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Insanity is when you have a very profound mystical experience of no self while also having chakras not aligned. In other words, if you are not feeling overwheliming love and bliss you're doing it wrong.

For me the best psychedelic listening experiences have never been about the specific psyche but which ever one can take me to a nondual breakthrough, listening right after the point your ego dies and is just starting to knit itself back together, the untapped emotional bliss after an experience like that is what makes the music truly orgasmic. The hard part is actually remembering to do it because you have to surrender the person that wants to do it in order to breakthrough in the first place

Good morning… so awesome start to the week! My pops and I were able to go to my cousin’s new house up north to share in some family time for the holidays… great big old home that’s super warm and welcoming and had a blast with everyone. We’re gamers and so got a chance to play some new games… the first was Seven Wonders I think… and it was a bit tricky getting the rules, but I had beginner’s luck and did really well playing my cousin and her two kiddos… who are growing so fast.. the youngest had his 20th birthday on Monday… and her daughter who’s 24. We got to cook together in their kitchen which is probably my favorite activity to share during the holiday season… well cooking and games… so perfect! Monday…. I’ve been waiting a week to go to my first beginner’s jam. I knew I was going to love it and it was far more than expectations obviously because I couldn’t imagine all the nuance and details of emotions I was going to experience. And I didn’t know the players who were going to attract together to share in this moment. I went a little early to meet with the gentleman I met a week earlier at a drum troupe practice. It was an old building which had so much character. He gave me a tour which was music studio/living quarters/workshop…. I absolutely loved it and briefly met his dog Indy… maybe a labordoodle mix? But guys started to arrive with their own instruments and wasn’t certain exactly where I was going to find myself… but I ended up with the electrical drum kit. And there ended up being six of us… I guess there was a seventh who showed up because he happened to hear the music as he was driving by… he’s from Indy and happened to be in Anderson. He’s a karaoke singer and it was nice to have him stop by but there was something about someone who comes into a jam session and wants us to stop just to hear him sing…. Hehe… he finally sang along with us… I guess that was just the point… we’re here to connect and share into the musical collaboration. But anyway it was really fucking awesome! I had sat at an acoustical drum kit before. I was dating a musician what nine years ago for a little bit… I went to a few practices where they let me play a little bit… but nothing like this… it was close to three hours on the kit… and I wasn’t by myself… I was with a group of seasoned musicians who were very inspiring and encouraging. I love it! I remember having like four different minds connected to the hands and feet… when I started I just started with my hands… I felt a bit comfortable with this. It did seem that I heard and felt a beat that continued to thread itself throughout the night. I kept trying to get to different rhythms but i could hear these original beats returning and peaking through during the duration of the evening. But dynamics started building on top of it. I was oozing with excitement… I couldn’t stop from giggling of pure bliss in the entire experience. First of all I haven’t found owning instruments so to walk into a studio and be allowed to pick an instrument and give it a go is a blessing. So just being there in the first place warmed my heart and soul. The indoor fire pit might have helped to the warmth too… hehe. But then again… being able to kind of hear a way to sync with the sounds was happening… not to the extent by the fire… but there was something there. I’m still so new to this language I could feel myself finding a simple beat but desire to explore to add more complimentary variety which at times worked but mostly just the potential for something… hehe… it was funny to listen back to the two and a half session the owner recorded for us. During the jam I knew at times I was on but majority being a bit off…hehe… but when I watched it again… I was like holy shit.. there was so much of the music being played by the players that I missed. It’s not like I couldn’t hear them… but I was so focused that I missed their communication of brilliance that I was able to hear in the video… but also telling the drummer… hey girl… shush a bit… there’s some amazing juice here and you’re not adding to the flavor right now… but I know that I can’t learn without going through that struggle of giving it a chance and explore the mistakes to gain confidence. It was fun to struggle through the jam. I could hear the moments where everyone’s musicality was increasing and peaking and I could feel it but couldn’t execute reciprocation of balanced harmony… but I was definitely reciprocating elevated energetic enthusiasm. I want to be able to express myself in every way possible. Again a new language I’m being introduced to where I have a desire to learn and I understand that I’m ready to attract more of this in my life and hell yeah… finally!!! Not that having it any sooner would’ve been better… I wouldn’t have been ready for it… so it’s the perfect timing with the perfect people and the perfect situation… so I wouldn’t have appreciated it if it was before the time it was. I had to gain enough confidence to even exist in this space and so it’s exciting to see I’ve gotten to this point. There’s so much I would like to express but feel like my words are going to be falling short per usual. But I’ve got some cool stuff in the next week that I’ll briefly mention. Yesterday the girl from the hostel needs a place to stay in Indy while she’s working so a message went out to see if anyone can help her out. There weren’t anyone responding and I started to think about a recent buddy I met downtown who has a cool spot and feel like he would be open to this because it seems like he’s craving some attention. So I messaged him and he said he’s down. As I messaging to let them know I have an option… I started to think… hey I’ve been wanting to stay with him too so we can talk about creating apps and websites… so I mentioned I’ll join her at this spot. I’ll pick her up and drop her off from work. I messaged her last night and I’m going to take her to the goodwill outlet when she gets off work and give her some practice time driving on the highway in the city while she’s here. She’s so stinking adorable… I’m so happy we met… yeah I feel like I can get that sister feeling I don’t share with my younger sisters… so I’m loving it. She’ll be going back to Wisconsin next week to get her driver’s license so she can go volunteer in Asheville for the hurricane recovery. But yeah… so heading there today, spending the night with them, hangout out more with my new buddy on Thursday before returning back to my hometown so I can pick up my childhood girl friend on Friday… so we can spend a few days together. She’s willing to share time with me even though her dogs won’t be able to come with us. We’ll be going to the hostel… the manager is hosting a wild game party which will serve meats he hunted and then have games including the Chicken game I’ve spoken about. We’re going a day early to help setup and prepare for the event. People will be showing up Saturday… and that day will be filled with laughter I’m sure. Sunday is up in the air… I’m not sure if we’ll stay one more night at the hostel or if we’ll go ahead and continue down to Kentucky early. I met a beautiful soul during the intention convention who invited me to come to her home in Lexington for a dinner party and ecstatic dance party at her home. She said that we could spend the night too which is awesome! So we’ll head back home on Tuesday. Again I have these ideas of how things will go… but I’m trying to be more open to spontaneity. This will be the general outline and guidance… but so curious to experience all the details. Ok… I want to start getting myself together before I head out. Until next time… enjoy! here’s a clip that i made for IG reel on first jam session, but not last IMB_75Bb6b.mp4

