Search the Community

I also have a dilemma because I have a deep interest in spirituality, but it has brought a lot of danger to my life, like suicide attempts, detachment from friends and family. Its hard to give this up, or take a break when its literally the only interest I have left. Im obsessive about it. Tried to make music again but I have no joy anymore. I only live to distract myself from suicide with stimuli like watching youtube videos. I'm getting help, might get antidepressants, but that's not gonna fix it all, and might make it worse from what I've heard about it.

Timeline The first major change was dealing with 2 breakups. October 2020. One with Joseph that happened some time last year after we got back together for a short time. November 2020 I discovered his cheating. February/ March 2021 Second break up happened with Andrew this year. We had issues for a long time. December 2020 I was going through intense emotions of trauma and suicide. Rough period. January 2021 I was still trying to heal and move on from Joseph. It was a brave struggle. Finally I could let him go.

I got this theory that i believe is true. If you are karmically destined to live to 74 and die of hearth disease. Kill yourself at 34 and you will be only killing the physical body. The astral, pranic, kama bodies will still be alive and you get stuck in the astral plane until you get 74. That's like 40 years in a OBE state. I have personally ejected from my own body while alive so i know for a fact that i am not this body. The problem is that karma doesn't change and you will still have connection to your family and friends. You will watch them sob and suffer from your deed of killing yourself and float like a ghost in the astral plane. Okay, this may not be entirely true but is one of the dreadful things i have in mind when i consider suicide.

Ive been suffering from OCD since i was a teenager, maybe 14 so far. The last 9 years were pretty intense, i have considered suicide many times. I think that doctors and medicine cant help for that condition. I think the only think that can help me are pshycadelics, its bad that in my country they are very rare and cannot be found.

This is probably against what you’re looking for, but I think it is important for you to consider. My tip is for you to not hide yourself. Being “high consciousness” and inauthentic by hiding who you really are at the same time seems like a recipe for disaster to me. Consider it like this — if every gay person kept their sexuality a secret in the way you’re doing with your spirituality, we would have an even greater stigma against it, more people committing suicide from it, and likely still laws against it. Maybe your friend who asked about your level of happiness might also want to experience that himself. Maybe you could be a crucial part of facilitating his rise in consciousness if you were honest. You not wanting people to think you’re crazy now for your positive and rare development is precisely the kind of activity that will maintain the status quo of people like us being stigmatized, judged, etc. Beyond that, your influence could get people to your level of consciousness or even higher. It could greatly reduce their suffering and reduce the amount of suffering they create for others. Who is it really helping for you to stay in the closet? Is it really even helping you?

How do you know, have you experienced both? Because I have. And I would rather be raped and beaten violently 10 times over being falsely accused of rape. I'm not downplaying being raped, it can be 10x worse than what I went through but that doesn't mean being falsely accused is no big deal. Neither is objectively worse than the other, each individual will have a different experience. Stop downplaying what I had to go through because it was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Have you actually read or studied what happens to someone when they're falsely accused? Have you talked to people who were falsely accused? It was because of this mentality that I was on the brink of suicide, in fact, I would've done it if it weren't for my family. I suffered on my families behalf, I took all of their combined suffering and I grinded myself through it for THEIR sake, because I didn't want them to suffer. Every single day I woke up wanting to die, every single hour I thought about the joy of killing myself, the freedom from what the police did to me. They took everything that was mine and left me with nothing but trauma, existential anxiety and PTSD. No one helped me. No one supported me except my girlfriend and my parents. I'm still terrified of sex because I would rather be celibate for the rest of my life than be falsely accused again. There's nothing I can do about what happened to me other than empathise with others who have been through the same. It's very easy to just dismiss this issue like it's no big deal, but it destroyed me and I would rather be tortured for a day than go through what I went through again. You need to do research before you go spouting your ideology at people. You have NO idea how different a false rape accusation is vs a false theft accusation and whilst I forgive you, it's not your fault you don't understand, at least try to see just how much suffering you're downplaying because this issue doesn't concern you. You won't be falsely accused of rape, so your ego will ultimately be biased against that. I don't expect you to empathise with me, it's unlikely you will ever know the existential terror I went through for months. But at least try... People who are falsely accused of rape are victims too, and the fact that the justice system treats them as guilty until proven innocent disgusts me. No one should ever have to go through what I did. No one. No one should have to go through being raped either, but downplaying one side does nothing but harm both sides. I hope you one day realise this.

