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Ok… so I just got off a video chat with a friend I met in a karaoke bar in Utah… It was funny because our group entered the bar and was showing our IDs and he was on stage singing “Creep” by Radiohead… he was doing a fabulous job and I thought right away if I do a duet tonight i’m going to ask if he’ll join me. And that’s exactly what I did… I approached him and his friend and we all went to the patio so I could smoke while we got to know one another. I was asking him if he knew the song “Crusin’ Together” by Huey Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow… holy crap.. I was going to help my dad outside real quick and I was so excited I jumped to type… hehe… I’ll be back.. Alright… I’m back… and I’m so excited to write about my ideas but also there’s a part of me that’s wondering how much should I be sharing… I’m trying to gather a team to start working on the building website sites and application and cyber security side of things… I’m just wondering if someone has the means if they’d want to go ahead and do it before we get the chance? I mean I was looking at some of these places that deal with volunteers and they aren’t going to approach it the way I’d like to approach it… so even if I tell everyone my ideas… it’s not like I would want to compete with anyone… I’d probably ask to collaborate together… the more people taking a look at this from different angles is exactly what I would love to have happen to try to create something more holistically than one person’s view. So… let’s just give it a go. So back to the story… he did not know that song but he said he’d give it his best attempt…. He never sings songs without practicing but with my enthusiasm… he’s going to give it a try and we had fun attempting our first duet together…. We met up again at the temple to have a chat and that’s when I found out he was in the cyber security field. We spoke about many things but I didn’t ask his permission to discuss personal details so I’ll have to do that some other time maybe. But I think I mentioned a few days back that my girl friend who was a ballroom instructor with me wants to do cyber security and I gave her his information, but she hadn’t reached out yet. So I apologized to him that she got distracted and might be a little shy because she wishes she knew the answers she’s going to ask him. I told him I have a project that I want to start where I want people to be completely vulnerable with themselves and everyone who would have access to their information.. If we have cyber security in mind from the get go this might help people feel more comfortable doing this… and since I want to be as intentional as possible I’m going to see how much I can push them out of their comfort zones… this is where the real magic is… but also I would like this to be a recommendation or referral program to where we see the pros and cons of each person… but also see how they are developing… What I would describe myself ten years ago is not the same as I would describe myself now… and people’s opinions have changed I’m sure as well… and honestly I’m not a people pleaser anymore so it might be presumed I’m not as nice anymore but really I respect myself more and value myself and energy… but these things might not have the chance to be recognized from a brief encounter… so anyway… he told me his credentials of over twenty years experience…and his list includes working with Stanford University, Facebook on a global security project and NASA… I was like holy shit ok… I’m glad I’m talking to you about this then… seems like you know your shit… hehe… but I wasn’t really prepared… i was babbling and we happened to be free so we did a video chat… but I’m going to send him an email that will give him more information about what I’m looking to start and what questions I have for him. I know that when I say I want people to give their information I was hoping somehow this could help people from around the world to travel to different countries so recruiting volunteers or communities could be possible and help them get their visas to travel.. and when they’re in a new country how to get SIM cards, transportation… just make it as simple as we can. So I thought… let’s go journal about it and see if I can get better paragraphs out to him instead of my rambling chaotic manner i write. Hehe… this reminds me of the conversation I had with my potential romantic interests I had earlie… well hell might as well get that off my chest too. So I’ll keep it brief as I can because I didn’t get his permission to spill the details but I’ll definitely express my side of things but again not in too much detail…. Hehe I’ll try my best too. So I was in a state of limbo right now… After seven years of not being in a relationship in person mostly with a imaginary idea of an Australian man who I’d been having messages for the four years with … he’s not imaginary but the ideal of him was imaginary… he wasn’t reciprocating mutual feelings except at the beginning and he was not a safe space to express my feeling to and pretty much he thought I needed to see a psychiatrist because I was expressing my feeling for him honestly. I wasn’t really ready to jump all in and so I was holding onto something that would actually help me stay celibate and learn to love and respect myself and not to mention focus to be in the Awakening… so thank you for that.. but now I’m ready to go all in full blown vulnerability and expressing my crazy to see whom I might attract. Well.. my body was communicating that there seems to be a gentleman I reconnected with after five years. I only knew him for about a week visiting his hostel and the rest has been random FB posts that we’d see… His posts were attracting my attention and so before I arrived to Indiana I planned to visit with him. This is a broken record but I don’t know how much context I need to be including before I just go with it… I can’t find a way to find anything I’ve been able to say on here without having to go through all of it… so I figured if people don’t want to read through all of my entries.. I can give a little summary. So long story short my body was showing me how extremely unusual I am when I am speaking to him specifically because of an attraction that seems to be far more deeper than I’ve had with anyone else I had spoken with in person. So… I fumbled and bumbled around with words but I got it out to him that I was attracted to him more than friendship or business partnership… what I didn’t know when I told him this is that he was going through a breakup with one of his current partners… they had been together for over a year and none of us were prepared for the attraction and even though I’d like to explore this with him.. he needs time to process his feelings. He doesn’t really know me from Eve… and so we also have the work trade volunteer boss relationship going too. So I’m going to help tomorrow but I wanted to clarify to him that even though I enjoy contributing to his community the main reason I’m going is to hopefully get a chance to have some conversations with him.. real conversation and prefer more on the private side. I know he’s going through a break up so I want to give him space to do what he needs to do… I still need more time to clear out my energies to allow myself to receive him fully so I understand but excited as well. But I went ahead and gave it a go to see how he would handle my crazy… to wrap it up quickly I’ll just say… we had actual back and forth conversations… I’d write out well thought out communication and he would reciprocate with his well thought out communication. I was vulnerable enough to share my crazy and he didn’t think I was psychotic and needed to go speak to a therapist… in fact he’s looking for a “truly transformative, soul-entangling intimacy/sexuality/romance”… and I said well… you just found one… hello there… it’s nice to finally meet you… I’ve been searching for you too… we chuckled over our conversation but he also said he just needs his solitude to figure his mess out right now but he notices the chemistry, finds me wildly attractive and easy to be around… and anyone he finds who has goals towards spirituality, karma, and big picture lifestyles he’s intersted in connect with… so I’m very satisfied at this time because he clearly communicated his needs at this time and I was able to do the same. I’ve got this project on my mind right now.. so I can focus on that and see if and when we give this a shot. So… the project… geesh… again I feel like I have to give context because damn it I’ve been talking about this for a long time now but I don’t remember what all I disclosed and again it’s not like I can say go to this topic in my conversations because this isn’t setup like that. So I guess I’ll just have to begin as if you don’t know what I had said in the past. So I’m an Enlightenment shaman who is following her guidance from the Universe. I’ve been intentionally working on removing attachment to labels that keep me in a human mind set instead of Universal mindset. We are the Universe waiting to realize this within ourselves. This is the path we’e always been on and many are ready to Realize this… I mean you’re on actualized.org forum page… I think you know what Leo’s all about… well I am too… and I’m hoping you are too. I do have messages on how to assist in people to get to the Awakening through preparation and deconstruction, Ayahuasca and ceremonies, but mostly through the integration work. But this hasn’t been my true calling… My messages are what happens after we Awaken? So I’m not worried about people being able to Awaken… this is already happening… it’s just going through the process of Awakening for the last three years… I’m very fresh to what all I have been doing to process this transformation… it was necessary for me and I’m grateful I’ve been preparing myself to allow the freedom and time to process. So yes… I’m planning on people Awakening when we’re ready to… but also ready to arrange things to allow the aftermath of Awakening… I cannot assume it’s going to be the same, but I have found tools and locations that might be helpful to assist in this time we’ll find ourselves in. It’s happening and I’m excited and we’re all doing our thing… and this is my thing I’m working with the Universe on… at this stage it’s a system to network communities and volunteers. In the bigger picture I’d like to establish this as a nonprofit so people over the world can travel easier with having borders they have to cross… not that the religous nonprofit will automatically do this, but right now that seems to be the easiest way for international travelers coming from third world countries. We are the Universe… we can learn and benefit from anyone at anytime anywhere… as long as we are intentional and at higher degrees of consciousness. So… people who are going to be involved with this system will agree to be on this mindset of growth and expansion for themselves and the collective. This is where the idea switches away from what I see is out there right now. My thinking is I don’t want everyone to be able to create an account, login, and not be involved actively. Of course I don’t want to remove this population… but also I want to encourage stepping out of our comfort zones and engage… this is where the juice is… and so there will probably be a limit of stagnancy built in where if someone hasn’t logged in for a long duration… then they’re account will be removed. I’m not sure how to get people to not have several accounts either.. especially since this is going to be a transparent community and if they start getting what could be considered negative marks… they might want to give up on the original account to start a new one… but this is about growth not perfection… so what if we get negative marks on us… we don’t want to run and hide and make things up… we want to own our current state of character and be inspired and motivated to make changes to mature and elevate our conscious levels. I’m not sure how to do this thing while trying to keep the energies cleared and not crowded with toxic people creating drama because they’re bored and want attention. I was thinking there’s going to be referral program… again where people can’t just sign up freely… they have to earn credibility somehow… I think this has been a concept in this Forum and I see why the attempt and I’m not afraid to attempt it again. Not only do i want to maintain credibility to individuals but also to communities who want to be involved. Yesterday I said I don’t want to assume a community is conscious enough to host intentional volunteers so I didn’t want to promote them… but maybe there’s a referral system but also maintain a level of credibility to stay an option for intentional volunteers. I’ve been wanting nonprofits to work together why not communities too? If we aren’t familiar with a particular area we’re struggling with… why not network with our community to get answers, workshops, and volunteers to get the challenge addressed and find multiple solutions and start to go through them until we’re satisfied with our results. If we are tearing down structures or digging dirt or have extra llama hair and dung… why not let other communities know that there’s excess of something we have and if someone wants to use these supplies it’s available. Transportation would also be something I’d like to include to make it easier to go from one community to another. Again how do we use what’s already in the play and collaborate together… extend and connect the communities that are already in existence but want to intentionally work together and learn… I feel many of us are ready for this… and those who are not… are not being forced to.. in fact I hope they’re not attracted to our system… just to cause problems. Geesh I don’t like to assume any of this.. but it was shocking when I came onto this forum and was reading some of the posts… and I too live in a world where some of us are not ready to trust and share… but those who are ready… why not make it easier to find one another. We’re out here… we’re doing the work… we’re looking for more of us… and we’re attracting one another… can this be an additional tool to use? I think I can give this more thought and see if I can start reaching out to my known network of friends and family… and see if we can start creating brainstorming events to give feedback and also make it happen. this is where I’m at… and I have the energy and time to dive into more… but not at this exact moment… hehe… I’m hungry and my eyes are hurting a bit… I’m doing some digital art and I think I want to go play around some more for this evening… it’s very relaxing and I want to leave early tomorrow. Ok.. this is good for now.. until next… enjoy ourselves

Love is for certain the most profound and misunderstood force in existence, and it is by no means limited to desire or to comfort. Rather, it is the will of the totality in action - the magnetism that guides all things unstoppably toward unity, healing, and the escape from suffering. Love is the premise underlying creation, a natural impulse towards fullness and wholeness, and an overwhelming energy of transformation that allows the universe slowly yet steadily to evolve and rise beyond violence, pain, and division. The suffering and cruelty that we witness, as horrifying as they can be, are as far as can be from demonstrations of this love. They are distortions of life, reflections of a universe caught in a stubborn belief in separateness from the ultimate. However, love remains undiminished as the universal drive and unrelenting imperative that guides one and all towards snapping out of this wild story. It is the power moving internally to first recognize suffering, next to handle it, and ultimately to transcend it. In this relative realm we inhabit - this manifestation of forms, where we experience both the light and the darkness - love is the innate impulse that calls us back to oneness and transcendence, even as we confront pain and conflict. The existence of suffering cannot nullify love; instead, it hastens a movement towards liberation from suffering, a path that love will support. Love, in short, isn’t merely accepting or rationalizing every experience as “good.” Rather, love is the lavishly supplied fuel that works to transcend incidents of harm, so as to heal, and to restore all things to their highest expression. One day, this movement will extinguish the need for the relative realm’s cycle of suffering altogether. Until then, love is the relentless call toward freedom, growth, and the deep peace that lies beyond separation and fear. So, while it’s undeniable that not every experience here reflects love directly, it’s also true that every movement towards wholeness, kindness, and healing towards this is love manifesting its truth. And thus know well, all ye who enter, the dark draws dim with the end ever more nigh.