For some, Estate Normie was wonderful: clean streets, mail that arrived on time, and sensible work from morning to evening collecting things and measuring the estate. These citizens, Normies, were much valued by the Estate Master: Lord Future. Lord future enjoyed power, and the Normies were most suspectable to the allures of his! Work hard he told them, give me all your present time, and all your present energy, and most of your present life and in the future you shall be rewarded! Perhaps an Estate like this one, although given your humble background likely much smaller and otherwise deflated, for you to age in your final days. For this beneficence and self-less kindness, Lord Future was the beloved of the Normies. And thus did they find most unfathomable a small, almost otherworldly minority: the Divergent. O "those divergent," the Normies thought to themselves! Always lacking proper sense, proposing "new ideas" and distracting from respectable road and weather chatter to motor-mouth about some bizzarro new notion (like self-actualization). What need we for "new" when the old works! But even through this, many of the Normies secretly envied the Divergents and thus enjoyed the subtle pleasure of controlling them, as eager deputies, for Lord Future (whose powers were more phantom-like than real!) How delicious to catch a Divergent a few minutes late for labor or delayed on a project because life! What is life if not serving the Estate, our (Normie) future! Inside his mansion, rich in marble and fine carpets and foreign wines, Lord Future viewed with pleasure from his balcony the marvelous economy he created before himself, his profitable Normie Estate that each moment gave him bliss (as much bliss as a man like him can feel)! What a fool thinks that life is meant for tomorrow and not today! How most appropriate and advantageous to himself, the Lord Future, thought to himself, that the Normies disagreed and the Divergents were too few and divided to break out of the Estate (which legend has it used to be theirs). For if they ever did, they'd behold the fresh farmlands and vineyards and free flowing waters just beyond the Estate. And what is a Lord without serfs?

Maybe I wanted domestic tranquility. Maybe I craved domestic bliss. Either way it was supposed to be something really powerful. What happens when you hate life?

No, too much suffering has already happened and still is happening, time to try another way, Peace/Bliss path for sure, much less suffering this way...but I don't know if this will happen within this or next generation, probably not...,

