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The user DOtheWork recently created a thread, and unfortunately it got locked as soon as I posted my reply, so I have to post it here: @DoTheWork This is NOT "total awakening". When one is always living in the present in the moment, boredom simply doesn't exist. This is a classic example of ego thinking it totally "awakened". Take a break from psychedelics and work on observing your own ego-mechanism. This is a very serious issue, because a lot of people with big "spiritual" egos who start doing powerful psychedelics, very frequently delude themselves during the trips. What happens? The ego sneaks through the backdoor and starts to overtake the narrative. People report "channeling", talking with "entities", , living in many different dimensions at the same time, etc - not recognizing the imagery that they see and experience during the trips is just part of divine imagination. Because of this, a lot of people including LEO, delude themselves very heavily and think that they have "directly" experience something, when it was just their ego operating. (example: Channeling God, keyword "channeling" ) This is coming from somebody who has done a lot of psychedelics (including 20 5-MEO DMT trips and 40+ N, N-DMT). It is a huge trap (one of many), that even LEO as you can see is not immune to. Transcript of what that user posted can be found here: ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I consider myself being twin of Leo... I have experienced all of the stuff he talks in his videos + have very similar personality. My background: 30 y/old male, Europe Many years of HARDCORE spiritual path. - Clean eating, mostly RAW (no wheat, no dairy, a little meat) - Being aware ALL DAY LONG - 16 hours a day - Contemplation and Self Inquiry 3 hours a day - Meditating in PITCH BLACK room 3 hours a day before midnight (strong determination sitting) - Concentration exercises - ejaculating max once per 2 weeks - Psychedelics (often): 15x 5-MeO-DMT HCL trips 30x 5-Meo-DMT Freebase trips 20x 4-Aco-DMT Fumarate trips 35x DMT Freebase trips 8x DPT trips 60x Weed trips 5x LSD trips 10x 2c-b trips + some near death experiences And some others. Many of my trips happened in pitch black darkness. Always WITHOUT trip sitter. I have had many "TOTAL" awakenings + experienced many paranormal, mystical phenomena and Kundalini awakening. Third eye opening etc... I have experienced many logically impossible experiences. Sober or under psychedelics. I consider myself Awakened consciousness, yet there are infinite degrees of awakening more left. DO YOU GET IT? After MANY infinite trips you will get it. YES, there are degrees to awakening. I have experienced MANY lifetimes. In fact, I have experienced ALL possible lifetimes that have existed, exist now or will exist when having many of my mystical experiences. I have had trips, where I experienced ALL POSSIBLE LIFETIMES OF ALL POSSIBLE CREATURES in 6 hours. Entire lifetimes... YES! All possible creatures. 5-legged ones, or just beings made of energy only, or creature with not 5 or 6 senses but 300 senses etc... Sounds impossible? Well... If you do HARDCORE practices, you can experience many hardcore stuff. This story about Big Bang and Planet Earth IS JUST ONE OF INFINITE MORE STORIES in infinite more dimensions. I attained THOUSANDS of "spiritual" insights. Most of them are impossible to put into words and sentences. "You are God" is just one of INFINITE MORE SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS. I can't describe this statement more, because of the limit of language. There is INFINITE deepness. In other dimensions I took psychedelics 10000s times potent than DPT. There are infinite more colors than you can see now in this current dimension. Be very open-minded reading next lines please. After many years of being "spiritual"... After my last awakening, I realised that this whole spiritual path is just ONE story of infinite other meaningless stories. Chasing this whole "who am I?" thing is just of many possible stories and is AS MEANINGLESS AS ANY OTHER STORY. I awakened to total meaninglessness. TOTAL. THERE IS NO OTHER PLACE TO BE. I can't escape THIS being. There is only being. I experienced that no matter what I do, even if I kill myself, I will be reborn infinite times more. In fact I have literally physically experienced dying and killing myself in other dimensions just to realise that I can't escape this BEING thing. After you die, you can choose to "enjoy" formlessness for infinity. BUT that infinity is so infinite, that is finite. Basically, that INFINITY will feel like blink of the eye, and you will get "bored" and will reborn "instantly", after you get bored being formless. READ THAT AGAIN. In other words: HUMAN DIES, BABY IS BORN. INSTANTLY. You can't escape... There is only Existence. No form of suicide is enough. Thanks to this insight, this exact life that I live now, is exactly good as any other life. No life is better than other life. Thanks to many mystical experiences I realised that businessman has his sufferings and joys, is the same as homeless man has his pains and joys. No difference. And here comes my question.... Question that no one of you can answer... Because I have used infinite times more potent stuff than your tiny limited human mind, YET I am still searching for answer. WHAT TO DO NOW? The thing is, I feel like there is no higher "level" to reach. I have experienced mahasamadhi in other lifetimes, I have reached TOP OF THE TOP levels of Existence... I have experienced toppest of the tops, I always ended up in some limited dimension. And Now I want to suffer again. That is the reason I have chosen not to have mahasamadhi in this life (I had many opportunities to have mahasamadhi in this life) You were God infinite lifetimes before, and now you forgot you wanted to experience being limited again. You forgot you have put yourself here just to limit yourself again. JUST CAUSE. Because you can. I WANT TO BE HUMAN AGAIN AND TO HAVE ROLLERCOASTER LIFE OF EMOTIONS AND ILLUSIONS. I want to forget I am God... But I know too much. Too much.... I am serious. After TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT, after THE HIGHEST HIGH, there is only a way down. I just want to warn EVERYBODY: THERE ARE INSIGHTS that will destroy your life, your motivations, your everything. There are insights so shocking that will paralyze you. You will lose interest for friends, movies, music, just about everything. It feels like know everything, have been everything, been everywhere, have done everything... In every dimension I have lived, there is always this "OMG now I know too much, and there's no way back" level. After that insight, life in that dimension becomes very "meaningless"... In every dimension there are illusions similar to "Maya", just to protect you. To protect you from "knowing too much" so you can continue enjoying the show. It feels like the "secret" of Maya have its purpose here in this dimension. Knowing too much (being awakened) in whatever dimension leads to being unfulfilled. It's like cheating... Do you enjoy playing a game with "GODMODE: ON" cheat? If I could choose again, I would not choose to awaken. This world is made to be for unconscious beings. Now I have a 2 choices. Just watching everything, just observing this miraculous colorful explosion. orPut myself again into Matrix and forget who am I. And I think I want to forget. But how? How could I? How could I deceive myself again? Basically, I want to warn you... KNOWING "TOO MUCH" and being robbed of "mandatory" illusions will leave you unsatisfied... TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT leads later to total unconsciousness. It's a strange loop. Even being infinite love will soon or later lead to infinite suffering. You are THE CHANGE. You want CHANGE. Don't ask me why... YES, I am saying very radical stuff. I have experienced many lives in other dimensions being only "LOVE". But after some time, even LOVE will seem boring. You will not enjoy your "total awakening" to the infinity... At one point, you basically get bored and want to enjoy being unconscious jerk again... Soon or later, you may be interested in being Zen Devil just for the sake of doing it.That's why you see many spiritual gurus having affairs and being zen devils.There is something deep you can get from this post, but I don't know how to communicate it better, because I am not native english speaker. Have a nice day. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@DoTheWork This is NOT awakening. When one is always living in the present in the moment, boredom simply doesn't exist. This is a classic example of ego thinking it totally "awakened". Take a break from psychedelics and work on observing your own ego-mechanism.

