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Productivity as a Part of Trauma Normally the observation I have made is that the more trauma I release and the more I work on my mental health, the more productive I become. However, I'm also thinking of the possibility of it being the other way around where I have trauma related to productivity. I have touched on this before in my "Smart=Safety" post where I discuss how I avoided doing certain tasks because I associated it with being unsafe. I also touched on the concept of undisciplined discipline. I always saw trauma as something that prevented me from working hard but now I'm also trying to see how trauma was created from working hard So basically: trauma-> not working hard vs. working hard -> trauma I have talked a lot of the first scenario but in this post I'll be talking about the second. Here are some contributing factors to the second category. 1. Late capitalism: Yesterday I went on about a whole thing internally of being a souless cog in the machine. I also have trauma related to being put in a competitive environment growing up and I began equating my sense of self with how much I could produce, well in this case how much work I could do. I realized that this was toxic and I swung waaay too far in the other direction. I also find myself being hopeless about the future. It appears as if late capitalism has made us all into drones. There are the middle class to poor people struggling to make ends meet and have fulfilling lives because in order to support themselves they need to dedicate their lives to work. I've also been exposed to rich people who pursue status even if they are well to do and have the choice to pursue a life purpose because they have been fed the notion of "you are what you own, you are what you make, and you are you're job position." Apart from chasing materialism a lot of these people also make themselves work crazy long hours in jobs they don't like and then that leads to the manifestation of dysfunction elsewhere in their lives. Its similar to seeing how the patriarchy is destructive towards men. Sure men get the better end of the stick just like the rich get the better end of capitalism but both parties are still psychologically affected and hurt from the system that benefits them at face value. Sometimes I also fantasize about being a housewife and remove myself from this situation all together. However, I know how that story ends and how that puts a strain on a relationship because of added obligations. It simply isn't sustainable. Even my escapist fantasy doesn't check out. It feels like there is no escape. I want to be in a place where I can be free both from the worries of how I'm going to support myself but also free to be creative and do what I want. Which leads me to the fourth scenario, being self employed and pursuing a life purpose. That is also something that seems scary to me. 2. Being afraid of hard work There is a part of me that is ashamed of being afraid of hard work. After all society always says things about glorifying working yourself to the bone. There was a period of time where I did work myself to the bone and I got the consequences from that. I was terribly burnt out and my mind just checked out one day. This went on from February 2019 all the way to about June 2019. I did learn a lot about myself and I learned to stop defining myself according to what I produce. But that period was also traumatic now that I think about it. It's like I want to coddle myself to avoid ever ending up like that again. Also my grades tanked during this time and I still have nightmares regarding that to this day. I also see hard work as pure resistance. I know that isn't true if I actually think about it. For instance, when I'm doing something I care about such as journaling, I can write a long post and not get tired afterwards. It aligns with what I genuinely want to do, therefore removing resistance. I can watch a lot of videos on personal development in one sitting with my absolute attention and not get tired. If anything it refreshes me. What is considered work and play are relative terms. I'm sure there are people who have tried to journal like this and have tried to dedicate themselves to self development but they find it exhausting work instead. There is also this quote that I'm trying to take into consideration which is something along the lines of "you're going to suffer regardless so you need to find what is worth suffering for." This quote is about finding a higher sense of purpose that makes the resistance worth it. While I am willing to agree with that, I would also add the notion of finding what kind of suffering feels like your bliss. . . . I guess both of these ultimately comes down to appreciating orange instead of only focusing on it's negatives and combining it with healthy green ideals of connection and gentleness to soften the discipline so that it doesn't become undisciplined discipline.

