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@Leo Gura You're making these irrational excuses for them because you're attached to this idea of Trump being the most corrupt person ever. You want it to be so true. Hillary Clinton told a room full of wallstreet donors that "(she) believes in having a private position and a public position" and then went on to cheat Bernie out of the primaries. They've done way more bad than good. Their actions are driven by receiving money from lobbyists; from fossil fuel, to pharma, to prison, to MIC, the banks etc. Then they started their own organization, the Clinton Foundation, which, for one example, took advantage of an earthquake in Haiti to sell cheap food while the local markets were damaged. They put local markets out of business and then increased the price to unaffordable standards. They know the statistics of how damaging laws like NAFTA, the 94 Crime Bill, and canceling welfare were towards people and the millions of civilian casualties resulted from their horrible foreign policy. They even admit it saying "it was a mistake blah blah blah, but" and then they go on pushing for another similar policy and also doing nothing to repeal their damaging policies that were already passed while they're in positions of power. They know the damages, they just simply don't care in their elitist circle in the same exact way that Trump doesn't care in the very same elitist circle about personal enrichment. Their kids are friends with each other and they all invite each other to weddings and other grand events. It's all about career and personal gain for these people. Their foreign policy was done to please their corporate donors. They don't care about civilian lives, they know how damaging increased fossil fuel emissions are to the planet, they just pretend to care and then continue to push for damaging laws anyway. All to personally enrich themselves. Pretending to be on the side of the people by saying they agree with science on climate change yet pushing for these damaging policies like fracking and taking control of other countries for their oil is worse than being up front about not caring. At least we know what side you stand. In the wide words of Malcom X: "The white liberal differs from the white conservative only in one way: the liberal is more deceitful than the conservative. The liberal is more hypocritical than the conservative. Both want power, but the white liberal is the one who has perfected the art of posing as the Negro's friend and benefactor; and by winning the friendship, allegiance, and support of the Negro, the white liberal is able to use the Negro as a pawn or tool in this political "football game" that is constantly raging between the white liberals and white conservatives." There's also documented evidence of the Clintons knowing about Harvey Weinstein and trying to bury that story just because he was a big donor to them. Not to mention a study that came out recently that showed how statistically impossible it is for so many people to have died tragically (on accident or through suicide) and be connected to one person (Hillary Clinton).

who knows but I think guided meditations can really guide you to see things that may have taken a lot longer than they would have before, I love rupert spiras guided meditations and I also love doing short little meditations while I wait for water to boil or the bus to arrive or if I wake up in the middle of the night... and also eckhart tolle was on the verge of committing suicide when he became enlightened so maybe it's great to have your life in order first but maybe not

@ethanb121 Dude.... I had developed Pure O as well, I struggled with many kinds of ocd my whole life but basically few years ago I developed HOCD. Which was some of the worst kind of shit I have ever gone through...Struggled with it a lot and I FEEL YOU SO MUCH. It felt like I was trapped in my own personal hell and mental prison and I basically dealt with this shit for almost 2 years... It completely dominated my entire life and everyday was terrible. Never ever contemplated about suicide but I get why somebody might. Anyway, today I can honestly say with incredible pride that I am free of that shit for basically 1.5 years or so. Never went to any kind of doctor or therapist and I worked it out on my own. Through awareness and meditation. Im telling you dude. START MEDITATING. Everyday. For 20mins at least. When this Pure O shit started I had already developed a religious meditation routine but after the HOCD happened the meditation I did helped me immensely. Start meditating and watch Leo's video of "Awareness is Curative. How to Autocorrect unwanted behaviours" Over and over if you must. And also the How to Let Go video. That is exactly how I overcame this Pure O hell and my other OCD's as well. When, the intrusive thoughts hit you, JUST OBSERVE THEM. Don't judge yourself for having these thoughts. This is KEY. Just OBSERVE THEM and LET THEM GO. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. You are stuck in a vicious loop right now. The only way to get out of it is awareness and letting them go. You CANNOT get out of this by more rationalizations or justifications or trying to prove to yourself "that" or to prove to yourself "this". The PROVING NEVER ENDS. And its a TRAP. This OCD shit is so fucking powerful that the intrusive thoughts you have even affect your body and make you actually feel "sensations" and "vibrations" in your body and even if there isnt ACTUALLY anything like that, you PERCEIVE that there is something like that going on. This Pure O hell I went through made me appreciate actually how powerful thoughts are. That was one of the key golden nuggets I got from this experience. This video really helped me a lot. Check this womans other videos as well. I feel you bro, hopefully I helped you out. Lemme know if I you need more advice

When I accept them it makes me feel like a messed up person because im accepting the fact that I could be a rapist pedophile murderer even though I dont have any desire to do that and it makes my self esteem even lower I kinda tried that route and I stopped doing everything because how bad the thoughts were I try meditating but its really hard and it makes the thoughts more intense for the first little while which is really discomforting because I dont enjoy these thoughts ... Sometimes I wish to myself I did so I could live atleast some what normal not hating myself all the time and thinking im a monster for having these thoughts cuz I know they are wrong and dont wanna ever act on them ... The thoughts about pedophilia bothers me the most though ... I havent been eating good and exercise is hard for me because I feel like my life is falling apart and am contemplating suicide

