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Buddha and Jesus didn't know. Otherwise they would suggest you to kill yourself to become one with God. Cool. Edit: Suicide is obviously the ego who doesn't want to accept reality, so ego thinks it can take a shortcut to enlightenment.

Yoga ✅ 30min + 20min Meditation ✅ 15min alone Sleep ✅ 7.5h and took a nap yesterday Naps have become my thang apparently Too much attachment to these journals. I occasionally have a spike of shame over the littlest things I write. Then when I correct them later I have a spike of shame over correcting them. It's painful. It's just that I care too much. And try too much sometimes. And now I'm slightly ashamed by how much I care and am ashamed Why try to create an image of yourself. Helping others is more important. Wayy more important. But sometimes I just feel like a love vampire. Most of the time I signed up for the meditation retreat. I sign up for a music camp they ask me what's my favourite genre of music, I sign up for a meditation retreat they ask me if I've ever considered suicide. Jeez. Though that's understandable. I'm kind of worried if I did the payment thing right. I'll probably have to send them another email and ask.

Because there's a difference between ego death and bodily death. If bodily death happens before ego death, there is still a clinging that will almost certainly have to transfer over to another body. Suffering is best used as fuel for ego death; suicide (at best) puts you in similar or worse circumstances. tl;dr -- teenage suicide: don't do it.

are you considering suicide?

@BornToBoil Borderline is like a demon that transmits from person to person through relationships. People who start an intimate relationship with a borderline personality think at first that they are helping the other person feel better, but then inevitably get dragged down with them in their pit of darkness. Most of them come to hate themselves long after the relationship is finished, many even are driven to suicide. The guilt you feel is part of the evil spell, it's not real. Just be glad you got out when you did, and that she lived so far away. She could have ruined you.

lol exactly the femininity in the form of safe spaces, anger management and therapy is SnOWFlaKeRy when war is what caused PTSD and the similar toxic (pure) masculinity causing the high rates of suicide of men in today's society "no homo but I'm scared of femininity and the balance it brings"

@dimitri Man I don't know. I completely understand where your coming from. My life problems are an ILLUSION. Yet my anxiety and overall root problem (imaginary and maintained by believing myself I am an identity/ ego, I know) is still in my life 6 years later. I mean I could say life is getting better but today I had some suicide thoughts. I wouldn't consider I am in a very bad place in life, because I have SOME wisdow that I am not really the one who is suffering (I can detach myself from it still() but honestly my ego/avatar is not all right. So I am feeling in anytime it can "explode". I don't how., I hope is for the good. I could use some "relative* advice in regards to the avatar.

Hey, I'm psychologically addicted to women, and I've been that since my early teenage years (I'm 22 now). Pretty often I think about suicide but I am never going to do it because there are a few people that do really love me, and I love them. Nights are most awful for me, I feel extremely lonely and through the days it doesn't look much better than that. I only feel alive and FULL of energy when I am around attractive women. Basically, my whole life and mood depends on my relation to women at the particular time. If I had great relations to women throughout the whole time, my life would've been great, but unfortunately that was not really the case. It frustrates me, makes me really angry that everything depends on women, and that it has never been different... only before the teenage years.

I am very sorry to hear what you've been going through. I am really punching above my weight here, but for the moment I just want to say to you: Life can be tough. When I was around your age I found myself in a deep hole as well, on the brink of suicide even. I couldn't have imagined ever feeling happy again. I was wrong. Turns out one can turn one's life around. Losing that money sucks, but it is far from the end of the world. You are still young, and you do have the resources and the power within yourself to create a life that is meaningful and filled with joy. It will take some work and time and listening to your heart, but it is so worth it. Try to take what happened as a lesson and don't beat yourself up about it more than you absolutely have to. If you feel like you could use someone to talk to: There is a user on this forum called Nahm who offers Skype sessions. He's a very loving individual who as far as I am aware has been able to help guide a lot of people out of dire situations. This is his website: https://www.actualityofbeing.com/ Sending lots of love! I believe in you.

Id be wary of that rabbit hole. One of the founders committed suicide, and another was obsessed with crop circles. So like most new age theories and prophecies, its just oneness sprinkled with useless mythology to make it more marketable.

