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Its not really a practice for me, its a state of being. One day you just have enough so you decide to change. I had no option. It was suicide or change. When i changed, my reality changed. Just like that. Just like i said, whatever you'd like to experience in life, you must first give that energy out yourself into the world. Always goes back to the mirror analogy. Its one of my favourite quotes and people give me so much feedback for it because its absolutely true. Keep at it, get lost in it, become a completely different person, someone you'd prefer to be and soon or later you will notice something Hope this helps <3

Lol, fair enough. Okay, it's probably good you don't mention then that often the choice is suicide or spirituality!

You don't have the motivation to get better, that's understandable.. but you do have the desire it seems, and that's huge. You just don't know how it's possible. Without getting too much into it.. it's possible. Believe it. I suffered for 17 years from depression, anxiety, lots of medication, many suicide attempts and plenty of ideation. I thought it would never get better. Today this is not the case. Seek another therapist, one that you really resonate with and respect. From there you will build up the motivation to do more things that help you rather than hurt you. Also reconsider medication. If you find the right one for you, it can be a tremendous crutch to help you get through the shit while you're putting in the work. Just don't make the mistake I did and see it as a long term solution. Good luck to you and please message me if you want someone to talk to.

Hi, this is possibly a big post. I will try to put it simply. When I was in 4th grade, a guy who is elder to me showed me some porn and I felt disgusted and frightened and I run back to my home. Even before I tried to completely forget about that incident I discovered that my father has an affair with another woman when I was playing with my dad's phone. I saw nude images of this woman and from that moment I "unconsciously" developed some sort of dislike towards my father. I was like not angry on my father instead I felt sad. I kept on thinking why is he doing this. And questions like "Did someone intentionally put those pictures in my dad's phone?" A lot of other sad things happened like I heard my mother crying in the middle of the night and on one day I heard my mother talking about my father's affair with him. The thing is I did not say this to anyone. Not until my second year of engineering. In my second year of engineering, things went really bad. My behavior became worse. I always misunderstood even my few friends said. It is during this time I had mood swings and friends told me that something is really wrong with me. The worseness didn't end yet. I had committed suicide after my best friend stopped talking to me. Because I felt good in her company. I somewhat felt not good at home because of family issues. All my relation with my friends didn't go well from my second year of undergrad. My parents took me to a Psychiatrist and the doc told that I was suffering with Schizophrenia(no hallucinations) and depressional OCD. And FYI, I also have porn addiction which I developed after a long time after seeing the adult google searches made by my father when I was like in my 9th grade. I also committed suicide three more times due to depression that I was kicked out from my college course and also because my friends stopped talking to me. I only have 7 friends in during my engineering course and I surely know that my best friend thought that because of she I committed suicide. She actually tried to help me when I was having bad symptoms and she also even took me to a doc but I discontinued using the medicines. My best friend knows what happened during my childhood and actually she was the first one who know this. For sure, I know she always tried to help me but I always misunderstood. My behavior is not good at that time. I became picky about the things happening. She stopped talking to me from the moment she came to know that I committed suicide the first time(I took 17 sleeping tablets at once)....I am on medication even now and it's been more than a year I was under medication. And besides talking about all this with my doc and using medicines I still have porn addiction. Though I dont watch a porn video for more than 10-15 minutes I randomly go to a time in the video and I start masturbating and I ejaculate and I then close the incognito browser. First of all, thank you for taking time to read all my text. So I have two questions: how can I cure my addiction? I sometimes feel guilty of watching porn because I felt that I should stop watching because it's not a good thing and also that my friend would feel bad when she knows this. And my second question is after all this...I am feeling that what happened is actually good and I am also having no objection while watching Leo's videos. I am confused whether I am taking this positively or negatively. What are your views on this? And once again, THANK YOU VERY MUCH for reading my post.

I'm probably not the most qualified person to answer as I've never seriously considered suicide. It has been a few years since I felt somewhat similar. As if I was being dragged through the day by obligations that have long lost their meaning. Everything was difficult and I had to force myself to do the most simple things. Otherwise I would just stop doing anything for days. Then the anxiety, guilt and depression rose to unbearable levels and it pushed me into action again for a short while. I was scared of the future, I was on a path to even greater misery. Anyway, what turned it around for me, I spent a few weeks trying to figure out if there was anything that I actually wanted to do. The anxiety, panic, fear, guilt was so intense I was unable to think clearly. My mind was a mish mash of incoherent thoughts and anxiety. I found that when I went to hot shower it eased the anxiety and I gained a sense of clarity temporarily. I spent like 10hrs each day under the hot shower, racking up huge bills, lol. At first I couldn't find anything. Then I imagined if I was a wizard and could do literally anything I wanted, would I still sit in my apartment all day do nothing? I would totally do awesome things then, but it's just that I'm not a wizard and I can't do anything in real life. Then it dawned on me that there actually was something that I wanted to do just that I thought it was not possible. Some time later I broke out of victim thinking and realized I actually can do the things I want in real life without needing to be a wizard. This turned everything around for me and I've changed my life quite a bit since then. I had a career too that I went to university for and spent 5+ years working on which I quit and started something else which I'm still happy with. I'm not suggesting you to quit or do anything rash. Try to figure out if there is a desire in your gut to do something. Maybe the things you want have changed but you feel obligated to continue doing old things since you've already invested so much into them.

