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The user DOtheWork recently created a thread, and unfortunately it got locked as soon as I posted my reply, so I have to post it here: @DoTheWork This is NOT "total awakening". When one is always living in the present in the moment, boredom simply doesn't exist. This is a classic example of ego thinking it totally "awakened". Take a break from psychedelics and work on observing your own ego-mechanism. This is a very serious issue, because a lot of people with big "spiritual" egos who start doing powerful psychedelics, very frequently delude themselves during the trips. What happens? The ego sneaks through the backdoor and starts to overtake the narrative. People report "channeling", talking with "entities", , living in many different dimensions at the same time, etc - not recognizing the imagery that they see and experience during the trips is just part of divine imagination. Because of this, a lot of people including LEO, delude themselves very heavily and think that they have "directly" experience something, when it was just their ego operating. (example: Channeling God, keyword "channeling" ) This is coming from somebody who has done a lot of psychedelics (including 20 5-MEO DMT trips and 40+ N, N-DMT). It is a huge trap (one of many), that even LEO as you can see is not immune to. Transcript of what that user posted can be found here: ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I consider myself being twin of Leo... I have experienced all of the stuff he talks in his videos + have very similar personality. My background: 30 y/old male, Europe Many years of HARDCORE spiritual path. - Clean eating, mostly RAW (no wheat, no dairy, a little meat) - Being aware ALL DAY LONG - 16 hours a day - Contemplation and Self Inquiry 3 hours a day - Meditating in PITCH BLACK room 3 hours a day before midnight (strong determination sitting) - Concentration exercises - ejaculating max once per 2 weeks - Psychedelics (often): 15x 5-MeO-DMT HCL trips 30x 5-Meo-DMT Freebase trips 20x 4-Aco-DMT Fumarate trips 35x DMT Freebase trips 8x DPT trips 60x Weed trips 5x LSD trips 10x 2c-b trips + some near death experiences And some others. Many of my trips happened in pitch black darkness. Always WITHOUT trip sitter. I have had many "TOTAL" awakenings + experienced many paranormal, mystical phenomena and Kundalini awakening. Third eye opening etc... I have experienced many logically impossible experiences. Sober or under psychedelics. I consider myself Awakened consciousness, yet there are infinite degrees of awakening more left. DO YOU GET IT? After MANY infinite trips you will get it. YES, there are degrees to awakening. I have experienced MANY lifetimes. In fact, I have experienced ALL possible lifetimes that have existed, exist now or will exist when having many of my mystical experiences. I have had trips, where I experienced ALL POSSIBLE LIFETIMES OF ALL POSSIBLE CREATURES in 6 hours. Entire lifetimes... YES! All possible creatures. 5-legged ones, or just beings made of energy only, or creature with not 5 or 6 senses but 300 senses etc... Sounds impossible? Well... If you do HARDCORE practices, you can experience many hardcore stuff. This story about Big Bang and Planet Earth IS JUST ONE OF INFINITE MORE STORIES in infinite more dimensions. I attained THOUSANDS of "spiritual" insights. Most of them are impossible to put into words and sentences. "You are God" is just one of INFINITE MORE SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS. I can't describe this statement more, because of the limit of language. There is INFINITE deepness. In other dimensions I took psychedelics 10000s times potent than DPT. There are infinite more colors than you can see now in this current dimension. Be very open-minded reading next lines please. After many years of being "spiritual"... After my last awakening, I realised that this whole spiritual path is just ONE story of infinite other meaningless stories. Chasing this whole "who am I?" thing is just of many possible stories and is AS MEANINGLESS AS ANY OTHER STORY. I awakened to total meaninglessness. TOTAL. THERE IS NO OTHER PLACE TO BE. I can't escape THIS being. There is only being. I experienced that no matter what I do, even if I kill myself, I will be reborn infinite times more. In fact I have literally physically experienced dying and killing myself in other dimensions just to realise that I can't escape this BEING thing. After you die, you can choose to "enjoy" formlessness for infinity. BUT that infinity is so infinite, that is finite. Basically, that INFINITY will feel like blink of the eye, and you will get "bored" and will reborn "instantly", after you get bored being formless. READ THAT AGAIN. In other words: HUMAN DIES, BABY IS BORN. INSTANTLY. You can't escape... There is only Existence. No form of suicide is enough. Thanks to this insight, this exact life that I live now, is exactly good as any other life. No life is better than other life. Thanks to many mystical experiences I realised that businessman has his sufferings and joys, is the same as homeless man has his pains and joys. No difference. And here comes my question.... Question that no one of you can answer... Because I have used infinite times more potent stuff than your tiny limited human mind, YET I am still searching for answer. WHAT TO DO NOW? The thing is, I feel like there is no higher "level" to reach. I have experienced mahasamadhi in other lifetimes, I have reached TOP OF THE TOP levels of Existence... I have experienced toppest of the tops, I always ended up in some limited dimension. And Now I want to suffer again. That is the reason I have chosen not to have mahasamadhi in this life (I had many opportunities to have mahasamadhi in this life) You were God infinite lifetimes before, and now you forgot you wanted to experience being limited again. You forgot you have put yourself here just to limit yourself again. JUST CAUSE. Because you can. I WANT TO BE HUMAN AGAIN AND TO HAVE ROLLERCOASTER LIFE OF EMOTIONS AND ILLUSIONS. I want to forget I am God... But I know too much. Too much.... I am serious. After TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT, after THE HIGHEST HIGH, there is only a way down. I just want to warn EVERYBODY: THERE ARE INSIGHTS that will destroy your life, your motivations, your everything. There are insights so shocking that will paralyze you. You will lose interest for friends, movies, music, just about everything. It feels like know everything, have been everything, been everywhere, have done everything... In every dimension I have lived, there is always this "OMG now I know too much, and there's no way back" level. After that insight, life in that dimension becomes very "meaningless"... In every dimension there are illusions similar to "Maya", just to protect you. To protect you from "knowing too much" so you can continue enjoying the show. It feels like the "secret" of Maya have its purpose here in this dimension. Knowing too much (being awakened) in whatever dimension leads to being unfulfilled. It's like cheating... Do you enjoy playing a game with "GODMODE: ON" cheat? If I could choose again, I would not choose to awaken. This world is made to be for unconscious beings. Now I have a 2 choices. Just watching everything, just observing this miraculous colorful explosion. orPut myself again into Matrix and forget who am I. And I think I want to forget. But how? How could I? How could I deceive myself again? Basically, I want to warn you... KNOWING "TOO MUCH" and being robbed of "mandatory" illusions will leave you unsatisfied... TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT leads later to total unconsciousness. It's a strange loop. Even being infinite love will soon or later lead to infinite suffering. You are THE CHANGE. You want CHANGE. Don't ask me why... YES, I am saying very radical stuff. I have experienced many lives in other dimensions being only "LOVE". But after some time, even LOVE will seem boring. You will not enjoy your "total awakening" to the infinity... At one point, you basically get bored and want to enjoy being unconscious jerk again... Soon or later, you may be interested in being Zen Devil just for the sake of doing it.That's why you see many spiritual gurus having affairs and being zen devils.There is something deep you can get from this post, but I don't know how to communicate it better, because I am not native english speaker. Have a nice day. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I consider myself being twin of Leo... I have experienced all of the stuff he talks in his videos + have very similar personality. My background: 30 y/old male, Europe Many years of HARDCORE spiritual path. - Clean eating, mostly RAW (no wheat, no dairy, a little meat) - Being aware ALL DAY LONG - 16 hours a day - Contemplation and Self Inquiry 3 hours a day - Meditating in PITCH BLACK room 3 hours a day before midnight (strong determination sitting) - Concentration exercises - ejaculating max once per 2 weeks - Psychedelics (often): 15x 5-MeO-DMT HCL trips 30x 5-Meo-DMT Freebase trips 20x 4-Aco-DMT Fumarate trips 35x DMT Freebase trips 8x DPT trips 60x Weed trips 5x LSD trips 10x 2c-b trips + some near death experiences And some others. Many of my trips happened in pitch black darkness. Always WITHOUT trip sitter. I have had many "TOTAL" awakenings + experienced many paranormal, mystical phenomena and Kundalini awakening. Third eye opening etc... I have experienced many logically impossible experiences. Sober or under psychedelics. I consider myself Awakened consciousness, yet there are infinite degrees of awakening more left. DO YOU GET IT? After MANY infinite trips you will get it. YES, there are degrees to awakening. I have experienced MANY lifetimes. In fact, I have experienced ALL possible lifetimes that have existed, exist now or will exist when having many of my mystical experiences. I have had trips, where I experienced ALL POSSIBLE LIFETIMES OF ALL POSSIBLE CREATURES in 6 hours. Entire lifetimes... YES! All possible creatures. 5-legged ones, or just beings made of energy only, or creature with not 5 or 6 senses but 300 senses etc... Sounds impossible? Well... If you do HARDCORE practices, you can experience many hardcore stuff. This story about Big Bang and Planet Earth IS JUST ONE OF INFINITE MORE STORIES in infinite more dimensions. I attained THOUSANDS of "spiritual" insights. Most of them are impossible to put into words and sentences. "You are God" is just one of INFINITE MORE SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS. I can't describe this statement more, because of the limit of language. There is INFINITE deepness. In other dimensions I took psychedelics 10000s times potent than DPT. There are infinite more colors than you can see now in this current dimension. Be very open-minded reading next lines please. After many years of being "spiritual"... After my last awakening, I realised that this whole spiritual path is just ONE story of infinite other meaningless stories. Chasing this whole "who am I?" thing is just of many possible stories and is AS MEANINGLESS AS ANY OTHER STORY. I awakened to total meaninglessness. TOTAL. THERE IS NO OTHER PLACE TO BE. I can't escape THIS being. There is only being. I experienced that no matter what I do, even if I kill myself, I will be reborn infinite times more. In fact I have literally physically experienced dying and killing myself in other dimensions just to realise that I can't escape this BEING thing. After you die, you can choose to "enjoy" formlessness for infinity. BUT that infinity is so infinite, that is finite. Basically, that INFINITY will feel like blink of the eye, and you will get "bored" and will reborn "instantly", after you get bored being formless. READ THAT AGAIN. In other words: HUMAN DIES, BABY IS BORN. INSTANTLY. You can't escape... There is only Existence. No form of suicide is enough. Thanks to this insight, this exact life that I live now, is exactly good as any other life. No life is better than other life. Thanks to many mystical experiences I realised that businessman has his sufferings and joys, is the same as homeless man has his pains and joys. No difference. And here comes my question.... Question that no one of you can answer... Because I have used infinite times more potent stuff than your tiny limited human mind, YET I am still searching for answer. WHAT TO DO NOW? The thing is, I feel like there is no higher "level" to reach. I have experienced mahasamadhi in other lifetimes, I have reached TOP OF THE TOP levels of Existence... I have experienced toppest of the tops, I always ended up in some limited dimension. And Now I want to suffer again. That is the reason I have chosen not to have mahasamadhi in this life (I had many opportunities to have mahasamadhi in this life) You were God infinite lifetimes before, and now you forgot you wanted to experience being limited again. You forgot you have put yourself here just to limit yourself again. JUST CAUSE. Because you can. I WANT TO BE HUMAN AGAIN AND TO HAVE ROLLERCOASTER LIFE OF EMOTIONS AND ILLUSIONS. I want to forget I am God... But I know too much. Too much.... I am serious. After TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT, after THE HIGHEST HIGH, there is only a way down. I just want to warn EVERYBODY: THERE ARE INSIGHTS that will destroy your life, your motivations, your everything. There are insights so shocking that will paralyze you. You will lose interest for friends, movies, music, just about everything. It feels like know everything, have been everything, been everywhere, have done everything... In every dimension I have lived, there is always this "OMG now I know too much, and there's no way back" level. After that insight, life in that dimension becomes very "meaningless"... In every dimension there are illusions similar to "Maya", just to protect you. To protect you from "knowing too much" so you can continue enjoying the show. It feels like the "secret" of Maya have its purpose here in this dimension. Knowing too much (being awakened) in whatever dimension leads to being unfulfilled. It's like cheating... Do you enjoy playing a game with "GODMODE: ON" cheat? If I could choose again, I would not choose to awaken. This world is made to be for unconscious beings. Now I have a 2 choices. Just watching everything, just observing this miraculous colorful explosion. or Put myself again into Matrix and forget who am I. And I think I want to forget. But how? How could I? How could I deceive myself again? Basically, I want to warn you... KNOWING "TOO MUCH" and being robbed of "mandatory" illusions will leave you unsatisfied... TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT leads later to total unconsciousness. It's a strange loop. Even being infinite love will soon or later lead to infinite suffering. You are THE CHANGE. You want CHANGE. Don't ask me why... YES, I am saying very radical stuff. I have experienced many lives in other dimensions being only "LOVE". But after some time, even LOVE will seem boring. You will not enjoy your "total awakening" to the infinity... At one point, you basically get bored and want to enjoy being unconscious jerk again... Soon or later, you may be interested in being Zen Devil just for the sake of doing it. That's why you see many spiritual gurus having affairs and being zen devils. There is something deep you can get from this post, but I don't know how to communicate it better, because I am not native english speaker. Have a nice day.

