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I do too and have had many experiences with unitive as of lately. I want to quit school so that I can remain unitive. Im 17, Swedish, want to own nothing but enough for food/shelter. I am not scared. I am very grounded in myself/phycology/spirituality. Is it an idea to be considered? To quit school. I can't stay in this system and remain unitive and being unitive to studying the moment after is heartbraking because it's so unfulfilling and living in the flow is out of the world. Any advice for me? I could back down and try to fill myself with some suffering and ego so that I can finish school without going crazy cause I can't bring myself to suffering when im unitive. The job after 2 years of school would be highly unfulfilling as well in comparison to being blissful. Manual labor is much easier to remain in bliss because you are with yourself and don't have to follow social survival rules. Thanks for reading my messy enliglish text?

Hello actualized forum! Its been a little while since being semi active here, but I'm happy to be back with something to share. I remember seeing many wonderful meditation, retreat, and trip reports here that offered me some valuable help and encouragement at times and would be delighted if I am able to offer some encouragement, aid, or at the very least provide some momentary entertainment : ) I will be trying to relate the trip as it was experienced and in the context that I understood it, because of this there will be decent amount of reference to a work known as the Law of One; for no other reason then it was the context from which much of my experience was interpreted. Ive read many spiritual works but for whatever reason my brain chose this one to give context to my experiences, it is very true that I have frequently found its framework applicable and useful for understanding reality around me so that definitely played a role in why my brain picked that context. The terminology borrowed from it should be self explanatory enough for a reader to understand without being familiar with the work if they are somewhat familiar with other metaphysical jargon. But for those interested I'll leave a few links here. For a fairly succinct yet comprehensive overview and introduction I'd recommend Aaron Abke's series about the law of one on Youtube, heres a link to first episode of that series: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seaJcY0kXjk&t=2s. And for those who wish to engage more fully with the material the entire work is available for free online, link: https://www.lawofone.info/ Before getting started I would like to ask that readers first read this quote that sums up well my concerns with posting this report and agree before diving in "we would ask that each of you that listens to or reads these words use your discrimination and your powers of discernment to decide that which is helpful to you and that which is not interesting. Let those words of ours which do not rouse your interest slide by without a second thought. Focus on those concepts you feel may be helpful. If you will take the responsibility of using that discrimination we shall relax and not be concerned with the possibility of infringing upon your free will or interrupting the rhythm of your spiritual walk. We thank you for this consideration." Trip report: I had been in the months previous feeling a strong urge to trip again. It had been about a year since my last big trip, which is usually about how long is required for me to digest and attempt to embody or ground the ethereal themes and lessons of a intense trip using the medium of everyday life and various spiritual practices . By now I had new questions and new roadblocks I was struggling with, as well as feeling a strong need for a renewal of inspiration, and found my self praying often for insight, clarity, and aid reorganizing my perceptions and beliefs, I was feeling a bit lost. I was still full of faith I was on the path that was right for me but I was becoming somewhat discouraged and frustrated with my progress, ignorance, and the stubbornness of many challenges. I had obtained the LSD totally unexpectedly and spontaneously earlier that day and was trying to figure out how I wanted proceed. I had 10 tabs of 150 ug, roughly, with lsd its always ballpark range and the source wasn't even confident with that figure to begin with, but basically it was strong stuff, I wouldn't be surprised if they were actually 200ug tabs. Logically the timing wasn't right, for one my room was somewhat messy, and I prefer to intentionally prepare for at least a week or so before trips. I had been in a pretty challenging headspace for awhile, and setting wasn't ideal, just at my apartment with a roommate due to come home from work later. None of the conditions made sense for the trip to happen that night but i had this really intense internal push and this feeling of rightness, I couldn't shake it. I went back and forth for a few hours and by now it was getting really late into the evening, which was just another reason not to go for it tonight even though I'm typically a late night owl, but the internal push and feeling of rightness was getting more intense and before I knew it I had pinched off 2 tabs and they where in under the tongue, no turning back now, this was roughly around 10:30 pm. My room was still messy so I decided to go into a quick cleaning frenzy while I awaited take off, to some good tunes of course. I'm rather experienced with this chemical and can gauge the intensity of a trip by the speed of the come up, It was 20 min in when my visuals were slightly misbehaving and my body felt interesting to the degree that I could tell it was going to be a intense trip, in the neighborhood of ego death but I didn't feel like it was going to cross that line, I really needed to cross that line however so I debated eating 1 more tab as I continued to clean. My emotions where still in the challenging headspace they had been in for the past while but the feelings I was struggling with were getting thicker, intense boredom and disinterest, a screeching apathy, frustration with my consuming desire to find the divine in tandem with my perceived lack of agency to effect that outcome and ability to find it. Quick sidenote for any inexperienced psychonauts reading, it is highly recommended to not trip with a heavily challenging internal setting until you are very comfortable in your ability to surrender, whatever your holding inside is amplified by psychedelics, you become hyper conscious of it, which can be a fantastic way to get to the root of difficult issues quickly but if the negative intensity isn't surrendered to and is instead resisted things go south very quickly and sometimes in dramatic fashion. Basically I could tell this was going to be a challenging trip, but that feeling of rightness was still present. About 40-50 min in my room was about clean to my satisfaction and the visuals and body load was steadily increasing, It was time for a nice long walk, I popped a third tab and was on my way outside. I took a familiar trail through the back of a nice neighborhood until reaching my secret path through the bushes and out to the train tracks where I could get some space, privacy, and view a landscape with less development and more nature. As I walked the internal pressure and challenging emotions just kept build and building. I was wearing headphones playing some vibey music which was progressively sounding more intricate and beautiful and the visuals were becoming fairly fantastic, but that all seemed far far away and somewhat mundane, I didn't care, my sense of boredom with reality was amplified to a titanic almost cartoonish degree, pffht pretty lights huh.. whatever, who cares. It will be relevant for later, near the end, to note now that the sky was smoked over from all the wildfires and only the moon was partly visible. I had reached the train tracks and walked down them for a ways, but the body load was getting pretty intense and I could tell walking just wasnt really gonna work well for much longer so I found a nice sitting rock and plopped down facing a open field with one building under development in view but it was a fairly scenic view regardless. At this point the visuals were becoming very intense, it was becoming difficult to understand what I was looking at, about as intense I can ever remember having them but surprisingly I could care less, I was utterly uninterested in them. The internal pressure had become immense. I still had enough sense composed to remember to set my intentions for the trip at this point, what would I like to explore, what do I need? I had a strong intellectual grasp of oneness, but where was it? I wanted to experience oneness like I experience sight or sound, I wanted to know it in my bones. Next was a opposite problem, I had a few peak experiences of unconditional love but i didn't understand it at all. What were the mechanics, how can I do it? I understand relative love but how does one just open the faucet, how can someone like Jesus just love every single stranger or how do you love perceived evil? Just intellectually understanding that you should because of oneness and understanding that it ultimately is for the evolution towards perfection isn't enough to actually do it. And lastly I wanted to be free from deeply embedded conditioning that just wouldn't go away, particularly shame and judgement. They were so deeply and heavily instilled in me as a child raised in a religious upbringing, and even though I understood the mechanics in and out, could clearly see their folly and unreality, even could trace it to particular instances of their relative traumatic instillation in childhood, they still stubbornly would persist and rear their head again and again every time I was sure I had them conquered. Luckily setting these intentions was effective even without my usual week of preparation because this stuff was so intensely heavy on my mind throughout the year enough that I was primed to explore that direction without the extra preparation. Without realizing or barely noticing I had turned off my music and set my headphones aside. The internal pressure was extraordinary now, at a exploding point. I could feel my ego being pulverized into oblivion, extreme hopelessness, tangible feeling of dying, but there was still some recognition that it was a ego that was being pulverized not me so there was also a calm resignation, I had been here before enough to know there was no point resisting, time to just lie back and die. It continued like that for awhile until the pressure couldn't get anymore intense and then finally the pop. I could hear a sound, first just bubbling up then slowly it broke into wild fits, Its laughter, Im laughing, It's all just a big joke. It's so blindingly obvious now, there is no person here but yet there I am, everywhere. The feeling of "me" stops ending at the edge of my skin and now spills over into everything( or everything into me?). I become the god mind and through those eyes see everything crystal clear. Visuals are going absolutely wild, flashing, swirling, whirling. I can't tell if my eyes are open or closed, I cant tell if I even have eyes, and I don't care even a lick, open or shut, eyes or no eyes, I can see, I can finally see. I AM, I just AM, and the concept of anything else is impossible. Infinity unending, One