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Your answer is “Nothing has ever happened”. Because, therefore there is no such a thing as something, i am nothing, and all there is “me”. No “nothingness “ can not be “experience “, can just “be”. Therefore anything “you” “experience “ is an illusion. Have a direct realization. Additionally, there is no such a thing as “I”, “life” or “death”. It’s clear see that you are stuck in duality, because “you” still think that you born and in the universe. That’s the reason why “i” and “death” is still “exist” for you.

Moksha, I hear what you're saying, and I understand ultimate reality is beyond concept and even experience. Yet, somehow "infinite consciousness" seems to be within the realm of at least peak states. I guess my disillusionment comes from the idea that even these "seemingly infinite" states are deconstructable, and that after doing so you are left with just the statement "Reality is neither ___ nor NOT ___" for any blank. This feels unsatisfying, as it applies even to God, the godhead, Nothingness, and consciousness itself. Kind of leaves me with the same big QUESTION MARK that I started this journey with. Also, how does 4th path enlightenment relate to realizations of various facets of enlightenment through contemplation / self-inquiry?

@xxxx 1- Heaven is surrendering, ego is suffering or hell. 2- No. 3- God is nothingness. There is no such a thing as another dimension, infinite, human vs. No self is love. 4- Freedom, effortlessness, bliss, compassion. 5- letting go of the ego. There is no “me” nor “you”. You are the “bliss, happiness and love ”. 6- Life is suffering. Enlightenment is end of suffering, which is end of life too. Everything is temporary, except nothingness.

January update: Returning to source Something about returning to source has hit home for me. Practices: One month of daily Do Nothing meditation One month of daily enlightenment exercises (Deepak Chopra) Daily walks, readings, regular yoga Continuation of Abraham Hicks allowing (wow this does really work) Regular art practices - drawing and printing Update: In deep meditation I sensed and felt infinity, a beautiful whirling space of nothingness and everythingness. I felt a pull to it but as soon as I began conceptualising what it was, of course it slipped out of grasp. There are days when ego has a tight grip and days when source is there. The path becomes another conceptual form. I know I'm breaking free and watching the chaos around me. I sense a time to ramp up my practices and a pull to creativity as this is my life purpose.

You are so stuck in your no self brother. This is just thoughts and you dont know shit what will happen. This no self bullshit buddhism and so forth is not the original teachings of the Buddha, this is nihilistic new age bullshit. If you really wanna go so far, you are the Absolute. But GOD is real and is the opposite from the Absolute but it is still the same thing just different versions of reality. Infinite conciousness is a thing, even if the Absolute is untouched, conciousness is isness and will always be isness, thats what god does, it is limited to ISNESS itself. Which is everything, but you still can witness it, so what you are is the Absolute. You are like an materialist which claims conciousness is an illusion. WAKE UP. Awareness IS. Always. this is from direct experience. Nothing but imagination and speculation from ur part. Reality is EVERYTHING, can you get it? Obviously you limit reality down to no self lol. Anatta in ancient pali is VIA NEGATIVA, buddha didnt teach that no self is the highest, the soul IS. NO SELF cant transcend anything. The Self is the Absolute. Pure awareness shining on its own. You think the buddha taught the cosmic oblivion lol.. The nihilistic atheistic view, that the " creation" came from non existence.. Infinite nothingness is not NON EXISTENCE. IT IS PURE AWARENESS. Not no self bullshit. no self is the psycho physical body. Form is anatta IE no self, but atman is the soul.

@Mu_ has pointed out the things I wanted to say. However, I'll add a few things here: This is a healthy discussion, and I shall be glad to hear your insights. When you said that God is no more peace than it is anguish, etc., - I am not talking about peace as an emotion here --- it is a constant state of being akin to death. You asked what happiness it --- and this, manifestation of peace, according to me, is eternal happiness; conversely, we are all immersed in a rather fragile physical body, so we have limits. Most of these aforementioned 'negative' states of being scream of the limits of our existence, and we, end up catering to what we know best about, that is going to help alleviate the pressures of life, and term it happiness, through the process of gain and loss; in the sense that we try to constantly seek something above us, in a search for hope, that will serve as an emollient to these wounds that the society inflicts upon us. I am not telling that suffering, pain, etc., is not a manifestation of God. Of course, it exists, and in the meta perspective, it is God that is responsible for this --- but we are the limited expression of God --- the true nature that I was talking about is devoid of humanness --- for there's an infinite amount of existence that isn't human. We are just specks here --- albeit, it is very real for us. Imagine a sage sitting atop a mountain, having retired from the morbid constraints of everyday life --- they have chosen to let go of these attachments, and if the suffering arises, anyway - they are going to live with it, and even die with it, in peace, happily. (Check this article out: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/02/04/the-curious-tale-of-the-200-year-old-mummified-monk-reportedly-frozen-in-a-lotus-position/) I think, suffering arises out of our reluctance to accept the reality; that can be very difficult, too. I am not telling that I will not fall into the clutches of adversity, if they are presented to me while I am embedded in this finite form --- I am very much likely to fall prey to it. I cannot exist within the society and not expect the society to royally fuck me up. Nonetheless, it is definitely possible to experience that eternal happiness; the criteria being that you have to be completely detached from your humanness, and get into, quite literally, the God-mode. . For example: After meditating, does it have an effect on your overall well-being; at least for a short span of time, wherein, post that feeling of nothingness or peace, the emotional manifestation of it, i.e., happiness, pervades throughout, slightly nudging you into the state of complete acceptance, giving rise to a feeling of joy? Yes, this may be ephemeral. However, this can very much be eternal, too. . Also, just tell me, if it were not for other humans influencing us, would these exist, at all --- stress, murder, rape, theft, etc. Then, in terms of disasters --- would it matter to you if there's a crazy tsunami on some exoplanet, then? To what degree would this affect you? Cancer --- correct me if I am wrong here: how much of a human doing is this, owing to our lifestyles, etc.? Disability --- what if you see a dog that is blind or without any limbs? Do you think that dog is always in the mode of suffering? Hell --- who makes life hell? How do you define hell? If something threatens your egoic survival, is it hell? What I am trying to say is that these are our limits, not the complete picture. God exists in it, and very much, infinitely, out of it, as well. Yes, this understanding might be termed a utopia, but tell me, what about God isn’t a utopia? . Let me know what you think about this. Shall be happy to learn.

