Search the Community

In order for me to recount this experience accurately I must first give some necessary context. Roughly three weeks prior to this trip I began to notice a subtle yet extremely profound shift in my perception of life and reality. I cannot exactly pinpoint when or how this shift occurred but all I can say is that since about mid to late December I have not perceived life through the bounds of an ego structure. Instead I have been perceiving and operating from a place of fundamental permanent unmoving beingness. Every aspect and event that this body mind experiences I have perceived as a reflection of who and what I am fundamentally and existentially. For the past few weeks literally everything I do, including just existing feels simultaneously like the most profound thing in all of existence as well as simply a normal mundane happening. The person known as T.R. just feels like a character that I am contently playing as in this experience of life. Occasionally at times when I have deeply felt into this permanent fundamental beingness it has resulted in tears and I have found myself spontaneously saying, “It was in my face the whole time”. “The most obvious thing (non-thing) in all of existence and the most profound thing (non- thing) in all of existence is right here and has always been right here”. This fundamental unmoving beingness feels like the “basal substance” (again it’s not a thing) from which all forms of existence arise and form from and fall and dissolve back into. My favorite philosopher and spiritual teacher Ken Wilber has referred to this as the “Ground of all Being” or the “Simple Feeling of Being”. It feels surreal and almost dreamlike but very grounded and mundane. I feel much lighter and more free, nothing matters but everything is sacred. I am almost reluctant to share, as I do not want to fool and or delude myself in thinking that full liberation is now my perception in life but I feel that my experience may benefit other people in their journeys and thus I am sharing this. Now with that context being provided I will get to describing the events of my DMT trip experience. During the week leading up to this experience I prepared for it in the following ways. I took my existing meditation, mindfulness and shadow work practices and ramped them up three fold. I did my best to stay in mindfulness for as many hours as I possibly could each day, as well as meditating about two hours each day. Additionally I kept a vigilant watch of my internal landscape and every day I wrote at length on any and all aspects of myself that were out of alignment with my True Natural Self and the ebb and flow of the Totality of Existence. Additionally I observed the excitement within the ego structure in the days leading up to this experience. On the day of the trip I began final preparations about an hour before. I meditated and listened to Gregorian chants as I normally do before entheogenic experiences. At around 2 in the afternoon I weighed out approximately 50mg of N,N-Dimethyltryptamine and placed it into the vaping bottle which I would use to inhale the substance from. As I placed the DMT into the vaping bottle it was as if my whole body was aware of the profundity that was about to occur. I sat down at the edge of my bed, sparked my lighter and began to vaporize the DMT. A thick white vapor filled the container and my body and mind were simultaneously filled with reverence, anxiety and awe. I thanked every being both physical and non-physical who has helped me in this life in allowing me to cultivate this experience. I then exhaled my lungs as completely as I could, unfastened the bottle cap and took in the largest inhale of my life. In a matter of 3 seconds or so I inhaled all 50 milligrams of the DMT vapor in a single hit. I held it in my lungs for around 5 seconds or so before slowly exhaling it. The first thought I had was, “I wonder how long it will take for this to come on.” Before the thought could even finish within 3 or 4 seconds my vision extremely quickly exploded into a mandala of infinitely beautiful fractals of first hundreds and then thousands of colors. Simultaneously I heard the iconic intensely loud humming ringing in my ears. Additionally I began to feel what I can only describe as the feeling of my whole body dissolving, becoming less and less and less relevant to my experience of existing. In the few seconds left that I had any awareness of a physical world I quickly put down the bottle and laid down in my bed. By now, perhaps 10 or 15 seconds into the trip I was essentially blinded by billions of infinitely beautiful mandala fractals and deafened by the intense humming that had now taken on a very technological almost synthesized sound as well. As any and all awareness of having a physical body or being in a physical world continued to dissolve I felt the most nauseous I have ever felt in my entire life and felt a tremendous urge to vomit even though I had not eaten in almost 24 hours. At the same time the concept of having a life and of ever being born was quickly fading away into the sea of infinity. The body high became so intense that it felt like I was quickly melting, as if my body was being deconstructed and broken down at a cellular level. With what little bodily awareness I had left I reached for my vomit bucket and pulled it closer. However by the time my arm pulled the bucket closer to me all notion of existing in a physical world was gone. The now infinite sea of mandala fractals as well as the intense synth like humming ringing had entirely engulfed my entire sensory perception of reality. All memory of my personal life, who I was, Earth and the experience of life was now gone and the only existence I knew was the infinite realm of the infinite menagerie of forms that comprise the totality of phenomenological existence. The last thing I felt as my familiar individuated consciousness before blasting off was complete relaxation, warmth and Love completely wash over my entire being on a sub atomic level. In the few seconds that it took for all of this to happen my consciousness was blasted out of the body mind structure at a speed and intensity several orders of magnitude beyond the speed of light to a place beyond the totality of physical existence, beyond all universes, multiverses and all realms of existence. As my consciousness was being transported at this unimaginable speed I perceived all of the realms of existence that I encountered. I saw every alien species in all of existence, every form of technology, the history of every civilization in all of existence, every form of information relay, all of the deepest darkest most horrible and hellish realms of existence and the horrid entities that resided there and all of the highest most beautiful and heavenly realms of existence and all of the wonderful entities that resided there. As this profoundly powerful travel of my consciousness continued I perceived what appeared to be this small mischievous extraordinarily loving very playful entity. I knew this was a Tryptamine Jester. The projection I saw was short, thin and somewhat humanoid. Its body was comprised of technological light energy and was a mosaic of thousands of colors all tessellated, interwoven and oscillating with each other. The energy I got from this being that was traveling with me was almost childlike but I knew this being was also extremely wise. Our energies interacted and it showed me how the basics of the physical spatiotemporal realm of existence works. I saw the same torus energy fields in all lifeforms in physical existence similar to what I saw on a profound LSD trip 3 years ago. I was also shown how critically important the law of conservation of energy is; specifically in keeping the totality of all of the multiverses in the relative realm of physicality in balance. Additionally while I was traveling with this Tryptamine Jester I was showered in this infinite Universal Love that completely pervaded my being. The same Infinite Universal Love that I had experienced in April of last year. All of this profundity occurred in what felt like seconds or it could have been trillions of years. From my perspective it did not seem to matter as time was no longer relevant. Eventually me and this friendly Jester parted ways. My individuated consciousness eventually traveled beyond all of the realms of existence that could possibly manifest; beyond all realms of form. I went beyond the pretty light show of the phenomena existence and thus I was no longer enamored by the infinite light show of phenomenal existence. And now there was only the Void; the infinite unmanifest Void. It was in this non-place of absolute transcendent and immutable nothingness that my point of individuated consciousness was completely obliterated shockingly quickly. There was absolutely nothing left. Any semblance of an individuated me or any personal life was entirely gone. There was never a T.R., there was never a human organism who experienced a multi-year long spiritual journey of awakening. There was only the awareness of The Totality of All of Existence. And that totality consciousness is the absolute purest form of what all of existence is, what I am and what we all are. With that obliteration of illusory demarcated consciousness there was a Grand all-encompassing merging with everything in all of existence. In a single femtosecond my individuated consciousness was entirely obliterated and assimilated into the totality of all of Existence. I was Home. This was the Godhead. This was The Ground of All being. This absolute Unmanifest eternal nothingness was the Ultimate, the Truth; God. However, this was simultaneously and paradoxically nothing special and absolutely the most holy thing. It all felt very familiar and it was literally the most obvious thing in existence. I was everything and I knew everything. I was the infinite mind of God. I (pure unmanifest totality consciousness) was the ground of all creation in existence I was the foundation for all forms that arise and fall eternally, and infinitely. And simultaneously I the ground and foundation for all forms in infinity was also imbued within and manifested as all forms in the totality of myself. I resided as this infinite unmanifest absolute nothingness for a googolplex number of years eventually until I wanted to do something else. So I decided to create a part of myself as a few billion realms of existence and imbue those realms with forms of life all the way down to oversouls, souls, spirits and all manner of individuated consciousnesses. And eventually I found my small particular individuated consciousness and I decided to play as it, and to experience through it. And so I thus began the process of pretending to forget that I am the unmanifest ground of all being and the totality of all of existence. I continued to pretend forget things until I was only experiencing an individuated consciousness on a journey through a strange realm of existence. Now that I was again perceiving as an individuated consciousness I also began to return to the realm of form. But something was different. My existence was potentiated and I still remembered some of my creative power. So I decided I would like to talk to someone. So I created a realm of existence. Even though I was now only an individuated consciousness I still had an incredible amount of creative power, enough to create a sea of multiverses. Extremely tiny and minute compared to what I was capable of as the totality but it was still more than sufficient for what I intended to do. And so I continued to create this strange tryptamine realm until I deemed it to be sufficient and then I went about a second recursive process of pretending to forget enough so that I could dive into this realm as an even smaller individuated consciousness. Once I did this I felt more familiar more like how I was a googolplex number of years ago. I navigated through this tryptamine realm I had created until I came to an infinitely complex geometric fractal room. I phased through the outer structure of this room and inside I encountered two of the Tryptamine Jesters. This time however I primarily perceived only their energies. One of the Jesters was the same one that I had met from before. They