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Not sure if you welcome questions and comments from others. If you'd rather not, let me know and I'll hide this. In short, just two items. 1.In relation to the above quote, It tickled me a few years ago when Episcopal Priest Cynthia Bourgeault refereed to this kind of volunterism as opposed to genuine altruism as "dogooderism". 2. A quote- "The absence of Joy is slow suicide" - Ocke de Boer

You keep waiting for magic cures! I have no idea what you call "energy" but you don't need it to got out and walk. Walk fast or walk uphill and that'll be exercise enough if you're out of shape. Simply walking also makes it easy to observe the environment you're walking in (kind of like meditating). You can consider upgrading to running later but the main thing is to start doing something now. Working on the farm is probably a good idea as well. The reason your family's money isn't much use (but certainly not useless!) is apparently that you have no reasonable plans to do anything with it. Unlike hopes for magic, coming up with solid plans takes time. Let the doctors worry about what drugs (if any) are appropriate in your condition. Since your family has money, you'll have plenty of opportunity to talk to them about suicide or other side effects after they've recommended a drug.

Just watched Leo's victim video. It summarizes my mindset pretty well. I'm a victim. There's a few guys on this forum who are huge victims, i recognized them when i first started posting when i was in school. I never really understood them, and felt bad that they were just so powerless. I get it now. I'm right there with them. It's sad and funny. Feel like a total loser. I think i'm stuck in a perpetual state of shame or repressed shame? Maybe i have repressed anger, and so i'm stuck in constant shame complex? Hopefully therapy provides some good answers in this dimension. I feel a lot of pressure in the third eye and head region. This is the most tension that has been there since my LSD break through. I know that when the tension in the head is released and i let go fully that there will be a release of suppressed emotions, and break through to a higher state of being. This is exactly how it happened on my LSD trip, it's why i was so confident in what i was doing. The sensations are right here, i can feel them, but they won't release. I wonder if i just have to ride this low for however long it lasts, and then when the high comes i have to milk and use it to achieve financial independence. I was speaking to my uncle today, and i've heard from other sources too, manic depressives can achieve insane results when they are on a high. It's just a matter of how long the high lasts. If the high lasts beyond maybe 3-4 months, then i'm pretty sure i can ride that high and make money in that time. I could climb league to challenger, and then start writing and streaming. People would pay to see a manic dude play league of legends in a heart beat. I could think of how to market, and play up a character, but it could really work. That would set me up for my next low because i could just live off the money i earned and plan my next step. A major source of angst for me right now is the fact that i have no economic prospects. My family money is pretty much useless at this point, because I'm not a self sufficient human who could use the money to my advantage, and my parents won't give me the money until they die which won't be for like 40 years. By the time i inherit any money my life will be past it's prime, and if i haven't figured this shit out by 40 or 50 then it's likely i will never figure it out. That idea is crazy and i don't feel good about it, but i don't feel good about any of the other ideas either so idk. The next step for me is likely to ride the depressive wave until end of summer. Keep going to the farm asap and try to help out and work. See a psychiatrist and therapist, keep getting rasa, take meds, and then see how i feel on this regiment. The hope would be that a medication like prozac or lithium will prevent the lows i'm in right now, so i have more a stable baseline from which to function. If i had more energy from let's say prozac and well butrin, i would establish a strong morning routine and start running and working every morning using the new found energy. One concern of antidpressants is increased risk of suicide which is concerning. I sometimes think about what if i was suicidal, but i've never been seriously considering killing myself, my life was never that low. But i never thought i'd be this low, and i didn't think i'd drop out of law school, so the mind and the mood are maleable enough to not be trusted. I don't really understand the dynamics of suicide. If i am an infinite being, who's made of infinite pure love, then wouldn't i just come back in a different dream if i committed suicide. No one seems to have a good answer to this conundrum. My attitude towards suicide has always been i will eventually so there's no need to rush, and my life isn't anywhere near miserable enough to warrant suicide. If nothing works by the end of the year, i will likely pack my shit and move to asia and start english teaching. It could be fun to spend my mid 20s just bouncing around asia teaching, and learning to be independent and responsible. I really hope it doesn't come to this but it's an option. The ideal/goal is to address the problem of the mind and learn to control the mind in such a way that i can stabilize my mood, set solid goals that feel good, and just live a productive functional life and go from there. The purpose of the RASA, psychiatric meds, therapy etc is to gain control and tame the mind/ tame the ox. If i learn to tame the mind then all the above i wrote will be thrown out the window, and the trajectory of my life will be completely different. It will be like these pasts few months were just a bad dream, and i would begin with a blank slate in the present moment with a tamed mind. I hope this, or something similar happens. God willing.

I was very young when my father passed away. And his love was astronomical. And knowing how the situation was growing up, the pain was exponential. I did not process it as a normal passing. Even after so many years I still struggle with the loss of a very important person in my life. After that incident, life was never the same and I developed a hate for life. The worst part was that I already knew that my father would pass away by heart related complications and the same fate would await me as well. I knew that if I died in my life, it would be because of a heart problem. Somehow my destiny was always connected to my dad . I knew what he knew. He knew what I knew. He always worried about me. I think these things created in me a deep sense of self destruction. Self destruction was a normal part of my life for a long time. For some time after my father's passing, I was on high risk of suicide. But I have overcome that now I'm no longer a suicide risk but suicidal ideation has been a recurring theme in my life, and I am aware of it. I just let it be on the back burner. One of the major reasons that I converted to Christianity in 2015 was that it helped me to deal with "suicide related" issues. I overcame my suicide problem once I found Jesus (again). I used to pray Jesus lifelong starting from the age of, let's say, age 7 So conversion to Christianity was not a big deal. I was anyways a Christian. It's only that I had found Jesus as a savior once again. From then on, Christianity had a huge influence on my life and still continues to even today. I will never stop being a Christian. The only spirit that stayed by my side, was Christ, wholly, without expectation or price. I cannot betray such a companion comrade confidante.

Yesterday something happened to me. I was trying to sleep but I couldn't and I felt very weak and fragile. I felt vulnerable. I began to cry and I cried a lot. All my childhood memories were coming back. I suddenly felt very helpless and upset, I felt like life is a tragic movie with a tragic end. A riddle, an irony. I went into a deep emotional state and I didn't feel okay. Something was eating me inside. Something was gnawing at me. Then I had this feeling that I need to be inspired. That inspiration is lacking. I felt like a prisoner of my own thoughts and limitations. I felt like I was deeply traumatized by all the sadness I experienced as a child. And suddenly I could feel the pain of those are abandoned in jails and prisons, those who did little wrong things as teens and now will never see the light of day. Those from whom life was snatched away early and those that the world just forgot. And those voices of the those same abandoned people were talking to me, making me feel like I was this lost child who needed to be picked up, this abandoned puppy who needed to be adopted. Then I tried to recover my composure and stop my tears. Deep down im a hurt child, hurt by trauma, abuse and neglect. That's my shadow self, a self crying for love and acceptance. A self traumatized by fear and helplessness. A self buried in self pity and looking for freedom. A self that was always deprived. Then I tried to collect myself and sat on the edge of my bed for some time to reflect. That's when certain things became clear.. One was that I needed to focus on healing, completely and absolutely. That I was looking for was love and acceptance and empathy. I was also looking for lifelong companionship.. This was my heart speaking to me. And one thing was my shadows. I needed to focus on my shadows. And in that moment of deep reflection (I shouldn't lose my train of thought while writing this journal), the shadows begin to emerge in my psyche, and they were trauma, childhood abandonment, childhood neglect not having the validation of a particular person (that person who always hurt me), death of a family member whose grief was never properly processed, the loss of a pet, abusive relationships, being taken advantage at a young age, being abandoned and betrayed in a relationship, having multiple toxic /abusive relationships, relationships that were short lived, a sense of loneliness, betrayal from friends, watching terminal illness, separation from family, social anxiety, career betrayals, having faced multiple incidents of sexual assaults over the years, suffered bullying offline and online and mostly a very deep sense of guilt and vulnerability and loss of hope, multiple suicide attempts in younger years and a recent suicide attempt in October 2018 because of the turbulent relationship with Joseph and the most significant of all was this lifelong feeling of deprivation, that I would feel rejected in love even if I did my best in life. For a long time I felt, that if I loved something, anything, it would be taken away from me. That it would die. It would be lost. And I will be left to simply accept the loss and have this internal pain for the remainder of my life.

