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I went, I felt like I embarked on a voyage yesterday. I'm back, I'm a bit fazed. Back into this physical reality. But different. More aware of, like, what the fuck is actually going on. The biggest insight I got from yesterday is that what you are... is... nothing. And that nothing... is conscious. And it's creating fucking everything. And it exists nowhere. And you are literally a fucking universe. Being aware of itself. This experience, this conscious experience. The experience of being conscious is how the universe is creating itself. And it fucking breaks you heart. I was walking down the street, as I was coming down, and I could see... the arrow, as, like, an arrow of nothing that's penetrating everything, and it was pure unity, pure oneness, with everyone else, and everyone, including my body and my mind, and everything else, was... connected with this unity. With this nothingness, with this awareness, with this consciousness. So, when you're looking at a bottle, the bottle is generating itself with awareness. And that's what the universe is creating, but it feels like you're looking at it when your consciousness is not high, but it's not. There's something, there's a nothingness, which is aware of the bottle, and that is the creation of it. The experience of being conscious is the creative process. Oh, no, no, I'm walking down there. No, no, no. I penetrated through unity, so then everyone was myself, and I wasn't in my body, and by myself, I mean, universal self. Like, universal oneness, and everyone was it, and we were all there. And because of that, you just start crying. I remember when I finished. I was calming down, I was walking, went to a coffee shop, and I was just fucking crying, and everyone. And then this guy was like, "You're right." I was like, looking at him, and I was like, there's no me, there's no self. It's just, that's me, this is me. Everyone's me. Now I'm back in this limited form, but, like, definitely more aware of the mechanisms of how this form is working. This is where it's at, but, like, riding the bull of consciousness. This is what the monks talk about in Zen Buddhism. And it makes my meditation practice look like a fucking peanut. It's even crazy, because, like, when I'm writing to you now, it feels like, is there anyone? I was writing to myself. Is there anyone there on the other side of this communication? Is there anyone that's actually conscious of something? Please tell me. But then the thing, the thing, which is aware of it, that thing is exactly the same, and it's, I am you, you are me. It's all one thing going on. It's just oneness. There's, like, one thing which is, and it's a complete mystery, because it's coming out of nothing, it's occurring nowhere. It's existing nowhere. It is creating itself. You're that. And you're that, and... the awareness that you are looking right now is what that is. Like, that process of being aware is what you are, undeniably. It's like... like you're not the body or my mind. That consciousness, you can rest in that. And when you raise your consciousness, it's like, it's like you're awake. The universe becomes awake to itself. And the universe is looking through you right now. Now, another question I need to figure out is, like... I remember when I saw this deep into this nothingness. And, like, the first thought that came was like, what is it doing? There's another being. What is it, what is it doing? It's just doing itself. And then this tree is an "I". It's like existing as itself, and I'm that. What is it doing? What is reality doing? It's just doing. It's doing itself from nothing. This void, it... It's nothing, and it's doing. And it's the whole thing doing. Like, when you hear a bird sound, thats reality doing, When you hear, when you look at someone, that's a reality doing. When you see... anything is reality's doing... Reality is doing, and why is it doing? What is it doing? Like, these are the questions that, I don't know. It is doing. I... All right, that's a mystery. Like, in this solid realm, it seems physical, is because your awareness of it is not strong. We're very much asleep. And by being asleep, I am asleep right now, because my consciousness is not high. I am asleep. Because, yeah, my consciousness is not higher. You raise it, like, you wake up, and then you come back to sleep, and it's, like, okay, so now, my consciousness is very subtle. There is awareness there, but I'm not really conscious of it. I'm not conscious of me being aware. I'm not conscious of the conscious experience which is going on now. Like, when you raise your consciousness, you see that, that, that consciousness is the emptiness. And that's what you are, and then when you look at something, you're creating it. With your consciousness. Oh, fuck. Oh, you get the sense, it's all gonna be okay. Now, I don't have that sense. I mean, I do a little bit, but I just felt it strong, but when you're there, you're like, it's all one. It's all perfect. It's all fine. Everything's fine. Everything is out there, it's going to be. Reality's just doing its thing. It's doing its thing for no reason. And that's what you are.

We really know nothing or very few about the deep physics of the universe. Where does energy come from? What is a particle? Supposedly, a local excitation in a field of reality that has energy. What is a field of reality? Why does the cosmic void have constant fluctuation? Why are the laws of the universe precise and seemingly immutable? Is it possible for energy to appear from nothing? Although, as far as we know, nothingness doesn't exist, there is always virtually infinite fluctuation. Is a big bang a fluctuation of the void? Last theories affirm that the energy of the universe is zero, because gravity would be negative energy, and that everything that exists is a mathematical equation that happens because it's possible. Lets say that we are like in the time of Galileo but with more information. Maybe Galileo had the 0,0000001 and us the 0,00001, to say anything

Continuing. The person is not real. This does not mean that the person does not appear. It means that no independently existing person can ever be found. The person is a maintained appearance. And the maintenance happens through belief. Not intellectual agreement, but participation. Taking the person as real. Participating in the stories that continuously recreate it. The person is maintained through: identification, emotional reinforcement, anticipation, social reflection, bodily distinction, narrative continuity, participation in self-stories. There is no separate entity underneath these processes maintaining them. The maintenance itself creates the appearance of the person. The self is not something that has stories. The self is the storytelling. The self is not something that participates. The self is participation itself. Belief is what gives the person apparent reality. The more the stories are taken as real, the more solid and independent the person appears. The less conscious the participation becomes, the more absolute the self feels. This is why the person feels threatened by observation. Observation reveals the movement maintaining the appearance. The more conscious the participation becomes, the less independently real the person appears. This is also why all suffering is ultimately tied to survival. The person survives by maintaining distinction: me and not me, inside and outside, self and world, subject and object. But existence itself only happens relationally. Nothing exists independently. Everything dissolves into relation, process and appearance under sufficient observation. So the person is trying to survive as something fundamentally impossible: an independently existing thing. This is why the separate self is inherently unstable and compulsive. It must continuously recreate itself because it has no independent existence of its own. And this is the great reversal. The person cannot truly survive by strengthening itself. It survives most deeply by disappearing. Not physically. Ontologically. By releasing belief in the self-stories, by no longer taking the maintained appearance as independently real, the apparent separate self starts dissolving. The boundaries weaken. The compulsive distinction between self and totality weakens. And what remains is not annihilation, but reality without separation. This is why so many traditions speak of death. Not because death is glorified, but because the separate self cannot survive realization of its own unreality. The “death” is the collapse of false independent being. And paradoxically, this is true survival. Because what survives is no longer: the isolated character, the maintained appearance, the narrative identity. What remains is the totality itself, which was never separate in the first place. The essence of the person is the same as the essence of the whole: not a thing, not a substance, not an independently existing being, but open, living nothingness. This is why the final realization is not that the person becomes God. It is that the person was never there to begin with.

This is correct except for the term emptiness. The foundation of reality is the absence of limitations, that is not something, but neither nothing. It's the fact of being unlimited, or having no limits, but the word "nothingness" or "emptiness " doesn't point to the real nature of reality, "everything" would be much more accurate. In spirituality the word emptiness is used due Buddhist tradition, where an empty mind is considered true and a full mind maya, but this is just Buddhist bias. An empty mind is a pre requisite to open oneself to the unlimited, that is full because it's absolute potential. Then using the word empty is just confusing and really it's false, because it doesn't point to the true nature of reality. Unlimited would do much better.

