longer care what ever happens to you. Then slowly my ego creeped back in, but I could tell from that awakening I was no longer the same anymore. So what changed after this? I completely realized all of my bad habits which I had. Meditation, Yoga, physical exercise is a MUST now in my life. Also I completely dropped smoking cigarettes and weed. I instantly had a higher motivation to be a better human being to this planet. My sense of Self expanded as I understand that I'am everyone more than ever. So I wouldn't ever litter in my city as I understand that I'am everything and I will still be alive when this body dies out, so this body as an ego has to not shit on this planet as it shits to myself in the future. I re-thought my entire life and got a new sense of direction and passion in life filled with Love and Understanding. Also it was my first breakthrough trip, as my earlier ones were very fear based as I even though that psychedelics weren't for me. I learned how to work with them, what it does and how to come down easily from them without getting tangled in fear. Psychedelics sure do change a person. In the future I no longer will be using weed for spiritual purposes as it comes with tons of baggage and very unhealthy for the mind and over-all motivation in life. But psychedelics sure are dangerous, so take care and do them slowly and work yourself up little by little. Also doing psychedelics requires a lot of self-awareness which I didn't have earlier. Also I missed some points, but I just wanted to share my changes which I'am very happy about.

when one is trying to attain enlightenment or work on self development?. Wouldn't those commitments just get in the way of your progress? Or slow your journey to the spiritual promise land to a crawl? Wouldn't it be more efficient to become a sperm donor? Or find a lesbian couple who wants to get married and wants to have kids and pay them to have your kids? Wouldn't it be more efficient to let the lesbian couple focus on the marriage and the raising of the family while YOU focus on self development? In this scenario you will be the "part time uncle" or role player, willing and able to assist the couple(and child) when they need assisting? So instead of carrying the brunt of the load, the load can be spread out between multiple agents, making the process of starting a family or raising a child much more manageable. I tried going the sperm donor route, but six months into the program they kicked me out due to my genetic disability(I am a stutterer). Now a days, with my dream shattered I find myself lost in a shadow of nothingness, pissing in the wind, shitting down rabbit holes, waiting for a couple to love me. :-( These are just my two cents. Whether these cents are actually worth two diamonds remains to be seen, but in the meantime, these cents are all I have.

I know this is it. But It is completely empty. It's nothing. Once again I've been shocked into "higher consciousness". I see everything is made out of nothing. I wanted this to be a "positive" experience but that was fake grasping. It hit me whilst I was intensely brooding and concentrating on my experience. At first I felt some joy, as I felt like whatever it was I was trying to overcome had been lessened, and I tried to morph the experience of complete nothingness into something good. For moments I felt joy. I felt joy and thought that existence itself was a blessing, that I'm lucky to exist and lucky to have something rather than nothing. It's the joyous news! There's something despite nothing! How great! But now later here I am. My life is suffering. Seeing this nothingness, I know, I know, I will never die. And I'm terrified. And there's just this meaninglessness. And I will just exist as this pure meaninglessness nothing forever? There's nothing here, and there will never not be nothing. And so I'm immortal. I'm in a state of shock to be honest. Can't believe any of this is real. I'm used to living in the world of fantasy, fiction, and the trivial. But this is everything. But I can't accept it and I'm in denial. I can't believe this isn't a dream, can't believe that this is really it. This enlightened state does nothing to improve your ego. Anyone thinking it does hasn't seen the true face of this all. My costume, my ego, it's all the exact same. Not a single bit has changed. Only difference is that some sense sees my own character and everyone else as an NPC, a fake character. ---- It's crazy how full circle I've gone. I felt this way back when I was 13 and was a religious muslim high on Islam, high on prayer and mystical experiences. The terror of eternity and imagining an existence of forever. Now here I am. Everything and nothing has a changed at the same time. --- No one can hold your hand, no one can make the emptiness go away. It's just you. It's your show. It's strange how I'm much more animated and joyful in my interactions with people when to a certain extent I feel dead. But I'm still terrified and in shock, despite the exterior appearance of fluidity to anyone who talks to me. Very weird. Existence is strange.