@DoTheWork "Leo, are you sure you want TOTAL awakening? HARDCORE seeker here." You ask about total awakening but you have not awakened to Love?

@wavydude These insights are insights from lets call it Pure Mind of God. They are Absolutely correct. I think I Will never be able to forgive myself. Exposing myself way to much. Funny how I scream back at myself actualize it. Hahaha What about You Alex? Khmm Khmm. Don't want to be freakin Jesus 2.0.That's like what Will awakened most likely decide to do. ? Swear to God Totality of this freaks me out.

I find it amusing that a supposedly awakened being continues to hold the duality of natural and unnatural. If I may ask, what exactly have you awakened to?

What is the "FINAL" step of Love? Imagine that EVERYBODY is awakened. Imagine EVERYBODY lives in Love in this planet. Imagine that all people have REACHED MAXIMUM Love embodiment capacity. Where do we go from here? Where??? WHERE? Only down.... down to suffering again... At one point, love would want to become pain again. Because it MUST. Change is inevitable.

@DoTheWork OK maybe THIS Will help. Remember No1 crucial Insight from Absolute state. God wants everyone to be God. Start contemplating this very seriously. What are implications of this.Why would God want That. What are the actual consenquances of this. You are not ruining the game You are bringing them back to heaven. Thank me later. Really seriously contemplate this. What does this mean actually. You Will then understand Leo and why he does this and You Will understand all of us awakened why We are so Passionate with help. Silly Sometimes. I want my hippie soul mate. ? Here, there is meaning. ULTIMATE ONE.

That's not my point at all. Rather, it is reflective of a lens. The genuinessness is not the question. It is the lens. One can see a particular image and genuinely express their impression. Yet they cannot view from another lens that they are unaware of. A being with a personal lens will not recognize trans-personal. From the construct of a teacher-student relationship, I think you make great points. In particular, to be at similar developmental level as students especially when trying to understand them. When I play the role of a formal teacher in a classroom, this is one of the major challenges. When one has fluency and clear understanding, it can be very difficult to teach that to those that are novices. I think using the term "levels" can be useful because the human mind is naturally oriented toward understanding levels. It's a great structural framework even if it isn't 100% accurate and we need to deconstruct some of the "levels" later on. Eventually, they collapse. . . However, I often see value personalization of the term "level" - which I think is a major hindrance. For example "I am at Turquoise. He is only at Orange. Thus, I am at a higher level". In terms of SD, a major part of entering Yellow is the awareness and dis-identification to such personalizations. This applies to both transmitter and receiver. This dynamic can be portrayed, with reception. Not portrayed with reception. Or portrayed without reception. In this case, I may claim that I didn't portray superiority and you may claim that I did portray superiority. They are two sides of the coin. Regardless of my intention, I cannot claim superiority was not portrayed. This gets into the dynamics of intention and impact - which I think is also an important dynamic. In terms of being attached to being a teacher, I wouldn't use the term "attached". There is de-attachment and dis-identification at the personal level. Yet this does not suggest that the personality does not re-appear. It is the attachment and identification to that appearance that dissolves or is much less intense. Rather than "attachment", I think it is more fair to say conditioning of the mind and body. As we awaken, the attachment/identification dissolves, yet the conditioning remains. Awakened guitarists play the guitar. Awakened comedians tell funny jokes. Awakened teachers teach. There is a distinction between attachment/identification and conditioning/abilities. Importantly, there is also an energetic shift. There is a shift in the source of energy that propels the awakened guitarist, comedian and teacher. If I was to describe my abilities, I would say there are things I do very well and seem to have value for others. There are some areas it seems I've gone pretty deep (relative to what I see in others). Yet in other areas, I'm a novice and lack skills. For example, I never had children. I have no experience in that area. And essentially no real knowledge. I also don't have experience in creative arts such as drawing and writing poetry. Thank you for your perspective. I was unable to connect in this situation and your feedback is helpful for me to reflect upon. You make a good point in terms of inter-personal communication. Yet also be mindful that it isn't just about you and me. Hundreds of people may read this thread. Some may have an insight regarding something I am trying to convey. Some may have an insight in something you are trying to convey.

Sounds like you havent really awakened your heart, only mind. While still impressive and commendable, id still focus on doing the work And exploring existential love and compassion. Perhaps Im mistaken though.