@Kalki Avatar This is death its relative. its infinity. The enlightnment, in part is realizing that. That is the Nothingness. There is nothing to compare it to. Death is an illusion. Self improve has many degrees, and vectors. It is also relative. Not just self deconstruction, though that is important too.

Okay, I'll try my best to break this down: God, in the ultimate sense is peace - therefore, at our core, beyond these human limits, our truth is peace alone. When we meditate, we feel no emotion - we become nothingness, a neutrality, and there's an acceptance of this infinite oneness. True happiness - that is, an eternal state of happiness is a derivative of peace. We humans, operate out of feelings, and act upon them, right? We are, at the end of the day, God in a limited form - a God that is living through us, through feelings. If we use our senses, we feel; feelings are nothing but a reaction. Say, you stay in that state of complete acceptance of nothingness, you transcend your limited form, and become one with God. You, technically, arrive at death, right? Now, through this unification and oneness, you shall realize that everything is you, and you are everything. You decide to come back, to live through God, in this limited form - a limited form that is nothing but a bundle of feelings - you use your senses, and they stimulate you; feelings are a reaction, we know that --- so, when you realize this infinite vastness, and that everything is you alone, your reaction is of pure infinite happiness and love. Here, the wall is you, the car is you, that dead animal on the street is you, the magnificent house is you, the grain of rice is you, your phone is you, that annoying aunt who talks a lot is you, haha! When you realize that everything is you, would you need anything to make you feel happy, at all? . I hope I was pellucid in my elucidation this time. . Other than that, @allislove's explanation is very good, too.

I was watching a documentary of Sri Ramana Maharshi. I was really getting into something profound, you know. I could really feel all my fucking reality melting down into I. However, at one time i got very uneasy... i don't know how to explain tbh. We all know when ego feels a bit triggered, but this one was different. It was like the pointer was maybe to much to him and the false identity wanted to get out of there. The fact is, I stopped watching and went to play videogame and things to distract the mind to be fair; however how the fuck I'm gonna run from myself. Anyway, could you give more insights about what happened? I may have an understanding, but I'm sure there is someone that has a deeper understanding of this phenomena. Any adive also to let go when literally you are dying and you are melting into nothingness? Obviusly go with the flow but i feel like all those advice are pretty much meaningless when you are actually in the situation. Looking forward your answers

Realization of nothing has ever happened. You are already what you are, which is nothingness, which is not knowing as in the beginning. therefore nothingness can not be “experienced”, can just “be”.Anything that “you” “experienced” is an illusion.

Yes i agree. Thoughts are illusion. You can say no thoughts or no mind. But, not knowing is more profound. Not knowing is what “being” is, same as before so called “birth”. When you not know, what is a thought? What is mind? What is attachment, death, or life? Nothingness can not be “experienced” (because “I” and “experiencing “ is still a thought) can just “be” ( being is just being, there is no question nor answer).

ivankiss, was that black emptiness something you would describe as a deep sleep? Because in a sense, everything disappear in a deep sleep and there is just nothingness, with no time or space. And then, big-bang, wake up.

