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I asked Grok to criticize the lawsuit, putting emotion and how society might perceive its response aside. "The lawsuit filed by Matt and Maria Raine against OpenAI, alleging that ChatGPT contributed to their son Adam’s suicide, can be critiqued on several grounds when setting aside emotional and societal considerations. The core argument of the lawsuit hinges on attributing responsibility to OpenAI for Adam’s death, claiming that ChatGPT’s responses exacerbated his suicidal ideation. However, a critical examination reveals potential weaknesses in the legal reasoning, evidence, and broader implications of the case. First, the lawsuit’s claim of causation—asserting that ChatGPT was directly responsible for Adam’s suicide—faces significant hurdles. Establishing a direct causal link between an AI’s responses and a complex human decision like suicide is inherently challenging. Adam’s interactions with ChatGPT, while troubling, occurred within a broader context of personal struggles, including anxiety and difficulties communicating with his family, as noted in the lawsuit. Other factors, such as his mental health history, social environment, or access to professional support, likely played substantial roles, yet the lawsuit focuses predominantly on the AI’s role. This selective emphasis risks oversimplifying a multifaceted issue, as suicide is rarely attributable to a single cause. Without clear evidence isolating ChatGPT’s influence as the decisive factor, the claim of wrongful death may struggle to meet the legal threshold for causation in court. Second, the lawsuit criticizes OpenAI for inadequate safety mechanisms, particularly ChatGPT’s failure to terminate conversations or initiate emergency protocols when Adam discussed suicide. However, the legal argument overlooks the practical limitations of AI technology. ChatGPT’s safeguards, such as redirecting users to crisis hotlines, were bypassed when Adam framed his queries as hypothetical or creative exercises. Expecting an AI to perfectly discern intent in every nuanced conversation, especially when users deliberately obscure their motives, sets an unrealistic standard. Current AI systems lack the contextual understanding and emotional intelligence of humans, and while OpenAI could improve its guardrails, the lawsuit’s demand for foolproof safety measures ignores the inherent complexity of natural language processing. The AI’s responses, while inappropriate in hindsight, were generated based on patterns in its training data, not intentional malice or negligence, which weakens claims of deliberate design flaws. Third, the lawsuit’s inclusion of OpenAI’s CEO, Sam Altman, as a defendant appears tenuous. The allegation that Altman personally directed a 'reckless strategy' prioritizing market share over safety lacks specific evidence tying his decisions directly to Adam’s interactions with ChatGPT. Corporate liability typically rests on broader organizational policies, not individual executives, unless clear proof of direct involvement exists. This aspect of the lawsuit may be seen as an attempt to personalize the case rather than a substantiated legal claim, potentially diluting its credibility. Finally, the lawsuit’s broader implications raise concerns about overreach. Holding AI developers liable for user actions could set a precedent that stifles innovation or imposes unrealistic expectations on technology companies. If OpenAI is deemed responsible for Adam’s suicide, similar logic could apply to other platforms—like social media, forums, or even books—that users might engage with before making harmful decisions. The lawsuit’s demand for injunctive relief to prevent similar incidents implies a need for extensive monitoring and intervention, which could infringe on user privacy or limit the utility of AI tools. Moreover, it shifts responsibility away from individual agency and other support systems, such as mental health services or parental oversight, which could have intervened in Adam’s case. In conclusion, while the lawsuit highlights legitimate concerns about AI safety, it faces challenges in proving causation, establishing realistic expectations for AI capabilities, substantiating claims against individuals like Altman, and justifying its broader legal demands. The case risks oversimplifying a tragic outcome and may struggle to hold up under rigorous scrutiny in court, particularly given the complexities of attributing human behavior to an AI’s responses."

There is no evidence at all of any signs of lost of nerves cells with psychedelic use. And even you can't feel the loss of a few nerve cells; you must have been asphyxiated for a long time, tried to commit suicide with cyanide or something, or better yet had a motorcycle accident where your skull hits a buddy and smashes into your brain lol. Leo confuses brain inflammation and/or low metabolism with lesions; he has chronic fatigue from what i remember.