@MuddyBoots And that's the problem. Being "enlightened" is actually being more lost than being unconscious. You'll comprehend that sentence AFTER your 387th insight . The world around you, society, money system, jobs etc are not made for awakened people... I have been searching for happiness, but found Truth instead ...Truth does not mean happiness. Many teachers said Don't confuse Truth for happiness. And I did that very thing and than I was disappointed after. Awakened, but still in limited human form, feels like being an alien in today's world, where 99,999 people around you are unconscious. Helping others may be a Trap. It's a paradox. many times by helping others you are preventing them to learn their lesson from their suffering. Being "healer" is in many cases a trap in my opinion. I need ordinary people to put me back on track being normal human again.

When a human being orgasms it's amazing but doesn't last very long and so the human being desires for it again. Likewise a strong drug feels amazing for a short amount of time and so human being desires the drug again. We have addictive personalities rather we admitted or not and we love things that make us feel good this doesn't mean we're doing anything wrong this just means we want a hit of Our Favorite Drug so don't worry too much about the awakened Blues that's just the personality wanting a fix

I don't think every sort of trauma or impurity in your system can be traced back by childhood per se. I think much of it can potentially also have to do from the phase before childhood (previous incarnations) or the phase after childhood. Just going by personal experience: I am vastly different than my brother even though we had roughly the same upbringing. I have had to deal with a lot of heavy energy and anxieties and feelings of hopelessness and feeling lost and confused whilst he (as far as I'm aware of) didn't have to deal with it so much at all and he is now a rather confident, attractive guy who is doing a psychology-related master with an (on the surface) pretty decent relationship. We both grew up in a (relatively speaking) safe and caring household with parents that didn't fuel us with much unconscious, emotional reactivity and repressive conditioning, although they weren't awakened beings. Granted, I experienced probably quite a bit more stress and anxiety at school and in social interactions than my brother did, as I simply wasn't very good at it, and I was very insecure in the domain of social interactions, but most of that started only happening when I went to high school and not much before it. Considering the nature (genetics)/nurture debate, neither of them seem to explain very well why have been dealing with so much more heaviness than my brother (again, as far is I know of) has been dealing with, as we have roughly the same genetic inheritence and roughly the same upbringing. I suspect myself that much of the heaviness I have been dealing with in this life has much to do with the karmic baggage I inherited from previous lives. I don't claim to know this for certain and it is indeed just speculation, but it does seem to explain my situation better, since otherwise there doesn't appear to be a very suitable theory that would explain the difference between me and my brother. Alternatively/additionally, it can (also) have to do with the fact that I'm a much more sensitive person than my brother is and therefore negative in my life leave a much bigger imprint, but again, how is this heightened degree of sensitivity explainable from the genetic inheritance perspective or the social conditioning perspective? So I think it's false that everything can be explained from the idea that everything you are now is related to childhood, but indeed I do think that there are a people whose behaviour is very correlated to the experiences they had in their childhood. But I just wonder: Why just childhood? Why not your teenage, or adolescence, or adult years? Why should these phases in your life be much less relevant for the amount of trauma-energy that has been put into you as opposed to your chldhood? Do you think that for instance becoming a victim of war activity is not going to give you new traumatic experiences (unless you're a very conscious being)? Perhaps your childhood may set the basis more for how you are going to perceive the experiences during this war, but certainly I feel that new experiences liek this that didn't occur during childhood are still able to affect your psyche to sometimes a rather large degree. I never like it when people say that everything that happens now in your life is all directly and only because of your childhood.

I feel like i've been using the wrong words its pointless for me to be alive as myself rather than the present moment this is what i'm trying to say. does this get resolved by being the present moment. its like i said, i will find out for myself @Mu_ its not about a path, to quote leo, the whole point is to take the 0th step my knowledge is all thrown out the window, i do not know anything officially and literally thats not word play, i'm 100% i do not know. but again when i read your words, this doesn't match the level of pointlessness i'm talking about. Truth itself leads you here, your awakening is like saying "ohh so now things are pointless, now that i've awakened" mines is more like because there is no life and no death, the point of "a - live -ness" is point less lol. Still i guess this is not up for debate, its too abstract. i will see what happens in my direct experience, now that i know i can't turn to the forum to help me express what it is i'm talking about and that pointless ness and pointfulness is also an abstract belief like everyone participating has pointed out. thanks guys, much appreciated once again

There is no such thing as Buddhism. There is Buddhism as interpreted by a mind. Buddhism is often taught in dogmatic ways or misinterpreted by the unawakened mind. There have been plenty of people on this forum (even some who claim to be awake) who deny the existential nature of Love. Love is not merely a heart awakening. Love = Truth, and many people are denial about that because they simply have not become conscious enough to realize that facet of God. Awakening goes much deeper than people realize. There is so much depth and so many facets of it that they are easy to miss. Many people fool themselves into thinking they have seen it all. And they refuse to listen when they are told they are missing some important facet. It doesn't really matter what the scriptures say because most people don't read them, or read them yet misunderstand them, or read them but never have direct consciousness of what they point to. Scriptures tend to be dry and fall on deaf ears. Dogmatic Buddhism is a common thing. There are a thousand times more Buddhists than awakened people. So all this is to be expected. What I teach, and Buddhism, are not the same thing. There are important differences even though the general direction is similar.

search ornline. RC are just drugs that were developed recently (mostly) and are not illegal (mostly). You can find online store selling them. 1P-LSD is easily available and is basically identical to LSD, in my experience. 5-MeO-DMT and DPT are some of the ones Leo mentions a lot - these are also available online. These stores ship to most countries, some are restricted though. This is really funny. You are basically describing my life when I created this thread and wanted to go to a monastery. I had such a strong and consistent ego backlash, that all my progress was thwarted. I struggled a lot, tried it all... it was hell. Finally I somehow got through it with outside help - sessions with an awakened master. Maybe you could use a kind of therapy also? Someone could help you get out of this rut. thc? You mean weed? I used to combine these quite a lot before I got into self-actualization. This was the time of my unconscious spirituality Weed will totally enhance it, greatly, but can also make it really really confusing and send you to some very weird places. It's a risk.

