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You did not understand me at all, just to stuck in your emotions, my post was about human general reaction toward such approach. You do not know anything about me, or where I was born , it might come as surprise to you, but white people live in way more countries then USA are you well informed about how white people live in different parts of world? I can tell you few stories too, just to show how silly your compromising are , about white males, who grew up in dysfunctional families, in worse poverty then you have in USA, not being able to afford anything they had to make their living by stealing, being looked down like they are trash by everyone and being told to anyone that comes into contact with them to stay away from them, not bad people, just desperate circumstances, years passed but nothing could change constant physical and psychological abuse by everyone around them pushed them to limit to commit worst of crime , killing in attempt to get money from old lady, Now the time I saw both of them 3 years ago they were out from prison, one was completely mentally damaged,like beaten dog, other had just lost his brother who committed suicide, completely depressed about life, last year I visited one who lost brother committed suicide too .

Wednesday January 15th to Thursday January 16th Let's talk a bit about suicide and suicidality, shall we? I had wanted to write an essay about this and post it here on the actualized.org forums, but I have forsaken that plan, at least for now, because I had both lost the inspiration to write that essay any further (I had already started it), and it also felt to be a bit more controversial and intense than I really felt comfortable with. It simply didn't feel right to post it. The insights and arguments I used in that essay, and the way I was going to convery them, can be very frightening to certain people because I addressed there some of the worst and darkest human fears, and also one of the greatest taboos and collective delusions. The final conlusion, however, is a hopeful and positive one. I'm going to talk about it now anyway, so buckle up and read it at your own risk, or otherwise just don't read it at all. I'm not going to be as provocative or intense as I was going to be in that essay, though. Okay Sometimes I read these stories of people having suffered from major depressive episodes, and/or forms of anxiety, and/or all other kinds of mental problems, and having been through a long time of all this sometimes intense suffering, they end up committing suicide. And when I read something like that, I can't help to wonder why this person allowed him/herself to be in such a position of this state of deep suffering for so many years? It's one of the things I fail to really grasp about other people: Why are some people willing to encounter massive amounts of suffering and still aren't willing to actually put an end to it for years and years, and sometimes even decades? (It's not essential here whether 'putting an end to it' means suicide or changing their life around) I can understand it from a superficial intellectual position, but I can't really resonate with the attitude of these kind of people at all. Like really, you've been going through bouts of deep depression and despair for like 10 years straight, and still you don't think that perhaps it's time to make some drastic changes in your life? No? 10 years of torment still isn't sufficient enough? Need some more? Well, you'll get more. What else do you expect to happen? Do you think some miracle will take place in your life and overnight all of this suffering will be miraculously abolished? You're not Eckhart Tolle! It perplexes me... I understand what these people are doing though. Most likely they are addicted to some or many forms of distraction so that they do not have to face their own emotions and their fears. They avoid the existential yet rather necessary questions that they would need to ask to themselves if they truly want to put a stop to their suffering, because asking those questions would mean they would have to confront very frightening possibilities. So what they do is that they are willing to settle for a long-term terrible life prospect so that they don't have to face some even more intense short-term pain and suffering that comes with confronting your inner demons. But of course, if you do gather the courage and confront the demons, it will be your first step out of that nightmare you have found yourself in. But some people are just too afraid. Ironically, the one thing they truly should fear is their cowardice, because their cowardice is the reason they have found themselves in that position and the reason they will stay stuck in it. From a rational standpoint, there is nothing to be more afraid of for them than their cowardice. But of course, it's not like many of these people haven't tried to change their lives at multiple points, but they have failed the commitment to stick with it. You can address multiple reasons to why that has failed, but one way you can put it is that the primary reason that they have failed to commit to changing their lives, is the fact that it wasn't obvious enough to them that they absolutely HAD to. This is how it all changed for me. When I started having intense panic attacks in early 2013, at some point I started having this very painful but very intense sense of urgency. I realized that if I allowed myself to be a coward for just even a second, then how I was I ever going to have peace with the fact that I had been living life less than what was optimal? This awareness and this urgency was so clear and so sharp, that awareness that something HAD to be done, that it kind of felt like having a black hole right behind my back and that if I did allow myself to be a coward for even one second, I was going to be sucked up by this black hole, and this black hole would take me straight to the deepest layer of hell. That's how it felt sometimes back then. For me it was just very clear (at least so I thought at the time) that there was no rational argument as to why I would allow myself to be controlled by fear, and I didn't see how I was going to forgive myself had I allowed myself to succumb to fear. On top of that, I also had a strong sense that if I allowed myself to believe in one excuse, then why not the second excuse, or the third excuse? I was using an audio program for overcoming panic attacks at the time in which the guy really emphasized the importance of taking action, and he also told about people who didn't overcome it because they weren't willing to face their fears. I back then had not estimate as to how courageous I really was or wasn't in comparison to other people suffering from anxiety attacks, so I absolutely dreaded the possibility of me failing to live up to the challenge and sliding back into this hell realm that I was struggling to get myself out of. For me, that possibility seemed very real and I wanted to do absolutely everything I possibly could in order to try to prevent that. Having that been the start of the beginning of my awakening process, I now find it so difficult to understand why other people who from an outer viewpoint appear to be going to similair or even worse struggles, how other people like that do not feel this intense sense of urgency to change. And so when I see people like that, I can only wonder: Do they not