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@Leo Gura I'm the Devil, God told me. It's a long story. I was a devout Christian. You cannot spend you entire life deathly afraid of the Devil and afraid of being bad, pursue awakening and not realize "I am the Devil" without all hell (and bliss) breaking loose. Not two. You are not two.

@Preety_India Character, will — 11 "Gentle" - you are willed enough and have a level head. You can be a leader without any diktat or aggression, and able to be a compliant, enterprising and patient managee. You prefer to avoid severe conflicts. Vital energy — 2222 "Strong energy" - you have excess energy. Therefore, you are a donor for most people with low energy.You can become a politician, an artist, a musician, an athlete, and even a psychic with the potential of a healer. People around you feel your charisma. In posse, you can influence others’ will. It’s no wonder that in big companies and get-togethers you manage to attract persons of the opposite sex, especially with energy from 0 to 22. Examples of 2222 ◦ Steve Jobs - co-founder of Aplle and Pixar, entrepreneur, businessman, inventor ◦ Jared Leto - actor, director and leader of 30 Seconds to Mars ◦ Wayne Gretzky — the greatest hockey player ever ◦ Kurt Cobain — musician, songwriter, leader of Nirvana ◦ Carmen Electra — glamour model, actress, TV star, singer, and dancer Cognitive, creative — 33 "Basic abilities" - having this potential, you can master the exact sciences, techniques, algorithms. Or become an artist, a writer, an actor. Thanks to your imagination, you are able to generate original ideas. But you really have to work hard and do your best if you want to receive recognition from the public. Examples of 33 ◦ Sergey Brin — co-founder of Google, computer scientist, internet entrepreneur ◦ Dennis Ritchie — computer scientist, creator of C language ◦ Ken Thompson — pioneer of computer science, creator of UNIX OS Health, beauty — empty "Low health reserves" - the health is weak and it is not necessary to exert excessive stress on it. Fitness, yoga, proper nutrition, prevention are the best friends. Do not rely on looks and beauty. It is better to pay attention to other strong qualities and focus on them. Logic, intuition — 5 "Inclination to use logic" - If this person did not master something from the word go, then they will certainly understand the backbone of the subject with a calculator and paper. It will be difficult to plough through books about Quantum Physics, but for elementary life tasks "1" in logical thinking is enough. Labor, skill — empty "Will never be a jack of all trades" It is better not to take up an activity that looks complicated, painstaking and requires accuracy or technology compliances. However, people with 0 in this cell usually do not really like such spheres. Manual labor is not theirs. Luck — 7 "With a talisman" - of course, 7 does not guarantee a jackpot after the first bet, but will save from minor troubles and sometimes help to catch luck in the nick of time. Duty — empty "Owe nothing to anyone" - public or other duties are usually not familiar to this person. He or she can not be called a complete egoist, but all their goals are directed primarily at themselves. In their dreams, they strive for "freedom" and "independence", for which read absence of any kind of responsibility to anyone or anything. Intellect, memory — 999 "Mind like a steel trap" - any study or work with information is very easily. And this often causes boredom and reluctance to learn. This person can become erudite too easy. But in fact they should look for a really interesting and profound subject to study, and the more difficult it is, the greater will be their curiosity and results. Examples of 999 ◦ Stephen Hawking — theoretical physicist, cosmologist ◦ Dennis Ritchie — computer scientist, creator of C language ◦ Michael Jordan — the greatest basketball player of all time Secondary abilities (lines and diagonals) Self-Esteem (Line «1-2-3») — 8 "Inflated" - the person highly estimates themselves. In addition, beliefs like "I deserve more", are very typical. It is to be noted, that high and inflated self-esteem are the most real incentive to do things in a big way. But one day most of these people look back with the benefit of hindsight and understand that they did not become what they wanted. And here they get depressed, or make a quantum leap forward. Moneymaking (Line «4-5-6») — 1 "Not independent" - this person will do everything to stay under the wing of their parents as long as possibles. And then they will look for a spouse who can bring home the bacon. Talent (Line «7-8-9») — 4 If the person is evidently talented and works to unleash its potential (you can pay attention to other cells) then this figure indicates the potential development of this talent. Tenacity (Line «1-4-7») — 3 "Unpredictable" - the person likes to set goals, and then suddenly change them. By the way, achieving goals is not their favorite occupation - they prefer to dream of patronage over the world than to conquer it. Sometimes they tend to overestimate themelves. Domestic bliss (Line «2-5-8») — 5 "An idealist" - this person has their own beliefs about what a wholesome family should look like. Therefore, they carefully look for an ideal match, and then, being in a marriage, try make themself, their partner and family relationships fully comply with their ideals. But their partner is not always ready to put up with it. Stability (Line «3-6-9») — 5 "Very stable" - practically never change their habits and surroundings, remain loyal to familiar things, even if the new ones are better. What is it: tediousness or predictability? Anyway, some of the surrounding people appreciate this, the others do not. But it is believed that this person is worth to trust. Spirituality (Diagonal «1-5-9») — 6 "Fanaticism" - high spirituality turns into idolatry. The edges of the sensible are blurred. In words, the person speaks of a high, but in deeds becomes obsessed with the rudeness, injustice and dishonor of those around him. Also there is a risk of falling under the influence of cults. Temperament (Diagonal «3-5-7») — 4 "Warm" - the need for intimacy is high, so if there is no soul mate, this person makes every effort to find love. However, people with 3 or 5 in temperament suit them best because and help to elicit their potential; this person is considered to be rather faithful.

