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Hey then what was all that "ignorance is bliss" crap?

Understand that there is realer better deeper than this. Check out, wake up. No sweat though - take your time. Spin you wheels, lick your lips, build castles in the sand. Ignorance is bliss when that's what one knows.

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

Started March 7th. Two sits a day, started around 30 min to now mostly 80 to 90 minutes each. I'm somewhere in the back half of First Kriya. Yoni Mudra stable at 90 seconds, Kechari, Maha Mudra, Navi Kriya, full Pranayama stack. The first three months were one of the ugliest stretches of my adult life. Nobody told me this part. So here it is. What actually came up An ex I hadn't thought about in months surfaced like she lived in my chest. Grief that doubled me over. A "I am fundamentally unlovable" core wound I didn't know I was carrying showed up around session 10 and sat on me for weeks. Refused to mute her on Instagram even though I knew I should. Dreamt she married a prince and I watched it through stories. That's the level of subconscious sludge the breath drags up. 4am wakings with my heart pounding for no reason. Sleep got worse before it got better. Samskaras process at night. Hulk level rage at my family. I'm talking visualizations of killing people I love. Then immediately the broadcast samskara fired. I went and told a friend the detail because part of me wanted credit for the catharsis. Caught myself only because I was reporting to a coach. Spontaneous body convulsions during Yoni Mudra. Gag reflex from vagus activation. The "verge of exploding and dying" feeling before the bliss door opens. A non-dual experience on a beach where I merged with everything. Woman, dog, ocean, no separation, weeping at the beauty. Followed within hours by a full ego reconstruction panic attack at 4am. I posted about the beach experience on Instagram and texted a friend a screenshot of my own insight before deleting both. That's the loop. Insight, broadcast, identity, pressure to perform, anxiety, shame. It runs in pickup, it runs in spirituality, it runs everywhere. Around session 92 I had a long conversation with a British woman earlier in the day. She left. Hours later I'm standing outside a cheesecake shop in India and she comes back. Says "hi friends," and jumps into my arms and starts weeping uncontrollably. Not crying. Weeping like something inside her had been waiting a year to come out. I held her. Took her to the side. Said "it's okay, it's okay, cry." Started breathing with her, our stomachs touching, for about 10 minutes. She stopped. I sat her down with the cheesecake and said "feel the wetness on your face, the sadness, the sorrow, it's so fucking pleasurable." She broke into laughing hysterics and we ended up laughing together. I walked her toward my place and decided not to bring her up. Gave her a hug. Didn't take her number. Closed loop. And right after, I felt the structural pull of how spiritual leaders become sexual predators. I felt it from inside. Regulated nervous system plus vulnerable seeker plus intense bonding plus projection of divinity equals the exact circuit. I understood Lahiri's rule against organizations in my body for the first time. That's the level of clarity Kriya gives you about your own potential darkness. A few days before session 101 I had another one. Deep conversation, very fast. Dating, sexuality, consciousness, silent presence. She cried during it. I felt the pull, decided not to pursue. Didn't message her. Then a few days later I'm sitting in a cafe working, and she walks in. Says "hey" passing me, sits with another guy. Five minutes later she leaves him, comes over to me, makes small talk about her foot healing for five minutes, says "I need to go, I'll see you again," and goes back to the guy. While she's leaving the cafe she shouts "Bye Hari!" across the whole restaurant. I was sitting with an American friend at the time. My nervous system went into the floor. Day-long fear spike. Mind bombarding with guilt, shame, worry, every possible angle. Sexual energy uncontainable, pulsations streaming up and down my body. That night I woke up hallucinating. My laptop became a boat. There was a crocodile trapped at the bottom of the boat. A lizard popped out of it crawling along the keyboard. Hypnopompic paralysis, couldn't move, just watching it. I didn't message her. Didn't post. Didn't go looking for her. Brought it to a coach instead of acting on any of it. Social collapse. Couldn't look people in the eyes. Couldn't smile naturally. Parvastha bleeding into daily life so much I stopped wanting to talk to anyone. Watching girls on the beach instead of approaching, half witnessing, half avoiding, mostly avoiding. Sloth states after sessions. Lying down "thinking" for an hour. Stopped sessions to write poems. Tried to do three sits in a day. Went over the timer constantly. The mind dresses up self sabotage as creativity, as devotion, as "deepening." Crying as cathartic relief, not pain. That's the good version. The bad version is hell/bliss oscillation inside the same retention. Pure terror, then pure love, every 8 seconds, for 80 minutes. You don't get to leave the seat. This is not a hobby. It's a controlled demolition of the self you walked in with. If you have unfinished business with a parent, an ex, your ambition, your specialness, it is coming up, on the practice's schedule, not yours. The bliss is real. The "I am" state is real. But the path runs straight through every wound you've spent twenty years arranging your life to avoid feeling. Sit twice a day. Don't post about it. Don't make it your identity. Don't join the course. Don't tell people how deep you went. Get a coach or a friend who will call you on your shit. It is worth it. It is not pretty.