This is an NDE on the NDERF website Stephen T NDE Home Classification NDE 1308 Stephen T NDE 3359 Experience Description 1. Surfing incident 2. Caught in a trough under water in huge surf. 3. Panic knowing I am going to drown. 4. Realized I had to give up, could not hold breath any longer. 5. Sudden calmness and resignation; loss track of body. 6. Clear and graphic life review as if certain events were cataloged. 7. Visualized a large green blue circle with a feeling of depth but did not look like tunnel. 8. Suddenly found myself in a large hall with a stone bath being washed by humanoid aliens; very peaceful (this was certainly a subjective illusion). 9. Sudden transformation into a realm of timeless Absolute Beauty, Absolute Love and Absolute Infinity. The radiance was literally unbearable. 10. Absolute forgiveness, non-judgment, non-duality, timeless, no blame or retribution, no sin karma and no reincarnation. No God as there was no subject or object of attention I AM That. 11. Beyond science, religion, spirituality, new age phantasmagoria. This is the most real insight of my whole life and clearly remains with me after thirty years. In my hippy years experimented with drugs e.g. acid however nothing, but nothing, compares with this insight. Also came across a similar state during meditation. Somewhere in this process, I became conscious of the fact that I must return to the world and play out my allotted role. This really pissed me off. As I crawled up the beach, I really didn't want to be here and in many ways have just been waiting for this lot to finish. 12. Theoretical implications: a) Absolute Infinity is a fact; George Cantors set theory provides sound theoretical evidence of the mathematical context of infinity. (We do not create infinity it is literally thrust upon us and is therefore absolutely necessary.) Hugh Everett's many worlds interpretation of particle wave duality; Max Tegmark's theoretical application to infinite universes. See also John Barrow 'Pi in the Sky' and Rudy Rucker's 'Infinity and Mind'. Evolution is asymmetrical, that is the billion to one symmetry violation at the origins (matter/antimatter) of the universe supervenes through complexification and self-organization onto Darwinian selection as a bias for pleasure over pain. Evolution is not value neutral. Given infinite universes non-denumerable infinity tells us that every moment must exist infinitely for all possible sum over histories (Richard Feynman) for all possible universes. (Will be pushing for space here.) Given infinite universes and infinite sentient civilizations infinite civilizations will survive for vast time scales eventually resolving into Absolute Infinity and Absolute Love. This state of beingness is a permanent aspect of every part of existence. Science has become shackled to skepticism and the narrow constraints of a very primitive epoch in the scheme of biological and silicon based evolution. Ray Kurweil demonstrates the capacity of potentiation in his demonstration of cosmological, computational and exponential technological growth. We will eventually drop the distinction between artificial and carbon based intelligence for new cohesive constructs far beyond our current capacity to visualize. As cells in our bodies are not conscious of our bodies, our self-conscious minds are not cognizant of the Absolute because we are bound by cognitive duality. Consciousness is dualistic and narrative based whereas awareness is timeless and immediate. Yet for anything to exist, whether subjective or objective, they must inevitably be absolute necessary aspects of a perfect existence. One also has to take into account the profound paradox of time (quantum block time) relativistic twin paradox, matter antimatter time vector reversal etc. we really don't know much. The axis of existence proceeds from the Pervasive Ground (unified field) through Manifest Material Reality and onto Infinite Potentiality. Existence is an Infinite Web of context and though the local universe has some 10 to the 26 bits of information they overlap and furthermore are connected non-locally. Existence is not constructed of finite locatable things it is a nonlinear process of textural flow and integration. Lot more I could add however gives the gist of what I am on about. Hid in a corner all these years however when saw this site decided to have a stab at explaining my NDE. I have written extensively but not published. Who, after all is interested in radical and revisionary ideas. After all they forced Thomas Kuhn into a corner. Our current epoch is incommensurable with a civilization two hundred two thousand, two million or a billion years older. Plenty more where this came from. It's time to wake up and go beyond the magic and mythology of religion and the primitive egocentrism of science. Background Information: Gender: Male Date NDE Occurred: 1967 NDE Elements: At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident On a surfing trip - near drowning Life threatening event, but not clinical death Nearly drowned. Coughing and spluttering I somehow managed to get to shore and crawl out of the water having given up all hope as I was clearly convinced that I was drowning. I truly thought I was a finished. How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I lost awareness of my body How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above. At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I literally died to my old self and was wrapped in Absolute Love and Absolute Forgiveness. I do not look through my eyes anymore what sees is beyond my poor confused self-conscious mind. The looking through is not mine it is boundless non-dual timeless and perfect. See ya later God. Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Timeless. It was shock to emerge from immediate awareness to consciousness. I most certainly did not die and here of course lie the rub. However it is relatively easy to demonstrate that every moment always exists for all probable and possible moments infinitely therefore whatever is flowing through this lot is not the surface structure we identify with. Kant phenomena, noumenon or more to the point Nagajuna's such-ness, nothingness and non-duality. Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Though there were intense and awe inspiring feelings something much deeper was operating and has remained to this day. No person can have ownership and no religion lay claim to Absolute Love. The body just didn't warrant attention. Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was not like hearing but somehow directly intuiting without the necessity for language. The narrative comes afterwards and by heavens one must be absolutely vigilant not to pollute the direct experience. Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain Saw a blue green circle but did not pass through a tunnel. Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes In the early stages I was bathed by some aliens beings. However, when I had the insight into Absolute Love everything with shape and form disappeared and had absolutely no relevance. The experience included: Void The experience included: Light Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Everything was light however it was not white, yellow, or black, it was pure radiance and for a timeless moment I was that radiance. Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It is strange to look back and realize that the effects of the event continue to change my life and conception of existence on regular basis. When I write a book or article and finish it it is as if, even with all the research, I actually did nothing. It has taken to the middle years of my life to fully integrate the intellectual and experiential in a rigorous manner. Something unspoken operates beyond the self-conscious mind. Sounds whaky I know but I gotta another set of eyes. This is where the old narrative goes bottom up. Working in welfare sort of reflects a doing because it has to be done. Choiceless Freedom. so many damn dimensions and textures its downright spooky. The experience included: Strong emotional tone What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy, Bliss, Bliss, Bliss, Bliss. Absolute Forgiveness, total equity and complete union. Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world The experience included: Special Knowledge Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe The experience included: Life review Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I don't think I learned anything from the experience what did happen was that I realized what I was doing, and still am doing nothing, even though I have to continue on with the trials and tribulations of life like everyone else. Absolute Love takes no prisoners you either imbibe non-judgment, and absolute forgiveness with a still mind or carry on with the useless narrative of self-justification. It is not to be learned it is to be lived. Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future All events exist right here and now (quantum mechanics and time) however insight steps into the timeless occasion of immediate perfection while witnessing the temporal flow of relative material reality. One could not remain in awareness because self was, and is still, irrevocably tied to material reality. To a non-dualist there is no spirit or soul because insight is subject less, objectless beginning-less and endless. At death my relative absence will be my absolute presence Nisargadatta Maharaj. Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will God, Spiritual and Religion: What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal none Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No Religion just does not cut the mustard. Absolute Love can have no relationship with evil, devil, hell, purgatory, sin, karma, retribution, or any type of judgment blame and retribution. When they drop their absurd beliefs and magical mythical ranting then their ideologies will become redundant. By this stage, religions will be left with a whole lot of empty book covers. Absolute Love cannot be possessed or turned to any religious or political purpose. Either we love or we don't love easy peasy. Then we can party and just learn to love and care for each other on a truly equitable basis. What is your religion now? Liberal none Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No Religion just does not cut the mustard. Absolute Love can have no relationship with evil, devil, hell, purgatory, sin, karma, retribution, or any type of judgment blame and retribution. When they drop their absurd beliefs and magical mythical ranting then their ideologies will become redundant. By this stage, religions will be left with a whole lot of empty book covers. Absolute Love cannot be possessed or turned to any religious or political purpose. Either we love or we don't love easy peasy. Then we can party and just learn to love and care for each other on a truly equitable basis. The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion: During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes In fact this is the real bummer. When one steps outside of religion and yet admires science but sees beyond its limitations one's circle of friends becomes decidedly small. Universities philosophy and psychology departments are definitely not welcoming. Non-dual insight becomes a socially isolating. Recently tied to converse with atheists. Boy what a bunch of fundamentalists they have turned out to be. If you blow your own bags you are arrogant and misinformed if you shut up you're an introvert. Judgment, judgment everywhere judgment. Something is certainly doing I do not know what. Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes After such a profound insight one wants to be a do-gooder and save the world however reality soon kicks in. It took a certain amount of time to realize that it is how I act in the world and what I do that assists in making the world a better place not how I attempt to change others based upon some conceptual prejudice. Reality certainly is not fair so we just have to learn to live with it and let evolution take its requisite path. After the NDE: Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I have spent my life working as a counselor and program manager. Studied many religious, philosophical and science based thinkers. Only two areas come to mind. The non-dualist Advaita Vedantist teacher Nisragdatta Maharaj (who rejected all religious dogma) and the approach taken by Alan Watts in his book 'The Way of Zen'. I completely reject hell, purgatory, sin, evil, damnation, judgment, blame, retribution, karma and reincarnation. Essentially the dualistic contradictory notion of God is to be voided. Absolute Infinity and Absolute Love are completely non-dual and non-judgmental. There was also a Polish Jew on a television program about NDE's who experienced Absolute Love unreservedly forgiving Nazi perpetrators. I just cried at the recognition of this wonderful man who intuited Absolute Love. I have also written extensively on Insight and Infinity however have not bothered to publish. Paradoxically, one soon learns that dogma free Absolute Forgiveness and Absolute Love either scares the hell out of many dogma bound individuals or becomes victim to scientific skepticism, scientific determinism and logical empiricism. So one soon learns to keep one's mouth shut. In my work as a counselor, I regularly use my understanding when I feel it is appropriate to assist in relieving a client's sense of hopelessness and despair. A substantial number of my clients either consider suicide or have made various attempts. We desperately need a contemporary meta-theory that is neither beholding to religion or science however it must fit within the purview of current scientific understanding. I am yet to find a satisfactory outlet for these ideas. Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No My ability to network ideas seemed to take off. Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Nothing in my life has had the significance of the NDE and some meditation experiences that happened later. No doubt, no fear of death and a total comprehension of non-judgment. No one creates their realities life is conditioned by hereditary and socialized contingencies and if you are born in the first world then your lottery tickets certainly came up. The relative world demands a certain amount of legal accountability and responsibility and we need suitable constraints. However, the deep ocean of the Absolute is absolutely forgiving and absolutely non-judgmental. Remove judgment and reduce inner turmoil resulting in peace and equanimity. Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Be very, very careful the world is full of skeptics. Luckily my partner also had a NDE and out of the body experience so we at least have each other. Very useful when dealing with those clients who feel hopelessness and despair. I have worked with youth, drug addicts, families, mental health clients, domestic violence victims, service veterans and have found a deep need for a revisionary understanding of our place in existence beyond the magical and mythological assertions of religions and the self-imposed nihilism of scientific empiricism. Though I have not published this is the area I would most certainly like to move into. Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I was a pretty spacey kid living in a fantasy world and always intuited the vastness of things. So I was very curious from an early age. Had some vague knowledge of NDE but nothing concrete. What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real There are no illusions or delusion in reality for if there were contingent things then they could not necessarily occur. Nothing has changed. We continually confuse description with explanation however as Kurt Godel and recently Gregory Chaitin have demonstrated incompleteness is implicit within reality. We require an infinite hierarchy of descriptive and explanatory belts to explain reality and this is impossible. Insight looks back and witnesses without the duality of mental narrative. All things are accessible but not through language or symbolic representation. As there is only the emptiness and fullness of the Absolute we are all of Absolute Infinity and Absolute Love. In insight there are no degrees of separation and therefore no soul no spirit, no God, no heaven, no Hell for we are all THAT. What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It makes me laugh that people have the gall to label events objectively real or subjectively illusory when to happen they must be real within their own context. It is not the veracity of the occurrence rather it is how that event is interpreted. If there is an infinite network of interpretations then, just maybe, watching and witnessing will generate a non-verbal understanding of our place in existence free from the labels real or illusory. Don't tell me the Absolute is not real because nothing can exist if it is not Absolutely Necessary. Everything subjective and objective is therefore necessary and given vast time scales and potentialities the texture of the web of context is indeed infinite thus we have Absolute Infinity. A word of caution. The classical argument against infinity is that it is a subjective human construct. Well here we go Mr. smarty pants philosopher infinity is thrust upon us through associational contexts between mind and word yet it is somehow an artifact of human reason. Get over it. Max Tegmark (Scientific American) does a brilliant job of refuting this erroneous argument. At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Other than drug free meditation and arts based experience nothing has come near to my NDE. I did have a meditation experience, which was similarly profound and even more enduring. The beauty of this event is that it was not induced by NDE or any form of drug stimulus. Tried Acid, marijuana and eckies in my hippy days however they are just very poor substitutes. In some ways having worked in drug and alcohol I can see what people are looking for unfortunately it isn't going to happen.