realize? Do they not care enough? Isn't it obvious enough to them? Those people might say about themselves that they simply lack the willpower, or the courage or whatever. They might even start believing that they're a hopeless case. But I will say differently: They simply don't understand. It's not clear enough to them. Because actually, the urgency isn't even so much about needing to improve and change their life around, but it's about putting a stop to all of it, in whatever means possible. All it takes is one honest moment for such a person and to admit to themselves: This NEEDS to stop. In whatever way possible, this absolutely NEEDS to stop. And yes, maybe they'll come to the decision that the idea of changing their life around and rising out of their misery isn't worth it for them, or perhaps they may think it's not even possible (for them), and they end up committing suicide. And you know what? To me, that's absolutely fine. It's fine because at least they finally made a conscious decision to face death. To improve your life for the better by working really hard on yourself and to rise out of it is also facing death, and you could argue that perhaps that would be the better decision, but whether it's suicide or dedicated self-actualization, at least they FINALLY, FUCKING FINALLY put a stop to all of it. You see my sentiment here? If someone puts an end to their torment that may have been going on for years or even decades by committing suicide... Good for them. At least they finally made that decision to face death. All I truly care about for those people is for them to be relieved from their struggle, whatever route they may take to get to that point. I don't really hold judgement against people who commit suicide. I do feel like there was potential for more for them in this life and in that way it's perhaps a bit unfortunate, but hey, perhaps in a next life they will choose good circumstances to incarnate (if that's actually what happens, idk for sure) and maybe they will give a much better shot at it this time. I don't really like the way people regard suicide as 'tragic'. Because this whole notion of it being 'tragic' creates such a taboo around this topic, just as there is a taboo about death in general in the west. One can start feeling very guilty towards their own suicidal feelings because they are both feeling guilty towards themselves for wasting their potential, and towards others (relatives and friends and so forth) for hurting them by that person choosing to commit suicide. People get conditioned that suicidal feelings are not okay, although people may not directly say it that way to them. So people hide it, both from others and from themselves. But just because you're hiding it doesn't mean you become less suicidal. In fact, the very guilt creates an inner conflict between the death drive within them that wants a release from their suffering on one side, and both their fear of death and the guilt they feel on the other side. And ironically, because the person starts fighting against the suicidalit feelings and thoughts because they are 'unwished for', the more that person reinforces their guilt, starts creating more inner struggle, making them more miserable, and because they are more miserable, suicide becomes even more attractive as a for of release from it all. In fact, it becomes a form of hope. Many people are too afraid to fully commit to life because they fantasize about suicide as an option. "If all else fails, I can always still simply end my life". If you romanticize and put your hopes suicide (even if you do it unconsciously), then how can you expect such a person to really go all-in on life? It won't happen. It won't happen because people don't get anywhere if they half-ass something. Full determination can only happen if the alternative is not considered as an option anymore (actually, this is not true at higher stages of consciousness. But I'd say for most people that that statement is true). What do you think you are going to achieve if the option of suicide is always in the back of your mind? You will lack devotion, because you are not fully sure of yourself that this is really want you want to be doing. When I was getting out of my panic attacks in 2013, suicide, for some reason I still don't really know for sure, is just something I didn't even want to consider for a single second. The idea of it just seemed so dreadful, that I couldn't even permit myself a single second of fantasizing on the possibility. Because of that reason, I HAD to go all-in on life. And therefore, I've gotten to the point I've gotten to now where I've grown tremendously in the past 7 years (although my attitude has shifted quite a bit over the course of these 7 years, but that's a different story) I understand that not every person automatically has this commitment right from the start. Maybe not everybody sees suicide as something that is not an option for themselves in the way I felt it. Maybe in some way, I was fortunate. If I can't invoke a feeling of commitment and devotion in a person even if I really clearly explain that not making a decision in their position is not going to give them a better life than they already had, then certainly there are more alternatives. One thing I can do is try to take away their suicidal guilt. Much of the suicidal feelings come from the fact that the person feels guilty about the suicidal feelings to begin with. It's a vicious circle. I will explain to them why they don't have to feel guilty towards other people for it ("It might be a relief to them", "It may take them on a new path, a new journey to find out the meaning of their lives", "It may confront them with the truth of death, which isn't comfortable, but in the end, truth is inevitably going to be faced so merely acclerate the process for them") I would also take away the guilt they feel towards themselves for the idea that they're a coward for doing it or wasting their own potential ("What do you mean it's weak? Do you realize how much courage it takes to face death like that?", "Why should you have any obligations to fulfill to actualize your potential? Where is this responsibility other than your own ideas about it? Why should you not be able to be a coward?") "Won't that make them more likely to commit suicide then?", you may ask. It's possible, but probably not. Besides, whether they do or don't end up committing suicide is not the point, remember? If you can relieve someone from the guilt they carry around their suicidal feelings, you will take away a large part of their suffering, and therefore a large part of their suicidality. Imagine if this person actually gets it and suddenly becomes completely okay with the idea of them committing suicide. But I say completely okay with the idea. You might not realize the relief that this actually invokes. I had an awakening on the topic of suicide in november 2018 whilst I was on a trip (not a pyschedelic trip) in Switzerland. I actually had been suicidal in 2017 (You might be curious as to how and why that happened. You can find more details on that on the justpaste.it link in the very first post of this thread) And in november 2018, I wasn't actively suicidal, depressed or desperate or anything, but there was this sort of strange fear that I might end up committing suicide at one point in the future, and i dreaded the idea. Will edit this further later. Need to take some rest now.