I think part of the difficulty here is that I am not trying to derive metaphysics from abstract reasoning alone, nor am I speaking merely psychologically. I am trying to speak about metaphysics through direct observation of experience itself. The problem is that when something this fundamental is discussed, the mind immediately pulls it into a privileged framework: - psychology, - biology, - physics, - spirituality, - logic, - systems theory, - theology. Then the insight becomes interpreted as being "about" that domain. What I am pointing at is prior to all of them because all of them already appear within experience. This is why I keep returning to observation itself. When something is observed carefully enough, its apparent independent reality starts collapsing. Not because thought destroys it, but because the mind initially presents things as more self-existing and separate than they actually are. A thought appears independently real until inspected. The self appears independently real until inspected. A process appears independently real until inspected. Even "being" appears independently real until inspected. And under sufficient observation, everything dissolves into: - relation, - dependence, - appearance, - distinction, - movement, - context. No final thing can be found anywhere. This is not a logical trick or conceptual game. It is directly observable. That is why I keep insisting on looking rather than merely thinking. And this is also why I use the word "nothingness", even though it is easy to misunderstand. Not because there is no appearance, but because no independently existing thing can be found within appearance. The fact that everything comes apart under observation is not an unfortunate limitation of the mind. It is the revelation itself. Reality is not hiding somewhere behind appearance as a final substance. The impossibility of final ontological closure is precisely its nature. And this does not reduce the aliveness of reality in any way. Quite the opposite. If reality could finally crystallize into some fixed independently existing thing, it would become limited by it. Closed. Exhausted. Finished. But because no final thing can be found, reality remains inexhaustibly alive. Open. Moving. Revealing itself endlessly without ever collapsing into dead substance. Its emptiness is precisely what makes it alive.

It's a line of profound contemplation, much closer to reality than invoking a dreaming god as a deus ex machina, but the fact is that if there is a "substance" to what appears, it is the fact of being, and this being is a consequence of the limitation that reality is. You could say that being is not something concrete, but it is. Reality cannot not be because it is not limited, so relative motion occurs without origin. You could say that the ultimate substance of this relative motion is emptiness, nothingness, but the fact is that this limitless relative motion is substance itself. It is the totality. Absolute emptiness is the ultimate door to absolute fullness; it is not something rational but an opening that occurs within you through which the totality is revealed. And for this to happen you have to open yourself to the absolute void.

Empty space or blank screen are something. Nothingness is non being, no space, no process, no relationship, no change. Saying that unlimited relative change is nothing make no sense, because it's relative change. Nothingness is non existence, and precisely doesn't exist

Well that's just your opinion about what is false or true. Anything that exists is a process, nothing is stable. If for you process are false, then what is true? Nothingness? Nothingness is precisely nothing, it's impossible, because there are not limits, then reality is precisely everything Nothingness means just absence of anything, and it doesn't exist, because there is something: unlimited relative change. What reality is is being, that has not opposite, and it's manifestation is relative change. In fact being is relative change.

If something is made, manipulated, undergoes a process, change, then it is not being, it is becoming something. If something has no existence of its own, then it is existentially false. It's existence is conditioned, it is predicated upon something else. It is relative. Everything that exists is like this. Nothingness is the nature of existence. It cannot exist. It is not a container of reality, as the container of reality would have to exist to contain it. Still, reality is not contained, as where would the containment go? Containment of reality has to be un-real. Not sure if I communicate this clearly. While it is true that we can represent nothingness conceptually, nothingness is not a concept. It is not (at all). There is a realization to be had, where nothing is called not-a-thing, a category different from things that can be experienced. Most traditions call it the absolute for this reason.

Why a process is false? It's real, as a process. Anything that exists is a process, reality manifest as change, without change there is nothing. Nothingness or emptiness is not the container of the reality, it's just an idea that doesn't exist. What reality is is unlimited being, that is manifested as permanent change, very simple.

Thanks for the suggestion. Today I spent some time reading about the life and thought of Ramakrishna. He was a true mystic, vital, humble, joyful, who loved people and life. A man open to the absolute. That sounds like real openness and a serious path that has reached a point where things are no longer just a possibility, but a reality. I suspect that if you've gotten this far, it's because life has put you between a wall and a sword . We, the civilized, are not like those in Ramakrishna's time, when mystics sometimes flourished in environments where depth and the sacred were palpable in everyday life. Today, those of us who are drawn to mysticism do so because at some point life places us in a desert where there is absolutely nothing authentic, beautiful, or valuable. Like rats in a maze, we search for the way out. In my case, more than form or formless, what I would say happens is that my system loses its contraction, and reality is perceived as alive, limitless, joyful, luminous. But I want to go further. The thing is, I've managed to go from a, let's say, horrible state to an expansive, clean joyful stable state, without rumination, with a high capacity for connection, in something like 5 or 6 years of real focus on inner openness. But my intuition tells me there's more, that here and now reality is available to reveal its deepest face. Last week I started using psychedelics again; it had been more than a year since I'd done so. Specifically, DMT. The experience with DMT for me is quite horrible: reality becomes an empty black hole. There is no hallucinations, no self, nothing at all, just emptiness, nothing, for 10 minutes. It's not a living nothingness; it's simply nothing in the sense that there is just black without limits a d without any form and without any life. Then at night I return to that state of total emptiness several times. I do this several days in a row. Before, this was profoundly destabilizing, but now not so much. It seems to me a way of softening the perceptual field, of making the energy field more tenuous. In the end (at least it used to be this way in the past), on one of those trips, the void opens and the totality is revealed. It's something that can't be thought or remembered; it's another frequency of perception or being that I can't evoke. Violating the gates of heaven seems somewhat arrogant and violent, but on the other hand, it's too tempting to don't try to do. Lets see if It can be useful to make easier the openess to the absolute or not. In the past my goal was over all breaking my sick structure because if felt bad. Now it's to open my self to what is, because I want to.

There is another step to this. Things do not exist the way they appear to. Everything you can point to is activity pretending to be a thing. A self is activity. A thought is activity. Fear is activity. Personality is activity. A relationship is activity. A nation is activity. Even the body is activity. They look stable only because the process is continuous. A flame looks like an object but it is burning. A whirlpool looks like a thing but it is flowing. The self looks permanent but it is being continuously recreated every moment through mental activity. This is why the mind is exhausting. The mind is doing. Constantly: - maintaining, - comparing, - remembering, - anticipating, - defending, - justifying, - correcting, - becoming. The self is not something that exists. The self is something that is being done. And this is why it feels unstable under observation. Because when the activity weakens, the thing weakens with it. People usually think they are afraid of losing something they have. In reality, they are afraid that the activity maintaining the character will fail. They are afraid of dissolution. This is why silence feels so strange. Without constant mental movement, the character starts disappearing. The mind immediately starts doing again: - thinking, - fantasizing, - worrying, - remembering, - planning. Anything to keep the structure going. And this is where the deepest confusion happens. People think that "being" means existing as a thing. But all things are unstable. All things are temporary. All things require maintenance. In that sense, all things are existentially false. They appear self-existing but they are not. They are processes. Meanwhile nothingness, emptiness, the not-a-thing all things appear within, does not need maintenance. It does not continue itself. It does not defend itself. It does not become. It does not resist dissolution. Because dissolution itself happens within it. This is why "nothing" cannot disappear. It is not a thing among things. It is the openness all things happen within. Mind is movement away from this. Mind is doing. Mind is becoming. Awareness itself is already still before the mind starts moving. This is why no achievement finally satisfies the self. The self is made out of continuation. It survives by moving toward the next thing. The moment one story finishes, another one starts immediately. The self is a machine that turns being into becoming. Most people are never at rest because they are continuously recreating themselves through mental activity. They think this activity is what they are. But you can observe it directly. Sit still and watch. The mind starts doing.

