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Even the author there said he was in heavenly stages, Bliss and he fell into the void to finalize his awakening. Running away from bliss into nothingness what curious creatures we are.

No, it's something you are imagining I'm imagining The infinite regress to nothingness is not a bug, it's the prime feature. All roads lead to nothing and nowhere. Like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind

The answer is so clear. The mind likes to over-complicate a Lot of things when they are so simple... In deep sleep there is no such thing as anything.. None.. Zero..all is gone.. No consciousness no self no other no existence no non-existence no nothingness no deep sleep even. It's so clear. You can mentally masturbate your way around this.. But I choose to go with obvious shit.

After awakening, schizophrenic thoughts raise up, i realize them and watch them. I am the schizophrenia, as much as it increases, awakening becomes more more more more more more. Love love love. No self, no self, no self. freedom, freedom, freedom. Nothingness, nothingness and nothingness. but if you take schizophrenic feeling as personal and hold on them, such as you are a person and having schizophrenia, you might suicide. Be very very very very careful.

no difference at all. What story do you want to believe in? I'd choose the story that maximizes your joy, happiness and outlook on your life. I do that myself, everything else seems rather silly. I could tell you there is direct experience/actuality behind it, but isn't that the case for all stories, all myths, including atheism? And what difference does it make to you if I say I'm following a belief system/3rd-part story or if there actually is actuality behind it? To you, it would still be hearsay in either case. Of course, to find out what is Absolutely True, you have to go beyond words, beyond beliefs. What is Absolutely True can't be explained with words, so of course I'm just having fun here, creating my own narrative, my own story. But of course there is actuality behind it. How could there not be? :> <3 All stories are stories. Everything that can be said with words is a story. The Absolute Truth of God/Nothingness/Love/Consciousness shows you that you are that itself: God, Nothing, Everything, Infinite Love/Consciousness. Thus you are in perfect control to create ANY story you want. No story is anymore true than any other story. Of course, some stories are more useful than other for particular things. Atheism/science is very bad at creating happiness, but is good at creating technology (which can help makes os happier in indirect ways). Religious stories are good at making us feel happy, but pretty bad at creating computers or medicine. Of course, the only story what will you make permanently infinitely happy is not a story, but the truth, which can't be put into words. It's right there in front of our eyes. God, Nothingness, Awareness whatever you wanna call the Absolute/Divine.

A byproduct of Centering Prayer meditation practice is 'objectless awareness' or non-conceptual awareness. To me if feels like a push beyond just plain inner silence. The range of human emotion has quite a spread. In the past I was especially bothered by constant neurotic internal dialogue. Just plain ole inner silence has felt like a blissful state of consciousness after months,, years, maybe where there was just confusion, no real understanding and often, a felt sense of meaninglessness. I'm still not above having negative states of consciousness, accompanied by too much thinking, slight paranoia with mumbles and argumentative jabs from the crew members of my ship of fools. The seas are just a little smoother than in the past. Excuse me please if I'm wearing out the allegory of the ship,,, It's an attempt at lightheartness concerning a serious state of affairs. It didn't really start that way for me but as time goes on, I find more and more depth to it. Maurice Nicoll's 1766 page Psychological Commentaries on the Teaching of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky was so enjoyable to read that when I finished it I read it again just a few months later. This work has been condensed down to 130 Pages called Gems Of Wisdom, and its just one great quote after another. I'm not trying to sell anyone on the Fourth Way but just use what part of this that you find meaningful and leave the rest. I was just going to quote the first and third paragraph but I decided to just leave the 2nd in place even though it uses a specific term that may seem weird to some. Maybe not though. These quotes really seem applicable to the last couple of chapters. SEEING THE OPPOSITES “Try sometimes to see the opposite point of view to that which you hold...If the opposite is genuinely and with effort included in con- sciousness the sphere of consciousness is greatly increased and a number of unpleasant features in us disappear. Our one-sidedness, which causes our over-sensitive reactions and also our totally wrong ways of self-evaluation, is replaced by a broader, fuller consciousness. We can no longer insist we are right nor be cast down when proved to be wrong. We find it more difficult to be petty. In fact, we begin to escape from the prison of ourselves whose bars and gates result from our one-sidedness.” V. 5, p. 1521 THIRD FORCE “The Work teaches that there are three forces in every manifesta- tion. We see only two—if we see as far as that...Third Force lies between the opposites and so we can picture it as the mid-point of the pendulum-swing. If you take the feeling of ‘I’ out of both sides of the pendulum, then you do not feel yourself through the opposites and the feeling of ‘I’ moves to the centre, into nothingness, or, if you pre- fer, into not-somethingness. Here in the middle is the place or state where ‘Real I’ is.” V. 1, pp. 329-30 INNER SILENCE “Different ‘I’s, ranged along the orbit of the swing, wish to say now this and now that, as the light of consciousness touches them, wakes them to momentary life. To a limited extent one may permit them to speak, provided one has a distinct idea that neither side is right. Inner silence means being silent in oneself. It means not taking sides in yourself and so being silent. This is impossible if you identify with every ‘I.’ You may let talk take place on one side or the other, but you observe it and are in yourself silent.” V. 1, p. 334

When you say oneness, are you aware of your existence then, aware of your own awareness? Can you think during this time of oneness? Now that you have a profound experience, what would be your thoughts about Nothingness or Void that some people say they got stuck in during their experience which they say is existentially terrifying. where you scared in such manner at any point in your experience? Please refer to this first post on this page for what I'm referring to: When you say ceased, do you mean different from the oneness state? No awareness of even awareness? No thinking? no remembrance of any kind?