were extremely happy to see me and invited me in. So I came in with them and even though I was a disembodied consciousness I sat down with the two Jesters at the table like structure they were at. From there we had a very long talk about everything. We communicated energetically telepathically about every question I could ask and about every subject that they were interested in. This conversation might have lasted for fifteen minutes or for a few thousand hours again time was irrelevant. Here is some of what we communicated about. I am God, so are they and so is everything else in all of existence. Before incarnating into the physical realm of existence I chose to do this life thing and come to this planet called Earth as this exact point in the evolutionary history of its biosphere and live a life as a human. They told me that this realm that we were currently in was the realm I was in before I incarnated into physicality, and I did indeed recognize this place, it all felt so familiar. The Tryptamine Jesters told me of the intricate energetic complexities of life. They also explained to me that the experience of being born and living through a life and dying is just one option of experiencing that souls have in order to, learn and grow from. There are literally trillions of other options like Life but different that other souls choose in order to grow and learn it’s just that I chose to do the Life thing because that was one of the more involved, one of the more intricate and most excitingly one of the more challenging options to experience. They told me that I never was born and can never die. That I created the totality of all of existence and that this is just a game that I am playing with myself pretending to be infinite lifeforms as vectors of my own consciousness forever and forever. As we communicated we also talked about how strange we thought it was that lifeforms take life so seriously. It was so ludicrous to us; it’s just a game how can anyone take this seriously?! The three of us had a good laugh at this. Eventually we got around to talking about my human organism avatar and my experience of living a life back on Earth. Both of the Tryptamine Jesters clearly told me that my individuation is already doing well on the path of Truth and Nondual Realization. They also kindly commented that my individuation has already done thousands of Earth hours of psychospiritual work for the purposes of developing itself and showing up in its earthly life as its most true, natural and authentic version. In fact they were making it so abundantly clear that I had done well in dedicating myself to awakening that they started joking about it and at one point they jokingly asked something along the lines of “Dude why did you even smoke this stuff?” “You’ve already got it, you didn’t really need this to wake up and fully remember who you are, but were glad you’re here anyway.” We continued to speak about the intricacies of existence, how everything is god and how I created all of this game to play with myself forever. And they kept repeating over and over again, almost to the point of annoyance on their part, “Yes you’ve already got it! See you already know this!” At the end of our conversation the Jesters told me that they would allow my individuated consciousness to bring back this experience and information to the memory centers of my physical body’s brain when I returned. I then thanked the two kind playful Jesters. As soon as our interaction concluded my consciousness was shot back to my body with a speed and intensity several orders of magnitude beyond the speed of light. I saw all of the physical realms of existence again on the way back and I was forgetting so many things the closer I got back to my home universe and the closer I got back to my body on Earth. I remember having to first reconstruct my body from consciousness initially and then from the physical elements (oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, phosphorus, etc.) This felt like a very long and involved process but also very intuitive. When my consciousness did return back to my body it was very fast and intense. My whole body felt like it was vibrating and my ears still somewhat had that humming ringing. Immediately upon being back there was still no familiar personal sense of self, only an undifferentiated mass of experiencing through sensory perception. I knew nothing. I did not know what I was, what this place was or what anything was. At this point I also began to reconstruct my psychology in totality including things like memory and language. In a few seconds I went from an undifferentiated mass of experiencing, to infantile consciousness, to childlike consciousness, to adolescent consciousness back up to my 24 year old conscious awareness. At this point I had reconstructed myself sufficiently enough so that I could properly interface with the world again. Upon opening my eyes my vision was still coming back as if coming out of some sort of extreme tunnel vision. Upon waking up I noticed that my body had not moved a single centimeter throughout that entire experience. I decided to move. I slowly began to raise my fingers one at a time in order to familiarize myself with my neuromuscular system again. After 10 or 15 seconds of this I began to make bilateral symmetrical yogic positions with my hands, through little volition of my own, feeling as if my body was a conduit for an intense form of energy. (every time I have done a psychedelic this happens) While making these strange yet beautiful and blissfully relaxing movements I uttered these words slowly at first. “Thank you… for… this… experience… that we call… life.” I then repeated this over and over until it became a mantra while I continued to move my arms doing this bilateral symmetrical yoga. After a few minutes of doing this there was then a short intermission. There were no thoughts or actions only simply existing, only being a part of the whole of existence. All I could say repeatedly at this was “wow, wow, wow, oh wow!” Then the flood of insights began to pour in. Here are some of the most significant insights that came in. 1 Accept your godhood show up as much of yourself as you can in this life. God wanted to be this version (this specific individuation) of God. Upon realizing the implications of this I hugged myself and began to cry some. I deeply felt and realized how important to existence I am and we all are. That without me, you and everyone and everything else in existence that infinity can’t be infinite. This is why it’s of the utmost importance that we show up as our most authentic true natural selves and be our best and highest version of ourselves in life to the best of our ability. I was also washed with love upon this realization. 2 I then remembered back to 4 years ago when I first had the desire to do psychedelics and visit all manner of strange realms of existence and speak with all kinds of aliens. And it became extraordinarily and abundantly clear that there is nothing mundane about any of this experience here on Earth in my everyday life! This place that we all call home that seems so normal and mundane is one of those strange profound weird realms of existence! 3 Existence is absolutely unequivocally perfect. Existence is so perfectly organized that it cannot possibly be anything but infinite perfection forever. Of course this includes all of the heavenly and awe inspiring aspects of existence. And this also includes all of the hellish realms of existence, all of the wars and suffering that the human species has seen and all of the most difficult and painful events that I have personally experienced in my life. 4 We just play a game of pretending to forget who we are. We are God in totality. Every microcosm contains the totality. Every part contains the whole and thus contains the knowledge of the whole. And in containing all of the knowledge in existence we just play a game of forgetting who we are in order to experience various types of limitation for the purpose of infinite experiences. Being God, we never learn anything in life; instead we just reveal and remember stuff that we were pretending to forget for years, lifetimes and eons. We pretend to be human through a process of self-imposed limitation through forgetting our True nature. There is no absolute reason we can’t do anything. For example I (and everyone else) can manifest a water bottle next to me right now but I am pretending as God that I don’t know how to and I am pretending to limit myself as a human being, as a body and as a mind. And these limitations serve to contain what is relevant for us in our incarnational experiences. 5 Life is so easy to navigate when we accept our Godhood. When we realize what we truly are as Totality Consciousness and when we then show up in life unequivocally as our True Natural Selves, as the unique individuation of God consciousness that we are in every way, our experience of life becomes a game that we can finally play joyfully. And none of it is taken seriously in an absolute sense anymore. We only think that we can’t do or have things in life due to our own self-imposed limitations. You create your life the way it is every second based upon how you are choosing to show upon in this life and you have the power every second to create your life in the way that is most reflective of who you truly naturally are. After this I thanked God the Totality for all of its Love and Infinite Perfection. I then got up and continued my day in the afterglow of the experience I just had. In conclusion I will say that this was the most intense experience of my entire life. It was so fast and rapidly paced that it was difficult to derive anything from it and I am thankful for the Tryptamine Jesters that helped me to bring back this experience into my memory. It was so hard for me to believe that I had only been gone for 15 minutes but that only makes the fact that time is an illusion that much more abundantly clear. I felt like I already knew much of what I experienced though through my existing meditative, mindfulness and shadow work practices, while extremely profound this experience was not extremely transformative for where I currently am at in my journey.This is why I think the two Tryptamine Jesters I communicated with kept telling me “you already know all of this.” While this was an extremely important experience for me to have and I am forever grateful for it, smoking DMT felt somewhat redundant in a sense because of the shift in my consciousness that I had occurred some three weeks prior. After this experience I thought of the quote by Ramana Maharshi, “That which is not present in deep dreamless sleep is not real.” Being that for the past few weeks my perception has been operating from a place of fundamental permanent unmoving beingness I now know irrefutably at the core of my being that all phenomena in existence no matter how mind-blowing or profound is illusory. Thusly Absolute Truth is not a spatiotemporal experience of any kind. It is not any phenomena. It is simultaneously transcendent and basal to all phenomena. It is the unmanifest Ground of All being that all phenomena in the totality of existence arises from and falls back into. Therefore I know that only part of this profound trip was Absolute incontrovertible Truth; that was when I was obliterated and subsequently became the One, the unmanifest and undifferentiated Godhead was Truth. The rest was illusion, however all valid, extremely profound and very important for me on my journey. I loved this experience and I love DMT and I will most likely smoke it again in the future. However right now I feel like it will be a while before I do any more psychedelics. I need to integrate this entire journey and really rest into what I Truly am (and what we all are). I feel like this DMT trip was an extreme confirmation of everything I already know. It felt like the final straw to this 7 year process of awakening that I have gone through and the shift in my perception in the past few weeks from primarily ego identification to simple ever present beingness was massively potentiated by this DMT experience. In a sense this experience of DMT felt like a final indispensable component of acceleration for my awakening process.