giant eternal being. Thoughts race by, if you can call them thoughts anymore, you can't, but its the best word I have. Im flying through my library of intellectual learnings about reality, only now it wasn't just stuff in my head from a book etc, I could actually see it, I was it. Particularly what I learned from study of the Law of One was illuminating. The 7 densities of consciousness? That and so much more beyond, infinitely more. Yes I immaculately planned out each and every step, for myself. I became aware of my old ego as a small fraction of myself interacting with my bigger self all for the experience of knowing itself. Wild laughter now. Bliss Oh beautiful wonderful bliss. I had created reality for myself, buy why? FOR LOVE!!! Love was the most (more?) true expression of what I was (easier to explain towards the end). I am wonderful, Perfect in all imperfections, imperfections were obvious illusions only serving to point to greater perfection. Just as a devotee offers up their very being in love of god, god creates all of reality in love for them. Still my sense of being had no boundary, my eyes still closed, I could see( sense?) a bug crawling next to my body, It was me, It too was infinitely loved and it had a reality crafted just for it, purely out of love. My laughter grew more ecstatic. It wasn't just love, No one emotion is big enough for what we are, and we are capable of feeling a infinite amount of emotions at once, each at full intensity without diminishing other emotions. A wild bliss, a giggling mischievous playfulness. This was fun!! Oh we are so huge, so infinite. It was a unending ever shifting delight finding new ways to experience ourselves, new ways to become ourselves, but first, infinite ways to trick ourselves. To throw up shifting shadows upon the wall, pretending to be separate, to really believe in all that toil and trouble all that fear and sorrow, for a brief moment. And then to a playful melody, bit by bit, let pieces of truth arrange the shadows in a infinite miraculous ways that reveal the hand casting them, your own hand, and to wake back up in the most fresh and brilliant ways. Having really fallen for our own trick of separateness we get have a ever renewing and infinite variety of discovering and experiencing ourselves and myriad of ever deepening ways. There was a deep sense that everything was indescribably perfect and designed with endless compassion, that the pain and fear experienced in the game of seperatness was always just what it needed to be in order to experience a totality of perfection in a greater bigger picture, and what in the smaller picture looks like gods cruelty and neglect is in the greater more true picture vast loving compassion, no shortcuts no cutting corners, only the best will do for you, you want it this way. It is similar to a parent and a child going through potty training. To the child it may seem like great cruelty went the parent stops cleaning the mess and makes the child struggle and suffer to obtain sovereign independence over the process to the point where there is no mess made for the child suffer from, in the greater picture if the parent never let the child become independent that would be a true cruelty. There was awareness that separateness was just one of many stages or games we played with ourselves. It was the hide and seek stage, everyone understands in a almost primal way the great fun of a good game of hide and seek as a child, so to of course does god. Here my attention changed focus and just as I had seen the bug in my minds eye I could also see all the human other selves, lost, fearing themselves, fearing the shadows on the wall. They too were just "me"& I loved them so dearly. I could see how the bigger self was always trying to comfort and caress them but they slapped the attempts away in wild fear, and the bigger self respecting his own free will waited patiently. I just wanted to comfort them and sing "All is well". But I could also see that all is indeed well and that they were perfectly placed in a perfect plan and that even then everything was molded into reality specifically just for them in just the right way for their own infinitely expanding and ultimately joyous journey. They were me after all and nothing but the best would do, even if it was very challenging. I had a distinct feeling, like a message for the old ego I used to be and would return too, that I was not to try to forcefully let anyone in on the secret, on the unity, unless they asked of course, with words or with the wordless desire that shines from a genuine seeker, that it would be rather bad sport to try and rush their game, it was already perfectly tuned and not to spoil any grand finales and glorious peaks of clear sighted ecstacsy before their time. For little self to stay out of big self's way as to say, I also got the sense that it wouldn't work anyway if i tried but that it certainly would play out less then harmoniously. I Could understand that loving wisdom was to know but to not let anybody else know that you know, Just play your cards correctly with a wink and playful grin. Maybe a assurance that everything will be okay, if needed. Next my attention moved to understanding the service to self vs service to others polarity and as a unintended consequence I also got resolution on understanding the odd and seemingly negatively polarized connections and undercurrents behind the mundane world's happens that I had been becoming increasingly aware of in those times hitherto that I turned my attention to the world stage. Which was more often then usual of late in the interesting year that 2020 has been. Ok, brief interlude here before continuing, I hesitated on wither or not to include this part in the trip report, as the exciting but ultimately less important elements of it may likely be weighted with a improper emphasis compared to more important understandings about the self that can be gleaned from it, but their are valuable understanding about polarity ahead as well so I have decided to share. Although before we proceed Id like to emphasis the quote from the beginning asking that you take only what is helpful to you, using discernment, and leave the rest. I will not be trying to convince anyone and will be staying vague about some details to honor free will, so dont try to start arguments over this please, if you get that urge just leave that part behind and only carry what feels useful. Ok moving on with the trip now. Beyond the vast multitudes of other self I saw trapped in fear there was a great and majestic being. My sense of them seemed to shimmer and dance, they were intoxicating, glimmering and dazzling, and beckoning as if they had something I didn't, a secret that maybe they would let me in on. My clarity however was no longer perfect I couldn't perceive what that secret could be, gods eyes had withdrawn slightly from me although i was still perceiving vastly more then my normal perception, In hindsight I realize my ego needed to be present for this part, although its brief return was stealthy and I didn't notice until after it faded again. The great majestic being continued to dance overwhelming me with magnificence, it clearly wanted to me to follow, the message was clear, do you behold my majesty? come closer, follow me and i can teach you how to shine like no other. Telling me that with them I could be greater, that none would compare to me, that I could blaze with majesty so as to be as hard to behold as the sun. I was momentarly very confused and, I must admit, quite tempted. Being fresh from experiencing reality from the eyes of the infinite creator I could not deny that this being exemplified much of those qualities. It was magnificent, yet playful, vast and glorious, but there was just something off, something I couldn't put my finger on. I could feel pressure to choose something, to follow, but as is my nature I began to obsess on the thing shrouded in ignorance, what was it that I couldn't put my finger on? I must know and I wasn't going to budge from that spot until I understood. Then realization hit me like lightning. Why this being felt different then the presence that was looking through my eyes earlier. What could it have for me that wasn't already there? We are literally the same eternal being how can I gain anything from it that wasn't already present? The difference in presence was this being was like a black hole, drawing all into itself with its magnificence, where the presence that I experienced earlier was radiant like the sun with its magnificence, freely giving, not some here and some there but just bathing all in unity with its love. After realizing this some portion of clarity returned but not as much as before, I could clearly see that this being had the same beingness or substratum as the rocks besides me or as the great many other selfs trapped in the thick cocoons of fear. Then I saw from the many selves trapped in fear was flowing a energy ( maybe attention I think), this energy flowed from the fear cocoons and was drawn in a great swirling vortex towards and adsorbed into the greater being that was tempting me. Then their was this knowing realization that this great being was ,to its own unawares, about to have a graduation of sorts. Then a realization that while this was a great cosmic event in some perspectives that in the biggest most zoomed out picture this great beings climatic drama was no less important then the journeys of all the many souls agonizing in their fear cocoons and being fed upon, I felt a deep saddness and desire to comfort them. The great being was beckoning still and offering to teach and I felt like I was at a cross roads. To make my own separateness sparkle or to help comfort those other selves lost amid the great play. I figured whatever that great being had I had to have it as well and didn't need him to find it, we were really the same eternal being ultimately after all, and that id rather seek the infinite creator in my own way while doing my best to help alleviate the vast suffering in whatever small measure I could. As soon as I made this choice a weight faded and full clarity returned again for a time, I could see from gods eyes more fully again. I saw clearly then some mechanics of the service to self and service to others selves polarities. Firstly they were both correct and true although I would say one has a trueness that is a order or magnitude higher then the other( ill try to explain this at the end) Wither one seeks the glory of the infinite creator in ones own self only or in other selves as well, they are correct, it is indeed glorious, infinite, and worthy of all praise and adoration. For a moment try and think of the path of evolution towards perfection of self as one mountain with many paths up to the summit. The main difference between service to self vs service to other selves is really only that of difficulty when all is ultimately said and done. Service to other selves involves freeing oneself from the darkness of separation and seeing all beings as their own beloved self, for where else can authentic service arise but out of a genuine perception that to aid another is to aid oneself, it is literal selfishness just seen with correct perception. For service to others is like climbing that mountain of growth with many paths in such a way that you seek to drop all weight (darkness ignorance, etc)and link arms with your fellows