It's all imagination/dream/concept/ideas .... BUT: there are different layers/levels to this infinite dream of God/Love/Nothingness. The body, as well as all other apparant "material" forms is one layer of concept. Above this is apparant ego/person/separate self; it is even more abstract. Above this is family, community, society, global world, etc. Death *as a SUBJECIVE experience* is the shedding of all that isn't real. If your buddy dies, then this it is just you projecting out onto 'this world' that now some part of it has "died" , (your friend). This is just your own personal (selfish) interpretation of what is happening. You could as well say that your buddy got alive. It's a matter of perspective, narrative... what story do YOU want to create/hear? :-) You could as well just say that nothing is happening. It's just experience unfolding in infinity out of itself. This is nothingness. This is God. Love. The body is much more 'real' (but still unreal, still an imaginary distinction of infinity) than the ego. At least you can fucking see the body. The separate self, aka ego, is nowhere to be found:-) No ego disappear, cos there wasn't even an ego in the first place. All that disappear (during death) is the illusion of the ego ... the illusion of the separate self.

Hello everyone, Yesterday I had my first experience with the magical substance we call 5-MeO-DMT (HCI). I’m usually not one to write or post about my experiences, however I decided that I wanted to post about this. Most of all because the posts in this forum helped me a lot with my research before trying this and I hope my experience might help other as well. After all, we’re all on this journey together. Prior psychedelics experience Mushrooms, ayahuasca Basic info Dose: 11mg RoA: Insufflated Setting: Alone, in my own house Music: None Preparing and taking the 5-MeO I had two free days of work to try this for the first time, my initial plan was to use on both days. But later I will explain why I won’t do that. On the day of using I had a normal breakfast in the morning and after that still ate a banana. I waited till at least three hours after the banana so that my empty stomach would hopefully prevent any possible nausea. This worked very well, I would rate the nausea of my trip a 1 on a scale of 0-10. As it’s not easy for me to find a sitter I decided to try it alone. The research I had done made me comfortable enough to this. For what I’ve read people said that 10-12mg is a good starting dose so I decided to start with 11mg for the first time to see how I would react. I prepared a room to be safe for doing this. I weighed the 11mg and divided this in 2 equal lines and snorted one line per nostril. As I’ve read here on the forum I snorted with little power, got it all up there and then massaged it into my nostrils. The burning sensation (before & after) I found very doable, I would say a 3 on a scale of 0-10. The onset At this point I was still sitting up straight, gently massaging it into the nostrils while leaning my head a bit forward. I was of course a bit excited for what was to come, but felt comfortable. After some minutes the first thing I felt was a deep ‘buzzing’ sensation in my awareness, in some way similar to that of mushroom. My ego immediately though ‘Oh shit, what have I done’. This made the sensation go away again. Therefore I decided to lay myself down on the matrass. I laid down in fetes position, because I wanted to prevent to possible suddenly be out of my body and puking. Slowly but surely it got more intense. My thoughts and mind started to be clearer, like there was less unnecessary noise. However my ego tried de desperately grasp around it. Trying to rationalise everything that happened. I spent some time still looking at my hand, in some way to stay connected to the ‘reality’ of the ego. In between I shortly sit up straight again, my ego was really trying to keep control of the body. I had shortly a moment that my teeth where clattering and felt a little of saliva going out of my mouth. I was still aware enough to brush it off with my hand and decided to lay down again and surrender to the sensation. The peak All this time I still had my eyes open. I was laying on my side and looking at the wall. I started to feel more and more distanced from my body (really couldn’t tell if it felt heavier or lighter). Because of this I also gave up on looking to my hand (which I was doing again) and laid it on the floor. I told my ego to just let go. I was no longer looking at the wall with focus, everything became a vague blur. The more I could let go the more intense everything became. I started to close my eyes. I felt that my consciousness was being taken elsewhere. The best way to describe it is the void was calling me. I felt but the tiniest fraction of this vast nothingness. It was not scary at all, it was pretty calming somehow. For a short moment there where 0 thought and no awareness of the body at all. However this was in no way calming for my ego. Who still desperately tried to survive. While I experienced this fraction of the void, my ego was yelling ‘Hey bro, are you sure you are still breathing?’ From the moment I closed my eyes to this moment felt like maybe 5-10 seconds (very hard to say for sure though, but this is what I’d estimate). The ego made me aware that I was no longer aware of the fact that I was breathing. The ego managed to ‘scare’ me enough so that it felt like I wasn’t breathing. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes (still laying sideways). It felt like I was pulled out of this nothingness with such great force and smacked back into the reality of the ego. In some way this felt slightly like being reborn (or coming back, I’m sure it’s nothing compared to how a full breakthrough feels). Even though I was only gone for a mere few seconds it felt amazing to feel the breath going in my lungs and being a bit aware of my body. My ego immediately tried to rationalize again. Trying to figure out if I really wasn’t breathing or if it was only a sensation. I read about this sensation before, I tried to accept that it was just part of the experience and that I should let go. The same thing happened a few times more, I would say 5-6 times in total. Every time the ego said on what felt like the very last moment ‘Dude, breathe!’ In the moment I felt like I wasn’t breathing I tried to feel if my body was breathing without my noticing it. In some way it felt like it did, but I couldn’t be sure. After I took these breaths I also didn’t feel too much out of breath. But it was also very hard to say how long these very short moments in the nothingness really were. These 5-6 times were very intense. It felt like I was jumping in between realms, however not fully leaving the realm of the ego. I obviously couldn’t let go. I wasn’t ready enough to die yet. I felt a mere fraction of what is out here and something told me that this was enough for today. The offset After this I went back to sitting up straight. I know I probably didn’t even go so deep, but man what a ride it was. When sitting up straight everything suddenly became so clear, how there is such a perfect harmony in everything. As others here also describe it, I would say this feeling was pure bliss. This feeling gave me many realizations. How controlling I am in life, how hard it is for me to let go of things I hold on to. All this suffering I do for myself, truly for no reason at all. Everything just made so much sense. It was such a calming feeling. I sat with my hands in my head, with a big smile and almost crying of some sort of relief. Man, what did I waste so much energy on unnecessary things. And what a big joke it just all was. I felt a lot of love. After some point I became more active with my body again. First moving my arms around a bit which felt great. A bit later I decided to go to the toilet and have a glass of water on the couch. I felt so at peace. I ate some fruit and it tasted much more intense than normally. My awareness was still really high and I just enjoyed watching the trees outside. This feeling slowly faded more, also as the ego was trying to get fully back and offering me to go do some chores. Since then I still feel much calmer than usual. The night after I’ve read about it here more often that people have some after affects while sleeping after using this substance. In the night after using I woke up a few times. This isn’t anything unusual for me, however the weird thing is that usually you don’t notice it that much. Now it felt like I want from deep sleep to fully awake in a mere second multiple times. Later in the night I woke up for longer. I was hearing voices talking. First I thought, is it the neighbours in their garden? But it was the middle of the night. When I focused on it, it got more and more intense. To at some point it felt like there was the chattering of a 100 people in my mind. I thought it was probably because of the 5-MeO and told myself to let it go. When I let it go, it was gone immediately. However these kind of sensations went on and off for some time, as I had to focus on not hearing things. It was a bit stressing, but nothing too much. Later in the night I still had a very intense dream and also a nightmare, however I’m not sure in how far this was related to the substance. Conclusion In conclusion I look back on a positive first trip which has already given me some important insights. I have to stop trying to control everything so much and allow myself to enjoy this beautiful dance. All the suffering I endure, I create myself. As I’ve described I first wanted to use the second day again. However, because of the breathing and the weird night sleep I first want to wait a bit with it. It doesn’t feel right today. First I want to see if the sleeping gets back to normal before I might make things worse. As for the breathing, I would also like to hear the opinion from experienced people here. I know that not everybody has this sensation, but is it okay to fully let go of it? I know Leo commented somewhere that this can be lethal at high dosages, but does this make it safe in normal dosages? I’ve read somewhere that this sensation is not a genuine or dangerous sensation (see Psychonaut-wiki). Of course I am aware that you shouldn’t take this if you’re not willing to let go. I want to treat this substance with the care and respect it needs and might have to consider to otherwise to find a sitter or to stop my journey. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this report and that I might be able to help some others by sharing this experience. I wish you all the best!