Nonmatter how chaotic and unpredictable everything appears to be on the surface, there is only one probe being sent through infinity, but as it's sending itself, it is seeing those instances when it has sent itself before and after as well, all around it, it's nested in this funhouse of mirrors. Each instance of being, as its exploring infinity, is nothingness but it is so focused on you right now that it can't be aware of existing as other beings while it is focusing on you, it is creating the illusion of interacting with many others, its all alone exploring and has all of eternity to explore, so it changes as it explores, allowing it to be infinite selves while being surrounded by those same instances of its own moments of exploration! So if you see your Mother, that means you have explored that instance already, so not remembering yourself doing that is enough for her to appear unpredictable to you and as an "other". This is you as the one being, playing hide and go seek, with just you, just you beside your damn self. You can change and forget that you have changed an infinite amount of times. That's how you can convince yourself that you are surrounded by an infinite amount of unique beings, who seem to have different motivations, personalities, and childhoods. Even looking into the eyes of an animal, is a more accurate mirror of yourself than an actual mirror! They are a mirror of your pure being or your ancient self in that one time when you explored that thing, everything around you is your pure self, you are taking an eternity to explore it in all the ways you can imagine, these ways somehow keep getting more fun and rich without end! If you were to only explore infinity in the 5th dimension, you would explore it all at once and be done with infinity without even getting started, so that's why you are in this 3rd dimension. Imagine being in a play where you play every character, one character at a time, but you run around so fast that it does not appear that you are changing into different outfits, but rather there is this group of beings that seem to appear all together on stage. You are not even aware that you are generating this fake party for yourself, as your own design has these anti-loneliness properties, featuring the ability to forget that you have put on the other costumes before. All that you are trying so hard to obtain here, will only amount to memories, so, why not reach Nirvana now? Feel the high that must be felt by infinity, what better thing could you even be? Feel the way infinity would feel, when it realizes that it's infinity, what a high it must be to know that each lifetime is this ever-increasing pleasure, not pain, you are a silly baby that will survive death, don’t you realize that you get to eat Tiramisu here and somehow all the dinosaurs are gone. That’s what ever-increasing pleasure and joy is! BE what you really are already, you don’t have to always play your game, be what you always were, forget that “human” thing, that's a garbage idea, a failed attempt to understand something by an Ape, you have been living as a dumb idea farted out by an Ape, ignorance is actually the fear you feel, like a scarred kitten. You are actually an explorer of every paradise and every good drama, it's not suffering it's a good drama that always gets closer to paradise, that’s what you will always be without end, not an Ape. Now extend this concept to the galaxies that you see around you, YOU were in those costumes too, hello? It only takes one, YOU specifically, sitting here now, as you are to do it all! Starting now, if you never forget the real reasons for your bliss, your bliss will NEVER forget you.