I am at a point in my inquiry where I cannot identify any experience as being "me" or "I". When the thought arises "I am ___" I can turn attention on the thought and in that moment the though feels different. I recognize clearly the awareness quality of experience, for example. when I turn attention on the feeling in my face/my head I can recognize that I am aware of this even though there is no actual person or self being aware. I have yet to have a genuine experience of no self and i'm curious what I should be doing in my self inquiry at this point to facilitate some sort of breakthrough. I have heard that no self can be recognized in each moment of experience, and in that sense it makes every experience profound and interesting. Will the awakening be clear in that there is no mistaking that I have recognized the intrinsic selflessness of consciousness or is it possible for someone to who have awakened this realization without a clear "aha" moment. Does anyone remember being at this stage of their journey, and remember what they did to move forward with the inquiry?

If there is fear, one loses the capacity to play a role or have 3 centered awareness. (Fulasnitamnian awareness) I thought of this while watching both Leo's and Emerald's latest videos. Distinguishing Physical Sensation from Essential Substance The capacity to sense oneself must become so refined that the individual can discriminate between physical sensation and the sensation of essential substance. It is not enough that the mind be quiet. It is also necessary for the body to be sensitive. The mind can be quiet while the body is deadened. The body has to be awakened so that the center of sensing, the belly center, can be activated. The belly center, or what Gurdjieff called the physical center, is the center of sensing for all parts of the body. Its deepest function is the subtle sensing, the sensing of essential presence, that the Sufis call the organ for touch. Touch is, in a sense, the most intimate of the physical senses. The skin must be directly against an object to touch it. There is no intermediary medium, like sound for hearing or light for seeing. So this subtle capacity is a very intimate one. Accurately speaking, it is sensing essence by being essence. It is the most direct way of perception. This capacity of touch, connected with the belly center, is very intimately connected with the embodiment of essence. It is the body center; its mode of perception is embodiment. Here, perception as touch, and being, are the same act. So this capacity is the most important one. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 130

@rnd One person on this forum tried 5meo and had a Kundalini awakening. He is now unwilling to kill his ego out of great fear and attachment and he is miserable. 5meo might not be advisable unless you are serious enough about awakening that you will move forward in the death of the ego. If Kundalini is awakened, and the ego is not allowed to be killed, it will make the person absolutely miserable. It is also generally not reversible so the only way is forward. If you are serious about awakening and are going to exercise courage, proceed. If you just want a beautiful experience, I would think twice.

Rest assured my friend, it is possible. I myself have for some reason had tremendous difficulties with intimate connections myself, which resulted in the fact that apart from prostitutes, I've really only experienced only one natural(-ish) sexual encounter so far in my life. Until about two years prior to now, I had very much the idea stuck in my head that "I need to go through sex to go beyond it", which implied in my mind that Iit was necessary that in my life I needed to have sex. Though something in me felt that this wasn't really true, I've had tremendous difficulty of letting this idea go— Until the last two years, in where I've started to understand through my own experience that letting go does not require an experience prior to it. Letting go started happening to me, much of it through the means of energetical discharge. It's just that you're not at the level on development yet where you're really able to fully grasp and embody this Truth through your own experience. So the direct answer is no, you don't need it. Having female intimacy is not a requirement for awakening. You can be a celibate and become awakened, though there is no need to deliberately choose to be a celibate or to give credit to the philosophy of celibacy. You could say that so far I have pretty much been a celibate as far as female intimacy is concerned at least, but this is not by conscious choice but because I'm still not ready and detached enough to engage in sexual intimacy. However, this is fine right now to me though, as I am however able to detach myself from the attachment of the need to have sexual intercourse. But I am not against sex; it just hasn't happened to me yet as I am not ready. So just know that sex is not a requirement for happiness or awakening. However, it will probably require a bit of effort from your side for your ego-structure to be eroded away enough that you can come to a space where you are truly able to let go. Until then, I would recommend to either try really hard to become intimate with women (I would recommend the RSD/Real Social Dynamics branche for this), or to try hard to let go of your attachment to needing to be intimate, or both in alternating fashion. Of course, trying to let go isn't truly letting go to your fullest capacity (as the do-er is still present), but it will erode away what Adyashanti calls the "personal will", and eventually you will be able to pull out the deepest roots of your attachments; whether you decide to go chase after women or not. I say all of this because it has been my personal experience, but feel free to doubt me and take your own path seperate from the advice or siggestions that I have given you if that feels to be more appropriate to you. I wish you all the best on your journey, Skanzi.

