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I attended an Ayahuasca ceremony last weekend, which was my second time drinking Ayahuasca tea. It was a religious ceremony so there was some chanting and question/answers periods, but I was so totally absorbed in my trip that I wasn’t able to pay attention to any of those. This trip was a TOTAL MIND FUCK. I was so mind-fucked I do not even know where to begin, or how to put anything in words. I remember during the peak of the trip, I kept repeating in my head: what was seen cannot be unseen, and ignorance is bliss. I had a bad trip last April during which I was sent to the hospital. In that trip, I was not sure whether I was alive or not. I felt that I was everyone and anyone at the same time. It took me months to overcome that bad trip. The reason that I am mentioning that is because as I began to feel the effect of the tea, it connected right with the last trip. The two trips merged and became one. It made so much sense how it connected and how this is the obvious path down the road. I felt stuck in this loop, the loop of trying to pursue the truth. I was then hit with the feeling that EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE. I cannot even tell you what made sense exactly, but I just kept repeating of course, of course.. But of course… of course I drank the tea to experience this, of course I had the bad trip, of course! I understood everything, EVERYTHING. Or so it felt. I understood what Leo has been saying all along. I understood every awakened trip reports I have read. I felt the circular nature of life. I realized that I HAVE NEVER lived. The realizing felt SO REAL, so convincing and life as I knew felt like a joke. I thought of my boyfriend and my parents and how they did not really exist. There really is only me. I saw it SO CLEAR that I can only repeat: but why, what ? Why? How? Ok but why? I wished I did not know. I wished that I did not take that tea. I also felt clairvoyant. I knew I wouldn’t believe what I experienced once I "come back" and I would be posting on the forum and asking questions but the answers seemed so obvious to me at the moment. And I knew there was NO WAY to explain this to anyone. That’s what I have been doing all my life, and that’s what ill keep doing, and that’s what everyone will keep doing, one way or another : pursue the truth. Once I was "convinced" that It has been me all along and all will merge with truth eventually, I saw life as no point. I felt that there was no point in doing anything at all. Nothing matters in this game called life, it literally , truthfully did not matter. Theres no point in asking any questions because I have all the answers in that moment, no point in judging, no point in hating or helping. The comedown was surprisingly smooth. However, I had this intense burn/hot/warm/energetic sensation in the perineum that was slightly uncomfortable. As expected, as the trip subsided, my life felt more real than that "experience". I only remember how convincing those realizations were, but they did not stick, and I am already doubting if that was just a dream. I did not feel being one with the universe or awakened. I think I was mindfucked more than anything. My main questionning is: how do I know if those realizations are absolute truth (as they undoubtingly were during the trip) or another belief/idea? Because it seems like they are highly influenced by what I have been fed such as "this is all imaginary" or "life is a loop" or "I never lived".. How come they felt SO REAL , and now I can barely remember it? any other pointers for me ? Thank you all for your help.

Being able to sustain exposure to any quality of energy and feeling without having to put up any sort of wall/block. Sensitive yet able to pass everything through without blocking it, still developing this. Any kind of situation is possible in life, being unafraid of physical harm from others for some reason causes others to never physically threaten you. However karmic/emotional ties/connections to other flawed beings still exists as some sort of subtle threat. Once again being truly unafraid of this seems to be a possible way to overcome this. On some subtle level almost everyone is being harrassed by countless tiny disturbances and being moved by them. Moving with them only strengthens them. There is some sort of powerful inner strength that needs to be developed to repel all of this chaotic movement. If you're "enlightened", or "awakened", you have to ask yourself, are you really unassailable, powerful, immune, free? If you search yourself and be honest have you really made it, are the understandings you have really enough to fully free you from human insanity. If a completely blind person can bring any kind of suffering into your life, something needs to change. If you are really of peace, love, freedom, kindness, empathy, the only reason not to bring all of that out in the face of fear is lack of bravery. If a fearful energy can penetrate you, if you can enter a room full of immense suffering, and not maintain your purely free energy, if it tightens up in any way, there is still work to be done. Cause how can you be free/immune and heal others if you are penetrated and brought down by this energy. This has been my main challenge, even as a kid. The change is the epiphany that love and peace can be very bold and strong, and horribly chaotic energy can be seen through and healed through intense, vigilante equanimous attention and fearlessness from not reacting and not running.

