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The goal is not to spare yourself the horror or save yourself from the suffering, nor is it to be redeemed so as to return to perfect nirvanic bliss. The goal is to make the suffering of existence productive. To use it to give substance to the fluff that is you in order to forge your soul and liberate your spirit - so while the Pater (pattern/demiurgos) is cruel and tyrannical, it is not evil. If its not evil then we owe it to ourselves to find out what the suffering is all about. Being fucked is not without its value because some truths only emerge when you got nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. You can swim or you can sink into an eternal fucked up hell where all the intellectual pourquoi's rapidly devolve into tortured lamentations of WHY, WHY, WHY GOD IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME WHY, WHY, WHY ,WHY, WHY. The horror is the reason why, the existential terror is the reason why. If there was no threat of hell I would have blown my fucking head off long ago. On the other hand however, if something far larger and more grand than little ol human me decided that this clusterfuck should exist then maybe its not just an accidental absurdity. Maybe its a gift given in good faith through good will by a living transcendence of pure freedom and infinitely exquisite and boundless joy that holds a promise too marvelous to be imagined and it might be worth sticking around to see it through.

Yes that's a good point. I don't think the system is evil. I think our spirit guides and higher selves loves us. What I'm worried about is the possibility of them being delusional. That maybe they are so high on non-duality bliss that they think suffering is nothing. You know some spiritual masters, like advanced non-duality teachers sometimes say "nothing has ever happened"? That's because the absolute makes it feel that way, seeing the truth has that effect, even the ugly parts of the world feels valuable and the absolute is the same perfect being. But the people and animals that suffer don't see the world that way.

I'm not, I'm actually on the path to be a perfect agent for the middle path, since that's the only way I know to minimize my suffering. But when I get to the other side and my spirit guides lose their control over me, I can join the light faction. I might try it in a few days, but if I want to meditate I could just do so on my own, I often feel bliss when meditating.

Did I say otherwise? Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I prefer the bliss of awakening over the misery of delusion, but hey... whatever floats your boat! 🌊

Fixed it for you. Well, you probably don't need me to point out that this whole long litany is yet another mental story / relative perspective, so I won't. (Except I guess I just did, lol!) But yeah, what you are expressing here is the sort of existential dread that can (and very commonly does) come up when someone has had an awakening but all of the old energetic contractions and trauma patterns are still very much in place. It can indeed make it seem like you are stuck in a prison, only now you irrefutably "know" that you're imprisoned with no way out... which is of course just another illusion; some people refer to this as the "secondary matrix" that many people enter after their first glimpse(s) of the Absolute. The good news is that the walls of this illusory prison are solely made out of said contractions and trauma patterns, and that these can and will clear up and (at least to a certain extent) dissolve over time. This is certainly not something that happens overnight, so it does usually require a good amount patience; but there are ways to facilitate the process like regular energy work practice and/or therapy / assisted shadow work. (You can also just sit with the patterns and contractions and allow them to clear out all on their own, if that's what you prefer.) And as those dreaded prison walls become more and more transparent and permeable, you start to taste more and more of the peace, bliss and freedom that passes all understanding... and take all of your wildly fancyful & elaborate mental stories about reality less and less serious. Which is a great (no-)place to be, if you ask me.

It is a belittlement of the Absolute to conceptualize it, but as you say, the human mind has to belittle the absolute to "understand" it (conceptually). But me saying that is not saying "you're not having a profound experience, you're just deluded". No, it is very profound. My conceptualizations of "solipsism", "aloneness", "perfection", etc., were very profound. It's just I see what my mind was creating as a response to encountering with the absolute; concepts about the absolute. Love/bliss/energy is also very profound, and it is also "Maya". You see, there is no hyperbolic, black and white scapegoating here. It's clearly labelling what is going on.

