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Exercise: Suffering I have experienced forms of suffering, such as: bad self esteem in school- was bullied a lot from middle school on, and had no friends from that time until I went to college. Then I realized homosexuality and was alienated from my dogmatic christian family. Thank god I had my mom, who also had her own awakening around the same time I did….actually she beat me to it and gave me the space for it to manifest. Thanks mom!! Suffering does not drag on continuously, thankfully there are also moments of clarity, love, completeness, and contentedness. Its interesting, I do not feel suffering in much of my life outside work, unless I'm at home thinking about work. Work brings 99% suffering, even though there are many things going on at home like termite damage in house and a depressed, possibly bipolar husband. Much energy is spent thinking about work. Home seems like a cake-walk. I meet this suffering by whining, avoiding, tantrums, covering, compartmentalizing, obsessing, hating, loving, questioning. Possibly running to an alternate form of suffering. The core of experience of my emotional pain? Fear of uncertainty. I'm scared of the unknown, every bit as scared as when I used to love it. I still love uncertainty on a great roller coaster or amazing cinematic experience. The unknown could also bring pain, and I'm obsessively scared of pain. Even seeing that pain is self inflicted, that fear remains. It exists because i believe in it. Sorry, I love beliefs. Kind of addicted to them, in a way that I don't mind identifying with them. They're beautiful. And they make a wonderful excuse for many things. Such as not letting go of them. An unnoticed suffering would be: maybe what I'm doing to my body, since I don't think long term and only about what I see right now, which is not immediate changes from how it's treated. I endure it because… its inevitable. A cultural-matrix self will inevitably suffer, like the best kind of art. Culture itself is ART. I definitely see the manifestation of suffering. It's built on the foundation of self-doubt and emptiness. Of want. Of believing thought. I get nothing out of this suffering, except perhaps the dopamine rush of bliss when the suffering ends and I feel peace once more. I become disinterested in everything except how much my life sucks in relation to what is bringing suffering. I'm very dramatic.

So you're telling us that there is no reward upon reaching the end of the tunnel, or am I misunderstanding something? Maybe you mean there's no bliss at the material level, but at some kind of meta-level there must be bliss and ecstasy to be found, right? If not, then what is it exactly that incentivizes one to move toward God and Love? Doesn't make any sense.

After a day I think the ayahuasca I had did affect me more than I expected, because my baseline was a bit lower than it was on the ayahuasca. Orientation for living a good life: Life is a play/dance/story/movie/dream. Its made of magical pixie dust (aka consciousness). Life becomes not fun when you take it too seriously, when you fear death and don't see the bigger picture: which is the entire point of life is to create for the sake of creating, because as God you love your creations and you love creating. Bliss and Love IS creating. When you fear death, and fear other stuff, you start projecting stuff that isn't fun and isn't true, such as your coworkers don't like you, you're bad at blablabla, you're evil, you're a monster, lava and certain items are poisonous and bad, etc. Its so much more beautiful to see lava as a dream, rather than to see it as something that can kill you. Compare the lava in real life vs the lava in legends of zelda. Notice that the lava in legends of zelda is 1000x more beautiful than the lava in real life? That's because the legends of zelda lava can't kill you! Notice that horror movies are so much more fun when you're conscious that they are just movies. Not real. Too much immersion = fear. Not enough immersion = cynicism, nihilism, stupid adviata vedanta traps like everything is an illusion, intellectual detachment. Get the balance right. The bigger picture of life is to create! Create beautiful, amazing awesome things. If you do that, you're in tune with God. If you don't do that, you're fucked, and FYI low self esteem, fear, devilry, self deception, etc. Is not beautiful creation. Beautiful creation is passionate creation. Creation that brings you bliss and love. Instead of life being a 3D world, its actually a language designed for God to communicate to you Truth, Love and Bliss. And God communicates to you this way due to Your love of creation. He doesn't tell you stuff directly, because by telling you stuff indirectly, he can create an epic play in the process of your waking up process.

