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If I ever die either by suicide or accident, that person will be responsible for it.

After awakening, schizophrenic thoughts raise up, i realize them and watch them. I am the schizophrenia, as much as it increases, awakening becomes more more more more more more. Love love love. No self, no self, no self. freedom, freedom, freedom. Nothingness, nothingness and nothingness. but if you take schizophrenic feeling as personal and hold on them, such as you are a person and having schizophrenia, you might suicide. Be very very very very careful.

@Kiko That is mastery my man. What a breakthrough. Keep going, and keep letting go of what doesn’t resonate. Never give up. You Will win with this, period. Nothing less will do. I completely absolutely believe in you. You’re right on. You distanced from the love you are, and are therefore trying to get it from others, and finding this doesn’t pan out. What ultimately works is releasing the misunderstanding & emotion suppressed. Your bravely & willingness to address this, your determination not to settle - very impressive. That’s the God within. That’s Love. You are what GOOD is. Absolutely. Unarguable. Undeniable. This is why those beliefs about yourself do not feel good. The beliefs are about you not being Good. And you are Good. So some beliefs, like those, will never jive. Expression is key. Recognize how you feel and express it thoroughly. Google how to use the emotional scale if you want to do some healing, expressing, & understanding work. Avoidance of this is the thoughts of suicide, negative thoughts about yourself, that the past defines you, that you are the body, etc. These are all the mind trying to make some sense of the suppression of feeling. Let the thoughts come & go, keep relaxing the body head to toe over & over, keep returning focus to relaxed breathing from the stomach. All of the suppression will unsuppress, it will indeed suck to experience, but it will leave the body for good and you will experience clarity, insight & understanding at a level you never thought possible. All of it. It is the grabbing onto thought stories about me, past, future, others, which suppresses & prevents release & expression. Nobody processes your karma for you but Love. When you’re ready, love washes it all out. Likewise, what he did is his karma. It’s his demon to bare, not yours. It’s not your fault. It is absolutely no reflection of you. It says nothing about who you really are. Nothing. Visit a therapist. Don’t size it up without even experiencing it. Go there and dump every bit of the emotion you’ve been carrying on em. Empty both barrels. “Wash yourself of yourself”. Shed that skin of old and leave it on their floor. There are lots of people too afraid to inspect and release like you are. So after you clear out and come to know this love, considering sharing it, so others can be encouraged and know ourself too. God bless. Wishing you love & healing. Very impressed with your work In such a short time. You might be spiritually gifted, and sensitive. Lucky in that regard. ??

Just imagine, if everyone starts to be very authentic in expressing to us, with every interaction with us how they feel about us, we'd commit suicide, believe me. Absolute authenticity in dealing with everything will make the World a living hell. It is a good thing that humans know how to deal with the world with proper discretion. Thus, the default nice mode when dealing with strangers. You don't go to an ugly person and say you are ugly. But, authenticity is an absolute necessity with one's own self for the sake of one's own improvement. If you keep justifying all the wrong things that you do without admitting to yourself that you do have behavioral patterns and habits which are not healthy, then there's no possibility for improvement.

