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It's been 7 months since my first and profound awakening experience. After meditation, I was in this state for about 5-6 days with 3 peak experiences of bliss and profound realizations through non-attachment. I thought to myself in tears "How could I have forgotten this?". It was so profound and different yet so natural, that my mind started to question my experience (it came back when I repressed tears of bliss because the third peak happened after I went jogging with friends, didn't want to make things complicated). Anxiety came up because of the repression of the upcoming bliss, with it my mind. The thought loop of "Am I going bipolar?" threw me into 7 days of anxiety and insomnia. The first night was the hardest. Signs of psychosis rose up, paired with hypnagogic hallucinations (auditory, basically thoughts that were not mine, like many different movies that are playing at the same time) (I've never done any psychedelics, but states that came close to that anxiety were kinda trippy experiences with edibles) Integrating this one might think, that I had 2-3 symptoms of a really grounded hypomania, but in this experience my mind was way less involved than in Maniac states. I knew no one would understand my situation and I just enjoyed the moment. My friend just told me that I appear much more happy and confident (I felt the most authentic, most alive and most peaceful for the first time, yet I knew this state would pass). It was more than an experience one would pathologize. I deeply wished this state/experience to every being, even the "worst" beings. Now I've gone through months of depression cycles, and since 3 days, I'm slipping into my next one. I feel there's resistance, the first times I could work it out with faith. Now the depression feels different, it's not getting more painful (still can feel like an open wound tho), but I tend to have less faith since it's so exhausting and I can't see the end. I know in these states you can feel worries and despair creeping up, I can't help it, but I know it's only my ego kicking. To my questions: How does one cope with these cycles? I can't bear thinking about potential next cycles, I feel that I'm still in the beginning, I feel that I still have a lot to process. But it is getting really exhausting. Last time I didn't have stuff to do and could focus only on processing it, but now my university is calling me and I want to finish my degree so I can start my life. How do you cope with unconscious resistance? I agree with "surrendering is key", but I feel that everytime I cycle into darker phases again, something in me will kick and scream again. This is more of a background theme. Yet I think this is making it so much harder. Why can't I convince myself that everything will turn out fine? I still have the fear of becoming crazy, especially after some "psychotic" like states. (Had some dreams after my awakening where I literally lost my mind) There's a fear in me where I think about becoming crazy, like where I will be lost in my own depression with no way out. I'm certain most of the questions I can only answer myself (or I already know them), still if somehow had some similar of this experience himself, what would be your advice?

The voice is just the voice . I mean, it's not like the silence, or emptiness identifies with itself. I've had experiences when the mind was gone and the only thing that remains is that emptiness/silence. When experienced, it is bliss, pure love and everything I could ever dream of. At the same time, it is what remains when the mind is gone, so death is the best thing that will ever happen to me. Not that I seek death, on the contrary, I enjoy life and are enamored with it, I just know that when I'm gone, then I'm really not gone . Sorry if it makes no sense to you. I used to seek to create more space, but I no longer do. The space is only needed to observe the mind carefully, but not with the intent of fixing it, but rather to trust it. It is absolutely genius and wonderful. The second best thing after emptiness. Ever since I understood what love is, I want to simultaneously be both something and nothing. I know that it sounds stupid, but these are not mutually exclusive. The first step was just the unreflected voice talking as me, as in, there was no voice observed, not even thoughts being recognized, just me. When I woke up to the existence of the voice, I gradually became more interested in understanding what language is, etc, and started observing the voice as something that happens, as if it was something external (even though it exists in the private space). I began to learn to distinguish the moments when I'm thinking consciously/deliberately and when the voice talks by itself. At some point, after observation of the voice, I became interested more in it and asked myself, who talks as this voice? This is where I started to recognize that it's conditioned by interactions, something akin to a more sophisticated voice recorder that can model personalities. As I became more in touch with how my psyche works, it became apparent that there are more and less privileged voices that influence other voices. Not by talking to each other, but rather, some personalities that have been modeled by the voice, use voices of other people, "parrot" these people, to gain control over the will. The most dominant voice in there was my critical mother. "She" would use other people's voices to criticize "me" from within me. This had the effect of not actually living my life and having no actual center of my own, no heart, so to speak, recycling same stuff over and over again. Finding the real me within me, or rather, dropping falsehood, is the most significant accomplishment of my life. No, on the contrary! It is the voice that lies, always. Lying is not the correct word, really, at its core it's completely innocent. The voice is literally an infant. After language was learned, it never matured, it was just picking up on things and repeated them without knowing what it talks about. Some genuine insights were had, but they turned to knowledge through representation and lost its "spark". So the snowball of misunderstandings started to weave until it was too great to stop. Really, when it comes to "the other person", then it has to be said explicitly that the voice is the main culprit of all misunderstandings and not being able to see the other in a deep, meaningful, way. Most insights that were had during re-conditioning were actually gained by seeing the falsehoods that kept perpetuating the chatter. They were false/incomplete models that the voice recorder made, so to speak. Some of the insights were also about feeling myself more and prioritizing that over thoughts. This had the effect of deep compassion towards everyone because this condition is not really exclusive to me. My mother, for example, never went through the process I did, so she simply perpetuated the hurts that her parents inflicted. Even though it's the most personal thing, it's also completely impersonal at the same time. Only after seeing through the voice, I am able to experience others truly. There are very few people like that. When it comes to "re-conditioning" the voice, the only thing that was added was my therapists' presence that I modeled automatically. She is a wonderful, supportive, woman that is the mother that I always needed. Having a supportive presence that stops the inner turmoil is very, very helpful and I am very grateful to her. In part, thanks to this very conversation, I began to be more interested in interacting consciously with music and I noticed that there is a distinct kind of pain that I sometimes experience when I'm listening to it. I grasped that it is a warning and I recently stopped the music after feeling it. So far, no repeats . Consciousness and unconsciousness, as I call it, are not distinct entities, so to speak. They only seem that way because our conscious processes are based upon distinctions. The deeper I go into myself, the more in touch I am with the Unconscious, and I am very much convinced that it plays a significant, active, role in how we develop and grow. We seek experiences that mature us and this is what the Unconscious orchestrates. This is what I meant by the "double person" when I talked about observing and interpreting myself. It is not something that I can stop doing, this is how maturation progresses. This is how something and nothing are the same. When there's nothing left to crumble, I mean, literally nothing, the mind is completely gone, and you are love, then you can't help but to give birth to yourself . This is love - it is how reality is "made". Thank you! When I pondered my first awakening after coming down off it, I remember saying to someone that it felt as if reality was raping itself and it felt good. You are very inquisitive and open, I really enjoy reading your questions. Keep doing that and I'm sure that you will get your answers, eventually.