First of all that totally depends on the context. If a woman have sex beacuse of a pushy man that can be seen as rape. You are right that she got psycologial damage from that. I don't deny it. But a man who gets falsely accused may commit suicide like my friend. In this context who got the most damage? I don't understand. We talk about that all the time. If you talk about rape being a problem in our society is it fair for me to say "well murder, theft and violence are also a problem. Why do you talk about rape? how is rape any different?" Do you see the problem with that sort of rhetoric? I would instead talk with you about how to solve it rather than blaming you. I am not here to talk about if we should talk about but how to solve it. Talking about an issue doesn't solve it unless you present solutions.

I would agree with myself 7 years ago. Had a book by a french psychiatrist who discussed suicide and self harm. He mentioned that the solution to this was self-acceptance and i threw that book hard into the wall. I am still doing the same now with my smartphones but this is becoming expensive.

No that's not rude, it's quite a common thing in media culture. Idk how old you are or if you payed attention to Western culture at the time, but even before he killed himself they were RIDICULOUSLY popular and on the rise to go even higher, which is also what made his suicide such a big deal.

I know this sounds super rude. I think he is only famous because he committed suicide. There I said it.

I wanted to write this before I continue my studying because I felt I needed to express and verbalize in written form these heavy thought patterns and heavy feelings I've been having when I sat down on a chair to meditate a little bit for 10 minutes as a break from focusing my mind on studying and learning. Update: Sat still for 15 minutes felt the same feeling of fatigue engulf my mind and body. What I thought about and felt were thoughts about death, or to be more specific projected fears of me dying from my own hand as a result of failing to achieve what I set out for myself in life and failing to reach that standard, and giving up, not being willing to regress or degrade myself to a lower level of existing, thinking and feeling then I am currently at. There are of course regressions and downturns in life, but my fears I am having regarding this is of them being permanent and of not being able to return back, particularly to a state of consciousness and being in relation to the world where I once was when I look back at my murky memories. But what is stopping me from seeking death are the consequences of dying at this point in life, to be more specific, my imagined rule that if repeat the same fate as my mother has, the consequences would be extremely bad and difficult karmic chain to break when I, imagine, would return back to this earth again in a different form either to live out the unconscious punishment of that act or of having to go through the same mistakes I did and that I committed in this life until I learn from them and learn how to correct them. So, in essence, what's acting as a huge deterrent for me not to commit suicide is the inevitable heavy burden and karmic punishment that would result and occur in the next life, that would be severely worse and harder to endure than the one in this one, of having been unable to break the chain of suicides in my family with my mother's own reasons and undefeated pain and problems that led her to it, and because of the attachment and care I still have towards my father and grandmother of not wanting to cause them the, I am quite sure of it, the unbearable pain and suffering in their lives, that I fear the most, because of the loss of me, will push them as well down the path of not having a purpose and will to live any longer because of the unbearable I would inflict upon them If I would partake in such an act.

The "But the suicides!" was a major talking point against lockdowns and preventive measures, but that unsurprisingly turned out to be bunk. Suicides actually decreased in 2020. https://www.axios.com/suicide-decreased-in-2020-pandemmic-mental-health-26196eaf-a245-4d21-85eb-eeb864a24449.html

Let's say you are playing chess versus your girlfriend. In actuality, whether you win or lose makes no difference, except for the honor you either consciously or unconsciously project 'onto winning'. So, why play if it's all meaningless? Same goes with life. Why play? Why not just commit suicide if it's all ultimately pointless and meaningless?

Should someone do spiritual work if they are suicidal? I started all of this while I was very depressed because I realized the flaw in materialism. Problem is that if I can't even do basic stuff like going out there talking to people or get a job, then wouldn't the meditations almost be impossible. Like im expecting that I will transcend when I havent even met my basic needs as a human. Im trying to climb from the bottom of the pyramid to the top without sorting out all the things in the middle. The reason im typing all this is because Im pretty certain im going through a dark night of the soul. When I research about it online I get a lot of tips like continuing on the spiritual path and pray and meditate. I attempted suicide not long ago, the cops found me and sent me back. Meditation has lowered my ego, but the consequence of that is that I feared death less. If you guys think I should take a break from it, what else should I do? Surrender? My ego wont let me. Only temporary.

