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A mental breakdown can only happen to a self that believes in the thoughts it experiences. If the thoughts and the mind are seen as what they are, a mental breakdown is not possible for your true self, only for the illusion that the true self experiences. So even if it happens, it's the illusion that experiences it, not you. An awakened being sees that so clearly that suffering becomes literally impossible, even if the illusion that it incarnates has a mental breakdown.

Preliminary: I want to preface this by saying I have no intention of disrespecting the established decorum of abstaining from ideological debate. For the purpose of allowing a thorough analyses of nondualism, I do not believe the following pursuit of transcribing complicated nuances into simplistic facets to dissect as I will attempt, to be at all contrary to the overall goal of actualization, rather this should serve to reaffirm one's justification in personal investment towards such a contentious worldview through an intellectually rigorous approach. I respect the work Leo has done, and I am frequently using his knowledge to gain a better understanding of non-duality, however it seems that his communicative style lacks effectiveness towards rational minded people. Non-duality as described by Leo happens to correlate very well with some credible scientific/rationalist models of reality, and unfortunately if this correlation were not so, I can say certainly that someone like myself would have confidently dismissed teachings such as Leo's as religious nonsense, and for good reason as I see it, which is ironically rather sick. I also believe people with like-minded sensibilities to my own regarding rationality are best equipped to truly decipher reality, yet these sensibilities typically do not allow receptiveness to teachings such as nondualism as described by Leo. Therefore there needs to be a thorough accounting of any intelligible pieces of evidence pertaining to this worldview, and a careful dissection of what the evidence means so that people like myself can be reasonably convinced. This is 100% an attempt to conform nondualism with a rationalist's paradigm, despite Leo's assertion that such a thing is invalid. If multiple plateaus of understanding for this concept exist, I can credit my rationality for leading me as far as I am currently, and I see no reason to forego a rational process when trying to further decipher reality. If such an epiphany presents itself that rationality is in conflict with true understanding I will reconcile this appropriately, but for now I can only rely on the mechanisms of thought which I am familiar with. What is Nondualism: As I see it, Nondualism is the ontological position that reality is ultimately a unified whole, and a "spiritual" theory of undivided/shared consciousness. This worldview is given credence by a variety of discrepancies between logical plausibility and the traditional materialist worldview. Materialism is the belief that objective physical matter is the basic building block of reality and that consciousness is an inadvertent consequence of physical processes. A nondualist's worldview entails the exact opposite in that all experiences must come from a singularity that encompasses all conceptual possibilities within, which would mean that there is no actual "self" because all is one. People claim that a "spiritual enlightenment" is possible through surrendering to the truth of "no self". Enlightenment is said to entail an awakening to the true nature of being and freeing your consciousness from the illusory nature of "self" which thus eliminates all suffering. When explaining this nuanced topic I don't find it helpful to immediately frame non-duality in a "spiritual" context. I'd prefer to address non-duality as it is described in scientific models such as Robert Lanza's Biocentrism or Chris Langan's Cognitive Theoretic Model of the Universe. Until a belief for nondualism has been rationally justified it will be referred to as "dualistic monism" to avoid conflating the two paradigms of mysticism and rationality. Dualistic monism has profound existential implications such as the infinite nature of consciousness and how it transcends your biological lifespan, as well as the eventuality of living all possible experiences. A careful examination of such a worldview is indeed warranted, there is a lot at stake. Evidence for Dualistic Monism: There is a limitation with how far you can reason to demonstrate such a worldview. Thankfully there happens to exist a variety of factors we can use to inductively reason with strong confidence that consciousness exists monistically. Deductive reasoning will never be possible of course, but the inductive reasoning is so strong I would argue it serves as equally compelling. The Double Slit Experiment, which proves spacetime and consciousness to be interconnected can be interpreted as strong evidence for dualistic monism. The experiment famously shows electron particles alternating states between "wave" (light) and "particle" (physical matter) positions which mysteriously depend on whether someone observed the act or not (mind-fuck). If the experiment was being recorded the electrons acted like physical particles, but if no recording was created the electrons would behave like a wave (which is strange enough in itself since electrons are small matter particles, let alone the absurdity of realizing the outcome was dependent on conscious observation). Here is a video if you are unfamiliar. Double Slit Experiment - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwXQjRBLwsQ I can't imagine being so naive as to intake this information and not come away thinking this experiment changes everything. If you aren't totally hapless you should realize that the nature of reality is completely up-in-the-air after witnessing this experiment. Such a phenomenon should only be possible in a digital world, or a video game. If tiny matter particles can be systematically demonstrated to have properties that react to awareness then it completely precludes the necessity for a materialistic worldview. When you are immersed in a digital world you are not surprised when objects impossibly teleport elsewhere because you know this occurrence was not really impossible since the physical world is only being represented through illusory means such as pixels, which do not need to conform to physical laws. The Double Slit Experiment undeniably demonstrates this is how we should perceive reality, such that if a tree falls in the woods with nobody around, not only does it not make a sound but there is not actually a tree, as conscious experience defines what reality is. Reality is best described as a network of every consciousness that exists rather than a physical universe that exists independent of conscious agents. Now that we have inductively established that consciousness is fundamental to reality we can investigate further. The fundamental role consciousness plays in reality should bring to mind some discrepancies or 'existential plot-holes' so to speak pertaining to life as you've been led to believe it exists. For myself, this evokes the obvious fact that average people are alive for 80 years, and the universe has existed for around 13.7 billion years. If what we are led to believe is true, that we live once and that's it, this would suggest a 1 in (at least) 171,250,000 chance of being alive presently. Your relatively insignificant existence should either [A: have passed ages ago] or [B: not be set to occur for eons]. In a materialist's paradigm, probabilistically, you should not exist. But we do exist, suggesting that consciousness is in fact infinite and not limited to our biological lifespans. Considering this probability alongside the double slit experiment gives an undeniable credibility to the idea of infinite consciousness. Even if you disregard the lifespan probability and the double slit experiment there is yet another way you can reason that your consciousness is infinite. Regardless of whether your consciousness is infinite, some careful reasoning would dictate rather unambiguously that infinity must be inherent to the structure of reality because the universe that we occupy is insanely improbable. In other words, there needed to be an infinite multiplicity of 'attempts' if you will, to get reality as it is. If you are a programmer like myself, you know that the intelligibility of any working system hinges upon factors upon factors and factors which just could not have accidentally aligned themselves unless there were unlimited tries. The fact that we have any observable universe whatsoever let alone the insanely intricate one that we have, is itself akin to having a working operating system with no software or interface installed, which obviously could not have come about accidentally, yet what we have can be likened to a fully configured operating system with profoundly intricate software and a multi-dimensional interface. This could only be the work of infinity, or an intelligent design. Regardless of whether there is an actual intelligent designer, we can reason that such a designer itself would be within the realm of infinity, possibly