Cool moment. I can almost relate, although not as dramatically, but perhaps just as altering. My wife and I were on shrooms one time and it was amazing, however just towards the last hour or so as I was seeing god in her and telling me it was time for it to leave, I broke down crying pleading not to go, don't leave me here alone. This kicked off a wanting to die within and not be around anymore. My wife began to become scared because i just started to blank out and fade away. She called my dad to come over since she didnt know what to do (He's a Shaman btw). And she didn't see what was going on as a medical emergency (which it wasn't). I remember this was this deep down letting go in which I could feel if I just faded a little further I may have never come back, like there's this thin membrane were bliss/peace was just on the other side and nothing in this realm would be held together if fully breached. But something in me held on. After my dad came over I felt a link to something I could not explain that had been communicating with my wife and I the whole mushroom trip. It revealed itself to be an ascended master which I dont recall the name of atm, I have it written down somewhere. It said something along the lines of being a function of connection and love and that this was at the backbone of this universe. But ya I'm crying again now that I type this, hadn't thought about it in a while. To your reincarnated idea, ya I've wondered this to at one point and see no reason that at any moment we could be in different actual timelines/or identical universes after sleeping or just blinking. This really made sense to me after I saw the movie Tank Girl for the first time in like 20 years and I was like wait, Gwen Stefanni is the lead in this movie, which after spending hours looking into isn't the case. I have memories of seeing the movie when it came out in theaters, my friends and I talking about how it was so strange Gwen Stefani got the role, since she was a popular no doubt singer at the time. I also have memories of the media saying the same thing and it being in the paper. Also have later memories of talking about this years down the road to people. But NOPE, during covid I wanted to watch this with my wife, and I'm like wait, who's this actress, is this tank girl, it seems so familiar but where's Gwen. Lol man was such a trip. Totally reminded me of the movie "Yesterday" about a guy who has an accident and wakes up were a world doesn't know the Beatles existed and goes on to make their music. Reality is lit as fuck and its so mysterious. Although I don't share a lot of this with others since its so easy to dismiss as a mental condition or your just crazy.

@Leo Gura So, realistically, if I were to reach basic enlightenment (not necessarily full blown omniscient God mode) without psychedelics, what level of spiritual work I would have to do? I am not yet interested in Ultimate Truth but I want to live in a bliss state experiencing God and love 24/7 like a Indian Saint (Raman Maharshi or Anandamayi Ma).

If you had to put it in spiritual terms, why do you think that is? You made a blog post about how heroin addicts shoot up because that's an instant way to feel that pure love/bliss. Would you say that sex with a hot woman is a shortcut to feel love for themselves? Fascinating to me because it's 100% right. No matter how spiritual I get, its hard to get away from wanting women. I just try to find healthier(hopefully) ways to do it. How does this fit with spiral dynamics? Is it entirely separate and each stage just has a different way to go about it? Red uses violence for sex, blue uses control, orange uses financial incentives, green uses sexual freedom, etc. What's the highest level this goes?