@NahmI have a hard time understanding what you just posted. Im aware that I am not my thoughts or feelings. I try to detach from it everyday. I dont think I'm ready to understand it either. Ill just accept that things are the way it is and work on the fundamentals. Exercise and diet. Having mindfulness. I don't have the free will to commit suicide anyway. Im being watched 24/7. I do admit that this spiritual work has been really dangerous to me and I wasn't ready, but I have learned a lot about myself. Just had an argument with my dad about it on how Leo has fucked up my brain. I got really pissed off but he is right. I do think though what Leo is doing is for the better for humanity. Not that I claim that I know what Leo "knows", but what he is saying makes a lot of sense to me so when I get caught up thinking about, committing suicide seemed so easy. Ive had temporary states of bliss during meditation and whenever I got out of it, the material world become a joke to me. Total garbage.

Important phrases and sentences in dialogue script Red butterflies Nobody will believe you Doctor uses the phrase red butterflies. Murder made to appear like suicide. Main plot Serial killer in the area Supernatural events Light outside the bedroom flickers on and off Nobody believes her Mutilation of pet Marriage is happy Turn of events There is a devil in the house Devil takes us one by one. Husband discovers proof Torn sheet in diary does not match message on table Police find no clues Puzzle pieced together Many more victims Rejection in school Saw her at a theater with hubby Revenge and discord. Retribution Murderous intent She wore red butterflies at the theater Tony escapes 2 murder attempts but lives to tell the story. Last attempt foiled. Killer caught. Closing scene - Tony visits grave of Anya. Last tributes. She wasn't lying Tony will always be there. Father's death was not a freak accident. Killer name is .. Mother's death was a mysterious illness. . But not so mysterious.

I feel trapped. I feel abandoned. I feel miserable. I feel like I'm in deep dark place, a room with no doors. LIKE a dungeon. Trapped, lonely No windows. No sunshine coming in. Nothing. Just darkness. Cold and dark. With nobody to scream for help. I feel tormented Nowhere to go These are the phrases running through my head right now. "LEAVE ME ALONE" "NOWHERE TO GO" "FEELING TRAPPED AND LOST" "DEEP DARK COLD DUNGEON" "ABANDONED, LONELY, BROKEN" "TORTURED AND TORMENTED. SCREAMING FOR HELP." If I ever commit suicide or die, these will be my last words.

@SempiternityDont know how to get those. Hope it will become more accessible one day. @kag101Im at a place where I get medical treatment. I sleep there so that I cant attempt suicide. Talk to psychologist. Gonna get sent to another place in a few weeks to go deeper into the issue. Im just asking should I continue some amounts of meditation or just have overall mindfulness. I think this is also a spiritual issue. So I'm not sure if medical treatment will be as effective. Gonna do some basic stuff like exercising and fixing my diet too. I have some gag problems though so gonna be a challenge. @neutralempty