Second of week resuming journaling Monday - I got up before 7:30 am to go workout at the gym. I started working out at 8:50 am and finished at around 10:45 am. I felt good about getting it done early in the day. After I got home, I showered, ate, and then got ready for my online meeting with my Placement Academic Review counselor. The meeting was to some extent disappointing due to how it was conducted. She seemed quite rigid with the way that she asked the questions and how I had to answer them. I didn't get the chance to tell how I thought or felt about my time as a student teacher. After the meeting, I talked with my parents for about an hour about the meeting. Then, I took a long break and stressed out about how I am gonna make it anywhere in life. Then, I meditated until my girlfriend got home. Afterwards, I helped her rake the leaves on her back patio. Later on, when I told my girlfriend that I decided to agree with my parents's advice on going back up on the dosage for an anti-depressant the pill that I've been taking, she got very upset with me for the rest of the night, even as we watched the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars. Overall, I felt very stressed out about my life. Tuesday - I woke up feeling a little sick with a stuffy nose so I slept in somewhat late. I then had a talk with my parents over the phone discussing my future. I finished my job application for a seasonal position of being a Sales Associate at Party City for Halloween. I didn't really do much work or studying. I did some laundry including cleaning my clothes and our bed sheets. I have been continuing to take the increased dosage of the anti-depressant, but so far no change in mood yet. I brought in mailed packages for my girlfriend. I helped my girlfriend make dinner and we watched some TV. I felt so lost and hopeless about my life. I also felt very ashamed of how much I've accomplished. Wednesday - I went to the gym early in the morning again. However, I stayed there for at least 4 hours. I felt bad for staying that long. After getting back home, I showered, ate, and then talked with my parents on the phone for a while. Over the phone, I found out that my sister was being sent to the hospital to get induced by the medical staff for the delivery of her newborn baby. One of the things we talked about on the phone was whether or not I should come back home this weekend and if my girlfriend would be willing to drive me to my parents' home. My girlfriend said that she like she would too tired to drive with me to their place. So, I discussed with my parents about train transportation options; however, after we tried to figure out the best schedule for me to ride home on the train, we decided that it was too much trouble to figure it out and that I should just stay with my girlfriend over the weekend. I took a long break including doing some PNF stretching for my hamstrings. Holly and her friends/coworkers invited me to have dinner with them at an Asian tea restaurant right after they finished working at their job. She told me over the phone to not be late with getting ready to pick me up and go with her. However, I ended up being ready a few minutes late, and she got pissed about that. She said that she couldn't take it anymore and that maybe I should go back to my parents' place tomorrow. On our way to the dinner meetup I felt very bad about being late and the number of times I messed up with my timing. When we arrived at the restaurant, we got there only a couple minutes later than her friends/coworkers did. So, I didn't have to feel bad about making them wait for a bit. During the meetup, we enjoyed ourselves and I think that my girlfriend cooled down over me being late with getting ready for them. After we got home, we watched one of our favorite shows, Supernatural, on Netflix until we got ready for bed. I felt relieved that she was no longer upset with me, but I still felt really down and stressed about my life overall up through the middle of the night. Thursday - I woke a little late, but not as late as I did on Tuesday. My parents called me and told me that after deliberating more on what I should do, they felt that it would be best if I took a year off from school and get ready for the placement next time by having a job for a year to get enough work experience and skills for myself. I freaked out about that because I didn't want to have to take off another year from school. I didn't do much during the morning, but around Noon and up through the afternoon, I spent a lot of time vacuuming much of her bedroom floor, ceiling, and walls. It was a pain to move her clothes and shoes out of the way for vacuuming and then having to put all of it back to where they were before (as best as I could remember). However, I was proud of myself for having accomplished that both for overall neatness and our health. My girlfriend seemed a bit surprised, but appreciative of me having done it for her. Later on, when she came back home, I helped get rid of some old shoes she no longer liked or needed. Then, I did my long distance running training. After my run, I showered and got ready to go grocery shopping with my girlfriend. As we went shopping, I got a phone call from my mom and she was telling how very stressed she is about my sister's delivery of her newborn child within the hospital and about me possibility doing something regrettable for my school/career like trying to approach the teacher, staff, and school where my placement was cancelled at, even though I was told not to contact the school at all. However, I reassured her that I promise I wouldn't do anything stupid or crazy and she calmed down. I told my girlfriend about that and she felt that my mom was overreacting as usual. After we got the food, we made dinner and watched more Supernatural on Netflix. During the rest of the night, I felt somewhat nervous about my sister and her baby. I took a Benadryl to help me sleep at night, which I think helped to some extent. Overall, I felt I had a more productive day than my previous days. Friday - I woke up a bit late again. I talked to my parents on the phone again about what to do with my life. I did calisthenics training outside on my girlfriend's property. I am getting used to doing them on the pavement. I then did my PNF stretching for the front splits. I felt bad about not doing them earlier yesterday, but I was glad that I at least got one of those PNF stretching sessions for the week in. Then, I ate my breakfast and lunch late. Afterwards, I had another long talk with my parents on the phone about my career and they said that they still prefer me to find a part-time for a year. I told that I haven't gotten any acceptances for the bunch of jobs I applied to and that I am really worried about finding any kind of job at all. They told me that I have to keep applying for more jobs, including maybe ones that might fit someone like me with my qualifications. They also said that they sincerely doubt that I wouldn't find some kind of decent job given how good the job market in this country is out there. However, I still believe in the possibility of never finding any kind of fair job, or perhaps any of any kind. One reason, I feel this way due to having already been rejected from a few basic part-time positions at a hotel I applied to and still haven't received any good news from any of the businesses I applied to for jobs they seem to have available. Another reason, is that I've already heard stories of people who like me are young and able and willing to work seriously at any job, but have applied to hundreds of jobs for at least a year and still couldn't even get one job, despite being in a period of a good job economy for their county, and even with the improvements they consistently made to their resume overtime and being in a good job economy. The only thing good that really happened today was when I was told the news of my sister having finally given birth successfully to her newborn daughter. I was relieved and happy for my sister of course. Later at night, we had dinner and watched a dumb comedy movie. Overall today, I felt doomed and so incredibly frustrated with my life. Saturday - I woke up at little after 9 am today, ate breakfast, washed my face, and got ready to go to Hapkido in the morning. I went there until the afternoon. My groove with teaching the beginners class seemed to be coming back. Right before class when I had to cut my nails, I accidentally broke the nail clipper I took with me to the studio, which made me frustrated. I didn't get to cut all of my finger nails before the clipper broke and it was about that time I had to teach the beginners class, so I got worried about what people were going to think about my nails when I teach class and afterwards. Yet, I figured I had no choice and it wasn't really that big of a deal. I got through the class fine and then finished clipping the rest of my fingernails as best as I could with the broken clipper, which I successfully did with some brute force. As for the blackbelt class, it was actually relatively easy, which was nice. Before I left the studio, I told some of the people I knew well including Master Kim about my newborn niece, which they congratulated me for. That felt nice. When I got home, I worked for a few hours on catching up on all of these personal journal entries for this week and did a little work on my experimentation plan for my PAR process. I felt stressed about how much work I had to catch up on and I had trouble concentrating on doing the tasks. Afterwards, I had to help my girlfriend clean the kitchen. During that time, I felt very depressed and angry with my life. I even had some suicidal thoughts. These negative thoughts and feelings lingered for hours longer into the evening as we went to the Good Will store and then to the Whole Foods grocery store. When we got home and had dinner we watch some old Eddie Murphy comedy, which was not really great, imo. So, we turned it off and played with each other for a bit before she decided to go have her shower. As she start getting her shower ready, I called my mom and we spoke on FaceTime showing me an update on her garage issue and discussing with me about what more that needs to be done with it. I showed her a small part of my gf's apartment and her cat and my mom got curious about all of it. My girlfriend came out of the bathroom and asked me what I was doing, so we ended the phone conversation with my mom saying hi and goodnight to her and then my mom and I saying good night to each other. My girlfriend didn't like that I showed my mom any of her place. She then walked off to check her phone and decided to call her best friend up to see how things were going with her. Meanwhile, I decided to finish the rest of my daily journal entries. I believe that I am now all caught up with all of my daily journal entries, which is a significant relief for me. Sunday - I woke up late with my girlfriend and we had some physical intimacy. Then, we got up and I had breakfast, washed my face, and got ready to help her clean up the kitchen. When we were cleaning the kitchen, I felt so down and angry about my life. I thought about not being able to take anymore pain of rejection and loss of anything else in life. I contemplated suicide again. After we got done cleaning up the kitchen, we took a bit of a break and then she decided to go shopping with her best friend while I decided to stay home and work on my PAR process plan and ways to improve my student teaching experience. After searching through much of the internet, I couldn't really find any solutions or ideas that seemed helpful for my particular situation. I also looked up the student teaching placement handbook sent by one of my academic advisors, and I felt disheartened when I noticed that one part of it mentioned that being dismissed from a placement again could result in dismissal from the entire teaching program. Consequently, I got even more stressed out about it. I felt more anxious about my capabilities and scared about how ruthless life can be. After she got back home and finished my lunch meal, we continued cleaning up the place including me cleaning the bathroom sink, mirror, and toiletry placed on the sink. After, I finished all of that, I sat on the couch looking very sad which my girlfriend noticed. She asked me how I can be happier to which I said "finding a way to ensure a career for my future." We talked about it until I went to the gym.