“Glands are chakra centers! ?????? (MIND/SPIRIT/EMOTIONS) Thyroid/parathyroid: mind Your thyroid gland is how you perceive yourself (self-esteem) people that have thyroid issues tend to also have low self-esteem issues. This has been looked at from iridologist dealing with cases to find this subjective reasoning. After reviewing cases of people that have had thyroid problems dealing with how they review themselves in their mind-body have improved the mind with improving how they view themselves and their self-esteem greatly improved (they got their power back) it makes sense because those that have hyperthyroid function tend to be underweight because they quickly metabolize their food which makes it easy to burn fat and when the thyroid is hyperactive a person tends to be underweight which can cause self-esteem issues. Same goes for a person that has a hypo functioning thyroid. (Slow oxidizes) slow metabolism meaning this person digest their foods very slow and tends to store fat and burn slowly. A person that is overweight is going to have mental self-esteem issues. Parathyroid gland. This gland helps the body utilize calcium and when the body fails to utilize calcium a person can struggle with their mental body as well when it comes to depression. This is when the mind is crippled and struggling to achieve personal happiness and contentment in life. When the parathyroid is down in people then mental problems can become a result and this information has been gathered from the case after case of people that have weakness in the parathyroid that depression becomes an ongoing struggle. Those that detox the body and bring restoration to the parathyroid gland experience improvements with utilizing calcium and find improvements with overcoming depression. Adrenal glands. This gland is linked to your emotional body. The adrenal glands control the nervous system through Neurotransmitters, hormones and steroids and the like. When the nervous system goes down whether that’s neurotoxins that enter the body, stimulants, stress, lifestyle regarding stress then anxiety becomes a result and the emotional body is greatly affected. Those that have adrenal weakness tend to worry, stress, shut down, hold onto fear, overthink, feel inferior to others, could be shy, timid and anti-social as a result. Tragedy, stress, toxic environment, relationship loss, deaths, etc can stimulate the adrenals in a fight or flight mode and when the adrenals produce too much hormone tend to fall asleep, and fatigue kicks in, sadness kicks in, and emotional instability takes place. Pineal gland. This is your spiritual awareness gland also attached to the metal body but this gland goes beyond the physical mind if you will because it takes your spirit to higher dimensions. The physical body is on 3D but the spiritual body can travel to 5D and higher and when this is achieved, the intuition is activated and accessed! You get a glimpse of this every night in your dream state and the more you strengthen your pineal gland the more intuitive downloads you can achieve and experience. When the pineal gland is blocked from being damaged by the chemistry that is corrosive (ACIDS) then the pineal gland struggles to produce DMT. This hormone or molecule if you will is mostly produced when you portal into this realm (birth) and when the physical body dies and the spiritual body leaves it. People that are trapped in this 3rd dimension but are spiritual giants from higher dimensions but dealing with karmic refinement or here to help 3D souls ascend to greater higher dimensions tend to be attracted to plants that activate the pineal gland!!! This plants contain DMT and take the body into the Astro world’s and disconnect the mind and spirit from this karmic dualistic realm they are trapped in. I DON’T BLAME THEM! it’s a struggle being spiritually awakened and embracing the now state in this world run by the negative forces! I’m experiencing this realization myself and open to finding balance with playing in creation that has put these spiritually conscious plants here on earth to take the mind and spirit out of body to bring forth higher stages of spiritual development and help with not taking this earthly realm so serious because remember the soul cannot die only the body that inhabits it. The pineal gland has become calcified and damaged by environmental pollutants, and society is driven programming! The negative forces purposely put poison in the water, food, and air to block the flow of energy that activates this gland to bring forth awareness and consciousness but they will not win!!! because this astrological age of information and awareness will triumph over the negative forces!!! Manifest, visualize and focus on positive things, surround yourself around soul family, love, give, and create no separation in your spiritual existence and energize your human Vessel and detoxify your body and the head will drain and the pineal gland will decalcify and your spiritual awareness will expand and your love will expand as well as a result! Things you can do to strengthen your glands and your body systemically!? For one, you need to pay attention to what you eat (fork to mouth) there only two sides to chemistry regarding what you put in your mouth and what you put on your skin. ACID/BASE Acidic foods will not only damage the glands but every cell in your body and acids cause stagnation and congestion on your lymphatic system, the human trash can system that holds onto your waste you accumulate and if you don’t properly drain this fluid base system in your body (LARGEST ONE) then acids, toxins, chemicals and the like will find homes in cells and acids will chew on cells and damage tissue causing systemic dysfunctions and our mind-body, emotional body, and spiritual body will be affected as a result. Adopt a living foods plant-based diet (fruit-based) vibrate with soul family people to feed your soul and grow your soul, meditate, get to know your astrology expression, get outside in nature and ground, get those light codes in your eyes from the sun, yoga can help with lymphatic flow and encourage energetic expression that activate pineal function, relax the adrenal glands which help emotional stability, and feed your soul work knowledge and positivity and manifest love and understanding with positive understanding and protect your environment and hold onto faith you won’t be stuck and will be rewarded through attracting what you want to achieve because this is you-universal law and the power of intention and manifestation!” Written by Jonathon RA Stearns AKA the Mangotarian