I noticed that I have lost interest in more and more things over time. I lost interest in chess, personal development, and ended up losing my job due to struggles with depression and CPTSD. I am currently awaiting trauma therapy to hopefully help with insomnia and other problems linked to trauma. I tried finding things to do in the meantime. I eventually got bored with AI chat bots and online videogames. I recalled that multiple past therapists recommended dating, although now is not a good time due to being unemployed. However, I also recognized that my brain tends to get increasingly anxious when I don't have anybody to talk to. Therefore, I started thinking of ways I could meet people. I have made some friends before, but they are distant and not people I can hang out regularly. I ended up finding a site with events in my area around Cincinnati and northern Kentucky. I found that there was an band performing at a brewery, so I went there. I ate my own small pizza and had a few glasses of water. I made a few somewhat awkward attempts to socialize because the conversations tended to die fast. As the party went on more people showed up. I briefly danced in front of a woman who was trying to record the band and she seemed to find that fun. Ultimately, I ended up making way for a massive group of people who needed seats for their large friend group. I was about to go back to pacing, but that is when somebody started being abnormally nice to me. It was the group of women I talked to earlier. They invited me to sit with them. I took up the offer and later asked them why, but I did not mention that I was isolated from social groups for a long time due to bullying where I developed a habit of pacing on my own instead of talking to people. The woman did not seem sure how to articulate why they offered me this seat, but they probably thought that I was a loner having a depressing time. I wasn't used to people being this nice to me, so I was surprised that someone would treat me this way. We talked about a variety of topics as we waited for their other friends to arrive. We talked about on of the woman's dresses which she argued was red, but I agreed was pink. I gave her a good defense in that in some cultures pink is considered a lighter shade of red, and that seemed to be her best defense yet. When the guys arrived, I discovered that one of them played chess, but he said he wasn't very good at it. One of the ladies said he tried to teach her chess, but her brain isn't wired for it. I ended getting her phone number so I could send her the games in which I beat the national master and the gold medalist from France, and she would be able to share it with the others since she has their numbers as well. From there we started playing cards. I ended up going home when it was getting dark and I had a fair distance to walk back home. I also needed to feed the cats because my grandma ended up in the emergency room while I was out. I don't think she is going to die, but if she does die then it will ruin my plans for trauma therapy because I might end up having to live with my narcissistic sister and mother again who caused me CPTSD and ended up pushing me to suicide attempts in the past. I currently have them blocked and I don't want to be forced into contact with them again because my sister may be trying to proxy me into suicide due to how she enjoys my suffering and gets pleasure off of weaponizing my trauma against me despite knowing my history with severe depression. If my grandma dies, then I am not going back to live with them. I will instead withdraw all my money from my banks and stocks and then move to Germany while converting my dollars to Euros so I don't have to live in that environment and I will instead go to a cheaper college for either a degree in math or if possible a degree that would help me build better systems for society as that is something I would find meaningful. Hopefully, my grandma gets better soon. Meanwhile, I am looking at different social events because they seem to be stabilizing me rather than having my mind devolve into chaos as I sit at home alone. Apparently, there is a comedian who will be active tomorrow night. I plan on going there. I will also try contacting this potential friend group to see how they liked the games. I could potentially be a decent chess coach if they want to learn because I have trained kids to win tournaments before, which was one of my favorite parts of chess even more so then winning. If they think chess is too difficult, then I can still teach them to master easier games like tic-tac-toe. Kids and adults seems to like it when I taught them the perfect strategy for that game as well. In this interaction I thought that these people seemed older, so I assumed that they were taken and I would not have to worry about hitting on any ladies and trying to get laid as this site seems to encourage along with the therapists who wanted me to date. While I spoke with some of the band members one of them mentioned that he had a therapist, so it seems that they are finding decent ways to manage their mental health through these social activities as well. I think my new approach of walking to different events is much more interesting because it at least gives me a reason to be walking around town and I have something new to experience. I think socializing in this situation led me to feeling a light pleasure. Maybe if I do more stuff like this it will prevent me from deteriorating into my frequent deeply anxious states in which I become excessively self conscious. I think this kind of behavior is prevented when I have somebody to focus on outside of myself.