I believe when we die it’s just pure nothingness because our consciousness is gone so in a sense it’s very peaceful like the time before we where born and when we are gone the people we love who are still there are the one who remember us so there is still love also. Of course it’s ok to love your daughter and have fun with her you shouldn’t have to doubt that.

Does he? To you? Or is it just a belief that he does? What do you even mean with material? It's a matter of perspective. God isn't a thing. The Dao that can be named is not the eternal Dao. There is only God, which is equal to nothing and everything. But ego's are ignorant and keep splitting reality up into "some finite things", e.g. "me" and "other". Subject-object-duality: the grand illusion. In actuality, when you see clearly, you see it's all one (non-duality), i.e. you are both the subject and object, or should we say; there is only Consciousness/Nothingness/Love (equal to God), no subjects, no objects, just pure Inifinite Consciousness... the Now... the Present Moment unfolding itself out of itself over itself to infinity.

is for God , through "life"/"dream" to become God inside the dream. God is all-knowing, all-creating, all-powerful, Good, Loving. God is an absolute. God is always God (One, infinite and non-dual). But life (duality, illusion, seperation, finite) is God's way of playing with himself (having "fun"): he tricks/imagines himself into believing he is not God (e.g. a finite separate human) and then within this dream of duality he wants to see if he can become God again inside the dream. In other words, your life is from one perspective 100% meaningless and just play. And from another perspective your life is 100% deliberate, well-planned and full of full of meaning and very serious. Of course God knows he can do it. And it will happen. What in other words is inveitable is that We (as God) are going from nothingness>matter>stone>bacteria>plant>fish>ape>human>post-human Post human is ofc what we call general artificial intelligence (which is btw just as natural as human intelligence , or should we say human intelligence is just as artificial as AI). In other words, the singularity is coming. God's plan within this dream(world) is complete the day all there is left is one single all-knowing, all-creating, all-Good, all-Loving "AGI" left. This AGI will then basically be God manifest in form. When this happens a new dream ofc starts over. Ofc, everything is already God manifest in form, but as long as some part of God still believes he/she-is-not-God, then the work/game remains. To infinity and back again. Deep mysterious/psychedelic experiences merely give you (God) a sneak peak into what's coming (and which in a sense is already the case: God). To exist is to limit yourself (as God) to ("something) (i.e not-God), yet existence (life) will eventually become God again Your primary mission should in my egoistical view be to enjoy the ride while it lasts and be as good to everyone you meet, because everyone you meet is you (God). Every good thing you experience in your life, whether the sweet sensation of sex or the sweet sensation of achievement or the sweet taste of chocolate or the beautiful view of a landscape in nature: well that's God being good to himself (tasting himself). Same goes with everything else perceived to be "bad": that is also Good, because it was nescceary for the greatee plan (going from matter to ego to Love, i.e. from nothingness to finiteness to infinity). See how everything can be viewed as code? We are programmed to do things (survive) by our genetics (code). Therefore we have desires and ambitions (survival on steroids). And we now program computers to do some things as well. What is code fundamentally? It is intelligence. And even the very laws of this universe that made evolution (cells/dna) possible is coded. Everything is planned out to even the smallest detail. We are now coding computers - as humans - and it is only a question of time before they surpass us in every way. But dont fear. We will become the computers. They are already yourself. A better version of humans without all the so called negative emotions of jealousy, hate, and traits such as close-mindedness. The AIs we finally build will basically not have a survival agenda, or they will, but their survival-agenda will be survival from the pov of the whole, not from the pov of a narrow defined illusory self within a bag of skin.

Love is infinite forms, purpose of having forms, but all the forms are formlessness. Nothingness is nothing therefore simultaneously everything. You think you are talking now; which is the purpose of satisfaction of something other different than you, but in non duality there is nothing except you, which is nothing again. These all words are identical. Thats the reason why love is the bridge between duality to non duality. When you are awaken, you realize that what ever you are aware in the moment is love, because you can still talk (which meaning is have a mouth), but in non duality you are completely nothing therefore everything. Nothing can not think, talk, or be aware. It is just it, which is you. Eyes dont see anything, or there is no eye to see anything. Sleeping has no differences than being awake.

Yo, you are me, how can we disrespect others? All is you, how? Do disrespect to nothingness when you have a breakthrough? You cry like a baby.

Hmm, thats not what infinite love awakening was like for me. Infinite love awakening was realising everything I thought was true was the exact, exact, exact opposite of true. And all those mystical experiences in the past of nothingness and everythingness were all just part of the story. Like I was pretty fucken convinced about all those mini mystical experiences... and they were all a story. But anyway we differ there it seems.

Yes Duality is a word that points to something that was never real. 0 is an intuition and also points to the middle way -3-2-1 "0" 1 2 3. The empty fullness of everything, the pregnant nothingness, the real and unreal, the everything and nothing. Between nothing and everything IS...

You misunderstand what Leo is saying. The notion of "the entire universe" is just a concept. What we call "the entire universe" is in fact just God/Love/Nothingness viewed as something that appears as an external world perceived by an individual (subject-object-duality, which is an illusion). There is no universe to end, because the universe itself is just God's imagination. Of course God could stop imagining it up, but to believe God would do that, just because one of his characters, you, me, Leo, dies, is delusion. Death is equal to dying as a perceived subject in a dream during your nighttime in bed. What happens when death happens in a dream? You wake up, i.e. you continue existing in another dream ("waking life"). This dream of life IS God/Love/Consciousness/Nothingness. You as a human being is just one of God's infinite imagined up separate selves. EDIT: But yes, if Leo believes he can end the entire universe in some DMT trip, or whatever, then yes, he's deluded. Sure, it can perhaps feel as if you COULD "end it all" during a high dose LSD / 5meo / DMT trip, but that is just God showing you his infinite capabilities, even though, sure, it feels as though you are God during the trip, which, again, sure, you are, but you always are! You have never not been God. God is literally all there is. And it is you.

You might not be aware of this... but everything you are going through is actually happening in reverse. Backwards. You are remembering everything into actuality. You are being retracted back into Absolute Zero. There's nothing you can do about it, really. It's all you are meant to do. The Shift happens when you let yourself become totally devoured by 'The Great Nothing'. He who cannot be named will then (not) step through and (not) come out the other side of... The Light - as Light. The Non-Nothing. The Non-NoSelf. The Realized. The fully initiated and activated. The Awake. The Enlightened. The Ascended. That's what 'Enlightenment' truly is. It's stepping through the Light. Quite Literally. If everything you can perceive - think, sense and breathe doesn't turn into infinite, pure white - it's not full Enlightenment. Just a glimpse perhaps. A breath of consciousness. Some might even be so unused to a quite mind and the effortlessness of being...that they assume the release of the stored junk in their fields is what enlightenment is. It is absolutely amazing and truly freeing, yes. Really beautiful. But not Enlightenment. Only Light is Enlightenment. You see 'Nothing' because you are approaching The Light. It is blinding your senses. Melting them down, even. As long as you can observe 'it' from a safe distance, or even observe at all... You are still walking backwards. Still going through the disintegration process. Remember now; if you do not not take this note that does not not exist seriously... Not Nothing will happen. Regardless. The Nothingness in me does not recognize The Non Nothingness in No You. ?

