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For the past few months almost daily, I have now progressed from smiling like an idiot in constant realization, to now coming to tears at random points of the day from the bliss of truth. Does anyone else have this? Did I fuck my "Brain" or is this normal ? @Leo Gura I'm just glad I can where a mask so I don't look like a crazy person.

@tatsumaru Thanks for sharing your story so far, what a journey you've been on. Go read peoples journals to check out more amazing stories of transformations. There are some real gems there. My story: Suffering 13 years of deep self development work (on/off ramped up in the last five) including meditation Non suffering/bliss states/mystical experiences/ Your story is a good example of going meta, but perhaps too soon? You mentioned still struggling with self esteem issues and health issues. I think what often happens is people perhaps get obsessed with becoming god/awakening /the big E before dealing with the basic self help stuff first. Sometimes working on the latter is enough. Don't blindly follow, question, observe, see and like you have been doing, use multiple sources. Remember there isn't a quick fix. It's a lifetime of work and I'm concerned many seekers perhaps are viewing it differently

Every sentient being (so long as we say there are sentient beings at all to begin) all play a role of victims, perpetrators, and rescuers. Every. Single. One. The motivation and function of being a perpetrator is not possible without having been a victim. The reality is, I can also just say that could be the karma of that particular animal. Saying you can't kill for sport is just your self biased view. The fact is is that you can. Ethics isn't purely determined by the actions you take by the way you experience it. The manifestation of one's ethics is very much based on one's point of view. Suicide bombers and terrorists experience tremendous states of ecstasy and bliss when they are doing what they're doing because for them from their smaller vantage point of perspective, based on their stage of development, what they're doing actually is ethical. And guess what? If you go back a couple thousand years ago when human societies functioned at an ethnocentric level at best, which was considered the leading edge at that time, similar sort of actions that we today in our world centric cultures call terrorism, would've lead such warriors to being considered cultural heroes because they actually were! Our society was only possible thanks to tons of rape and pillage, conquering, war, devastation, suffering, and also great innovations, leadership, etc. And guess what? Things are actually better thanks to this so called "immoral" function. Why? Morality and ethics are very much relative depending on the vantage point of one's perspective. Child sacrifice was actually considered very honorable at one point in history. The reality is, none of these views, and that's what they are, views, aren't really true in it of itself. I'm not saying or suggesting some dismissal of feeling your heart break open if you see factory farming or you read about the kinds of suffering animals go through in a laboratory. I am saying though that that is the reality in which we live. That is the case and it's not ultimately a matter of good and bad. Many of those animals that are tested on in a laboratory ground a way for us to create very helpful resources for the world such as various medicines. Being a human being is very complex. This binary view of ethics is just naive. There is great suffering in the world and no matter how "advanced" humans get, that will remain to be the case. Suffering and survival go together. They cannot and will not ever be separate (at least by and large). Yes they actually do. This has been known by yogis, shamans, etc. for thousands of years but even modern science no longer disputes this. Read up on Rupert Sheldrake's contributions on the matter. The fact that you think plants don't have a nervous system shows you're uneducated regarding basic biology. Plants do experience sensations. It's not "pain" in the way human beings conceptualize it as even human "pain" isn't really pain but is actually very much conceptual. However, they do experience sensations, and, depending on the plant, are quite sensitive to sensations and what they take in. Speaking about all individuals that follow this general food trend is not useful. Many vegans I've met (I live in San Francisco so I've met A LOT of them) are very ideologically driven and actually rather tribal regarding their view. Many vegans I've met also have rather shitty diets. Following a vegan diet doesn't at all mean you're necessarily conscious of the things we're speaking about or even following anything healthy. You can drink tons of beer and load up on all sorts of junk food, which, by your moralistic thinking, I could argue you'd be funding corrupt corporations that poison people with food coloring agents, preservatives, or you're paying for fruits and vegetables that were grown in completely unethical ways (see my first comment on this post where I point out, and you can do your homework on this, how even our "organic" fruits and vegetables that you buy at Whole Foods are still grown in very "insidious" ways). The reality is, this simplistic view of ethics and morals is just a circle jerk. Morality and ethics are very much relative have no reality beyond these views. It is not true in it of itself. So all these claims you're making as declarative truth statements don't hold water, ultimately. Again, I'm not suggesting you don't feel what you feel. I am saying though that our dispositions are just that, dispositions that are full of bias, conditions, deception, etc. that serve a particular agenda, namely survival. I also want to point out, again, that not everybody can even follow a vegan diet for various reasons. Vegan diets aren't healthy for everyone. Vegan diets isn't possible for everyone even in terms of convenience in regards to what their local markets have to provide for food. I am not fond of trophy hunting or anything like that. I would like it if that stuff could stop. That said, it should be here and does here. Why? Because it already does. That is the fact. To argue otherwise is to argue in favor of lies, fantasy, beliefs, etc. In other words, what's not true. There is tragedy in the world. That will remain. There is suffering in the world. That will remain. There is also comedic aspect to all of this too as well as a profound sense of beauty. The most rapturous insights regarding the beauty of everything is precisely because our world situation is so utterly complex, confusing, paradoxical, twisted, and so forth. That is the joke and the tragedy and they both go together. My challenge for you would be to view your ethics from such a vantage. Dare to be honest with yourself on both ends of that spectrum and not lie and say what you don't like shouldn't be the case because guess what, it already. Don't disown anything and do whatever you want.

Give up thinking about other people judging you, as ime this will go on everyday for the duration. Only gets ‘deeper’ ? Also, try not resisting it, but not reacting in any way. Complete absolute drop of mental & muscular effort / doership / self referential thinking. Bliss will hit so hard you’ll literally just lie down on the floor wherever you are and sleep. (Careful)

