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I hope I'm not getting affected in long term. I already forgot but I saw, and it's going to appear again. I hope Leo or the experience people here could help me. I'm not scared to do it again 1000 times because nothing could be worse, and maybe, next time I could see any life, anything in that horrible void. I'm criying because I can't escape. My mind is telling: don't worry, sure it's normal and if you go further you will see the bliss...but I saw the last last nothing, empty, and was dead, was ....only nothing....like sad, no escape, can't explain

@Stakres "Areas you want to work on", and your milestones sounds way too serious and heavy in my opinion. Lighten it up, make it fun with no end goal or objective. Start small, really small. Look up an old song you love but haven't heard in years, or an old web comic. Buy a treat at the grocery store you wouldn't think to buy for yourself. That sort of thing, get creative and got by the feeling of what really lights you up. What's crazy is watching how the way to the big stuff unravels and becomes clear from the smallest things. What matters is that you follow your heart and follow your bliss. Discounting the little stuff in life is a way we sneakily discount our very selves.

It's counter-intuitive: the chasing of bliss is the very thing which prevents it. Bliss is a consequence of fully facing one's fear and not needing to manipulate your experience. It's problematic to be doing psychedelics with the expectation of bliss. I would drop that expectation and instead aim for Truth and understanding. Bliss is the fruit off the tree of understanding. Focus on watering the roots of your tree rather than jumping like a thirsty monkey at the unripened green fruits.

@Leo Gura I thought was that after shot in the face you experience the other side: total bliss. So I concluded to better get over the nasty part as quickly as possible and the enjoy the bliss part. But yeah slow and steady wins the race is another approach I try with 5 meo. I am still on low dose 5 meo and 2 mg plugging (with boofing technique) is already challenging. I want to make a break and work on myself and then I want to come back. I am low vibration now because of a breakup. The dose on 5 meo I can master is my spiritualy benchmark. I only will raise if I experience bliss on the dose before.

I did scientific tests bro. Repeated tested and observed. Consistent. With one batch I tried it 5 times in a row and felt disphoric, twisted and confusing. Had to sit down and breath when my head started to seriously spin after. With the batch I have now...it's just pure Bliss every time. Noticable difference. I'm not saying all batches will be different...but mate it's just chemistry, each batch will not be 100% the same as each other. I'm just saying that different batches of 5meo have different effects. One easy way to tell if the batch is pure (if purity is indeed what the problem is) is that pure 5meo will cause something like a full body orgasm. Many do not experience this whatsoever Simply put, there is such a thing as shit 5meo that causes disphoria, as opposed to euphoria consistently Which is, in my opinion, an extremely important piece if information for someone who seems to be struggling with their 5meo to the point where it's unreasonable. This is very important to note for newbies. There is good 5meo and there is bad 5meo. My stuff was labeled, tested and reviewed. For someone like obeler, he could have shit 5meo. My research shows its extremely possible, and actually likely...if bought...online... And this one piece if information could be the difference between someone giving you on 5meo or not. And considering 5meo is one of the most powerful tool we have, if not the most important, it makes this one observation quite an important one?? peace and love to you friend @Corpus♥️

@beastcookie What would it be to see through the veil of sex & body, to know the source of mindless bliss? ...Not to settle for the cover story, the projection, the assumption, the apparent? Scrutinize...has touch ever actually happened? ....like wise, sex...reproduction...living? See through biology, neurology, quantum mechanics, to & through transmission.