So, here I am! I want to share many things that happened to me yesterday and today that I realized. First, I want to describe, how I feel myself right now. Before going to the park and having that breakthrough, I felt confused and detached. After coming back, I felt more joyful and grounded on earth. I feel myself energetic, motivated and positive. I feel myself more full and "roundier". So, let's talk about my insights. I am dividing them into different topics so it's easier for you to read what you like. I am open to hear more from you (especially for the "I" topic, where I am a bit confused). 1) Misconceptions and confusion about "I": Who am I REALLY? I had yesterday three occasions where I noticed afterwards that there was something strange. The first occasion was as I cried out of joy at the park (see my post up here) I felt it was not me (the me identity) who cried, but someone other else. In fact I felt a distance between who was crying and the me identity. It was, as if my body cried on its own or that I have someone else inside of me who used the body in which I still partially identify myself to cry. The second occasion was after coming back home and having a discussion with my ex gf, who is still living with me. I felt that there was someone else who was angry at her (it was some pain body attack). In fact, as soon as I noticed it, I stopped immediately my behavior and preferred to do a step back instead of losing awareness, wasting time etc (it was a goalless discussion). The third occasion was yesterday, as I was talking with my best friend on the phone and we we were looking some funny guy on the internet. I laughed a lot. Much more than I usually would do for that. I felt it was not Vittorio who laughed, but someone else. And I felt it was natural to laugh so much. So it seems there are two different entities inside of me: one, the "bad" one, which is the one I identified myself with. This is the passive one, the resentful one etc. The other entity, the "good" one, is the one who is joyful, has understanding for the situation, is wise and know what's the best thing to do, can be present, can show gratitude, appreciation and joy (and much more). So, who am I? The "bad" one or the "good" one? Who governs me? What is "me"? Who is really speaking? The good or the bad entity? When I see at who am I, I see noone and nothing. It seems that my thoughts and everything I perceive come out of nowhere. If I close my eyes and focus on being, it seems as if all perceptions were in the same realm and if I were there in the middle, together with all these perceptions, in some kind of primordial soup and that's the true core of reality and what I am. 2) Ego was what brought me here, now I have to let it go to move forward To pursue enlightenment there must be some ego driven motivation to let the ball roll and start pursuing it. After a while, you'll understand that ego gets in your way and that will either slow you down or prevent you from reaching deeper awakenings. This means I must: Become aware of what's left of my ego and how it works Stop giving my ego attentions and letting me govern from it Be mindful and avoid mental chatter and monkey mind Understand which ways does my ego use to slow me down from awakening (e.g. sense of proudness, sense of moral superiority, sense of achievement etc.) Stay in the Being as long as possible and make it my standard condition 3) Stop feeling myself morally better and cool I understood why enlightened people don't want to talk about them as being enlightened. First, normal people don't understand at all what enlightenment is (and are not even interested). Second, telling someone who doesn't understand enlightenment that you are enlightened make you look a fool or "that strange guy". Third, this is a ego driven attitude to feel yourself morally better and cool and feel that sense of proudness and getting approval from others. This is a problem of mine, because I try to convey unconsciously and indirectly how cool, intellectual and insightful I am to get approval and recognition. This is only mind game and make my ego stronger. Rather, it's much better to feel humilty and gratitude for the gift you received. As I said, I have to let it go or to reach fuller awakenings. It's a tradeoff. I am more than happy to do this tradeoff, but it won't be easy. The biggest misconceptions about "living in the present moment": What do people understand I understand yesterday the biggest misconception about "living in the present moment". People understand it in these ways: There is only the present moment, so I don't have to mind about consequences and I can do everything I want (even bad stuff) I must always act right now, because there is no other moment than now Do you have any doubt? Hey, there is only the now, just do it (Nike style) Well, this is NOT what "living in the present moment" means. I understand in the next point why, by talking about Mind vs Being. 4) Mind vs Being I noticed that my monkey mind is something separated from me. I noticed that Being is separated from my monkey mind, but it's the "real" me. So I understood that the true core of living Reality is the Being and with Being I mean living reality in the present moment as it is, be feeling and living itself in a raw manner with all your perceptions without any distraction, monkey mind, projections or such. This is what "living in the present moment" really means. Living without wandering off with your mind. So there is Mind and there is Being and you have to learn to use them both properly to live good. If you are in your Mind, then you are not in your Being (and viceversa) Mind nullifies Being and Being nullifies Mind. That's why meditation turn off Mind. Because the focus is on the Being and not on the Mind anymore. Mind is neurotic and falsehood, Being is calm, happiness, Love and Truth. 5) Stop trying to understand everything and go with the flow I understood that I have to take it easy and stop trying to grasp everything with my mind. There will be the right time for me to deepen my understanding. 6) I must open myself more to life and to positive feelings I have to open myself up more to life, to Love, Passion, Joy, Gratitude and let it go. These things are actually missing in my life. I am not used to feel these things, if not sporadically. I have always been result centered and pragmatic (not materialist, only pragmatic) and did not enjoy the small things. This is why it was hard to me to find a Vision or a LP. Because LP and Vision are passion driven and need clarity. You cannot have any clarity, if you are super pragmatic and task oriented. That's one of the reasons why I felt lost for so much time and didn't have any sense of direction. Luckily I have more passion than before, but I feel there is much more to do here. 7) I am randomly waking up in the middle of the night This is the second night in a row I wake up around 4.30 AM in a state of high energy and presence (so no worries or anxiety). After a while insights start plowing in. I dunno why it happens (lol I just want to sleep). Does anybody know why exactly? Some monkey mind shows up too, so I must ground myself in Being and become as much present as possible and to relax myself. I actually relaxed myself so much that after 15 minutes I went into sleep and had a crazy lucid dream experience (the second one in two days). 8) I am having crazy lucid dream experiences I had yesterday and today crazy lucid dream experiences before fully waking up. This is the first one. Yesterday I was in this big space where it was a mixture between an open space/park and a house. While sleeping I became fully consciously that I was in a dream. I started testing the dream. I pinched my arms and I felt pain. I went then on a threadmill there and start running, to see if I got out of breath and tired. And yes, it was just like "normal" reality, but it was rather another reality. So I told to myself in my dream that that was so cool I had to wake up and tell my best friend @billiesimon about it. And I did exactly that. The second one was something stranger. I was aware I was "here" and "there" simultaneously. It was some creepy silent hill decadent setting. I understood this was some kind of symbolic dream, where I had to fully exorcise a specific fear from my past caused by a paranormal activity I had in my childhood. I exorcised it in a past trip, but it seems I am still not completely over it. This time I was motivated to face it once and for all. I had no fear and felt totally in control of myself. I was there to open this door and facing my fear. And then... I woke up. Lolz, badass. 9) Reality will show up to give you hints about who you really are This is something I discussed with my best friend @billiesimon. What he felt in his direct experience is that perceptions and events are there to let you notice who you really are. I felt something like that yesterday too. As I went to the park, I felt how everything was different, as if it were the first time I was visiting that park and that reality was popping up around me as I moved. I felt as if trees, branches, leaves and the entire universe were smiling at me and invited me to move further (= here I am and here you are). I smiled and kept walking I smiled at the sun and he shined brighter, warming me with his rays I noticed the magnificence, the abundance and the perfection of reality with every single leaf, branch and grass stems After a while I sat under a big tree, put my headphones on and listened to Beatles' song "Love is all you need" and focused on grounding myself in the present moment Few seconds later I started crying a lot. Crying out of deep Joy, Gratitude, Appreciation and Love to be alive and to experience Life and I understood for some time that our existence is magic, precious and frail. That's why we don't have to waste it and rather find our bliss in what we do and do what's make us the most passionate and joyful. 10) I am probably going to do a trip this weekend I want to deepen my awakening and to root myself more into being, thus opening myself up to a more stable, profound and permanent shift. My trip intention is reaching a deeper awakening and root myself more into Being permanently.