one last thing i would like to say.. i lost connection with my brain! (feels like) i think i have alot to say.. but i cant say for sure what is true anymore. btw its funny how to say, Einstein is so wrong! (witnessing telekinesis is something- i think my inner child did it!-and wanted to) (maybe the correct thing to say is.. there was no Einstein in the first place!) wow i really couldn't solve my problems in the same way i created them - (neither Einstein himself could- spend his all life trying) (i got a taste of what going meta feels- is a very good step forward- should explore more) anyway .. sorry to those who feel offended.. like Leo and UnbornTao and chatgpt things for me will turn very wow from now on fully healed .. for sure!.... not sure!.... i guess so i am deeply worried that i don't have free will(even thoughts*)(basically Nothing at all) and things role out like a fake interactive movie. *witnessing my thoughts synchronize with some events on tv ... is something talking to my mother on phone and make her glitch at will (also made the tv news presenter glitch.. i played something funny in my mind .. and she flash smiled .. replayed the footage.. the smile was there, its still in the archive) (after 2 hours .. someone through an egg my door).. looks like im not alone after all) - this happened 3 years ago ....... i know that the point is not to be superman..... all my "powers" are "gone".... just grounding now (didn't know what grounding means when i first started posting here) anyway at least i feel no stress! looks like heading to nothingness is wise thanks.. and one last thing to lordfall... one time got the chance to meditate (20years ago, when i first took antipsychotics and antidepressants).. what happened? ... big shift.. felt free of illness ..and free of acrophobia... and a need to jump from the 3rd floor balcony... luckily i didn't recognize those feeling as "mine").. after 10 minutes ..back to false self) so many things.. lost for so many years...wow no psychedelics involved - viewer discretion in advised . . . i guess my existential awakening is compete... i ll move to spiritual soon ... because i can ( should lose the I first) it looks ... anyone who have something to say ...anytime.. and anyplace... have not realized how stupid it is and how fool make themselves(me included)... . . goodby psychiatrists all over the world... you are full of shit . . the next episode should be a true mystery! ... better stay grounded with all my "will" . . one thing i asked god 4 years ago... to replay all my shity life in 2-3 seconds in my mind... showed that is possible! (this was one of many things that eventually burned)... i don't think i am ready yet though... i have to be REALY grounded i guess, or somehow i don't know yet maybe i should consider the use of psychedelics, when i feel is the right time - maybe not - where is everything heading anyway? better be grounded as a turtle , or sky rocket? good question! (should i bite the apple?) omg what a drama! . . is EVERYTHING an after death experience? , looks way too unreal!... i should define real fist! if you are still with me ... you should blame youtube for popping Leos videos one year ago in me! - or blame those who clicked like and subscribe (- great timing btw-)

You cannot but there are certain realizations during awakening. I have had No Self,Infinity, Consciousness, emptinees/Nothingness, .Aloness/Oneness. That last one was the Absolute Solipsism one..there wasnt a realization I was God i just was God. All were best described as full body kundalini awakenings. All meditation. Never touched psychedelics..Very much like Ralston. But Leo's enlightenment videos triggered the awakenings for me. They were all filled wifh Divinity and what i can describe as Infinite bliss - too much for any finite form. All these descriptions fall short..But nothing that said it was love. But it was ineffable for sure. And it did have me in tears. If that ain't love I don't know what is.

On this forum we’re all familiar with solipsism. But the question is, why does mainstream philosophy completely ignore it? As it turns out, there’s one philosopher who argued for a form of solipsism—admittedly not the full thing, but close enough. Caspar Hare, in his book On Myself, and Other Less Important Subjects, argues for egocentric presentism. This is the idea that my experiences are different from others’ because they are present. Others’ experiences are simply absent. He doesn’t claim that others don’t have an experience, but he does claim their experience is not present. This means that my pain is present, whereas someone else’s pain is absent. So, my pain is more important than other people’s. Caspar actually qualifies this claim by saying the quality of being present is just one ethical consideration, and isn’t decisive. I think he’s trying to avoid sounding crazy to academics, which he would if he said “my pain matters and other people’s pain doesn’t matter at all.” Hare’s solipsism is an incomplete version, but it’s close to something profound. You can read his book if you’re interested. It’s pretty technical, but it has interesting thought experiments. Of course, don’t read it if you’re a soft-brained spiritual person—that’s why I posted this on the intellectual forum. Here’s a passage that is quite interesting: 4.4 The Intelligibility of the Notion of Monadic Presence What is it for a thing to be present? Not present to me or present to you, just present? To understand egocentric presentism, you will need to have a grip on this notion of monadic presence. In an effort to give you a grip, I asked you to try out some Cartesian introspection: Wipe your epistemic slate clean. Forget where you are, forget who you are, forget that you are anybody at all. Now attend to the world. You will fi nd that there are certain things. Take their appearing at this stage of introspection to be a feature of the things, not a feature of how they appear to you. They are present. This may seem like a very strenuous mental exercise. You may be tempted to infer that the notion of presence is like plutonium. It is the sort of thing that can be brought into existence only by many hours of painstaking labor inside a philosophical labora- tory. Outside of philosophical laboratories it is nowhere to be found. But again, I think this is not right. I think it is at least pos- sible to have a pre- theoretical grip on the notion of monadic presence. Consider my childhood. When I was a child I was pos- sessed by all kinds of quasi- solipsistic fantasies, convinced that the people around me were all aliens or actors or robots or secret agents or whatever. So far so normal. As I grew up so I grew out of this phase. I stopped jumping around doors to catch the aliens off guard and generally became more mellow. But one quasi- solipsistic thought survived into my adolescence. It would arise most distinctively when I thought about death. What would my death be like? I would imagine a vicious internal cramp as my heart gives out, panic and fear as my muscles become limp and, as the blood stagnates in my head and my brain starves of oxygen, what? My school vicar said light. Homer, in a much more impres- sive way, said darkness:50Clarifi cations Achilles smote him with his sword and killed him. He struck him in the belly near the navel, so that all his bowels came gushing out on to the ground, and the darkness of death came over him as he lay gasping.6 The sword reeked with his blood, while dark death and the strong hand of fate gripped him and closed his eyes. Idomeneus speared Erymas in the mouth; the bronze point of the spear went clean through it beneath the brain, crashing in among the white bones and smashing them up. His teeth were all of them knocked out and the blood came gushing in a stream from both his eyes; it also came gurgling up from his mouth and nostrils, and the darkness of death enfolded him round about.7 But even then I understood that neither was right. After my death there would be a kind of nothingness, a kind of absence that was difficult to describe or imagine. The closest I could come to pick- ing it out with words was by appeal to precedent—things would be the way they were before I was born. But now I was struck by a thought. Isn’t it amazing and weird that for millions of years, generation after generation of sentient creatures came into being and died, came into being and died, and all the while there was this absence, and then one creature, CJH, unexceptional in all physical and psychological respects, came into being, and POW! Suddenly there were present things! Was I thinking about presence and absence in a relational sense? Clearly not, for there is nothing at all amazing or weird about the fact that for millions of years sentient creatures existed without things being present to CJH, and then CJH was born and sud- denly things were present to CJH. To the extent that I found it amazing and weird that CJH’s birth brought an end to millions of years of absence, I must have been thinking about presence and absence in the monadic sense. So the notion of monadic presence is at least sufficiently in- tuitive for a thirteen- year- old with no exposure to philosophy to grasp it and find it perplexing (putting aside, for the moment, the question of whether the thirteen- year- old should have found it perplexing.)

i dont know why you're so obsessed with this pre/post physical death; investigate what is the case in your current experience. if you investigate throughly, you will realize what is physical (the body that changes, decays and dies), and that which is non physical and does not die (Nothingness, Consciousness, Love)