How do we integrate the outer life and the inner life What happens to the soul? The body reaches a peace point at death because it ceases to exist and is liberated from all suffering. It reaches to nothingness. It's over But the soul reaches peace when it reaches the purple state of spirituality, the state in which the spiritual forces are the strongest and the purest. It's a pure spiritual state. A state of bliss and freedom. A state of growth and peace and stability. A state of joyousness and pure love and compassion and truth and kindness and liberation. A state of eternal romance of light and love. Pure wisdom and Innocence. A captivating state that never gets boring. Pure beauty and rapture. A permanent state of joy, ecstacy, rapture, purity and eternity. Pure beauty. This is how it might look. A beautiful purple lake with a calming peaceful aesthetic. A purple rapture, a purple heaven. A place where your soul rests in true happiness, harmony and peace. Eternal rapture The body achieves peace when it's liberated from suffering at death. Because the body is temporary. It should be freed after eventual degradation. The soul is permanent, immortal, eternal and so it achieves peace when it reaches a state of eternal joy in the purple lake. The body is looking for peace. The soul is looking for joy. This conflict of interest ends at death.

I think this disproves it logically as well, for people with enlightment experiences. https://www.dmt-nexus.me/forum/default.aspx?g=posts&t=37104 Furthermore with people who visited the godhead and had a godhead experience,being it.... Well many people report a similiar problem. They experienced being god only by themselves, after which they were inflated to see that only they were god... It could be the chemical inflating the person's ego to godhead.It could be a mechanism by which the ego survives, the trickster is your own mind. True god is the void the nothingness projecting spaciousness which is infinite .When one is that spaciousness he is all at once. I think it could be several godheads if it wanted hahah. Anyway this is my last post here on this topic, for me solipsism is nonesense, THE BEST ARGUMENT as many have said it's an idea that exists in duality, you stop thinking it and it has no reality. Cheers

@DrewNows I thought so too! Credit goes to Doctor Jim. Learning different typologies helps me to integrate. By observing my reactive and automatic behaviors and giving a good look at what the triggers are. I may catch it before it manifests outwardly next time. ,,,, Sometimes,,, Too many people only use their enneatype as something to continually verify and identify with. It can be so much more. A way to go beyond one's automatic behavior. Analysis paralysis is a phrase associated with Enneatype sixes. Which seems to be my chief feature. Because Arnold Keyserling was a riotous universal heretic, sometimes in disguise, and became a bad/good influence on a young lawyer named Ralph Losey in the early 70's, they chose to number their version of Enneagram differently. If questioned about this. They might say "Oh, that's just to make it more difficult.,,, Huh?? The following is their description of my enneatype based on categories of language which coorelates with the usual 6 given by Palmer, Riso, and Hudson. Actually this is a typology based on what I call the Keyserling Wheel. To me it seems to combine the Enneagram and the Astrological wheel in a strange way that puts me into a weird space of having the feeling of comprehension of it almost at my fingertips and just beyond grasp. ANALYZE/DISTINGUISH: SPIRIT-SENSING. The adjective - 5 - pertains to analysis, to distinguishing one from another. Its archetypal symbol or myth is Mercury. Mercury involves qualitative discernment and the impulse to judge and rate. It is the "either-or" dissective counterpoint to "both-and" synthesis. The complementary impulse is the first, healing synthesis. The personality type is called the "Status Seeker" or "Performer" or "Motivator". They can be narcissistic, deceptive and pretentious, more concerned with the appearances and trappings of success in their work than with real accomplishments. They are frequently self- assured and energetic, but often too quick to accept the easy answer to a problem, and try to succeed in work through narrow specialization, frequently failing to see the forest for the trees. They tend to be the "Type A" personalities who are ambitious, overly-competitive or "work-aholics". They can also be genuinely-productive, authentic, good motivators and promoters, efficient, knowledgeable and accepting of their limitations, with many outstanding inner qualities and good judgment. from http://www.chanceandchoice.com/course-overview/time-cycles/ Below are some of Arnold Keyserling's poems and ,,,,, prophesies, for lack of a better word. Community of Joy Whoever trusts in himself, and respects every friend as a co-worker, will find a community of joy, which in the past was a rare exception and the lot of only a few. from https://schoolofwisdom.com/ Transformation Your transformation can begin immediately. The first step of transformation is the observation of N O T H I N G N E S S, of the interval. The Nothingness is true existence. Until now you have only valued the experience, instead of the interval. The secret of your strength lies in the interval between the shapes and experiences which inhabit your being. Meaning You will come to your senses and discover yourself, when you finally and forever abandon self-pity and self-criticism. Love The essential experience is and remains love. It can’t be induced by sensorial perception because in order for it to penetrate inwardly and emanate outwardly one must be ready for it. Love is the medium of life to be attained, to feel at home with it and through it to examine and govern all phenomena. Whoever opens himself up to the river of love loses his home: he exists in the Universe. Sadness and darkness are no less powerful than laughter and jesting. But in the river man is truly man, he is the master of himself, speaking with things without harming their sacred quality. Wait for the fulfillment of pleasure. This expectation alone produces this openness whereby love flows through all four gates and your center of being is included in the divine circular dance of happiness. Love reaches from the body to the last star, it is a bond which endures. One can never forsake love. Love is omnipresent, it is all consuming, it is all knowing. When there is a lack of awareness, love is destroyed. Love requires your complete participation. L O V E is fullness in equilibrium, letting go, always forgiving, giving, never confining, being aware, valuing that which is real once the dross has been burned away. Love conquers. It creates beautiful things, it is truthful, it exists in harmony with all beings, it protects and preserves values from alienation, it seeks nothing, yet finds all. Seek the dark love as the path to joy and light. Love means to accept the way things appear and let live. Love comes from the fullness of being. It is neither spiritual nor holy. It is God’s gift to reality. Remain true to this one command: love as a pledge of reality. The opposition of the lazy can only be broken with love. Love doesn’t mean grace any longer. It means being a part of the primal vibration of the universe. It is not something that you do, rather something that flows through you. You can’t cultivate love. Love cultivates you, once you open yourself up to it. It surrounds everything; without love there is no motion.

@dflores321 it is the bottom of ego, dissolving the nothingness. At that part is killing yourself. No more than that. Schizophrenia, suicadal thoughts, highest level mood swinging and ending with going crazy, which can cause suicede. Because ego sees it is an completely illusion, which is me that writing these sentences. These sentences are you, and me. Because we are one. All is one, one is ALL.