Since it's currently inevitable to pursue enlightenment through the restricted human form, what is the real point of pursuing enlightenment if happiness cannot consistently coincide? Does enlightenment lead to a permanent ability to manifest happiness? Does enlightenment create an understanding of true everlasting happiness? Can enlightenment facilitate eternal happiness by being fully encompassed in it? Sometimes my ego gets heavily involved & I struggle to see the end goal. It merely seems like enlightenment is simply the pursuit of absolute understanding of reality. If you understand everything, what is there to do with it other than to use your ego/self to utilize it for human gain? And if you don't understand everything, what is the point of using your time to seek it (We supposedly will understand it either way after death)? How is the pursuit of enlightenment not a means of the ego striving to feel more certain about reality? I understand I am very ignorant in many ways, as I'm not even close to being at the highest levels of enlightenment. I feel like I'm going to end up missing all the egoic desires I haven't yet experienced whilst being in the state I'm in. How do I know that enlightenment will be more fulfilling than my ego's pursuits? How do you compare the two? Enlightenment in the beginning is pure faith/blind-trust & I'm getting anxious about losing all the great pleasures that the majority of my environment advocates for. Especially because I haven't yet experienced them. I mean I'm in my early 20s & there's so many things I haven't even come to enjoy or understand yet. It also seems like a "all or nothing" mindset to spend the majority of your time pursuing enlightenment & ignoring the reality you currently understand, isn't an "all or nothing" mindset not healthy? There is a level of peace to be had within an ignorant mind. As the saying goes; "Ignorance is bliss" What are your thoughts on this? Thanks

There’s a big difference between blissful sensations for the sake of simply feeling blissful sensations versus generating love for others and experiencing bliss as a marker of how much love is being directed to the object of the love. The bliss is a pleasant side effect. The point is to practice generating love for others and to turn that love toward those you see as stupid once you’re proficient enough. Maybe bliss and contempt can be experienced simultaneously, but do you honestly think that is the rule or an exception to the rule? When you hold your lover in your arms, are you preoccupied with contempt for people who value IQ highly?

Contempt and judgment are always going to recoil and cause harm to yourself — sometimes it’s small, other times it’s huge. You likely are aware of this. Your shortcut is this: “Interestingly, alongside this attitude I can also have so much compassion and love to the point of tears for just about anyone!” Learn to develop your ability to feel this compassion and love for others even further. Close your eyes and picture/bring to memory the thing, attribute, value, or person you have the most love for. Try to amplify the emotional appreciation for it. Try to sustain this emotion. Keep practicing. Until you’re feeling blissful sensations envelop parts or even your whole body, you’re likely not even close to your potential with this. This will probably not happen to this degree on your first try. It will likely take some time to develop mastery over this. You can have access to that bliss at almost any time as you get further along. It will then start to come automatically whenever you experience something you appreciate enough. Once you develop a strong ability to trigger the blissful sensations with your main object/person/idea you love, then practice developing it with others. That is my advice.

@VeganAwake I'm still waitinf for this to feel like bliss and love.???

Yeah, I think it’s mostly because there is a strong cultural under-current that says logic/rationality is always more wise than intuition/emotion. So, if a person can come up with a rational truth, they will often use that rational truth to invalidate the more emotional truth. And rationalization can be a very sneaky self-deception mechanism. And this topic is particularly prone to this because the emotional truth is VERY unpleasant to observe. And it’s kind of like opening Pandora’s Box. Once you really let yourself be emotionally aware of your true feelings about animal suffering, you can’t go back to innocence and convince yourself that you don’t feel the way you actually feel. Once you eat of the tree of knowledge, you can’t go back into the blind bliss of paradise. This is why you find a lot of avoidance relative to this topic. A great many people (probably most) have Vegan feelings/values... and they don’t want to become aware of how they’ve been living out of alignment with those feelings/values. And all the negative feelings about that disalignment have been underneath the surface... until a major shift happens. When I went Vegan 5 years ago, in the first couple weeks, I had to face a lot of negative feelings rising to the surface once the rationalizations and cognitive dissonance around animal product consumption no longer needed to exist. Also, the feeling of powerlessness in relation to how meager my capacity to effect change is in relation to this issue was rough to deal with. If a person really wants to know the truth about how they feel about factory farming, I recommend watching Earthlings. If you watch with an open mind and heart, it will show you what your feelings and values ACTUALLY are, up underneath the rationalizations.

Hey, thanks for sharing your contemplative mind with us! I believe you can. And my answer to three or your questions would be "Yes" I personally believe that Knowledge Is Bliss. Ignorance brings instability and chaos. Your very first question is coming from a place of Duality, I believe... not sure... maybe Leo can elaborate more... But, yeah man , that's advanced spiritual thinking Greg

Perhaps as accurate as it can get. I still have some blue in me, when things go terribly wrong (like twice a year or so) I start praying to God in the old fashioned way. Even though aware this is not the most high realization of God I had, I allow myself to do so as it gives me some kind comfort. This prevents me from falling deeper and blaming others. When things don't go that well but not very bad like they are going now, I have the tendency to rationalize or to fall into the trap of nihilism (orange?). Yesterday I cried after hearing about a murder of a 32 year old man by a 19 year old, not that I judged the murderer. I felt sorry for him too. He had attempted suicide before and was addicted to games. His motive was: I wanted to feel like what it is to do in real life what I do in video games. I felt his pain and how he lost touch with reality. When I saw a picture of the victim my intuition told me it's at least a stage green person and it made me cry harder, like he had such a good vibe on the picture... Gosh I'm almost crying right now while typing this. However I'd feel like I'd give even the murderer a big hug. I guess these are 'green' feelings? Nonetheless I've experienced moments of what one could call unimaginable bliss, love, fearlessness and peace though. Not caring about talking, needing to answer any existential questions or doing anything, feeling 'God' energy, having only intuition and barely any thought. Ultimately it's beyond words. Those are second tier experiences I guess? But I assume many people in 'green' have them now and then, for example during a walk in nature during the summer when it's raining just not caring about getting wet? Just feeling the rain rinsing away ones ego.

On some real shit though, I’ve experienced one of my higher manifestations which is a cephalopod goddess with infinite capabilities in nonphysical forces like telepathy. Being able to alter the course of existence... This is probably 7th density kind of shit. She lives inside me always. One of my spiritual guides. We’re all far more powerful than we think when we consider things such as spiritual alliances. At least I am, and I don’t think I’m all too different from everyone else. We all have powerful beings watching over our development. The life of a 3rd or transitional 4th density being is so interconnected to truly vast forces in the universe due to their impact on other beings both on their level of consciousness and others. I’m sure the Love experienced between myself and this aquatic, alien-like goddess meant very much to her as well. These beings have a vested interest in us. People are far too unaware of the fact that the right practice could give them the ability to connect in spiritual-bliss telepathy with any being that you love or appreciate. Jesus, God, your grandmother, it’s all well within your reach. It’s your birthright. We are all infinitely connected. This is the only reasonable conclusion. Even science shows this. And we’re to believe that our imagination cannot alter reality. That’s funny.