Co Author of CHANCE and CHOICE explains in a concise article the Gurdjieff idea of our multiplicity. The Problem of the Subtle Sybil Effect By: R.C.L. The underlying reason the big questions are so difficult to answer is ultimately personal ñ we are swamped in a plethora of identities, most of them false. These false personas were imposed upon us from the outside by society and from the inside by our own muddled thinking. For most of us there is no single unified self, no uniform field of continuous consciousness. Our "common sense" notion to the contrary, that we are one person with a singular identity, is based on a false assumption. In the words of psychologist Charles Tart, Ph.D.: We just assume that a given person is relatively consistent with himself, that he constitutes one person with various characteristics, traits, and so on. Thus you call yourself by one name, with the implication that you are indeed one person even though you have a range of moods and feelings. .... we actually have many quite discrete subpersonalities, each of which calls itself "I" when it happens to be activated by appropriate environmental stimuli, but we have no unity of personality at all except in the sense that all the various subpersonalities are associated with the same physical body and name. (1) As Professor Tart and many others have found, by the time we become adults our identity is disjointed, fragmented, perhaps even fractal, like a "Julia Set."(2) We have one series of identities and personalities inherited from our parents, fashioned to meet their expectations, or to rebel against them. There is another series of personalities acquired in the course of schooling, another while dating, another at work, another in a sport or hobby, etc. Close observation of yourself will reveal that you are different people at different times. There is precious little continuity between your different states of consciousness. When you are one person one moment, you have usually forgotten that you were a completely different person a few moments before, and will be yet another person later. You are consumed by the personality of the moment. The personalities are isolated from each other by barriers of unawareness. There are defenses or buffers between the many "I's". There is no underlying actor to play the part. No one who remembers and coordinates all of the roles. It's as if a series of different people - acquaintances, not friends - took turns inhabiting the same body. We are one person when we first wake up, another person to our children, another to our spouse, another to our boss, etc. One "I" may make a promise, but the next "I" will not remember to keep it, or will not want to keep it. We live in a chaotic world where an endless series of things happen to us that do not fit together, do not make sense. Many important things seem to be the result of chance or luck. There is no conscious being there to see the "big picture" so that it can all make sense. There is no center, no empty hub uniting the many spokes of the wheel, the many fragments of self. The conscious states alternate unconnected by inner silence. It is like hearing foreign words or sentences without any underlying comprehension. The underlying being who comprehends and integrates is unconscious. The actor is asleep. The play goes on mechanically, uncomprehendingly. For such a one the "scientists" are correct, man is a machine and enlightenment is impossible, or merely a delusion, another fleeting role. Since most everyone suffers from weakly-connected consciousness, this appears to be natural and normal. We only recognize it as a problem in its most extreme forms, where there is total and complete disconnection of the different parts of the self. These are the cases where the different people inhabiting the body are complete strangers to each other. This is the pathological disorder of multiple personalities made famous by the case of Sybil.(3) Sybil Dorsett was a woman with sixteen separate personalities. At first none of them knew or remembered any of the others. For instance, one personality named Victoria Antoinette Scharleau was a self-assured, sophisticated, attractive blond, and another named Mike Dorsett thought she was male, a builder and carpenter. With multiple personality disorders it is not uncommon for the shy personality to be shocked to wake up naked in bed with a man the sexy personality met the night before. One personality shifts with another and there is no recollection of the prior person. There is a complete discontinuity of consciousness. This kind of multiple personality disorder is often caused by extreme negative events as a child. In Sybil's case, she was tortured and sexually abused as a young girl. This caused her to break up, literally, because she could not bear the extreme abuse she was subjected to. Through years of therapy Sybil was able to confront the memories and eventually integrate the separate personalities into one. She became a whole person. INTEGRATION OF CONSCIOUSNESS Personality dissociation in its extreme form is obviously a problem which must be corrected. But the less severe manifestations - the "subtle Sybil" effect, wherein we are disconnected to a certain degree - is a problem unknown to most people. Psychology is just beginning to recognize this as a root problem which underlies many others.(4) Most people do not know they are shattered. They treat themselves and others as if they were one person, already fully integrated and whole. In fact, most people are just integrated enough to function in society. They are not solid enough to answer the big questions for themselves, to make sense of their lives, and know who they are and what they can do. If we stop to think about the discontinuity - the differences in our moods and personalities - we just assume it is natural and of no importance. For instance, who can constantly recall their dream selves, or who they were in deep sleep - unconsciousness? We accept the barriers between our waking and sleeping selves as natural, inevitable, just like the barriers between our left and right brains. We fail to recognize the significance of the basic discontinuity between waking and sleep. Even the lack of continuity in waking consciousness - which occurs to everyone in the course of a day, or even a few minutes - is accepted as natural. We are sad one minute, then the next we are happy, in the next reflective, in the next absorbed in music, in the next answering the phone. When we are with some people we have a submissive personality, with others a dominant persona comes out. Is there a conscious being underlying all of these different states of consciousness? Is there a center unifying the multiple personalities? For almost everyone the answer is no. Their consciousness is not fully integrated, and they do not even see this as a problem. How is the actor to awake? Recognition that "integration" of multiple selves is a problem is the critical first step in the solution. It is also the first step to answering the question of who you are. Only you can discover who you are, no one can do it for you. The discovery comes from observation of yourselves - all of them - and then integration into a conscious whole. This requires bridging the great divide between the waking self and the sleeping self. The corpus callosum dividing the left and right brains must be transformed from a wall into a highway. Then you can start to understand who you are, and begin to integrate all of the many snapshots of your life into a flowing movie. Until you attain this continuity, your true identity will elude you. The meaning of life will remain an enigma wrapped in a mystery. Your true desires, your real potential, will remain hidden between the intervals of your many selves. You will be incomplete, asleep. One reason most of us fail to notice the lack of continuity is that one or two personalities - and the states of consciousness that go with them - tend to dominate the other weaker personalities and their consciousness. They hide the gaps, cover up the problem. Frequently the dominant personalities are imposed upon us from the outside. The strong alien personalities - the dominant consciousness states - frequently overpower and sublimate the other parts of our self, the other states of consciousness we experience. The weaker states are then forced into subconsciousness or unconsciousness. They are forgotten, disassociated from the conscious identity. One or two of the many personalities act in place of our overall Self. We do not know the plethora of possible personalities, unified and integrated in one being. We do not experience a healthy variety of conscious states. As a result our potential is artificially limited. We experience only a small slice of life. We see the rest as if through a glass darkly. Consciousness of the other parts of our self eventually becomes forbidden. They are not even recognized when experienced. If they are consciously experienced, they are promptly forgotten. They become "altered" states of conscious, momentary lapses of character. This dissociation and imbalanced dominance of one personality and consciousness over all others - a kind of psychological cancer - frequently leads to illnesses, psychological complexes and neurosis. The underlying being aware of the many sides of self is asleep, relegated to the unconscious. The strong role has taken over the actor and prevents him from waking. For most people the dominant personality is not even their own. It is a false personality imposed on them from their parents, friends, job or society. The false personality is a muddled thinker, with no connection to the other innate capacities of the whole being. The false persona is not linked with the true Self, it is not naturally a part