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I had one low LSD dose at a small-scale psytrance rave in nature. That environment was much more friendly towards psychedelic states (mellower, trippier music, people and design), yet still once I started came close to the peak, I saw through all that illusion happening around me and chose to rather sit and meditate there for 30 minutes. It all felt fake, perfectly described as "chasing the dragon" and I spent the rest of the night as far as possible from the stage, where there was a bit less distraction, so I could enjoy the bliss coming from within. I would literally had a more ecstatic experience, if there was no rave at all... that is how these "sensory-overloads" compare to (tiny) peak experience.

It doesn't compare at all. The bliss of awakening cannot be compared to any material pleasure.

The only reason why are all here is LOVE. Race for LOVE. Who loves whom more. That would be nice. But one of the main reasons, if not the main reason for our existence here in THIS REALITY is passing on the genes. That's why we're all here, for sex. Race for sex. Who fucks whom more. And with "every new model of an iPhone" we become more and more primitive. New communication technologies have made it possible for marital infidelities on an unprecedented scale than ever before. Cheating on your spouse is slowly becoming nothing unusual. Universal access to pornography, all these applications like Tinder, Badoo, Tiktok show our true nature. Nature to fuck. Btw, imagine facebook, being just the book without the face:) Anyway. It's nothing unusual. It's the very core of survival, of evolution, of natural selection. It is at the base of all our behaviors. It's built into power, money, everything. Nothing wrong with that. Or is it? Believe me or not, I don't care really, but at the end of kindergarten when I was six, I started realizing how completely fucked up this all is. How extremely unfair. You may think, poor, ugly guy with miserable sex life. Sure, of course. But it's very the opposite. As women say, I was a very pretty boy, now at 43, tall well-built, very handsome, according to what I hear from women, leading successfully my own business, practicing "so-called extreme sport" for nearly 30 years. What else? Big dick? There You got it! 138 IQ, according to mensa testing. In a word, a cookie! No, it's a kind of a curse... Ok, stop this self-masturbation. I don't have a Facebook, Instagram (I have an empty account to access some climbing topos of my friends), I don't put my photos anywhere (my wife, maybe, if she puts some photos of us, or me, I don't know) I don't give a shit about it. Anyway, when I was in kindergarten I was picked up by probably the prettiest girl from my group to be her "husband" in a way that kids play the adult roles. I got another female friend at the time, that I didn't want to hurt, so I refused. And for the first time in my life, I felt a kind of sexual desire for that pretty one, in a very narrow sense, of course. Then the problem arose. Why, just why, for fuck sake, my friend was punished, in some way, for not being such an attractive one? For the same reason, why some people are simply punished for their physical appearance? Because that's how they were born in that way? It's not fair, it never was, and never be. As all this survival, natural selection, or "so-called" evolution. I feel deeply against this state of affairs. For a few years now, I've been trying to practice sometimes, as I say, a conscious orgasm. Trying to observe what so amazing is happening during it. And You know what? There's nothing there. Nothing. A split second relief for tension in the nervous system. There's neither Love in it, nor during all sex. As sex is, especially for men, a road to orgasm, a road to relieve tension. That's ALL. Everything else is a fairy-tale, even tantric love, sorry. During trad climbing, highball bouldering, alpine climbing, You sometimes enter the level of hyper-awareness of mind and body, that gives You such incredible inner integrity, solidness, the peace that "there's no sensation to compare with this, suspended animation, state of a bliss" as Pink Floyd sings. And this "bliss" stays with me way, way longer. Gives me strength and motivation to be a better person. Sex never did anything alike for me. When I meditate, when I go really deep, as I can, I cannot see the smooth connection between sex and True Love. Sex is always about duality, is always about the best, the sexiest ones. Sex is about the most fundamental attachments Your ego creates. True Love is nondual. It's about everyone, everything, it's about letting go. Going towards True Love is about exceeding the limitations of my body, is about leaving all this crap, that doesn't really matter, behind. That's true evolution. Everything else is nothing but lying to myself. You may disagree, I may be terribly wrong. But for now, that's the way I see things. "tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit I" I burn in hell anyway, someday...:)

So my birth is 21st February. And time is 11.45 pm. I got my horoscope ready. As per my horoscope my Nakshatra is Pashyami. Pashyami Nakshatra characteristics that describe my nature - File attached. What is Nakshatra? Nakshatra is the term for lunar mansion in Hindu astrology. A nakshatra is one of 27 (sometimes also 28) sectors along the ecliptic. Each nakshatra is further subdivided into quarters (or padas). These play a role in popular Hindu astrology, where each pada is associated with a syllable, conventionally chosen as the Jrst syllable of the given name of a child born when the moon was in the corresponding pada. You are merciful, compassionate, and quite generous in nature. Lord of this constellation is Jupiter, due to which your personality is serious, dedicated, honest, and righteous like a God. You will have a muscular body with a full frame. Face will be round and bright. You don’t have even a miniscule amount of ego. It is your main motive to gain peace, happiness, and bliss in life. You are dedicated, trustworthy, social, and help people in their bad times. Tasty food can tempt you easily and you love to cherish this material life. Praises make you quite happy, whereas you can’t tolerate criticism. So, the only way to make you do something is by sweet words. You like to collect all types of amenities. With determination, you are also a believer of God. Due to these characteristics, if you are quite popular, there is no wonder about it. Your nature is religious and generous. Also, you go for pilgrimages. Yoga, Tantra-Mantra, astrology, etc. will also have your keen interest. You will especially respect your mother and women like her. Your working style is quite creative and you have talents by birth. If a work is given to you, it can be clearly said that the work will definitely be done because you do everything with extreme honesty and skillfully. Due to work, you may have to go far from your spouse and children at times. But, this won’t cause any detachment from the family. You will always put efforts in earning luxury of life. You have a peaceful and decent behavior along with a feeling of devotion. You may easily get prey to the misbehavior of others. It is very difficult for you to express what is there in your mind. You are a devotee of God and try to help others. Even in married life, you are not always comfortable sharing everything with your spouse, which at times causes misunderstandings. As a result, you cause yourself immense internal pain.

Honestly man, these experiences mean you're likely doing something right. You will have all kinds of phenomenon happen over time. In my meditation practice I still travel from high bliss at times to more somber moods other times. It comes with the territory.?