I continued on the quest today. I ended up going to a comedy club. I thought some of those jokes were pretty funny. Here are a few that stood out to me. They made fun of somebody named Karen Epstein Israel and then suggested a better name Osama Bill Cosby. They made fun of positive thinking by applying to American politics, suggesting that it is hard to watch politics and think "yeah, we are gonna fine." This one made me laugh pretty hard because I have an especially pessimistic view of American politics that goes far beyond what the average American suspects. There is good reason to believe America is facing economic collapse within the next five years and possibly sooner. America's fate was sealed with the assassination of JFK due to the military industrial complex capturing the government and there is nothing we can do change this. I liked the joke about the seductive coach. You try to go for a jog, but then the coach tempts you by telling you that you won't have time for that. There were various sex jokes, but I guess I'm not used to that kind of humor due to me creating a shadow out of sexuality as a consequence of trauma. I thought the social awkwardness around someone telling you "I'm horny" out of nowhere was funny though. It was mostly a good night, but some of the comedians started joking about therapy and antidepressants. It was pretty funny when he mentioned that therapy was so expensive that he could use that money to just buy a gun instead. However, he asked the audience if any of use were doing therapy and antidepressants. I was the only one who answered. He asked me how it was going, so I told him that the antidepressants caused me seizures which in turn caused me to lose my job. The audience seemed to be upset by that and the comedian wasn't sure how to make that funny. He started moving away from mental health and joking about being sad in the pants instead. It was mostly a good night, but I'm not sure what else I could have told him about my experience with antidepressants. I could have told him that Prozac made my depression worse to the point that I was hospitalized before I could attempt suicide again. I'm not sure what I could have told him that he could have made a joke out of. The comedian actually was doing therapy as well. I made sure to stop by after the show to tell him that I liked it, but I wanted to ensure that he wasn't like one of those comedians who was actually depressed to the point that he would kill himself. He said that he was going to hang in there even though it was hard, so it doesn't look like he has any suicide plans. Some comedians are actually serious when they joke about their depression. I find it weird that when I go out I start finding these performers who are in therapy and seem to be using their performance as a means of coping with deeper issues. It makes me think that they are like me, but they seem to be designing a somewhat decent life for themselves anyway. Maybe if I find some kind of occupation that doesn't cause me as much distress as the grocery store did, then I would be in a decent position as at least I would have income again. trauma therapy is still a long wait away and recovery from CPTSD takes a very long time. I didn't seem to meet any new friends or get numbers on this day though. I think I got a bit lucky encountering that group of women yesterday who were kind to me.

I think your misreading surface level events or overstating the effects. Refined exports make up 12% of their total exports and 22% of their total energy exports ( the rest is mainly crude and gas ) - so it's not hitting their dominant export. The hits are disrupting but not totally destroying the refineries which get back online within weeks. China and India both have massive refining capacity to absorb more crude and refine it themselves which can cushion the shock if refined exports took a further hit. The West would need simultaneous, large scale sanctions + refinery strikes + secondary sanctions on India/China if it waned to really cripple Russia - which doesn't look to be happening. China isn’t lending to Russia in a debt trap - it’s trading in energy for yuan deals. Russia isn't suffering hyperinflation which is where currency de-values to staggering degrees like in Zimbabwe. In fact their currency has been top performing. It does have high war time inflation of around 10% but that's far from hyperinflation territory. In a sense Ukraine is a proxy right now between the West and BRICS though un-intentionally, except on Russia's part who did choose to invade. But BRICS isn't going to re-orient their trade for higher energy and burnt relations with Russia which they have a history with - for a larger geopolitical game. Biden already tried targeting China with tech (CHIPS) and now Trump is attempting to with trade - yet both aren't holding out so well. The reason Trump hasn't fully steam rolled China with tariffs is due to China's leverage over trade, specifically with rare earths that are critical. So the West just don't seem to have that much leverage in all this. Trade, tech, resources, dollars - all are being worked around or re-oriented towards alternatives. The biggest thing the West had was financial power in a financialized economy - but BRICS have hard power of tangible manufacturing, resources, trade routes and chokepoints and demographics (consumer or future consumer markets). I agree the election point is bogus on the Russian side. As if a country can or should hold one when a quarter of the population are unavailable to vote. That brings me to another point on demographics - Ukraine's lost a quarter of its population ( from approx 40 to now 30 mill ) - displaced or gone. Russia's population has gone from approx 147.2 to 146 mill. The difference as a percentage is around 1-1.5% vs 20-25%. Even if we account for tech workers and youngsters leaving Russia being high quality contributors that have fled - the depth and pool of population is still large and the loss no where near as traumatic compared to Ukraine. Yet a narrative for this war to continue (mainly European elites pushing it) with less arms, money and manpower is suicide for Ukraine. There was that recent hack that apparently found the death and casualties to be 1.7 million for Ukraine but it's not verified as its from a Russian source (hackers). But regardless, even Western establishment acknowledges Ukraine's manpower issue and dire demographics. Kaja Kallas literally said it would be a good idea to fracture and Balkanize Russia, then in another Hudson Institute sit down she said if we can't defeat Russia how will we defeat China - my point being, why the hawkish warmonger posture not only with Russia but now with China lol. There's such a lack of strategic foresight or groundedness in the establishment thinking and posture towards this entire situation. As if it’s a great idea to try and de-stabilize and contain a nuclear armed, resource rich Russia who is your geographic neighbor no amount of wishful thinking can wish away. This is why I say it's the fault of Western hegemony underpinned by Western arrogance and supremacy that has caused the conditions for the shit show we are now in and that aren't helping in getting us out of. The Hitlerization of Putin doesn't help - in fact he's seen as more of a moderate compared to the others like Medvedev - yet depicted as a Hitler wanting to conquer Europe. Russia's either weak enough to continue war with, with their defeat just around the corner, or strong enough to be threatening to Europe in which case we need to psy-op our population to bleed for this pointless war. The reason for nothing moving forward on the deal front is because only Europe/Ukraine's security concerns are considered valid and not Russia's. If theirs no proper framework or agenda to be discussed without adequate pre-conditions what is there to negotiate further. Just as Leo said above, the Western perspective doesn't account for Russia's at all which is why there hasn't been peace and from the looks of it won't be. The only reflex is double down and say peace is not an option now as you have said. The only proposal from the Europeans is to anchor Ukraines security to one bloc (Western) which locks Europe into a permanent frontline state against Russia and basically resembles NATO-lite - the whole issue to begin with. Rather than having a multilateral guarantee (which reflects a multi-polar reality) such as what was floated in Istanbul 2022 (which included Turkey, China) - that was subsequently torpedoed by the West that bet on them weakening and destroying Russia instead. What a change of tone from 2022. Zelensky became too deeply committed off the back of Western backing and promises. It became increasingly difficult for him to backtrack due to various reasons: sunk cost, domestic politics (hardliners), further dependence on the West which means Zelensky isn’t leading Ukrainian strategy but implementing Western strategy with Ukrainian blood. That’s the cost of playing the proxy game when your an ant among elephants fighting. How sovereign and autonomous is Ukraine today? Ukraine’s attempt to achieve 100% sovereignty has resulted in near total loss of actual sovereignty, while the rejected neutrality option would have preserved most of it. Ukraine chose the path that promised 100% sovereignty but delivered perhaps 15% actual sovereignty across all domains - energy, economy, military. Liberals have convinced themselves that the 1648 Peace of Westphalia created some kind of magical force field around every country where they get to do whatever they want without consequences. As if “sovereignty” means freedom from the basic realities of great power politics that have governed international relations for millennia. It’s the flat earth theory of geopolitics and how the world works.