Any civilization that survives, will have to transcend the lower ego states into higher state of consciousness after it has mastered a level of technical ability. The ego is what suffers. If they don’t transcend the ego, they will self destruct. We are now at a stage where we have the technology to annihilate ourselves with nuclear weapons. If our consciousness does not evolve, we will destroy ourselves. There is no predetermined plan that says humanity has to survive. We can be one of the failures. Higher intelligence would be living in a state of bliss. It’s either bliss or death.

Please, contemplate what I'm about to write instead of pondering over it. You are not confused about your life purpose. You only believe you are. Your purpose shines like a beacon. Despite the treacherous sea, despite the raging waves, despite the thoughts which are trying to becloud it, the light ripples through. This is your calling. This is your bliss. You know, if the world was ending right now, I would play a game of chess and lick a lollipop. How random, yet perfectly aligned with mine. If thoughts are your armor, the life purpose is where your skin begins. Side note: I absolutely adore your profile picture. I do not know you, but you are my knight. You are such a hero for searching for your highest aspiration. I love it. Main note: Your life purpose does not wait somewhere in the future. Search into the depth of the present moment instead. Trust me. That is how I have found mine. By realizing I already have it. When you sit too close to a screen, you lose track of the surroundings. Same goes for your life purpose. Maybe it is too obvious, too pure to be true, too authentic to pursue. Do shamanic breathing. I wouldn't have found mine without it.

I got it. I have a different self-esteem and believes than yours at the time you got your enlightenment. I got depression and had many setbacks in my life. I felt myself caged a lots of time and I suffered a lot, but I never had suicidal thoughts and I always strived to break free at all costs and found my way out one way or another. Many times I paid a high price for that. I have already experienced in real life and in psychedelic trips following feelings and things: - Meaningslessness - Feeling of isolation and don't being understood anymore after what I discovered - I am God - I am infinite - Reality is magic and a bliss - Everything is illusory and only a perception - Oneness - Being - Perception is "glued in" to reality - Freed myself from some kind of entity which stalked me for more than 10 years in my dreams after a paranormal activity happened in my childhood (it was a kind of self-made exorcism I did on myself) - Channeling and possession from entities and much more. So I am not a complete newbie with that. Still, I am following your suggestions and reading a new earth again (not everything, because I have most of the foundation handled, but reading the chapters I feel will help me most).

Do nothing but what your body / mind want to naturally. Don't have any grip on your experience of life, just let things happen and you will experience it to the fullest. Explain to me what advice you want, what are you suggesting exactly? If you want to do something on this world, eating survival etc. You can't be enlightened, but you can be pretty blissful. When you have awakened you can always let go of ego and experience bliss. Every now and then you might see a kid laugh his head of what is the energy that that children is giving in to at that moment? You need to give in to that too, always give in to what you are feeling (when not in survival situations) and you will create a pleasant experience for yourself if you become one with it.

Don't fall into the "entrepreneurship = heaven" trap. You can be in states of ecstasy and bliss in a 9-5 job. And you can be in states of hell and unease as an entrepreneur.

About 5 years ago I decided to dedicate a considerable amount of time to self-improvement and raising the quality of my life internally. The time I dedicated to self-actualization was taken form time I could have spent doing something else. As a result, I didn't do as well in school as I probably could have and sometimes I wonder if I would be more successful if I took a more mainstream route. Some examples that articulate this are the following Instead of pushing myself super hard, I decided to take it a little easier in school so that I have time to contemplate and improve myself. I didn't think that getting caught up in a competitive, dog eat dog mindset would be healthy for me mentally or in terms of my success. I still wanted to take things and enjoy life instead of working myself to the bone at 15. I decided to take on activities that I genuinely enjoyed as opposed to what would make me successful in say college applications. Because of that, I suppose people wouldn't see me as "standing out as a leader" because of the types of activities I was focused in. I mainly focused on things that would make me happy and creative as opposed to something that didn't resonate and/or would have felt forced like debate (I just wasn't into it at the time). During college I immersed myself in therapy and self help work because I was dealing with serious trauma. My logic was that it's best if I dealt with this trauma early on instead of having the trauma sabotage me in the future. I limited the activities I took on in college and the amount of time I spent socializing. In other words I didn't see the typical college experience. My college experience was mainly me meditating and contemplating which were much more inward focused rather than doing things that were more outward focus such as socializing. Granted I ran into a handful of personal issues that I felt required me to take more time to myself instead of spread myself too thin, however, I could argue that most people who encounter something like this push through it any way and still focus their energy outwards and don't try to stop and be conscious of what's actually going on inside. At least from what i see, those people have more normal and successful lives but then again, I don't know these people and what's going on in their heads. This might be a case of the grass being greener on the other side. I've tried to hold my values and my desire for peace and authenticity over success. If I'm going to be honest, sometimes I don't know if I have made the right decision. Sometimes I look at people who haven't done this work and wonder if ignorance is bliss. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been more successful and fulfilled if I hadn't spent so much time contemplating and working on myself? Sometimes I also wonder if the work that I have done on myself will actually pay dividends and yield to even more success and fulfillment, may be not now, but down the line. What are yall's thoughts on this? Have yall experienced anything similar? Have yall had doubts on whether to continue self actualization in any part of the journey?