@ParanoidAndroid I only said about Sam Harris. I respect Richard Dawkins and Hitchens. I wish Harris wasn't a part of the Four Horsemen clan. Seems like he wanted a launchpad in those days and he got one. He used them just like he used Majid Nawaz and Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Maybe I'm reading too much into Harris. But why not. I don't like a lot of his crass statements. He makes it look like he wants a genocide on certain races. Why am I supposed to subscribe to his brand if he divides people. I'm not the only one who criticizes Sam Harris. Many people come at him. Why would they if he didn't make controversial statements. He says things and then backpedals when he sees a strong reaction, as though he is testing how far he can go with his ideas and how much extremism the audience can handle. he is like a provocateur, to me he is a caricature who plays gimmicks and generates good money out of it. Plus I don't like the overall edgelord feel to his personality. Like his will is going to decide the fate of the world. I don't like his brand. Even if I maybe biased against him, it's good for me, because I am relatively insulated from his hateful toxic garbage through my hate. He leans on the right side and then vehemently tries in denial to portray himself as a libertarian. In fact most people in the beginning were surprised that he opposed Trump because his views were almost a low tempo version of what Trump was spewing in the campaigns. But he knows well that backing Trump is a career suicide move, so he was desperately trying to hate Trump to divert his "right wing" image. Now he uses Jordan Peterson to make money, I mean recently, going on conferences in Canada and American college halls, when he can easily hold a Skype call with Jordan and be done with the differences. But as usual Sam Harris style, he has to make it monumental like people are paying to watch a movie, buy tickets, buy his shirts, books and mugs, donate money to his foundation, pay for membership on his website and give him more financial opportunities. Nobody can see through this. People simply believe what is fed to them. He doesn't argue with people on YouTube because that won't generate money, he appeared only once on the Young Turks and probably once or twice on Dave Rubin. He tries to constantly rebrand himself by talking about a hot button topic in order to bank on public emotion and generate revenue. I can see through his behind the scenes gimmicks which people fail to see. A famous line from Jordan Peterson on Joe Rogan was how he monetized on SJWs. Well now I know why all these YouTubers are so savvy about politics. It's a money game for them. They exaggerate circumstances to arouse people. That's why I call them misinformation propaganda machine. People buy into it and they get rich and famous. Milo Yiannopoulos is another such example and several others. It is turning into a political provocation industry of sorts. Well good luck, I can subscribe to better things on YouTube, like for example Leo.. That Sam guy is a clever schmuck.

It wasn't salvia, but I experienced kind of the same. I was tripping with a friend who had a quite materialistic worldview. The trip was nice, but not so intense. Then we smoked some weed at the end when it was almost over. Suddenly It kicked back in and I became so much more conscious. I saw through the physiological reaction and face expressions that my friend would have the same experience. Then Infinity rolled over me and I was watching myself speaking to my friend, trying to convince him that this is really deep shit now and we are one and how wonderful it all is, that this shift of consciousness we simoultaniously experience can't be explained from a materialistic perspective until I finally realized what a fucking joke it was, that I just wasn't conscious enough to realize that I'm imagining my friend. My ego was trying to get confirmation/verification but I imagined it all. I realized that I am completely lonely, the only way not to be conscious of it is to create such a solid reality with suffering, pain and fear which I try but can't run away from, that it seems completely real and I can believe to exist amongst others who could potentially end my existence the next moment. I kept talking (or better watching me talking) but now in tears, realizing I'm only talking to myself. That no matter what I do it can only be me answering, forever. And the answers would doubt everything I say, like the guardian of the matrix. That I invented terror, rape, murder, torture, everything just to keep myself from realizing my "real self" which I have to live through eternally with no suicide option. That I can only try to die or disappear by imagining to be something else and that this is obviosly what I wanted most otherwise this human ego wouldn't exist in the first place. Reality seemed like the process of running away from itself. I felt a lonelyness never felt before, infinite. I realized that of course, of course (!!!) I will always experience pain over and over again, because I have nothing else to do. Everything else gets boring, like a child playing alone in the sandbox forever. There needs to be this duality eternally, if it didn't it just wouldn't, because I'm eternal so I lived an infinite amount of time already and I still experience suffering, so obviously it needs to exist, its not a bug that can be ended one day forever. My dream of reaching enlightenment to end suffering became just a joke. A dream, reality running away from itself again. God wants to dive into the dualistic realm losing itself, otherwise it wouldn't. If everything was fine why ever change it? At most, to make it better. And if I experience here and now the human suffering, it's probably the best option. Rather a limited suffering human to maintain the belief in something "new"/"different" or "unexpected" and especially the belief in something better, some progress to completion or possibility of beeing able to make something better, rather these false beliefs than beeing the eternal same void, knowing to experince everything just for nothing. After some "time" I came back to earth again. I was really happy to have human problems again, a limited mind thinking about meaningless stuff, people around me and sensations and so on. I think the experience slowed me down a lot on my spiritual path. It all became kind of pointless. Reaching enlightenment now or in a billion years doesn't matter, since it is first of all not in my (human) hands to make it happen and secondly I will anyway come back to form again since I am here already, thirdly it's already perfect and nothing will ever really change. But there are also some good things about it. Realizing it won't really get better in the future forces you to make peace with the present. It's literally perfect, the best. Jealousy? For whom? Fear of death? Well, nice alternation, but nothing will really change. Pain? It's the price for your fun. And at least, I am open-minded enough (or just desperate enough?) to believe there is more to it. Maybe it's just one dimension, the Void or whatever you may call it, but I missed a whole different dimension like Love. I had other experiences, they were showing me different parts of reality. If God's mind is infinite, of course he will experience infinite lonelyness, how not so? But also infinite love. There could be so much more turning the tide in "the end". And I can't remember all of infinity right now, so from my here-and-now-perspective there's so much more to explore. I tricked myself into this illusion where i actually know nothing, and I can go on for eternity searching myself together. So even if it's all pointless/meaningless, at least I have a job now................................. All in all, definitely worth an experience! Since you have nothing else to do, why not look at reality from radical different angles? I love to get mindfucked. It's funny to know that it's not (only) you running away from god, but god is doing it itself (who else?)