Hello friends, I wanted to bring you something I became directly conscious of during a mystical experience. This was what clicked everything into place and finally understood the nature of reality at a deeper level. Let's begin. First, become conscious that your entire visual field surrounds you and encompasses everything near you. Good, now look at yourself in a mirror, and look into your eyes. You will actually see yourself in there, though much smaller. In general, you assume that your eyes are collecting light from the sun and other sources, then transmitting it to the brain. The light in your eyes, is all there is. Let me repeat that because it is very significant. What you perceive as light entering your eyes is actually the complete opposite. The light in your eyes is not coming from an outside source. You are projecting or birthing shapeshifting light from the void. Pure being. No physical world in between (See attached picture) EVERYTHING you see is an appearance of this light. Your body, other people, your mom, the world, the stars, etc. All You. There is no physical sun illuminating the scene and then hitting your eyes. You “think” it’s your visual field but it’s simply light dancing around in nothingness. Almost like a black hole watching it’s event horizon. What you are "reading" or "seeing" right this minute, is just an appearance of light in your eyes. There is nothing behind what you see. Nothing is hidden. You project others, and they project you. This ties in with Quantum mechanics which states matter does not exist unless it is observed. Awakening during this realization was EPIC. We're just pools of possibility / infinity spontaneously creating light to give you the illusion of an "outside" world, when in reality, all you have is this perceptual bubble.

perception implies a subject-object-duality . All that you can perceive is dependent on a subject perceiving an object (thought, body, emotion, tree, whatever). But when you get deep into non-duality you begin to understand that the distinction between subject (me, ego, self) and object (other or body or world) is artificial; it isn't grounded in anything true. The apparent (illusory) dualites of life exist only to serve survival. It's all one/nothing when you get to the bottom of it (if you dare to, hehe). This will destroy you, absolutely. All boundaries must collapse. The Self (God/Nothingness/Infinite Love) isn't something that can be perceived or found. Because it is ALWAYS the case. Everything is *THAT*, -- You are That -- and it is absolutely empty. It's right in front of your eyes... not to be perceived, but to BE. In fact, perception, and your constant insisting on trying to conclude something 'true' about yourself, or the world, is what hinders you from 'becoming IT' (though you already are it). Everything is the Pure Infinite Love-state. To seek it is to lose it. What hinders one in getting carried away? That one is trying to get to something 'true'. To get to the truth is to get carried away. To get carried away IS the truth ... - what else is there to do? Lose yourself to find Yourself.

@Leo Gura Nothingness summons nothingness himself.

Yes it is a Dream. Formlessness is Pure Love yes it is ephemeral but it is not empty Void. Nothingness in completelly empty sense. Formless=Form Problem is and for 99.9% is "they" only know form. Creates various sorts of misunderstandings about Reality.