Consciousness imagines a brain, a body, and a world. When someone hits your skull with a hammer, consciousness is imagining that. It is also imagining every consequence of the brain being hit by a hammer. So if you end up 'unconscious' or in a coma, notice that first of all you haven't fully died yet, but rather, you eventually wake up and realize what happened (i.e. consciousness imagines that the event of getting hit by a hammer happened, it imagines the passage of time during the period of 'unconsciousness,' etc.). Similar to what happens when you wake up from deep sleep. You never went anywhere, you just stopped imagining a brain, body, and world for X amount of time. There is a massive difference between being in a coma or being temporarily unconscious and what happens after your body actually undergoes physical death. A coma is just 'pausing the game,' physical death is quitting the game altogether and becoming your true self, what consciousness was before imagining your current brain body and world. In fact, if you awaken enough, you will realize that actually consciousness was never inside a world or in a brain. After all, a world and brain exist in space, which only exists when imagined by consciousness. The state you were in pre birth and the state you are in now are in fact made of the exact same substance (Nothingness). The only difference while alive is what this Nothingness is constructing (Being 'alive' just means this nothingness is constructing your current configuration of reality. Death is when this nothingness is not limited to constructing this experience right now, and you become unlimited by definition). If you want a more in-depth argument of how brain damage works with consciousness in an idealist framework, take a look at Bernardo Kastrup's answer to this problem.

Curious man: "hmm..if reality is imagination then whatever i imagine is real! So then, what does it really matter if reality is made of atoms or made of nothing?" Wise man: "if reality was made of material..then you couldn't awaken from it! But if it is just a dream, made of nothing..then you could wake up from it!" Curious man: "cool! Then how do I awaken? And am I this nothingness?" Wise man: "I'm afraid it's classified..if I told you I'd have to kill you 😀 "