and bear each other up the road. Service to self however is similar but with a important distortion, a service to self entity is not ignorant per say of the underlying unity, they are not dumb and have full access to wisdom, but preferring to maintain that last thin strip of darkness they choose to see separation, having had full taste of both the light and the darkness, they prefer to walk in the dark. While maintaining this strip of darkness they authentically perceive that to serve ones self is to serve the creator, and they are not wrong per say. Theirs is to walk that mountain of growth with many paths in such a way that they decide to keep their weights thinking them to be useful and to set off on the path alone fighting off any who get near, of course the fighting off and carrying of all this extra weight is more difficult then it would otherwise be and their own energy is not sufficient to bear them to the summit. Becoming malnourished, they wait on the side of the road for another unsuspecting self to wander past, to which they then pounce upon and attempt to commandeer their resources for themselves and thereby continue on their journey to the summit. To say it another way I saw then when one dispels darkness completely and puts their attention steadfastly upon the unity of all things, they gain acess to a infinite supply of energy freely given from Self to self, because by perceiving yourself as one with that infinite energy it becomes yours because it truly is yours. While service to self entities do perceive their own unity with the infinite creator they maintain the strip of darkness not percieving the unity of other self with the infinite creator ( although they do understand it on a intellectual level) and thus they do not gain full access or identification with infinity, this leaves their own energy insufficient for infinite growth, they become like the parasite of nature, needing to siphon and commandeer the energy of others selves to continue forward. However in the case of that great being I witnessed feeding upon the beings of the earth, I interpreted the feeling of it being a graduation drama as that being having reached the pinnacle of growth possible without love, or the full unshrouded perception of other self as the self. And unawares to itself, it was about to shatter its own carefully maintained strip of darkness by merit of its own growth and progression. It fully believing it had been successful in its attempt to make the unreal real, believing that it really could be separate. Having sought to clothe its separateness in all the sparkling glory of infinite creation, that it could really become a second source, a second infinity. But it had a blind spot, it still had to suffer from fear, like the other selves upon which it fed it too had a fear cocoon, Its fear cocoon was thin and vast it was almost imperceptible but still it was a finite container, not infinity. It could not see its own cocoon because it did not want to see, this not wanting to see being a mechanic of all fear and its only means of survival for it can never survive the light of clarity. It still feared that the perception of other selfs as being its own very self would be necessary for further progression, which would make it impossible for it to fed off of them with untouchable callousness. Upon its graduation that fear would be realized. It having become too great to become any greater without bursting the finite edges of its carefully maintained darkness. After gaining the eyes of full clarity that being would no longer be able to continue the harvesting of others and would have to reverse polarity in order to continue its growth. Looking at it myself now from the eyes of infinity again, I felt many emotions at the same time all in fullness. Pride, I was proud of that being, they were a fool but a great fool, they had grown so much, through so much anguish and through such a difficult road, and it truly did sparkle with glory. Humor, it was a incredibly rich joke, god has a endless sense of humor, the Irony was exquisite, they thought they had won, and they really had, just not in the way they thought they would. At the pinnacle of its separateness and glory the next step towards growth would bring the whole illusion crumbling down as its prize was to see the throne of tortured souls upon which it sat as non other then itself, with no more option of darkness to cover it for it had become too great to fool even if it was trying to fool itself. And compassion and sorrow, eagerness to comfort the trapped souls and nudge them gently bit by bit into their own progress, and eagerness for that great being to also drop its immense suffering and come back into the fullness of light, God had not forgotten about any of them even for a second and was patiently waiting to sound the bell and again declare all is well. Before wrapping up I will try to explain what a meant by love and service to others having a greater "trueness". How can multiple things be true but one have a greater trueness then the other? If one thing is real yet if its realness depends upon something more fundamental in order to be and cant be without the more fundamental ascpect then it can be said the the more fundamental aspect is more true and that the other is a distortion of the light or a illusion of sorts. Another way to explain is by degenerating iterability, upon each cycle of iteration it degenerates or suffers entropy and eventually must reach a point where it can iterate no more revealing its illusionary nature. Anything of a illusionary nature must get its "realness" from something more fundamental, your beingness is the most fundamental thing possible so all illusions ultimately sustain themselves using your attention, you give them reality. So if one steadfastly puts their attention into their own nature they pass through and disillusion all the "shadows on the wall" cast by their own hand, finding only the eternal I AM. The feeling of this eternal I AM is bliss and love( unless their is some even more deep and more amazing expression yet unknown to me) That is the most fundamental reality. Fear, negativity, separateness will always just be temporary games played upon a more fundamental ground, they can not be other then illusion. In way of wrapping up ill share a beautiful universe wink that was gifted to me after returning back to my normal ego. About a week prior to this trip I had been walking the same path and standing upon the same train tracks listening to a wonderful Youtube channel by the name of Brain Scott doing a video on understanding the higher self from the changelings of Quo. The material was really resonating with me and at one point, someone had some question on direct communication with the higher self and the response what anything is possible its literally you from the future so to say, so they wont do anything that would infringe upon its own (your) free will as they of all people know how important that is to growth, but went on to say that within those bounds anything is possible they could even make the stars dance by way of communication if you believed it was truly possible for them to do so. I was in a very loose mood that night and in a embarrassing flight of fancy I asked exactly that to put the theory to the test. I liked the idea of a higher self but never had any interaction or reason to give the idea any substance. I meditated for a second to give my self a fair shot at believing it was possible and literally asked to see the stars dance and know it was from my higher self.... yea nothing. I was in truth a bit disappointed but seeing as the free will clause was included I consoled myself that it didn't necessary disprove it, resigned myself to ignorance on the topic and I went home. Fast forward a week back to my trip on that smoky night. The visions or eyes of clarity or however you call such a phenomena was dying down and I was coming down from that intense peak. It was probably around 2-3 am at that point. I found, had a normal enough sense of ego and having a body again to move, and so I walked up and down the tracks listening to music and trying to digest overwhelming experience I just had. I walked for about a hour until I felt like a could interact somewhat properly with my roommates should I have to upon returning home. Went home grabbed a new water bottle, wrote a poem, and read a few chapters of the book I was reading ' apprenticed to a Himalayan master, a yogi's autobiography' by Sri M while I waited for my phone to charge so I could have music when I went out for another walk ( I cant be kept indoors long while tripping). After all that I set out again, maybe roughly 4:30 am at this point. I felt much more put back together by this point although the visuals were still roaring and I was still drenched in bliss, now very appreciative of the vast splendor before me. I make it back to that same spot on the train track, the same spot I had the "vision" and the same spot I prayed to the higher self a week prior, without thinking to do it first, as I was absorbed in the landscape, I happened to finally look up. The smokey sky was now completely clear and pristine and before my eyes was a something truly spectacular that I will never forget as long as I live, a unending vast ocean of stars brilliant beyond words.... and they were dancing right before my eyes. I had not thought about my silly request once since making it but now it came rushing back to my mind and I wept tears of pure gratitude. As a parting farewell Id like to share the poem I wrote that night. I wish you all the very best and hope you enjoyed the trip report : ) Ever soaked with that precious feeling, the up welling ground of that all knowing & all being A beautiful pure tone over a eternal heart beat All is well All is well A up and down forever swell but All is well All is well Bonus material : When I returned from my second walk my PC was on Youtube, as I had watched a music video right before leaving. And a video titled: Full enlightenment happening live( 1st time in human history), was the first video suggested. The title tickled me so I gave it a watch. Great idea, great inspiration, I had been in a slump where where my personal practice had gotten a bit lazy due to feeling quite discouraged that it too difficult to walk this journey full force while fighting off all the heavy influences of society. But here was this frank guy who used to be a bodybuilder who pulled ridiculous stunts in public for attention, such as having sex in the street and arguing with a female monk about her repressed desires on a public transport in his underwear. As the video shows he had progressed incredibly far in 5 years of intense mindfulness practice, huge transformation. I found this incredibly inspiring and found my motivation to break through my own plateau in meditation rejuvenated. Here's a link to that video if anyone is interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4t8KvdMtT4A Here's some vibey songs that played on my second walk that I found very delicious, for anyone randomly looking for some new tunes Love by andrew appelpie Good Swim by Thalab Forgiven by Jim-E Stack comatose by Low hum Air by s. lyre underwaterfall by bearcubs pale blue dot by big wild Tiferet by lsdream Those who are familiar with the law of one may get a kick out of this: the tabs I took had pictures of a radiant sun on them ; )