No. In practice it's very hard to eliminate such judgments and survival habits. Survival is seriously stubborn. No, I'm rarely in a blissful state. Some days I feel shitty. It all depends. There is the spiritual ideal, and then there is your actual life. And they are very different. You have to be very careful with this goal of bliss and happiness. You're likely yo be disappointed on that front.

To give my own oppinion,maybe Jesus Christ's teachings about Adam and Eve's ancestral sin could be a answer! I am a Christian and i am biased but maybe God's will is for alive beings to experience duality! Both suffering&hardship and bliss&well being!And any kind of little bliss state must be hard earned!I don't take Christian teachings litteraly but rather as metaphors for spiritual understanding! Maybe that is God's will and that the reality we experience must be this way! Without only rainbows and butterflies!

So from the end of 2019 until ~April 2020 I've had my biggest ego backlash yet. It's hard for me to quantify how severe it was, but the ego backlashes before were just minor backslidings, unwillingness towards the path and just pushing through some emotions. That time, it really hit me. I couldn't really identify a trigger for it, but some kind of fear (probably of the unknown) stirred up heavily in me. This resulted in me not being able to consume "spiritual material" aka teachings, trip reports etc. But I still meditated and did Kriya Yoga. (Weirdly enough, that was not such a big issue for me. I think I was more afraid of the concepts than the actual reality. Now that I write this, I remember how Leo said, that Fear is a concept. Makes sense in this case.) Until this day, I still don't consume that much spiritual material like I did before - but this time it's not because of some fear. I just need to digest all the teachings, before stuffing my brain with further concepts etc. Before learning more spiritual teachings, I first want to embody what I've learnt so far to a certain degree. During the ego backlash, I really backed off from "spiritual stuff" and granted my ego some room to just let it out. Like Leo said in his video, I mindfully suffered through it - though I backed off from personal development and spirituality (counterintuitively, in retrospect, this was probably the "most spiritual thing" I could do back then). I felt like if I would've just ignored the ego backlash, consumed more spiritual material, tripped further etc. my ego would've just grown stronger and ultimately kick me off the path for good. Thus, in my mind, I said to my ego: "Alright, I'm going to let loose a bit and you can do what you want. One day, I will naturally back off from you - back off from my self. And find my Self." -> Now I am exactly at this step. From day to day, my ego loses more and more of its grip. I connect more to this mysterious thing looking out of my eyeballs. Here and there I have minor moments of "ohh now I get it, it's so not what I thought what it would be" - which grows my trust stronger in this path. Bliss, Love, Acceptance, Understanding are what increasingly conquer my days. Now my question is: If I should experience an ego backlash again, maybe more severe than ever, should I do it just like I did it last time? Should I go with all my weapons against the forces of ego? Would I just nurish the ego with more power by fighting against it rebelliously? Can I trust my gut in such moments? The only thing which I can hold on to seems to be Love. Even though during my last ego backlash the love didn't feel bliss like, even hurted me in a way, I could still love. Loving ego, even when it screams like a crazy maniac, is possible. Unconditional Love seems to be something I can always apply, even though it tears me apart. Maybe it's just another concept I cling to and it's not authentic Love. Or maybe not. Maybe Love is not always connected to positive feelings. I honestly don't know. I appreciate any advice from you guys! Thank you for reading.