Me? F'In millions. I'm on social media posting my research ALL the time and adding value by providing info. What are you talking about? For example I'm adding value now by exposing bullshit everyone's eating from Mooji. I provided enough info to make up your own mind with common sense (lets not jump into cognitive dissonance because we feel strongly towards someone and afraid our beliefs will get shattered.) THERE are people in his cult committed suicide. Ya great help. AND He's preaching bullshit. Why would anyone advocate this? Just because some people in here feel "strongly" and attached to him doesn't mean mooji is a "guru"as many as you want them to think. He helped No one. NOt one person. Everything I stated is what a guru is a true "buddha". And MOOJI is not one. How do you know what "mooji" would say. Do you know him personally? are you his cult follower? I know People personally who attending HIS satsangs personally and LEFT. And there are literally 1000's of others as well leaving his 'ashram'... I seen All his shit. IF you want to keep drinking the KOOL aid be my guest. I'm done with this mooji shit and I will expose all these cult leaders even if others feel "strongly" towards them. No one said the truth is going to be easy or pretty. Most of the responses in the thread are just more new age hippy BS with 0 understanding of natural law and dwell in just abstract theories so I care little for their response. Like that watered down version of "what a shaman is". Give me a break. @Visionary knows a bit, I can tell. Hence why you were tagged. You're still a neophyte. One day padawan.

After last psychoanalysis session it turned out I repressed my homosexual feelings, so they were stored in my unconscious. It induced fear in me and I found it disgusting. Now I have intense fear in my abdomen and intrusive thoughts that I will never accept my sexuality fully because of my family conditioning and will get stuck in this conflict and commit suicide. 2 years ago in my Dark Night of the Soul I had such fear and intrusive thoughts that if I dont get enlightened I will get stuck in this hell forever. So does intrusive thoughts induce fear or fear induces intrusive thoughts? If second, then What causes that original fear that takes different forms (themes)? Also I let thoughts go and bring my focus in now and feel fear mindfully and it increases fear and something in the background craves for validation, so I think or google things which will make it calm down. I know it since my childhood and know that after just several minutes it will start to panic and crave for validation again. So I leave it to starve and bring my focus to now and just relax and be. This increases fear and sometimes I panic I will go insane, so I step back and start to think in order to feed it in the background. How many hours or days or months continually being in the now will starve that shit to death?