A different experience than a solo mediation. It is basically a group meditation focusing on relieving some issues around the planet. I think the weekly End of Coronavirus meditation on Sundays is the biggest one. Here is their website: https://www.welovemassmeditation.com/?m=1 And their youtube channel with the guided meditations: https://youtube.com/c/WeLoveMassMeditation Some info: "Why Meditate? Why Participate in Mass Meditation? Dear Light Family, Now, in the beginnings of our new age, this new cosmic cycle, as the energies of our beloved Mother Earth have shifted, so, too, are shifting the energies of every living being upon her. More and more people are awakening and becoming aware of all that is happening, that the fields of consciousness on our planet Earth have shifted, are shifting, and that on, in, and around our planet, Lightworkers and Lightwarriors have been being very active to help bring about planetary liberation and change. Many of you are asking ‘how can I help?’ One of the best ways to provide energetic support to the Light Forces is by doing what many call ‘Holding the Light,’ bringing more positive energies and Light to our planet by doing individual and group meditations. For this reason, and by request, a global group of volunteers was formed, called We Love Mass Meditation (WLMM), to help make meditation accessible and easy for people around the world. For ages, mystics around the world meditated together during powerful times of planetary energies without having the benefit of the internet or social media. They knew about the solstices and equinoxes, they had ancient ways of connecting energetically, their astrologers/astronomers let them know when important cosmic events were happening. Indigenous people around the world have travelled to connect and shared with one another for tens of thousands of years. They knew and predicted our time would come. How lucky we are! Since the advent of the internet, connecting has become much faster and easier to create synchronized events where we can join together as ONE. There are times of the week, the month, the year, where it is most important to take advantage of the energies. The more people that gather together in meditation with powerful intention at these times, the faster we reach what’s referred to as ‘critical mass,’ at least 144,000 people concentrating, at one point in time, on Love, on Light, on Peace, we change our world for the better, raising global frequency, which affects everyone, and supporting the Light Forces. As certain events and situations are not planetary in scope, but localized to a certain part of the planetary surface, the critical mass of meditators to dissolve them is usually between 5,000 to 10,000 people. And we have clearly seen the results of this. For this reason, the We Love Mass Meditation (WLMM) team, a dedicated team of international Lightworkers, connected with other dedicated teams of Lightworkers around the world to create many Guided Meditations: audios and videos created at the sound frequency now known to be most beneficial to us and our planet (432 Hz) and in many languages, so we can combine the power of our focus and intent, and we worked together to find the best times to synchronize so that the most people in different time zones around the world can join together as One to help to bring about the change we all desire and planetary liberation. Most WLMM meditations are just over 15 minutes, short enough that people can take a break from their activities and long enough to effectively raise your own frequencies and the frequency of the planet, and scheduled at times when the most people can participate together. We invite you to join with us. Personal Benefits Indeed, meditation is a practice; and the more you do it, you will find the better you get. It used to be that you had to go somewhere to learn, find a teacher, but as we have evolved and human consciousness is changing, we know what the ancients knew: your best teacher is within you and meditation helps you to connect with your higher self. Some call it prayer. But not all prayer is meditation. Meditation is one of the oldest practices known to human beings for harmony, inner peace, and for connection to spirit. It has existed in many forms — in every culture, in every religion, all around the world. Shamans, gurus, yogi’s, mystics, medicine people, and seekers have practiced meditation in some form or another, since the beginning of time. It is a way to refine our experience, to open a new dimension to our lives, and to tap into a deep source of positive energy and joy. (1) When I began to learn how to meditate as a child, the elders who taught me did not call it ‘meditation’. I was 3 or 4 years old when they took me into the forest and taught me how to be still, in the now, and how to BE. Only as I got older, growing up in a cross cultural community, did I begin to learn about all the different methods and techniques. Back in those days, things like yoga and meditation were considered weird, people joked about contemplating your navel, and mainstream science ridiculed the concept. But as science and technology developed, lo and behold their surprise to find that the ancient mystics were right and there ‘really was something to all this.’ On the personal level, science found that training our internal mental lives results in positive effects on our minds, our health, and our relationships. Multiple studies proved that meditating increased compassion and social bonding, the more people meditate, the more skillful we can be in compassionate action. Amazing improvements were logged in creativity and divergent thinking, (2) and scientists documented improved visuospatial processing, working memory, and executive functioning. (3). Meditation gives us the opportunity to become more present with ourselves just as we are, connecting us to our inherent wisdom. Science now has proven benefits to cardiovascular and immune health, and that sustained long-term meditation increases gray matter, enhances the ability to generate gamma waves in the brain (among the benefits of that is making you stronger against pain!) It leads to something called neuroplasticity: the ability of the brain to form and reorganize synaptic connections, especially in response to learning and experience following injury. I am a living proof of that! Science has found that meditation can be better than sleeping. It develops cognitive skills, can reduce hyperactivity, impulsivity and increased “act-with-awareness” skill. It naturally boosts good brain chemicals, can balance the left and right hemispheres of the brain, and help you access your subconscious mind power, build health, and cure disease. There are multiple studies that prove meditation is more effective against depression than the pharmaceutical solutions contemporary medicine offers. A study from Harvard University showed that with just 10 minutes a day of mindfulness, a simple non-denominational type of meditation for the modern-day person, their subjects (all novices to meditation) reported lower anxiety and less obtrusive thoughts. That means that just 10-20 minutes of daily meditation will help you start seeing changes within about 2 months. So joining into even ONE of the We Love Mass Meditation (WLMM)’s daily guided meditations will have positive benefits for you personally! Why MASS Meditation? The Global Benefits: Science has also been able to prove something else ancient mystics have always known: there exists a field of transcendental consciousness that is basic to creation and permeates all life everywhere. This phenomenon is now known to Physics as the ‘Field Effect’ and defined as an effect of ’coherence and positivity produced from the field of infinite correlation.’ Per physics, a field effect of consciousness implies an underlying connection between individuals in much the same way that physics has uncovered greater unity beneath the diversity of matter and energy fields. Since the late 1970’s, modern day science has proven time and again that with a large enough group in synchronized meditation, joining together energetically in this “field quality of consciousness, the extended ‘field-like’ effects are expressed in society.” Study after study has documented the brain changes in individuals who meditate. With “what we know now about mirror neurons, it should come as no surprise that when a bunch of us get together with an intent to create peace – we actually create it!” (4) Since global meditations began to be studied statistically and scientifically, it became clear they have helped to facilitate great change. Research teams that were monitoring the resonances occurring in the plasma waves constantly circling the earth in the ionosphere detected unusual spikes in Earth’s magnetic field on the very days that global meditations took place. (5). Studies of synchronized global meditations in the late 1970’s found reduced global crime rates, violence, and casualties during the times of their meditation by an average of 16%, a reduction in suicide rates and automobile accidents in the area where just 7,000 individuals were mediating together over a course of 3 weeks with all variables accounted for. In fact, there was a 72% reduction in terrorist activity during the times at which this group was meditation. (6) By the early 1980’s, so many studies confirmed the benefits of global meditation and its direct impact on everything around the world, even so far as to have the combined results of almost 50 studies published in the Journal of Crime and Justice in 1981. We have known of these benefits for decades, but it has taken this new century and entering the time we are in now, the time the people where I live now call Pachakuti, from the Quechua word “pacha” which means time and space or the world, and “kuti,” which means upheaval, revolution or great change. Pachakuti is the long predicted “world reversal.” This time has been predicted by every indigenous culture around the planet, the indigenous peoples of North America refer to it as the time of the Rainbow Warrior. Now our PachaMama (Mother Earth) has shifted and as we evolve with her, enough people around the world awaken to come together to create critical mass. We invite you to join in and BE part of the Change. It doesn’t matter whether you are a long-time meditator or a complete novice to the practice. WLMM’s Guided meditations make it easy for you. They are also available in many languages, and more languages will be made available as people request and assist with translations. Please remember, we are all volunteers, so are all of YOU. We welcome you and appreciate your effort. There are WLMM for every New Moon and Full Moon, meditations to help calm natural and man-made disasters, meditations to neutralize negative rituals, meditations to support the Light Forces in specific operations. If there is only ONE mass meditation you can join weekly, the most important is the Weekly Ascension Meditation, held on Sundays at 4 PM UTC/GMT. There is an event page on Facebook www.facebook.com/events/966344300172194 and the Guided Audio Meditation (regularly updated as new languages made available) here: https://goo.gl/GDK5Nz You can find a list of all WLMM Active Meditations where you can find YOUR Time Zone here: https://welovemassmeditation.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html and join the WLMM Forum here: welovemassmeditation.elementfx.com/home/welovem3/public_html/ Welcome! With so much Love & Light, Zeeva Amrita"

