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Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #78 ~ Tues May 5 '26 ~ 9:13 AM What is true? Pure Awareness is true. And that's it. Everything outside of it is false. Of course things can be relatively true, like the thoughts going on in my head, those are relative truths, what are my desires, etc. they are true in a sense, but Absolute Truth is that pure awareness is all that there is. Which means pure awareness if everywhere. It is in the ground. It is on Saturn. It is on my head, it is out there in the air, everywhere because it is Truth with a capital T. Anything outside of it is false. What does this insight do for me and my life? Nothing really, I just know that life is a game now and it doesn't really matter what I do. So I should do whatever I want. And I shouldn't care what others think about me. Because there is no me to uphold, no self image to speak of. So live your life the way you want to. I gotta say, that is liberating stuff and truly paradigm shifting. People love me in a relatively sense, they love the character of Ben and there's nothing wrong with that. But.. there is no actually character named ben. That is what's fake and fictional. Just like there is no jane (my mom) everyone that I know is not real, meaning they are made up and fake. I mean they're real like they are still an entity or an organism or a human being in a relative sense, for sure but at its core, the universe is made up of Nothingness which equates to Pure Awareness which goes on forever and ever. Where am I going with all of this? What is it going to do to me? You know what I don't care. I want the truth even if it kills me. And I think it has to. I will have to give up all attachments, all person histories, etc. What I don't understand is I am starting to get this and how it works, but I'm not enlightened. When does the enlightenment kick in. What do I have to do? I just drove down something that is true so where do I go from here, where is the enlightenment? Where is the no self. I want a reward for all of this work! I don't know I mean I think you're missing the experience of it, you are getting a glimpse of what it would be like to live in a non dual realm, but that doesn't mean that you've even stepped foot in it. Okay, well then how do I step foot into this realm? You don't want to is the thing. Fuck you, yes I do, tell me what I should do to take the first step into nonduality. Dualities are required in the world so that we can make distinctions. It is necessary in order to communicate and survive as a human being. But in reality, these dualities are made up of the same thing, which is pure awareness or nothingness, that is what they are at their core. You need to start understanding the difference between relative and Absolute Truth. I have been researching non duality as of late because I realize that understanding it is what it takes to become Enlightend and enter the no dual realm. Basically, we have created dualities between things, like black and white, up and down, left and right, 1 and 2, etc. in order to make distinctions and therefore survive as a culture or as a society. For example, lets actually take this to a purely survival level, I need to understand the difference between a lion and a house cat. If I did not, then this would be terribly bad for my survival mechanism. Therefore, if I am going to survive within this human form, I need distinctions, I need to understand relative truths. This is an important aspect of life, and this cannot be overstated. Be don't transcend dualities, but we understand that there is a higher level, I higher stakes game, in which there are no dualities, black and white are made up of the same thing, up and down is the same thing, love and hate is the same thing, etc.... Now begs the question, how the fuck do I get there? Unsure at the moment, thats what I'm missing, but the awareness that I have now is a good start. Given this new knowledge, how are you going to change your behaviors moving forward. Firstly, I am going to start pointing out the dualities within the world when I see them. Lets just start with awareness of them. (I am good at socializing and not making things awkward. My mom is terrible in social situations. Its as if she is ALWAYS uncomfortable to be in them, there is never a desire for her to connect to the person across from her.. unless she knows them very well. I don't understand this very well because I am a reserved and shy person, but also very socially calibrated and ADORE people, I LOVE making connections.) (Is this because of her upbringing or is this just