The following posts are all of my trip reports on dmt related psychedelics. 23/08/2020 Very Mild Ayahuasca Trip Report This is the first time I tried a 'hard' psychedelic, as the previous ones were just san pedro/mescaline. This trip was extremely mild because my brain chemistry is weird, or I ingested the substance incorrectly. Absolutely nothing like the trip reports. Nada. I took a mid to high dose of pharmahuasca (syrian rue extract + dmt extract) took it as per gordotek's instructions. The trip didn't come on until the 40 minute mark. At the 40 minute mark, there was a slight light headedness, more bliss in my body than usual, more relaxation than usual and loss of time and space moreso than usual. But no dmt machine elves, or snakes or visuals, or entering new realms, or anything like that. Or ego death either. This sensation lasted for about 4-6 hours. Contemplation Activities Beginning So around the 1 to 2 hour mark, I got disappointed with the experience. So I decided to try to make the most of this light headed buzzing feeling by contemplating deeply what it was. Somehow my focus went to the question of "what is a psychedelic trip? What is ayahuasca? Why does ayahuasca make you high? If ayahuasca is a dream then how the fuck can a dream wake you up?" I then became very very aware of how everything right now is being created instantly. There is no creative storage for the creativity to activate from (unlike what the materialist paradigm believes. It believes when things appear, they were always there in the 3D world, and just appear when we look at them. But in reality they weren't there, they were created for the first time every millisecond, first time because memory is also a creation. Memory != truth). So if you were to ask, "when was jesus born?" what you would do is visualise or think about the birth of jesus. An image or thought or something pops up of when he was born, where he was born, the mood, etc. Of his birth. THIS is when Jesus was born. Jesus is being born as soon as you think about his birth. Its literally happening, his birth, as soon as you think about it. It didn't happen in the past, its happening when you think about it, in other words NOW. You think those thoughts are pointing to some truth. Some time when Jesus WAS born. But pointers are illusions. They don't point to anything. They point to themselves, themselves as a dream. And the TRUTH is that Jesus being born is a dream. The truth is the thought itself, not what the thought points to. There's actually no difference between stuff you imagine in your head, and stuff that apparently 'actually' happens. If you have the thought of having a shower, you may feel pleasant at the visualisation of the water touching your body, you body might start to feel warm, etc. Then that will encourage you to go actually have one. But You already had the shower as soon as you thought about it. Thinking about having a shower IS having a shower. You think there is some special pleasant magic inside the shower that makes you feel good, and that's why you go have a shower. But if that's truly the case then how the fuck did you feel good just by thinking and visualising it? You ARE what you seek... Same goes with sex. I personally can have sex in my mind just as well as sex with an actual person. And that's because there's no difference. The sex in my mind is just as real as the sex in person. Sex with a person is purely conceptual. Not just sex, but pain, suffering, going to jail, murder, paedophilia, going to the gym, eating healthy, etc. Are ALL conceptual. And the world being a dream became much much more prevalent. It was just standing out at this point. I was aware that when people look at me, they aren't looking at a face, because I don't have a face. I'm headless. But God wants to keep the dream realistic, so he makes everyone who looks at me seem like I have a face, but the reality is I don't. And when people's faces look at me, the back of their head literally isn't there. And then this led to who are these people anyway. People with their own lives? Own ambitions, wants, needs, plans, purpose in life? Pffttttt, get real, of course they don't. They aren't there. If you ask someone what's your plan for today, and they say they are going to the shops, they didn't say that because they actually have a plan, they said that because you made up their plan on the spot. And then tricked yourself into believing they had their own plans. So if they don't have any of that stuff, what do they have? Well nothing. You're creating it all. An alternative perspective to duality/the 3D materialist world An alternative perspective for why they are there, is because the 3D world/maya/duality is not real, its a language. Its God expressing truth through language. That means if a guru sits down in front of you. A guru didn't just sit down in front of you, God had some wisdom or knowledge or truth to share, and he decided to share it through the projections of the guru sitting down in front of you. And then things seem much more like an RPG game, like Zelda. See when Zelda is talking to some knight or peasant on the streets. Zelda as a character actually thinks those peasants or knights have their own life beyond the scene for which Zelda asked them a question, but we the players, know that they don't. Further we know that those peasants and knights were put in the game PURELY as part of Zelda's adventure. And this is my perspective of all humans on the planet right now, including my character electroBeam. They aren't real, or have a life beyond my awareness, they are simply there as part of the journey I'm on, and every interaction, observation, etc. Is simply God trying to tell me something about my journey and conscious evolution, just like how the peasants and knights were there just so the video game creators could tell the player something about the storyline of the video game. Everything to the contrary is simply stuff that isn't actually there. And what is God trying to tell me? Why is God even trying to tell me anything? Just give me and you what