@ivankiss well that's all child's play. Here's the real deal. Leo says : "No, you don't understand. YOU ARE JUST AN IDEA! YOU DO NOT EXIST! So there is nothing you can personally gain from spirituality. Therein lies the ultimate Goodness. Goodness is NOT you getting stuff. Goodness is the end of you. Then, once you're dead, nothing can bother you any more and all becomes perfection. The reason you cannot understand this is because you keep assuming you exist and there is stuff you can get. Spirituality it deep counter-intuitive. Happiness only comes after you surrender your entire life to the Truth. You do not surrender to the Truth to get happiness. No! You surrender to the Truth believing that you've killed yourself and everything is fucked and destroyed. THEN, and ONLY then, do you discover something beyond. Almost every fiber of your being hates the Truth. Right now, you only care about the "truth" because you think it will get you something positive. But this is not Truth, this is falsehood. You have to realize that YOU are the problem. And the solution will the elimination of yourself. Spirituality is a form of suicide. Which is why hardly anyone does it. Imagine surrendering your entire life such that you didn't care any more what happened to you. That's what we're shooting for. For example, you don't care any more if you die or if you go to prison or get raped. You have completely surrendered your life to the universe's whims. By surrendering EVERYTHING, you will gain the universe. And then you will be happy. Because you will be dead inside. Truth = Death You have to appreciate how serious this is. We are not talking in metaphors or playing word games. We are talking about your ACTUAL death. And you have to be wise enough to realize that death the best strategy. It is the only way to escape the maze. You have to be wise enough to say, "Okay, fine. Death it is then. Let's do this." You do not want this. It is impossible for an ego to want this. Eckhart Tolle died the day he became enlightened. What you see now is a meat bag walking and talking which you call "Eckhart Tolle". It walks and talks, but it is just a zombie. You are also just zombie, but you are in denial about it. All enlightenment is, is realizing you were always a zombie."

Yes, it's been called 'to die before you die' but those words are pointers also. Something that never was cannot commit suicide... that would imply it was once real. The no self may be experienced as a belief over there... not arguing that at all ❤ The end of suffering is the deep recognition that the sufferer never existed. It's recognized as simply a misidentification with contracted energy, thoughts, emotions, perceptions, belief's as the separate 'ME' character located somewhere in the body.

Because the belief that they are unreal makes Donald Trump real in contrast. Thank GOD that's not the case. Or it wants to off itself. Either literally or through spiritual/psychological suicide with the belief that there's no me. I've been there. There's no you and no me but that's still a belief, a pointer, a thorn until it's not. Like you said that there's a separate sense of self that seems to be located in the body, in my experience apparent suffering is the only real indicator that there's something pretending to be there. Feeling is the only real indicator, thoughts don't matter whether my imaginary friend is real or unreal, it's all about how I feel about it.