The following posts are all of my trip reports on dmt related psychedelics. 23/08/2020 Very Mild Ayahuasca Trip Report This is the first time I tried a 'hard' psychedelic, as the previous ones were just san pedro/mescaline. This trip was extremely mild because my brain chemistry is weird, or I ingested the substance incorrectly. Absolutely nothing like the trip reports. Nada. I took a mid to high dose of pharmahuasca (syrian rue extract + dmt extract) took it as per gordotek's instructions. The trip didn't come on until the 40 minute mark. At the 40 minute mark, there was a slight light headedness, more bliss in my body than usual, more relaxation than usual and loss of time and space moreso than usual. But no dmt machine elves, or snakes or visuals, or entering new realms, or anything like that. Or ego death either. This sensation lasted for about 4-6 hours. Contemplation Activities Beginning So around the 1 to 2 hour mark, I got disappointed with the experience. So I decided to try to make the most of this light headed buzzing feeling by contemplating deeply what it was. Somehow my focus went to the question of "what is a psychedelic trip? What is ayahuasca? Why does ayahuasca make you high? If ayahuasca is a dream then how the fuck can a dream wake you up?" I then became very very aware of how everything right now is being created instantly. There is no creative storage for the creativity to activate from (unlike what the materialist paradigm believes. It believes when things appear, they were always there in the 3D world, and just appear when we look at them. But in reality they weren't there, they were created for the first time every millisecond, first time because memory is also a creation. Memory != truth). So if you were to ask, "when was jesus born?" what you would do is visualise or think about the birth of jesus. An image or thought or something pops up of when he was born, where he was born, the mood, etc. Of his birth. THIS is when Jesus was born. Jesus is being born as soon as you think about his birth. Its literally happening, his birth, as soon as you think about it. It didn't happen in the past, its happening when you think about it, in other words NOW. You think those thoughts are pointing to some truth. Some time when Jesus WAS born. But pointers are illusions. They don't point to anything. They point to themselves, themselves as a dream. And the TRUTH is that Jesus being born is a dream. The truth is the thought itself, not what the thought points to. There's actually no difference between stuff you imagine in your head, and stuff that apparently 'actually' happens. If you have the thought of having a shower, you may feel pleasant at the visualisation of the water touching your body, you body might start to feel warm, etc. Then that will encourage you to go actually have one. But You already had the shower as soon as you thought about it. Thinking about having a shower IS having a shower. You think there is some special pleasant magic inside the shower that makes you feel good, and that's why you go have a shower. But if that's truly the case then how the fuck did you feel good just by thinking and visualising it? You ARE what you seek... Same goes with sex. I personally can have sex in my mind just as well as sex with an actual person. And that's because there's no difference. The sex in my mind is just as real as the sex in person. Sex with a person is purely conceptual. Not just sex, but pain, suffering, going to jail, murder, paedophilia, going to the gym, eating healthy, etc. Are ALL conceptual. And the world being a dream became much much more prevalent. It was just standing out at this point. I was aware that when people look at me, they aren't looking at a face, because I don't have a face. I'm headless. But God wants to keep the dream realistic, so he makes everyone who looks at me seem like I have a face, but the reality is I don't. And when people's faces look at me, the back of their head literally isn't there. And then this led to who are these people anyway. People with their own lives? Own ambitions, wants, needs, plans, purpose in life? Pffttttt, get real, of course they don't. They aren't there. If you ask someone what's your plan for today, and they say they are going to the shops, they didn't say that because they actually have a plan, they said that because you made up their plan on the spot. And then tricked yourself into believing they had their own plans. So if they don't have any of that stuff, what do they have? Well nothing. You're creating it all. An alternative perspective to duality/the 3D materialist world An alternative perspective for why they are there, is because the 3D world/maya/duality is not real, its a language. Its God expressing truth through language. That means if a guru sits down in front of you. A guru didn't just sit down in front of you, God had some wisdom or knowledge or truth to share, and he decided to share it through the projections of the guru sitting down in front of you. And then things seem much more like an RPG game, like Zelda. See when Zelda is talking to some knight or peasant on the streets. Zelda as a character actually thinks those peasants or knights have their own life beyond the scene for which Zelda asked them a question, but we the players, know that they don't. Further we know that those peasants and knights were put in the game PURELY as part of Zelda's adventure. And this is my perspective of all humans on the planet right now, including my character electroBeam. They aren't real, or have a life beyond my awareness, they are simply there as part of the journey I'm on, and every interaction, observation, etc. Is simply God trying to tell me something about my journey and conscious evolution, just like how the peasants and knights were there just so the video game creators could tell the player something about the storyline of the video game. Everything to the contrary is simply stuff that isn't actually there. And what is God trying to tell me? Why is God even trying to tell me anything? Just give me and you what