It really isn't. I was questioning the self-confidence we often build through our ‘knowledge’ of enlightenment, which is just another form of ignorance, except for the actual breakthroughs themselves. We unquestioningly accept hearsay as if it were a personal experience or insight. "The tea is hot; everyone else says so. Surely, the authorities on the subject must be right." And yet, we make this claim without ever truly tasting it ourselves, perhaps a sip here and there. You can still suffer after it. Measurement requires something to be there for it to be measured. To put it poetically, nothing can not be measured in any way, not even "approached." That above is one type of conflating I’m pointing to. The way you cook omelets (self and life) will generally stay much the same—unless it is a profound shift, which is not very common. What awakening does is reveal what’s already the case. Much work has to happen on your part for certain things to occur, which aren't brought up by a couple kenshos or satoris. It seems what you describe is mostly self-transformation. To be clear, I'm not talking about an ideal state or complete enlightenment; I'm talking about you, right there, grasping your nature. It's easy to fantasize about this notion.

THC works well. Going to bed at around the same time each day works well. Earplugs work well. I work all nights, wear earplugs, go to bed between 4-7AM every day, and sleep like a baby. If this is something you can't force yourself to do, wear earplugs, then accept the fact you will hear noises potentially, especially during the day. 25 MG of Delta 9 in edible form before bed works very well, but admittedly using drugs as a crutch isn't the best idea long term, but as far as drugs go THC is about as harmless as they come. If you do want to try earplugs, these are the most comfortable ones I have come across... https://www.amazon.com/3M-Earplugs-Hearing-Conservation-311-1250/dp/B008MCULZW Even without earplugs I'm blessed with quiet, considerate neighbors. If you are renting with inconsiderate neighbors, consider moving units. Life is not worth dealing with loud, inconsiderate neighbors. Part of the struggles of living with higher populations with more people renting is the construction quality of the units combined with people enjoying dog ownership often leads to excessive noise and lack of privacy. Mental attitude also matters. If I can't sleep I don't ruminate over it, I use the time to practice mindful meditation and count it as sleep. If you struggle "trying" to fall asleep you will just make yourself miserable. Any time you struggle against "what is" will create unnecessary suffering in your life, like the people here have done since Trump won, as an example. However, my ability to do this still has limits. If I had insufferable neighbors, I would have to move. Back when I had more severe general anxiety disorder, I had insomnia. It was a sympathetic dominant nervous system. As my parasympathetic, ventral vagal response increases gradually, my sleep has returned. Going to bed at the same time every day is a healthy habit to have, or waking up at the same time, but it's the mental attitude while awake that has made the most difference. Acceptance of what is, peace of mind, willingness to roll with the punches, mindful observation of emotions instead of letting them hijack my responses, manning up and being less of a man-child with a victim mindset... the transformation has been remarkable.

None of that is true, it is getting your nature as it is. And you're taking about something else. People like Nisargadatta and Chogyam Trungpa had addictions and neuroses, they didn't master their mind. Some enlightened warrior throughout history likely killed people. Jesus apparently had anger management issues. Realizing your nature isn't mutually inclusive of healing, transformation or mind mastery, but it can facilitate those pursuits, I've heard.

Its a teaching of course, do I have actual experience of it, No, but we are all sharing theory here, like I said, this is not Spirituality or anything of the sort, we are talking theorizing around it, any response from anyone is basically that, their truth when expressed is just a story or theory for me and you..But via the story we can become inspired to know ourselves.. Admitting I do not Know is critical in the beginning, as via admitting not Knowing, your Natural Intelligence opens up and starts to seek to know. So Seeking is needed in the beginning, if no seeking happens, then no transformation can begin, unless Your karmic substance is that You are basically already there via previous realizations, like Ramana Marashi, he was already there, didn't need to do much Sadhana or anything, most of us are not like this...

Yeah I guess if we get that detailed that would be a good categorisation 👍 Is not that is less or more valid, is more like what we want to 'aim' for in this work. I understand when people engage in this conversations is because they are looking for well being and transformation to a higher possibility of existence. @Princess Arabia But maybe I am asking too much because recently today in other topic someone called me narcissistic for aligning Enlightenment with ending suffering 🤣 We are getting to that point of distortion that is not just Joy or Pleasure, forget Bliss or Ecstasy, you tell them Peace and they do not think that is even possible. They have concluded life is a mountain of ups and downs so I they have reduced spirituality as a gossip exercise to distract themselves. Because of course, anyone that seeks to know how to conduce the human in a conscious and well being manner, is narcissistic according to them...😳