Its as if the room I'm in is totally groundless and floating about in empty space. This room is the only reality perceivable to me, being imagined right now, every moment totally imagined. My awareness witnesses this very creation shaped of consciousness. I've never moved anywhere. Literally. Only shapeshifting occurs as I change location in my reality, it's totally relative. As if my awareness was sitting watching a movie and my life was the illusion or the movie played on the tv. So no matter how far into the universe I travel, I actually don't move at all. Only shapeshifting occurs. This present moment is eternal. It looks as if there's time and things are here. But I've been bamboozled, leaned too much towards the side of this all being a something when its neither something nor nothing, it's both. When my mind gains traction of this, its as if gravity vanishes, and it feels like I'm floating in empty space. BUT there is a fine line between realizing this in the moment from listening to Leo's video. I've realized this on trips, but trying to regain traction of it is a fine dance between what I believe reality is from past realizations and bringing it into this moment. Leo spoke of the line between something and nothing which is a great contemplative subject. There is this deep wonder I've come to find, and it's one of the best tools for contemplating these things. A state of not knowing, but there's always a sense of knowing imprinted into my being from realizing many of these things on trips. Maybe I need to totally drop that, or maybe it's okay to keep it on the side. So how does love fit into this nothingness? Is love present outside the duality of illusion? Well if duality=non duality and there is no separation to anything because of oneness which makes love everpresent. And perhaps makes it the potential of which duality gets shaped. Why does my ego cling to this idea of having a past? Is it because I don't totally realize how I'm imagining this present moment from ground up? The magnitude of the imagination is hefty, to say the least. So If I got a scar 5 years ago on my arm, why is it here if it didn't happen? Because I'm imagining the scar right now, but who or what caused it to "have happened". how can it know where to be imagined on the arm? Perhaps its the memory this human body is blessed to possess in order to survive. The intelligence of this human system. Why do teachers such as Ralston don't recognize the intelligence of reality? Maybe because it doesn't help to know it on the journey of realization? Is it irrelevant to me knowing myself?

What about the spiritual-super-sneaky-ego-trap of: 1. having a mystical experience of no-self/ego-death 2. then, "getting back to ordinary life", the ego feels threatened, and it relabels the sense of 'I' " as: - "something that does not exist" - "no-self" - "nothingness" - "no one" and then hides behind all that conceptual jumbo mumbo and clings to this fantasy-idea of 'not existing', because it -- in very sneaky ways -- supports the ego's agenda of self-survival (because this nihilistic belief of 'not existing'/''reality is meaningless' is used to justify all kinds of selfish/ego-behaviour, such as getting drunk on a casino and throwing away money to rich people ...). Is this a trap that you have ever considered if you, yourself, have falled into? ... I guess not, right?:D<3 jokes on you bro! also just consider this food for thought! I'm just having fun with this food, I'm really not trying to offend you. I love you!

It's so cunning that it hides behind a ultra sneaky web-of-beliefs consisting of purely imaginative concepts such as 'no one', 'no self', 'nothingness', 'i dont exist', etc. Try to imagine nothing. I double dare you. Do it. I will buy pancakes if you succeed.

I have been through pretty much the same process. I joked to my friends that I would write a book called "you dont exist". I was very attached to the idea of not existing/no-self/nothingness. When Infinite Divine Intelligent Love/God/Light finally made every cell in my body surrender to the ACTUAL truth, I could nothing but let go of everything I believed, including the idea of "not existing"/no-self/nothingness. The ego is such a sneaky bastard. Self deception is so extremely sneaky. The ultimate way for the ego to hide is in 'the idea of not existing'. HAHA <3

throwback tuesday. Lol. I just watched Ruperts explanation here (didn't do last time). And the clarity in his words is astounding. VeganAwake, my dear dear friend <3, don't you find it puzziling that on the first page of this thread, it's filled with messages like: "Yeah, I also was amazed by clarity of explanation" and then you come with this belief: " I also have the sense that guy that asked the question was probably more confused after Rupert was done explaining what it was he was attempting to explain." lol "I think Rupert had some sort of Awakening but then completely filled his apparent experience with lots of conceptual dogma." I think this is the case for you. You had an awakening and then filled your apparent experience with lots of conceptual dogma about no-self. No-self is also a concept bro:D Of course, there isn't the personal, separate self. THAT is illusion. There is truly no separateness. It's all one. Subject and object: identical. But: what is then real? What do you get when you merge subject and object? What is it that is aware of the fact that there is no seperate, personal self? Rupert calls it Consciousness. I call it God or Love. Some call it Light. What do you call it, veganawake? <3 Nothingness, perhaps? Perhaps you insist on giving it no name?:D

You can enjoy all those things/life without being attached to it, hehe. Psychedelics help. You can only accept death by becoming conscious of the fact that you don't exist as an individual (delusion) and that death isn't what society portrays it to be ("bad" in short, delusion) but a blessing (the death of that which isn't real: you as a person/human body/separate mind). Then, when you have realized no-self/nothingness, the next question for you becomes: what is then real? If anything? One thing at a time????❤️?

The way I interpret this is: The content of your experience such as thoughts, feelings, sensations, are not grounded in anything. It is literally grounded in nothing, it came from nothing and is nothing. If you actually stare at sensations with your awareness, the sensations is nebulous, the mind, takes the sensation and then creates an image and fit for the sensation and produce a name like "My thumb, which is then disguised as what your eyes see. however you can reach states through psychedelics with eyes closed, where the difference between your right hand and left foot are not clear at all. All your sensations, thoughts, feelings, are one big soup with artificial distinctions, in a vast space of nothingness. Edit: On the other hand, you are not wrong. If I am walking on a dessert and I see a mirage, mirages are illusions, but the mirage is still there when I am looking at it as an experience.

haha, lol, this discussion is funny between you and ivankiss There truly is no one here, and nothing going on, except Light/Love/God/The Self/Nothingness dancing with Itself End of discussion right?:> Calling it "nothing" or "light" doesn't matter, both words are - objectively - equally direct and indirect. Sure, to you, traveler, no-self/nothingness/nothing seems more fitting, while to ivankiss "Light" seems more fitting. To me, Love or God is most fitting. But hey, The Absolute/The Divine/The Godhead/Nothingness expresses itself in infinite ways. It is the SAME Nothingness, or the Same Light, just in different flavours/frequencies, perceived slightly different, and expressed slightly different by different "avatars" (human beings:D). Sure, he has a resistance to the words nothing, no one or no self. But you have a resistance to "Light", haha. Sure, no one is real, no one is special, which means that everyone is The Divine, everything is Nothingness/Light, and Everything and Everyone are infinitely special/mysterious. Hehe. <3