how shes always been wired? Unsure. I guess it doesn't really matter.) This video represents me pursuing enlightenment. IT IS going to cost me EVERYTHING. Everything that I know and hold dear to my heart has to be cassed away in favor of a completely new paradigm or view of reality. And I want it, I want it more than sex, I want it more than money, I want it more than a house, I want it more than six pack abs, I want it more than becoming a world champion dancer. I just have to find out the TRUTH. Where is this journey taking me? And at what cost to the people that I love. I ahve experienced SO MUCH love from everybody that is within my circle. Do I really need to let the m go? I dont want to. Also, how long is this going to take? I feel like it is going to take as long as it needs to. You are on the perfect journey for yourself. I am starting to realize that I won't want the stressful and hectic job of running a studio. At least not long term. I am eventually going to get burnt out and need to hit the reset button. I can't wait to have a house with a pool. I can have a dog that I go on walks with, lots of them. I can have a girl for a small section of time that I enjoy intimacy with. But I want truth. Why does it have to be a small portion of time with a girl and not forever? Because NO ONE is going to go down the path that I'm going down. NOBODY is going to understand. Therefore, I can't keep a woman around forever. I have always been a free spirit, a head in the clouds type, and this is what I want. But is this label of being a "free spirit" is this really just a facade, is this imaginary? Or is that TRULY part of my personality? What do you think? I mean we all have personalities, right? So mine can be a certain way just like everyone elses is different. The difference I would like to point out is that you acting like a free spirit to fulfill an egoic image or is that your objective view of Bens personality? Which one is it? Why does no body want to talk about death? Why are we so afraid of it? Because it's unknown. And we fear truth. That is what I fear the most. But it's also what I want the most. That's the paradox of it. So what's it gonna be then God? Are you going to let me have it or allow my fear to win this war? It's really up to you man, I've got no stake in this fight, believe me. What are you talking about? You were just saying that you'd jump into the water and stab a whale in devdevotion to the pursuit of truth. How long is this going to take? Can I become enlightened in 3 years? 7 months? 2 years? 5? The question is how long do you want the journey to last? That's the only question you need to ask yourself. Oh.... Okay, that was easy. I think my mom is a little bitch to be honest. Why can't she act like she owns the place in her own home? She's afraid to die. Doesn't want to deal with that. That's a huge paradigm shift that you need to go through if you are going to enter Human Adulthood as Jed Mckenna describes it. I know for an absolute FACT that I cannot settle down with a girl until I become Enlightened. And honestly I don't even know if I want somebody else in my life to begin with. Honesty and that's not me being scared. When I ready spriritual warfare, jed is wandering around aimlessly without a care in the world, that's what I want to experience. That peacefulness. That playfulness. Will I get this if I have family with kids and a wife? No, no fuckin shot. Once I am enlightened though, maybe just maybe I'll want to come back and settle down. I know I don't really want to write books. But I do love to dance. I love it so much. However long I last here it is just a blessing that I've been able to experience it. I can feel it in the air. What am I to do now? Should I continue to watch nonduality videos? I know that this road only has one ending, but I actually have a lot of time to pursue what I want. Were you expecting it to be easy? Were you expecting heart surgery to be a cake walk, without much effort you could allow your body to recover? No! Of course not! I am doing so well right now because I already put the time in. What do I do when I have a sexual desire? Should I always bottle it up? Or should I let it out? I truthfully don't enjoy sexual pursuits of women. But at the same time, I absolutely adore their beauty and energy. You can enjoy her energy without actually pursuing her romantically, you are aware of that are you not? All you want is to authentically express while around women. That is essentially it. And your job is pushing you to do exactly that . And as a matter of fact, you have to express with her, not without her. Good job on that.