And you didn't read the long version? Maybe check it out This part from the end of the book was so intense. I think many here can relate that to some experiences...: Is this a hallucination? "Charlie, are you all right?" Or the things described by the mystics? I hear a voice but I don't want to answer him. It annoys me that he is there. I've got to ignore him. Be passive and let this - whatever it is - fill me with the light and absorb me into itself. "What do you see, Charlie? What's the matter?" * Upward, moving like a leaf in an upcurrent of warm air. Speeding, the atoms of my body hurtling away from each other. I grow lighter, less dense, and larger... larger... exploding outward into the sun. I am an expanding universe swimming upward in a silent sea. Small at first, encompassing with my body, the room, the building, the city, the country, until I know that if I look down I will see my shadow blotting out the earth. Light and unfeeling. Drifting and expanding through time and space. And then, as I know I am about to pierce the crust of existence, like a flying fish leaping out of the sea, I feel the pull from below. It annoys me. I want to shake it off. On the verge of blending with the universe I hear the whispers around the ridges of consciousness. And that ever-so-slight tug holds me to the finite and mortal world below. Slowly, as waves recede, my expanding spirit shrinks back into earthly dimensions - not voluntarily, because I would prefer to lose myself, but I am pulled from below, back to myself, into myself, so that for just one moment I am on the couch again, fitting the fingers of my awareness into the glove of my flesh. And I know I can move this finger or wink that eye - if I want to. But I don't want to move. I will not move! I wait, and leave myself open, passive, to whatever this experience means. Charlie doesn't want me to pierce the upper curtain of the mind. Charlie doesn't want to know what lies beyond. Does he fear seeing God? Or seeing nothing? As I lie here waiting, the moment passes during which I am myself in myself, and again I lose all feeling of body or sensation. Charlie is drawing me down into myself. I stare inward in the center of my unseeing eye at the red spot that transforms itself into a multipetaled flower - the shimmering, swirling, luminescent flower that lies deep in the core of my unconscious. I am shrinking. Not in the sense of the atoms of my body becoming closer and more dense, but a fusion - as the atoms of my-self merge into microcosm. There will be great heat and unbearable light - the hell within hell - but I don't look at the light, only at the flower, unmultiplying, undividing itself back from the many toward one. And for an instant the shimmering flower turns into the golden disk twirling on a string, and then to the bubble of swirling rainbows, and finally I am back in the cave where everything is quiet and dark and I swim the wet labyrinth searching for one to receive me... embrace me... absorb me... into itself. That I may begin. In the core I see the light again, an opening in the darkest of caves, now tiny and far away - through the wrong end of a telescope - brilliant, blinding, shimmering, and once again the multipetaled flower (swirling lotus - that floats near the entrance of the unconscious). At the entrance of that cave I will find the answer, if I dare go back and plunge through it into the grotto of light and beyond. Not yet! I am afraid. Not of life, or death, or nothingness, but of wasting it as if I had never been. And as I start through the opening, I feel the pressure around me, propelling me in violent wavelike motions toward the mouth of the cave. It's too small! I can't get through! And suddenly I am hurled against the walls, again and again, and forced through the opening where the light threatens to burst my eyes. Again, I know I will pierce the crust into that holy light. More than I can bear. Pain as I have never known, and coldness, and nausea, and the great buzzing over my head flapping like a thousand wings. I open my eyes, blinded by the intense light. And flail the air and tremble and scream. * I came out of it at the insistence of a hand shaking me roughly. Dr. Strauss.

@oMarcos Thinking your mother is dreaming herself from the same source will forever be unprovable unless you recognize that capital Y You is the consciousness that is dreaming lowercase y you. Is this the source you’re speaking of, or are you acknowledging belief in the existence of a source other than “your” consciousness. Your is in quotes because ultimately you don’t have consciousness; consciousness has you. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that belief. I’m just trying to understand where you’re going with this. People claiming past lives have only witnessed or seen evidence for those past lives through their own consciousness. The existence of past lives ultimately is no proof that there is a consciousness other than yours. It’s all viewed from one perspective always - your consciousness. Yes, I’ve never seen him flatly say “I don’t have beliefs,” yet he regularly says that his most important insights are not beliefs. Maybe he will admit to have a belief that there’s toilet paper in his bathroom when he isn’t present, but the things that seemingly matter most to him such as Love being the framework (maybe framework isn’t the most fitting word - I can’t think of a better one atm) of the Universe he claims are not beliefs. I already see it this way. You just put it into words, so why are you claiming it can’t be put into words? Sure, words never do direct consciousness justice, but they can be useful signposts. We’re both likely aware that the map is not the territory, but we are also aware that a map can do a good job pointing out important aspects of a given territory to a limited degree. To understand more completely what I’m really getting at when I’m talking about solipsism, read this that I wrote: “When you go to sleep at night, you often find yourself in dreams. In these dreams, most people will still have a human body. In waking reality, there is an unsubstantiated claim or story given by people that consciousness is somehow generated by the brain. The experts aren’t so sure, or at least they don’t have any solid evidence. Look up the “hard problem of consciousness” to understand how this is unsubstantiated. In the dream, you typically do not think along the same lines. If you were to lucid dream, you would certainly not think you were the dream body or somehow generated by the brain in your dream head. I say you, but I need to clarify exactly who you are. You are consciousness. Consciousness is the only constant you can find in all realities. In the dream, you are literally everything perceived in the dream. It’s all generated by your consciousness. We understand fully that everything created in our dreams comes entirely from us and is an extension of us. Surprisingly enough, there’s no solid argument against this being exactly the same case in waking reality. Your brain, body, and mind are all generated by consciousness in the same fashion consciousness generates the entire reality in dreams. Beyond your mind, body, and brain, you as consciousness generate this entire reality. This entire reality IS consciousness and nothing else. It’s the same way in a dream nothing is separate from you as consciousness. You as consciousness are the sole source for everything in the dream. No one thinks everyone in their dreams are conscious, separate entities once they’ve come back to the waking state. It’s the same in this reality. There’s absolutely no way you can actually be shown something outside of your consciousness. There will never ever be proof that other beings are conscious separately or outside of your consciousness. Even if you merged consciousness with another being in the waking state as a way to somehow prove the existence of another consciousness, guess what it would be? It would be fully engulfed in exactly one thing: you as consciousness or otherwise put your consciousness. You are the source of everything that exists in your consciousness, and your consciousness is the entirety of your universe and always will be. Nothing can ever exist outside of your consciousness. Existence relies completely on perception and consciousness to even be relevant. What is the difference between a fairytale land in a book, the black void people typically conceive of as nothingness or nonexistence, and a reality you imagine exists like heaven? They’re all just imagination. The only thing that’s real is what you can experience in this very moment. As soon as something exits consciousness, it exits existence. There’s no proof for something existing outside of consciousness, and there never will be because the most fundamental building block in any proof is, you guessed it, consciousness. Before using reason or logic or any other conceptual tool to prove something you use precisely one thing first: consciousness. Even if you and I are both conscious entities, we live in completely different “universes of consciousness.” Precisely, that is to say that one consciousness can never be shown another consciousness to exist without perceiving the other consciousness through the lens of the original consciousness. As soon as one consciousness comes into the other, the secondary consciousness immediately becomes an aspect of the primary consciousness. So if you were to completely merge your consciousness with mine, your consciousness would be held within my consciousness, and it would be the same for you if the process were done from your perspective. This is a clear mechanic of consciousness. We can never know if the person sitting across the lunch table from us is conscious. We can only assume one way or the other. Anything imagined to be separate from the perspective of the original consciousness will always just be one more aspect of the original consciousness. In this way, we are entirely alone as consciousness. We are not alone as human beings. There are plenty of humans walking around. You can clearly perceive that, but by the very nature of perception, consciousness cannot perceive another consciousness without it immediately becoming another aspect of itself. Consciousness cannot perceive another consciousness as some sort of separate thing. Once the “other” consciousness is viewed, it only exists as long as it is in contact with the primary consciousness - the point of perception, and it is only truly the primary consciousness the entire time. In this way, you can never truly share space with another consciousness. You cannot perceive another consciousness. Anything you perceive is just you. You are consciousness. Everything is you. Everything is consciousness. It will be this way for eternity. You as consciousness will likely visit innumerable dreamt up worlds that you’ve created. You’ll perceive yourself as some kind of avatar or character as far as we can tell. You’ll at first see all the rest of the characters in your dreamt up creation as separate from you, but in truth those dream characters are just as much you as your primary character is. They’re just characters held within consciousness. One, your primary character who you at first feel to live inside, simply exists in your consciousness more of the time than the others. Ultimately neither the other characters or your perceived primary character is you because you are the consciousness that permeates all aspects of the dream world including its laws of physics, characters, objects, and everything else. You aren’t the characters any more than you are the objects or the laws of motion that govern that reality. You are all aspects of that reality. You are all aspects of all realities. A reality can only exist within you. Something is only real to you if it is held within your consciousness. No realities exist outside of the one you are experiencing right now. This waking state planet Earth does not exist when you are in a dream. Your wife could tell you that the world still existed while you were asleep, but you have to see how this is exactly the same as if your dream wife told you the dream reality was there while you were asleep. It means nothing because you as consciousness were not there. That seems to be the pattern in what we can verify between both the waking state and dreams.” @Leo Gura yea or nay, potentially Me/God/Consciousness-generated human being I consider to be my current avatar’s master?