@Flowerfaeiry I have been very close to making a post like this, but its nice to see am not alone, lol. Even after enligthenment experiences, the massive knowledge I have gathered, unbelievable mental expansion, life experiences and working out actualized.org I can confirm to you I have gone through depression, though emotional problems, strong mental karmic reactions, full delusion into devilry and suicidal thoughts. Yet, am eternally grateful for everything I have gone through. You will be fine, you just have to keep going. Remember, all pain is temporary and this too shall pass. Im the living proof of a fckng rare men. Not to say weirdo, but extremely rare, because of my understanding and knowledge, my habits, ideas and lifestyle will seem nuts to an average person. This gives me freedom and power of creativity to be as I please and manipulate my reality to certain extent. Its literally like being a magician. But there is alot of which leo doesnt talk about that you wont understand if you dont do the work yourself, tap into your intuitive power to understand things and even research out of actualized.org. For example, NLP, Language, rituals, perception, controlling your mind, memory and truth, are topics that leo has barely mentioned. And the list goes on... Its inmense. Did you know the main thing you need to have alot of confidence is actually a strong ego (mental frame work)? Ofc this goes against spiritual work but you can reverse it after awakening. Leo doesnt explains how confidence works and how spirituality makes you un confident. Is veeery hard to go through the matrix while awakening and not having confidence. I went through such a hell, living in a 3rd World country. Confidence is a topic so vast. Leo needs to make a video on it. I will approve if what he says is right, lol. There are many tricks to have unbreakable confidence. What I mean is that you can play your life as you wish when you have such type of knowledge. If you simply understood how language molds your reality you will become a magician. Also, notice that even thou ignorants are in bliss, they are stuck as fck in their limitations and that is true hell, cuz they dont know other wise as well. But if you keep going and manage how to handle your life crisis of self-expansion you will be lot better in the end. Also, remember that at the end of the day, the True life winners were not the ones who won the most in here, but those who got to trascend this. By awakening you only seem to loose, but truly win. If you feel as to much, give yourself breaks. Go fck, eat and do whatever the hell, you will come back like a dog... Hehe. Truly, do that. I remember when I quitted truth for almost 2 years and got deluded by one thought. It only took one thought to transform me into a devil. The cool thing thou, is that I still have awareness, knowledge and a strong ego. Its not the best scenario but having a strong social ego with the awareness and knowledge I have is only possible with awakening first and rebuilding of ego personality. This pic is exactly how I look like in the inside (Half Devil Half Angel). You will too in the future and many of actualized.org's. The good thing is that I feel powerful, with clarity and control. The bad thing is that almost no one will get you. You will need to have that ego persona as I said to meet some needs and just get through in the matrix. Trying to be authentic in the matrix is like digging your own grave. Also, having too much perception, knowledge and intelligence will depress and annoy you when being around so much ignorance that could affect you. Even thou I have an inner hell of contradictions that consistently manifest, I can handle it with that other piece of heaven, emergency button of salvation that can be pressed whenever I truly need. I prefer my situation than being an ignorant billionaire stuck in hell. 99% of them right now cant enter heaven. They have tooo much karma and attachment. Yet my advantage is that in my half state I can do devilry (become a billionaire) then get enligthened. Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it".

You are envying the bliss of the ignornant. But you finding actualized.org is not casuality, it comes from hunger of knowledge that some of us have inside. Yeh, it sucks knowing too much, some of the thinks we discover are sad, but high awarenes and acces to knowledge is a privilege. We must somehow integrate it to our daily life. The main issue is to find the way.