Hello Seekers, Marking my first post on this forum, I share some recent experiences. This is a long post. I assure that you will likely find it to be worth the read by the end. I divide it into 8 sections. 1. Background context 2. Ayahuasca: healing and insights into non-duality 3. Being allured by the devil, choosing to invite him in. 4. Final realizations 5. Current situation, Reflections, and Speculations 6. Acknowledgements 7. Plan for redemption 8. Note to the reader 1. Background context (quickly) 21 year old male. Relatively early on in spiritual development. I have followed Leo increasingly over the past three years. In the past 4-6 months the seeker within me has grown significantly. I have consumed many of Leo’s videos and read many of your posts here on the forum. I have commenced with reading the booklist and have sought out larger perspectives and concepts. Over the past three years I have experienced a wide variety of psychedelics (to quickly list them: 5 MEO DMT, Ayahuasca, MDMA, Psilocybin, LSD, Ketamine, 2CB, 2CE, etc.). Apart from a temporary full awakening experience (non-dual God realization) very early on (while on 5 MEO), I have not had an enormous amount of personal transformation. My transformation has only start to begin recently, when the seeker within me grew significantly stronger, leading me to start other practices. My awareness and quality of life has significantly improved since commencing Kriya Yoga practice 10 weeks ago. Finally, I bring your attention to my PMO addiction issue, which has plagued my life for quite some time. I have realized elimination of this would be for the best but have failed to do so. 2. Ayahuasca: healing and insights into non-duality Now to current events. I just had the opportunity to spend a week in the Netherlands (NL). With friends (also spiritual seekers), we planned to trip on psychedelics during this week (in the correct setting: alone, in darkness). First up was Ayahuasca. For this I put decent days of preparation in, regarding diet, and abstaining from drugs and masturbation. My intentions before I began the trip were: 1. Address my PMO addiction 2. Contemplation of non-duality and attaining insights. This turned out to be the most healing and directly insightful trip of my life. I had several insights through direct experience. The biggest one being that the entire point of life is for God to re-remember itself during the unfolding of life. In addition, we are the creators of our lives, directly choosing what manifests in the world. These insights were beyond mind-blowing, and contemplation of their implications across numerous domains yielded extreme results. I realized the insight of I AM. I AM all that is or could be. I was overcome with Self-Realization. My heart burst with passion and unconditional love. I felt equivalent to the poems of Rumi, the clearest articulation of pure devotion to the world. Following this, I went into 20 mins of cosmic body orgasm, cleansing me totally, and of my dysfunctional sexual energy buildup. The next morning, I felt positively transformed but immediately felt ego backlash come on. The ego wanted its’ desires satisfied, and now. The day after this, I drank Ayahuasca again, knowing that I could contemplate my new insights even further. I ascended to a minorly high state of consciousness, allowing further contemplation of my new insight, resulting in basking in Self-Love. However, the brew turned out far weaker this time around, leading to a largely underwhelming trip. 3. Being allured by the devil. Inviting him in. Following the second Ayahuasca trip, everything was still going fine. I was in touch with my newly-realized Love and could emanate this. I felt more authentic in my interactions. Though, it felt the ego backlash was still present. This period was quite pleasant until I really fucked up. I was trying to take a nap the day after the second Ayahuasca trip. I rationalized to myself to fap to porn to assist me in falling asleep (being recently so immersed in the Absolute, I made the mistake of thinking I could do anything in the relative). I proceeded to follow through with my plan. I thought nothing of it. Though a deep part of me certainly knew what I did was wrong. Another planned trip was 5MEO during my time in NL. So, thinking nothing of it, I proceeded to do c. 22mg intranasally 30 mins after my fap. What followed was the most terrifying ordeal of my life. Tying in with my realization of the mechanics of Self-Creation on the first Ayahuasca trip, I realized I had just sold my soul to the devil through my fap 30 mins prior. Having been at a place of higher awareness than I ever have been before due to the first Ayahuasca trip, the fact that I traded this for simple pleasure was agonizing. The ignorance and impurity of what I had done shot me right through the deepest part of my soul. I had let the Devil in through the simplest of rationalizations. Though, despite the Devil working through deception, I chose it. This was what made the experience so entirely unbearable. I instantly understood the imagery of those in Dante’s circles of Hell, damned there for eternity for losing themselves to lust and pleasure. I understood it so well because this was where my soul now resided. I immediately recognized the implications of this for every aspect of my life. I was deeply broken in the deepest sense. I was no longer the same person. My soul was not mine anymore. I was filled with impurity to my core. It appeared I was eternally damned. Suicide was likely what was in store for me, as I could not take the agony of my own ignorance. I pictured myself as Nietzche, having gone mad, through peering too far into the abyss and not re-emerging. In the deepest sense I now understood the following two quotes (Jung’s quote of the soul reaching all the way to hell was agonizing apparent): “The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either -- but right through every human heart -- and through all human hearts. This line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the years. And even within hearts overwhelmed by evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained.” Alexander Solzhenitsyn “No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” Carl Jung I slowly exited the trip, the suffering still deep in my soul. To shift from Unconditional Love to this state within 48 hours was unthinkable. Since, this pain has largely remained. I am merely trying to fend it off. I know that the more it affects me, the more power the Devil / Weticko (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJCJSwWyE8) has over me. 4. Final realizations (48 hours later) To mark the last day of my trip in NL, my friends and I took MDMA. When it hit, I became acutely aware of the evil spirits in my soul. The feeling was sickening. Naturally, I screamed in agony for 15 mins, to try to purge myself of the evil spirits. However, this effort was futile. The spirits were too strongly entrenched in my soul. I did realize the similarity of my situation to Jung’s descent into madness during his time of writing the Red Book. Also, the descent of Shamans into the underworld during their training. The successful Shamans were the ones to emerge again. I also understood Jung stance on psychedelics: being dangerous if too much of the collective psyche gets into an individual’s personal unconscious (this was now the case for me). I realized I would have to return to the depths of hell to defeat this evil. I was reminded of when Jesus was tempted by the Devil in the desert. I was no Jesus, I failed the test. 5. Current Situation, Reflections, Speculations It is now 48 hours after I have returned from NL. I am under more distress than I ever been in my life. I am due to start a new internship tomorrow and am highly doubtful as to it turning out well. I am not in my normal state of mind. Functioning properly will be very difficult. My soul feels fragmented. I have certainly been corrupted by the Devil / Weticko. Though, I am unsure if energy-feeding beings have also attached themselves to me. This very well might be the case. See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9PC4V_IWtg. I fear I may have to go through the process of Shamanistic healing known as Soul Retrieval. It feels like my personal power have certainly diminished. Despite this hardship and loss of control, my will is strong. I am not going down with this parasite I have invited into myself. I will face it and come out better the other side. I speculate that I have accumulated a lot of bad Karma because of my impure action (especially at heightened state of awareness), and I am storing this in my mental and energetic bodies. My plan for resolution is to drink Ayahuasca again in NL within one week and face the parasite. I know I must accept the evil in my soul if I am to return to non-duality. However, I hear if it is an entity feeding off me, it should be banished (see the video linked above). So, the contradiction of accepting the evil vs banishing it has me slightly confused. In any case, I feel from my depths that I can resolve this. I now know how evil (the ego) was running me and no longer want any part in it. The Absolute Good is stronger than the ego in me. Though, I must address the issue before losing hope or becoming weaker. 6. Acknowledgments - This entire issue is self-created. I chose to invite the Devil into my soul because of my own actions. If I had simply addressed my impurity beforehand, none of this would have occurred. - Good / Evil exist in duality. Non-Duality is Truth. However, evil certainly exists subjectively in the collective psyche, and now my personal psyche. I feel this must be resolved before I return to Non-Duality. - My recklessness and arrogance in my psychedelic usage. Beware of ego backlash on this journey! In future, I will have far greater respect for their usage. - Many people would now consider me to be insane if I were to explain the source of my suffering. I would likely be labelled with some sort of psychiatric disorder. 7. Plan for Redemption I have mentioned my plan to drink Ayahuasca again in NL within a week. Until then, I must bear my suffering. I will lower the intensity of my Kriya Yoga and meditation practices. I also will research information on the topics of: 1. Spiritual Emergencies 2. Religious Symbology of Good + Evil 3. Exorcism / Shamanic Healing 4. Descent and Re-emergence from the underworld/madness. I’ve also contacted a therapist to assist in preventing the PMO issue from ever surfacing again. I hope they will function as an accountability partner and provide me with CBT. 8. Note to the reader To all of you, I thank you for any input you may have. I hope this post functions to make you more mindful of your impurities before venturing too far down this path. I likely won’t be able to respond in-depth, if at all, to your replies until this is resolved. I will certainly read them though.