negating the need for a distinction. Because infinity must be fundamental to the structure of reality we can reason that whatever the case needs to be in order for your awareness to emerge, it must be happening infinitely throughout some facet of infinity which can never cease to exist nor cease to actualize new potentialities for your life to come about. To illustrate this, it's helpful to visualize imaginary code that theoretically equates to your existence in relation to the universe. Say that your birth is the following binary code: 010101101001000010010000010101000101011010010100001101010000010111101001000100010000110111100001010001011100100111110000100101110000010101011100001000001111 The true math/code/binary that equates to your actual existence is obviously much more complicated, but it is easy to imagine how after so many attempts it is inevitable that your numbers will eventually come up so to speak. It is undeniable that such a process of infinity is responsible for our universe, as there could not possibly be a working system of this order without infinity. We can therefore conclude that our own existence will always be present somewhere in infinity because anything that occurs once in an infinite span occurs infinitely so. It is thus required that a worldview of reality be adopted that accounts for the infinite nature of consciousness. Obviously when trying to decipher the true nature of reality we must start from absolute nothingness. Anything that exists can only be the consequence of that which already was, so starting from nothingness we can reason that nothing was even needed for reality to manifest, implying that all of reality is manifested within an inadvertent property of nothingness which must be indistinguishable from infinity itself. You do not need any universe or thing at all for certain things to be true. We can all agree it is true that 1 + 1 = 2 regardless of there being a universe or any thing at all. However this is an extremely simple "truth". In the realm of nothingness, there must exist an infinite multiplicity of truths, some of which are so intricate that they literally manifest entire realities within themselves. As a human being we can only imagine very simplistic truths, but when you're dealing with the nature of infinity, obviously this introduces more possibilities than we can comprehend. To continue, you need to be familiar with the definition of a tautology. A tautology is that which is true by necessity of it's form, or something that could not possibly be untrue. For instance, if a glass of water is half empty, it tautologically follows that it is half full. Similar to the unconditional truth in the number 2 which tautologically follows from 1 + 1, the truth that follows from "This statement is true." is also a tautology, albeit simple. Regardless of the language we use the sentiment will always be true, but we used English here, which is extremely simple relatively speaking. There are only 26 letters in the alphabet, and with these 26 characters we can convey just about anything. Now imagine a language that isn't just a finite set of simplistic characters, but imagine the language is made of every single stimuli and sensation you have ever perceived. Such a language could contain trillions of "characters" and these characters would be far more dynamic than a mere letter "A". Whether a language is a verbal one or it isn't, we know there exists an infinite multiplicity of syntactical arrangements for that language regardless. So throughout the entirety of infinity there exists an infinite amount of tautologically true configurations of linguistic logic, some of which undeniably give rise to complicated realities, as we are here to observe. Considering the nature of our universe and the complexity of life around us, it begs the question why does our existence (or our facet of infinity) happen to exist as it does? Why is it so sophisticated? If it were so that we are just experiencing some random possible instance out infinity why would our experience be such an intelligible one? Surely out of an infinite multiplicity of reality-manifesting tautologies most of these configurations do not reach the level of comprehensible intricacy seen in our universe. For instance, surely for every reality such as ours where intelligent awareness is created through even more complicated means of the environment, there must exist an onslaught of realities wherein the tautologically true configuration for what makes awareness consists only of that awareness itself, all alone, hardly able to discern up from down if at all, rather than an awareness spawned in a convenient world with what appear to be other conscious agents in it. Despite every unpleasantness people fail to comprehend how conveniently reality is structured. To put it simply, in a dumb-luck reality it would make a lot more sense to exist as a much less sophisticated being than how we currently find ourselves. It follows that the existence of infinity can be described as an infinite realm of potentialities contained within a spaceless/timeless singularity that inadvertently equates to an infinitely intelligent mind due to the interconnected state of nothingness separating all of infinity. Considering the unconditional truth of the number 2, which can tautologically follow from an infinite number of equations ([1 + 1], [2 + 0], [1/4 x 8] etc...). The infinite number of equations that allow for 2 to follow truthfully demonstrates that literally anything you can imagine must have not just one, but an infinite number of intelligent means of arriving at its tautological manifestation through infinite intelligence. This can only mean that the actual distinction between existence and non-existence is an arbitrary distinction being made by an infinitely intelligent mind capable of processing infinity by means of its boundlessness, and that the mind must be us, and we must each be one another, as we all must be derived from the singularity. This corroborates dualistic monism and explains why you exist as yourself, and not someone else. Because your current self is only a single facet of infinity, which is being intelligently cycled through. Implications of Dualistic Monism: It seems that in order to derive a positive outlook on life from this worldview a lot of faith is required. Does the infinite intelligence that imagined us into being truly care about it's own well-being? If it did, it would make sense to exist in absolute comfort, yet we find ourselves in a pain-filled reality where we can only hope that the spirituality teachers claiming it is possible to transcend suffering are not delusional. I would really like to somehow see it further substantiated that it is possible to live enlightened & without pain in this reality. It seems like sort of a sick joke that such a thing would be said to be possible. Why even bother becoming "enlightened" if it takes such rigorous devotion and would only take place for the remainder of this short lifespan? You would supposedly return to being an unenlightened plebeian for eons again after your death. Yes it serves reason that an infinite intelligence would give itself a means of transcending into paradise, but it makes even more sense for that paradise to already be present and not requiring some immense journey. I feel it is questionable as to whether this infinite intelligence is truly out to do good, or if it's an uncontrolled intelligence seeking to maximize its potential manifestations with an arbitrary goal in mind such as diverse spawn possibilities in a world that negates solipsism (the sense that no other consciousness entities exists). That seems to me to be the only goal of this infinite intelligence. When I first discovered Actualized videos, the correlation of spiritual enlightenment with dualistic monism made me very excited to find an actual worldview with mysticism that makes sense with rationality, I was not dismissive towards the spiritual aspects at all. However I am now beginning to find it questionable whether there is merit to spiritual development. I would like very much for it to be true that one can attain enlightenment and free themselves from suffering, but as I discover more people who claim to have had awakenings I encounter people who do not perceive it with the anticipated positivity it should warrant. There is an interesting web page accounting one "awakened" guy's interpretation of reality that got me to doubt whether enlightenment is worth pursuing. http://bergytheiceman.co.uk/ Very dark stuff, but it is well worth the read since he explains his "theory-of-everything" with much more simplicity than what can be found in Chris Langan's CTMU, which is also a good conceptualization of nondualism. My Intentions Here: If Leo is the only person you learn nondualism from it is easy to assume that his experiences must be credible. But when you see a lot of different perspectives it creates ambiguity in the validity of certain facets. I would really like to see as many perspectives as possible come together so that it can be most accurately discerned whether spiritual development is truly divine with unworldly benefits or if this is a delusion facilitated through use of psychedelics.