Thanks for the thoughtful responses eveyone! There's some good information in this thread! Update: She had a suicide attempt about a week and a half ago. She seems to be doing a lot better now. She's now open to getting help, but still hesitant. I've learned that her family situation is pretty rough, and that it's contributed a lot to these issues. We've gotten a lot closer over the past month. She really is very sweet, caring and accepting despite her mental health issues. I really want to make this work but am starting to understand that it might be necessary to step away @Leo Gura Thanks for your insights on this topic! I'll keep that in mind as I move forward. At a certain point I might have to accept that there isn't gonna be a way to make things work. @remember That's important to keep in mind as well. Individual situations are distinct, so our judgement shouldn't be clouded by trying to fit a story to some abstract stereotype of "the toxic relationship".

A doctor who focuses the 10000 hours on studying medicine his enlightened colleague spent doing self-enquiry is likely to have 10000 more hours of medical knowledge , with a bigger knowledge base to draw upon. I would therefore think his chances of making a mistake would be lower. A truly enlightened doctor is one who values truth, and is probably doing less clinical practise in a system which is not fit for purpose. He would be able to do this by living his life to avoid wage slavery and have enough self-awareness to move away from an abusive system which is haemorrhaging doctors and where the suicide rate should be a cause of concern.

I don't think you should stop teaching as there are other perspectives or people who observe your teachings. You gave these two options 1) You don't really exist. You are just a figment of my imagination. The entire world is just for me. In other words, total solipsism. This is the teaching which drives people to commit suicide and helps nobody. It's totally pointless and makes people even more isolated and disconnected from each other. The strangest thing of all is how so few people point this out and appear to really enjoy the videos where you say these things. 2) God subdivided itself into separate dimensions, one of which is mine and one of which is yours. Of course since both of us are God, both of us are being both dimensions at once. So I and you are literally one consciousness but experiencing different forms. This one, although pretty unsettling, makes much more sense. God has done a pretty shit job and isn't really all that powerful if all it can do is become Shaun and live as Shaun.