This is a very practical topic which will help you to get more effective and happier in life. Integrating Emotions What are Emotions? Emotions are a form of energy. This energy exists. If it is not already, it will becomes gnaringly obvious after doing the work explained later in this post. For now we have a look at some examples where we can see this energy in our everyday lives. When we are stressed we sweat or our hearts beat fast. We might be unable to concentrate or get tunnel vision. Triggers exist. When we feel very emotional about a topic we will react strongly whenever this topic comes up. How other people react to us. People will sense our emotions (especially woman), even if they only ever so slightly find their ways into our micro expressions. When we surpress emotions and let the energy get stuck in our body we feel heavy. Keeping the energy down and holding it in takes effort. Because of this we can feel exhausted. Sex. That strong rush of energy. Feeling of turn on. Again, this post is not about philosphy or concepts but to teach you a practical skill that will help you immensely if you take it seriously. It will also help you to get out of victim mentality and take responsibility for your life. Emotions are what motivate your actions and shape your reality. Examples: Backwards rationalization: We do something out of emotional impulses, to pull us towards one emotion and/or push us away from another emotion. Then rationalize our controversial actions after the fact. Life circumstances: When we get hurt or abused in childhood our adult-self will draw similar situations or relationships in our lives again and again. Not out of poor reasoning but because we subconsciously feel like this is how our reality should be. Our emotions will drive us to what we subconsciously want with greater precision and reliability than a fine swiss watch. Science: Reason is only the secondary process when we do science. Emotions, psychology and ego are the primary processes. You would be wrong to think that reason and logic are the driving force behind your actions. Emotions are what move you. Our emotions are a navigation system and show us how much we are in alignment with reality, with life. When we feel heavy emotions we are out of sync. If we feel light in our body and our emotions, we know we are in balance. When it comes to emotions there are mostly two kind of people. Those who feel emotions and those who do not. Emotions are located in the body. If you can't feel anything you are shutting parts of your body down and restricting the flow of energy there. Yes, you do. All humans are highly emotional creatures. Emotions drive almost everything we do (Survival, Relationships, Sales, Business, Politics, Music, Literature & Movies etc.). And they are very important in your life. Emotions are the key to real Growth. Whatever journey you decide to go on. Past, present, or future. If you are already in tune with your emotions and are able to feel into your body you can skip to STEP 2. Alltough, it will be beneficial to start here. Step 1: Getting in touch with your Emotions The first step is always to feel something. To do that we need to open up to this energy. Remember I said emotions are in your body? They are but you might not be able to feel them right away. What helped me was talking to friends about their emotions and finding out where they feel them and let them describe how specific emotions feel to them. What I also did was looking up a study which asked people a similar question. They then created these body maps on where certain emotions can be found in the body. And I just looked out for them. 1. Sit down in a quiet environment and focus on the body parts mentioned above. Open your heart, open your chest. Do some basic meditation focused on bringing awareness to your body and relax into it as good as you can. Depending on how good you were at feeling your emotions before this can take a while. Don't expect to feel anything right away. Stick with it because the payoffs will be immense. 2. Think about a moment in your life where you felt a really strong emotion. Could be anything, anger, fear or happiness. Now imagine the situation in as much detail as you can and see if you can feel the emotion again. 3. Notice how in heated debates, discussions or arguments you might become emotionally triggered. Notice where in your body you can feel this. If you already start to feel something, even if it is just an ache, something restricting or opening up, cold or warmth in your body and you can link it to an emotion you can do this. 4. Do Mindfulness practice with labeling feelings as emotions. Notice how some emotions might be masked and hide behind different emotions. Emotions can be linked to different Emotional States. I'll start with the heaviest ones. Fear, Grief and Apathy. If you are someone who can't feel their emotions you are probably in Apathy. Now, Apathy is a coping mechanism we use when there are too many emotions. Imagine for example being at work and something really sad happens and it overruns you emotionally. Instead of being with that emotion we supress it to keep on functioning. But it doesn't have to be at work. The fundamental mechanism at work is that we don't want to feel the emotions. Could be because of fear, ego, peer-pressure, social conditioning etc. The more lighter Emotional States are Desire, Anger, Pride Courage, Acceptance, Peace/Bliss Love Just be mindful of the Emotional States and repeat the 4 practices in this step until you are able to feel from your body and not be in your head. You don't need to perfect this step. But the better you become at getting in touch with your emotions the better the next step works and vice versa. Step 2 (A): Accept & Let Go The counter-intuitive nature of emotions is that you will not suffer by feeling unwanted emotions. But you will suffer if you repress emotions and restrict energy in your body. Let go of the identification with what you fear. Let go of problems in your life and the story around those. This is real Growth, letting go. Now, we all have different stories and problems we want to let go here but Hale Dwoskin identified 5 needs we all have to some degree. Need for acceptance Need for control Need for protection Need for oneness/seperateness In any given situation see if you can feel one or more of these needs coming up. Look at the need. See how it is like and where it is located in your body. Give yourself permission to feel it fully. Accept that it is there. And let it go. This was the warm up. Now we will go a little bit deeper. Coming back to the second practice from step 1. You are hopefully able to feel the emotion and label it. Imagine the same scenario or a different one where you felt a strong emotion that you want to let go. It could be anything. Maybe you felt an incredible fear because you wanted to so something out of your comfort zone, or you felt rejected by someone you care about, or you felt anger towards someone who hurt you, or you felt sad. Can be anything, you can even go into your childhood memories if you want. Get comfortable and feel into your body. Ask yourself the following questions and listen for the answers in your body. Can you welcome your experience? Notice what it feels like. Any sense of abandonment, sense of frustration? Just sit with it. Any sense of wanting to control it, push it down? Any sense of you wanting approval? Or push approval away? Any sense of wanting security, wanting to survive or quit? Welcome it. Any sense of wanting seperation/being alone, or wanting oneness, really wanting someone to love me? Welcome everything and notice what comes up the most and pick that one. And ask, can I let this go? This wanting. Than ask your body can you let go any of that wanting? A little more? Then ask yourself can you let go of the experience itself? Notice your body, emotions and sensations. Maybe they release completely, maybe only a bit? Can you welcome the experience, can you feel your heart, stomach your body while doing this? Can you notice what you are feeling, letting go of thinking about it. Feeling the emotional experience. Can you notice wanting to do anything with this experience or about it? Can you let that whole experience go? Or maybe only let go a little bit? Do it 10-20 minutes until you feel a sense of relief in that area, sense of relaxation. Relax in your body. Notice how your body is doing this. What you did here is called releasing based on the Sedona Method. I highly recommend it. During release you might cry, feel intense pain and I've seen people vomit. It doesn't have to happen but be open that it might happen if you go deep into old repressed emotions. Release your emotions and focus on what happens after the release. For example: What is behind anger? As you do that, you will find that beyond the current emotion you might feel a greater truth, a greater emotion. Notice the constant flux in your emotions going from better to worse to better, let it flow. If you get into a real deep state you can realize certain things about your memories or reality. Those realizations can make a big change in your life alone. Don't get attached to them If you feel that you still have resistance start by feeling into you body. Welcome tightness or pain in your body and let it be there for a second. Be with it. Welcome resistance, notice you can handle it. Welcome acceptance, notice if it feels lighter. Switching back and forth. Breath with it. Be with it. Allow it to be there. Notice any wanting to do anything with this resistance. Just be with the resistance. You can even see an emotion from all different perspectives over several days. Again, give yourself permission to feel it. Don't judge it. Acceptance: If you are ok with either getting something or not you will be in emotional alignment. .... Step 2 (B): Self-Love For this step having non-dual insights or experiences is a prerequisite as I wont be going into much detail here. You are not seperate from anything. Everything is you. Everything is exactly as it should be. Whatever you experienced in life or are experiencing right now is exactly as it should be. You are Love. Expand you uncoditional Love towards your experiences and your body. Expand your Love to any situation you want to let go and release. If someone rejected you - Love that. If someone hurt you - Love that. If you feel fearful or sad - Love that. If you took something personal - Love that. If you feel any heavy emotions like Grief, Sadness or Apathy - Love that. You can even start with asking if you can love this emotion 1%, 2%... Make small steps in the beginning. When you start to Love more and more and get more into your body you can even go as far and take enjoyment in everything that makes you feel heavy emotions. There is no one telling you you can't. Closing Words What you will notice is, you become lighter and lighter. Your body will get used to releasing emotions. And you will become better at it. At first you need courage, to deeply feel negative emotions, then it will require patience, great stamina & tenacity. If you have been struggling with something in your life, I'd suggest you release your emotions every day, for at least 2 hours. This is not something you do for a few minutes and then expect big results. You might get great results. But your baselines emotions will not change by much. If you want to change your inner world, expect to release hours everyday for months! If you release on your childhood issues/traumas. And then release again on those memories from a different angle. Your life will lift up automatically. As Lester Levenson said, we want to get the push out of us, so the world stops pushing back. Focus on your Emotional States. They will direct your life magically. When you do this work you will notice that you feel better and better. Because of this you achieve goals easier with minimal work. Your action becomes easy rather than destructive. If you want to achieve something while being in a state of Apathy or Grief it will be so much more difficult. Don't waste your time trying to work on something while being in that Emotional State, instead get in a lighter State like Courage and then continue with whatever you where doing. Like with everything in Self-Actualization it is harder when there is no one around you doing it, too. I kinda got lucky because I hang around releasing coaches who are very indulged in this kind of work. Surround yourself with people who are on the same inner journey. What also helps is general body awareness. Because your emotions are stored in your body, becoming aware of tension in your body/muscles is key. Become directly conscious of what I am pointing towards here. Just looking at and understanding the pointer is not enough! Feel it. Another thing is, you don't want to do this for fixing yourself. You will likely get stuck. Yes, we carry these energies and shadows inside of us. But it doesn't mean you are somehow broken or that there is something wrong with you. From my experience everyone has some shadow energy that they haven't felt or looked at for a while. It's not a bug, it's a feature. It is your journey and it defines all the experiences you make. When doing these exercises you are not fixing yourself, you are growing. And you will grow immensely, I hope you are ready for it ❤️ .