Context Story - I started experimenting with 1p Lsd on 16/01/2019, for spiritual and self-improvement purposes. The first time I ordered 1p Lsd I was working every day and because I wanted to have more time to introspect about the experiences I started experimenting with micro-dosing. The dosage from 5 to 10 mcg, every third day. Microdosing has helped me a lot to discipline myself with my daily routine and some habits I wanted to quit as well as some habits I wanted to start. Overall it made me very creative and I was able to link things together that made a better overall framework. This helped motivate me because it was as if I could imagine that something I am doing in the present it benefits me for the future. The overall theory by Leo and the 5 years I meditated of course played a role to start to feel like the field is becoming more clear. After a while, I had 2 days off together and I decided to increase the dosage slowly. From 50mcg initially with people watching over me and within a month I started to take it home alone because my friends could not when I could watch over me for 12 hours. Overall my experiences are positive. I noticed that I did not have many visions in my experiences below 150mg, I do not know if it differs from Lsd but I saw no bright lights or fractals, except a wavy sensation and vision at doses above 150mg, and some bright lights at the edge of the field of view. Doses from 100mcg to 200mcg made me realize the limiting beliefs I had about myself that thus limited the vision I could have for myself. People started to look like they were made out of ideas, I could see that everything is based on ideologies and that there is nothing beyond ideology, just as I began to see that ideologies limit people close to me, that they limited me in the past, and all this opened my eyes a lot. I noticed in dosages between 100 to 150 after the first 2 hours, that I was in a very good position to understand theoretical things much better than I could before, to think about something was just very easy and did not require effort from me, as I began to see clear ways of how learning, meditation, and philosophy play a very important role in human life and my life in general. My mind for at least 13 hours was just working, analyzing, and realizing things without effort. Things that Leo is talking about helped clear up some things in my mind and putting them in a broader general context because so many topics had started to come up that I was interested in and I didn't know where to start. So I started in these doses as my mind went into a state of constant thinking to watch Leo videos again, write them down, analyze them, and try to incorporate them into my life. I started to take the purpose of my life much more seriously and the goals I set to achieve that purpose, I could make very practical maps and to see what exactly it takes from me to accomplish some things. The dosage between 1500mcg to 300mcg, was quite different, for at least 6 hours I was not in a state of mental processing, but I could concentrate much better, the sensations in my body were just so intense, I felt so connected to myself, emotionally and I was so vulnerable, it did not affect me at all negatively because I was in the mood to accept everything, and it was like getting to know myself emotionally. I began in this dosages wondering who am I, and I was trying to find out who I am, my mind at that moment was mixed with all the other senses that it was clear to see that thought is another perception and not the one who perceives, there was nothing, it was empty, at that moment the perceiver was not my normal personality, and I began to see that personality is a construct and my style, my attitude, the way I speak, the way I move, and the way I interact with the world play a very big role in who I think I am. I could see why it is so difficult to get to a mystical experience since you need to leave things that you did not know is possible to leave. I also understood ways that you can be corrupted because I was reaching dangerous levels of freedom, wherein essence I could see that no one is superior to me, but neither am I superior to others. The third from the end of my experiences was 370mcg at the end of March 2020. In this experience, I could see that no one perceives, and what existed was just the senses and the void. I could see that this void that is being perceived right now is being perceived by all people and that I am all those who have ever lived in history, and I began to think all the horrible things about death, suffering, pain, and just the world seemed like a big misunderstanding to me. After a month I started experimenting again. This time I raised the dosages much faster because I wanted to take it to another level now that I have time and I can. So in my last experience at 500mcg it got a little weird. Psychedelic Experience - I took the dosage at 12 p.m. Because I knew that the dosage was big and that something might happen that I had never encountered before, I decided to meditate. What scared me like an idea and worried me was that I thought I might open my eyes and just not know where I was and start to freak out with my parents in the next room. As I felt so stressed I said to myself - Just stay still for the whole experience, you are safe, and I was trying to keep my back perfectly straight and my chest completely open, it made me feel so much better, and as time went on I felt stronger, but I was still anxious. After 45 minutes I started feeling very intense things, which made me realize that it will be a really strong experience. I was trying to concentrate but my mind could not stop, so I decide at that moment to put the Om mantra and concentrate, since usually when I have an external meditation sound I am more focused than just letting my mind going wild. As I listen to the sound, the image of an orthodox church comes to me, Om sounds like a priest singing, the bell ringing and the sound of incense, and at that moment I thought of a funeral, it just came to my mind, the sounds in my mind it was like a funeral and I just started to have so bad feelings, a pressure in my chest and a lot of fear, I just wanted to stop listening to it, the moment that I was going to take off the headphones I thought very spontaneously - Why I see it so negatively, and at that moment by itself, the sound for some reason transformed and started to sound so beautiful to me, I had started to feel like I was the sound