I just want to live a happy life. I have these hazy memories from when I was around 2 years old, they're the earliest memories I have but I remember waking up and feeling bliss. Somewhere along the line I lost that feeling but I guess I want to experience that again. I don't know how to answer the second question because to me, happiness was that feeling when I was 2 and all my "positive" experiences since then are stark in comparison. I really enjoy traveling and playing instruments but I don't see I could turn that into a career. I have no clue how to answer the last question in my current state. I'll check that out, thanks for the tips. @AdamDiC

I was at my first psy trance festival and the vibe there was insanely good. I was already in a lucid state without even taking anything. Then I took 250ug LSD on my second day there and I was really feeling it like I had the fucking best time of my life. It felt like everything was just flowing together and nothing could go wrong. About 2 hours after taking the lsd we decided to go in "the dome" to dance and on our way there I smoked a joint of some really fine weed on my own... yeah lol?. Everything kept getting better to the point where nothing but fun and happiness was left. I remember dancing in the sand and having the biggest smile ever it was so easy to just let go of everything. My eyes were closed and before my inner eye there was like lots of puzzle pieces flying around. Then slowly they started to assemble and in the end before me was my body from behind in crossed legged posture glowing in this incredible white light. I was just in unbelievable awe of this beauty and I literally inhaled this white light body that was me. It filled every cell of my being with bliss. I blowed it out and everything disappeared it was like I blowed out the whole existence. Then the fail happened. I opened my eyes I saw all this "people" and the "lights" but I didn't know what the fuck was going on. How is this possible? How is this stuff existing? Who am I? What am I? Nothing made sense anymore and I started to lose it. I turned around and just run away LOL. I run outside and sat down my friends later told me I was only sitting outside for about 5 minutes before they found me but for me I lived infinitely many lifes during this time and it was no fun because I didn't understand anything, just nothing made sense I was sure that I am crazy now and will never come back from this. I started to make up this story that I am the first person ever that made himself go crazy with lsd and I will be in a madhouse for the rest of my life. In the background there was still the trance music playing and the me it sounded like the windows xp sound when you shut down the pc and then restart it like dumdumdumdum. Like my brain was restarting all the time. Later my friends found me and guided me back to the camp where I got my shit together after about 2 hours I think.

Hi guys, since I had a pretty rough 2020 after a meditation experience I'm interested into getting to know your spiritual emergency experiences. (more to spiritual emergency here). I will sum up my experience shortly: May 2020: A dream stood out to me, where a female voice told me that I would get sick but I would be healed (I always try to make a sense out of that dream since I had some rough time shortly after) Juni 2020: I set an intention for changing my life, I was unhappy, unsatisfied and fed up with myself later Juni: Had my first awakening experience while meditating, it lasted for 7 days and I had 3 peak experiences. I blocked my last experience of bliss (I blocked the rise of it, since the last 2 times I was in full tears) because friends were with me, didn't want to make things complicated. I couldn't explain my experience to them anyways, they wouldn't understand. Anxiety rose up instantly,while feeling the anxiety I was getting confused, "Am i going bipolar?" became a thought loop. I couldn't sleep for 7 days: First night: Almost developed a neurosis out of confusion, didn't know what was going on at all. Meditation helped. As I went to bed I tried to just observe what was coming up. I had thoughts that were not mine. My arms were shaking, my legs were feeling like blocks. I had to puke into a bucket because I was feeling nauseous. Thoughts came up that were not thought by me, don't know how to explain. Like watching a movie and persons were talking nonsense. Hours later, in a half dream like state I saw something laying in fetus position next to me (didn't see it actually, it was more like a dream, don't know how to explain). I had the feeling it was my ego. Something told me it had to die. The dying thing had a voice and it was fighting. Dark parts of myself, well it felt like that. After some time when things got more calm, I layed on my side and I heard shamanic humming. Pretty calming, the humming got closer and wrapped itself around me, with the same vibration when I wake up out of a lucid dream or when I have any other weird dreams. The vibration wrapped itself around a part in my stomach where I had an infection for 4 weeks. The next day I woke up, and it was so peaceful. I was watching out of the window and the leaves were moving in the wind. It was beautiful. The area in my stomach was pulsating hard. Following week: Days after I was still confused as hell, I went to my mother to ground myself, walking in the forest. I couldn't look my mother in her eyes because I felt fear when I did, I felt stitches around all my nerves in my head. Walking outside the next days I felt a sense of depersonalization. I felt I was in this world with 1 foot and with the other foot somewhere else. When I finally got some sleep the later weeks my dream patterns completely changed. Instead of running away from something or searching for my home, which I dreamed of the years before constantly, I went deeper. In one dream I was looking in the mirror and saw my face, it was beaten up, blue/black and I felt a depression I've never felt before. I was so miserable. My lips skin was peeling off. (Later I read that peeling skin is a sign of healing). Sometimes I woke up in the night in these half dream like states, not knowing if this all was real or not. I had constant worries of going schizophrenic. When I closed my eyes I mostly saw animal jaws biting constantly, mostly shark jaws. Together with this constant noise when trying to sleep/shut off, and these constant brabbling voices (didn't actually hear them, idk how to explain, it's like a voice in a dream). And everytime I tried to sleep, everytime I was in the shift of consciousness I would just snap out of it again, it was actually a physical sensation, I felt this pulling through the big nerve ending from my stomach up to the part between my eyebrows. Some day I had a crazy synchronicity with my twin sister. End of August 2020: While traveling with friends in Budapest, I was sitting in this cafe and something just creeped up on me. Everything turned greyish (not visually, just sensually idk how to explain). It felt like a huge negative energy I've never felt before just came out of nowhere, this time there was no trigger at all which frightened me. It was like something was pulling me down/ sitting on my shoulders, it's what some describe as crippling depression. I asked my friends to move, I had to hold my body up with my arms. We went to my friends appartment and I was just laying there, observing it, waiting for it to pass. Never felt such overwhelming depression. After like 3 hours it weakened, but this time I couldn't sleep for 80 hours straight, not even a minute of chill. The animals jaws biting, the brabbling voices in my head, the flinching when I tried to sleep, full program. Sometimes in this summer I woke up from dreams where there were huge explosion sounds, ear drum destroying explosions. Waking up with the biggest tinnitus I've ever head (and anxiety of course). Some dreams in Fall were just dreams were I literally lost my mind. After August things settled and slowly, a permanent state of anxiety turned into smoother depression. November I started to get synchronicities daily up to today. On my phone, on my PC, in my dreams, on the washing machine, on license plates. It was, yeah, insane. Literally questioned my sanity after this intense and really, let's say interesting, last half of 2020. Who would not? Anyone had similar experiences?