I usually don't get past the image part of Nithyananda. Coversations usually end after endless responses aginst the accusations aginst him. Do you know what will happen if i make a post here about Nithyananda? Either nobody will comment, or I will have to constantly argue aginst 20 people like yourself, who couldn't give more fuck about his teachings. And that is time wasted, see my journal to look what i acctually plan for doing. Because i have something I want to do while paying the bills, and keeping myself spiritually lubricated, thanks to Nithyananda and other gurus, hehe. There is about 10+ more videos of him talking about unclutching, if you do a simple yt search. He even copyrighted the word so you don't get the wrong definiton of what he is saying. In his book called living enlightenment 125.p there is a mention about unclutching. http://lifeblissprograms.org/e-books/pdf/le_abridged.pdf Literally what you do in my own terms is. Notice that there is a sensation or a tought arising. If it is a tought (inner voice) of your mind - then for a brief moment notice that it is there - then decide to keep unclutching. Declare your will to make that tought lose its emotional, sensational or mental impact on you. If you get lost in the tought process or feel unable to unclutch, keep deciding to unclutch, unclutch, unclutch. You will see the effects yourself if you do this for 20 minutes a day. What i feel is bliss in my manipuraka and swadishtana, depending upon what is it that i am unclutching from - fear or lust (the meaning of toughts expresses as emotion and sensation). If that is a sensation - pain, vision, picture in your mind, tiredness, agitation, resistance, anger, fear, boredom. And if you just try to unclutch from it - first of all noticing that it is there and willing to unclutch from it (distance yourself from it), discarge yourself from it, it is like turning a heavy steering wheel, it is intense, but the results can be very fast and last up to few days. The after effect of such practices is like volcano errputing in you with bliss, once you get it. Of course, it doesn't relieve you of dark night of the soul, aka - either ego backlash or suffering. That is why you use consciousness to evolve further in this journey. The actual benefits after trying, to unclutch, unclutch and unclutch - almost like a mantra to express your will to change the direction, will happen progressively over time, and there is immense benefit to trying to unclutch. The actual benefits are greater than the initial ones, your self image will improve and there will be more complete feeling of life. That is my PERSONAL experience from practicing this and other techniques. Idk, his explanation works for me. And i have watched multiple vids on unclutching, multiple times - because my motivation was to make it work, because i was so desperate at the time. There you go "well if it worked so well for you bla bla bla". The burden of proof is on you. I don't have to justify anything. It's on you. I just chose to do so, i don't know if its even worth it. Do you even meditate? I did before hand i tried unclutching and of course it works, because i just did it consistently. The bottom line is just keep deciding to unclutch, your being underestands what you are trying to do, don't worry. Or in more technical steps. 1.See what you are about to unclutch from. 2.Decide to unclutch from it for some amount of time to reduce it's impact on you - its like hitting the brakes, it just reduces the speed in a lower manner. 3.At the end of every session unclutch from even the concept of unclutching. 4.Enjoy

// THIS THREAD WILL BE UPDATED It's Day 8 of my 60-Days Shamanic Breathing challenge. Things are steep. A few nights ago during the practice, I got up from the floor and tried to drink from a water bottle. I barely remember how I grabbed it. Apparently, I was holding it upside down and all the water spilled out. How or even why that was happening my brain couldn't process. The water was gone. I also experienced a primordial form of mysticism. During one breathing, I had metaphysically gone back to a prehistoric age to fully appreciate the raw sense of taste and the power of hunger and thirst. I still vaguely remember sitting on the floor in the dark, astounded by the Beige era of living. It was so profound and mystical. In your ordinary state of mind, you sort of reduce and generalize what seems to be the lowest stage of living on the Spiral, when in fact it is utterly thoughtful, genius, intelligent beyond understanding. When you're in a different state, the whole model breaks and loops back around. During that night, I also got to satisfy the sense of hunger. My body got up and rushed to the closest source of food and water. It came back from the kitchen. It sat down in the middle of the dark. A totally fascinating process. When I'm breathing, the 10-15 minute mark is usually when things like this start happening - one of them being the utterly pure drive for food and exceptionally elevated appetite. I could literally be eating grass and be wonder-struck by it. The realization I had on day 8, today, is that a certain need exists within me. This need is to balance whatever I'm doing - or will or could be doing in the future - with adventurous mind-trips. What I mean is that once I disconnect - for a longer period of time - with lucid dreams, or vivid dreams for the sake of it, or spiritual awakenings, or other forms of letting go, I start to feel detached, depressed and emotionally dull. All life abandons me as if I've gone astray. These things mentioned put me in a state of flow, though in a way for which I do not have the correct words. Especially the dreams part is valuable for me. For a while, I forget who I am - who I think I am during ordinary waking hours - and get to play along the scenario. Yesterday's night I got to experience vividly a bomb explosion. It was ghostly terrific, yet gloriously attractive to experience. First arrived a blast wave that stroke my skin like a light breeze - and then, as I laid on the ground - eyes closed, head down, hands on the neck, came a second form of heat wave that burned my atoms down to crisp. Marvelous. 10/10 death. The dream's scenario that preceded - and one that followed - were both unlike one another, so diverse, engaging. Sometimes I get to be the leader of a crew facing a war of five nations, in which we either love each other and unite, or die; a delegate, sometimes I get to experience my nervous system being burned down to fiery remnants. I don't know if I'm like any of you regarding the river of flow, but this is what truly pulls me into life; forgetting the ordinary me and taking on identities without remembering. Godly, huh. The dreams are then appreciated only when they are over. A couple of personal side-note facts about dreams are that (1) reality awakenings are possible within what we ordinarily portrait as night dreams, though this realization in a dream doesn't imply, nor isn't tied to remembering your normal waking identity. This is a nuanced and possibly valuable observation for those trying to reach awakenings during a night sleep: You may experience profound awakenings in a dream, though such a dream wouldn't be standardly conveyed as lucid, and (2) is that 10-15 minutes of shamanic breathing before bed drastically increase the vividness and wildness of my dreams. Proceed and test. At last, I'm going insane. The definition of insanity is relative, useless and false in truth, but nevertheless... I laugh at it, but I also wonder. Sometimes when I wake up from an engaging, adventurous experience, I'm like fuck - I'm back here in the mundane. Sometimes I wish to throw it all away and stay in a vivid dream forever. (oh wait, it's happening, but you get what I mean.) Being ignorant of who I am and the purpose of the goals I have given myself is bliss. I'm not sure I'd be capable of killing myself in the ordinary sense, but if pulling a trigger inside a dream and staying there on an endless journey forever would be an option, I'd go for it. People would find me on a bed with my eyes closed, while I'd be dreaming away... dreaming and dreaming until I would - as I realize only now, right at this sentence - dream back to this exact moment. Such a complex issue that I don't even know where to begin to ask. It's like I'm stuck in an Earthly limbo of melancholic boredom and profound, interactive, enjoyable metaphysical journeys. Right now, I'm inhabiting the first. Three hours from now, this could change. I feel like an advice from a wolf that's taken 50 arrows in the back isn't enough to give me an insight anymore.