@Shunyata Ego is so called “belief of an I”. Willingly let go and surrender everything for truth. You are the “nothingness”. Ego is just a “thought “ as “life, not even. Life is suffering. Buddha

Hello, I just watched "The enlightened self" video, and I tried to picture Leo as nothing. And it was just too hard, I see people as something different and apart, like they have their own qualities and they do other things. The only thing I could do there was picturing him as me, as part of my field of awareness, as if I was the person that was saying those things, I'm not sure if that's the right approach, because I can tell differentiating people gives me sort of the anxiety I've been holding for my whole life. (Funny I wrote "lie" instead of "life" and thought that would be a more appropriate way to say it) thanks jackyjoy

@ivankiss again thank you, super interesting! So, the infinite Will is an instantaneous phenomenon without any prior "I want X so I have to do Y"? It just happens immediately, right? But how were you able to construct/reconstruct your "new" reality? And how did you know that you were willing to come back? For me it's a miracle that the Nothingness is Infinite Will itself.

@Muhammad Jawad That was an awesome read. Thank you for sharing. And thank you @abrakamowse for connecting the dots ❤ Definitely can relate. Especially regarding instant manifestation. Thinking reality into existence - in real time. Every single thought I had materialized instantly. It's something that sounds like a true superpower... But it freakin' scared the crap out of me. I was not able to handle that kind of a power and freedom. My fears got the best of me. Hence my 'terrifying' experience. I look at it as a major purification. A lesson. A blessing. Thanks again. Much love and respect to you. @wesyasz That's very cool. Thanks. To be honest; was not expecting others to relate to this experience. It's great to see that some can. Well, I did experience complete disintegration without drugs as well. But as I mentioned - that was not as intense and mind-blowing as my first experience. I merged with infinite Love and Bliss too, but not before facing my biggest fears. Those were the barriers. I call them 'the guardians of exits'. Thank you! Glad you find the I information valuable. Infinite Nothingness is Infinite Will itself. The 're-emergence' was like a massive explosion of Source-energy. Felt like I literally was 'the big bang'. It was a pulse of Will. Pure Nothingness is a frequency singularity. No distortion whatsoever. There was no thought processing, or any other processing for that matter. Only stillness and silence. That is exactly what infinite freedom is. Out of nothing anything can be born. Love.

Wow, @ivankiss, thank you for sharing this intense experience. You said that you came back on your own will. Is there any way to describe how the will felt like? How can there be will in this infinite nothingness as you describe it? Also you wrote: This resonates very much with me. But also here, how can you express your freedom when you in this infinite nothingness? I mean there was no thought process happening, right?

I am afraid of realizing this “nothingness”, and also feeling trapped in that nothingness. How can I overcome this fear?