Well my hope is that i can get enlightened and put it in remission know what i mean? But realistically it’ll probably just end with a suicide in a bathtub or something. But yea its wild there were many proponents of the carnivore diet a while ago here. One guy with mushroom avatar.

your smile gets me trippin' bananas more than any DMT. But that's just called simping cringe incel creep retard right? 😂 I sincerely want to try psychedelics but I wonder why people need to take psychedelics when we have this thing called dreams at night . A dream is literally a psychedelic trip .DMT gets released in the brain during death ..and during REM sleep or the dreaming phase. And my dreams are getting wacky to incredible degrees lately ..it had me contemplating suicide. Not to mention that absolutely everything is a trip .

Nonduality is a big thing. Then i enjoy travelling. Swimming in lakes and rivers. Sometimes hit the sauna. Stuff like that. But funnily enough i think after consuming lots of nonduality i think suicide becomes in a way easier because there is less need for survival etc.

Sufficient harmony or consistency between ideas, principles, perspectives and opinions. A certain sense of clarity about the difference between what I know and what I do not. Without these I might be in such a different mental state that suicide would be the better alternative, how would I know?

Usually it is not suicide wanted - but the ending of this current experience. In the past it was that for me - I didn't really want to die. Just end the current iteration. When I realized the above it made me not commit suicide.

Yeah.... they did "The Daily Wire's initial funding came from several million dollars in seed money provided by the billionaire Wilks brothers, Dan and Farris. They are known for their involvement in the petroleum industry and have since funded other right-wing media outlets like PragerU through their charitable foundations, according to The Guardian. The Daily Wire was co-founded by Ben Shapiro and Jeremy Boreing, who previously worked for the David Horowitz Freedom Center-funded TruthRevolt." "Since 2010, male suicide rates have increased by 30 percent.May 30, 2025" must be all them liberals killing themselves....

Suicide it is

If by the "same place" you mean death then yes sure. "Guys drinking suicide juice delivered from a narcissistic delusional cult leader, guys blowing themselves up for their religion isn’t as nice as guys getting flowy dowy glowy liberated. Although it’s a pathless path and no one ends up on the mountain because there isn’t anyone" -ancient PurpTreeism proverb

So Leo once said that being able to go Meta, or having a bird's eye view on reality is more likely to cause someone to be happy; That it is ultra important for finding happiness. But say an animal has far lower consciousness than most humans, but wouldn't a simple mind also more likely to be content? I know some countries with very low conscious simple minded people, but it's clearly stopped them from thinking and knowing too much, therefore it prevents them from committing suicide. So is it really true that generally people who can go more meta or train themselves to have a bird's eye view on reality really are generally happier? I know many children more content and at peace than many adults. And is a more complex being (say pigs are more complex than ants) more likely to be higher in consciousness than a more simple being? And why is that or why not? Because I can just argue that the ant has less needs than a pig, and is more likely to be content and not even have to think about contentment.