@Scholar Nicely put. Thank you. I choose the language of love and compassion Also; poetry. I often look at ego as a child playing on the playground, among all other kids. Sure they can get grumpy and even mean, but they're just innocent kids. They're learning. It would be ridiculous to call children immature and irresponsible, wouldn't it? All they need is a patient, loving and wise caretaker, to watch over them and guide them in the right direction. That is the role of awakened, heart-centered consciousness.

I would be careful with cause and effect. There are beings that have awakened to Being and Oneness through getting hit with a Zen stick. It wasn’t the stick itself and it’s not the philosophy itself. One cannot transcend reason through reason. Just as one cannot leave France by exploring Paris.

@Leo Gura @Inliytened1 There are beings that have awakened to Being and Oneness through philosophical induction. Why do you assume @dyslexicFcuk couldn’t possibly do so? Reality is full of endless possibilities

I attended an Ayahuasca ceremony last weekend, which was my second time drinking Ayahuasca tea. It was a religious ceremony so there was some chanting and question/answers periods, but I was so totally absorbed in my trip that I wasn’t able to pay attention to any of those. This trip was a TOTAL MIND FUCK. I was so mind-fucked I do not even know where to begin, or how to put anything in words. I remember during the peak of the trip, I kept repeating in my head: what was seen cannot be unseen, and ignorance is bliss. I had a bad trip last April during which I was sent to the hospital. In that trip, I was not sure whether I was alive or not. I felt that I was everyone and anyone at the same time. It took me months to overcome that bad trip. The reason that I am mentioning that is because as I began to feel the effect of the tea, it connected right with the last trip. The two trips merged and became one. It made so much sense how it connected and how this is the obvious path down the road. I felt stuck in this loop, the loop of trying to pursue the truth. I was then hit with the feeling that EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE. I cannot even tell you what made sense exactly, but I just kept repeating of course, of course.. But of course… of course I drank the tea to experience this, of course I had the bad trip, of course! I understood everything, EVERYTHING. Or so it felt. I understood what Leo has been saying all along. I understood every awakened trip reports I have read. I felt the circular nature of life. I realized that I HAVE NEVER lived. The realizing felt SO REAL, so convincing and life as I knew felt like a joke. I thought of my boyfriend and my parents and how they did not really exist. There really is only me. I saw it SO CLEAR that I can only repeat: but why, what ? Why? How? Ok but why? I wished I did not know. I wished that I did not take that tea. I also felt clairvoyant. I knew I wouldn’t believe what I experienced once I "come back" and I would be posting on the forum and asking questions but the answers seemed so obvious to me at the moment. And I knew there was NO WAY to explain this to anyone. That’s what I have been doing all my life, and that’s what ill keep doing, and that’s what everyone will keep doing, one way or another : pursue the truth. Once I was "convinced" that It has been me all along and all will merge with truth eventually, I saw life as no point. I felt that there was no point in doing anything at all. Nothing matters in this game called life, it literally , truthfully did not matter. Theres no point in asking any questions because I have all the answers in that moment, no point in judging, no point in hating or helping. The comedown was surprisingly smooth. However, I had this intense burn/hot/warm/energetic sensation in the perineum that was slightly uncomfortable. As expected, as the trip subsided, my life felt more real than that "experience". I only remember how convincing those realizations were, but they did not stick, and I am already doubting if that was just a dream. I did not feel being one with the universe or awakened. I think I was mindfucked more than anything. My main questionning is: how do I know if those realizations are absolute truth (as they undoubtingly were during the trip) or another belief/idea? Because it seems like they are highly influenced by what I have been fed such as "this is all imaginary" or "life is a loop" or "I never lived".. How come they felt SO REAL , and now I can barely remember it? any other pointers for me ? Thank you all for your help.

That's interesting. Though I must say to begin with, people's testimonies aren't that reliable when it comes to spiritual people unfortunately, albeit certainly spiritual people can make mistakes, whenever there is a person in the center of attention, especially a leader, or someone that is worshiped, that tends to pull out a lot of anger, distrust and jealousy in people, and especially if these people get invested into his groove of actions, parties and association, and they may be mocked in some way, people can explode, it's not uncommon to hear people wanted to kill or attack their spiritual teacher at some point in their relationship, truly. This in combination with the fact people can lie and gossip quite easily in in general (if you hadn't noticed), in combination with the fact that in his earlier stage, he actively mixed himself with the people, talked with them, hosted crazy parties, had sex with people, made fun of people, gave shaktipad transmission, spoke of his enlightenment, should inevitably create dramatic gossip and possibly or probably also false allegations, (I've even experienced this multiple times myself, I may sound arrogant here, but it's true, and one of the reasons is my own relatively developed spiritual state, although I don't consider myself enlightened, but the more unique and authentic you get, the easier you get slack from (normal) people, and perhaps even justifiably so to some degree, because you can bear and love more. And not to forget, lawsuits for the possibly pursuit of money. - All in all, I can't know exactly the things he did in the past, but from what I have seen so far, he was a deeply awakened man with a deep love for people and their enlightenment, he may have done negative things or he may have not, it's really hard to say, it may have truly been for the conscious sake of helping people go beyond their egos out of love, and that's what I tend to lean towards, also because I have met some long-term devotees for some time, and they were very genuine developed people, also listening to the long term (reasonable and genuine) devotees online, some of which had some criticism. I mean, this is an interesting shift when we come to the spiritual field, compassion and kindness are so important, at the same time is truth, and then bullying or making fun, can become a mature and reasonable thing ('again') when done in the proper context to people who say they are committed to go beyond egoity, it is true that we can grow the quickest in confrontation, and without a doubt, this man was extraordinarily funny. - Being 1/20th into it, someone exclaims: 'He kept complaining about how his devotees were falling short, without ever, ever holding himself at all responsible — after all, he was the Godman! And not just the Godman, but THE Godman.', This is already not true, he proclaimed he had failed, failed to help enlighten a greater mass. Also yes, he sounds extremely arrogant, perhaps because he liked to glorify himself and thought it was useful. Useful because through loving devotion or even simply gazing into the eyes of the teacher with openness can help you enter into their state, I can say this because I have experienced it myself with some teachers (by the way, it was always so shocking I resisted and came back into my own state). And saying he is the 7th stage realizer, the One and Only Enlightened Person, stuff like that, is something that I also think is ridiculous, but the funny thing about this enlightenment thing is that He Is You, which is what he says, so then how can he actually put himself above Ramana Maharshi etc. If he is them.. - It's a bit too long now to read the whole thing and comment on it, I may do so later, and I feel like I said the most important things so far. _ All in all, I can say also, I have experienced quite some beautiful and benevolent dreams with this manifestation of the universe (though I dream a lot in general), and from the videos he is incredibly wise, funny and deep, and he left a community of genuine people, whose core value is serious devotion to Truth, Love and Devotion, and left quite a few western Ashrams, whose communities are getting older, and who, as far as I have seen, need new young people, which is quite rare and interesting in and of itself. Also he has said a few times, despite also having said words can certainly have use; 'It's all bullshit what the guru says, and people meditate on that' (indeed how can the truth, love, be said), or 'It's garbage what the guru says and you are suppose to throw it away', like many other great masters have said, and that 'the only reason he spoke, is there to have be a reason so people can be in the room with him', in my experience this is true, the relation to the guru should not be an intellectual one, but something that is suppose to go to the deepest of your heart in every moment, and that will generally not happen through intellectual contemplation, so probably also quite easily misunderstood in this sense.

@Serotoninluv Sigh....Yes, maybe someday my mind can awaken to the point where I can comprehend the nuanced evils of eating tacos and owning a buddha statue....until then I suppose I will just have to keep spreading destruction and suffering with my cultural appropriation. If you happen to run across anyone that was injured or experienced suffering as a result from my taco-eating ways, please tell them it was only because I was not awakened enough to understand their pain and suffering......and then tell them to get a life

Obviously he wasn't anywhere near awakened, but his heart was in the right place and he was drawn intuitively towards Love, which resulted in his entire career and sense of life purpose. He's a great example of someone boldly following their LP. A lot of people following their LP intuitively simply because it feels right, without an deeper existential understanding of why they're doing it. That's a fine way to get started. Later, existential understanding and consciousness work can be added on top of that to take your LP to crazy levels.

@Nahm I had several non-dual experiences on Ayahuasca retreats. It was a long period of confusion and ungroundedness after. I struggled quite a bit, especially with my worldviews and outlooks being completely shattered. I found Leo's vids on youtube right after and have been following him since. I also don't think I'm awakened, so to speak, but had awakening experiences. I still struggle constantly. Talking about my Aya retreat seemed to turn a lot of people off, and yes, many of my behaviors and actions and beliefs changed, quite radically. I'm still integrating the experience and attempting to establish balance.