@Razard86 interesting. Let's see where this takes us while expanding on the self worth issue. As far as I remember my issues with self love became much worse after a messed up sexual incident from when I was six and my mom accused me of molesting my sister. This was worsened by my father abandoning me and of course I blamed myself for that too. I have been trying to love myself all along but it literally felt impossible. I tried to reestablish my sense of self worth by placing really high standards on myself like sexual purity, leaving a legacy after my death, commitment to truth which ultimately brought me to actualized.org even though truth hurts me and I might not actually like it, deep intelligence and wisdom, and justifying my existence through living a higher purpose beyond things like sex and relationships. I'm not actually Christian, but I developed Christ like standards and began to self sacrifice. I viewed purpose as something that would give me the will and strength to live. I discovered I was capable of self deception when I told myself it was just nightmare and I tried to love myself by avoiding self deception and facing the truth no matter how painful, but I still felt unlovable. All I do is hurt myself even when I try to love myself. One of my therapists suggested that my self worth is wrapped up in constant self punishment leading to intense shame. And of course it wasn't just one incident, there was a lot of chaos in my childhood which eventually built up into suicidal thoughts and other problems as I got older. I'm pausing a lot as I type, sometimes wanting to cry and wanting to die. I'll keep doing my best no matter how hopeless and how much of a broken record I sound like for complaining about my problems. Most people don't want to here this stuff. Sometimes I talk about this stuff because this type of sexual trauma is not well known and discussed. I have met people carrying intense shame for child sex abuse in which they were perpetrators as children. These people are suicidal, nobody loves them or wants to hear from them, and they live their lives in constant darkness. I was the first to validate the feelings of these people because I know this kind of stuff makes You want to kill yourself and others would celebrate. I want this kind of suffering to be better known because it is a deeply taboo subject that is ignored, causing children to commit suicide. I'm actually trying to be good, but other people cannot see that. I don't allow children to suffer like this, and I protect them. I considered making a support group for people like this because this kind of support group doesn't exist. It shows too much compassion for child molesters and is thus demonized because suicide is preferred from society's point of view. Remember most child sex abuse is perpetrated by other youth, not adults. Obviously I'm not minimizing the suffering of the victim, but if ever I speak of this, it will be interpreted that way and I will appear as a devil. You mentioned that I am not in control of what I like and dislike. I thought I was. This meant that I was responsible for the problems caused by the fact that I like board games and strategy games and I would enjoy being a professional chess player. The career is impractical and it looks like I'm sabotaging my long term life so long as I don't give up and keep trying. I don't see what kind of long term life is worth living anyway. In reality chess does not give enough value to society. I actually love training kids for chess tournaments and then I watch them win. My desire to be a professional chess player and help others achieve it is seen as a fundamental problem with me because of what I like. Apparently, I'm supposed to just accept that this was never a realistic goal for me and then somehow find happiness doing something else. I find it extremely demoralizing when I'm repeatedly told I need to give up because I'm not good enough due to my life circumstances and birth iq no matter how much effort and accomplishments I have in this field. Somehow personal development is supposed to solve the fundamental problem that I like chess tournaments and teach me to be content with life by forcing myself to do something more valuable to society even if I don't enjoy it. The only way to compensate the misery this causes me is by doing something so grandiose that it would be worth sacrificing my happiness. All of these options are unobtainable and unrealistic anyway. Therefore, the end is that I'm stuck in a shitty job I hate no matter how hard I try. The problem is that I'm supposed to like something else and be passionate about something practical and then I can follow my passions. This is the reality of personal development no matter how it is marketed on the surface. All of this sounds like complete bullshit to me and I don't feel motivated at all. I don't have the energy and enthusiasm I used to have when teaching children how to win tournaments. It logically follows that if I like things that don't contribute objective value to society, then they should be discarded in favor of things I don't like. In my case, I also like videogames. Playing videogames does not contribute objective value to society even if it makes me happy like board games. If I want to build a life worth living, then I must instead force myself to read personal development books even if I don't enjoy it. This helped me to further accumulate wisdom that I used to help suicidal people when combined with deep self reflection. I therefore provided objective value to society by not doing what I liked and instead doing what I disliked. I logically understand that I am good person for saving people from suicide, but I still don't feel happy because my happiness was sacrificed a long time ago. I have done so much research on psychology that I often prove more helpful then actual therapists. There are far too many incompetent therapists and I know better than them despite their college education. Sometimes they oversimplify spiritual views they don't understand, leading to the pre trans fallacy due to their lack of interest in philosophy, probably because they thought mere philosophy has no objective value for society. Sometimes they don't take me seriously when I'm the victim of sexual harassment. I am more sensitive to how society constructs a perceived "justice" by either dismissing a person's grievances as if they are just whiney bitches because they don't want to hear it or by weaponizing accusations by making every negative assumption until any defense seems impossible in their eyes. This is the reality of what humans call "justice" and it is full of socially constructed survival games and complete bullshit. Society treated me like I was a whiney bitch for complaining about sexual harassment and the difficult social dynamics it was creating for me and my therapist didn't see this. Aside from this there are also therapists who dogmatically apply therapeutic principles without regard for individual uniqueness or they insist on tough love for trauma victims. Therapy is designed for shallow minded people, thus my intelligence will be underestimated leading to bad advice. Sometimes they try to solve my problems by getting me to date despite severe depression, of they have reasons, but they don't see the full picture. Apparently, it is hard to find a good therapist for someone with autism like me leading to all this disappointment. On the bright side I actually like studying psychology and it provides objective value for society. The actual goal of personal development and life purpose is to like and be passionate about something that is practical and provides objective value to society. I have accomplished this by studying psychology. I just do it for free instead of making money because I see this as basic human decency to support people who need help. I have been treating personal development as something that is supposed to fundamentally change who I am. Who I am is the problem so long as my dreams are impractical and unvalued because of what I like and dislike. You are suggesting that I use spirituality to love who I am. I have been trying to love myself all along. I have been trying to do this all my life. I have the proof that I am valuable and society would be worse off if I killed myself. This is what I remind myself of when I try to fight my suicidal thoughts. I still struggle to love myself despite having a ton of proof. I have a lot of automatic shame and guilt due to trauma and it leads to me having muscle spasms and instinctively beating myself up for being evil no matter how much my logical mind tells me this isn't true. I am a deeply logical person and this is pointed out by my life coaches. They think I'm not as in touch with my emotional side because I seem robotic sometimes. I actually studied a lot of books on emotional mastery and did a lot of mindfulness meditation and exercises. I am more emotionally wise than others realize. There is just a tendency to project bad faith as humans inevitably do, leading it to be impossible to be understood. In a sense I am both extremely emotional and extremely logical because I use logic to cope with extreme emotions. Do I need to be more logical or more emotional? In reality people who are suicidal might do it because they logically conclude that their life sucks and they can avoid suffering through death. Maybe I'm not emotional enough instead of logical enough. Intellectually I know I am love, but I'm still full of so much shit that I don't live my life in bliss over how awesome I am objectively. Maybe I'm not logical enough instead of emotional enough. Maybe logic and emotion is a false dichotomy. I was under the impression that true spirituality meant plugging 5meo dmt up my ass and realizing that I am God. That is what Leo would do because God is also love. I thought that spirituality would give me another chance to love myself by reconextualizing my entire life and fundamentally changing my identity. I can't be conscious enough to realize I am God because I haven't plugged 5meo dmt up my ass. This is why I struggle with love. Based on what I wrote in this short, brief, quick post, that took me three hours to write you seem to be correct that fundamentally, I want to be treated with respect, be comfortable pursuing what I love, and I want to share love with others. I think you were insightful in that regard. I will have to think about what I would tell my child or my best friend of they were in this position. If it were a child, then obviously I would make the struggles of a chess career clear, but I would be willing to support him all along the way to the best of my abilities to ensure your dream becomes a reality and you don't have to suffer all this regret from unrealized dreams on your death bed as if it is your fault for not being good enough or for being who you are. For a best friend stuck at a shitty job with a shitty family and suffering from a lot of shitty mental health issues because of very shitty trauma while feeling shitty because of unobtainable goals and Christ like standards, then I would give him a hug. I would tell him that you deserve to be loved even though you are seemingly fucked because of your shitty life. There are no easy answers, but I want to be there to support you in what ever way I can as you cling to the hope that one day your life will not be as shitty as it presently is even though your presently shitty life makes you want to kill yourself. It will not solve your problems, but love is all I can offer you. Any thoughts? Thank you so far.