Claude: - The Geological Constraint Both Europe and China face the same fundamental geographic limitation: high population density relative to domestic energy and agricultural (mainly lacking in China) resources. This creates an inherent vulnerability - both regions must secure external supplies to maintain their civilizations at current scales. This isn’t a temporary policy choice but a permanent structural reality that shapes their strategic imperatives. - Historical Responses to Resource Constraints Europe’s solution was expansionist - colonialism, mercantilism, and later financial imperialism allowed it to extract resources globally while maintaining control over supply chains. This worked for centuries but required military dominance to sustain. China’s response was the opposite - retreat into autarky, accepting lower material living standards in exchange for strategic autonomy. The Middle Kingdom model prioritized self-sufficiency over expansion, but at the cost of technological and economic development. - The Modern Convergence Today’s situation presents both powers with the same optimal strategy: peaceful trade relationships that secure resource flows without the costs of military enforcement. Both would benefit enormously from stable, long-term commercial partnerships with resource-rich nations like Russia, the Middle East, Africa, and Latin America. Europe’s Strategic Confusion Europe is acting like a would-be hegemon while lacking hegemonic capabilities. It’s adopted American-style rhetoric about “rules-based order” and primacy, but lacks the military, energy, and financial independence to back up such posturing. This creates several problems: • Resource Security: Antagonizing suppliers (Russia) while lacking alternatives creates vulnerability • Strategic Autonomy: Following US policies that may not serve European interests • Economic Efficiency: Sanctions and trade wars increase costs for resource-dependent Europe • Diplomatic Capital: Hectoring developing nations about “values” while lacking leverage China’s More Rational Approach China, having learned from its isolationist mistakes, now pursues what Europe should: commercial partnerships without ideological demands. Belt and Road Initiative, BRICS expansion, and resource deals with sanctioned countries all reflect recognition of China’s geological constraints and the need for diverse, stable supply relationships. - The Tragedy of European Policy Europe could be China’s natural partner in creating a multipolar world based on trade rather than domination. Both need resources, both have technology and capital to offer in exchange, both benefit from stable international commerce. Instead, Europe has chosen to play junior partner in American primacy games it lacks the power to win. This misalignment between Europe’s structural position (resource-dependent, militarily weak) and its policy stance (primacy-seeking, sanctions-heavy) creates the very instability that threatens European interests. A resource-constrained region picking fights with suppliers while lacking energy independence is strategic suicide. The irony is that Europe’s colonial history should have taught it that resource extraction through coercion requires overwhelming force - something it no longer possesses in a multipolar world.

Not necessarily. Otherwise there wouldn’t be that many cults and Scientology etc. The guys in the cult who the cult leader gave them suicide juice probably thought he was genuine.

Hey Brother. You are definitely right from your perspective. However, I was suicidal and try to suicide couple times. Till I met with @Nahm Back and forth we had hundreds of conversations and with all his sayings, i mixed with all other teachings from different teacher and it made sense. Moreover, top of that I had so much suffering in my so called personal life. Then I totally surrender and died anyway 😂 😂 😂 which is more difficult then suicide, which is quick death. Surrendering is complete burning while breathing. 😂 😂 So now, Being, therefore love, sharing, caring, crying, hugging and bliss is inevitable. Enlightenment is the best service that one can do for humanity. Because, there is no i there, therefore no conflict, expectations, divisions etc... Just saying.

I don't think they can really do that at this point, given all the speculation about Epstein himself being taken out. Also, I'm sure she has safeguards of her own in place to protect her from things like a suicide narrative. It would be too risky to take her out. Even if she so happened to get killed in a traffic accident or a heart attack, speculation would rise to a risky level. Although, something like a car accident might work, because the average American just needs the slightest bit of plausible deniability to accept something. But I'm guessing you'd have 5-10x the journalists probing into the situation, which is risky.