In the past when I heard others trying to resolve a difference in their understanding someone might eventually have an insight and say "Oh, ya know, this may just be in the semantics. I think this applies to some of what you've brought up. Looking into the semantics or different usages of phrases or words have resolved some of my disparities concerning Gurdjieff's Work juxtaposed with other systems. Also reading AH Almaas books have helped me quite a bit here. This is not to say I've resolved all my disparities. I would do better to be reading Lee van Laer's blog than spending time on some other sites while online,,, ? A few minutes ago I copied this from the comments section of this blog- http://nondualcafe.blogspot.com/2014/04/gurdjieffs-system-simplified-in-page.html Lenny in AustinJanuary 7, 2017 at 3:51 AM i have always been confused as to gurdjieff's higher being bodies vs non-dualist "there is no Self to have a "higher-being-body" Reply Replies Dean PJanuary 10, 2017 at 1:42 PM Thanks for the comment. It's true, that has always been a confusing point for me as well when reading through Gurdjieff's material, and his instistance, for example, in Beelzebub, to 'create' or 'coat' a higher being body. The method he proposes in Beelzebub mainly concerns 'conscious labour and intentional suffering' and bearing the manfiestations of others, which he calls 'a big thing'. The idea that man starts out with 'no soul' (but needs to create one) is prevalent throughout most Fourth Way material. As you point out, in contrast, the Nondualist position is generally that the personality/'I' self (ego) is an illusory thought-construct that has no permanent or real existence, and that the Self as Absolute exists only (in all and as all, including the play of phenomena). The only way to marry these two ideas into harmony would be to take the view that Gurdjieff's idea of needing to 'create a higher-being-body' serves as 1) a motivation to actually practice and move one out of his/her state of sleep, and 2) stabilise one's orientation in/as the Self (not the false "I"). In effect, there is no 'creation' going on, but a rediscovery and stabilising of one's being in/as being-consciousness-bliss or the real Self. This stabilising and gathering could be seen as 'creating' a higher-being-body, but not in the sense of creating something new out of nothing (which would be the tempting, but unfortunate conclusion that most Gurdjieff students would be aiming at, and still falls under the bondage of duality-- there now being a separate albeit "higher" individual floating around that is autonomous from the whole).