I’m really happy for you that you are able to feel this way. It’s actually the bliss that the sages talk about, it’s a bliss amid the noisy chaotic confusion of maya. Eternal Resting Light is behind all the ensuing chaos in the world of maya. God realisation is the peace that passes all understanding, it’s a fearless place, so unbelievably free and fresh and beautiful in every sense of the word. Amazing Grace 🙏

God-Consciousness is directly tied to intelligence, understanding, etc.—their epitome. The degree to which a Consciousness understands maya is the degree of reality/solidity that it has. The more understanding, the more reality/solid/fundamental the Consciousness is.To say illusion isn’t real is to say nothing if it is not specified to what degree it is not real. All are real in that they exist, yet the degrees to which their existence holds is the test of the level of Consciousness. Say a mirage: it exists, thus is real, as a visual content and so on. Yet it does not exist corporeally beyond its place in the visual context. And corporeality is what it is faking. Thus, that falsehood, if not understood or seen through, determines the degree of Consciousness. Not because the Experience is not real, but because Consciousness was unable to determine its degree of truth. As the Consciousness does not understand it is a mirage, if it did, it would be higher, even if it still experienced the same illusion. God-Consciousness understands/is all maya. The Experience is not what determines the degree of Consciousness. The structure of that Consciousness determines its degree, even if the Experience is the same. Although a change in structure likely will result in a change in Experience as well. After the changed structure is attained, the Experience is superfluous, unneeded. Yet the Experience without the structure has no lasting effect. Concepts are also maya, because they are distinct from nothing. The relationship between maya and truth is that illusion is necessary for any Consciousness to have existence, as in: to be, or have being. The content itself is necessary; distinction from the totality is necessary for Consciousness. So maya cannot be done away with without having an annihilation of distinct Experience/Consciousness. Which results in Truth. God does not do away with maya because it cannot. In order for anything to exist, it must be an illusory distinction from Totality. Maya IS existent reality since it is the only thing that can be Experienced, as it is the content of Consciousness. No maya means no Experience. Consciousness is Experience in content, not structure. Being IS illusion. Illusion is God itself. It is all that is. Yet Reality includes Totality and Consciousness. Totality is not distinct, which is not maya/God/being because it can never be differentiated whilst retaining the quality of not being distinct. A baby can have a state experience of such features filling its Consciousness which would fill its Experience of reality—the content of it: Peace, Love, Bliss. It would not be an awakening, as those relate to the context/possibility space/that which holds the experienced Consciousness as a whole. The context of the baby’s whole reality being solipsistic truth, with it/God as sole authority, would not be grasped. And as such, it would not be lasting once the Experience of peace, love, bliss, or even a solipsistic Experience of it being the sole authority goes away and its Consciousness is filled with insecurity of its survival.This would change its Experience away from the heightened state, making it not an awakening, as it is not fully grasped/intuited, as it is transitory. An awakening would require an insight or inherent understanding of the structure of the baby’s being/Consciousness. This insight does likely need some structure which can grasp it rather than simply being an interesting happening. Does that structure have to be cognitive? I doubt it, but to communicate it, yeah. It may be strictly cognitive for humans. By your definition of an Experience being an awakening, then it would be possible for a baby to have it. Although the understanding and change in structure of what happens/is (Experience) as a necessary part of awakening. A ball can smack a baby’s face. It would Experience it. I wouldn’t say it had an awakening about balls, smacking, or of anything really. If that smack resulted in the baby having an insight into the workings of color, inertia, pain, mass, elasticity, which could all be structured/intuited/grasped from the Experience of the ball, then just the Experience wouldn’t necessitate an awakening nor insight. The distinction of Experience and structure/context falls apart since an awakening changes the very Experience to incorporate that changed structure, for that and future Experience. So, if an awakening to love happens, an Experience of it would be drastically different, as it would encompass the structure of that love into its being/Experience/Consciousness itself. After the structure is attained, the Experience is superfluous, unneeded. Yet the Experience without the change in structure has no lasting effect.

So your notion of awakening is intrinsically intellectual; it involves the mind reflecting on something. That's kinda what I've been hinting at. Let me rephrase the question: can a baby have an "experience" of pure being and love/bliss/energy? I think yes. But then, can they have an "experience" (does that even make sense?) of "the nature of limits, solipsism, authority, truth, Infinity and God"? I don't think so. Why? Because those are intrinsically conceptual/intellectual, the former is not. I call the two categories awakening because they're intrinsically non-conceptual. They most fundamentally happen prior to and independent of any reflection. You can reflect on them, but it's not relevant to whether it's an awakening or not, it's not important. Why you choose to make reflection on an experience an important part of the definition, could mean you highly value the conceptual.