@Ishanga Indeed, just yesterday a moderator said to me that I was doing 'stretching and breathing exercises' 😂 I think that is the main problem. They see people do Asanas and they just think you align your body in those ways to calm yourself or to exercise the body. They do not understand an Asana when you master it is like an instant click for consciousness, a single Asana like Nadi vibhajan has given me extreme levels of Bliss and pure infinite perception, over and over. But most importantly they do not know until I firstly understood what Nadi Vibhajan is, it took me almost 2 years of practice almost each day. I probably did Nadi vibhajan more than 1400-1500 times before for the first time I actually did it correctly. 😂 Now lately I am doing Surya Kriya, and since I already have a certain platform of understanding, the Asanas already are starting to open up big things, but if I had started Surya Kriya 3 years ago, before any previous Yoga sadhana, I would just think is like a series of stretching or calming exercises. An apparent Kriya such as Surya Kriya is incredibly sophisticated, every detail of it is carefully put in place for a reason, nothing is random, but from the outside it might look like you are just simply stretching and oxygenating your body. Things are not what they seem. Yeap, seems you are putting the work 👏

Not so, this is just conditioned into Us so we remain slaves to a system for the elite to benefit from, that Suffering is necessary and a part of life, that is not so.. One can travel the path of Peace, Clarity and Bliss and do all things necessary for life to go on and advance and be much more beneficial to the masses but they internally are unaffected by it via any outcome, and know Reality as it is...that is not possible via the Suffering route..