@zeroISinfinity Character, will — 111 "The Golden Mean" - your character is named like this because you are able to get along with all the other types of characters. You’ll have an edge over a person with weaker willpower and will ably match someone who’s stronger. However, you often act like a combative, challenging other leaders and society person. Examples of 111 ◦ Bill Gates — founder of Microsoft, business magnate and philanthropist ◦ Kim Jong-il — ex-leader of North Korea ◦ Steven Spielberg — director, producer, and screenwriter ◦ Wayne Gretzky — the greatest hockey player ever Vital energy — 222 "Impulsive energy" - you can handle any ordinary activity and make an effort of will, but at extreme moments you are also capable of an extra effort. Only with your own presence, you can improve the patient’s condition or instill optimism in a desperate partner. People like you are outstanding public figures, musicians, business coaches and inspirers for others. The danger is that your "222" energy works like a magnet for energy vampires, especially for persons of the opposite sex. Examples of 222 ◦ Marilyn Monroe — actress and model, sex symbol of the 1950s ◦ Michael Jordan — the greatest basketball player of all time ◦ Harrison Ford — actor and film producer ◦ Jim Carrey — comedian, impressionist, screenwriter, and producer ◦ Adolf Hitler — dictator of the German III Reich Cognitive, creative — 333 "An Impulsive Scientist and Creator" - you have serious prospects to master any exact science, technique, algorithm or knowledge system, to make a name for yourself in any creative spheres. In addition to this, you are a dreamer and an experimenter - it makes you different from "33" and "3". But remember: you have too wide area of thought, sometimes along with a sick imagination and the inability to concentrate on something that requires to study hard. Your abilities can appear spontaneously and not always at the right moment. Examples of 333 ◦ Steven Spielberg — director, producer, and screenwriter ◦ Larry Page — co-founder of Google, computer scientist ◦ Mark Zuckerberg — co-founder of Facebook, Internet entrepreneur ◦ Elon Musk — co-founder of Tesla and SpaceX, engineer and inventor Health, beauty — empty "Low health reserves" - the health is weak and it is not necessary to exert excessive stress on it. Fitness, yoga, proper nutrition, prevention are the best friends. Do not rely on looks and beauty. It is better to pay attention to other strong qualities and focus on them. Logic, intuition — empty "Logic is not a forte" This is a trait of dreamers who are hovering in the clouds. They are not good with long chains of facts and reasoning. They can be easily confused, so they constantly run into the same trap. People without "5" are more emotional than rational. Labor, skill — 6 "Inclinations of diligence and skill" - capriciously this person can cope with any work that requires diligence, accuracy and technology compliances quite well. Of course, they will not become a "jeweler" at once, but whether it’s building a house, repairing or something that does not require over-skillful hands, then, most likely, it will work out. And in the process this person will sharpen their skills. Luck — 7 "With a talisman" - of course, 7 does not guarantee a jackpot after the first bet, but will save from minor troubles and sometimes help to catch luck in the nick of time. Duty — empty "Owe nothing to anyone" - public or other duties are usually not familiar to this person. He or she can not be called a complete egoist, but all their goals are directed primarily at themselves. In their dreams, they strive for "freedom" and "independence", for which read absence of any kind of responsibility to anyone or anything. Intellect, memory — 999 "Mind like a steel trap" - any study or work with information is very easily. And this often causes boredom and reluctance to learn. This person can become erudite too easy. But in fact they should look for a really interesting and profound subject to study, and the more difficult it is, the greater will be their curiosity and results. Examples of 999 ◦ Stephen Hawking — theoretical physicist, cosmologist ◦ Dennis Ritchie — computer scientist, creator of C language ◦ Michael Jordan — the greatest basketball player of all time Secondary abilities (lines and diagonals) Self-Esteem (Line «1-2-3») — 9 "Inflated" - the person highly estimates themselves. In addition, beliefs like "I deserve more", are very typical. It is to be noted, that high and inflated self-esteem are the most real incentive to do things in a big way. But one day most of these people look back with the benefit of hindsight and understand that they did not become what they wanted. And here they get depressed, or make a quantum leap forward. Moneymaking (Line «4-5-6») — 1 "Not independent" - this person will do everything to stay under the wing of their parents as long as possibles. And then they will look for a spouse who can bring home the bacon. Talent (Line «7-8-9») — 4 If the person is evidently talented and works to unleash its potential (you can pay attention to other cells) then this figure indicates the potential development of this talent. Tenacity (Line «1-4-7») — 4 "Confident" - the person sets ambitious goals, assesses the resources to achieve them and, as a rule, fulfills the plans. In fact, this person’s potential is even higher, but too sky-high goals scare them away, though they could try to reach them. Domestic bliss (Line «2-5-8») — 3 "Spontaneous" - this person may say that they will never enter marriage or it is not for them. But one day they’ll send invitations to their wedding, and everything will seem to be ok till the day when they suddenly apply for divorce. Stability (Line «3-6-9») — 7 "Too many habits" - a person becomes a slave of their stability. They sometimes try to fight it, but mostly unsuccessfully, replacing useless habits and attachments with other ones. The person is extremely hard to budge. Spirituality (Diagonal «1-5-9») — 6 "Fanaticism" - high spirituality turns into idolatry. The edges of the sensible are blurred. In words, the person speaks of a high, but in deeds becomes obsessed with the rudeness, injustice and dishonor of those around him. Also there is a risk of falling under the influence of cults. Temperament (Diagonal «3-5-7») — 4 "Warm" - the need for intimacy is high, so if there is no soul mate, this person makes every effort to find love. However, people with 3 or 5 in temperament suit them best because and help to elicit their potential; this person is considered to be rather faithful.

