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@Leo Gura The TV/movie screen analogy remains one of the clearest pointers to no-self and meta-awareness I’ve come across. Haven’t heard the chameleon one. I think that maps very well onto the Infinity = Nothingness concept! Question though—does Love address the “why” component of God’s fragmentation? Aka why does God fragment itself into finite perspectives. Like, God delights in realizing itself as infinity by first limiting itself. Or is it more just the fact that limitation is intrinsic to infinity, so it could be no other way? Hopefully that makes sense

@Kalo Mmm What do you mean The god and its all god? If we want to approach this from a logical vantage point, which isn't the only way to approach this, What material or energy would god use to create stuff, if there is only god to begin with? It could only use itself. If its not only God to begin with, where did supposedly stuff begin, to form God so that it could create stuff and Us?. Nothingness or mysterious processes? Okay, so those processes are Prime, create god, which creates us, which is ultimately the same. We are all Prime, or original procesess which have no name and have always been the original. Or... Do you think there is God, and then stuff that God creates supposedly us with, like material hanging around IT to make stuff? If so, then where would this material come from. If not, what would god do or use to create us? Intention, thought, magical God motions/sounds/uncomprehensible stuff? And where does this come from. God?

Oh and finally to end some real life humour to part with to bind last three now four posts (see profile): So it turns out they never actually put my shoulder back into place properly. For the discerning let's see if you're able to observe what's "amiss" here haha. Makes instrumental music training like starting a run with one leg that gets fatigued more quickly than the other but I push through my 5 hours plus a day, this is because I consider training more important than my life (so I'm prepared to literally die unless I achieve what I set out to do there) because existentially I know that it was this life pressure that created the ability for me to be born with the gifts I have anyhow. It's a subtle differentiation, its not the lack of value of your own life, its the ultimate value of all of life with a respectful comprehension of its underpinnings. #Greatness or nothing is my philosophy, yes, yes nihilists laugh away at what's written on your own tomb stone. You can have enlightenment both ways not that enlightenment is a or the goal (though all people need a goal so if they have nothing... double pun), I get neither is better in one sense but I get that my way makes things better, which future world do you want to live in? The future occupies me a lot, much more than others, I think thousands of years forwards and backwards, with precision here of course being a creative act. It always transforms the present, you become redeemed by an undercurrent of fortitude that redefines your best model of existence that you should be following to your highest sight. This is a "sight of the mountains on the horizon", it's in our DNA, that transporter molecule to take its "home cells" and remake beyond the finality of nothingness and into destination plains which no longer mirror the past but instead mirror the potential you found in pieces and work to make whole through that continual metamorphic extension. The brain requires both imaginary glue on its perception of the world but then the capacity to melt and remake its perception, this forms effortless resilience, rebirths pained resilience and transforms the perception of resilience and the why's and how's that make the definitions we paint to continue paving our way into this imaginary space to construct our views and models of the world. How do you trust enough to be fearless in this deathly kind of training to mirror what I do? It's a trust in the finalities you've come to terms with combined with not wrapping limitations around your openness. So you agree with the nihilist to an important nuance but then you define the strong path you tread beyond that to make you a part of the creative act of the universe from the lens of pressure and transformation, the meaning (oxytocin) and progress (dopamine) derived there making any entice of nihilism merely wind through your hair while speeding down a highway. The subsequent self determined, self-responsibility to meaning; this generates your "aura" of sovereignty that lives in the backseat of your continual drive forward. The goal isn't to get rid of suffering, it is to choose your suffering, even if its unavoidable, it alters your subconscious compass, reference frame on any perceived pain experienced in life. That creates a destiny, ironically stated, worth living, for you've determined the worth within the self that makes the transformation that comes from your resilience worthwhile. Fearlessness then is the mirror to the trust generated your own self-determined existential resolves. This makes this kind of training instead an act of liberation in the acceptance of the imprisonment to the evolutionary process rather than the feeling of it being imprisoning. Our limits can be our prison or they can be our way out of our prison by knowing, defining and accurately viewing the boundaries of said prison. This is an aspect of what transcendence is all about of course (one of my writing topics). In this sense, the ability to turn suffering into meaning (in a way in which it essentially transforms you into your ultimate image, as God would have intended if we're to speak that language) is one of life’s greatest mental skills and capacities. In practical reflection that is to eat and digest ones highest conceptualisations of one's existential universe and be biochemically transformed through that process to ones highest force. (recent) Shoulder X-ray: Ultrasound (no baby) on both shoulders Tuesday coming as Youtube video because admins/moderators here have disabled my ability to upload pictures. I don't give enough fucks to comment on that.