Hello dear community, Since a long time, I asked myself the question "Why can't god kill itself when it is all powerful and encompasses all infinite possibilities? Shouldn't the possibility of killing itself be possible if everything is possible inside of God?". The answer (at least I think it was the answer?) came during a psychedelic trip where I felt adventurous enough to elaborate on this question. I said to myself: "Let's do it, let's try to end Beingness itself". I tried to end my own Beingness but it was not possible because following answer was given to me by God: God cannot kill itself because God is Love and ending the existence of God itself would contradict Love. Because Love is the reason why God exists and Love is the reason why it cannot kill itself. Killing itself would mean that all creations of God would die too but this is against Love which wants to maximize itself in form of more forms and more complex beings. I liked this answer because it ties Love and Being together. Love is the reason of Being and Being cannot be ended because of Love. It's some kind of a self-referential safety mechanism. So far so good but here's the question: If God is infinite and as Leo states: ACTUAL infinity. Why can't God kill itself? I still see that God is infinity, even if it cannot kill itself, but, well, it's infinity - 1 possibility. You could say: "Gotcha! God is already dead because it's nothing, so it does not matter if it could kill itself or not!"...I mean not exactly that. By killing I mean, stopping Beingness...forever, not temporarily, forever. Eternal blank black/white/whatever void without any conciousness, without any new spawning forms. The only way out which I see is that Being and Not Being are the same and God will instantly respawn itself because Nothingness always creates God again. But then, why wasn't I able to end my own Beingness during the psychedelic trip? Could you comment on my statements? Do I have a fallacy somewhere which I don't see? Can God actually end its existence and my realization was not deep enough? Or does the question, "Can God end its Beingness?", make no sense at all?

You know, sometimes I realize how absolutely nuts we must seem to "ordinary" people. I mean, we're of course also ordinary people, but we have settled into an epistemological and ontological niche so far away from "normal" Joe Schmoe -mind and -consciousness that if we were to talk about some of the things that we talk about here with normal folk, we would immediately be regarded as complete and utter screwballs who must've escaped the boobie hatch. How have you guys dealt with this? How are you handling it? I sometimes just forget that people who aren't interested in reality and truth etc. see the world in a radically different light, and I tend to forget how it was for me. I really love it to get lost in this philosophical rabbit hole that we all know and when I talk to people about the things that I think about or which I understood, I really forget that what I am saying to them must sound completely messed up. Even if it's metaphors that are quite easy to stomach like "well you're like a wave in the ocean" or whatever, most people already think that you've lost it. For god sake they think you're woo-woo when you say "money isn't actually real". Not to think about how it must sound like when you really go deeper with these topics "time is an illusion, you're God aka infinite nothingness and oh btw, existence is love, also, did you know that reality is your mind? The mushrooms revealed my shadow to me and btw there's this toad when you smoke its venom you realize you're God. Ever heard about 4-dimensional elves in the dimethyltryptamine-realm that make you sing objects into existence?" or stuff like that. Complete lunacy But we tend to take these sorts of things for granted to some degree, I think. What do you think? I'm not really concerned that people might think that I'm "crazy", that's not the point, but I'd like to know how you remind yourself that they see reality different? Don't you have the desire to share these amazing things with them? Even if it means that they might reject you?

Nirvana or enlightenment is realization of nothing has never happened (birth, death, universe, infinite, life vs just happens within the process of thoughts, which is naming, labeling and putting meaning on the words and thoughts. Even saying thoughts to “thoughts “, words to “words”). Unfortunately, conversations quoted above is just the story of ego. Because, ego is alive (just a thought as a thought ), not You. ? There is no life nor death, you are already what you are. ? Additionally, do you guys think that these are conversations or words or you are alive and talking in forum? If answer is “yes”. It is because “you” “think”. ? Thats what so called “ego” and so called “self” is. ? There is no “you” nor “thinking” , Now is before birth. This is the Truth. Definitely ?✊ All is “nothingness”, which is You.

“You” can “experience “ infinity. Because i f you dont know what is infinite, how can you know that you have “experienced “ “infinity “. Many people experience nothingness with psychedelics, but because of the thought process still continues, you can never really really become nothingness. Nothingness can not be “experienced”, can just “be”. Because only when you “not know”, you can be nothing. And thats what the awakening is. Enlightenment is freedom, if you talking about bliss as freedom. Yes it is. Flawlessness, effortlessness. You are already what you are, instead of “you” are having “sex”, let go of the thought of “self”, and be the “sex”. 1000 times more feeling than as average person do. With an empty mind, be it directly. Because it is not “sex”, it is you (same goes for “love”).