Thanks, I appreciate the guidance. It's a great pointer, i think the same as what I was trying to suggest. The moon is ametaphor here tho, so this Iam im talking about is not the Iam localized in mind /body and nor ourside of mind/body. It does not have a shape and a size, its a quality. It's beingness, cannot be pointed to directly and perfectly, because it "doesnt exist" as you say. It is not a form. But you are it. I am not trying to intellectualise here too much. I want this to be practical, not theoretical. I am pointing to the gold out of which the jewels of beings are made. Not the individual jewel. So you cant say I'm missing the sky, because that's what im pointing. Otherwise I would say that the I am has a subtle individual form. Also I have not mentioned, but the small Iam which is individuated can give up all it knows, to this great Iam which is all. The JesUS which is ALLah. To give up all concepts and definitions, to not cling to a certain way. They don't get lost, there is just a resting,purifying and purging while this giving up is done. In this resting in the greater I we become ignorant, we become newborn like babies, just like every time we go to deep sleep, but fully consciously and aware. This is the communion, this is Love, this is Light and bliss. In this state of no-self we can begin to shine more light and see our connectedness with not only those who follow our pointer, but with all beings. Not just Christians or Buddhists, not just those who share our worldview, not just humans even. all beings. This is not enlightenment yet, enlightenment happens through grace, not brute force, trickery or trying. It does not happen through intellectual understanding, but the intellectual can serve as a map. "The maps is not the territory ", but without a map you are way way way more likely to get lost. That doesn't mean to cling to the map and to say no other map is valid. And also that doesn't mean all maps are valid too. I trust my intuition and my heart on these matters. I can see when there is sincerity and authenticity, and when I am fed with some distraction. It happens through surrender and its not up to me and you. It's all up to the great IAM, the sky if you will, the @Essence

@AlphaAbundance So basically it might help to be able to stimulate the brain in that way that it opens up other areas of the body. Some do it with drugs I did it with music and sport combination. I had to pay a price for it my brainpower went down for deep thinking but my general energy level was amazingly high. It came close to the term ignorance is bliss. When you get difficult problems and you need your brain it may then be shocking to do deep thinking. Might feel depressing but it is worth a try if nothing else works. Sounds like tons of fun. What would be the benefits/purpose of this? (Fun? Energy levels?) It seems like a valuable endeavor however how does it connect to the problem of suffering from effort, having to work to live? Oh I see, are you saying like this might help to deal with the emotions or like "get my mind off" or give me some breathing room when considering this problem? Yes basically it's the feeling when you do sport with music. You have lots of energy for menial tasks. I could find a job where I did not have to think much. Then you can keep a high energy level. Once you have to start to think deep you get problems because you can't concentrate much but as long as the job is not intellectually demanding it can be nice. Physical work has some therapeutic effect. Modern life expects sometimes too much intellectual work from us. That might give you some time to recover and then you can try normal life again.

For now it's very crucial that I focus only on my own apprenticeship. Call it Intuition or whatever. I will have to bust through Obstacles until at least the End of 2021 to get to my Bliss -- while keeping an Eye on the Vision. That will be the hardest part. That I won't be consumed by everyday Life or quit to never pick something idealistic up again. Tough shit. But if it were easy, it would be probably not interesting enough to inspire me. After that I would be delighted to create a school so that new Ones have more than the University of Youtube..

Life doesn't have meaning but it can make sense. As English is a germanic language the words sense and 'sinn' have the same meaning. In Germany we say das macht Sinn. Same in English that makes sense. So basically it might help to be able to stimulate the brain in that way that it opens up other areas of the body. Some do it with drugs I did it with music and sport combination. I had to pay a price for it my brainpower went down for deep thinking but my general energy level was amazingly high. It came close to the term ignorance is bliss. When you get difficult problems and you need your brain it may then be shocking to do deep thinking. Might feel depressing but it is worth a try if nothing else works.