@cetus56 Hey there, I tagged you because you're the mod who saw my spongebob thread yesterday about the dangers of spiritual work. I had a very frightening experience tonight, may have awakened my kundalini and then i realized I am not ready for this at all. I am asking for any pointers or guidance that you or anyone here may have on how to put a lid on it. Here are the things that I am doing to put a lid on it: Grounding myself in my sense of physicality and materiality Connecting to the things that make me who I am as an individual Here are the list of things that I was doing that got me into this situation (these are the things that I will stop doing effectively immediately): Micro dosing (10ug of 1P-LSD) once every 3 days for almost a month now. Self-inquiry, specifically pointing the finger at the self Meditation, attempting to observe the observation Kriya yoga breathing during meditation, only for the last couple days Noticing the dream-like nature of my direct experience Questioning and poking at the nature of reality in general Sometimes in the morning I do bio-energetic wake up routine which involves slapping the surfaces of the body to wake up the nervous system for the day. This includes one point referred to as the jade pillow which involves simultaneously slapping the forehead and the back of the head when it's "done right" I can feel energy shoot down my spine from where I slapped the back of my head. In hindsight it feels like I was really dumb messing with stuff I was not ready for. Just like Leo said in his last video, I have to ask myself if I really want to give up the self and the honest answer is no, I am not ready to do that. My concern is that I triggered something that I don't have the skills or desire to follow through on. Again I am stopping all the activities that contributed to this happening in the hopes that my energy will calm down and be able to regulate itself properly again. I am not convinced that I have a full kundalini awakening though I can't be sure as this has never happened to me before. Can anyone offer advice? Thank you so much.

Being able to sustain exposure to any quality of energy and feeling without having to put up any sort of wall/block. Sensitive yet able to pass everything through without blocking it, still developing this. Any kind of situation is possible in life, being unafraid of physical harm from others for some reason causes others to never physically threaten you. However karmic/emotional ties/connections to other flawed beings still exists as some sort of subtle threat. Once again being truly unafraid of this seems to be a possible way to overcome this. On some subtle level almost everyone is being harrassed by countless tiny disturbances and being moved by them. Moving with them only strengthens them. There is some sort of powerful inner strength that needs to be developed to repel all of this chaotic movement. If you're "enlightened", or "awakened", you have to ask yourself, are you really unassailable, powerful, immune, free? If you search yourself and be honest have you really made it, are the understandings you have really enough to fully free you from human insanity. If a completely blind person can bring any kind of suffering into your life, something needs to change. If you are really of peace, love, freedom, kindness, empathy, the only reason not to bring all of that out in the face of fear is lack of bravery. If a fearful energy can penetrate you, if you can enter a room full of immense suffering, and not maintain your purely free energy, if it tightens up in any way, there is still work to be done. Cause how can you be free/immune and heal others if you are penetrated and brought down by this energy. This has been my main challenge, even as a kid. The change is the epiphany that love and peace can be very bold and strong, and horribly chaotic energy can be seen through and healed through intense, vigilante equanimous attention and fearlessness from not reacting and not running.

There are 100's of traps in this work. Your mind will be your greatest enemy. Here are the most common traps people fall into: Journal about these issues you are dealing with Chasing quick-fixes. Not wanting to explore issues deeply or solve problems at their root. Not taking ownership of your life. Hoping for someone to give you a 1-2-3 step formula for success & happiness. Trying to be like someone else rather than working to discover YOUR authentic self. Chasing ideals and ideas of goodness. Feeling like it's too late, I'm too old to change, I've wasted so much time. Staying loyal to toxic friends/family who are holding you back. Not reading, not learning, not doing enough research. Expecting this work to be easy and pleasant. Learning from too few perspectives, thus getting an incomplete picture, not having enough options. Judging, moralizing, criticizing, debating, arguing, blaming. Asking for "scientific proof", as if someone can prove quality-of-life improvements to you. Being so skeptical of everything that you don't put the theory into practice. Speculating about and conceptualizing enlightenment, mystical experiences, and spiritual growth. Clinging to a naive realist paradigm, believing that reality is physical, logical, and Newtonian. Assuming that modern science has figured out most of reality. Underestimating the massive negative effects of mainstream culture, diet, media, entertainment, beliefs, etc. Not understanding how happiness really works. Thinking that external conditions or possessions produce happiness. Chasing gross material pleasures. Confusing success with happiness or true growth. Assuming that successful people, like your favorite role-models, celebrities, professors, CEOs, etc are happy. Not recognizing that mystical experiences are real and possible for you to have. Becoming ideological about anything whatsoever (theory, techniques, science, logic, politics, etc), not realizing that all human perspectives are partial. Confusing Truth with knowledge/belief Assuming that reality is rational, mistaking scientific maps and models for being. Working a job/career just for the money. Being stuck in wage slavery, working a 9-5 job, not having control of your schedule. Eating the Standard American Diet of wheat, dairy, sugar, meat, and processed foods. Assuming that personal development is all mental work, not doing any development or purification of your body. Consuming mainstream media. Not realizing how toxic modern media and entertainment is. Not taking full responsibility for your life Whining and complaining about how your situation is unfair and impossible to change. Not valuing or pursuing truth for its own sake. Treating truth as a luxury. Dismissing theory, philosophy, and beliefs as "merely" philosophy. Studying tons of theory without ever taking action. Improperly balancing your ratio of theory to practice. Mental masturbation. Keyboard-jockeying: over-conceptualizing, discussing, talking shit, and speculating but never embodying what is talked about. Having a short time horizon for all your goals, plans, and projects. Over-packing your schedule, leaving no time to sit, think, or meditate. Valuing and pursuing gross experiences vs subtle ones. Assuming that consciousness is a physical by-product of the brain. Assuming that you are physical body, or etherial soul. Projecting onto the teacher you're learning from. Getting triggered by teachers. Holding grudges. Debating with them. Trying to school your teacher. Clinging to the idea of good and evil, not realizing that these are all your projections. Going on a crusade to save the world or vanquish evil. Getting overly focused on acting "good" in the external world vs working on your own inner demons. Assuming that if life is meaningless, that's a bad thing. Setting unrealistic expectations. Being too impatience. Expecting big results to come quickly. Trying to change too much too fast. Lack of focus. Getting overwhelmed with all the options. Indecisiveness. Not taking action because, "I don't know how." Underestimating how much growth is possible. How much better your life can become. Assuming boundaries between objects are scientific, physically given. Distracting yourself from facing emptiness, negative emotions, loneliness, and ego backlashes. Misusing psychedelics: using them recreationally, using them socially, using them without proper research. Conceptually misunderstanding enlightenment Confusing enlightenment with a sensory experience or emotional state Trying to install too many new habits at once. Quitting meditation or self-inquiry when negative emotions or resistance surfaces. Not being decisive, thus maintaining the status quo by default. Not having a big vision for your life. Using negative motivation to get stuff done. Motivating yourself through competition with others, trying to "be the best". Making your vision all about personal success and wealth rather than contributing to the world. Being too cheap, not investing in books, courses, workshops, etc. Undervaluing self-education. Chasing after love, success, pleasure, excitement, rather than pursuing Truth and understanding. Assuming you need certain physical conditions to be happy. Conflating knowledge acquisition with growth/development. Dismissing "new age" concepts like spirits, aliens, God, healing, love, etc. Demonizing psychedelics. Not taking massive action. Assuming that "things will just work out". No they won't! Not having a spiritual practice because you've been told there's nothing to seek. Expecting people close to you to understand and support your efforts to grow. Trying in frustration to get everyone around you to change or become interested in personal development or spirituality. Not realizing or appreciating the incredible value of this work. Quitting Quitting when resistance kicks in. Quitting when emotional upheaval surfaces. Not getting back on track after backsliding or quitting. Beating yourself up for failures. Letting yourself get lulled back to sleep by our toxic and indifferent culture. Being dogmatic about any school or practise Not exploring various perspectives Not reading theory/reading too much theory Starting enlightenment wars Theorizing and conceptualizing enlightenment Trying to have someone else's experience (that guy got enlightened with zen meditation, I will now only do zazen!) Trying too much/trying too little Chasing states (all states change, the substance where all states occur does not) Getting stuck in your mind "why I dont get it?" "why Im stuck in this body?" "I just want the ego to die already!" "Who is it who perceives me perceiving this though and who is it who asks this question, who who who who who....." Getting caught up in words (awareness, emptiness, I, me....) Worrying too much about what you should do vs. what you should not do Not recognizing belief from direct experience Not questioning your beliefs radically enough Dismissing psychedelics / doing too much psychedelics Believing enlightenment is hard Not recognizing the limits of any spiritual teacher/teaching Not recognizing the difference and limitations of both pre and post awakened advice Making practices chores you MUST do Dismissing the body and humanity Going overboard with diets/fasting Dismissing feelings and their source Ignoring bodily functions and natural needs of the body in general Celibacy as a method (sex is a distraction yes but so is a mind clouded in sexual thoughts, try it if you feel its part of your path) Hurting the body (the usefulness/reward ratio of straight up physical pain is questionable, although it has been tried and practiced succesfully by individuals) Believing there are problems Creating a path where the is none (I'll be closer to enlightenment when I have done x amount of yoga and y amount of meditation) Believing any part of experience is "blocking" you from seeing the truth ("Thoughts are a problem" is a though about thoughts) "Stopping the practice when you leave the cushion" Not making a commitment of life long seeking. The seeking will end when the time is right. Not conjuring massive amounts of patience and perseverance Not recognizing ducks as the superior spiritual teachers