@Leo Gura haha you are so mean! I’ve explored psychedelics a lot (thanks to you) and can say ayahuasca is very special and unlike any other substance (yes including 5meo) I joined a Brazilian church called UDV where they do sessions twice per month, they make the brew in the Amazon and in Hawaii, they also have a license to function in US so the set and setting are flawless and I don’t always throw up, it’s mostly when the ego gets in the way, if you surrender you will experience bliss and unconditional love, it’s also VERY healing on the level of the body, I feel like the other psychedelics are very powerful on the mind, but on the body level there is nothing like ayahuasca. I’m not trying to convince you or anything but I’ve explore psychedelics for 4 years and found what I was looking for in ayahuasca, I still do others but every ayahuasca session I have that feeling of “home”ness that no other psychedelic gives me and I feel like heals my body a lot. Yet I should not put ayahuasca on a pedestal, I have not been able to breakthrough with 5meo so still exploring.

I started choking on my breakfast this morning, food went down the wrong pipe. My dog got up from sleeping, disturbed and worried about me. My son with mild autism, brought his video game up to me to show me something as I'm coughing and running to get water, completely oblivious to the fact that I wasn't at all receptive right then. My daughter is his polar opposite, very emotional and connected with others. Yesterday was her first bus ride and she forgot her backpack. She is such a brave, confident, outgoing kid. But the terror in her face when I mentioned it was so strong it hit me hard. I immediately told her I'd call the school and it was completely ok. My son wouldn't have given a care in the world. He IS an incredibly loving, sweet caring boy, but just not in the same way she is. And I have through my inherent unconditional love for my kids realized that all our brains are just wired to focus on different things differently, through no fault of our own. I had a few weird realizations or something today. My son was asking me a bunch of questions, and we often talk about "secrets of the universe" and I've talked about manifestation and Jesus and Dr.P with him. Today we had a conversation where I was trying to get him to transcend stage green, he noticed oil in the river and we talked about how it got there and his response was to want God to kill people who don't care about the environment. I explained that love is so total, you're free not to love. Then later he asked about some poem about "big things have small beginnings" and the big bang. Then all these sort of profound but obvious connections were made about a lot of things I've been contemplating lately. Then while running I thought about my "personal relationship" with the devil in the past. And I realized that I imagined him as the very thing that would cause me to suffer. But it was so real and terrifying, I could never have deduced this, that the whole storyline was fed to me, apparently by others and several adults who were supposed to care about me more than anyone else, and I seemingly felt it and believed it hook, line and sinker. They could live with it but I could not. "Promise your soul to the devil" said my mind. "A mental illness I have", I said. I knew as a teenager I couldn't continue my spirituality without dropping the idea of others going to hell, so I did. Then when I did realize that I created the devil, instead of suffering I instead experienced the most intense prolonged experience of bliss I could never have imagined. Not in fact, suffering. So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me. ... Well here I am. You fed me a story and I ate it all up. Cleaned the plate off too. What's for dessert?

Its not beautiful, its not ugly, its not bliss, its not suffering, its not a strange loop. Nothing can define it

Indeed it is. What is beaitiful is that reality has absolutely no ground because it is One and thus Infinite. It cannot reference itself because anything it could try to reference itself with is actually itself. And because it cannot reference itself - it just IS itself. See Leo's video "Reality is a Strange Loop". But to actually become directly conscious of this is to remove the illusory references to nothing we are making now and to actually BE it. Pure Being. And that my friend - well that is Divine bliss.

@Leo Gura Hilarious, right? I got the same reaction when I told Trump supporters that Trump is a fascist. Ignorance is bliss. You're laughing as the propaganda machine by MSNBC and TYT brainwashes you and confirms your bias and Trump Derrangement Syndrome. Fox News for liberals like yourself.

This means that the soul is will find what it seeks.. The soul will seek both in life and the afterlife and in the reincarnated life as well. The soul is a seeker. It will carve out its path depending on what it seeks. It will seek a path of greed if the soul seeks greed, thus in life and the afterlife and in all the lives, the soul will continue to seek greed in different ways. It will seek a place in life that will help the soul to amass what the soul is greedy about and it will seek this in the afterlife where it will be utterly restless since such materialistic pursuits and the aids to such pursuits is not found in heaven or the spirit place or the afterlife. Thus this sin of greed has caused the soul to suffer even in heaven where the soul or spirit should have found and enjoyed peace. But peace is not the karma of such a soul. This soul will then find a place in the reincarnated life where such greed will be fulfilled. So it will be born in a place which is steeped in stage orange greed and thus fulfill its greedy desires in their life in that place. But this won't bring any joy or peace to this soul. The soul will once again suffer restlessness in heaven or afterlife once their life is over or death has occurred. This form of karma, is eternal damnation and this is the real hell of the soul. Because this is the lake of fire. The soul will always keep burning in eternal sin because that's what it is always seeking. This is eternal damnation of the soul. The soul is damned to an eternity of temptation to sin and seeking the sin forever and suffering the after effects of this sin. Since sin does not bring any good and only creates chaos and suffering, the soul will continue to exist in chaos and suffering created from its sins and this is how the soul has been committed to lifetimes of chaos and suffering. This is like burning. This is like fire. Thus the hell can be represented by a fire. Hell is not a place. It's a state of things. A state in which the soul remains as long as it continues its sinful path. A state created by the soul seeking sins. A state of restlessness and lack of peace. A state of chaos and suffering resulting from bad karma. This is like burning in fire. This is the real hell that the soul brought to itself through its karma and sins. Now it will always seek this sinful path both in heaven or the afterlife and material or physical lives. And it will continue to weave its own hell. It will be delivered and saved from this hell only when it realizes that sin is a sin and stops seeking it and returns to a spiritual life or spiritual path and then it will weave a spiritual place or state where the soul can rest in peace. Thus if it starts burning the karma and begjns to do good acts, it will rectify the buildup of Karma and start creating a new path of spiritual gifts like joy, love, peace, happiness, brotherhood, wisdom and these are opposite of sins. This new path will create a state of fulfillment and peace and the soul will start going away from toxicity and begin to cope healthily and seek more peace or begin to feel peaceful, it's almost like recovering from a disease and returning to good health in which the body stops showing signs of pain or distress and begins to cope and become peaceful and Orderly. Now the soul instantly experiences a state of bliss and peace away from all the materialistic bullshit as if it has been instantly cured of all the bad things and set free. This feeling or state of peace is very powerful and it stays and it begins to gradually heal the soul of all the remaining distress as the soul continues to seek the spiritual path. Now this soul is a peace loving and peace seeking soul. This soul has gotten freedom from sins and lifetimes of sinning (future lifetimes as well as past buildup of bad karma) and future temptations to sin. In a way this soul has been freed and saved from future burden of chaos and suffering. It has been saved and spared further pain. This peaceful soul will now continue to seek peace even in the afterlife or heaven where it will rest peacefully in the pillows of heaven. In the Garden of Pillows or the Garden of Reeds. Thus the soul's old journey is complete and a new journey of eternal bliss has begun. This soul is the enchanted one. It is the happy one. The joyous one. The elegant one. The pleasant one. This pleasant elegant soul will always seek peace and joy and love and continue to weave its heaven throughout eternity of lives and afterlives (eternal cycles of reincarnations and afterlives) Meanwhile the agitated, unpleasant, restless, and discordant sinful sin loving materialistic soul continues to weave its private hell of chaos and restlessness and dissatisfaction.

Legalization and decriminalization are distinct. It sounds like you are making an argument for decriminalization more than legalization. I’m curious of the limits of your view. . . If there was a substance that gave the user 20min. of bliss, yet also caused the user to lose self control and kill people, would you say as a society we should allow that substance to be sold, bought and used? To me, it seem to boil down to a libertarian argument. That is helpful, yet the reality is that it would be insufficient due to the current conscious level of society. Harm is not restricted to the individual - certain substances like meth expand beyond the user and causes societal harm. A substance can be made illegal to market, sell and use - yet a user would not be charged as a criminal. They would be sent to a program to help them with their problems and addiction. The idea is that making the drug illegal, without criminality, would help reduce harm caused to society.