August 28, 2020 Today I had a doctor appt at 8:40. We discussed everything I wrote down on my list. This was sleeping problems, racing thoughts, the bloody noses subsided, occasionally my thoughts would spiral into suicide, and a couple of other things. I felt pretty tense while explaining these things and I had not talked to anyone else about this stuff. The trigger for the deadly thoughts was the fight with my family. I also told him that most of my racing thoughts are concerning God. He gave me one more prescription to see if it helps the racing thoughts. He also gave me a list of alternative sources in psychology that helps anxiety. He could see that I was open to it and I have already been studying emotional mastery with success. My sleep patterns have improved, but my doctor thinks that my mind may be acting this way in part because of autism. This makes it hard to focus on school and I remember some times when I laughed at a stray thought during class and my teachers called me out. I also mentioned how I beat my dad without looking at the board in chess, so I can focus when I'm interested. After the appointment I finished more audio books that help me with self acceptance and emotional stability. I think this is helpful and I noticed that books about emotions give me the most benefits immediately. I also continued with the life purpose course and checked out the videos on anxiety. I have some fears concerning modern medicine because I worry that medications are addicting, I don't know if they will work or not, and modern medicine usually avoids alternative medicines which could work. doctors also get caught up in capitalistic medication which can be dangerous for patients. I decided to keep an open mind and see if the medicine works or not. For the rest of the day I did a lot of self observation. I watched my emotions and thoughts fluctuate as my hidden shoulds surfaced. I let them go to reduce stress. This leads to more emotional stability from which I can focus and achieve the goals I want. If anxiety does book up it could be an opportunity for growth as I did in my chess tournaments. In this case the boost in adrenaline made me much more powerful. Good luck. I don't know what love is.

He had already killed two people, those people following him are actually being heroic and trying to stop him from killing even more people. They have no arms, he has a rifle, they’re trying to stop him, it’s a suicide mission.

I had severe heavy metal poisoning for about 5 years without knowing it thinking it was just the way I was. I entered hell for about 5 years with no end in sight. I saw many specialists but all of them were clueless until i figured it out for myself recently. The pain was verging on 10/10 and i considered suicide multiple times but I eventually made it through and now I'm healthy again thanks to my persistence and not to try to gloat but ingenuity. I'm just glad I took the initiative in the end, it saved me my life.

Not in the same way and they suffer less which is already a good reason to pursue it. It's more like metta okayness and peace than happiness. If we take identical twins and one is enlightened and one not, both are suicidally depressed and eventually both commit suicide, I would still much rather be the enlightened one in the prosses