of the underlying being. It is instead linked to the cultural consensus, the mass hypnosis and pseudo-thinking. If the actor should awaken he would not play that role, he would not accept that thought. People dominated by false personalities are usually weak, with little energy or vitality. Usually, only personality which is in connection with a person's potential - their true inner Self - can vitalize and naturally make room for the whole Self. Only a real persona can accept and try to integrate "altered states". The false, unconnected personalities only block energy. They act as a negative mask to hide true potential, instead of expressing it. The recognition and dropping of such lifeless personalities is the first step in discovering who you really are. It is the first step in "waking up". As you wake up you begin a conscious journey to realization of your full potential. There are many ways to wake up, many procedures. You need to find a procedure which is good for you. In that way you can move beyond legal study into the actual "practice of the Law." With an effective method, and adequate teachers and counselors, you may be lucky enough to wake up. You may be able to tap your inner essence and develop a true personality. That is just the beginning, however, not the end. At first, there are many dangers. You can still be dominated by the first real aspect of your self that wakes up. The first strong fragment personality to awaken may try to block the awakening of the rest. Still, it is easier to awaken to the full dynamics of yourself from out of a true personality than a false one. The actor once stirred may awaken. Once awakened, the road to self actualization may be traveled. Another danger that remains after the journey has begun arises from cultural restraints and muddled thinking. This can cause you to awaken only certain socially-acceptable sides of yourself and repress the rest. You may be afraid of parts of yourself or be prejudiced against them. For instance, you may have been taught as a child that sex was bad and so refuse to awaken that part of your human nature. If the real and awakened personas don't know any better, the phony censor persona may continue to have real power. Objective, holistic thinking is the answer. It can counteract the censor, the cultural restraints and inherited beliefs. Once your real personas are taught to think straight, they will see through the muddled thinking inherited from the past. Unlike the false personalities, the real personalities have the power and courage to act on their thinking. They can transcend the hindrances of the past. Armed with true thinking, they can overcome the cultural censor, and liberate all parts of your human potential. THE CASE OF CHARLES T. TART v. NORMAL CONSCIOUSNESS Professor Charles Tart is an American scientist and academic who has thought deeply about these topics. More importantly, he has taken action and tried hard to clarify and solidify his own consciousness, to take it out of what he refers to as the "cultural consensual trance" of so called normal consciousness. His careful scientific research has shown that what passes for normal or average consciousness is just one possible form of consciousness among many. He found that normal consciousness is actually quite limited, subject to many artificial constraints and disruptions. Professor Tart is one of the pioneering scientists in the new fields of altered states of consciousness, hypnosis, cultural consensus trance, multiple personalities, transpersonal psychology, being and the procedures or technology of "waking up". Born in 1937, the son of a musician, Charles Tart grew up as a Lutheran with deep religious convictions and intellectual interests. As a precocious teenager his eyes opened to science. A strong conflict then developed in his soul between the differing world views of science and religion. The resolution of this conflict has proven to be the driving force of his life. As a teenager looking at the hypocrisy he saw in religion, and the strength and elegance of science, he went head-strong into the modern scientific world. He became particularly fascinated with electronics, earning a first-class radio telephone license while still in high school. He also began to read widely in the field of psychic research or parapsychology. In this one field of science he found some kind of a link between his new found love for science and his earlier, deeper thirst for spirituality. In 1955 he was admitted to the premiere engineering school in the country, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Then he ran into calculus and his enthusiasm for engineering began to flounder. At the same time his high school interest in parapsychology blossomed. He started a psychic research club at MIT and connected with the dynamic cultural life of Cambridge. He then had an opportunity to meet many of the leading psychics and parapsychologists of that time. When he discovered that you could actually make a living at psychology, he decided to change career tracks. His ideal was to try to apply the methods of science to the general field of religion. He wanted to use science to start separating out the superstitions and nonsense in religion from the core of important truth. That ideal fired him then and has remained as one of the main guiding principles of his life. His opportunity to change came from famed parapsychology scientist Dr. Rhine, who helped Charles transfer to Duke University in 1957 to major in psychology. In the parapsychology labs at Duke he met Judy Bamberger, the girl who would later become his wife. A few years later at age 22 in these same labs Charley became the "first American psychedelic guinea pig", taking mescaline for the sake of science. It all came about quite by accident. Dr. Ivo Kohler, a Professor from the University of Vienna, was one of the first scientists in the world to experiment with psychedelic drugs. He began experiments with mescaline in Vienna, Austria in the nineteen thirties. These experiments were unknown in the United States. Professor Kohler was visiting the Duke parapsychology laboratories and there started talking to a young graduate student named Charley Tart. Charley had read Aldous Huxley's book on taking mescaline, The Doors of Perception and was curious about Dr. Kohler's experiments. The Professor mentioned that although he had tested many subjects from all nations in Europe, he had never seen any experiments with an American. Professor Kohler was curious to see if an American would have any different psychological reactions than Europeans. Charley bravely volunteered to be the first American test subject. In 1959 psychedelic drugs were almost totally unheard of (these substances were not outlawed until the mid nineteen sixties) and the good Professor happened to be traveling with a large quantity of chemically pure mescaline sulfate. After some preparation Charley was given a large dose of the mescaline which he says tasted like vomit. He sat with Professor Kohler for two or three hours and nothing happened. The Professor was beginning to think that Americans were indeed quite different. They were ready to call it quits, but as one last try, Charley took still more of the drug. That put him over the edge and all at once his psychological resistance to the drug broke down. A few moments later he went directly into the peak of a psychedelic experience. His consciousness expanded tremendously and he had a deep and profound experience which totally changed his life. Professor Kohler found that Americans were just like Europeans. A small step for science, but a giant leap for Charley Tart. A few years later while a graduate student at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, Charles again had an opportunity to participate in one of the first scientific experiments with LSD and psilocybin. A private foundation began funding a series of experiments with psychedelic drugs. Naturally enough he volunteered for many of the tests. Again he had deep and profound experiences with artificially induced altered states of consciousness. The conflict in his soul between science and religion was bridged in these scientific experiments. This proved to be the guiding light for his later scientific work, where he became the unquestioned leader in the scientific exploration of spiritual experiences. Only years later did Professor Tart learn that he had the CIA to thank for all of the LSD he ingested in those experiments. In the early nineteen sixties the CIA had set up dummy foundations to secretly fund research into psychedelic drugs. They wanted to know if there was any military potential to these strange new psychological drugs. They found the drugs were powerful, and potentially dangerous, but the experience of God was found to have no military value. Although not all unwitting government guinea pigs were as fortunate as Charles Tart, he, at least, was eternally grateful to the CIA. In 1963 Charles Tart received his Ph.D. degree from Chapel Hill. His special interests then were research into personalities, dreams and hypnosis. Dr. Tart was virtually alone in these fields at the time. His work has pioneered what has since become known as the study of altered states of consciousness, consciousness other than the average consensus trance. By 1969 Charles Tart edited what was to became a landmark book in consciousness research Altered States of Consciousness. This was the first publication to bring together scientific research on dreaming, hypnosis, meditation, yoga, psychedelics and other expanded states of consciousness. He has since written many other books, including: Open Mind, Discriminating Mind (1989); Waking Up: Overcoming the Obstacles to Human Potential (1986); States of Consciousness (1975); Transpersonal Psychologies (1975) (1990). When not writing books and researching into these fields, Professor Tart has been a teacher of Psychology at the University of California in Davis for over thirty years. Tart transcends the narrow confines of academia and science, and uses the scientific methods and independent thinking to tackle the really big questions. In the process of formulating his own answers, he has gathered information which helps us realize that "discontinuity of consciousness" is the essential threshold problem. The problem must be addressed - we must "self remember" and wake up from out of the cultural consensual trance - before we can ever know ourselves and find the answers within. One of the basic procedures he employs is called "self remembering" or "self observation". It is a process where you impartially and dispassionately observe the false personalities in action. His quest for answers necessarily led him beyond the confines of academia and science into the martial arts, where he now holds a black belt in Aikido. It also led him into the world of esoteric spiritual philosophies and psychologies, exemplified by the work of the great Russian mystic and philosopher, G. I. Gurdjieff.