For some one interested in attending the 10 day vipassana course, this might help you or give you that boost to sign up. Thank you. I’ve been interested in self-development for about three years now and watching Leo’s video’s since 2018. I’ve been digging into the deep topics he disgust and contemplating on them. However, I never seriously practiced this work, apart from a short daily meditation session. Thus this 10 day retreat seemed like the perfect opportunity. Going into this I was very committed to give it my all Day 1-3: Very frustrating first days. Realizing how easily I am distracted and not being able to remain focussed for longer than a minute( I have ADD), but that improved along the days. Day 4-5: The start of vipassana. Was getting used to the technique but quickly started seeing results, like more sensible and more focus. Also I had some small insight. Day 6: Here it started to get intense, but in a good way. I became very sensible and started changing my relation with pain, seeing it more objectively. Also I realized that thoughts created a emotion that is sensible as a sensation and that the degree of pleasantness of this emotion would determine the state I was in, and therefor the actions I would take. I started to realized how true the technique was. Day 7: The intensity increased more. I felt like I was deeper than ever. I did not resist the pain in my back and legs. I was equanimous with the moment, felt better than ever. I could see that all my dreams and ambitions were suddenly so accessible, but being present was as pleasant than thinking about these desires. The insight kept flowing in. A lot of what I’ve seen in Leo’s video’s and understood on a intellectual level I now could realize for myself, in my own experience. With this knowledge I wanted to go help everybody I knew. I was filled with love and compassion. This was for a short period though and I came down to a normal level during the last sit. I went to bed with a very neutral feel. As I closed my eyes, an extremely intense fear came up that covered my whole body. I tried to sleep but it seemed like there was a horror movie playing in my head that I could not pause. I went for a late night walk and kept walking in circles until it went away. But it didn’t. I had an insight that for my whole life I’ve been craving love and to me it felt like I did not get that. Therefor I did not have that love in me to give to others, which formed my self-centred personality. I cried for about an hour and went to bed. Day 8: The hardest day of my life. As requested by the teacher I was aware of a sensations at al times during the day, being present and equanimous. The insights were profound, and I FELT like I knew everything about life. Again I thought about the things I could be doing when I finished the course. I became attached to this state. But then a thought came “what if I don’t have this when I come out” This put me out this state, but still on a high and peaceful state. But I was greedy and craved for that state of possibilities again, totally forgetting about the principles of the technique. This craving dragged my down. Things that I normally did, didn’t seem possible anymore, I remembered my insight but they did not make sense to me anymore. It was so weird. Such a paradox. At the 6 pm it went even more downhill, forgetting the technique and getting totally caught up in pessimistic thinking. After the session my whole body was shaking with fear, and the discourse only made it worse. Saying things like craving the equanimous state is dangerous and that it will multiply your misery. At this point I was considering suicide, but Goenka said that committing suicide does not end you misery… I believed I was trapped in this hell moving around in circles that I dug myself in a hole I could never come out of. Fear that I’ve lost my personality, and everything I worked for. As soon as the discourse was over I ran to the teacher to ask him what I was going through, but he did not allow questions until the last meditation session. I was alone, who would ever want to care about such a miserable person. Besides a train of depressing thoughts, I knew I could not run away from this. So I put all my energy to try to be objective. At the end of the session I came out somewhat relieved. The teacher asked me what happened but, I only thanked him for caring and walked away. But he insisted to know what happened. So I told him, in a more positive attitude now. He said it was dangerous and was very concerned, and told me to stop practicing vipassana tomorrow. I went and took a shower and being back on this insane high, thinking “why would I ever worry about myself” Filled with some much love and compassion it was hard to contain. Now looking back at it, it seems laughable that I was so naive, but I was so fragile, and totally lost control over the will of my mind. Day 9: Started the day with anapana meditation, but the intensity was still there. The teacher requested for my to take the day of and gave me task to help in the kitchen. Distraction and talking with the staff was really refreshing and made the intensity of feelings come down. The kindness of the staff, made me feel very grateful and fortunate to go through this experience. Day 10: Very nice to share experiences with the other people and come down from this intensity. One of the assistant teachers told me something that stuck with me he said “Everyone who comes to this course gets something out of it that they needed, even if that was not their intention of entering the course” I came for selfish reasons just to improve myself, but in the process I discovered that my existence was so ego-centred when I convinced myself it was not. I came out with a sense of love and compassion. Rather than wanting to receive, I was now ready to start giving love without expected in return.

I'm not sure if I'm qualified to post here because I have a similar age and I'm also living with my parents, but I'm doing it anyway. From my perspective, you are too harsh on yourself and also have some victim mentality. @zeroISinfinity I also think that you are too harsh on him. In my experience, hyper-masculine approaches never worked on me. Putting yourself so down by being so harsh, by blaming yourself/others, and shaming yourself/others doesn't' work as you can see. Last time that I was so critical and harsh of myself, I was also very hateful and depressed. At home, I would lay down on the floor thinking about suicide, insulting myself, and masturbating myself all day to evacuate my anger. At work, I would ignore everyone and refuse everything of them and because of that others would also be hypercritical of me and insult me. The result was a downward spiral of depression and anger. What helped me during this ~1 year period of time was to stop trying to do things, isolate myself with my depression, change environment, and keep my social interactions to the minimum. Acceptance first, progress after. @Raptorsin7 You can PM if you want.

Right and wrong are arbitrary by the very fact that survival is relative. If you change the desire in which way you wish to live then so too do you change notion of right wrong. Thus, it is arbitrary and not absolute. You are privileging conventional evolution as a means to justify morality. This is a groundless thing to do. Each being is equipped with survival presets that are conditioned. Had you not been equipped with them and the ideals that they are important, you would not yearn to up hold them. One can at any time change their survival desire by changing their identity. Eg. Monks can train them self to survive with little food and eat irregularly compared to the the ordinary preset. Some can desire death over living and this overrides their instinct to live, ie. suicide bombers. People with DID or personality complexities can detach the conditioned impulse to survive as a conventional human. Just because many of us do not do this, does not mean survival is an absolute. It means we have assumed a best way to live according to our identity. Survival is relative to what you have identified with and does not measure right wrong. You mind is what creates this distinction and that too is arbitrary. The idea of ‘instinct’ is it’s self relative. The meanings you apply to them, “chemical signals” , is also arbitrary created by the mind. They do not exist in reality as an absolute but in the mind which self created them. No mind, no distinctions. People would only feel unsafe because they have been programmed to fear being hurt. The idea of pain is attached to the idea of ones physical safety being impinged on, “the body will be hurt”, again you identified with the body. Safety is relative to the position the mind has made in what is safe and what is not. Again arbitrary. Ask someone from a third world country if walking barefoot or hearing shooting nearby is safe; they are so normalised by it that safety has a a completely different meaning to them. Survival = relative = morality = arbitrary.

@commie It's my theory but I would be interested in any data whether supporting or opposing. If you have a bunch of people who aren't able to have sex for whatever reasons, the sex drive won't go away but rather will get distorted and turn into something else. It's energy after all. If you don't use it, it will still be there and then it will get accumulated and eventually manifest pathologically. Suppression leads to explosion. I believe even homosexuality is partially created by this. Also, prostitution is the creation of society, yet it is one of the most judged and shamed creations. The ultimate hypocrisy. One way to look at it is as a side effect of the social structure. Since society values the best survivors the most, the least survivors will not be able to fit in. They are simply not accepted or appreciated for who they are. So they do what they can. Some of them don't know a lot so they become prostitutes or thiefs or criminals. Some others find these paths difficult so they commit suicide. And some others become mentally ill. And it's usually not even their problem. They're usually born in poor families and get poor upbringing if any. A lot of them are orphans so it's only logical that they won't know a lot. So they're the real victims here, and yet they're judged and blamed even more! I hope that was elaborate enough. Would be glad to hear your feedback and/or perspective.