There is none. God is not infinitely powerful. That is why he succumbs to devilry, and all he can do is devilry and if he somehow escapes the wonderful hallucinatory fireworks of devilry he will be in an existential crisis so either he will commit suicide (finding the meaningless of it all) or become an existentialist like Nietzche (looking into the abyss, finding one's own meaning (Ubermensch)) , Camus (Rebellion) , Kierkegaard (finding solace in God). That is the consequence of the void that is created. And the only thing that God can do to avoid the above fates mentioned is to awaken to this void, and realize that he himself is the void. God is but a bubble of energy in a realm of infinite Gods.

Investing in real state is passive income for those who dont have creativity and skills to be an enterpreneur. Passive income or UBi is needed to escape wage slavery. And I doubt Yang 2020 will be elected. If I didnt have the guarantee that i'll inherit a propert and will rent it I'd have commited suicide or joined some remote tribe. For highly sensitive people being abused and milked like a cow at work is too unbearable for 65 years

Just a little report from a newbie to all of this work. Maybe this post can serve as inspiration to those who are just starting out. A lot can happen in just one year. And it’s one hell of a ride. Definitely not what I thought it would be. What I thought would happen was just me becoming a ‘better’, ‘kinder’, ‘cooler’ person… little did I know What I did Mindfulness meditation (Headspace app, went from 5min/day to 20min 2x/day) Yoga (Vinyasa style, 15 - 50min/day) Journal + Gratitude list (everyday) Cold showers, Shamanic breathing, Self inquiry (On and off) I also read about one book a week, I eat a very healthy diet and I spend a lot of time outside. I move a lot, don’t watch TV and I spend a lot of time with family and children. I sleep enough. But that’s how I always kind of lived so, I’m not sure how much this influences my progress. So here’s some things that happened (Please don’t ask me why those things happened, I have no idea) The first months I went full on head-in-the-clouds. People told be that it seems like I’m not from this world anymore, way too soft, out of touch with reality. Everything just seemed kind of magical and new, not in an extreme way but that was the tendency. When I think back now, it’s like nothing could touch me. But not in a good way, I wasn’t so caring anymore of others. I just couldn’t ground whatever was happening to me so I became a bit (very!) floaty. Everything just seemed like a beautiful dream. I was becoming lucid in my dreams as well. But I didn’t know how to handle this state. I couldn’t explain it to others, I seemed to piss everyone off all the time. Then I noticed that I completely lost my sex drive. This went on for several months. I didn’t want to engage in sex at all but at the same time I felt my love for people was growing constantly. I started to see how sex actually hurts most people. It doesn’t give them what they’re really looking for and me giving it to them wouldn’t make anything better. (Sex drive came back in the meantime but it’s different.) Then, after about 5 months I found Leo’s videos, which gave me some perspective on the path I got myself on. It felt like that was the time when I finally sat down with myself and got honest about all the work that will need to be done and the pain I have to get through. Every video I watched made me aware of all the things I had to work on in order to become a grounded, centred and stable person. I worked a lot on judgement (I was sooooo judgemental! Still am, but it’s getting a lot better) and self esteem this year. Overall, meditation helped me a lot with calming and focusing my mind. My grades were excellent last year and barely anything can still get me emotionally wound up. I feel a lot more in touch with myself and present with others. Just for that alone it would have been totally worth it. All that being said, there were still things I couldn’t get under control and that hurt me a lot. I sort of developed a very unhealthy relationship with food and my body and no amount of mindfulness could seem to help me handle it. It actually got worse which felt terrible. I still haven’t found a way out of this. I felt on the verge of suicide for some time and I can’t really explain why. I felt like if I keep doing all of this, I’ll go totally insane. I remember watching Inception and crying because it was so relatable and I felt like the woman that will end up jumping out of the window. I never actually did anything but it was like something inside of me wanted to force me to stop moving in the direction I did. (Glad that period is over ) Just recently I saw for the first time how much I’m hurting people, ALL THE TIME. Literally everyone around me. Even with my thoughts. I’m just trying to get to the top and push everyone else down. This was the most painful thing to realise so far. I don’t even know who I would be without this ‘competition’. It’s all of me. Seeing that completely destroyed me. It seems like my life might just be one huge unconscious pattern and none of the things I considered ‘kind’ were anything but selfishness. (Including committing to spirituality) Also, little troubles that I thought about working on ‘one day’ suddenly