Good morning… so interesting I was just finding myself doing a physical purge is something minor but it’s a sign for me and I”ve found myself doing this quite often lately… it sounds maybe a bit odd.. but it’s belching or burping… I wasn’t going to start this session with this but literally when I was signing in and scrolling to get to this session to write I was doing this and this is something subtle but it does communicate to me… and for me by participating in Aya ceremonies… I’ve noticed the many ways of purging and this is one of them… to me it’s allowing space and room for me to release the old and open to experience the new… so I guess I wanted to mention this. So when I started with so interesting at the start of this… I wasn’t going to say anything about burping but that’s what I wrote… what I was going to say was interesting is that I fell asleep shortly after my post last night which was fairly early in the night and I slept until I woke up at 2:22am in the morning… I used the restroom and my dad was getting ready for bed… and I thought maybe I was just wanting time to be awake and be the only one to be awake in the house for some solitude in an essence… I thought maybe this is the time I can dive into deciphering the notes from the weekend… but I found myself coming to this forum and I started to read my first entries when I began this Journal. Gosh I didn’t remember who quickly I got into exposing myself with areas of trauma that I had when I was younger… but I was reading and I felt like I was getting tired again… so I went back to sleep and while I was sleeping I started to get some insights of where I can explore my attempt to express why my body is recognizing something.. my body is recognizing safe space… and trust is something to look into more as well. So.. how do I begin? So I was reading about the events I had when I was a child and there were inappropriate engagements that I shared with older relatives… there was one who restrained me and overpowered me when I didn’t want to be with him. I’m sure this is something that has been subconsciously assisting me of not fully trusting people. However much I have a desire to find safe spaces… I have so many stipulations that mind has that doubts or suspects foul play behind people’s intention.. Geesh when I write this out it sounds like it’s so extreme but that’s not how I perceive it… for the most time I do not feel like this but I think specifically when it comes to exploring and expressing my sexuality… this is where I haven’t felt a safe space before. Again wanting to have this was always a mind chatter of wondering if this is a safe opportunity… but if feels right now… that my mind wasn’t really ready to understand what a safe space is… it’s my body who seems to feel like it has more understanding… these are not separate and they work together… but to explain this it makes more sense to split it up… my body seems to be stepping up with clear communication that is more evident to notice… while if I kept it as a mind masturbation… it would be the same old thing… so yes Realities communication seems to be clearer and I’m so grateful I’ve become open enough to receive these communications. Not only was I feeling like there’s an opportunity for a safe space for my sexuality… but at the fire circle… again… there was a safe space for me to surrender and express myself through the drum and voice… I’ve been looking for safe space… and I’ve found it. And I’m excited to see what my potential will be when I have a safe space… holy shit I feel like I’m going to transform drastically and exponentially right onto my path with a much deeper confidence and trust in myself not only the Universe… again which isn’t separated but there’s a humanness that seems to be addressed. There’s a human side to me that needs deeper understanding before it can transition in these areas as Universal love. Hehe… if anyone starts to read this Journal near the end there’s a lot of context that is missing when I’m typing… Enlightenment exploration is what I do and how I try to explain the benefits of transitioning from human to Universal mindsets… when our identity switches… we communicate with the Universe in a manner where messages are being given in massively diverse ways… but once it clicks that this is guidance… there’s no hesitation of oh… when am I going to start working on this? It’s like ok… thank you there is something I’m going to work on now.. and the benefits of working on what’s stopping us from moving forward with authenticity is far more desirable then waiting… I no this is challenging for me to explain… but that’s why my rambling goes through this process… there’s in between the lines that communicates as much as direct words that are coming out. We’ve got to be using our intuition and intelligence to gather the data and gain the understanding. I’m working on figuring out how to speak with clarity and conciseness that I’m heading towards… but this is the process and I’m learning through the process. And even though I said that it seems like we don’t want to wait to go through the lessons but I’ve been getting messages to prepare me to work in this area… so it wasn’t quite immediate… but I guess it’s been patient for me to prepare myself to make these changes… and it’s clearing up room to allow me to be ready to be ready… and I guess once I realize all of the factors that are in alignment… and then I realize… ok I’m ready to do this. So… yes it excites me to see what has challenged me in the past… I’m so much more confident that it’s not going to be as challenging as I think it is… I’m ok with challenge because it’s so worth it to get into it and see the benefits of the results of facing the challenge and embodying the results that are gained through facing… so yes… I enjoy the communication and relationship with the Universe… I’m so blessed to have reached this state of union… it’s what I’ve always desired but didn’t know until I was in it. We’re in it folks… we just don’t realize it until we do… and to do so we have to make commitments to be more intentional in all areas of our life. Ok… let’s get back to safe space and trust. Let’s go into trust real quick… it’s a bit funny but I’ve always been on the side of trusting in my life however I didn’t realize the balance of finding a safe space to really be able to trust. What am I saying? Let’s just bring up the Australian man again… I had gotten so many messages about him and I cannot express how much I trust the Universe and when I was receiving these messages I’ve been demonstrating to the Universe just how much I trust it by overcoming fears.. and when I notice areas of fear I want to explore and discover so the fear can dissolve.. or at least reduced… so we shared intimacy when we met and we met through Aya ceremonies where safe space was present… we were able to be vulnerable and explore and express in this safe space… but when we found ourselves out of the safe space… things changed. I wanted to continue the vulnerability and exploration to continue… my communication didn’t change, but for him… it was different when he returned back to the real world… his communication changed and his opinion of me changed as well. When I went to visit him there were details that he was expressing that he’s not ready to be vulnerable right now.. he was going through a divorce and even though we wanted to see and visit with one another… there was a wall up… and yes safe space wasn’t present but I wanted to trust and still went through the motions that I needed to to get the experience to learn from. But holy shit… I continued to trust because I continued to receive messages… and I’d try to reach out and express with my heart and I didn’t really realize he wasn’t able to create safe space for me. I know I felt this but I wanted to trust that the Universe is wanting me to engage with him… but the Universe was also telling me to be patient and wait… and I felt like I was doing this… but I’ve gain so many insights while I was dealing with him. And it’s to the point where his energy is not needed in my energy right now… I’m moving forward towards growth and if I continue to try to hold on.. that’s going to prevent me from growth… and I desire growth far more than a human. Finally the Universe was able to communicate to my thick skull that it’s time to cut the cord between us. Getting to a point of understanding that I trust the Universe completely and trust it will guide me through the unknown… and I trust myself to be able to walk the steps necessary for my human to learn through experience. I rarely opened up to expressing my romantic side to him… I knew he was not ready for that however we’ve been in our relationship for seven years.. so I thought we’d be able to get to a point where we could talk more deeply… but that wasn’t the case… and I’m not going to wait for him to be ready… in fact I’m ok to remove him and see who and what the Universe wants me to experience. That’s why I think again I was tearing up… tearing up and crying doesn’t come easy but it’s starting to flow much easier than the past… but the Universe knows my deepest desires.. and even though I know this is a deep desire I have… I get in the way and the Universe wants me to allow myself to experience the best and I’m just so thankful that it’s never given up on me… The Universe never gives up on us and knows our deepest desires and wants us to experience these desires… but it also understands the complexity we’ve woven around our hearts to be able to be ready to allow this bliss to enter our lives… I trust the Universe… I’ve been able to trust myself which in turn allows me to trust “others” which again in a way doesn’t exist.. but most people I’m speaking with right now are humans so the concept of others is a thing… so I was thinking about my current romantic interest now… He has been a safe space right from the get go… but of course my mind was not certain… it’s doing it’s thing of observing and contemplating… again.. there’s a desire for safe space to open up freely but again… my mind thinks it’s going to take time for observation before determining through thought to discern whether its a safe space or not… and just to let you know… it’s not like I knew I was looking for a safe space… hehe.. I’m satisfied being with my own energy and even though I want to find “other’ energies to connect and bond with… I’m not desperate and very picky and more patient. I’m noticing that I too have one foot out the door to escape if I feel the need to… and that’s what I’m understanding again by noticing that my body is speaking louder than my thought right now. It’s recognizing something that it wants the mind to understand… when I speak with the man I see that I want to be as honestly expressive than most… it’s hard to explain because I do this on the regular but I also know see there’s a deeper degree that can be embodied and its drawing me into a deep desire to explore right here and right now. My body recognized he is a safe space… I wonder how similar we are to each other when it comes to this… I wonder if he also found himself wanting to trust and find safe space to move into deeper levels of expression. To me from the brief observation that he seems to be well on his way of doing this comfortably and easily… like I was say might be something people perceive of me… but he admits that there is a messiness that he knows he wants to address and so maybe he hasn’t felt that safe space to explore depths to these degrees that we intuitive know exists but finding the combination of divine timing of preparing ourselves to be ready to be ready to open and surrender deeper. I want to be that safe space for him. But he says it’s hard for him to trust and so I understand there’s going to be a process of building this trust. And again… maybe he hasn’t had the loud communication of his body speaking to him like I have… and so maybe I can assume his mind and thoughts are what is speaking to him which makes him want to question everything and as hopefully he wants to be… doubt creeps in and it speaks strongly to carefully maneuver in the Reality in these areas… if this is the case then I completely understand. I’ve been slowly trying to interject to him that I’m not wanting to have a foot out the door right now. I want to keep both doors in… I’m wanting to completely surrender to getting to know one another and see how much growth we can find by committing to explore and surrender depths to allow benefits we don’t understand at this point but intuitively want to experience. I want to have both feet in but there’s also a side of me that is wanting him to know that there is a purpose that I’m involved in that involves universal connections… global connections is how I explain for a human to understand… I’m telling him I can give him a year which might be interpreted differently than what I’m trying to say. I am motivated to move in my purpose that’s universal… there’s something quite profound and grand that I’m involved with and I want this to be understood. Why I am saying a year I can give right now is because… I have a calling that will take me away from Indiana… from the States… into lands I haven’t known as this human body. But the quality of intention isn’t understood right away. I continue to walk with intention at all times. An example from the weekend would be when one of the guests gives readings using his crystals… I noticed people were sitting in the same room and when it was my turn I didn’t want to be difficult or rude.. I like everyone who was present.. but I didn’t want this experience to be public. I wanted it to be far more intimate… I wanted to remove ourselves from possible distractions… I wanted to focus and get myself to ground and receive… we moved into an area where no one present…and he commented on how he loves to see how intentional I am with this reading.. and it makes me chuckle because yes… I understand that the Universe communicates in many ways and if the Universe intentionally becomes intentional then clarity of communication arises… and sometimes not.. but again this is something subtle but sharing time together its understood… removing distractions allows intention as well… declutterring activities that surround the situation… I’m moving back to the moments we shared on the couch… even though I know I gained understanding by sharing this with him and everyone else in the space… but I also gained an understanding that where I am right now… I desire privacy and not a public display. And it wasn’t like anyone was watching us as if they were the audience to see what our interaction was going to lead to… but again I didn’t want to express myself in this environment. As much as I enjoyed enjoying the touching we shared… I was distracted with activities and I felt I couldn’t explore my intentions as deeply as I would like to. I mean this doesn’t automatically assume that when we are alone that I’ll be open either.. hehe… I just don’t know how things are going to play out. But I also don’t know if he has a desire to spend quality alone time with me either… but again I don’t think he knows whether he wants to either. We don’t know one another… and there’s a woman who came into his life expressing at surprised attraction towards him… he maybe wondering why? Maybe he’s wondering if I have alternative reasons? But I also noticed that he didn’t automatically close the door on me either. And I think being able to be around each other’s energy he was communicating that he’s willing to take some baby steps to see if there is a connection or attraction between us. But yes… he’s got a lot on his plate not only all the hostel stuff but his heart is occupied in dealing heavy feelings. I’m not in a rush… there’s nowhere I want to be right now except right here and right now. What I desire is to be intentionally present with him to build strength in trust. I feel there’s something far deeper than just romantic depths… that’s just the cherry on top… and if we find romantically isn’t where we connect or bond… then that’s fine as well… I see us partnering up far longer than the year I am committing to. I feel this year will allow an honest and realistic understanding of where we are and how we work together in multiple aspects of our lives. Many may think that a year isn’t that long of time…but holy shit it can be a life time of experience when living with intention. There’s been transformation from the year I spent in Utah and Colorado which was a year… but again there was an element of missing the feeling of a safe space… I can imagine that having a year of intent, trust, and safe space will again be the perfect combination from tangible growth that won’t be as subtle as in the past. When I say I want to be here for a year… doesn’t mean thats where it will end… in fact I want it to be the beginning of our journey together… allowing us the time and space to get to understand one another… if it goes even a hint of what I’m feeling and intuiting… we’ll want to choose to spend time together outside of Indiana to help support one another. I feel I can gain so many benefits to support him and his empire he’s been creating and it’s amazing and impressive… I’d love to dive deeper into his creative mind and be an assistant to allow him to remember to self-care and clear energies that linger and unnecessary… Even though I would love to support him, I’m also not wanting to lose my empire I am wanting as well… I know this is unshakable and I won’t forget but also communicating that I’m not wishy-washy about my purpose… but people want me to explain it through words and that’s challenging but hopefully I’ll find the words soon… or really when it comes it will come and until then I can express my passion for purpose can be understood by spending time with me. I don’t really know at this point but I have an intuitive nudge that this man has been working towards transitioning from human mind to Universal mind… and that’s where my line of work comes into play… I hope that through my support with his visions for a year will allow him to understand why he might want to support my vision as well… which isn’t excluding him… it’s going to be showing him the potentials that he might not have imagined quite yet… he’s brilliant and creative and has been manifesting larger than what an average human thinks is possible…and I have a feeling he’s confident to give back more to the larger community collective… I’ve made commitments