Name: Malte Age: 24 Gender: Male Location: Germany Occupation: Student of Geography Marital Status: Single Kids: No Hobbies: yoga, qi gong, spending time in nature, spirituality, meditation, gym, making music of any kind, philosophy, learning about our own kind, discovering myself When I was getting into puberty I had a huge feeling of alienation, I never felt I fit in. I fled into video games. At 13 years I also started to get into spiritual stuff, I always had an interest into mystic things, I often felt that there is more to life and that we have much knowledge within. At first I did it for my ego's sake (Maybe it was even for the sake of fleeing reality). At 16 I dropped the spiritual stuff because I wasn't getting anything out of it. I tried to fit in an became a pretty nervous, selfish and arrogant guy. Until last year I was heavily addicted to video games. Spirituality came back to me when I was having a deeper intention set after moving into a new flat 6 months ago. "I need a reset" I told to myself, "now I mean it". 2 weeks later while meditating I had a profound shift of consciousness which sustained for 6-7 days. I was in tears, I had this immense feeling of "how could I have forgotten this?". I realized many things that kept me from growing, it was an immense relief. In the stages of bliss I saw reality as it is. It was a glimpse at all but it was so shifting that nothing has been like before. My ego came back and threw me into weeks of insomnia and depersonalization/psychosis like states (I would say mild forms). I had the constant fear of becoming crazy. After daily grounding and integration I saw what was going on. In these 6 months I started shadow work and had some big emotional releases, I saw that I punished myself over the last decade pretty hard. Months after I never have felt more mature. Still, at the moment I'm cycling through depression and anxiety, but I'm thankful for that. I feel like I can finally be the creator and move on, I finally feel like I can start life. It's a learning process and I finally stopped skipping school, I'm willing to learn and grow now. It's not easy but it's the best thing that could have happened. 2 weeks before my awakening experience I had a dream where a voice told me I would get sick but I will be healed. That's giving me much faith. Personal challenges I've overcome: - Awakening shattered my video game addiction - Eating like shit - Desire for constant attention - Being way less judgemental Challenges I'm working on: - Becoming independent, authentic, grounded, compassionate, - Listening to my gut, - living and enjoying life with all senses, seeing positive sides not only negatives - embracing ANY kind of experience, going out there in life instead of hiding from it - overcoming self sabotage - finding my purpose and passion - Not letting my fears limit me