Exactly what @Leo Gura said. I've been in that situation before AND the girl was willing to actually put the effort in it and research her problems and go to therapy with and without me and it was still a struggle and didn't work out. This is the recipe for an EXTREMELY co-dependent relationship. You only have a sliver of hope if she can realize that her behaviors are issues and is willing to work it out. If not, 0% chance to make it work. Not even 1%. I would personally get out now before she gets even more invested and Leo is right, you will get threats of suicide when you distance yourself then. Fix your own issues to the point that you don't attract or are immediately aware of people with severe issues before too much investment sink in. You will grow regardless but IMO, choose a more quality growing experience. I'm sure she is a quality person and all this doesn't remove her positive attributes but in having a successful, healthy relationship; positive attributes don't outweigh negative ones.

Yes, absolutely! It's magnificent and ingenious. Still, it is a crutch that can be overcome. OH, and to answer your title question: No. While your identity is dying, this is not suicide. You are not the identities you assume.

What's there to live for when someone is fully detatched? If I detatched from everything, i wouldn't mind if my family gets raped and butchered and I wouldn't care if I lived in a small box and I had to shit there and eat there at the same time. Or i wouldn't care if someone puts a knife on my throat and cuts it open. It just seems too much for me. It's either impossible to become totally detatched or it makes you a suicidal person who doesn't give a shit. And small degrees of "overcomming fear" won't fucking matter because fear of death or losing loved ones will always be there.