I decided to share little story of how my life changed in past year and a half and video of Me Bungee Jumping hehe After a long struggle of depression I had yet again had one more of those emotionally devastating moments , and that one was where I got scammed for 4k in the US(Work&Travel Program) and that was the money I worked hard for two months. With 4k in Serbia you can live one year without working comfortably and I was negatively motivated for independence at home… So that was my breaking point when I decided who I will be, and I finally chose not to be a Victim. From that moment I new I had to change and take responsibility of my life! The drive for fixing my life was created. I accepted the Life Journey! All this led to everything I tipped below. Bungee Jumping vid-131591018-054832-815-5gafpvsbmp4.compressed.mp4 Here is the Video I decided to face one of my fears and bought a coupon The though of Bungee was excited at first and but I delayed and procrastinated the jump for the last day of my reservation, it was a 3 month coupon The night before the jump came is when I started freaking out. I couldn't sleep that night. When the moment came and I was waiting for the set up my mind went CRAZYY "What em i doing here in the middle of nowhere at 7 am bungee jumping alone? Are you nuts? Lets just go home, its fine, we will do it next time. Lets just turn away and go home. What if the bungee snaps, you are dead!" And all the excuses my mind could project... I did not listen my mind. I hopped in the balloon and it started getting higher and higher . I felt my heart pumping and I got dizzy. The moment came and the guy casually said,us that was hes who knows what flight : "Okay, here is what you are going to do: Put your leg there, and jump over the edge of the balloon and jump" "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THERE IS NO WAY IM JUMPING OVER THERE! EDDIEEEE, DONT DO IIIT,YOU GONNA REGRET THIS ! " My mind was going nuts, i was really scared. I hopped on the edge and said "OKAY, THIS IS IT, IT IS NOW OR NEVER" I knew that if i set there for 5 more seconds i would give up. I just LET GO and JUMPED In an instant the FEAR vanished . I was in the present moment filled with excitement. The first thought that came up after the present moment was "DO IT AGAIN. OMG! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL! WHY WAS I SO AFRAID ?" I was really proud of myself , BRAVO EDDIE! I didn't know I was smiling all the way hehehe From that moment i know that the best things in life awaits you is on the other side of fear ! Is taking LSD close to this? Heheheheeh Here are my addictions and achievements after that moment I decided not to be a Victim . Addictions and difficulties i overcome: Cigarets Alcohol Weed Porn Addiction Gambling Gaming Addiction Depression and Suicide Thoughts Junk Food Lost 20 kg Low Self-Esteem Good Guy Syndrome Break up 3 years of toxic relationship and let go of successful business that I started with her the same year,so I could play Football ( that’s a big vision) and everyone laughed at me What I Achieved : Started playing Football again after 7 years(Became my LP) . I made it to FirstTeam after 6 mouths and decided to move to a better Team in other City Reading Books Meditating Fix my diet . Intermittend Fasting and got to be a Vegetarian Yoga and Exercise Nootropics Cold Showers every day NoFAP , SemenRetension - I sometimes wake up at night knowing all the answers I struggled that day Football was a steppingstone for finding my real LP after tearing my meniscus and ligament in my right knee( Ego BackLash from overtraining) Leap of Faith to a new City with limited money and no job so I could work on my LP. (I lived with Toxic Family and in RED/BLUE City with 7k population xD) Removing toxic people from my life Transitioned from toxic Blue/Orange to Orange/Green/Yellow and now working on Teaching Yugoslavia to Actualize, reading SystemsBooks and how I can apply it in 90%Blue country ahhahahahha the transition I made WTF Exploring spirituality and God Got to trip on low dose mushrooms Contemplation Gratitude and Tears of JOY Lucid and Astral Projection Enjoying the Process etc. My goals this year are : Work on past traumas ( I would not get started on those xD) Shamanic BreathWork, Pranayama ,Chakras OMAD VippassanaRetreat LSD trip Launch my Business Healthy Green Relationships Tantric SEX and exploring Sexuality Integrate Green and work on Yellow etc. Yes, I wanted to share my achievments, but what im more proud about is inspiring others to take the journey and believe that everything is possible! I know that all my life and suffering I went through has prepared me for this, like a bamboo tree waiting to break through. And the worst moments in my life are now the best moments that ever happen to me.. Ofcourse I had Homeostasis kicking in every change I made and ofcourse I had Resistance and Backslides but that’s the part of the process. Deciding to go through the hard moments is when life becomes EASY! I would never believe that i will be where i em now. But here i em, and im just getting started! I em really Grateful I accept the Journey and I will never forget that night, I think around 20th May 2019 when I was lonely, because no one could understand me and the path I have taken. I decided to search for a video on How to deal with Loneliness and a weird looking guy with shiny head popped out to make my life really fucking interesting (check the pic on the video xd) @Leo Gura Im Grateful for fining you! Thank you and the Impact you are having on this world! And the people on the forum, thank you for actualizing, being authentic and thus making the world a better place <3 Bigupyourself Love <3