we both want for God's sake and quit with this indirect bullshit? Well very paradoxically, God is trying to tell me that I am what I seek. That's it somehow. Everything that the characters in this game say, the stuff that happens in this game, all of it, is just trying to tell me that I am what I seek. But why not just BE God? Why must we fuck around with the game? Lets just get rid of the game then? Because God loves to create. The entire game is just a way for God to create simply for the sake of creating. For some reason God is extremely enthusiastic about the idea of creating. The potential to create. This is why God can reincarnate as Hitler and be ok with it, because its a whole new opportunity to create. Something God loves the idea of. Creating without goal, the creation itself is the point. What IS God Under all the creation was an image in my mind of a sky, clouds, and inbetween the clouds and the sky was a white spherical energy beaming out white light. This image was accompanied with the feelings of "total", "bliss", "final", "end", "ultimate", "beginning", "who you were before you were born", "truth", "love", "sacredness", "divine" It was extremely close. It was too close, so close that you don't notice it. And it was under or before every possible assumption you can make. Awakening doesn't feel like an achievement, because you created duality to make it seem like an achievement. But you created that. You created everything. Its only an achievement if you still believe that achievement is a real thing. In the end you're just playing with your toy soldier set, pretending that one of them is realising you're you, but you're the one behind it all along anyway. And if you're creating everything then why can't you control the dream? Because you're operating from a first person point of view. In reality there is no first person point of view, that's all created by God. And then you might ask, well then why don't we change the dream not from the first person point of view, but from God? Well THATS WHAT YOURE DOING NOW. You're pretending you're in the first person, and you're pretending that you can't control the dream. And that IS what you want. You want to not control the dream, otherwise this reality wouldn't be what it is now. You're like a shakespeare character on stage, asking the audience why must the play be this way? HELLO! You made it that way before the stage began, pretending that you don't like the way things are going is what you wanted all along. Drop the first person, and all your problems will go away. But its likely you wont do that, because how else are you going to express your full creativity as God without being in the first person? Did the Ayahuasca caused my light tingling feeling in my head? Or was that placebo? Honestly this was the biggest question on my mind the entire time. I usually feel bliss, so how do I know whether its the ayahuasca doing it? And this question is important, because if the ayahuasca is not doing it then why take the ayahuasca? Well this is where the 'game' starts to break down. You're pretending that this question is important, but it isn't. Life is all 1 experience. Whether you got high or not is completely unrelated to taking the ayahuasca. All the highness you get is from God (the Godhead) and taking the ayahuasca is just an expression of that. Its God's creation and story he's making to signify waking up in the story. The ayahuasca is an illusion, yet you still take it to wake up because God's making the story that way. You think your first person IS TRUTH, and therefore you think FREE WILL is truth, and taking ayahuasca makes you high IS TRUTH, and meditating wakes you up IS TRUTH. But the real truth is, the first person perspective is a dream AS A WHOLE. The entire experience from taking the ayahuasca to waking up AS A WHOLE is ONE BIG DREAM. You're a character. You think you seriously care about meditating, taking ayahuasca, etc? Hell no. That's an illusion, you're just pretending you do. Pretending to such an extent that it feels super real. God isn't trying to take ayahuasca to wake up, because that's needed. God is pretending to take ayahuasca to wake up as part of the story and as part of making an epic dance/play. Why was my psychedelic trip so different to others? Why didn't I see DMT machine elves and crazy realms and all the shit I wanted to see!! Well why do you even want to see that stuff in the first place? What's so good about DMT machine elf realms? Ohhh tada! You think those realms are REAL and TRUE! You don't think they are a dream, you think they are truth! That's where the appeal is coming from. But where are you getting your ideas of dmt machine elf land from? Concepts from youtube videos and trip reports! And what are they? Dreams! And why do you want to see dmt machine elf land? Because you're confusing the dream for TRUTH! You don't understand what a pointer truly is. And this is what all those hippies and shamans are doing. They are having an experience on ayahuasca, projecting stuff like machine elfs, then confusing those projections for TRUTH! When its you who created it all along. And the hippies and shamans are ultimately doing this due to God's love for creation. Contemplation Contemplation is great, but I've realised, its a creative process rather than a discovery process. Discovering God is actually just letting go. Contemplation is about creating. I could contemplate for the next trillion years, get amazing mystical insights, yet be no closer to BEING god. And those mystical insights are still good by themselves, because as said before, creating is fricken awesome! Its such a pleasure to do. But when it comes to waking up, its about letting go, not contemplating. Moving forward for me personally So as said in the report, this was extremely mild and I aint happy about it. So I'll be upping the dose 5x times next time. Although I've got this strange feeling that psychedelics of this variant don't work for me. I still have a desire to seek. I'm still not happy with my understanding of reality. So I'll continue on.