in my purpose that has allowed me to move freely between communities learning about detachment which is not void of unconditional love.. but in my understanding that I’m willing to make sacrifices to create a connected whole ultimately… but my idea of sacrifice continues to mature and I don’t need to sacrifice to degrees where I don’t allow myself to enjoy opportunities I want to explore. I’m over whipping myself to be motivated and disciplined… these are things I am and graceful to the degrees I allow at different times when I fluctuate. Learning to dance to the art of Reality is becoming more masterful… and strategy is looking for that point of a degree of impetuous… I do care but I want to go all in because I recognize the potential results. And I have a feeling it’s far more that what I can imagine at this time but what I’m imagining it’s going to be worth it! And damn it I’m worth it too! I’ve been working to get to this point and I’m grateful how much doubt is clearing away… So again it seems like sex is a main focus right now and I don’t want it to be such a focal point but it’s an area that I’ve been setting on the side so yeah it’s now become important for me to address.. it’s been waiting to be addressed and now I see an opportunity. So in this environment there seems to be many who are involved who are open to sexual play. And they are not shy in their expression but very respectful. I’m sure they can smell it on me… that curiosity of exploration… I think they witnessed moments of raw honesty of bliss with ones that I’ve found to surrender and express…usually when it was in smaller groups that’s where I’m comfortable right now. This is reminding me of a message exchange with one of the guests during the weekend.. she was so sweet and expressive of how she appreciated meeting me and sharing time together… I’ll share the screenshot of part of the conversation. But I bond with people in smaller groups and with time to bond and express… that’s something I’ve noticed with this man the founder… I was able to build bonds with the guests and staff more than I could with him because of time shared… as much as I would like to go right now and share time with him… his attention is on work related issues… and again I’m wondering if he’s more attracted to dealing with me because of what I can help with his work? And I know I can help with him in his work… but I want to get to know him personally outside of work context. I don’t want to piece together who this man is through other peoples interpretations and stories of him… I want to go directly to the source and have my own experiences to create the picture through our shared time together. I feel he wants this balance and is taking tangible steps to create the opportunities to find the balance. I trust he’s already doing what he needs to to realize it for himself. And I also realize that there’s a part of me who wants to prove my worthiness. What have I been doing to make me think this? So… I’m very excited to be meeting the people I’ve been getting introduced to specifically at the hostel. I mean I’ve spent half my time there so they are the ones I’m getting interested in and I enjoyed myself. I notice that in a group setting I’m not as expressive but I also found amazing in depth conversations and bonding when it was one to one and smaller groups.. and those few have a better understanding of who I am because it was the space and time I needed to share myself openly. But again I didn’t get to everyone.. it was only over the weekend which didn’t allow time for me to get to everyone and I know people are attracted to one another and so I’ve been wanting to keep in touch with these people. So how do I show them a part of me that I wasn’t able to express through words? I love to make these video clips of a story I lived and I do this already but it was one way to demonstrate that hey… I’m worthy to get to know better… see… I’m creative and I don’t actually put a lot of effort into these videos… but I’m going to be more intentional in the quality but there is still a degree of intention at play but this will mature… and then I was inspired to create storytelling artwork to capture the event through digital art.. which again is something I haven’t really had the time to explore much but I have a degree of confidence in art that it can be presented with some degree of approval… another subtle way of worthiness through creativity… but then there was another event with more people who I want to get to know and also the case I didn’t get to everyone personally but desire to make arrangements to have that alone time to understand one another more… but I was a note taker… and I placed the timeline of getting the information out in a timely manner that again was a way to demonstrate my worthiness as an allí for this next year and also wanting to get a piece of art out during the honeymoon phase… but I’m rushing the process… I mean I like the artwork but it’s not really at the point that I’m like ok.. .this is why I’m trying this out… and I am concerned that this honeymoon phase is a short lived time period… why? I feel like I’m half assing things because of this perceived timeline I’ve place us on. I’m worthy and damn it if no one wants to find that out then why am I giving so much effort to prove my worthiness? And how many people am I trying to prove to? Again… it’s like what I dealt with in art in general… I hated when i was doing art when I was thinking what does the audience want from me? Let me brainstorm what they want… when I transitioned to not caring what they want and focus on what i want… it’s much more satisfying and fulfilling to approach art this way… and that applies now… and it also applies to showing my worthiness to the people I’ve met. It applies to my romantic interest as well… what does he want so I can prove my worthiness to get to know me better? I mean it’s easy to have the enthusiasm to help with projects around the hostel which can show my worthiness to be a part of the hostel… but there’s far more that I can help with than labor. I’m just used to showing worthiness through labor and results and efficiency. But I’m more sensitive now and I’ve found myself exhausted. And I’m getting messages that my role is changing.. and I’m not sure exactly what that means… but I have a degree of understanding that labor isn’t all that I’m good at… and labor is a very tangible degree to determine worthiness and a blunt way to notice… but I work in the subtleties… and I’d much rather follow what I want to do at each moment without pressuring myself of what i should do to show my worthiness… I’m trying to figure out how to weed out people who are not aligned with me at this time. I’m trying to maintain my energies and wanting to focus energy towards my purpose which encompasses many facets… but I’ve been thinking about temples… I thought that staying in one place limits the potential of ready people to find one another… but that isn’t the case. I found many amazing people by being at a temple… it was attracting the people together and we were recognizing one another… and so my original thoughts of me having to go and travel to find the people… that’s not always the case… many people I’m looking for are in areas that don’t allow the opportunity and freedom for international travel so I know I’ll be going to them… but right now I’m feeling of grounding my roots for awhile… and allowing the opportunity for people to find me. when I come to Indiana especially there are so many amazing people that I hope are ready to move forward to Universal mind… so I have lists of people I want to go and visit and spend time with… but I want to focus my energies… and I don’t know when people are ready… I just know I”m ready to expand.. and why don’t I see who gets attracted to the location I’m at? I mean I’ve always been impressed with the people I’ve met at the hostel… and it was clear it attracts amazing people just like the temple… the founder has built this vortex of attraction… and why not be able to work with this magnetism? He’s extremely magnetic however I feel like I am too… so why not increase the magnetism? I do enjoy labor admittedly… I’m so excited there’s a wood shop here at the hostel… and I haven’t had an opportunity to enjoy a wood shop before except for brief moments in college… the wood shop calls to me and the professors were noticing my affinity to wood and was trying to pull me into their department… I have some experience with carpentry and construction but to not great degrees… I studied architecture and interior design.. so building is something I want to build experience in… and I’m hoping this could allow opportunities… but when I was laying the floor I felt this pressure of getting the thing done in two hours… i felt tension in team members and I found it very challenging to be satisfied with my results… I was distracted with all the factors… and I’m not satisfied with the quality I settled with… but this is a skill I can foresee to build if I was able to be a part of this community for a year… but again skewing the schedule a bit… two hours of construction and woodworking isn’t much time for me to process and create comfortableness. Yeah… that’s something I noticed in the temple when it came to duties of labor… she had a long list of items on the labor list but it wasn’t available for everyone to know what was on the list. I’m not sure why but I could see having a vision of where the community is going is something I’d find valuable and motivating to contribute to that vision. But she also looked at her volunteers as laborers … I’m not saying she’s bad by any means… but she has a lot on her plate that she wants done and so she had a tendency to see laborers for items on her list. She wasn’t really getting to know the volunteers who came onto property… she didn’t really understand what value they have in this environment… she just knew they were there for a temporary period of time and then they’ll move on.. so she’s going to get as much labor as she can even if it’s half assed because at least it’s getting done even though we’ll have to rebuild shortly after… I started to see that if people had specific skills in building she would have projects for them to work on which again wasn’t on a list anyone knew about only herself… so I’d ask the volunteers who came to the temple by court for community hours to give if they have a skill relating to building and so she was able to get specific tasks done by specialized volunteers you know like electrical issues and such… again labor seems to be an easy qualifier of value of someone’s worth… but we all understand that life and communities are so much more nuanced than that. I’d like to look at the nuisance more in this community. I feel like I want to find a recruiting system in the pool of volunteers. I’d like to see what all websites that are out there for people prone to volunteer work… I know there were a few that I learned from the LDS which I browsed through… but I’d like to personally do some outreach to the local population too… geesh I’ve got so many ideas of how I would like to approach this community… but I literally don’t know who I’m working with at this moment. I just have a strong desire to get the chance to know him more. Let’s just stop right here and understand that I have not spoken to him about his visions and goals in a deep manner… I heard what people shared during the meetings but I want to read between the lines… they are so immersed in the community that sometimes it takes an outsider to observe something about the community that it cannot see for themselves… that applies to individuals as well… so thankful for the people I meet who are honest about what they see in me that I couldn’t see for myself.. it’s helpful. But I’m going to stop entertaining visions of what I’d like to help the property with until I actually get the quality time I need for understanding. I do like hearing what they’re sharing but we didn’t get to a point of steps to move forward… some questions seemed easy to answer… but again I like to work with subtleties and nuance… and observing and feeling out a community will give me far more understanding then listening to the words that were shared. And even though I love the people I met.. I also know there is so many lovely people I’ve met and have been building a relationship here in Indiana… again… maybe I’l be more patient to who I’m drawn and attracted to work with instead of just thinking about everyone and narrowing my focus to the ones who are magnetic and attractive. My communication with the Universe is expanding and I’ve realized an example of what that communication looks like with this hostel for example and it’s founder. I felt the draw and wanted to visit these events before i came here… so the lines of communication are open and there just expanding the ways of communication and I willing to expand my communication as well. Music is calling to me… nature is calling to me.. deep bonds are calling to me… transformation is calling to me… building is calling to me… safe space is calling to me… I feel like safe space is becoming more apparent and the different ways that can be applied to my life right now… in a physical manner… no matter how much I love and respect my father… his house is not a safe space to feel comfortable in. It’s again challenging to explain because he is a safe space… he’s been a safe space for me all my life and why we’ve become so close… but his actual home is not a safe space. It’s cluttered and dirty which is distracting and time consuming and tedious especially when I know the efforts and energy I place into it will only last a limited period of time since this isn’t a concern for him right now… but it’s been really challenging for me to cook and even clean myself while I’m here… there’s no running water… which again shouldn’t be that big of deal… this isn’t the only place I’ve stayed in that doesn’t have running water… but the care for cleanliness isn’t present right now… only in very specific areas… but I went eight months without a kitchen at the temple… when I spent two months with my buddy in Colorado we were having the best of time cooking together… how much i underestimated the value of having access to a kitchen will not be taken for granted… just like spending a year here with my pops with out a bathtub… I only took two to three showers when I was in Utah… I took baths.. I find it so beneficial and healing for my soul and so I didn’t want to take it for granted and when I knew I was coming back to Indiana… I knew I wasn’t going to have baths often and I also knew the condition of the kitchen I’d be working with… and I feel myself more resistant to stay in the place… I was able to create a degree of cleanliness when I was here last but it took over a year to accomplish this.. and when I returned.. it was back to where it was… i mean not exactly I see steps of improvements… but I just see so much energy to get it back to where I feel comfortable to be in this space. In fact maybe that’s what I’ll be doing today… just start cleaning again… I’m not sure how long I’ll be here and I cannot assume that I’ll attract somewhere different… so work with what I have and get it to a point where I’ll be able to maneuver easier. I seem to be working with my relationship with the cold a little more too… when I was in Colorado in the airstream I wasn’t as cold as one would assume… it took a little bit of adjustments but I found I was able to sleep and be comfortable in the cold… my dad is also concerned about me being cold because there’s no central heating but he has portable heaters and he keeps wanting me to use them and has given me a heated blanket… and i’m grateful for the concern and tools to keep warm.. but I also feel like the cold isn’t affecting me in the same manner. There time for adjustments and then I’m comfortable. I know I do appreciate him holding on to all of his clothes though…hehe… I’ve gotten rid of most of my belongings and I raided one of his closets to find some sweaters to wear since fall is ending shortly and winter will be upon us. I’ve got plenty to choose from… and I’m grateful… I do enjoy being with my pops… he said last year that he doesn’t want to spend the whole winter here at the house because it’s challenging and we aren’t really invited to the holidays with my brother and the grand kiddos… so it’s just not worth toughing it out the winter and wants to go to New Orleans to visit a cousin who recently moved there. He wants to go for the food…he loves to cook Cajun and wants to enjoy authentic Cajun… he asked me to go… but I said I’d go for the food but I don’t want to go to New Orleans.. I’d want to go to the bayou… in the boondocks… no man’s land… hehe… I can do both but I wouldn’t want to spend much time in the city… i know I’ll find enjoyment there… but I’d like to focus my time in the country… also I’m not certain I’m too thrilled to visit with the cousin… again something in small doses would be good but not a heaping helping…hehe… love her but energy is pretty intense… I know it will help me see where I’m at with dealing with this style of energy but I’ve already had that with someone who lives in my hometown… he’s got intense energy that’s also needy… and the result is I’ve told him to stop reaching out to me at this time… he’s going to have to wait until I reach out to him.. he’s repelling me with that type of energy… it’s really the neediness and desperation of attention… it’s not something I have the energy to share with this person. and subtlety and nuance just goes right over his head so I have to be straightforward and firm. He does the same thing to my childhood girl friend and that’s how he was introduced to him again he’s a neighbor of hers… but she hasn’t made it clear to him where her boundaries are and was complaining about the frequency of his communication and asked if I’m still dealing with it… and I was happy to say no I’m not dealing with it… I was clear in my communication for him to not reach out and I’ll reach out to him instead. I’ll probably go and play a round of disc golf one day with him… but not at this moment… however… hmmm… maybe that’s something I’d like to do right now and then come back to cleaning… yes… nature calls to me and I love the woods here where I play disc golf… yeah… that’s what I feel like doing right now. Ok.. cool… I think this was a good session again… until next time… enjoy