Its perfectly normal to feel this way. Anybody without witnessing anything directly will always have some resistance towards it. I also remember how I used to be. You are in a certain state of mind right now. In your current condition any reference to any story which was recorded in some book or by witness accounts will not satisfy you right now. Because you are looking for indisputable evidence for them and we have no readily available evidence except for said stories and witness reports. Even if some how if you get to witness such an event, your mind will explain it away by using some biased logical argumentation. What I would suggest for you instead is to first do some research and learn about THOSE things which we DO have Some/Substantial evidence for(but still most of the population do not know and consider it to be unreal). Once you get exposed to a few of such experiences of knowing about things which seem impossible, but are very much true will open up your mind for further possibilities and your mind will find it easy to digest those other possibilities afterwards. You coming to this forum putting forth such questions is the first step. Congratulations on that. Things you can research(Some resources linked): To search CIA research documents and articles on "ESP", "Psychic", "Remote Viewing", "UFO" etc., Go to this CIA Webpage https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/search/site/ and search for those keywords, you'll get many results. Clicking on them will take you to the particular article or research document's page, from where you can download the pdf file, which is usually numbered something like this: "cia-rdp96-00792r000300070001-7.pdf" under the title "Attachment". From CIA public release documents: CIA's Gateway Process - (Please read the whole report if possible - A must read for this forum members): Old Yogic States of Conciousness with Siddhi type powers like reading past, future and OBEs using Modern Methods of Hemi Sync Tapes / Binaural Beats, etc. In my opinion the assessor had to bullshit his way through some of the stuff by replacing the old paradigms with made up scientific concepts and names to please the concerned people so that it doesn't get rejected by getting a stigma of an occult phenomena, which is evident from what he himself says at the end of the first paragraph itself. ANALYSIS AND ASSESSMENT OF GATEWAY PROCESS https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/document/cia-rdp96-00788r001700210016-5 1 - Psychic Phenomena: AN ASSESSMENT OF THE EVIDENCE FOR PSYCHIC FUNCTIONING (Read the conclusions on page 20 & 21) https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/document/cia-rdp96-00791r000200070001-9 STUDY OF SOME ESP TESTING METHODS AND THEIR VALIDITY (Read Conclusion on page 21) https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/document/cia-rdp96-00792r000300070001-7 U.S. SPACE ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL REVIEWS TELEPATHIC PHENOMENA AS ENERGY TRANSFER https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/document/nsa-rdp96x00790r000100040002-2 PROPOSAL FOR AND INITIAL SPECIFICATIONS OF PROJECT SUN STREAK BIBLIOGRAPHIC DATABASE(Project to catalogue all sorts of phychic phenomena from ESP, OBE, REINCARNATION, etc. etc.. Published by anyone) https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/document/cia-rdp96-00789r003700720001-2 CIA's Interest in CHINA`S PSYCHIC CHILDREN: https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/document/cia-rdp96-00792r000300420017-1 CIA's Interest in OBE(Out Of Body Experiences): EXCEPTIONAL HUMAN EXPERIENCE, OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCES https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/document/cia-rdp96-00792r000700350009-4 2 - UFO Reports: (Says on top, many of them are unsubstantiated - suggesting some are substantial) https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/collection/ufos-fact-or-fiction I personally don't believe that any disclosure from top government is going to happen. Because I have seen the same kind of situations before. Nothing came out of it. But, if such a thing ever has to happen, Mr.Donald Trump is the only one unpredictable enough to do such a thing. Finger's crossed. It is also possible all UFO phenomenon might just be a terrestrial secret government projects with UFO nonsense to coverup such projects. I personally think there is some credibility to UFO Reports(But, still open minded about my beliefs being false), because of sheer amounts of cases and openly shared case files from other countries as well as too many people from CIA, NSA and Defence as well as NASA and other similar employees and contractors openly testified about them in "Disclosure Project" by Steven Green . But, nothing came out of it. That's why I'm skeptical about disclosure. Recent Pentagon admittance of UFOs(They are not saying they are aliens - But couldn't explain them): Disclosure Project by Steven Greer: Citizen Hearing on Disclosure before retired congress members: Probably bullshitting because of election. But anyway here it is: There are also many documentaries on UFOs on youtube as well. Occult Chemistry By Annie Besant and Charles Leadbeater - 3rd edition SINNETT (1919):(Theosophical Society from Adyar, South India) https://www.researchgate.net/publication/339298637_Occult_Chemistry_By_Annie_Besant_and_Charles_Leadbeater_-_3rd_edition_SINNETT_1919 (Dowload the PDF full text) https://www.globalgreyebooks.com/ebooks/annie-besant/occult-chemistry/occult-chemistry.pdf HTML Version Online: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/16058/16058-h/16058-h.htm Look closely, same Atom model in Occult Chemistry work is shown as Torus in CIA's Project Gateway Process: For reincarnation and near death experiences, there are many documentaries on youtube. 3 - Reincarnation Research: https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/our-research/children-who-report-memories-of-previous-lives/ Academic Publications: https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/publications/academic-publications/children-who-remember-previous-lives-academic-publications/ Reincarnation deniers couldn't give proper explanation as to how in some cases, the birth marks and birth defects of a person remembering their past lives correspond exactly to the traumatic injuries of their previous birth. 