Just follow your bliss dude. You'll arrive there some day

Anyway, besides the point I made few posts ago, I guess I can use some time to organize what I want to do. I had some experiences in a new angle, nothing profound. I want to go more towards exploring the third eye chakra related techniques, besides the obvious basic improvements in life. Why third eye or ajna chakra? Because it generates something called Ojas - one of it's benefits is basically that it resuces the impact of your emotions and toughts, so basicaly it reduces the life process influence on your being, another is that it brings bliss - obviously, if you are blissful, you feel life is not a curse and that this whole thing is not an accident! It also shows me that you are something far greater and older than the body and mind. To be truthful, you are far older than the sun and earth, and the creation itself. Any number of big bangs and repetitions of the implosions of the universe - you are older than that. after all, your energies establishing themselves in the third eye is better than staying in the manipuraka, swadishtana or muladara. Closer to sahasrara! As many kriya yogis say, don't bother about your enlightenment just yet, do your practice (sadhana) and psychic powers, glimpses will come to you. Enlightenment will be easier to get if you have built versatility for life - if you have built yourself away from your compulsions, have capacity to let go your identity and desires, if you are not taking loans and relying on physical identities, you simply won't be needing to pay them back and you can invest in what you want, to sit for 16 hours in one place or more, and take the straightest line towards the goal. Even if it doesn't work, because it requires maturity, the connection if the master assures your conscious evolution, which depends on the mastery of the master. This results in liberation or in more conscious bodies in the next births. If you are entangled with sadhguru for example, the last moment liberation is assured, if you keep yourself clean enough and are not conspiring and angry with the master. I will just compile every Nithyananda video on third eye I have watched as you get subtle clues, for example what is kundalini shakti e.c.t. Third eye meditation will also allow me to fall into the state of turiya when I fall asleep. So I am also going to do this third eye meditation, I wish I knew sadhgurus shambhavi mahamudra since it is more agressive and faster way, because you are using mudras and your energies, not just letting the master "in" so" to say. Anyway, for unusual results i need unusual methods, and it has helped me by far, more than any conversation, consolation, friendship e.c.t.

TL;DR I have had an Awakening experience, resulting in a permanent expansion of consciousness, a drastic shift in perception of reality, and awareness of constructs (ego, models, concepts). When connection is strong, desires and egoic thoughts arise and pass away with equanimity. How it happened I realized that in order to not "close up" when peak experience hits you, you need to: - become aware of the experience with equanimity - let go of resistances and fears. Ultimately, of the fear of death. Considering the first one, the mistake was that I used to be in awe, feel the intensity as something highly positive, and try to prolong it with will and body contractions. As for the second, man. You have to let go, dissolve all cravings, expectations, and fears. And, in the end, I have accepted my death. I have accepted that I may not feel affection towards my parents, friends, and other people ever again. I have also accepted that I may not go to the world of bliss, but to a world of indifference and equanimity. Finally, I have accepted that I may die as a result of that. And after letting go of fear of death, intensity started going up, and up, and then... I don't remember what happened next or how much time has passed, but I emerged from it experiencing everything in a RADICALLY different way. I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams that even not full Awakening could be anything close to this. What happens now The main thing I want to do right now is to chill in Being - either at home or when walking in a park. Just being aware. That's what fulfills me the most. Other stuff, like making music, smalltalk with friends, working, achieving something - does not matter that much anymore. I can do it, or not. It doesn't matter. The main source of my suffering right now is the Dark Night of the Soul. I suppose, this is a consequence of becoming aware of ego's thoughts and thought patterns. To move forward, I need to let go of the mind. But generally, life has become more like a fluid flow. The flow gets interrupted when ego takes over, but more and more interruptions get dissolved - worries about self-image, micro-suffering, boredom, anxiety towards future. The current practices are: - chilling in Being - moment-to-moment mindfulness throughout everyday life - being aware of sounds, touches, smells, emotions, pain, suffering, thoughts, thought patterns, etc. - developing a capacity for disinterested awareness (strong Witness) - dissolving egoic cravings and desires - introspection of self-deception mechanisms - dissolving mental constructs - models and concepts - not expecting anything, but also have faith in the process