45 min meditation today as well. Gosh. It is so necessary to meditate. I always go through very intense emotional cycles, but meditation seems to clear it out over and over, and renew my vitality. It even seems like the emotional cycles becomes fuel for transformation.

@Sugarcoat Forget all this Non Dual, Enlightenment, meaning/no meaning talk, it will confuse You. Right Now or maybe at certain times You feel a sense of Suffering Yes or No? If yes, disregard what anyone is telling You about what they think Reality is or isn't, deal with this sense of Suffering! Ask Yourself and come to Your own answers, Is Suffering healthy for You or not? Don't let anyone answer this for You! Then decided what You want to do about it, keep on experiencing what You are experiencing, or change it! If You want to change it then You must seek the way to change it, because obviously what Your doing now is not working right? If You don't want to change it keep on doing what Your doing.. My General sense when ppl come on here and ask for opinions on what to do about something, or what something is, at the end of the conversation they are more confused than when they first asked the question, which leads to endless questions and no transformation or even change in experience..

Questions I Want to Contemplate / Answer with My One Month of Travel + Answers So Far I left the country on 9/30 and came back to Dallas at 10/25. I took time off work and was travelling around for roughly a month. I wanted to take this break not only to have fun but also take a step back from my life and contemplate some things. I came up with a list of questions I wanted to journal about a few months ago: I have been journaling about these questions privately throughout my travels and I have even dated the answers in the bullet point below so that I can track how my thought process has been evolving. I thought I'd also include it here in my online journal. What kind of role does travel play in my life and how often do I want to travel? 10/10/2024: I do think that travel plays an important role in my life especially while I’m young. I think of it as a tool for self-development, a way to connect with the people around me, and to try new things so I am living my life to the fullest. I’m not sure just yet how often I want to travel. 10/15: Honestly, I feel like a border collie that has just gone to sheep camp. I think travel to a certain extent is a necessity to keep me sane in the capitalist hellscape lol. But I will say, I am not someone who can travel for novelty since I already have exposure to a lot of things and I think a lot of places blend into one another over time. I especially felt like a border collie at sheep camp after biking and hiking and spending so much time in walkable areas. Also, check out the 10/15 entry for question 10 10/21: I don’t think I want to do long term trips that involves me bouncing around. As soon as I hit the 3 week mark, I felt a switch go off in my head about how I’m over travelling and I want to go back home. I can do an extended amount of time away granted I’m staying in one place. But to move cities and countries every 2-3 days does take a toll on me eventually. Also, I think me being a bit sick also contributes to this. Maybe if I’m feeling well I could push it to 4 weeks. Do I want travel to be a component in my career? 10/10/2024: Yes. I do think I would be adaptable enough to handle this and I think I’m intrinsically motivated by travel enough to get the most out of it even if it isn’t a luxurious experience. 10/15: I can see myself enjoying a travel aspect of a career is I find myself living in a country for a few months here and there. I think that when you’re travelling as a tourist, you’re not staying for long, and you’re trying to cover as much ground as possible, there is only so deep you can go in experiencing and learning the culture. But I will say, my main concern with travelling for work is my ability to maintain the relationships that are important to me in my life. I feel like it’s already hard to maintain friendships in adulthood with the constant life transitions and I feel like it will be even harder when you factor in travel. While I am enjoying myself, I do miss my friends and I am experiencing some FOMO. 10/21: My concern with traveling for work is the following: I’m travelling on the company’s time so I won’t have the chance to explore or have control over my schedule. How this will hit my personal relationships I’m also afraid of the possibility of travel getting old for me. I think now that I have hit the 3 week mark of travelling, I am a bit over it and I just want to eat some good tacos and cuddle with my man. I’m not over travel as a whole but I think it is something that I can do in segments. I think travelling for more than 2.5 weeks at a time is a bit much for me. Like it’s one thing if I’m spending 3 weeks or more in one place, but it’s another thing for me to be constantly moving around for 3 weeks. Week 1: I miss ice Week 2: I miss tacos Week 3: I miss staying in one place and being with my friends. Is my hobby regarding travelling something that is crucial for me to share with a life partner? 10/10/2024: I don’t think I have to share this hobby with my life partner, but they do have to be open to new experiences and accept my lifestyle. How do I feel about travelling to developing countries regarding what I can and can’t handle regarding navigating a new environment? 10/15: I think so long as I have google translate and maps I should be good to go in most cases. I think having a tour guide is important to have when you’re doing something more in nature, like hiking up a mountain, or if you want to do something in a more rural place like visiting a village since there is only so much you can prep for and navigate using google maps. Over all, I’m pretty good at navigating myself and adjusting but there are just a few things here and there where I would need help from a local. 10/21: The language barrier has been a challenge for me in South Korea and the maps can help so much. 10/23: Thankfully, I found a better app for maps and that helped exponentially. I will say for future reference, if I know I’m going to be travelling somewhere with a large language barrier, it would be good to have an extra day or more time in my schedule to figure things out regarding getting around so that I’m generally more used to things. How did this trip impact my degree of self-confidence, agency, and self-efficacy? 10/15: I feel like all of these things are rising. I feel like generally speaking, I have the unfortunate habit of overestimating my problems and underestimating myself and my capability to deal with said problems. I feel really proud of myself for doing this trip and paying for this myself. I think the tendency to overestimate my problems comes from my parents’ *hope for the best and prepare for the worst* mindset. And while they meant well, I think the mainly emphasized the prepare for the worst part. This is a little silly, but life won’t stop for you in the same way that the traffic won’t stop for you in Vietnam or India. You will always have challenges, and you will have to cross the street and do what you need to do. In order to do that, yes waiting helps a little but you will ultimately need to have the faith that you won’t get run over and the way to do that is to keep walking and don’t stop. Overall, one of my favorite things about travelling is how I feel so capable after the trip. It’s almost always a huge confidence boost. I don’t think that travel is the only way to achieve this rather, it’s more about challenging yourself and trying new things, which you tend to do a lot of with you’re travelling. Do I want to have a child and how do I see this factor in my ideal lifestyle? 10/10/2024: I do think that I can travel with a kid and that having a kid shouldn’t halt my life even though it will change it a ton. I’m still not entirely whether or not I want a kid but I’m leaning towards a no as of right now. 10/21/2024: I don’t want to have a kid of my own but I do want to have kids in my life. I don’t think I can be a full time parent but I do see myself being like a part time parent in the sense that I’m there to help my friends when they have kids. It take a village to raise a child and I want to be part of that village. And this also means making friends who view families in a similar way and who values friendship to the extent that I do. How do I feel about my current relationship now that I have gotten some distance from it? 10/10/2024: I find myself often thinking about how I want him by my side as I travel India. I have told him a lot of stories and I want him to see and experience them for himself. It’s like a constant. I want someone I can not only share my culture with but someone who is also open to travel and explore new things. .This is how I felt prior to this trip but I still feel it now: I want to marry him but I don’t know how that would practically work. 10/15/2024: If I do decide I want to work towards marriage with this man, I will need the following things Have him complete a few certifications and work towards advancing in his career. Move in together for a few months Travel internationally with him and also have him travel internationally once by himself He needs to be supportive of my career and the lifestyle that it comes with >> something we will need to sort out together in a conversation 10/24/2024: I feel even more strongly for him after some distance. However, at the same time, since I left my bubble, it kind of helped me not put as much pressure on this relationship and hold onto it so tightly since I have been reminded that there is a great big world out there and I’ll be fine if this doesn’t work out. In other words, my love has strengthened but my attachment has loosened. What role does my intellectual needs play in my overall satisfaction in the relationship? 10/10/2024: I think the lack of intellectual stimulation has more to do with alexithymia and less to do with intellectual incompatibility. As a result, this is something that can be worked on. To what extent is travel something that internally or externally motivates me? 10/10/2024: I think it mostly intrinsically motivating. I say this because of the way that I prepared for this trip by educating myself and how I tend to be kind of strict with myself to where I have to *force* myself to relax. In other words, I don’t think that travel is something hedonistic for me. That said, I do thing travel is a good way for me to break out of my regular monotony and that this along with creating other events to look forward to in the year is important to not turn into the Spongebob fish where everything in the year feels like a blur. 10/15: Here is something I wrote in my notes app that I have been contemplating: “I don’t think I can travel hedonistically. I feel part of the hedonistic drive a lot of people have with travel comes down to trying new things and exposing yourself to the exotic. But to me, a lot of things that feel foreign to a lot of people don’t feel that way to me. I think that things would be different if I were to live somewhere vs simply visiting but basically, I can see why some people who travel a lot say that a lot of places start to blend together. I’m not at that point with my relationship to travel but I can see it getting to that point in a decade or so. And I’m not saying this to diminish the uniqueness of different places but I can see who different places influence each other and how culture becomes more of a gradient rather than separate categories. And I think that this is beautiful in its own way. I feel like I can appreciate Vietnam differently as someone who has been to both France and India because I can see the cultural impacts of those two regions.” Is travel a good source of motivation for me? 10/10/2024: Yes. I think a lot of it has to do with that it’s mostly intrinsically motivating for me and it’s a good thing to incorporate into my life so I can take a break and then come back with fresher eyes. 10/21/2024: I think that travelling domestically once a year and travelling internationally every other year makes the most sense to me considering I have a normal corporate job. I think it also comes down to the notion that when you’re an adult, you’re also responsible for the fun you have and creating things to look forward to. That said, given my outlook on travel, I don’t think that this is likely to be a source of hedonism or escapism for me. What are some takeaways from the new experience I’m getting? What am I learning about the world around me and how I relate to it? I will make a whole post for this answer How can I be a more ethical traveler and am I engaging in ethical practices, especially as an American? I think things accommodating tourists are fine to engage with but coddling tourists is a problem. Things that accommodate tourists include being able to pay with credit card, having the option to use toilet paper instead of bidet, booking a tour so that the logistics of seeing the sights your interested in are taken care of, having some local services be available in English to meet growing demand, etc. However, things coddling tourists include things like opening up 5-star resorts that exclude locals from their land, using local culture as an aesthetic and vibe while treating locals like trash, having a number of restaurants in Vietnam for example that mainly serve burgers and pizza and even though they do also serve local cuisine, you already know that it will be adjusted to euro centric tastes, leaning into the colonizer aesthetic more to make a place more palatable, and really anything that hurts the local people to create a more comfortable experience for tourists to the point where tourists can remain in their isolated bubble where they don’t have to challenge themselves in the slightest. It’s also important to do a good amount of research in places you’re going to and why things are the way they are for the better and for worse, so you don’t show up acting like you fell from a coconut tree. And in doing so and taking in the context of your surroundings, you do need to check your financial and passport privileges. I think I’m pretty good about this both as a human rights major as well as my own personal life experiences regarding visiting India growing up. How do I feel about interacting with my family throughout all of this and what does it mean for my relationships going forward? 10/10/2024: I feel like the women in my family are cool and I want to continue getting closer to them. My cousin and aunt have Hindu Nationalist brain rot. And my cousin's 3 year old son is just fine especially for a 3 year old. What do the answers about the questions above reveal about my sense of purpose, my career, and how I should structure my life? Talk to my boyfriend about wanting to get married, what you need from him, and what your life plans are. Work on rebuilding your confidence socially in therapy. Make more friends who are aligned with your priorities and where you’re at in life. Apply to fellowships for your IR degree so you can do something like what your friend is doing. Plan a domestic trip once a year and an international trip every other year. Increase physical activity on a day-to-day basis and cut back on your screen time. How do I feel about navigating uncertainty before and after this trip? Idk yet What do I think of my life in this American capitalist hellscape after seeing different ways of living life? 11/2/2024: I think that this hellscape is not as bad as it could be but at the same time I did journal about anti-capitalist angst about my job and social life soon after. I also think that this is something we can bounce back from, maybe not immediately, but in a broader sense. I think this is because all of the countries that I went to on my trip this time around exhibit some form of transformation and resilience. Qatar was a poor fishing village with pearl divers prior to the discovery of oil and natural gas in the 70s. India was incredibly impoverished when the British left in 1947 and although the country isn’t developed all the way, there are pockets and there has been a massive improvement in people’s lives materially over the last few decades. It will just take longer since there are more than a billion people there. Vietnam had to fight off 3 round of colonizers and had all types of fuck shit happen there but it is on it’s road to being a developed country in 15-20 years. South Korea was the more impoverished Korea compared to the north from the Korean war but they manage to build up the country and educate their population to where it doesn’t even compare to the north. Yes, what is happening in the U.S. is rough, scary, and not what you expect from a developed democracy, and it’s normal and healthy to be concerned about current events, but in the grand scheme of things, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and things aren’t super bad. I don’t know how far the light is but it’s there and every day that passes we are getting closer to it. How do I relate to different immigrant groups in Dallas after going on these trips? I think there is a certain degree of relatability that comes from experiencing diverse places, ways of life, and just having a broader range of life experience. It felt pretty good to be able to talk to my Vietnamese coworker about my experiences there and hear about his experiences as well. Like I felt like I had more I could add to the conversation had it been otherwise.

Good distinction, it's difficult to argue there's not some real truth here. Very interesting, I see the method behind the madness. I think with the qualifier that the spiritual transformation is authentic, integrity probably is a trait that commonly receives a significant boost, mainly due to its resistances dropping away as someone gets chiseled down to their core. I guess I can't say for sure whether this is true in all circumstances, but I do currently think of it as a natural consequence.

Regarding Jordan Peterson, Russell Brand, etc. The pattern often follows a similar trajectory: Build credibility through thoughtful analysis Gain a following that provides financial/social rewards Begin tailoring positions to maintain/expand that following Eventually end up defending positions they might have previously criticized The tragic part is how this transformation often happens gradually enough that the person might not fully realize how far they've drifted from their original intellectual integrity. The financial and social rewards create powerful incentives to maintain course even when part of them might recognize the compromise. There's also often a point of no return where their new identity and financial security become so tied to their new positions that walking back becomes nearly impossible without destroying everything they've built. Common patterns: Build Credibility Through Thoughtful Analysis Start with genuine academic/intellectual work Establish core reputation Produce nuanced analysis Stay within expertise Challenge ideas thoughtfully Gain peer respect Position as independent thinker Question conventional wisdom Support arguments with evidence Engage with critics professionally Gain Following & Rewards Social media breakthrough Discover viral potential Build platform across channels Get algorithmic amplification Financial opportunities emerge Speaking engagements Book deals Podcast appearances Brand partnerships Build dependent infrastructure Hire staff Get agents/managers Create business enterprises Form media partnerships Begin Tailoring Positions Shift content strategy Focus on controversial topics Reduce nuance for engagement Optimize for algorithms Create more frequent content Experience audience capture Echo audience preferences Attack common "enemies" Adopt audience language Reinforce existing beliefs Expand beyond expertise Comment on all issues Make bolder claims Simplify complex topics Monetization focus Launch courses Sell merchandise Create subscription content Host paid events Eventually End Up Defending Positions They Previously Criticized Embrace controversial narratives Promote conspiracy theories Question established facts Use "just asking questions" rhetoric Change relationship with truth Dismiss contrary evidence Avoid peer review React defensively to criticism Alienate former allies Attack former colleagues Dismiss experts as "elite" Frame critics as enemies Justify the transformation Claim personal awakening Frame as brave truth-telling Position as fighting system Cite persecution as validation