Taken from a user from reddit: "I started collecting these because they are so fascinating..." "These incidents are called: Quantum Immortality or Respawning:" Suicide: /r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/1apwzj/i_tried_to_kill_myself/ Hit by van: /r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/116f9d/died_on_the_corner/ One guy hit a tree at 50mph skiing. /r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/66bloy/time_refraction/?st=J8G90PCF&sh=9da5df86/r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/66bloy/time_refraction/?st=J8G90PCF&sh=9da5df86 2 people got stabbed after seeing a movie. /r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/1fhywg/a_checkpoint_in_life_universe_missed_resetting/ Another suicide: /r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/36kdze/were_stuck_staying_alive_whether_you_like_it_or/ Boat Accident: /r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/93zpe3/i_remember_dying_but_it_never_happened/ Highway accident: /r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/93zz7i/a_car_accident_that_didnot_happen/ Person comes back to a different reality after Near Death Incident. /r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/95uqtq/died_and_came_back_to_kind_of_the_same_life_but/ Seems like there is at least anecdotal truth to this. There were also some Ndes describing a huge reality wheel that respawns the ego in one of the infinite realities. https://www.reddit.com/r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/9bbmh2/several_quantum_immortality_experiences/?utm_source=amp&utm_medium=&utm_content=post_body This is also interesting anecdotal evidence: http://salviaspace.blogspot.com/2016/02/last-night-two-small-bowls-50x.html?m=1

A blessing. I would be fucked or could have committed suicide long ago if it wasn't for the internet and its endless possibilities. Enlightenment is almost a mainstream term now but it would be impossible without the internet. I know I wouldn't have a clue about self-development, meditation, metaphysics, emotional mastery whatever without it.