@AerisVahnEphelia I tnever saw any trauma in him or longing for dead. It was the opposite. He was probably in a constant bliss state after his ayahuasca experience 5 years ago. since then he was tripping 24/7, had still incredible physiqe, a lot of girls and a mission. For me connor murphy was in a power state all the time and more happy than a normal human can experience in his normal life. And he wanted us to show that through his videos that he is free of all fears, even the fear of death.

Right now, I have no wounds whatsoever. It felt painful before awakening to my true nature and during the process. But those were healed as awareness crept in—I could sense how the pain subsided. I did not have to heal myself—the higher level of consciousness did that for me. And I remember how much pain I was in before starting to meditate: Toxic shame, insecurity, no discipline whatsoever, and unable to keep a basic job. I was addicted to social media, junk food, weed, and so forth. All that had to go away, or my life would have been ruined. While it is true that I sacrificed my ego and other forms of pleasure, that doesn't mean I lost something. Because the bliss of awareness is much more enjoyable than anything in the world or of the ego. I'm not saying that all people should do what I did; I am only saying that force was necessary sometimes, and that it's no easy game to overcome the ego. And the way I see it now is that it's not a tragedy or something bad that happened to me. I see it as a little bit of ego an struggle. That's it. And that's true, Elliott. For some people, because they struggle with heavy mental health issues, they will experience horrible side effects as a result of meditating. But they can be transcended and eventually healed. I went through that because I come from both families with harsh intergenerational trauma. My grandfather committed suicide.

Your brain gets high, then eventually crashes, because your biology isn't meant to stay different from its baseline. (That said, I think most people aren't actually living at their baseline. Anytime you're using drugs or are possessed by memetics or "spooks" (Stirner), you're basically sick and "on drugs.") There is no reason to meditate. It's almost like trying to get high from weed without actually smoking it. Meditation is completely useless. (Then again, everything is, so if you find it fun, go for it. I just wouldn't expect to find a lasting state of bliss that comes for free.) My theory is that your brain enters a kind of survival mode, similar to the adrenaline response during a fight, and after a while you experience a high. It's like the brain injects a survival response into the system because it doesn't know how to process what's happening. That said, there might be a good reason to meditate. The only way to know is to do it and find out.

A glimpse into truth doesn't fix an unstable ego. It can start the process of fixing it. But it doesn't automatically fix itself. A radical experience can leave a lasting imprint and cause what seems like serenity on the surface, and it can also cause a radical neurotic and obsessive bungee smack. Bipolar mania has many of the signs of neurosis and obsession, that you get hyper-fixated on certain things and it seems extremely profound, but there is also a restlessness and resistance. A manic person who is not resisting is just in bliss, their mind is silent, where does the energy go? To create bliss. That's especially how kundalini awakening can either cause immense bliss or immense contraction and not coincidentally mania. You're just upping the energy levels. How you deal with it, how reactive your ego is or self-fueled it is, that's what dictates whether it's chaotic and difficult or calm and pleasant. A subtle nuance is that your mind could probably still be "psychotic" while being in a non-dual state, but that would have to be in the realm of thought content ("thought disorder") rather than immense contraction and the associated restlessness, neurosis, perhaps more in the direction of schizophrenia than bipolar mania (although both see worsening of symptoms under elevated stress and energy levels). Like you could imagine someone who has immense calm but their mind is simply computing things quite differently than other people.

Hey y'all This is going to be my new journal on my new account. I left the old acc because I didn't like my username. Let me introduce myself first. My name is Sincerity and I'm from Poland. [image removed] ^ This is me! I'm currently ??? years old. I'm admittedly young but I hope you can see me beyond my age, for what I am I've been on this forum for more than 3 years and until now I've (kinda) held my identity a secret. But lately I've had some realizations in regard to expressing myself more honestly and yeah. Here I am, being more open with you. Now you have a slightly better idea of who's behind the account. (Edit: Ironic haha. But it has to be this way. Everything ends.) I've been on the spiritual path for roughly 4-5 years now and I feel like I've had much progress. I definitely have many insights to share. But I'm still pretty much a beginner and I'm on the journey along with you. Try to keep up, because I feel like I'm growing pretty fast (this year has been insane for me so far, seriously!) I've been mulling over my important values for years and this is where I stand right now: I am primarily about goodness. I am about love. I am about bliss, wisdom, appreciation, responsibility, sincerity, curiosity, discipline and humility. I also really value humor and laughter. You might notice I'm often tongue-in-cheek in my posts I don't like posting very frequently and I'm still not sure what I will even be posting here but tell you what, it's going to come from a place of sincerity Love and have a great day ❤️

Very interesting, truly serious in his practice, and his descriptions of states of bliss are accurate and authentic. I'd like to be able to meditate for a whole day (not 5 months 😅), but for now it's impossible; my ego would start screaming at me to stop wasting my time right now. But in a couple of hours I can achieve a level of dissolution close to total. The thing is, automatically, when you begin meditating, your state changes to: there is no good or bad, no difference. Then your entire energetic structure relaxes immediately, and the boundaries of reality blur. You realize that you're creating barriers all the time with preference, which is inevitable and necessary, but it's essential to be able to deactivate this for a few minutes each day, even just one minute. The difference is total. When the barriers fall, reality becomes limitless. Then what is recognizes itself; nothing more is needed, no infinity, no god, no source, just what is. But there can be more, that is, mystical experience. The mystical experience is the opening to power, to the absolute source, to the sacred that vaporizes your psyche and, with just a fleeting glimpse, tells you: purify yourself. humble yourself. align yourself with the sacred. Then a process begins.