First things first, this video is in HINDI. So, I wanted to share this here specially because I find this very valuable and I'll explain what he says here, in a model. I am not posting this in high consciousness resources because I want to talk about and share the model he is proposing. I had an awakening last night, the Self-realization(not God-realization) while listening to some music and reading the pinned post on enlightenment by Leo. Just after that, I found this video in my recommended. This video is basically confirmed by the awakening I had before watching the video and another one of God-Realization some weeks back. Now what he say about the chakras is different from whatever I thought about them previously. And also makes it easier for me because he straight up says activation comes through inner understanding of certain concepts(I might've verified this firsthand). So basically contemplating on things. Now, I don't think this 'activation' is same as accessing the 'holy shit' possibilities of the chakras that people like to talk about. Activation means like all blockages removed, and is reverberating nice and good. Like the video is more about how to attain the bodies associated with these chakras. Disclaimer: It may as well be that he is just associating chakras with these to get people to contemplate into these topics for 'powers'. Which is a good strategy ngl. This model isn't supposed to be linear because I personally haven't and most of you here also haven't experienced it linearly. Muladhar (For Material Body): Possibility given by nature(N.P) = Sexual Attraction, possibility achieved through sadhana/striving(S.P) = Bhramhacharya. So basically, through total understanding of sexual attraction, you'll become a Bhramhacharya. Osho throughout the video reputedly says to not suppress, but to achieve total understanding into the natural possibilities so they can be transformed into the striving possibility. An example he gives is, "You are on your path but you see a boulder blocking your way, you get all upset because you think it is an obstacle, but through total understanding of the rock, you realize you can go climb on it and actually the boulder allows you to go on a higher elevation floor like a stairstep. You realize it's not an obstacle but a possibility. The boulder is still there sitting like before, but you realized it's actually a possibility." Swadhishthan (For Etheric Body): N.P = Anger, S.P = Forgiveness N.P = Fear, S.P = Non-fear N.P = Disgust, S.P = Love N.P = Violence, S.P = Non-Violence Again he says here to not suppress any of these or you'll just be stuck in them forever. Key is total understanding which will automatically transform these. Manipur (For Astral Body): N.P = Doubt, S.P = Faith N.P = Conceptualizing/Mental-Masturbation, S.P = Actual Wisdom So, he takes his time to explain Faith here. He says by faith he doesn't mean Dogma or anything. It's something that arises when doubt turns on itself and doubts doubt. When it understands itself, it transforms into Faith. Anahata (For Spiritual Body): N.P = Imagination, S.P = Will N.P = Dreams, S.P = Vision Says these transformations result in psychic powers like looking through walls, telepathy, astral projection, remote viewing, long-distance communication. seeing spirits, etc. By imagination becoming will he probably means very powerful manifestation. I don't have much experience of this one so can't say much on it. Vishuddhi (For Soul/Self(Atman) Body) Activated by: Self-Realization So here is very accurately describes what I felt just before finding the video. Self-Realization, meaning you realize the True Self. You are in bliss and peace. True Happiness for the first time. You see your true nature. But, a person here might still say there are different Atman in different people. Infinite Selves. In this person's mind, they think he/she realized 'her/his' self only. So basically they do see they are one with everything and their true self is infinite and forever, but they still hold the idea of their being other selves in 'other people'. (Though I didn't have this delusion in my awakening last night.) Biggest obstacle here is the Bliss, Peace, Joy. One might stop here entirely and not go further because all this time the struggle was from suffering. Now they got out so they wanna stay there forever. If one's seeking wasn't orignally for truth but for bliss then they will likely stop here only. He says that it might even take several lives to get sick of yourself/ this bliss to then to go further. But it doesn't have to be the case. I think since we know this trap we can just bypass it. Another thing he says is, till Anahata science can explain, research is going on and we can talk about these with language pretty good, but after that, starting here, language starts to breakdown and reaches it's limits. He says science can even reach into researching this too. But not after this. Language can be used to describe this and the next 2 ones but, it's gonna be very probelmatic for those who don't realize it already. Language used to describe this and the next two are often contradictory and don't make sense untill realized directly. Language fucks up a lot and creates a lot of delusions explaining these. Agnya/Agya (For Cosmic Body) Activated by: God-Realization Here he says, one realizes "Aham Bhramasmi". There is no you anymore, there is only Bhraman. Only being. Pure being. One can see infinity. Also idea of an 'experience' or 'perception' also breaks down because there is literally only being. Biggest obstacle here is that this is so full, (since nothing can be outside reality), one doesn't understand how to go further. Basically you can't go more meta than this since it's literally everything, including nothingness. I, actually experienced this one first hand. So during the God-Realization, when I realized I was completely alone as well, I noticed I felt a very strong magnetic field permeating through my head with the center of head as it's center. I remember thinking "This might be the closest I have gotten to noticing the Agya chakra in direct experience and have activated it.) OSHO says that someone here will just straight up deny non-being, because by definition, it is not. However, non-being can also be understood and is infact the next realization. Sahasrar (No Body stated) Activated by: Realization of Non-being He says maybe till Agya you could explain a bit in deluded ways but here it is completely impossible. So he doesn't say anything else about this. Final remarks: I am sharing cuz i find it p accurate cuz of my direct experiences. Just wanted to share cuz I can not find an english version of this video and this just too valuable relatively.