I wasn't thinking about it until now so thanks LOL Sad as it is, when I've been at my worst mentally I used to think to myself "God, give me the cancer and not someone else" so I could be dying and it wouldn't be my fault (i.e. not suicide) - I don't mean to sound flippant to cancer sufferers, my mother died a horrible death with lung cancer but these are intrusive thoughts I kept having that cancer would be a way out without the shame on my family of a suicide Since life has got better, I don't think like this. I've always been baffled how the anxious mind works, as you probably know I have a history of anxiety disorder but have never really worried about dying and it's never kept me up at night. A million trivial things has caused me to worry myself into insomnia, but not dying. Always found that strange. More people probably spend their days, weeks, and years in a state of panic about losing their job or their wife cheating on them, or their neighbour trimming the hedge excessively, but they don't give a second thought to the fact they are soon to be dead in the grand scheme of things I mean we are all literally dying physically. 120 years from now, all the 7 billion odd people that are here now will be 6 feet under or cremated. That's weird to think. Just think in 120 years no one will be alive that's alive now (probably).

I am considering If I only will Awaken if i totally surrender my fear of death. All kind of practices, including psychedelics, it seems they can help a lot, some more than others but the fact is much of my suffering and emotional problems are rooted to my fear of death. They are rooted indeed as Leo has said with survival. I can´t help but to think that my liberation will only come if I surrender myself totally and one day let go trying to survive. This doesn´t mean that I will commit suicide. This will mean that I will let go of trying to control anything. This would implie leaving my job and any fear of not seeing my relatives again, I´ve always felt a very attraction to the mountains/nature, lately I been imagining my Awakening will happen when I can´t take the pain that the "I" creates anymore and I stop giving attention to the "I", trusting my "heart", walking to a mountain with no food but just focusing on my breathing and letting go of any thoughts of fear until I free myself of myself. Some people might call this reckless but again, I am just trying to be realistic. pd: I yet haven´t tried significant doses of psychedelics though, and neither long-spiritual retreats. I´ll wait and not jump into conclusions until I try this two options for some time, but something tells me I don´t think I´ll get Awakening withouth true surrender and total courage and faith in the heart. And this can´t come from an external source (spiritual practice or method).

I am not interested in the current way that society treats mental health because it is more focused on monetizing the treatment of patients rather than working at the root, and finding a cure. I have had too many individual experiences with- as well as friends and family members suffering from -addiction, depression, suicide, anxiety, to believe that the current health care system in America cares about our health. The individuals on the ground floor are often great people. But you stick a diamond in a shitter and it is still going into the sewer.

Seek professional help immediately. Therapy, psychiatrist, hotlines. Please get help. New age, enlightenment, meditation are not the answer. Please get professional, licensed, scientific help. You are suicidal. Please get professional help first. It is obvious: if that person seems strange to you or if sitting for 4 hours is not your things, then don't do it. Enlightenment is not what you think it is. Write that word on a piece of paper and burn it. Get professional help please. Do it right now. Suicide hotlines: https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

@purerogue This is very dangerous advice to someone who is suicidal. The first step is to get help from a professional who is licensed and has dealt with other patients in a professional setting. He needs 1on1 help to save his life, not some bogus advice on a forum. @Svartsaft Please get professional help. Please consider to stop looking for answers on this forum. You won't find the help you need here. Here is a list of international suicide hotlines: https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

Can someone tell me why this killing of General Solaimani and the other high ranking Iranian military men will not result in acts of terror on US soil? During upcoming political rallies, why won't there be suicide bombings that kill hundreds of US citizens? And how long will it be before US-built drones flown from within the country, disguised as media cameras, selectively shoot down American politicians? I don't understand the strategy of Trump's administration. Is he the puppet of multinationals? What are the names of the people telling him what to do? Or is he the toddler that so many of us take him for that mistakes the United States for his personal dick extension? The heads of states of the other super powers, their advisors and their minion countries' politicians have been at this chess game for a very long time. Who out there is wringing their hands with glee? The road from Orange to Green for the US and Europe is long and arduous.