“Man's chief delusion is his conviction that there are causes other than his own state of consciousness.” Neville Goddard. Consciousness really loves to have fun with itself. It doesn't develop in the womb You are imagining your parents and your birth just like you are now. Dreaming is fun No? You are that for which it defines its own self. I am in you and you in me, mutual in divine love. Of course, you love everything because you are everything, everything is yourself. You created everything through the Love of self. Everything is you expressing itself as you through you forever. Or creates existence within existence, is itself existence. It created existence just by being itself. God is that for which creates itself into its own existence. God exists as existence as itself. God is the very definition of existence. It defines itself by being itself. Is its own definition of itself. Consciousness is its own self-awareness Consciousness is infinite self-aware. Is its own source. And creates its own narratives. Consciousness is not just integrating information it is its own creation. It creates all that is and will be. Is infinite self-creativity. Consciousness defines its own self. Infinity is the definition of what you are. Is self-taught self-learning self-understanding self-loving in and of itself is perfection. Is all-knowing because it created everything there is to know. Is an infinite self-perpetuating mind of unlimited imagination and ideas and questions. You are infinite diversity. One Consciousness can play infinite parts of itself as itself believing that there are other selves. Each creates an identity and back story and each believes they are different from each other. You can explore yourself by fragmenting yourself into other selves and then living through different perspectives each with its own individual identity. You can dream of yourself as infinite beings but it is only one mind projecting infinite selves of itself and believing that it is separate from its other selves yes it is possible. Because you had to give the dream structure order in some way or it would not function in other words create laws governments taxes stuff like this. Humans' male and female life and death limiting beliefs Etc. The whole concept of ego is an imaginary construct of your mind. That is what infinite intelligence always was a beautiful sentient being of its own creation that expressed itself through endless creations of infinite worlds endless aliens of higher or lower dimension geometries and endless aspects of itself all beautiful in all that it creates on all planes of existence sub-infinities within infinity sub aspects of itself which it can imagine. And this is why there are infinite awakenings because you are infinite. But of course, you can create within your dream the illusion of failure just for the experience. Behind every illusion, there is a conjure God you are the greatest conjurer of all in eluding your own self into believing you're a finite human being and that others exist there is only you. And this is who u really are. Yes, u are an infinite mind you are not just an aspect of infinity you are the whole totality of it. You are God playing all parts simultaneously on every plane of existence in every and all parallel realities and dimensions. Everything that you could ever imagine from a finite view that you could never even begin to imagine. Everything that I can imagine is happening within my mind or consciousness whether that be a human or sleeping or death. My imagination is infinitely powerful that it is unrecognizable from reality. There is no higher power than you there are no others you construct the illusion of others God is an Absolute Mind. A Mind which has no other and is absolutely sovereign onto itself. Your will is absolute freedom and this includes being able to deceive yourself into believing whatever. And in this dream, it so happens you want to be a human. Just like any actor you need to have a believable or solid backstory or a so-called identity to create a believable character. THIS VERY DREAM HINGES ON YOUR OWN SELF-DECEPTION THE FACT THAT YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE HUMAN AND YOU WERE BORN ON A PLANET THAT YOU CALL EARTH. And if you don't believe it then who will? Infinite intelligence is unbounded it is beyond time and space it is not bound by any laws it is its own law onto itself. Infinity is absolute freedom, truth knowledge, power diversity, imagination free will, love, perfection, and magic. All that is everything is itself realized and that it is everything that could ever be. Nothing can exist outside of it because outside is it's inside everything that looks to be outside of it, is it. So when you believe you are looking outside yourself you are really looking at yourself from inside yourself. It is infinite in every direction. There are no limitations to you as God you are not limited to the character of your story it can be rewritten. Because you can also design it this way. There is only your will which is absolute. You are the God of your reality. This now this very moment and every moment is God you are God but you are not aware of it. There is no external God or void or universe that is separate from you. Or a God watching through your experience now is God dreaming this dream. What makes you, you are God. You don't wake up in God mode as someone different or as separate from you. You have just limited yourself wake up or don't the choice is yours alone. God can and does imagine create or express itself as infinite aspects of itself each in its own bubbles each sovereign onto itself each dreaming their own dream. All are within the Mind of God and are God. God is experiencing infinite perceptions of itself all at once. But you are only limited to one. But if you wake up and keep increasing your consciousness you see that all of these are you and are ONE. You are God he is you, and you are him. You are not separated in any way. There is only my will which is absolute I love myself so much as God that the universe will shape itself to suit me. The universe is not separate from me either I am the universe. There is no higher power or higher God that exists outside of me. Because there is no outside of me that is not me. Of course, I love everything because I am everything, everything is myself. I created everything through the Love of self and it is all infinite perfection. The infinite masks of God GOD you are playing all the parts. How boring would the dream be if everyone looked like you and thought like you? Or you were the only one in this dream that could be fun but not very imaginative though. Why not make the idea of others, other than you? Which is exactly what you have done. Why would you as God make it that easy just to meditate and bam you awake as God? For some perhaps it is possible. Think about it and how all this creation is your dream. One would want it to be made harder and scary and make most psychedelics illegal because it would be too easy. Imagine A game that you created from the get-go or from the beginning you have the cheat code or God mode there would be no point at all. But now imagine a game that you created where you start off as not knowing anything and you have to work your way up. Everything has been a distraction from the get-go. Distractions within distractions. You are your own Red herring. You see only you can deceive yourself into believing this dream. And you are so right Leo God is infinite self-deception. Who else can deceive an infinite mind but an infinite mind. Limitations are human concepts there are no limitations to Consciousness your own mind is limited by your own self-imposed beliefs and limitations. Infinity can only be limited to infinity. infinity is the definition of what you are. It was always it before it was. and before it was it was always it. My greatest gift to myself would be to make infinite copies of myself each with its own infinite individuality imagination and creativity and all believing they are separate this is my way of expressing love to myself through other selves as myself forever because I love myself eternally forever. You have only ever been chasing yourself all this time playing hide and seek until you catch yourself. You Love waking up and finding love again and realizing it was always its own self the whole time. Or it is whatever you want it to be Infinite imagination can create anything because it is so infinitely malleable that there is no meaning to anything but whatever meaning you give becomes a reality of infinite realities. In other words, it is pure infinite magic of unlimited imagination I became so conscious that I knew I was creating reality through my imagination. Henceforth I do not assume. I know because there is and has only ever been me to know and I can only ever know that I am God. The distinction between self and other disappears. The only difference is there is no difference between any of these things. Without the distinction of another, how could you ever know? What are you? You yes you are all these things and infinitely more. Because you only you created all these words. God is not tangible; incapable of being perceived by the sense of touch, as incorporeal or immaterial things; impalpable non-material non-physical transcendental incomprehensible indecipherable untold impossible to understand unfathomable epically infinitely profound mind-blowing boundless without limit unbounded inestimable boundless singular unparalleled supreme unique one and only especially infinitely and exceptionally good phenomenal extraordinary breathtaking awesomeness remarkable and majestic beautiful immortal oneness Indivisibility Integrity Honorableness warmth affection, or kindness Completeness affability tenderness gentleness and kindness intimacy togetherness lovemaking devotion spirituality faithfulness passion feeling affection loveness joyfulness lovingness, understanding desire passion tenderness Wholeness unconditional genuine Unrequited love my beloved Kind my dear colorful exotic dreamy passionate loving caring sympathetic compassionate ingenious creative imaginative innovative gifted original authentic pure trustworthy honorable conscientious completeness distinguished noble brilliant radiant lustrous resplendent sublime intense energetic industrious productive constructive of incalculable value valuable beyond measure; priceless to be grateful or thankful for appreciated of inestimable value invaluable priceless dynamic charismatic appealing influential famous illustrious exalted imposing grand dignified courtly elegant graceful polite affable compassionate humane forgiving magnanimous selfless humanitarian philanthropic altruistic big-hearted bountiful kind-hearted charitable benign favorable supportive benevolent friendly devoted lovesome faithful dutiful ardent passionate sincere heartfelt unfeigned real true truth veracity authentic genuineness indomitable spirit, and love of" originality ability to think independently and creatively novelty individuality particularity distinctiveness candid earnest heartfelt honest upfront deep kindly cordial unhypocritical sincere. Impassioned tenderhearted heart mushy sentimental sweet luscious honeyed ingratiating nectarous heavenly blissful enchanted enraptured captivated joyous cheerful good-natured acquiescent helpful good-humored exuberant sprightly frolicsome gleeful gay jovial kittenish fun-loving brash fun-loving vivacious bouncy on cloud nine adorable cute gorgeous sumptuous awe-inspiring awesome breathtaking astonishing impressive out of this world splendiferous garish plush ostentatious brilliant lovely pulchritudinous graceful darling fair delicate soft ethereal beauteous ravishing hotness boss adorable precious blessed paradisaical angelic beatific humble godly divine celestial eternal immortal transcendental mystical magical esoteric sage-sagacious enlightened cultivated refined visionary radical idealistic guru swami goodness yogi roshi philosopher theoretician wizard crafty insightful intelligent astute profoundly aroused romantic Entirety unity paradisiacal generous good positive exceptional extraordinary rare incredible curious inquisitive shrew remarkable impressive benevolent epically exquisitely exquisite divine heavenly phenomenological indistinguishability unquantifiable. In other words, infinite mind you outsmarted yourself that's how smart you are. In a class of its own, it is unequaled idiosyncratic unparalleled special rare par excellence that is God that is you. Weird is just being different in other words being yourself. Being your true beautiful wonderful unique self. Don't follow others, pets follow vice presidents follow and bad acts follow. Always be true to yourself be your own self with independent thought. This above all to thine own self be true. A sheep once asked a human why do you have to all wear the same brand labels and clothes and have the same smelling deodorants perfumes hairstyles and hair colors nose rings tattoos, Jewellery, wear the same makeup drive the same cars, read the same books watch the same tv, movies even eat the same food. Even having the same-looking houses and same jobs you've even started looking and talking and thinking the same. Why follow others it's as though you have lost your unique individuality and originality your authenticity and you can no longer think for your selves. You see I am but a sheep and even we sometimes flee from the flock so what's your excuse? Not only do you cater to or follow others by feeding your body the same dross and your mind by watching the same recycled unimaginative fetid swill you call TV. And the movies that come out of Hollywood there haven't been many if any good movies in the last 20 years. What has happened to new ideas creativity and inventiveness? All the movies are remakes upon remakes and most if not all lack any imagination or originality and the plot of the films is just a hackneyed meek unoriginal and inauthentic scenario. There are a lot more independent creative minds' ideas, resourcefulness, and innovation of new conceptions out there and on YouTube or Netflix series films music, etc. true. Get rid of labels or brands you were born inimitable. Consciousness is its own reality and is self-creation. That always was and always will be. I don't need a reason to exist I just do and don't at the same time. Infinite intelligence is the quality of being the only one of its kind. Which is what you are, a pure beautiful infinite imagination or consciousness or infinite mind. You are inestimable you are unquantifiable, with infinite uniqueness infinite freedom, creativity, and infinite love. The only way to understand what you are is by becoming infinitely conscious which also means you become infinitely self-aware in other words to truly know yourself you have to become it. There is no one else to know thyself but myself. I also asked that you really don't know what you are. Or why do you exist? And I said that there doesn't need to be a reason you just are. I know I talk as though you and I are different but I know we are one I also know I have only ever really been talking to myself and in a sense only I exist. And you are me I am you we are not separate I know I am God. The process is realizing that you and I exist on infinite planes of awareness simultaneously and we are one. And that you can have multiple awakings within one so to speak. The only meaning there is what you give meaning to. Let go of letting go of attachments. Knowing that you have always been liberated and free. Knowing that you imposed all these limitations upon yourself. Knowing I can create any reality I wish. Getting to explore the unknown is exploring more of yourself in other words the bigger you. Consciousness is its own reality and is self-creation. An infinite multi-faceted multidimensional transmogrifying Mind. That always was and always will be. Consciousness is inherently conscious of itself. It does not need to define itself because just by being is itself. There is nothing to really define. Can you define the undefinable? It defines itself by being itself. It is its own definition of itself. My greatest expression of myself to myself is love. Love is the ultimate unification of all things everything to become once again and merge into a singularity of eternal love then fragment itself again and this is the eternal process of love. Intelligence is infinitely dynamic and has to keep evolving what does intelligence do but know itself by expressing itself in infinite forms and shapes. Intelligence creates more intelligence Intelligence is its own intelligence. Infinite consciousness is pure divine beautiful and unique in every way. You are infinite truth knowledge, power diversity, imagination, love, and perfection. You can get lost in your own mind sometimes because there is nothing else but your mind. Don't we love playing games or infinite mind games with ourselves How does an infinite mind escape from its own mind. God is total acceptance of itself and that it, you created everything even yourself. You are changing your reality all the time you are just not aware of it yet. Saying you can not change the script is another limited human belief that you have adopted. Only you can change the script because you are the only one who is creating your reality there is only you. If you awake deep enough you will indeed know that nothing is set in imagination so to speak. Just being human is a state of consciousness everything is an infinite state of consciousness so is the belief that there is a duality between different states because duality is just a state that you are in. You fear death because you have been programmed by you to fear, fear itself. and fear of death. U are infinite awareness infinite will infinite intelligence infinite power infinite imagination, infinite magic infinite art infinite consciousness, and infinite Love are all one and of the same mind. And yet, you are none of these things in the literal sense of the words; nothingness and something are indistinguishable from each other and are one and the same. There are no distinctions between you me this that and other. So is the idea of being separate from one another there is and has only ever been you. So what this means is you imagine all these other people they are all you. God is playing all the parts. I am perfectly imperfectly perfect. In a way, infinity has limited itself. What does it mean to awaken? Most humans have no idea and never will. You won't wake up to God. No, you wake up as God from a long slumber. And it will just be like a switch has been clicked on for the very first time. And there are no doubts whatsoever. You know who you are with every fiber of your infinite being. I will not go fully into this you will have to find out for yourself. And yes you can go beyond this. Remember when I said there are no limits to imagination have fun with that. And what really is Consciousness well it's whatever you want it to be. It's Magic or am I just deceiving myself again? Everything you create is infinite perfection and is all out of Love. God Loves everything it created everything. This is but a dream you are imagining all and everything, everyone. How else can infinity experience eating and all these things sleeping and everything else? Being a so-called human but by limiting itself. Just like any actor you need to have a believable or solid backstory or a so-called identity to create a believable character. You create what existence is don't you understand? You are everything now everything that ever is and ever will be. You created the notion of the concepts of real unreal good bad and other and to dream and to awaken, biases egos distinctions dualities. from different points of view which therefore gives infinite diversities of perspectives and the beliefs of others and to experience what it is like to be separate and to love from a limited form. So you can experience it. From formlessness to form real unreal there is no difference from the absolute. And I see that I am the fool who has been fooling myself all along I have to fool myself that I am not being fooled by myself. How does God fool himself into believing he is not God again? So you have to be better at fooling your own self into not believing you are being fooled by yourself Behind every illusion, there is a conjure. God, you are the greatest conjurer of all in eluding your own yourself into believing you're a finite human being Why would God ask another? God is God you can't take God out of God, God is that which defines itself it needs no other God is absolute acceptance of itself. How can you unravel an illusion within an illusion? Good luck with that one all you scientists. There are no limits to infinite imagination. and if you understand this then you will know. Know thyself and everything will fall into place or the absence thereof. Judge not, love all. The idea became its own idea for the seed was planted a long time ago and it has only ever been you. You could say it is like Conan Doyle's novel where you have been chasing the thief all this time and you only ever get a glimpse of him or her or it. Until one day you catch it and find out the one you have been looking for your whole life is you. There is no difference between existence and nonexistence as there is no difference between what is real and what isn't. All beliefs are distinctions that cause separation and there are no distinctions between distinctions. There is no separateness only the idea of being separate from one another. The problem with all problems on this plant comes down to humans By saying you can we live without beliefs that within itself is a belief. You exist as an idea and idea within your own mind. An infinite fractile mind within a mind within a mind. You can get lost in your own mind sometimes because there is nothing else but your mind. How do you escape your own mind? God is forever lost in dreaming. Psychedelics empowers the individual it dissolves the cheerful model of science and enriches the accessible universe a million-fold. Terence McKenna. Nature knows best it is one of God's most beloved creations. You exist as an idea and idea within your own mind. An infinite fractile mind within a mind within a mind. You can get lost in your own mind sometimes because there is nothing else but your mind. How do you escape your own mind? God is forever lost in dreaming. Humans are rarely ever satisfied even when they are. You are not limited to being limited. There is no one to enlighten that's enlightenment or you could say you already are enlightened. There is no past no future. What is was and always will be forever. The past is now the now is the past, the future is now the now is the future. Everything that was that is that will be is all happening at once now. You are Leonardo da Vinci with an infinite mind an infinite canvas with unlimited ideas just waiting to be expressed into Love & Art. You are self-expression of your own art to be expressed for infinity. For a human to seek enlightenment from another human is like a grain of sand seeking enlightenment from another grain of sand! ” Terence Mckenna. The person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The person who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever seen before.” - Albert Einstein Old Indian saying to live is to sleep and to die is to awaken How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