@Flyboy Well I am the perfect example for going all the way through leads to ego backlash. I believe I understand, that this terrifying fear of the nothingness, trained my ego to NEVER allow awareness to play with itself. This lead to anxiety depression alcohol abuse insomnia etc. ofc that's just speculation, but I believe that's the case. I need to get there more often, but it's very rare, I cannot play with it because of the rarity, however maybe if I increase my practice, I will be able to. I remember from 2015-2016, the time that the nothingness showed up, there is a point of no return. The so called event horizon of the black hole. Once you're there willingly or unwillingly it swallows your being into the singularity. That's where the love is supposed to show up, but love doesn't show up if there is fear I guess. Can you tell me how it feels for you to be really close to it? Just so I can compare what's happening? Do you also have that "nauseous pain" in the chest?

Over the years I've met and dated a couple of girls who told me that they felt empty inside. A feeling that they felt either most of the time or some of the time. Even though I've had personal experience with depression I was never able to relate to the particular feeling of emptiness and never knew what to say when a person would share something like that with me. Some of those girls would hurt themselves "just to feel alive". On a side-note I've also heard about people on anti-depressants who claimed that it made them like zombies and they couldn't feel anything anymore. Not sure if that's the same kind of emptiness though. Regardless I always thought to myself that if they are hurting about whatever is happening then by definition it isn't emptiness/nothingness and probably something closer to meaninglessness and depression or an awareness of not being able to derive much joy out of life. Does anybody have experience with this type of feeling of emptiness and any understanding of what causes it and how to address it? Is it a lack of purpose in life or a physiological issue or some sort of self-hate? I'd like to learn more about it. Thanks.

It was my first time doing psychedelics a few months ago. I did 1p LSD and it was a weird experience. I did 100 micrograms. It felt surreal and dreamy of course and at one point I felt like I kept falling through the earth and it felt good for whatever reason. That kept replaying over and over. Also felt like I kept dying over and over at one point. I do think I’ve made progress with meditating though! I still can meditate from time to time. Not as great as when I was on the acid but I feel like I’ve learned more about how to actually do it. Another weird thing is, I felt nothingness after the peak for a good while. No emotion at all. I was trying to keep myself in that state. I kept yearning to feel excitement or other feelings the whole time. I wasn’t satisfied with the feeling of nothing. Not sure what that means or what to think about that? But the next day, after sleeping, I was feeling a bit angry and couldn’t pin point why. I still cannot see why I was angry that day. It was a very strange but interesting experience.

Inside the brain there are micro tublicales. Little tubes with liquid brain fluid inside. These seem to be the way physical reality (brain) interfaces with the quantum intelligence. Like in a vacuum where they see quantum particles arise out of nothingness, inside these "brain tubes" these quantum particles appear. Here's a video of Stuart Hameroff by Deepak Chopra about the micro tublicales: That seems to be how thoughts actually arise. ---------- What thoughts actually arise is a different story. First "reality" is blinking on and off ...like every plank nano second. Much like a movie projector. We are here and not here every nano second. Nothing is actually moving. Our brains can only receive "certain" thoughts. The akashic records records every "flash" when we blink into existence. So memory and continuity arise. So we can access memory and thoughts that we had before. Our brains seem to be more of a receiver but can only receive certain thoughts according to our learning, experiences, level of consciousness. Let's say our brain is tuned into WIIFM 107 (i.e what's in it for me : ) ) it would be like a possibility that only certain thoughts could arise, like a continuum: LOW-------MEDIMUN-------HIGH Something like that. : )