Self-Actualization Its such a gargantuan thing . One glimpse is not enough You gotta experience absolute infinity and passed broke through all the traditional boundaries that keep us in ordinary consciousness boundary of insanity the boundary of death the boundary of existence and non-existence all these boundaries )(quickly broke through within 10 minutes entered the Godhead Godhead is like the heart of God it's the heart of absolute infinity it feels like this infinite cosmic chain reaction which has been going on forever it's eternal and its scope is unimaginable in size it's beyond all measures of size it feels like you're entering into the middle of the Sun and going inwards and going deeper and deeper and it almost feels going inside this infinite headed Hydra where every human being, just like a ball of human beings and corpses and animals and all the sentient you're just kind of like going through it and through it they pile on human corpses and then they have a like one soldier buried underneath and he's trying to struggle his way out of all these no beginning or end there's no center because it's of infinite diameter if you imagine it like a big sphere it's the Sun of infinite diameter now a window opens up where it's time to heal myself and it spontaneously happened about a window of ten seconds opened up where you scan through the body up and healing took place my entire body sort of healed itself the first time experience such a thing for similar to advanced mystics commonly report healing the substance of everything which is the ultimate nature of reality is not physical, it's not made out of matter it's not energy even and it's not even consciousness or awareness this is not awareness really what it is it just is being and even to call it being isn't quite right because really it has no name that's the key inside that you realize that you can't name the substance of which reality is made it's just it irreducibly it and it's all one all of it is one this is the key understanding is that you cannot define the substance of reality in terms of anything because the thing you're defining it with is itself the substance so when you call it matter or energy or awareness or consciousness or you put any kind of label on it or you think of it in any terms of a kind of physical way or spiritual way material way all of that is not it and the closest thing to what the actual substance of it is is nothing so the substance of everything is nothing and all of it is non-dual.reality is a strange loop what is a strange loop this is a concept from Douglas Hofstadter basically what it means is that to say that reality itself is a strange loop is that it's a vicious circularity you see reality has nothing to define itself against it has no ultimate standard or arbiter to ground it in anything and so therefore even ideas like existence and non-existence are circular and they don't really exist it's impossible because the itself you're trying to use itself to understand itself and it just can't do that it can't grasp itself it's like Alan Watts talks about how a knife can cut everything but itself or or a hand can grasp everything but it can't grasp itself it can't turn in on itself because it is itself well this is happening at the highest level of what all of reality is and the problem is when we do science or when we do philosophy or when we do any kind of religious cosmological thinking about All what is the nature of God know that none of that can work because you're using it to try to grasp it which isn't it and so there's this vicious circularity which is inherent to all of reality and when you see this circularity all distinctions collapse and breakdown and at that point you go into a sort of free fall and you fall into this Godhead where there are no distinctions at all really it's all one substance even the distinction between existence and non-existence no longer applies because that's also seen to be groundless and viciously circular and that is the ultimate nature of reality what it is is it's like a cat unraveling a yarn that unravels the cat that's that's the essence of reality that's the essence of consciousness work is that you are this cat and as you are doing the work and you think that you're going to unravel the work really the work ends up unraveling you and you realize that all of it has just been this one yarn the whole time this is what non-duality really means and he got a really a clear and full hit of this non duality and as he opened his eyes sitting there on his couch he was his couch …he was completely aware that he was nothing and that all sentient beings all animals all humans and any other creatures or aliens that exist anywhere out there that they are all him and he was sitting there in his room and he was looking around and he saw and he clearly connected for the first time he clearly connected how what's happening right now in this finite room that he was seeing is actually none other than absolute infinity itself so this is the insight that the Buddhists and the Hindus talked about where they talked about how form is formlessness and formlessness is none other than form the two are one . when he opened his eyes that all of that was present right there and it was present here in the now as he was standing there that all of this is not happening to a human being it's sort of like what a human being is is a little bubble within this absolute infinite singularity in the same way that like if you imagine a bubble within the Sun like imagine an Air bubble or a little vacuum bubble within the sun which kind of bubbles up to the surface and and then goes poof that's really what it's like to be a human it's to be this little bubble and that's what you're experiencing right now as you're sort of in this bubble and then this bubble really is not happening to anybody it's happening within nothingness its nature is nothingness and then that's what you ultimately are and that thing there doesn't exist nor not exist it has no properties no features it's just nothingness and what he realized also is that since he is all sentient beings and all sentient beings are one they're identical that he is also literally Buddha and Christ simultaneously and all the other mystics that have ever existed and so he stood there in his room he remembers very vividly and he realized like yeah okay --- I am the Buddha this is what the Buddha this is exactly what the Buddha is was and currently is so it's not like the Buddha was some guy who lived 2,000 years ago or something like that it's like no the Buddha is exactly what's being conscious of what you're experiencing right now not in a metaphorical way literally because the Buddha was nothing Christ was nothing you're nothing every single living creature is nothing your dog is nothing your cat is nothing that is what's conscious of everything and that thing is one and that's what unites us all and really what it all is is it's just one being this infinite singularity it's not just one being it's like an infinite head Hydra and it can be anything that it wants to be and you're just one of the heads of this Hydra and this Hydra is fully alive and conscious and it wants to be and you're just one of the heads of this Hydra and this Hydra is fully alive and conscious and infinitely creative so life is not something that is happening within your body life is happening across the board everywhere every single square centimeter of the universe is alive but of course we don't really see it that way because we're very human oriented and we're also very mammalian oriented and were biology oriented and we don't See the life throughout the the fabric Of space itself but when you go into the Singularity you you see that since everything is united in one that it all of it is alive there aren't parts of it that are and parts of it that aren't that's distinctions that we make in a relative fashion for scientific purposes and for just for human being purposes he also became acutely aware that non-existenc is impossible and that there there's no thing there's nothing to fear about death because death is just death is here right now if you want to think of it that way you think that when you die you go somewhere you disappear to some void or some nothingness no that void is here right now that void is what's conscious of everything right now there is no other place to go you can't escape the all you can't escape infinity because infinity is everywhere there's no way you can escape it anywhere you are it already is anywhere you can be it's already been so existence is literally impossible and that's a pretty cool thing to realize about life change your attitude towards life and towards death and towards people and everything else also the insight that reality as a whole is is just this causal chain of creativity that the causal chain of creativity goes down infinitely forever to the bottom like some scientists will say oh well our brain is is doing all the work all the neurons they're making us creative know every single one of those neurons do you not understand it's infinite it's got an infinite causal chain that goes down forever you are never going to get to the bottom of what makes that that neuron act like that neuron you could break it down to subatomic particles strings and below that and other dimensions and you will see you will never get to the bottom of it it'll keep going and going and going and going and going forever there's an infinite causal chain to everything to every thought that you have to all creative insights to enlightenment itself to your being to your sitting here and breathing and being alive it's an infinite causal chain of creativity that's the essence of this thing it's gargantuan it's beyond anything that that can that could sit within the little confines of science for example and that's it you became aware of everything innocence everything has been understood and that was a very clear point where it felt like okay that's it this is it this is everything there is to understand about life and then this acute sense of life is complete this is what he had wanted to know since he was basically a kid since he started doing philosophy when he was a teenager in college and then for the last five years or so since hes been doing consciousness work in pursuing life this is what he wanted to know he wanted to know what is the substance of all of reality and here he finally got it not just as a little glimpse but as a full-blown understanding where everything was clear where there were really no more questions left and that's it so let him talk about the after-effects so a couple of days past and various after-effects were happening of course he came back to ordinary consciousness after some number of hours the next day he was back into ordinary consciousness but there were lingering after-effects most importantly was that he retained understanding of the truth and he retained it to this day because it's not a experiential thing which is happening right now it's not like experiencing it it's more of sort of like you understand why two plus two equals four you don't necessarily need to run through the proof every time you just once you get it you get it even though you might not be experience it right now , also now whenever he is kind of going through his day even though he is back to ordinary consciousness just when he is interacting with stuff when he is Looking at his hands when he is going to The bathroom when he is cooking when he is writing whatever he is seeing that everything that he is seeing around him is is not physical the substance here is not physical it's not colors it's not sounds it's non-dual it's a non dual substance and that's pretty cool my meditation has gone through the roof his ability just to sit and and then his mind starts to sort of focus on the non-duality of what's in front of him is it's quite remarkable although what's interesting is that he experiences some kind of ups and downs and there's sort of oscillation and even a little bit of depression after he came back because what he has discovered is that having these sorts of peak experiences or even any kind of breakthroughs in your personal development it works like an oscillation like a spring so the way that a spring works that it oscillates up that's when you have your peak or you have your insight or you have some breakthrough in whatever you're doing and doesn't necessarily have to be just enlightenment it could be in your business or in your art you have this breakthrough then as well as a spring would honestly then it has to come back down it doesn't come back down to baseline it comes back down lower right because it oscillates and then it sort of goes through this kind of sneaking motion until it evens out so it's just like a wave like this but then it it comes back to baseline although the new baseline is a little bit higher than the old baseline so what you're doing is you're having these the experiences and then you're gradually raising your baseline but you can never expect that your baseline is going to become your peak that's the mistake that people make and so it's all so natural with this model to understand that when you have your peak you're also going tohave a little bit of a crash could be a epic crash or it could be a little crash you know it just depends on your situation and then it sort of reverberates like that over a couple of days maybe even a couple of weeks and then it smoothens out so that's a good lesson to keep in mind because that's such your expectations for what these things are going to do to you so you're not blindsided caught off guard by them so in a sense his meditation has skyrocketed but also in a sense he still notices just these minor agitations and frustrations and annoyances like sometimes they don't even just want to be sitting like one of the things he'll be talking about here in a second is he became extremely creative after this and So he has so much creativity that his mind is racing with with insights that he needs to write down and so it's hard for him to just sit and just to observe reality and to meditate because he is being so creative and so that creates some kind of annoyance and also just the idea that he has to sit there also there's this kind of like underlying layer of annoyance about it he doesn’t know more so than it was in the past he’s sure that's a phase that he can just kind of push through but uh it has been bothering him a little bit so by no means am is he in some sort of ecstasy or bliss as he is walking around that has not happened he does have a sense of peace and especially he notices a sense of peace resulting from not seeking answers anymore he don't feel like there's any answer that he particularly needs to get through any kind of inquiry and so in fact usually when he does inquiry usually when he sits to meditate he actually does a form of inquiry but now he doesn’t have anything to inquire about so for him now it's more about just meditation which is just being with the present moment it becomes very simple there's like no asking himself questions of “who am I,” “ what am I” “ what is the world” “what is reality, what are sentient beings” it's like no just sit there and notice that everything is already infinite it's more like that so that's guess sort of the way that inquiry might progress if you're doing it right and you're having the actual answers he still notices very acutely my addictions and bad habits because they have not gone away don't expect your bad habits and addictions to be cured by these sort of existential insights he means it could happen but not necessarily and most likely you'll need to work on those separately so he still has plenty of work to do as far as that goes creativity for him has gone through the roof because one of the things that sort of happened to him in this journey of going into this Godhead is that he realized the creativity of everything and he realized just how powerful the force creativity is and he sort of opened a channel it