@Leo Gura Hi Leo! I am very interested to know what you think of 5 meo dmt when it comes to experiencing nothingness. Have you changed your mind/believes since 5 years ago? I mean its seems like you are a big fan of psychedelics now, especially 5 MeO DMT. I am asking because I found this comment that belongs to you on a video you posted 5 years ago. I was quite shocked and thoughtful by seeing this comment. What do you have to say about it. Do you still stand by this or have you changed your mind? Personally I am a big fan of psychedelics and they have helped me so much in expanding my mind/consciousness. I dont see why psychedelics wont help much. I mean one high dose of 5 MeO will send you there!

I think dreams shows us how reality is getting created, just first a sort of blankness when falling asleep then instantly manifestation, you are taking a role as an " ego" and other people are as real as here. God is the dreamer of the universe but we as contracted and limited versions of GOD can generate our own world with dreaming. As above so below. Leo is exactly right when he says that reality is imagination. All we ever do is imagine shit. But still a human form of dream is not the same as when GOD is " dreaming" for he has infinite power to manifest things which is not even possible to comprehend for us in this form. Unlimited imagination is the only thing which nothingness uses to produce an experience.

Definitely?✊ Because, mind can not think or cling of nothingness, letting go of the mind make “the one” can just “be”.

Nothingness is all there is. There is no such a thing as “knowing, grasping, I, magical or reality”. Only when “you” not know, “you” can “be”.

@Javfly33 Can you grasp WHY nothingness is aware? I know it is, but I wanna know more, It is too magical not to be curious you know?

Yes. If everyone was at an advanced enough stage of enlightenment it would be as if the earth was one giant collective consciousness. Think of the ideal family who's values align so perfectly that there is never any issues. Now extend that family to everyone on the planet. At an advanced enough stage of enlightenment, all resistance to what is ceases. The duality between selfishness and selflessness is shattered. The idea of doing anything to harm another person seems ridiculous. The idea of taking from others to suit yourself seems counterproductive, because everyone IS you. Once you realize your groundless nature and your identity becomes completely fluid, it makes more sense to abide as the entire earth rather than as an individual. You don't have to tell someone not to cut off their own arm haha. Anyone who claims "full" enlightenment doesn't come with complete morality simply hasn't reached a high enough stage of enlightenment. Enlightenment is different for everyone though. Morality is simply one aspect of awakening, just like an awakening into equanimity, infinite intelligence, or nothingness.

@OBEler well, I started with psychedelics with the idea of transcending the ego, and all this horror was obviously the ego struggling not to be transcended, so I saw in it a perfect tool. If you think about it objectively, there is not so much to fear, it is true that there is the possibility of very intense fear, but the mind knows how to adapt and it is quickly forgotten. In addition, each experience is one more step in the understanding of the ego. instead, the possible benefits are enormous: liberation. I'm not saying it's at that point, but the difference from when I started is big. What changed? At first you can't even imagine what is an ego death, after you start to get used to give up . The nothingness is purity

Absolute infinity is no more than a concept just like absolute nothingness in the sense that neither can be experienced. That's the nature of experience. For experience to even exist, there must be a finite aspect to it. But also, there must be SOME aspect to it to experience, even if it's just experience itself. That's why you can't experience absolute nothingness, because absolute nothingness is absolutely nothing, including the lack of experience itself. BUT you can intuitively know that your true nature is both absolute infinity and absolute nothingness. The duality between the two collapses. They're two sides of the same coin. Your true nature is beyond even experience. It's the invisible (invisible not just by sight but by all senses including the sense of being) infinite intelligence that even allows experience to exist. Solipsism itself doesn't NEED to be a truth just as the concept of a flying spaghetti monster doesn't need to be a truth. In fact, because both are language, they CANNOT be truth. Both exist as concepts but no more. The philosophy of solipsism is useful because can POINT to what is. Essentially solipsism is an incomplete description of the subjective experience just as any definition of God is an incomplete description of God. Your true nature is completely non dual - neither solipsistic nor not solipsistic. For most people, though, it helps to work on a more solipsistic view, because for most people that's the opposite side of the coin. Most people are too caught up in the paradigm that every sentient being has a separate mind and experience.

I've found contemplating the difference between somethingness and nothingness to be more effective. It can lead you to realize that there is no such thing as death. You've been sitting in the same spot for eternity, in pure emptiness.

I took part in a year long online group reading of Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson in 2017. Being that it was a small group, it became an atmosphere where we sometimes shared our inner world along with our self observations. It was all saved to Google Drive. The following is what I shared at the end of chapter 43. Thoughts on empathy and compassion in relation to Spiral Dynamics. I’m not claiming what I wrote was spot on. I’m sharing it as just food for thought. Anyone feel free to give an opinion or question me. DS - More on not expressing negative emotions. I mentioned in one post about the ‘payment’ I felt when achieving this aim in a time of stress. It feels like resolving a disparity in a small puzzle piece of my shadow. On the other side is specific kinds situations in which I continually fail. When I become more than just dismayed and disgusted at my inability to stay awake, a big shift can take place if it causes me to see and feel my own nothingness. The nothingness of my personality/ego self. Regarding The Tales being overweight in Patriarchy, misogyny, and other biases against the feminine. I've been pondering on the second tier of Spiral Dynamics as being Gurdjieffs intended territory of destination for his persistent readers. The first level encountered in the second tier is yellow. It has a multiperspectival approach to learning and gathering information and living in general. The yellow individual is more interested in understanding accurately someone's view than they are in labeling it. This multi-perspectival kind of awareness is key. It turns every offensive or seemingly ignorant perspective into a curiosity or a mystery to figure out or understand why it is that people perceive the way they do. But this requires the kind of impartiality that Gurdjieff is talking about. Enduring an injustice,,,, or being emotionally abused and tormented by someone for months or maybe years. Being ridiculed,,,,ostracized ,,,, and mocked. These situations grow us in terms of 'being', faster than anything. That is, if one isn't traumatized beyond recoverability. But at the same time, the amount of intensity needs to be enough for one to be pushed into a kind of state that one has never experienced before. This experience reveals more of what being 'identified' is about. This is a part of second tier awareness. That's where green and yellow differ in terms of emotional suffering in connection with wanting to be a protector and an advocate of compassion for all apparently disadvantaged beings. From outward appearances green looks more 'spiritual' than yellow. That's because yellow has more impartiality that can be interpreted by some as cold and detached. People in yellow are not as apt to experience the feeling of pity toward others because they realize it perpetuates unnecessary suffering and is an attitude declaring the Divine to be inept. In the second tier it seems pity is completely replaced by empathy.