Nihilism is a Buddhist belief, or rather a Buddhist sneaky trap. Most Buddhism-based teachings fall into this trap unwillingly, and rather unconsciously. And then unfortunately, they get stuck into it and fail to escape it. Yet, Buddhism is not an exception. Any ideology can look at Meaning through distorted beliefs instead of the lens of Actuality. @Someone here It seems you have been indoctrinated with this belief and now are trying to move past it. If that is the case, don't worry, bro. I got you. The root cause of nihilism is the desire to escape ideology at all costs. As if that's humanly possible. And this puts you in an existential bind. You see, how can you escape the inevitable? How can the mind escape the mind when it is the mind itself? How do you escape yourself when you actually can't? That's right. You/the mind invents another ideology that calls itself truth and a non-ideology, and then denies all attempts at exposing that BS and explaining how it, in and of itself, is just another ideology, and then moves on to demonize everything else, so that nothing remains except that one, ironically, precious ideology. This usually happens after a human realizes Nothingness/the Formless aspect of God but then fails to integrate it and incorporate it with Being/Form. What nihilism basically aims at doing is to strip meaning away from everything, including itself, in the hopes of finding "objective meaning". What actually happens, though, is that it strips meaning away from everything except itself. And so, it ends up creating the most hypocritical blindspot in life. Because it claims that everything is originally meaningless and that meaning comes in later only after the mind gets involved. But that's actually false for various absolutely true reasons: First of all, everything is originally, deeply and profoundly meaningful. And that's absolutely true without the shadow of a doubt. Meaning exists as an inherent part of God. For anything to exist at all, it must have a meaning/purpose, otherwise it couldn't exist (regardless of what the ego-mind thinks). But the confused/unenlightened mind is not capable of seeing that. You can observe Meaning (with a capital M) in your direct experience, regardless of what's happening. Notice how there's always Meaning, regardless of the content. It's not necessarily verbal (for example; you can realize the meaning of breathing), but it cannot be removed nonetheless, therefore it is Absolute. Although, it can be denied, but that's what delusion is, and God allows delusion, and therefore delusion is Meaningful (I'll explain how later). Secondly, and like others have stated earlier, if everything is truly meaningless, then is meaninglessness meaningful or meaningless? It's a nonsensical inquiry. Thirdly, all of the obsession around meaning and meaninglessness is just ego. What does it matter whether or not reality is labeled meaningful or meaningless? Who's trying to figure that out? The ego, of course. And it does that simply because it's afraid of facing the truth, which is Absolute Meaning. And so it creates this cognitive dissonance called nihilism in order to avoid facing that fear. Fourthly (which really is just another way of explaining thirdly), Absolute Meaning is already the case, and the mind and all of its BS are nothing but a distraction from that. And that in and of itself is also meaningful, but that meaning is ignored and therefore gets missed. The underlying meaning that the mind misses by creating BS is that what BS actually is, is really literally just BS, no matter the label or the packaging. And the purpose of creating BS is to replace what's non-BS with it. In other words, to replace truth with falsehood. Fifthly, the whole framework that this topic usually gets discussed under is flawed and stupid in my opinion. Let me explain; Why do we separate meaning from truth in the first place? Obviously, because that distinction helps us see things with a little bit more clarity. It helps us see how many of the meanings that we used to create and attach to things are in fact just delusions of our own creation for our own egotistical purposes, but the problem is that that distinction tends to run amok, so it does not know when or where to stop, take a step back, and investigate. It just replaces the old ignorance with a new one. And that's where awareness and introspection are most necessary and critical. Instead of denying meaning altogether or accepting it altogether, we can create another useful distinction, one that separates Meaning into true meaning and false meaning. And then we can link true meaning with usefulness and false meaning with uselessness. Notice that usefulness is a relative notion, so by definition, any given thing is always automatically Useful from a certain pov, which still leaves everything Meaningful. False meaning is basically the lies that we tell ourselves, and lying serves certain purposes, so even false meaning/lies remain Meaningful eventually, as everything is, originally. So, this makes for a better model. (Note: This is not a rant against Buddhism or a personal attack on anyone. I just don't know a better way of articulating it. Please don't bother me with personal offence accusations and all that nonsense).