O @allislove you are right, low dose is breakthrough possible. I felt like I could not hold on to anything and this was scary. Like if I would go deeper I would not know where is up and down. total delocalization. I think this is what ego loss must be. @Leo Gura You are right. Pushing an experience to get bliss goes wrong. It is like forcing to love someone you dont like. It doesnt work that way. I will make a break for now with 5 meo. When I come back I will be in for a breakthrough experience. Enough of this low dose experimentation.

1) Don't trip when you are in a bad mood. 2) Don't trip for the purpose of experiencing bliss or pleasure. Those are your two mistakes.

Ignorance is bliss

@OBEler I agree with you. 5-MeO is amazing. It's the clearest psychedelic from my experience. The thing is, even on the low dose you can breakthrough, depends on you. It's essential to know how to let go. Meditation, every morning, 1 hour, attention on deep breathing teaches you that. You are the bliss.

@allislove I experienced one time bliss with low dose 5 meo. It is possible. I wish I could trigger this experience again. Any advice is welcome. 5 meo for me is a great substance, you just need 30 minutes of time. Easy to consume if plugged and no hangovers. And almost no tolerance at all. Furthermore if Nahm is right, 5 meo low dose could burn some karma if you bring stuff to the surface. i rarely do LSD because you really have 8 hours effects and I dont like this trippy feeling. 5 meo is much more clearer.

@RedLine When entering into a bliss meditative state, can you open your eyes and close them again wile maintaining the state? or move your hand or stand up and sit back down while maintaining the state? Try meditating to bliss then open eyes and work/do a task while maintaining that bliss, when the bliss fades stop and meditate back into bliss and start the task again. Its like repetition in the gym. Same concept. Eventually it will be quicker and quicker to enter into deep states and it can be maintained longer and longer, until it becomes your default state. Also think to train incrementally with small things like at first meditate to bliss then try ti stand up and sit back down and maintain it. Build up slowly.

I had the same experience when I first started experimenting with 5-meo. My trips were terrible. I was scared, anxious, it was uncomfortable, and I wanted it to stop. It gets worst before it gets better. The first time can be brutal until you break through. Once you on the other side, its pure bliss. The breakthrough actually changed my relationship with the substance. Every consecutive trip was pleasant and therapeutic regardless of the dose or the substance. 5-MeO amplifies what you feel inside. If you're new to psychedelics, you will have internal baggage and bad karma that will get burned. I went through total hell on my first trips. Its just how the substance works, there's no free lunch here. Yet it's the best thing I've ever done. Living a higher consciousness lifestyle and being inturned with spirituality will reduce the negative side effects for sure. Leo was pretty developed when he first did 5-meo, hence it wasn't as bad for him. But form personal experience, and the majority of reports I've read, the first attempts usually go bad. I recommend you spend a few months getting over your ex, then get your life together by quitting video games and porn. Then go back to 5-meo and commit to 10 trips with increments in dosage.

@nistake This trip was not to avoid negative feelings but to learn more about this substance. A I said I mostly get no bliss from 5 meo low dose. The real purpose was to experiment with music during the trip ( I never did this before) and how it affects me. Also I was interested how the breakup affects the 5 meo trip. I have better tools to avoid negative feelings (sport, video games, porn), I clearly had no expectation what this trip will offer me, I was just curious. And this was not a bad trip at all. It was very unpleasant, yes. Still I have no regrets and am happy right now I did overcome this challenge.