If my experience is of any use to you, for me nothingness, infinity, call it whatever you want, it was absolute horror, death, and now it seems to me the most wonderful. the difference is in me, not in the infinity obviously, and that difference has been produced in about 4 months thanks to this substance. it's an amazing catalyst.

That is the 4th Psychedelic Trip of my life. 1st Trip - 1g Shrooms 2nd Trip - 2g Shrooms 3rd trip - 3g Shrooms 4th Trip - 5g Shrooms I took 5-gram Magic Mushrooms with Lemon Tek with Ginger Tea & Dark Chocolate at 11:30 pm by 09/01/2021 Saturday Alone in Silent Darkness. And started Meditation. I was confident. There was No Fear. Fully conscious and aware and ready to confront my ego’s death. I settled my intention to know my Ultimate Self Deeply & Completely. I was trying to be. I was declining all those things which were not me. Like sensations, sounds, breath, thoughts, etc. My consciousness started to expand in 15 to 20 minutes. And as soon as shrooms hit me (According to me my wife, Electricity in my whole country went off at 11:50 pm.) I think visuals and entities started to manifest but I do not remember those because my main intention was not visuals but to know my real self. During the Trip, I was offered 2 options and I had to choose 1 of them: Infinite Visuals, Worlds, Universes, Colors, Entertainment, Fares, Entities, Tunnels, Infinite Possibilities. Infinite Joy. Go Deeper to know my real self. I chose the 2nd option Because I knew that I have my whole life to enjoy infinite possibilities. But to do the ultimate thing in this life to know yourself which will lead me to Know God And Understanding God Will answer my all existential questions. Now I was diving into the tunnel of my real self deeply like a rocket into the dark space and my ego was throwing a different kind of distractions toward me so I can not reach the source because ego knew that it will lead to Ego Death. Ego was trying to give me wrong answers like You are these sensations, you are that, you are that and I was breaking all asteroids, distractions by denying and saying that I am not that, I am not that, I am the one who is trying to find myself. Then I realized that seeking is the problem. I can not find myself till I am seeking. Who am I seeking? I am already as it is. Then I became Nothingness, I became what I am, I became Love, I became creator, I became Expression of love. Then I started getting answers to all of my existential questions. The answer to each existential question was leading to Pure Bliss and happiness and laughter. I was in an un-describe-able blissful state getting answers to all of my questions. I know that I experienced many many other positive things as well but I do not remember them now clearly and completely. I wanted to express my feelings, I wanted to write a lot of things I wanted to share my every insight. I wanted to talk to someone. Everything was going amazingly. I understood a lot of things and got answers to a lot of questions. I understood that I just am, I am Transparent Love, I am Peace, everything else like (thoughts, sensations, Existence, etc is just expressions of my infinity, Love, Creativity). There is transparent Nothingness which have not any properties than the 1st thing that nothingness becomes conscious of itself and recognize itself as pure bliss, peace, infinity, and love and then enjoy itself through the expression of its infinite creative love. Jawad and its world is just 1 possibility from his infinite possibilities. Nothingness became Consciousness and in that consciousness, nothingness expresses its infinite love which results in infinite creations, and then nothingness becomes a person like me so It can praise that infinite love, talk about it, enjoy it and spread love among others, help others, make others life easy, to listen to others, I am here to love. I am acceptance of someone’s Pray. This is how God Fulfill your prayers & wishes. God made Everything around you to make your life better. Because he loves you. Everything is perfect. Consciousness is evolving all the time. There is no Joy in selfishness, Joy is hidden in living for others. Selfishness leads toward selfish desires which are the cause of all kinds of suffering. Then I don’t know when my consciousness expanded at the level where I was able to manifest any version of my life at will. It was like I was writing my own destiny. It was like I am not just writing my infinite destinies but I was living those lives as well. There were infinite versions of my life. And at that stage, I was living infinite versions of my life at the same time. I experienced centuries, I experienced that I am Hearing prayers of everyone. Then I was at a level where I knew that I have infinite power and I can create or manifest anything. In fact, At that stage, my thoughts were not just thoughts. My every thought was manifesting into reality. Whatever I was thinking was becoming a physical reality. So When I realized that I have infinite Power and I was going through experiencing infinite possibilities at light speed. So I thought Let’s manifest a life where I have the best version of my life, so I stopped into nothingness and manifested the best life of my choice. There was not a process of manifestation. I just decided and there I was in that life. And in that life, Jawad had infinite powers of God and could see with the eyes or perspective of God. And in that life that God’s Infinite power became a problem. The worst problem. I was totally awake to that truth that I am still alone, Nothingness and I am just Imagining everything. I got a bit panicked said no no no I don’t want to be alone I want to be with others like I was before. I tried many times and I was able to manifest any kind of life but I was not forgetting the fact that I am God and everything else is just my Imagination. And that Infinite superpower became my curse and I went into Panic, Shock, I wanted to forget that I am God and wanted to live a human life but that became impossible for me. Let me give you an example of how it felt like with the following example: Right now where ever you are and whatever you are experiencing right now is seems totally vivid and real, physical to you and everything else like nothingness, God, Infinity, etc.. is just your thought, imagination, and concept. Now think about how it would feel like if it’s the opposite of that? At that stage, my Infinity was the most vivid and physical thing and everything else was like my imagination. And I wanted the opposite of that, I wanted to get rid of my infinite powers but that was not possible because, in Reality, It is me and my real self. I can not get rid of my real self. My Thoughts were becoming reality. My (Ego’s) Fears, Insecurities, desires, craving, and aversion started to come to the surface. Negative thoughts started to appear. That was not the right time for negative thoughts because it was the time when each thought was manifesting into reality. I started to suffer due to my own desires. At that stage I got the answer to the following question: Q: Why God would like to forget himself while living this life? A: If you are a Jawad slave of your own, fears, desires, attachments, and insecurities then you can not Handel the fact that you are alone, you are the only one there is nothing else, there is nowhere to go. You are nothing and everything else is just your thought. If you are a pour Ego who is attached to the world then you can not handle that fact and you can become mad. So when we come to this world we need to free ourselves from our own attachments, fears, and desires and adopt the power of acceptance, gratitude, detachment then we can handle our own true Power of infinite Love. Due to my own Fears, Attachments, Desires, I couldn’t handle my own true infinite Power and started to get panic. So my every thought was manifesting into reality and I started to think negatively in a panic my negative thoughts started to manifest into reality which again pushing me into more panic. Suddenly I started to live the life of a blind man. I saw that due to any side effect of shrooms I have lost my sight now I can not see anymore. My trip is finished, every member of my family is around me, I am crying, sad, Facing a lot of regrets that why I took this substance now I am blind. I experienced the pain of blind people. Then I lived that whole life without vision and with regret and pain. It triggered again a big attack of panic and that whole life again dissolved and I was back into infinity felt like I am trapped in an infinite void. Then Suddenly I started to live the life of a mad man. I saw that I am gone mad due to psychedelics, Now I am mad + Blind. I don’t know any language, I am in Panic, Crying, regretting, Then My whole family is around me, talking about me, They called the doctor and declared me psychologically ill and took me to Hospital of mad People and gave me electric shocks. Then I spent my whole life like this. Unconsciously I was saying no no no no What I have done. Shit Shit. I was saying I want my normal life back please God Please help me. And It triggered again a big attack of panic and that whole life again dissolved and I was back into infinity felt like I am trapped in an infinite void. Then Suddenly I saw that I am physically dead, my whole family is around me, they are crying, sad, talking about me that Jawad was in these things all the time, We always told him not to get into these things but He never heard us. They arranged my funeral, they dropped me into the grave, etc Then again I was back in consciousness, It was dark, I was alone, I had nothing, not even my body I was really sad, I was crying, I was saying I should have not done this. What I have done, No, No No, Please Please Please. I wanted to come back to reality. After a lot of struggle to go back to normal life, after a lot of psychological suffering, I tired and with ultimate sadness, I decided to surrender and accept the reality that I am dead. And thought lets, go back to the death, to nothingness, to forgetfulness, to deep sleep. And then I got dead, I went into a deep sleep and there was one more thing that was scarier than all above things there I realized that I can not sleep, I can not die, I can not lose my awareness, my consciousness because I am God. And God can not die, He never sleeps. I realized that I have to accept the fact that now I have to remain alone as transparent consciousness forever. That thought made me mad again and I started to live Madly again in Darkness. And I had the power to manifest the normal life again and I did it many times but even after getting the normal life back I was not losing the vision or perspective of God in which I was able to live the normal life but with my Infinite vision, I was able to see that I am still alone and I am just imagining all of this. And that was not making me calm and happy. In the end, after trying for many centuries I thought let’s Imagine the normal same life again and start to live that imagination and just keep trying to forget and fade out your Infinite Vision and try to make your imagination as vivid as possible. So 1st of all I manifested rays of light, then I manifested a few objects illumined with that light, then I manifested the feeling of changing my direction, my location, then I manifested the face of my wife appeared from that Light like God have come to me help me in face of my wife. She smiled and said are you Ok? Are you fine? Do you want to come outside of the room? I said Yes, I am fine and would like to come outside. I was trying to act normal and at that time My infinite nothingness vision was more vivid than this imaginative world. There I started to find a way to get out of nothingness to the world of imagination. The more I was focusing on the objects of the Imagination world the more the imagination world was coming into life and vivid. I came out of the room there was nothing other than my wife so through my imagination I manifested outside of my room. She brought me into the Lounge and gave me a chair to sit. Now my world of imagination was coming and going and I was really afraid of losing that imagination world again. So I was trying to focus as much as possible on my imagination of this physical world to keep it more vivid and real. I asked my wife to keep talking to me so I can stay here. Then I realized that I have forgotten to manifest my Body so through the power of Imagination I manifested my Body and I was looking at my Body and other things like I have come back here after centuries. Now with the passing of time, I started to feel that now this Imagination world getting more vivid and my real self which is infinite is fading out. My infinite powers started to fade out with time. And then in the last phase of this trip, I was overwhelmed with Love. The answer to Each of the questions of my wife was “Love”. I learned that Infinite Love is so powerful and deep that you can not handle it if you have fears, attachments, desires, insecurities, Negativities in your Ego’s Subcoonciousn mind. That is why we 1st need to purify ourselves before the actual physical death. If you have purified yourself from all kinds of impurities before the physical death then that infinite love will become your infinite heaven forever or if you don’t purify yourself from your deepest impurities before physical death then you will not be able to handle your own infinite power of love and your own impurities will become your forever torment. Now I am Sober but I know I am sure that I am alone and I can never die and right now I am living an imagination. And now my goal is to work on my impurities, get rid of them and bring gratitude, acceptance, detachment in my life so my Ego Or I can accept my death peacefully and live in the ocean of love eternally. When I totally came back from my trip, the Electricity in my country also came back. The public, Media & Government of my country is still wondering why Electricity was gone.