What is attention and focus? Attention is what leads us. Some of that attention is innate like being intensely gripped by anything to do with people. Some of it learnt like being excited by the latest console game. All our decisions and motivations are governed by attention. And we try to manipulate attention so that we can shift into newer more elevated states of being. Procrastination, motivation, desire are all driven by attention. Most of our attention is uncontrolled and uncontrollable: that's our humanity, our curse and our blessing. We are mostly attentive to what our ape biology wants. The fraternal twin of attention is focus. If attention is the grip then focus is the strength of the grip. Focus can expand and contract, be tight or be wide, intense or light. When we lose ourselves in a film, our focus is warped into the world of the plot. When we're in the zone or in flow, our focus glides without friction. When we're threading a needle our focus is at a pinpoint. If attention leads, focus keeps us there. But focus is also the the thing that remembers and forgets. If we focus in the right way we can forget who we are whilst playing Bach - and when we stop, we remember ourselves again. Focus allows us to slow down and sleep and dream, focus snaps us back when we wake up again. Focus is the ultimate superpower. We and the world only exist when our focus says we do. What happens when we reduce attention, when we meditate for example? Then focus is let loose. We start to notice it wildly fluctuating, growing and shrinking, constantly in motion. Our attention chases it, instead of focus chasing attention. But eventually it can be tamed and it becomes still. Only then does it start to seep into everything, colouring all of our attentions with the same essence. That essence of serenity, calmness, bliss, beauty and love.

Thanks for this post. It opened up a big question for me: some people explain their experience as pure bliss (white light) and some as u wrote as pure horror (black light.) I am wondering if its about the dosage? Seems like not enough dosage keeps still a bit ego alive and it is the one which defines the trip as horror. any advices to avoid the horror one? And get straight in to the pure light?

You can change your relationship with what it. The mind-body can perceive something as threatening, activate the sympathetic nervous system and go into fight or flight. Another mind-body may perceive it as safe, activate the parasympathetic system and go into deep peace and bliss. Another mind-body could relate as pure experience, fascination or infinity. You mention “obviously, this scared me”. Yet that is an assumption of conditioning. I’d let go of that belief. It doesn’t have to be that way. Sometimes breakdowns occur prior to breakthroughs, if so that’s how it is and roll with it. Yet we also don’t want to overly stress the mind-body. Perhaps let the mind and body know this is safe. Condition the mind-body to relax into “strain”, such that it isn’t “strain” - and the body can relax as the parasympathetic system is operative. For me, good practices are yin yoga, breathwork and moderate doses of psychedelics. With each, discomfort can arise and relaxing into it helps release and re-condition the mind-body. When I first did shamanic breathing, my hands and face would clench up with tetany. My hands would be curled up like a lobster claw. It was painful and my body resisted. I tried to push through the discomfort and that just made it worse. Yet I’ve learned to be completely relaxed with the tetany. I actually enjoy it now. Of course this is a more mild example than than a psychedelic sub-ego-death zone. Yet it may help to learn how to relax the mind-body in moderately stressful environments. Or maybe not. You get to experiment with what works for you.

The ego trap of chasing bliss is that it distracts from who you really are. It is a fool's gold promise that never delivers. Anything you chase will inevitably disappoint, because by its nature it will never last. The only way to sustain peace and happiness is by realizing who you are: changeless Consciousness. Dark night of the soul is common for people when they first awaken. Just because you see clearly, doesn't mean all of your attachments magically dissolve. You still have to develop the discipline not to be fooled by your conditioned mind. The ego desperately needs your attention in order to exist, and the closer you get to killing it, the fiercer it will fight for survival. It is a sneaky bastard that will even play dead for a while, until your attention is momentarily diverted, and then it springs back to life with a knife at your back. If you find yourself desiring bliss, that is a red flag that you have already fallen back asleep. Your natural state as Consciousness is already here and now, you just have to open your eyes to it again.

I like that analogy. About chasing the bliss, are there any ego traps one should be aware of? I was more into shadow work and about to embrace the dark and depression to work myself through, could this be a desire to feel the bliss again too?

I agree with Nyseto that it is important to allow whatever thoughts or feelings arise, without actively resisting them. Whatever you resist, you strengthen. Instead, simply observe them, without being defined by them. It is like sitting by yourself on the back row of a dark theater, and from that distance, casually watching any thoughts or feelings flow across the screen of your mind. It's even better if you are able to let feelings come and go, without labeling them. For example, notice what "depression" feels like in your body, then drop the label. The next time it happens, hmm...there's that feeling again. Allow it to enter, notice it without being drawn into it, and notice when it leaves. Don't give it any more attention than that. Focus most of your attention on the space around the feeling. You are sitting way back in a dark theater, all by yourself, with that little feeling making is way across the screen. You are not the feeling. You are the moviegoer. Also, don't fall into the trap of chasing the bliss that you felt earlier. Anything that you run toward, or run away from, is an attachment that will ultimately make you miserable. Your natural, unconditioned state is inherently peaceful and joyful. There is no need to seek anything, because you already are infinitely abundant. The more you practice this, the easier it will become. This is why meditation and mental discipline are critical, even after you have awakened. The Buddha compared it to swimming upstream. The mind has tremendous gravitational pull, but the more you exercise vigilance, the better you will be at swimming against the current. Be the Michael Phelps of meditation ?‍♀️