we both want for God's sake and quit with this indirect bullshit? Well very paradoxically, God is trying to tell me that I am what I seek. That's it somehow. Everything that the characters in this game say, the stuff that happens in this game, all of it, is just trying to tell me that I am what I seek. But why not just BE God? Why must we fuck around with the game? Lets just get rid of the game then? Because God loves to create. The entire game is just a way for God to create simply for the sake of creating. For some reason God is extremely enthusiastic about the idea of creating. The potential to create. This is why God can reincarnate as Hitler and be ok with it, because its a whole new opportunity to create. Something God loves the idea of. Creating without goal, the creation itself is the point. What IS God Under all the creation was an image in my mind of a sky, clouds, and inbetween the clouds and the sky was a white spherical energy beaming out white light. This image was accompanied with the feelings of "total", "bliss", "final", "end", "ultimate", "beginning", "who you were before you were born", "truth", "love", "sacredness", "divine" It was extremely close. It was too close, so close that you don't notice it. And it was under or before every possible assumption you can make. Awakening doesn't feel like an achievement, because you created duality to make it seem like an achievement. But you created that. You created everything. Its only an achievement if you still believe that achievement is a real thing. In the end you're just playing with your toy soldier set, pretending that one of them is realising you're you, but you're the one behind it all along anyway. And if you're creating everything then why can't you control the dream? Because you're operating from a first person point of view. In reality there is no first person point of view, that's all created by God. And then you might ask, well then why don't we change the dream not from the first person point of view, but from God? Well THATS WHAT YOURE DOING NOW. You're pretending you're in the first person, and you're pretending that you can't control the dream. And that IS what you want. You want to not control the dream, otherwise this reality wouldn't be what it is now. You're like a shakespeare character on stage, asking the audience why must the play be this way? HELLO! You made it that way before the stage began, pretending that you don't like the way things are going is what you wanted all along. Drop the first person, and all your problems will go away. But its likely you wont do that, because how else are you going to express your full creativity as God without being in the first person? Did the Ayahuasca caused my light tingling feeling in my head? Or was that placebo? Honestly this was the biggest question on my mind the entire time. I usually feel bliss, so how do I know whether its the ayahuasca doing it? And this question is important, because if the ayahuasca is not doing it then why take the ayahuasca? Well this is where the 'game' starts to break down. You're pretending that this question is important, but it isn't. Life is all 1 experience. Whether you got high or not is completely unrelated to taking the ayahuasca. All the highness you get is from God (the Godhead) and taking the ayahuasca is just an expression of that. Its God's creation and story he's making to signify waking up in the story. The ayahuasca is an illusion, yet you still take it to wake up because God's making the story that way. You think your first person IS TRUTH, and therefore you think FREE WILL is truth, and taking ayahuasca makes you high IS TRUTH, and meditating wakes you up IS TRUTH. But the real truth is, the first person perspective is a dream AS A WHOLE. The entire experience from taking the ayahuasca to waking up AS A WHOLE is ONE BIG DREAM. You're a character. You think you seriously care about meditating, taking ayahuasca, etc? Hell no. That's an illusion, you're just pretending you do. Pretending to such an extent that it feels super real. God isn't trying to take ayahuasca to wake up, because that's needed. God is pretending to take ayahuasca to wake up as part of the story and as part of making an epic dance/play. Why was my psychedelic trip so different to others? Why didn't I see DMT machine elves and crazy realms and all the shit I wanted to see!! Well why do you even want to see that stuff in the first place? What's so good about DMT machine elf realms? Ohhh tada! You think those realms are REAL and TRUE! You don't think they are a dream, you think they are truth! That's where the appeal is coming from. But where are you getting your ideas of dmt machine elf land from? Concepts from youtube videos and trip reports! And what are they? Dreams! And why do you want to see dmt machine elf land? Because you're confusing the dream for TRUTH! You don't understand what a pointer truly is. And this is what all those hippies and shamans are doing. They are having an experience on ayahuasca, projecting stuff like machine elfs, then confusing those projections for TRUTH! When its you who created it all along. And the hippies and shamans are ultimately doing this due to God's love for creation. Contemplation Contemplation is great, but I've realised, its a creative process rather than a discovery process. Discovering God is actually just letting go. Contemplation is about creating. I could contemplate for the next trillion years, get amazing mystical insights, yet be no closer to BEING god. And those mystical insights are still good by themselves, because as said before, creating is fricken awesome! Its such a pleasure to do. But when it comes to waking up, its about letting go, not contemplating. Moving forward for me personally So as said in the report, this was extremely mild and I aint happy about it. So I'll be upping the dose 5x times next time. Although I've got this strange feeling that psychedelics of this variant don't work for me. I still have a desire to seek. I'm still not happy with my understanding of reality. So I'll continue on.