4 - Near Death Experiences(NDE): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6172100/ (Read the conclusion) https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/our-research/near-death-experiences-ndes/ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/new-clues-found-in-understanding-near-death-experiences/ (Drugs also cause NDE like Experiences - which is well known in this forum) Convieniently when people explain away the NDE's they use examples like above scientificamerican article to do so. But, they never explain about those cases where the person was able to accurately recall details about other events that happen from quite a distance from where their physical body is. CIA's Interest in Near Death Experiences: BASTERFIELD, KEITH. NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES: AN AUSTRALIAN SURVEY https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/document/cia-rdp96-00792r000700920001-9 LIFE AFTER DEATH https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/document/cia-rdp96-00787r000200080041-9 Self Immolation of buddhist monk (Copy & fix the links by removing the spaces) He said to have not uttered a word or moved. The jerky movements of his hands and legs you can see after he falls I think is due to involuntary muscle contractions due to heat and melting of body tissue. https: // www. youtube. com/watch?v=ZwQTsCiguHc&bpctr=1598354602 Contrast to that, see this video where two people shout, run and roll down in pain: https: // www. youtube. com/watch?v=tndFEn5WZrI The Fire Yogi (Doesn't seem to have full control, covers his body with thick cloth): Buddha Boy: Prahlad jani - Fasting without food & water for several decades: Kundalini Yoga / Kundalini Awakening: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5433116/ (Case for kundalini yoga being real. But, useless for the extent we want to understand it) Research for reduction of stress levels by doing kundalini yoga. You can read the conclusion if you do not want to read the entire thing(Its hard to understand anyway). Research Proposal: https://icrcanada.org/research/memorandum https://icrcanada.org/research/literaryresearch One of the oldest Kundalini community website: https://www.kundalini-gateway.org/klist/index.html Unfortunately the founder of the above website El Collie committed suicide. I don't know whether she did that not being able to cope with extreme kundalini symptoms or with the intention to get permanent liberation. People claim it is the former. But, who knows!. For Kundalini Awakening and the effects it Causes, Search youtube, with keywords: "Shaktipat" "Kundalini Awakening Experience" Video for understanding: In the above video, since the blue shirt person is the one doing the shaktipat(Energy Transmission). He being the source, the people in whom the energy is activated becomes intoxicated and wants to go and merge into the source and become one with it. It's feels almost involuntary but you do have some control. Not everyone reacts the same way though. The way they behave depends on their acquired samskaras and Vasanas (Tendencies and conditioning). Dynamo Jack: The energy in this video what they call as chi is what is called as Kundalini in Vedic terms. This energy is being used in this video for healing, or heating things. The same energy when passes through the Sushumna Nadi(Central invisible channel in the body) and reaches top of the crown at the Brahma randhra causes Enlightenment/Liberation. When this kundalini rises with in the body, it causes too much heat within the body, which sometimes is very uncomfortable. Sometimes it also rises with cooling effect. Generally it rises. But, in some people it descends too. Kundalini is not a fairy tale because I experienced it directly, which was like a volcanic eruption inside my body with heat filling up my whole body. Also causing violent swirls in different directions feeling like my whole being is swirling round and round for a while. There were other symptoms as well. It was a bit of a scary experience. It also causes involuntary bodily movements called kriyas. We all know the equation E=mc squared which means energy equals mass. When nuclear explosion happens, the small ball of uranium or plutonium of around 5 - 10 cms turns into enormous amounts of energy. Similarly I believe when enormous amount of energy is concentrated in a single spot and stabilised will create solid matter. This can be understood from the fact that when gas is compressed, it turns into liquid, when compressed further turns into solid. But, in order to do so, it requires enormous amounts of pressure. From my understanding, I think when enormous amounts of this energy is directed and focused with an intention to turn it into an object will create that object. For E,g: Babies doesn't even have the bodily nerve and muscle configuration necessary to speak their first word. But, they start only with the intention first to say the word. The very intention when exercised again and again by directing it into physical activity creates the necessary muscular and neuronal structure necessary to produce that exact word. Which later they learn to produce all other words with the same method. Similarly, may be this energy when directed with intention may produce desired effect in the world creating the object. Just look around the world, all the big buildings to cities to bridges to space rockets to nuclear weapons to everything else man has produced. All of them he created in his mind first, which later directed by physical activity, has manifested into reality. As for the credibility of these phenomena posted above, some of them or many of them might be not what they seem to be. But, to reject all of them as fake without digging deep into their truth would be crazy. As for manifesting actual stuff into reality, generally yogis do not create stuff, its much harder. They simply move things from one place to another. Lets say you ask for an apple, they'd simply steal it from a market or an orchard: sort of like teleportation. But, just as a sample, like somebody mentioned here already, there is a story in Autobiography of a yogi which says a master had created a whole palace studded with gems by combining the ambient air or something. There are many such stories in that same book. Through out history there are way too many such reports, to reject all of them as false may not be wise. There are thousands of such books describing thousands of such accounts. Probably not all of them are true, nor are all of them false. Keeping an open mind is helpful. But, at the same time not too open that you believe anything and everything.

