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I need advice on how I can bring up to my brother that his victim mentality is keeping him stuck.. it's always excuses after excuses, negative mentality, black and white thinking. I thought about just sending him Leo's videos on it but I don't want to offend him. Would that be motivational or offensive you think? For someone to send you a video titled "how to stop being a victim". He has low self esteem/self image so I'm just sensitive to the fact that then he would add that negative label on himself as well. But If he were to really soak in that info and were open to it I just know how much it would help. Hes very very very stuck in life and has been living with me rent free for a couple of years. I'm trying to help him get set up with a career that he can support himself with long term. I had a long talk with him the other day on how this situation is not sustainable and how I am putting a time limit on it. Legit he brought up suicide if he were to have to be homeless/living in his car. I am talking 1-2 year time limit, not like next week. It frustrates me that he jumps to that type of thinking. I'm just thinking...where is the drive/personal responsibility?! Dont you not want that to happen? Time to do something, take action and responsibility...! Sigh. I just don't want to regret down the line that I didn't do everything I could to help him better himself. I know it is his thinking that's keeping him stuck. One thing that I did do was give him Psychocybernetics to read, which I'm hoping will give him motivation and start to see how his thinking and self image directly affects his life, how he can change/work on that. If I need to elaborate more let me know... But I would really like advice and suggestions on the best way to approach these types of people. How to give them the motivation they need/etc. Thank you!

I hear you. Trying to motivate someone who has a victim mentality is probably one of the hardest things to accomplish. The main reason is that you need to be willing to try out different things if you want different outcomes and most people with this kind of mentality don't want to give it up because it has it's benefits and feels safe. To get out of that mentality, they would need to start taking complete responsibility about their life, stop blaming others, etc., and that's not an easy thing to do. IME the more you try to motivate or push such a person, the more frustrated you get, because it doesn't work. It has to be them who decide to leave behind this mentality and the benefits that come with it. I agree with @universe that leading by example and unconditional acceptance are essential. But it's important that you don't have an underlying agenda expecting that this leads to the change you want to see in him, because it may never happen. This is the hardest part IMO and probably the most important as well: working on accepting that he may be stuck in this mentality his whole life. Of course, there's nothing wrong about wanting to help him, it's completely natural. Also, it can be useful to express genuine concern and offer compassion and help if he is willing to start working on himself. What I mean is that he won't change until he has a personal motivation to do so. And even then, relapses are to be expected. Also, don't forget to take care of yourself in this process, because otherwise you will burn out and your relationship with your brother will suffer. At the end of the day, you're not responsible for his well being and you can only be there to help him if he is willing to commit to the process. A good therapy would benefit him, because threatening with suicide as soon as someone expresses a boundary like you did is a serious issue that requires professional help. I can imagine your fear when he threatens with suicide. My guess is he has learnt to threaten, because he can get away with not taking responsibility like this. I hope you can find your peace with this issue!

Read this back about 2013. I have a great appreciation for the book title. Overall, it's just a so so read. If I can remember the story rightly,,,,The highlight for me was when this guy went off the deep end one weekend and called the suicide hotline only to discover that no one answered. Not only that, it was vacant because as it turned out he was the one who was responsible. He was a part time volunteer for the suicide hotline and had forgotten to have someone cover for him this particular weekend.

"The absence of joy is slow suicide"- Ocke de Boer

@OmniYogaIsn't suicide itself a survival instinct? People attempting suicide die if they succeed in it in and it's unfortunate. But in most cases, they get saved and get a lot of mental aid, which may even prolong their life by getting help in fixing their problems with life or getting attention from people who are close. People may do it consciously or unconsciously but nature has its own ways . Coming to the question, awakening maybe the same as dying, but once you die, you will not be able to come back to experience life with the experience of dying. Isn't it a huge difference?