Hello everyone, This is my first post! Much love to you all. Spirituality, consciousness, etc. has called me at a very young age. My father experienced a lot of astral projection in his teens, followed by visions of alternate dimensions, and sat me down and told me I would experience odd things and to be careful who I shared these things with. I don't want to go too deep into the back story here as I have a specific situation happening and I'm not sure if it's normal or what to do about it. My partner introduced me to 5-MeO-DMT through her shaman. My 5-MeO experienced completely changed my life as it does with most people, experiencing "oneness" with all and a realization of the truth of reality. I believe it is called "Samadhi". This was about 3 weeks ago. During my 5-MeO experience, the more I completely surrendered, the more my body would move into this very odd, snake like "wave" while laying on my back, my arms would move in a symmetrical fashion starting from my root chakra, top of hand opposite of top of hand facing inwards, up my chakra line to my shoulders and and out to repeat again. When I would completely surrender, I would breath out HEAVILY and even let out a moan with all of my might (I was not in control of this) and in that moment I would experience oneness within the full surrender. I figured it was just the 5-MeO as I read most people lose control of their bodies in the state. Now, since experiencing this state of consciousness, I am able to get very very close to this state while meditating within 30 or so minutes. It's as if the 5-MeO unlocked something in my consciousness. The problem is, the closer I get to the state, my body again begins to move in this peculiar way. My eyes are also forced open which is also super odd. The more I surrender, the more intense my body moves. Just about 20 minutes ago, I found a meditation that helped me get there very quickly - right before I hit that non duality state of white light and bliss and infiniteness - I was contorting so much and breathing loudly in my condo, I could feel all of my bones cracking (not in a painful way) and it pulled me out of focus. I was honestly freaked out and felt my neighbors upstairs could hear me. I'm not sure at all what is happening. If anyone could help me that would be amazing. Since my experience, my curiosity as in overdrive and my vibrational frequency has been insane. I love so much harder. I am more patient. More understanding. I see things from a higher perspective. Something beautiful is happening, but I want to be able to meditate and get into this space without my body completely losing control. Thank you for any help and guidance you can give me. - Henry