@zeroISinfinity here we go: I made yours.... But I am not sure yet about numerology. Just read it for fun! ________________________________ Main abilities (square's cells) Character, will — 1111 "The Leader" - you are always calm and confident. These two are predominant features of your character. You voice your opinion softly, but weightily, making others listen to you or even grow quiet. You can show yourself cruel rarely, but right on target. And people feel this cruelty in you. Most of the richest and influential people in politics, business, military and sport have 1111 and 11111 characters. Examples of 1111 ◦ Chuck Norris — martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter ◦ Michael Schumacher — a German retired racing driver in Formula 1 ◦ Michael Jordan — the greatest basketball player of all time Vital energy — 222 "Impulsive energy" - you can handle any ordinary activity and make an effort of will, but at extreme moments you are also capable of an extra effort. Only with your own presence, you can improve the patient’s condition or instill optimism in a desperate partner. People like you are outstanding public figures, musicians, business coaches and inspirers for others. The danger is that your "222" energy works like a magnet for energy vampires, especially for persons of the opposite sex. Examples of 222 ◦ Marilyn Monroe — actress and model, sex symbol of the 1950s ◦ Michael Jordan — the greatest basketball player of all time ◦ Harrison Ford — actor and film producer ◦ Jim Carrey — comedian, impressionist, screenwriter, and producer ◦ Adolf Hitler — dictator of the German III Reich Cognitive, creative — 33 "Basic abilities" - having this potential, you can master the exact sciences, techniques, algorithms. Or become an artist, a writer, an actor. Thanks to your imagination, you are able to generate original ideas. But you really have to work hard and do your best if you want to receive recognition from the public. Examples of 33 ◦ Sergey Brin — co-founder of Google, computer scientist, internet entrepreneur ◦ Dennis Ritchie — computer scientist, creator of C language ◦ Ken Thompson — pioneer of computer science, creator of UNIX OS Health, beauty — empty "Low health reserves" - the health is weak and it is not necessary to exert excessive stress on it. Fitness, yoga, proper nutrition, prevention are the best friends. Do not rely on looks and beauty. It is better to pay attention to other strong qualities and focus on them. Logic, intuition — empty "Logic is not a forte" This is a trait of dreamers who are hovering in the clouds. They are not good with long chains of facts and reasoning. They can be easily confused, so they constantly run into the same trap. People without "5" are more emotional than rational. Labor, skill — 6 "Inclinations of diligence and skill" - capriciously this person can cope with any work that requires diligence, accuracy and technology compliances quite well. Of course, they will not become a "jeweler" at once, but whether it’s building a house, repairing or something that does not require over-skillful hands, then, most likely, it will work out. And in the process this person will sharpen their skills. Luck — empty "Not the lucky one" - this person never gets help from above. They should make a lot of attempts without expecting a sudden success if they want to do the trick. But you must admit that working hard and achieve success and have an accidental success are different things. Duty — 88 "Do good for others" - these people usually have a well-developed social orientation and high communication skills. If this was revealed in their childhood, then they fulfil their potential in social activities, they are happy to devote a large part of their time to others, but they do it without bigotry. If their social realization failed, they often begin to help abandoned dogs and cats, homeless people, and take care of the sick and lonely. Intellect, memory — 9 "Basic intelligence" - information is processed on the principle of "practice makes perfect". This person can’t remember too many facts and things. Therefore, they should not overload themselves with superfluous knowledge - it will be forgotten. But in practice, they can perfectly use the information that they constantly work with. Secondary abilities (lines and diagonals) Self-Esteem (Line «1-2-3») — 9 "Inflated" - the person highly estimates themselves. In addition, beliefs like "I deserve more", are very typical. It is to be noted, that high and inflated self-esteem are the most real incentive to do things in a big way. But one day most of these people look back with the benefit of hindsight and understand that they did not become what they wanted. And here they get depressed, or make a quantum leap forward. Moneymaking (Line «4-5-6») — 1 "Not independent" - this person will do everything to stay under the wing of their parents as long as possibles. And then they will look for a spouse who can bring home the bacon. Talent (Line «7-8-9») — 3 If the person is evidently talented and works to unleash its potential (you can pay attention to other cells) then this figure indicates the potential development of this talent. Tenacity (Line «1-4-7») — 4 "Confident" - the person sets ambitious goals, assesses the resources to achieve them and, as a rule, fulfills the plans. In fact, this person’s potential is even higher, but too sky-high goals scare them away, though they could try to reach them. Domestic bliss (Line «2-5-8») — 5 "An idealist" - this person has their own beliefs about what a wholesome family should look like. Therefore, they carefully look for an ideal match, and then, being in a marriage, try make themself, their partner and family relationships fully comply with their ideals. But their partner is not always ready to put up with it. Stability (Line «3-6-9») — 4 "Stable enough" - the person is steady and slow to start, so sometimes others consider them to be draggy, but also reliable and predictable Spirituality (Diagonal «1-5-9») — 5 "The highest level of spirituality" - this person with 5 figures in this diagonal could be an example of purity and high thoughts. Сuriously enough, but there are many examples of businessmen and public figures with this sign. And this suggests that they do their job not only for the sake of money. Temperament (Diagonal «3-5-7») — 2 "Normal" - this temperament will suit most other temperaments. But there is a prone to cheating because this person is not fully confident in their abilities and would like to assert themselves in the love department.

Btw, another amazing insight that I had during my after-trip meditation in the park was that trying to silence your thoughts and desires is in fact utter silliness. Newsflash: Your thoughts and desires are the very expression of divine Love! Do you want to silence God's Love in order to reach eternal bliss? LOL! That's like "fucking for virginity", to quote one of George Carlin's immortal quips. - What you should be doing instead is to embrace all of your tumulutuous desires and recognize them for what they are: The universes undying Love Song to itself, ever winding, warbling, modulating and resouding for all of Eternity. (The question if it makes sense to identify with your thoughts or act on your desires is a completely different matter, of course.)