Continuation of the previous post (typed only 10 days later lel) Until at some point whilst traveling back to the airbnb in Germany just over the border north of Basel (I had explored Basel that day), the thought suddenly came in that… What if it’s all just okay? What if committing suicide is not tragic? What if I stop saying to myself that it’s not okay to do it? What if I stop thinking of suicide as a failure of life? What If I completely give myself a free pass to be able to do it? And suddenly I realized that perhaps the idea that suicide was something to be avoided was simply not true. And this realization evoked such a tremendous feeling of peace and relief in me. I suddenly felt like there was absolutely no requirements for me anymore on at least the level of action that life required from me. I suddenly felt such an immense feeling of relief and elation, and… freedom. Yes, that’s what it was. Total freedom. The freedom to be and do whatsoever you want. The feeling that every possible outcome was totally okay. And the interesting thing is, with this feeling of elation and freedom and peace, then who the hell feels interested to commit suicide in that state? For what? That’s the great paradox. Total acceptance of the idea of suicide creates total peace, and in total peace, nobody is really interested in taking their own lives. That’s why I promote people accepting their suicidality. Not even so much because then they won’t commit suicide, but because then it will take them out of their suicidal struggles. They then will come to know what peace is, if they really fully grasp this realization. I have however heard of sages who choose suicide whilst being very conscious. Perhaps it’s just them being able to leave the body at will without needing to hang or shoot themselves or whatever, but it’s the same concept. There may be a way to choose your own death that does not involve or is based on a lot of despair. But for one to have this realization that I had, one has to let go of many assumptions. 1. One has to let go of the assumption that you would do harm to friends and relatives. You do harm them, but that does not mean that that harm would be a wrong thing if you look from the perspective of the absolute. It may trigger existential questioning in them which would help them to evolve quicker on their own path. 2. One has to let go of the assumption that you would face some kind of punishment for committing suicide, or that it otherwise would be a bad thing. I’m talking about either the creation of karmic debt, or the idea that religion has about ending up in hell. 3. Related to the point above (but not the same), one also has to let go of the idea that committing suicide is a wastage of life and therefore some form of sin. I don’t think I really wanna talk about why the idea of something like a geographical hell is totally irrational and how it has been used to manipulate people by invoking fear in them. I feel like this doesn’t require too much deep introspection, research and contemplation for one to come to the insight that the idea of hell is very much based on fear instead of truthfulness. But the idea that you would face karmic punishment or that otherwise just the general attitude that committing suicide is some form of sin or wastage, is one I want to address. From an atheistic standpoint, if a moment is all that one would be, then why should it matter if it ends sooner or later? There is only sentimental attachments to life, but no real valid reason as to why one shouldn’t be able to commit suicide. Atheists may get this sense of being a failure or having ‘wasted’ their lives if they commit suicide, but this idea doesn’t really hold much ground. It’s more about the story they tell themselves about what suicide means. But in reality, it holds no true ground. And even if you’re a failure for ending your own life, then simply be a failure. What does it matter if you’re a failure or not, taken in the perspective that you are literally nothing n comparison to the infinite scope of existence. What does one more failure really signify? One may come to take the sentiment of not wanting to hurt others again, but again, just because they are hurt by your suicide, doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t necessarily be for the greater good, as it provokes things and puts pressure to evolve on people. And for the one that believes in reincarnation, karmic punishment or retribution or whatever… Well, taking in the scope if the totality of existence… Why do we suffer in the first place? Why would we struggle in the first place? Is putting an end to suffering —the whole wheel of suffering throughout the reincarnations— as quickly as possible really the ultimate ideal? Do we just experience suffering to get rid of it as quickly as possible? Then why are we here experiencing suffering in the first place? That is even assumed that there would be some karmic drawback to committing suicide, and that it additionally would increase the total sum of suffering you would come to experience throughout your incarnations. And do we really know that that is true? Perhaps when one commits suicide, one chooses to do so because one sees the circumstances in his current incarnation (on an unconscious level) as unfit to continue with that incarnation, and therefore chooses to commit suicide so one can choose once again to reincarnate in a different set of circumstances that would be much more ideal for the continuation of his/her spiritual development. Possibly suicide can even be a wise choice to make. Who knows? But I don’t except most people to be able to have the realization to the same extent that I had because most people are too attached to some assumption or judgement about what suicide means for them, and what suicide means n the larger context of things. For most people, I think I would clarify to them both what valid reasons there can be to take their own lives, and what reasons there can be to fully commit to life, and then I would allow them to make the choice. I think for most people in a suicidal position, it requires a commitment and a very deliberate act of will to get out of it (in whatever way they choose to get out of it). For some other people, it may require them to very deliberately try to fully accept all of their circumstances and their negative feelings and just make ‘trying to let go and accept’ their practice. I feel almost tempted to call them the ‘power of now-people’. Of course, trying to let go isn’t the same as actually letting go, as they may not be able to actually fully let go through insight and realization, but it may take them further along their path. For some other people, perhaps their appropriate primary focus is doing a lot of introspection and contemplation about what it all means, what’s life all about, how suicide fits into the picture… They perhaps need some time to ‘figure it all out’, to really think about the most fundamental questions of existence. And once again for some other people, they simply fully understand the insight that I had had when I was in/near Basel in Switzerland in 2018. They realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with suicide. These people come to experience that if there is no reason to fear death, that it simultaneously allows them to fully dive into life also without any struggle. Life opens up to them. One can only be fully alive if one has fully let go of either the desire or fear of death. People who on some conscious or unconscious level either desire or fear death (usually both), can never come to know what it means to be fully alive. Granted, this realization that I had in Switzerland isn't something that became fully embodied on a permanent basis —I'm certainly not fully enlightened yet (if ever)— but the realization did have a tremendous impact nevertheless and it is probably the most impactful insight that I've ever had.

You're such a treasure for folks on this forum. Moreover, people who commited suicide out of depression from the pursuit of enlightenment would probably changed their mind if they'd read what you say here Bravo !

I have not been referring to the OP. I have been referring to responses to the OP. No I shouldn't. I am concerned about both depressed incels as well as women that are sexually objectified and used for sex with disregard for their wellbeing. If depressed incels end up committing suicide, it does not justify objectifying and using women for sex with no regard for their welfare. I would try to help the man in pursuing women in a way that involves mutual consent and mutual desire. If an incel is not in this place, he needs to work through his issues. It is not right to use women as sexual objects to treat one's own depression. You are seeing this from the male's perspective, not the female's perspective. Yes, you have said this several times. I understand. I actually think we have quite a bit of common ground, yet our communication is not on the same frequency. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

@Consept Yeh definitely understanding is great! I just never thought that people feel relief when they first start finding out new things about their sexuality, I thought it is mostly shocking or at least like a weird territory kinda feeling. It seemed kinda natural and true to think this, because these kinds of people have much higher suicide rates than heterosexuals, in which I cannot find a relationship with relief, but it might be more complex than that. I might ask more people about this...