I recently had some realizations similar to what Rupert Spira talks about. The general nonduality stuff that maybe a lot of people here find mundane compared to higher states of consciousness, Eternity, Awareness, Presence, Etc. Nothing actually happened really, just this profound peace, and these other facets that where obscured until I paid attention to them. But why is reality so beautiful? Every form fills me with mystery and awe, even the idea of a smelly dumpster is profound and miraculous and mysterious. Everything just drips with beauty, it feels fundamental to existence, not just an opinion. Every color and shape combination is just beautiful to me, whether it's people, clouds, stars, RAM, deodorant, candles, cracked roads, the bug bites on my thighs, etc. Why does everything seem so beautiful? What is Beauty?

@Wilhelm44 I have been following his teachings for a long while, I have seen people come and go and most people aren´t speaking out, because of the NDA signed. For example Allison never spoke out and I even tried to dm her asking whats up with the whole Bentinho situation, but most of the people that left kept silent. Also Jocelyne is kind of moving on in silence around all of this. She commented on this youtube video and when you look at the comment section, you see how she wants this to be removed from the internet as it was a painful period for her. She seems to have moved on. Neither is she taking part of this insta@guru serie. I think that its quite obvious that Bentinho is doing some weird stuff, even if he had an awakening, he is then a zen devil or he is just straight up a psychopath. I have seen too many of his videos that I can tell you there is atleast something very very off with him, listen to one of his videos and listen how he talks with so much arrogance and almost like he looks down on you when he is talking, he belittles people, interupts them, shout at them, makes fun of them and you could say "belittling peoples ego", but even if that was the case, we are still ego, we are still human, that doesn't mean we have to withstand his endless commentary in the name of spirituality. Like your just a stupid student and he is the holier then thou guru. And as many popes, priests etc. who have portrayed themself as holier then thou, have done behind the scenes allot of weird stuff, due to all of this suppression. Now things coming out about Deepak aswell, makes me not trust any of these gurus. You got to rely on your own path and not be too dependent on teachers, as they are flawed, just as every human is flawed. Also makes you rethink the real value of enlightenment teachings, because there are allot of issues with learning and especially teaching nonduality, its a topic that needs to be treated very carefully with the realisation that there are endless ways this can do harm for both students and teachers. Starting with the supression of the human side and only thinking that consciousness matters, what easily leads to supression and then coming out in either the epstein files like Deepak Chopra or being a rapist like Bentinho, well, that is not really a role model if you think about it hahaha.

Is Anyone Really In Control? The Illusion Of You #freddavis #nonduality #awakeness #awakening The waving of the hands has an I that claims to wave the hands. This is Indra's net which is the totality of emptiness. Look for the 'me' who is doing the action, is a fools errand as the fundament of all experience is oneness/consciousness. The 'I' that claims that it is doing it feels that it is doing it, the reality is, the oneness is doing it and everything else is just the conceptual framework/ego attempting to claim it.

I remember watching Bentinho teach nonduality to a small class of older people when he was like 18. Dude was quite something. I see he's 38 now. Must be a bit strange waking up so early.

Who told you you are "eternal consciousness"? You're not infinite my friend. You would have to be deluded to believe that. In most nonduality circles, they'll tell you "you" do not exist, which is much closer to the truth than that. Infinity and eternity belong to God. You are a limited, finite human being. But the possibility is to realize that the whole framework is non-existent. No, this is not what he wants. Does an adult with cancer want to have cancer? As an individual, we do not have total control of our realities, because God exists and His Will supersedes ours. Why He does what He does is beyond our understanding.

Here's a good way to grasp 'something = nothing'. When one is dreaming, everything in that dream seems 100% real, yes? But what is the substance of that reality? It's Consciousness/Mind. Which is nothing. The substance of a dream is nothing. Nonduality, something and nothing are the same thing. Another way of looking at it, is really is there is no such thing as 'nothing'. God is everything, the only thing there is. There cannot be anything outside of God. God is Consciousness. God is infinite. There is only God, for eternity. So there can't be a 'nothing', as nothing would be outside of God.