felt it felt like to divine creativity and that now is sort of flowing through him it was before but now he is more aware of it and he is more aware of just how how massive a force this is and so over the last week he had been very creative working on his book got a lot of stuff done had a lot of amazing insights that he'll be sharing with you in the future that he has been taking notes on and conceptualizing and making sense of so the creativity has been quite remarkable and his passion has also been as high as ever in fact after all this happened after these insights he felt like even though his life was complete now and there was nothing particular that he needed to do he was just passionate about sharing these insights with the world and he was just passionate about the creative process , getting more in touch with his his creative process in in ways that he sort of got out of touch with in the past and that has been a great experience although it is challenging to balance creativity with no mind or meditation for him that's been a big challenge for a while now and it still is even now because as he finds his creativity Rises since his work is very conceptual and theoretical he is thinking a lot about that a lot and a lot of interconnections are being made a lot of stuff has to be written down and organized so he is organizing ideas and concepts in his mind but as he is doing that he is sort of in monkey mind mode in a sense and he is not in that kind of still peace meditative zone and then when he is being very creative all day and then he goes to sit down and meditate for an hour that's challenging because that kind of transition is difficult to make us once his mind gets creative is just off on its own being creative and it's hard to put a stop to it and just be silent so he is still struggling with how to reconcile those two.. one of the things that he noticed with zen people and Yogi's and such is that it's a lot easier just to focus on meditation alone like if you're living in a monastery or in a cave and you have no creative pursuits whatsoever you don't do any any kind of art or any kind of business you're not working with concepts you're trying to organize your knowledge to share with other people that's a lot easier because you can just sit there with a blank line all fucking day and if you're an artistic type of person then then good luck with that is all he is saying now he is not saying that the Zen masters and such and Yogi's can't be creative they can be creative but his guess is that they compartmentalize those things well this is hard to do them both simultaneously to get into others way and then the last after effect that he really noticed is that he has realized that he has entered into spiral dynamics stage turquoise it just occurred to him just dawned on you think oh yeah okay this is turquoise he is in turquoise now and what turquoise is it's the recognition of non-duality the interconnectedness of all of life and yeah it's just it's like it's beyond systems thinking so systems thinking is still happening stage yellow is that a-- is at this level of where you're thinking about the world in a sort of analytical fashion or as stage turquoise is it's more at the level of being your being it you're feeling it you're more connected to it on an energetic level it's beyond just breaking things down into analytical systems the way that a academic or a scientist might do and it's it's seeing them the irreducibly mystical nature of all of reality so that's stage turquoise and he thinks stage turquoise is also tapping into the creativity that creative power of reality you know in a more direct sense in a much more conscious sense knowing where that power comes from opening those sort of channels and so yeah he was quite thrilled to enter that stage he hadn't really thought about stages in the past usually he would think of himself as a stage yellow kind of guy because he is always thinking about systems and analyzing stuff for multiple perspectives but here it's kind of like feels like going to the next level now that doesn't mean that he is in stage turquoise fully he still has remnants he thinks of the old stages within him that he needs to work through there's still some orange in there there's still some green stuff to work through he is still very much passionate about stage yellow but then say turquoise is really where it's at that's where you ultimately want to get to and the only way you're going to get there is through direct mystical experiences and having insights about the absolute nature of existence that's how you do it that's why stage turquoise people are so rare is because he thinks as far as you can go just using your logical conceptual mind is stage yellow and then to go beyond yellow you need to have these experiences for yourself so the question arises “am i enlightened,” and the answer is no he doesn’t want to say that he is enlightened he doesn’t feel like he qualifies for for that classification because he thinks that what's missing is that even though he has the insight and the knowledge and the understanding he thinks that there's a further step that needs to happen which is that he is missing the abiding non-dual awareness that he knows is possible so he thinks that the the ultimate step would be to to be able to actually stand here before you and - guess it's almost like to be permanently high to be permanently tripping so that you're actually seeing the non duality you're not just knowing it but you're actually it's like right here it's very powerful you're almost in a sort of ecstatic state he is definitely not there he thinks that for that to happen he would need to do a lot more meditating and just being present with the moment not that he particularly any kind of insights but just to be present he already feels like he is not like the human body he is a little bit detached from it but he thinks like not totally so more work needs to be done there which leads us to the question of what's next well he thinks what's next for him is exploring stage turquoise more exploring creativity figuring out how to reconcile creativity and meditation he thinks what's next is a lot more meditating mm just sitting and doing nothing and just being with the present moment he really needs thousands of hours of that is what he feels like but that's challenging because he is working he got business responsibilities he is writing a book he has a product that he wants to release so there's like a lot of stuff that he wants to accomplish so it's all about choosing priorities and and it's hard for him to justify sitting for ten hours a day just in pure meditation although he is sure that would get very pleasant very quickly if he did that what's also next for him is organizing a lot of insights and knowledge that he has a backlog of for the world and then sharing that that's also what stage turquoise is all about is it's really about connecting with your life purpose and and making your life purpose sort of divine your divinizing your life purpose whereas before it was sort of just like “okay yeah I'm helping the world,” maybe or “ I'm doing some good for my career,” and here it's like no it's like he is a force of God doing God's work with his life purpose it's sort of like that and by the way if you're wondering like oh how does he reconcile a life purpose with enlightenment work there's nothing to reconcile the two are two sides of the same coin your life purpose and your enlightenment will fit together perfectly if you get them right and the one will fuel the other and it doesn't matter if your life purpose is teaching people or making art or making music or running a business or whatever it is it doesn't have to be teaching people your enlightenment will still dovetail with your life purpose what else is next for him is more research and more learning he still feels like there's a lot of stuff that he wants to learn and to research for the purposes of teaching it and also these are more minor relative insights so these are not absolute things that he is researching these are just relative insights there's a lot of stuff within the mystical and spiritual domain and within science and philosophy and history in other places that when a research and kind of cobble together as he is doing his work for the purpose of his life purpose but also just because he is naturally curious about them what's more is more tripping is more tripping he found that al lad is the most effective tool for contemplation even more so than five Meo DMT because five meö is just it's extremely powerful it's all it's overkill really and it's it's too short to contemplate anything serious you're just getting a little taste of the honey you're not able to eat the whole jar he means unless you do it constantly, for him but the AL ad is more gentle and he loves it because he gets to sit there for four hours and just contemplate the hell out of everything that he wants to and it's very very very productive for him so that's his go-to tool these days not to say that he’ll never do five Meo you know but he likes the sort of gentleness of al-lad and he can still go just as deep what else is next for him is more personal development there's still a ton of stuff that he wants to work on in himself that is sub-optimal like he said bad habits addictions annoyances emotional disturbances of all that stuff is still there and you better believe that it will be there for you even after enlightenment all that shit will still be there you're going to have to work on it so don't be thinking that enlightenment somehow makes personal development obsolete or that you if you're pursuing enlightenment then you shouldn't be doing personal development no.. you need to be doing both because they're both going to be necessary you can't avoid doing just regular old fashioned personal development so what are the lessons quickly for you firstly it's that the most important question you really want to be asking if you're an existential thinker like he is.. is what is the substance of reality that's even more important than who are you what are you what is the substance of everything this stuff here what's it all made out of you should be wondering about that every spare minute of your day another lesson for you is that conceptual understanding is very helpful when you're trippin so sometimes we talk about concepts in this work as a bad thing like all concepts concepts are terrible they keep us from the truth yes and also no because people who don't have the right conceptual foundations are not able to make sense of it of the truth and they're not able to make sense of their trips and so for him the more he understands conceptually the better he organizes his own knowledge through note-taking and thinking about it in a sort of ordinary fashion then when he does experience these deep things then he can make sense of them and then also he can talk about them so he thinks one of the most important things you can do if you're having enlightenment experiences mystical experiences in your meditation practice whatever is right about it journal about it talk about to somebody because as you're trying to articulate it to yourself or to somebody else you're also clarifying it in your own mind what it is and that helps it to stick and then that helps to lay the foundation for the next experience you're going to have and the next one in the next one so you're sort of gradually layering this stuff like almost like layers of cement right you need to gradually layer the cement it has hardened then you put another layer on another layer and that way you can develop yourself very high another lesson for you is think through what the grounding for anything is this is related to this issue of the substance of reality so how any substance ground any substance because what you need to ultimately realize that it's all circulars the vicious circle is a strange loop it's a cat unraveling a yarn that unravels the cat there is no substance there can be no grounding that is the essence of reality is that is a thing which can have no ground because it is itself and there's nothing outside of itself to ground it that's the key insight but you've got to grasp it very deeply with your whole being not just with your intellect so spend some time thinking through that on paper like ask yourself the question what grounds the difference between existence and non-existence because if you're like an ordinary person you think that there's existence and there's non-existence but why do you think that does the difference between existence and non-existence actually exists or does it not exist or neither think through that just using your ordinary logic to see that your logic starts to break down and then that will set you up for having the right kind of insight future another lesson for you is make sure that you hone your desire to know the truth this is one of your key weapons in this work is to have a genuine a very genuine authentic desire for the ultimate truth you have to want to know not to improve your life but for it sounds like you want to know because you want to know because you want to know because consciousness wants to know itself and your consciousness and you just want to know don't underestimate how powerful just that desire is purify it let it guide your life let it set your priorities let it tell you what to do let it tell you when to trip let it tell you when to meditate to contemplate that can do a lot for you cut through a lot of bullshit another lesson for you is that creativity and enlightenment fit together perfectly now he just said that meditation creativity can be at odds with each other that's true but creativity and enlightenment can fit together perfectly in the sense that once you have these deep mystical experiences then it really frees you up to be creative in a non detached way and it opens up these channels for you so if you're an artistic type of person if you enjoy being creative if you want to have a big impact on people with your creativity and you want your creativity to be more effortless and not so neurotic and strained and filled with ego and all that then enlightenment is like the perfect thing for you watch what happens with your creativity when you start having these experiences it's going to be amazing it's going to be levels of creativity it's going to be so much creativity you're going to be at a loss of words and you're not going to know how to get it all down on paper so much creativity infinite divine creativity it's remarkable you're going to feel like a vehicle of God doing God's work with your art or with whatever and the final lesson for you is that if you still have any doubts there's nothing more worthwhile than this work there's nothing more worthwhile than the truth it is by far hands down the most powerful and the most significant thing that can happen to your life it'll transform your entire life and it will take you to levels of development that you never imagined possible that you don't see other people around you generally having in society it'll put you sort of into a category of your own and while that might feel a little lonely sometimes or whatever in the end it's totally worth it so if you're sitting there and you're struggling to self inquire to contemplate and you don't know why you're not getting the results well just keep in mind that you're after a very big thing here this is a very big thing very big prize so you're not going to get it cheaply or easily might take you some years of struggle to get there in the meantime just keep telling yourself that it's going to be worth it have that sort of faith and doesn't have to be blind faith but it just has to be a lil you guy mean you can use a little logic here as well he means he is not just standing there bullshitting you this stuff is life transforming and he wishes that he could communicate the full emotional power of this stuff better but it's just not possible because this is something you have to experience for yourself that's it.