I will quote Davino and I might be putting his words in your mouth, but just for demonstration: So first, I would propose a baby can awaken to consciousness and also love/bliss/energy. It doesn't depend on their intellect or ability to think rational thoughts; it's either pure being or energy moving throughout their body or tapping into such energy in the external sensory world. Then the question is: can a baby awaken to "the nature of limits, solipsism, authority, truth, Infinity and God", as in these being separate and clearly defined awakenings? Or does it require an intellect and rational thoughts?

https://philosophyball.miraheze.org/wiki/Flat_Ontology https://scalar.usc.edu/works/material_philosophy/flat-ontology It's like consciousness itself, AND sense perceptions, AND concepts, are equally imagined. You don't seem to have an own "reality category" for each, unlike say most idealists worth listening to (who are not pure subjective idealists, skeptics, solipsists) who have a distinction between for example Consciousness/Truth and Maya/illusion (referring to sense perceptions, and perhaps concepts). And there is a hierarchy there; one is more real than the other. You don't seem to have that. "Whatever you imagine, that's reality". It's like kinda you're just floating out there, not very grounded in the everyday reality of stuff or human things. The reason I only have two categories of "awakening" is because one of them is consciousness, the other is "sense perceptions" (energy, phenomena, a.k.a. illusion, Maya), and then I of course distinguish that from conceptual understanding (which is not awakening, but rather indeed conceptual understanding of reality). On the other hand, the way you seem to multiply the kinds of awakenings into essentially infinity, it just seems like you've collapsed awakening into the conceptual. Any distinction you can make, you can "awaken" to. Even my stinky shoes. And why are consciousness vs sense perceptions vs concepts salient distinctions? Because they are central to how humans operate. And of course they have been salient to how people have described awakenings up until today. Awakening to consciousness (pure "knowing", which is ultimately formless), vs awakening to energy/phenomena/form/bliss, etc., they are quite distinguishable. One of them is very fundamental but also abstract, the other is more concrete and embodied (you can literally track it as movements of energy in the body, or how you relate with objects, the love you feel for them, their feeling of fullness and depth). Meanwhile awakening to something like "perfection" or "authority", you're now truly dividing the pie in a way that is seemingly indistinguishable from conceptual divisions. Which again, the conceptual mind can reflect on and use these concepts to inquire into the nature of consciousness, and use them to have an experience of consciousness, but I would again posit these are entry-points into the experience rather than "the" experience itself. Like self-inquiry. Self-inquiry is a process of the mind using concepts to look places, and at times, it can unravel the mind into consciousness. But the thoughts during self-inquiry are not the consciousness that seems to be unraveled.

I walked outside in the rain some days ago and then the day after, I had the Stinky Shoe awakening. Really annoying "facet of the Absolute" to awaken to. I honestly believe you have two facets of "awakening": transcendence (emptiness, pure being, Oneness) and immanence (love, bliss, kundalini, energy). Whatever else is simply new ways of self-inquiry to tap into such states (or simply having an intellectual understanding of a phenomena). You can imagine yourself as a big balloon stretching out infinitely and have the "Infinite Balloon awakening" or imagine the thing that existed before you were born and have the "Pre-Natal awakening" or where you will be after you die and have the "Post-Mortem awakening", or you can realize that these are ways of self-inquiry (the conceptual mind throwing rocks at itself to make it crack) to induce the experiences of transcendence and/or immanence. Omniscience / omnipresence / omnipotence are different conceptual rocks to throw against yourself to make the veil fall. I personally think a pointer which Leo said once was incredibly effective for me and which you could classify as an omnipotence pointer: "you are creating everything". But the place it lead me, I didn't identify as fundamentally different than where I was lead when I heard and grasped the "you don't exist" pointer. I was just lead there in a different way. As @Eskilon said, omniscience and omnipotence (and I would add omnipresence) are ultimately one; it's just you can look at them from different angles. And then you of course have stages of Enlightenment, but that's essentially an interplay between the two facets and baseline integrations of those.

I've had plenty. Don't spiritual bypass me when you get faced with unanswerable questions lol. It's not because you enter states of bliss that life is not suffering for a large proportion of the population and ourselves most of the time. We have control over the suffering we can inflict on others. God by definition should have more control than the average human or it's a moot concept. God perhaps sees no difference as he incarnates as every being at once but that's what I'm saying. If you're a rapist and raping someone and you don't give a fuck if they're hurting them because you're a detached spiritual being that experiences too much to care about one single perspective then you're not only sadistic but psychopathic lol If I decide to beat you half to death and enjoy my power over you, that's sadism. If a human can be sadistic why not God? I feel like you guys are spiritually bypassing hard lol. Go watch combat footage and realize that your little bubble of solipsism has gaping holes in terms of sound reasoning. Welcome to reality. https://www.reddit.com/r/CombatFootage/

Thursday: September 17th, 2026. Ego indulgence representing ignorant bliss is distinct from grounded reality.