@cetus56 Hey there, I tagged you because you're the mod who saw my spongebob thread yesterday about the dangers of spiritual work. I had a very frightening experience tonight, may have awakened my kundalini and then i realized I am not ready for this at all. I am asking for any pointers or guidance that you or anyone here may have on how to put a lid on it. Here are the things that I am doing to put a lid on it: Grounding myself in my sense of physicality and materiality Connecting to the things that make me who I am as an individual Here are the list of things that I was doing that got me into this situation (these are the things that I will stop doing effectively immediately): Micro dosing (10ug of 1P-LSD) once every 3 days for almost a month now. Self-inquiry, specifically pointing the finger at the self Meditation, attempting to observe the observation Kriya yoga breathing during meditation, only for the last couple days Noticing the dream-like nature of my direct experience Questioning and poking at the nature of reality in general Sometimes in the morning I do bio-energetic wake up routine which involves slapping the surfaces of the body to wake up the nervous system for the day. This includes one point referred to as the jade pillow which involves simultaneously slapping the forehead and the back of the head when it's "done right" I can feel energy shoot down my spine from where I slapped the back of my head. In hindsight it feels like I was really dumb messing with stuff I was not ready for. Just like Leo said in his last video, I have to ask myself if I really want to give up the self and the honest answer is no, I am not ready to do that. My concern is that I triggered something that I don't have the skills or desire to follow through on. Again I am stopping all the activities that contributed to this happening in the hopes that my energy will calm down and be able to regulate itself properly again. I am not convinced that I have a full kundalini awakening though I can't be sure as this has never happened to me before. Can anyone offer advice? Thank you so much.

Yes, it does feel like we’re jumping off a cliff and risk losing everything. That is the initial fear of surrender. And, yes, we have to be willing to do that, to jump off this imaginary but very real feeling cliff and to risk losing everything, to surrender everything. That’s why it takes great courage. Eventually we just have to do it. Jump off the cliff, surrender absolutely everything. This is not a place for careful, cautious stages. Surrender is a very bold move when the very nature of the separate self is fear. And it is. So the fear of doing this is natural and inevitable. The separate ego self identity is made entirely out of fear, fear of not surviving. And to surrender fully, we are saying, “Yes, even this. Even death.” What We Lose and What We Gain: This all sounds like very bad news. It is what the ego is afraid of. The good news is we give up everything, we surrender everything, we lose everything, including ourself AND as a result, we GAIN everything. We have only really surrendered our attachment, an illusion. What we gain is reality. We gain the world. We gain relationships that were never possible before. We gain peace. We gain love. We gain a complete uninterrupted contentment, gratitude and joy. We gain freedom. We gain life. And we gain our True Self. What we lose (illusion) pales in comparison to the unlimited magnitude of what we gain. So this news is very, very good. But you can only know this when you take the leap. My words are only encouragement if you take them that way. I’m saying, “Jump in. The water is fine. It’s wonderful.” But you have to jump. I can’t do that for you. I know it’s terrifying to take that leap. Every awakened being has done this. And all have experienced this terror. It is part of the nature of waking up. And this terror is a big obstacle. Some never pass through it. In my case it was experience the terror and do it anyway. Not initially. I backed off many times. But finally, I took the leap. And then another. And then another. Eventually I realized this fear had no reality to it. I only realized this because I tested it again and again and what I feared never happened. I gave up all my talent as an artist and creative person. The result turned out to be more talent and creativity than I ever imagined possible. I gave up my relationships or ever having a relationship ever again. The result was the flowering of all existing relationships and new relationships beyond anything I would have thought possible. Everything I gave up came back to me in abundance. How could I know this? I didn’t. I just surrendered. I gave up a limited, vulnerable, separate self identity and realized This, the unlimited, infinite, beyond all possibility of identity. Nobody who has ever awakened to Truth said, “I wish I didn’t do that. Is it possible to return to illusion again?” No awakened being has ever said that. Nobody ever will. It’s worth the leap. It’s worth all the struggle and seeking and suffering that helped to open this door. Even a single moment of this great presence is worth a thousand lifetimes. I know the fear, My Friend. And I know what happens when you leap anyway and discover for yourself what happens. Nobody has ever said all that went before was not worth This. Thank you for the wonderful question that so many also hold deep in their hearts. This was a great story I found on the internet and almost identical to my own experience!! The main take away is the importance of surrendering and dropping the resistance. Hope you enjoy ❤ ❤

Don't forget he has a hot witch girlfriend. They tripped out in the forest using LSD(mentioned in his fear videos). He made a video about the role of balance, so I'm sure he's aware of the dangers of tipping too much one way or the other or being at the middle. Great! As long as you don't use this as an excuse to not have actual sex and relationships with real partners. It must be hard though, for an awakened person. Say both you and your partner transcended sex. Now you're both naked, just staring at each other, going "now what".