@AlphaAbundance Yes, the higher perspective is enlightenment/liberation or whatever one wishes to call it, but it is important to distinguish the mental idea of enlightenment with the actual experience. In simple terms, you distinguish the Self that is looking out through your eyes right now from the noisy little human self that is always grappling with problems to do with past and future. Only the present consciousness is real. This would change your entire outlook as you can imagine. Having more insights from the higher intelligence might give you a newfound purpose of some kind, or you might still prefer to chill out. There's no right or wrong, except be true to yourself. Owning a home and having basic living costs covered is incredibly liberating, though is easier said than done unless there is access to a substantial sum. Even then, there can be all sorts of restrictions around money for everyday living and it can get depressing. As for mental issues, there can be a certain lethargy caused by a lack of positive engagement with people and challenges. But if you are involved with other goals, that would likely not be an issue. But the finances are hard to get right if there's no external source of support. Sometimes I say that surviving on part-time work is a more achievable goal. Many near-death experiences end because people are told by higher powers that their mission here is not complete. If someone dies suddenly, even if by 'accident', it means their mission was complete. We are not all guaranteed to live 80 years. Suicides often have less pleasant after-death experiences because we are overriding the higher purpose when our minds make the clinical calculation that living is more painful than dying. My best advice is to take suicide off the cards and instead focus heavily on that higher purpose. People who live to old age often comment that the time passes crazy fast anyway. For your last question, the error is in thinking that the suffering is caused by situations. Some masters have lived the most mundane lives, and been in bliss the whole time. They feel joy in even the dullest of chores. It is hard to even imagine or describe it, and it is something antithetical to the ways of Western society and its consumerism, competitiveness, etc. Personally I love the pure and direct teachings of Ramana Maharshi, but there are other worthy teachers also. I hope this helps!

Haha yes, well written my friend. You know 2 years ago I wanted to quit school to so called persue enlightenment. But as you said at that time I was pretty far away from Awakening and highschool for me was preventing me from becoming enlightened. But as you said again it was based on "physiological problems" I didn't know my potential and to reach that I craved quitting. There is way more to it and whether I regret it or not I don't know. I was about to get signed off from the school at that time but in the last second changed school. Some months ago I awakened. My body is almost completely at ease all the time. I am the creator of everything and I choose my experience of life. I dont have any physiological problems when I let myself be in a ecstatic state. Not otherwise either because I chose the ego to do what's needed. This will become of major importance if you awaken, some that has gone into the bliss too deep really struggle to eat and do whats needed. This is why I believe enlightened people die, in India I've heard they chose to leave their body (die) when they are done in this world. Quitting is very bold but for me it doesn't seem like a big deal. Because I just do what needed for what will allow me to let go of ego more. First I need some kind of income to live on for gym showers, van for sleep/food. And if it doesn't work out I have 1-2 years to reapply for school and continue second year.

NO WHYS Nowhere to go or hurry No one to have a story Only appearance of a doer This illusion has allure Thoughts arise and disappear Seeing's void of a seer Sounds that utters none Forms have come and gone What's imagined isn't real Meaning, dreams, fear Emptiness has its appeal Mind aside, be and feel Spaciousness and time Contained by the devine Wondrously unknown To no ambition prone It's neither nor, and both It takes no pledge or oath No one's ever business Come bask in isness No how to explain this Let paradox be bliss Ceasing to make sense And so goes all pretence Without a disguise No-mind will need no whys By Natasha <3