Last night I watched Leo's "guided exercise for realizing you are god" on a little bit of Kratom. And it sparked some opening and expansion in my consciousness. What an incredibly powerful video that is. I've kind of gotten into the habit of not doing any spiritual work while not on a psychedelic because they deliver every time you want them to, and to an alien extent. But I want to get back into contemplating more daily and meditating or shamanic breathwork. I'll probably watch the guided video on infinite consciousness tonight to keep the momentum going. About two hours ago while I had finished working out, I was walking and contemplating the distance that kept shortening until I reached a point where I couldn't go further. I became very lucid and felt like I was literally inside a dream, dreaming the distance coming closer to me. While my awareness had just been stood there at the same spot forever. Consciousness is a very alien thing while being nothingness at the same time.

@SM-OConnor ego reaction. feels threatened and affirms its existence. He does not care if it is with fear or sadness, the important thing is to exist. who feels lonely ?God obviously not. It is the ego thinking that if it is alone in the middle of nothingness, what an unbearable loneliness ... for an ego. The first time I experienced that loneliness, the ego's reaction was the same: there could be nothing worse. infinity is eternal life imprisonment in immobile solitude. The Hell. it's how the ego interprets glory. significant

Okay but seriously, why does this happen. Cause consciousness wants that to happen. I mean I get sent to love and other higher states of consciousness easily. I can see nothingness and infinity. It’s like a portal opens and I just look through them. Switching so fast makes me desolve myself. I become more pure in all ways the other thing is that when I fall apart it’s like dying and I have to go through that from every meditation. Like come on man and just tryen to chill. Universe says “lol Na bro give me a second” *swoosh* and there goes my sense of self. There goes al of existence. There goes concepts themselves. There “it” goes... Tbh tho, it’s pretty amazing. I have so much love, appreciation and grounded principles. I am me and I love it. I love you too. Its just. When your ungrounded your mind swirls. It’s hard to explain. Your heart beats fast as fuck. Your mind stops or goes extremely fast. Your breathing stops or goes faster and faster. It really feels like that doctor strange video. Just taking about this makes my mind swirl. Good day all. *bows* and exits the stage.

When I start to meditate I feel like just not to a extent. Like 7/10 of this from 20 min of meditation. I start to see infinity and nothingness. My perspective switches so fast, and I swirl. My ego desolves and I’m left bare and naked. You realize that the ground you were standing in falls apart. The reality you believed in doesn’t actually exist. It’s a swirl of everything. You spin and go “I forgot how to think” while your sense suddenly expand into infinity and nothingness. Both and nothing. AND THATS WHY I STOPPED MEDITATING. Fuck.

You can see truth in anything you want and fly in ecstasy of it as long as it feels good to you .No need to feel sad for me, I have explored nothingness probably before you even started to practice. just by the way you write I can tell that your ego is taken ownership of some experience and made whole fantasy out of it.

@PureRogueQ shh, silence. listen, what do you hear? Ah the echo of ones soul? I see. you are just finding yourself. “Ultimate consciousness”. We are using words. Pointing to nothing. That’s why. When we just become. It’s a different ballgame of realizations. it’s ultimately just nothingness/love playing and spinning. So when he put this he wanted to share an insight. It is not foolish in the slightest. To see wisdom means you are wise. To see foolishness means you are a fool. you are a fool again, lovely post @traveler thanks for the share

To a beautiful life. the beauty of the sea, the cool winds which blow across the empty mind. the empty mind which produces something is no longer empty. that something that is produced is nothingness. yada yada have fun and go wild!!!! Wooooo. Lol life’s good and my purpose is no purpose. no mind = empty mind = love = you stillness is a state. Love is being. Beingness is all that arises. All that arises is like the calm grass. The swaying trees. The heavenly sky. the sky, the earth, the sea, the ocean. That which is that which is. Labels on beauty. Mind grows stillness stops. When stillness stops it does not become more still but the opposite. Yeahhhhh life’s pretty good. I am that which is not seen. I am not that which is seen. the eyes cannot see and the ears cannot hear. The heart cannot beat and the mouth cannot breath. the air cannot move and the sky cannot shine. I am a small pebble. The pebble of life and love. ~~~~~

i have invented love meditation, i am not sure if it is something new but anyway i will explain it here. like in nothing meditation where you suppose to do not nothing and if you feel some pain you should do nothing about that here you do something, you just love and accept it! love and accept it to death, love and accept the pain, the itch , the thoughs or anything that is a problem for you till the problem goes away. if a small amout of love doesnt help then you show more love till the problem is gone! you can love it in any way you want , doesnt matters, even in multiple ways. i fell to the nothingness super fast this way , after i just felt great ! gonna do at least 30 days of this kind of meditation