“Glands are chakra centers! ?????? (MIND/SPIRIT/EMOTIONS) Thyroid/parathyroid: mind Your thyroid gland is how you perceive yourself (self-esteem) people that have thyroid issues tend to also have low self-esteem issues. This has been looked at from iridologist dealing with cases to find this subjective reasoning. After reviewing cases of people that have had thyroid problems dealing with how they review themselves in their mind-body have improved the mind with improving how they view themselves and their self-esteem greatly improved (they got their power back) it makes sense because those that have hyperthyroid function tend to be underweight because they quickly metabolize their food which makes it easy to burn fat and when the thyroid is hyperactive a person tends to be underweight which can cause self-esteem issues. Same goes for a person that has a hypo functioning thyroid. (Slow oxidizes) slow metabolism meaning this person digest their foods very slow and tends to store fat and burn slowly. A person that is overweight is going to have mental self-esteem issues. Parathyroid gland. This gland helps the body utilize calcium and when the body fails to utilize calcium a person can struggle with their mental body as well when it comes to depression. This is when the mind is crippled and struggling to achieve personal happiness and contentment in life. When the parathyroid is down in people then mental problems can become a result and this information has been gathered from the case after case of people that have weakness in the parathyroid that depression becomes an ongoing struggle. Those that detox the body and bring restoration to the parathyroid gland experience improvements with utilizing calcium and find improvements with overcoming depression. Adrenal glands. This gland is linked to your emotional body. The adrenal glands control the nervous system through Neurotransmitters, hormones and steroids and the like. When the nervous system goes down whether that’s neurotoxins that enter the body, stimulants, stress, lifestyle regarding stress then anxiety becomes a result and the emotional body is greatly affected. Those that have adrenal weakness tend to worry, stress, shut down, hold onto fear, overthink, feel inferior to others, could be shy, timid and anti-social as a result. Tragedy, stress, toxic environment, relationship loss, deaths, etc can stimulate the adrenals in a fight or flight mode and when the adrenals produce too much hormone tend to fall asleep, and fatigue kicks in, sadness kicks in, and emotional instability takes place. Pineal gland. This is your spiritual awareness gland also attached to the metal body but this gland goes beyond the physical mind if you will because it takes your spirit to higher dimensions. The physical body is on 3D but the spiritual body can travel to 5D and higher and when this is achieved, the intuition is activated and accessed! You get a glimpse of this every night in your dream state and the more you strengthen your pineal gland the more intuitive downloads you can achieve and experience. When the pineal gland is blocked from being damaged by the chemistry that is corrosive (ACIDS) then the pineal gland struggles to produce DMT. This hormone or molecule if you will is mostly produced when you portal into this realm (birth) and when the physical body dies and the spiritual body leaves it. People that are trapped in this 3rd dimension but are spiritual giants from higher dimensions but dealing with karmic refinement or here to help 3D souls ascend to greater higher dimensions tend to be attracted to plants that activate the pineal gland!!! This plants contain DMT and take the body into the Astro world’s and disconnect the mind and spirit from this karmic dualistic realm they are trapped in. I DON’T BLAME THEM! it’s a struggle being spiritually awakened and embracing the now state in this world run by the negative forces! I’m experiencing this realization myself and open to finding balance with playing in creation that has put these spiritually conscious plants here on earth to take the mind and spirit out of body to bring forth higher stages of spiritual development and help with not taking this earthly realm so serious because remember the soul cannot die only the body that inhabits it. The pineal gland has become calcified and damaged by environmental pollutants, and society is driven programming! The negative forces purposely put poison in the water, food, and air to block the flow of energy that activates this gland to bring forth awareness and consciousness but they will not win!!! because this astrological age of information and awareness will triumph over the negative forces!!! Manifest, visualize and focus on positive things, surround yourself around soul family, love, give, and create no separation in your spiritual existence and energize your human Vessel and detoxify your body and the head will drain and the pineal gland will decalcify and your spiritual awareness will expand and your love will expand as well as a result! Things you can do to strengthen your glands and your body systemically!? For one, you need to pay attention to what you eat (fork to mouth) there only two sides to chemistry regarding what you put in your mouth and what you put on your skin. ACID/BASE Acidic foods will not only damage the glands but every cell in your body and acids cause stagnation and congestion on your lymphatic system, the human trash can system that holds onto your waste you accumulate and if you don’t properly drain this fluid base system in your body (LARGEST ONE) then acids, toxins, chemicals and the like will find homes in cells and acids will chew on cells and damage tissue causing systemic dysfunctions and our mind-body, emotional body, and spiritual body will be affected as a result. Adopt a living foods plant-based diet (fruit-based) vibrate with soul family people to feed your soul and grow your soul, meditate, get to know your astrology expression, get outside in nature and ground, get those light codes in your eyes from the sun, yoga can help with lymphatic flow and encourage energetic expression that activate pineal function, relax the adrenal glands which help emotional stability, and feed your soul work knowledge and positivity and manifest love and understanding with positive understanding and protect your environment and hold onto faith you won’t be stuck and will be rewarded through attracting what you want to achieve because this is you-universal law and the power of intention and manifestation!” Written by Jonathon RA Stearns AKA the Mangotarian