Why do you think Sweden used to have high rates of suicides? Precisely because of this issues. Us, there living in the survival mode, we do not have time to be depressed, they (not everybody ofc), here, are given almost everything in the world since their life begins. Why do you think so many people here sit on the meds for depression and have some types of mental issues, precisely because of this issue. Their survival needs are taken care of. I know some of my American friends would disagree with me, but it is true. Only the fact that you was born in the US gives you the privilege. Well, if the person is depressed or unhappy, why not talking to someone? I really do not know the person, I do not read all the comments. I have no idea, how can I say? I saw your comment and his comment about Nahm, I stopped by to share my opinion, because I love Nahm as much as you do. ___________________________ Your approach is very masculine, I get that, kinda Spartan. I was raised by this approach. It works perfect for me, but for some people it does not work. Not everybody has this personality of fighter. When I moved here in US, I ,personally, knew some people who came from very wealthy families and wanted to commit a suicide, this is serious. By "waving" with weapons and yelling is not going to change anything, You realize that when you're telling something to someone it is just your perspective, your opinion, it is not their reality, they might not understand what you say at all. They might not have the same level of understanding. This is obvious for us because we were raised differently. But to understand truly the level of someone's depression you have to be in their shoes completely, have their experience, have their parents, life...etc, you have to be them. I am not advocating for anyone here. Love you too. Do not worry I can understand your yelling and rage with this whole situation. I do not take it personally. But please be careful as some people on this forum might not. Trust me I've learned that lesson. As Peter Ralston say " culture is your operating system" or he calls it "clay". Your whole paradigm and web of belief is build to serve this agenda. It is hard to break free.

It is possible for one to attain certain insights into the nature of reality before they are developed enough to handle it. There are plenty of examples of this on this very forum where you see people creating posts about how they found out that they don’t exist and now they’re in emotional turmoil and on the brink of committing suicide. They are still too emotionally attached to their conceptual identity and therefore will lash out when they find out it was all a sham. This usually happens after some kind of radical change in consciousness like taking a psychedelic perhaps mixed with some kind of external influence like a spiritual teacher talking about the truth of no-self.

@28 cm unbuffed Not sure if I understand mahasamadhi but it doesn't sound like suicide or killing yourself. I found the interpretation here enlightening: https://isha.sadhguru.org/in/en/wisdom/sadhguru-spot/mahasamadhi But honestly, it's beyond my understanding why would someone be so apathetic about life. It's so much to explore imo. Also, it seems that there are many types of samadhi: https://isha.sadhguru.org/in/en/wisdom/article/samadhi-to-go-beyond-existence And from my perspective, it's not egoistic to pursue your goals in order to advance further in life or acquire higher levels of consciousness. But thinking that you're enlightened and there's nothing to do here, or wanting to become free from suffering sounds like an ego trap.

"The Dream of a Ridiculous Man" is a short story by Fyodor Dostoyevsky written in 1877. It chronicles the experiences of a man who decides that there is nothing of any value in the world. Slipping into nihilism with “terrible anguish”, he is determined to commit suicide. However, after a chance encounter with a young girl, he begins an inner journey that re-instills a love for his fellow man. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dream_of_a_Ridiculous_Man

This book is so paradigm shifting that you will inmediately take it as bullshit or false. Even if you have awakened, you have no fucking idea how your unconscious mechanism works. The animal nature and sex force is so strong that people kill and commit suicide for not achieving their reproduction purpose. Here Jason (PUA/Marketer) explains all the honest signals that are silently subcommunicated through your body language from behind your concious awareness. Do you want to understand why some people simply seem intimidating, powerful and gain respect? Read this to become aware of such tricky thing. If you become a slave to applying this principles you will sell your soul, but if you become aware of it you will be free from the chaos/karma and fakeness of those who appear powerful.