Sunday June 21st, 14:14 It's been a month since I last written a journal entry. And to be quite frank, last month has been extremely tough on me. I do seem to be recovering right now though, and I seem to be recovering surprisingly fast. I don't really want to go into it too deeply, but after I had taken the intention one month ago to try extra hard, I hit a certain point where all the stress of my attempts of trying to change just became too much for me, and I couldn't handle it. There was a great amount of fear and on Wednesday the 3rd of June I started to become even slightly psychotic. I in fact at that very moment was convinced I would be put into a madhouse or something like that, and there were a bunch of fears that I had that basically devoured me. Many of those fears had a link with the visions that I saw during some of my psychedelic trips, of which I now realize that they far more likely or actually pretty much certainly had to do with seeing a reflection of my own unconscious fears rather than an objective prophecy; rather, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. This became verified by the fact many of the things I was almost convinced of that were going to happen in my paranoia, turned out to not be true. I expected to be in a mental hospital right now. I also expected to experience extreme emotional ups and downs. Of course, emotional ups and downs have been happening to me like every human being, but I got that kind of idea when I had read about one person habitually going from an extremely high vibrational frequency where he was basically enlightened at that moment to an extremely low vibrational frequency where he was suicidal, and I somehow convinced myself that I was going to experience the same way, and in my fearful state I of course had a lot more fear for the downs than I had excitement for the ups. I also thought about how other people have struggled with mental illnesses for many, many years and even decades, and how they only got out of it after having experienced something like that for decades (or they hadn't even gotten out of it), and then the thought came that "well did they also not just try the best they could?", which then made me think that I would need to experience the same kind of life with the same kind of struggles. I basically needed to convince myself that I had a own free will and that I was able to choose to get out of misery and despair by my own choice, as I used to have a much more deterministic perspective, that everything was written in the starts and that I was a victim of the will of God or the universe. Somehow, I did manage to recover slightly after that 3rd of June and I tried very hard to get out of it, but there were still a lot of fears, and one week later on Thursday to friday I had another really bad night, and the day following that night I happened to have a conversation with someone who I suppose you can call a spiritual counselor, and we had a good conversation and he really urged me to seek professional help, and so I did. I don't really sort of want to magnify my story and give too many details about all of what exactly had happened, but I did seek professional help, but this professional help, as I feared, requires me to be on a waiting list for another month even though I had indicated to my physician that there were suicidal thoughts. Nevertheless, without coming to rely on this professional help as it's called, I have been making a great amount of improvements since last week on Friday the 12th. Initially I was still very fearful, but every day I have been making noticeable improvements, and I start to come to the point where I'm going from really trying to make myself almost force to go into the positive direction to the point where I'm starting to feel that things are actually going to be alright. It started that Friday last week with reminding myself of the attitude that I had back in 2017, and that is that 'I will go on no matter what'. This sort of attitude was aided by the realization that I simply did not want to go into the direction of suicide or suicidal struggle, because I realized that suicide was simply not the direction I wanted to go to, that it was not the example I wanted to set with my life, because I wanted to be the person that would overcome his demons and act as a guide towards others. And on top of that there was nothing that guaranteed that it would make anything better for me to begin with, and even moreso on top of that, I realized that if I was going to dwell too much on suicidal thoughts and feelings, there was no guarantee that I was actually going to do that anyway and more likely I would eventually come to another point where I realized that suicide was simply not the direction I wanted to go in I simply decided that going into the downwards spiral was not something I would want to allow myself to go on anymore, and I decide that whatever would happen or whatever confusions or fears I may have, I was going to try my very best to keep on walking regardless even if I didn't know what direction to walk in. I also reminded myself that I had nothing to lose if I started to make a lot of changes now. previously, I was very afraid of maybe doing something wrong, but now I realized there is nothing I can really lose by trying a lot of things, even if they do fail. And since then, the recovery process seems to be going incredibly well. Initially, there were still a lot of fears, but as the days go on, it seems to be getting better each day. Basically I have been finding ways to fill up my days with certain activities and tasks, and doing certain guided meditation or hypnosis sessions, and I have purchased a binder in which I keep different tabs which contain different categories, and in that way I have been basically noting down certain insights, experiences and events that have been happening, to actually note down the answers or the findings to certain questions that I have. That really helps a lot just clarifying certain situations to me. The reason that before I wasn't as objective and scientific about noting down my life experiences in a scientific manner, was because I was afraid that I was going to discover that nothing would really be changing and that it would all be hopeless. After I realized that I had nothing to lose anyway by doing this, because the way it has been going hasn't been working out anyway so I might as well start being very scientific and objective about everything because there wasn't really any actual danger about discovering that many of my hopeless thoughts would turn out to be true (because I was already basically very identified with those fears anyway). So basically I did start to track what was happening, and I also used guided hypnosis sessions and NLP techniques to turn around negative associations and beliefs into more positive ones or into neutral and objective ones. Also, I realized that positive thinking isn't really so delusional as it might seem. I always used to have resistance against positive thinking, because I associated it with deluding yourself and being too afraid to face the truth. Now I start to realize that for one, there are positive truths which I and basically everybody can directly recognize for themselves that they are true. That would for instance be something like: "There are moments when these negative thoughts are not true" or "There is always a more neutral or positive way to regard a negative thought or situation" or "every day I am growing and learning" (although I was even skeptical towards that one) And then you also have positive thoughts that aren't necessarily objectively true, but they are relatively true, meaning they are not meant to be 'the objective die-hard truth', but rather they are used to fulfill a function. So basically what I mean with that, is that positive thoughts can be used as a self-fulfilling prophecy, in the same way that negative thoughts can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, something I've clearly come to experience in the negative. But you can also say to yourself something like 'I am confident and strong' in the mirror every morning, and such an auto-suggestion may become reality by basically making yourself believe it. It may not be objectively true in the beginning when you say that to yourself, you may not particularly feel confident and strong, but the purpose of statements like that or affirmations is not whether they are true or not at that moment, but the purpose is to create a positive self-fulfilling prophecy. That's why I have started to embrace more positive thinking in my life. Firstly, there are positive truths which you don't even have to convince yourself that it is or could be true in order for them to be true, and then there is affirmations which can be used for the purpose of creating a positive self-fulfilling prophecy I also have been keeping a video journal every day, in which I talk on average about an hour about things that are currently on my mind at that moment. Initially, I wanted to upload this to youtube every day, but youtube for some reason wouldn't process my video's properly, so instead I have started to upload to Bitchute. I have had a lot of difficulties also trying to compress my video's, but I eventually figured out a way to do that. I also wanted to merge video's together, because I get separate files in one recording session. The reason I (usually) have multiple video files over one recording session is because the maximum size of one file that is allowed on my camcorder is 3,89GB, which with my current setting is about 48 minutes of recording. The camera doesn't stop recording when that size is reached, but it does create a new separate file. So I wanted to merge the two files into one, and I thought that I had found a good solution for merging, but in the end the audio seems to not have been synced properly. I could use an online tool to merge video, which I have done with one video, but right now I just have a big desire to just get the video's uploaded, because there has been so much troubles and delays that I can't be bothered anymore trying to get it right and I just want to get it uploaded, whether it comes across amateuristic or not. In the future I will take a look at if I can manage ways to make a video that is of higher quality and merged together properly, but for now I just want to get all the recordings uploaded. So from now on, the main focus will be keeping this video diary with the intention of doing that every day (which so far has been working out for me), instead of writing on here. I do however intend to leave a link every day to my new video journal every day here. My video diary starts out with a more darker tone, especially the first one which is in Dutch (perhaps even good that you can't understand that one, haha), but it gets brighter pretty quick, it's interesting to notice. Here is my BitChute channel: https://www.bitchute.com/channel/l3uD8V851WL6/

There is no you to suicide if you dont think, how would you be even exist? you are not in the body nor in the mind. Life and you exist Because of the thoughts.