Yes, it does feel like we’re jumping off a cliff and risk losing everything. That is the initial fear of surrender. And, yes, we have to be willing to do that, to jump off this imaginary but very real feeling cliff and to risk losing everything, to surrender everything. That’s why it takes great courage. Eventually we just have to do it. Jump off the cliff, surrender absolutely everything. This is not a place for careful, cautious stages. Surrender is a very bold move when the very nature of the separate self is fear. And it is. So the fear of doing this is natural and inevitable. The separate ego self identity is made entirely out of fear, fear of not surviving. And to surrender fully, we are saying, “Yes, even this. Even death.” What We Lose and What We Gain: This all sounds like very bad news. It is what the ego is afraid of. The good news is we give up everything, we surrender everything, we lose everything, including ourself AND as a result, we GAIN everything. We have only really surrendered our attachment, an illusion. What we gain is reality. We gain the world. We gain relationships that were never possible before. We gain peace. We gain love. We gain a complete uninterrupted contentment, gratitude and joy. We gain freedom. We gain life. And we gain our True Self. What we lose (illusion) pales in comparison to the unlimited magnitude of what we gain. So this news is very, very good. But you can only know this when you take the leap. My words are only encouragement if you take them that way. I’m saying, “Jump in. The water is fine. It’s wonderful.” But you have to jump. I can’t do that for you. I know it’s terrifying to take that leap. Every awakened being has done this. And all have experienced this terror. It is part of the nature of waking up. And this terror is a big obstacle. Some never pass through it. In my case it was experience the terror and do it anyway. Not initially. I backed off many times. But finally, I took the leap. And then another. And then another. Eventually I realized this fear had no reality to it. I only realized this because I tested it again and again and what I feared never happened. I gave up all my talent as an artist and creative person. The result turned out to be more talent and creativity than I ever imagined possible. I gave up my relationships or ever having a relationship ever again. The result was the flowering of all existing relationships and new relationships beyond anything I would have thought possible. Everything I gave up came back to me in abundance. How could I know this? I didn’t. I just surrendered. I gave up a limited, vulnerable, separate self identity and realized This, the unlimited, infinite, beyond all possibility of identity. Nobody who has ever awakened to Truth said, “I wish I didn’t do that. Is it possible to return to illusion again?” No awakened being has ever said that. Nobody ever will. It’s worth the leap. It’s worth all the struggle and seeking and suffering that helped to open this door. Even a single moment of this great presence is worth a thousand lifetimes. I know the fear, My Friend. And I know what happens when you leap anyway and discover for yourself what happens. Nobody has ever said all that went before was not worth This. Thank you for the wonderful question that so many also hold deep in their hearts. This was a great story I found on the internet and almost identical to my own experience!! The main take away is the importance of surrendering and dropping the resistance. Hope you enjoy ❤ ❤

Don't forget he has a hot witch girlfriend. They tripped out in the forest using LSD(mentioned in his fear videos). He made a video about the role of balance, so I'm sure he's aware of the dangers of tipping too much one way or the other or being at the middle. Great! As long as you don't use this as an excuse to not have actual sex and relationships with real partners. It must be hard though, for an awakened person. Say both you and your partner transcended sex. Now you're both naked, just staring at each other, going "now what".

@OBEler I awakened my Kundalini by accident after experiencing severe physical trauma. I was pursuing basic meditation as a way to mitigate pain and depression and then stumbled across tantric practices. Needless to say, doing these practices led to activation of Kundalini and I now have a permanent experience of energy and pressure in the brain and at the top of my head (crown chakra). Bliss occurs often. However, severe negative egoic reactions to the energy occurred for several years after the initial awakening. So, in short, doing tantra with an entirely different intention than awakening Kundalini led to my awakening. To answer your question about regret, I do sometimes and don’t other times. It depends on whether or not I’m feeling energetically positive or negative in the moment. The lows can be extremely painful, but the highs make it all worth it. I wouldn’t chase the highs to avoid the lows, however. @Nahm The dark moments vary in severity. Some are simple ego backlash, others are more like what is colloquially known as the dark night of the soul, where you feel entirely cut off from the Divine.

Yes meditation is a great tool to still the mind noise. Nothing ever spoken is actually Awakening the map is not the territory. The message I posted is about dropping the egoic self agenda and surrendering altogether. Who you really are is something that doesn't change. Remember something I've told you in the past the biggest obstacle to Discovery is not ignorance it's the illusion of knowledge simply put if you think you already know the path you will not go through the difficult task of dropping the egoic self agenda all together. This work requires a full emptying of the glass not partial. Remember at the end of the day nobody becomes awakened because you realize you are nobody. This work is definitely not for everybody like Leo says. I also post multiple things because everybody reacts differently to certain material there's not exactly one way to awaken. I love how dedicated you are and yes meditation is a very helpful tool ❤ ❤ PS.. my work is true enlightenment material.

How comfortable are you in silence? ... How long can you stick with it? Before your mind starts asking questions. Do you fear something is going to happen after staying in that space for too long? Like some kind of event is going to take place after a while? Maybe death? Are you afraid you're not ready for that yet? Maybe there will be an awakening. Or even... enlightenment. Now that would be something. And what would that mean? Maybe you'll change. Become someone else completely. Something else, completely. Or dissolve. Maybe. ... ... ... Or maybe silence is just, you know... ... Silent. And maybe that's all it will ever be. Just that same silence that was there when we first started this contemplation. The exact same. And it will be like that five hours from now. Ten thousand hours from now. And so you'll find that after five seconds of silence, you've come to know eternity. That was it. Already! ... But then suddenly a voice was heard. Asking itself wether it was comfortable with this silence or not. If maybe after a while some kind of event, like death, or enlightenment, would start to take place. And the silence was lost. Or so it says to itself. And it goes on and on like this. Not seeing the joke of it all. Not realising you had it the very first second! And everything you'll ever imagine it could be or become is simply projecting concepts onto that same empty silence. You're expecting things to happen from a being that is simply silent. And that's kind of unfair isn't it? Because it can only be itself. Silent. ... And yes, still, form may change. Ego may dissolve. Love may arise. Awakening may come. But it won't be any different than whatever it is that is here now. Cause before all that there is just that ever-present silence. And its YOU! So if that silence is ever-present... so are you! Cause what else is there? But silence... What a relief! You're completely safe! So how comfortable are you with this silence? How comfortable are you with yourself? The next time in meditation where you find yourself in a rough situation. Lost in a web of thought. Just keep reminding yourself. Anything you fear could happen, is just a projection onto something that is incapable of happening, for it is here already. It can't happen. So in the same way, your enlightenment can't happen. It is already here. Patiently waiting for you to claim the truth of it. Or shall we say, unclaim that which is not. So keep asking yourself, how comfortable am I in this silence? The answer to that will reveal what's next for you. I hope this contemplation has showed you that there is nothing to fear. This silence is not something new that is going to occur. If you've been meditating you know it already. So, keep that in mind in meditation. Maybe it will ground you like it has done for me. I used to be scared shitless everytime I entered this silent stream for just a tad too long. But it is here where transformation happens. By not running away from it. Realising your safe. You'll get so comfortable in this silence that nothing will ever be able to destabilize you again. In time you'll be reborn. Awakened. Enlightened. Someone else completely. Now how did that happen? Felt like sharing this. Hope it helps. <3