Hey guys! I have registered myself on the government vaccine wait list yesterday and today I got an sms saying that on wednesday I can already get my first shot. The thing is my family are all against this covid vaccine and no matter what explanation I give them they would always have an answer back even though I respect their decision and don't talk them into getting it. My mom said she will accept me for getting it but I still don't want to tell her as this will further cause more discussions. They are pitting me as if I am committing suicide....don't know why. How would you cope in this situation? Thanks all.

I think I have found the definitive answer to what is good/right and what is bad/wrong. And it applies to everything. This is actually obvious, but it's still nice to consciously be aware of it and understand it, because then you can consciously do a suffering calculation for every decision and opinion. And it should maximize the chance of making right decisions, having healthy opinions, and be a good person. Good/right is that which in total causes least amount of suffering for everyone involved. Bad/wrong is that which in total causes more suffering for everyone involved. The examples where this can be applied are endless since it applies to everything. You can make rational calculations about everything, what will result in least amount of total suffering? Although with some things it can be difficult to make the calculation. And you also have to see the suffering total thing in a long term time perspective, unfortunately the human intellect can't predict what effect a decision/action today will have in a million years, but this should at least be a start. Topics like: abortion. Gun control. Right wing vs left wing. Which countries are good and which are bad. Who is wrong and who is right when a couple is fighting. Humanitarian interventions with military. Should you quit your job or stay. Should you go to bed now or not. Euthanasia. Suicide. Break up with partner or not. Nuke Japan (in WW2) or not. Brush your teeth or not. Some things which are easy to calculate: abortion is good, since the fetus doesn't suffer at all from it, but the parents (and probably the child) escapes lots of suffering (ofc assuming that there's a good reason for the abortion.) Guns should be banned in USA. The suffering caused by everyone shooting everyone constantly every day 24/7 is much higher than the suffering caused by not owning a toy. Euthanasia. There should definitely be euthanasia in all countries. Suicide. From my point of view I should definitely kill myself. It would spare me a lot of suffering. There's no question about that. But since it would completely destroy the lives of my parents, the win for me not having to suffer is probably less than two lives getting completely destroyed. So the suffering total calculation tells me to not kill myself. USA nuking Japan in WW2. It was probably the right thing to do because if Japan hadn't surrendered then more lives would've been lost and it would had resulted in a larger suffering total. Right wing is wrong and left wing is right. Because I think right wing causes more suffering, because they are selfish etc. Suffering every day a tiny bit by brushing your teeth has a lower suffering total than not brushing your teeth and then your teeth rot away. So really, anything that causes least amount of suffering is good and right. Now let's in our lives rationally calculate our actions, decisions and opinions based on the suffering total formula.