I want to share my 5 meo experience after my breakup one week before with a long term relationship (5 year). During this week I was in very bad mood, was total depressed, watched a lot of porn, played video games and worked hard to distract me. I also did sport every day and was in a strong low carb diet. I lost 2 kg in this week. So I thought it would be interesting to give 5 meo a try. I fastet 8 hours and did 20 minutes meditation before the trip. I measured 2 cups ( 3 mg) 5 Meo hcl and used the boofing technique (https://www.reddit.com/user/WeirdOneTwoThree/comments/98o55b/guide_to_per_rectal_administration_of_opiates/ ) for optimal results (@ LeoGura, no you dont need to stick it in your ass for 1 Minutes it only needs 3 seconds). I was not afraid at all, my mood was normal after meditation. I played a song (Liquid Records), closed my eyes and the effects started immediately to kick in. A little nausea arised in beginning, then my breath got stronger. The trip went unpleasant, the music I did not enjoy at all. I had the feeling something is wrong/weired. I opened my eyes for some seconds and then in my mind comes the thought "I dont want to break reality right now, I dont want non duallity whatever that is". Strong fear kicked in and I closed my eyes again. I tried to relax, smiled. I managed the fear somehow but still very very unpleasant, my heart beat raised. I had strange headspace like everything is moving and I cannot locate where I am. 5 hours after the trip I went to sleep and a reactivation happened. I had strange trippy dreamthoughts and even if I closed my eyes it felt like everything is moving like a pile of worms. This was very unpleasant. I felt alone. In the end I could sleep well. All in all I learned a lot from the trip. This trip had no positive vibrations at all, the music I did not enjoyed really and it was more like a distraction. And it seems you need to be in good mood for 5 meo otherwise it will be unpleasant. For me this low dose 5 meo experimentation comes to an end I think. Low dose can get very serious and not something to play around. I dont know what to do next with 5 meo. It was very interesting to master the plugging technique and get a little little taste what 5 meo can offer and whats it all about. This fear and unpleasantness which arives almost every second time hinders me to go further. My first trip ( 4 mg) was the only one I experienced bliss. It never happened again during any other trip. What are your experiences with low dose 5 meo and do you have similar experiences like mine?

My main mistake here is that I do not trust the external force, does not seem like it is bliss to me, would be fair to say unknown.... Not new to me, been there, down that Surrender is my prayer I only want what is best for me, even though I do not see the bigger picture yet. Peace can be established immediately. yes, otherwise the slap on the face hurts a lot.

@Galyna pain is such a crazy thing...i became real intimate with how it works while on a shroom trip last year. It became nonexistent How dare we walk the infinite path, moving up the ladder of awareness, spiraling higher and higher into utter bliss The deeper we feel the greater we love, it's like a gift and a curse relatively speaKING I want to escape myself, but then when i cannot, i will be forced to escape the need to escape....surrender sounds better than escape, sometimes surrender has to look like an absurd irrational action... We are living the test and the only way to "pass" is to not give a fuck