@OBEler I awakened my Kundalini by accident after experiencing severe physical trauma. I was pursuing basic meditation as a way to mitigate pain and depression and then stumbled across tantric practices. Needless to say, doing these practices led to activation of Kundalini and I now have a permanent experience of energy and pressure in the brain and at the top of my head (crown chakra). Bliss occurs often. However, severe negative egoic reactions to the energy occurred for several years after the initial awakening. So, in short, doing tantra with an entirely different intention than awakening Kundalini led to my awakening. To answer your question about regret, I do sometimes and don’t other times. It depends on whether or not I’m feeling energetically positive or negative in the moment. The lows can be extremely painful, but the highs make it all worth it. I wouldn’t chase the highs to avoid the lows, however. @Nahm The dark moments vary in severity. Some are simple ego backlash, others are more like what is colloquially known as the dark night of the soul, where you feel entirely cut off from the Divine.

Yes meditation is a great tool to still the mind noise. Nothing ever spoken is actually Awakening the map is not the territory. The message I posted is about dropping the egoic self agenda and surrendering altogether. Who you really are is something that doesn't change. Remember something I've told you in the past the biggest obstacle to Discovery is not ignorance it's the illusion of knowledge simply put if you think you already know the path you will not go through the difficult task of dropping the egoic self agenda all together. This work requires a full emptying of the glass not partial. Remember at the end of the day nobody becomes awakened because you realize you are nobody. This work is definitely not for everybody like Leo says. I also post multiple things because everybody reacts differently to certain material there's not exactly one way to awaken. I love how dedicated you are and yes meditation is a very helpful tool ❤ ❤ PS.. my work is true enlightenment material.

For those who have awakened, and now experience reality from a non-dual perspective, what advice would you give to yourself still suck in duality. How would you describe the new experience to your past self. Other thoughts?

Before it becomes possible to awaken, it is necessary to accept that you are asleep, living in the matrix. Examine your life honestly, without lying to yourself. Are you able to stop your robotic, repetitive life patterns if you want to? Can you stop seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, are you addicted to certain foods, activities, pastimes? Are you constantly judging, blaming, criticizing yourself and others? Does your mind incessantly seek out stimulus, or are you completely fulfilled just being in silence? Do you react to how people think about you? Are you seeking approval, positive reinforcement? Do you somehow sabotage situations in your life? Most people will experience their lives the same way today as they will tomorrow and a year from now, and ten years from now. When you begin to observe your robot-like nature you become more awake. You begin to recognize the depth of the problem. You are completely and utterly asleep, lost in a dream. Like the inhabitants of Plato’s cave, most who hear this truth will not be willing or capable of changing their lives because they are attached to their familiar patterns. We go to great lengths justifying our patterns, burying our heads in the sand rather than facing the truth. We want our saviors, but we are not willing to get up on the cross ourselves. What are you willing to pay to be free? Realize that if you change your inner world, you must be prepared to change the outer life. Your old structure and your old identity must become the dead soil out of which new growth comes. The first step to awakening is to realize that we are identified with the matrix of the human mind, with the mask. Something within us must hear this truth and be roused from its slumber. There is a part of you, something timeless, that has always known the truth. The matrix of the mind distracts us, entertains us, keeps us endlessly doing, consuming, grasping, in a cycle of craving and aversion with constantly changing forms, keeping us from the flowering of our consciousness, from our evolutionary birthright which is Samadhi. Pathological thinking is what passes for normal life. Your divine essence has become enslaved, identified with the limited self structure. The great wisdom, the truth of who you are is buried deep within your being. J. Krishnamurti said, “It is no measure of one’s health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” Identification with the egoic mind is the sickness and Samadhi is the cure. The saints, sages and awakened beings throughout history have all learned the wisdom of self-surrender. How is it possible to realize the true self? When you peer through the veil of Maya, and let go of the illusory self, what is left?

Before it becomes possible to awaken, it is necessary to accept that you are asleep, living in the matrix. Examine your life honestly, without lying to yourself. Are you able to stop your robotic, repetitive life patterns if you want to? Can you stop seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, are you addicted to certain foods, activities, pastimes? Are you constantly judging, blaming, criticizing yourself and others? Does your mind incessantly seek out stimulus, or are you completely fulfilled just being in silence? Do you react to how people think about you? Are you seeking approval, positive reinforcement? Do you somehow sabotage situations in your life? Most people will experience their lives the same way today as they will tomorrow and a year from now, and ten years from now. When you begin to observe your robot-like nature you become more awake. You begin to recognize the depth of the problem. You are completely and utterly asleep, lost in a dream. Like the inhabitants of Plato’s cave, most who hear this truth will not be willing or capable of changing their lives because they are attached to their familiar patterns. We go to great lengths justifying our patterns, burying our heads in the sand rather than facing the truth. We want our saviors, but we are not willing to get up on the cross ourselves. What are you willing to pay to be free? Realize that if you change your inner world, you must be prepared to change the outer life. Your old structure and your old identity must become the dead soil out of which new growth comes. The first step to awakening is to realize that we are identified with the matrix of the human mind, with the mask. Something within us must hear this truth and be roused from its slumber. There is a part of you, something timeless, that has always known the truth. The matrix of the mind distracts us, entertains us, keeps us endlessly doing, consuming, grasping, in a cycle of craving and aversion with constantly changing forms, keeping us from the flowering of our consciousness, from our evolutionary birthright which is Samadhi. Pathological thinking is what passes for normal life. Your divine essence has become enslaved, identified with the limited self structure. The great wisdom, the truth of who you are is buried deep within your being. J. Krishnamurti said, “It is no measure of one’s health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” Identification with the egoic mind is the sickness and Samadhi is the cure. The saints, sages and awakened beings throughout history have all learned the wisdom of self-surrender. How is it possible to realize the true self? When you peer through the veil of Maya, and let go of the illusory self, what is left?