Hello there everyone! I am looking for a serious spiritual relationship and I need advice on how to find a partner. I am a male and right now I am currently 20 years old and soon to be 21 in February. I am caucasian, long beard, buzz cut, skinny but also slightly toned. Let me give a very brief life-story for the past five or so years. Brief Life Story: I started watching Actualized.org when I was 15 in high-school in California, this was back in 2015. Even though I was watching Actualized back then and now I really pissed away my high-school years getting terrible grades. When I was a Junior in High school I was sent to a boarding school in Texas because of my bad grades and weed smoking habits. There I got my GED and decided I did not want to go to college, but instead the idea of possibly becoming a monk of some sort came to me. After I got out of the boarding school in 2018 I started getting into different religions and I really liked Eastern Orthodox Christianity because of it's mysticism and asceticism. This was the summer of 2018; during this time I was working at a nursery and I very much enjoyed my life. Then in the fall I went to spend some time working and living at a Monastery in Northern California that was doing very poor financially and really needed support. I had a really great time there helping out the monastery with work and parting in their spiritual life, so, I decided that since I was not doing anything with my life maybe I should become a monk. On January 1, 2019 I was baptized into the Orthodox faith and then started a sort of adventure checking out all of the different Orthodox monasteries in America (almost one in every state!) I spent a while at the biggest of monasteries in America in Arizona called St. Anthony's Greek Orthodox monastery. There I found the highest degree of spirituality I had ever seen; they had an elderly saint who recently died called Elder Ephraim. He would put his hand on your head like certain yoga masters do and you would feel bliss and peace wash over you. The monks themselves were also extremely holy, a lot of the older one's auras would glow with this white immaterial light similar to what you see in pictures of ancient yogis. But I also went all around the United States like I said, and it was funny I met legitimate Orthodox Christians during my journey who told me their benefit from using psychedelics and receiving healing in Native American Ceremonies. About 2019 to 2020 was when I started having problems with depression, and by this time I had already experienced the religious life of the monks for over a year. I did find a lot of spirituality at the monasteries but also a lot of problems, I found that there were actually plenty of monks who were actually quite miserable and so was I because of my depression. Then thoughts started coming to me like "wait what about all those videos you watched years ago from actualized.org about 5-MeO-DMT and all those documentaries about using psychedelics for depression, what about all those other spiritual teachings that also teach the same things Christianity teaches." Unfortunately, even though some of the monks I met were very spiritual they didn't seem to believe that there could be any other genuine spirituality except Orthodox Christianity or drug that could actually benefit personal spiritual development. So about three weeks ago (I was at a monastery in NC at this time) I decided to leave monasticism altogether because I realized I just couldn't be a monk with my depression problems and my personal beliefs. Right now I am taking ultra good care of my health and fitness, I am also looking into microdosing psilocybin, which are all seriously helping my depression to the point where I can now consider myself a very happy individual. Lately I have been getting back into Actualized.org, my favorite videos so far are 'What is Actualized.org' 'Developing Introspection' 'The Trap of the Toxic Life Purpose' and a really old one called 'The Happiness Spectrum.' If anyone has watched 'The Happiness Spectrum' I am personally working towards a totally eudaimonic Lifestyle. Now let me tell what my plan is for the future. Future Plans: Since my mother died a year ago (I am not sad about this and very emotionally stable not to brag, forgive me.) she left me 45k and my dad whom I live with now is planning on buying a huge piece of property for me, himself, and my brother. I have always believed very strongly the philosophy of organic simple living and now that I am out of the monastic life I can finally actualize this dream I have always had in the back of my mind. I plan to live off of the land as much as possible eating only organic whole food, think of something like an amish life except more stage turquoise. My dad has decided to move in with his new wife and he is going to eventually sell the house that we are in now. With the money he could simply purchase a 300k property in the mountains no problem and has agreed to do that for all of us. With the 45k I could easily afford a tiny house, solar, well, and everything else I need, plus I myself will find whatever outdoors job I can (I love farm work and working outdoors.) But the thought came to my mind "How can I do something for the benefit of humanity and the greater good?" And I realized that I could adopt orphans from impoverished countries and give them a good life. But I thought about this and I realized I would need a wife to help raise orphans, and it would also be really good to have a spiritual partner for myself as well. Me and my spiritual partner would live as spiritually and healthily as possible while also taking care of 1-3 orphans or even more, if possible. This is just a rough outline of what the future will hold for me, things could certainly change but right now this seems like the best possible thing I could do. Now I will get into what type of girl I am looking for. I am looking for: (Sorry my criteria is very picky but that is just the way it has to be) 1. Someone who would be willing to go on this spiritual journey with me, to live a difficult but spiritually eudaimonic lifestyle. 2. Someone experienced with spiritual practices in general, is accepting of all religions, and accepts the use of psychedelics 3. Someone who believes in the power of sexual abstinence (this wouldn't totally exclude us from having sex in marriage but it would be limited in order for us both to focus on the eudaimonic spiritual life.) 4. Someone who is very strongly devoted to health and fitness 5. Someone who is 19-25 years old, average height, preferably caucasian (like me), very physically fit, and very serious about life in general. Not looking for: 1. Anyone who has tobacco smoking, drinking, partying habits or habitually gets high on marijuana or trips on psychedelics excessively. 2. Anyone who enjoys watching TV, using social media, watches pornography, playing video games, wasting time with friends, or doing anything generally unproductive. 3. Anyone who wants to have kids rather than adopt them, I really feel like adopting children is one of the best philanthropies, sorry. 4. Anyone who rejects Orthodox Christianity, I still wish to follow most of it's practices until I die. But I also wish to engage in new practices. 5. Anyone who is unstable in life, I am looking for a relationship where I can benefit and be benefited by my partner. I want to learn new spiritual practices and patterns of healthy eating. I can't really have someone who is super depressed and has financial problems and such, it most likely won't work. Question: So, thank you to those who read everything I wrote. I live in Morgan Hill, California, near Santa Cruz and San Francisco (hippie central). I am wondering what is the best possible ways to find someone who will match my criteria? I don't think online dating will work as I have heard very bad things about it. My brother suggested to meet girls at our local health food stores but honestly I don't know how well that is going to work considering my strict criteria. I am open to any ideas, please share your answers if you have them, thank you!

Creativity to me is a flow state, an allowing you just know by how it feels. The book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron is a great resource. Journaling, self care, taking time to yourself, appreciating other's art and creativity, listening to music, time in nature and generally following your bliss are all key for me. I find that trying to please others or trying to own the end result too much hampers creativity.

I know what you mean, in do nothing meditation, when one gets really really relaxed, it's almost when the mind ( which is no mind and just activities of awareness ) are about to fade away, it's when the pure awareness existence remains in its pure form, really you just 'Are', the peace is beyond words, it's amazingly beautiful when 'you', 'mind' and all the stories are slowly fades away and the awareness remains alone, One can get into this state without help of any psychedelics but what if Leo is right actually and this is baseline consciousness and the work begins from here, you empty the awareness from the garbage of the mind (unconscious awareness activities) first then consciously fill it with infinite love, joy, bliss. I don't see any limits for absolute Nothingness.