The user DOtheWork recently created a thread, and unfortunately it got locked as soon as I posted my reply, so I have to post it here: @DoTheWork This is NOT "total awakening". When one is always living in the present in the moment, boredom simply doesn't exist. This is a classic example of ego thinking it totally "awakened". Take a break from psychedelics and work on observing your own ego-mechanism. This is a very serious issue, because a lot of people with big "spiritual" egos who start doing powerful psychedelics, very frequently delude themselves during the trips. What happens? The ego sneaks through the backdoor and starts to overtake the narrative. People report "channeling", talking with "entities", , living in many different dimensions at the same time, etc - not recognizing the imagery that they see and experience during the trips is just part of divine imagination. Because of this, a lot of people including LEO, delude themselves very heavily and think that they have "directly" experience something, when it was just their ego operating. (example: Channeling God, keyword "channeling" ) This is coming from somebody who has done a lot of psychedelics (including 20 5-MEO DMT trips and 40+ N, N-DMT). It is a huge trap (one of many), that even LEO as you can see is not immune to. Transcript of what that user posted can be found here: ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I consider myself being twin of Leo... I have experienced all of the stuff he talks in his videos + have very similar personality. My background: 30 y/old male, Europe Many years of HARDCORE spiritual path. - Clean eating, mostly RAW (no wheat, no dairy, a little meat) - Being aware ALL DAY LONG - 16 hours a day - Contemplation and Self Inquiry 3 hours a day - Meditating in PITCH BLACK room 3 hours a day before midnight (strong determination sitting) - Concentration exercises - ejaculating max once per 2 weeks - Psychedelics (often): 15x 5-MeO-DMT HCL trips 30x 5-Meo-DMT Freebase trips 20x 4-Aco-DMT Fumarate trips 35x DMT Freebase trips 8x DPT trips 60x Weed trips 5x LSD trips 10x 2c-b trips + some near death experiences And some others. Many of my trips happened in pitch black darkness. Always WITHOUT trip sitter. I have had many "TOTAL" awakenings + experienced many paranormal, mystical phenomena and Kundalini awakening. Third eye opening etc... I have experienced many logically impossible experiences. Sober or under psychedelics. I consider myself Awakened consciousness, yet there are infinite degrees of awakening more left. DO YOU GET IT? After MANY infinite trips you will get it. YES, there are degrees to awakening. I have experienced MANY lifetimes. In fact, I have experienced ALL possible lifetimes that have existed, exist now or will exist when having many of my mystical experiences. I have had trips, where I experienced ALL POSSIBLE LIFETIMES OF ALL POSSIBLE CREATURES in 6 hours. Entire lifetimes... YES! All possible creatures. 5-legged ones, or just beings made of energy only, or creature with not 5 or 6 senses but 300 senses etc... Sounds impossible? Well... If you do HARDCORE practices, you can experience many hardcore stuff. This story about Big Bang and Planet Earth IS JUST ONE OF INFINITE MORE STORIES in infinite more dimensions. I attained THOUSANDS of "spiritual" insights. Most of them are impossible to put into words and sentences. "You are God" is just one of INFINITE MORE SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS. I can't describe this statement more, because of the limit of language. There is INFINITE deepness. In other dimensions I took psychedelics 10000s times potent than DPT. There are infinite more colors than you can see now in this current dimension. Be very open-minded reading next lines please. After many years of being "spiritual"... After my last awakening, I realised that this whole spiritual path is just ONE story of infinite other meaningless stories. Chasing this whole "who am I?" thing is just of many possible stories and is AS MEANINGLESS AS ANY OTHER STORY. I awakened to total meaninglessness. TOTAL. THERE IS NO OTHER PLACE TO BE. I can't escape THIS being. There is only being. I experienced that no matter what I do, even if I kill myself, I will be reborn infinite times more. In fact I have literally physically experienced dying and killing myself in other dimensions just to realise that I can't escape this BEING thing. After you die, you can choose to "enjoy" formlessness for infinity. BUT that infinity is so infinite, that is finite. Basically, that INFINITY will feel like blink of the eye, and you will get "bored" and will reborn "instantly", after you get bored being formless. READ THAT AGAIN. In other words: HUMAN DIES, BABY IS BORN. INSTANTLY. You can't escape... There is only Existence. No form of suicide is enough. Thanks to this insight, this exact life that I live now, is exactly good as any other life. No life is better than other life. Thanks to many mystical experiences I realised that businessman has his sufferings and joys, is the same as homeless man has his pains and joys. No difference. And here comes my question.... Question that no one of you can answer... Because I have used infinite times more potent stuff than your tiny limited human mind, YET I am still searching for answer. WHAT TO DO NOW? The thing is, I feel like there is no higher "level" to reach. I have experienced mahasamadhi in other lifetimes, I have reached TOP OF THE TOP levels of Existence... I have experienced toppest of the tops, I always ended up in some limited dimension. And Now I want to suffer again. That is the reason I have chosen not to have mahasamadhi in this life (I had many opportunities to have mahasamadhi in this life) You were God infinite lifetimes before, and now you forgot you wanted to experience being limited again. You forgot you have put yourself here just to limit yourself again. JUST CAUSE. Because you can. I WANT TO BE HUMAN AGAIN AND TO HAVE ROLLERCOASTER LIFE OF EMOTIONS AND ILLUSIONS. I want to forget I am God... But I know too much. Too much.... I am serious. After TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT, after THE HIGHEST HIGH, there is only a way down. I just want to warn EVERYBODY: THERE ARE INSIGHTS that will destroy your life, your motivations, your everything. There are insights so shocking that will paralyze you. You will lose interest for friends, movies, music, just about everything. It feels like know everything, have been everything, been everywhere, have done everything... In every dimension I have lived, there is always this "OMG now I know too much, and there's no way back" level. After that insight, life in that dimension becomes very "meaningless"... In every dimension there are illusions similar to "Maya", just to protect you. To protect you from "knowing too much" so you can continue enjoying the show. It feels like the "secret" of Maya have its purpose here in this dimension. Knowing too much (being awakened) in whatever dimension leads to being unfulfilled. It's like cheating... Do you enjoy playing a game with "GODMODE: ON" cheat? If I could choose again, I would not choose to awaken. This world is made to be for unconscious beings. Now I have a 2 choices. Just watching everything, just observing this miraculous colorful explosion. orPut myself again into Matrix and forget who am I. And I think I want to forget. But how? How could I? How could I deceive myself again? Basically, I want to warn you... KNOWING "TOO MUCH" and being robbed of "mandatory" illusions will leave you unsatisfied... TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT leads later to total unconsciousness. It's a strange loop. Even being infinite love will soon or later lead to infinite suffering. You are THE CHANGE. You want CHANGE. Don't ask me why... YES, I am saying very radical stuff. I have experienced many lives in other dimensions being only "LOVE". But after some time, even LOVE will seem boring. You will not enjoy your "total awakening" to the infinity... At one point, you basically get bored and want to enjoy being unconscious jerk again... Soon or later, you may be interested in being Zen Devil just for the sake of doing it.That's why you see many spiritual gurus having affairs and being zen devils.There is something deep you can get from this post, but I don't know how to communicate it better, because I am not native english speaker. Have a nice day. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I consider myself being twin of Leo... I have experienced all of the stuff he talks in his videos + have very similar personality. My background: 30 y/old male, Europe Many years of HARDCORE spiritual path. - Clean eating, mostly RAW (no wheat, no dairy, a little meat) - Being aware ALL DAY LONG - 16 hours a day - Contemplation and Self Inquiry 3 hours a day - Meditating in PITCH BLACK room 3 hours a day before midnight (strong determination sitting) - Concentration exercises - ejaculating max once per 2 weeks - Psychedelics (often): 15x 5-MeO-DMT HCL trips 30x 5-Meo-DMT Freebase trips 20x 4-Aco-DMT Fumarate trips 35x DMT Freebase trips 8x DPT trips 60x Weed trips 5x LSD trips 10x 2c-b trips + some near death experiences And some others. Many of my trips happened in pitch black darkness. Always WITHOUT trip sitter. I have had many "TOTAL" awakenings + experienced many paranormal, mystical phenomena and Kundalini awakening. Third eye opening etc... I have experienced many logically impossible experiences. Sober or under psychedelics. I consider myself Awakened consciousness, yet there are infinite degrees of awakening more left. DO YOU GET IT? After MANY infinite trips you will get it. YES, there are degrees to awakening. I have experienced MANY lifetimes. In fact, I have experienced ALL possible lifetimes that have existed, exist now or will exist when having many of my mystical experiences. I have had trips, where I experienced ALL POSSIBLE LIFETIMES OF ALL POSSIBLE CREATURES in 6 hours. Entire lifetimes... YES! All possible creatures. 5-legged ones, or just beings made of energy only, or creature with not 5 or 6 senses but 300 senses etc... Sounds impossible? Well... If you do HARDCORE practices, you can experience many hardcore stuff. This story about Big Bang and Planet Earth IS JUST ONE OF INFINITE MORE STORIES in infinite more dimensions. I attained THOUSANDS of "spiritual" insights. Most of them are impossible to put into words and sentences. "You are God" is just one of INFINITE MORE SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS. I can't describe this statement more, because of the limit of language. There is INFINITE deepness. In other dimensions I took psychedelics 10000s times potent than DPT. There are infinite more colors than you can see now in this current dimension. Be very open-minded reading next lines please. After many years of being "spiritual"... After my last awakening, I realised that this whole spiritual path is just ONE story of infinite other meaningless stories. Chasing this whole "who am I?" thing is just of many possible stories and is AS MEANINGLESS AS ANY OTHER STORY. I awakened to total meaninglessness. TOTAL. THERE IS NO OTHER PLACE TO BE. I can't escape THIS being. There is only being. I experienced that no matter what I do, even if I kill myself, I will be reborn infinite times more. In fact I have literally physically experienced dying and killing myself in other dimensions just to realise that I can't escape this BEING thing. After you die, you can choose to "enjoy" formlessness for infinity. BUT that infinity is so infinite, that is finite. Basically, that INFINITY will feel like blink of the eye, and you will get "bored" and will reborn "instantly", after you get bored being formless. READ THAT AGAIN. In other words: HUMAN DIES, BABY IS BORN. INSTANTLY. You can't escape... There is only Existence. No form of suicide is enough. Thanks to this insight, this exact life that I live now, is exactly good as any other life. No life is better than other life. Thanks to many mystical experiences I realised that businessman has his sufferings and joys, is the same as homeless man has his pains and joys. No difference. And here comes my question.... Question that no one of you can answer... Because I have used infinite times more potent stuff than your tiny limited human mind, YET I am still searching for answer. WHAT TO DO NOW? The thing is, I feel like there is no higher "level" to reach. I have experienced mahasamadhi in other lifetimes, I have reached TOP OF THE TOP levels of Existence... I have experienced toppest of the tops, I always ended up in some limited dimension. And Now I want to suffer again. That is the reason I have chosen not to have mahasamadhi in this life (I had many opportunities to have mahasamadhi in this life) You were God infinite lifetimes before, and now you forgot you wanted to experience being limited again. You forgot you have put yourself here just to limit yourself again. JUST CAUSE. Because you can. I WANT TO BE HUMAN AGAIN AND TO HAVE ROLLERCOASTER LIFE OF EMOTIONS AND ILLUSIONS. I want to forget I am God... But I know too much. Too much.... I am serious. After TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT, after THE HIGHEST HIGH, there is only a way down. I just want to warn EVERYBODY: THERE ARE INSIGHTS that will destroy your life, your motivations, your everything. There are insights so shocking that will paralyze you. You will lose interest for friends, movies, music, just about everything. It feels like know everything, have been everything, been everywhere, have done everything... In every dimension I have lived, there is always this "OMG now I know too much, and there's no way back" level. After that insight, life in that dimension becomes very "meaningless"... In every dimension there are illusions similar to "Maya", just to protect you. To protect you from "knowing too much" so you can continue enjoying the show. It feels like the "secret" of Maya have its purpose here in this dimension. Knowing too much (being awakened) in whatever dimension leads to being unfulfilled. It's like cheating... Do you enjoy playing a game with "GODMODE: ON" cheat? If I could choose again, I would not choose to awaken. This world is made to be for unconscious beings. Now I have a 2 choices. Just watching everything, just observing this miraculous colorful explosion. or Put myself again into Matrix and forget who am I. And I think I want to forget. But how? How could I? How could I deceive myself again? Basically, I want to warn you... KNOWING "TOO MUCH" and being robbed of "mandatory" illusions will leave you unsatisfied... TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT leads later to total unconsciousness. It's a strange loop. Even being infinite love will soon or later lead to infinite suffering. You are THE CHANGE. You want CHANGE. Don't ask me why... YES, I am saying very radical stuff. I have experienced many lives in other dimensions being only "LOVE". But after some time, even LOVE will seem boring. You will not enjoy your "total awakening" to the infinity... At one point, you basically get bored and want to enjoy being unconscious jerk again... Soon or later, you may be interested in being Zen Devil just for the sake of doing it. That's why you see many spiritual gurus having affairs and being zen devils. There is something deep you can get from this post, but I don't know how to communicate it better, because I am not native english speaker. Have a nice day.