Hm oke I also been there. Thats how I do it - Before the trip I set the intention to overcome my fear and to find out what its about. I lay down and do nothing and when the fear comes I let it overcome me. Then I investigate it like what is all that fear about? Whats the problem? How does it exactly feel and why is it there? This time can be really horrible and is not enjoyable at all but after some time there is a breaking point and for example last time I realized that I am fighting against my self and in that moment I just gave up. After that it was all love and bliss. I think you have to accept the fear to overcome it. Sometimes it takes 2-3 trips to work it out but in the end its always worth it. Hope this helps you!

Hello everyone, Yesterday I had my first experience with the magical substance we call 5-MeO-DMT (HCI). I’m usually not one to write or post about my experiences, however I decided that I wanted to post about this. Most of all because the posts in this forum helped me a lot with my research before trying this and I hope my experience might help other as well. After all, we’re all on this journey together. Prior psychedelics experience Mushrooms, ayahuasca Basic info Dose: 11mg RoA: Insufflated Setting: Alone, in my own house Music: None Preparing and taking the 5-MeO I had two free days of work to try this for the first time, my initial plan was to use on both days. But later I will explain why I won’t do that. On the day of using I had a normal breakfast in the morning and after that still ate a banana. I waited till at least three hours after the banana so that my empty stomach would hopefully prevent any possible nausea. This worked very well, I would rate the nausea of my trip a 1 on a scale of 0-10. As it’s not easy for me to find a sitter I decided to try it alone. The research I had done made me comfortable enough to this. For what I’ve read people said that 10-12mg is a good starting dose so I decided to start with 11mg for the first time to see how I would react. I prepared a room to be safe for doing this. I weighed the 11mg and divided this in 2 equal lines and snorted one line per nostril. As I’ve read here on the forum I snorted with little power, got it all up there and then massaged it into my nostrils. The burning sensation (before & after) I found very doable, I would say a 3 on a scale of 0-10. The onset At this point I was still sitting up straight, gently massaging it into the nostrils while leaning my head a bit forward. I was of course a bit excited for what was to come, but felt comfortable. After some minutes the first thing I felt was a deep ‘buzzing’ sensation in my awareness, in some way similar to that of mushroom. My ego immediately though ‘Oh shit, what have I done’. This made the sensation go away again. Therefore I decided to lay myself down on the matrass. I laid down in fetes position, because I wanted to prevent to possible suddenly be out of my body and puking. Slowly but surely it got more intense. My thoughts and mind started to be clearer, like there was less unnecessary noise. However my ego tried de desperately grasp around it. Trying to rationalise everything that happened. I spent some time still looking at my hand, in some way to stay connected to the ‘reality’ of the ego. In between I shortly sit up straight again, my ego was really trying to keep control of the body. I had shortly a moment that my teeth where clattering and felt a little of saliva going out of my mouth. I was still aware enough to brush it off with my hand and decided to lay down again and surrender to the sensation. The peak All this time I still had my eyes open. I was laying on my side and looking at the wall. I started to feel more and more distanced from my body (really couldn’t tell if it felt heavier or lighter). Because of this I also gave up on looking to my hand (which I was doing again) and laid it on the floor. I told my ego to just let go. I was no longer looking at the wall with focus, everything became a vague blur. The more I could let go the more intense everything became. I started to close my eyes. I felt that my consciousness was being taken elsewhere. The best way to describe it is the void was calling me. I felt but the tiniest fraction of this vast nothingness. It was not scary at all, it was pretty calming somehow. For a short moment there where 0 thought and no awareness of the body at all. However this was in no way calming for my ego. Who still desperately tried to survive. While I experienced this fraction of the void, my ego was yelling ‘Hey bro, are you sure you are still breathing?’ From the moment I closed my eyes to this moment felt like maybe 5-10 seconds (very hard to say for sure though, but this is what I’d estimate). The ego made me aware that I was no longer aware of the fact that I was breathing. The ego managed to ‘scare’ me enough so that it felt like I wasn’t breathing. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes (still laying sideways). It felt like I was pulled out of this nothingness with such great force and smacked back into the reality of the ego. In some way this felt slightly like being reborn (or coming back, I’m sure it’s nothing compared to how a full breakthrough feels). Even though I was only gone for a mere few seconds it felt amazing to feel the breath going in my lungs and being a bit aware of my body. My ego immediately tried to rationalize again. Trying to figure out if I really wasn’t breathing or if it was only a sensation. I read about this sensation before, I tried to accept that it was just part of the experience and that I should let go. The same thing happened a few times more, I would say 5-6 times in total. Every time the ego said on what felt like the very last moment ‘Dude, breathe!’ In the moment I felt like I wasn’t breathing I tried to feel if my body was breathing without my noticing it. In some way it felt like it did, but I couldn’t be sure. After I took these breaths I also didn’t feel too much out of breath. But it was also very hard to say how long these very short moments in the nothingness really were. These 5-6 times were very intense. It felt like I was jumping in between realms, however not fully leaving the realm of the ego. I obviously couldn’t let go. I wasn’t ready enough to die yet. I felt a mere fraction of what is out here and something told me that this was enough for today. The offset After this I went back to sitting up straight. I know I probably didn’t even go so deep, but man what a ride it was. When sitting up straight everything suddenly became so clear, how there is such a perfect harmony in everything. As others here also describe it, I would say this feeling was pure bliss. This feeling gave me many realizations. How controlling I am in life, how hard it is for me to let go of things I hold on to. All this suffering I do for myself, truly for no reason at all. Everything just made so much sense. It was such a calming feeling. I sat with my hands in my head, with a big smile and almost crying of some sort of relief. Man, what did I waste so much energy on unnecessary things. And what a big joke it just all was. I felt a lot of love. After some point I became more active with my body again. First moving my arms around a bit which felt great. A bit later I decided to go to the toilet and have a glass of water on the couch. I felt so at peace. I ate some fruit and it tasted much more intense than normally. My awareness was still really high and I just enjoyed watching the trees outside. This feeling slowly faded more, also as the ego was trying to get fully back and offering me to go do some chores. Since then I still feel much calmer than usual. The night after I’ve read about it here more often that people have some after affects while sleeping after using this substance. In the night after using I woke up a few times. This isn’t anything unusual for me, however the weird thing is that usually you don’t notice it that much. Now it felt like I want from deep sleep to fully awake in a mere second multiple times. Later in the night I woke up for longer. I was hearing voices talking. First I thought, is it the neighbours in their garden? But it was the middle of the night. When I focused on it, it got more and more intense. To at some point it felt like there was the chattering of a 100 people in my mind. I thought it was probably because of the 5-MeO and told myself to let it go. When I let it go, it was gone immediately. However these kind of sensations went on and off for some time, as I had to focus on not hearing things. It was a bit stressing, but nothing too much. Later in the night I still had a very intense dream and also a nightmare, however I’m not sure in how far this was related to the substance. Conclusion In conclusion I look back on a positive first trip which has already given me some important insights. I have to stop trying to control everything so much and allow myself to enjoy this beautiful dance. All the suffering I endure, I create myself. As I’ve described I first wanted to use the second day again. However, because of the breathing and the weird night sleep I first want to wait a bit with it. It doesn’t feel right today. First I want to see if the sleeping gets back to normal before I might make things worse. As for the breathing, I would also like to hear the opinion from experienced people here. I know that not everybody has this sensation, but is it okay to fully let go of it? I know Leo commented somewhere that this can be lethal at high dosages, but does this make it safe in normal dosages? I’ve read somewhere that this sensation is not a genuine or dangerous sensation (see Psychonaut-wiki). Of course I am aware that you shouldn’t take this if you’re not willing to let go. I want to treat this substance with the care and respect it needs and might have to consider to otherwise to find a sitter or to stop my journey. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this report and that I might be able to help some others by sharing this experience. I wish you all the best!