Nothingness is usually experienced as fear, as the mind mistakes death for something real. If you keep being conscious as you fear, what the fear is in reality, it is just the experience of being rapidly aware of something. It appears as there is nothing there, but if you keep at it, you will understand what that "thing" is. In the many "nothings" that I've experienced, none of them were experienced as a loss after I died. On the contrary, all it requires is to give up beliefs about the world and see for yourself what really is true.

Love is the wormhole to God, since God is Love. Replace your fear with Love. Love truth, reality, and consciousness so much that you forget all about fear of nothingness or death. That is the way.

Nothingness was a recognition that occurred when the sense of self that casted meaning and value onto everything died. What remained was an incredible empty happening.

@Endangered-EGO Ego curling up has some kind of content in it, usually like a void, it is the ego trying to escape some kind of suffering that it believes it cannot handle. Nothingness is the nothing that is everything. There is no expirence, execpt the Nothingness. Everything you expirence is expirenced as the Nothingness. Emotions are like vortexs yes. The fear is a reaction to something about your ideas of what Nothingness is. As long as you keep making distinctions between pleasent sensations & unplensent ones it is. Not saying that is easy, just it is useful to notice. There is just the senstations. Ego death doesn't have to be painful & fearful, it is just that we usually associate death with those things. The ego will of course want you to think that it is going to be horrifing, because it doesn't want you to realize that it was all a made up fiction.