I used less internet past month. But I played ALOT of dota 2. It seems I got it out of my system. I don't want to touch it anymore. I rather sit in the darkness or read a book or something. My music is going... slowly but going! I could do it 10x more maybe if I did all of the self-dev mumbo jumbo. Maybe one day... but what is there to do? I want to create from different model or space entirely. I want to create from meditativeness, from removal of all projections and concepts of productivity. I don't want to create from "I should do more music", that is garbage. I am intensely mad, angry, insecure and agitated about some things in my life. Some I can explain some... I can't. But I see there is GIGANORMOUS potential with sitting with these emotions in my meditation practice. No energy is wasted, like ever. It's there for me to he transformed. But the intense bliss, serenity and sielence has also deepened. There is such an unrealized potential in me creating beautiful music i can't immagine. Don't know wether I will fullfill that, but I will wish for it! What I do know is that life is squeezing me here and there... and I will use this suffering to reflect and generate more existential freedom from everything.

The Self, our Being, is awareness. Thoughts and feelings comes and goes, but awareness remains constant always. The attributes of Self or Awareness is peace, bliss and contentment. Greatest mystery is that we get entangled in our thoughts and emotions in the pursuit of pleasure forgetting the Self, and inadvertently create a nightmarish cocoon of psychological suffering for ourselves. It is like begging for scraps and pennies while sitting on a treasure chest and ignorant of the same due to amnesia. Some people arrive at the knowledge of the Self intuitively, while others come to the same through spiritual philosophies and authentic religious methodologies. Some unfortunates however never learn of their own Self during their lifetimes though it is the closest to them.

@Leo Gura @Davino Couldn't you achieve high levels of awakening, jhanas, deep metaphysical territory without complex epistemological investigation? It seems like I can still experience life, bliss, peace, without needing to go into things on an epistemic level. And it's not that I'm ignorant, but that I'm training a specific skill. How valuable is epistemic wisdom if you don't really need it? I don't think it's necessary to sort through all the different forms of duality and relativity. I find that through the practice, I get to know the things in my experience. What I'm finding is that certain things are less interesting. LIke getting lost in videos, or entertainment. Finding it more entertaining to absorb into the perceive functions that are happening in body and mind, releasing. Or other people, or the environment. This seems to be a profound practice in itself. I think it is useful to investigate the truth of things, but mentally it seems like a bit of a masturbatory exercise, correct me if I'm wrong. And i'll follow that up with, what is the line between masturbatory epistemology and true epistemology. Also, depending on your role in the world, I think deep epistemology is helpful to know. I would say then, that this can depend on what actions you want to take, what role you want to play, and how you want to affect the world. I'm also not solid in my views, they are subject to change, but interested to see how people respond to this.

@Natasha Tori Maru Hi natasha, I think in the deepest sense authenticity is those things though. From a spiritual and metaphysical perspective, it is not giving a fuck about what would happen or other people's presence or opinions -- a state of no others and bliss. Of course, this is radical and it is suicide when we are talking about dating and relationships which are inherently strategic and conditional ways of being. Do you agree with this? I'm curious to what you have to say even if it is a bit offtopic haha😅