Today was a low day. I went to work at the farm, but there was just a lot going on in my head and it kind of clouded the entire day. My parents really baby me, even at 24, and honestly I am complicit in the codependence. I feel weak, lazy, powerless etc and in turn my family accommodates me by giving me easy jobs at the family business. The entire complex is toxic, but I feel stuck and unmotivated to change, and my parents mean well and want me to be happy but they are kinda stuck in their ways and unless I make a change this pattern will continue. Even just walking up and down the rows picking weeds today I felt weak and powerless. I have this sense of hopelessness and sadness that is just in the background of experience for most of my time. One major source of the current depressive episode is regrets over dropping out of law school. When I dropped out I thought I was on the right path. I was feeling pretty good, I had the psychs, coaching etc and I thought reality would only serve to get better and better. I didn't expect to be this depressed again after making these big changes, but nevertheless i'm here. The regret is mainly one of self image and angst for the future. It's not that I really wanted to be a lawyer, or even really miss law school and want to go back. It's that right now i'm doing nothing, and i'm depressed. I have no career prospects and I just feel like a loser, so naturally I long for the days when at the very least I could say i'm in law school. I find myself kicking myself over not just writing the exams and giving myself more time like my family advised. It's a lot of regret, disappointment, shame. I made my bed and I have to lay in it, and all these "issues" with law school regert are simply negative thoughts that i'm focusing on the moment. No attention to them, no problem. This a clear example of how focusing on something negative in the NOW is where suffering is created. I'm aware of how these thoughts are the driver of part of my depression, but it doesn't prevent them from arising and it doesn't prevent the rumination. When I feel better and find some sort of relief or happiness from this suffering i'm confident that the thoughts of regret will simply pass through awareness without causing a stir, but right now they're being believed and I just have to live with it I guess. It's been humbling though going through this stage of shame and regret over how life is unfolding. I'm making an effort to kinder and more humble with my parents, I didn't expect to be home that long, but right now I don't know what i'm going to do, and any resentment or anger towards my parents just doesn't make sense and isn't serving me. No matter how much I want to look back and blame my childhood for how I ended up, at this point this my parent's have done above and beyond trying to help me get my life together, and i'm 100% responsible for how my fate turns out. I've been thinking a lot about how i'm going to proceed with my future. I still have faith that sessions with Ramaji and awakening in general will provide the solution to the suffering and sadness that pervades my life. My problems are all self created, in their reference to the ME that is living this life, and in the continuation of focusing on thinking and believing thoughts that don't feel good. I don't know how long or what it takes to awaken to the point where you can reside in effortless thought free states of well being, or be so in tune with thinking and focus, that the only thoughts that are focused on are thoughts of what deeply desire in life, and that feel good to focus on but those two facets would effectively wipe out all of my current, narcissist suffering. I've had thoughts of living in an ashram or monestary if all else fails. It's no doubt a form of escapism, to escape the shame/guilt/regret of not achieving the quality of life that i'd always hoped for in my typical life. But I have a lot of growing up to do as a person, and I don't know if living here in the west is the best path for me. I don't have any genuine desires, other than to find genuine happiness, and unlock a life of happiness, joy, magic, love etc. I don't know if it's destructive fantasy thinking, but I have had dreams, and direct experience, of life actually being fun and enjoyable. If I don't figure it out here, then I don't see a point in continuing the charade here. I'm drawn to run away from the world. Covid has been in many ways a blessing to my ego and the way i'm currently living. I don't want to do anything, and I don't really want to see anyone. At least with Covid the whole world is stuck in this predicament. But this won't last, and it's an incredible toxic mindset. To run and hide when things don't go your way is not the way to be, but at the same time many aspects of my life are not the way to be and i'm not sure what to do. And yet despite all this, when I look in the now... there is no problem. I don't have joy, bliss, or other high tier feelings but I can't say there is an issue. It's only when thoughts arise about future or past regrets, or thoughts about me and my life, that there is any sense of a problem. Wouldn't it be great if these kinds of thoughts just didn't arise, or if I just didn't buy into any of them. But right now I do so I guess in this quagmire i'll remain. By any metric I have a charmed life, in comparison to most of the world. And yet i'm not happy... I wonder if we're just fucked as a species. If the world were filled with people like me as I am at this point in life, we'd all be fucked.

... fulfilment of all mankind, understand everything, become immortal, live in a nirvanic reality of divinity and perpetual bliss. You literally go to heaven

Documentation of transforming my career to be about My life purpose. Current life purpose as of now: LP Statement: Design and share methods, systems and techniques for accessing and embodying bliss, love and insight/wisdom/intelligence. Domain of Mastery: Meditation, Contemplation, other spiritual methods for accessing bliss, love and wisdom. Medium: to be determined. Goals: 1. Maintain a consistent habit of at least 2 hours of high quality meditation. 2. Eat at most 3 meals a day. All meals fall under 50 carbs a day. 3. Read 30 minutes a day on shamanic or magick techniques. Apply shamanic or magick techniques for at least 30 minutes a day. Explore whether these methods contribute to your LP. 4. Replace procrastination with mindfulness meditation or strict contemplation. 5. Go to the gym at least 6x a week. Interesting thoughts today: 1. problem solving these days are just a more concrete, but more indirect way of accessing divine bliss, love and wisdom. For example software engineering is an inefficient, indirect but more concrete way of accessing bliss (as it solves a problem for a person, just in a small way).