How do we integrate the outer life and the inner life What happens to the soul? The body reaches a peace point at death because it ceases to exist and is liberated from all suffering. It reaches to nothingness. It's over But the soul reaches peace when it reaches the purple state of spirituality, the state in which the spiritual forces are the strongest and the purest. It's a pure spiritual state. A state of bliss and freedom. A state of growth and peace and stability. A state of joyousness and pure love and compassion and truth and kindness and liberation. A state of eternal romance of light and love. Pure wisdom and Innocence. A captivating state that never gets boring. Pure beauty and rapture. A permanent state of joy, ecstacy, rapture, purity and eternity. Pure beauty. This is how it might look. A beautiful purple lake with a calming peaceful aesthetic. A purple rapture, a purple heaven. A place where your soul rests in true happiness, harmony and peace. Eternal rapture The body achieves peace when it's liberated from suffering at death. Because the body is temporary. It should be freed after eventual degradation. The soul is permanent, immortal, eternal and so it achieves peace when it reaches a state of eternal joy in the purple lake. The body is looking for peace. The soul is looking for joy. This conflict of interest ends at death.

Go study how psychedelics work on a metaphysical level. Take a psychedelic and focus your awareness on how consciousness is changing and WHY. Before taking the psychedelic, notice what your consciousness is like compared to an ordinary day. You'll notice your consciousness is actually heightened before taking the psychedelic purely because you're about to take one. Question why your consciousness increases when you feel bliss, and all the other stuff that happens on a psychedelic. Why is it that psychedelic phenomena = higher consciousness? Whose projecting that? Why isn't the office desk just as high conscious as bliss and being a tv monitor, or the entire universe or dmt machine elves or seeing visuals? What's so special about that stuff compared to your office desk? Its a projection. You're projecting that psychedelic states are higher conscious than your office desk because blablabla and therefore that makes you actually go to higher states of consciousness. You're projecting that as part of the matrix or maya or illusion you're in, as part of the story you're in. Its a way of maintaining your story as a human being. If you were to admit that your office is just as groundless as psychedelic states like dmt machine elves, then your story would be fucked, so you did something clever and projected the idea of psychedelics, mystical states, etc. And projected the idea of the 'normal' world and the 'psychedelic' or 'mystical state' world, and separated and projected a difference between the two. The reality is they aren't 2, they are ONE. They are the same. But your reality would be destroyed by admitting that, so you created the 2 to maintain your lower/egoic consciousness. Its like you're asking, "how the hell are you able to turn off healing yourself when you're given a placebo antibiotic that's actually made of salt rather than antibiotics".