appeared HUGE. Things I pushed under the rug, like family problems, piled up like a mountain I couldn’t go around anymore. ____________________________ I had a handful of really weird ‘awakenings’ I guess. I can’t describe it other than ‘merging with reality’. It was beautiful most times. Everything was so clear and I had tears in my eyes feeling for the first time what unconditional love meant. Everything was different but also the same. I’ve never been so peaceful in my life. I felt all my senses at the same time and if I didn’t look at myself, I wasn’t sure where my mind and body started and where they ended. They were always caused by either a lot of suffering or intense amounts of love. Mostly by being hugely disappointed in myself, sliding back into binge eating, feeling super lonely or terrible about the decisions I’ve made in my life. And suddenly, lying on the floor crying, there it was. They lasted from 30 seconds to several hours. Afterwards I realised that I’ve basically been sleepwalking all my life. But that that’s ok too. It was also terrifying twice- like my insides were torn out and death is in the room to get me. I still have those moments of sheer terror during self inquiry. Like reality is way too direct and intense for us to really realise and it suddenly seems like a silly idea to push beyond the ego which protects us so beautifully from being overwhelmed by this. What now? In a way I feel like I made so much progress and on the other hand I know there’s so much ahead of me. I’m still so immature in many ways. My monkey mind is still crazy most days. Sometimes it even seems it has gotten worse But less and less can I justify doing things I don’t enjoy and lying to myself and others. I’m overall a lot better, calmer and grateful in my everyday life. I have no idea where all of this will lead me. I’ll just keep doing what I did and try to be open about what is coming up. This year was crazy enough. It taught me that life is absolutely uncertain and no amount of planning is really gonna get you anywhere on this zig zag journey. I trust that whatever comes, comes. All in good time. Lately I feel like meaning is gliding away and like I’m erasing myself more than really developing myself. But that’s a different story… But even if nothing happens ever again, I know that God exists, which helps me through everything in my life. I now understand how God can be ultimate ‘solace’ and what is meant by saying ‘Never stop trusting God’. It’s gotten me through everything. Nothing will take that trust away ever again. "Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." There’s no way back now. ____________________________ Thanks for reading. Share your story if you feel inspired. Thank you @Leo Gura, your content truly had a big impact on me. Even though I want to slap you at times

Dean Radin has posted a bunch of scientific studies about the evidence for psi phenomena. http://deanradin.com/evidence/evidence.htm He's also done some great talks that are on youtube about why the results are dismissed by the scientific community. Despite evidence, it is assumed that there has to be some unknown explanation because a scientist publicly announcing they suspect the implications are true would commit career suicide. From what I have experienced, it would be hard to prove a direct causal link between an intentional magickal act and its result. For example, someone may do a ritual to get some extra money before rent is due. If it shows up, a skeptic would just claim it was a coincidence. I think someone has to experiment with it themselves. Once the "coincidences" keep piling up, eventually skepticism melts because one runs out of contrived explanations. Even now, I still sometimes wonder if I am reading too much into things because the results can be so fucking weird to be real.

Yes Initially, something probably has to trigger anxiety disorder but once it's there, anxiety, fast heart rate can occur without any thought related to it. Even some period of higher stress can trigger it and then, once triggered, it may take even a few years to extinguish. One's vulnerability to anxiety disorders will depend on genetic factors mostly. My father committed suicide so there may be something to it. Fortunately, my anxiety has gotten much better over the past few months and I'm only taking a minimal dose of an SNRI. Hopefully, I'll be drug-free in the next 3 months.

Spiritual bypassing. Tell that to the families of the ones that committed suicide because they did not understand the lesson. Not cool. Have you watched the video I posted in your journal? You have a massive shadow relating to authority.

Hmm... how about every single suicide case? Misunderstanding lessons of life and killing yourself out of ego backlash? How about religious zealotry? Killing people in the name of God? How is that not an ego backlash in reaction to lessons of other religions? How about non-dual keyboard jockeys that advise people to meditate in response to every single problem of their life? Shoving all reactionary suffering into one bag called 'massive ego backlash' is like equating gym exercise with being hit by a bus. THIS is a form of misunderstanding of spiritual truths. Misunderstanding that lacks compassion. Did you forget that Jesus did have disciples that taught others on his behalf?