collective suicide of all humanity = absolute good

Last night I had a weird dream. My parents own property that is accessed partly by two different woods roads. I dreamed that someone decided to sell lobster out of an outlet on one of the roads which was very strange. I was distrusting of him, like anyone that used to ever go in there. When I walked or ran there, I would listen for a vehicle, and if I heard one I would usually hide in the woods. Whether that's because that's normal behavior when you live in the middle of nowhere, or because my parents constantly told me to be careful and fueled my fears, I don't know. There was a person who had showed up to deliver something and the person had had quills like a porcupine, which was absolutely bizarre. Then later me and my mother were cleaning out really old stuff that was my Grandmothers? and there was this sewing box full of antique needles that were incredibly well made, like a lot of old tools. So of course, I could interpret this a lot of ways, but going along with what's on my mind, and the synchronicity of sewing needles and porcupine quills, the message might be, use what is past for creation, not protection. And that's exactly what I was sort of trying to see through with my Grandmother. She was quite feminine, loved beautiful things, loved crafts, loved making things, and yet, much of the time was miserable, and there are multiple reasons why I get compared with her. So... this reminds me of something, maybe I shouldn't go here. If you're female, being an artist is the occupation that puts you at the highest risk for suicide. https://www.statista.com/statistics/1096882/working-female-suicide-rate-by-detailed-occupation-group-us/ There's some correlation with creativity and depression, and I think, I know it's spiritual awakening related. I think there's a major misunderstanding of society here. A creative woman is born with incredible gifts, gifts that the world needs most right now, but because they are exactly what the world needs most right now, they WILL be devalued and laughed at, and part of her gifts are a sort of vulnerability and fragility, that isn't what it seems. She's like the mouse in the Gruffalo book. (I really wish @remember hadn't been banned, who gave me this insight into the meaning of that book, but there's another example of devaluing the feminine that's stuck in my craw). She herself CREATES a more powerful monster than the predictors, and she TOO must out-wile the monster she herself created to just happily enjoy eating a nut at the end of the book. Ok wow. This went deeper and more to the heart of things than I was thinking it would. Thinking it would? Really? If she herself starts to believe this perspective too, that she is not worth much, that she is weak, that she is prey, she may begin to feel that she is worthless too. And she IS prey, prey to (pray to!) a bigger monster than the ones initially placed in the forest, but to the monster of her own creation. What the world needs most, is for you to know and feel your own worth, no matter who you are, no matter what gifts you have. It doesn't matter what society is like, it doesn't matter what the world is like, all that matters is my own alignment with me. My Grandmother gave me the tools for creation, and she gave me the clarity that comes from contrast on how to use them in a way that is aligned with Self.

You create your own purpose and values and meaning (or you don't) while being aware that you are creating it (making it up). That is if you are an existential nihilist. If you are an ordinary person.. You borrow the meaning from religions and or an outside authority that you don't question (because you are not conscious enough to question your beliefs). For a nihilist.. there is no "objective" meaning flying around and that's true. and a nihilist generally doesn’t try to find a subjective meaning to life either. But here is a contradiction.. if you are alive.. that means you have found some reason to live.. something that makes life preferable to death. It is impossible to (rationally) live without a reason because we all suffer and feel pain. Without any reason to endure suffering a rational person would commit suicide.. and cease to live. So as a nihilist.. you can recognise that there is no inherent meaning to life.. and any meaning we create for ourselves is an illusion and a distraction from the truth and finding a meaning in life still doesn’t change anything on an existential level; you will die.. cease to exist and forget everything. But for a nihilist to live.. they have to have some reason.. it might not be concrete or specific, it may be complex or they have decided just to live for the sake of it. Why should it matter if anything matters objectively anyway? Try to detach from the need for meaning.

If everything would be meaningless to somebody, the person would commit as suicide at this particular moment and be dead. Meaning a nihilist never existed. It is just an idea people give meaning towards.