This is what he was talking about today. The essence of this. Socioeconomical crash after dec 14 where for a while not be any electricity and money may not be what gets you food and in 10 years enlightenment work and conscious people will be something viral. He says to get prepeared, meditate, spend less time on material pleasures because there may not be any for a while and world will be chaotic for a good while. Not that i agree or disagree with this but this is what you asked for. Glimpses from KAILASA Courtyard Session with HDH Nithyananda Paramashivam 12 July 2020 12 JUL 2020 - SUNDAY 1:40 AM IST - PRAYER FOR SPEEDY RECOVERY OF SRI AMITABH BACHCHAN, LEADERS OF NATIONS AND MEMBERS OF GOVERNMENTS - GIST (ENGLISH) *I SINCERELY OFFER MY PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF SRI AMITABH BACHCHAN AND SRI ABHISHEK BACHCHAN. *SRI AMITABH BACHCHAN IS TOO IMPORTANT FOR HINDUISM. THE LITTLE BIT OF RESPECT LEFT FOR HINDUISM IN BOLLYWOOD IS BECAUSE OF SRI AMITABH BACHCHAN JI AND TEAM. SO, I SINCERELY OFFER MY PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF SRI AMITABH BACHCHAN JI AND SRI ABHISHEK BACHCHAN JI. *I OFFER SINCERE PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF BELGIUM PRINCE JOACHIM *I OFFER SINCERE PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF AUSTRALIA HOME AFFAIRS MINISTER PETER DUTTON *I OFFER SINCERE PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF SAUDI ARABIA’S PRINCE FAISAL BIN BANDAR *I OFFER SINCERE PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF THE RUSSIAN PRIME MINISTER MIKHAIL MISHUSTIN *I OFFER SINCERE PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF THE WIFE OF SPANISH PRIME MINISTER BEGONA GOMES *I OFFER SINCERE PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF THE DEPUTY PRIME MINISTER OF SPAIN CARMEN CALVO *I OFFER SINCERE PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF FRANCE MINISTER OF CULTURE FRANCK RIESTER *I OFFER SINCERE PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF HONDURAS PRESIDENT JUAN ORLANDO HERNÁNDEZ AND HIS WIFE *I OFFER SINCERE PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF BRAZILIAN PRESIDENT JAIR BOLSONARO *I OFFER SINCERE PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF PRIME MINISTER NUNO GOMES NABIAM OF GUINEA BISSAU *I OFFER SINCERE PRAYERS TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF THE BOLIVIAN INTERIM PRESIDENT JEANINE ANEZ *LET US CHANT PARAMASHIVA DHYANA MANTRA TO OFFER HEALING TO ALL OF THEM, PRAYING TO PARAMASHIVA FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF ALL OF THEM AND EVERYONE AFFECTED BY CORONAVIRUS. *SIT IN NIRVIKALPA SAMADHI CONNECTING WITH PARAMASHIVA IN ONENESS, RADIATING PARAMASHIVA TO HEAL THE WORLD. LET US ALL BE UNCLUTCHED. *I KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IS PRALAYA. LITERALLY WHAT WE USED TO KNOW IS MELTING DOWN. *I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO COME BUT WHEN IT IS REALLY HAPPENING, EVEN FOR ME IT IS TOO MUCH. *I SINCERELY WANT ALL OF YOU TO PRACTICE MORE AND MORE UNCLUTCHING IN A DEEP WAY. *HELP EVERY PERSON IN THE PLANET EARTH TO UNCLUTCH. THIS IS THE GREATEST YOU CAN GIVE TO YOU AND TO OTHERS. *I KNOW THIS IS COMING. IF YOU SEE MY LIFE, LIFESTYLE, DECISIONS I MADE LAST TWO YEARS, YOU CAN SEE VERY CLEARLY, I WAS PREPARING ALL OF YOU FOR THIS AND POST-CORONA WORLD. *WHEN I TOLD, “JUST PLEASE DON’T DIE FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS. I WILL REACH ENLIGHTENMENT WHEREVER YOU ARE,” MANY PEOPLE TROLLED, ABUSED AND ATTACKED ME. THEY NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE SERIOUSNESS WITH WHICH I WAS UTTERING THOSE WORDS. I WAS REPEATING IT. ANYHOW, ALL THE KAILAYAVASIS AND MY DEVOTEES CAN UNDERSTAND, HOW POLITELY, HUMBLY, I PREPARED ALL OF YOU FOR THIS PRALAYA AND POST-PRALAYA WORLD. *OUR WHOLE SANGHA IS NOT AT ALL HAVING ANY SHOCK BECAUSE LAST TWO YEARS I HAVE ESTABLISHED WHATEVER QUARANTINE WE ARE GOING THROUGH. MULTIPLE TIMES I MADE KAILAYAVASIS SIT FOR HOURS, SOMETIMES EVEN DAYS, IN ONE PLACE AND MEDITATE AND WORK! *EVEN AADHEENAVASIS ASKED, “WHY SWAMIJI IS EXPECTING US TO BE IN ONE PLACE AND JUST USE THE RESTROOM, TAKE BATH, COME BACK, DO PUJA, YOGA, MEDITATION, DO ALL THE WORK DIGITAL-BASED AND BE IN ONE PLACE?” *AT LEAST FIVE TIMES I TRAINED ALL MY KAILAYAVASIS IN BIDADI, TIRUVANNAMALAI, MADURAI, GUJARAT INTENSELY FOR QUARANTINE WITHOUT USING THE WORD QUARANTINE! *WHOEVER TRAINED THEMSELVES FOR QUARANTINE WITHOUT HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN WILL UNDERSTAND HOW USEFUL THAT TRAINING IS NOW. WHOEVER RESISTED AND RAN AWAY ARE NOW HAVING MENTAL BREAKDOWN THIS QUARANTINE. *ONE FELLOW RAN AWAY SAYING, “DON'T LOCK ME UP IN A ROOM.” NOW HE IS LIVING LOCKED UP IN HIS ROOM FOR MONTHS. IF HE WAS IN MADURAI, AT LEAST HE WOULD HAVE GOT ENLIGHTENED BECAUSE HE WOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE ENERGY FIELD OF MEENAKSHI. NOW HE IS ROTTING IN DEPRESSION. *LAST TWO YEARS IF YOU SEE: ALL MY DECISIONS, ALL MY TRAINING FOR KAILAYAVASIS, CONTINUOUSLY I WAS INSISTING TO WORK ON VERTICAL GARDEN, AGRICULTURE, TO GROW EVERYTHING WE NEED IN THE CAMPUS ITSELF AND I WAS INSISTING THAT GOVERNMENT WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SUPPLY ELECTRICITY. THEY WERE NOT ABLE TO UNDERSTAND. *WITHIN NEXT 6 MONTHS, ALL OUR KAILAYAVASIS SHOULD BECOME SELF-SUSTAINING, INCLUDING ELECTRICITY AND WATER. GO FOR SOLAR POWER AND RAIN WATER HARVESTING AND VERTICAL GARDENING. LAST TWO YEARS I WAS INSISTING AND WORKING ON THESE INFRASTRUCTURES. *WE ARE SUCCESSFUL IN ESTABLISHING WHAT WE NEED INSIDE OUR CAMPUS. *AND I WAS INSISTING ON PEOPLE SITTING IN ONE PLACE AND DOING YOUR SPIRITUAL ROUTINE AND LIFE IN AN ORGANISED WAY. THAT WAS THE POWERFUL TRAINING FOR QUARANTINE WITHOUT GOING THROUGH THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND PANDEMIC FATIGUE. *PEOPLE WHO ABUSED ME FOR PREPARING MY KAILAYAVASIS TO FACE THIS PRALAYA ARE NOW COLLAPSING IN PANDEMIC FATIGUE AND KAILAYAVASIS ARE JUST CELEBRATING THIS LIFE BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN PREPARED. *THE SELF-SUSTAINING SPIRITUAL ECOSYSTEMS ARE PREPARED MENTALLY. THEY HAVE BEEN PREPARED TO LIVE UNCLUTCHED LIFE, HAPPILY WITHOUT HAVING PANDEMIC FATIGUE OR MENTAL BREAKDOWN. THEY CAN HAPPILY SIT IN ONE PLACE, DO YOGA, PUJA, MEDITATE, DO ALL WORK THROUGH DIGITAL PLATFORM! *I WANT KAILAYAVASIS TO COMPILE ALL MY INSTRUCTIONS TO YOU IN THE LAST TWO YEARS. YOU WILL UNDERSTAND, I WAS PREPARING ALL OF YOU FOR THIS PRALAYA! WHOEVER RAN AWAY AND ABUSED ME AND THIS SANGHA FOR THIS PREPARATION, ARE SUFFERING AND COLLAPSING IN THIS PRALAYA. *OUT OF DELUSIONAL ARROGANCE, YOU MAY EVEN SAY, “EVEN IF WE DIE WE WANT TO DIE LIKE THAT.” OK, IT IS UP TO YOU. *LAST TWO YEARS I WAS BUILDING THIS CONSCIOUS SHIP AND PROTECTING ALL MY KAILAYAVASIS AND TRAINING THEM FOR THIS PRALAYA. *EVEN NOW IT IS NOT TOO LATE. I KEEP MY CONSCIOUS SHIP DOORS OPEN. WHOEVER WANTS TO BE PHYSICALLY PROTECTED FOR SURE: GET INTO MY KAILASAS BEFORE THINGS BECOME MORE WORSE. *IF YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO PHYSICALLY GET INTO MY KAILASAS, AT LEAST COME INTO THIS ENLIGHTENED ORGANISED LIFESTYLE. *GODS LIVE IN