Somebody on reddit posted some really good questions on Kundalini Awakening, which I took the time to answer. I think I should also post it here, in case anyone's interested. Enjoy. 1. What exactly is Kundalini and how is it experienced, day to day? Is it just something you "use" or does it change the way you exist? Some of the posts I have read here almost seem to suggest that this energy can be turned on and off, like flipping a switch to put it roughly. Many suggest that it helps you learn about yourself, but that's not all it does, is it not? Psychologising yourself is no substitute for Kundalini awakening. A Kundalini awakening, at least as far as I understand it, entails at the starting point an awakening to a previously unknown dimension of spiritual awareness and action and at the end point when Kundalini conquers the Sahasrara Chakra and is fully integrated into you, it entails total enlightenment along the lines of Nirvana. Is that not correct? So in other words, from the start a Kundalini awakening should open up a whole new, different, previously unknown spiritual mode of consciousness/awareness? Does that not entail a sudden and total shift in mode of existence and perception, even if it only becomes perfected at the final stage? - There is a difference between various stages of Kundalini awakening. Those that you may call “enlightened” are the ones in whom the condition of Kundalini Awakening is a permanent fixture. The actual term is Jivanmukta, Christians would call them saints, Buddhists would refer to them as Bodhisattvas, Jains as Tirtankharas, The point is, the serpent not only rose to the top and pierced the crown (Sahasrara), but is now permanently lodged there and doesn’t descend, ever. We know from Gopi Krishna’s writings that what is required to achieve this is to keep the serpent lodged in the crown for three days and nights. I once almost managed this, during a summer solstice, when I was particularly close to the goddess and the serpent was lodged in the crown for about three days and two nights. Ultimately, I feel short and it descended again, but during that time, it was like there was a sun next to me, I felt constant heat and light emanating, even during the night, when I was trying to sleep (but really couldn’t). 2. How do you distinguish Kundalini energy and its manifestations from a merely physical sensation of the body? Someone has suggested to me before that because of the Kundalini understanding of maya, no distinction is drawn because ultimately it doesn't matter. This seems to check out with my understanding of the tradition, but I still have the nagging feeling that a physical experience would not have the qualitative, spiritual character that I am hoping to obtain. - Kundalini has many aspects, they can’t be divided from each other. There is a physical level, where there is noticeable neuroelectrical activity that takes place in the nervous system and the brain. There is an energetic aspect, which is closely linked to it. Then there is a spiritual and emotional aspect and finally a divine one, which is union with Brahman. 3. When looking for a teacher, how is one supposed to find anything on Kundalini other than Kundalini Yoga? I am aware that the posters on this subreddit dislike Kundalini Yoga. Having seen the reasons why, this makes sense to me, although admittedly I have not spoken to any proponent of Kundalini Yoga that could offer a different perspective. Nevertheless, the real issue for me is that I have no ties to any "spiritual" circles and looking up "kundalini" on the internet will in 100% of the cases return results about Kundalini Yoga rather than non-Yogic version of the Kundalini tradition, because of the nature of modern search engines and the popularity of Kundalini Yoga. I am consequently at an impasse. - It’s tough, but Gopi Krishna’s writings remain the best source in my view. Arthur Avalon (Sir John Woodroffe) is also pretty good, if a bit sensationalist. Other than that, anything you can find on Tantra and Shaktism could be helpful. 4. When still looking for a teacher, are there any recommendations on what preparations to undertake in order to make the best, fastest progress in the shortest possible time once a teacher is found? What preliminary work can an aspiring practitioner undertake alone in order to ensure a smooth, fast and easy journey? - I never had a teacher (couldn’t find one where I lived), so I’ll pass on this one. But, you don’t actually need one, in my view. Sure, it would be much easier that way, but they’re hard to come by, especially if you live in a country with zero reputable teachers or absolutely no tradition in Kundalini or spiritual awakening, like I do. You’d probably have to move countries in most cases, if I’m honest. I once a found a suitable teacher in rural Rajasthan, but he would have required me to leave everything behind and move to the forest with him and his disciples, to devote the rest of my life to Yoga and meditation. I was 23, living half a world away and it was simply not practical for me to leave everything behind at that point. I also don’t know how you would handle the visa situation if you wanted to spend a couple of decades meditating under a tree. Normally you can only stay in India for 6 months as a tourist, and no, Indian immigration won’t care that you’re seeking enlightenment. 5. I have seen some posters here claim that they combine methods from multiple traditions for their own personal spiritual journey. I am drawn to this approach. I have marked out another method I wish to use later on, but it is hard to use without some sort of spiritual basis already achieved and it is difficult to reach that stage since today it's largely a "self-taught" method and it's very difficult to actually verify what consists in successful or unsuccessful practice. I have arrived at the conclusion that learning in the Kundalini tradition and then going with the flow of what I feel would be best, perhaps including the aforementioned method, should suffice to bring my spiritual journey to conclusion, but I am unsure if combining different methods is a good idea. - If you’re going your own way and forging your own path, which for most people outside South and Southeast Asia, will pretty much be a necessity, I don’t see how you could avoid doing that. You will just have to try what works for you as an individual and stick with it. 6. I initially did not plan to ask this question and the next one, but I feel like I should. I know that in these matters, time is not something that can be calculated, but does it sound plausible for someone with a good teacher to have Kundalini pierce the Sahasrara in three months of serious and fully dedicated practice with some reasonable chance of success? - Unless you almost got there in a previous life (there would be unmistakable signs of that) and are just completing the process now, that would have to be a no. Years to decades is more realistic if you’re just starting out. Age also matters, Kundalini Awakening usually takes place around age 33 , with a couple of years either side the norm. I simply don’t buy stories of 50-year olds starting from scratch, having never meditated before, achieving full Kundalini awakening in a matter of months. 7. If I recall correctly, I also saw a reputable poster on this subreddit suggest once that there are some techniques that exist which can instantly awaken the full extent of kundalini, presumably in a basically external manner, entirely administered through the teacher - although this second part is just my assumption. Is such a thing really possible? I suspect there would be some drawbacks to this, which I don't currently need to know - I just want to know if it's possible. Similarly, I believe that this is a separate matter from Shaktipaat, which as far as I understand it refers to awakening only the base or starting form of kundalini. I would welcome any corrections to possible misconceptions in that regard as well. - They can transfer their own Kundalini energy and cause an awakening yes, but it would be more like a glimpse of the real thing, to motivate their students. It would then be up to them to work on themselves to make their Kundalini awakening a self-sustaining process. Masters can also remove blockages that hinder the process. 8. I have seen some posters refer to what they have called "physical kriyas", meaning physical movements that occur without their control and that can even throw them around a couple of metres into this or that direction. This sounds concerning to me, since phenomena of this type seem to entirely contradict the entire purpose of Kundalini - namely, growing and developing ever more advanced forms of self-understanding and self-control. A desire for self-control is one of my reasons for aiming at spiritual enlightenment and the possible existence of phenomena like this has unsettled me. Can anyone please explain this apparent contradiction? - Kriyas shouldn’t be violent like that if the student is prepared. They are usually quite gentle, more like spasms and convulsions as the energy is trying to escape and overexcited neurons keep firing. Convulsions can get quite intense if a major blockage In a chakra is being cleared, but it will move into a state of bliss and utter relief after that, not unike what happens during and after a sexual orgasm, only this is spiritual in nature.

Awesome! @GreenWoods So to get started, I think we really need a clear understanding of this whole system before we are able to effectively manipulate it based on our final goal or desire. I'm doing my researches to understand the basis of this system, below is short explanation of the five koshas I've gathered from this website. images are from multiples sources in the web. The Five Koshas (Layers) of Existence Each person has a physical body made of matter, an astral body containing prana and thoughts, and a causal body which contains the quality of spirit. The three bodies are made up of the five “koshas” or sheaths. Below is a breakdown of the three bodies and their corresponding koshas: Physical Body – The Vehicle for the Soul: Annamaya Kosha – The Food Illusion Sheath Made of food Composed of the five elements: earth, water, fire, air, and ether. Astral Body – A Subtle Body that the Eyes Cannot See: Pranamaya Kosha – The Energy Body Made of prana or vital life force Physical body is able to live and act because of prana Manomaya Kosha – The Mind Contains your mind/emotions/thoughts Thoughts and emotions move the prana Vijnanamaya Kosha – The Intellect Contains intellect and discrimination This is the power to know and discern Causal Body – The Core from Which Your Karma Originates: Anandamaya Kosha – The Bliss Sheath A thin veil of ignorance Subtle identification with separateness Here you experience your true blissful nature