@OctagonOctopus Well the trauma was in reaction to eternity while being high. The next 6 months where I experienced it, I would describe it as the nothingness without love. It is exactly what is described: eternity, reality being a dream, nothing has substance, no self, no other (all alone). It came at random moments during the day, at the gym, while eating, in class etc. The first time was terrifying, but afterwards it was mostly empty. The fear of it also didn't show up after I stopped experiencing it regularly. Fear of other things came afterwards. I am really not sure. You know that love can elevate your concentration towards something, it's easier to focus on a pleasant sensation than on a neutral one. Fear also absorbs you into what you fear, the more you fear it the more intense it gets, the more you fear it. What's the difference for you between ego curl up and nothingness?

The nothingness you expirenced could have actaully been a trauma reaction where the ego bascially curls up into a ball and shuts everything out & not Nothingness. Emotions are based on concepts and beliefs, emotions are reactions to the concepts that are constucting your entire sense of self & reality. Torturing the mind? What do you mean? The greatest love you can do for yourself is to realize fully what you really are.

I experienced the nothingness regularly a few years ago, but since then it disappeared and I haven't really been able to get the full blown experience again. I might need to mention that it was probably trauma induced (not sure it was a weird year). I don't think it is enough for me to just deconstruct reality and focus on the now. I believe that it's hidden by the "fear or dying" that's particularly strong in the region above the heart. Now I am kind of in a dilemma: I want to experience it without being able to go through the "death-part". I'm doing this sober, because even if I take mild psychedelics (like weed) and push through, I would have a panic attack and have a really bad time. I know that torturing the mind into the nothingness is probably the fastest way, but I don't think that's the right thing for me, because suffering+eternity=hell. I believe that the subconscious walls that block the nothingness is more fear than it is constructs and beliefs. Ironically I think that the thing that prevents me from accessing it (fear) is also the wormhole into the singularity. I will probably experience a little bit with the fear of dying and fear in general, but I was wondering what possible solutions you guys could have. Unfortunately the fear of death is reflected in a lot of aspects in life. I experience a lot of fear. Fear is also a lack of love. Any book recommendations on fear (of dying), fear of nothingness etc or good teachers that help to exterminate endangered egos like myself?

@Leo Gura what about the nothingness part? why even bother to take 5-MEO-DMT and do the work if I can just look at a cactus and the cactus is God.

That is what iam pointing to, that this is nothing cause LITERAL NOTHING does not exist. Atleast thats how i see it. This nothing=something. so they are one and the same. i just mean that existence IS. even if it can " seem" " non existent" it is actually existence. GOD is nothingness in that sense, always been always will be in one way or another.