You know, i think I reached the point of developing enough to stop watching actualized.org and it contains using the forum also. There is a difference between talking about taking actions and go into endless mental masturbation and asking pointless questions that you didn't even bother to find the answer to. I don't even need to journal, it takes time. My precious time where I can acctually do the practices and inquire for things that matter like taking notes on diet, like the numbers and short points why to eat that and this. This sharing is too expensive, i don't have time for this if I want to produce an album, for example or get enlightened. Be very careful.about the advices you recieve, it can either be harmful to you or strenghten your illusions about something. This is just another social media. If you acctually care to mold your life, you will just need to take action. There is too much of planning going on that goes on waste with people usually. So the whole thing becomes meaningless. Pointlwss to describe my experiences in meditation e.c.t., first of all, who will listen and secondly, let me do the practice and see, there is no shortcut to experience, you can't really explain and there comes a point where you can't even ask a question, because you know, there is nothing really to ask at some point. Just do your practice and watch the unfoldment happen. Any people here will say that you already are what you are seeking, how many of them are enlightened? So you see, it is more like a disciple - disciple bargaining. If you really want to know, you will look at a master, just like you will look at somebody who has lost weight, if you want to lose weight and want to know how to lose weight. Yes and i am aginst psychedelics. Breaks your nervous system, before you can even build it to hold bliss, so it leaves you fatigued and miserable. And so many hallucinations, how do you know they are genuine!? Otherwise I would just watch a movie if I wanted to see illusion, because my nervous system doesn't get damaged from it. I really have nothing to say. Yes I do the techniques mentioned above. They work. Very simple. Nothing to add. Let me live the benefits and manifest my dreams and die blissfully. Thanks Leo for being there 6 years back when nobody could satisfy my frustration. For the users. For whatever reason you got here, at some point you have to get moving. Otherwise it is just a addiction. Entertainment. Sorry for being harsh. But it is true. If you don't like, don't read. Let you all live as jeevan mukthas. Let your death lead to enlightenment. Peace! Applegarden

If consciousness is truly all there is (which after throughly browsing through this forum and the associated YouTube channel, I still do not believe), why should that engender existential horror instead of bliss, or some other arbitrary state of consciousness, perhaps one which we cannot imagine? Why should the knowledge that we are consciousness, and that existence is all there can be, cause a feeling of horror out of an absolutely infinite number of states of consciousness that we can experience? Leo claims that God aka each one of us is a "trickster", but why is the act of tricking necessary? Why does pure consciousness need to employ "tricks" instead of simply being "comfortable", for lack of a better word, with its eternal existence?

Who said you don't go insane, after you have cut yourself to pieces, doubted, believed , experienced so much different stuff you will hardly remember what you were about when you started. Most people are used to live with their personality for all of their life, even changes is characteristic is big deal for them, now comes mediation and first state of bliss, insights and their are big deal for you, then comes many different states from flow, to observer and so on and again it is a big deal, at certain point constant new stuff and changes are nothing special , I mean they are just that, something different. It is probably wiser to keep to one teaching if you want to be more sane.