I've been in that exact situation before. It's gonna be really hard to make that work. Usually serious depression, anxiety, and low self esteem are a sign of some deeper trauma which she is avoiding/denying. Often it could be sexual abuse, rape, death of mother or father, etc. Serious stuff. This tends to go hand in hand with alcohol and substance abuse. So watch out. Such women get very needy, very clingy, very emotional, and they are almost impossible to help because they perceive suggestions to get help as an attack on their identity. As in, "Why don't you love me for who I am?!!!" A needy person is so desperate for love they cannot handle truth. The slightest suggestions for self-improvement trigger them. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy effect where their fear of being abandoned makes them so clingy that no healthy relationship is possible, thereby leading to abandonment, reinforcing the idea in their mind that they are unlovable. No serious communication is possible because such people cannot handle truthful communication. They want fantasy and sweet lies. Such people need deep therapeutic help, enormous self-help work, and lots of spiritual development. Unfortunately they tend to refuse any such thing -- making their relationship impossible. And finally when you try to end the relationship, there will be huge waterworks and the threat of suicide. Try to see what you can do. Try introducing her to some basic self-help and self-esteem work. But also understand that this person has deep inner wounds which you probably cannot fix. Such wounds usually take 10-20 years to resolve, and that's IF the person is interested in working on herself. Try to figure out what the root cause of her depression / anxiety is. Usually it's a traumatic childhood or teenage event. She is likely to hide such an event from you because she's scared that if you find out you will leave her. Such women often lie a lot to themselves and therefore will lie to you. It's part of her coping strategy to avoid deep truth or deep self-reflection. In practice such women can only be in highly dysfunctional relationships until they do some serious self-help work. If she has serious low self-esteem, chances are high she's got a history of abusive relationships. Try to dig into her history to get a sense of what you're dealing with. It could be some dark stuff. Don't blame yourself. Some women are just like this and cannot be helped until they seek help for themselves.

Caffeine is weird because unlike any other addictive drug that I know of, it actually appears to have a net benefit to health. Some of the benefits include (off the top of my head): increased longevity lower rates of suicide and depression lower rates of many cancers lower rates of cardiovascular disease I don't feel like digging up references right now, so if you want to investigate these claims, don't take my word for it and jump on google! These benefits are based on population scale studies, so there's no guarantee that caffeine is right for *you*, it just means that on average, most people are healthier when they drink caffeine.

@Fuku This is a great exercise against bias. I use it pretty much all the time, it almost became like OCD for me lol. Ok so let's try Life is hard, there is more suffering in life than pleasure and it's probably better never to have been. Arguments against: The ratio of suffering to pleasure may change for the better in the future Suicide is almost always possible for anyone all the time if suffering becomes unbearable so one may as well be born and keep on deciding whether or not he wants to live.

I am a 24 year old female, I have a full time job and I live with my parents because we live in a country where young adults don't live in their own apartments unless they get married. So please don't suggest "just move out". I don't want to play the victim here. I understand that I have 100% control over my thoughts and emotions, it is just that it gets so hard to maintain my good mental health sometimes while living in this fucking house. my mother is schizophrenic, depressed, and miserable. all she does is sleep, eat, smoke and sleep some more. my sister and I saved her when she tried committing suicide 3 times before. She is killing herself slowly by smoking 40 cigarettes a day and eating shitty food. She is also a slob and always leaves food and clothes and all sorts of rubbish everywhere, it's just insane!! i am the kind of person who highly values discipline and cleanliness and I am always cleaning up after her mess. She doesn't listen, I tried time and time again to help her live a healthier life but she just never listens. she is very irresponsible and apathetic. she is also very dependent on me, she refuses to leave the house without me, refuses to sit down with people without me being present, she lets me do everything for her, even dress her sometimes and she is not that old, she is only 60. I will not go into details about my childhood but i feel like i spent my whole life just taking care of her. Ever since i was a kid i was always responsible for her emotional and mental wellbeing, i always had to be her cheerleader, just begging her to get out of bed... and I always took care of house chores, cooking, cleaning, etc... I am a positive person. I want to live a good life. I cook healthy vegetarian food daily, I go to the gym and clean the house everyday. I believe in god, I pray, I love people, I love laughing, I love order, I love having a peaceful loving family, and I just love life! i am into positive psychology and spirituality and I highly value positive, healthy, good living. I have a full time job and I get home very late and all my time at home is spent cleaning up after her mess. I barely have time to take care of myself, for example (cook healthy meals, pray, meditate, exercise, read, rest). I feel like my whole life is wasted between my work and taking care of her. i cant even have the time to think about my career goals and plan for my future (which is very important to me). I believe that I am in full control over my thoughts and my perspective in life. but there are days when my mother's negativity is so overbearing and it cripples me and hinders me in my path to create the kind of life I want. how can I deal with this? how can I cope when things get tough? how can I accept that this is my reality and be happy regardless of my very negative surroundings? how can I accept her the way she is? how can I love the negative, irresponsible, miserable person she is and stop putting labels over things as (good or bad). how can i have the strength to keep my house in order as well as my work and my spiritual and mental health all together? TLDR; I live with a toxic mother and I need to learn how to accept it and not let it bring me down. help?

More Easter eggs from Dad, in the 1950's when everyone was afraid because of the Cold War my Grandparents attended a sermon by Hyman Appleman, a Christian convert Jewish man born in Russia, and became Christians. He told me a story about how he went a church Halloween party and he never went to their Halloween parties but decided to go last minute so his mother had a half hour to put together a Great Pumpkin costume for him. So he went disguised as the Great Pumpkin and no one knew who he was. There was kid who lived across the street from the church who was a "warlock". At the party he kept attacking dad and destroying his costume so dad eventually figured it was dark enough to get away it so he punched him as hard as he could and the kid left him alone. When the lights came on he saw who it was and was like "oh shit." Dad won the costume contest. He said the kid was always creeping around places and committed suicide a few years later. Last week he told me that he had an uncle who was great at identifying mushrooms and that he bought a new chainsaw and my Grandfather cut a tree down with it, and out came three snakes who were coiled inside the tree. My Grandfather was terrified of snakes so he threw the chainsaw out of terror. There's another story of him and my grandmother falling asleep in a field (not sure what they were up to at the time) and when he woke up a snake was coiled around his ankle. When dad and I left to take the dogs for a walk today there was a snake by the door and I pointed it out. When we returned it was still there stretched out across the doorstep and dad took a shovel to it as I screamed "NO!!" but he nudged it to move and it went in underneath their house.