How comfortable are you in silence? ... How long can you stick with it? Before your mind starts asking questions. Do you fear something is going to happen after staying in that space for too long? Like some kind of event is going to take place after a while? Maybe death? Are you afraid you're not ready for that yet? Maybe there will be an awakening. Or even... enlightenment. Now that would be something. And what would that mean? Maybe you'll change. Become someone else completely. Something else, completely. Or dissolve. Maybe. ... ... ... Or maybe silence is just, you know... ... Silent. And maybe that's all it will ever be. Just that same silence that was there when we first started this contemplation. The exact same. And it will be like that five hours from now. Ten thousand hours from now. And so you'll find that after five seconds of silence, you've come to know eternity. That was it. Already! ... But then suddenly a voice was heard. Asking itself wether it was comfortable with this silence or not. If maybe after a while some kind of event, like death, or enlightenment, would start to take place. And the silence was lost. Or so it says to itself. And it goes on and on like this. Not seeing the joke of it all. Not realising you had it the very first second! And everything you'll ever imagine it could be or become is simply projecting concepts onto that same empty silence. You're expecting things to happen from a being that is simply silent. And that's kind of unfair isn't it? Because it can only be itself. Silent. ... And yes, still, form may change. Ego may dissolve. Love may arise. Awakening may come. But it won't be any different than whatever it is that is here now. Cause before all that there is just that ever-present silence. And its YOU! So if that silence is ever-present... so are you! Cause what else is there? But silence... What a relief! You're completely safe! So how comfortable are you with this silence? How comfortable are you with yourself? The next time in meditation where you find yourself in a rough situation. Lost in a web of thought. Just keep reminding yourself. Anything you fear could happen, is just a projection onto something that is incapable of happening, for it is here already. It can't happen. So in the same way, your enlightenment can't happen. It is already here. Patiently waiting for you to claim the truth of it. Or shall we say, unclaim that which is not. So keep asking yourself, how comfortable am I in this silence? The answer to that will reveal what's next for you. I hope this contemplation has showed you that there is nothing to fear. This silence is not something new that is going to occur. If you've been meditating you know it already. So, keep that in mind in meditation. Maybe it will ground you like it has done for me. I used to be scared shitless everytime I entered this silent stream for just a tad too long. But it is here where transformation happens. By not running away from it. Realising your safe. You'll get so comfortable in this silence that nothing will ever be able to destabilize you again. In time you'll be reborn. Awakened. Enlightened. Someone else completely. Now how did that happen? Felt like sharing this. Hope it helps. <3