Yes, pursuing enlightenment or happiness is not the same as enlightenment or happiness. The first one assumes you don't "have it". All enlightenment is is the present moment, right now. It is not a super power the ego receives which let's it write the future. If you happen to shift your focus away from the present moment into what isn't, it will feel bad, no matter "when" that happens. Understanding is your natural state, enlightenment is no longer thinking there is or creating the duality of a you that do not understand. Notice how "not getting it" is like something you "do". "I don't get it" is often a thought that is repeated and self defining. All thought is capable to do is not get it, as understanding is not a function of thought. When you get it though, there's no need to repeat to yourself "I get it!" because it no longer is an identity. Not getting it feels bad because it's literally not true. Your true self actually gets it, all the time. Enlightenment shouldn't be seen as some kind of fix that finally puts an end to the never ending problem of happiness. Enlightenment is just to stop looking for a solution and realizing there was no problem in the first place. If you see enlightenment as some thing that will fix your happiness, you will be surprised to see that there is no such thing and you don't need anything to be happy. There's no problematic ego that "gets too involved". This ego you cannot feel it, touch it, see it, hear it or taste it. It's literally non existent, only imagined. If you think it exists, you'll act like it exists and it will rule your life. Enlightenment is not some kind of reward you get from following some kind of abstinent lifestyle for a couple of years. Enlightenment is what you really are. Enlightenment is not gathering knowledge or understanding more about how things in reality work but rather what reality is in itself, which is not only extremely simple but your true self and heart already knows the answer. It may not appear as so because an imaginary ego that do not understand reality is being identified with. If you no longer imagine this ego, reality will be as clear as it can be. Enlightenment doesn't mean you don't pursuethings you want. Judgements you have against some forms of pleasures are not relevant, the only thing that matters is how you feel in the moment. If that pleasure doesn't end up feeling good it's ok, you can move on. This idea that there is an ego with egoic desire that is driving you in a direction you don't want is also untrue. You may have desires you judge as "un spiritual" or "unawake" and there might be insecurity about having those desires and what it means about who you are. (Does it mean I'm not awake if I want to have sex?) None of this insecurity is justified, you don't have to hide your desires. Some "desires of your ego" may also just be straight up not desires but ideas of a desire you happen to think you have, fear of missing out. The only way to tell if you actually want something or not is to feel. If you focus right now on yourself and ask "what do I really want right now?" that's all that really matters. All fears about not having done everything you wanted in time is ridiculous. Those fears feel bad, make sure not to misinterpret that bad feeling. Nothing (no fix, no quick pill, no pleasure) will let that bad feeling go like feeling it. The more one think he knows the less open he is to new ideas. The lack of information isn't bliss in itself but the lack of assumptions about a self that already understands reality is.

Ignorance is bliss

After talking to a good friend and describing my situation and past to them yesterday, I had a breakthrough of sorts. I have depersonalisation, lapses in my perception and sense of identity related to various parts of myself and my past. But I felt surges of emotion came back, lots of repressed grief came up but it felt nice. For the first time in a long time I felt a certain flavour of positive feeling and love/bliss. But I woke up today and, I feel a lot of strain in my head. I feel more like my old, familiar self, in a positive way perhaps. Ofc I'm still dissociated, but I'm still in the afterglow of a psychological breakthrough recently. But despite that breakthrough, I don't feel pleasant. My old self My head feels strained, and although in some sense my emotions and sense of vitality is much stronger, I feel more cold. I feel some sense of liberation, but I also feel quite mechanical and strained in my head. Strained mind which automatically calculates too much. Part of it though is the coming back of old parts of me. I feel like I have a certain clarity for action, deconstruction and authenticity. I feel less bothered by certain fears and worries which were bothering me ( although it's still ultimately here, and very strongly). But I also feel like I lack a certain type of empathy and connection to the world. Perhaps I'm not feeling any of those things and that's just my thought story and interpretation. Can anyone else here relate to that feeling of a strained mind/thinking, and not being very connected to other people? I'm just gonna try to let go and be okay with the strain, journalling and writing. Be with the strain and fear, see what happens... For the past several weeks, I've been dealing with and uncovering pretty deep fears which bother me 24/7 Edit: I'm able to relax my mind and thinking just a little by listening to signals of strain, which feels peaceful and soothing. Now I can delve into things

@Someone here Was just reading and I was feeling a state of Bliss.... felt Like my thoughts stopped for a moment..... Thank You

Suffering is bliss.