If we’re not our body not our mind and just infinite consciousness, what does our infinite consciousness and true self nothingness need the body and mind for? is conversation purely thoughts from the mind or where does speech and talk originate from?

I've been rewatching Leo's meditation videos and am very confused. I don't here anybody talking about his vanilla meditation technique anymore. What are the pros and cons to this technique? Why does Leo pretty much dismiss this technique now? From my experience, I did it very consistently for a few months and saw amazing results, I didn't get lost in thought throughout the day and I was so much more present. Eventually I abandoned this technique (it was just too simple) and tried out all the other techniques Leo recommended more highly (like Do Nothing technique and Mindfulness Meditation with labeling). Monkey mind is on full throttle now. Last week I did 4 hours a day for 4 days of Do Nothing Technique and holy fuck, one thought gets me sucked into this super powerful river of concentration spacing me out into this thought. I feel dissasociated. My thoughts are more rampant than ever. I am a lot more neurotic. At least on an individual level. It feels like there is this ocean. It's all encompassing. It's everything. It's basically nothingness. And I'm always there. I'm always this ever present awareness. And now I'm a lot more tapped into that. But on an individual level, my mind is in chaos. It doesn't know how to deal with this ocean. Doesn't know how to live in sync with this ocean. So there's a lot of individual misery I guess. But its subtle. Its almost faded out because the ocean dulls the individual suffering a little. Extremely hard to explain. I don't know what the fuck this is. So on day 5 I decided to go back to 20 minutes a day of Mindfulness MEditation with labeling but that's extremely difficult because I get sucked into these thought streams into this dissasociation mode. Not present. So I'm considering moving back into the vanilla meditation technique (be aware of thoughts and let them go) but Leo's talked sortof negatively about it enough that I'm too doubtful to get back into that even though that technique has brought me much more peace than I've felt any other way. Also, CONSISTENCY. Leo says you can't miss a day of doing a meditation technique. Well how do you switch it up. How much consistent daily practice of one technique is necessary to move onto the next? Can you do multiple meditation techniques at once? THEN there are the meditation books on Leo's booklist which make it even more confusing. Which of Leo's meditation techniques could be considered 'Insight Practices' and which ones 'Concentration Practice'? And Om Swami's meditation book adds trillions of other techniques. How do we balance all these techniques without going crazy? Is it okay to switch up techniques every day? If you have to meditate every single day or you'll lose progress, what the fuck does 'meditate every single day' mean? Does it mean do 1 meditation technique every single day for 10 years or does it mean any meditation technique that falls under a certain criteria must be done every single day for 10 years or for life?

@Origins I'm not sure we can create awareness. On one AI YouTube supposedly an Enlightened One implied that consciousness might incarnate into an AI. Right now I tend to lean toward reincarnation. I'm not sure we ever return back into nothingness. We'll probably always have some kind of vehicle (body) to natigate our reality.