There is none. God is not infinitely powerful. That is why he succumbs to devilry, and all he can do is devilry and if he somehow escapes the wonderful hallucinatory fireworks of devilry he will be in an existential crisis so either he will commit suicide (finding the meaningless of it all) or become an existentialist like Nietzche (looking into the abyss, finding one's own meaning (Ubermensch)) , Camus (Rebellion) , Kierkegaard (finding solace in God). That is the consequence of the void that is created. And the only thing that God can do to avoid the above fates mentioned is to awaken to this void, and realize that he himself is the void. God is but a bubble of energy in a realm of infinite Gods.

Investing in real state is passive income for those who dont have creativity and skills to be an enterpreneur. Passive income or UBi is needed to escape wage slavery. And I doubt Yang 2020 will be elected. If I didnt have the guarantee that i'll inherit a propert and will rent it I'd have commited suicide or joined some remote tribe. For highly sensitive people being abused and milked like a cow at work is too unbearable for 65 years

Just a little report from a newbie to all of this work. Maybe this post can serve as inspiration to those who are just starting out. A lot can happen in just one year. And it’s one hell of a ride. Definitely not what I thought it would be. What I thought would happen was just me becoming a ‘better’, ‘kinder’, ‘cooler’ person… little did I know What I did Mindfulness meditation (Headspace app, went from 5min/day to 20min 2x/day) Yoga (Vinyasa style, 15 - 50min/day) Journal + Gratitude list (everyday) Cold showers, Shamanic breathing, Self inquiry (On and off) I also read about one book a week, I eat a very healthy diet and I spend a lot of time outside. I move a lot, don’t watch TV and I spend a lot of time with family and children. I sleep enough. But that’s how I always kind of lived so, I’m not sure how much this influences my progress. So here’s some things that happened (Please don’t ask me why those things happened, I have no idea) The first months I went full on head-in-the-clouds. People told be that it seems like I’m not from this world anymore, way too soft, out of touch with reality. Everything just seemed kind of magical and new, not in an extreme way but that was the tendency. When I think back now, it’s like nothing could touch me. But not in a good way, I wasn’t so caring anymore of others. I just couldn’t ground whatever was happening to me so I became a bit (very!) floaty. Everything just seemed like a beautiful dream. I was becoming lucid in my dreams as well. But I didn’t know how to handle this state. I couldn’t explain it to others, I seemed to piss everyone off all the time. Then I noticed that I completely lost my sex drive. This went on for several months. I didn’t want to engage in sex at all but at the same time I felt my love for people was growing constantly. I started to see how sex actually hurts most people. It doesn’t give them what they’re really looking for and me giving it to them wouldn’t make anything better. (Sex drive came back in the meantime but it’s different.) Then, after about 5 months I found Leo’s videos, which gave me some perspective on the path I got myself on. It felt like that was the time when I finally sat down with myself and got honest about all the work that will need to be done and the pain I have to get through. Every video I watched made me aware of all the things I had to work on in order to become a grounded, centred and stable person. I worked a lot on judgement (I was sooooo judgemental! Still am, but it’s getting a lot better) and self esteem this year. Overall, meditation helped me a lot with calming and focusing my mind. My grades were excellent last year and barely anything can still get me emotionally wound up. I feel a lot more in touch with myself and present with others. Just for that alone it would have been totally worth it. All that being said, there were still things I couldn’t get under control and that hurt me a lot. I sort of developed a very unhealthy relationship with food and my body and no amount of mindfulness could seem to help me handle it. It actually got worse which felt terrible. I still haven’t found a way out of this. I felt on the verge of suicide for some time and I can’t really explain why. I felt like if I keep doing all of this, I’ll go totally insane. I remember watching Inception and crying because it was so relatable and I felt like the woman that will end up jumping out of the window. I never actually did anything but it was like something inside of me wanted to force me to stop moving in the direction I did. (Glad that period is over ) Just recently I saw for the first time how much I’m hurting people, ALL THE TIME. Literally everyone around me. Even with my thoughts. I’m just trying to get to the top and push everyone else down. This was the most painful thing to realise so far. I don’t even know who I would be without this ‘competition’. It’s all of me. Seeing that completely destroyed me. It seems like my life might just be one huge unconscious pattern and none of the things I considered ‘kind’ were anything but selfishness. (Including committing to spirituality) Also, little troubles that I thought about working on ‘one day’ suddenly appeared HUGE. Things I pushed under the rug, like family problems, piled up like a mountain I couldn’t go around anymore. ____________________________ I had a handful of really weird ‘awakenings’ I guess. I can’t describe it other than ‘merging with reality’. It was beautiful most times. Everything was so clear and I had tears in my eyes feeling for the first time what unconditional love meant. Everything was different but also the same. I’ve never been so peaceful in my life. I felt all my senses at the same time and if I didn’t look at myself, I wasn’t sure where my mind and body started and where they ended. They were always caused by either a lot of suffering or intense amounts of love. Mostly by being hugely disappointed in myself, sliding back into binge eating, feeling super lonely or terrible about the decisions I’ve made in my life. And suddenly, lying on the floor crying, there it was. They lasted from 30 seconds to several hours. Afterwards I realised that I’ve basically been sleepwalking all my life. But that that’s ok too. It was also terrifying twice- like my insides were torn out and death is in the room to get me. I still have those moments of sheer terror during self inquiry. Like reality is way too direct and intense for us to really realise and it suddenly seems like a silly idea to push beyond the ego which protects us so beautifully from being overwhelmed by this. What now? In a way I feel like I made so much progress and on the other hand I know there’s so much ahead of me. I’m still so immature in many ways. My monkey mind is still crazy most days. Sometimes it even seems it has gotten worse But less and less can I justify doing things I don’t enjoy and lying to myself and others. I’m overall a lot better, calmer and grateful in my everyday life. I have no idea where all of this will lead me. I’ll just keep doing what I did and try to be open about what is coming up. This year was crazy enough. It taught me that life is absolutely uncertain and no amount of planning is really gonna get you anywhere on this zig zag journey. I trust that whatever comes, comes. All in good time. Lately I feel like meaning is gliding away and like I’m erasing myself more than really developing myself. But that’s a different story… But even if nothing happens ever again, I know that God exists, which helps me through everything in my life. I now understand how God can be ultimate ‘solace’ and what is meant by saying ‘Never stop trusting God’. It’s gotten me through everything. Nothing will take that trust away ever again. "Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." There’s no way back now. ____________________________ Thanks for reading. Share your story if you feel inspired. Thank you @Leo Gura, your content truly had a big impact on me. Even though I want to slap you at times

Dean Radin has posted a bunch of scientific studies about the evidence for psi phenomena. http://deanradin.com/evidence/evidence.htm He's also done some great talks that are on youtube about why the results are dismissed by the scientific community. Despite evidence, it is assumed that there has to be some unknown explanation because a scientist publicly announcing they suspect the implications are true would commit career suicide. From what I have experienced, it would be hard to prove a direct causal link between an intentional magickal act and its result. For example, someone may do a ritual to get some extra money before rent is due. If it shows up, a skeptic would just claim it was a coincidence. I think someone has to experiment with it themselves. Once the "coincidences" keep piling up, eventually skepticism melts because one runs out of contrived explanations. Even now, I still sometimes wonder if I am reading too much into things because the results can be so fucking weird to be real.

Yes Initially, something probably has to trigger anxiety disorder but once it's there, anxiety, fast heart rate can occur without any thought related to it. Even some period of higher stress can trigger it and then, once triggered, it may take even a few years to extinguish. One's vulnerability to anxiety disorders will depend on genetic factors mostly. My father committed suicide so there may be something to it. Fortunately, my anxiety has gotten much better over the past few months and I'm only taking a minimal dose of an SNRI. Hopefully, I'll be drug-free in the next 3 months.

Spiritual bypassing. Tell that to the families of the ones that committed suicide because they did not understand the lesson. Not cool. Have you watched the video I posted in your journal? You have a massive shadow relating to authority.