@universe lol, thank you I wish it were as easy as just that but I know it's not. I definitely do think he needs a ton of love. Its unfortunate because though we live together we are not close. He spends a lot of time playing video games, pretty much all day, so we don't have alot of opportunity to talk and when we do its just small little conversations in passing. Plus I'm just an introvert anyway and enjoy spending time by myself reading, guitar, art, YouTube, etc. BUT I really do want to help. When the gyms open back up I think I'm going to make an effort to regularly go with him. Though I'm not much of a gym go-er, it would at least be a way for us to spend some time together so that I can have more of an influence on his life, grow a closer relationship. When he moved in 2 years ago, the plan was for him to work part time (just enough to pay his bills) so that he still had energy to go to the gym and lose weight to ultimately be able to work in a career on a ship to where he would be able to be on his feet alot doing physical labor. Hes very overweight. He has some progress over the last 2 years but losing weight is not easy and with the pandemic and gyms being closed it threw him off even more. When he brought up the suicide thing, he said something along the lines of "I'm not suicidal, I don't want to die I enjoy living. But if it were at that point of being homeless I wouldn't see any other way." I know it seems as though hes taking advantage (if that were the case this would be much easier for me to just write him and this situation off) but unfortunately he has alot of mental limitations..as I said low self esteem, also very bad social anxiety, and we had some traumatic situations growing up (toxic alcoholic household, both our parents ended up passing away). I don't think hes had many people to open up to about his feelings and has kept them inside for a long time, has ALOT of healing to do. And the video games are a distraction for him. Though our deep talks are few and far between, when we do I notice him holding back alot of tears and emotion, n definitely coming through as anger and blame... You are right, for now love and compassion is the best I can do, and can just go from there when the time us right. And making an effort to be more of a part of his life. And maybe eventually we can get to the point of him opening up to me about these feelings and healing a bit... Will be recommending to him the Sedona Method in the future as well that would be really helpful for him. I hope he ends up enjoying the Psychocyberbetics book. For me, one good self help book lead to a chain of others from seeing all the possibilities. Fingers crossed maybe it does the same for him... Thank you ?

@mandyjw isn't the opposite the case ? usually when people who lose control over their lives completely and can not handle it, it's too much for them - commit suicide, rather nobody is thinking about that when things are going his way

More here: https://www.andrewholecek.com/suicide-from-a-buddhist-perspective/

Suicide is inevitable. Whether you die "naturally" or kill yourself makes no difference.. In both cases the Entropy will reach maximum levels that simply your body-mind can't handle anymore to sustain itself. The person who commits suicide thinks that he is getting rid of life when in fact it's life that is getting rid of him because he didn't take his happiness and peace of mind seriously when that's the only thing that matters.

The self commits suicide because it assumes it has control over its own life. Awakening is the realization that you never had or have control.

Dont show him Leos videos, just dont. Change doesnt happen as easily like that. Think about yourself. How long did it take you to implement these concepts discussed here. And how far are you actually with them? You are living with him so you really have a strong grip on him and the possibility to help him. Now first, him responding with suicide if you dont give him what he wants. Could be that he is suicidal, but to me it sounds much more likely that he is being abusive towards you. Just realize this. Now, how you can help him: Love. This is really important. Seems like he is missing a fuckton of it. Just be loving towards him in the next weeks and dont do anything else. If he crosses some boundaries explain how that makes you feel and that its not acceptable but overall be as loving as possible. DO NOT try to change him in any way. Like telling him what he could do (take a bath, get a job, get a haircut, going outside). Just accept and love him for what he is. Lead by example. Whatever you want him to do (habits, motivation, emotional control or whatever), instead of mentioning it to him. Just do these thing yourself. This is huge. After you've done this (1&2) for a while he might be looking for help. If he does this, you strike. Choose one way to help him/coach him and go for it. Strive for weekly/daily sessions. You can do whatever your best at. Maybe teaching self-help 101, going into metaphysics, doing psychedelics or start some sport. These are all good. But what I would really suggest is Sedona Method and some visualisation.

What makes this high consciousness material? The ultimate function of depression isn't even discussed in the video, only some relative thinking patterns and some contexts related to it. Sad to hear a streamer suicided himself though, but there's more of an involved process that comes with suicide than simply reducing depression as the sole factor. I think this is better at the serious emotions section than here.

First of all, the "merge" term is a concept to try to understand what is not understandable and that it cannot be explained. In reality we are always One with God but the idea of a separated person makes us think we are "separated". If those ideas continue after death, it is obvious that those ideas will take form again, human form or other forms to manifest until the idea of a "me" or a separated "I" goes away. Anyone needs to die to know that, if you jump from a skyscraper you know that you will fall into the ground and die. It is not necessary for you to jump to know it. Is just common sense. And all the wise people who came before us have written about it, the paths to enlightenment are all around us. Is weird that no one mentions suicide as a way to become enlightened. The idea is preposterous.

Buddha and Jesus didn't know. Otherwise they would suggest you to kill yourself to become one with God. Cool. Edit: Suicide is obviously the ego who doesn't want to accept reality, so ego thinks it can take a shortcut to enlightenment.

Yoga ✅ 30min + 20min Meditation ✅ 15min alone Sleep ✅ 7.5h and took a nap yesterday Naps have become my thang apparently Too much attachment to these journals. I occasionally have a spike of shame over the littlest things I write. Then when I correct them later I have a spike of shame over correcting them. It's painful. It's just that I care too much. And try too much sometimes. And now I'm slightly ashamed by how much I care and am ashamed Why try to create an image of yourself. Helping others is more important. Wayy more important. But sometimes I just feel like a love vampire. Most of the time I signed up for the meditation retreat. I sign up for a music camp they ask me what's my favourite genre of music, I sign up for a meditation retreat they ask me if I've ever considered suicide. Jeez. Though that's understandable. I'm kind of worried if I did the payment thing right. I'll probably have to send them another email and ask.