No, I'm saying that I was ready to throw everything out, I was miserable, but I changed, my mind changed and it saw that the problem was in me. I entered spirituality from self-actualization, it's a natural progression, but I started with self-actualization because my life was not working for me, I had myself stuck in a very, very long depression and my self-esteem was completely shattered. A lot of us are not so different, at all, we're at different stages of our developmental growth. I know that it doesn't make sense that's because you need to have that insight first. How do you "tell" someone what they're lacking, in such a way that they get that insight. You can't The only thing you can do is to show that there is light on the other end of that tunnel, but it's not easy to get there, it will take a lot of work. But it is worth it. Just remember that you have to throw everything you think you know and hold true out the door in order to allow yourself to see anew. A lot of people end up "here" due to crisis. I had multiple. Personal/relationship crumbling, work was killing me and then my niece committed suicide. There was not one single point at which I suddenly realized that my way of being no longer worked for me. It was over a period of a couple of years, where these event unfolded in sequence. Consider this, if you are looking for something, what is it inside you that resist taking in what may be your own salvation? The kick in the nuts is that it's all deceptively simple... in retrospect.

is it about this? https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-50478821 let`s stay aware that the business with talking suicide is maybe suicidal. we can talk a lot about why people are magnets for other people - one aspect is probably the will to flee self-inquiry or some shadows of what life created as reality for oneself. spirituality as a business concept is of course a self deception, if the bubble never bursts. of course if anything is too smooth and edgeless i`d always wonder. teal swan is much too purple and that without her feet in the mud... if our head sticks too much in the clouds, how can we see where we walk - falling sometimes might seem like flying. it´s the fools card. being foolish with topics like suicide is not tarot it`s poker.

Crushing your ego is not dangerous. Al least this doesnt encourage to suicide like Teal (the witch) Swan does.

@Alex bAlex 1) Listen 2) Name it (I think you may need to talk to someone/you may need some support ) 3) Have some suicide prevention / support numbers in your taxi to give out 4) If they are actively talking about suicide and methods go to nearest place of safety e. g hospital or police station 5) Remember the smallest thing can make the biggest difference. Get some training yourself so you feel more equipped to help, particularly around mental health difficulties and support.

I've lost a number of friends to suicide so I may take it too seriously at times... or from the PD "everything is eternal" sense, possibly not think of death as an end... which is also not helpful. I've tried talking to suicidal peeps on this forum... its always a risk, if you say the "wrong" thing and they die, the guilt could devour your heart... when I have been at my lowest a few times, I wasn't able to see the things that almost always keep me from depression (like the magic way sunlight reflects off leaves)... I think bringing them into the present helps (not past abuse or future worries), I think gratitude helps, and I think shifting paradigms helps... other than that I dont know...

Well look... I can't save humanity's suffering. I don't think there would be a nazi death camp if and when the world gravitates towards self-healing and trauma prevention/healing, You are talking about something which happened almost 100 years ago before humanity reached a huge growth spurt (which, by the way, the growth spurt was catalyzed by WW2) Yes, there are still a few horrible countries left like North Korea, but they will never be allowed to do something like the Nazis did. The age of that is over for sure. As far as suicide goes, actually I won't share my opinion on that because it will be unpopular. No, I don't. But in my hypothetical world, how many addicts would there be when we are taught trauma therapy from an early age? You are basing your reply off a world in which we don't do that, so we don't really know the answer here. wisdom? perhaps they don't embody that wisdom, or think they are above it. I don't know a lot about gurus , but meditation is a way to calm the mind, it does not inherently make you a good person. Sounds like those gurus are just assholes.

Even if this suffering leads to people tormenting others, for example, nazi death camps? Even if this suffering leads to some people commiting suicide? Even if the person who is suffering argues against what you just said? Good words, but I think in practice its impossible to achieve. Trauma therapy and self redemption are nice to hear, but do you know the statistics on how many addicts relapse, even 1-2 years after treatment? How many people fuck up even with all the wisdom in the world on their side? All the gurus who meditated for decades now seem to come out and commit horrible acts of depravity. Sometimes perspective is delusion.

the jarring gravity of Real Life®. I'm spent. In the beginning, I was so excited for self-actualization and spiritual awakening. I thought it would be like a walk in the park because of how passionate and disciplined I am. Just do some new habits over and over and wham-o, a new shiny self that has a private jet and meditates like a boss and is loved by millions of people for doing some super creative work that helps raise the collective consciousness. It's funny how the mind projects my self-actualized self, thinking it has a say in how things will turn out. That projection's getting squashed, day by day, by the jarring gravity of Real Life®. Nonono, in order to create, you need to spend more than half of your day doing other things you're less passionate about in order to have food, shelter, and running water. Nonono, in order to have a soul mate, you have to realize that they're a person too, with needs and desires of their own, and you need to actually listen to their perspective, take it to heart, and think about their well-being, too. Nonono, in order to have a friend, you need to be a friend. Nonono, you don't make it out of this self-actualization journey alive. You are not the one who enjoys the spoils of the inner work. You are transformed from the inner work. You will not recognize yourself in the mirror after doing this work long enough. Nonono, life is not separate from this work. The events of Real Life® coax you to do the work, day after day, and you can either go with it or resist the whole process. Oh, and you can't really control whether you go with it or whether you resist it, because that's a part of the process, too. And by the way - everyone is on this journey, not just the people who are aware of it. I guess I'm one of the stubborn personalities that resists this awakening process to no end. It's so funny how I thought I was on board with all of this stuff. It's like I signed a contract before I even knew what it truly entailed. Maybe that's the point though. Maybe that whole "soul contract" idea is a real thing, and the reason we sign up to live this Life thing is in order to go through this process of resistance and surrender, resistance and surrender - because it's by living this process that we can actually truly embody the qualities that inspire us, like humility and respect and love and compassion - the qualities of a unified consciousness - and truly understand what it means to be One. And no matter how many times some guru says "let go" or "stop searching" or "tat tvam asi," that doesn't grant us a get-out-of-life's-pain pass. This reality sucks to the person writing this right now. But then again, it doesn't, when I look back on all that I've been through, and how it's shaped me into the psychologically pre-pubescent kid I am today. I mean, sure, I ought to win an award for "Most Triggers in A Single Week" or "Most Melodrama for Part Time Work." But damn...what I was before all of this, before my friend's suicide... I don't even know what that was. So it's the end of the year, and I'm spent. All this Life stuff has squeezed the resistance out of me, and I'm just plain tired. Time to reflect on the decade, my intentions, and plan a new chapter. I hope everyone's holiday season has been delightful, and I wish you all health, well-being, and peace on your journeys. <3