This is a common human/personal experience. I think it may be beneficial to make distinctions between: awakening and personal development ; between personal and transpersonal ; and between absolute and relative. This are common terms pointing to the same essence. If these dualities are seen unclearly and get conflated, additional inner turmoil can arise. This is mixing up awakening and personal development. The awakening is Presence. That's it. Whatever is happening Now. That Presence may be uncomfortable or comfortable. That Presence may feel hard or easy. It all just IS. That is an absolute awakening. Whatever is Now is Now. There is nothing "more Now" than "another Now". There is a singular absolute IS. . . Personal thought stories can appear Now, yet those thought stories are no more or less ISness than bird chirps. The thoughts stories are relative to the person and important to personal development. Such thought stories may include "That meditation session was uncomfortable, I thought the whole time - it wasn't very productive" or "I wasn't very conscious that meditation session. I'm not making much progress anymore". In terms of awakening, these are just thought appearances happening Now - there is no "me" to take ownership. In terms of personal development, these thought stories have a personal owner "me" and it is important to the personality and for personal development. I think it can be helpful to make this distinction. Here there is a conflation between transpersonal awakening and personal development. The thought stories about "making progress" is a construct relative to the person. There is an idea of what "progress" is. For you personally, progress means feeling present without distractions or staying focused while reading. This is important at the personal level for personal development. That's awesome. Yet awakening is trans-personal. This involves detachment and disidentification of this personal construct. Here, awakening would be the realization of Now. Whatever is happening. Staying focused while reading is Now. Being unfocus while reading is also Now. They are both Now. It is the personal thought stories saying that "focused Now" is better/more spiritual than "unfocused Now". As well, it is the personality creating thought stories that feeling "motivated Now" is better than feeling "unmotivated Now". That is important to the person/human. We live our lives as a personality and it's part of being human. Yet I think it's helpful to see the distinction between personal dynamics (making personal progress, feeling motivated) and transpersonal dynamics (whatever is happening Now, IS happening Now). Both have value. I think the underlying source of energy is important here. . . As the person awakens to absolute Now, there is often an energetic shift from personal to transpersonal. This includes what many refer to as "ego death". When the personality is transcended it will feel like a form of death, because it is the end of the personality as it was known. It is like playing a character in a movie and for your whole life believing that character. Then one day the character realizes the whole story of the character is just a story, that there is no "me". This was depicted in the movie "The Truman Show". At the end of the movie, Truman had an awakening that his whole identity of "Truman" wasn't real. His whole life story wasn't real. This created a crisis in Truman - if he isn't this Truman character who is he? If his whole life story wasn't real, then what is real? He went through a form of "ego death" in which Truman as he knew it died. This can be really hard for him to walk through, accept and surrender to. . . There can be a lot of resistance, pain and depression at this point. It is the point of "I don't know what the heck is going on". At this point, there can be an expansive energetic shift that transcends the personality into a "transpersonal realm". Or there can be an energetic contraction back into the personality. Both can have similar thoughts and feelings, yet there is a different source of energy and orientation. In the process of transcending the personality, questions may arise such as "If there is no me and all Now is the same, then nothing has meaning. What is the purpose of life?". There can be a sense of sadness as the personality is transcended. Almost like the sadness of a child when they realize Santa Claus isn't real. From trans-personal energy, this will open up a whole new world of curiosity, exploration and discovery. Yet when there is still attachment/identification there is an underlying question of "What's in it for me? This realization sucks for me. There is no meaning in my life. There is no purpose in my life". This is contraction back into the personality. . . For most, personal transcendence involves a "no-self" awakening stage in which there is immersion into "no me", "no doer", "everything is nondual". This is helpful because it provides contrast for the opposite personality dualism 99.99% of people are immersed into. It's an important stage of development, yet the "personal vs. transpersonal" duality will eventually collapse as well, yet you are not at that stage yet. To me, it seems like you may have gotten a couple brief glimpses of awakening, yet you are still deeply immersed within the personality of "Don". It's all getting contextualized relative to "me" to the story of "Don". You just haven't had sufficient direct experience needed to transcend this personal story/identification. One can work on both awakening and personal development. Even after awakening, the personality appears. The story of "me" appears. A life history of mental and physical conditioning appears. For example, while I'm at work there is a character that appears to interact with my co-workers. There is a story of "me" that appears. This is necessary to interact with other humans and has practical value. As well, previous life conditioning may appear. If someone has a broken arm and awakens, they will be awakened with a broken arm. Similarly, if someone has conditioned neurosis due to previous trauma, they will be awakened with neurosis due to previous trauma. Awakening often relieves a lot of this, yet it still persists. The show goes on after awakening. Personal growth is infinite and will continue for the life of the being. Even after realizing this, many beings still experience patterns of conditioning. For example, a few months ago a physical condition appeared in my body that was extremely unpleasant. At the personal level, I couldn't make it stop and felt it would go on forever. This triggered extreme anxiety and panic in my mind and body. The "flight or fight" response. I decided to get some EMDR therapy and with the assistance of the psychologist, we were able to revist previous traumas in my life in which "I couldn't make it stop and felt it would go on forever". We were able to explore the roots of this conditioned mental/physical response and unravel it. There was a release and now my mind and body no longer goes into anxiety and panic as a response to the discomfort. And absence of meaning does not mean "no meaning". Assigning "no meaning" is assigning meaning. It creates a "meaning vs no meaning" duality. For example, there is an absence of meaning for trifloz. There has been an absence of triflioz meaning your entire life and this never bothered you or excited you. However, if you spent your whole life seeking meaning of trifloz and then decided that trifloz is meaningless, that would be a very different dynamic and the human would likely suffer. What is the point in living in trifloz is meaningless?. . This sounds silly with something like trifloz that is irrelevant to you personally. To your well-being and personal survival. If you believed trifloz was essential to your personal well-being and survival, there would be a very different psychological dynamic.

@Inliytened1 Logic collapses. How deep it goes actually. Well I say It's not All unicorns and rainbows you really really have to be Godlike to go al way through and humble enough to ask for help when needed. Really Wish to Thank @Nahm for All help without him I Will Just not make it. Great to have some sort of support in All of these. It is Just difficult sometimes. I deeply beleive All Awakened faced same stuff. Ask and you shall be given. Reality is Pure Love Nothing is possible without it.