@hundreth You didn't deny that reality was a hallucination you just questioned why I wouldn't commit suicide. There's no point in suicide when you are already dead.

I've always been uncomfortable with the abortion debate because it's all very difficult to reconcile. I think both sides really suck, and there is no part of the issue that doesn't. That said, I'm very pro-choice. And I always had this intuition that it would be really dystopian and oppressive if the government came in and banned abortion. You'd see a rise in back-alley abortions, suicide, infanticide, and child abuse to force women to carry a child and give birth. And it would also lead to lots of abandoned children and children given up for adoption, which would add further weight to the foster care system which is already packed with unadopted kids. So, even though I agree that a fetus is a life in the general sense of the word, I think it's a much better solution to let women make their own decisions with their bodies. And that's because death really isn't the worst thing in the world. Suffering is. So, I think banning abortion would lead to more suffering... and likely just as many, if not more, deaths.

@Farnaby Check out Metta meditation, you will learn to cultivate that feeling of love within you. You begin by feeling love towards things that you already love (conditionally). Then you can expand that love to eventually include everything in the universe, including your worst enemies and all the things you hate about yourself (unconditional). "May all beings be happy" is a great mantra to bring about that state of absolute loving acceptance, at least for me. But you have to do it very sincerely. Realize that deep down you really want EVERYONE to be happy, realize it and see how you feel. If that's too difficult at first, imagine everybody you know, also people you hate going through extreme suffering. Horrible diseases, cancer, aids, chemical burns, extreme depression, suicide etc. Now it should be much easier to feel the compassion, then just expand it to include more people, including yourself. Imagine yourself comforting yourself, hugging yourself for going through so much unnecessary suffering. Hope this helps mate

I’m not an expert if social dynamics in the UK, yet I do have some experience. I’ve traveled to dozens of foreign countries, many of which were predominantly white. I currently live in a poor community that is about 50% black and 50% white. The school system has collapsed, unemployment is about 50%. Crime, abuse, alcoholism and drug addiction is high. I’ve volunteered with alcoholics, drug addicts, prison system and psychiatric wards with people of various socio-economic and ethnic backgrounds. At the individual level, I don’t give higher priority to the suffering of one ethnicity over the other. If I’m in a hospital with a woman that just attempted suicide after years of abuse, my empathy and compassion is not influenced by the color of her skin. To me, what you are getting at is wealth inequality that leads to corruption, abuse of power and suffering. I see it everyday in my community. Being penniless is a major stressor, regardless of one’s ethnicity. Poverty and being on the edge of survival can contribute to mental illness and domestic violence. This is something we can all come together on. Economic justice is one of my highest values. And the ultra wealthy billionaires want the current system of economic injustice. Part of that game is to divide people along ethnic lines. Black vs brown vs white. The last thing they want is the poor and working classes to come together. I would place this economic class injustice as a higher priority than racial injustice. If we can move toward economic justice for all, a lot of the racial injustices will begin to survive. One source of racial tension is that so many people are poor and living paycheck to paycheck. In this hyper survival mode, racial differences het leveraged. Economic injustice is a major issue, yet that doesn’t erase cases of injustice that are disproportionate to black and brown people. At a population level, their are injustices that disproportionately affect minorities. Those are not the only issues we should address, yet they are still issues to be addressed. For example, in most western countries, black and brown people have disproportionately less access to healthcare, education and upward mobility. Black and brown people are disproportionately impacted by racism. Does this mean that white people are never affected by low access to health care, education and upward mobility? Does this mean white people never face racism? Of course not. Yet does this mean we should neglect disproportionate power and oppression. We can address both. This is one reason I resonate with Bernie so strongly. He understands both. He understands how wealth inequality and disproportionate wealth power structures negatively impact poor people of all ethnicities. And he understands how racism disproportionately affects people of certain races. And I like how his top priority is to go after wealth inequality. I think doing so will relieve a lot of underlying racial tensions.

You did not understand me at all, just to stuck in your emotions, my post was about human general reaction toward such approach. You do not know anything about me, or where I was born , it might come as surprise to you, but white people live in way more countries then USA are you well informed about how white people live in different parts of world? I can tell you few stories too, just to show how silly your compromising are , about white males, who grew up in dysfunctional families, in worse poverty then you have in USA, not being able to afford anything they had to make their living by stealing, being looked down like they are trash by everyone and being told to anyone that comes into contact with them to stay away from them, not bad people, just desperate circumstances, years passed but nothing could change constant physical and psychological abuse by everyone around them pushed them to limit to commit worst of crime , killing in attempt to get money from old lady, Now the time I saw both of them 3 years ago they were out from prison, one was completely mentally damaged,like beaten dog, other had just lost his brother who committed suicide, completely depressed about life, last year I visited one who lost brother committed suicide too .