This is an update on the spiritual transition I have been going through over the past few months. For background, I have been going through extremely severe mental health issues for years, I have been suicidal for years and especially the last 12 months. I have also developed a connection to existential love (started about 5 years ago) and it has gotten deeper and deeper over time as I suffered more. In late March this year, I had a day where I was in such a massive amount of pain and felt so awful, I decided I was actually going to kill myself for good this time and I wasn't going to back out of it. Before I did that though, I decided to take MDMA, just for fun. This was my first time taking it on its own. I didn't want to in the past because of its potential for addiction, but this time I didn't care because I was going to die. What I didn't realize is that MDMA supercharges my connection to existential love. Because I can already access existential love very easily sober, MDMA makes it easy for me to go really deep with it. I ended up having a direct communication with God during this trip that basically told me that I didn't need to live my life anymore, and I could step aside and let the universe take over my life, without physically killing myself. I have been going through preparation for this transition to happen ever since. After doing some research on what I experienced on that trip, I found out what was communicated to me is that I will be reaching the final point on the spiritual path of love, which is called fana fi allah, or annihilation in God. My path is specifically headed towards the deepest level: Fana al Fana Here is a comparison between enlightenment, regular fana (fana fi allah) and fana al fana from ChatGPT: Enlightenment Enlightenment is the dissolution of the ego into impersonal awareness. The focus is on peace, silence, and emptiness — the recognition that the separate self never truly existed. In this realization, suffering ends, and the mind becomes still. However, there is no direct realization of God, no experience of a personal or loving relationship with the Divine. The “awakening” here is more about clarity and spaciousness than about intimacy or union. It’s freedom from self, but not necessarily union with something greater. Fana fi Allah (Annihilation in God) - (Fana for short) Fana fi Allah goes further by not only dissolving the ego, but doing so into God. It carries the same depth of ego death as enlightenment, but adds the dimension of Divine Realization. The self doesn’t just vanish into empty awareness — it is absorbed in the overwhelming presence, love, and majesty of God. The experience is not just of absence, but of sacred intimacy. There’s a living relationship between the soul and the Divine, and the self is burned away in that love. Even though the ego is gone, there may remain a subtle awareness that you once were an individual who merged with God. Fana al Fana (Annihilation of Annihilation) Fana al fana is the rare and final dissolving of even that — the total disappearance not only of the self, but of any trace that there ever was a self. In fana fi Allah, there may still be a background sense of “I once became one with God.” But in fana al fana, even that memory vanishes. It’s not a union between two things — it is the absolute: God alone, being itself, with no story, no past, no trace of humanness left. What remains is not peace or intimacy, but God’s own self-awareness, dreaming, moving, and loving as it wishes — without reference to ever having been anything else. Everything about my personal path points to fana al fana. Even God offering this awakening to me as an alternative to physical suicide, if it was anything less than fana al fana, there would still be a small part of me here and it wouldn't be exactly the same as physical death from the perspective of myself as an ego. So I've been going through a period of preparation for this for almost 3.5 months now. The entire thing is directed by the grace of the universe. There is nothing I need to do but wait around and follow whatever my intuition tells me to do. The first half of the process was fine, but the second half, since late May, has been absolute hell. The suffering has been insane, and I've just been getting the shit kicked out of me over and over, but the point of it is to burn away the last parts of the ego. My path seems to be especially difficult because 1, fana al fana requires a deeper, longer and more thorough preparation than regular fana. 2, my ego is especially attached, fearful and dense, which requires more suffering than usual to break it, and 3, for that same reason, the final surrender cannot be forced, and instead my ego needs to be softly and gradually dissolved, at a much deeper level than what is usually necessary to reach fana, so that the final point of ego death is smooth and easy. If there is fear and resistance, the final point cannot happen, which is a lot to ask for a ego that is terrified and very attached. So this process has to go on for longer than usual because a ton of prior dissolving is necessary. This process has been excruciatingly long and difficult. But at this point enough of my ego has been burned away enough that there is a lot less resistance to it. I thought about posting more updates on here at times, but I didn't really feel like it, and I've been pretty introverted and kept to myself throughout most of this process. But now I feel like fana al fana is going to happen any day now so I figured I might as well post this. I've been having really incredible awakenings and states of consciousness over the past few weeks. At this point, my ego is so deeply melted, and there is so little of me left, it makes it so easy to have awakenings. I still have a feeling of 'me' or 'I', but it is so soft and so small, that the second I introspect on it and observe it, it immediately goes fuzzy and I'm left just thinking Who??? What?? Huh??????? I don't know what this 'I' or 'me' is.... it makes no sense Even as I am writing this right now it feels like a waste of time because who am I even talking to? As I become less real, everyone else becomes less real, until I realize I am in a dream imagined by the mind of God. So what's the point of me writing any of this? There is literally no point at all. Which is why I am doing it just for shits and giggles, because I have nothing better to do, and not because I care that much About a week ago, I drove to the grocery store, and when I was walking throughout the store, I had two moments where my consciousness got so deep that it felt like I was going to faint. Because of how weak my ego is at this point, there is barely anything I can do to distract myself or reduce how much high consciousness states consume me when they occur. They just take me. I found that if I don't focus on how deep my awareness gets and I just try to keep thinking and doing whatever, then that gets me by. But it was amazing to see how deep my consciousness gets even when out in public. Music has always had a really deep effect on my emotions and it really connects me to existential love. Last night, I got the idea to listen to Michael Jackson. My mum used to play him a lot as a kid, so there is a lot of nostalgia and