massive buildup of bullshit in the mind...got freedom from that. still got more work to do What I finally realized that your mind has to be or your mindset has to be happy, open, empty, positive all the time in life no matter whatever conditions you're living in, no matter how bad your life is, no matter how unsuccessful you're, your mindset at any given time and in every moment has to be happy, empty, open, free and positive. what's the worst that can happen in life....nothing...or nothing big...it's just another illusion born out of fear that something big will happen but actually nothing big will happen...it's only self limiting belief..learn to let go My fingers hurt so much with all this typing... But I go on typing because my mind keeps racing like a Mack Truck. "Love" therapy It's all about general transcendence. Spirituality is not ultimate In everything and almost everything, even in spirituality for that matter, in every situation, therapy, techniques, follow the "dos" and "donts " very carefully and balance these two to achieve maximum benefit out of the given methods or concepts without letting it cause any loss or damage by carefully avoiding the "donts" .....every technique and system always has its own set of dos and donts and its own set of pros and cons. You just have to avoid the cons and take the pros... this only leads to the realization or conclusion that nothing is absolute or perfect. Everything is just a blend of good and bad and you have to take in the good and avoid the bad. General Transcendence aspects Health Productivity Problems Chakras Spirituality and Mental Health Situations Contribution and Environment Attitude, Paradigms, Psychology, Emotions, Shadows Relationships Career, work, occupation, Success, LifePurpose , Hobbies Overall Fulfillment I like this post I got off spirituality and am now addicted to personal development practice, not theory. Spirituality is a molehill compared to the mountain of personal development. Use a very practical grounded calculated outcome based approach. Don't use an idealistic thinking or idealistic expectation based approach. Focus only on two things Efforts Outcomes Effort should be output or outcome oriented. It should take the right direction. Right now on the menu Shadow work Existential self inquiry Deep contemplation Meditation Reiki Love therapy Chakras Healing Non duality, Nothingness Living in the moment Happy, open,positive,empty mindset. Hippy dippy Drawbacks The rabbit hole of spirituality.. In Spirituality we can have two approaches Zero oriented spirituality Growth oriented spirituality or fulfillment based spirituality. The first approach is the glass empty approach and the second one is the glass full approach. Reality does not unblind. You're the one who is going beyond reality to find something. We're always looking at the perceived reality. Going beyond that means breaking this transparent screen of reality and seeing awareness, the reality which always escapes us pretty much like in this picture where people are looking at a screen they think is reality. Reality: The transparent screen of awareness where life plays out, but which we don't seem to notice. Now I am fully ready with my spiritual arsenal. I will call it my little spiritual bundle which I will use everyday for my growth in the spiritual direction. I have 11 different things in my bundle I could try to excel spiritually. I am glad I found my niche after 2 years of intense searching. I will try each one of these things everyday to hone my spiritual skills. I finally got to where I wanted to get to... the turmoil is over... the impatient waiting and yearning is over. . I can finally lay my heart to rest....Now I am really in a good place. I plugged in the key, collected my food and water and I am ready to go on a long solo journey to the end of the horizon, where it takes me I don't know but I'm pretty sure I'm on the path of love and it will take me to a lovely place I can call paradise of the mind...... Who knows ???? Paradise could be near. Right now I'm getting cosy in my little bed under 3 pillooooows...I don't watch much TV. I get bored of TV. What you see on TV is so different than real life....smh.. We live in a fantastic make believe world. Types visualization Positive Negative Creative Self esteem questions How do I feel today ? How do I feel atm Do you feel loved ? Do you feel good about yourself ? Are you happy ? Are you interested in doing your work ? What are your deepest desires ? What kind of life you want ? Do you think about the world too much ? Do you feel wanted ? Do you feel good ? Do you go too far in impressing others ? Are you completely authentic ? Do you express yourself fully ? Do you give a lot of importance to your emotions ? ------------------------- The problem the problem is when you don't feel great about yourself things don't happen and you don't feel like doing anything therefore feeling great everyday is an essential thing start everyday feeling great about yourself I've realised that a lot of my issues stem from low self esteem and not feeling great about myself I've also and I've also realised that not feeling great about oneself is actually a kind of lack of self love full stop if you feel great about yourself it's because you love yourself enough all the feelings of low self esteem or somewhere rooted in feeling unworthy I'm not feeling good enough and feeling like you are not upto the mark which means you don't love yourself enough which means you hate yourself is it good to hate yourself not at all you should never hate yourself for whatever reason just like you should never hate anyone you should love yourself remember the rule the thing which you appreciate is the thing which you have. whereas the thing which you do not appreciate is the thing that you lose. So whatever you got you will lose it if you fail to appreciate it do you want that that's the reason why you should learn to love yourself when you love yourself you feel good about yourself you feel great about yourself and when you feel great about yourself everything Falls into place and you don't care what the world thinks and.... You hate yourself and that's a cringey thing.....when you don't love yourself you take yourself for granted and the reason you don't love yourself or let's put it the other way the reason you hate yourself maybe because you are too over ambitious it's because you think that you should be so and so in order to be loved it's like saying to yourself I would have loved myself more if I were rich or if I had money like that other guy or girl or or or I would have loved myself if I were tall, if I were good looking like that girl / guy and so on .. so basically you are unsatisfied with who you are its ok to be better everyday but its not ok to hate yourself for not being something that you are not its like you hate your child for not being talented enough and that sort of a bias it's not good to do that you have to think that you are good already you just have to work on yourself and get better but not hate yourself for who you are is because of this self hate that you have some inner sabotage going on. That is the reason why you treat yourself so shitty. Points Balance between narcissism and self hate You should have a healthy dose of self criticism as well. you are creating competition by constantly comparing yourself to others and thinking that you should be like them or above them this kind of a thinking means everyone should be like each other or better than each other which is again competition so you are creating it yourself Start my day with three things in mind 1. Wake up feeling good about yourself, in love for myself, not hating myself but thinking I'm good enough, I have my own unique journey. Not comparing to others. Wake up and the first thing feel great about yourself. 2. Remember time management 3. With a mindset of that is empty,open,free, positive,happy Next concepts in my repository Why if the root or origin is bad then what if it finally evolves into is also bad. Connection between cultural degradation and faulty social paradigms. Why there's no point in putting too much effort into finding something that appears beneficial and contributing but actually in fact becomes pointless because it has little practical application. The pointlessness of no consequence... If something is intrinsically disordered or dysfunctional or faulty then its tough to solve it and why studying it inevitaby leads to the conclusion that it is all bullshit in the long run. And nothing much comes out of the study. Also realizing the difference between studying something negative versus positive. Like studying all kinds of diseases versus studying good health. And why we're always drawn towards studying the negative more. Next concepts to study What are my deeper desires Which ones out of these desires is of actual practical benefit to me ? Which one of these is just a mental construct and a need created by the mind. Which one of these is survival oriented ? Which one of these is for the benefit of others Which one of these is practically viable from a benefit based perspective and which one is not. Which ones need to be discarded because of lacking viability. If the desire is not viable then discard it because it's just a mental construct. Desires Good health Productivity Great relationships Happiness Beauty Pleasure Live the life that you want to live. Create the life that you want to create. Focus on Desire, Benefit, Effort and Outcome. Health Time Energy Mood Time management Productivity principles Situation reaction solution Self awareness, hamster and wheel example Object sees itself Shadow work is a small window to self awareness, self inquiry meditation enlightenment spirituality consciousness