Wednesday January 15th to Thursday January 16th Let's talk a bit about suicide and suicidality, shall we? I had wanted to write an essay about this and post it here on the actualized.org forums, but I have forsaken that plan, at least for now, because I had both lost the inspiration to write that essay any further (I had already started it), and it also felt to be a bit more controversial and intense than I really felt comfortable with. It simply didn't feel right to post it. The insights and arguments I used in that essay, and the way I was going to convery them, can be very frightening to certain people because I addressed there some of the worst and darkest human fears, and also one of the greatest taboos and collective delusions. The final conlusion, however, is a hopeful and positive one. I'm going to talk about it now anyway, so buckle up and read it at your own risk, or otherwise just don't read it at all. I'm not going to be as provocative or intense as I was going to be in that essay, though. Okay Sometimes I read these stories of people having suffered from major depressive episodes, and/or forms of anxiety, and/or all other kinds of mental problems, and having been through a long time of all this sometimes intense suffering, they end up committing suicide. And when I read something like that, I can't help to wonder why this person allowed him/herself to be in such a position of this state of deep suffering for so many years? It's one of the things I fail to really grasp about other people: Why are some people willing to encounter massive amounts of suffering and still aren't willing to actually put an end to it for years and years, and sometimes even decades? (It's not essential here whether 'putting an end to it' means suicide or changing their life around) I can understand it from a superficial intellectual position, but I can't really resonate with the attitude of these kind of people at all. Like really, you've been going through bouts of deep depression and despair for like 10 years straight, and still you don't think that perhaps it's time to make some drastic changes in your life? No? 10 years of torment still isn't sufficient enough? Need some more? Well, you'll get more. What else do you expect to happen? Do you think some miracle will take place in your life and overnight all of this suffering will be miraculously abolished? You're not Eckhart Tolle! It perplexes me... I understand what these people are doing though. Most likely they are addicted to some or many forms of distraction so that they do not have to face their own emotions and their fears. They avoid the existential yet rather necessary questions that they would need to ask to themselves if they truly want to put a stop to their suffering, because asking those questions would mean they would have to confront very frightening possibilities. So what they do is that they are willing to settle for a long-term terrible life prospect so that they don't have to face some even more intense short-term pain and suffering that comes with confronting your inner demons. But of course, if you do gather the courage and confront the demons, it will be your first step out of that nightmare you have found yourself in. But some people are just too afraid. Ironically, the one thing they truly should fear is their cowardice, because their cowardice is the reason they have found themselves in that position and the reason they will stay stuck in it. From a rational standpoint, there is nothing to be more afraid of for them than their cowardice. But of course, it's not like many of these people haven't tried to change their lives at multiple points, but they have failed the commitment to stick with it. You can address multiple reasons to why that has failed, but one way you can put it is that the primary reason that they have failed to commit to changing their lives, is the fact that it wasn't obvious enough to them that they absolutely HAD to. This is how it all changed for me. When I started having intense panic attacks in early 2013, at some point I started having this very painful but very intense sense of urgency. I realized that if I allowed myself to be a coward for just even a second, then how I was I ever going to have peace with the fact that I had been living life less than what was optimal? This awareness and this urgency was so clear and so sharp, that awareness that something HAD to be done, that it kind of felt like having a black hole right behind my back and that if I did allow myself to be a coward for even one second, I was going to be sucked up by this black hole, and this black hole would take me straight to the deepest layer of hell. That's how it felt sometimes back then. For me it was just very clear (at least so I thought at the time) that there was no rational argument as to why I would allow myself to be controlled by fear, and I didn't see how I was going to forgive myself had I allowed myself to succumb to fear. On top of that, I also had a strong sense that if I allowed myself to believe in one excuse, then why not the second excuse, or the third excuse? I was using an audio program for overcoming panic attacks at the time in which the guy really emphasized the importance of taking action, and he also told about people who didn't overcome it because they weren't willing to face their fears. I back then had not estimate as to how courageous I really was or wasn't in comparison to other people suffering from anxiety attacks, so I absolutely dreaded the possibility of me failing to live up to the challenge and sliding back into this hell realm that I was struggling to get myself out of. For me, that possibility seemed very real and I wanted to do absolutely everything I possibly could in order to try to prevent that. Having that been the start of the beginning of my awakening process, I now find it so difficult to understand why other people who from an outer viewpoint appear to be going to similair or even worse struggles, how other people like that do not feel this intense sense of urgency to change. And so when I see people like that, I can only wonder: Do they not realize? Do they not care enough? Isn't it obvious enough to them? Those people might say about themselves that they simply lack the willpower, or the courage or whatever. They might even start believing that they're a hopeless case. But I will say differently: They simply don't understand. It's not clear enough to them. Because actually, the urgency isn't even so much about needing to improve and change their life around, but it's about putting a stop to all of it, in whatever means possible. All it takes is one honest moment for such a person and to admit to themselves: This NEEDS to stop. In whatever way possible, this absolutely NEEDS to stop. And yes, maybe they'll come to the decision that the idea of changing their life around and rising out of their misery isn't worth it for them, or perhaps they may think it's not even possible (for them), and they end up committing suicide. And you know what? To me, that's absolutely fine. It's fine because at least they finally made a conscious decision to face death. To improve your life for the better by working really hard on yourself and to rise out of it is also facing death, and you could argue that perhaps that would be the better decision, but whether it's suicide or dedicated self-actualization, at least they FINALLY, FUCKING FINALLY put a stop to all of it. You see my sentiment here? If someone puts an end to their torment that may have been going on for years or even decades by committing suicide... Good for them. At least they finally made that decision to face death. All I truly care about for those people is for them to be relieved from their struggle, whatever route they may take to get to that point. I don't really hold judgement against people who commit suicide. I do feel like there was potential for more for them in this life and in that way it's perhaps a bit unfortunate, but hey, perhaps in a next life they will choose good circumstances to incarnate (if that's actually what happens, idk for sure) and maybe they will give a much better shot at it this time. I don't really like the way people regard suicide as 'tragic'. Because this whole notion of it being 'tragic' creates such a taboo around this topic, just as there is a taboo about death in general in the west. One can start feeling very guilty towards their own suicidal feelings because they are both feeling guilty towards themselves for wasting their potential, and towards others (relatives and friends and so forth) for hurting them by that person choosing to commit suicide. People get conditioned that suicidal feelings are not okay, although people may not directly say it that way to them. So people hide it, both from others and from themselves. But just because you're hiding it doesn't mean you become less suicidal. In fact, the very guilt creates an inner conflict between the death drive within them that wants a release from their suffering on one side, and both their fear of death and the guilt they feel on the other side. And ironically, because the person starts fighting against the suicidalit feelings and thoughts because they are 'unwished for', the more that person reinforces their guilt, starts creating more inner struggle, making them more miserable, and because they are more miserable, suicide becomes even more attractive as a for of release from it all. In fact, it becomes a form of hope. Many people are too afraid to fully commit to life because they fantasize about suicide as an option. "If all else fails, I can always still simply end my life". If you romanticize and put your hopes suicide (even if you do it unconsciously), then how can you expect such a person to really go all-in on life? It won't happen. It won't happen because people don't get anywhere if they half-ass something. Full determination can only happen if the alternative is not considered as an option anymore (actually, this is not true at higher stages of consciousness. But I'd say for most people that that statement is true). What do you think you are going to achieve if the option of suicide is always in the back of your mind? You will lack devotion, because you are not fully sure of yourself that this is really want you want to be doing. When I was getting out of my panic attacks in 2013, suicide, for some reason I still don't really know for sure, is just something I didn't even want to consider for a single second. The idea of it just seemed so dreadful, that I couldn't even permit myself a single second of fantasizing on the possibility. Because of that reason, I HAD to go all-in on life. And therefore, I've gotten to the point I've gotten to now where I've grown tremendously in the past 7 years (although my attitude has shifted quite a bit over the course of these 7 years, but that's a different story) I understand that not every person automatically has this commitment right from the start. Maybe not everybody sees suicide as something that is not an option for themselves in the way I felt it. Maybe in some way, I was fortunate. If I can't invoke a feeling of commitment and devotion in a person even if I really clearly explain that not making a decision in their position is not going to give them a better life than they already had, then certainly there are more alternatives. One thing I can do is try to take away their suicidal guilt. Much of the suicidal feelings come from the fact that the person feels guilty about the suicidal feelings to begin with. It's a vicious circle. I will explain to them why they don't have to feel guilty towards other people for it ("It might be a relief to them", "It may take them on a new path, a new journey to find out the meaning of their lives", "It may confront them with the truth of death, which isn't comfortable, but in the end, truth is inevitably going to be faced so merely acclerate the process for them") I would also take away the guilt they feel towards themselves for the idea that they're a coward for doing it or wasting their own potential ("What do you mean it's weak? Do you realize how much courage it takes to face death like that?", "Why should you have any obligations to fulfill to actualize your potential? Where is this responsibility other than your own ideas about it? Why should you not be able to be a coward?") "Won't that make them more likely to commit suicide then?", you may ask. It's possible, but probably not. Besides, whether they do or don't end up committing suicide is not the point, remember? If you can relieve someone from the guilt they carry around their suicidal feelings, you will take away a large part of their suffering, and therefore a large part of their suicidality. Imagine if this person actually gets it and suddenly becomes completely okay with the idea of them committing suicide. But I say completely okay with the idea. You might not realize the relief that this actually invokes. I had an awakening on the topic of suicide in november 2018 whilst I was on a trip (not a pyschedelic trip) in Switzerland. I actually had been suicidal in 2017 (You might be curious as to how and why that happened. You can find more details on that on the justpaste.it link in the very first post of this thread) And in november 2018, I wasn't actively suicidal, depressed or desperate or anything, but there was this sort of strange fear that I might end up committing suicide at one point in the future, and i dreaded the idea. Will edit this further later. Need to take some rest now.