So I have never liked weed, but after not smoking it for like 5 months, I wanted to see if I still hate it. Unfortunately, it resulted in easily one of the worst nights of my life. I took one hit. One. After about 30 minutes, I thought of some super anxiety provoking idea (I don’t even remember what it was) and the anxiety spread through my body like a wave of energy. Normally I get some kind of mild anxiety, but this was just absolutely unbelievable. I had to walk outside for like 20 minutes. On this walk I experienced something more akin to a psychedelic than marijuana. My mind was going absolutely fucking haywire. I started seeing mental visions of my visual field twisting and turning into geometric shapes and viscerally felt the anxiety swallowing me whole. I almost stopped breathing. After it died down I still felt like shit, and didn’t sleep at all that night. I finally returned to baseline, but while I was still high, it felt like it was possible that I would never return. If I had to exist like that for more than a couple of days I would have 100% committed suicide. How the fuck can that happen to me with one hit while my friends and rip it all day like candy?

I don't think the suicide rate is any higher than last year at least in the UK of course that could change but for now there's nothing saying the lockdown caused more suicides, not to say the lockdown didn't have issues, domestic abuse etc. The other thing is that if the economy can't survive a lockdown for 3 months then there's a lot of problems with the economy than we thought and it probably needed to be exposed. Hopefully we can move forward and either improve the system or overhaul it in favour of some form of socialism

Agreed. It’s a good start but who knows whether he will endure it. Some have committed suicide over such inability to comprehend. I guess awakening is inevitable either way. It’s just whether one wants to enter it consciously or unconsciously.

True. Although I fear an onset of suicide ideation or the like if he fails finding stability. Awakening is extremely powerful and for some, too powerful to bear. What’s most concerning is the audience in which follow him. One holds a level responsibility when commanding that size of audience. You cannot simply be ignorant in the material you produce.

I am That I am I wanted to add that the idea that suicide is a way to reach enlightenment comes from a partial knowledge. You know that dying to the idea of a self is enlightenment so you think that killing the body will take you to the same place. That's wrong, because you still have lessons to learn and attachments. As soon as the body dies, those attachments will manifest again and you will be born again in a new body, you will still be in the cycle of samsara. What you need to kill is those attachments that the mind has to the objects of the world. Otherwise suicide will only kill the body and your idea of I will create a new body where to learn the lesson it needs to learn.

Hello my friend! I see you mentioned Shadow Work and I want to give you few ideas Emerald has amazing course on Shadow Work and Shadow Integration , you can check out her videos and learn a lot of things ! She makes Psyche looks like a piece of cake Usually we have repressed emotions and needs that are pushed into the shadow. And all this emotions and needs are acting out of your conscious awareness. So maybe there is a need for connection, but you can't get it because you have created a barrier because you got hurt when you were a child . So this barrier is negative emotion that triggers (like a fear is here to save you from bear) just to protect you from getting hurt, but end up hurting you because you can't connect. This negative emotions are corrupted by the human mind in different forms like : victim mentality ( just another way of trying to get love and acceptance etc.), rationalizations, criticism etc. So the problem here is , because it is "true to you" that you have negative emotions, you are giving them labels like "something is wrong with me, I don't know what I want , I can't be happy",but you see, how can you trust your mind when the things you are feeling are totally unconscious to you ? This negative emotions are not "bad" , this negative emotions are tying to protect you and heal you. You have conflicting unconscious motivations that you need to dig in, work on, and contemplate It for sure is transforming my life right now ! And maybe this victim mentality that you are believing in right now , is just unconscious need to get connection that you suppressed because you "believe" the only way to get to Love is Enlightenmet , or suicide maybe , because those are common when it gets really tough ... This examples are just speculation, don't mind me Shadow Work is good way to go! I learned so much about my self ! Self-Help is idea and belief, just another way to manipulate your emotions, but Shadow Work is true growth Here is another Source of LOVE! She has amazing way of helping us realize our bullshit believes ! Im just applying her teachings, and all i can say is HOLLY SHIT! Keep it up bro, all this is normal, a little suffering is needed for you to start asking the right questions, AND THE ANSWERS APPEAR! <3