Because there's a difference between ego death and bodily death. If bodily death happens before ego death, there is still a clinging that will almost certainly have to transfer over to another body. Suffering is best used as fuel for ego death; suicide (at best) puts you in similar or worse circumstances. tl;dr -- teenage suicide: don't do it.

are you considering suicide?

@BornToBoil Borderline is like a demon that transmits from person to person through relationships. People who start an intimate relationship with a borderline personality think at first that they are helping the other person feel better, but then inevitably get dragged down with them in their pit of darkness. Most of them come to hate themselves long after the relationship is finished, many even are driven to suicide. The guilt you feel is part of the evil spell, it's not real. Just be glad you got out when you did, and that she lived so far away. She could have ruined you.

lol exactly the femininity in the form of safe spaces, anger management and therapy is SnOWFlaKeRy when war is what caused PTSD and the similar toxic (pure) masculinity causing the high rates of suicide of men in today's society "no homo but I'm scared of femininity and the balance it brings"

@dimitri Man I don't know. I completely understand where your coming from. My life problems are an ILLUSION. Yet my anxiety and overall root problem (imaginary and maintained by believing myself I am an identity/ ego, I know) is still in my life 6 years later. I mean I could say life is getting better but today I had some suicide thoughts. I wouldn't consider I am in a very bad place in life, because I have SOME wisdow that I am not really the one who is suffering (I can detach myself from it still() but honestly my ego/avatar is not all right. So I am feeling in anytime it can "explode". I don't how., I hope is for the good. I could use some "relative* advice in regards to the avatar.

Hey, I'm psychologically addicted to women, and I've been that since my early teenage years (I'm 22 now). Pretty often I think about suicide but I am never going to do it because there are a few people that do really love me, and I love them. Nights are most awful for me, I feel extremely lonely and through the days it doesn't look much better than that. I only feel alive and FULL of energy when I am around attractive women. Basically, my whole life and mood depends on my relation to women at the particular time. If I had great relations to women throughout the whole time, my life would've been great, but unfortunately that was not really the case. It frustrates me, makes me really angry that everything depends on women, and that it has never been different... only before the teenage years.

I am very sorry to hear what you've been going through. I am really punching above my weight here, but for the moment I just want to say to you: Life can be tough. When I was around your age I found myself in a deep hole as well, on the brink of suicide even. I couldn't have imagined ever feeling happy again. I was wrong. Turns out one can turn one's life around. Losing that money sucks, but it is far from the end of the world. You are still young, and you do have the resources and the power within yourself to create a life that is meaningful and filled with joy. It will take some work and time and listening to your heart, but it is so worth it. Try to take what happened as a lesson and don't beat yourself up about it more than you absolutely have to. If you feel like you could use someone to talk to: There is a user on this forum called Nahm who offers Skype sessions. He's a very loving individual who as far as I am aware has been able to help guide a lot of people out of dire situations. This is his website: https://www.actualityofbeing.com/ Sending lots of love! I believe in you.

Id be wary of that rabbit hole. One of the founders committed suicide, and another was obsessed with crop circles. So like most new age theories and prophecies, its just oneness sprinkled with useless mythology to make it more marketable.

@ParanoidAndroid I only said about Sam Harris. I respect Richard Dawkins and Hitchens. I wish Harris wasn't a part of the Four Horsemen clan. Seems like he wanted a launchpad in those days and he got one. He used them just like he used Majid Nawaz and Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Maybe I'm reading too much into Harris. But why not. I don't like a lot of his crass statements. He makes it look like he wants a genocide on certain races. Why am I supposed to subscribe to his brand if he divides people. I'm not the only one who criticizes Sam Harris. Many people come at him. Why would they if he didn't make controversial statements. He says things and then backpedals when he sees a strong reaction, as though he is testing how far he can go with his ideas and how much extremism the audience can handle. he is like a provocateur, to me he is a caricature who plays gimmicks and generates good money out of it. Plus I don't like the overall edgelord feel to his personality. Like his will is going to decide the fate of the world. I don't like his brand. Even if I maybe biased against him, it's good for me, because I am relatively insulated from his hateful toxic garbage through my hate. He leans on the right side and then vehemently tries in denial to portray himself as a libertarian. In fact most people in the beginning were surprised that he opposed Trump because his views were almost a low tempo version of what Trump was spewing in the campaigns. But he knows well that backing Trump is a career suicide move, so he was desperately trying to hate Trump to divert his "right wing" image. Now he uses Jordan Peterson to make money, I mean recently, going on conferences in Canada and American college halls, when he can easily hold a Skype call with Jordan and be done with the differences. But as usual Sam Harris style, he has to make it monumental like people are paying to watch a movie, buy tickets, buy his shirts, books and mugs, donate money to his foundation, pay for membership on his website and give him more financial opportunities. Nobody can see through this. People simply believe what is fed to them. He doesn't argue with people on YouTube because that won't generate money, he appeared only once on the Young Turks and probably once or twice on Dave Rubin. He tries to constantly rebrand himself by talking about a hot button topic in order to bank on public emotion and generate revenue. I can see through his behind the scenes gimmicks which people fail to see. A famous line from Jordan Peterson on Joe Rogan was how he monetized on SJWs. Well now I know why all these YouTubers are so savvy about politics. It's a money game for them. They exaggerate circumstances to arouse people. That's why I call them misinformation propaganda machine. People buy into it and they get rich and famous. Milo Yiannopoulos is another such example and several others. It is turning into a political provocation industry of sorts. Well good luck, I can subscribe to better things on YouTube, like for example Leo.. That Sam guy is a clever schmuck.