Another gloomy picture that I now got is that suicide may be the ego's subconscious becoming so scared of death that it takes its own life in order to get the horrible feeling over with. The ego is a control freak when it comes to its own protection and survival. And what is the firm belief in inevitable physical death? That's total lack of control for the ego! And it's a lack of control over precisely that which it wants protection from, namely death. ACIM says that the ego raises control instead sanity to preeminence. Something along that line. What it means is that the ego's belief in personal control is insanity. And indeed, if life is automatic, then the idea of personal control is false. And suffering is then a tool for evolution to move out of the belief in separate control. The sense of free will is a necessary stage of development, yet if it's a false sense, then we need to grow out of it.

@Zigzag Idiot Thanks for the kind words. Suicidal thoughts have been increasing over the past few days. Not sure if it's related to the lamotrigine, i'm still at a very low dosage, but it's something that concerns me. I found myself looking at a chandelier in my house while trying to do some yoga, and then I thought about hanging myself from it. The thoughts usually come as a sign of me giving up. Like when I think of my classmates and friends succeeding in life, and compare it to where i'm at in life, thoughts of suicide arise as a sort of solution to the problem. No mind/no self no problem i guess. I have started isolating myself more and more, and my family is getting more concerned and worried. In the short term, over the next month or so, i don't see too much changing. The meds won't start working for a month, and it feels like i'm mentally paralyzed. I feel like a helpless child. I have to make a change. There's a meditation retreat that offers retreats for up to 3 months, but i don't know if i could do a retreat in my current state. And i've read that retreats are hesitant to offer spots to people with mental health disorders, and given my recent diagnosis they would be right to be skeptical about me taking part in a retreat. I have a tendency to engage in splitting. I view the world in black and white terms. So when I think about taking steps forward in life, i thinik of other people who i view as successful and good, and i realize that i'm not going to be one of those people so what's the point of trying. There are adults at 24, who are responsible, pay bills, work, have deep relationships etc. And i'm basically 12. And because i don't see a path to being a well-adjusted 24 year old, i keep myself paralyzed. I wonder what my life will be like in 5, 10, 15 years. Past predicts future, and i've struggled with the same issues for years now. Even if i manage to improve and feel better, i've had 2 mental breakdowns now in my life, this may become a trend. Every few years just a complete breakdown. I wonder if after this life is over, i'll be able to live another life with all the experiences i have now from this one. So i have a taste of misery now, and maybe my next life i'll come back as a well-adjusted happy human being. Or some other race of beings who knows.

Sunday August 23rd, 21:48 There's some "NO!" within me, fighting the way I feel, even having made me consider suicide. But at the same time I feel this "NO" is something artificial, something that is not true to me. I feel exactly that right now if I'm just able to drop this "NO!", life right now will be completely fine. I don't necessarily feel bad right now, but there is this resistance, but yet I am aware that this resistance is not truly me, yet it's pervasive, yet at the same time I really just feel like I'm one inch away from being peaceful right now. I wonder where this "NO!" came from. It's not really... authentic. I actually don't feel like I need to do the opposite, which would be fighting for life or to stay alive. It's not an aggressive Arnold Schwarzenegger "YES!" that's required to come to peace, but more like a simple, easy kind of "yes". It's a "yes" with a playful kind of attitude, a "yes" that does not consider whatever experience happens to be there as undesirable. It's funny how I realize this, yet I can not as of right now embody that kind of attitude, yet I know I'm literally just one step away. I'm also becoming more aware of the way I create my reality by my own beliefs, how powerful your own expectation of how something is going to be actually creates your reality. Sometimes I forget that truth, and sometimes it's very clear.