It seemed to say that the Devil had fetched her, but to be accurate, the dream said it was the wild huntsman, the gundholt, or wearer of the green hat, who hunted with his wolves that night. It was the season of Fohn storms in January. It was Wotan, the God of my Alemannic ancestors who had gathered my mother to her ancestors. Negatively, to the wild horde, but positively to the blessed folk. It was the Christian Missionaries who turned Wotan into a Devil. He is an important God, a Mercury or Hermes as the Romans correctly realized. A nature spirit who returned to life again in the Merlin of the grail legend and became as the spiritus mercurialis. The sought-after arcanum of the alchemists. Thus the dream says that the soul of his mother was taken into that greater territory of the Self, which lies beyond the segment of Christian morality. Taken into that wholeness of nature, and spirit. In which conflicts and contradictions are resolved. He went home and while riding the night train he had a feeling of great grief, but in his heart of hearts he could not be mournful. And this for a strange reason - during the entire journey, he continually heard dance music. Laughter. And jollity. As though a wedding were being celebrated. This contrasted violently with the devastating impression the dream had made on him. One the one hand, music and laughter and it was impossible to yield entirely to his sorrow. Again and again it was on the point of overwhelming him. But the next moment he would find himself once more engulfed by the cheerful melodies. One side was warm and joyful and the other of terror and grief. He was thrown back and forth between these contrasting emotions. This paradox can be explained if we suppose that at one moment death was being represented from the point of view of the ego. And at the next, from that of the psyche. In the first case, it appeared as a catastrophe that is how it so often strikes us. As if wicked and pettiless powers had put an end to human life. And so it is death is indeed a fearful piece of brutality. There is no sense pretending otherwise. It is brutal not only as a physical event, but far more so psychically. A human being is torn away from us, and what remains is the icy stillness of death. There no longer exists any hope of a relationship. For all the bridges have been smashed in one blow. Those who deserve a long life are cut off in the prime of their years, and good for nothings live to a ripe old age. This is a cruel reality which we have no right to sidestep. The actual experience of the cruelty and wantonness of death can so embitter us that we conclude there is no merciful God. No justice and no kindness. From another point of view, however, death appears as a joyful event. In the light of eternity, it is a wedding. The soul attains as it were, its missing half. It achieves wholeness. Many cultures view death as a celebration of this return to wholeness. He had a dream of his father who looked refreshed, they went into Jung's library and spoke to one another and to show off his home and family, his books that he had written - but he saw that his father was preoccupied. His father wanted something from him. His father asked him about marital psychology, but then he awoke - and realized later that it might have had to do with his mother's death. The marriage was not happy and they made typical mistakes couples make. The dream was a forecast of his mother's death. He would have to resume the relationship again but had no better understanding in this timeless state, and needed to speak to someone among the living who would have a fresh approach. Since the unconscious, as the result of it's spatio-temporal relativity possesses better sources of information than the conscious mind, which has only sense perceptions available to it - we are dependent for our myth of life after death upon the meager hints of dreams and similar spontaneous revelations from the unconscious. We cannot attribute to these illusions the value of knowledge let alone prove - they can, however, serve as suitable bases for mythic amplifications. They give the intellect the raw material which is indispensable for its vitality. Cut off the intermediary world of mythic imagination and the mind falls prey to doctrinaire rigities. On the other hand, too much traffic with these germs of myth is dangerous for weak and suggestible minds, for they're lead to mistake vague intimations for substantial knowledge. One widespread myth of the hereafter is formed by the ideas and images centering on reincarnation. India has a highly complex intellectual culture and is much older than the West - the idea of reincarnation is as much taken for granted as among us the idea that God created the world. In keeping with the spirit of the East, the succession of birth and death is viewed as an endless continuity. As an eternal wheel rolling on forever without a goal - man lives and attains knowledges and dies and begins again from the beginning, only with the Buddha does the idea of a goal emerge. Namely the overcoming of earthly existence. The mythic needs of the Occidental call for an evolutionary cosmogony with a beginning and a goal. The Occidental rebels against a cosmogony with a beginning and mere end. Just as he cannot accept that the idea of a static self contained eternal cycle of events. The Oriental on the other hand seems to be able to come to terms with this idea. Apparently there is no unanimous feeling about the nature of the world anymore than there is general agreement among contemporary astronomers on this question. To Western man, the meaninglessness of a merely static universe is unbearable. He must assume that it has meaning. The Oriental does not need to make this assumption, rather he embodies it, whereas the Occidental feels the need to complete the meaning of the world - and strives for the fulfillment of meaning in man, where the Oriental strives for the fulfillment of meaning in man stripping the world and existence from himself. Both are right. Western man seems predominantly extroverted, Eastern man predominantly introverted. The former projects the meaning and considers that it exists in objects. The later feels the meaning in himself, but the meaning is both without and within. The idea of rebirth is inseparable from that of karma - the crucial question is whether a man's karma is personal or not. If it is - then the preordained destiny with which a man enters life represents an achievement from previous lives and a personal continuity therefore exists. If however, this is not so - and an impersonal karma is seized upon in the act of birth, then that karma is incarnated again without there being any personal continuity. Buddha was twice asked by his disciples whether man's karma is personal or not - each time he fended off the question and did not go into the matter. "To know this would not contribute to liberating one's self from the illusion of existence." Buddha considered it far more useful for his students to meditate upon the Nidana chain that is upon birth, life, old age and death - and upon the cause and effect of suffering. I know no answer to the question of whether the karma which I lived is the outcome of my past lives or whether it is not rather the achievement of my ancestors whose heritage comes together in me. Am I a combination of the lives of these ancestors, and do I embody these lives again? Have I lived before in the past as a specific personality and did I progress so far in that life that I am now able to seek a solution? I do not know... Buddha left the question open - he himself did not know with certainty. I could well imagine that I might have lived in former centuries, and therefore encountered questions I was not yet able to answer. That I had to be born again because I had not fulfilled the task that was given to me. When I die, my deeds will follow along with me - that is how I imagine it. I will bring with me what I have done. In the meantime it is important to ensure that I do not stand at the end with empty hands. Buddha had this thought when he tried to keep his students from wasting time on useless speculation. The meaning of my existence is that life has addressed a question to me. Or conversely, I myself am a question, which is addressed to the world and I must communicate my answer - for otherwise I am dependent upon the world's answer. That is a supra personal life task, which I accomplish only by effort and with great difficulty. Perhaps it is a question which preoccupied by ancestors. And which they could not answer. (As I sit here, writing this - this Being speaks. I don't know who it is - the artwork comes from a song called "Stuck in a Timeloop". The Gods must have a slow, drawn, deliberate way of using words - that carry - like playing something of intellectual/metaphyisical substance at .25 and fully understanding what is said, words become LUSTROUS; golden, liquid and FELT - and I will bet the words circle around like that, too - in waves of information, sound, and whathaveyou. I've gotten about ten other signs from the other side, but they come in so fast and there is too much information within them to be able to write it out - which is as it usually goes. There are major things happening across the planet that will change things in one way or another, for better or worse, I don't know - and all the intelligences collected over billions of years culminating into this One Singular moment, and the energy, life, karma, nature, consciousness, awareness... I could make a long list... the witnesses for this event are leviathans. This really is, if there is ever a time - it would be happening Now. It seems odd to say this, because i know that a lot of people have said so in the past - but I can SEE it and FEEL it and KNOW it. And with how the world is changing the way that it is - and the cosmologies that we have... I can't explain it, but the tipping point for everyone is sneaking up and no one can really see it, and I don't know what it is other than an inner knowing, and a process much like Jung's - but at the end of the day you can never fully be sure up until the end. I feel like I am starting to get a good grasp on this, though - but it is not translatable into language. As above, so below. This is especially pertinent to witches/shamans/moons/sorcerers because we have access to some sort of thing that reaches out from the other side. I wonder how they will appear for different people? And I don't much care if people believe me or not, and I don't want anyone to follow me because I am just learning and exploring. I feel that makes me authentic, for those reasons - this morning, a shift in energy - there aren't signs anymore so much as rapid succession of the environment giving me clues about how this reality works - mythology is personal.) The dionysians' side of life to with the Christian seems to have lost the way. Or is the the restless Wotan Hermes of my ancestors who poses challenging riddles? Would I feel to be the resultant of my ancestors lives? Or a karma acquired in a previous personal life might perhaps equally be an impersonal archetype which today presses hard on everyone and has taken a particular hold upon me. An archetype such as, for example, the development over the centuries of the divine triad and its confrontation with the feminine principle? Or the still pending answer to the gnostic question, as to the origin of evil, or to put it another way - the incompleteness of the Christian God image. Through the achievement of an individual, a question enters the world - to which he must provide some kind of answer. For example - my way of posing the question as well as my answer may be unsatisfactory - that being so - someone who has my karma or I myself would have to be reborn in order to give a more complete answer. It might have been that I would not be reborn again so long as the world needed no such answer. And that I would be entitled to several hundred years of peace until someone was once more needed who took an interest in these matters and could profitably tackle the task aknew. For a while a period of rest could ensue until the stint done in the previous lifetime needed to be taken up again. The question of karma is obscured to me. As is also the problem of personal rebirth, or of the transmigration of souls. With a free and open mind, I listen attentively to the Indian doctrine of rebirth and look around at the world of my own experience to see whether somewhere and somehow there is some authentic signs pointing toward reincarnation. A belief is only the phenomenon of belief, not the content of the belief. Jung had a series of dreams that gave him insight into reincarnation but did not find proof in the outer world, but after the experience viewed reincarnation with a new lense - thought without being in a position to assert a definitive opinion. If we assume life continues there we cannot conceive of any other form of existence except a psychic one. For the life of the psyche requires no space - and no time. Psychic existence and above all the inner images with which we are here concerned - supply the material for all the mythic speculations about a life in the here after. He imagines that life as a continuance in the world of images - thus