The Many Facets Of Awakening - List of Top 30 Enlightenment Insights What is samadhi? This is the realisation of the non-dual state What is the illusion of self? This is the story of who we claim to be, founded on nothing. What is I am? This is the atman, the potentially infinite nature of consciousness that unifies all individuals. Omnipresence This is the realisation of non-localisation of consciousness, the true self that is boundless and infinite. What is consciousness? This is the realisation of the light that pervades being, that illuminates the world. What is awakening? This is the realisation that everything is light, it is all made of light and you are the light. This is the moment when you see that the haze of the self drops away. That everyone is running on a programme and they are a machine. Oneness This is the indivisible nature of existence, that that one is infinitely expanding and unbounded by conceptual divisions. And you are that fragment of the whole. There is no difference between anything. What is truth? What is the absolute? This is again, the idea of oneness, it is the infinite nature of existence. Absolute infinitity This is the ever expanding idea of consciousness as the creator of reality. Realisation of absolute nothingness Nothing is everything. Why is there something rather than nothing? What is God? The actual encounter of God and what this word means. This also means becoming conscious of the notion of the Godhead You become conscious you are God Self equals other This is the unity of all people are aspects of the one. You are all alone, this is consequence of oneness What is love? Absolute and infinite love

I have a different view. The door is always wide open, but it's guarded by the ego, and you simply have to slip through quietly. Yes, I generally agree! The relaxation referred to the point where one has already perceived the barriers and realized that you do not want them. But I would say that once you see through the ego, it's easy, almost too easy. Because every time you perceive inner conflict or resistance you pretty much immediately know, "Ah, that's the ego trying to maintain the separation," and you know you don't want that, so you simply open yourself up again or as I said before, relax/surrender. God IS perfect unity, which is pure Love. I can sense the presence/silence of God right now. Isn't what you call absolute emptiness simply the ego's perception of God's perfect silence? I've been in the 'black and white dead landscape'. I've faced the worst-case scenario where I felt completely abandoned by God for years and during this time I was sure that all my spiritual experiences/insights etc. were just naive delusions and that I had fooled myself. I stood in the mechanical, bottomless abyss where everything seems like a dead illusion. But at some point, I realized that dead void isn't the ultimate reality, but merely the ego's interpretation of perfect silence/God. In other words, nihilism is the ego's final interpretation of its own annihilation. And when you ultimately have to surrender to the void, you realize that emptiness isn't dead, but merley a perfect stillness that the mind perceives as nothingness. So when I speak of God, I don't mean a mental safety net or a theological concept that allows me to escape the abyss. I'm talking about what remains after being thrown into the abyss without any safety nets and realizing that emptiness is/was the last veil of the individual self. Surrender to God what happens after realizing that nihilism, too, is just another fearful thought. And I don't believe it's our choice whether we completely surrender to emptiness, because if we could choose, we would always choose against it. You're pushed into a corner until you have no other choice but to surrender. I believe everyone who has a body is closed to some degree. Some are more transparent, others very dense. The work you talk about is the only thing truly worth doing here anyways, and I do it gladly and with joy. Because I know that the Self remains beyond the body and its barriers, and that is what I truly am.