@SonataAllegro So sorry to hear. Indeed you are tapping into that this place is eternal bliss, though the eyes & ears can tell a different story, and a bit of a tug of war between the mind and heart can be experienced. This can throw thought, perception & sensation for a loop, feeling that push & pull within, trying to make sense. But the real of us all is love, transcendent of the relative appearances. In thinking of the very best of any of us who have played our part and returned home, thought is aligned with the heart, the heart is easing & embracing of thought, truth & love are one, and loss can not be. The mind may listen to the eyes & ears, but the heart says here I am, with you now, eternally. We never leave, we never really come & go, we’re never truly apart in love.

There is Trickery in that 1) In regretting your imply that you can control your life, the circumstances of your life - and that is simply not true (From a normal Ego perspective at least) - You do not control The circumstances of your life. 2) You might say "no but I do control my reactions. and in that time I decided to act in a stupid and not do the course, and I regret today - In that case, you do not realize that you are in a process of development. It means that you had to act in the "stupid way" that you did so now you can grow from this. that's the only way to grow! In order to choose now to do the course, you had to choose to not do it in the past. Imagine if you again opted to not do it now and only in 10 years realize that you should do it. You can be grateful that you do it now 3) When you are talking about the past, you don't really talk about the past - you talk about the present. What do you gain from Regretting? what "Hidden" benefit do you have from it? Maybe it's hard for you to accept certain parts of yourself? the "lazy part" or any other part of you that made you not take the course in the past perhaps? 4) The Root: We assume that everything comes from our childhood. We can ask the question - what a child needs to experience so that when she is an adult she will experience Regrets? we can look at regrets as a form of violence towards oneself. The violence that was inflicted on her, that she learnt and she keeps inflicting towards herself. Is it criticism for her parents? do the regrets represent in you the voice of your parents that were criticizing towards you? and maybe you feel guilty still of what you were criticized? If it is so, It's important to go to the Root Memories and release the blame - telling the child: "you are not guilty", "you were doing what you could", "you couldn't do anything differently", "you did what you could and that's OK". 5) It's about the journey, Not the destination. It doesn't really matter when you start, because all you really have is this moment. and if at this moment you follow your bliss, you pursue your purpose, you progress In your life, you're in flow - you are satisfied and happy, aren't you? and It doesn't necessarily get better than that.

It's a fair question, i can only speak on the benefits of awakening or awakening experiences with psychedelics and inquiry. One thing is the free will thing. We are anxious,afraid angry and frustrated because we think we control "fate". However you are just witnessing this life,it's all predetermined,god's will. Most spiritual teacher say this there is no "doer" only the illusion of one. The good side of this is you stop the blame game.Anxiety,etc. You realize you never had control,forgive yourself and even find peace with most situations. That's a positive. What else hmm.. More compassion for "others" realizing they are also you. More kindness and love and understanding,knowing people don't have free will the blaming stops. Instead you enjoy the variety of people in front of you. Now for full blown enlightment idk positives. People describe a state of eternal bliss etc,but i'm not sure that exists. Thats also an illusion. I have had the experience of "the void" and it's where consciousnes actually is. You become nothing in nothing. Or in other words formless awareness aware of itself(sounds weird,experience is weirder.) This happened EXACTLY after an illusory bliss experience,bliss is just an idea as well never forget this. So overall i would say it has it's uses, but ending all desires,rebirths and just remaining in oblivion seems pointless to me personally. I would rather live a rollercoaster life,but each to our own. Possible negatives: alienation, no one understands you,try to share your experiences you sound crazy to others,also now you know a deep secret,that if you continue to pursue can make you mad. It's why i quit i had probably over 20 trips Started having hallucinations,vivid dreams in which i melt into waves and other things.Glad that hell is behind me it was like PTSD

Pretty much what Leo said. You say it's a downgrade from the point of view of the ego mind because you have preferences between unity bliss and identity constrain doom God however doesn't . So it's 'happy' to live the life your ego is 'creating' right now, doesn't matter if that entails 'suffering'

@meow_meow Also dude, bear in mind that Sadhguru is a speaker for normies. Therefore it's in his motive to value heavily his listeners egoic comfort. Uncovering the shadow has always been a part of this process, but since Sadhguru is marketing this product where spirituality=bliss, he only sells you one side of the story.

So awareness & feeling do not come and go. Thought, comes and goes. Now we are in the light of awareness, so to speak. Now let’s look at this for more relief...patience & humility still being the key.... Awareness of “living”, that distinction, requires the ability to compare “living” to “not living”. Awareness is not aware of “not living”, or of “living”. Awareness is aware of the thoughts - ‘living’, and ‘not living’. That is what is meant by duality. This or that, this and that. Again, awareness is aware of the thoughts - “this”, “that”, “living”, “not living”. “What if” implies a future scenario. But that what if, is nothing to be concerned about. That what if, is not possible. There can not, and will not come a day, where a realization occurs that are, or are not, “living”, or “not living”. This is self evident, as you are aware, right now, of the thoughts - “living” or “not living”. There is, in your direct experience, no awareness of living or not living, only of the thoughts - “living”, “not living”. Philosophically speaking, to mistake my thought about something, for the actuality, is not really ‘living’ this life at all. To realize what is being shared here, is to realize one does not need to believe thoughts. Once the dualistic nature of thoughts is realized, it actually becomes challenging to continue to believes them - especially when they don’t feel good. Thoughts have always appeared & disappeared, and thoughts will continue to appear & disappear. What appears and disappears - is magic, and unexplainable. Explanation, is really, just more thoughts. The concern “what if I’m not really living”, is revealed to not be a concern at all. You felt concern, you expressed & inquired, because something didn’t feel quite right about the thought. Believing the thoughts, is the matrix, the prison of the mind, and indeed does not feel quite right. Concern was felt... ‘what if I’m not living’ was a thought. What didn’t feel quite right was the thought about yourself - not the content. You are beyond, transcendent of, thought. This is self evident, as again, “you” is a thought, the real you - is the awareness of that thought. And you, awareness, do not come and go. What does not come and go, does not really live and die. “Live” & “die”, are thoughts, eternal awareness is aware of. These thoughts come and go, appear and disappear. In the matrix / prison of the mind, the believing of the thoughts... “nothing matters” is indeed concerning. But ‘nothing, or better said, ‘no thing’, is awareness. “Nothing matters” can be taken as a thought, and the feeling response is ‘not good’, if you will. The feeling is responding to the misunderstanding. What is misunderstood, is that ‘nothing matters’, in the way you’re interpreting it, is just a thought. As in, “then life won’t matter, life would be pointless & meaningless - because nothing in life would matter”. That is what does not feel good. The misunderstanding is what does not feel good. So what to do about misunderstanding, which does not feel good? Understanding, of course. Which feels wonderful & liberating. And you are in luck when it comes to misunderstanding & understanding, as other people have already figured reality out. For you, there is only to choose to spend some time on it, to understand and realize. Nonduality teachers, gurus, presenters, whatever you’d like to call them, understand & have realized, what quantum physicists have proved over a hundred years ago. ‘No thing’, awareness... in quantum mechanics jargon, you might call “superposition” - that which is infinite emptiness & fullness, infinite potential, formless & limitless - Awareness - and therefore can appear as anything. ‘It’ does this, this appearing, by vibrating. This is referred to as M theory, or string theory. This vibrating can only be referred to in theory, because no thing vibrates and appears as the very thoughts, and therefore the very theories....about....that which appears as all ‘things’ by vibrating. You can experience much liberation, many great feeling epiphanies, in understanding these things, just by spending time on YouTube. Patience & humility are key. As great as it feels - even understanding reaches it’s natural ceiling, because understanding is essentially, thought. It’s still appearance, but it is the understanding that thought, and therefore understanding - is appearance. By the time this ceiling of understanding is reached, so much misunderstanding has been seen through and shedded, that you are mostly out of the matrix. Then, if interested, there is the ‘going and seeing for yourself’, so to speak. Experiencing that which is prior to experience itself. That which is prior to thought & understanding. That which is prior to the vibration of itself, prior to it’s appearance. This is the matrix. Reactionary living. You are becoming aware of this. You are ‘waking up’. This is good. You are realizing why people let go, listen to feeling, meditate, do yoga, express how they feel, seek more understanding, take psychedelics, go on retreats, etc. You might say that all of these are doing more about the situation of misunderstanding, than just thinking and settling for thoughts that don’t feel good. This is thinking, and thinking won’t be resolved by more thinking. Instead, recognize the limit, the futility of thinking. Tomatoes are chosen or not, because of feeling, sensation. Not thoughts. If you think you love tomatoes because of how they look, but they taste terrible, you won’t eat them. Taste buds change. Every thing is really vibration, which appears to be a ‘thing’. To ‘move on’ from thinking...abide in feeling. This means if a thought doesn’t feel good to you, you will swiftly and effortlessly let it go. In truth, thought appears and disappears already anyways. So it is so effortless in fact, that you don’t even have to let it go. Without your continued focus - it’s gone. Magic. And another thought appears. A better feeling, more insightful thought. There is no limit or bottom to this good feelingness. It takes time, there is momentum, there is letting go of thoughts of misunderstanding....but there is orgasmic thoughts. Imagine sitting quietly, and genuinely preferring not to have sex, because it would actually feel slightly less amazing, than the peace, bliss, and appearing thoughts. You don’t hate Jim Newman. You just want to let all misunderstanding go, to be in the state he is in. Patience. Humility. Listen more to what he is saying. Listen less to any thoughts of judgement of him. Tastes change. You might profoundly love him one day. That might be just such a blissful thought. If the separation of others doesn’t exist - then only ‘connection’ exists. For example, I am a dad, and I have a son. There is connection between us, there is a bond if you will, between us. See what that connection is, see what that bond is made of, prior to, and beyond, just the appearance.