True! Ppl talk here say this and that, they say they have suffered that is their Truth, but when they write about it here, share their suffering its just a Story to the rest of Us reading it, like a philosophy no different.. So the essence of it is this, once it is in YOUR EXPERIENCE then it is Truth and Reality, that is the only thing that really matters is Your Experience, and it only happens within YOU, no where else, this is the only aspect of Solipsism that is true on a Experiential level.,, Suffering can be used, as anything can be used to bring You to Your Higher Potential, but Suffering is not a Higher Potential at all, its a lower Potential, because the Experience of Suffering disempowers You, Bliss Empowers You so that Your Potential is more revealed to You then hence Transformation is upon One, so Bliss is the safest Path, get Blissful of Your Own Nature and then see the World/Life open up to Higher Potentials..

No, completely off base here with this. Life is not Infinite Love, Your just lacking in Love that is why you put it up on a pedestal.. Love is Inclusion, its Me including You as a part of Myself, its a Sweet Emotion that Humans are capable of Experiencing to a high degree of Intensity, Life is not this, Life/Absolute is all Possibility and Potential, but don't call a Serial Killer Love, call it Hate, which is also another Potential, opposite of Love but Possible to be existing and expressed.. As Humans we can choose where to Vibe and be within Ourselves, do You want Love or Hate, with Love there is great Bliss attached to it, that is why You want it, if Love meant great pain and suffering You would not want it, we call that Hate, that is why the Serial Killer does what he does, he Hates his victims and uses them for his/her own pleasure..

It is different in the way it is felt. So for me is different. I prefer samadhi than stressing myself and having anxiety attacks. You could say is all the same but personally I do have a preference in preferring the samadhi and I do not think that is selfish but rather the intelligence within choosing. I must be very alone in this path. Razard, CarlRichard and You seem to think the same way. (in another post I also had this argument with them) Ime There is a difference between the source and thoughts. The proof is you can be hours without thoughts, but thoughts can not happen without You. For me this is the proof I obviously not the thoughts, thoughts are a creation and a compulsion within me. Sadhguru said thoughts or 'disturbances' happen because the source of creation which is pure intelligence sacrifices this intelligence for action (karma). So basically every time you identify yourself with a limited happening that is karma, because you just abandoned yourself (Pure Bliss, Nothingness, Non Existence becomes compression, something, existence) So basically it is in the forgetting of one self that one creates a reality and gets entangled in it. That is not my experience, but if that is yours That´s also another perspective, yes. I was understanding samadhi as no mind. My point is openness happens when mind is stilled and no disturbance happens.

So I had a strange one today. I was in the space, having the ultimate experience. And somehow, my ego came online midtrip (this has never happend before) It started kicking some fear and panic into me. Internally this experience is very loud, and on the comedown Im always worried if I have been vocally/physically loud. Recorded myself several times and always been quiet with some minor movements. My ego reminded me that I'm actually in my house/bed. That I'm a person. Reminded me of my life and the world. "the real reality". I was fighting it. That's not real! That reality has seized. I have awakened! I'm never going back. A part of me was fighting it. And the other part was trying hard to ground myself and kill the trip. I remember looking at my hands but couldnt see them as my vision was still entirely in the other dimension. I found/felt my hands. When I felt my skin it hit me. Damnn, I AM still a person I am here in my bed just tripping balls. I held on to my hands trying to ground me back to "reality". But there was no ground. Caught a glimpse of the moment I loaded up the emesh and was like damnn, took too big of a dose. I have really done it this time. I was torn between bliss and panic. I was convinced I would likely wake up in the psych ward. Could swear I heard all the paramedics bumrushing my bedroom and taking me away. I lost it all. I lost my house. lost everything. I made a complete fool of myself. I ruined my entire life, with just a few crumbs of 5meo. I could see myself from the third person. Stuck in the 5meo space. I looked completely insane. This is how they see me. Somehow things calmed down and I opened my eyes and was surprised to find myself sitting upward in the most elegant symmetrical position legs crossed hands together. I expected to be in the psych ward or at least in some pathetic fetal position on the floor somewhere. But that wasn't the case. My sheets weren't even a bit messed up or anything. I cracked a smile and admired the position I was sitting in. So calm. So peaceful. So elegant. Wtf.

@Breakingthewall hi, do you know how to lock in a psychedelic state? A state full of Bliss love and light?

If you annihilate yourself from existence (not just dying as a body, but truly as a Being you dissolve into Nothingness/Bliss), others part of you that are still not conscious enough will still carry a body and might even reincarnate into other forms. This does not change there is still only one being, but the one being is infinite and infinitely fragmented (this is before Awakening), so some parts will realize before Others. Infinity is awakening at different times, some parts Awaken before others. This was necessary in order to create a reality with apparent duality in the first place. For a race to make sense some must reach the finish line before others, and vice versa.