the psyche might be that existence in which the hereafter, with a land of the dead, is located. From this psychological point of view, life in the here after would seem to be a logical continuation of the psychic life of old age. With increasing age, contemplation and reflection, the inner images naturally play an ever greater part in man's life. Your old men shall dream dreams that to be sure presupposes that the psyches of the old man have not become wooden, or entirely petrified. In old age, one begins to let memories unroll before the mind's eye, and musings to recognize one's self in the inner and outer images of the past. This is like a preparation for an existence in the hereafter - just as in Plato's view philosophy is a preparation for death. The inner images keep me from getting lost in personal retrospection. Many old people become too involved in their reconstruction of past events. They remain imprisoned in these memories. But if it is reflective and is translated into images, this is beneficial. Try to see the line that leads through your life into the world and out of the world again. In general, the conception people form of the hereafter is largely made up of wishful thinking and prejudices. Thus in most conceptions, the hereafter is pictured as a pleasant place that does not seem so obvious to me, I hardly think that after death - we shall be sprinted to some lovely flowering meadow - if everything were pleasant and good in the hereafter, truly there would be some friendly communication between us and the blessed spirits. And an outpouring upon us of goodness and beauty from the prenatal state - but there is nothing of the sort. Why is there this insurmountable barrier between the departed and the living? At least half the reports of encounters with the dead tell of terrifying experiences with dark spirits, and it is the rule that the land of the dead observes icy silence, unperturbed by the grief of the bereaved. The world is far too unitary for there to be a hereafter in which the rule of opposites is completely absent. There too is nature, which after its fashion is also God's. The world into which we enter after death will be grand and terrible - like God and like all of nature that we know. Suffering does not entirely cease, granted that what I experienced in my 1944 visions, liberation from the burden of the body, and perception of meaning - gave me the deepest bliss. Nevertheless, there was darkness, too. And strange cessation of human warmth, If there were no imperfections, no primordial defect in the ground of creation - why should there be any urge to create? Any longing for what must be yet fulfilled? Why should the Gods be the least bit concerned about man and creation, about the continuation of the Nidara chain to infinity? After all, the Buddha opposes to the painful illusion of existence, as quote none - and the Christian hopes for the swift coming of this world's end. It seems probable that in the hereafter too, there exists certain limitations, but that the souls of the dead only gradually find out where the limits of the liberated state lie. Somewhere out there, there must be a determinant. A necessity conditioning of the world which seeks to put an end to the after death state. This creative determinant - so I imagine it, must decide what souls will plunge again into birth. Certain souls, I imagine, feel the state of three dimensional existence to be more blissful than that of eternity. But perhaps that depends on how much of completeness or incompleteness they have taken across with them from their human existence. It is possible that any further spell of three dimensional life would have no more meaning, once the soul had reached a certain stage of understanding. It would then no longer have to return, fuller understanding having put to route the desire for re-embodiment. Then the soul would vanish from the three dimensional world and attain what the Buddhists call Nirvana. But if a karma still remains to be disposed of, then the soul relapses again into desires and returns to life once more. Perhaps even doing so, out of the realization that something remains to be completed. It must have been primarily a passionate urge toward understanding, which brought about my birth. For that is the strongest element in my nature. This insatiable drive toward understanding has, as it were, created a consciousness in order to know what is and what happens, and in order to piece together mythic conceptions from the slender hands of the unknowable. We lack concrete proof that anything of us is preserved for eternity, at most we can say that there is some probability that something out of our psyche continues beyond physical death. Whether what continues to exist is conscious of itself, we do not know either. We feel the need to form some opinion on this question, we might possibly consider what has been learned from the phenomena of psychic dissociation. In most cases, where a split off complex manifests itself it does so in the form of a personality. As if the complex had a consciousness of itself. Thus the voices is heard by the insane are personified. I dealt with this phenomenon of personified complexes in my doctoral dissertation. We might, if we wish, adduce these complexes as evidence for a continuity of consciousness. Likewise, in favour of such an assumption are certain astonishing observations in cases of profound syncope after acute injuries to the brain and in severe states of collapse. In both situations, total loss of consciousness can be accompanied by perceptions of the outside world, and vivid dream experiences. Since the cerebral cortex, the seat of consciousness is not functioning at these times, there is as yet, no explanation for such phenomena. They may be evidence for at least a subjective persistence of the capacity for consciousness. Even in a state of apparent unconsciousness, the problem of the relationship between eternal man, the self and earthly man - in time and space, was illuminated by two dreams of mind. In one dream, which I had in October - 1958, I caught sight from my house of two lense shaped metallic gleaming discs which hurtled in a narrow arch of the house and down to the lake. They were two UFOs. Then another body came flying directly toward me. It was a perfectly circular lense, like the objective of a telescope. At a distance of four or five hundred yards it stood still for a moment and then flew off. Immediately afterward, another came speeding through the air, a lense with a metallic extension which lead to a box. A magic lantern. At a distance of 60 or 70 yards, it stood still in the air, pointing straight at me. I awoke with a feeling of astonishment. Still, half in the dream, the thought passed through my head. We always think that the UFOs are projections of ours. Now it turns out that we are their projections. I am projected by the magic lantern as C.J. Jung, but who manipulates the apparatus? I had dreamed once before of the problem of the self and the ego. In that earlier dream, I was on a hiking trip. I was walking along a little road through a hilly landscape. The sun was shining, and I had a wide view in all directions. Then I came to a small wayside chapel. The door was ajar and I went in. To my surprise, there was no image of the virgin on the altar and no crucifix either, but only a wonderful flower arrangement. But then I saw that on the floor in front of the altar facing me sat a yogi in lotus posture in deep meditation. When I looked at him more closely, I realized that he had my face. I startled in profound fright and awoke with the thought - "Aha!" - so he is the one who is meditating me. He has a dream. And I am it. I knew then, when he awakened I would no longer be. I had this dream after my illness in 1944. It is a parable. My self retires into meditation and medites my earthly form. To put it another way, it assumes human shape in order to enter three dimensional existence. As if someone were putting on a diver's suit in order to dive into the sea. When it renounces existence in the hereafter, the self assumes a religious posture as the chapel in the dream shows. In earthly form, it can pass through the experiences of the three dimensional world. And by greater awareness, take a further step toward realization. The figure of the yogi then, would more or less represent my unconscious prenatal wholeness and the far East, as is often the case in dreams a psychic state, alien, and opposed to our own. Like the magic lantern, the yogi's meditation projects my empirical reality. As a rule, we see this causal relationship in reverse. In the products of the unconscious we discover mandala symbols, which express wholeness and whenever we wish to express wholeness, we employ just such figures. Our basis is ego consciousness. Our world, the field of light centered upon the focal point of the ego - from that point, we look out upon an enigmatic world of obscurity. Never knowing to what extent the shadow we form we see are caused by our consciousness. Or possess a reality of their own. The superficial observer is content with the first assumption, but closer studies show that as a rule - the images of the unconscious are not produced by the consciousness. But have a reality and spontaneity of their own. Nevertheless, we regard them as mere marginal phenomena. The aim of both these dreams is to affect a reversal of the relationship between ego consciousness and the unconscious. And to represent the unconscious as the generator of the empirical personality. This reversal suggests that in the opinion of the other side, our unconscious existence is the real one. And out conscious world, a kind of illusion. An apparent reality constructed for a specific purpose. Like a dream which seems a reality as long as we are in it. It is clear that this state of affairs resembled very closely to the Oriental conception of Maya. Unconscious wholeness therefore seems the true spirit of all biological and psychic events and strives for total realization, which in man's case, signifies the attainment of total consciousness. Attainment of consciousness is culture in the broadest sense, and self knowledge is therefore the heart and essence of this process. The Oriental attributes unquestionably divine significance to the self and according to the ancient Christian view, self knowledge is the road to knowledge of God. The decisive question for man is, is he related to something infinite or not? That is the telling question of his life. Only if we know that the thing which truly matters is the infinite, can we avoid fixing our interest upon futilities. And upon all kinds of goals which are not of real importance. Thus we demand that the world grant us recognition for qualities which we regard as personal possessions. Our talent or our beauty. The more man lays stress on false possessions, and the less sensitivity he has for what is essential, the less satisfying is his life. He feels limited because he has limited aims. And the result is envy and jealousy. If we understand and feel that here in this life we already have a link with the infinite, desires and attitudes change. In the final analysis, we count for something only because of the essential we embody. And if we do not embody that, life is wasted. In our relationships to other men, too, the crucial question is whether an element of boundlessness is expressed in the relationship - the feeling for the infinite, however, can be attained only if we are bounded to the utmost. The greatest limitation for man is the self. It is manifested in the experience "I Am" only that. Only consciousness of our narrow confinement in the self forms the link to the limitlessness of the unconscious. In such awareness, we experience ourselves concurrently as limited and eternal. As both the one and the other. In knowing ourselves to be unique in our personal combination, that is ultimately limited, we possess also the capacity for becoming conscious of the infinite. But only then in in an era which has concentrated exclusively upon extension of living space and increase of rational knowledge at all costs, it is a supreme challenge to ask man to become conscious of his uniqueness and his limitation. Uniqueness and limitation are synonymous. Without them, no perception of the unlimited is possible and consequently, no coming to consciousness either. Merely a delusory identity with it which takes the form of intoxication. Our age has shifted all emphasis to the here and now, and thus brought about a demonization of man and his world. The phenomenon of dictators and all the misery they have wrought springs from the fact that man has been robbed of transcendence by the short sightedness of the super intellectuals. Like them, he has fallen a victim to unconsciousness, but man's task is the exact opposite. To become conscious of the contents that press upward from the unconscious. Neither should he persist in his unconsciousness. Nor remain identical with the unconscious elements of his being. thus evading his destiny. Which is to create more and more consciousness. As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. It may even be assumed that just as the unconscious affects us, so the increase in our consciousness affects the unconscious.