August 20, 2020 Today I finally did it. I started the life purpose course. I think I will be fine typing on this, but I do not need to hold it very high. If it is like chessable, it turns into a time sink if I am not really helping myself. I will need to contemplate this activity I am doing right now to determine how helpful it is. Maybe it is helpful because it constantly reminds me of personal development and self actualization. I also managed to finish giving away all of my rubies. The people in the site seem very happy with my decision and they support my search for my life purpose. I wish them good luck in continuing chess and learning. Chess bothers me a little in that it is very narrow for a life purpose, and therefore can't be the middle. I also realize that it reinforced my identity as the mind which might be cool to transcend. Sometimes I blow myself away with what I write even though it is not a common way of thinking. I did more meditation on my day off in the backyard. I am happy for only working part time because it lets me work on all of this stuff. The life purpose course might help me find a better job which is why my intuition tells me that I should get a car because it probably will not be within walking distance. I live with my grandma still, but this is temporary as is my dependence on people driving me around. I noticed that it is easy for me to focus on things that I am interested in. When I am not interested I do not focus or listen. This is my greatest strength and weakness because I can seriously commit to a goal and master it if I truly want to. I become mediocre in things I don't care about and I just don't do As well. I need to make sure this does not hurt me in key situations while capitalizing on one of my greatest strength. I also noticed that I automatically started thinking more positive thoughts. I did not force myself to. I just put my awareness on how the negative thoughts drain me and are counter productive. I had some very unusual things written in self reflection given how I typically think. I don't want to get sucked into the vortex and downward spiral. Politics bubbled up again and the thing that bothers me about it is that it is riddled with competing ideologies. I would like to subordinate the least productive thoughts to my life purpose. Maybe I will pick it up again later when I'm done aligning myself with my life purpose. Maybe I will stay away from politics because I feel dirty when promoting an ideology as if it is true. FInally, I the minor annoyances of walking with audio books started to discourage me. I am not as focused on them especially when they get complicated. Instead I go to the park to work out a little and meditate at home. If I am not meditating, working out, studying the course, or taking a break with music, then I will listen to audio books. The ones I like most are the books which point to the true nature of being. It makes me cry, but now I am happy. I can use audio books to diversify the spiritual teachings. So far it is working well for me and I am listening to Eckhart Tolle. He is pretty good so far. Continue to follow your heart and you will find bliss. Also don't fear the fluctuations, they are all temporary because of what you do in your spare time.

There are similarities but depersonalization is a loss of a sense of self. Enlightenment is becoming directly conscious that you are not a self (ego death) but that instead you are (via being) the Self/Infinity/God/Love/Consciousness. The similarity comes in because awakening can have that feeling of no sense of self too, which can lead to nasty ego backlash on the return - but during awakening it is accompanied by immense bliss, unlike raw depersonalization.

@iamthat Well, from personal experience when im deeply rooted in bliss I-I, I just dont feel like doing anything. I dont want to talk, act or even think. Everything seems so vain and phony in comparison to truth. I dont know if its because im still in the process and have not arrived to stabilize in Infinity yet. Some teachers say that we loose our old motivations. And I do. I dont feel like making money, just doing things for the sake of it and its hard. I almost have to force my self. Its like I just want to die already, go mahasamadhi. Stay all day in the bliss of Iam. Another thing is, when im practicing alot of spirituality I loose my social skills and desires. My personality just drops and people find me a little bit weird. Like theres something wrong. And I get that, its actually a radical change from a charismatic personality to almost a silent no body. Right now I have lost a bit of my spiritual momentum and have just lived in the mundane for a while. Im trying to look for new strategies on how to integrate both successfully without causing external drama.

@Psychonaut Thank you for sharing your experience, Would you recommend me to smoke lower doses of 5meo instead? And yes mine was pretty cheap too just as you described. Do you still have to let go before blessing out when smoking or is it just instant bliss with that type of quality 5meo? @Aaron p As for 5meo are you sure it varies and it's not in your head which one makes you feel blissed out and the ones that make you terror like? You still have to let go before blissing out or its instant bliss without letting go? @Nahm I've been following abraham for quite awhile, before 5meo i felt lots of well being following her teachings, but these days it's just difficult to make myself feel good since it's not easy to do so without base well being that i used to have. Will keep trying though, thank you for your time. I'll let it go slowly, this too shall pass. @latina25 It varies from day to day, If i focus on it too much it feels shitty, If i'm distracted it doesn't feel as bad. Brain fog can be lots or less on some days too. And yes vibrations are always present, also food and fasting affects it, i've noticed, eating a lot can make it become much less or more it's weird, fasting for longer periods will make me vibrate way more.