and I felt so happy that I felt like laughing. At that moment I saw with my own eyes how the mind plays such a big role in my psychological health and the way I interpret things, and it seems to be such a pity that people do not know about it. After 30 minutes I decide to take off my headphones and continue meditating. I close my eyes and started to feel that it is so easy to go into nothingness, so I concentrated and suddenly I became one with my outside world, but not with my room because I had my eyes closed, but with the darkness, I felt like a gum that stuck and became one with something that had a strange feeling, suddenly from the darkness I started to see lines joining together that made squares and at that moment I felt so strange, there was just nothing and I just differentiated the mind so much with the consciousness and I don't know if it was in my imagination but I had the intuition that there is something in the consciousness that knows me and that it knows what I am trying to do. At that moment I opened my eyes and saw in bed the same lines and squares and I just felt that it was too much I wanted to calm down, to avoid the situation I just looked at the time and saw that 5 hours have passed so I said to myself that I will watch a video of Leo and that it was enough for today. I started watching the video of Sameness vs Differences, the first 10 minutes I was fine, Leo's face changed slightly but it was something I was used to seeing happening, suddenly his head started to swell, then it got much bigger, suddenly his head became like a baby it looked funny and I started laughing, and then it got normal, I saw one of his eyes falling, and I thought - this is my nervous system, and at that moment I saw the inside of his face coming out, and it became a face without eyes, mouth, lips, it just made me feel so weird because I had in my mind that his face is a reflection of mine, I left the self phone. At that moment I started to feel really weird, I had the feeling that something was going to happen, and suddenly I felt my nervous system moving, in my forehead, in my upper body, in my arms, in my legs, under my testicles, and I saw the room moving like a ball of jelly, it lengthened then shortened, widened, then narrowed, at the same time I felt the same happening to my body, it was annoying and disorienting, it happened for 5 minutes. However, my nervous system was moving for 3 hours and from time to time something similar happened again but not so strong, or I heard a sound in my ears as if something had exploded next to me, and I felt my nervous system swelling and holding me like it was ready to burst, all over the body but mostly on the legs and under the genitals. It was something I had not heard of happening, and I began to think that I had a neurological condition and that my nervous system would move for the rest of my life, I was trying to catch my body to see if it was really moving or I imagined it and I felt it moving, at that moment I decide to go online (very bad idea) and write nervous system moves after LSD, and I just read - the downsides of LSD - I was just terrified, I turned off my cell phone and I'm just in bed panicking without knowing what to do, and I am just thinking - I will stay that way for the rest of my life, I thought - how I will explain to my parents that the reason I took psychedelics was serious at least for me and not something stupid. I decide to go to the Actualized forum and write my problem, I was lucky enough for a person to answer me very quickly and told me that it is normal and that everything is fine, I just need to surrender, I dropped the phone and tried to I let go and see the annoying feeling like something else, but again I had fear in my mind, and I just waited for the time to pass to see if it would stop. Finally, it stopped after 3 hours and for at least 5 hours it did something like spasms, but without further problems, after the experience although provocative I did not consider it negative, just that for some reason I felt very nice. After this experience I decided to relax a bit, and to research more about psychedelics to be better prepared, I decided after the holidays to start taking small doses of 100 and over and to record the experience, before and after, and my feelings, I started reading a book on psychedelics from Leo's list to get a better picture. We reach my last experience 2 days ago when I took 100mg and I was just sitting, the strange thing with this experience is that it felt stronger than it would normally feel at 100mcg. Then an idea came to me, to lie down and listen to different sounds because I felt that I may have some extracorporeal experience. I closed my eyes, put on headphones and started to feel my body having goosebumps and other sensations pierced my body and I felt them as energy, I felt so beautiful and at that moment my nervous system started moving again, however it did not bother me at all, I was expecting it for some reason, I was trying to see the senses as if they were not dependent on my body, and that they are alone, I was trying to see that my body does not exist, I did it, but it left me, I noticed that the more I concentrated on the senses my nervous system was moving more intensely, and I had the idea that my body was changing. I started thinking about who I am, I was saying who I am again, I was trying to see who I am, but nothing was happening, I was asking again and again, and suddenly I saw the thought of who I am mixed with all the other sensations, and I just saw my mind chasing his tale, like another experience, but it was not the subject, but the subject did not exist, I was trying to concentrate, but when I observed it, it just left me, the more I tried the more I was away and so nothing more happened, just my nervous system was moving for the rest of the experience which did not bother me. Main Concern - I have generally searched the internet for LSD and some psychedelics and what to expect, the strange thing is that I have not heard anywhere about a nervous system that moves, and what concerns me is the movement under my genitals, which I literally feel my testicles are moving or that are about to burst, continuing towards my thighs and lower legs. I'm looking but I do not find anything about a problem that Lsd can cause in the testicles, now I do not know if 1p LSD is a different story. I want to ask if anyone knows anything about this. If anyone has any ideas please share. Thanks.