Feel free to ask questions directly to me about this combination. In these videos which were made a while back, I had a somewhat different view on it than I do now. I don’t recommend it for everyone, but it can be quite worthwhile for those with specific goals that allow the pros to then outweigh the cons. You’ll find a lot of information on my YouTube channel. There is also talk of the relationship and interaction of spirituality/pursuing enlightenment or awakening and bipolar disorder. The linked videos are not in any order related to importance. How Psychedelics Trigger Manic Episodes (Bipolar Disorder) ?Magic Mushrooms with Bipolar? - My Heroic Dose Trip Report #5dgisd Bipolar Mushrooms- A 1.5 Gram Psilocybin Trip Report with Bipolar Disorder Type 1 Taking Magic Mushrooms with Bipolar Disorder (My Thoughts & Experience) Bipolar Disorder & Spiritual Enlightenment - The Accidental Buddha There are many more relevant videos on the YouTube channel itself than just these. A question and answer between a fellow bipolar person and myself. He is the questioner. Has working with psychedelic medicines helped you in your opinion? It has allowed me to experience more happiness, love, bliss, pleasure, ecstasy, insight, true knowledge, and deep and unimaginable spiritual experiences than anything else as well as many other positive things I didn’t mention above. I tried meditation for years before psychedelics. It worked well for me on two separate two-week-long occasions, but this only happened after my highest dose mushroom trip motivated me to meditate even more. Without psychedelics, I wouldn’t have had that motivation. I also might not have been “spiritually charged” enough to have those deep experiences brought about by meditation if I hadn’t done a large dose of psilocybin mushrooms a week or so before the first effective meditative experience started. In my opinion, nothing comes close to psychedelics when you use them correctly. On a more permanent level, I’ve become more open-minded, confident, and a better creative thinker. I’m less neurotic. I’m less socially anxious. Due to these things, I’d say I’m closer to reaching my genetic IQ potential. When you’re intellectually bogged down by mental illness and limiting personality traits like low openness or high neuroticism, you aren’t going to actually be able to think, speak, and act as close to your maximum genetic IQ potential. Overall, I’d say psychedelics have made me a better person. I’m quite proud of the changes they’ve made in me or possibly allowed me to make within myself. There’s nothing more extreme that you can experience in this life than combining a history of spiritual practice and study with a high-dose psychedelic trip. Think of skydiving out of a high-altitude plane at 60,000 feet with the aim of landing on the peak of Mount Everest, then multiply it by infinity. Then you’re coming close to what your consciousness can experience when you take spirituality times high-dose psychedelic use. I’m not trying to pressure spiritually on you btw, but I can’t tell the full story of how psychedelics have affected me without including it. Spiritual practice enhances both the short- and long-term effectiveness of psychedelics and vice versa as I described a bit when I mentioned those peak states I experienced from meditation. Using psychedelics has also given me the most difficult challenges of my life. This is not only talking about the couple bad trips I’ve had which can be an experience of hell on Earth. It’s mainly referring to how high-dose trips have led to much less stability with my bipolar disorder. If your goal is stability or treating the disorder alone, microdosing for the depression side of bipolar disorder is best, but there is also likely less risk of psychedelics harming you since you are bipolar type 2. I’m type 1 which is what makes my manias much more intense and therefore potentially damaging to certain aspects of my life while they also help other aspects of my life, primarily by giving me insights and the generation of new experiences and thoughts that possibly no other human being has ever experienced or thought of before and may never experience or think of in the future. The manias at times damage my public reputation, financial stability, job stability, and close relationships. Psychedelics are the most effective treatment for depression that exists, but always remember that what can treat depression in most cases will also pose a risk of triggering a manic episode. This even happens with SSRI antidepressants. SSRIs, typically near overdose level, create hallucinations in a quite similar way as psychedelics do. Most psychedelics you’ll likely encounter or hear about, typically referred to as the “classical” psychedelics, are mainly flooding the serotonin 5-HT2A receptors in your brain with their chemical structures that are nearly identical to serotonin itself. To a lesser extent, they also affect the serotonin 5-HT1A and dopamine receptors. SSRIs work by stopping the reuptake of serotonin. They basically stop the brain from recycling the serotonin in between receptors/neurons. As you can probably start to see, SSRIs and psychedelics do similar things; psychedelics simply “do it better” because they introduce a new source of serotonin copycat molecules rather than simply trying to work with what the brain already has in it. All of that was basically said to explain that, if your goal is to treat bipolar depression, psychedelics will work faster and typically be more effective as classical psychedelics in most cases pose little to no risk of overdose at their effective dose that will treat depression effectively when compared to SSRIs. SSRIs are just as dangerous if not more dangerous than psychedelics; they simply are just given at super low doses. You can do the same thing by microdosing your psychedelics, but it will most likely work much better to treat your depression than even mood stabilizers and an SSRI combined from my personal experience and research on credible scientific studies. So anyway, you can see for me that the answer to “have psychedelics helped me in my opinion?” is quite complex. They certainly have great effectiveness at both giving transcendent spiritual experiences which generate the absolute peak good (and more rarely bad) emotions humans want to experience and treating depression. How you can most wisely use them depends on your life goals. If you want a normal and relatively happy life, microdose either psilocybin mushrooms or LSD and use a mood stabilizer that is not an antipsychotic such as lithium or carbamazepine to control your potential for mania. Some antipsychotics counteract the effects of psychedelics and likely SSRIs as well, so they can cut down the effectiveness of your chosen depression treatment. I’d go off of your SSRI if you choose to microdose. You won’t need the SSRI at all likely, and it will keep you away from the rumored possibility of serotonin syndrome which doctors, mostly based on theory alone from what I can gather, say can occur when you combine psychedelics with an SSRI. I say this is based in theory alone as I have not been able to find even a single case online of someone ever experiencing serotonin syndrome from psychedelics alone, and any actual data on combining psychedelics with an SSRI is even less likely to be found anywhere. In summary, I’ll answer a couple questions. Do I regret even a single time that I’ve taken a psychedelic even if it’s resulted in less mental stability and a severe manic or depressive episode? Not at all. Would I choose to make practically the exact same decisions about taking psychedelics if I could live my life over again retaining all memory of everything that has resulted from me taking them? Yes, I might even choose to take more if I did things over again. I MIGHT choose to have haldol on hand thus negating any “negative” effects that I experienced. I don’t even know if I’d want to get rid of the manic or depressive episodes I’ve experienced due to my psychedelic use. I don’t know if it’s fair to even categorize those times of instability as negative considering what they have given me. As much as psychedelics multiply the effects of spirituality and vice versa, mania does the same thing to both. They all multiply each other to create experiences that someone who isn’t bipolar, a dedicated high-dose psychedelic user, and a spiritual practitioner all at the same time could experience. I’m talking about experiences that potentially rival and maybe even exceed any spiritual leader, messiah, or enlightened person you’ve ever heard of. That’s the power of the modern-day shamanism that I’m talking about. The one instance of serious suicidal and homicidal depression that I experienced which was possibly caused by my psychedelic use even provided valuable experience and insight. Don’t let me sharing that with you scare you away from psychedelics, but if it does scare you, just microdose instead of playing with the fire that comes from high-dose experiences. I will reiterate though that you might even be able to do high-dose trips with little risk of a damaging mania due to you being bipolar type 2. I have a good friend who is type 2 who does high-dose trips regularly which cause little to no mania in him. A separate writing: This will likely be the most detailed writing about the relationship between bipolar disorder and psychedelics you’ll be able to find online. Many bipolar people have tried them, but info online describing experiences and the interaction is quite rare. Many people with bipolar disorder either come to the hard question of “Should I use psychedelics?” or simply do them without even questioning it, being generally unaware of the medical warnings against it. In many ancient or even some modern day shamanic cultures, people with psychotic mental illnesses (these were often not considered illnesses in these cultures) were often chosen above people with regular psyches/neurochemistry to become shamans or medicine men/women. The shamans/medicine men/women in many of these cultures regularly used psychedelics, and these individuals were viewed to have a key role in society that seemed to be enhanced by their psychedelic use. As you can see, there is a large difference between how other cultures have answered this question and how the consensus of modern medicine answers this question. I just wrote much of the information below for a friend with bipolar who asked if psilocybin magic mushrooms have been responsible for my manic episodes. Before I get into that, I’ll clarify that I was diagnosed with type one bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder at 18. I have clear family history (diagnosed type 2 bipolar disorder in my grandmother). I had my first sign of the illness at age 14. This sign was moderate depressive symptoms that lasted up until my first manic episode at 18. I did not try psychedelics until I was almost 23. I had used marijuana starting at age 14, but I would only say I was a moderate/heavy user for about two months right when I started then almost none at all until years later. I bring up marijuana because some medical professionals have suggested there is a link between its use and the triggering of latent psychotic mental health disorders, mainly bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I figured I’d add that in since this post is basically accounting for both the potential and obvious relationships among various drugs and how my disorder manifests. Here’s what I said to my friend to answer his question: Well I hadn't had a manic episode for a few years until about two months after I had my first mushroom experience (a relatively low dose) which ended up changing my priorities quite a bit. I stopped caring about chasing success and money as much and started prioritizing things like relationships with my family and girlfriend more. This decision made me much happier. It's hard to say if the mushrooms truly caused that mania. It more started me making positive changes in my life and gave an uplift to my emotions that kind of snowballed until I was beyond just happy and was instead manic. I believe the behavior and values change was what really caused this episode, but these changes were caused by consuming the mushrooms. Another time when I took my highest dose ever (5.87 grams) it lead me to choose to start meditating multiple times per day and eat a completely vegan diet. I think the meditation and diet change were more responsible for the mania that came about 30-45 days after the trip than the mushrooms were. Other than those two times, I haven't had problems with mushrooms causing episodes. I think they have the capability to chemically trigger an episode right away, but this would only be found at abnormally high doses probably. I have had close to 10 mushroom trips with most at 3-5 grams. Only two were at less than 3 grams. It seems like the way they trigger mania comes more in their ability to motivate you to take action or make changes to make yourself happier. I've never really been as motivated as I was after my highest dose. I changed/added probably 5-10 different positive habits to my daily life consistently for over a month. I was a fucking machine, lol. As a bipolar person, when you do all of this to create happiness within yourself, there is a problem. You don't have a natural cap to your happiness in the same way a normal person does. There's nothing in place to stop you from going manic when you revolutionize your life in the way I was. Standard doses of medication will not stop that. Emergency level doses can. LSD at 10 tabs chemically triggered a manic episode for me. At six tabs and three tabs on two separate trips there were no symptoms of mania at all nor any manias caused by the motivation and values changes I’ve described with those 20% of my mushroom experiences I’ve just described. It’s important to note that 80% of the time I tripped on shrooms it didn’t lead to any notable lifestyle shifts. In the three times I used LSD, it didn’t produce lifestyle changes like that 20% of my mushroom trips did. LSD and shrooms work relatively similarly in the brain on serotonin levels. This is why I say with a high level of certainty that shrooms can chemically trigger mania at crazy doses. LSD does boost dopamine more than psilocybin, so I would say it is riskier as boosting either of these neurotransmitters significantly is known to cause manic episodes. Taking ayahuasca and going off my meds at the same time also triggered a manic episode for me. This is the only time I have gone off my meds if you’re thinking maybe that’s causing my episodes. If I hadn't gone off my meds, I would've been fine though. I’m certain of that. I had a low/normal dose of ayahuasca. Long story short, with psychedelics that work mainly on serotonin (this includes all that I’ve described here), it's the dose that ultimately decides if they will chemically trigger mania. I could probably have as many mushroom trips as I want at 2-3 grams and possibly even 5 grams without any manic symptoms caused chemically by the initial ingestion, however, the power of these trips to lead you to take action to change your own level of happiness by improving your behavior and motivation is just as much of a risk for triggering mania as the direct and initial chemical effects. Several of my manias I had in the last half of 2020 were also not caused directly by psychedelics it appears, but those episodes also might not have ever happened if I didn't "open the gateway" or "put a crack in the dam" by using psychedelics many times at high doses and potentially permanently changing how my brain works. In the last six months of 2020, I had six serious manic episodes. Five resulted in hospitalization usually lasting one to two weeks for each occurrence. Two of these manic episodes were directly and chemically triggered by psychedelics. I also had my first depressive episode that was severe enough to require hospitalization at the end of 2020. I was seriously suicidal for the first time in my life. At the worst point in this episode, I even began having serious homicidal thoughts and plans. In the 2-3 years since choosing to start using psychedelics, my mental health has been far more tumultuous than ever before. I’ve had probably twice the amount of episodes in this 2-3 year period when compared to the previous 4-5 year period. I’ve also had both my worst manic episode and depressive episode ever during this 2-3 year period. It’s possible that some of these episodes would’ve happened without using psychedelics, but at least two were directly, chemically, and unquestionably caused by psychedelics and not just by behavior changes resulting from psychedelics. Conversely, psychedelics as well as these recent manias and all manias that have came after I started using psychedelics have given me the most incredible and meaningful experiences of my life. It’s common for spiritual or religious feelings, experiences, and thoughts to occur during manic episodes, but my manic episodes have become far more spiritually significant and overall spiritual in nature than the episodes I had before using psychedelics. I have been a very committed spiritual seeker for the past seven years. It’s important to note that I only really take psychedelics because of the way they add to my spirituality and aid me in experiencing the radical possibilities of consciousness. I’m not the type to trip just as a way to hang out with friends or trip at music festivals recreationally. As Leo Gura once said, “I don’t trip recreationally. I trip existentially.” I’m certain that the combination of bipolar disorder and psychedelics has allowed me to experience deeper awakenings and insights than many dedicated monks or other seriously dedicated or gifted spiritual people have who have decades of experience under their belts. I’ve done this in 2-3 years of psychedelic use and 7 years of spiritual practice and study. A bipolar brain certainly seems to increase the potency of psychedelics as well as give advantages spiritually. The choice to take psychedelics is an individual one. I’m not trying to pressure or influence anyone to make a decision either way. I figure giving people more information will help them to make the correct decision for them. Back to the shamanic use of psychedelics in those with psychotic mental illnesses in other cultures that I mentioned at the beginning, these cultures had an infrastructure built around supporting the physical needs of shamans. Shamans were generally not required to go hunt or do other work. Their work was going on psychedelic journeys through consciousness, gathering insights and heightened consciousness from these experiences, serving as physical healers, visionaries, and psychologists, and being the spiritual backbone of the society as well as possibly several other things we might not know about today. If your goal is to be a normal full-time employee or regular member of society, it probably isn’t wise to have regular high dose psychedelic trips as a bipolar person. If your goal is to experience the absolute peaks of insight, creative thought, and spiritual potency that consciousness has to offer, then they might be for you, but remember that you will likely pay a price. That price will very likely be your mental stability. You will have more manic and depressive episodes, and these episodes will be more severe than they would be if you never used psychedelics. Shamans who did not have the burden of normal work were much better equipped to handle this. The main problem for bipolar people who want to use psychedelics in the nature I have and for the purposes I have is that the majority of us still have to work full-time or go to school or carry out important family responsibilities like raising children. It’s incredibly difficult to juggle psychedelic use as a bipolar person with these things.