Hmm... how about every single suicide case? Misunderstanding lessons of life and killing yourself out of ego backlash? How about religious zealotry? Killing people in the name of God? How is that not an ego backlash in reaction to lessons of other religions? How about non-dual keyboard jockeys that advise people to meditate in response to every single problem of their life? Shoving all reactionary suffering into one bag called 'massive ego backlash' is like equating gym exercise with being hit by a bus. THIS is a form of misunderstanding of spiritual truths. Misunderstanding that lacks compassion. Did you forget that Jesus did have disciples that taught others on his behalf?

I've been in that exact situation before. It's gonna be really hard to make that work. Usually serious depression, anxiety, and low self esteem are a sign of some deeper trauma which she is avoiding/denying. Often it could be sexual abuse, rape, death of mother or father, etc. Serious stuff. This tends to go hand in hand with alcohol and substance abuse. So watch out. Such women get very needy, very clingy, very emotional, and they are almost impossible to help because they perceive suggestions to get help as an attack on their identity. As in, "Why don't you love me for who I am?!!!" A needy person is so desperate for love they cannot handle truth. The slightest suggestions for self-improvement trigger them. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy effect where their fear of being abandoned makes them so clingy that no healthy relationship is possible, thereby leading to abandonment, reinforcing the idea in their mind that they are unlovable. No serious communication is possible because such people cannot handle truthful communication. They want fantasy and sweet lies. Such people need deep therapeutic help, enormous self-help work, and lots of spiritual development. Unfortunately they tend to refuse any such thing -- making their relationship impossible. And finally when you try to end the relationship, there will be huge waterworks and the threat of suicide. Try to see what you can do. Try introducing her to some basic self-help and self-esteem work. But also understand that this person has deep inner wounds which you probably cannot fix. Such wounds usually take 10-20 years to resolve, and that's IF the person is interested in working on herself. Try to figure out what the root cause of her depression / anxiety is. Usually it's a traumatic childhood or teenage event. She is likely to hide such an event from you because she's scared that if you find out you will leave her. Such women often lie a lot to themselves and therefore will lie to you. It's part of her coping strategy to avoid deep truth or deep self-reflection. In practice such women can only be in highly dysfunctional relationships until they do some serious self-help work. If she has serious low self-esteem, chances are high she's got a history of abusive relationships. Try to dig into her history to get a sense of what you're dealing with. It could be some dark stuff. Don't blame yourself. Some women are just like this and cannot be helped until they seek help for themselves.

Caffeine is weird because unlike any other addictive drug that I know of, it actually appears to have a net benefit to health. Some of the benefits include (off the top of my head): increased longevity lower rates of suicide and depression lower rates of many cancers lower rates of cardiovascular disease I don't feel like digging up references right now, so if you want to investigate these claims, don't take my word for it and jump on google! These benefits are based on population scale studies, so there's no guarantee that caffeine is right for *you*, it just means that on average, most people are healthier when they drink caffeine.

@Fuku This is a great exercise against bias. I use it pretty much all the time, it almost became like OCD for me lol. Ok so let's try Life is hard, there is more suffering in life than pleasure and it's probably better never to have been. Arguments against: The ratio of suffering to pleasure may change for the better in the future Suicide is almost always possible for anyone all the time if suffering becomes unbearable so one may as well be born and keep on deciding whether or not he wants to live.

I am a 24 year old female, I have a full time job and I live with my parents because we live in a country where young adults don't live in their own apartments unless they get married. So please don't suggest "just move out". I don't want to play the victim here. I understand that I have 100% control over my thoughts and emotions, it is just that it gets so hard to maintain my good mental health sometimes while living in this fucking house. my mother is schizophrenic, depressed, and miserable. all she does is sleep, eat, smoke and sleep some more. my sister and I saved her when she tried committing suicide 3 times before. She is killing herself slowly by smoking 40 cigarettes a day and eating shitty food. She is also a slob and always leaves food and clothes and all sorts of rubbish everywhere, it's just insane!! i am the kind of person who highly values discipline and cleanliness and I am always cleaning up after her mess. She doesn't listen, I tried time and time again to help her live a healthier life but she just never listens. she is very irresponsible and apathetic. she is also very dependent on me, she refuses to leave the house without me, refuses to sit down with people without me being present, she lets me do everything for her, even dress her sometimes and she is not that old, she is only 60. I will not go into details about my childhood but i feel like i spent my whole life just taking care of her. Ever since i was a kid i was always responsible for her emotional and mental wellbeing, i always had to be her cheerleader, just begging her to get out of bed... and I always took care of house chores, cooking, cleaning, etc... I am a positive person. I want to live a good life. I cook healthy vegetarian food daily, I go to the gym and clean the house everyday. I believe in god, I pray, I love people, I love laughing, I love order, I love having a peaceful loving family, and I just love life! i am into positive psychology and spirituality and I highly value positive, healthy, good living. I have a full time job and I get home very late and all my time at home is spent cleaning up after her mess. I barely have time to take care of myself, for example (cook healthy meals, pray, meditate, exercise, read, rest). I feel like my whole life is wasted between my work and taking care of her. i cant even have the time to think about my career goals and plan for my future (which is very important to me). I believe that I am in full control over my thoughts and my perspective in life. but there are days when my mother's negativity is so overbearing and it cripples me and hinders me in my path to create the kind of life I want. how can I deal with this? how can I cope when things get tough? how can I accept that this is my reality and be happy regardless of my very negative surroundings? how can I accept her the way she is? how can I love the negative, irresponsible, miserable person she is and stop putting labels over things as (good or bad). how can i have the strength to keep my house in order as well as my work and my spiritual and mental health all together? TLDR; I live with a toxic mother and I need to learn how to accept it and not let it bring me down. help?