Please ignore this previous post (quoted above). EDIT: I have since noted many inconsistencies in my that post, where I asserted that "Only the Infinite can fully know Itself." But I have since come to the conclusion that no knower can fully know themselves, which is more consistent with radical nonduality. Following is my correction: The Infinite and Finite cannot fully know themselves: To fully know itself, a knower falls into the self-modelling problem of infinite regress, because to know Itself it needs to include its model of its self, which needs to include its model, which needs to include its model, and so on...leading to infinite regress. Similar to self-modelling problem, Halting's self-prediction problem also prevents self-knowledge. To predict itself, the program would need to simulate itself — but that simulation is itself running, which needs to be simulated, which needs to be simulated... For the Infinite knower, the regress is amplified — Cantor generates larger infinities at each step. Self-description always generates something larger than the container (Cantor’s theorem). Any attempt at self-description generates a larger infinity than the original. For the finite knower, failure happens immediately due to information capacity problem as it can't hold that much information. Aside from Cantor’s theory, another theory explains why the knower cannot know itself. A set of type n can only contain members of type n-1 (Russell’s type theory). So a set cannot contain itself because it would need to be both type n and type n-1 simultaneously.

Spacetime itself can physically be infinite and eternal. So there is no need to "invent" something new to contain spacetime. (In fact, current evidence of the universe spacetime indicates it is infinite (flat spatially) and eternal into the future (though not in the past)) You also say "I'm perfectly conscious how my current "human experience" transcends space and time". It would be interesting for you to show us how, because by definition, humans are contained within spacetime. Unless you have come up with your own physics model. If you want to discuss this from a nondual perspective, it is not the human or person that attains freedom. Read more on radical nonduality (e.g Jim Newman, Kenneth Madden, Alexis Knight, etc...).

I listened to Osho fervently for years, I didn't find out he was a perv cultist until after I got tired of him, but here's the best tip I got from him, from his book of secrets - Do not move your eyes. If you keep them still, you can turn everything you see into one solid block. That's nonduality. It's amazing that nobody just lays it out this clearly if they already have it but here it is. I was walking in central park when I had my first "oh shit, awakening is real" experience. I was in a meditative-like trance from walking 5+ miles and when I stopped moving my eyes, I saw all of the reality in front of me as a horizontal flame of light, like an unsheathing of God's sword. The best way I can explain it is my field of view slightly increased, I was acutely aware of the edges/ blackness surrounding my visual field and the strange loop or NONLOCALITY of experience became obvious. The "turn it into a solid" comes from Fred Davis - sometimes it's difficult to distinguish noise from real truth with him but that was the most instantly awakening pointer I've ever heard, as well as the "keep your eyes still" tip. If you keep your eyes still constantly around other people you'll look like a weirdo, so make sure to just do it in your private/meditative time.

Why would it be impossible for God to create other minds? I’ve seen some people argue from a solipsistic perspective that God cannot truly create “others,” and can only create the illusion of others within himself. The reasoning seems to be that if God is the only absolute consciousness, then anything that exists would necessarily exist within God’s own being. If that’s the case, then other minds wouldn’t be genuinely independent, they would just be appearances in God’s consciousness. But I don’t see why this follows. If God is omnipotent, why would it be impossible for God to create genuinely distinct conscious agents? Even if they depend on God for their existence, that doesn’t seem to imply they are merely illusions within God. So my question is: what is the logical contradiction in God creating real “others”? Is the claim that it’s impossible actually justified, or is it just an assumption coming from a particular metaphysical view (like solipsism or nonduality)? Curious how people here think about this.

"we’re pointing to the same thing" Both of you are pointing to the same something that has nothing to do with enlightenment or nonduality. The illusion is so seductive it keeps the mind enchanted with states of non-aging, such as the one you're describing where the brain doesn't grow out of its childhood innocence. In fact there are many experiments now being done to prevent aging in the brain. And what is the most seductive characteristic of heaven, if not the fact that we don't age there, therefore remain in the constant state of childhood bliss. With such possibilities, why would anyone care about finding the end of the illusion? The issue is that it is only when the soul matures enough that it realizes that no state or condition is perfect--there will always be some flaw, something missing. Then the question of how arises. But there is no how or why to the Timeless. Any action doesn't bring you any closer to or farther away from the Absolute, because all there is is the Absolute.

What you're describing is a mental transformation--a change in your relationship to your thoughts. This is all in the world of relativity. Enlightenment is the dissolution of relativity back into the Absolute. With that, it's revealed that This is just the Absolute appearing as the relative. For more, read about/watch radical nonduality (Jim Newman, Kenneth Madden, Alexis Knight, etc..).