In order for me to recount this experience accurately I must first give some necessary context. Roughly three weeks prior to this trip I began to notice a subtle yet extremely profound shift in my perception of life and reality. I cannot exactly pinpoint when or how this shift occurred but all I can say is that since about mid to late December I have not perceived life through the bounds of an ego structure. Instead I have been perceiving and operating from a place of fundamental permanent unmoving beingness. Every aspect and event that this body mind experiences I have perceived as a reflection of who and what I am fundamentally and existentially. For the past few weeks literally everything I do, including just existing feels simultaneously like the most profound thing in all of existence as well as simply a normal mundane happening. The person known as T.R. just feels like a character that I am contently playing as in this experience of life. Occasionally at times when I have deeply felt into this permanent fundamental beingness it has resulted in tears and I have found myself spontaneously saying, “It was in my face the whole time”. “The most obvious thing (non-thing) in all of existence and the most profound thing (non- thing) in all of existence is right here and has always been right here”. This fundamental unmoving beingness feels like the “basal substance” (again it’s not a thing) from which all forms of existence arise and form from and fall and dissolve back into. My favorite philosopher and spiritual teacher Ken Wilber has referred to this as the “Ground of all Being” or the “Simple Feeling of Being”. It feels surreal and almost dreamlike but very grounded and mundane. I feel much lighter and more free, nothing matters but everything is sacred. I am almost reluctant to share, as I do not want to fool and or delude myself in thinking that full liberation is now my perception in life but I feel that my experience may benefit other people in their journeys and thus I am sharing this. Now with that context being provided I will get to describing the events of my DMT trip experience. During the week leading up to this experience I prepared for it in the following ways. I took my existing meditation, mindfulness and shadow work practices and ramped them up three fold. I did my best to stay in mindfulness for as many hours as I possibly could each day, as well as meditating about two hours each day. Additionally I kept a vigilant watch of my internal landscape and every day I wrote at length on any and all aspects of myself that were out of alignment with my True Natural Self and the ebb and flow of the Totality of Existence. Additionally I observed the excitement within the ego structure in the days leading up to this experience. On the day of the trip I began final preparations about an hour before. I meditated and listened to Gregorian chants as I normally do before entheogenic experiences. At around 2 in the afternoon I weighed out approximately 50mg of N,N-Dimethyltryptamine and placed it into the vaping bottle which I would use to inhale the substance from. As I placed the DMT into the vaping bottle it was as if my whole body was aware of the profundity that was about to occur. I sat down at the edge of my bed, sparked my lighter and began to vaporize the DMT. A thick white vapor filled the container and my body and mind were simultaneously filled with reverence, anxiety and awe. I thanked every being both physical and non-physical who has helped me in this life in allowing me to cultivate this experience. I then exhaled my lungs as completely as I could, unfastened the bottle cap and took in the largest inhale of my life. In a matter of 3 seconds or so I inhaled all 50 milligrams of the DMT vapor in a single hit. I held it in my lungs for around 5 seconds or so before slowly exhaling it. The first thought I had was, “I wonder how long it will take for this to come on.” Before the thought could even finish within 3 or 4 seconds my vision extremely quickly exploded into a mandala of infinitely beautiful fractals of first hundreds and then thousands of colors. Simultaneously I heard the iconic intensely loud humming ringing in my ears. Additionally I began to feel what I can only describe as the feeling of my whole body dissolving, becoming less and less and less relevant to my experience of existing. In the few seconds left that I had any awareness of a physical world I quickly put down the bottle and laid down in my bed. By now, perhaps 10 or 15 seconds into the trip I was essentially blinded by billions of infinitely beautiful mandala fractals and deafened by the intense humming that had now taken on a very technological almost synthesized sound as well. As any and all awareness of having a physical body or being in a physical world continued to dissolve I felt the most nauseous I have ever felt in my entire life and felt a tremendous urge to vomit even though I had not eaten in almost 24 hours. At the same time the concept of having a life and of ever being born was quickly fading away into the sea of infinity. The body high became so intense that it felt like I was quickly melting, as if my body was being deconstructed and broken down at a cellular level. With what little bodily awareness I had left I reached for my vomit bucket and pulled it closer. However by the time my arm pulled the bucket closer to me all notion of existing in a physical world was gone. The now infinite sea of mandala fractals as well as the intense synth like humming ringing had entirely engulfed my entire sensory perception of reality. All memory of my personal life, who I was, Earth and the experience of life was now gone and the only existence I knew was the infinite realm of the infinite menagerie of forms that comprise the totality of phenomenological existence. The last thing I felt as my familiar individuated consciousness before blasting off was complete relaxation, warmth and Love completely wash over my entire being on a sub atomic level. In the few seconds that it took for all of this to happen my consciousness was blasted out of the body mind structure at a speed and intensity several orders of magnitude beyond the speed of light to a place beyond the totality of physical existence, beyond all universes, multiverses and all realms of existence. As my consciousness was being transported at this unimaginable speed I perceived all of the realms of existence that I encountered. I saw every alien species in all of existence, every form of technology, the history of every civilization in all of existence, every form of information relay, all of the deepest darkest most horrible and hellish realms of existence and the horrid entities that resided there and all of the highest most beautiful and heavenly realms of existence and all of the wonderful entities that resided there. As this profoundly powerful travel of my consciousness continued I perceived what appeared to be this small mischievous extraordinarily loving very playful entity. I knew this was a Tryptamine Jester. The projection I saw was short, thin and somewhat humanoid. Its body was comprised of technological light energy and was a mosaic of thousands of colors all tessellated, interwoven and oscillating with each other. The energy I got from this being that was traveling with me was almost childlike but I knew this being was also extremely wise. Our energies interacted and it showed me how the basics of the physical spatiotemporal realm of existence works. I saw the same torus energy fields in all lifeforms in physical existence similar to what I saw on a profound LSD trip 3 years ago. I was also shown how critically important the law of conservation of energy is; specifically in keeping the totality of all of the multiverses in the relative realm of physicality in balance. Additionally while I was traveling with this Tryptamine Jester I was showered in this infinite Universal Love that completely pervaded my being. The same Infinite Universal Love that I had experienced in April of last year. All of this profundity occurred in what felt like seconds or it could have been trillions of years. From my perspective it did not