Exactly. "Imagine" becoming the Hammer. You can imagine anything, but at some point you get tired of imagining. When that moment comes you will seek Truth. From its imagination. So what? Imagination needs Intelligence. Intelligence do not need imagination to exist. In samadhi states, psychological mechanism dissappears. Do you as empty Bliss dissappears? No! Samadhi "states" are the proof Consciousness or God do not need memory, imagination or "Mind" to exist. This is a second fabrication which can dissappears where the Absolute remains. In other words, a hammer needs the proyection of God to exist. But God does not need a hammer to exist When you later identify with a hammer, then we say that "God" is in Maya. You just lost Yourself in your Creation. Such a pity the Creator forgot itself in the Creation! Do you want Truth or do you want to Keep Dreaming? Thats a trascendental decision that changes the course of Existence. Lots of "Gods" Will prolong It because they are too attached to their dream.

This is a very beautiful story honestly 💜 But now i also want blue beings and 12 centimeter bliss light kundlinis.

If you want bliss from being in their presence, you would want a teacher with a strong Shakti. Jan Esmann is pretty unmatched here. But he doesn't call himself a saint, so there is that. He does Shaktipat, a focused transmission of energy.

I don’t think Sadhguru is on the same level of Maharajji. I’ve never read that people felt that bliss just out of his presence, nor that he has performed miracles. Does such a saint even exist nowadays?

So letting go of lust and no pmo is good, but the other dopamine addictions will also have to be let go - which is pretty much the whole internet, so I’l have to let go of music, anime, movies, comedies, shopping. But if I do let go of it all, then the reward is becoming enlightened and living in endless bliss forever. I’ve done it for months already, I know the benefits and enlightenment is true and that I can do it. But I wi probably relapse, or maybe not, but I have to try.

Wherever there is light you will always find shadows. Wherever there is easy sex there are STD’s. Wherever there is a soulmate there is a deep deep heartbreak. Wherever there is psychedelic medicine and bliss there is also going psycho and destroying your nervous system. where there is porn and video games there is lethargy and lack of motivation. wherever there is lust there is the end of connection to God. Life is literally an ebb and flow of the waves of duality. Pain and pleasure. Excitement and dissappontment. Relationships and heartbreak. Bliss and misery. the only way out is to trascend these dualities letting them all go and focusing on the non-dual Spirit inside, which, when it’s the only thing left - brings us back to Heaven, where there is only infinite explosion of magnificent love for all eternity. That is the purpose of my life.