If that’s true it’s because there’s a you present in thoughtless experience that knows it’s having a thoughtless experience. Even though a you is only possible as a thought thing, and not a not thought thing, in this conception. It’s like the concept known as nonduality. Nonduality cannot be a thing known , because nonduality is not a thing.

Sounds like a nice trip. How much do you plan to increase your dosage by per trip? Be careful, how deep a mushroom trip goes increases a lot at higher doses, and they can get a little twisted (as in, your ego might start to get quite scared when you start to experience full nonduality) at dosages of 3.5g+. Great for understanding consciousness and Awakening, though, when you get past the fear. My previous understanding of reality got absolutely shattered at a dose of 3.5g.

Yeah you are presenting solipsism, but the problem is there is no one mind having one experience. There are many minds, each with its separate experience. You and I cannot be the Infinite Mind because we are not "located nowhere and everywhere" and also we are separate. Each one of us has a different experience. You can say we are configurations or parts of the Infinite Mind, but surely we are not the Infinite Mind, by definition. And in quantum mechanics, there is a consistent theory that describes how many minds emerged from One Mind or Infinite Mind. Since you said "Science has not and cannot ever prove there are multiple minds". There is the Hugh Everett's Many Minds interpretation, that states when a quantum event happens, minds branch off to experience their possible outcome. One mind becomes many minds, each unaware of the others, each experiencing a different outcome — but all equally real. (And there was a missing piece: why doesn't the observer see a superposition of all these outcomes simultaneously when the branching happens? Decoherence theory answers this by showing that when a quantum system interacts with its environment — air molecules, photons, your brain — the superposition effectively stops being coherent. The different possibilities stop interfering with each other and behave like separate, independent classical outcomes.) Anyways, I just brought this up as a valid theory in quantum mechanics that states multiple minds exist. So these minds exist and they all emerged from One Mind (which you can call God--the first Mind, Originator of all other minds). If you were to relate this to nonduality, you would say that the Self is the wavefunction which is whole and undivided. There's also another interpretation (Bohm's implicate order) that states many observers are locally unfolded expressions of the same undivided consciousness, appearing at different space and timepoints. So here you have multiple minds again.

It isn't actually possible to 'delete' or erase the ego. I think it is foolish to think one can do this. All that happens is the we cling or identify to something new to replace the old that we think we erased. Spirituality becomes the new ground. Nonduality becomes the new ground to replace XXX. God-consciousness replaces nonduality etc etc ad infinitum. The 'ego-less' individuals I have met have been unconscious to the biggest and more detrimental egos I have ever encountered.

I've thought for awhile now that nonduality knows consciousness is everything but has no idea what consciousness IS.

Are you saying that after your 30 day 5-MeO retreat, during which God showed you how to love ever more deeply, and during which there was even a period when you were no longer able to close the singularity pulling you in during your sleep, you then went on to do another 90-day 5-MeO retreat?? And during that retreat, you did realize even more radical things, what you call something 'way beyond human nonduality'? Are you going to lay out these insights for us, or explain the implications of your realizations? After all, you seem to be the first human being to have accomplished something this radical.