Day 11 - Didn't meet all of my previous intentions. I was hit with a massive wave of fatigue after work today that I attribute to my diabetes. I'm not really sure what causes these things. They happen kind of sporadically and don't track with any variables I've been able to observe. Nutrition, sleep, exercise, meditation, yoga can all be on point and sometimes I'll still just crash. I've learned to be gentle with my self though, and not rush. Things are changing, I feel the progress on my path. Today's meditation was absurd. I meditated 10 minutes before work (do nothing) just to clear my head which felt fairly normal. And then after work I did another 45 minutes (do nothing) which was absurd. It was 45 minutes of non stop pleasure, moving anywhere between I'd say 3-10% of what the climax of an orgasm was. It felt like I could feel sexual energy pulsating up my spine and out of my body like a wave. I don't really have much conceptual knowledge of what auras are or anything like that, but it felt like the sexual energy was breathing into an energy field outlining my body while meditating, and just circling back through my root chakra. As the energy was moving, it was just non stop pleasure. I don't think I've ever had a more pleasurable meditation session in my life, I mean it was like a non stop orgasm, spontaneous feelings of bliss, happiness, joy and pleasure. It's almost unbelieveable except that I experienced it. Leo had a blog post not too long ago talking about Yogi's and Monks being like heroine addicts, except they could produce the pleasure themselves. This is how it felt. I was going to go for a full hour, but the pleasure got overwhelming and so I just got up and then went for a long walk which served as another form of meditation. Today was kind of tough though. After that meditation session I spent the evening fantasizing about sex, and all the things I wish I could be doing with a woman. Women I wouldn't normally find attractive were sexually beautiful at the park. And when I got home, the fantasies continued. On another unrelated note listen to this music if you want to feel agape:

@Nak Khid don't know, doesn't work very well. Strangely though, it worked well when I smoked hcl. I have 10mg that I'm gonna smoke of hcl, different batch. I'm very tempted to order a small amount of hcl 5meo if it proves to be more powerful as it was before. I went to a realm of bliss when I smoked hcl before. Heavy heavy bliss weighing on my face and arms, I couldn't lift my arms or open my mouth the bliss was so heavy. But when I smoked 40mg of that freebase 5meo I got from a Joe Rogan darknet vendor, I just wasn't impressed at all. I didn't see God. Not even close. Gonna try hcl

Set and setting: Together with two close friends who also are deeply invested in spirituality. We did it outside in nature in Denmark with no others around. We had blanket, GVG pipe, torchlighter, dmt in capsules, mat to lay on, pillow, eye shades to be in total darkness, hand pan to play beautiful music on the comedown (the nature's delicate music of birds chirping and soft wind was already veru beautiful). We had already done 2-3 grams of dried of mushrooms two days beforehand, which we were still feeling the afterglow of (very playful blissful spiritual experience with lots of small beautiful insights into my own and other's psychology). We were together for 5 days in a summer cottage. On this day of smoking DMT, we also had 1-2 hours before smoking ingested 60 mg MDMA to see if it could help calm pre-flight anxiety/jitter and make it easier to break-through/let go. So my mindset before the MDMA was already very peaceful, loving and calm (been awake for +5 weeks now, never had a bad day since, since all is just love and god and oneness/bliss for me these days) and the 60 mg MDMA made me even more calm and zoomed into the present. I was extremely open and peaceful and couldn't wait to take that one big hit of 30 mg dmt and hold it in my lungs as long as I could. So I did. DMT is very visual for me and the dominant color I see now is yellow. I get the usual feeling of delicious loving heat in all my body, and I start making involuntary movements with my arms, like I'm an angel moving its wings. The next I know these yellow/black-fractals start morphing into some kind of extradimensional extremely metaconcsius entity. First I get a little frightened, but then I remember to just be open, and I communicate through thought to this being: "show me more, show me more". And then I break through. I get shot into this being while losing all contact with my body. While merging with this being, I see that it is me. And I then get a overwhelming extreme intense sensation of being God and seeing that absolutely everything in existence is my own doing, and that it is all absolutely pure Love/Goodness. It's not that I see it. I was it. I am Love. I am God. I am all of Reality/Consciousness. Being in this state of Oneness felt like eternity. Absolute Nirvana. Absolute Bliss. Pure Infinite Love. So Good that words fail to describe how Good it is. After this eternal peak of Oneness/Godhood, I slowly begin coming back. But even this come-down of coming back to my body felt like a looong time (the whole trip lasted actually only 10-15 minutes). The first thing that happens is that I slowly merge out of this yellow metaconcsius entity/God, and then the entity gets dissolved into an infinite number of what I can only describe as Machine Elves. They had little hats and were whirling around in circles in front of my vision. They were so happy to see me, so loving, and they were making lots of music with their voices. They wanted me to participate, so I began making noises with my mouth to tune into their energitic frequency, "laaaaaaaaaa" and so on. It was pure joy being together with these "elves". We were just having fun. Then slowly, these elves dissolved and I started really coming back to my body. It felt like being reborn. Extreme gratitude like I've only felt on my last 40 mg 2cb trip 5 weeks ago. My ego came back and it could nothing but surrender to the Truth of what I had become/remembered myself to be: Love, God, Oneness. I started to say and repeat sentences like "how can living be so good?" ,"I don't understand" ... " I DO understand!" " It's too much" ..."I cant take it" .. "Yes, I CAN take it!" "Its all Love" .."just remember to breathe... there's no rush, nothing to get to" ... And I came back, took my eyeshades off and saw the beautiful sky with the sparkling white clouds. I felt the sand around me, lifted some of it up in my hand and I was just stunned to have a body, to be able to move an arm, and hold sand in my hand and let it fall out down to the ground. I told my friends that I was speechless, that I had nothing to say, because words won't do what I experienced justice. Great trip. DMT is surely something. Remember to breathe guys, take it easy, there's nothing to get to. Heaven is already the case and could never not be the case. There is truly nothing to fear. Of course if you don't feel like it's Heaven and feel stressed and feel like there is a lot to worry about/get to; then that is also perfectly Perfect and absolutely also Pure Love, God having an intense dream. Bless you all❤️