AN ORGANIZED WAY. *IN THE DEVALOKA, GODS’ WORLD, THERE MIGHT BE ONE OR TWO CONFUSIONS, CHAOS. BUT BEING ORGANIZED IS A LIFESTYLE. SMALL CHAOS OR CONFUSION IS AN EXEMPTION. *IF YOU PERCEIVE UNIVERSE IS ORGANISED, YOU ARE IN THE STATE OF DEVA. *IF YOU PERCEIVE UNIVERSE IS CHAOS, YOU ARE IN THE STATE OF DEVIL, DEMON. *I CAN SEE: EVEN THIS PRALAYA IS VERY ORGANIZED. *I WANT ALL THE KAILAYAVASIS IN BIDADI, TIRUVANNAMALAI, MADURAI, TO LIST DOWN ALL THE MAJOR TRAINING I WAS GIVING LAST TWO YEARS. LIST THEM DOWN. EVERY SINGLE INSTRUCTION. IF I HAD GIVEN 100 INSTRUCTIONS, EVERY SINGLE INSTRUCTION IS TO FACE THIS PRALAYA! *MY INSISTENCE TO SIT IN PARAMASHIVOHAM OFFICE AND USING THOSE RESTROOMS, MEDITATING,UNCLUTCHING CONTINUOUSLY, DOING YOGA AND PERFORMING ALL YOUR ACTIVITIES, WORK, THROUGH DIGITAL NATION...EVERYTHING...EVERY INSTRUCTION IS TO FACE THIS PRALAYA AND REBUILD, REVIVE KAILASA AFTER THIS PRALAYA. *TO PROTECT ALL OF YOU, I HAVE GONE THROUGH SO MUCH OF ABUSE. IF A PERSON ‘A’ GETS INTO A MOOD SWING AND VOMITS HER POISON/SHIT ON PERSON ‘B’ AND PERSON ‘B’ EATS ALL THAT POISON/GURU ABUSAL/SANGHA ABUSAL, THEN PERSON ‘B’ LOSES ALL THE FEELING CONNECTION, ALL THE SPIRITUAL THINGS I GIFTED AND STARTS GOING AROUND VOMITING THE SAME SHIT/POISON/GURU ABUSAL/SANGHA ABUSAL TO EVERYONE. SUDDENLY, AFTER SOME YEARS, PERSON ‘A’ REALISES THAT BECAUSE OF HER MOOD SWING SHE THREW THE POISON ON EVERYONE, AND SHE COMES BACK AND CONNECTS BACK AND ALIGNS HERSELF AND DOES THE PRAYASCHITTA NEEDED. BUT PERSON ‘B’ WHO LOST ME AND ALL THE PEOPLE THROUGH PERSON ‘B’ - LIKE ‘C’, ‘D’, ‘E’, WHO ALL LOST, ARE THE LOSERS. PERSON ‘A’ MAY START DOING PRAYASCHITTA, SAVING HERSELF AND EVOLVING, BUT SHE WILL SUFFER ALL THE KARMA OF DESTROYING THE GURU BHAKTI OF PERSON B, C, D, E AND THE WHOLE CHAIN MLM (MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING) OF GURU DROHA, SANGHA DROHA. THAT KARMA COMES BACK TO THE PERSON WHO STARTED THIS CHAIN. *LAST TWO YEARS IF YOU SEE ALL MY ACTIVITY/TRAINING,....THOUSANDS OF TINS I BOUGHT. THEY ASKED ME, “WE HAVE HUNDREDS OF ACRES OF LAND WHERE WE CAN GROW! WHY?” NOW WITH VERTICAL GARDEN WE CAN GROW WITH LESS WATER! ON GROUND WE WILL GROW RICE. VEGETABLES WE WILL GROW IN TINS. WE NEED ALL THE GRAINS ON THE GROUND LIKE PADDY ETC. *AND I REPEATED THESE WORDS: THERE WILL BE A TIME DURING THE PRALAYA WHEN MONEY WILL NOT GET YOU FOOD. WE MAY HAVE MONEY BUT MONEY WILL NOT GET YOU FOOD. *EVERY WORD I UTTERED IN THE LAST TWO YEARS DURING PUBLIC SATSANG, EVERY SESSION I HAVE GIVEN TO MY KAILAYAVASIS, COMPILE THE WHOLE THING. *FORMALLY I WITHDREW FROM HUMAN SOCIETY ON 6 JUNE 2018. IF I WAS ALLOWED TO LIVE IN THE HUMAN SOCIETY TODAY, SURELY I WOULD HAVE PERSONALLY VISITED AND PRAYED FOR THE SPEEDY RECOVERY OF SHRI AMITABH BACHCHAN JI. UNFORTUNATELY THE ANTI-HINDU ELEMENTS DID NOT EVEN ALLOW ME TO LIVE. BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO BE ALIVE TO HELP HUMANITY TO SAIL THROUGH THIS PRALAYA. THAT IS THE REASON I HAD TO WITHDRAW. *IT IS THE DIRECT INSTRUCTION OF PARAMASHIVA TO BUILD THIS CONSCIOUS SHIP. IN THIS PRALAYA, DELUSION IS NOT PHYSICAL. SO I DID NOT HAVE TO BUILD LIKE MANU’S SHIP OR NOAH’S ARK. IT IS GOING TO BE MORE LIKE A DELUGE OF DELUSION, MORE OF PANDEMIC FATIGUE. ALL THE DELUSION IS GOING TO BE WASHED OUT. HUGE DELUSIONS ARE GOING TO COLLAPSE. *THIS TIME THE PRALAYA IS OF DIFFERENT TYPE, SO PARAMASHIVA HAS VERY CLEARLY INSTRUCTED ME TO BUILD A CONSCIOUS SHIP, NOT PHYSICAL SHIP. *EACH OF YOU WHO WITHSTOOD THE TRAINING I GAVE LAST TWO YEARS, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND: I PREPARED YOU FOR THE PRALAYA. YOU ARE CONSCIOUSLY SUCH STRONG BEINGS WHO CAN WITHSTAND THE QUARANTINE FOR HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS, EVEN MONTHS! *ALL THOSE WHO ABUSED ME FOR THIS TRAINING ARE SUFFERING WITH PANDEMIC FATIGUE AND COLLAPSING. *EVEN NOW I REQUEST ALL OF YOU: ADD MORE AND MORE UNCLUTCHING. ENRICH YOURSELF WITH UNCLUTCHING, COMPLETION, ONENESS, AJAPA JAPA OF MAHAVAKYA, DEEP POWERFUL COGNITIONS, PUJA, YOGA, VEGETARIAN DIET, NIRAHARA SAMYAMA, AND ENRICH EVERY INDIVIDUAL YOU CAN. REACH OUT AT LEAST WITH UNCLUTCHING TECHNIQUE BECAUSE THE PANDEMIC FATIGUE IS GOING TO BE TOO BAD. THE PSYCHOLOGICAL IMPACT OF THIS PRALAYA IS GOING TO BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. *THIS PANDEMIC IS NOT GOING TO SWALLOW EVEN ONE PERCENT OF THE WORLD POPULATION BUT IS GOING TO AFFECT THE LIVELIHOOD OF 50% OF THE HUMANITY AND LIFESTYLE OF 100% OF HUMANITY. *THE PSYCHOLOGICAL IMPACT OF THIS PRALAYA IS GOING TO BE TOO STRONG. WITHOUT UNCLUTCHING YOU CAN'T BE EVEN MENTALLY A STABLE PERSON. UNCLUTCHING IS NOT LUXURY. IT IS SURVIVAL NEED. OTHERWISE THE UNKNOWN AGITATION YOU WILL GO THROUGH WILL BE TOO MUCH. *TO KILL A MONKEY, A SMALL WOUND IS ENOUGH IN ITS HAND OR ANYWHERE IN THE BODY. IT WILL JUST SCRATCH AND WILL NOT ALLOW IT TO HEAL ITSELF AND IT WILL GET INFECTED AND DIE. THE WHOLE HUMANITY IS GOING TO GO THROUGH THE SAME KIND OF PSYCHOLOGICAL AGITATION. *LEARN UNCLUTCHING. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL SAVE YOURSELF FROM THIS PANDEMIC FATIGUE, DELUSIONAL ARROGANCE, DELUSIONAL IGNORANCE. *OTHERWISE, THE UNKNOWN AGITATION HAPPENING IN YOU... OUT OF THAT, YOU WILL MAKE MAJOR DECISIONS IN YOUR LIFE. OUT OF TEMPORARY AGITATION YOU WILL MAKE PERMANENT DAMAGES. *LOVE ORGANISED LIFESTYLE. BE ORGANISED. *LIFE IS NOT DIFFICULT IF WE LOVE ORGANISED LIFESTYLE. *DO NOT FALL INTO DELUSIONAL IGNORANCE AND DO NOT HOLD ON TO DELUSIONAL IGNORANCE DUE TO DELUSIONAL ARROGANCE. *THIS SARVARI YEAR PREDICTION IS: WHOLE HUMANITY WILL BE AFFECTED BY DISEASES. RAINS WILL FAIL. I AM NOT SAYING THERE WON'T BE RAIN. THERE WILL BE CHAOS IN RAIN. SUDDENLY IT WILL APPEAR IN LARGE QUANTITY AND DESTROY THE CROP. SUDDENLY IT WILL NOT APPEAR AND KILL THE CROP. AGRICULTURE CROP WILL NOT YIELD THE EXPECTED PRODUCE. *THIS IS PRALAYA. *ALL THOSE WHO ARE LIVING AND LIVED IN KAILASA, WHO WITHSTOOD MY TWO YEARS’ TRAINING ARE BLESSED! YOU ARE PERFECTLY PREPARED PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, CONSCIOUSLY, NOT ONLY TO WITHSTAND PRALAYA, BUT TO REVIVE THE ENLIGHTENED CIVILIZATION POST PRALAYA! *UNDERSTAND: EVERYDAY, WELL KNOWN CELEBRITIES IN EVERY FIELD - ENTERTAINMENT, POLITICS, ARE OPENLY COMING OUT AND DECLARING THEY ARE HAVING MENTAL BREAK DOWN AND COLLAPSING. THEY ARE NOT ABLE TO HANDLE THE PRALAYA AND ITS IMPACT ANYMORE, NOT JUST THE QUARANTINE. THE PEER PRESSURE, JEALOUSY AND COMPARISON WAS THE FUEL AND INSPIRATION TO RUN THE LIFE FOR MANY OF THE CELEBRITIES, WHETHER IN POLITICS OR ENTERTAINMENT, PRACTICALLY IN EVERY FIELD. *WHY SO MUCH OF DEPRESSION, MENTAL BREAKDOWN, SUICIDE ALL OVER THE WORLD? *IT IS BECAUSE THE PEER PRESSURE, COMPARISON, JEALOUSY, ALL THE THOUGHT CURRENTS WHICH WAS ENERGY, FUEL, IS SUDDENLY MISSING. IT IS NOT THERE ANYMORE! *THE DELUSION WHICH THEY NEEDED TO RUN THEIR LIFE IS MISSING. SO THEY DON'T KNOW THE GOAL AND PURPOSE OF LIFE. *LAST TWO YEARS I WAS INSISTING TO START LIVING ONLY BASED ON INTENSE POWERS COGNITIONS. EVEN NOW, OH HUMANITY! I AM NOT ANGRY WITH YOU. YOU HAVE NOT ALLOWED ME TO LIVE WITH YOU. IT IS OK. I AM HERE. I WILL CONTINUE TO DO MY JOB OF HELPING YOU, SUPPORTING YOU, TO