Astral sex is the new fad! Here's how to do it the simple way People say you need to learn how to astral project and astral travel (which everyone already knows) lucid dream, and many other BS talents. Everyone knows how to daydream, go into that state of mind see yourself and your target subject and have sex. Having trouble, Pretend to do it, everyone can image-in things. Remember seeing that hottie, and your eyes scanning up and down head to toe, and as if you could just see yourself making out with that person, you'd see yourself remember how good they made you feel all the time, the warm comforting bliss you felt just being in their presents, remembering the explosions of pleasure when the two of you would hug, the strong electrical current flowing through every part of your body as you kissed, the insane amount of fireworks bursting into the greatest bliss ever, the everlasting pleasures as the sex continued and all you could think about is how right this is, everything is happening just the way you like it, this one greatest moment lasting a lifetime, even when everything is finished and you go about your life that moment lives on forever inside you. Gods, Demons, Angels, Souls, Ghosts, Other People, Dead or Alive everyone loves intimacy, astral sex is safe, fun, and everyone benefits, plus no pain in the astral world, plus it's very easy to communicate as the messages are all telepathic and you can do whatever you like, and however you like, and wherever you like, possibilities are infinite. Strap on your boots and prepare for a wild ride in the astral world...

Everything is one massive firework of pleasure, enjoyment, thrill and fun. It's all a joke, a play, a fucking BALL! THRIVE!!! LIVE!!!! IT'S SO MUCH FUN!!! Literally everything is an extension of the one true self. If you use a camera to capture an image, that camera essentially becomes an extension of your eyes. The same way you are a biological extension of awareness, unraveling into infinity and feeling the endless flow of bliss

I wish you guys all the best -- may we conquer our fears, may we heal our wounds, may our days be filled with wonder and may we all find our true bliss... Peace!

The name is incorrect but the practice works. Id recommend not just a detox day but doing a full day of meditation with it too, makes you super mindful, its pure bliss. Maybe a "Do Nothing Day" would be a better name for it.

All spiritual pursuits I’ve come across in the past seven years of really studying spirituality can be boiled down to humans developing methods to experience states of consciousness or experiences that are desired, if we are being honest with ourselves. To be short, people want everything other than suffering, and spirituality is potentially the most potent method we know of to escape suffering. It shows us the highest of highs possible, but it is ultimately manipulation of this reality to make it more palatable and pleasant. I use the word reality here to describe this thing we currently find ourselves in, so I will use the word reality to describe dreams as well as there is ultimately no fundamental difference between nighttime dreams and this reality on an existential level. It’s all just consciousness at play with itself generating appearances that feel most real when experienced in the home reality/dream. Why do I bring up dreams/the other realities you experience every night? I do so to present the possibility of viewing interacting with realities in a more purist way. If you were to take the spiritual person’s approach to the dream world, they would read some esoteric texts in the dream to teach themselves how to lucid dream, and then they would proceed to remove all things they didn’t like from the dream. The normal person’s approach would be to just go along with the dream/reality by its rules, enjoying simple pleasures whenever they can be found. Isn’t kind of the point of a nightmare to be scared? Sure, suffering in any reality isn’t pleasant, but isn’t it an integral part of the game? I think removing suffering only seems desirable from the limited perspective of one lifetime (at least that you have direct memory of) spent as a human or other living being on planet Earth. If you lived in a reality of constant parties, pleasure, and bliss and possessed the qualities of a full-fledged god, I think you would eventually want to add something else into the mix. Theoretically, in comes suffering and the idea to erase your memory when entering into a new life. Alan Watts actually has a good talk about this concept. I’ve embedded it. As another example, if you were to take a spiritual person’s approach to movies and literature (assuming the spiritual person were living in this movie or book), you would take away all conflict from the story as soon as possible. Where is the fun in that? How boring would that be? Now, of course, spiritual people aren’t the only people who to try to evade suffering, but it seems to be the highest order solution to the problem of suffering. The highest of spiritual masters have supposedly been able to transcend it altogether. In summary, spirituality is the biggest escapist mechanism humanity has ever found. Maybe we should just live with life as it is without trying to alter consciousness to present itself how we (our egos) want it. Ultimately, survival itself, in any reality, is the attempt to manipulate reality and bend it to your will. Maybe we should stop bending.

30mg, dissolved in vinegar, + coconut milk, inhaled... Felt like a kitchen cleaning sponge ran through my body, top to bottom, and removed all traces of impurities, thoughts, concepts. I had no sensory input whatsoever, and I became this .... cool (low temperature) superconductor for what felt like Pure Will, shimmering and trembling. I was in pure bliss, only 'thought' was "whaaaaaaaat ???!!?!?!?!" Because I didn't have a body anymore, and ego was gone, I experienced absolutely NO Resistance, (hence the idea of superconductor), and it was absolute bliss. Also the certitude that that is the original state, and when this body dissolves, I'll return to that, lead to the realization of Eternity, and fear of Death gone. Is this what people mean by God/Godhead?