Find Christians with true devotion and love for God and Christ. You can connect with them on the level of appreciation for the Divine. Of course they will try to indoctrinate you. Your direct experience should already inoculate you against that if you’ve been doing significant consciousness work. Some well-developed Christians have access to a source of spiritual love and bliss most here on this forum have likely never experienced. That is what they call the Holy Spirit. This is not monopolized to Christianity or their dogma, but their love and devotion to Christ gives many of them a direct experience with this. An experience of the Holy Spirit is likely the best thing you’ll find in interactions with Christians. You can find it in many other places and with other methods, but being with Christians who are truly filled with love for God and Christ might be one of the most likely sources. I’ve spent the past few months in regular/weekly meetings with Mormon missionaries. It’s been a beautiful experience which has shown me that if you cannot connect spiritually with genuine religious seekers (this certainly isn’t many of them) then there is a problem of judgment and over-attachment within you too. Best of luck. Try interacting with multiple denominations of Christians if the first does not resonate.

DPT is a mellower brother of DMT. More focused on the outside and physicality, while DMT is internal, eternal bliss. I am not so sure of that description, as I still explore both substances, but this is my first impression. Edit: I have got a better example to illustrate them. DPT turns you into a powerful werewolf that can shoot lightings from hands, DMT turns you into a very wise immortal stone that falls to the floor, haha. That's the difference in vibe.

Yes in the same way as psychedelics it does happen. it happens through Kundalini rising. They rise their Kundalini energy and massive amount of energy rushes into your brain and fucks with every cell in your brain. That's how they enter Samadhi. In a mushroom trip it literally happened to me. Tremendous amount of energy did enter my spine and moved to my brain, movement of it in the spine caused experiencing immense love and bliss. I can work with this energy but still I'm unable to stimulate it the way mushroom does for me. And I know I just need more practice to achieve mastery with it.