An Empty Answer "You want me to “say more” about nothingness. Could anything be more paradoxical for the reader than to try to understand “nothing”? Why? Because most people start from the conviction that there is something which does exist; if nothing more, at least “me”. So, you will not likely appreciate nothingness unless you have come to realization through advaita. At least we will, then, begin without the assumption that a “me” really exists. But even for the realized advatin, there will almost certainly be a presumption that “something” exists in the realm of reality. Even “reality”. Advaita points to ajata, and ajata is about nothingness, or emptiness. The Diamond Sutra of Buddhism, points exclusively to it. Hui Neng, the Sixth Chinese Patriarch, declares flatly: ‘There is nothing from the start.” These sources, among others, set your foot on the path, but recognize that most people are then going to immediately be lost. I have written clearly about advaita, and several have understood what I’ve said. I have spoken, to some of these, about what lies beyond the “Absolute,” and a couple have understood. So I will try to explain it, as best I can. The “ultimate condition” (if any) is nothingness, the complete “absence” of anything—no thing, of any possible description. The (approximate) comprehension of this would be to conceive of “emptiness”, as the emptiness of which not anything could be emptied; pure unassociated emptiness, and not even an emptiness which is within some imagined boundaries. The word “void” could be applied; but this “actuality” is not void of something—in any positive sense. So the nothingness of which we speak is totally empty, free of any subtlety which could even be envisioned. Hence there is not anything “within” it that can be subject to any kind of movement, or even change. Not anything can “come from” nothingness, nor “return” to it. It is not the “origin” of anything. In fact, it could not be applicable to say that it exists, or does not exist. Thus we can’t say that this is the “beginning” condition or the “ending” condition. At best, we could say that (if it were “existent”) it would be the ever-present condition. Yet, it is not an abstraction: its presence is “eternal”. “In” its presence are supposed creatures, and the world and universe they seem to inhabit. But all of these supposed things are “in” nothingness. They have not appeared from nothingness, or out of nothingness, or because of nothingness. In fact, they have not actually “appeared”, except as nothingness. The creatures take their reality, their “existence”, for granted; and thus also the reality or existence of the world and its universe—not knowing that they are nothing. The assumption is: ‘There was a time when I didn’t exist, a time when I existed, and a time when I will no longer exist”. But there are no such times. Not anything has ever “existed”, from the standpoint of nothingness. In nothingness, there is no “time”. What makes this so difficult to understand, is that because we say that “I have existed”, we conclude that there is some thing. And indeed we look around and say there are other things, such as a world or a universe. But the presumption that there was a time when I did not exist (or do; or will not exist) is false: no arising, abiding or decaying exists in nothingness. In other words, not anything “happens” in nothingness. “We” are nothing, the “world” is nothing, the “universe” is nothing. In nothingness, there is neither existence nor nonexistence. There is only nothing. From the standpoint of nothingness, no questions can arise. We can not ask for, nor expect, an explanation: not anything ever happens, in nothingness. The value of this understanding is that not anything really matters. Even understanding this does not matter. All is emptiness. That is the “empty” answer. The scriptures speak of one who is in sahaja samadhi as having “no mind” or an “empty mind”. It is this appreciation of nothingness that is referred to. Contemplation on Emptiness Ajata has the same basis as advaita. Instead of pointing out that all things are the Absolute, ajata asks the question, “What is true nature of the Absolute”? The Absolute’s nature is empty of any qualities whatsoever: It is emptiness. Any name which we have given to anything tells us that it is a form, and that means that this form has simply been given its identity by thought. Even the notion of “existence” itself depends upon a mind to give it acknowledgement as a particular quality. But does a mind actually exist? In advaita, we have been saying that all manifestations are the Absolute. In ajata, we’re going further and saying that the Absolute is empty. All manifestations, of whatever kind, are empty. Advaita says that the Absolute is all that is. Ajata says there’s not even the Absolute. Ajata is just a matter of going beyond the idea of the Absolute, recognizing that it is no thing, nothing. Advaita teaches that you are not real. And ajata, that all that is seen is not real either. If the self is you, there is one you. If the mind is you, there are two yous. Can the mind exist without you? To know that the self is empty, and that there is no I, does not prevent the organism from living out its apparent role. To the extent that we have had a dream, we say that it is “real”. But as a tangible form or object, we know that it is not real. When you dream, dream figures are present. But upon waking, you do not inquire into the health or activities of the dream figures. When we know that we do not exist, nor does the world, there is not anything which needs to be changed or improved. If in a dream someone told you “Don’t believe anything you see going on here—it’s all simply being presented to fool you”, would you take this to be the truth? Every thought is about something which the mind has given a name to. What is the value of a thought when we can know that every name is simply an arbitrary creation? When you know that ‘what is’ is not, does this have an important impact on how you live your life? Emptiness is as important a factor in your life, as your life is to you. In advaita, we say you are not who you think you are. In ajata, we say not anything is as it appears to be. Emptiness is not form: it is the condition which indicates that form does not exist as it appears to. There are no forms in our deep sleep. Emptiness is there. We have to use words—which are unreal—to explain emptiness. We must talk about forms, in order to indicate their emptiness. But, in reality, there are no forms. The face in the mirror appears to really be a face. But it is empty of true existence. Foolishly would we attempt to defend its realness. When we speak of emptiness, we are saying that something is empty. That is the role of the “something”, to be empty. But if all things are empty, where is emptiness? Emptiness does not “exist”. The I does not truly exist. It appears to exist. So—from the standpoint of its appearance—we say that it “exists”. But, from the standpoint of truth, we say that it does not exist. There is not anything which your mind is apart from: everything depends on your mind. And yet, your mind is simply one of those things. Empty yourself of all ideas of ‘what is’ and/or ‘what is not’. Where there is no I, there is no other-than-I. As surely as you know that there’s no I, you know that there’s no thing. Advaita says you are the Absolute. When the seeker (you) and the sought (Absolute) disappear into each other, what is left? Nothing. In the same way, ajata’s teaching is that emptiness itself is empty. Even emptiness does not truly exist. This is why, in advaita, it’s said that there is not anything to realize. There is not any thing that is real. And what is not real cannot arise to become existent. Anything which could arise into existence must be caused. But all causes themselves are empty, as are any other phenomenon. Only if phenomena were real would we need to explain its “existence” or lack of it. The philosophy of nihilism does not apply here. There is no truly existent self that can hold any view. In advaita, we often speak of the dualities, such as me and you, right and wrong. In ajata, no dualities exist as real, from the start. A sky must exist in a space. A space needs something to define it. Each is dependent upon another for its reality. As independent realities, neither can exist. Except for there being the cause of form, Form would not be seen. Except for there being what we call “form,” The cause of form would not appear either. —Nagarjuna Taking yourself to be more than an appearance, you assume your world is real also, and more than an appearance. But a non-existent you can only be seeing a non-existent world. We establish a presumed universe, and then ask “How can we say that this is a void?” Impermanence means that everything is in change constantly, moment by moment. No thing, in fact truly exists as a fixed “thing”, at any time. If there is a time that had a beginning somewhere, then time can come to an end. Time, then, is not a lasting reality. Since you do not exist, you cannot ask, “How am I here?”, because in reality you aren’t. You appear to be real, to an unreal you—as the you in a dream takes its reality for granted. If you were in deep sleep, where “you” and your “mind” do not appear;, and the heart stopped: would you know that you had died? Come to know that there is no death, and therefore nothing after it (especially a sensate “individual”) and you will end such questions as “what comes after death?” If there were a non-emptiness of emptiness, it would be where we impute any qualities to emptiness. An actor can have the knowledge that he is not real, and that the character whose role he is playing has never been, and yet he can play out the role he is living as his life. When you “get” emptiness, you need not concern yourself about anything that preceded emptiness. The world is a dream. You who say it exists is saying so within that dream. A figure in a dream is entertained by a magic-show world. What becomes of the dream figure and the world when the dream ends? When you close your eyes for the last time, this will all disappear. The slate will be wiped clean. You may say, “But it will be there for others”. No: the others disappear with you, not anything remains. So is the world real or did it appear when you opened your eyes—and ends when you die? If the world is not real, are you real? Any answers we can get to erroneous questions, will be erroneous answers. The world is an illusion. Yet here it is—as an illusion. You say the mind is real because we both experience it. No, if it were real we would both have the same experience of the mind. And if the world were real, we would both have the same experience of the world. Anything that’s real must be real to both of us in the same way. Since there is no self, there is no mind. And because there is no mind, there is no perception or consciousness of a world or universe. There are, therefore, no legitimate questions about anything. “No mind” is the consequence of the realization of emptiness. Emptiness tells us that there’s not anything we need to get. Anything we could get would be empty. The getter itself is empty. Where there is nothing we need to get, there is nothing we can become. All that could remain is to be as you are—empty. When you get to nothing, there’s no further to go. When you can end all of your problems—as well as the world’s—peacefully, why concern yourself with how that came about? Do the wise abide somewhere between self and no-self? The wise do not abide. If you insist on having a meaningful explanation, then you’re not understanding emptiness. “Phenomenon” are not empty because of emptiness. Emptiness is what phenomenon are. “Nothing can come from nothing.” —Lucret - Ajata Project Robert Wolfe

So I like to make music and I was for a long time on a plateau but this day I started to make progress again. So I didnt wanted to go to sleep, I was having fun making music. After 30 hours I decided to lie down on my bed, to close my eyes and to play some beautiful music. [Little backstory: My only psychedelic I ever took was Ayahuasca and at that time the trip wasnt really that much visual, when I closed my eyes I could see the color purple in motion, I could hear stuff and feel my body becoming strong like a jaguar and after a while I trapped myself in a horrible thought loop but I was able to break through and experience Nothingness/ Emptiness/ Ego-Death but only for 3 minutes. But yeah there was no time of course and I laughed like a maniac. Now I just have this all as a memory in my head. Before Ayahuasca I liked to flirt with spirituality but one time I surrendered my whole body and was able to see time stop, hear reeaaallly good and having mild visual hallucinations.] So back to the story: I never had that much of visual hallucinations (not that I remember right now) but now I started to getting them. They looked exactly like those Dmt/Ayahuasca visuals: Especially the one with the snakes. So I saw a lot of diffrent colors and animals like : birds, a fox, a butterfly, an Octopus, those snakes and at the end a dragon that looked like this: The visuals were continously in motion and changed always to something new. (A few times the color red started to get more intense and transformed to red flowers.) Well in shamanism do animals play a big role so after that I opened my eyes again and started to look in the internet what the messages behind the visuals may be. Then I closed my eyes again and started to feel energy in my third eye and I saw the color purple and yellow in motion, it looked like a spiral. After all that I didnt wanted this anymore because my heart was beating faster but I was also calm at the same time and tired lol. So I decided to stop focusing and to just fall asleep. I am kind of curious what you guys think about this and felt like sharing. Maybe you know something I dont know, feel free to tell me. Namaste.