I had the same realization but for me it was extremely pleasant, like an orgasm. But I still don't consider nothingness to be more real than reality. Actually nothingness is something you're imagining and it's fakey. Death is an illusion.

Btw i don't recommend this realization. Its all fun and games with dmt realms salvia etc until you fall into nothingness. Scary.

Very scary trips one of them dissolving me into an awareness observing an endless void.Then i dissolved i was gone. I think i became nothing. Then i came back.The nothingness is me i am empty awareness.It was a scary realization. Honestly i would rather be just a soul than what i saw, this void god as i said in another thread xDD

What if its a more complicated type of solipsism?The infinite universe growing perspective like a tree grows leafs. Looking at itself unaware it is itself. It just is everything that can be, coming from nothingness. Imagine you can grow ears or more eyes. Don't you think god can do this and forget itself? I mean what is limiting it really.

I felt infinite tenderness. I understood that the kind of love closest to divine love in this life is that which we feel for a small child. As this wonderful feeling came over me, I heard within my heart a voice that said, 'Through love you will understand everything. The essence, the essence, the essence...' This was followed by a feeling of great peace mixed with joy within my soul. I sensed that my life would change for the better, and this has been the case ever since because I have a greater understanding of my life's true meaning. I then turned to see the light in the sky. A telepathic force poured a series of codes filled with millennial wisdom into my mind about creation, the world, my life and that of all other beings that inhabit all universes, everything being eternal, spiritual life, everything belonging to it and that the distinctions or differences that we make in this life are done out of ignorance or because we have forgotten this truth. As if by a giant magnet, the light drew me to it and I was submerged in its interior where all there was, was light. I forgot I had a body and felt fused with the light. In that moment, I experienced a feeling of 'plural unity' and understood everything with extreme clarity. I discovered what reality is, and saw and understood with my consciousness so alert that it allowed me to comprehend everything with infinite perfection, without any doubt. From my heart sprang an 'Aha!!!!’ feeling, as if there were something I had always known but had forgotten, and that I can't explain with words or human language. I felt like a co-participant of creation. A PART OF WHAT I UNDERSTOOD AND REMEMBER TODAY IS: ***We live in a 'Plural Unity' or 'Oneness'. In other words, our reality is 'Unity in Plurality and Plurality in Unity’. ***I was everything and everything was me, without essential differences other than in temporal appearances. ***There is no external god, but that god is in everything and everything in god, just as life itself. ***There is no God outside ourselves but is, rather, in everything and everything is a part of God, as is life itself. ***God is everything and nothing at the same time. ***Everyone and everything, or temporal phenomenon within this dimension, is where it should be because it emanates from the blueprint of a shared dream (if we can call it that) that is repeated indefinitely until we understand what is essential or real. ***Everything is part of an essential game of life itself, and that to the degree that we live by true love, unconditional and universal, the closer we are to an understanding what life truly is, which is true happiness and perfect wisdom. ***Everything is experience and that this life and the next are essentially the same because everything is god. Nothing is outside of god just as nothing is outside of life itself. ***Death is a metamorphosis of time. One more illusion from our mental concepts. Essentially, time does not exist, nor does space. They are illusions of our creative mind that plays a game of self-deception in the creation of events. ***'I' includes 'We' and are like a mirror where we perceive the reflection of our reality in its many facets and illusions. ***The 'creator' is eternally creating, and one of the creations is the practice of conscious love. 'One learns to paint by painting'. That's why this 'temporal human illusory creation' exists as though it were a matrix within another matrix and this, within another - multi-dimensionally until we wake up. ***I experienced something that can't be transmitted with words but that can be expressed as 'The Essence of Life is its Total Nothingness’ (please understand 'Nothingness' as something that has no intrinsic substance, but is rather constructed by a multitude of phenomena, which in turn are formed by other untold multitude of phenomena to the point of infinity). I understood that intangible, indescribable life is all that exists. There is no death (it's only a description to show the polarities in the world of phenomena). ***Consciously living by love is the essence of life itself and is made manifest or materializes in this plane of existence as a cohesive force to recreate itself in multiple forms as a game in which nothingness recreates itself in temporary, illusory events. ***The known universe is a fraction of infinite reality that by love has become finite pieces in our temporal 'hands'. ***I learned thousands of other things without end, and it is difficult to express in words because words are insufficient, they can't describe what I experienced in this other state of consciousness that was much clearer than this one. When I returned to this life, I felt I had fallen into a very heavy space, and that my body was as lead and my mind was the same and very slow. I saw my loved ones, family and friends as if they were nothing to me. They were only reflections in the great theater of life, and each one voluntarily agreed to play a part in order to learn more and better how to love. I spoke with them to tell them of my experience, and they looked at me as though I were crazy. I realized they didn't understand what I was saying to them. Little by little, my experience grew faint, but there appeared many new special experiences of telepathy, intuition developed between others such as voluntary out of body experiences and involuntary bi-location. I especially cannot control the latter, and I would like to know using conventional language how this phenomenon happens. I only know that everything is eternal, pure consciousness and that we are in a mental dream that is permanently being constructed as a dynamic of consciousness that knows itself and recreates itself through each one of us. That we are the 'point of emptiness' where the void or nothingness of the universe becomes aware of itself. It is really hard to explain this. I know that everything I saw originates from thoughts, or the Universal Mind. It is projected in images and events that interact with lucid consciousness as an experience, and that this whole experience is a part the infinitude of that which is real on every plain or level of existence that we want to invent or divide into pieces so that our temporal mind can decipher it despite its limitations. I believe I understood that what we call God is the silence of indescribable life that is in everything, and everything is in it. As an analogy, we could use the image of steam, converted into water, then into ice. Once it is in that state, ice forgets that it is steam with its capacity for expansion. This is what happens to us in this plane of consciousness. I believe I understood that what we call God is the silence of indescribable life that is in everything and in which everything exists or is within it. A marvelous, loving and conscious eternity. Note: I feel that all the images that were created in my mind during this experience, before entering into the light, are symbolic thought forms of something perhaps more profound that could serve in support of a translation of that which is essential experience. It is impossible to explain with our limited human language, yet I am now trying to decipher it little by little.