I'd suggest going for only 1 trip (since it's a short retreat). And I'd say shrooms (but LSD is probably fine too, just my preference). I'd suggest somewhere between 2,0 and 3,5 g as a dosage. Up to you. Less is more sometimes. Perhaps 2,5 g? If you do LSD then between 100-150 ug, perhaps 100ug is fine if you know the LSD is of good quality. You have to leave time between trips to integrate, I'd say. I feel the after affects of a strong psychedelic trip for days afterwards. For instance, meditation is often (much) deeper for many days after a psychedelic trip. Do the pychedelic in the middle of your retreat. So if your retreat is friday-sunday, do it saturday. Bliss to you! EDIT: If you decide, anyway, to do shrooms/LSD 2 days in a row (which I again, dont recommend, but up to you!), then yes, there will be *some* cross-tolerance given the trips are only 1 day apart. It depends on dosage. LSD lasts a few hours longer, so it would be wise to do the shrooms first (to minimize tolerance; the longer a drug works in the brain, the more tolerance you build to it. If you do 2,5 grams of shrooms, then you would probably need to do 125-150 ug LSD the next day to feel what 100ug LSD would normally feel like).

So from the end of 2019 until ~April 2020 I've had my biggest ego backlash yet. It's hard for me to quantify how severe it was, but the ego backlashes before were just minor backslidings, unwillingness towards the path and just pushing through some emotions. That time, it really hit me. I couldn't really identify a trigger for it, but some kind of fear (probably of the unknown) stirred up heavily in me. This resulted in me not being able to consume "spiritual material" aka teachings, trip reports etc. But I still meditated and did Kriya Yoga. (Weirdly enough, that was not such a big issue for me. I think I was more afraid of the concepts than the actual reality. Now that I write this, I remember how Leo said, that Fear is a concept. Makes sense in this case.) Until this day, I still don't consume that much spiritual material like I did before - but this time it's not because of some fear. I just need to digest all the teachings, before stuffing my brain with further concepts etc. Before learning more spiritual teachings, I first want to embody what I've learnt so far to a certain degree. During the ego backlash, I really backed off from "spiritual stuff" and granted my ego some room to just let it out. Like Leo said in his video, I mindfully suffered through it - though I backed off from personal development and spirituality (counterintuitively, in retrospect, this was probably the "most spiritual thing" I could do back then). I felt like if I would've just ignored the ego backlash, consumed more spiritual material, tripped further etc. my ego would've just grown stronger and ultimately kick me off the path for good. Thus, in my mind, I said to my ego: "Alright, I'm going to let loose a bit and you can do what you want. One day, I will naturally back off from you - back off from my self. And find my Self." -> Now I am exactly at this step. From day to day, my ego loses more and more of its grip. I connect more to this mysterious thing looking out of my eyeballs. Here and there I have minor moments of "ohh now I get it, it's so not what I thought what it would be" - which grows my trust stronger in this path. Bliss, Love, Acceptance, Understanding are what increasingly conquer my days. Now my question is: If I should experience an ego backlash again, maybe more severe than ever, should I do it just like I did it last time? Should I go with all my weapons against the forces of ego? Would I just nurish the ego with more power by fighting against it rebelliously? Can I trust my gut in such moments? The only thing which I can hold on to seems to be Love. Even though during my last ego backlash the love didn't feel bliss like, even hurted me in a way, I could still love. Loving ego, even when it screams like a crazy maniac, is possible. Unconditional Love seems to be something I can always apply, even though it tears me apart. Maybe it's just another concept I cling to and it's not authentic Love. Or maybe not. Maybe Love is not always connected to positive feelings. I honestly don't know. I appreciate any advice from you guys! Thank you for reading.

@OBEler Hmm, I don't know, 5 mg seems a little... what's the opposite of excessive? Incessive? Lol. I know from my experience with shrooms that there is that awkward spot between low/medium high and 'heroic' doses - which for me is around the 5g mark - where reality starts melting away but the ego is still intact (which is always an unpleasant experience); a 7g trip, on the other hand, is pure orgasmic bliss. So when it comes to 5-Meo, I am wondering if it might not be a good idea to just skip the zone of awkwardness altogether and go straight for the jackpot, you see?

Contemplate these concepts for yourself " An enlightened being who is constantly high on bliss "is just a funny Fantasy in my opinion. It doesn't make any physical sense even. This is enlightenment. You are looking at it. It's not event that happens to your non-existing ego.