// THIS THREAD WILL BE UPDATED It's Day 8 of my 60-Days Shamanic Breathing challenge. Things are steep. A few nights ago during the practice, I got up from the floor and tried to drink from a water bottle. I barely remember how I grabbed it. Apparently, I was holding it upside down and all the water spilled out. How or even why that was happening my brain couldn't process. The water was gone. I also experienced a primordial form of mysticism. During one breathing, I had metaphysically gone back to a prehistoric age to fully appreciate the raw sense of taste and the power of hunger and thirst. I still vaguely remember sitting on the floor in the dark, astounded by the Beige era of living. It was so profound and mystical. In your ordinary state of mind, you sort of reduce and generalize what seems to be the lowest stage of living on the Spiral, when in fact it is utterly thoughtful, genius, intelligent beyond understanding. When you're in a different state, the whole model breaks and loops back around. During that night, I also got to satisfy the sense of hunger. My body got up and rushed to the closest source of food and water. It came back from the kitchen. It sat down in the middle of the dark. A totally fascinating process. When I'm breathing, the 10-15 minute mark is usually when things like this start happening - one of them being the utterly pure drive for food and exceptionally elevated appetite. I could literally be eating grass and be wonder-struck by it. The realization I had on day 8, today, is that a certain need exists within me. This need is to balance whatever I'm doing - or will or could be doing in the future - with adventurous mind-trips. What I mean is that once I disconnect - for a longer period of time - with lucid dreams, or vivid dreams for the sake of it, or spiritual awakenings, or other forms of letting go, I start to feel detached, depressed and emotionally dull. All life abandons me as if I've gone astray. These things mentioned put me in a state of flow, though in a way for which I do not have the correct words. Especially the dreams part is valuable for me. For a while, I forget who I am - who I think I am during ordinary waking hours - and get to play along the scenario. Yesterday's night I got to experience vividly a bomb explosion. It was ghostly terrific, yet gloriously attractive to experience. First arrived a blast wave that stroke my skin like a light breeze - and then, as I laid on the ground - eyes closed, head down, hands on the neck, came a second form of heat wave that burned my atoms down to crisp. Marvelous. 10/10 death. The dream's scenario that preceded - and one that followed - were both unlike one another, so diverse, engaging. Sometimes I get to be the leader of a crew facing a war of five nations, in which we either love each other and unite, or die; a delegate, sometimes I get to experience my nervous system being burned down to fiery remnants. I don't know if I'm like any of you regarding the river of flow, but this is what truly pulls me into life; forgetting the ordinary me and taking on identities without remembering. Godly, huh. The dreams are then appreciated only when they are over. A couple of personal side-note facts about dreams are that (1) reality awakenings are possible within what we ordinarily portrait as night dreams, though this realization in a dream doesn't imply, nor isn't tied to remembering your normal waking identity. This is a nuanced and possibly valuable observation for those trying to reach awakenings during a night sleep: You may experience profound awakenings in a dream, though such a dream wouldn't be standardly conveyed as lucid, and (2) is that 10-15 minutes of shamanic breathing before bed drastically increase the vividness and wildness of my dreams. Proceed and test. At last, I'm going insane. The definition of insanity is relative, useless and false in truth, but nevertheless... I laugh at it, but I also wonder. Sometimes when I wake up from an engaging, adventurous experience, I'm like fuck - I'm back here in the mundane. Sometimes I wish to throw it all away and stay in a vivid dream forever. (oh wait, it's happening, but you get what I mean.) Being ignorant of who I am and the purpose of the goals I have given myself is bliss. I'm not sure I'd be capable of killing myself in the ordinary sense, but if pulling a trigger inside a dream and staying there on an endless journey forever would be an option, I'd go for it. People would find me on a bed with my eyes closed, while I'd be dreaming away... dreaming and dreaming until I would - as I realize only now, right at this sentence - dream back to this exact moment. Such a complex issue that I don't even know where to begin to ask. It's like I'm stuck in an Earthly limbo of melancholic boredom and profound, interactive, enjoyable metaphysical journeys. Right now, I'm inhabiting the first. Three hours from now, this could change. I feel like an advice from a wolf that's taken 50 arrows in the back isn't enough to give me an insight anymore.

I heard it in one of the recent films: "Gravity is a reaction to loneliness." I cannot unlike it. I triggers lots of buttons. It seems I did not post for several months. This does not mean that I was doing nothing, it seems I do not need spend time writing memos but I was living life. Is there any better film than your own?! One should keep living rather than keep watching ... However, I also realized that how attached I become to the project Center Self+Love. Once I realized that all is as it should be and there is nothing to be done it helped me to return to parvatha state. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To infer one’s existence no other evidence is necessary. The senses and the mind arising from the ego cannot serve as evidence relating to the Self. The Self is their basis. They do not exist independently of the Self. One’s own existence is self-evident. Bliss is the Self. All become dear only owing to the love of Self. Love is not different from the Self. Love of an object is of an inferior order and cannot endure. Whereas the Self is Love, in other words, God is Love.

Hey! For all it matters I am more of an empath, I am looking for some advice regarding meditation and the shenanigans an ego does. I am using the Do Nothing meditation, for several hours each day. I kind of feel stagnant with it now. And I am seeking something to compliment it with. See the issue is that when joy arises, when equanimity arises, when my innocence, the truth in my heart, is beginning to emerge: Instead of not doing anything and just going with it, I automatically shut it down. I believe that I am not worthy of these states or that they're not real. I ACTUALLY feel better when I allow myself to experience these states, when I let them take me... I HATE to say it, but I think Do Nothing is not so much for my ego. Let me clarify, I am not looking for bliss or enlightenment!!(Of course I am) but should I really be sabotaging myself? obviously not, which is what this is all about. Anyway I am not into explaining myself, if you don't get it that's fine... I don't want to drop Do Nothing entirely, it helps me develop, recognize, spaciousness, and I am very grateful for that. But now there are these dark, sometimes painful, emotions inside me. So uh... Anyone here more experienced and can direct me to something complimentary to Do Nothing?