(5) It was Gurdjieff who first brought the "self remembrance" procedures to the West. Charles Tart discovered that there is a basic resistance in our culture to self observation. We tend to equate self observation with judgmental self criticism, with feelings of inadequacy, punishment, shame and guilt. To be effective, self remembrance procedures should be devoid of all judgments and criticism. It should be a neutral process of objective, detached observation. This requires tremendous commitment and honesty. In self observation you essentially try to observe yourself and your world, no matter what it is, good or bad, ugly or beautiful, happy or sad. You don't just observe yourself only when you happen to be doing something you like, or in order to support something you already believe in. You try to observe yourself in your world to see what really is. To convey the kind of commitment required to remember to observe yourself in all situations, Tart likes to quote a famous American spiritual leader of sorts, Patrick Henry: Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom. Tart found from his own experience and from working with hundreds of others, that if you aren't vigilant about yourself - with a commitment to knowing reality as it is - you build up fantasies. You forget yourself, like the actor asleep. You live instead in what he calls "consensus trance". You are lost in fantasies widely shared in the culture. Tart's research has shown that although everyone thinks they are normal, they are actually seriously cut off from the world around them. As a result people do a lot of stupid things. Observing the great difficulty of the self observation process, especially at first, Tart emphasizes the importance of personal training and group work to begin to use this procedure effectively. But once the skill is learned, Tart and others have found that it is a powerful tool to awaken the actor. With it you can begin to integrate the many roles - the many personalities - into a play where life has meaning. The actions of the moment then begin to make sense by relation to the overall drama. The actor begins to know herself, to know the myth of her life, the plot and potential destiny, and then to write her own script. Without such an awakening the actor meanders aimlessly through life. They keep repeating a few lines, a few roles, over and over, never realizing their full potential. Tart found that self observation can awaken us from consensus trance. It allows us to get a much wider idea of who we are, and to dare to fulfill potentials and dreams we never even knew we had. This is because the consensus trance into which we were hypnotized as a child significantly narrows our human potentials. We could be so many things, but society tries to fit people into preconceived molds. Our self-concept gets narrow, squeezed and tight. Tart likes to quote Gurdjieff's observation that a lot of people you see walking around in the street are dead. They have been so squeezed in terms of their inner psychological self, that it is all habit and conditioning, and the essence - the vitality - is dead. Tart was first exposed to Gurdjieff's ideas in 1966 and his ideas and spiritual practices of self observation have had a continuing influence on him ever since. Tart says that he still uses Gurdjieff's "trying to remember yourself in everyday life" as his principle spiritual practice today, even though he is no longer involved with Gurdjieff groups. In my interview with Charles Tart in late 1993, he described in some detail the process of how as young children we are entranced into the local cultural consensus in which we were born: When we are born each of us has the potential to be a human being which means thousands and thousands of things which could be developed. But each one of us is born into a particular culture, and a culture is a group of people who know about certain human potentials which they think are good and they cultivate them. They draw them out of people and reinforce them in people. So when a little baby looks at its mother and its starting to make sounds like "ma ma ma," people smile and encourage the baby. A given culture knows about other potentials which they consider animal or evil or something like that, and they actively discourage them. So if the same little baby looks at its mother and starts to go "shi shi shit", he doesn't get encouraged, and that kind of thing. Any particular culture is also ignorant of all sorts of human potentials and they don't draw them out of people simply by neglect. They have no idea its even possible. In order to survive you have to fit into your culture. The adults who only want a certain set of potentials developed keep pressing on you, drawing those out and discouraging the ones they don't like. In a very real sense, the "essence" of what we are when we are born, to use a Gurdjieff term, gets shaped and shaped and shaped and eventually evolves into what Gurdjieff called "false personality." That means as part of defending yourself against the pressure of adults you come to adopt their way of thinking. A baby can't really say, "Gee, I've been born into a weird tribe this time, here's how I'll have to act in order to get by, but I don't believe a word of it." The baby is pretty helpless, absolutely dependent upon the giants, the gods and goddesses, for its survival. So the baby and the child internalize these things, they start thinking like the culture expects people to think. To the extent they don't, they feel guilty about it and hide it. We develop what I call "consensus consciousness" to reflect the fact that our so-called ordinary state of consciousness, or "normal consciousness" (which is a culturally-relative term of course) means we have actually constructed the habits of our thinking and feeling and perceiving to reflect the consensus of what our culture thinks is important and good. It is an altered state of consciousness in the sense that it is not natural. Our ordinary state is not simply the way consciousness is, it's a semi arbitrary construction, so that you fit in as normal, bound by the rules of your particular group. When I talk about this in a neutral way, and want to use this information scientifically, I use the term "consensus consciousness." But when I want to emphasize the cost of this process, that there is a lot of important stuff left out, then I say "consensus trance." I am using "trance" in the negative sense of the word: a state of less animation, being controlled by others and what not. I also asked Professor Tart what methods he had found work best to allow people to overcome their natural resistances to self observation, and enable them to awaken from the consensus trance. His answer expounded upon the theme developed by Gurdjieff as "intentional suffering." There are lots of ways [around the resistance to self observation]. Most of them depend on suffering. When things are going well, you don't tend to question the structure you're locked into. When things start going badly, usually we blame somebody else: "Its those damn republicrats in Washington." But when you get a little more mature, people begin to realize that "maybe I bring something to my suffering, just maybe its not all the fault of the outside world, but that I contribute something to it." When people are ready to work with their suffering like that, when they are ready to look at it more closely and see how they are creating some of it, then you have an opening for people to learn things. The suffering can motivate people to observe themselves, to take mental snap shots of themselves, and try to figure out what is going on wrong, what internally is producing the suffering. In self observation you will undoubtedly see many habits, attitudes and other things about yourself that you do not like. From an attitude of intentional suffering and responsibility, these insights into your mental machinery provide you with the opportunity to change, to escape from your suffering. As Tart says, we create a lot of our suffering quite uselessly. Suffering motivates you to change, to escape from the mental conditioning and false thinking which keeps you entranced, keeps you in needless suffering. Suffering thus opens up the possibility of real change. Charles Tart also speaks of another major way of escape from the culture trance, the method of "altered states of consciousness". If you think of your ordinary state of consciousness This article is from http://www.lawsofwisdom.com/course-overview/opening-statement/the-problem-of-the-subtle-sybil-effect/