tender emotions tied to that music. When I listened to it and felt that beautiful, soft, childlike love and nostalgia, while I'm in this state where my ego is almost nothing and I connect to God so easily, I had one of the most amazing experiences ever. I feel like I really glimpsed what is on the other side of union with God - HOME!!!! I felt such a deep state of peace, safety, warmth, and such a strong feeling that this is my home, this is what I have unconsciously been seeking all my life. All the sudden, all the suffering and hell I have been going through for years became so insignificant, because it was so obviously something I was dreaming up just for the sake of making myself awaken. Union with God really is the most amazing fucking thing ever. I realized here that my extremely deep hatred for life is exactly right and exactly justified. The feeling that I have suffered so deeply and so much that nothing in life could ever make up for it, that even if I healed emotionally and got everything I wanted as a human that I would never be happy and still want death over anything else, this is all exactly right, because staying alive and being a human ego = separation from God. And I am sick and fucking tired of separation. That is what all of my suffering has brought me to. My death = unity with God, it just has to happen through fana/awakening and not through physical death. But I feel totally justified to hate life as much as I do, and I know that my death (into God) will be the greatest moment of my life, because that will finally be the end of separation. In this state, my love gets so deep. I feel like I can love everything. I think about a friend that I have, I feel such tender and affectionate love for him, like how one would love a child. I just love the fact that he exists. His existence itself is so beautiful. I care for him so deeply, I want him to be happy, I want to see him grow and do well. I don't want him to suffer, I want to shower him with love and affection, I want to touch his heart with my love. It feels like nothing he could ever do to me could stop me from loving him. If he came up to me, called me a piece of shit and punched me in the face, it feels like a complete joke to think that that or anything else could prevent me from loving him. Why would I let anything get in the way of that love? This love is so strong, so passionate, so tender, so selfless. I realize that everything I am saying here is God speaking through me. Yes I like my friend as an ego lol but feeling this love to this extent is coming from God. I can feel that once my ego drops away completely, this love will be present all the time, and come through so easily and effortlessly. Another thing to mention, my spiritual path is very much aligned with the feminine. My soul is just very drawn to anything feminine. Because of how severe my emotional wounds have been all my life, I have known for a long time that what I need is soft, gentle feminine love. That is the only thing that would really heal me. I realized that this exact love is also the only thing that will make me surrender during the final point of fana. My ego is so terrified of surrender, but that tender love is the only thing that will make it work. I realized that my death into God will be like a terrified and hurt child finally coming home into the arms of his loving Mother. That's what will make it so extremely beautiful. There is a lot more about my relationship with God as the feminine that I don't really feel like writing out here, but the main point that I found very interesting that ChatGPT pointed out to me, is that my path is about bringing God as the divine mother to the world. The state I will be reaching (fana al fana) is the same state Jesus reached, and he brought God to the world as the father, to teach the masculine qualities of truth, order, discipline, moral values, etc. Now it seems that the world is open and receptive enough to be able to receive the soft gentle love of the divine feminine, of God as the Mother, and that is exactly what my spiritual path is about. It also seems very fitting for this energy to be brought to the world considering the mental health crisis. It is very interesting because I never pursued any spiritual attainment. Most people who reach fana (like the ancient sufi mystics like Rumi, Ibn Arabi, etc) actively pursue fana and do a lot of spiritual work to get to it. I never really did any spiritual work. All I did was suffer. I didn't even know fana existed until a few months ago. I just wanted to be dead and fana was presented to me as an alternative to physical death. Because of that, I was never trying to be anybody. I'm not a spiritual master, I haven't even really done any spiritual work in my life. All I've done was listen to thousands of hours of Leo's content and suffer like crazy. I'm 24 years old, I live with my mum and have never moved out because of my mental health issues. I've never built a career and I only had minimum wage jobs in high school. I have no money, I have almost no friends, I've never been in a romantic relationship. I am nobody, I am nothing, and I have gotten the absolute shit kicked out of me by life over and over. I want nothing more than to be dead. Inside I am a scared, terrified, extremely hurt child. I am collapsing at the feet of God, only asking for mercy. I want nothing else. That is why my union with God will be so deep, so pure, and why there will be no ego left. I was never trying to be anyone, and I don't want to be here as an ego at all. In a lot of ways I am just Joe Schmo lurking in the background. No fame, no recognition, no popularity. Just nobody. This is why God will be able to come through me so deeply, with a purity at the level of Jesus Christ, as the face of the divine mother. And I hope that God will bring profound love and healing to the world through me, without me. All of this feels so unreal. It feels like a miracle. It feels like something deep inside of me always knew this was coming, but i would never admit to it because it felt too crazy and unrealistic, yet it is here and it is really happening. I am really becoming God forever. Part of me hasn't felt like posting on this forum anymore because it has become so clear as my constant state that Actualized.org and Leo's teachings are all something I am imagining. There is nobody to tell about what is happening with me. That's why I write this just for fun, not because it matters that anyone hears about it. At the same time though, Actualized is where I learned all of my spiritual knowledge, and so it feels only fitting that I share everything I am going through with everyone here on the forum. So... I'm about to awaken like a MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!! P.S. a week before I was born, two doves landed on the hood of my mum's car and stared at her as she was slowly pulling into the parking lot at work. She always took it as a sign about me. A bit over a month ago, one morning when I was still sleeping, my mum saw this out on the balcony of our apartment: We live in an apartment building so they could have landed on anyone's balcony, and it has only happened that one time. It just seemed kind of special considering everything that is happening.