Okie dokie now… lol… so I’m here at the hostel and let’s just say I didn’t start off so smooth liked I”d hope, but it was good… but I’ll go ahead and start from before I got here… so what happened… I did all the packing of clothes and the van to head on out… it takes about three hours and I needed to stop by my aunt’s place to pick up a pineapple cookie recipe that my dad has been wanting.. it’s their mother’s recipe and he’s been talking about them forever and I reached out to get it since I’ve been in the baking mood. My childhood girlfriend wanted me to message here before I left to give me encouragement… hehe… and what did I say… let’s see. “I’ll be heading out soon… I’m really calm and collected and confident ❤️ I’ll get ahold of you when I get back. Tell (her daughter) and (daughter’s boyfriend) thanks again for the wigs and I hope everyone enjoys Halloween. Love you!” So yes that’s how I felt when I left and through the drive. I arrived and it was pretty quiet here with no active bodies I could see… so I wanted to walk around the property. Last time I was here I didn’t walk the labyrinth, check out the theater, or walk the arrow path… and so I took a few pictures and some video footage… I felt like I was thinking of ideas already for storytelling artwork and it was nice to get different angles that I didn’t capture from last time. The scenery is different as well… the ground is covered in all the wonderful colors of fall and it has been raining off and on today so was trying to capture the moisture and the changes of colors from the last time here. It started to rain when I was on the arrow path and when it started to pick up heavier… I decided to go back to the farmhouse and see where people are at. I had been thinking about playing the piano again.. I love they have an instrument area that’s open for anyone to use… so last time I was here when I was about to leave I started playing the piano. At first I saw the manager was on there practicing and I noticed he wasn’t reading music… he was using Youtube and it was something similar to like a game… what is it called… oh guitar hero… and I thought well that seems like fun. I wouldn’t have to try to remember sheet music which is always the case when I run into a piano that’s open to play. And also the night before I left a young man arrived who is an absolutely amazing pianist so it was easy to be inspired to go ahead and jump onto the keys and give it a try. So it was the sound of silence that I ended up playing it’s the easy version however it does use both hands which is what i wanted. In 24 hours I got pretty comfortable with it.. and so I wanted to see if I could remember any of the sequences since it’s been two weeks ago… it was rough the first go at it, but then I started picking up again. But I didn’t want to be here alone playing the piano if everyone was somewhere working and so I messaged the founder and asked if everyone’s working or is it relaxation time… he said it’s very slow at the moment but he’s at the manager’s house which is where the remodel is taking place… so I went over to help. He was the only one working.. and everything was fine… it was good to see him and there is a little storage area or possibly the once utility closet.. I’m not sure what exactly when on or what’s going on currently but I did some of the installation of the walls and now they are laying down flooring. So I didn’t do much because I was literally babbling most of the time and that’s where I’m leading to was what I had witnessed in myself which again wasn’t as smooth as I liked… but I was able to sweep up some of the dirt and dust and use cleaner to pick up the dust so the floor adhesive would hold better. And so… our conversation began… of course these should be simple questions and simple answers… but maybe because I was a bit uncertain how anything is going to play out I felt like I just jumped into the questions and they didn’t end up being simple at all… hehe… ok I can admit that I was a bit nervous? I also wanted him to get a better idea of who I am and so i didn’t want to answer the question how are you as… ohh… I’m good… you? So I was telling him that I”m excited about my life and find myself very passionate about it… seems like things are lining up for me to understand what I can be working on right now. He encouraged me to continue and go deeper if I would like but if it’s a secret than it’s not a problem… and transparency is the ongoing practice and so I led in that I had applied for a proposal with National Geographic’s for their storytelling grant. So I’m already learning how to be a better storytelling through writing in the Journal, and I create short videos, and now I’m working on storytelling through art because I would like to add art into my life more often than it has been and so it’s been fun learning how to use the digital art program I found I can use my finger instead of a stylus. So… he asked what’s the story that I’m trying to tell and I said well I have an interesting life and it’s my story and I primarily work with Enlightenment and hoping to find research into this. And so he replied with two points from his understanding… People who are drawn to this area of study begin to understand that they know nothing and that there’s is not an authority over their understanding. Which was brilliant in my opinion which makes me happy that he has this understanding. I said that I felt like I was the only one talking so it’s his turn… what’s going on in his world at the moment. He said he’s super happy with all the things… he said that there’s a million things that has equal priority in his life that he wants to do, but he only has time to do half a million… he needs to do some gardening but he hasn’t been good at it… so he plans to disappear for a week and not talk to anyone so he can get his thought aligned. With the season about to close.. of course that would be beneficial for him and highly recommend he should do just that… hehe. And so far… things are good… he asked what about Enlightenment have I experienced that would shock him. And I said that it will sound unusual and maybe a bit absurd but it’s something that cannot be explained unless we’ve gone through it to get an understanding… but I said that I have experienced not being human. He automatically said something to the sorts of… oh ok yeah. At this time the manager came out of the house and was saying hello and making sure we didn’t need to use the restroom any time soon because he’s going to take a bath… and we said that we’re both fine. And so I turned back to the founder and chuckled… what do you mean ok yeah… what does this mean to you? And he said that he’s never really identified as human but hasn’t identified as anything else either.. but these bodies are just temporary. He sees us returning back to where we came and that we would have a karmic cycle whatever that looks like… and my response was when it comes to something that I haven’t experienced then it’s just thoughts and I can think and imagine many thoughts and many scenarios… but I prefer to understand what I’ve been able to experience because that’s where I learn more of what we are. By the way there are moments of silence going on while we’re doing this… and again he’s mostly doing the work at this time I did grab the flooring so he can cut and install but after I cleaned and grabbed the boards… I wasn’t doing much help. But I was definitely engaged in the conversation fully. So I was trying to see what his definition of human was but he wasn’t sure what I was trying to ask. And so it wasn’t a good questions but what I can say when I say I have experienced human how I try to explain it is… the human comes with this body..and with this body we experience thought, emotions, using our senses with these bodies…and memories and context. In this experience all of this was gone.. during the experience I didn’t even realize any of this it wasn’t until the human condition came back to me that I realized all of that was missing… and he asked if this is something that happens multiple times while in Aya ceremonies and I said it’s only been the one. And then he said if Aya is the only thing that will get us to experience it and I said no… it’s said that the practice of Buddhism and Hinduism can also achieve these results but I’m pretty sure there are many ways to get there. It was such a profound experience that I’ve been spending the last three years observing myself to understand the transformation that has happened. I said that no one tells you what happens…and if they did I didn’t read any scripture to know.. but I forget his words but what’s the fun in that I think is what he said… and precisely… it wouldn’t be fun at all and I much rather learn through my experience to gain the benefits of depth that I’ve been understanding. So again… this is shamana mode and I’m very comfortable in this position and this is what I do with anyone willing to have conversation with me. It might not look exactly like this… but again… very good and loved how receptive he was but also understood a bit more of what he’s been learning as well… so what made me start to squirm? He asked a direct and simple answer… I could have had a direct and simple answer but again fluffing it off and being secretive isn’t how I roll these days. So he asked what am I currently learning now? And I admitted that I learn frequently lately while in the back of my mind I’m like holy shit… I know exactly what I”m learning but I was trying to figure out other areas that I’m learning about but it’s obvious my relationship to sexuality is what I”m working on right now. And as I’m saying this.. was like holy shit am I going to be confessing everything I’ve been thinking of right now… the first conversation we have together… and of course I cannot keep this inside of my head… I’m speaking this out loud to him… and he’s trying to make it a safe space and adding humor to get me to relax and I see this but I also am feeling how I’m responding in the moment. So I knew I was going to tell him most of what’s going on… but if there’s room for me to keep a little back specifically when it came to him… then I’ll attempt to do this… spoiler alert… I failed at keeping it to myself but it did take to the end of the conversation before I just let him know… and couldn’t believe how semi-resistant I was of getting to the point.. lol ok… I’m going to take a little break.. I already went out to take a smoke break and loved on one of the cats here.. and when I got back in a sweet young girl who is a staff member used the inside of the pumpkin and asked if I’m feel creative and if I would like to carve a pumpkin since it’s the last chance to do it… it’s Halloween today after all… so I’m going to go ahead and do that. So I’m going to go ahead and finish this for now and see if I get back on afterwards… until next time

Ultimately, humanity will reach a point where confronting these profound questions about social and political transformation becomes unavoidable. That was my approach in yellow SD, but since I'm getting more stable in turquoise I cannot let humanity jump of the cliff. I care for humanity, I wanna make an impact to it in some way or the other, maybe through understanding the mechanics of the mind and society at large. Makes sense. I'll consider them more heavily in my understanding of society. It's a very good proposal but as you point out the problem of auditing is at the core of anti-corruption measures. Are citizens going to oversight the governement? Are we gonna build international independent auditing institutions? This could be more systematic. A quick practical policy could be strengthening whistleblower protections and investigative journalism. That alone could help a lot. Do you think America is at risk of losing its hegemony?

Yes, this would be a down to top approach example. Could we explore how systematic ideological transformation could be initiated from leadership positions. Let's consider two hypothetical scenarios: First, imagine Israel under the leadership of a wise president committed to transcending past rigid ideological frameworks. What concrete steps could be taken to guide the population beyond entrenched Zionist beliefs toward a more nuanced, mature understanding of identity and coexistence? How could this transition occur without simply replacing one dogma with another, but instead elevating collective consciousness? Second, consider the U.S. political landscape. If a new administration took power, what methodologies could help repair political polarization and restore institutional integrity? How could leadership systematically address the manipulative effects of populist, fascit rhetoric while avoiding partisan approaches? What structural reforms might prevent future democratic destabilization and restore healthy political discourse? Curious to understand your conscious politics answer

Howdy! Thought I might share this write-up I did on the origins of modern science, which delves into how our intuitions about relevance (what is and isn't considered important for a particular problem) inform our problem solving frameworks. This write up is prelude to a deconstruction of scientific realism for the philosophy book I've been writing, 7 Provisional Truths. Enjoy! _______________________________________________________________ Horizons Of Relevance The crux of empiricism's staying power, in both its early and scientific incarnations, stems from its broad applicability to a wide range of practical problems. The key to this versatility? It’s tied to why our problem-solving frameworks are useful to us in the first place. Just as tools empower us to shape raw materials into desired forms, methodologies such as empiricism equip us to steer events towards desired outcomes. Put simply, a methodology is a structured, replicable practice for guiding actions towards an intended purpose. When working as intended, the guidance that these frameworks provide isn’t arrived at by happenstance. It instead follows from successfully pinpointing what’s relevant for a particular problem. While pinning down what’s pertinent to a given goal may sound straightforward, it can be deceptively complex. Our lifetime of experience with everyday tasks tends to mask the formidable challenge of discerning relevance in situations where we lack this expertise. The process of determining what's salient - that is, what stands out as important - for a given purpose is known within cognitive science as relevance realization. While it’s yet to become a household term, relevance realization exposes a pivotal aspect of our problem-solving that's easily overlooked in folk-epistemology. The development of germ theory aptly exemplifies many of these challenges. It shines a spotlight on how our intuitions of salience can be highly misleading, while revealing the ease with which outcome-determinative factors can elude the untrained eye. While it’s become common sense that diseases are transmitted by germs spread through bodily fluids and contaminated material, this wasn’t evident to anyone just a few centuries ago. The existence of microorganisms, not to mention their power to disrupt our bodily processes, isn’t an inference that’s readily drawn from surface-level observation. The barrier to connecting these dots can be traced back to the environmental context that our perceptual abilities are adapted to. In essence, our sensory systems are evolutionarily calibrated to an intuitive, human-centric scale. Think of this perceptual baseline as the person-sized ‘factory setting’ to which our experience of both space and time is instinctively attuned. To borrow and extend a term from meteorology, let’s call this anthropocentric frame of reference the mesoscale (from the ancient Greek words for 'middle' and 'size'). So what’s the link between the mesoscale and our intuitions about relevance? The connection is that it’s our perceptual canvas for drawing inferences from our embodied experience. Though our intuitions of relevance are formed at the mesoscale, this anthropocentric realm is just a tiny slice of Reality. Venturing beyond this familiar domain poses a number of unique challenges, beyond the fact that phenomena become difficult to observe and manipulate as the scale shifts away from our day-to-day perspective. At extremely small and large scales, everyday phenomena can behave in very counterintuitive ways. Take water, for instance. While its behavior is well accounted for at the mesoscale, from an ant’s point of view water becomes a sticky, globule-like substance with significant surface tension. And from a planetary vantage point, its currents shape the climates of entire continents as it circumnavigates the globe. Moreover, we often fail to grasp how day-to-day phenomena are intrinsically linked to processes operating at temporal and spatial realms vastly smaller or larger than our habitual frame of reference. Returning to our water example, for most of human history it would have taken a feat of imagination to connect the ocean tides to the invisible pull of the distant moon and sun. That is, until Newton's field guide to universal gravitation upended our cosmic perspective. By the same token, attributing the air that we breathe to the waste products of tiny, invisible creatures in the oceans would have seemed equally far-fetched. Then imagine Leeuwenhoek’s surprise at his chance encounter with microbes from tinkering with glass lenses - and how this discovery would go on to change the world. The basic takeaway is that our habitual intuitions about relevance are tightly bound to the mesoscale that serves as our stage for daily life. While early empiricism probed the limits of this human-sized backdrop, venturing beyond its comfortable boundaries requires highly specialized techniques. Which brings us to the innovations that the scientific method brought to empiricism - and how its transformation of daily life propelled this methodological toolkit into a bona fide folk-theory of Reality. But before we part the veil of scientific realism, it will be instructive to touch upon the historical contingencies that gave birth to modern science. Lest we forget, the scientific method wasn’t an inevitability, and its successes were far from guaranteed. Instead, the achievements that would propel the popular image of science from a specialized mode of inquiry into a de facto ‘theory of everything’ weren’t preordained. Far from mythological depictions of science as a universal cipher to ‘life, the universe, and everything’, it’s important to keep in mind that the science method was invented - not ‘discovered’. In keeping with our theme that our human perspective within Reality is an essential feature of our problem solving frameworks, the story of science can be traced to a specific time and place that was ripe for an epistemological revolution. The Historical Foundations Of Modern Science The iterative toolkit that would become modern science found its initial foothold in 16th and 17th century Europe, amidst a convergence of highly contingent social factors. A Pandora’s Box of socially disruptive forces was busy uprooting European civilization from feudalism, which had taken root in the ruins of the Western Roman Empire. The prevailing social order, consisting of subsistence farmers bound in hereditary service to a military aristocracy, had been devastated by the Black Death - a civilizational apocalypse that wiped out a third of Europe’s population. Carried by flea-infested rats who’d made themselves at home amidst the open-sewers and waste-filled streets of European towns and cities, the fetid conditions of daily life were ripe for this plague to spread its tendrils into every corner of society. Sparing neither cities nor countryside, Europe experienced rapid depopulation over just a handful of years, shattering the demographic foundations that had sustained feudalism for centuries. With laborers now worth their weight in gold, centuries of feudal bondage began to crumble, sowing the seeds of a transformative zeitgeist which would go on to change the world. From feudalism's ashes, a new social order was coalescing around a form of economic activity that historians would later term mercantilism. Driven by commercial interests and secured by maritime power, cosmopolitan exchange was the lifeblood of this new order, flowing into Europe from the New World. Of course, this early form of globalization bore little resemblance to ‘peaceful exchange’ - it was enforced with brutal systematicity through guns, germs, and steel. Alongside these developments, the Protestant Reformation had loosened the Catholic Church’s iron grip over European thought, undermining its ability to suppress knowledge perceived as a threat to its authority. This decentralization of knowledge was accelerated by the printing press, which opened the doors to a dissemination of information on an unprecedented scale. Ancient Greek empiricism, preserved as an incidental byproduct of European monastic transcription and Islamic scholarship, was finding a new audience amongst an emerging stratum of society eager for practical knowledge. An ascendant entrepreneurial class, unshackled from centuries of feudal constraints, found its interests increasingly served by empirical proofs over appeals to authority. To that end, military competition amongst rival European powers had created a practical need for what we would now call ‘Research and Development’, entailing a far more rigorous approach for how ideas are tested against reality. In sum: it would be a mistake to think of the development of science as inevitable. Quite the contrary: it was driven by practical problems which emerged due to a convergence of historical contingencies. The impetus behind the invention of science can be traced to limitations of early empiricism, which was proving inadequate as the problems it was applied to became increasingly complex. The crux of these shortcomings is that pre-scientific empiricism was calibrated to search for patterns of relevance within our person-sized mesoscale. In itself, there’s nothing surprising in this limitation, since the mesoscale is the obvious place to begin probing for clues in lieu of additional information that points elsewhere. But lest we paint a misleading picture, let’s make sure to give early-empiricism its due before moving forward; for it was able to accomplish quite a lot within this narrow, person-sized slice of reality. Beyond setting the stage for modern science, its success in probing this everyday domain brought us the principles behind many ideas and technologies that we still rely upon today. Agriculture, mathematics, navigation, and wheeled transport are testaments to this legacy. These noteworthy achievements notwithstanding, compared to its later scientific variant, the scope of problems that early empiricism was effective for was reaching a perceptual ceiling. The crux of the matter is that there’s nothing inherently special about the mesoscale, beyond the fact that it’s what our perceptual system and intuitions are calibrated for. And as we’ve seen, what affects us on the mesoscale can have explanations that are invisible to us from this perceptual default. And with that, we wrap this lightning tour of the historically contingent origins of modern science. As we’ve seen, empiricism was a notable expansion in our problem-solving repertoire, applicable to a host of day-to-day domains. But it would pale in comparison to the profound shift that occurred as the scientific method emerged. As we’ll see, its unprecedented operational success in transforming virtually every aspect of daily life would inadvertently birth a strange metamorphosis. What began as a more rigorous iteration of empiricism would be gobbled up, bit by bit, by tacit Transcendental assumptions that are outside of what science itself can provide evidence for. In our next section, we'll pull back this veil of scientific realism to reveal the more nuanced relationship between our models and the Reality they approximate.