Be less, be more, accept or shift perspective? It would seem that spirituality as practiced by some is all about reduction. It's all about letting go of everything. The ego needs to be killed and removed. The chatting mind needs to be shut off so that we can experience serenity. We need to remove distraction and be still. Standard reality needs to be shunned to make space for a mind altered higher version, so that we can be God. We need to realise that we are bathing in nothingness and that we came from nothing. Enlightenment is just perfect reductionism. There is the opposing side which wants more. It wants to be more conscious, more skilled and more aware and more nuanced. It has to attain nirvana and enlightenment. It has to work for everything in order to get closer to that magical spiritual state. The person you are now will never be enough because you need to be more in all areas of being and knowledge. The more knowledge and insight you accumulate the higher up and further on you are on the path to salvation. More is more. Then there is the middle way. There is only ever this. No matter what you do or try or how hard things get, or how conscious you become, it's still this. There's no escape from it. That is, except to just accept this. Acceptance is the way through the quagmire of judgement and evaluations and storymaking, the antidote to drama. And if you feel acceptance is disingenous, then simply accept that too. Nothing can penetrate the shield of acceptance. The Fourth Way. The fourth way is not a way at all, but a deceptive shapeshifter. We simply allow experience to buffet us around and we constantly shift perspective to keep ourselves upright. We forget about being a someone at all (and expand our identity to everything) and simply become a container for experience. The appearances are the puppetmaster and there's nothing else to do or anywhere to go to. We feel happy and we feel sad and we strive, but are pointedly aware that nothing is going on at all, there is no motion. If we died or disappeared in the next second, it wouldn't matter. If we gave up trying, we simply shapeshift and let it all just be. The Fourth Way is just being whatever arises. Is there another way? Yes. It is not have a way or method. Don't spiritually tangle yourself up just so that you can untangle yourself later. Just live. You cannot force the exacting details of the future but it will come before you know it. You cannot know what you will become, but it will come. You can only be what you are in this moment, nothing more and nothing less. Should you try and change yourself and your life? Yes. But only if you want it in the moment. Should you try and get back to that enlightened state you were in yesterday - permanently? Yes, if you wish to. Should life be dramatic and exhausting and of low consciousness? Yes why not? All options are possible. Don't deny any of them. Your future self does not care about you now.

Amazing discipline! When we reach a new level it never disappears. For example when your feeling of existing behind the eyes shifts to feeling a sense of nothingness, that change is permanent. Or when you go from feeling nothingness to feeling like you are the whole universe. The ego backlashes has to do with temporary states like having many thoughts and feeling bad, to feeling blissful and present. This can happen basically at any level.