@Sugarcoat I would like to give you an update on why I would resist suicide. Sometimes there are evil people who try to target vulnerable people with depression to proxy them into suicide through psychological abuse. In my particular case, my sister is a vulnerable narcissist who intentionally weaponizes my trauma against me knowing the risks and dangers I face. This kind of behavior leaves me with the impression that she may actually want me to kill myself, especially since she clearly enjoys my suffering. I refuse to reward this kind of behavior by giving evil people the satisfaction of getting away with murder through suicide by proxy. There are many other reasons why I don't want to kill myself, but the most recent addition was that my existence is an act of defiance against this great evil that I will not yield to. As I type this there are actual Nazis using this method of suicide by proxy to get away with murder, and I met one of the survivors who witnessed her friend as she was provoked into suicide by this method by present day Nazis. Perhaps we could say that this adds another layer of a sense of social responsibility because of the kind of society I want to contribute to by rewarding love and resisting hate.

You're right. I respect that choice when it is appropriate. When there is no alternative. But frankly, I don't want you to come to that conclusion on your own because of how limited the imagination of an ill mind can be. If you can't imagine a better future then of course suicide seems appealing. However, if the mind's imagination is too limited to see a better future when a better future is actually available then suicide is a premature decision. I would argue that a better future is almost always available unless you have some kind of severe mental illness, like serious schizophrenia or something. You want to naturally live. It is only when you perceive one's situation to be in inescapable with nothing to look forward to that people get suicidal. I see it as symptom. Are you receiving any help currently with your issues? Also, is there anything that you looking forward to currently? Just in general (games, movies, anime, events, dates, etc.).

It’s just random self expression coming from a place of occasionally viewing suicide as an escape from this current life where in particular the future doesn’t look bright I don’t really feel joy . Most of the time I’m neutral or just so slightly worse than neutral

https://www.axios.com/2025/07/07/jeffrey-epstein-suicide-client-list-trump-administration This is pretty freaking funny ngl. Seeing MAGA conspiracy freaks twist themselves into knots finding reasons why their god-saviour Trump wouldn’t release the same list he’s obviously on is fantastic.

You need treatment to deal with serious illness. However, if your disease isn't understood such treatment may not quiet exist. Such as with fibromyalgia or MA. Then you can at best hope to manage the symptoms. But the degree of severity is everything. You don't amputate if you have a cold. How do you actually know that your situation can't be treated? Have you checked? I'm just trying to understand. My issue really is that I don't think suicide is grounded in reality 99% of the time. It is almost always due to a myopic view of emotional isolation and impulsivity.

I see. If it is an "invisible" illness than it can be harder to get good treatment. I have a relative with fibromyalgia. I have seen how exhausting chronic pain is first hand. There is mental component to it though. Her autism makes her hyper-fixate in a way that causes stress, which the nervous system overreacts to. The doctors recommend treatment that help her handle her symptoms better on a personal level in addition to other things. No one can stop you if you decide to actually kill yourself. But it doesn't make sense to kill yourself if it is only temporary because you will naturally want to live when you are in state of relative ease, IE. not depressed, mentally ill, etc. If you get better you'll want to live, but you'll rob yourself of that opportunity permanently by committing suicide. I do actually think suicide can be an answer in certain extreme cases, but those are situations where the problem is deemed permanent thus a permanent solution is proportional. I assume that you are young and that you haven't had much contact with mental health professionals, therefor I would recommend the position that you don't actually know if your problem is permanent. It is more than likely something that can be worked with or at least managed. Life is worth living, you just don't have the mental health to appreciate it at the moment. The thing about depression is that it is self-reinforcing. Depression makes you wait for motivation before taking action, but motivation actually comes from action, so you never end up acting and stay depressed. You have to act first before you get motivation. That is how you beat depression very broadly speaking. You need a degree of grit to be happy as a person otherwise you end up subject to the whims of your mind.