Me? F'In millions. I'm on social media posting my research ALL the time and adding value by providing info. What are you talking about? For example I'm adding value now by exposing bullshit everyone's eating from Mooji. I provided enough info to make up your own mind with common sense (lets not jump into cognitive dissonance because we feel strongly towards someone and afraid our beliefs will get shattered.) THERE are people in his cult committed suicide. Ya great help. AND He's preaching bullshit. Why would anyone advocate this? Just because some people in here feel "strongly" and attached to him doesn't mean mooji is a "guru"as many as you want them to think. He helped No one. NOt one person. Everything I stated is what a guru is a true "buddha". And MOOJI is not one. How do you know what "mooji" would say. Do you know him personally? are you his cult follower? I know People personally who attending HIS satsangs personally and LEFT. And there are literally 1000's of others as well leaving his 'ashram'... I seen All his shit. IF you want to keep drinking the KOOL aid be my guest. I'm done with this mooji shit and I will expose all these cult leaders even if others feel "strongly" towards them. No one said the truth is going to be easy or pretty. Most of the responses in the thread are just more new age hippy BS with 0 understanding of natural law and dwell in just abstract theories so I care little for their response. Like that watered down version of "what a shaman is". Give me a break. @Visionary knows a bit, I can tell. Hence why you were tagged. You're still a neophyte. One day padawan.

After last psychoanalysis session it turned out I repressed my homosexual feelings, so they were stored in my unconscious. It induced fear in me and I found it disgusting. Now I have intense fear in my abdomen and intrusive thoughts that I will never accept my sexuality fully because of my family conditioning and will get stuck in this conflict and commit suicide. 2 years ago in my Dark Night of the Soul I had such fear and intrusive thoughts that if I dont get enlightened I will get stuck in this hell forever. So does intrusive thoughts induce fear or fear induces intrusive thoughts? If second, then What causes that original fear that takes different forms (themes)? Also I let thoughts go and bring my focus in now and feel fear mindfully and it increases fear and something in the background craves for validation, so I think or google things which will make it calm down. I know it since my childhood and know that after just several minutes it will start to panic and crave for validation again. So I leave it to starve and bring my focus to now and just relax and be. This increases fear and sometimes I panic I will go insane, so I step back and start to think in order to feed it in the background. How many hours or days or months continually being in the now will starve that shit to death?