Yes and no at the same time. It depends the source its coming from. If you are not fully awakened yet, it will make ego stronger. After complete self-awakening, then you can still have hobbies that may be help you develop and others like sports, Martial arts, painting, music etc. Habits would not be unconcious, but just a concsious routine to make progress on a certain goal. Your purpose could even be to have no purpose at all and just experience this life through this body and mind to its ultimate level. And personality creation is the root of ego, this is identifying with everything that is not you and carrying it out like a golden shiny amor that is useful occasionally. But instead, in a concious manner you can choose thoughts and feelings for certain social situations and give the illusion of a personality without having one in order to not be awkward and be a better communicator. So yes, personal development in that sense contradicts spirituality since it consists of more karma and junk for the subconscious. Nevertheless, even if this strenghtens the ego it can help you on a superficial level and then you can deconstruct ego but it will be more work. If you just fully awaken you will have everything at one shot.

I have a question for y'all enlightened folks out there. Perhaps this is just a paradox that I can't grasp yet... but wouldn't strengthening the ego through personal development make it harder to awaken? For example, knowing your core values, studying your personality type, developing hobbies, pursuing a life purpose and any other domain of self discovery, aren't these things all building up the ego? Strengthening the self image? And by developing the self (ego) wouldn't that contradict the whole self destruction process of realizing no self/enlightenment and make the process harder? Like you're walking in opposing directions at the same time? I'm simultaneously building myself up just to break myself down and it's fucking with my mind. Pls halp.

@Inliytened1 yeah i dont see why this is so hard for me i keep getting dragged down by my ego ive litteraly realized nothingness from lsd and have been awakened i just cant shut my egoic mind up

I think that this episode was exceptionally deep even for Leo's standards. I also think that this one video crystallizes the value and importance of psychedelic investigations. I think it a valid path to use psychedelics with weak embodiment for a year or two, using that time to be conscious of all of these 30+ insights. And then going through the meditation/yoga path to strongly embody these insights for the next 30 + years and also doing psychedelics on the side if need be. I think this is not only valid but a solid strategy overall if you can execute it properly. (I'd personally do the psychedelic investigation at this depth AFTER I've relatively mastered the samatha path which usually takes at least 3-8 years of intense hard work. Until then, I'd casually do psychedelics. But I understand that both of these strategies have their own pros and cons.) See if you can combat the certain negative effects psychedelics can have while becoming conscious of those 30 shocking insights in such a short amount of time. The ego backlash, quick psychological dis-integration and energy problems can be 10 times more severe compared to the experiences described in 'The Dark Side of Meditation' episode Leo talks about. Even if you are meditating while becoming conscious of these insights, they can still be very disruptive psychologically and emotionally. Just because Leo is handling it easily doesn't necessarily mean everyone can handle it. So keep that in mind. The only issue I've observed was the claim at the end that 'Becoming conscious of these insights won't solve the problem of emotional mastery. You can still identify with emotions, experience deep sadness etc.) This claim must be said within the confines of the psychedelic-heavy path. Once you have the skills to be conscious of these insights sober (not even embody deeply), your existing skills of emotional mastery MUST be on advanced levels to even start this process of insight enquiry for most of these 30+ insights. On the samatha-vipassana path, your development of emotional mastery comes as a preliminary work prior to insight penetration on suffering, unconditional happiness, love and impermanence. In fact, emotional mastery is the requirement to do long 4-8 hour long SDS sits. It is a mistake to assume people do such practices with a lot of pain or suffering. After mental and physical pliancy develops, you are not nearly aware of the body boundaries as a beginner usually is. Adept meditators not only cultivate unconditional happiness and joy but also delve deeper into some of these 30+ insights within those hours. So if you are at this level, the samatha-vipassana path already trained you deeply in emotional mastery. You are better at handling emotions than 99.9 percent of people at this point. (the rest 0.1% are deeply awakened people who've not only mastered samatha but also embodied the insights). Compared to this weakness of psychedelic-heavy path and dry insight methods, this is one of the major advantages of the samatha path. (Which includes all forms of jhana practices as well) At that level, you could easily deal with any negative emotion by applying many antidotes. Here are a few: 1- There is an automatic mechanism called 'Mind Unification' that develops which creates an overall reduction in resistance to ALL negative experiences. 2- You can do a jhana practice where you cultivate joy and happiness and dwell in it until it intensifies to an anti-depressant- SSRI intensity of pleasure and joy. Cultivating positive mental states has a more radical effect on adept meditators than beginners. This is basically a resilient but temporary form of unconditional happiness. 3- You can turn towards all negative/positive emotions and see their impermanent nature. (This requires sufficient embodiment of impermanence. If you don't have that, you can't do this process reliably.) 4- You can maintain metacognitive awareness on mental states which arises as a reaction to negative emotions. This is a similar insight practice to Mahamudra. You constantly monitor the mind for potential dullness, distractions, aversion, craving and emotional mental states. This introspective awareness can eventually result in insights related to no-self, suffering, emotions and many more. It is a powerful form of meditation. In fact, this is my current primary method of investigating the mind. 5- You can focus on a narrow or broad meditation objects and stay in access concentration with awareness until the negative emotion slowly dissolves due to focusing away from pain. 6- You can get to high levels of equanimity and do noting (not labelling) practices to the negative emotions with detachment. Eventually, the pain wil go away and show its impermanent nature. You can do most of of these antidotes without being conscious of majority of those 30+ insights. As I've explained in previous posts, you don't necessarily need fully embodied awakening to feel radically happier. At the advanced levels, certain skills you've mastered might mimic 'Awakened Consciousness' so much that it might be mistaken that person has deep insight embodiment or is definitely 'woke' (since he/she can do 8 hours of SDS in lotus posture, cultivate joy and happiness in the blink of an eye etc.) An awakening embodiment will make these skills way more deep and powerful. But emotional mastery, in its practical form is possible prior to awakening. In fact, this is one of the biggest reasons people do samatha-vipassana as a path towards awakening.