seem to matter as time was no longer relevant. Eventually me and this friendly Jester parted ways. My individuated consciousness eventually traveled beyond all of the realms of existence that could possibly manifest; beyond all realms of form. I went beyond the pretty light show of the phenomena existence and thus I was no longer enamored by the infinite light show of phenomenal existence. And now there was only the Void; the infinite unmanifest Void. It was in this non-place of absolute transcendent and immutable nothingness that my point of individuated consciousness was completely obliterated shockingly quickly. There was absolutely nothing left. Any semblance of an individuated me or any personal life was entirely gone. There was never a T.R., there was never a human organism who experienced a multi-year long spiritual journey of awakening. There was only the awareness of The Totality of All of Existence. And that totality consciousness is the absolute purest form of what all of existence is, what I am and what we all are. With that obliteration of illusory demarcated consciousness there was a Grand all-encompassing merging with everything in all of existence. In a single femtosecond my individuated consciousness was entirely obliterated and assimilated into the totality of all of Existence. I was Home. This was the Godhead. This was The Ground of All being. This absolute Unmanifest eternal nothingness was the Ultimate, the Truth; God. However, this was simultaneously and paradoxically nothing special and absolutely the most holy thing. It all felt very familiar and it was literally the most obvious thing in existence. I was everything and I knew everything. I was the infinite mind of God. I (pure unmanifest totality consciousness) was the ground of all creation in existence I was the foundation for all forms that arise and fall eternally, and infinitely. And simultaneously I the ground and foundation for all forms in infinity was also imbued within and manifested as all forms in the totality of myself. I resided as this infinite unmanifest absolute nothingness for a googolplex number of years eventually until I wanted to do something else. So I decided to create a part of myself as a few billion realms of existence and imbue those realms with forms of life all the way down to oversouls, souls, spirits and all manner of individuated consciousnesses. And eventually I found my small particular individuated consciousness and I decided to play as it, and to experience through it. And so I thus began the process of pretending to forget that I am the unmanifest ground of all being and the totality of all of existence. I continued to pretend forget things until I was only experiencing an individuated consciousness on a journey through a strange realm of existence. Now that I was again perceiving as an individuated consciousness I also began to return to the realm of form. But something was different. My existence was potentiated and I still remembered some of my creative power. So I decided I would like to talk to someone. So I created a realm of existence. Even though I was now only an individuated consciousness I still had an incredible amount of creative power, enough to create a sea of multiverses. Extremely tiny and minute compared to what I was capable of as the totality but it was still more than sufficient for what I intended to do. And so I continued to create this strange tryptamine realm until I deemed it to be sufficient and then I went about a second recursive process of pretending to forget enough so that I could dive into this realm as an even smaller individuated consciousness. Once I did this I felt more familiar more like how I was a googolplex number of years ago. I navigated through this tryptamine realm I had created until I came to an infinitely complex geometric fractal room. I phased through the outer structure of this room and inside I encountered two of the Tryptamine Jesters. This time however I primarily perceived only their energies. One of the Jesters was the same one that I had met from before. They were extremely happy to see me and invited me in. So I came in with them and even though I was a disembodied consciousness I sat down with the two Jesters at the table like structure they were at. From there we had a very long talk about everything. We communicated energetically telepathically about every question I could ask and about every subject that they were interested in. This conversation might have lasted for fifteen minutes or for a few thousand hours again time was irrelevant. Here is some of what we communicated about. I am God, so are they and so is everything else in all of existence. Before incarnating into the physical realm of existence I chose to do this life thing and come to this planet called Earth as this exact point in the evolutionary history of its biosphere and live a life as a human. They told me that this realm that we were currently in was the realm I was in before I incarnated into physicality, and I did indeed recognize this place, it all felt so familiar. The Tryptamine Jesters told me of the intricate energetic complexities of life. They also explained to me that the experience of being born and living through a life and dying is just one option of experiencing that souls have in order to, learn and grow from. There are literally trillions of other options like Life but different that other souls choose in order to grow and learn it’s just that I chose to do the Life thing because that was one of the more involved, one of the more intricate and most excitingly one of the more challenging options to experience. They told me that I never was born and can never die. That I created the totality of all of existence and that this is just a game that I am playing with myself pretending to be infinite lifeforms as vectors of my own consciousness forever and forever. As we communicated we also talked about how strange we thought it was that lifeforms take life so seriously. It was so ludicrous to us; it’s just a game how can anyone take this seriously?! The three of us had a good laugh at this. Eventually we got around to talking about my human organism avatar and my experience of living a life back on Earth. Both of the Tryptamine Jesters clearly told me that my individuation is already doing well on the path of Truth and Nondual Realization. They also kindly commented that my individuation has already done thousands of Earth hours of psychospiritual work for the purposes of developing itself and showing up in its earthly life as its most true, natural and authentic version. In fact they were making it so abundantly clear that I had done well in dedicating myself to awakening that they started joking about it and at one point they jokingly asked something along the lines of “Dude why did you even smoke this stuff?” “You’ve already got it, you didn’t really need this to wake up and fully remember who you are, but were glad you’re here anyway.” We continued to speak about the intricacies of existence, how everything is god and how I created all of this game to play with myself forever. And they kept repeating over and over again, almost to the point of annoyance on their part, “Yes you’ve already got it! See you already know this!” At the end of our conversation the Jesters told me that they would allow my individuated consciousness to bring back this experience and information to the memory centers of my physical body’s brain when I returned. I then thanked the two kind playful Jesters. As soon as our interaction concluded my consciousness was shot back to my body with a speed and intensity several orders of magnitude beyond the speed of light. I saw all of the physical realms of existence again on the way back and I was forgetting so many things the closer I got back to my home universe and the closer I got back to my body on Earth. I remember having to first reconstruct my body from consciousness initially and then from the physical elements (oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, phosphorus, etc.) This felt like a very long and involved process but also very intuitive. When my consciousness did return back