SAIL THROUGH THIS PRALAYA WITH POWERFUL COGNITIONS AND POWER MANIFESTATION SCIENCE. *ONCE THE PRALAYA SETTLES, THE POST-PRALAYA, I WILL OPEN MYSELF AND MAKE MYSELF AVAILABLE TO HUMANITY AND REVIVE THE ENLIGHTENED CIVILIZATION - KAILASA. *I AM JUST WAITING FOR THE PRALAYA TO SETTLE DOWN. IT WILL REACH ITS PEAK BY DECEMBER 14TH AND AFTER THAT, IT WILL START SETTLING DOWN. THEN IT WILL COMPLETELY SETTLE DOWN. BUT TILL DECEMBER 14TH, IT IS ONLY GOING TO GO UP, UP,UP, UP AND UP. *IF YOU ARE ALREADY IN KAILASA, BE INFORMED THE GREATEST NEWS: YOU ARE IN THE MOST SAFE PLACE! *ALL KAILASAS ARE DIRECTLY PROTECTED BY MAHAKALABHAIRAVA *EVEN NOW I AM TELLING: IT IS NOT TOO LATE. IF YOU HAVE LEFT KAILASA BECAUSE YOU DID NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS TRAINING ALL YOU PEOPLE, NOW YOU UNDERSTAND, SO COME BACK. PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THIS PRALAYA AND GET TRAINED TO GIVE SUPERCONSCIOUS BREAKTHROUGH TO HUMANITY AFTER THIS PRALAYA SETTLES DOWN. *ALL MY KAILAYAVASIS WHO WITHSTOOD MY TRAINING FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS AND STAYING IN KAILASA, THESE HUMAN BEINGS WILL BE THE LIVING DEMONSTRATION OF POWERFUL SUPERCONSCIOUSNESS. THESE BEINGS WILL BE THE NEW SPECIES, SUPERCONSCIOUS BEINGS. THROUGH THEM I WILL START REVIVING THE ENLIGHTENED CIVILIZATION - KAILASA, POST PRALAYA. *STILL HUMANITY! YOU HAVE TIME. YOU CAN EITHER CHOOSE LIFE, SUPERCONSCIOUS BREAKTHROUGH OR STICK TO YOUR DELUSIONAL ARROGANCE. IT IS UP TO YOU. *IF YOU HAVE NEVER PHYSICALLY BECOME KAILAYAVASIS, AT LEAST WHEREVER YOU ARE, CONSCIOUSLY START BUILDING KAILASA ECOSYSTEM. IF YOU WERE WITH KAILASA EARLIER AND BECAUSE YOU COULD EITHER NOT UNDERSTAND OR WITHSTAND THE TRAINING FOR THIS PRALAYA, YOU LEFT, YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE. COME BACK AND SAVE YOURSELF. DUE TO DELUSIONAL ARROGANCE, DON’T STICK TO THE STUPID DECISION YOU MADE DUE TO YOUR DELUSION IGNORANCE. COME BACK AND SAVE YOURSELF. *IF YOU ARE IN KAILASA AND WITHSTOOD THE TRAINING, JUMP, DANCE, WHISTLE, SCREAM, SING, CELEBRATE YOURSELF! YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE FUTURE OF HUMANITY! THE KIND OF STRENGTH YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS HAS BEEN INFUSED WITH, WITH ALL MY TRAINING, YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE SPECIMEN OF NEW SPECIES! DON'T HAVE SELF DOUBT. IF YOU JUST WITHSTOOD MY TRAINING, THAT IS ENOUGH. IF YOU ARE LITTLE RELUCTANT TO CELEBRATE, YOU HAVE SELF DOUBT. DON'T HAVE SELF DOUBT. *I WILL PROVE TO THE WHOLE WORLD: ANYTHING YOU TOUCH WILL FLOURISH WITH AUSPICIOUSNESS BECAUSE YOU WITHSTOOD THE TOUGHEST TRAINING, CONSCIOUS PREPARATION FOR THE PRALAYA! *ALL THE FELLOWS WHO ARE TRYING TO MAKE HOLES IN THIS CONSCIOUS BOAT I WAS BUILDING, FACE KALABHAIRAVA. I NEITHER CURSE NOR GET INVOLVED WITH THESE ABUSERS. YOU DIRECTLY FACE KALABHAIRAVA. WHATEVER YOU DID TO ME AND SANGHA WILL COME TO YOU. FACE PRALAYA! *PRALAYA IS REAL. KAILASA IS REAL. KAILASAS ARE GOING TO SAVE MANY PEOPLE FROM PRALAYA, IS REAL. AND POST-PRALAYA WE ARE GOING TO GIVE A SUPERCONSCIOUS BREAKTHROUGH, IS REAL. WE ARE GOING TO REVIVE THE ENLIGHTENED CIVILIZATION, IS REAL. STUPIDS ALWAYS DO FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION OF ENLIGHTENMENT AND ENLIGHTENED MASTER’S WORDS AND ACTIONS. MEANING OF THE WORD FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION IS “ACTION OR HABIT OF ESTIMATING SOMETHING AS WORTHLESS.” SO DON'T DO THE FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION OF KAILASA. *DON'T DO THE FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION OF MY WORDS OF LAST TWO YEARS. DON'T DO FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION OF MY TRAINING OF LAST TWO YEARS THAT I GAVE. DON'T DO THE FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION OF THE POWER OF NIRVIKALPA SAMADHI - ENLIGHTENMENT SCIENCE. *BEFORE ANYONE UNDERSTOOD THE WORD “QUARANTINE”, I INSISTED AND TRAINED ALL MY KAILAYAVASIS FOR QUARANTINE MORE THAN 5 TIMES IN LAST TWO YEARS IN BIDADI, TIRUVANNAMALAI, GUJARAT, MADURAI. I WANT ALL ADI KAILAYAVASIS IN BIDADI TO COMPILE ALL THE DATES. ALL THE FELLOWS WHO WENT OUT AND ABSUED ME AND ALL OF YOU AND MY TRAINING WITH THEIR STUPID IDEA OF FREEDOM...NOW THEY ARE ALL FREE. GO TO FLORIDA BEACH. *I WANT ADI KAILAYAVASIS TO COMPILE DATES AND WAYS I HAVE TRAINED ALL OF YOU LAST TWO YEARS. EVERY TRAINING WAS TO PREPARE YOU ALL FOR THIS PRALAYA. AND QUARANTINE IS GOING TO BE FOR NEXT 6 MONTHS ALL OVER THE WORLD. IT WILL BE LIFTED FOR A FEW DAYS HERE AND THERE. BUT IT WILL AGAIN COME BACK. *WORLD SHOULD KNOW EVERY TRAINING I HAVE GIVEN TO MY KAILAYAVASIS IS DIRECTLY INSTRUCTIONS FROM KALABHAIRAVA AND PARAMASHIVA. I CAN STAND IN FRONT OF PARAMASHIVA AND KALABHAIRAVA NOW, STARING AT HIS EYES STRAIGHT WITH INTEGRITY AND SAY, ‘PRABHU I DID SINCERELY EVERYTHING YOU SAID WITH ALL MY SINCERITY, INTEGRITY, AUTHENTICITY, RESPONSIBILITY AND ENRICHING.” *LONELINESS MAY KILL US MORE THAN CORONA. *NOT ABLE TO BE IN QUARANTINE AND GOING OUT AND DYING, IS THE WORST DEATH BECAUSE IN THIS PANDEMIC, EVEN YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES WILL NOT BE THERE TO MOURN TO GIVE YOU A DECENT FAREWELL. *ALL MY KAILSAVASIS SHOULD KNOW: YOU ALL RECEIVED THE BEST CONSCIOUS AND SUPERCONSCIOUS TRAINING TO GO THROUGH THIS PRALAYA AND REVIVE THE KAILASA POST-PRALAYA AND GIVE A SUPERCONSCIOUS BREAKTHROUGH TO HUMANITY. *LET MY KAILAYAVASIS SIT TODAY AND TOMORROW AND COMPILE ALL THE TRAINING I GAVE FOR KAILAYAVASIS LAST TWO YEARS, FOR WHICH SO MANY EX-KAILAYAVASIS WHO ATE MY FOOD, ABUSED ME AND KAILASA. *ALL BIDADI KAILAYAVASIS AND OTHER KAILAYAVASIS, CELEBRATE! YOU DID THE BEST THING TO YOUR LIFE BY BEING WITH ME, BY SINCERELY FOLLOWING ME! PEN DOWN HOW STEP BY STEP I HELPED YOU TO UNCLUTCH, TO INCULCATE AND CONSCIOUSLY BE ALIVE AND ACTIVE EVEN DURING QUARANTINE! LET US SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD - OUR SUCCESS STORY! *OPEN THE BOOK OF HEART AND COMPILE AND TELL THE WORLD HOW ALL OF YOU HAVE BEEN PROTECTED AND TRAINED DIRECTLY BY PARAMASHIVA AND KALABHAIRAVA TO FACE THIS PRALAYA AND HOW THIS IS HELPING YOU TO FACE THIS PRALAYA AND HOW YOU HAVE A SUPERCONSCIOUS BREAKTHROUGH AND ARE READY TO REVIVE THE ENLIGHTENED CIVILIZATION POST-PRALAYA. *LET US TELL THE WORLD HOW YOU ALL HAVE BEEN PERSONALLY IMMUNIZED BY PARAMASHIVA. HOW I HAVE BEEN ENSURING THERE IS ENOUGH NEEM, SESAME BALLS, HARITAKI, CASTOR OIL, HOW ALL THE BEST THINGS ARE PROVIDED! *DIET, YOGA, MENTAL EMOTIONAL, CONSCIOUS… IN EVERY LEVEL, NO KAILAYAVASIS IS HAVING EVEN THE IDEA OF PANDEMIC FATIGUE. THEY ARE ALL WORKING, SEEING WHAT NEXT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO REVIVE THE ENLIGHTENED CIVILIZATION OF PARAMASHIVA - KAILASA. *LET US CELEBRATE! *I WAS INSISTING ON GRID-FREE LIFE FOR LAST TWO YEARS AND PREPARING EVERYONE TO LEARN TO BECOME SELF-SUSTAINING AND LIVE AN OUT-OF-THE-GRID LIFESTYLE IN EVERY LEVEL. *ALL THOSE FELLOWS WHO WERE ABUSING ME WITH THE FALSE IDEAS OF FREEDOM AND HUMAN RIGHTS, NOW FACE THE PRALAYA, PANDEMIC! *ESSENCE OF TODAY’S SATSANG IS: DON’T DO FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION OF GURU’S TRAINING AND GURU’S WORDS.