Hehe… I already started to type but it seems like I have to start all over. Well… I’m going to attempt to be a romantic novelist and try to share the setting of a shared sexual play I had the opportunity to share. I was given consent to share so why not share some juiciness… I was a bit bewildered but swept up in excitement and curiosity I would love to see how I would express this. So… let’s give it a go… ok The farmhouse was filled with warmth and giggles. I was hunkered down next to the wood stove adding to the fire. My girl friend snuggling up with her blankets while lounging on the couch. As he starts to walk up the creaky stairs he calls my name and asks me to show him what I’ve been working on these past few days. I finish arranging the wood and close the door to the stove and start my accent up the creaky stairs following him down the hall. We enter the last room on the right. This is where he usually sleeps when he stays here at the farmhouse. I showed him where I patched up the small and large holes and added a new coat of paint on each wall. I knew he would be returning, so I made his bed once I got all the furniture back into place. I said I finished the room next door as well. This room is the bunk room which has four twin beds which is for the work traders who come to visit. I was turned toward the back wall and window babbling about the Japanese beetles who have found their way into the room and found heat in the corner of the walls. And I feel his strong hands caress my hips. I stop babbling and before I could do or think of anything else; he swiftly turns my body where we are face to face. He brings my body close to his and my hands intuitively goes from hanging loosely to my sides to bracing myself on his chest and shoulders. As I slowly lift up my eyes to meet his… his hands are synchronized with my movements… rising up my spine which is delightfully ticklish. My chin rises up and my head is thrown back with a huge smile on my face. He catches the back of my head with his fingers tangling into my hair. I hear an enticing moan as he brings his mouth close to my neck. Not to kiss but to exhale a foggy breath of heat and moisture and moves up to my ear where I can hear him moan again. I reciprocate with my own moan of approval. His grip in my hair massages my head and slightly pulls my roots and every hair on my body rises to attention. Wow… ok… this is happening.. I start to think… and as he continues to maneuver his mouth around my body not to kiss but to tease and I stop thinking. We stand together in the middle of the room allowing our hands to roam and explore one another’s body… we exchange moans and tones of excitement, consent, and desire for what’s more to come? We were in a dance of teasing and starting to allow kisses on our necks… maybe on the forehead or a nose or a chin… it was now the tease of not kissing mouth to mouth. Again I feel his hands on my hips and he firmly pushes my body up against the wall. He closes in and compresses his body onto mine and moves my hands up above my head… and continues to move my hair away from my face. He’s moving confidently and smoothly… I’m finding myself just riding the wave of bewildered bliss. He has now grabbed under my thighs lifting me off the ground and taking us to one of the beds. He sits down and places me on his lap while I wrap my legs around him. My body is speaking her own language in this position. Squeezing his body and arching my back and small slow rotations of my hips… my eyes are looking at him in a manner to question how far are we going to take this right now? We’re both smiling knowing wherever it goes… it will be fun! We make our way to his bedroom and get even more comfortable lying on his fuzzy blankets on our skin. He lies down first and has his arm out for me to fit right in next to his side. I don’t hesitate and crawl right into place only for a moment until I want to straddle his body. He has given me a lot of his attention and so I wanted to reciprocate and he allowed me to roam and explore and tease him for awhile… licking, nibbling, and biting… all while allowing my body to speak her own language of curiosity and interest. He gives me time, but he wants to take over again and this time he slowly removes the long-sleeved shirt I have on with little splatters of paint on it. He observes my nude breasts for a moment before licking, nibbling, and biting in such a pleasurable and exciting manner. Holy shit he’s good… holy shit! I get the chance to take his shirt off too so I can press and rub our partially nude bodies against one another. He rotates the breath of heat and moisture to the licking and blowing cool air… goosebumps and tingles everywhere… and I’m trying to keep up and return the favors. He suddenly stops and says wait… he grabs his phone and sets an alarm. We’re supposed to be cooking dinner for the staff and guest tonight. Whatever we are doing… we’re going to have to stop and go cook. We had about 20 minutes left before the alarm will go off. He gently pushes me so I’m laying down on my back and he grabs my legs. He’s moving and arranging them in several positions and starts to lick my toes and massaging my feet. I cannot help but giggle aloud. My arms are to my sides caressing his thighs and tracing over his member and he folds my legs on top of me. He’s lying on top of my calves and knees to my chest and in a split second he removes my black tights with paint splattered on my knees. Well alrighty then, sir… time is not pressuring his artful process of seduction. He begins with heat on my vagina… I am squirming with excitement and he penetrates my pussy with his fingers… his mouth is slowly making his way up my body to my breasts as he continues to penetrate… I’m so wet with pleasure I can hear my juices as he going in and out. His mouth slowly makes his way down… and my body is trying to stay calm as he starts to lick… flicking my lips… yeeessss… oh yessss! He gets in deeper and my body arches and my hands find his hands to grip tightly. He removes one of his hands so he can alternate from licking, blowing cool air and penetration… my knees are bent and I push my pelvis up off the bed and start to turn my body as I pulsate my hips around his head and the alarm sounds… holy shit… are you kidding me? I turn completely over and lay on my stomach with my face in the blankets. Holy fucking shit… ok… we agreed that we need to cook dinner when we hear the alarm, but I’m moving very slowly and hesitantly and even in a bit of a pouty demeanor. Really? I make it to my knees and as he’s getting dressed he continues to play with me. I whisper that I’m going… I’m getting there… and I finally get to my clothes to put back on. Our eyes are fully of satisfaction and yearning… this will have to continue after dinner. I’m following him back down the creaky stairs into the kitchen. My girl friend pops up off the couch and asks if we need help cooking dinner. And I’m like yes please do… I’m a ball of mush right now and I cannot think straight. I had already decided we were going to make breakfast for dinner… so pancakes, bacon, and eggs. He takes over the pancakes and adds an egg, vegetable oil, cinnamon, and nutmeg to the basic batter. She looks at me and chuckles and said… i can do the eggs… what vegetables do we have and what kind of cheese? So yes… I know where things are at and I need to help her find them… I really am not in a clear mind right now… I’m extremely overwhelmed and unable to concentrate. Acclimating myself out of the bedroom into the kitchen with another person who has no clue… well she has a little clue… hehe of what just went down upstairs. But I finally realized that I’m going to be in charge of the bacon. Ok this is the easiest part of this meal… so come on… get yourself together. We’re all sharing laughter and cooking together while the manager makes his way to the farmhouse to join us. Everything was a bit fuzzy and I found moments to tell him this and he giggles and says that’s exactly what he was going for. We have gratitude circle and all I can remember is saying my name and I’m from the world of la la-woo haa land… and because of that I’m unable to think straight and I’m just so grateful the Universe has attracted this moment to experience right now. We eat and again we find ourselves in his bed snuggling. Before we get heated I start to suggest something I want to try. In our break I’m wondering if I’m ready to have sexual intercourse tonight or not… so I want to try to slow it down a bit. I start by saying that I use to give myself self body massages from head to toe. I’ve always wanted to try this with my partner where we mirror one another while we massage each other head to toe. He asked how do we do this and we both chuckle when I said I don’t know… I haven’t tried it before, but we’ll figure it out. And so he said that I already gave him a foot massage before and so he wants to return the favor. So he starts to massage my feet and I said… well.. I’m going to mirror you so I’m going to massage your feet again as well. He starts to suck on my toes and I started to do the same sucking on his toes. He massages my feet and I’m trying to mirror his every action he does to my body I return at the same time on his body. He said well it looks like you’re going to let me lead the direction…and I said I can do both lead and follow, but it feels appropriate to follow right now. And we continued to massage and mirror. I’m sitting on his lap facing him as we massage and scratch our scalp and hair… and move to his ears, his temple, and his chin… his neck and shoulders. He then said that there’s moves he’d like to do that I won’t be able to mirror… so we’re going to have to go back and forth. He starts to massage my arms and pushing pressure points to loosen my muscles. He notices and remarks how I don’t seem to hold much tension in my body. I remark that I’m not a person who gets tense much anymore. He does a series of massages and stretches and he starts to increase the sexiness and I stop him so I can return the favor before we get heated up again. Trying to remember his sequence but end up doing my version of what I remember and just find myself wanting to give his body attention and affection. I’m so grateful to be sharing this experience with him. And I hope he understands how thankful I am for this opportunity. We get heated up and I start to move to his pants and undo his belt and take off his pants. It takes me more than a split second to remove his pants. And now I’m going to return the favor of going down on him. I love licking around his member and creases in his thighs and hips…. I place his member in my mouth and move my throat up and down slowly over his member. Rotating my tongue in circles around his member while rotating my mouth. Soft sucking to more intense sucking… deep throating to focusing on his member’s head… I’m also trying to keep in the manner he has been playing in our session so it was more of a teasing manner. I spit on my hand to lather up slippery hands to jack off his member while I lick and suck his balls. He positions me so he can reciprocate and we enjoy time sucking and licking one another. I really enjoy fellatio. I even thought maybe I would be able to get him off in this manner, but he seemed to not be ready to finish at this time. He repositions me so he can focus on going down on me and I can feel myself wanting to explode. As he gets me squirting he inserts his penis inside my vagina and we finally connect and penetrate deeply. We waited so long and it was much more satisfying delaying our satisfaction. We’re also sharing deep kisses mouth to mouth by this time and it’s hot and rewarding. I’m toning and moaning with absolute delight and he whispers if I keep it up… he’s going to cum. I assume he didn’t want to yet and so I apologized but I couldn’t stop myself of voicing my pleasure and shortly he cums inside. He said we should have probably talked about this before we started, but he has gotten a vasectomy and didn’t think it would be an issue to cum inside. And I was thankful that was the case and admitted how much I really enjoy the act of ejaculation inside of me. So… this is what I’ve been waiting to experience for all these years of celibacy. Interesting? It was exactly what I was looking for without knowing what I was looking for.