to my body it was very fast and intense. My whole body felt like it was vibrating and my ears still somewhat had that humming ringing. Immediately upon being back there was still no familiar personal sense of self, only an undifferentiated mass of experiencing through sensory perception. I knew nothing. I did not know what I was, what this place was or what anything was. At this point I also began to reconstruct my psychology in totality including things like memory and language. In a few seconds I went from an undifferentiated mass of experiencing, to infantile consciousness, to childlike consciousness, to adolescent consciousness back up to my 24 year old conscious awareness. At this point I had reconstructed myself sufficiently enough so that I could properly interface with the world again. Upon opening my eyes my vision was still coming back as if coming out of some sort of extreme tunnel vision. Upon waking up I noticed that my body had not moved a single centimeter throughout that entire experience. I decided to move. I slowly began to raise my fingers one at a time in order to familiarize myself with my neuromuscular system again. After 10 or 15 seconds of this I began to make bilateral symmetrical yogic positions with my hands, through little volition of my own, feeling as if my body was a conduit for an intense form of energy. (every time I have done a psychedelic this happens) While making these strange yet beautiful and blissfully relaxing movements I uttered these words slowly at first. “Thank you… for… this… experience… that we call… life.” I then repeated this over and over until it became a mantra while I continued to move my arms doing this bilateral symmetrical yoga. After a few minutes of doing this there was then a short intermission. There were no thoughts or actions only simply existing, only being a part of the whole of existence. All I could say repeatedly at this was “wow, wow, wow, oh wow!” Then the flood of insights began to pour in. Here are some of the most significant insights that came in. 1 Accept your godhood show up as much of yourself as you can in this life. God wanted to be this version (this specific individuation) of God. Upon realizing the implications of this I hugged myself and began to cry some. I deeply felt and realized how important to existence I am and we all are. That without me, you and everyone and everything else in existence that infinity can’t be infinite. This is why it’s of the utmost importance that we show up as our most authentic true natural selves and be our best and highest version of ourselves in life to the best of our ability. I was also washed with love upon this realization. 2 I then remembered back to 4 years ago when I first had the desire to do psychedelics and visit all manner of strange realms of existence and speak with all kinds of aliens. And it became extraordinarily and abundantly clear that there is nothing mundane about any of this experience here on Earth in my everyday life! This place that we all call home that seems so normal and mundane is one of those strange profound weird realms of existence! 3 Existence is absolutely unequivocally perfect. Existence is so perfectly organized that it cannot possibly be anything but infinite perfection forever. Of course this includes all of the heavenly and awe inspiring aspects of existence. And this also includes all of the hellish realms of existence, all of the wars and suffering that the human species has seen and all of the most difficult and painful events that I have personally experienced in my life. 4 We just play a game of pretending to forget who we are. We are God in totality. Every microcosm contains the totality. Every part contains the whole and thus contains the knowledge of the whole. And in containing all of the knowledge in existence we just play a game of forgetting who we are in order to experience various types of limitation for the purpose of infinite experiences. Being God, we never learn anything in life; instead we just reveal and remember stuff that we were pretending to forget for years, lifetimes and eons. We pretend to be human through a process of self-imposed limitation through forgetting our True nature. There is no absolute reason we can’t do anything. For example I (and everyone else) can manifest a water bottle next to me right now but I am pretending as God that I don’t know how to and I am pretending to limit myself as a human being, as a body and as a mind. And these limitations serve to contain what is relevant for us in our incarnational experiences. 5 Life is so easy to navigate when we accept our Godhood. When we realize what we truly are as Totality Consciousness and when we then show up in life unequivocally as our True Natural Selves, as the unique individuation of God consciousness that we are in every way, our experience of life becomes a game that we can finally play joyfully. And none of it is taken seriously in an absolute sense anymore. We only think that we can’t do or have things in life due to our own self-imposed limitations. You create your life the way it is every second based upon how you are choosing to show upon in this life and you have the power every second to create your life in the way that is most reflective of who you truly naturally are. After this I thanked God the Totality for all of its Love and Infinite Perfection. I then got up and continued my day in the afterglow of the experience I just had. In conclusion I will say that this was the most intense experience of my entire life. It was so fast and rapidly paced that it was difficult to derive anything from it and I am thankful for the Tryptamine Jesters that helped me to bring back this experience into my memory. It was so hard for me to believe that I had only been gone for 15 minutes but that only makes the fact that time is an illusion that much more abundantly clear. I felt like I already knew much of what I experienced though through my existing meditative, mindfulness and shadow work practices, while extremely profound this experience was not extremely transformative for where I currently am at in my journey.This is why I think the two Tryptamine Jesters I communicated with kept telling me “you already know all of this.” While this was an extremely important experience for me to have and I am forever grateful for it, smoking DMT felt somewhat redundant in a sense because of the shift in my consciousness that I had occurred some three weeks prior. After this experience I thought of the quote by Ramana Maharshi, “That which is not present in deep dreamless sleep is not real.” Being that for the past few weeks my perception has been operating from a place of fundamental permanent unmoving beingness I now know irrefutably at the core of my being that all phenomena in existence no matter how mind-blowing or profound is illusory. Thusly Absolute Truth is not a spatiotemporal experience of any kind. It is not any phenomena. It is simultaneously transcendent and basal to all phenomena. It is the unmanifest Ground of All being that all phenomena in the totality of existence arises from and falls back into. Therefore I know that only part of this profound trip was Absolute incontrovertible Truth; that was when I was obliterated and subsequently became the One, the unmanifest and undifferentiated Godhead was Truth. The rest was illusion, however all valid, extremely profound and very important for me on my journey. I loved this experience and I love DMT and I will most likely smoke it again in the future. However right now I feel like it will be a while before I do any more psychedelics. I need to integrate this entire journey and really rest into what I Truly am (and what we all are). I feel like this DMT trip was an extreme confirmation of everything I already know. It felt like the final straw to this 7 year process of awakening that I have gone through and the shift in my perception in the past few weeks from primarily ego identification to simple ever present beingness was massively potentiated by this DMT experience. In a sense this experience of DMT felt like a final indispensable component of acceleration for my awakening process.