In 2020-2021 I wish I made an EP. Then I made like 2 hours of music. Every album was better than the previous one. New one is coming soon. While it does sound indescribable and wonderful to my ears. It's nothing really special and it's as ordinary as can be. I am facing immense insecurity of not wanting to do what the others are doing with their lives like having spouses and making children. It's wonderful and let them have it. But the societal and collective unconscious gets to me. I trigger them and they trigger me. Nothing needs to he said. But I reflect. And something has happened with my meditation practice as I described earlier. Sadhguru elaborates this on his Dream Yantra. Where the prarabdha karma of an individual gets loosened, it shrinks and one experiences the feeling of being porous. That's what I can relate to whatever is happening to me. And that energy is also expressing trough my music or expressing when I am listening to music. It's something interesting I never really thought possible but yet it's as ordinary as can be. The magic of life is there. There is extreme and I mean extreme highs and lows switching by the minute. And I am the reality itself experiencing every phenomenon. I am working, paying taxes and everything. I sold my car 4 years ago and I go to my work by walking. Some people have a big status problem with me. How come you "don't do anything". Well what is there to do? Apart from the essentials I will not do anything without grace. Music comes from within. I can't be productive with it. I need time. Sometimes I need to forget it. But I do play guitar regularly. I reduced my screen time for socials and sites like these because I started playing Dota 2, hahahaha. My colleagues also joined. That is a bit odd, I need to play less, but I will fine tune it. It makes me more productive with my chores and it oddly gives me space for creativity. I used to install and delete it. But now I want it on my PC and to postpone the thought of playing just to do whatever is needed or to give space for music. Then I can play, no problem. Other than that my health has gone a bit better. I stopped drinking coffee after 2 years of trying. That was hard. But It really dropped off one day. Same with celibacy. While the wet dreams are there, fantasies at night and in the morning, I haven't felt better ever since I stopped serving off and that is 2+ years going. I don't even remember doing it. And I have been meditating regularly and a lot. I still listen to Sadhguru, Nithyananda etc. my life is very different than it was 10 years ago. I am very happy I did meditate and did not jump into a relationship. I don't care I am a virgin. I'll be for the rest of my life if I have to or want to. There is a big advantage in that nobody talks about except the gurus, sages and sadhus who did it also. Relationship is also beautiful of course but. I will farm those energies, move them upward, experience some interesting things, focus on my health and the core epistemics of life. In any situation, any body and decision energy does not go missing. If you judge people by their life you never have their full picture. Who are you to assert what they should do or how should they be. It's because you want to validate your reality. But reality does not hold any position. Either you have access to the source of creation or god or whatever or not. And to what extent. That and the health of your body will determine your happiness, ability to manifest your true desires or to renounce it all and look in deeper. Even though I might be bored at work, pounded with rejection, comparison, disdain, envy, hatred and lethargy, there is a fine degree of porousness, bliss and happiness. I can be very happy by my own nature when I am alone. I almost can't describe it. But I forget that. I keep forgetting that I am the source. But I am the truth what else can I be. Thanks @Leo Gura.

Ignorance is bliss. Stay deluded and conforming and stay happy just like everyone you know. That is the house of cards version of happy however.

@Vido I think desire is the longing for unity through physical means. If you can't become one with the cosmos/god/universe, you will try to become one through sex with another person, food or otherways to feel a sense of unity/bliss/extacy. And in a way we can never be one with God completly until we die, enlightenment is just temporary, a state of being in oneness/samadhi until you got to take a shit and haven't eaten for a few days, then you remember you are not completely one with God yet.

One of the very first things that Leo first blew my mind with was the relativity of sense making systems. See: The Ultimate Model Of Human Knowledge - All Knowledge Explained One insight I've been really appreciating recently is the features of intelligence from: How Socialization Makes You Stupid - Problems With Conformity & Group-Think 1h 5 minutes timestamp: Features of True Intelligence: Combine that with Holism = wholeness = health = healing = Unity = Oneness = infinite = harmony, balance = Goodness = Love = God = Seflessness = wisdom = Beauty = holy = heaven = bliss Lack of holism = division = fragmentation = partiality = brokenness = lack of harmony, imbalance = limitation = finite = selfishness = ugly = evil = hell = suffering And contemplating how love = intelligence Sensemaking, understanding, intelligence, truth has become some of the best things to contemplate about... One thing I really appreciate from Leo is him strongly underlining the importance of Truth. There is an unbelievable amount of depth, practicality, and power when you orient towards recognizing more and more truth. It took me years to chew on Leo's lecture: what is perception. I remember walking and listening to "Reality is appearances happening to no one" and my state of consciousness shifted right there, almost psychedelic like.