85 min meditation at work today. I was on suicide watch, looking after a suicidal patient who was sleeping, so I got 85 sweet minutes of meditation in an otherwise very hectic shift. Got immediately very deep into concentration, and it was a very beautiful and stable state for the whole sit. Yesterday I missed out on my meditation, and today I almost did hadn’t it been for this opportunity at my job. It is typical that when my meditation starts to get very good that I no longer see / feel the point of doing it because my mind is in daily life very stable and equanimous at that point, but I just got to continue because now my meditation is only getting deeper and perhaps I will be able to master these concentration states at some point if I continue like this.

Your action could have a small statistical impact on this. If you hit like. She could be looking you up, seeing how you had your profile on private and then just copied it. Like people who see suicide in TV will copy it and kill themselves as well. (see https://www.jaacap.org/article/S0890-8567(19)30288-6/fulltext) If you want her to make her profile public again Id suggest you make yours public. Could work!

"Now, this is the real question: Is the game worth the candle? If you think “No,” then you’d better commit suicide. That’s the logical thing to do. If—on the other hand—you’re not sure, then you’d better make up your mind. Because if you’re going to go on with the game of life and not be sure as to whether it’s really worth going on, you’ll make a mess of it. That’s quite certain. It’s like doing something evil, like telling a lie. If you’re going to tell a lie at all, you have to make it stick, and so, make it good. Don’t wobble when you lie, because someone will find you out and it’ll all fall apart, and it’ll be worse than if you never did it. So if you make up your mind that you’re going to do something evil, you have to have—like a golf swing—follow-through. And so, in the same way, with going on living at all: if you’re going to gamble, gamble!." - Alan Watts

Yes,...reasoned argument with First-tier thinkers is usually difficult,...however, discussion with First-tier thinkers who believe they are Second-tier is futile. About V Panetta: Not interested in personal truths, Me Stories, nor empirical beliefs,... "Man's present civilization is erected upon the foundation of empirical knowledge obtained through his senses. In other words, the so-called "knowledge" upon which man relies is founded upon the evidence of his senses, or more simply, upon the nonexistent waves of motion of a nonexistent substance." Walter Russell. LfcCharlie4,...I can understand that you're fixated on particular paradigms, and have difficulty with "endless people quote,"...a comment that's a sure tell of your level of Conscious Awareness,...however, maintaining FMS (false memory syndrome) regarding what I write, such as that "you referred to books as your main source of info," is imaginary on your part. Actually, my posts have said that I seldom read books,...and don't recall reading one this century,...although I've written three. Usually notice quotes following direct experience,...I actually don't think much. What's going on here seems to be what is called projection,...you have yet to experience Unfeigned Surrender, and instead are suggesting I haven't because of my use of quotes,...which makes it obvious that you have yet to Let Go. I'll tell you about my first Letting Go,...the beginning part (not what occurred for the 9-10 hours afterwards),...it was December 1974,...without any hope or expectation, over the period of a week, I gave away or threw away all my possessions, which included $thousands worth of camera and stereo equipment,...wrote thank you notes,...and an end of life (or suicide) note,...and without Gods, things divine, or imaginary guardians for protection,....Let Go. No jumping into fire, nor an abyss,...no visuals are included in real Letting Go. más allá del Finisterre,...(Beyond the End of the Known World). It's a shame that you appear to have not read even one of my posts,...but instead entered them with a predisposition about responding through your book knowledge which you cling to for your identity, but hide by way of imagined stories of what letting go is. Experience born of belief can only be experience through the conditions of that belief,...thus not a Direct Experience. All belief must be Let Go to have a direct experience, even the desire for a direct experience. Any expectation tethers you to the past.

@DrewNows Thanks for asking! Alright so I was this Stage Orange type grad student who was all about climbing the university hierarchy, doing hard-nosed research and working all the time. I achieved everything that I wanted to achieve. Once that happened, I started to feel very lonely and I discovered a lot of unmet emotional needs. It's just then that I started stumbling upon the New Age, people like Infinite Waters, Teal Swan (I think she's very very evolved though), etc. I really started to tap into my emotions. What I discovered was that I was depressed and on the brink of suicide! Had I not tapped into my emotions, I'd have been in real danger of self-harm. So my emotional healing took a front seat to my career and related decisions. From the outside it looks like a healing crisis, i.e. I'm not doing anything atm and I had to move back with my mom. Right now I'm living with her and I'm doing my best to find my life purpose. Leo's course is helping me though! I discovered a lot of unconscious patterns, a whole new realm of emotional consciousness and it's been an epic roller-coaster ride!