Beware that the power of letting go must be aknowledged and appreciated. By the way, who says that if you don't chase enlightenment you lost in life? Who says that it's the best goal to persue? Of course im not talking about letting go of goals, life purpose, and aspirations. Pain, when it comes to this, if managed and not severely extreme that takes you to suicide, can be great so later on you can live a good life. You start you life shitty as hell but in the end you conquer it like most people don't.

@Harmony342 How come Americans and English people seem to hate office jobs? I have been working in 3 different offices, two of them very large, and I have never met a person who was having a bad day. In American shows everyone is always tired in an office, and they look like they are contemplating suicide. Is it not a big enough dream to do relatively relaxing work in an office?

@WHO IS well there is suicide, but there is much safer methods as well such as psyhadelics, if you go in the trip with the dying wish the dream shall be revealed to you, and that state it doesn't matter if you are in the God mode or human mode since all time disappears.

@Harmony342 Regarding this topic the movie "memento" fascinated me. Specially the real meaning of the story. The guy has a severe memory condition. Normally one would think about suicide. Leading such a life seems to be quite meaningless because of that the guy tricked himself to give himself a meaning. It's a fake meaning but because he can't remember that it's fake he thinks it is real. That way he keeps himself alife. How would you deal with it?

Will it be really bad if I commit suicide? I cant go on anymore. Will it harm my karma, reincarnation? May be these are all bullshit.

One has to wonder also if his ego mind is the only one... Wouldn't enlightment be harder to achieve? Hidden? Wouldn't every enlightened person become instantly depressed after this realization? Imagine a monk and the Buddha. The monk becomes enlightened and asks the Buddha: Monk:Buddha I'm the only one, it's only me? Buddha:Yes it has always been you. Monk:How depressing. I want to forget again. Might as well just suicide. Buddha:You can't die you only change forms. Monk:Damm. And why would people promote Nirvana, Heaven,God realization if it is so bleak? It doesn't make sense honestly. Wouldn't all this stuff not exist if the ego mind is the only one? All i wanted i guess was the Christian heaven lol. I got something much weirder and scarier while searching for this so called "God". You can't run away from yourself i guess.

@Erick On March 26, 1997, police discovered the bodies of 39 members of the Heaven’s Gate religious group who had committed mass suicide in order to reach what they believed was an alien space craft following Comet Hale–Bopp. All members were dressed in dark clothing and Nike sneakers. https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-7781c72ee667fd7c818b31e28b40913b If you know what i mean lol Maybe they astral-projected and made it...

My Opinion: From what I have seen and understood. Not all enlightened have same experiences of enlightenment. Some may experience absolute absence profoundly, some experience absolute presence with everything being one. Some experience both. Some never experience Prema(Unconditional Love) aspect of it(Best example U.G.Krishnamurthi - In one of his videos denied love as an aspect of enlightenment). Some may not get any special insights(What people call as spontaneous knowledge downloads). We hear stories of yogis, saints and sages who although preach non-duality, have lived through many lives through eons of time through multiple various realities. Yet, Most of the Non-Dualers in recent times having never experienced any of the infinitude of most wonderful creations in this (un)reality, seem to commit permanent suicide of merging into Brahman. Non-Dual realization when attained prematurely without proper mental preparation and without equal knowledge of both duality and non-duality, will make one talk like a robot with no feelings, rejecting duality like a plague. Who knows, may be after realising non-duality, one can also learn how to bring ego back again willfully, going in and out of duality with full control. Thus by extending the karmic cycle and experiencing myriad of experiences in various realms in various times, with very little suffering. Why give up individuality? I know there isn't any self to do the willing, but isn't that the same kind of impossibility for a ego self to realize and understand non-duality and yet the non-dual states are achieved(Impossible is attained). Similarly there may be a way to achieve dual-egoic identification once again from non-dual states as well. Who knows, in an imaginary dream reality anything should be possible, for Brahman has no restrictions.