I know exactly how you feel. Around 6 years ago I suffered from terrible anxiety. It was so bad that I thought my brain wouldn't be able to handle it and I will descend into madness, which of course only made me more afraid because I didn't want to go mad. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't work, I couldn't talk to people it was hell. At one point it got so bad that I was more afraid of the anxiety than of actually dying so I contemplated suicide to stop the fear. I think this is the moment when I slowly started to realize that this wasn't really about survival but about my mind trying to figure out what's the absolute worst thing that can happen so that I could give it permission to rest. So I kept getting better and better and producing horror movies in my head. What if this, what if that. But how do I know this, how do I know that. How can I trust my senses, how can I trust my thoughts, what to trust bla bla bla. Absolute paranoia... Suffice it to say that this period of my life left me with hardcore trauma that I am still recovering from (successfully). The good news is that the anxiety is gone completely and guess what I am still alive. I don't remember the exact journey I had to go through to solve this but I remember a few cornerstone events which dissolved the problem. 1. I started taking magnesium and ashwagandha (this doesn't address the cause of the problem but helps the brain calm down as you work through your issues - it really works) 2. I met this psychotherapist/spiritual teacher and I told him how I am completely uncertain of what's real and what's not and how I can't stop doubting everything and he told me this: "If you are going to doubt everything you should also doubt your doubting as well." This was the first Eureka moment I had. I had been so immersed in my doubting that I had become incapable of actually observing what I was doing in my mind. It was now doubting for doubting sake. I had convinced myself that just because I am capable of conceptualizing a doubt in my mind this must be somehow valuable, but this was no longer rooted in my direct experience of reality, it was just me creating horror movies in my mind. His advice was so powerful to me that I felt instant relief. 3. I realized that doubts are simply the byproducts of beliefs. Whenever we adopt a certain worldview that's not based on our direct and honest experience but on some belief system, doubt starts creeping in because deep down we know we have never experienced that particular information that we've put there and we become afraid that we might be delusional. As we start letting go of those core beliefs, the corresponding doubts fade away as well. You see doubts aren't really capable of proving the belief true, only experience is. Doubts are just alarms that something is "fishy" in our world view. At the time I was a big Buddhist nerd and I had filled my head with all kinds of beliefs about what reality is, what the senses are, what experience is, what the mind is yada yada yada, but it was all doctrine not experience but I was clinging to it because I had invested so much time researching it that I didn't want to let it go. One day I just got sick and tired of believing shit that wasn't in my experience and I started letting go of that whole nonsense. I decided that I am no longer interested in other people telling me what the world is, but instead I was interested in directly experiencing what the world is for myself through honest inquiry based on experience, not fantasies, concepts and belief systems. I completely let Buddhism go and released another layer of mental instability. 4. I decided I wanted to visit this spiritual master in India that I had resonated with, so I did. I went on a solo trip to India for 40 days. We did satsang every day except for weekends. It was a direct experience inquiry as you go method that allowed me to uncover the awareness behind the thoughts and feelings - something many people report to have discovered after long years of meditation. Essentially I experienced this facet of my mind that was always the same regarding of what else was happening - whether I was afraid, or depressed, whether I was happy or sad it didn't really matter, there was this "silent awareness" place in my mind where thoughts and emotions had no foothold. It wasn't nothingness either, it was simply awareness. And it provided massive relief for me because the experience of it was of something really healthy, really stable, really reliable as opposed to the volatile storm of doubts, fears and madness that the lower facets of mind were. I could go there whenever I wanted and knowing that I no longer had to be a slave of my thoughts this alone deleted a massive portion of my anxiety. Once I came back home from India my mom said I was a completely transformed person. And I knew it because I never had a panic attack since then, and trust me it wasn't for lack of problems in my life. 5. Transcendental meditation - A really simple technique that you do twice a day that allows you to release stress, restore a harmonious state of mind, and give yourself a break. This teaches you that you don't need a reason to give yourself permission to let go and relax which is one of the reasons why we are so attached to fear - the belief that we need something else to give us permission to let it go. Don't cling to logic, logic is just a tool. You are more than your logic you can give yourself permission to relax for no reason, don't diminish yourself to just one of your faculties. 6. Watch Sadhguru and Eckhart Tolle on YouTube, They are cool guys who will gently guide you to a more harmonious state of mind which transcends this fear based living. So to summarize - I am still capable of fear but I never have generalized anxiety or panic attacks anymore. The good healthy fear somehow knows when to come on its own and protect me when I need protection - it doesn't require me bringing it up through my thoughts. I am not too concerned with survival either because I am not even sure that's a thing to be honest. I have discovered higher dimensions of experience such as inspiration and purpose which have become more important to me than survival. Ironically enough I am not acting in any reckless or self-destructive ways at all. I am embracing harmony in everything that I do and that's way more effective than being afraid. Don't resist the fear, don't resist the anxiety allow yourself to feel the fully. If you are afraid you will die, don't resist it, don't try to hide from it or suppress it, just be afraid you will die and see what happens it just flows through you like a jolt of electricity and disappears into the nothingness it came from. You realize it was never substantial, just some radio noise your brain picks up and lets go. It's liberating in fact it even becomes exhilarating the fear of death is completely transmuted into a little bit of excitement that flows through you. If you are really stuck in madness right now, don't despair, no matter how bleak it seems it really is you causing it, no matter how much you want to believe that your situation in life justifies your suffering it's really you causing it. Keep at it and soon you will transcend the need to hurt yourself this way. And most importantly remember this: Just because you have a thought, doesn't mean you have to believe it. You are the master not the slave. Cheers and good luck.