Being "me" has become unbearable. I truly, practically, undoubtedly cannot live with myself (my mind) any longer. This idea of self, this construct is so painful to maintain, defend and keep building up that it would end up killing its own physical body by suicide. The self image that my mind has constructed over the past 22 years is so full of ideas, theories, identifications, pains, traumas, loneliness, neediness and lies that it makes life a prison sentence. It is always and neurotically comparing, judging, feeling superior and inferior. Always trying to "become someone" or get somewhere. Never, ever at peace. Being trapped in shame, loneliness, self judgement and inadeguacy It can't interact with other "selfs" normally and peacefully. It is also deeply identified with the physical body which it now violently hates because the body is chronically sick and fatigued. (How could it not be!?) Trying to CHANGE or add to this image/identity has NOT worked. Even the so called "spirituality" road it went down the past two years was a way for it to enlarge itself, to demand some extra experience and feel superior to others. No matter how hard I tried to change it, what I add to it, it always remained a torture. I've now carefully observed that its very nature, it's very structure, are torturous. The intellect can't provide me peace if I know and live only through it. Therefore, until a few days ago I couldn't see a way out except suicide. I was finally planning it. Then one afternoon I started to feel a sense of emptiness, stillness and lightness associated with a feeling of being NOBODY. A force guiding me towards being nothing and no one, free from this identity and the constant flow of thoughts reinforcing it. I could/can still sense the "me" being there but I seem to be able to observe it for the first time. I can currently feel and observe its fear, anger and noise arising, growing and flowing away. As I observe it, the self image and the identity are falling apart, dissolving themselves as they now appear illusory/not real. I love it, I feel free and I would like to exist from this place. Is it possible to maintain/establish deeper? My mind is still worried and asking: 1)Don't I have to be and become "someone" ? 2) How does one live and function in the world without a self image, an identity to build up and defend? 3)How can one interact with others while maintaining this "being nobody" and the lightness and stillness associated with it? 4) Is having this empty, peaceful head dangerous? Shouldn't i be thinking, worrying, manipulating? "The world is merciless afterall!" (says my mind) 5) Why am I so desire-less, need-less now? Shouldn't I want, need and chase to survive? 6) Am I (who?) insane and should see a doctor? I don't know the answers. If you do, i'd be grateful to hear them