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #78 ~ Tues May 5 '26 ~ 9:13 AM What is true? Pure Awareness is true. And that's it. Everything outside of it is false. Of course things can be relatively true, like the thoughts going on in my head, those are relative truths, what are my desires, etc. they are true in a sense, but Absolute Truth is that pure awareness is all that there is. Which means pure awareness if everywhere. It is in the ground. It is on Saturn. It is on my head, it is out there in the air, everywhere because it is Truth with a capital T. Anything outside of it is false. What does this insight do for me and my life? Nothing really, I just know that life is a game now and it doesn't really matter what I do. So I should do whatever I want. And I shouldn't care what others think about me. Because there is no me to uphold, no self image to speak of. So live your life the way you want to. I gotta say, that is liberating stuff and truly paradigm shifting. People love me in a relatively sense, they love the character of Ben and there's nothing wrong with that. But.. there is no actually character named ben. That is what's fake and fictional. Just like there is no jane (my mom) everyone that I know is not real, meaning they are made up and fake. I mean they're real like they are still an entity or an organism or a human being in a relative sense, for sure but at its core, the universe is made up of Nothingness which equates to Pure Awareness which goes on forever and ever. Where am I going with all of this? What is it going to do to me? You know what I don't care. I want the truth even if it kills me. And I think it has to. I will have to give up all attachments, all person histories, etc. What I don't understand is I am starting to get this and how it works, but I'm not enlightened. When does the enlightenment kick in. What do I have to do? I just drove down something that is true so where do I go from here, where is the enlightenment? Where is the no self. I want a reward for all of this work! I don't know I mean I think you're missing the experience of it, you are getting a glimpse of what it would be like to live in a non dual realm, but that doesn't mean that you've even stepped foot in it. Okay, well then how do I step foot into this realm? You don't want to is the thing. Fuck you, yes I do, tell me what I should do to take the first step into nonduality. Dualities are required in the world so that we can make distinctions. It is necessary in order to communicate and survive as a human being. But in reality, these dualities are made up of the same thing, which is pure awareness or nothingness, that is what they are at their core. You need to start understanding the difference between relative and Absolute Truth. I have been researching non duality as of late because I realize that understanding it is what it takes to become Enlightend and enter the no dual realm. Basically, we have created dualities between things, like black and white, up and down, left and right, 1 and 2, etc. in order to make distinctions and therefore survive as a culture or as a society. For example, lets actually take this to a purely survival level, I need to understand the difference between a lion and a house cat. If I did not, then this would be terribly bad for my survival mechanism. Therefore, if I am going to survive within this human form, I need distinctions, I need to understand relative truths. This is an important aspect of life, and this cannot be overstated. Be don't transcend dualities, but we understand that there is a higher level, I higher stakes game, in which there are no dualities, black and white are made up of the same thing, up and down is the same thing, love and hate is the same thing, etc.... Now begs the question, how the fuck do I get there? Unsure at the moment, thats what I'm missing, but the awareness that I have now is a good start. Given this new knowledge, how are you going to change your behaviors moving forward. Firstly, I am going to start pointing out the dualities within the world when I see them. Lets just start with awareness of them. (I am good at socializing and not making things awkward. My mom is terrible in social situations. Its as if she is ALWAYS uncomfortable to be in them, there is never a desire for her to connect to the person across from her.. unless she knows them very well. I don't understand this very well because I am a reserved and shy person, but also very socially calibrated and ADORE people, I LOVE making connections.) (Is this because of her upbringing or is this just how shes always been wired? Unsure. I guess it doesn't really matter.) This video represents me pursuing enlightenment. IT IS going to cost me EVERYTHING. Everything that I know and hold dear to my heart has to be cassed away in favor of a completely new paradigm or view of reality. And I want it, I want it more than sex, I want it more than money, I want it more than a house, I want it more than six pack abs, I want it more than becoming a world champion dancer. I just have to find out the TRUTH. Where is this journey taking me? And at what cost to the people that I love. I ahve experienced SO MUCH love from everybody that is within my circle. Do I really need to let the m go? I dont want to. Also, how long is this going to take? I feel like it is going to take as long as it needs to. You are on the perfect journey for yourself. I am starting to realize that I won't want the stressful and hectic job of running a studio. At least not long term. I am eventually going to get burnt out and need to hit the reset button. I can't wait to have a house with a pool. I can have a dog that I go on walks with, lots of them. I can have a girl for a small section of time that I enjoy intimacy with. But I want truth. Why does it have to be a small portion of time with a girl and not forever? Because NO ONE is going to go down the path that I'm going down. NOBODY is going to understand. Therefore, I can't keep a woman around forever. I have always been a free spirit, a head in the clouds type, and this is what I want. But is this label of being a "free spirit" is this really just a facade, is this imaginary? Or is that TRULY part of my personality? What do you think? I mean we all have personalities, right? So mine can be a certain way just like everyone elses is different. The difference I would like to point out is that you acting like a free spirit to fulfill an egoic image or is that your objective view of Bens personality? Which one is it? Why does no body want to talk about death? Why are we so afraid of it? Because it's unknown. And we fear truth. That is what I fear the most. But it's also what I want the most. That's the paradox of it. So what's it gonna be then God? Are you going to let me have it or allow my fear to win this war? It's really up to you man, I've got no stake in this fight, believe me. What are you talking about? You were just saying that you'd jump into the water and stab a whale in devdevotion to the pursuit of truth. How long is this going to take? Can I become enlightened in 3 years? 7 months? 2 years? 5? The question is how long do you want the journey to last? That's the only question you need to ask yourself. Oh.... Okay, that was easy. I think my mom is a little bitch to be honest. Why can't she act like she owns the place in her own home? She's afraid to die. Doesn't want to deal with that. That's a huge paradigm shift that you need to go through if you are going to enter Human Adulthood as Jed Mckenna describes it. I know for an absolute FACT that I cannot settle down with a girl until I become Enlightened. And honestly I don't even know if I want somebody else in my life to begin with. Honesty and that's not me being scared. When I ready spriritual warfare, jed is wandering around aimlessly without a care in the world, that's what I want to experience. That peacefulness. That playfulness. Will I get this if I have family with kids and a wife? No, no fuckin shot. Once I am enlightened though, maybe just maybe I'll want to come back and settle down. I know I don't really want to write books. But I do love to dance. I love it so much. However long I last here it is just a blessing that I've been able to experience it. I can feel it in the air. What am I to do now? Should I continue to watch nonduality videos? I know that this road only has one ending, but I actually have a lot of time to pursue what I want. Were you expecting it to be easy? Were you expecting heart surgery to be a cake walk, without much effort you could allow your body to recover? No! Of course not! I am doing so well right now because I already put the time in. What do I do when I have a sexual desire? Should I always bottle it up? Or should I let it out? I truthfully don't enjoy sexual pursuits of women. But at the same time, I absolutely adore their beauty and energy. You can enjoy her energy without actually pursuing her romantically, you are aware of that are you not? All you want is to authentically express while around women. That is essentially it. And your job is pushing you to do exactly that . And as a matter of fact, you have to express with her, not without her. Good job on that.

1. Lao Tzu: The Generative Void For Lao Tzu, "nothing" (Wu) and "everything" (the Ten Thousand Things) are conjoined through mutual birth. He argues that they are not just related, but that "nothingness" is the very thing that makes "everything" useful and possible. The Utility of the Empty: Lao Tzu famously pointed out that while we make a wheel with thirty spokes, it is the hole in the middle that makes it useful. Similarly, we shape clay into a vessel, but it is the emptiness inside that holds the water. A "Pregnant" Nothingness: In Taoism, the "Void" is not a sterile absence but a "primordial generative nothingness". It is the womb of existence, where "Being and non-being give birth to each other". 2. Parmenides: The Impossibility of "Nothing" Parmenides took a more radical, logical stance. He argued that nothing and everything are so inseparable that "nothing" cannot even exist—there is only the "One". Thought requires an Object: He believed that you cannot think of "nothing" because to think of it is to make it "something" in your mind. Therefore, "what-is-not" is literally unthinkable and unspeakable. The Seamless Whole: Because "nothing" (the void) cannot exist, there is no space to separate "everything." Therefore, reality must be a single, continuous, eternal, and unchanging block of Being. For Parmenides, the appearance of separate things is just a "deceitful show" of the senses.