Reiki made me sensitive to energy, so I could feel it. I can direct energy to flow in whichever way, and I feel it flow. Though when a friend attuned me to a different modality than Reiki, it awakened my Kundalini and brought bliss. I never really had bliss with Reiki itself. Though it was relaxing. There is one other modality called Quantum Touch that made my hands and arms feel like an electric live wire. Very powerful. They say this method can shift bones fluidly.

I think this is a difficult question to answer based on the terms "awakening" and "permanent". I've experimented heavily with 5-Meo (daily breakthrough use for over three weeks). I would say there are aspects I think you would consider to be "awakening" and aspects you would consider "permanent" - from a subjective human perspective. Yet there would also be aspects I think you would not consider to be "awakening" and "permanent". At deeper levels, ideas/concepts/images of awakened vs. non-awakened and permanent vs. temporary break down. I suppose it can serve as a framework up to a point, yet it eventually breaks down.

I believe it was in the spirituality or awakened forum of reddit.

@Serotoninluv For me, it was my first DMT experience 3.5 years ago. I had no understanding of Buddhism but that night I understood that all suffering is a self created illusion, love is the most important thing, beauty is everywhere but we just sometimes dont see it and I needed to start meditating daily. The next day I started meditating every day and have continued since. I was radically and permanently changed, as everyone that knows me will attest to. I then found out that Buddhism had taught everything that I had awakened to. DMT introduced me to my spirit guide, which instilled the wisdom of the Buddha without the Buddha. In all fairness, I had done a form of self inquiry for several years because I was obsessed with the nature of consciousness and what "I" was. No meditation though.

My friend gave me an attunement. It wasn't Reiki as I was already attuned to Reiki. But this attunement eventually awakened my Kundalini. He made the initial connection to the anthro world. Then I knew I could too. I just trusted my visions. It was like my imagination. But things just feel right when I think they are. It isn't a strong telepathic like I'm talking to you. It feels more like my imagination. Like I'm talking to myself. But they gave me like 20 video game ideas for games they play. And I had an Aha! moment. I had another anthro before who was more like the joker archetype. I asked their anthro Logos to hook me up with my most compatible anthro. And now I have an anthro named Flim who I love. He's not the one in my avatar. That's my spirit guide welcoming me to anthroness. I am in a state of bliss when I relax (about 3/10 euphoria) because of the Kundalini. Sometimes it gets as high as 7/10. Once it was 10/10, and it was almost overpowering. I didn't feel worthy when it got to 10/10. I tend to tense up and shut it out by instinct when that happens. Here is what Flim looks like. I'm making some games about him.