What is the goal of time spent on the forum? Who's currently active, what do they want from the forum, what is the main consideration in their life, what challenges are they dealing with, what would they like to change, how do they see it changing. What practical methods through the content here are they applying already? What comes up as cringe in the forum, what structures, qualities, come off as needing refinement? Getting feedback from the users will help structure the forum with more direction, and provide a baseline for growth over time. I think an important thing here is to be honest where people are spiritually. We are not all enlightened to the highest degree, creating peanut butter and jam sandwiches out of thin air, and farting out bliss (debatably) I think neo-advaita is similar to , experience everything as god now, today , here is the conceptual truth, now - force the thought into actuality. To genuinely experience this ... I think people ought to be honest about the boundaries of their actual perception and state of mind with their selves. And I also think the standard may be too high. The concepts here are like top level when a newby ought to start with ... can i feel my feet. How clear is the perception of my own body, let alone, the whole dang universe. If the forum, or this work is about helping people actualize, then I think there is a process for this, and a shotgun approach, hoping for the best can be improved. I think a little stage yellow organization and systemization here could help. Perhaps an anonymous form, or a thread with a deliberate and curated form for review could help. An important caveat is that the feedback should be received non-judgementally, and discussion should be civil, and I think discussion on the actual feedback should take place between moderators based on their interpretation of the information, rather than an in forum debate. This process could take a couple weeks.

Friday: August 28th, 2026. Believing a lie on purpose is distinct from ignorant bliss.

This is very interesting I did a lot of stuff right, if this includes nutrtion and I can finally build on that, on the video with the jews, I watched this last year already IIRC I posted it here or even with an old account, here but I saw the video on conformity to inform ya'll I am learning more depth about my personality, most stuff I found was shallow, my systems are also improving, killing more distractions will be intersting, but I am glad I swore of alcohol, this has robbed me of creative work capacity, I get a spiritual intoxicant high, but I can use my tongue taste and inspiration for different things, I keep going through this now, I have to test and validate all of these new systems, the stuff I did was very advanced at my masters program, and talking to A.I they evaluate my depth differently, as I see some stuff is being taken over, but I have some doubts, due to these chinese models becoming ever more present in U.S tech being to tech conferences myself etc. But more importantly my health and food! I am looking for better ways to deal with that and still enjoy stuff, it's better to eat some ice cream sometimes and some stupid snack food, then to go for alcohol and wine on the weekend, I was pretty close to live as a pure model, and before I meet the ex I would've dated a model, but she had some issues with drug addiction prior, but was into Urban planning and more holism, not the fun & adventure calculus statistics type of girl, but someone who actually went through something and just knows LEBEN as a phiolosophy with and without a gateway, anyhow I stop I don't think most can relate. I am studying more of the design part, and then take up the new experiements with the note-taking thing I found another pen, ideally this works now to take notes on this pad, but idfk if I can test everything, I still require some help with coffee, I am absolutely coffee addicted, but it helps me to get things done, if I eat how I would be required to life, my enviroment turns very odd, I can't be to "spiritual" around normies, especially when I can push my practice back to 1h, but I have to see I might go for a walk and buy some ice cream I really enjoy nature, but now I have to go through this period of b.s with the hostility of scientific fake feminist women, who have a very deep underbelly of jealousy, something about their D.N.A is partially fked in contrast to seeing 5's of the enneagram and more true intutive scientists, I often hooked them, but they became partially so jealous to belond to the elite, and I saw that stage purple shadow pull, it's at best just smash and pass, there is no value in such a human, if there is a lack of integration of wilbers work, and these people never faced serious issues of death and anihilation. I have to be careful now after i realized I could'Ve gone into mahasamadhi based on state alone, that what I do is very dangerous at times, and my D.N.A does not need a psychdelic to go that deep, anyhow most issues are points about health, I can't live to clean, also I should invest more into foods, I was so depressed after the death of a loved on I could not cook, now I can eat like a good, but I require a calm enviroment or a silently stimulating one, I tested mindful eating at the university it was insane how people eat for survival a couple of days ago with the b.s of the arrogant nobillity and people who experienced eduaction, but are not truly elite, I can sense how the snobishness kicks-in or through wealth, idk I had a different experience as it was more related with death, legacy and the depth of the man of 0, imo these people don't understand and intellectualize their experience of legacy, and don't quite get the legacy I intuit with white light type of experience, the casual, ananda and bliss, there is a very deep jealousy with spiritual seekers, and just a way to be stupid about it, I have to look where I eventualyl find a better place integral had some issues with some nazi stuff with corey at times, I feel and notice something is just f*ed, and I know my f*ed parts anyhow I stop here.