Before it becomes possible to awaken, it is necessary to accept that you are asleep, living in the matrix. Examine your life honestly, without lying to yourself. Are you able to stop your robotic, repetitive life patterns if you want to? Can you stop seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, are you addicted to certain foods, activities, pastimes? Are you constantly judging, blaming, criticizing yourself and others? Does your mind incessantly seek out stimulus, or are you completely fulfilled just being in silence? Do you react to how people think about you? Are you seeking approval, positive reinforcement? Do you somehow sabotage situations in your life? Most people will experience their lives the same way today as they will tomorrow and a year from now, and ten years from now. When you begin to observe your robot-like nature you become more awake. You begin to recognize the depth of the problem. You are completely and utterly asleep, lost in a dream. Like the inhabitants of Plato’s cave, most who hear this truth will not be willing or capable of changing their lives because they are attached to their familiar patterns. We go to great lengths justifying our patterns, burying our heads in the sand rather than facing the truth. We want our saviors, but we are not willing to get up on the cross ourselves. What are you willing to pay to be free? Realize that if you change your inner world, you must be prepared to change the outer life. Your old structure and your old identity must become the dead soil out of which new growth comes. The first step to awakening is to realize that we are identified with the matrix of the human mind, with the mask. Something within us must hear this truth and be roused from its slumber. There is a part of you, something timeless, that has always known the truth. The matrix of the mind distracts us, entertains us, keeps us endlessly doing, consuming, grasping, in a cycle of craving and aversion with constantly changing forms, keeping us from the flowering of our consciousness, from our evolutionary birthright which is Samadhi. Pathological thinking is what passes for normal life. Your divine essence has become enslaved, identified with the limited self structure. The great wisdom, the truth of who you are is buried deep within your being. J. Krishnamurti said, “It is no measure of one’s health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” Identification with the egoic mind is the sickness and Samadhi is the cure. The saints, sages and awakened beings throughout history have all learned the wisdom of self-surrender. How is it possible to realize the true self? When you peer through the veil of Maya, and let go of the illusory self, what is left?

Before it becomes possible to awaken, it is necessary to accept that you are asleep, living in the matrix. Examine your life honestly, without lying to yourself. Are you able to stop your robotic, repetitive life patterns if you want to? Can you stop seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, are you addicted to certain foods, activities, pastimes? Are you constantly judging, blaming, criticizing yourself and others? Does your mind incessantly seek out stimulus, or are you completely fulfilled just being in silence? Do you react to how people think about you? Are you seeking approval, positive reinforcement? Do you somehow sabotage situations in your life? Most people will experience their lives the same way today as they will tomorrow and a year from now, and ten years from now. When you begin to observe your robot-like nature you become more awake. You begin to recognize the depth of the problem. You are completely and utterly asleep, lost in a dream. Like the inhabitants of Plato’s cave, most who hear this truth will not be willing or capable of changing their lives because they are attached to their familiar patterns. We go to great lengths justifying our patterns, burying our heads in the sand rather than facing the truth. We want our saviors, but we are not willing to get up on the cross ourselves. What are you willing to pay to be free? Realize that if you change your inner world, you must be prepared to change the outer life. Your old structure and your old identity must become the dead soil out of which new growth comes. The first step to awakening is to realize that we are identified with the matrix of the human mind, with the mask. Something within us must hear this truth and be roused from its slumber. There is a part of you, something timeless, that has always known the truth. The matrix of the mind distracts us, entertains us, keeps us endlessly doing, consuming, grasping, in a cycle of craving and aversion with constantly changing forms, keeping us from the flowering of our consciousness, from our evolutionary birthright which is Samadhi. Pathological thinking is what passes for normal life. Your divine essence has become enslaved, identified with the limited self structure. The great wisdom, the truth of who you are is buried deep within your being. J. Krishnamurti said, “It is no measure of one’s health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” Identification with the egoic mind is the sickness and Samadhi is the cure. The saints, sages and awakened beings throughout history have all learned the wisdom of self-surrender. How is it possible to realize the true self? When you peer through the veil of Maya, and let go of the illusory self, what is left?

This is a common human/personal experience. I think it may be beneficial to make distinctions between: awakening and personal development ; between personal and transpersonal ; and between absolute and relative. This are common terms pointing to the same essence. If these dualities are seen unclearly and get conflated, additional inner turmoil can arise. This is mixing up awakening and personal development. The awakening is Presence. That's it. Whatever is happening Now. That Presence may be uncomfortable or comfortable. That Presence may feel hard or easy. It all just IS. That is an absolute awakening. Whatever is Now is Now. There is nothing "more Now" than "another Now". There is a singular absolute IS. . . Personal thought stories can appear Now, yet those thought stories are no more or less ISness than bird chirps. The thoughts stories are relative to the person and important to personal development. Such thought stories may include "That meditation session was uncomfortable, I thought the whole time - it wasn't very productive" or "I wasn't very conscious that meditation session. I'm not making much progress anymore". In terms of awakening, these are just thought appearances happening Now - there is no "me" to take ownership. In terms of personal development, these thought stories have a personal owner "me" and it is important to the personality and for personal development. I think it can be helpful to make this distinction. Here there is a conflation between transpersonal awakening and personal development. The thought stories about "making progress" is a construct relative to the person. There is an idea of what "progress" is. For you personally, progress means feeling present without distractions or staying focused while reading. This is important at the personal level for personal development. That's awesome. Yet awakening is trans-personal. This involves detachment and disidentification of this personal construct. Here, awakening would be the realization of Now. Whatever is happening. Staying focused while reading is Now. Being unfocus while reading is also Now. They are both Now. It is the personal thought stories saying that "focused Now" is better/more spiritual than "unfocused Now". As well, it is the personality creating thought stories that feeling "motivated Now" is better than feeling "unmotivated Now". That is important to the person/human. We live our lives as a personality and it's part of being human. Yet I think it's helpful to see the distinction between personal dynamics (making personal progress, feeling motivated) and transpersonal dynamics (whatever is happening Now, IS happening Now). Both have value. I think the underlying source of energy is important here. . . As the person awakens to absolute Now, there is often an energetic shift from personal to transpersonal. This includes what many refer to as "ego death". When the personality is transcended it will feel like a form of death, because it is the end of the personality as it was known. It is like playing a character in a movie and for your whole life believing that character. Then one day the character realizes the whole story of the character is just a story, that there is no "me". This was depicted in the movie "The Truman Show". At the end of the movie, Truman had an awakening that his whole identity of "Truman" wasn't real. His whole life story wasn't real. This created a crisis in Truman - if he isn't this Truman character who is he? If his whole life story wasn't real, then what is real? He went through a form of "ego death" in which Truman as he knew it died. This can be really hard for him to walk through, accept and surrender to. . . There can be a lot of resistance, pain and depression at this point. It is the point of "I don't know what the heck is going on". At this point, there can be an expansive energetic shift that transcends the personality into a "transpersonal realm". Or there can be an energetic contraction back into the personality. Both can have similar thoughts and feelings, yet there is a different source of energy and orientation. In the process of transcending the personality, questions may arise such as "If there is no me and all Now is the same, then nothing has meaning. What is the purpose of life?". There can be a sense of sadness as the personality is transcended. Almost like the sadness of a child when they realize Santa Claus isn't real. From trans-personal energy, this will open up a whole new world of curiosity, exploration and discovery. Yet when there is still attachment/identification there is an underlying question of "What's in it for me? This realization sucks for me. There is no meaning in my life. There is no purpose in my life". This is contraction back into the personality. . . For most, personal transcendence involves a "no-self" awakening stage in which there is immersion into "no me", "no doer", "everything is nondual". This is helpful because it provides contrast for the opposite personality dualism 99.99% of people are immersed into. It's an important stage of development, yet the "personal vs. transpersonal" duality will eventually collapse as well, yet you are not at that stage yet. To me, it seems like you may have gotten a couple brief glimpses of awakening, yet you are still deeply immersed within the personality of "Don". It's all getting contextualized relative to "me" to the story of "Don". You just haven't had sufficient direct experience needed to transcend this personal story/identification. One can work on both awakening and personal development. Even after awakening, the personality appears. The story of "me" appears. A life history of mental and physical conditioning appears. For example, while I'm at work there is a character that appears to interact with my co-workers. There is a story of "me" that appears. This is necessary to interact with other humans and has practical value. As well, previous life conditioning may appear. If someone has a broken arm and awakens, they will be awakened with a broken arm. Similarly, if someone has conditioned neurosis due to previous trauma, they will be awakened with neurosis due to previous trauma. Awakening often relieves a lot of this, yet it still persists. The show goes on after awakening. Personal growth is infinite and will continue for the life of the being. Even after realizing this, many beings still experience patterns of conditioning. For example, a few months ago a physical condition appeared in my body that was extremely unpleasant. At the personal level, I couldn't make it stop and felt it would go on forever. This triggered extreme anxiety and panic in my mind and body. The "flight or fight" response. I decided to get some EMDR therapy and with the assistance of the psychologist, we were able to revist previous traumas in my life in which "I couldn't make it stop and felt it would go on forever". We were able to explore the roots of this conditioned mental/physical response and unravel it. There was a release and now my mind and body no longer goes into anxiety and panic as a response to the discomfort. And absence of meaning does not mean "no meaning". Assigning "no meaning" is assigning meaning. It creates a "meaning vs no meaning" duality. For example, there is an absence of meaning for trifloz. There has been an absence of triflioz meaning your entire life and this never bothered you or excited you. However, if you spent your whole life seeking meaning of trifloz and then decided that trifloz is meaningless, that would be a very different dynamic and the human would likely suffer. What is the point in living in trifloz is meaningless?. . This sounds silly with something like trifloz that is irrelevant to you personally. To your well-being and personal survival. If you believed trifloz was essential to your personal well-being and survival, there would be a very different psychological dynamic.