Hello Seekers, Marking my first post on this forum, I share some recent experiences. This is a long post. I assure that you will likely find it to be worth the read by the end. I divide it into 8 sections. 1. Background context 2. Ayahuasca: healing and insights into non-duality 3. Being allured by the devil, choosing to invite him in. 4. Final realizations 5. Current situation, Reflections, and Speculations 6. Acknowledgements 7. Plan for redemption 8. Note to the reader 1. Background context (quickly) 21 year old male. Relatively early on in spiritual development. I have followed Leo increasingly over the past three years. In the past 4-6 months the seeker within me has grown significantly. I have consumed many of Leo’s videos and read many of your posts here on the forum. I have commenced with reading the booklist and have sought out larger perspectives and concepts. Over the past three years I have experienced a wide variety of psychedelics (to quickly list them: 5 MEO DMT, Ayahuasca, MDMA, Psilocybin, LSD, Ketamine, 2CB, 2CE, etc.). Apart from a temporary full awakening experience (non-dual God realization) very early on (while on 5 MEO), I have not had an enormous amount of personal transformation. My transformation has only start to begin recently, when the seeker within me grew significantly stronger, leading me to start other practices. My awareness and quality of life has significantly improved since commencing Kriya Yoga practice 10 weeks ago. Finally, I bring your attention to my PMO addiction issue, which has plagued my life for quite some time. I have realized elimination of this would be for the best but have failed to do so. 2. Ayahuasca: healing and insights into non-duality Now to current events. I just had the opportunity to spend a week in the Netherlands (NL). With friends (also spiritual seekers), we planned to trip on psychedelics during this week (in the correct setting: alone, in darkness). First up was Ayahuasca. For this I put decent days of preparation in, regarding diet, and abstaining from drugs and masturbation. My intentions before I began the trip were: 1. Address my PMO addiction 2. Contemplation of non-duality and attaining insights. This turned out to be the most healing and directly insightful trip of my life. I had several insights through direct experience. The biggest one being that the entire point of life is for God to re-remember itself during the unfolding of life. In addition, we are the creators of our lives, directly choosing what manifests in the world. These insights were beyond mind-blowing, and contemplation of their implications across numerous domains yielded extreme results. I realized the insight of I AM. I AM all that is or could be. I was overcome with Self-Realization. My heart burst with passion and unconditional love. I felt equivalent to the poems of Rumi, the clearest articulation of pure devotion to the world. Following this, I went into 20 mins of cosmic body orgasm, cleansing me totally, and of my dysfunctional sexual energy buildup. The next morning, I felt positively transformed but immediately felt ego backlash come on. The ego wanted its’ desires satisfied, and now. The day after this, I drank Ayahuasca again, knowing that I could contemplate my new insights even further. I ascended to a minorly high state of consciousness, allowing further contemplation of my new insight, resulting in basking in Self-Love. However, the brew turned out far weaker this time around, leading to a largely underwhelming trip. 3. Being allured by the devil. Inviting him in. Following the second Ayahuasca trip, everything was still going fine. I was in touch with my newly-realized Love and could emanate this. I felt more authentic in my interactions. Though, it felt the ego backlash was still present. This period was quite pleasant until I really fucked up. I was trying to take a nap the day after the second Ayahuasca trip. I rationalized to myself to fap to porn to assist me in falling asleep (being recently so immersed in the Absolute, I made the mistake of thinking I could do anything in the relative). I proceeded to follow through with my plan. I thought nothing of it. Though a deep part of me certainly knew what I did was wrong. Another planned trip was 5MEO during my time in NL. So, thinking nothing of it, I proceeded to do c. 22mg intranasally 30 mins after my fap. What followed was the most terrifying ordeal of my life. Tying in with my realization of the mechanics of Self-Creation on the first Ayahuasca trip, I realized I had just sold my soul to the devil through my fap 30 mins prior. Having been at a place of higher awareness than I ever have been before due to the first Ayahuasca trip, the fact that I traded this for simple pleasure was agonizing. The ignorance and impurity of what I had done shot me right through the deepest part of my soul. I had let the Devil in through the simplest of rationalizations. Though, despite the Devil working through deception, I chose it. This was what made the experience so entirely unbearable. I instantly understood the imagery of those in Dante’s circles of Hell, damned there for eternity for losing themselves to lust and pleasure. I understood it so well because this was where my soul now resided. I immediately recognized the implications of this for every aspect of my life. I was deeply broken in the deepest sense. I was no longer the same person. My soul was not mine anymore. I was filled with impurity to my core. It appeared I was eternally damned. Suicide was likely what was in store for me, as I could not take the agony of my own ignorance. I pictured myself as Nietzche, having gone mad, through peering too far into the abyss and not re-emerging. In the deepest sense I now understood the following two quotes (Jung’s quote of the soul reaching all the way to hell was agonizing apparent): “The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either -- but right through every human heart -- and through all human hearts. This line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the years. And even within hearts overwhelmed by evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained.” Alexander Solzhenitsyn “No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” Carl Jung I slowly exited the trip, the suffering still deep in my soul. To shift from Unconditional Love to this state within 48 hours was unthinkable. Since, this pain has largely remained. I am merely trying to fend it off. I know that the more it affects me, the more power the Devil / Weticko (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJCJSwWyE8) has over me. 4. Final realizations (48 hours later) To mark the last day of my trip in NL, my friends and I took MDMA. When it hit, I became acutely aware of the evil spirits in my soul. The feeling was sickening. Naturally, I screamed in agony for 15 mins, to try to purge myself of the evil spirits. However, this effort was futile. The spirits were too strongly entrenched in my soul. I did realize the similarity of my situation to Jung’s descent into madness during his time of writing the Red Book. Also, the descent of Shamans into the underworld during their training. The successful Shamans were the ones to emerge again. I also understood Jung stance on psychedelics: being dangerous if too much of the collective psyche gets into an individual’s personal unconscious (this was now the case for me). I realized I would have to return to the depths of hell to defeat this evil. I was reminded of when Jesus was tempted by the Devil in the desert. I was no Jesus, I failed the test. 5. Current Situation, Reflections, Speculations It is now 48 hours after I have returned from NL. I am under more distress than I ever been in my life. I am due to start a new internship tomorrow and am highly doubtful as to it turning out well. I am not in my normal state of mind. Functioning properly will be very difficult. My soul feels fragmented. I have certainly been corrupted by the Devil / Weticko. Though, I am unsure if energy-feeding beings have also attached themselves to me. This very well might be the case. See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9PC4V_IWtg. I fear I may have to go through the process of Shamanistic healing known as Soul Retrieval. It feels like my personal power have certainly diminished. Despite this hardship and loss of control, my will is strong. I am not going down with this parasite I have invited into myself. I will face it and come out better the other side. I speculate that I have accumulated a lot of bad Karma because of my impure action (especially at heightened state of awareness), and I am storing this in my mental and energetic bodies. My plan for resolution is to drink Ayahuasca again in NL within one week and face the parasite. I know I must accept the evil in my soul if I am to return to non-duality. However, I hear if it is an entity feeding off me, it should be banished (see the video linked above). So, the contradiction of accepting the evil vs banishing it has me slightly confused. In any case, I feel from my depths that I can resolve this. I now know how evil (the ego) was running me and no longer want any part in it. The Absolute Good is stronger than the ego in me. Though, I must address the issue before losing hope or becoming weaker. 6. Acknowledgments - This entire issue is self-created. I chose to invite the Devil into my soul because of my own actions. If I had simply addressed my impurity beforehand, none of this would have occurred. - Good / Evil exist in duality. Non-Duality is Truth. However, evil certainly exists subjectively in the collective psyche, and now my personal psyche. I feel this must be resolved before I return to Non-Duality. - My recklessness and arrogance in my psychedelic usage. Beware of ego backlash on this journey! In future, I will have far greater respect for their usage. - Many people would now consider me to be insane if I were to explain the source of my suffering. I would likely be labelled with some sort of psychiatric disorder. 7. Plan for Redemption I have mentioned my plan to drink Ayahuasca again in NL within a week. Until then, I must bear my suffering. I will lower the intensity of my Kriya Yoga and meditation practices. I also will research information on the topics of: 1. Spiritual Emergencies 2. Religious Symbology of Good + Evil 3. Exorcism / Shamanic Healing 4. Descent and Re-emergence from the underworld/madness. I’ve also contacted a therapist to assist in preventing the PMO issue from ever surfacing again. I hope they will function as an accountability partner and provide me with CBT. 8. Note to the reader To all of you, I thank you for any input you may have. I hope this post functions to make you more mindful of your impurities before venturing too far down this path. I likely won’t be able to respond in-depth, if at all, to your replies until this is resolved. I will certainly read them though.

I decided to share little story of how my life changed in past year and a half and video of Me Bungee Jumping hehe After a long struggle of depression I had yet again had one more of those emotionally devastating moments , and that one was where I got scammed for 4k in the US(Work&Travel Program) and that was the money I worked hard for two months. With 4k in Serbia you can live one year without working comfortably and I was negatively motivated for independence at home… So that was my breaking point when I decided who I will be, and I finally chose not to be a Victim. From that moment I new I had to change and take responsibility of my life! The drive for fixing my life was created. I accepted the Life Journey! All this led to everything I tipped below. Bungee Jumping vid-131591018-054832-815-5gafpvsbmp4.compressed.mp4 Here is the Video I decided to face one of my fears and bought a coupon The though of Bungee was excited at first and but I delayed and procrastinated the jump for the last day of my reservation, it was a 3 month coupon The night before the jump came is when I started freaking out. I couldn't sleep that night. When the moment came and I was waiting for the set up my mind went CRAZYY "What em i doing here in the middle of nowhere at 7 am bungee jumping alone? Are you nuts? Lets just go home, its fine, we will do it next time. Lets just turn away and go home. What if the bungee snaps, you are dead!" And all the excuses my mind could project... I did not listen my mind. I hopped in the balloon and it started getting higher and higher . I felt my heart pumping and I got dizzy. The moment came and the guy casually said,us that was hes who knows what flight : "Okay, here is what you are going to do: Put your leg there, and jump over the edge of the balloon and jump" "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THERE IS NO WAY IM JUMPING OVER THERE! EDDIEEEE, DONT DO IIIT,YOU GONNA REGRET THIS ! " My mind was going nuts, i was really scared. I hopped on the edge and said "OKAY, THIS IS IT, IT IS NOW OR NEVER" I knew that if i set there for 5 more seconds i would give up. I just LET GO and JUMPED In an instant the FEAR vanished . I was in the present moment filled with excitement. The first thought that came up after the present moment was "DO IT AGAIN. OMG! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL! WHY WAS I SO AFRAID ?" I was really proud of myself , BRAVO EDDIE! I didn't know I was smiling all the way hehehe From that moment i know that the best things in life awaits you is on the other side of fear ! Is taking LSD close to this? Heheheheeh Here are my addictions and achievements after that moment I decided not to be a Victim . Addictions and difficulties i overcome: Cigarets Alcohol Weed Porn Addiction Gambling Gaming Addiction Depression and Suicide Thoughts Junk Food Lost 20 kg Low Self-Esteem Good Guy Syndrome Break up 3 years of toxic relationship and let go of successful business that I started with her the same year,so I could play Football ( that’s a big vision) and everyone laughed at me What I Achieved : Started playing Football again after 7 years(Became my LP) . I made it to FirstTeam after 6 mouths and decided to move to a better Team in other City Reading Books Meditating Fix my diet . Intermittend Fasting and got to be a Vegetarian Yoga and Exercise Nootropics Cold Showers every day NoFAP , SemenRetension - I sometimes wake up at night knowing all the answers I struggled that day Football was a steppingstone for finding my real LP after tearing my meniscus and ligament in my right knee( Ego BackLash from overtraining) Leap of Faith to a new City with limited money and no job so I could work on my LP. (I lived with Toxic Family and in RED/BLUE City with 7k population xD) Removing toxic people from my life Transitioned from toxic Blue/Orange to Orange/Green/Yellow and now working on Teaching Yugoslavia to Actualize, reading SystemsBooks and how I can apply it in 90%Blue country ahhahahahha the transition I made WTF Exploring spirituality and God Got to trip on low dose mushrooms Contemplation Gratitude and Tears of JOY Lucid and Astral Projection Enjoying the Process etc. My goals this year are : Work on past traumas ( I would not get started on those xD) Shamanic BreathWork, Pranayama ,Chakras OMAD VippassanaRetreat LSD trip Launch my Business Healthy Green Relationships Tantric SEX and exploring Sexuality Integrate Green and work on Yellow etc. Yes, I wanted to share my achievments, but what im more proud about is inspiring others to take the journey and believe that everything is possible! I know that all my life and suffering I went through has prepared me for this, like a bamboo tree waiting to break through. And the worst moments in my life are now the best moments that ever happen to me.. Ofcourse I had Homeostasis kicking in every change I made and ofcourse I had Resistance and Backslides but that’s the part of the process. Deciding to go through the hard moments is when life becomes EASY! I would never believe that i will be where i em now. But here i em, and im just getting started! I em really Grateful I accept the Journey and I will never forget that night, I think around 20th May 2019 when I was lonely, because no one could understand me and the path I have taken. I decided to search for a video on How to deal with Loneliness and a weird looking guy with shiny head popped out to make my life really fucking interesting (check the pic on the video xd) @Leo Gura Im Grateful for fining you! Thank you and the Impact you are having on this world! And the people on the forum, thank you for actualizing, being authentic and thus making the world a better place <3 Bigupyourself Love <3

I wasn't thinking about it until now so thanks LOL Sad as it is, when I've been at my worst mentally I used to think to myself "God, give me the cancer and not someone else" so I could be dying and it wouldn't be my fault (i.e. not suicide) - I don't mean to sound flippant to cancer sufferers, my mother died a horrible death with lung cancer but these are intrusive thoughts I kept having that cancer would be a way out without the shame on my family of a suicide Since life has got better, I don't think like this. I've always been baffled how the anxious mind works, as you probably know I have a history of anxiety disorder but have never really worried about dying and it's never kept me up at night. A million trivial things has caused me to worry myself into insomnia, but not dying. Always found that strange. More people probably spend their days, weeks, and years in a state of panic about losing their job or their wife cheating on them, or their neighbour trimming the hedge excessively, but they don't give a second thought to the fact they are soon to be dead in the grand scheme of things I mean we are all literally dying physically. 120 years from now, all the 7 billion odd people that are here now will be 6 feet under or cremated. That's weird to think. Just think in 120 years no one will be alive that's alive now (probably).

I am considering If I only will Awaken if i totally surrender my fear of death. All kind of practices, including psychedelics, it seems they can help a lot, some more than others but the fact is much of my suffering and emotional problems are rooted to my fear of death. They are rooted indeed as Leo has said with survival. I can´t help but to think that my liberation will only come if I surrender myself totally and one day let go trying to survive. This doesn´t mean that I will commit suicide. This will mean that I will let go of trying to control anything. This would implie leaving my job and any fear of not seeing my relatives again, I´ve always felt a very attraction to the mountains/nature, lately I been imagining my Awakening will happen when I can´t take the pain that the "I" creates anymore and I stop giving attention to the "I", trusting my "heart", walking to a mountain with no food but just focusing on my breathing and letting go of any thoughts of fear until I free myself of myself. Some people might call this reckless but again, I am just trying to be realistic. pd: I yet haven´t tried significant doses of psychedelics though, and neither long-spiritual retreats. I´ll wait and not jump into conclusions until I try this two options for some time, but something tells me I don´t think I´ll get Awakening withouth true surrender and total courage and faith in the heart. And this can´t come from an external source (spiritual practice or method).

I am not interested in the current way that society treats mental health because it is more focused on monetizing the treatment of patients rather than working at the root, and finding a cure. I have had too many individual experiences with- as well as friends and family members suffering from -addiction, depression, suicide, anxiety, to believe that the current health care system in America cares about our health. The individuals on the ground floor are often great people. But you stick a diamond in a shitter and it is still going into the sewer.

Seek professional help immediately. Therapy, psychiatrist, hotlines. Please get help. New age, enlightenment, meditation are not the answer. Please get professional, licensed, scientific help. You are suicidal. Please get professional help first. It is obvious: if that person seems strange to you or if sitting for 4 hours is not your things, then don't do it. Enlightenment is not what you think it is. Write that word on a piece of paper and burn it. Get professional help please. Do it right now. Suicide hotlines: https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

@purerogue This is very dangerous advice to someone who is suicidal. The first step is to get help from a professional who is licensed and has dealt with other patients in a professional setting. He needs 1on1 help to save his life, not some bogus advice on a forum. @Svartsaft Please get professional help. Please consider to stop looking for answers on this forum. You won't find the help you need here. Here is a list of international suicide hotlines: https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

Can someone tell me why this killing of General Solaimani and the other high ranking Iranian military men will not result in acts of terror on US soil? During upcoming political rallies, why won't there be suicide bombings that kill hundreds of US citizens? And how long will it be before US-built drones flown from within the country, disguised as media cameras, selectively shoot down American politicians? I don't understand the strategy of Trump's administration. Is he the puppet of multinationals? What are the names of the people telling him what to do? Or is he the toddler that so many of us take him for that mistakes the United States for his personal dick extension? The heads of states of the other super powers, their advisors and their minion countries' politicians have been at this chess game for a very long time. Who out there is wringing their hands with glee? The road from Orange to Green for the US and Europe is long and arduous.

No, I'm saying that I was ready to throw everything out, I was miserable, but I changed, my mind changed and it saw that the problem was in me. I entered spirituality from self-actualization, it's a natural progression, but I started with self-actualization because my life was not working for me, I had myself stuck in a very, very long depression and my self-esteem was completely shattered. A lot of us are not so different, at all, we're at different stages of our developmental growth. I know that it doesn't make sense that's because you need to have that insight first. How do you "tell" someone what they're lacking, in such a way that they get that insight. You can't The only thing you can do is to show that there is light on the other end of that tunnel, but it's not easy to get there, it will take a lot of work. But it is worth it. Just remember that you have to throw everything you think you know and hold true out the door in order to allow yourself to see anew. A lot of people end up "here" due to crisis. I had multiple. Personal/relationship crumbling, work was killing me and then my niece committed suicide. There was not one single point at which I suddenly realized that my way of being no longer worked for me. It was over a period of a couple of years, where these event unfolded in sequence. Consider this, if you are looking for something, what is it inside you that resist taking in what may be your own salvation? The kick in the nuts is that it's all deceptively simple... in retrospect.