Its a rabbit hole. In hindu literature you will find many ways of meditation - kriya, dhyana, bhakti, puja, nirahara, ajapajapa, shoonya, purnattva, tyaga, tapas e.c.t. Spiritual practice is really independent and necessary by itself, because it will purify you in ways and intensity you never dreamed of. It will make you acess the meditativeness more easily to enjoy the pleasures more completely and ultimately suffer less and less. It is a very unfortunate thing calling just about anything as meditation, for example, playing an instrument or really enjoying something like a game of football e.c.t. or after some positive event in your life; yes, that can be meditative but only unonsciously, the access there is dependant on external factors. But with spiritual practice your life energies and access of the bliss will be more and more in your hands. I don't think i can give you an accurate description of how to. You have to look for somebody else for tips like searching Leos videos e.c.t.

Insights Today: 1. Accepting reality does not mean accepting devilry or delusion. It does not mean accepting 'bad', 'evil', 'corruption', 'judgement', 'hatred', etc. It means accepting the thing that causes those judgements. Accept the thing that causes those judgements, but replace the judgements with optimism, love, passion, bliss, 'being proud', etc. For example if you're socially awkward. Accepting reality does not mean accepting that you're a no hoper, or that you're bad with humans, etc. It means accepting the awkwardness that causes the judgements of being a no hoper or bad with humans. Then loving that awkwardness, being optimistic that the awkwardness can be loved by others and can lead you to living a good life (reframing the awkwardness from = lack of prosperity to = lots of prosperity) is beautiful, funny, cool, cute, and you should be proud of it. 2. Handling the macro and micro. Macro = hands off. Micro = hands on. When inventing a solution to a problem, and you're the leader of a team, give your employees the macro tasks, but be hands on and largely do the micro tasks yourself (if you're a creator like me). The micro task being the 'linchpin' or the crux of the whole idea. The important part, the gem, the oracle or the heart of the entire thing.

Exercise: Suffering I have experienced forms of suffering, such as: bad self esteem in school- was bullied a lot from middle school on, and had no friends from that time until I went to college. Then I realized homosexuality and was alienated from my dogmatic christian family. Thank god I had my mom, who also had her own awakening around the same time I did….actually she beat me to it and gave me the space for it to manifest. Thanks mom!! Suffering does not drag on continuously, thankfully there are also moments of clarity, love, completeness, and contentedness. Its interesting, I do not feel suffering in much of my life outside work, unless I'm at home thinking about work. Work brings 99% suffering, even though there are many things going on at home like termite damage in house and a depressed, possibly bipolar husband. Much energy is spent thinking about work. Home seems like a cake-walk. I meet this suffering by whining, avoiding, tantrums, covering, compartmentalizing, obsessing, hating, loving, questioning. Possibly running to an alternate form of suffering. The core of experience of my emotional pain? Fear of uncertainty. I'm scared of the unknown, every bit as scared as when I used to love it. I still love uncertainty on a great roller coaster or amazing cinematic experience. The unknown could also bring pain, and I'm obsessively scared of pain. Even seeing that pain is self inflicted, that fear remains. It exists because i believe in it. Sorry, I love beliefs. Kind of addicted to them, in a way that I don't mind identifying with them. They're beautiful. And they make a wonderful excuse for many things. Such as not letting go of them. An unnoticed suffering would be: maybe what I'm doing to my body, since I don't think long term and only about what I see right now, which is not immediate changes from how it's treated. I endure it because… its inevitable. A cultural-matrix self will inevitably suffer, like the best kind of art. Culture itself is ART. I definitely see the manifestation of suffering. It's built on the foundation of self-doubt and emptiness. Of want. Of believing thought. I get nothing out of this suffering, except perhaps the dopamine rush of bliss when the suffering ends and I feel peace once more. I become disinterested in everything except how much my life sucks in relation to what is bringing suffering. I'm very dramatic.

So you're telling us that there is no reward upon reaching the end of the tunnel, or am I misunderstanding something? Maybe you mean there's no bliss at the material level, but at some kind of meta-level there must be bliss and ecstasy to be found, right? If not, then what is it exactly that incentivizes one to move toward God and Love? Doesn't make any sense.