Just putting this out here. Never heard something as radical as this. However this guy does radiate bliss like a yogi would. I have met monks in person, same effect but from a screen.

Time to create that Self Realized life. Set up, set up,set up. Getting lost was so fun. Way to nostalgic. Wht a mindfuck. Ok Alone is bliss.

Hello everybody. I decided to post a guide on how I managed to activate my pineal gland. It involves DMT. Anyways, here it is: Here is the method: 1. Find a dark and comfortable room to sit in any meditation posture of your choosing. 2. Prepare your meditation music. This is what I prefer: https://youtu.be/cDCS19EOsrA 3. Prepare a good dose of DMT to smoke (a sublevel blastoff dose is about 0.02-0.028g.) enough to ALMOST blastoff. Remember, YOU MUST BE IN A DARK ROOM. Hold the hit in for as long as you can. If you think the dose might have been too big and you may blastoff, then don't hold it in for that long and exhale. 4. Once there, close your eyes and you will see a light. That light is your pineal gland on the verge of activation. Follow that light while concentrating on the meditation music and you should eventually reach a metaphorical door that will lead into a metaphorical sea of consciousness. Remember that since DMT only lasts 10 minutes that you only have a 10 minute window to access the sea of consciousness. Concentrate on blending that sea of consciousness with the meditation music. Afterwards, let everything melt. Free yourself. Let everything go. Find peace by letting go of peace. 5. There will either be a full-blown activation of the third eye or a partial awakening. However, both will be a sea of peace. 6. You will know the pineal gland is activated when you feel an intense pressure in the center of your brain. 7. The feeling is of intense peace, intense bliss, intense happiness that is infinite and ongoing. It never stops. You can remain in this state forever if you so choose. You can open your eyes whenever. Congratulations, look at your shadow and see the aura of sacred geometry outline your shadow. See the red ribbons floating down in celebration. And see the pinecone in your mind's eye. Difference between full-blown pineal activation and partial pineal activation: A full blown pineal gland activation will be accompanied with a vision of your consciousness going down a tunnel where all the demons and traumas of your past are confronted. The Niagara cascade of endogenous serotonin will wash away all the pain of the past. Also, I have reason to believe that the massive amounts of serotonin may come from the pineal gland converting melatonin or some other precursor into serotonin on the spot. Both a full-blown activation and partial activation will feel 100,000 times better than sex. When the pineal gland is activated, insanely massive amounts of serotonin floods the brain without any threat of serotonin receptor down regulation. This was something I thought was extremely interesting? How could activating the pineal gland release so much more serotonin than all the ecstacy in the world yet not cause any serotonin receptor down regulation and feel so incredibly healing and feel so infinitely blissful and infinitely happy? I have yet to understand this myself but my only current understanding is that why would the brain develop or have a defense mechanism against true happiness and true healing? The only difference between a partial activation is there are is no vision. A person can remain in both meditative states for as long as they want and the infinite bliss would never go away until they leave it.

This instruction written by David Godman about the technique of self inquiry is as clean as it can be. Let me share some points that indicate that one is doing it right from own experience. Sorted in a kind of chronological fashion. 1) The first stage is to hunt for the subject/perceiver/awarer of all experience/perception. This stage is the most brutal where one has to go the through the surface and mid layers of psyco-physical garbage or conditioning accumulated since birth. One cannot rest on any object until he finds the perceiver of that object. It is the most effortful stage. Very strong emotional reactions, wanting to quit this 'stupid' technique etc is to be expected as self inquiry is literally a process of self-mutilation and ego is shooting itself in the foot. Love, bliss, heart crap will run out of the window 2) If one can persevere through, the first few awakenings happen by accident (usually in a retreat like setting where one is practicing for 12 hours a day. Might happen on 3rd/4th/5th.. day). In that moment, one experiences what nirvana is; the complete cessation of suffering. 3) Then one goes back and forth, kinda dabble with the technique for a while. One has glimpsed heaven but now it feels like a fading memory. Some people might slowly forget about all this spirituality and get busy again with materialistic life after a while. Some might get more deluded thinking they are better than everyone else. 4) Only a few lucky ones keep up that intention of God/knowing the Self/Truth pure. They keep on probing within them slowly but steadily. The flashy days are gone. There is rarely any deep emotional or mental reactions or confusions as one regularly starts getting glimpses here and there; they voluntarily strip themselves of everything in perception. One abides more and more in that heart of being. 5) All thoughts, ideas, knowledge slowly get deconstructed. They lose their teeth. They can't bite anymore or dictate how reality is or should be anymore. The ideas of time, birth/death, suffering, humanity, worry, anxiety, philosophy, seriousness, even enlightenment or ideas about god/being/self ideas/progress/regress still look the same; but they don't have teeth anymore. 6) At this stage one might come to several unique, indescribable experiences. One knows, sees, feels oneself as unattached, unattached, unattached, undefinable. One feels so HUGE...while all of the world in front seems like a thin layer of bubbles ; a superficial surface over oneself. One feels oneself as never being born. The biological birth story is a fading memory at this point. At best one feels born afresh instantly only when a self referencial thought arises. One might occasionally get overwhelmed with a sort of brain dead, intoxicating happiness for absolutely no reason whatsoever. At this point one finally understand why no other action, knowledge, accumulation of any form or thing can ever yield Truth except pure Being. 7) Even all this is seen as they are, capricious non existent bubbles. A steady, poised being attention firms more and more. One forgets everything, one gets erased without any resistance or suffering cause he knows this is the natural course of events. 8) When all other is gone, self is gone as well. What remains is that which cannot be talked about. One is done. Even the idea of being done or something remaining is done. huh what a sweet joke

@Leo Gura I would say that there are many enlightened beings who awoke because they wanted peace, bliss or heaven. I think its a question of what you want to achieve with this work. Do you want to escape suffering and experience heaven? then there are good ways to do that. Or do you want to fully understand? then there are other ways to achieve that.