Great questions, now take responsibility to inquire into them. I think to some of them you know the answer, but it‘s not a knowing from the mind. Hint: actually feel into your heart. #6 If you still think about suicide, please get professional help. But when this pain is there (we all know it, even thuogh it might not go that far), use it!! Don‘t try to overcome it. Look at it. Be gentle to yourself

Of course, nobody can ever be certain that the joy or suffering experienced was the greatest. However, I've experienced higher peak states of bliss than probably 99% of the population: The meditative joy of adept stages of meditation, the rapture of Jhana DPT and 5-MeO breakthrough + many small-mid dose trips Various drugs in high recreational doses taken on clear receptors with no tolerance like amphetamine, MDMA, Opiates, Mephedrone, benzos, GHB, Nitrous... from which the most blissful was love on MDMA and fapping to porn on amphetamine As for suffering, the peak state of depression and anxiety when I almost committed suicide because irritability and anxiety levels were simply unbearable. I think no reasonable person would voluntarily take x time of extreme suffering like torture or cluster headache to then experience x time of the most bliss they can imagine. I'd rather be unconscious

I am 24 years old and I live in Serbia. I have no qualifications other than high school which I was forced into by the system against my will and for which there arent any jobs. I live with mother who is chronically unemployed. I am autistic, I have chronic back pain and I fear chronic unemployment and chronic back pain. I feel like dignity has been taken away from me because I cant have a job. My Aspergers makes it very harder for me to get a job. If I dont have food, a roof atop my head, I will be forced to commit suicide. I lost completely faith in myself because I need proof that I am capable of something. I still have hope and dreams but I fear and worry that they may never be realized, such as writing a book, or learning a instrument, due to the lack of money. Ego death (enlightenment), hope and a sense of meaning in life is what prevented me from commiting suicide. I have worry and fear almost everyday on the following things: 1. That my chronic back pain will get worse in the future and that my chronic pain will get very severe when I get old 2. That my chronic pain gets in the way of getting and keeping a job, a physically demanding job would harm my untreated spine 3. That I wont ever have a good life or moments of genuine happiness and that the only thing that os guaranteed is more pain and suffering in all aspects of life. 4. That everything I do is condemned to failure and that resistance is futile 5. That I will be unemployed, possibly homeless and starve. If I starve I might be forced to commit suicide because the skinnier i am the more spine is weak and chronic pain would be stronger. 6. That I will suffer physically and mentally in the future because I need money for so many things, like a MR scan or a sport. 7. I fear that wage slavery for the rest of my life will break me physically and emotionally. And I am right. I would rather die than be somebody's slave forever 8. Precariousness and underemployment, making too little money 9. That I will achieve nothing of sigbificance in life. Its pathetic that everything in the world is dependent on a artificial ugly thing we call money. Even the thought of killing myself due to not having money seems pathetic to me, however justifiable it may be. I have lost courage and faith in myself. All I ever wanted is to have a normal life, but I got a weird and cursed. I always thought of myself like other people until other people remind me every day that I am not even the same biological species as them (aka Homo Sapiens). Humanity is overrated. How do I live like I am going to die tomorrow (in a stoic positive way) so that I will have courage to face challenges in the future and not give into hopelessness and helplessness? I know life is unfair, but society is inhumanely more unfair to those who have a hidden disability (like Aspergers and chronic back pain). I say its inhumane because I didnt ask to be born autistic while most other people can enjoy their selfish neurotypical lives. The most incomprehensible thing about being autistic is how other people don't even treat you as a human being, you cannot get anymore inhumane than that. I recognize that humans are social beings and that work and relationships are a necessary part of life which I am involuntarily deprived of. Postmodern capitalism just seems like it wants to weed out people like me. Before this neoliberal monster and postmodern capitalism, I think autistic people would not stand out as much in unemployment, you would do your job as you would have been told to do and there would be no job interview hassle. Just a fucking job. It seems like competition is brutal these days and its 100x more brutal for those who have autism. Im not saying there aren't other young guys struggling to get a job but they are at unfair advantage over autistic people. It seems that seeking a job through HR managers and job interviews is a suicide mission because of EQ and qualifications, so there needs to be some other solution. I shouldnt try to play by the rules of the system. How do I get a job? Leo has said that in order to escape wage slavery you need to become creative. I have creative interests like writing and music but I doubt in my abilities to produce and provide something valuable and creative, i dont even have the money to buy a musical instrument. And the main question. What can make me stop worrying and fearing the future?

If you want to live a good life, take up the idea of becoming a spiritual warrior really seriously. Fight for the truth everyday. Not everly self-proclaimed truth seeker and one who is familiar with enlightenment actually does this work for the rest of their life because the struggle is too real. The resistance and all the mind storm that gets in a way, saying 'I'm too weak, I can't do that', 'I wish I was never born', 'I am such a waste of time and space', 'I didn't ask to be born' or 'the world is unfair' - (which is kind of true, but bear with me). I know what I'm talking about because I go through this storm every single day. Sometimes one cannot sit and meditate because the pain is too unbearable and the reason to suffer seems simply insurmountable. It also seems like some things are very important in life, such as recognition, social status, money or looks. But soon these things will fade and, in the end, it will be only a matter of how free are you from your mind. How can there be anything permanent? Do not give up and fall into an illusion that suicide is a better option. There can't be anything more deluded than that. In short: you'll become a fantom and your pain will be 1000x times worse. The inner work has to be done while the body is alive. Your mind is going to try to convince you all of the things that you believe to be true right now, but the thing is that none of that is true. we are designed to be masters over the mind. We must realize the truth that is beyond words. I like to go and listen to the sound of silence or the peaceful sound of river waves to calm down and heal. I recommend you not to stress over the things you cannot control in life to cherish the miracles around you. ?

Avoid contacting people who died by suicide is a good general rule of thumb.

I live in the balkanized hellhole of Serbia. My parents are dysfunctional and i live with a single mother, while the father is absent. I wasnt socialized during childhood and bow I am expected to get through job interviews where emotional intelligence is a key factor. I dont have a diagnosis, but i dont need one because i know how alien i felt from other people and how everyone either ignores you or bullies you. There's more to it than just a gut feeling. I consider myself to have Asperger syndrome. I was a heavy gamer during entire teenage years. Not because I was lazy or hedonistic, but because I wanted to escape the suffering from being ostracized, mocked by peers and because of bad grades which I couldnt control because I believed I was stupid and helpless to change anything. The education system ruined my self-esteem, personality and mental health. The vicious cycle of learned helplessness and a dangerous lack of faith in myself destroyed the chances for me to have a good life. I had only one close friend in my entire life and this sadly lasted only 3 months when I was 12. Other than that I didnt even have people my age to talk to. I was so miserable that I spent in front of computer every day which resulted in physical deformities and chronic back pain. I quit the gaming/internet addiction when i was 21. I had an ego death as a result of chronic back pain and survived through hellish suffering. I am enlightened but enlightenment alone wont protect me from chronic unemployment, it can only show me the truths. I dont have faith anymore in myself after so many extreme disappointments (justifiably). All I have left is hope. But if you kill hope, only suicide is left. I wish to have faith again and be semper fi. But i cant when nothing works out in my life. I need proof to regain faith in myself again. Now i am 24. And the alienation between me and other people is surreal. Seeing groups of adolescents hanging out is something I cannot relate to because I never had a group of people to hang out. I feel i dont belong to the same biological species. They say this is the best time in history but nothing can be further from truth. Although some periods are justifiably better than others, for the individual there is no best time in history, its all relative. In fact today people have become so decadent. 1.The world is lacks love more than ever that its ironic that most songs nowadays are about love. 2. Social media corrupts young people and makes them have unrealistic expectations about life. 3. Everyday we stray further away from God. 4. People spend more time texting than speaking each other in the face. 5. Weak effeminate men who are insecure and technology dependent. 6. Atomized families and single mothers who treat their children like wasted medical products instead of genuinely caring about them. 7. Mindless entertainment indoors is preferred over hanging out. 8. We are polluting and overpopulating the planet but have no means to reverse the damage done to nature. 9. People only take and take, but give nothing in return. The last paragraphs may seem misanthropic and thats because they are. I dont hate anyone nor humanity, but rather life experience, distrust and cynicism made me such a person.

Just found out about this gamer and watched the video with Dr.K. Reckful seemed like a real nice dude, sorry to hear that he commited suicide. @Carl-Richard Personally, I would be careful with putting anyone on a pedestal. From an ethical POV, Dr.K made quite a few mistakes, draw big assumptions without enough information and asked questions that implied a concrete answer. That's not such a good thing to do as a psychiatrist/psychologist. Another thing I didn't like is how he interrupted Reckful so often. It looked like he was more interested in showing "how much he knows". Lastly, a therapist should be very careful when talking about certain subjects, especially without enough therapeutic relationship. That being said, it probably helped Reckful feel his repressed emotions and let them come out. Dr. K was probbaly right in many of his interpretations, but I think he should be careful and not take them for granted and especially not push them onto the person he's talking to.

So is the "state"(dont have a better word for it) after someone shoots himself in the head and dies the same as right after an awakening experience? In both cases the ego dies and merges into infinite consciousness and one becomes God. So it would be logical to assume that after both events you will have the same consequence. So awakening is literally the same thing as death/suicide.

I think this thread has run its course. Don't confuse awakening with suicide. Don't give depressed people dumb ideas. Don't give this work a bad name.