It wasn't salvia, but I experienced kind of the same. I was tripping with a friend who had a quite materialistic worldview. The trip was nice, but not so intense. Then we smoked some weed at the end when it was almost over. Suddenly It kicked back in and I became so much more conscious. I saw through the physiological reaction and face expressions that my friend would have the same experience. Then Infinity rolled over me and I was watching myself speaking to my friend, trying to convince him that this is really deep shit now and we are one and how wonderful it all is, that this shift of consciousness we simoultaniously experience can't be explained from a materialistic perspective until I finally realized what a fucking joke it was, that I just wasn't conscious enough to realize that I'm imagining my friend. My ego was trying to get confirmation/verification but I imagined it all. I realized that I am completely lonely, the only way not to be conscious of it is to create such a solid reality with suffering, pain and fear which I try but can't run away from, that it seems completely real and I can believe to exist amongst others who could potentially end my existence the next moment. I kept talking (or better watching me talking) but now in tears, realizing I'm only talking to myself. That no matter what I do it can only be me answering, forever. And the answers would doubt everything I say, like the guardian of the matrix. That I invented terror, rape, murder, torture, everything just to keep myself from realizing my "real self" which I have to live through eternally with no suicide option. That I can only try to die or disappear by imagining to be something else and that this is obviosly what I wanted most otherwise this human ego wouldn't exist in the first place. Reality seemed like the process of running away from itself. I felt a lonelyness never felt before, infinite. I realized that of course, of course (!!!) I will always experience pain over and over again, because I have nothing else to do. Everything else gets boring, like a child playing alone in the sandbox forever. There needs to be this duality eternally, if it didn't it just wouldn't, because I'm eternal so I lived an infinite amount of time already and I still experience suffering, so obviously it needs to exist, its not a bug that can be ended one day forever. My dream of reaching enlightenment to end suffering became just a joke. A dream, reality running away from itself again. God wants to dive into the dualistic realm losing itself, otherwise it wouldn't. If everything was fine why ever change it? At most, to make it better. And if I experience here and now the human suffering, it's probably the best option. Rather a limited suffering human to maintain the belief in something "new"/"different" or "unexpected" and especially the belief in something better, some progress to completion or possibility of beeing able to make something better, rather these false beliefs than beeing the eternal same void, knowing to experince everything just for nothing. After some "time" I came back to earth again. I was really happy to have human problems again, a limited mind thinking about meaningless stuff, people around me and sensations and so on. I think the experience slowed me down a lot on my spiritual path. It all became kind of pointless. Reaching enlightenment now or in a billion years doesn't matter, since it is first of all not in my (human) hands to make it happen and secondly I will anyway come back to form again since I am here already, thirdly it's already perfect and nothing will ever really change. But there are also some good things about it. Realizing it won't really get better in the future forces you to make peace with the present. It's literally perfect, the best. Jealousy? For whom? Fear of death? Well, nice alternation, but nothing will really change. Pain? It's the price for your fun. And at least, I am open-minded enough (or just desperate enough?) to believe there is more to it. Maybe it's just one dimension, the Void or whatever you may call it, but I missed a whole different dimension like Love. I had other experiences, they were showing me different parts of reality. If God's mind is infinite, of course he will experience infinite lonelyness, how not so? But also infinite love. There could be so much more turning the tide in "the end". And I can't remember all of infinity right now, so from my here-and-now-perspective there's so much more to explore. I tricked myself into this illusion where i actually know nothing, and I can go on for eternity searching myself together. So even if it's all pointless/meaningless, at least I have a job now................................. All in all, definitely worth an experience! Since you have nothing else to do, why not look at reality from radical different angles? I love to get mindfucked. It's funny to know that it's not (only) you running away from god, but god is doing it itself (who else?)