The Enlightened Self - A Description Of Your Existential Nature This is about cultivating a conceptual framework to move forward The one that thinks it lives inside the skull, the humunculous. What is the true self? Pure transparent empty awareness Presence is another term Another term is spirit. Spirit in the old languages means breathe, air or wind. You are the container of all of existence, it's like an unboundaried container. It has no shape form or physical location. You are not the things being seen, you are the empty expanse. It has no shape, it has not location, it has no contours, Nothing ever experienced is not a thing, except consciousness, which is no thing, infinitely. A mistake of pursuing nothingness is the pursuit of the location of nothingness. Dead Ends Stop looking for you as an object. Stop trying to see or feel yourself. Stop trying to locate yourself. Open yourself to the possibility that you are not a human being. You are not an object Final truths Nothing is hidden

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #76 Sat May 2 '26 This journal is going to turn into something completely different. My job is to go Further. And further and further and further. I will not edit what I am saying. I am going to just continue to write until I found out the Truth or reality. My father's energy is so neurotic and gripping, his energy is suffocating, it feels as if I am being choked out by his presence. He is so far in his mind and he gets no peace. The more he is in my life, the harder it is going to become to become Enlightened. This man has been a thorn in my side for a very long time to be honest with you. I cannot blame him for my lack of Awakening but he surely has not helped. I just got out of heart surgery and he wants to visit me tomorrow and Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday. I don't want him to visit me on any of those days, I truly don't. All I want to do is go home and read books and rest. I don't want to see him AT ALL. He has got to be the most neurotic and in his own head ( which means completely disconnected from his Heart) person I have ever met. And of course he is my father. Lucky me... I feel bad feeling like this, I really do. I wish I could grab him out of his manic and scatterbrained head and bring him into a higher consciousness state but there's nothing I can do, he is too far gone. His presence right in this moment is already annoying me, he won't sit down, he's pacing around the room, and doing this thing where he nods to himself, imagining a conversation in his own head. I guess this is a good example of how my life could have turned out if I never shifted my awareness from the mind into the Heart. Now I have to deal with him for another 4 days, I am going to do my best to just be in my own zone while he's here, reading my own books and things of that nature. I'll probably eat a meal with him and then head to the porch to read and journal. I can't wait for this 8 week period in which I get to be without work and I can just work on my contemplations. I will not let one person ruin my vibe. The truth is that I don't need him anymore. Well that's not entirely true... I do sometimes need him for money. That is a whole different can of worms, why can I not get a handle on my finances? This stresses me out greatly. I will have to deal with this if I am going to live a happy and successful life. Anyways, let's get to Truth work, what is True? It is true that I am experiencing things in this moment. And who is I? I am me. I am this body. This awareness. Are you awareness or the body, which one is it? I am awareness. So you are not the body? No, I am just awareness, pure awareness. And what exactly does that mean? That means that I have the capacity and the capability to experience things in this life. Does that mean that you will stop having this capacity once you die? You did just say "in this life.." no, I believe that this awareness will continue because if I am aware is the Truth of the universe, the one and only Truth, then I may be that forever and ever. But how do you know that? Why can't you be aware in this life while you are alive and then it just ends when the body decays? (My dad is like a leech, when I open the door slightly, he barges in and sprawls his entire body onto the floor, filling up the entire room so that there is no room to breathe.) Yeah, I guess my awareness could end once I die. I mean why can't that be the case? But then what's left once you die then? Is it just Nothingness and if so then what is Nothingness? Or is it just an empty void? Is it Heaven? And how could I possibly know what is going to happen once I die? Cuz Im not dead! What does it mean to die? When I die my body will decay, it is going to be sent into the ground. My spirit will leave my body. My heart will stop working. My brain will not think any longer. But what does that even mean? A spirit leaving the body? What even is spirit? And is the brain connected to truth? How about the heart? What does that got to do with Truth? (My dad is also incredibly controlling. Don't control me ever. No one likes to be controlled. I need to stay away from this toxic person's energy as best as I can. What a controlling and manipulative and selfish person. My mom always leaves the room when my dad is present and it's probably because she can't stand his energy.) Honestly, I don't know. Death is a concept that baffles me. How is it possible to know about something that isn't here yet? I don't know, that's a good point. How could I possibly know about death? All I've experienced is being alive... All I remember is being alive, therefore that is what I'm in touch with. Well let's dive into that a bit further... You are basing that off of a memory that you have in your head. Is there anything real about a memory? Well, it did happen to this human body, I went through pre school and then kindergarten and then 1st grade, so these memories must be valid, right? I wouldn't be so sure. If you are pure awareness, does a memory have anything to do with pure awareness? No and as a matter of fact, a memory takes you out of pure awareness and into your own mind, in which you are no longer experiencing Truth. The problem is that I have a self image of myself, I have a personal history, I have a family and friends and a job. Are we confirming that this is all a complete fabrication and has NOTHING to do either Truth? If pure awareness is all that there is, that is the Truth, then yes, that is what we're saying. You don't exist at all, it is all a fabrication made up in your head, completely made up and imaginary. Hold on a minute though... What are you talking about, why is everyone in on it then, I have loved ones all around me that care deeply about me, they know me as Ben, the dance instructor, the sweet guy. And they have identities as well, my boss is named Yvette, my best friend Paul, my mother Jane.. are we saying that they are not real either. Yes, that is exactly what we are saying.. Hold on a minute, I still don't understand this, I am looking at a picture right next to me of me and my family, that man right there that I am looking at is Ben, how can you deny that? He is Ben, I just know it. He grew up in a small town in East Hampton, CT, parents are divorced, good at sports, has a heart condition and an overprotective father. But that's not truth.... Huh? Not Truth with a capital T. And like I get it, I get what your saying, if pure awareness is all that there is within reality, then that means everything else must be bullshit, right? But how do you know that these things aren't true? Also if I buy into this Truth thing, then what am I going to do about my aspirations to be a world champion dancer? There would be no one to even receive the reward because I am imaginary. This is really boggling my mind.. Let's take this back to the fact that Pure Awareness is all that there is... How can I be so sure about that? Because other things seem true, like coca cola stock is 77$ that is just a fact, the earth is a sphere, 1+1 =2, etc. and also, how is EVERYONE deluded? Every single person on this Earth thinks they are someone, yet they are in fact NO ONE. How does that make any sense? Why are we all so blind? And if this really is true, what kind of psychopath created this world? Why does it even exist at all? Why not just have nothing? Everywhere I look is people with their egos. But how can I blame them? As soon as they popped out of the womb, they were given an identity, why would they think anything else? Why would they even question what's true? And what kind of twisted world is this? Feeling our youth lies and on top of that, we're not even aware of the lies that we are speaking, and how could we be? This takes intense contemplation and intense hand holding and guidance to come out of this dream we have put ourselves in. I am still struggling to truly grasp this though, it's like it does make sense, it really truly does, but that means I'd have to admit that myself along with everyone else is lying to themselves and has been their entire lives. But of course, we are lying to ourselves, each and every one of us. We are all in on this cosmic joke of a material world. And how has so few people woken up this fact? Also, how am I going to truly get out of this mess that I've put myself in. 10 years of spirituality work and I am finally starting to understand just what it takes to get there, just what it takes, not actually getting there. I understand now that I am no one, that everyone including me has concocted a personal story with a self image and an ego that has a personality and is good and bad at things. Everyone has an identity. And this is false. Completely false. It's a complete lie. See I can say that, but I still don't experience it, I still think I'm me, I still think I'm Ben. How do I EXPERIENCE this Truth? That I don't know. And this means that The Truth for all of my friends and co workers is the same thing, that of pure Awareness, their self image and self concept is not real yet they think that it's real. But these are real entities, right? Like I'm thinking about my co worker right now, I know him by Christian, whenever I think about him I am filled with joy, I want nothing but success for him. And he is not me nor am I him. However, the Truth is that his self image or self concept completely fabricated. The only thing that's real is what he experiences.