Exactly. We should carefully apply that scrutiny to ourselves first. Many of us might have had great insights, experience oneness, Void, being beyond conceptual thought, pure white light, unspeakable bliss and beauty, existing beyond form, the mess of experiences, possibilities, ideas, etc. played at high speed until exhausted in a total blissful Nothing. No words can really convey that state of "mind(?)". You can only point and hint or dance about it , yet we find ourselves here "arguing" with others on a forum. Which is also OK - because "chop wood, carry water..."

By the way Always meditation made me feel bliss, I just have to connect more to feeling and guidance and stick to it with love to myself as I should

I’ve wondered about this, and thought that perhaps enlightenment is more common than we think, but since it is a phenomenon of no-mind it is often not visible to the part of us that is still wrapped up in the mind. The links between the no-mind and the mind are often not clearly established, and the mind carries a lot of baggage, so if the no-mind experiences enlightenment perhaps the mind won’t notice. A friend of mine spent six months meditating two hours every day, and then had an experience around a raspberry which he ate. It was as if all his senses came alive to that raspberry, it was a deep bliss, and the next morning he woke up with no desire for smoking, he changed his eating habits, his blood pressure reverted to normal and he no longer needed meds for it after many years, and he felt energetic and very creative. He ended up buying a lot of materials from an arts and crafts store and became an artist. He taught himself to play the violin. It was a turning point in his life. Now I wouldn’t say this friend suddenly became wise and cosmically knowledgeable, but something definitely happened to him. Perhaps it was a mini-enlightenment which didn’t fully penetrate to his mind.

What a fantastic day this will be, 24 hours until uninterrupted eternal bliss. I would just close off to people and spend time in the nature, walking in some direction to a forest or something.