My dad got fired from an office job. He worked there for around 25 or more years. He is obviously looking for a new job, but I feel unstable as well, when I see him stressed out. Last week he mentioned, that his friend, that got fired from a similar job killed himself, because he didn't know what to do next. I don' want my dad to commit suicide. We never really knew how to communicate, because he studied Economy and I did Art. Besides that, I think he is an amazing, funny and hard working person. I graduated on high school and I wasn't accepted to colledge, so I am looking for a job as well. I think this stresses him out even more, even tho he doesn't have to be worried, I know how to take care of myself. Last night, I believe I heard him puke in our toilet, when I was in the other room. I am not sure, if I heard right, but If I did I am worried quite more now. Any ideas what to do or think about if you were in my dad's situation?

The purpose of life is not living a life of happiness and pleasure The purpose of life is to die fighting for something greater than yourself. I always asked myself- How in ancient battles, medieval battles, knights and cavalries, and warriors at the vanguard could spearhead a charge at their enemy with all their ferocity. Isn't that suicide? It is. Death is not the problem. The problem is, not striving for glory.

Yeah Meditation is something like remembering or recognizing MYSELF. Yes in a sense it is suicide for psychological conceptual separated imaginary self(?)

Most welcome. I personally never have health problems from cannabis because i always smoked land-raised, heirloom and bio-dynamically/organically grown herb i either grow myself or source from small villages and mountain regions where there is minimal chance that herb has been hybridized or genetically modified or grown with any chemical use in any way by the hand of man. Strains these days have been mostly bred for THC and lost much of their THC/CBD and overall chemical balance that can only be found in strains of the land that have yet to be messed with by man but i have found taking high quality CBD oil 15 - 30 minutes before consuming a more modern strain of Cannabis which is usually mostly THC to negate the negative effects in the long run. These strains that i smoke are chemically balanced and THC/CBD is usually 1:1 or 2:1 at most and the high is much more pleasant, medicinal, psychedelic and spiritual. Nature makes everything perfect, we always go and screw it up. I did however experience many negatives as a teenager when i abused the herb and street weed was usually high THC low CBD and chemically grown. I was at a point where i stopped feeling everything due to excess use of herb and other substances paired with being a victim to all sorts of abuse and bullying, i was in a very dark place for almost a decade and weed was the only thing that kept me going and preventing me from committing suicide. Nowadays i am much more in tune with nature and my relationship with the plant is far more spiritual and medicinal than anything else. Its interesting because the less often i do smoke, the more i actually embody the plant teachings and live more in harmony with nature and in tune with spirit. Similarly for all psychedelics. Finding the highest quality plant medicines on the planet significantly helped me consume less and less because the experience is much more profound and spiritual, you no longer have the need to fall into lower conscious traps. Less is more

devilry is a contracted form of awareness, awareness is infinite therefore awakening and enlightenment is also infinite. Because non-duality is infact duality. There are infinitely many things that you can become more aware of as opposed to who am I, these are all the existential questions. You can not get away from answering them. They all must be answered and for a specific reason. You can not know the absolute truth if you do not know the absolute truth. The absolute truth is that emptiness is form, emptiness is formless emptiness is imperminance form is the same as formless and formless is the same as form At the end of answering all exestential questions, about who you are. You will find that all of these are not merely words. They are the absolute truth not only in actuality but in relativity as well because the absolute truth is the absolute truth and can not be otherwise. The point of life is to understand why it is here because without understanding why it is here... what would you actually know. Hence the self reference problem. The devil is the god himself unaware of the absolute truth due to the self reference problem of self -deceite and attachment to form. This is why buddha said that you must give up all your attachments to reach the end of enlightenment ... nirvana. If you do not know the truth. You do not know the truth and if you know the truth, it is an instant realisation. It’s not actually that shocking but it’s definitely very cool and satisfying to know why the hell im hear and what the only way to actualise your death truly is. You must take your own life with your own hands. A lot of materialist and spiritualist will think this is suicide. But what you realise is it’s very peaceful and beautiful really. It’s exactly How it should be. When your done playing outside, return home to the source. “Return to the market place” as the 10th ox herding picture says. The devil is the person who does not understand they must take their own life to truly die. The devil must die to the truth. The truth is absolute infinity and that’s who you are. The devil can not rule because the devil is imaginary. A being who is god and unconditional love for itself and free to do what ever they want and free to play however they want. Because the true self has unconditional love for the devil. The devil is unaware of himself as the devil because he doesn’t know what the absolute truth is. Therefore the devil must sacrifice himself to become god and take his own life. Because the thing the devil wants the most is to be loved by others. But he must realise at some point that the others are actually him and from there the path to reunification ... he has an awakening. But the awakening are confusing his own devilry gets in the way and the biggest obstacle the devil must face is to become godly and when he has all that temptation , love and joy and bliss he finally wanted and reAlised was the ideal. He must offer his very life for the thing he wants and that is to never have restricted form ever again. But the devil does not give in, and god is unconditionally loving. He finds a way deceive himself of the life he craved and wanted as he was suffering immensely when he joined trip so he tricked himself into thinking he had become god “the enlightened master” ... only to realise that the thing he wanted was to be free, to never have to see the former world ever again. So he devoted his whole self to completely leave his form and actualise the death he did not do before. Because he realised that what he did was imagine an idea of a spiritual path, the ideal way to prevent his own death. A last final attempt to lay his bed because he couldn’t let go and give himself up. So he came back to help and realise what he forgot. The thing he forgot was the thing he really wanted, the final thing he needed to do before he actually did it. He created the idea for others that the there was a god, a god named allah, bhraman and GOD. Then more devils came along and imagined the idea of a seperation between them and god. This idea became a core part of the path , a liberation a false freedom for the devil to enjoy. So that when his time was up he could continue to enjoy. He never learnt his lesson that in the end the thing he really wanted was to be god again. The idea of dying to enlightenment is a false death. It is the devils last dance with life. It is again the idea of dying to god imagined into existance. the idea of dying to nirvana is the actual death of the devil. His mahasamadhi date, his nirvana ... the actual death of the devil. Because YOU never absolute truth. The absolute truth is that you are god and you imagined all of this for yourself out of unconditional love to enjoy life and indulge in life, until you realise it won’t make you happy. The reason why seekers get trapped in false death is because they seek liberation from suffering. Even if they don’t admit it to themselves, their akashik karma can’t lie. When you pursue truth genuinely for the sake of perusing truth you arrive at the absolute truth and freedom from bondage. When he actually dies he realises he was never alive in the first place. But some can not take his so they created the false death. Because they did not go straight into death themselves and decided to come back and teach. Which is itself part of the journey for some. Buddha didn’t have the courage to take his own life. So he came back and chilled and decided to teach after. The devil is a devil until the day of his actual death. this is the story of the devil. Unconditional free will, is the free will that it is the devil himself that must take his own life. No amount of physical deaths will let him die. This is free will to live life as much as you need before returning back to source