Stage Turquoise Stage Indigo fused with stage Pink State stages are independent of structure stages, yet can be reached as a permanent, yet are interpreted through the lens of one's growth stage development. So, a blue experience of a non-dual experience would be most likely interpreted as mythic literal. God did do this to me. There is only one god he told me xyz. God gave me this book and told me to create this religion, all other religions are false, if they don't believe in one god. etc. I bet there are better examples. I can write down how it is mapped out, but the only reference point I have is the ones I chiseled for myself and the ones I am copying from the book now. Preface/Preliminary remark Vision-Logic (which includes teal and turquoise)" Not very important for those not familiar. Moral span is considered as what is deemed worthy of moral consideration. Above teal (turquoise) World view: cross-paradigmatic, developmentalism as a world process (integralism) Moral span: all humans without exception. Seeing not only hierarchies but healthy hierarchies and in total holarchies. Detects harmonics, mystical forces, pervasive flow states that permeate any organization. Unites feeling with knowledge. Universal order in a living conscious fashion instead of a blue or green external rule and group orientation. Holding up the mirror to society. Values: global order and renewal. Experiences the wholeness of experience through mind an spirit. Self-identity + What is important: Highly aware of the complexity of meaning-making, systemic interactions, and dynamic processes. Seeks personal and spiritual transformation and supports others in their life quests; creates events that become mythical and reframe the meaning of situations. may understand “ego” as a “central processing unit” that actively creates a sense of identity; increasingly sensitive to the continuous “re-storying” of who one is; may recognize ego as most serious threat to future growth; continually attend to interaction among thought, action, feeling, and perception as well as influences from and effects on individuals, institutions, history and culture; treat time and events as symbolic, analogical, metaphorical (not merely linear, digital, literal); may feel rarely understood in their complexity by others. Reframes turns inside out, upside-down, clowning, holding up a mirror to society. often works behind the scenes. Affect levels: world-centric altruism teal-centered (yellow) Integrates multiple contexts, paradigmatic. Moral span all humans without exception. (counts also for green in total, green, yellow, turquoise). Self-identity + what is important: Life is a kaleidoscope of natural hierarchies (holarchies which include heterarchies). Flexibility, spontaneity, and functionality have the highest priority. Differences and pluralities can be integrated into interdependent flows (integration and disintegration instead of association and dissociation IMO! see politics especially germans diversity of parties in context with the true "meaning" of pluralism and dissemination of power) Egalitarianism is complemented with natural degrees of excellence where appropriate. Knowledge and competence should supersede, rank, power, status or the group! (yes please). World order is a result of the existence of different levels of reality (memes) and the inevitable patterns of moving up and down the dynamic spiral. Good governance facilitates the emergence of entities through the levels of increasing complexity (nested hierarchy). Comprehends multiple interconnected systems of relationships and processes; able to deal with conflicting needs and duties in constantly shifting contexts; recognizes the need for autonomy while parts of a system are interdependent; recognizes higher principles, social construction of reality, complexity and interrelationships; problem finding not just creative problem solving; aware of paradox and contradiction in system and self; sensitive to unique market niches, historical moment, larger social movements; creates “positive-sum” games; aware of own power (and perhaps tempted by it); seeks feedback from others and environment as vital for growth and making sense of world. Affect levels: "compassion"(green), all-human love(green-yellow), world-centric altruism(yellow-tourquise) THIRD TIER! Psychic: (which is coral in my humble opinion and has been called indigo in the past) Characteristic: union with world process, nature mysticism, gross nature unity. Main focus: Being, non-controlling consciousness; witnessing flux of experience and states of mind. Emergence of a perspective that is ego-transcendent or universal; people holding this stage of consciousness seem to “…experience themselves and others as part of ongoing humanity, embedded in the creative ground, fulfilling the destiny of evolution” (Cook-Greuter, 2002); consciousness ceases to appear as a constraint but rather as one more phenomenon that can be foreground or background; an integration of feelings of belongingness and separateness occurs; multiple points of view can be taken effortlessly; the pattern of constant flux and change becomes the context for feeling at home; one is able to respect the essence in others, no matter how different they may be; one is in tune with their life’s work as “a simultaneous expression of their unique selves” and as part of their shared humanity. Affect levels: awe, rapture, all-species love, compassion Moral span: all earthly beings without exception Subtle: Characteristics: union with creatrix of the gross realm; deity mysticism, subtle realm unity. Moral span -> all sentient beings without exception in all realms without exception ( saintly) Affect levels: Ananda, ecstasy, love-bliss, saintly commitment. Casual: Characteristics: Union with source of manifest realms; formless mysticism Moral span -> all sentient beings without exception in all realms without exception ( saintly) including all manifest and unmanifest reality. (Self-liberation in primordial awareness). The habit of observing the self cease to observe imo. Affect levels: infinite freedom-release, boddhisattvic-compassion. Non-Dual: Characteristic: union of form and formless, Spirit and World Process, non-dual mysticism. Moral span -> all manifest and unmanifest reality. (Self-liberation in primordial awareness) Affect levels: one taste, compassion. I can or did not find more on the topic so far besides reading the traditions who actually practiced it to these levels. But, this even more complex IMO, since it then has to be abstracted towards the development of the most important lines. Cognitive, interpersonal, moral, self-identify, etc. Whatever is the most important. Hopefully, this is useful. Would love to read a summary from others. In case they found different information. Here is the link from the pdf, the rest is from the book integral psychology.

@Forestluv @Leo Gura Do your psychidelic experiences involve a certain part of your body or does it vary from trip to trip? All of my trips involve the same sensations in my head, and they unravel in the same way to varying degrees each trip. Does your felt sense of being change, i know on my better trips I get almost an astral sense of self, sometimes with the sense of self felt as bliss. @Forestluv@Leo Gura If the psychidelics showed me that the release of tension from the head leads to profound changes in my sense of self and reality, then is that I should be striving towards? Or is the tension something that is not meant to be released, and what i experienced was just a peak, and chasing the peak will get nowhere? @Forestluv From what i've read so far, I think there's a link between body tension, personality/character, and general well being. I have a host of psychological problems, mainly involving an immature ego, and I also have a very rigid posture/body as well as abnormalities in how I walk, write, etc. Given what i've experienced on my trips, the release of tension from the head leads to a change in how my entire body is felt and functions, whatever is being released from the pressure in the head, has a dramatic impact on the functioning of my entire sense of self. My coordination is better, I am more in my body and feel connected, and i'm more aware of deeper tension/stress located in different parts of my body. Problem solving and creativity were also enhanced during the trips I was able to release the tension, and i'm assuming the more developed an ego becomes the more creative and effective a person comes at whatever they pursue. I've felt myself slip into the schizoid/anti-social end of personality function over the past few months and it definitely corelates with the rigidity of my body. Imagine the sense of self of an anti-social person, it's reserved, contracted, and closed off from the world. I think you see this manifest in their bodies as well. Now, imagine the opposite end of the spectrum, a loving, self actualized person. Their sense of self is expansive, open, relaxed. This would also correlate with their felt sense of the body, and would also show in character as peace, compassion, and calm. I also noticed a relationship between crying and the contractions in my body. After my peak experience on LSD, the next day I felt a strong urge to cry. It felt as though the intense crying would alleviate pressure in the same area that the LSD had acted upon. But when the time came for the release, my body physically resisted the urge to cry. I imagine for some people full on crying is a freeflowing experience, but I imagine my inability to cry and release is related to all the factors mentioned above. The problem for me is in how to approach the problem. There's clearly multiple facets interacting, and I don't know which point deserves the most attention. Would addressing the tension with direct stimulation work, or does it require forming connections with human beings and having new experiences to unlock more of the self, or maybe some other factor I haven't considered. Interestingly, the release of tension from the head isn't just influenced by LSD. I've started taking wellbutrin, and it does feel like ~10% of the effect that LSD has had on my experience.