I think I will just keep this as a fear journal - description of fears in my life and the feeling it creates and that I use this technique to relieve myself of these fears. It will be very simple straightforwards in doing and sharing together if anyone is interested + you may benefit, be relieved to see that you and I and alot of other people share. It is also a concretized reference to bring up recent fears for more intense and productive practice of nirbhaya dhyaana. I will keep these frightening events short while being descriptive enough for my liking. I noticed in general that my perception of fear starts really changing, i feel more and more free, feeling ok as I am are. I wouldn't give up this feeling for any possesion, achievement. With thise whole effort I would really lile the change few or even just one aspects of my life completely. Either sleeping in turiya, having a siddhi (psychic power, intuition), being free from fear or/and lust, changing the quality of consciousness in some way, having more glimpses of enlightenment, feeling blissfull all the time, sleeping low amounts and having no craving for junk food/media. Having courage to act upon my authentic desires e.c.t. So the list of fears today (could be earlier fears also): - Deciding when to start chilling the batch of newly fermented beer, not really knowing the exact parameter (degree of fermentation) of when to do it creates fear in me, fear of doing something wrong, fear of inevitable bad outcome, because of the unpredictability of chilling, and speed of fermentation and lack of experience and fear of co-workers yelling, shaming me for being unable, discriminating, rejecting me in some way or giving some penalty for that, also the fear of asking or calling or even meeting that co-worker appears, because she has yelled at me for being an idiot, she clearly rejects me in some way, i am in fear to deal with this again and again, so i am letting these fears overwhelm me but I don'8t create the greed of overcoming the fear so it stays in the floating in the emotional layer, where it melts down in my nervous system in blissfullness. - I am affraid to even go and perform some action just to check the temperature for one of the chilling beer tanks, because I feel I will be shamed or gaslit, feeling like I am doing something wrong again, or that I am doing her job while she is there and I am not supposed to do till she leaves, or that it get chilled too much and she will attack me for not watching it chill to the right temperature earlier; - Fear of neighbours disrupting my sleep for playing guitar and sometimes even because I type on the keyboard and press synth keys (yeah, i even use phone to write and keypad to write, because it is quiet, so these stalkers are left with shouting - what are you doing all day? Just sitting on the net?), it is not even the fear itself of not falling asleep but the fear of side effects of not sleeping well enough and it affecting my working and creativity; - irritation, anger (active form of fear) from the passive-agressive and sneaky abuse from multiple neighbours stalking what I do, shouting some insulting slurs at night "you are just a baby living with his mom", "you are conplete 0", "you are a manchild that only knows how to feed himself", "what are you doing/stop sitting in front of computer screen", "you can't play guitar for shit", "your music sounds shit", "you are not playing guitar, underestand!", "ohh, you can't play guitar now, will you start crying?", "why are you not playing guitar now, huh?", "Answer me!", "I will break your guitars", "I will beat you up", "I will fuck up your sleep the whole night", "You are fucked, i don't care", rythimc bangs on the celing, floor, walls when I am sleeping from my nightshift and at night also, constantly opening and closing doors of closets that ring from resistance. (Fyi, i have ignored all of this, and will do, because this is the best tactice I have ever applied, you can clearly see their corrouption and hyporcisy, e.c.t., but this is not about them, this js about me and my fears); - The fear of my guitar playing, ability to practice and to release what I want to enrich to the world being taken away from me; - The fear of my health deteriorating and stomach hurting, eyesight worsening, head hurting sometimes, fear of accidents, loosing limbs, ability to physically play the instrument or hear or work e.c.t.; - Fear of losing my job and source of income as I did made one bad mistake in my workplace last summer Here's few for now... Alot will come repetetive and it is fine. This is a good reference to get back to the feelings. I don't know where I would be without these techniques. I feel young, blissfull, far-sighted, like a human should feel. Ok as himself. Not as these frozen, rotten people who devote their life towards trying to ruin other people's lives, wasting literally quarter of their day if not more in front of their children, doing this abuse and then hiding behind labels as: "look at me, I am a father, i am so much better than you, let me give you advice you didn't even ask for what you should do with your life to end up just as miserable as me!" Well to say what I think: 1) You make children for sense of comfort, company and that you will have a sense of accomplishment that you have what most people have and think is accepted in the society and that you will have something to do. Thinking this is selfless is delusion, you want children is just to have an asset. It might be the biggest sugar-coated delusion, but really people make children and then posses then with their values and and sometimes even make them as their screaming and sometimes even punching bags. If you really are selfless, you will do volunteering, charity e.c.t., altho it for alot of the time, it is calculated and therefore, not really selfless. There is nothing amazing in my worldview in any particular action. You can do everything I can do. I can do everything you can do. Ofc acknowledging the physiological imitation as in gender ofc. Obv, i can't give birth to children. A big accomplishment to me would look like this - you can sit in one place and be happy/blissfull for lets say 16 hours. You living without getting angry. You radiating bliss, you being extraordinarily healthy, emotionally intelligent, listening, tolerating those who are tolerant. Having a high tolerance or resistance aginst corrouption and exploitation. You being a hard worker for little regard for reward and you having a vision and being loving, accepting person. You actively enriching other people. All these qualities are really admirable; 2)If your life is a mess and you are acting violently, the content of what you are saying on the topic of life advice is not very usefull; 3) You can't accept as I am, why should I even listen to you?;

Hello! Let me ask you, do you want to suffer? Do you want to live your life knowing that you are going to continiously suffer? If I look at your future (as a joke) I can see you constantly going trough problems, sufferings, dulness e.c.t. That is without knowing any spiritual practice. What you are going to suffer: - Fear of various kinds; - Boredom; - Lust, leading in pain and guilt; - Guilt for not having the stuff mass is having: - Feeling of displaced in society; - Inability to find anything lasting and secure, valuable; - Inevitable loneliness (constant irritation when any form of entertainment is not available); - Depression for various reasons; - Depresion because of unfullfillment before achieving your life purpose, some personal desires e.c.t., depression because something was taken away from you by event or person; - Depression of succes after acheving something and realizing this is not it and suddenly not meaning anything; - Suffocation of various social, job, e.c.t. obligations to keep yourself running; - Feeling exploited by society, family, spouse, or even people on the internet; - Abuse of the body and mind - partcularly by some enemy, gaslighting you, brainwashing you, making you guilty for who you are, discriminating aginst you, make you constantly fear him or even harm you physically (and ALOOT of passive agressive bullshit, layers of perversions and conspiracies of the ill, unhappy people waiting to wake all their anger on just about anybody); - Self-sabotage, surgeries, pains, not knowing what the fuck to do with various pains in the body, fear of suffering and death, unfullfillment of your desires; - Constant confusion on the counterintuitiveness of how much of lie we are living in, a.k.a., many hypocrisies we have to live in and we are ourselves projecting; - Desperation of not finding satisfaction in what you tought life was; - Fear of not fullfilling even the survival needs which leads to harsh circumstances, compared to your great visions, dreams and luxurious lusts; - Fear of accidents hapening in your life, car crashes, breaking of the limbs, cancers, e.c.t. somebody coming and stealing something or beating you up; - Living in anger, irritation, enimity, selective love, vengefulness, insecurity, projecting it to others and destroying your relationships left and right; - Spending your life in dulness, boredom, procrastination, fantasies which never come true, impossible greeds, having regret; - The dreadful, suffocating feeling of waking up; - Knowing you have to go trough a shitty day tomorrow; - The constant irritation of not wanting to face some events; - Seeing that any number of people seem to be doing so much more ok than you (Jelousy); - The suffering in spiritual seeking also, being manipulated, the pain of seeking and wanting the truth, the constant dread that you want to be happy in all times/actions but you just can't for some reason; - Fear of physical death, and being reborn again, just to go trough this uncertainty again and the same sea of suffering, just to seek the truth; - Continiously forgotting the solutions to your probems and going trough the same set of repetitions of problems, just to conclude they are impossible to solve (you can't change your addictions e.c.t.) e.c.t. So, knowing that you are much more than a mind and body, do you want to go trough this again? As pleasant as it can be sometimes, there is unpleasantness that you have to constantly face and figure, work around. I think it is the greatest mastery to choose to take another birth after a lifetime of spritual practice, people usually choose not to take another birth, as I have heard. Only the really commited people, like the incarnations and spritual masters and some of their disciples, that seems to be the practicality. Ignorant life is not a good news, no matter who you become and what you achieve and enjoy, it is a sea of suffering. Because all of that you will lose and if you decide to protect, you will not be always able to protect your assets, relationships, body, it will be a struggle, again you have to work around to not fall into depression and come out of the bad situation, or accept what has happened. After all, you don't need to look far how many people have become rotten by suffering. It is a tremendous compliment to you if you decide to keep incarinating and exploring this incredible universe and do the sadhana that very few people get to do, however, just one problem, the practicality of it. In some sense it is a feature of design that you can't leave your body at will anytime, then all of us would have left at some point. But! At some point, by some event, the doubt will come, the tought of I want to be free from all of this, I don't care will occour. Then your spiritual journey will start if you are not on it in a stage where you are sincerely doing some practice or inquiry. So, don't die in darkness, if you are already in a mindset that you want to be free and you would like this to be your last life, then just do some spiritual practice sincerely, connect to a master, feel their energy, and do their practices, that is the fastest way that I know of to grow. You can do by yourself also, but it will not be easy and you can almost forget about being productive in the world, because it will suck almost all your time, and anyway you will most likely come to some enlightened being, some spiritual master. Over time, this will take up your life, at least your free time, because you really want to be free. But where you are heading is beautiful, anyway you are heading there, but you would probably like for it to happen sooner than later. You don't want to go trough this again and again i think. I might be wrong, I really don't want to. I get what I do in this life regarding my life purpose, spiritual practice is the only priority for me being blissful is the only priority, I don't care that I might become a unaccomplished bum who doesn't do much in the world, doesn't have children or even an independant place. The grace and bliss is so much better, in many ways it is better than everything I can ask for. Cheers, have a nice day.