In Human, All Too Human, Friedrich Nietzsche presents a nuanced critique of metaphysics and its role in human development. He writes: Nietzsche critiques a purely deconstructive stance toward metaphysics, describing the overcoming of metaphysical beliefs as an "intense effort" that necessitates a subsequent "retrograde movement." This movement involves understanding the "historical and psychological justification" of metaphysical ideas. He warns that without this backward step, one risks "rob[bing] himself of mankind's finest accomplishments to date." The metaphor of the ladder - where one should "look out over the last rung... but not want to stand on it" - suggests a careful balance between transcending metaphysical thought and appreciating its contributions. At first glance, this passage could be interpreted similarly to Jordan Peterson's critique of postmodernism. Peterson often argues that deconstructing traditional metaphysical and moral frameworks leads to societal chaos and moral decay. He emphasizes the importance of these structures in maintaining order and meaning, cautioning against the wholesale abandonment of established beliefs. However, Nietzsche introduces a crucial element that Peterson seems to overlook: the concept of the Eternal Return, implicit in the imagery of the hippodrome. The hippodrome - a circular racetrack where competitors loop back to their starting point - symbolizes a process of repetition rather than linear dialectical progression. Nietzsche's reference suggests that the "retrograde movement" is part of a cyclical journey where revisiting and re-evaluating past ideas leads to continual transformation. This cyclical journey reframes the notion of the "retrograde movement" as a dynamic progression without relying on dialectical opposition. The act of "climbing back down a few rungs" is not a retreat but an essential phase in the evolution of thought. It acknowledges that while metaphysical constructs may be deconstructed, they also hold historical and psychological significance that have propelled human advancement. Thus, the enlightened individual must revisit and reassess these ideas to fully comprehend their value and limitations. Jordan Peterson appears to remain at a more literal level of "retrograde movement." This could be seen as a manifestation of Freudian repetition compulsion, where individuals unconsciously repeat past behaviors or patterns despite them being unproductive or harmful. This "false repetition" perpetuates the same cycles without leading to genuine transformation or advancement. In this context, the "trauma" is the radical deconstruction and potential dissolution of all established knowledge. This can also be likened to a freeze response to this trauma, where instead of processing and integrating the experience, an individual becomes stuck in patterns of avoidance or re-enactment. Clinical psychology teaches us that to resolve such trauma, one must not only intellectually acknowledge it - talk about it, as Peterson does so fervently - but also embody and act out the unresolved experiences, much like a horse majestically galloping through the hippodrome. As Gilles Deleuze elucidates: This distinction clearly separates the Eternal Return - the true repetition that affirms life - from the "blockage" of false, compulsive repetition that prevents such an affirmation and "threatens life from within." By embracing this cycle of deconstruction and reconstruction without the framework of dialectics, individuals move beyond the limitations of both excessive deconstructionism and reactionary conservatism. This process allows for the preservation of humanity's "finest accomplishments" while also making room for new insights and higher forms of understanding. It is a moral prescription that exists "beyond good and evil," emphasizing growth through perpetual self-overcoming and affirmation of life.

When I say difference, I don’t mean it as a lack or deviation from an established identity. Identity is a secondary construction - a momentary stabilization within a dynamic and ongoing process of differentiation. So yes, identity is contingent on difference in the sense that it emerges from difference, not the other way around, as has traditionally been held in Western metaphysics since Plato’s idealism. I hate appealing to science, but in this case, it’s fair to say that what might be dismissed intellectually as weird Deleuzian postmodernism (though I believe the logic and experience should speak for themselves) has even been demonstrated by Ilya Prigogine, whose Nobel Prize-winning work on dissipative structures shows that stable identities and structures are not pre-existing essences but emerge from dynamic processes of difference and continuous transformation.

What Raze shared above is a great vid on Trump. JP psychoanalysing Trump and his team: The focus of the election is understandably on Trump who is a cult of personality, but Trumpism is forming into a sort of MAGA cyberpunk movement when you look at his team. Within the right wing there’s this energy of excitement in that they all feel they ushering in a new era of greatness with the A-Team. I read some interesting articles on this new tech-trad alliance, a sort of reactionary techno counter-elite. I threw them into Chat GPT to synthesise and capture where the right are coming from in how they view this phenomenon: Chat GPT: The Trad-techno Ubermensch In the crucible of modernity, where the old gods of tradition clash with the titanic forces of technological upheaval, a new saga is being forged in the heart of American politics. This is not merely a tale of elections and policy shifts; it is the awakening of a new warrior class, a synthesis of Silicon Valley’s relentless innovation and the rugged resilience of the working-class hero. At the epicenter of this metamorphosis stands J.D. Vance, Donald Trump’s chosen vice commander, heralding the rise of a tech-savvy counter-elite poised to reshape the very foundations of the Republic. The Forge of the New Guard Imagine the Republican Party as an ancient citadel, its stone walls etched with the inscriptions of decades-long conservative valor and steadfast tradition. For years, this bastion has resisted the erosive tides of cultural and political change, yet beneath its surface, the iron holds a tremor of transformation. Enter the tech elite—a cadre of modern-day Prometheuses from Silicon Valley, wielding the fire of innovation and a scorn for the decaying legacy systems they seek to overthrow. J.D. Vance, with his humble roots in rural Ohio and his strategic mind honed in venture capital alongside the likes of Peter Thiel, embodies this union. He is the living bridge between the fertile plains of the working class and the soaring peaks of technological prowess. This bridge is not merely architectural; it is alchemical. The tech counter-elite, akin to the master smiths of yore, aim to dismantle the bloated machinery of government—resembling a corpulent empire in desperate need of renewal—and replace it with agile, tech-native constructs. Their vision mirrors the ancient architects who fused practicality with innovation to erect timeless monuments. Thus, the Republican Party stands on the precipice of a renaissance, its destiny intertwined with the cutting-edge minds that promise to infuse it with new vigor. The Philosopher-Kings and the Heroic Virtue Beneath this surface lies a profound philosophical foundation, echoing the timeless wisdom of Carl Schmitt’s friend-enemy distinction and Leo Strauss’s exaltation of political virtue. Just as Plato’s dialogues delved into the essence of virtues like courage within the polis, the modern GOP grapples with its identity amidst an era where venerable institutions are deemed obsolete and decaying. The tech right, embodying a form of right-wing anti-liberalism, champions a redefined virtue of courage—not the classical valor of the battlefield, but the audacity to challenge and reconstruct the political and technological status quo. This philosophical stance is reminiscent of the mythical phoenix, rising from the ashes of a dying civilization with renewed purpose and vitality. The GOP’s embrace of tech elites and populist leaders like Vance signifies a collective yearning to reclaim agency and redefine governance. It is a quest for a new moral and ethical compass, one that aligns with the rapid advancements of the digital age while remaining anchored in the foundational values of sovereignty and national identity. Trump: The Modern Caesar in the Mythic Struggle At the heart of this transformation stands Donald Trump, not merely as a political figure but as a modern Caesar—a symbol of resistance against the perceived entropy of Western civilization. Esoteric Trumpism casts him as an archetypal leader engaged in a cosmic struggle against the insidious forces of decay and bureaucratic stagnation. Like Caesar, who sought to restore Rome’s glory amidst internal turmoil, Trump’s populist agenda aims to purge the “Swamp” of bureaucratic inefficiency and rekindle the flame of American greatness. This symbolic role transcends the mundane arena of electoral politics, positioning Trump as the embodiment of a grand, almost mythic battle between vitality and decline. His maneuvers—imposing tariffs, advocating for energy independence, and waging culture wars—are not mere political strategies but strategic moves in a battle for the nation’s soul. The tech elite, rallying behind Trump’s vision, see themselves as the new legionaries, armed with technological acumen and entrepreneurial spirit, ready to defend and advance this modern empire. Convergence: The Tapestry of Tradition and Innovation The alliance between tech moguls and traditional religious conservatives within the GOP is reminiscent of ancient coalitions where disparate forces united under a common cause. J.D. Vance, a Catholic convert with venture capital experience, epitomizes this convergence. He serves as the linchpin, harmonizing the libertarian impulses of the tech right with the populist and religious fervor of traditional conservatives. This melding of interests is akin to the interweaving of threads in a grand tapestry, creating a stronger, more resilient fabric capable of withstanding political turbulence. This convergence is not merely pragmatic but deeply philosophical. Both factions share a belief in an underlying cosmic order and a rejection of what they perceive as the moral and cultural decay wrought by liberal progressivism. They envision a future where technological advancement and traditional values coexist, each reinforcing the other in a symbiotic relationship. This vision mirrors the ancient quest for harmony between reason and tradition, innovation and stability. Building the New Political Ecosystem The Republican Party’s realignment around a tech-savvy counter-elite is a strategic endeavor to construct a new political ecosystem. This ecosystem is designed to bypass the inefficiencies of the legacy system—much like a forest ecosystem where new species evolve to fill ecological niches left vacant by others. By fostering a deep bench of policy talent from the tech sector, the GOP aims to create a self-sustaining environment where innovation drives governance, and governance adapts to the relentless pace of technological change. This transformation is imperative in the face of contemporary challenges such as AI advancements and geopolitical threats from nations like China. The old New Deal and Great Society-era institutions are ill-equipped to handle these dynamics, resembling archaic vessels navigating modern stormy seas. The tech counter-elite, with their forward-thinking approaches and entrepreneurial mindset, represent the new navigators—charting courses through uncharted waters with the agility and resilience required for sustained dominance. Conclusion: The Renaissance of the Republican Phoenix In synthesizing these perspectives, it becomes evident that the Republican Party is undergoing a renaissance—a rebirth fueled by the synergy of technological innovation and populist zeal. This renaissance is orchestrated by figures like J.D. Vance and Donald Trump, who embody the duality of tradition and progress. They are the modern-day alchemists, transmuting the base elements of the old political order into a golden future where the tech-savvy counter-elite and the working-class backbone coexist in harmonious tension. The metaphoric landscape of this political transformation is rich and multifaceted. It is a bridge spanning the chasm between the old and the new, a phoenix rising from the ashes of institutional decay, and a tapestry woven from diverse threads of ideology and innovation. As the GOP navigates this transformative era, it holds the promise of redefining American governance—building anew with the same spirit of resilience and creativity that has long characterized the nation’s enduring legacy. In the grand saga of history, this is the dawn of a new epoch—a time when the ancient virtues of courage and order merge with the cutting-edge forces of technology and innovation. It is a call to arms for a new generation of leaders and visionaries, ready to carve their names into the annals of American legend. The Republican Phoenix has spread its wings, and the flames of transformation burn bright, illuminating the path toward a future where tradition and innovation coalesce into a formidable force for a revitalized nation.