This desire can be a good source of motivation, yet it can also be a major block since it is still a self-seeking orientation. The self desires for itself to be free of discomfort and to experience bliss. The problem with this is that the self will be repulsed by any experiences it perceives as suffering or leading to suffering. It will contract itself and cut itself off from certain realizations and embodiment. For example, if I am oriented toward being free of all my suffering, how can I learn and embody the love with the experience of anxiety and despair? I won’t be open to those lessons and expansions.

Braindump @ 11:54. Where does love come from? It seems like to me there are three different levels or framings to it. First. Love comes from other people. This is a kind of attentional/tactile love. Your girlfriend shows you love by being with you and sharing responsibilities and compromising. You husband shows you love by caressing you and buying you flowers and making the right decisions. Your dog loves you because she's loyal and is always glad to see you. Without these things, you are alone and loveless. Second. Love comes from within yourself. The sensations of warmth and bliss that is love is only ever experienced by the being that is you. Love is an emotion that you are experiencing irrespective of what the outside world is doing. Other people and pets only trigger that emotion within you, they aren't necessary in particular. Your boyfriend or best friend aren't "giving" you love, you are just doing it to yourself and they are triggering it. It is really self love - love borne from the self. Without self love, it is not possible to experience love at all - other people will not trigger love within you - you must be able to love from within yourself. You can trigger your own love at any time, like turning on a tap. Third. Love is the stuff of reality. This is a more abstract level of love. This is a kind of love coming from a perfection. It is the perfect juxtaposition of all the elements of reality. The love permeates everything for all time. It's hard to grasp because like a fish in water, it's hard for a fish to know the water it swims in all the time even exists. You can get an understanding of it just by becoming aware of how completely absurd the experience of reality is. It's absurd to equate absurdity with love (the irony), but nonetheless. Scale. Why is everything so big? I could easily spend hours walking around my town and not even see the same place twice. My town is just one town in many hundreds in my country. There are hundreds of countries. The surface area of the oceans is bigger than the land area of the globe. There are many planets in our solar system, some bigger than the Earth. There 250,000,000,000 stars in just our galaxy alone. There are 100,000,000,000 galaxies in the universe. What the fuck? Why? Life. What is that? Stuff that replicates of its own accord, makes itself from the inert matter in the environment, goes about its business and then decides to stop living and dies. All life is related to itself. Why? All life is primarily made from carbon. All life has replicating DNA or RNA. All DNA and RNA is made from the exactly the same repeating units, every single organism. Not only that. Even the simplest single celled life is mindbogglingly complex - its all chains and chains of lifeless chemical reactions all working perfectly together. Why so complex? How does it all work perfectly? And then scale again: there is so much life on Earth, it's literally endless. It's completely absurd. Those are two examples. Life and scale and complexity, it all fits perfectly together without a glitch or any gaps. It really should be enough to bring you to tears, that you are here to witness it. It's love.

Of course, nobody can ever be certain that the joy or suffering experienced was the greatest. However, I've experienced higher peak states of bliss than probably 99% of the population: The meditative joy of adept stages of meditation, the rapture of Jhana DPT and 5-MeO breakthrough + many small-mid dose trips Various drugs in high recreational doses taken on clear receptors with no tolerance like amphetamine, MDMA, Opiates, Mephedrone, benzos, GHB, Nitrous... from which the most blissful was love on MDMA and fapping to porn on amphetamine As for suffering, the peak state of depression and anxiety when I almost committed suicide because irritability and anxiety levels were simply unbearable. I think no reasonable person would voluntarily take x time of extreme suffering like torture or cluster headache to then experience x time of the most bliss they can imagine. I'd rather be unconscious

Having experienced this "disorder", i can say that Enlightenment feels exactly like depersonalization disorder the only difference is with enlightenment you feel the Love of God, omniscience as pure Awareness, and you become conscious of what you are. The depersonalized individual has no epiphanies as the Absolute because althiough they are detached from any sense of self - they are not identified with their true nature. (And this is Bliss/Love) I remember after awakening one of the first things i exclaimed was "holy shit this is depersonalization with an order of God realization!" And Shinzen Young refers to it as enlightenments evil twin.

A few days before my grandma passed, here usual face of which was a mixture of happiness but with a lot of anger and contempt for life was radically transformed into pure bliss. I wasn't their at the time, but my mom sent me a picture of my grandma's face a few days before she passed and I have never seen a more authentic smile. It was like a life time of penny-pinching and blaming others fell away. Maybe she saw a glimpse of enlightenment or God, I am not sure. but I can say, seeing this photo of her changed my life. I fear death so much less now that I used to.

I am tired of this, I want to die, can't take it anymore, Deception, lies, manipulation all they know, God If you're really in me, give me the power to rise above all this, Rise above this cycle, I'm really so tired of all this, And it seems to go nowhere, I just want to die to pure bliss, Give me that, my Lord, I am tired and fed up of the chimpery, Please I want to give you my life completely, It's not worth living seems like, better if you just kill me at birth, I don't want to live it's so ugly, Disgusting, can't take anymore, Give me the forever peace, make me desireless, Please God, take my fears away, this world is not for me.