Note: I'm not enlightened. My knowledge is scriptural, and as such is only intellectual. Dear @gswva Because of law of karma(Tendencies, conditioning, behavioural patterns, Influences from others & society, etc..) - Once every bit of karma is burnt off including prarabhdha and there is no individuation any more, that'll be the end of that individual. Karma is that fuel which keeps individuation going on. Karma is generated through identification with the body / mind. Any form of identification which is of the nature of ego with the sense of doer-ship creates karma. As long as there is a karmic(cause & effect) chain binding you to some reality, your individuality is safe. Because, even if you get enlightened, the Prarabhdha Karma - 'The fructified karma which determines the experiences of current life' will not get dissolved until the current body dies. Because if it did, the body along with individuation would die the very moment enlightenment happens due of lack of any binding mechanism(karma) to bind it to duality. As to how the initial karma gets generated, there are varying opinions. I have some speculation on it. But, because of lack of direct experience, not so sure about it my self. Also, not sure even if enlightenment might make you understand it. Perhaps samyama on karma might help understand it. Brahman doesn't split into anything. The apparent world is just a projection with-in Brahman - like water seen in a mirage. Even when the projection is happening, there is no change in Brahman(Just like a mirror, even though showing the entire world with-in itself, doesn't change its own state). These projections will keep happening with infinite realities with infinite Jiva(s)(living entities) emerging out and dissolving continuously. But, any PARTICULAR ENTITY with its own 'ego and experiences' having once merged into Brahman will never come back again. "But, I am of the opinion that even after such merging, if prompted by some agency in duality, which has knowledge of said individual, that individual or even a whole reality of a universe can be brought back". There is no self in Brahman. Brahman DOESN'T 'WILL' or 'WISH' to create anything(Willing and wishing are only for the creatures with a 'mind and ego' with-in duality. Brahman is beyond such concepts and is beyond Duality). Just like wetness and fluidity are intrinsic to water; Similarly, the nature of reflecting 'mirage like projections' of realities with-in itself is intrinsic to Brahman. Such projections are what we refer to as 'Creation / Universe'. Brahman has infinite of such Creations / Universes with-in itself. Each of such universes exist within the mind of an individuated atomic-particle(Jiva - PRIMARY CREATION) of Brahman as an imagination/dream-like-projection with-in that Jiva(living entity) - whom we call as god or creator of that universe. These jivas are like mirages without any separate existence apart from Brahman. Cosmic universes(SECONDARY CREATION) experienced with-in Jivas are like water seen in that mirage. (Mirage and Water-seen-in-it are both in truth Non-Existent). (Scriptural Description along with my *own opinion* to clarify the Scriptural Description): With-in each such universe/reality, infinite other universes/realities are created by the jivas who have died in it *and are creating them through mental projection in their after life states / In states of deep meditation, either conciously or unconciously(Just like we do in our dreams). Some of those projections may intermingle with one another and function as one single universe/reality, with many such intermingled universes/realities in existence. While some completely isolated from others as separate universes/realities. Having once come into existence, being supported by Brahman; these universes/realities continue to exist even after the destruction of its parent universe i.e change in state of that jiva or liberation of that jiva who is projecting the parent universe with-in the higher order reality. * With-in each of them, infinite other universes/realities exists. This cycle goes on ad-infinitum with-in them. We are living in one such reality/universe, whose nature is that which we experience in it. That's why reality as a whole is NOT JUST INFINITE IN SINGLE DIMENSION. BUT, INFINITE IN INFINITE DIMENSIONS. If you are to write it is as a mathematical equation, you can write its as Infinity(Infinity(Infinity(Infi.....))))))... infinitely. Not all experiences are neutral, There are literally infinity of experiences that can be had, ranging from suffering, to neutral, to unimaginably exotic realities, full of joy and happiness, stimulating all kinds of emotions and blissfulness with infinite variety to infinite degree. Because, Brahman is not limited by anything as it is the very source of everything. The human body/mind cannot grasp all of these realities from its current state, for it may not even have the faculties necessary to experience such states. No experience is permanently the same. Even with-in same reality experiences keep changing. "Just as karma, such is experience". Infact, some devotional schools of Bhakthi path doesn't even like Non-Dual liberation, and it is considered by them as a permanent suicide. The devotees after attaining a liberation of a dual type, experience going to imaginary heavenly abodes(one of the universes/realities mentioned above) of their imaginary gods(which are experienced as real - Just like this imaginary reality by us) and enjoy heavenly delights with no trace of any suffering, which is far more exotic and enjoyable than any earthly existence. For this reason, not everyone wishes to dissolve their individuation. So, Non-Duality is not the only game in town. May be after Non-Dual enlightenment, one need to learning how to develop purified ego once again to furthur generate more sattva karma to keep the individuation intact. Even Ramana Maharishi who taught Non-Duality worshipped Arunachaleshwara. Ramakrishna Paramahamsa who taught non-duality to Swami Vivekananda worshipped Kaali. But, what type of liberation they attained I do not know. My Opinion: To maximise life's potential and blissfulness and swim constantly in variety "Non-Duality is to be Realised and Individuation is to be Maintained".