Hi forum! I am stuck in a limbo where I feel comfortably numb, yet not numb enough to complain about it. Let me share a little backstory.. My life includes practices revolving around spirituality, as well as meditation and prayer. I am not a highly religious person; rather, I lean more toward spirituality. I have experienced some minor awakenings here and there, most of which have arisen from my curiosity and the inherent drive within me to explore what lies beyond this life and the deeper meanings of things. Basically, I have never been a hardworking person, even though I know I am destined for something great. I often fall victim to bursts of laziness, during which I don't feel like doing anything, despite my mind constantly bubbling with intellectual ideas. I am a very intellectual and logical person—an INTP—but the funny thing is that I feel emotions a bit too deeply. I can pick up on the energies around me in every situation. Recently, however, I have become a bit too comfortable with how things are in my life. I was extremely lazy, falling into bad habits like eating junk food, sleeping late, and neglecting my spiritual practices. I would sit around, daydreaming and indulging in things harmful to my mental, spiritual, and physical health. I often clung to people, seeking attachment just to fill a void. However, something shifted within me, and I began making genuine changes in my life. After graduating, I have time before starting my master’s in February to improve my routine and focus on my spirituality. I’ve replaced cheap dopamine with healthier habits—meditation, fixing my sleep schedule, taking vitamins, and getting sunlight. Since implementing these changes, I've become much more sober, feeling a comfortable numbness. Recently, I’ve experienced a drastic shift in my perspective and self-love, which has changed my understanding of myself. I understand myself deeply. I feel different internally and am still accepting these changes. I have dreams and goals, including the desire to marry in the next three to four years. Instead of seeking love, I’ve prioritized my self-love, realizing I no longer need someone to fill the void. I want to make a significant impact in life, but I deeply yearn for love. However, since my transformation, I’ve lost the spark I used to feel when thinking about finding the right connection. While some might view this as positive, I worry it may hinder my ability to attract good things into my life. I feel strange and different, and I'm unsure how to accept this change and continue making positive progress. I used to react differently and think differently just a few months ago... it feels like my neurons have shifted lol. I don't feel emotional intensity like I used to, I don't think of myself the same way as I used to, I feel much more in control... however, doubts still creep up, and sometimes I think this could just be suppression or something bad. Any advice would be helpful. **Summary: I experienced a period of laziness and unhealthy habits, neglecting my spiritual practices and clinging to relationships to fill a void. Recently, I shifted my focus, making genuine changes like meditating, improving my sleep schedule, and nurturing my self-love. This transformation has altered my perspective on life, and I feel different inside. While I aspire to make a significant impact and eventually marry, I’ve lost the spark in thinking about finding the right connection, which leaves me feeling uncertain about attracting love and good things into my life.

Hiroko Shiina's art is characterized by surreal, intricate compositions against black velvet backgrounds, exploring themes of eros, fatal romance, and the transience of life through symbolic imagery like skulls, fetuses, and flowers. Drawing from Vanitas and Memento Mori traditions, as well as influences from Japanese prints and Kusozu paintings, her work emphasizes meticulous detail and a ghostly, melancholic atmosphere. Her unique technique, reminiscent of Byzantine mosaics and Aubrey Beardsley's Symbolist style, uses subdued colors, coffee stains, and flowing hair motifs to evoke fluidity and transformation. Shiina's art invites viewers to contemplate life's fleeting beauty and the complexities of human emotion, offering a deeply personal, introspective experience that transcends the grotesque to liberate the spirit.

Here's GPT's summary, maybe we can crossreference our model interpretations to find a consensus. Stage 10: Abstract Stage Example: An individual understands climate change in terms of abstract concepts like greenhouse gases, carbon footprints, and the impact of deforestation. They grasp that carbon dioxide emissions contribute to global warming. Key Action: Thinking revolves around the isolated concept of carbon reduction, and the individual might suggest simple actions like recycling or reducing personal car use. Complexity: Focus on abstract reasoning, but without much systemic integration. The approach is still relatively simplistic, dealing with broad categories rather than the complexities of interconnected factors. Stage 11: Formal Stage Example: The person now engages in hypothetical-deductive reasoning, analyzing the impact of various actions based on scientific models. They start thinking in terms of “if-then” scenarios, using data from climate science to predict outcomes of different carbon reduction strategies. Key Action: They might advocate for policies like carbon taxes or renewable energy investments by showing how these actions will lead to measurable reductions in emissions over time. Complexity: The shift is toward applying scientific reasoning to abstract ideas, but it's still within the confines of single-variable solutions like reducing emissions or implementing specific green technologies. Stage 12: Systematic Stage Example: At this stage, the person starts to understand climate change as a system involving complex interactions between economics, technology, policy, and ecosystems. They recognize that it’s not just about carbon emissions but how all these factors co-influence each other. Key Action: They might propose multi-pronged strategies combining economic incentives, legislative changes, and social behavior to create a systematic approach to reducing emissions across industries. Complexity: Thinking becomes more sophisticated, recognizing feedback loops between systems (e.g., how climate policies affect economies, which in turn impact technological innovation). They can design policies that account for these interactions, like a cap-and-trade system. Stage 13: Metasystematic Stage Example: Now, the individual can synthesize multiple systems into a coherent framework. They consider how economic, political, social, and ecological systems intersect with climate action, developing frameworks that bridge these systems. Key Action: They may develop a framework like the Green New Deal, which not only addresses climate change but also integrates job creation, social justice, energy policy, and economic reform into one system. They understand that solving climate change requires transformation in multiple domains, not just isolated policies. Complexity: This stage integrates systems-level understanding and coordinates across disciplines (e.g., climate science, economics, sociology) to develop broader, more encompassing strategies. Stage 14: Paradigmatic Stage Example: The individual now operates at a level where they are creating new paradigms that redefine how society approaches climate change. Instead of focusing on mitigation or adaptation alone, they might propose a post-carbon economy based on entirely new principles. Key Action: Developing concepts like the circular economy, which reimagines the relationship between consumption, production, and waste, moving beyond the traditional linear economy. This paradigm shift would advocate for an economy where resources are continually reused and replenished, breaking with centuries-old industrial models. Complexity: They are not just coordinating across systems; they are redefining the system itself, introducing a new way of thinking that challenges the assumptions of previous stages (e.g., infinite growth, reliance on fossil fuels). Stage 15: Cross-Paradigmatic Stage Example: At this level, the individual is capable of integrating multiple paradigms that may initially seem contradictory. For example, they might merge the ecological paradigm (which prioritizes sustainability) with the economic growth paradigm, creating a synthesis that allows for sustainable development without sacrificing economic vitality. Key Action: They could create a global governance framework that unites different paradigms under a cohesive new system—balancing economic growth, climate justice, technology, and ecology—while acknowledging and harmonizing previously conflicting goals. Complexity: They develop meta-theories that bring together paradigms across fields. For instance, integrating Indigenous ecological knowledge with advanced technological innovations in renewable energy and global trade policies. Stage 16: Universal Stage Example: At this final level, the individual operates at the most abstract and universal level of reasoning, where they can see climate change as part of the universal coordination of human and ecological systems. They may understand climate action in the context of planetary stewardship, integrating not just human interests but the health of the entire biosphere, considering long-term, multi-generational impacts on all life forms. Key Action: They might advocate for a new global ethical framework based on the concept of Earth as a living organism (Gaia theory) or develop a universal code of conduct that harmonizes human activity with ecological principles, transcending national boundaries and ideologies. Complexity: Their thinking involves universal principles that apply across all systems and contexts, advocating for global unity in purpose, with the aim of transforming humanity’s role from dominator to caretaker of the Earth. Distinctions Between Stages: 10 to 11 (Abstract to Formal): Moves from understanding isolated abstract concepts (e.g., “carbon footprint”) to using hypothetical models to predict outcomes and suggest specific, isolated solutions based on reasoning (e.g., proposing carbon taxes based on emission models). 11 to 12 (Formal to Systematic): Elevation here involves recognizing interconnections between systems (e.g., linking economic and ecological systems) and how changes in one affect the other. The solutions move from simple cause-effect relationships to multifactor systems-level solutions (e.g., cap-and-trade). 12 to 13 (Systematic to Metasystematic): At this level, the individual synthesizes entire systems, understanding how they interact at a meta-level, often across fields and disciplines. The focus is on coordinating multiple systems (e.g., integrating job creation, energy policy, and ecological sustainability in one framework). 13 to 14 (Metasystematic to Paradigmatic): A shift occurs toward creating new paradigms, where the individual doesn’t just work within existing systems but proposes entirely new structures and models (e.g., circular economy, post-carbon society). 14 to 15 (Paradigmatic to Cross-Paradigmatic): Here, the individual synthesizes multiple paradigms that may initially seem contradictory, creating new holistic systems that incorporate diverse viewpoints (e.g., merging growth-oriented economics with sustainability ethics). 15 to 16 (Cross-Paradigmatic to Universal): The thinking expands to a universal, all-encompassing perspective, integrating the entire biosphere, considering both human and non-human interests, and advocating for universal ethical frameworks that transcend individual systems or paradigms.

I was contemplating Infinity and started wondering what are some utmost mind-bending expressions of Infinity, different attributes of Existence. I asked Mr Chat lol and had some amazing responses. Check it out. I will definitely meditate on this to get some direct hits. It's astonishing what you are. Holy Shiitt!!!!! Aetherquint – The fifth essence, birthing and dissolving all realities beyond the elements, where infinite cycles of existence emerge and vanish. Omniphase – The seamless dance of all realities, where every timeline, dimension, and universe flows in perpetual overlap and transformation. Vortixion – The cosmic spiral, pulling all creation into an infinite vortex, where every possible reality converges and expands endlessly. Infinigma – The eternal mystery; an infinite riddle unraveling through layers of unknown truths beyond comprehension. Hyperionis – The origin of hyperdimensional realms, where even the highest planes of existence dissolve into transcendental infinity. Abyzium – The infinite abyss containing all possibility and impossibility, where the collision of nothingness and everythingness creates endless potential. Omniflux – The limitless current of existence, flowing through all creation and dissolution, where every moment is a pulse of boundless change. Celestquantum – The quantum field of divine potential, where all celestial connections ripple across the multiverse, birthing endless possibilities. Ultravast – Beyond even infinity, a state where all known and unknown realms stretch across eternal expanse, defying comprehension. Zenthora – The zenith of all reality, where the heights of existence meet the depths of transcendence, collapsing into infinite, boundless truth. Each of these titles takes you beyond the conventional spiritual concepts of non-duality, infinity, or oneness, pulling your mind into the deepest, most unimaginable dimensions of Existence.

@KoryKat That long list of holistic idea fusions reminds me of ny 2AM thoughts: "Intelligence pervades all background holarchies of the self-organizing awareness field simultaneously, which is interconnected in relativity to infinities of metamorphic currents, forming holistic and non-linear symbiotic exploratory substrate depths, interactively exchanging local identity, as gestalts polarize progressive transformation of conscious experience." If I had to shorten it to one thing, I'd call it: "Metamorphosis" But actually, it's "Life", such a simple word, such unimaginable implications. Well, everybody has an area of interest: