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Before it becomes possible to awaken, it is necessary to accept that you are asleep, living in the matrix. Examine your life honestly, without lying to yourself. Are you able to stop your robotic, repetitive life patterns if you want to? Can you stop seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, are you addicted to certain foods, activities, pastimes? Are you constantly judging, blaming, criticizing yourself and others? Does your mind incessantly seek out stimulus, or are you completely fulfilled just being in silence? Do you react to how people think about you? Are you seeking approval, positive reinforcement? Do you somehow sabotage situations in your life? Most people will experience their lives the same way today as they will tomorrow and a year from now, and ten years from now. When you begin to observe your robot-like nature you become more awake. You begin to recognize the depth of the problem. You are completely and utterly asleep, lost in a dream. Like the inhabitants of Plato’s cave, most who hear this truth will not be willing or capable of changing their lives because they are attached to their familiar patterns. We go to great lengths justifying our patterns, burying our heads in the sand rather than facing the truth. We want our saviors, but we are not willing to get up on the cross ourselves. What are you willing to pay to be free? Realize that if you change your inner world, you must be prepared to change the outer life. Your old structure and your old identity must become the dead soil out of which new growth comes. The first step to awakening is to realize that we are identified with the matrix of the human mind, with the mask. Something within us must hear this truth and be roused from its slumber. There is a part of you, something timeless, that has always known the truth. The matrix of the mind distracts us, entertains us, keeps us endlessly doing, consuming, grasping, in a cycle of craving and aversion with constantly changing forms, keeping us from the flowering of our consciousness, from our evolutionary birthright which is Samadhi. Pathological thinking is what passes for normal life. Your divine essence has become enslaved, identified with the limited self structure. The great wisdom, the truth of who you are is buried deep within your being. J. Krishnamurti said, “It is no measure of one’s health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” Identification with the egoic mind is the sickness and Samadhi is the cure. The saints, sages and awakened beings throughout history have all learned the wisdom of self-surrender. How is it possible to realize the true self? When you peer through the veil of Maya, and let go of the illusory self, what is left?

How comfortable are you in silence? ... How long can you stick with it? Before your mind starts asking questions. Do you fear something is going to happen after staying in that space for too long? Like some kind of event is going to take place after a while? Maybe death? Are you afraid you're not ready for that yet? Maybe there will be an awakening. Or even... enlightenment. Now that would be something. And what would that mean? Maybe you'll change. Become someone else completely. Something else, completely. Or dissolve. Maybe. ... ... ... Or maybe silence is just, you know... ... Silent. And maybe that's all it will ever be. Just that same silence that was there when we first started this contemplation. The exact same. And it will be like that five hours from now. Ten thousand hours from now. And so you'll find that after five seconds of silence, you've come to know eternity. That was it. Already! ... But then suddenly a voice was heard. Asking itself wether it was comfortable with this silence or not. If maybe after a while some kind of event, like death, or enlightenment, would start to take place. And the silence was lost. Or so it says to itself. And it goes on and on like this. Not seeing the joke of it all. Not realising you had it the very first second! And everything you'll ever imagine it could be or become is simply projecting concepts onto that same empty silence. You're expecting things to happen from a being that is simply silent. And that's kind of unfair isn't it? Because it can only be itself. Silent. ... And yes, still, form may change. Ego may dissolve. Love may arise. Awakening may come. But it won't be any different than whatever it is that is here now. Cause before all that there is just that ever-present silence. And its YOU! So if that silence is ever-present... so are you! Cause what else is there? But silence... What a relief! You're completely safe! So how comfortable are you with this silence? How comfortable are you with yourself? The next time in meditation where you find yourself in a rough situation. Lost in a web of thought. Just keep reminding yourself. Anything you fear could happen, is just a projection onto something that is incapable of happening, for it is here already. It can't happen. So in the same way, your enlightenment can't happen. It is already here. Patiently waiting for you to claim the truth of it. Or shall we say, unclaim that which is not. So keep asking yourself, how comfortable am I in this silence? The answer to that will reveal what's next for you. I hope this contemplation has showed you that there is nothing to fear. This silence is not something new that is going to occur. If you've been meditating you know it already. So, keep that in mind in meditation. Maybe it will ground you like it has done for me. I used to be scared shitless everytime I entered this silent stream for just a tad too long. But it is here where transformation happens. By not running away from it. Realising your safe. You'll get so comfortable in this silence that nothing will ever be able to destabilize you again. In time you'll be reborn. Awakened. Enlightened. Someone else completely. Now how did that happen? Felt like sharing this. Hope it helps. <3

This is a common human/personal experience. I think it may be beneficial to make distinctions between: awakening and personal development ; between personal and transpersonal ; and between absolute and relative. This are common terms pointing to the same essence. If these dualities are seen unclearly and get conflated, additional inner turmoil can arise. This is mixing up awakening and personal development. The awakening is Presence. That's it. Whatever is happening Now. That Presence may be uncomfortable or comfortable. That Presence may feel hard or easy. It all just IS. That is an absolute awakening. Whatever is Now is Now. There is nothing "more Now" than "another Now". There is a singular absolute IS. . . Personal thought stories can appear Now, yet those thought stories are no more or less ISness than bird chirps. The thoughts stories are relative to the person and important to personal development. Such thought stories may include "That meditation session was uncomfortable, I thought the whole time - it wasn't very productive" or "I wasn't very conscious that meditation session. I'm not making much progress anymore". In terms of awakening, these are just thought appearances happening Now - there is no "me" to take ownership. In terms of personal development, these thought stories have a personal owner "me" and it is important to the personality and for personal development. I think it can be helpful to make this distinction. Here there is a conflation between transpersonal awakening and personal development. The thought stories about "making progress" is a construct relative to the person. There is an idea of what "progress" is. For you personally, progress means feeling present without distractions or staying focused while reading. This is important at the personal level for personal development. That's awesome. Yet awakening is trans-personal. This involves detachment and disidentification of this personal construct. Here, awakening would be the realization of Now. Whatever is happening. Staying focused while reading is Now. Being unfocus while reading is also Now. They are both Now. It is the personal thought stories saying that "focused Now" is better/more spiritual than "unfocused Now". As well, it is the personality creating thought stories that feeling "motivated Now" is better than feeling "unmotivated Now". That is important to the person/human. We live our lives as a personality and it's part of being human. Yet I think it's helpful to see the distinction between personal dynamics (making personal progress, feeling motivated) and transpersonal dynamics (whatever is happening Now, IS happening Now). Both have value. I think the underlying source of energy is important here. . . As the person awakens to absolute Now, there is often an energetic shift from personal to transpersonal. This includes what many refer to as "ego death". When the personality is transcended it will feel like a form of death, because it is the end of the personality as it was known. It is like playing a character in a movie and for your whole life believing that character. Then one day the character realizes the whole story of the character is just a story, that there is no "me". This was depicted in the movie "The Truman Show". At the end of the movie, Truman had an awakening that his whole identity of "Truman" wasn't real. His whole life story wasn't real. This created a crisis in Truman - if he isn't this Truman character who is he? If his whole life story wasn't real, then what is real? He went through a form of "ego death" in which Truman as he knew it died. This can be really hard for him to walk through, accept and surrender to. . . There can be a lot of resistance, pain and depression at this point. It is the point of "I don't know what the heck is going on". At this point, there can be an expansive energetic shift that transcends the personality into a "transpersonal realm". Or there can be an energetic contraction back into the personality. Both can have similar thoughts and feelings, yet there is a different source of energy and orientation. In the process of transcending the personality, questions may arise such as "If there is no me and all Now is the same, then nothing has meaning. What is the purpose of life?". There can be a sense of sadness as the personality is transcended. Almost like the sadness of a child when they realize Santa Claus isn't real. From trans-personal energy, this will open up a whole new world of curiosity, exploration and discovery. Yet when there is still attachment/identification there is an underlying question of "What's in it for me? This realization sucks for me. There is no meaning in my life. There is no purpose in my life". This is contraction back into the personality. . . For most, personal transcendence involves a "no-self" awakening stage in which there is immersion into "no me", "no doer", "everything is nondual". This is helpful because it provides contrast for the opposite personality dualism 99.99% of people are immersed into. It's an important stage of development, yet the "personal vs. transpersonal" duality will eventually collapse as well, yet you are not at that stage yet. To me, it seems like you may have gotten a couple brief glimpses of awakening, yet you are still deeply immersed within the personality of "Don". It's all getting contextualized relative to "me" to the story of "Don". You just haven't had sufficient direct experience needed to transcend this personal story/identification. One can work on both awakening and personal development. Even after awakening, the personality appears. The story of "me" appears. A life history of mental and physical conditioning appears. For example, while I'm at work there is a character that appears to interact with my co-workers. There is a story of "me" that appears. This is necessary to interact with other humans and has practical value. As well, previous life conditioning may appear. If someone has a broken arm and awakens, they will be awakened with a broken arm. Similarly, if someone has conditioned neurosis due to previous trauma, they will be awakened with neurosis due to previous trauma. Awakening often relieves a lot of this, yet it still persists. The show goes on after awakening. Personal growth is infinite and will continue for the life of the being. Even after realizing this, many beings still experience patterns of conditioning. For example, a few months ago a physical condition appeared in my body that was extremely unpleasant. At the personal level, I couldn't make it stop and felt it would go on forever. This triggered extreme anxiety and panic in my mind and body. The "flight or fight" response. I decided to get some EMDR therapy and with the assistance of the psychologist, we were able to revist previous traumas in my life in which "I couldn't make it stop and felt it would go on forever". We were able to explore the roots of this conditioned mental/physical response and unravel it. There was a release and now my mind and body no longer goes into anxiety and panic as a response to the discomfort. And absence of meaning does not mean "no meaning". Assigning "no meaning" is assigning meaning. It creates a "meaning vs no meaning" duality. For example, there is an absence of meaning for trifloz. There has been an absence of triflioz meaning your entire life and this never bothered you or excited you. However, if you spent your whole life seeking meaning of trifloz and then decided that trifloz is meaningless, that would be a very different dynamic and the human would likely suffer. What is the point in living in trifloz is meaningless?. . This sounds silly with something like trifloz that is irrelevant to you personally. To your well-being and personal survival. If you believed trifloz was essential to your personal well-being and survival, there would be a very different psychological dynamic.

@Inliytened1 Logic collapses. How deep it goes actually. Well I say It's not All unicorns and rainbows you really really have to be Godlike to go al way through and humble enough to ask for help when needed. Really Wish to Thank @Nahm for All help without him I Will Just not make it. Great to have some sort of support in All of these. It is Just difficult sometimes. I deeply beleive All Awakened faced same stuff. Ask and you shall be given. Reality is Pure Love Nothing is possible without it.

Yes and no at the same time. It depends the source its coming from. If you are not fully awakened yet, it will make ego stronger. After complete self-awakening, then you can still have hobbies that may be help you develop and others like sports, Martial arts, painting, music etc. Habits would not be unconcious, but just a concsious routine to make progress on a certain goal. Your purpose could even be to have no purpose at all and just experience this life through this body and mind to its ultimate level. And personality creation is the root of ego, this is identifying with everything that is not you and carrying it out like a golden shiny amor that is useful occasionally. But instead, in a concious manner you can choose thoughts and feelings for certain social situations and give the illusion of a personality without having one in order to not be awkward and be a better communicator. So yes, personal development in that sense contradicts spirituality since it consists of more karma and junk for the subconscious. Nevertheless, even if this strenghtens the ego it can help you on a superficial level and then you can deconstruct ego but it will be more work. If you just fully awaken you will have everything at one shot.

I have a question for y'all enlightened folks out there. Perhaps this is just a paradox that I can't grasp yet... but wouldn't strengthening the ego through personal development make it harder to awaken? For example, knowing your core values, studying your personality type, developing hobbies, pursuing a life purpose and any other domain of self discovery, aren't these things all building up the ego? Strengthening the self image? And by developing the self (ego) wouldn't that contradict the whole self destruction process of realizing no self/enlightenment and make the process harder? Like you're walking in opposing directions at the same time? I'm simultaneously building myself up just to break myself down and it's fucking with my mind. Pls halp.

@Inliytened1 yeah i dont see why this is so hard for me i keep getting dragged down by my ego ive litteraly realized nothingness from lsd and have been awakened i just cant shut my egoic mind up

I think that this episode was exceptionally deep even for Leo's standards. I also think that this one video crystallizes the value and importance of psychedelic investigations. I think it a valid path to use psychedelics with weak embodiment for a year or two, using that time to be conscious of all of these 30+ insights. And then going through the meditation/yoga path to strongly embody these insights for the next 30 + years and also doing psychedelics on the side if need be. I think this is not only valid but a solid strategy overall if you can execute it properly. (I'd personally do the psychedelic investigation at this depth AFTER I've relatively mastered the samatha path which usually takes at least 3-8 years of intense hard work. Until then, I'd casually do psychedelics. But I understand that both of these strategies have their own pros and cons.) See if you can combat the certain negative effects psychedelics can have while becoming conscious of those 30 shocking insights in such a short amount of time. The ego backlash, quick psychological dis-integration and energy problems can be 10 times more severe compared to the experiences described in 'The Dark Side of Meditation' episode Leo talks about. Even if you are meditating while becoming conscious of these insights, they can still be very disruptive psychologically and emotionally. Just because Leo is handling it easily doesn't necessarily mean everyone can handle it. So keep that in mind. The only issue I've observed was the claim at the end that 'Becoming conscious of these insights won't solve the problem of emotional mastery. You can still identify with emotions, experience deep sadness etc.) This claim must be said within the confines of the psychedelic-heavy path. Once you have the skills to be conscious of these insights sober (not even embody deeply), your existing skills of emotional mastery MUST be on advanced levels to even start this process of insight enquiry for most of these 30+ insights. On the samatha-vipassana path, your development of emotional mastery comes as a preliminary work prior to insight penetration on suffering, unconditional happiness, love and impermanence. In fact, emotional mastery is the requirement to do long 4-8 hour long SDS sits. It is a mistake to assume people do such practices with a lot of pain or suffering. After mental and physical pliancy develops, you are not nearly aware of the body boundaries as a beginner usually is. Adept meditators not only cultivate unconditional happiness and joy but also delve deeper into some of these 30+ insights within those hours. So if you are at this level, the samatha-vipassana path already trained you deeply in emotional mastery. You are better at handling emotions than 99.9 percent of people at this point. (the rest 0.1% are deeply awakened people who've not only mastered samatha but also embodied the insights). Compared to this weakness of psychedelic-heavy path and dry insight methods, this is one of the major advantages of the samatha path. (Which includes all forms of jhana practices as well) At that level, you could easily deal with any negative emotion by applying many antidotes. Here are a few: 1- There is an automatic mechanism called 'Mind Unification' that develops which creates an overall reduction in resistance to ALL negative experiences. 2- You can do a jhana practice where you cultivate joy and happiness and dwell in it until it intensifies to an anti-depressant- SSRI intensity of pleasure and joy. Cultivating positive mental states has a more radical effect on adept meditators than beginners. This is basically a resilient but temporary form of unconditional happiness. 3- You can turn towards all negative/positive emotions and see their impermanent nature. (This requires sufficient embodiment of impermanence. If you don't have that, you can't do this process reliably.) 4- You can maintain metacognitive awareness on mental states which arises as a reaction to negative emotions. This is a similar insight practice to Mahamudra. You constantly monitor the mind for potential dullness, distractions, aversion, craving and emotional mental states. This introspective awareness can eventually result in insights related to no-self, suffering, emotions and many more. It is a powerful form of meditation. In fact, this is my current primary method of investigating the mind. 5- You can focus on a narrow or broad meditation objects and stay in access concentration with awareness until the negative emotion slowly dissolves due to focusing away from pain. 6- You can get to high levels of equanimity and do noting (not labelling) practices to the negative emotions with detachment. Eventually, the pain wil go away and show its impermanent nature. You can do most of of these antidotes without being conscious of majority of those 30+ insights. As I've explained in previous posts, you don't necessarily need fully embodied awakening to feel radically happier. At the advanced levels, certain skills you've mastered might mimic 'Awakened Consciousness' so much that it might be mistaken that person has deep insight embodiment or is definitely 'woke' (since he/she can do 8 hours of SDS in lotus posture, cultivate joy and happiness in the blink of an eye etc.) An awakening embodiment will make these skills way more deep and powerful. But emotional mastery, in its practical form is possible prior to awakening. In fact, this is one of the biggest reasons people do samatha-vipassana as a path towards awakening.

@mandyjwDon't assume anything unless you've taken a Psychedelic. I had no awakening during my first trip but they sure as hell rocked my world, if i had not awakened, they'd have been the THING i feared the most in the entire world Basically they lead the ignorant to questioning more about what reality entails

Didn't Eckhart Tolle have to go through decades of mental suffering before he awakened?

Oh they can be, it all comes down to how much you resist the truth. If you are already awakened to your truth, psychedelics become far more permanent because you already know your true nature so there will be minimal resistance but if you do not, then you will resist because you still cannot handle that much truth/depth because you still have a lot of inner-work and purifying to do so. You have to suffer, to have to experience, you have to live, you have to die! Welcome to life, there are no shortcuts

Unconditional Love is not a feeling its not bliss, sorry hun. Unconditional Love is Uncondtional Love. Unconditional Love is suffering on behalf of your students. taking on their pain so they can see and think clearly at the end of time, when all your students have awakened. onlt THEN is Unconditional Love a source of bliss. Grow the fuck up

00 - Prologue ~ Ok, so I want to write this journal to inspire others. I finally awakened and knew myself. It was similar to Ekhart Tolle, I suffered so much that I hit rock bottom, then things started going upward after I contacted a good ol' internet friend my age (21) whom I met at a psychiatry back in 2012. He told me to get help and promised it will get better and offered empathy... Then read some older replies to a post of mine. I need some post-trauma healing and minor shadow work (and a part time job for a decent income), but I am wise enough and now I implemented everything I learned from actualized org and friends and family and throughout life in a short period of time (say 3 months..). I matured. Solved the maze. Still get ego backlash rarely but it ain't that bad and I can make it go away with self control. ***Note: I didn't read or watch everything from Actualized, but what I read and listened, I implemented. I am too weak right now and my mind can't take more info from Leo vids, he is too advanced. Maybe older ones.. Much respect, @Leo Gura! Thank you for being part of the process and helping me find "da wae!" ? I am NOT a fan of "I'm enlightened ask me anything" journals. You can ask me advice here or in private, (I prefer here so that others can benefit as well, but message me if it's important or sensitive topic. If you can (only if you can cause, I don't mind much haha), pretty please don't use "woo woo" terms and occultist jargon, or over-complicated mental-masturbatory philosophical ideas. Thankies! ? Be honest. Be pure. Be direct. Be clear. Be concise. Be objective. Keep it simple and to the point. Ask many questions. Give detailed info so I can give detailed solutions and advice. I am gonna use this thing as a daily journal as well. To track my growth progress. Easier to track here than on paper. I am not on computer much cause I'm out in the world doing stuff, living life. I spend minimum 5 hours outdoors and / or in nature every day and the rest of the day is spent exploring creative ideas and chatting on Messenger with friends whom are materially more successful than I am at the moment. Which is normal, we are all unique. I am going at my own pace and I have different needs atm. I'm also going to share inspiring photos, quotes, books, music, art, people, tips and advice. I might add astrological notes, videos and article links since I want to learn to read a chart properly. I will share occasional self-created art. Digital, graphite and paintings. Maybe also photos or vids of my life stuff....... I plan to structure this like a book. Will see.. Wish me good luck and good health to keep this journal project going! ? -- 10/oct/2019, 2:27 am

Gurdjieff International Review https://www.gurdjieff.org/ Gurdjieff's Allegory for the four bodies Carridge = physical body Horse = emotional center kedsjan or Astral body Driver = Intellectual center = higher Intellectual Master/Awakened Being = connects with Causal body or Imaginal realm

Oh boy I had a dream which had three level, in each of them I awakened, realizing it was a dream, then soon after I was in another, totally unconscious again. This was such a mindfuck that I was shaking and crying in my bed telling myself "I'm still dreaming, I'm still dreaming, I'm still dreaming" I only remember the last level of the dream, in which I was seeing a guy (that I was identified to until I awakened in the dream) with a burned face trying to kill the computer from "A space Odyssey". The computer was saying "I did this to you forever, and will continue to do it for eternity". It wasn't the computer talking actually, it was me. Then I woke up as Shin.

So many people would be better off if we didn't have any form of documentation of religious history or any form of spiritual history and if we didn't have social media. There's so much crap out there that you would have a better chance of winning a marathon missing both your legs with your hands tied behind your back wearing a blindfold with a parachute sewn onto your back that's open during a tornado in Kansas then you do of reaching proper understanding and awakened state in this day and age. My best advice to you is what I did go blackout no social media no news no TV no religion know nothing except your own thoughts in mind I did it for 5 years and when I came back well let's just say I couldn't come back because this world's not the same one I left. I don't regret it but it is weird living in this day and age after missing so many years of programming it makes you an outcast.

WOW i use play minecraft and never bothered to read the ending when i beat the game. How amazing. Someone created a true masterpiece when they created minecraft. Its something about the transition between video game world and coming back to real reality, youll know what i mean if u ever paid close attention. I wonder if anyone ever got awakened from this

Some spiritual practitioners often look at celebrities and famous people on social media. See them socializing. Traveling to different places. Doing variety of activities. Laughing and enjoying life. And then they look at their own lives. Trying to meditate every day. Not feeling joy and happiness. Struggling. Feeling boredom and sadness. Not concentrating. Not feeling enough equanimity. And they hear monks and awakened people say: 'Meditation can induce unconditional happiness' And you think 'Well, I can't even cultivate happiness and joy. This whole process is really dry, involves a lot of suffering and simply not that fun. Maybe unconditional happiness is possible for spiritual experts. But from where I'm standing, meditation results in states of no-mind and neutrality. I do experience some tranquil states but there is no happiness and joy. This is one of the reasons I've started this path and I can't even make myself happy. I feel sleepy, dull and neutral most of the day. In fact, I get more depressed after I've started meditation than before. I'm going to quit. What is wrong with me?' If this is what you are thinking, I'm here to help you and show you one of the ways that helped me manage these sorts of negative ruminations and overall negative mind states. Ever since I've understood how joyful states work and how to cultivate in the nervous system, I've found the answer to managing sadness, depression and neutrality one encounters on the spiritual path. If you've started to path to reduce suffering, then this is going to be a significant and powerful development towards that goal. Not only we will be reducing suffering but also increasing satisfaction one experiences from pleasurable sensations. If you have extreme problems like 'The Dark Night', then cultivating joyful states may not help without prior training. I've never experienced such intensities so I don't have much advice about that. But if you have the common spiritual depression I've mentioned above, then the jhana practice has the potential to transform your emotional states and be that 'solution' you are looking for. You don't need awakening per se to feel happier in your life. You don't even need awakening to feel RADICALLY happier in your life. Happiness is just an emotion. It can be cultivated skillfully with the right concentration, mindfulness and jhanic practices. You can take this conditioned positive state to an anti-depressant level (and also beyond) and let it pervade your not entire life (not just when you meditate). Here is my latest post explaining how to do this: Also here is Culadasa's lectures on jhanas. Jhanas are actually culminations of the samatha practice. Just know that this depression is a negative mental state you've cultivated for decades. Or maybe it is neutrality for you (not equanimity). But joy is a distinct and highly positive emotional state. Its cultivation will result in an overall increase in one's happiness. How can one glean more satisfaction from pleasures? Well, this is one way. Hope this inspires some of you who are feeling depressed and feel like spirituality is not helping you.

Yesterday I worked really hard to clean the house and get ready for my son's birthday party. SO much work for two hours of complete chaos in my home. I took a break to go for a run. I went on my usual route and had an impulse to go the opposite direction. I'm not sure why but many of my impulses don't really feel good when I receive them. They feel a lot like they did as an 11 year old when I had OCD. They feel like a demand coming from a teacher, and I know I have to listen. I assume this is because of my ego resistance or sense of separation. I turned around thought I would go to Pomroy's. There was a strange vehicle on the road and instead I ran by the river. There were a few crows that nagged and played with me. I stopped and a huge gorgeous heron was sitting in the middle of the river. I watched as it gracefully flew away. I knew that I was meant to go to Pomroy's anyway. I went there and didn't look for anything. Not for an apple, blackberries or mushrooms to eat, not for a sign. I just went there and felt good. On the platform/pyramid, there are three spruce trees growing, strangely as if they were planted on each corner. One on corner the roots have such wonderful character, this is the tree that you can climb. If you climb it in the wind it feels like you're one with the tree and you can feel the ever-so-subtle vibration of the tree swaying in the wind. Someone had dug a hole metal detecting on the platform and barely bothered to throw the sod back over it. Yesterday I went to the smallest spruce and touched it with both hands, closed my eyes and kissed it. When I opened my eyes I saw that where I kissed it was red paint, old graffiti art almost all worn away with time. How lovingly mother nature takes disrespect. Last night as I was falling asleep I had a lucid dream, describing and translating it perverts it but I am not above that kind of thing. I was God and I was trying to figure out how to have a good time and stop being so lonely being me. So I split myself into a group of kids running around laughing with each other and getting into fights, completely oblivious that their separation was an illusion. Then I knew that if one of the kids stopped running around and watched the others, that they would realize the illusion. Then I knew that by excluding himself from the action, he would remain separate. Only when he rejoined the others with his realization be complete. I saw the perfection of forgetting and realizing. I saw the perfection of the back and forth. Today was a blur of throwing a 7 year old's birthday party busyness. After I went for a run to shake off the stress of it. I didn't go far and was told "turn around". 11 year old me loved the number 3, thought the colors red and white were incredibly symbolic to Christ, and had a Buddhist sewing teacher who taught her that she could be an artist. 11 year old me ran and took running very seriously and when she ran she sometimes got obsessive compulsive impulses. One more lap, they'd say, then again ONE more lap. 11 year old me wanted to WIN a race so badly. That Fall 11 year old me, tiny for her age and shorter than the rest of the girls, won the first race of the season. I remember where it was, on the Indian Reservation, along the ocean. Before every single race, my mom packed me an apple and I ate an apple before every race. That tradition continued into highschool. I turned around and was lead to going up a road I never have run down. My Buddhist sewing teacher when i was 11 recently posted on facebook a huge harvest of quince. I was really curious and wanted to try some. As I went to run up the road I saw beautiful pears growing along the little park where I found the monarch butterflies, then caterpillars all through impulse to go there. This park is where a school house once stood and was turned into a little park, that no one ever goes to. When I went back I picked the pears and realized they were quince. https://www.thekitchn.com/quince-tough-fall-fruit-with-a-secret-reward-ingredient-intelligence-73041 When I got back I got another impulse, to go visit Rocky. The old apple tree I buried him under has the deepest red apples. I usually make applesauce out of them but I didn't this year. I sat over his grave and cried and lots of thoughts about not being the best pet owner and wishing I'd been more conscious throughout his life came up. I was told that the only death I was mourning was my own. Then I noticed an enormous spruce tree right there, its roots with as much character as the one on Pomroy's platform pyramid. I never noticed birds before and I never liked spruce trees. I didn't know what quince were. Nature itself is truly our own creation and it's creating us. I just completed a very odd impulse train. I was thinking about the death of a cross country runner at a race I ran, 16 years ago. He collapsed off the trail and died and they ran my race and another before they even found him. I was going to go into the odd connections there but there's no use trying to explain it. Anyway the guy who I believe awakened Pomroy is from the city where that happened and I've been thinking about going there and researching him off and on all summer. So I googled him and an article compared him with Johnny Appleseed. So in researching Johnny Appleseed I found a mention of this book. https://www.amazon.com/Red-Garden-Alice-Hoffman-ebook/dp/B004J4WL6O/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+red+garden&qid=1570407013&sr=8-1

Peter Ralston - He is Awake, and I like the way he teaches. John Oliver- I find him to be Hilarious. Vox - Great news channel. Yoga in Daily LIfe - Another Awakened Teacher I like.

Enlightenment is the end of suffering not the beginning of suffering bro...the ego is playing a hard game making excuse so that it can take control over your life....its the trickiest of the trickiest...be smart and take the ultimate path....have faith in buddha's word...don't listen to the non awakened beings .....

Spiral Dynamics Stage Turquoise gone from Youtube? Leo, why is your video gone? I am getting worried. I think this video is very deep and profound, why would the youtube remove it? I am glad I did take notes from it, your newest video "Launching On Patreon" talking about getting banned from youtube makes sense now. Here is my notes from your video: We are beginning to see the entire universe as a holographically interlinked network of energy and information, organically whole and self-referential at all scales of existence - Ervin Laszlo Out Beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing there is a field. Ill meet you there -Rumi A samadhi beats an orgasm every time -Unknown Turquoise is T2 Magnificence of being and existence really starts to flower. T2 and Turquoise is beyond survival, beyond ego, beyond fear, beyond idealogy, beyond politcal parties, beyond racial affiliations or anything like that. Moving into self transcedence and selfless living. People on stages in spiral belives people on other stages in spiral are insane or deluded. Blue - Yellow growth = 1%. Turquoise is where 99% of the work starts. Physical reality will start to disolve - everything you thought were obvious about the world. At Turqoise you are ready to jailbreak the mind and discover what is beyond the mind. Science never really tells you how you should apply this in your life and what you can do with this which this to actually develop yourself Science boils down to quantification and measurements. (Measuring reality with a ruler, in verious form and writing down the data) Very big perspective of what life is about Not about me becoming rich, famous or successful. Or fighthing for some political cause for my little group. Not about saving the whales, a hierarchy, a civilization. Its about getting all of mankind to awaken to the magnificence of existence. To which most of mankind is utterly asleep. (Most people have not met a turquoise human being, they excist but are very rare) Essence of Turquoise Collectivist (different from green, Manifesting the self for the benefit of existential reality,life) • Holistic • Global collectivist • Self transcendent • To experience the wholeness of existence through mind and spirit The world is seen as a single dynamic organism with its own collective mind. Everything connects to everything else, alot of boundaries break down and there are alot of ecological alignments. The universe is alive and intelligent. Its not a dumb clockwork machine. • Interesting in building a human communtiy based on mystical wisdom. (the deepest wisdom that is possible to access for mankind) • Interested in cooparate action for elevating the consciousness of mankind • Turqoise is a synthesis of the left and right brain, east and west science and religion, mind, body, spirit and heart. All of it coming togheter to function very smoothly and effortlessly for the benefit of all of life and of consciousness. • People at turquoise usually become gurus, sages, teachers, leaders, visionaries, healers and clairvoyance When does Turquoise emerge? • With realization that yellow has that it alone no matter how much it models and understands stuff it cannot solve the worlds problems just through its systemic understanding • When yellow starts to see the consciouseness unifies everything and everyone. The idea that consciousness is central. All verious problems mankind have all boils down to consciousness • When Yellow starts to see very deeply the limits of thinking and modeling and the scientific method, reason and logic. Ready to go beyond the mind • When yellow starts to realize that all of the answers and understanding that it has developed so far has not been the ultimate answer. • Emerges with very serious spiritual practice • Turquoise is a flowering of mysticism. • With the transcendence of your ego • Awereness of Maya The dream that we are in, when you start to realize that whats happening in here is a game, its a virtual simulation, its a hallucination, there is nothing tangible about whats happening right here or about this body. All the ways that the mind deludes us and creates these very solid seeming tangible illusions. • When Yellow realize the mind and the undersanding of it self does not bring happiness • Shift from learning about stuff to being one with the many Turquoise Values • Consciousness • Truth - Existensial and metaphysical • Deep metaphysical insights • Metaphysics • Wisdom / Wisdom of nature Wisdom is not something just human beings have, its inherent to all of reality because the boundary between human beings and reality starts to break • Mysticism, spirituality and non-duality, god and divinity God and divinity are very different ideas from at blue. (blue=bearded anthropomorphic bearded man in the clouds, This right here is God. God is consciousness. • Holism, integration and synthesis vs analysis (interconnect) • Left and right brain synthesis • Honesty, transparancy and radical authenticity • Being. vs knowing, doing and having. • Simplicity, flowing with nature, effortless plesureable life • Minimalist sustainable living, collaborative syngergy, human wellness • Healing, the physical, emotional and spiritual dimension • Exploring altered states of consciousness • Intuiton, channeling or direct downloads from infinite intelligence • Supernatural degrees of creativity • Supernatural visionary (see connections that mankind will not see yet), • Spiritual purification • Awakening, transendence, libeartion, unconditional love, compassion for all, emotional mastery, presence, mindfullness, paradox, esoteric teachings, gratitude, unity, deeper and deeper levels of interconnectedness, selfless living, sacrificing the self for greater consciousness of the whole, meditation, yoga, contemplation, self-inquiry. • Not knowing and humility, spontaneity, playfulness and self-amusement • Tends to be light hearted Ego is the heavy hearted with fears and problems • The really big picture Distinct Turquoise with Green • Real mysticism vs new-agey faddish spiritual practices Casual meditation vs at turquoise you start to have industrial levels of meditation and contemplation • Turquoise is informed by direct non-dual experiences rather than beliefs and ideas. • Embraces global collectivism without attacking the individual like green did • Turquoise is consciuouss of the spiral and is a spiral wizard. • Not as triggered by injustices. • There is acceptance from deep understanding of intolerance, conflict, war, violence, greed and evil. (where as green just reacting against them, against orange greed and materialism, turqiouese understands thats life, how the ego evolves. Its not because they are bad, its because they are a treat to you(ego)) • Avoids mob mentality that comes with green. • Awareness of ego and there is more mindfullness and presence in turquoise • More emotional mastery than green • Non reactive and detached vs green was very reactive and attached • Effective solving large problems vs getting togheter and talk/protest. Characteristics of Turquoise • Turquoise sees the human race as a single organism Everything is connected. Sees the dissolution of the physical boundaries between self and other. Such that you can no longer differntiate between your physical body, the universe and your enemies. (there is no difference between you and coffee table) • Use the world as interlinked causes and effects in interacting fields of energy. • For turquiose there is joint activity accross groups, factions and communities spiritual bonds pull people togheter, communities are not just physical but also conecptual because "physical" is actually a concept. Physical itself is not physical. • Feelings and emotions come back into play • Work must be meaningful to the overall health of life • Deep trust of intuition and instinct • The self is a part of a large conscious spiritual whole you are not just a little individual human being or human body as you've always thought • Non -manipulative -ideological and -judgemental. • Not driven by fear or selfless selifshness • Does not play victim or blame games • Deeper mental and spiritual capacites are awakened • New sences and abilites you would think were superhuman become ordinary and human. There is new control over bodily processes, there is a heightened sensory awareness. • Paranormal abilities can develop or as the Yogi's call the cities. • Healing abilities, telepathy, astral projection, ESP, clairvoyance and remote viewing which seems odderly fantastical, religious and superstitious to stages below which are stuck in material paradgim. • The mystical becomes the mundane, the paranormal becomes normal. • Having inspiring levels of emotional mastery • Likes minimalist living. Less is more. • Ecologicaly conscious like green was. • Being visionary and being an inspiring leader • There is a unification of science, technology, medicine and mysticism • Deep understanding and unification of all religions, picks the best parts of them and throw away all the junk, corruption and ego stuff that has corrupted those traditions. All of them are really pointing to the same stuff. • There is a synthesis with western technology and eastern mysticism. • Theres an understanding of the fullness of the spiral and turquoise uses all the layers proactively and holistically • Sees everything at once before doing anything spesific • There is a colletive imperative and there is mutual interdependencies that reign supreme over your individual egoic needs. • If turquoise is engaged in business its gonna be a business with soul that probably tries to awaken you in some fashion. • There is a sense of a greater community bulit around spiritual emobidment. Turquoise is the 6. and 7. chakra • Turquoise action comes from selfless love and open heart • Has a great mental and behavioral flexibility • Sexual desire is transmuted into metaphysical love. (not always the case but for really exceptional turquoise people, outgrown from the lower chakras) • Excellent in dealing with paradoxes • Tend to be very wise and teach in unorthodox styles. • Is post rional and post material • Connects to being rather than quantifying or categorizing the world. That enterprise is over. Its way too limited. • Is non-linear • Is human-centered • Has a supernatural intuition • Has an ability to connect to source • Tends to have high integrity and is able to actually follow through that integrity • For Turquoise the universe is both impersonal and deeply personal. And thats a paradox they resolve. (need to be experienced to understand) • Turquoise is conscious of the miracle of life. Everything becomes mystical, amazing and magical. • Has a constant attention to ever-expanding implications of everything. • Turquoise is even a deeper systems thinker than yellow was. Systems now are not just mechanical things, they are alive, imbued with intelligence. Intelligence is not something that human beings possess the way that orange arrogantly belives. Intelligence is permeated through the entire universe. Every aspect of being is intelligent. The entire arrangement of the univcerse is infinte intelligence at work. • For Turquoise life consists of fractals. You can see all the interconnections in the fractal nature of everything. Can see the micro right throgh to the macro. • Stands in awe at the cosmic order from quarks to cells to humans, trees, cars, to galaxasies and big bang. All of it is awesome,miracle,magical,amazing, all of it interconnects with everything else. • For Turquoise reality can be experienced but never truly known. Reality is fundamentally irreducibly, mysterious and mystical. • There is a dissolution of the ego. • For turquoise there is a paradox that on the one hand life is the most important thing there is and yet on the other hand my own life is completly unimportant. My death does not matter. • Turquoise can detect the harmonic forces which govern organizations, which makes turquoise good at leading and running organizations • Turquoise is good by setting a good example/being a good role model • Turquoise is a movement away from the gross materialism. From gross stuff to subtle stuff turquoise develops the capacity to sense the subtle aspects of reality. • Going from the external to the internal • There is a transcendence of morality, meaning, judgement, life and death, duality, mind, reason, science and good and evil. • Is finally able to have really deep honest meaningful relationships and communication. Beyond the shallow petty clinginess, neediness and materialism that came with orange,green and yellow. The reason we have shitty relationships is because we have relationships to statisfy our own needs. Gross materialistic needs. They are all about manipulation. Not sustainable and thats why it ends. Turquoise is relating from a non needy place, from a much more honest place. These types of relationships are like next-level/super human relationships. As orange or green you dont know what a true communication face-to-face with a human being is because you are so wrapped up in your own ego and unconscious of the dynamics that the ego is playing and how it is distorting your ability to relate to other people and to communicate honestly with other people. Examples of Turquoise • Sadguru, the Isha foundation, • Shunya Murti, a western Yogi from costa rica (example of Intergration of all religions, science and holism) • Thomas Campbell • Yoda (globalist community minded and mystical) • David Hawkins, Ken Wilber, Shinzen young, Deepak Chopra • Stan Grof, (high yellow, early turquise) • Osho (netflix, still not perfect society) • Mooji, Rama G, Rupert Spira, A cartoles, New earth • Yogananda, Maarten ball, • Terence McKenna, Carl Jung (yellow/Turquoise) • Sri Aurobindo (solid turquoise) • Pierre tel yard, Erven Laszlo, David loy, Allan watts • Wim hof, Mat khan, the dalai lama, sacha shulgin • Yoga, holotrophic breathwork, the book: the holographic universe, the akashic records, the new oh sphere, opening the third eye, the pineal gland, out-of-body experiences, samadhi experiences, cities, paranormal abilities, clairvoyance, channels, mediums like Bashar, stuff that aleister crowley was doing, Rudolf steiner • Alternative healing systems, the notion of maya, pshychedelics, 5MEO-DMT, • From Star Trek the Q race • Rupert Sheldrake`s "more for genetic fields" (turquise concept) • Dene Radin`s paranormal research • Gandhi`s ideas of pluralistic harmony • The notion of Gaia, earth as a living system, Biocentrism, • The monrone institute, The Esalen institute, • Transpersonal pshycholigy as an entire field, Jung`s collective unconscious and various kinds of archetypes • Quantum field theory (starting to show the interconnectedness and the nonlinear infinate nothingness that everything is) • Sacred geometry, reincarnation, opening chakras • Saints, sages, mystics and prophets. Less then 0,1% of the global population is at Turquoise Turquiose has less than 1% of total world influence or power Style of Government: we do not really have any examples yet. We have some small communities. Based on these small communities it would look something like this: A holistic organism, micro management of all life-forms torwards common good in respone to macro problems. What life means supersedes any special, natural ethnic or ideological groupings. The purpose of this society is to elevate the consciousness of all of mankind. Spiral dynamics vs Non-duality • You can be in a non-dual state but not stage turquoise. • Spiral dynamics is more about how culture becoming more complicated and sophisticated and dealing with more complicating problems • Non-duality is another variable. Turquoise Slogans Everything is one, we are all god, You are already enlightned, everyting is perfect and at the same time everything is evolving, to see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower, the kingdom of heaven is within, forgive them father for they know not what they do, I am that, life is a dream. What triggers Turquoise? Not that much, you worked alot on non-judgemental and detachment. Turquoise is quite understandning of how Maya works, how ignorrant works (where triggering basically comes from). Has a fairly robust degree of emotional maturity and mastery which helps to take the edge of alot of stuff. • The insanity of the world - sees how unsustainable all these actions are. • The status quo. - frustrating that our government,politics and economics are still at such a low level of development. • Myopia - the limitied vision that people can have. • Materialistic corruption • Profit over truth and spirit • Profit over heart • Dogmatic, scientism and rationalsim - quantifying • Ecological dysfunction • By the collective suffering of mankind. All of mankind suffering is largely self-inflicted. • By little petty mundane affairs. Turquoise limitations/unhealthy manifistations • Can become too mystical and too spiritual. To the point where they become unconcerned with earthly problems. Where they can just go off and live in a cave all by themseleves or like a hermit. • They sort of live in their own reality. They are so advanced that it is hard for other people to understand them. They can teach very advanced things that are difficult to relate to for avarge folk. Theirfor they can be misunderstood or their teachings can just fly over peoples heads. • Can develop a guru complex. Feeds your spiritual ego. Devlop cults. • Life can become sort of meaningless. Your are just in a dream. • Can deny the importance of political issues. • Can assume that other people are just as capable of awakening as they are. • There can be community division on a grand scale. Turquoise can develop into sort of mega tribes. Turquoise is a mirror or a parallel to purple. Turquioise is also trible but no more enlightned tribalism. There can be conflict and division between these turquoise mega tribes. • Can become stuck on shallow levels of enlightenment or non-duality. Theres many grees to awakening. Some gurus will have 10-100 more real depth of understandings than other ones. Does not realize there is deeper levels. • Non-duality wars. Certain gurus criticize other gurus from different traditions. Teaching debates, whos more enlightned and what does it really mean. • Maha Samadhi. So enlightned that you actually leave your body. Dont overidealize turquiose Dont think Turquoise is perfect. A person can not be turquoise if hes not perfect. That he can not do mistakes. Turqouise does not make you moral or good at all. Does not make you special. Egoic goal. Turquoise does not make you enlighetned. Enlightned is an own thing. Dont confuse it with spiral dynamics. Does not make you immune to false beliefs, cultural biases. Culture is something thats rooted very deeply in your mind. Even if you become enlightned you will still have cultural beliefs, preferences and values which are operating on you just from the culture you grew up in. You can be closed to other traditions or cultures just by not opening yourself up to them or not being familiar enough with them. Turquoise does not make you immune to dangerous social ideas. Its still possible that you will hurt people. Not immune to sexual cravings or addictions. How to transcend turquoise You should not worry about transcending turquoise, but embodying turquoise. You can do for 40 years. Your goal should be to pursue non-duality to its fullest and really to transcend spiral dynamics. How to emobody Turquoise • Make sure you have a hardcore industrial-grade spiritual practice going. (Meditation, yoga, self-inquiry, contemplation or whatever else) • Contemplate everything. • Embody unconditional love. • Long solo retreats - very helpfull for deepning your connection with being. • Spiritual purification work of various kind. (shadow work) • Do 5Meo-DMT • Join or start spiritual community • Read turquoise books • Meet turquoise sages face to face • Study many religions. • Study cutting-edge science. • Study non-dual theory deeply - read at least 30 books. • Open your chakras, specially the lower ones and heart chakra. • Transumte your sexual energy. • Learn alternative healing techniques • Make sure you go back and master all the stages. • Keep watching actualized.org.

My daughter is 6, and clearly on the spectrum of what, in earlier days, would have put her solidly in a "magical" bucket. (For what it's worth, I think all children come to us pretty freaking "awakened" and I hold it my job as a parent to really just allow that portal not to close.) As outward presentations or classic signs, she's definitely got synesthesia (she experiences colors as smells), is ambidextrous (interestingly, I hear synesthesia and ampi often come together), and now, I think she's got something I've always had... sleep paralysis/wakened dreaming. (Quick background that might matter- I'm most classically trained in concepts of Wicca, a kind of mish-mash of neo-Shamanism and the broader spectrum of "energy work," am an intuitive (using tarot as my framework, usually, but more as a was to open claircognizance and what I call "claircabulary" or "clairetymology"- I have extremely specific words and phrases pop into my head, and the hyper-specificity of the words matter.) I was raised very religious, and the most my parents would say about it is that I "scared the bejesus out of everyone as a kid." As they evolved beyond religion somewhat, they were able to say, "Oh, smurf KNOWS. She's always KNOWN. She's always been an odd duck." It wasn't until I was 17 that I started investigating and self-training and un-doing what probably got shored up in my childhood.) The reason for my question-- Last night, she had another episode of what I assume is sleep paralysis/wakened dreaming (this is her second), which, I know, is completely terrifying. She's been talking about my dad non-stop (he passed about two years ago, when she was four. Magical moment: He was in a coma, pretty much, and my mom and I were talking to the nurse and turned around and she was doing this beautiful sign language/dance thing at the foot of his bed. We asked what she was doing, "I'm talking to Grandpa. I'm telling him goodbye and that I love him..." Pretty moving for our emotionally-stuffed family.) Anyhow, we also read a book last night that ended up being about a lioness that killed a baby buffalo and a camel-- she's extremely empathetic, especially about animals, so maybe it was too much for her. And then she woke in the middle of the night, thrashing and squirming and trying to figure out "what to do with her body," like she was trying to fling snakes off herself, crying about how scared she was. I asked what her heart wanted to do, and if I could help. She said she wanted to cry it out and put her head under the covers and just screamed for a while. I did a mental energy clearing and sent her love, but really just kind of held space for her and let her process in her own way (so difficult as a parent, who wants to "fix it" or say "it's not real, dreams aren't real, it's just your mind making up stuff.") So, wall of text to ask: I probably should introduce some concepts of death and "energy never really goes away, it just changes form"/cycle of life and death and concepts of impermanence-- but in an age appropriate way. Anyone have resources on that? And, on a broader scale- anyone have resources about kids and "awakening" (or, I suppose, "staying awake")

Yew but awakened i mean really be inthe god consciousness but still experiencing the dual world. Would that not be strange to walk around everywhere and know everybody is me and everybody else knows this too, that we are all just me

If there is a world where everybody is awoken somewhere and sometime in gods infinite mind, is it an amazing world like a utopia where everything is beautiful or is it rather a scary place because everybody knows they are all myself and thus people dont see any meaning in life anymore?