I hate everything, Literally. I hate my friends, my family, society, people, life in general. I can feel it everyday from when i wake up until i go back to sleep, then hope that i never wake up the day after and when i do, i just try to sleep again, and again until i get headaches from oversleeping. I can't bear it anymore and i hate saying this because it makes me sound weak. Those fucking thoughts in my head visualizing my self committing suicide in every way possible, from jumping from my rooftop to smashing my head in a wall until my skull breaks. But i would rather feel this hatred and pain then transfer it to someone else like my mom, although i fucking hate her too. (i feel guilty for saying this because she is my "mom".) These mixed feelings of loneliness, despair and hate that i am carrying inside of me everyday makes me want to isolate myself even more. It is as if i am a living black hole which is endlessly sucking itself alive. I hate interacting with people because i lost hope in everything. I feel that talking is as useless as living. meaningless. Talking to anyone makes me feel as if i am the stupidest human that could possibly live on this planet. makes me want to lock myself into a soundproof room for a couple of days. sometimes i think what my life would have looked like if i just cared about the mundane shit that everyone seems to care about and just died in peace instead of suffering like this.

I feel like it's okay for me to die (sometimes I want to die and suicide) and at the same time I love (don't know if it's real love or not love) life and enjoy it's beauty really sense it and feel it. I don't know what is my situation really about

"Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live." - Adolf Hitler, a man who committed suicide after failing to win a war and plunging the world into an era of darkness

@DocWatts Thanks! I recently read Diamond's "The World Until Yesterday" which was a good read. My sense from Collapse (watched his TEDTalk) is that he's focusing on relatively small societies compared to the entire United States or the globalized world as a whole, which doesn't make his conclusions any less valid just interesting to think about how these issues could or may scale up, and the impacts of that. It would be interesting to do a study on what Spiral Dynamics level these societies were at when they collapsed...I'm guessing mainly Red and Blue. Red not thinking ahead and committing suicide in the name of power. Blue being stubbornly stuck in its ways and refusing to adapt/innovate. Partly why Trump has been so frightening as a leader during this increasingly fragile moment in human history. My hope is as Western countries progress into late Orange, Green and even Yellow, that real changes can finally begin to materialize. Green can bring the impassioned need for environmental solutions, Orange can meet the demands via cutting-edge innovation and quick thinking, and Yellow can holistically implement and manage the massive and surely disruptive shifts. Of course, this is a plausible reality but also potentially wicked naive and overly optimistic - I concede that. But, hey, let's give it all we got, no?