After a day I think the ayahuasca I had did affect me more than I expected, because my baseline was a bit lower than it was on the ayahuasca. Orientation for living a good life: Life is a play/dance/story/movie/dream. Its made of magical pixie dust (aka consciousness). Life becomes not fun when you take it too seriously, when you fear death and don't see the bigger picture: which is the entire point of life is to create for the sake of creating, because as God you love your creations and you love creating. Bliss and Love IS creating. When you fear death, and fear other stuff, you start projecting stuff that isn't fun and isn't true, such as your coworkers don't like you, you're bad at blablabla, you're evil, you're a monster, lava and certain items are poisonous and bad, etc. Its so much more beautiful to see lava as a dream, rather than to see it as something that can kill you. Compare the lava in real life vs the lava in legends of zelda. Notice that the lava in legends of zelda is 1000x more beautiful than the lava in real life? That's because the legends of zelda lava can't kill you! Notice that horror movies are so much more fun when you're conscious that they are just movies. Not real. Too much immersion = fear. Not enough immersion = cynicism, nihilism, stupid adviata vedanta traps like everything is an illusion, intellectual detachment. Get the balance right. The bigger picture of life is to create! Create beautiful, amazing awesome things. If you do that, you're in tune with God. If you don't do that, you're fucked, and FYI low self esteem, fear, devilry, self deception, etc. Is not beautiful creation. Beautiful creation is passionate creation. Creation that brings you bliss and love. Instead of life being a 3D world, its actually a language designed for God to communicate to you Truth, Love and Bliss. And God communicates to you this way due to Your love of creation. He doesn't tell you stuff directly, because by telling you stuff indirectly, he can create an epic play in the process of your waking up process.

No. In practice it's very hard to eliminate such judgments and survival habits. Survival is seriously stubborn. No, I'm rarely in a blissful state. Some days I feel shitty. It all depends. There is the spiritual ideal, and then there is your actual life. And they are very different. You have to be very careful with this goal of bliss and happiness. You're likely yo be disappointed on that front.

To give my own oppinion,maybe Jesus Christ's teachings about Adam and Eve's ancestral sin could be a answer! I am a Christian and i am biased but maybe God's will is for alive beings to experience duality! Both suffering&hardship and bliss&well being!And any kind of little bliss state must be hard earned!I don't take Christian teachings litteraly but rather as metaphors for spiritual understanding! Maybe that is God's will and that the reality we experience must be this way! Without only rainbows and butterflies!

I want to share my 5 meo experience after my breakup one week before with a long term relationship (5 year). During this week I was in very bad mood, was total depressed, watched a lot of porn, played video games and worked hard to distract me. I also did sport every day and was in a strong low carb diet. I lost 2 kg in this week. So I thought it would be interesting to give 5 meo a try. I fastet 8 hours and did 20 minutes meditation before the trip. I measured 2 cups ( 3 mg) 5 Meo hcl and used the boofing technique (https://www.reddit.com/user/WeirdOneTwoThree/comments/98o55b/guide_to_per_rectal_administration_of_opiates/ ) for optimal results (@ LeoGura, no you dont need to stick it in your ass for 1 Minutes it only needs 3 seconds). I was not afraid at all, my mood was normal after meditation. I played a song (Liquid Records), closed my eyes and the effects started immediately to kick in. A little nausea arised in beginning, then my breath got stronger. The trip went unpleasant, the music I did not enjoy at all. I had the feeling something is wrong/weired. I opened my eyes for some seconds and then in my mind comes the thought "I dont want to break reality right now, I dont want non duallity whatever that is". Strong fear kicked in and I closed my eyes again. I tried to relax, smiled. I managed the fear somehow but still very very unpleasant, my heart beat raised. I had strange headspace like everything is moving and I cannot locate where I am. 5 hours after the trip I went to sleep and a reactivation happened. I had strange trippy dreamthoughts and even if I closed my eyes it felt like everything is moving like a pile of worms. This was very unpleasant. I felt alone. In the end I could sleep well. All in all I learned a lot from the trip. This trip had no positive vibrations at all, the music I did not enjoyed really and it was more like a distraction. And it seems you need to be in good mood for 5 meo otherwise it will be unpleasant. For me this low dose 5 meo experimentation comes to an end I think. Low dose can get very serious and not something to play around. I dont know what to do next with 5 meo. It was very interesting to master the plugging technique and get a little little taste what 5 meo can offer and whats it all about. This fear and unpleasantness which arives almost every second time hinders me to go further. My first trip ( 4 mg) was the only one I experienced bliss. It never happened again during any other trip. What are your experiences with low dose 5 meo and do you have similar experiences like mine?

O @allislove you are right, low dose is breakthrough possible. I felt like I could not hold on to anything and this was scary. Like if I would go deeper I would not know where is up and down. total delocalization. I think this is what ego loss must be. @Leo Gura You are right. Pushing an experience to get bliss goes wrong. It is like forcing to love someone you dont like. It doesnt work that way. I will make a break for now with 5 meo. When I come back I will be in for a breakthrough experience. Enough of this low dose experimentation.

1) Don't trip when you are in a bad mood. 2) Don't trip for the purpose of experiencing bliss or pleasure. Those are your two mistakes.