Consciousness is infinite perspective. Perspective is temporary yes, but whatever perspective you have in any given moment is what determines your experience. Your experience right now is literally your perspective of existence, right now. If you have negative fear based beliefs/perspectives. You will have an experience that you don’t prefer, a negative experience. If you expand your consciousness and have a higher level perspective of life, you will experience more of your true nature; joy, love, bliss, passion, excitement, ecstasy, etc.

I'm not making this up as a belief. This is seriously how I experience reality what'd u think; this was some soft-core acceptance to reality equals bliss equals Knowing no fucking way. Truth is all the gruesome shit in acceptance. Its almost like I wanna puke cus' of my acceptance to unconvential ways 🤮 @Leo Gura pls help me

Don't fall into the trap of "I am not the one typing these words" or there is no one making decisions and things of that nature.. To be Human means You have the most ability to be in control of the only thing that matters, that is how You are Experiencing Life right now, so now You have noticed some suffering appearing, its probably unconscious things becoming Conscious, this is good in a way.. To be on the Spiritual Path means Life is going to be on fast forward, your going to burn thru Your Karma more quickly than others because You want to be Free from it all within this life span, not many.. So things will start to come up, that may some how disturb You, that's okay, Accept it all, knowing and unknowing, as this is what is happening, it was inevitable that it happened, if You dwell on it and suffering arises from it, more Karma is being developed and needs to be dealt with. The safest path is the Bliss Path, in Bliss You don't care about what is unconscious to You coming up in Your Consciousness, Your Blissed Out naturally.. So work on that, get Peaceful of Your own nature first, Accept what is, Live Now, Respond to Now Consciously, do some Energy Work, Kriya work, get the Energies working in the right direction and more in Your Awareness, this will bring Peace to You naturally, then it smooths things out, Your at Ease Naturally, then Life opens up and You can handle it easy..