Yes, you could do it. But notice that you could surrender your life while you . See I've seen this attitude a lot of times and it just more ego. You don't need to go homeless or live at the mountains for the "total surrender", because you can surrender totally right now wherever you are in your life. And the question is, if you can't surrender your life right now, why do you think you will be able to do it when you are homeless? Can't you see it doesn't make sense? Stop projecting out to the system, culture...etc the only reason why you are not in "joyfully bliss" is because you cant surrender your life right now. Too much devilry. And the devil loves to project and self decept that when he goes homeless it would be able to surrender..lol. why not now?

How could you be a failure, what have you failed with, for me you are a great success because you're alive?. You're failing with being your true self, yes. But your thinking by being something else you will be happy, no. Realise that that is just a thought, hallucination or fantasy. You can truly enjoy who you are and how you are right now if you want to. But in a mind too indebted to ego this will take time to solve. How you solve this there is a million pieces of advice. I can name multiple and how to experience the highest states of living. But that is no good because probably only when actual survival is your only problem left in life then it's time to awaken or you have already awakened by then. We all experienced a long way of unleashing lots of ego and trying all the time to figure life out. If you want results you need to always try to evolve, not by doing, thinking and being the same way as before. But by changing all the time who you are... You just need to try and try and try, each time hoping you will get closer. Actually living to the fullest isn't that difficult. But who is ready to abandon ego and just soak into joy/energy and what you're consciousness really crave. You will be able to be outmost joyfull/ecstatic by yourself when you have awakened, now even eating will be difficult because you will have to use some energy to get up and eat... All of you will be focused into bliss/abandon of body/mind but not abandon of life energy, that you abandon close to death. There's so much to explain and talk about Awakening and how to get there, I can only gove you little advice, I don't have the time/will for more. So why do I do this when I can be at my best by myself? Because once you have everything only then can you be truly selfless. I do what is needed for the world. Which is my survival and the work towards every being being truly ecstatic. Once everyone is completely happy then my work is done in this world. Or once I decide to leave my body and become enlightened. Just try all the time to improve, however you can. Videos can help. Your entire experience of the world is within you as you know. So you are always alone, and how/who you are shouldn't be limited to a measly though or memory of experience. How you improve or upgrade yourself is all from within. So don't do it from the outside thinking external changes will fix all your problems and your experience of life. Though that will also be needed, just don't overvalue it or if you decide to do that. Then always learn when you figure out it doesn't work. That's my number one advice, always try to change/improve in some way and get a feel for what works and what doesn't work for you to become your possibility as a life. Then when ego is strong in one direction you will realise it isn't the right way to live and change, then when that doesn't work change again, and again, and again. For this you need to be life sensitive, have a good feel for your experiences of life and how you are like always right now in the moment. Limiting yourself from your true potential is needed sometimes. This is why survival will become a big problem for newly awakened people. For example going to school you can't be too happy otherwise they will kick you out of the classroom, but you need the class to et a job and earn enough for survival. Therefore you need to limit yourself but live as happily as you can within that system. Also don't take life to seriously or rather dont take your mind to seriously. You can't trust your mind because its very biased. Same for bodily needs, such as sex. Not the body nor the mind will in the end be the answer to the most pleasant ways of living. Sorry I wrote too much and so messy. Hope I didn't confuse or put some delusional ideas intp your heads. Learn about chakras, etheric body, sadhana, watch ego stages from actualized, watch sadhguru and do your best??

1 infinity is infinite possibilities which includes infinite levels and experiences of bliss and suffering , on one level suffering is in place so you maintain your survival so you can reach a point of awakening . You would never ask this question if suffering didn’t exist . Also bliss exists relative to pain to suffering you can’t know bliss without the contrast. There are infinite answers to this question. 2. Accepting what we are? Chasing happiness is what you are if that’s what your doing . The greatest happiness comes wen u fully accept what you are reality is and humans are . The miracle of existence at all. 3. Infinity... it must be how it is because it’s all ways (being a human inn our society is not a normal thing ) 4. Infinity includes all possibilities. Delusion is however a concept.

Here are my quick answers: 1) Suffering makes happiness/bliss possible. Suffering acts as the opposition against which happiness exists. 2) The same reason we play video games. Imagined identities make us chase. 3) To experience a part of the infinity, infinity has to become non-infinity. It is like that because you want it and because it wants to explore/play. In infinity, all the states are “limited”. 4) Infinity includes “delusion” but there is no one definition of delusion so all states of infinity are delusions. In human terms delusion is defined relative to a “base” state of consciousness/identity, otherwise there is no state that’s deluded. Hope that made sense.

Yeah the eternal abyss, alone there. Not only boring, also timeless and alone. I started this work because i wanted to solve my human problems, fix my suffering etc after making many mistakes. I wanted bliss joy and happiness in life. Then suddenly realizing it's not a problem. My whole life is a lie... Hell i did this to myself xDD Maybe after many good lifetimes one gets bored, tries something eh different I'm such a troll. Furthermore solipsism is a pain in the arse. Experiencing that doubt... But it's even crazier, consciousness really can compartmentalize itself. Lets imagine John over here and Dan. Then it takes those two meat suits and talks to itself. Damm DAMM People you think solipsism is scary, how about being the whole universe xDD And every single being simultaneously, being YOU Having sex with yourself, killing yourself, loving yourself, A dance a play, a melody of being For all eternity.

Modern Spirituality: *Anxiety is already happening in the field of infinite bliss and does not need to be cured, no practice required* *No practice IS the practice*