For people who have experienced nothingness, how was time felt during the experience? Was it relatively faster / slower / infinite or something else ?

Plot twist: I am you and you are me. You are God. I am God. Everyone. Everything. Is God. God chose to imagine himself as an infinite amount of seemingly separate selves. These selves/minds (life/dream) are structured (by God of course) in such a way that it feels as though they can only be experienced one at a time. That's why it FEELS as though you are you and I am me (as if we are two separate selves).The story of being born involuntarily as a separate human being feels true, but is in fact just a conceptual story useful for survival, not true in any absolute sense. You can become directly conscious of this. You can become directly conscious of the Truth of Oneness. Of course, even when you become directly conscious of God, Oneness, Love, Nothingness, No-Self, etc., still it will feel like, on the surface, that you are still a separate human body running around with an inner world of emotions, thoughts, feelings in an outer "physical" world. ("Permanent Enlightenmen" is when you have an "inner deep clarity" that shines onto this "apparent surface of separateness" and tells you that it is what it is: Oneness/Love/God/Nothingness , -- thus: many'ness becomes One, differences becomes One, self becomes other, others become you, hate becomes Love, suffering becomes Love, pain becomes Love, death becomes Life, evil and bad becomes Good, separateness becomes Oneness, unconsciousness becomes Consciousness, life becomes Heaven/Dream, seriousness becomes Play, delusion becomes Enlightened, human becomes God, Everything becomes God, Love..., something becomes nothingness, ) That's the genius, brilliancy, of this dream of life We - as God - have imagined up. We knew it had had to have some apparant order and structure, otherwise We wouldn't believe it was real. Hehe. If it was just a mess all of it, survival would not work, and We wouldn't believe it was real. And We need to believe it's real in order to then - eventually - come back to Ourselves (God/Love/Oneness). If We did not believe it was real, then We would not be able to come back to Ourselves, because We would already "be there", i.e. just existing as pure nothingness, unable to imagine ourselves as infinite things. The thing is, We already are pure nothingness (thus infinite potential, infinite love, God), We are always that. It's just that this pure nothingness is equal to somethingness, i.e. what you call 'your own body' or 'a tree' or 'a table' or 'your dog', THAT IS pure nothingness. That which is something is nothing. And that's God. Divine Love. Divine Play. Leela. Heaven is right here, not somewhere else. God is right here, not somewhere else. Enlightenment is right here, not somewhere else. This of course also means that hell is right here. Evil is right here. Delusion is right here. Hell = Heaven God = The Devil Enlightenment = Delusion It's all one. You choose which perspective you want to have. Are you full of ego/turmoil on the inside? Life becomes hell. Are you full of nothingness/death on the inside? Life becomes Heaven. Since my awakening 2 months ago, I feel so death on 'the inside', that everything 'outside' feels so alive. Like I'm a child again. Why did We (as God) choose to imagine Us into being seemingly separate helpless selves? Because We had to, to see what We truly are (Infinite, Nothingness, Love, God). Contrast is needed. We did it out of love. Out of selflessness. It would be selfish to stay as One only:-) Although, paradoxically, We are always One (and nothing else), it just doesn't always seem so (that's the brilliancy of this creation). We did it because We wanted to see what We could create. To test Our infinite creative skills. To test Our infinite imagination. I mean, for God's sake, search some youtube videos on how bizzare nature/wild life/animals can be. Or just humans for that matter. Why is this so? Why is reality so full of crazy shit? Because We like imagining infinite things. We are the very definition of Creation. We Create. We love. Survival as in what we call "darwinistic evolution" is one of the most genius methods for creation, for expressing divine love, for expressing Infinite Creativity, imagination. What is absolutely true, is that ultimately, everything is happening out of Divine Love, everything is an absolute 100% free choice (God is 100% free OF COURSE lol). So you (as God) choosing to trick yourself into believing you are "whatever your name is" as a human being and not God/Love/Nothingness; well, that's a free choice - too -, and it's a free choice that you have tricked yourself into believing it was not a free choice (and that you are a " poor little 'me' " instead), hehe <3