@mandyjwDon't assume anything unless you've taken a Psychedelic. I had no awakening during my first trip but they sure as hell rocked my world, if i had not awakened, they'd have been the THING i feared the most in the entire world Basically they lead the ignorant to questioning more about what reality entails

Didn't Eckhart Tolle have to go through decades of mental suffering before he awakened?

Oh they can be, it all comes down to how much you resist the truth. If you are already awakened to your truth, psychedelics become far more permanent because you already know your true nature so there will be minimal resistance but if you do not, then you will resist because you still cannot handle that much truth/depth because you still have a lot of inner-work and purifying to do so. You have to suffer, to have to experience, you have to live, you have to die! Welcome to life, there are no shortcuts

Unconditional Love is not a feeling its not bliss, sorry hun. Unconditional Love is Uncondtional Love. Unconditional Love is suffering on behalf of your students. taking on their pain so they can see and think clearly at the end of time, when all your students have awakened. onlt THEN is Unconditional Love a source of bliss. Grow the fuck up

00 - Prologue ~ Ok, so I want to write this journal to inspire others. I finally awakened and knew myself. It was similar to Ekhart Tolle, I suffered so much that I hit rock bottom, then things started going upward after I contacted a good ol' internet friend my age (21) whom I met at a psychiatry back in 2012. He told me to get help and promised it will get better and offered empathy... Then read some older replies to a post of mine. I need some post-trauma healing and minor shadow work (and a part time job for a decent income), but I am wise enough and now I implemented everything I learned from actualized org and friends and family and throughout life in a short period of time (say 3 months..). I matured. Solved the maze. Still get ego backlash rarely but it ain't that bad and I can make it go away with self control. ***Note: I didn't read or watch everything from Actualized, but what I read and listened, I implemented. I am too weak right now and my mind can't take more info from Leo vids, he is too advanced. Maybe older ones.. Much respect, @Leo Gura! Thank you for being part of the process and helping me find "da wae!" ? I am NOT a fan of "I'm enlightened ask me anything" journals. You can ask me advice here or in private, (I prefer here so that others can benefit as well, but message me if it's important or sensitive topic. If you can (only if you can cause, I don't mind much haha), pretty please don't use "woo woo" terms and occultist jargon, or over-complicated mental-masturbatory philosophical ideas. Thankies! ? Be honest. Be pure. Be direct. Be clear. Be concise. Be objective. Keep it simple and to the point. Ask many questions. Give detailed info so I can give detailed solutions and advice. I am gonna use this thing as a daily journal as well. To track my growth progress. Easier to track here than on paper. I am not on computer much cause I'm out in the world doing stuff, living life. I spend minimum 5 hours outdoors and / or in nature every day and the rest of the day is spent exploring creative ideas and chatting on Messenger with friends whom are materially more successful than I am at the moment. Which is normal, we are all unique. I am going at my own pace and I have different needs atm. I'm also going to share inspiring photos, quotes, books, music, art, people, tips and advice. I might add astrological notes, videos and article links since I want to learn to read a chart properly. I will share occasional self-created art. Digital, graphite and paintings. Maybe also photos or vids of my life stuff....... I plan to structure this like a book. Will see.. Wish me good luck and good health to keep this journal project going! ? -- 10/oct/2019, 2:27 am

Gurdjieff International Review https://www.gurdjieff.org/ Gurdjieff's Allegory for the four bodies Carridge = physical body Horse = emotional center kedsjan or Astral body Driver = Intellectual center = higher Intellectual Master/Awakened Being = connects with Causal body or Imaginal realm

Oh boy I had a dream which had three level, in each of them I awakened, realizing it was a dream, then soon after I was in another, totally unconscious again. This was such a mindfuck that I was shaking and crying in my bed telling myself "I'm still dreaming, I'm still dreaming, I'm still dreaming" I only remember the last level of the dream, in which I was seeing a guy (that I was identified to until I awakened in the dream) with a burned face trying to kill the computer from "A space Odyssey". The computer was saying "I did this to you forever, and will continue to do it for eternity". It wasn't the computer talking actually, it was me. Then I woke up as Shin.