I have combined both. I realized that I can try to vape the 5-MeO Oxelate that I have thought is only used for plugging, and when I tried to vape it, it gave the same effects. Since then, I've taken out the vape when I felt like I could use it. Up until now, I wouldn't say that I have had "full-blown Ego-death". More like all things getting reduced into one. More like, realizing that imagination is the basis of all of existence. I will post a trip report about that. Leo, you should say "Whenever you get the urge to do weed, do it, but add some 5-MeO to the mix! The brain fog from Cannabis actually gets neutralized by the clarity of 5-MeO. It's like 5-MeO is pure clarity, such that all the illusions melt away. But the effects of cannabis are kind of "foggy", where we tend to for example forget our thoughts. When you are really high on cannabis, then go try some 5-MeO. It clears everything up and gives the high a tinge of ecstasy. Also, it seems to me that the Cannabis makes the 5-MeO last longer (in combination) and the visuals get affected to become more beautiful. The cannabis visuals are kind of subtle, as when one is looking at a white wall, it gives the effects of as if we were looking at one point on that wall being sober - kind of "applying" certain patterns onto the canvas, but in a subtle way, as if it were a template without content, structure without content. Combining 5-MeO (vaping) with Cannabis sort of fills that visual structure with more content. At one point, I was seeing eyes! As if certain strategic points of my visual field became eye-like. The thing that is the anti-dote to fear when it comes to 5-MeO, is that 5-MeO approaches nonduality, which makes reality simple. And simplicity is the essence of bliss. How can one be afraid when there is like nothing to be afraid of? And at that point, bliss occurs. Or at that point, I should've taken another hit from the vape , to fully merge with the nothingness so to speak. The worst thing that can happen with fear is if the thoughts, emotions, and actions are under the control of fear. So, the worst thing that can happen is if we act on that fear, which reinforces the emotional state and the thoughts. Acting on fear is basically to panic, and to let the panic snowball. Fear is emotional and triggers certain thoughts. The key to fear is to be the observer of those thoughts and feelings, without ever acting out. This is what we call "surrendering", just observing, just observing. One can do this several times to get the hang of it. That's what I'm doing with the 5-MeO right now. In preparation for a big ceremonial breakthrough down the road...

Am I on the right track? When you sense that you are on your way of waking up and realizing who you truly are, I always feel TERRIFIED and I'm having difficulty in getting beyond that point. The idea that all of my belief systems, worldviews etc are a mere sketch and ultimately not real and to see 34 years of conditioning just vaporize into nothingness kinda makes me loop into the idea that I'm on my way of getting a psychosis and not an awakening experience. I suppose I'm curious to know if I am on the right track, and that pushing beyond will not lead to a psychosis but rather to an unbelievable peaceful presence.. Thank you for reading this and thank you for any inputs.

@dalink You're describing it very vaguely, but maybe we have the same thing. Whenever I let myself become absorbed by "IT" I instantly become afraid. However If I continue into the emptiness, the fear of dying comes up as a nauseous pain in the chest area, my skin feels weird and it beats me to the ground, I remember the nothingness that's behind it, but it's hard to "push through". It's like your Body pulls the last alarm saying you shouldn't go through it. I always tell myself, fuck it, next time I am going to do it, going through no matter what and then I become a little bitch as soon as it beats me to the ground into the foetal position. I fucking remember what's behind it. DPDR is spiritual enlightenment. Psychosis isn't. However psychosis can occur.

Yes, this obvious. For someone as cognitively contemplative as Leo, this should be very very obvious. But I suspect he is nervous about being a bad debater. Despite all the pickup stuff, he still has traces of social awkwardness, like in his Martin Ball video where he speaks a lot less eloquently than usual. When it comes to "Professor" Dave (is he a real professor?), you can be good at balancing equations and teaching physics concepts while still having a garbage unintelligent view of reality, ie. the idea that anything exists outside of Consciousness. His consciousness is low, otherwise he'd see the lack of boundary between nothingness and Malkhut. And if Leo was a cult leader (he can't be here because most Actualized.org followers very high critical thinking skills), he would have a harem or a Waco compound set up by now. And Leo has never advocated suicide. That's just moronic.