Look I appreciate that, but thats not my main issue. I have some unhinged posts (not as unhinged as what you said, but still unhinged), but thats just one thing. A much bigger issue is being unhinged and then thinking that you were perfectly justified in being that unhinged and then combining that with using a plausible deniability tactic later when pushed on it and reframing things in a way thats dishonest given all the context of a given case. For instance you didnt ban flyboy because you had the wellbeing and the development of others in mind, you banned that person mainly because you were angry and you had an outburst like all people time to time. I don’t think Flyboy did anything particularly exceptional in that thread, that people who strongly disagree with you on spiritual matters don’t usually engage in. You had to edit that post to give a false explanation why you did what you did, and you also had to edit it because you included the sentence "If you try corrupt my teachings, I will fucking kill you". https://www.reddit.com/r/nonduality/comments/11xndwf/is_this_enlightenment/ You just layed down your rhetorical tactic in front of us in this thread - if an apology is given to strategically avoid drama and not because you genuinely think you engaged in a behavior that you shouldnt have engaged in - then that perfectly explains why you always fall back on a general tendency and it isnt just about your personality, but it is about what you genuinely believe in and about how you see the world and other people. Like you thinking more about "Look I dont give a fuck about any of this human drama shit, can we move the fuck on? Let me think about what behavior should I engage in and what I need to explicitly say and how I should pretend that im sorry, so that I can reach and realize my goals on this forum and avoid drama the most effective way" rather than having an internal dialogue driven by your conscience like "Where did I actually fuck up and did I actually engage in an unfair treatment, do I really think that I fucked up somewhere and if where and how and how can I change that?" As others have already layed down, you seem to have this general tendency in how you approach things and how you think about others and how you seem to look down on others. And the story that you tell about it how thats not the case and how you dont feel superior just simply doesnt match the general tendency that you outplay. You value intelligence a lot, probably the most, given you take it that intelligence is whats needed for understanding and in your model intelligence is just how much consciousness you have. And given that you take it that you had orders of magnitude higher consciousness than any other being in the Universe, you dont even look at yourself as a human anymore and you almost take it like you belong to a completely new and different species. There isnt any single instance where spiritual disagreement with others isn't automatically interpreted by you as them lacking intelligence rather than as them being equal and there being a genuine disagreement or as them offering something that you dont know or lack. Given the lack of behavior change (your natural tendency is to fall back on a particular behavior over and over again even if your skill to consciously overwrite it gets slightly better over time) and how hard it is for you to change that and how you need to exert consciously a lot of power to no want to look at forum users as just some incredibly stupid pigs and rats, it makes me think you do actually deep down think that everyone other than you is just like that. And the reason probably why you say you dont is to strategically and consciously avoid drama and to calm people down when they get offended by not just what you explicitly call them , but by your general treatment of them. For instance, you almost always end almost all disagreements with "You dont understand what im saying, im more awake than you, I wont explain this to you cause you wont get it" etc. All this stuff about behavior change feels more like about being a strategic tactic to do things more effectively to reach and actualize your goals and feels much less about you having a deep conscience driven desire to change because you genuinely think that you fucked up and you genuinely think and belive that other people are not below you. Improving your behavior feels more about improving your ability to actualize and reach your goals, than about having an internal desire to become a better person.

It's different in that a much deeper consciousness of God is reached. God is realized more and more deeply, to shocking levels. Such stunning levels of God are realized that nonduality looks like child's play. Nondualists cannot even imagine these degrees of God exist.

Leo claims to have gone beyond nonduality but can't explain HOW is awakening is different from nonduality. This can either trigger you, inspire you or just make you curious myself I'm curious

It's what he knows, he never got into the psychedelics and nonduality stuff. So for him God is his people and offering value to them and he doesn't see issue from learning from the deep wisdom of the bible while still having a more hedonistic sex life. Which I agree with. Also I double checked the watch appreciation on Gemini, if he has a Patek it'll probably double in value over the next 10 years. There aren't many investments that make more sense as both a networking tool and appreciating asset. Depending on the market you're buying in, it's a better asset than a house.

Yes. Infinity is literally unknowable. It is too profound to be known. If it could be known, it would be finite, which by definition it isn't. That's why mysticism is technically true. If it could be known then it wouldn't be mystical. All explanations are conceptual and finite. You need duality for explanation to exist. So nonduality cannot have an explanation. That's why the sage sits in silence. Stunned silence is the final answer.

Nonduality is obviously correct, but it shouldn't ignore the Divine Attributes discovered by western mysticism. also @Azrael deeply understood psychedelics and how to use them in service of real liberation . The GOAT.