Keep resting in restful awareness. It is possible to do it troughout the day. All the excuses, projected conflicts and emotional inertia and even feeling ill in the body will fall into the background and the deep sielence and bliss will come more and more foreground. I think letting go of her is the best option, since she gas a bf. There is just no real good outcome. It is great that she made you feel ecstatic and it also means you can feel that way without anybody, and you wouldn't even have to rely on anybody or have to go trough any algorithm to get that high for a while you know. In my opinion life will not end in this lifetime so if you really want something, at some point in creation, it will come true for you to enjoy. But you have to sustain yourself so i advise to unclutch, it will acctually increade your capacity to enjoy life whatsoever. Also notice how you can really live without that desire when it shakes you, and you can still aspire that, but more like in moderation and after self-exploration. With romantic desires there is so much delusion and projection in it. People constantly do stupid things in the name of love and get destroyed e.c.t. My point is that you are important part of YOUR life.

Dear @0bserver, Note: My knowledge is only Intellectual. Yes, ultimately everything is just an imagination like a water in the mirage. You are right on that point. But, it seems that you think that reincarnation as an experience with-in this imaginary reality does not happen at all. May be you haven't watched the videos I posted. Please do watch them. They don't cease to exist. People do remember some details sometimes. Some yogis do remember many or all of their past lives. But, to intentionally remember all of such lives with all the details require deep meditational practices with the same intention. After death, only the Annamaya Kosha(physical body made from food) dies, The other subtle coverings like Pranamaya Kosha(Energetic), Manomaya Kosha(Mental), Vignyanamaya Kosha(Intellect), Anandamaya Kosha(Causal body whose nature is love and bliss) continue to exist even after death. Together all these 5 kosha(s)(Sheaths/Coverings) are collectively called as Pancha Koshas. Pancha means 5. They dissolve only after non-dual realisation, that too only after physical death of the body. In Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna has the same dilemma and asks Krishna: Arjuna: If one follow the path of spirituality and follow all good deeds, but die before attaining Moksha(liberation/enlightenment) what would become of that person's fate? wouldn't they lose everything and have to start again from the scratch in their future life? Krishna: Such saintly person will go to heavenly abodes of gods based on their worship of such gods, and having exhausted their good karma there(positive karmic tendencies - along with the desire, knowledge and belief of such abodes) in such abodes, will come back and take rebirth again here on earth(Having been forced by the karma that is based off of earthly experiences. - Also, doesn't mean always has to come back to earth) either in an aristocratic family or in a saintly home. Will again continue the same work from where they left off previously(the knowledge that was learned previously also has to be relearned. But, this time that portion of knowledge comes naturally and learned very easily without any hiccups. Rarely, some people may remember(Some of it or all of it) naturally without having to relearn everything) Nothing that has been gained spiritually is ever truly lost(Memory of it may not be readily accessible, but as a development in the psyche as a properly aligned goal with the absolute truth, always remains permanent). Mystical awakenings some times give you experiences that are tailor made to the person having them, due to social and cultural conditioning. But, at other times might cause realizations regarding fundamental truths which are true and real for any person of any social or cultural backgrounds. Reincarnation is one such fundamental truth which some times is experienced as a mystical experience even during deep meditation. But, because of knowledge of such truth not being taught in the said culture, one may try to explain it and treat in a way that makes sense in that particular culture / society(Some times in such cultures, such experiences may be wrongly treated as a case of possession, or a medical condition or other such and it'll curtail the spiritual growth of that individual, even causing unnecessary mental problems in his//her life). But, those societies / cultures which have long known about such truths and having studied them for thousands of years, can recognize it right away for what it really is and treat it appropriately. Just take a look at reincarnation research that's been happening for quite a few years now. It shows proof of reincarnation in almost all the major cultures, irrespective of their beliefs. I believe, the truth of reincarnation must have been known to almost every culture at one point, it only got lost recently in some cultures because of invasions, take over, propaganda and other such factors. May be reincarnation is a factor in this reality we are in. May be there are other realities which doesn't have reincarnation. That also seems plausible. 'What is and isn't possible within an imagination'?

Believing love is energy, and bliss sex, contextualizes the self out of both.