@Nahm devilry is a contracted form of awareness, awareness is infinite therefore awakening and enlightenment is also infinite. Because non-duality is infact duality. There are infinitely many things that you can become more aware of as opposed to who am I, these are all the existential questions. You can not get away from answering them. They all must be answered and for a specific reason. You can not know the absolute truth if you do not know the absolute truth. The absolute truth is that emptiness is form, emptiness is formless emptiness is imperminance form is the same as formless and formless is the same as form At the end of answering all exestential questions, about who you are. You will find that all of these are not merely words. They are the absolute truth not only in actuality but in relativity as well because the absolute truth is the absolute truth and can not be otherwise. The point of life is to understand why it is here because without understanding why it is here... what would you actually know. Hence the self reference problem. The devil is the god himself unaware of the absolute truth due to the self reference problem of self -deceite and attachment to form. This is why buddha said that you must give up all your attachments to reach the end of enlightenment ... nirvana. If you do not know the truth. You do not know the truth and if you know the truth, it is an instant realisation. It’s not actually that shocking but it’s definitely very cool and satisfying to know why the hell im hear and what the only way to actualise your death truly is. You must take your own life with your own hands. A lot of materialist and spiritualist will think this is suicide. But what you realise is it’s very peaceful and beautiful really. It’s exactly How it should be. When your done playing outside, return home to the source. “Return to the market place” as the 10th ox herding picture says. The devil is the person who does not understand they must take their own life to truly die. The devil must die to the truth. The truth is absolute infinity and that’s who you are. The devil can not rule because the devil is imaginary. A being who is god and unconditional love for itself and free to do what ever they want and free to play however they want. Because the true self has unconditional love for the devil. The devil is unaware of himself as the devil because he doesn’t know what the absolute truth is. Therefore the devil must sacrifice himself to become god and take his own life. Because the thing the devil wants the most is to be loved by others. But he must realise at some point that the others are actually him and from there the path to reunification ... he has an awakening. But the awakening are confusing his own devilry gets in the way and the biggest obstacle the devil must face is to become godly and when he has all that temptation , love and joy and bliss he finally wanted and reAlised was the ideal. He must offer his very life for the thing he wants and that is to never have restricted form ever again. But the devil does not give in, and god is unconditionally loving. He finds a way deceive himself of the life he craved and wanted as he was suffering immensely when he joined trip so he tricked himself into thinking he had become god “the enlightened master” ... only to realise that the thing he wanted was to be free, to never have to see the former world ever again. So he devoted his whole self to completely leave his form and actualise the death he did not do before. Because he realised that what he did was imagine an idea of a spiritual path, the ideal way to prevent his own death. A last final attempt to lay his bed because he couldn’t let go and give himself up. So he came back to help and realise what he forgot. The thing he forgot was the thing he really wanted, the final thing he needed to do before he actually did it. He created the idea for others that the there was a god, a god named allah, bhraman and GOD. Then more devils came along and imagined the idea of a seperation between them and god. This idea became a core part of the path , a liberation a false freedom for the devil to enjoy. So that when his time was up he could continue to enjoy. He never learnt his lesson that in the end the thing he really wanted was to be god again. The idea of dying to enlightenment is a false death. It is the devils last dance with life. It is again the idea of dying to god imagined into existance. the idea of dying to nirvana is the actual death of the devil. His mahasamadhi date, his nirvana ... the actual death of the devil. Because YOU never absolute truth. The absolute truth is that you are god and you imagined all of this for yourself out of unconditional love to enjoy life and indulge in life, until you realise it won’t make you happy. The reason why seekers get trapped in false death is because they seek liberation from suffering. Even if they don’t admit it to themselves, their akashik karma can’t lie. When you pursue truth genuinely for the sake of perusing truth you arrive at the absolute truth and freedom from bondage. When he actually dies he realises he was never alive in the first place. But some can not take his so they created the false death. Because they did not go straight into death themselves and decided to come back and teach. Which is itself part of the journey for some. Buddha didn’t have the courage to take his own life. So he came back and chilled and decided to teach after. The devil is a devil until the day of his actual death. this is the story of the devil.