This is what happened to me during the 5 meo peak: As I was laying down with my eyes closed and my body was dissolving, I had this really really vivid fear that was showing me that I was a sort of heroin addict that assumed this substance and that now he’s in bliss because he overdosed and he is going to die. The fear also showed me that actually I’m deluded as fuck and I’m thinking that I’m doing this spiritually but I’m just a desperate addict that was so deluded with this whole spirituality thing that he overdosed on this “spiritual” substance to the point of death. now I don’t know if I explained that properly and if you understood it, because this sensation that I have before and ego death is really hard to articulate to me. And btw it happened to me even with lsd and also something similar to this happened with weed, it’s a recurring pattern of mine Why do you think I have this fear emerging in me? Do some of you experience something similar to this ? Do you think I have this fear due to all the cultural influences that I had ? Maybe because of films like “train spotting” and “ we children of Berlin zoo” Thank you for your responses

Most impressed with this man out of the hundreds of teachers I have seen, or skimmed over, that is still alive. He talks about God, infinity, the ultimate bliss and fulfillment with such consistent calmness and presence that I belief it comes from truth and unconditional love, and the things he shares are clearly deeply insightful, clever and sometimes hilarious. I hope he may benefit many:

Indeed - Divine Bliss! Perhaps because you were too busy Being it❤

I am not sure how much I can surrender to the truth. And I don't know if it this can get even more deeper. What I just experienced was absolutely insane. There was some minutes where I was gone and I was in bliss. But then the peak was gone and I started seriously contemplating what has happened while still on the effects of the substance. I started having a conversation with myself as God. Seeing that I am all that exists and I am alone in my creation. This created me existencial terror and I started wondering how God bears this knowledge. I actually asked him God started showing me that he can bear being God by not having self-referential thoughts, in other words: being in non duality...which for God is actually creating a human and a universe and forgetting itself in that. A funny way to look at this dream is to picture it as a way for God to forget itself and ironically being in non duality! Lol. Seems fundamentally suffering comes from being in duality = having self referential / thoughts that create space between you and the thought. I asked him about the "do others exist?" question that my ego always has. And of course "do others exist?" Is a question that only make sense if I believe myself as real. So maybe I should stop making that question since I am not real. I will probably take a longer break to the next trip because I don't know how much I can bear of this.

How long does spiritual purification take? How long does thought attachment take? Examples...ego, ego backlash, I’m fucked up, my neurosis, I could become authentic (am not authentically me already), I could say that I am myself (already are thus it can’t be said), surfaces, identity, ego is robbing Happiness, you guys and your ego (not two), I could feel ok with a myself, problem, lack, self worth (you are not measurable), low self esteem (a thought & interpretation of yourself which doesn’t resonate but is believed anyways, thus missing you are yourself - not what the thought is about), that there is an I which could feel awesomeness (you = awesomeness). Why? Nothing’s wrong with you already. ? Inspect thoughts which feel like poop, rather than believing them about yourself thus misinterpreting feeling. Bring an end to the suffering. Motivation is thinking, it’s the avoidance of unwanted. Consider feeling - inspiration - the natural experience of focusing upon wanted and expanding this Love, that you are. The desire for hope is really un-checked thoughts of pessimism about your future. Thoughts which don’t resonate with the Being sought. Thoughts which can be let go, by no longer focusing upon them. Sounds boring, but actually liberates God.... Which Is this place, this reality, now. Without focus on a thought about myself, a past or a future, presence remains. Presence = contentment. The willingness to let go of what doesn’t resonate = being content with whatever is, right now, and only right now. Being non-condition focused, not-judging-anything focused, is contentment, which feels much better than pessimism. In the good feeling of contentment...perspective automatically changes. The source of perspectives is pure Goodness. Let a poop perspective go, God feeds you Goodness. You can not get it, or earn it. It’s unconditional and ever available, always. Which can rightfully be said to feel hopeful, which feels way better than contentment. In feeling hopeful, Good perspectives arise about your future, and you begin to believe them. You begin to feel optimistic. You begin to actually expect the future will unfold in a manor in accordance, in alignment, with how you feel. When you feel amazing, you’re un-mother-fucking-stoppable. And that is invigorating. That is knock-the-doors-off-this-place-nothing-can-stop-me awesomeness of you. That is passion. Before you now it, you start loving this whole “creating” “attracting” dealy. And that is joy. That is ‘why you came’. That is freedom. You are the creator of your reality. The tool for a creator is The Emotional Scale. After using it maybe, 10 to 20 times, the body mind does it on autopilot. “It” likes, and wants, the love & bliss too.

I have had quite few ayahuasca ceremonies, and im starting to suspect i might be addicted to these experiences, is it okay to be dependant of them to gain wisdom, love, bliss, peace and all the amazing qualities one could have.. Im really confused if i should stop taking medicine plants..(im not sure if i can do that even.. ). What do you think?