@Inliytened1 Logic collapses. How deep it goes actually. Well I say It's not All unicorns and rainbows you really really have to be Godlike to go al way through and humble enough to ask for help when needed. Really Wish to Thank @Nahm for All help without him I Will Just not make it. Great to have some sort of support in All of these. It is Just difficult sometimes. I deeply beleive All Awakened faced same stuff. Ask and you shall be given. Reality is Pure Love Nothing is possible without it.

Yes and no at the same time. It depends the source its coming from. If you are not fully awakened yet, it will make ego stronger. After complete self-awakening, then you can still have hobbies that may be help you develop and others like sports, Martial arts, painting, music etc. Habits would not be unconcious, but just a concsious routine to make progress on a certain goal. Your purpose could even be to have no purpose at all and just experience this life through this body and mind to its ultimate level. And personality creation is the root of ego, this is identifying with everything that is not you and carrying it out like a golden shiny amor that is useful occasionally. But instead, in a concious manner you can choose thoughts and feelings for certain social situations and give the illusion of a personality without having one in order to not be awkward and be a better communicator. So yes, personal development in that sense contradicts spirituality since it consists of more karma and junk for the subconscious. Nevertheless, even if this strenghtens the ego it can help you on a superficial level and then you can deconstruct ego but it will be more work. If you just fully awaken you will have everything at one shot.

I think that this episode was exceptionally deep even for Leo's standards. I also think that this one video crystallizes the value and importance of psychedelic investigations. I think it a valid path to use psychedelics with weak embodiment for a year or two, using that time to be conscious of all of these 30+ insights. And then going through the meditation/yoga path to strongly embody these insights for the next 30 + years and also doing psychedelics on the side if need be. I think this is not only valid but a solid strategy overall if you can execute it properly. (I'd personally do the psychedelic investigation at this depth AFTER I've relatively mastered the samatha path which usually takes at least 3-8 years of intense hard work. Until then, I'd casually do psychedelics. But I understand that both of these strategies have their own pros and cons.) See if you can combat the certain negative effects psychedelics can have while becoming conscious of those 30 shocking insights in such a short amount of time. The ego backlash, quick psychological dis-integration and energy problems can be 10 times more severe compared to the experiences described in 'The Dark Side of Meditation' episode Leo talks about. Even if you are meditating while becoming conscious of these insights, they can still be very disruptive psychologically and emotionally. Just because Leo is handling it easily doesn't necessarily mean everyone can handle it. So keep that in mind. The only issue I've observed was the claim at the end that 'Becoming conscious of these insights won't solve the problem of emotional mastery. You can still identify with emotions, experience deep sadness etc.) This claim must be said within the confines of the psychedelic-heavy path. Once you have the skills to be conscious of these insights sober (not even embody deeply), your existing skills of emotional mastery MUST be on advanced levels to even start this process of insight enquiry for most of these 30+ insights. On the samatha-vipassana path, your development of emotional mastery comes as a preliminary work prior to insight penetration on suffering, unconditional happiness, love and impermanence. In fact, emotional mastery is the requirement to do long 4-8 hour long SDS sits. It is a mistake to assume people do such practices with a lot of pain or suffering. After mental and physical pliancy develops, you are not nearly aware of the body boundaries as a beginner usually is. Adept meditators not only cultivate unconditional happiness and joy but also delve deeper into some of these 30+ insights within those hours. So if you are at this level, the samatha-vipassana path already trained you deeply in emotional mastery. You are better at handling emotions than 99.9 percent of people at this point. (the rest 0.1% are deeply awakened people who've not only mastered samatha but also embodied the insights). Compared to this weakness of psychedelic-heavy path and dry insight methods, this is one of the major advantages of the samatha path. (Which includes all forms of jhana practices as well) At that level, you could easily deal with any negative emotion by applying many antidotes. Here are a few: 1- There is an automatic mechanism called 'Mind Unification' that develops which creates an overall reduction in resistance to ALL negative experiences. 2- You can do a jhana practice where you cultivate joy and happiness and dwell in it until it intensifies to an anti-depressant- SSRI intensity of pleasure and joy. Cultivating positive mental states has a more radical effect on adept meditators than beginners. This is basically a resilient but temporary form of unconditional happiness. 3- You can turn towards all negative/positive emotions and see their impermanent nature. (This requires sufficient embodiment of impermanence. If you don't have that, you can't do this process reliably.) 4- You can maintain metacognitive awareness on mental states which arises as a reaction to negative emotions. This is a similar insight practice to Mahamudra. You constantly monitor the mind for potential dullness, distractions, aversion, craving and emotional mental states. This introspective awareness can eventually result in insights related to no-self, suffering, emotions and many more. It is a powerful form of meditation. In fact, this is my current primary method of investigating the mind. 5- You can focus on a narrow or broad meditation objects and stay in access concentration with awareness until the negative emotion slowly dissolves due to focusing away from pain. 6- You can get to high levels of equanimity and do noting (not labelling) practices to the negative emotions with detachment. Eventually, the pain wil go away and show its impermanent nature. You can do most of of these antidotes without being conscious of majority of those 30+ insights. As I've explained in previous posts, you don't necessarily need fully embodied awakening to feel radically happier. At the advanced levels, certain skills you've mastered might mimic 'Awakened Consciousness' so much that it might be mistaken that person has deep insight embodiment or is definitely 'woke' (since he/she can do 8 hours of SDS in lotus posture, cultivate joy and happiness in the blink of an eye etc.) An awakening embodiment will make these skills way more deep and powerful. But emotional mastery, in its practical form is possible prior to awakening. In fact, this is one of the biggest reasons people do samatha-vipassana as a path towards awakening.