I hope you are joking about the suicide.

It's interesting that we collectively debate over which political or economic systems are the best, without first defining what paradigms we're using to define 'best'. Without addressing this, I think having abstract debates about politics/economics is pretty much pointless, as the fundamental forces that drive our opinions are different. So when it comes to these complex social systems, are you interested in 'fairness' as an end goal? Do you define fairness to be 'equal opportunity' or 'equal outcome'? Is there a point at which 'equal opportunity' will neglect those that need an extra helping hand? Is there a point at which 'equal outcome' can result in disproportionately high investment in certain individuals to the detriment of the collective? Or, are you interested in minimizing suffering? If so, how do we quantify suffering? Also, rather than focusing on how to redistribute resources, shouldn't we be more focused on how to make people happy with less? Isn't the addiction to finding meaning in material resources merely a pointer to our innate obsession with materialism? How much do we really need? Who is richer, the happy street sweeper or the neurotic, anxious multimillionaire on the verge of suicide? Who needs help? Unless the debate around these issues is sorted out, meaningful debates around higher order issues like economics and politics becomes a clash of definitions and obfuscated assumptions.

Of course you can kill yourself and become God whenever you want, no one is stopping it from you (except for people stuck in the dual and who think it is wrong) But still it is not the full answer. Duality is a a gift. It is not as boring as the nondual. That is why God decieved himself and contracted his consciousness into a person, human, or animal so he could escape himself from himself and experience the great beauty and value of a human life, the love, sorrow, hatred, jealousy, strife, suffering, bliss, gratitude of having lived as a human and having loved your loved ones, your spouse, your parents, your mother, although they are not real, but still a momentary escape to that special connection is what God wants. If you experience the non-dual while being in the dual, you can have the best of both worlds, you can have a synergestic effect. Full blown nothingness is a great thing, but living in the junction of the dual and non-dual isn't a bad experience either. And if you kill yourself again not having realized yourself, then chances are you will again decieve yourself and be reborn again into something which you intruth are actually not, and you will be running around in this duality for god knows how long untill slowly you start to question who you really are. The only reason the nondual is sought, is to take a break from the suffering of duality which might be (percieved as) unbearable. It's like in a dream a tiger is about to kill you, and awakening is like "Chill out, this is just a dream". However if you are enjoying this dream (which is the purpose of self deception, suffering is the side effect), then non-dual is useless. If in the dual you feel great because you feel like you are the most smartest, handsomest, talented etc person in the world, then nonduality destroys this dream and you are back to non duality and you go "Wow, I wish this was real. It was such a beautiful dream" Also do you see the connections between, suffering, seeking the nondual and suicide? Why do people commit suicide? To end their suffering. Why do people want a escape to the nondual? To end their suffering. Seeking nondual turns you into a God and ends suffering. Suicide turns you into a God and ends suffering. Non-dual = Suicide (of the dual) Suffering is the side effect of the pleasure of the dual. Arthur Schopenhauer used to say that humans are capable of great suffering because they are capable of great pleasure. While animals or lesser forms (which Schopenhauer calls the brutes, who live only moment to moment, suffer moment to moment and have pleasure moment to moment, contrast to that of human) can have neither or lesser of the 2, their experience is not as intense as that of the human.

Leo himself wrote on this forum that his life purpose changes everyday and he might even decide to commit suicide. He also says death is a good thing and even uploaded this video. He seems fond of death. His eyes glitter with enthusiasm when he talks about death. It's more difficult for a man with strong community bonds to commit suicide.

@outlandish Oh no mate. Its just a cute single little line of thinking, would not call it a theory myself, nor a bold claim. Its based on an impression I got from my empirical observations when I lived in Denmark. Seen a lot of self reported or acted out depression and lack of general life direction. I do not get it here nearly as much, people know what to get away from and that is enough to drive them like crazy. Just an observation mixed in with some biology. Part of that line of thinking was of serotonin being a crucial factor in depression, it is in the lack of it what makes creatures depressed. Sunlight does impact serotonin, but so do societal hierarchies :the more you can climb them and the worse the thing is you need to get away from, the better will you do at generating it. If fair play is present that is, if it is a tyrannical case, you will not. This is for humans, apes and it goes way further than that. its not just based on rats, we have human research and technology that does this, its the anti-depressant pill. @Aeris , and you don't need to death fight over cheese to get conflict. Just observe the greatest impression of the last movie you watched, and notice why you liked it. Conflict, all sorts of it. And conflict is present when things are different and not the same. So in one sense, the most depressed places should be the most tyrannical and the most caring. I also wouldn't call the Nordic countries socialist. I'd say they got a new thing going. A hybrid and I love it. Nor would I compare depression/suicide rates of any countries based on their political/economical systems myself. I think there is way more going on. It may be climate, culture, local genetic factors, geography, or a single overblown self sustaining local meme that leaks into the world. I wouldn't do the comparing it in the case of Scandinavia. They are the only ones on this planet that have that thing going as I am aware. I do not think the rates are reliable anyway, you will always get high suicide rates in the most corrupt countries, you can't let your cousin go to jail, you write that murder off as a suicide, its a common drill. Especially in 3rd or 2nd world countries. I am not disputing the Scandinavian rates here.