Insight over the last few days about what karma actually means: Physical suffering doesn't come from the pain and discomfort of the present moment (such as picking up an extremely heavy object and holding it, or having a cold shower, or getting kicked in the balls). It comes from resisting the present moment (resisting the pain and discomfort) if you don't resist you don't go through suffering. End of story. Why do you resist? Because you have shadows, and shadow work to do. You feel guilty about something you did, you don't feel right about your future direction in life. You feel like you made a wrong choice somewhere. You worry over something (like your mum dying) etc etc. These shadows are the exact opposite of surrender. They are 'clinging on' ness. Your guilt from not correcting the cashier when he gave you an extra 5 dollar note, while doesn't seem like much, is actually very deeply preventing you to surrender your ego, let it go and drown and just dissolve in infinite love. In your daily life, you might be going fine, but there might be this slight sense of I ness. Or this sense of suffering, or this sense of limitation or this sense that "there's something more". And it doesn't seem like a shadow. It just seems like some sort of limitation. But when you inquire deeper, you realise this mere sense is actually a shadow. You inquire more and unseemingly out pops that not correcting the cashier of that 5 dollar note that you did a decade ago, that you haven't let go of yet. That was what that sense was, yet it seems so different to that on the surface. If you had a life purpose that was true to you (instead of what your parents, society colleagues told you to have) if you never did anything to anyone that would make you feel guilty if you always said what you honestly believed you should have said if you always made those decisions that felt right, rather than the decisions that were exciting or titillating(for example, choosing to save money for a house instead of buying a fancy computer that doesn't provide very essential value to you) if you always thought about how to give, rather than how to get if you always chose to believe in yourself at the cost of losing financial, social or economic security if you always chose to stand up for what was right at the cost of losing financial, social or economic security if you always treated others how you truly feel they should have been treated, rather than what your anger, hatred, judgement, friends, family, society said how you should treat them if you were always honest with Yourself if you always sincerely loved Yourself Then, you'd have no ego. If you followed all of the above, then when someone physically kicks you in the balls, you'd have no suffering. Because the kicking in the balls prompts pain. Pain that makes you think you're gonna loose something. You're gonna loose your beautiful state that you're in now, and enter some hell hole state, or possibly die. Possibly disappear, possibly go to hell. That's really why being kicked in the balls hurts. Its all about being worried about loosing something, and being worried about a truth, that you don't like, being revealed. It has almost nothing to do with the pain itself. Its all about what that pain could possibly mean in the future (note NOT what that pain means now, its always a hypothetical, future state that causes the suffering, what things may turn into, not how things are now). And note the thing you're losing is that sense of "grasping" or "holding onto something". It feels super important. But thats a trick. On the outside it looks like a heart, something which keeps the universe together, but on the inside, its shadow. Its guilt, or shame or whatever else. The kicking in the balls, prompts guilt, sadness, depression, wrongness, concern, regret, shame, embarrassment, again all these emotions that the kicking in the balls prompts has nothing to do with kicking in the balls, its got to do with the shadows it reveals. Kicking in the balls prompts that guilt from the cashier. And the pain is coming from that guilt, not from being kicked in the balls. This is how karma works. All those little things where you're living life not to how you KNOW deep down you should be living life to, but living life in-authentically to yourself, all that stuff gets tucked away, and comes back to bite you when the possibility of loosing your sense of self, or some state you're comfortable with, arises. Like getting kicked in the balls. Indirectly, if you had not done that guilty act with the cashier, and told him/her that she gave you the wrong change, that would boost your pickup results, and increase your happiness and reduce your suffering during getting kicked in the balls. Because where is all that fear of pickup coming from? Its coming from the cashier guilt incident, shame, not feeling like you're expressing yourself enough, etc. Its incongruence with your authentic self and your authentic actions. And your incongruence seems so small at times. Like stepping on an ant. Oh boy, if you think your fear of pickup is not coming from the guilt of stepping on that 1 ant back 5 years ago... then you're kidding yourself. Start living congruently with your authentic self. Be extremely strict about it. Don't let yourself feel guilty, shameful, embarrassed about anything. Don't step on that ant, correct that cashier, wave and say hello to that down syndrome kid when he walks up to you and tries to communicate with you, be loving to that poor person on the street, don't let anger or dogma make you hurt others, even if they are in the wrong. Don't blame others for mistakes you made and don't judge others when you don't know the full picture of their lives. Just don't do any of it because all that stuff will make you suffer more when its time to grow, when its time to die, when its Gods time to change. And it prevents you from letting go... which is ultimately the point of life. Useful Download About Work Each person has unique and extremely revolutionary discoveries/inventions/ways to impact the world. These revolutions are covered by social conditioning, indoctrination and dogmas, low EQ, low IQ, lack of consciousness, fear, shadows, traumas, lack of moral development, etc. To fully get in touch with your discoveries and inventions that you are to share with the world, you must do shadow work, consciousness work, explore other perspectives, have diverse experiences, shed ego, indoctrination and dogmas, etc. You must also contemplate, put attention on, love your passion, curiosity and child like nature. This passion isn't necessarily tied to any particular medium (like mathematics, or music or software code) but could be tied to anything. The point is to put attention and focus on it, engage with it, contemplate it, get more in touch with it. It feels good the more you do it. It feels blissful and sometimes loving. Follow your bliss and love. By product of the above, you deepen and get more in touch with your unique, True Self, which is ripe with creative potential, and has unique insights, tendencies, ways of looking at things which are beautiful. When looking at problems or any sort of phenomena, your deepened state instantly sees that problem in a unique way, and therefore develops a unique solution/perspective that expresses extreme bliss, love and joy. But without the ability to express that joy, you cannot share it. So you must also learn how your mediums that you express your unique perspective work, how the entities(probably people) you want to transmit this unique perspective to work, how they understand the world, what they accept, what they reject, what makes sense to them, what they want and don't want, etc. And then you must use this mastery over mediums to express your unique perspective on the world as effectively as possible. You ultimate career goal: Get paid loads of money to express your best, authentic Self and unique worldview through mediums that you enjoy working with. Your unique medium is mathematics, technical writing and illustration, and software engineering. You also specialise in medical devices specifically, but can of course branch out to other areas. You also specialise in intelligent agents (artifical intelligence and making things smart) but again can branch out into other areas from that passion. The more you spend your career time on those mediums, the better your life will be. From this perspective, value = sharing your unique worldview/Self/Way of understanding the world + through mastery of a particular theme/field (being artifical intelligence/agents, mathematics, software, technical illustration and writing). Goals: 1) increase your career mediums by the above. Because the more you do your mediums, the more joy you will have because you're doing only what you love. 2) master your mediums to make expressing your unique worldviews extremely effective. 3) do consciousness and shadow work, explore other perspectives, follow your curiosity, shed ego and dogmas, increase your child like mind to deepen how in touch you are with your unique perspective, worldview and Self.

@Marianitozz I think in theory it's possible to transcend human needs, but since we happen to inhabit a body, there are some needs that require another person. Not saying that you can't deeply connect with yourself, but deeply connecting with another person gives you a whole set of different and important experiences. Of course no experience will ever satisfy you completely, because it's impermanent. But that doesn't mean it's bad or that you shouldn't pursue these experiences. It means that it's important not to forget that you won't find permanent bliss in any of them. So why not look for a partner if that is what you want now?

For the good of the world and all sentient beings, I do sincerely wish that you are enlightened. The positive vibes can help a lot of beings. But, respectfully asking, isn't boredom and craving of attention, a sign of the ego and its need for sensation ! Shouldn't you be just content with the bliss and peace you must be feeling ?

@susanyzm I don't look upon my purpose as something fixed. It's fluid, changing, and morphing as I change. I prefer what Campbell says - Follow your bliss. Regardless of your situation now you can follow your bliss for a short amount of time daily. And through this, you will learn more about what you will learn more about your interests and you will develop. Don't over-complicate this process.

You're right, it's not inhumane but I feel that there is a somewhat perverse approach to non-duality that is a misinterpretation (at least through the eyes of beings that are living in duality and are prone to suffering). I feel resonant with this because I used to be somewhat brainwashed into this way of thinking... and it just results in egoic cycles (egoic in this sense as a sense of self importance or knowing, rather than a softer, open and compassionate world view). What wisdom is it to bypass acknowledgement of suffering because we are all part of the same source? It makes sense, sure, but we are all in this game together, all at different levels, and the way some of these non-dual approaches come across seem to take the vibe of 'just snap out of it'. Just to add to what you've said... myself I can experience very painful emotions very blissfully, if I so choose to. It is occasionally offensive and horrifying to my ego but it is possible, and the deeper or more intense the pain, the more bliss and pleasure arises from the experience. This being said... I do not wish to continue on in a regular state of pain just because this is the almighty plan. I believe there is an end to this pain once the experience has been had in totality. If this is bullshit please let me know so I can end it sooner (lol). But yeah... on the 'lowering our consciousness to hurt each other'. Sure... this is what I'm talking about and is something that seems to be missed by some (ie that war is just love because we are all one source etc). It's a view, but not one that seems to be of service to all. Whilst it is technically true, I don't believe that it is a true representation of a consciously evolved society, which sounds like what you're saying anyway. Overall I am just trying to touch on this potentially distorted view of non-duality that some seem to have. This view differs greatly from say that of Saiva Tantra (which is a beautifully rich philosophy).

I feel like you want a quick fix like right now. But life's an experiment, as Leo has emphasized it over and over again. Everyone is a unique puzzle. "Follow your bliss" is the right way. But there's no "fixed bliss" or "the best route to that bliss". Leo's videos, Life Purpose Course, coaching, I tried them all. Not a single one has solved my problems. I felt really frustrated at one point. Like what you said "I'm just not good at life." I felt the same thing. But on looking back, each of these tryings gave me a small nudge to my bliss. For this I'm very grateful. Even God doesn't know everything. God has created these opposing perspectives to know itself. So, confusion is part of the journey. We may suffer from it. But God enjoys it all. This perspective always gives me relief when I feel lost and anxious. Hope you can find some enjoyment in trying out different things even though they do not turn out to be your bliss.

I believe I am well aware of my emotions. Aside from any major events, I could feel bliss at times during meditation. And sometimes I feel stress throughout life, but I remember to bring awareness onto it and it vanishes immediately. Major events may cause a lot of stress for me. Those are the ones I consider traumatizing. They usually are overwhelming and not located in a certain area. The minor stress I can easily locate, usually in my stomach area. I tried it now. I felt extremely faint sparks of love at first, especially when Leo was naming different memories. But they didn't last long. And when he started talking about magnifying the feeling, I lost track because there was nothing to magnify.

They don't want because his (mine too) ego rejects absolutely the idea of death, because ego is a software designed to survive, no more. All of us would like to see the bliss of God and the wonder of the conciousness, but the software is there. Without drugs it's an absolutely titanic work. With drugs....I'm in that, like you, but I don't think it's enlightenment, it's a glimpse of it. But it's million times better than nothing, of course. Good luck with that!

That is what enlighment/hapiness is. Just that. Understand that fear does not exist. What should you do to get enlightment/be in permanent bliss? Pursue fear. What is fear? Fear of death. All the others fears are derived from that. If you access and observe the final fear, wich is fear of death, you will see that "nothing bad happens", then you finally realize fear does not exist. Everything is good. You can do this right now. You don´t need years of meditation. Just open that door. Jump into the cold water. One day you realize, everthing was good since the begining, everything was always perfect, how fool you were trying to deal with that problems that didn´t even exist.