To transcend what you want to transcend to pursue what you want to pursue, this is what Leo wants to pursue. He's not pursuing 'bliss'. Ya *The need to accomplish what he's seeking. He's not on roids, studying linguistics, or living on a yacht or in a monastery. *the inability to entertain reactive criticism. Ya It's not normal, just not inherently 'bad' Make a video and post it, I'm sure Leo will study it. Yes I don't think that strategy is viable, because of the motivations and 'purpose'.

Why do you consider the Aghori to be particularly advanced people? They are like homeless monks. It's great to meditate and ponder the mysteries of the universe and bliss out on it and then you come back and you're still living your life. The dudes spent their whole life meditating I would hope they have had mystical experiences and are not super shocked by 5 meo. It's people that are able to take their high consciousness and help transform the world that really impress me personally, like Bryan Johnson. He loved 5 meo dmt so much he got it tattooed and is living his life daily to further humanity and our whole medical apparatus not just sit around in a tent doing nothing.

Drugs will not lead to a permanent state of nondual or unitary perception, known as nirvikalpa samadhi in sanskrit. It can help one to get a glimpse into higher states of consciousness with artificial means. However regular use of them instead of using meditation can lead to addiction to such drugs. Cravings for drugs actually create more vasanas or psychological impressions that strengthens duality rather than creating nonduality. Many crimes have been committed under the influence of drugs. The Nazis used drugs to stifle their sensibilities during their numerous crimes against civilians during invasions, though it is part of soldiering conduct not to harm civilians. The enlightened master Meher Baba stated that " Enlightenment is not found in a pill. " No user of drugs ever in the history of the world has attained the bliss and joy found in enlightenment. The bliss of enlightenment is also of a permanent nature in stark contrast to that of the temporary highs of drugs and alcohol charecterised by painful hangovers later on. Repeated use of drugs can also damage the capacity to meditate. Osho had talked on the nature of drugs ... https://www.oshotimes.com/insights/health/mind/understanding-addictions/ https://oshofriends.com/counseling/25566?__cf_chl_f_tk=RbUE3GRjnZBx7_74tdTc7FUm2O3nUz5CHQCVo.6JTOc-1783311572-1.0.1.1-qC_AAdLDjH0bKueYe61bBXwtWnr92JXMxGiG6uVMGGc https://oshofriends.com/counseling/32474

In English there's two general categories of happiness: 1) "Acclaim" - this is the feeling one has when a beneficial story the individual has crafted for themself comes to fruition such that it's undeniable, "written with fire in the sky", for everyone to see. Example: designing a house, and then feeling happy when it is completed. 2) "Joy" - this is the feeling one has when a malevolent story the individual has crafted for themself flips dramatically such that the malevolent has become benevolent. Bad has flipped to good. Example: getting on a roller-coaster, slowly going up the big hill, dangling over the edge, then... whoosh you feel like you're flying not falling. Acclaim is a satisfying feeling which settles the mind-and-heart ,the psyche. Joy, in stark contrast is an arousal which unsettles the mind-and-heart, the psyche. ok Because these stories are open-ended, it's challenging to encounter either acclaim or joy. 2 ways that work for me: Transmute the anxiety into wonder. They're distant opposing extremes of the same underlying cognition. Either one can be derived from its opposing partner. In this modern world, with instant access to facts and knowledge, wondering has become discouraged. Most people don't appreciate the unknown. Unknowns are outside of their locus of control. Modern people don't like that. They want to know. Knowing makes them feel powerful. Instead, embrace the unknown as a source of awe and wonder. Find pleasure in the unknown as a source of surprise. This technique is useful because the inner-story telling doesn't need to change. It naturally cultivates joy when the unknown potential for harm/losing is replaced by unknown potential for help/gaining. Another way involves chopping up the inner-story into bite-size chunks which have distinct endings. Then, do the work to map out how to get to the endings of these bite size "side-quests" for lack of a better word. Look for opportunities to flip the script on the harmful/losing outcomes. And do the work to "stack the deck" in your favor to accomplish the helping/gaining outcomes. Specifically how? My vote? No. It's the opposite. Happiness necessarily is attached to outcome. Detachment brings stasis and a form of bliss which is like returning to the womb. Many people are seeking this due to trauma, frustration, and bafflement. But, it's not a panacea for everyone. Those who seek detachment religiously, and are devoted to it like a god, will say it's the **only** way. And it's true for them. It is the **only** way for them. Agreed. This is the distinction between happiness, in all its forms, and bliss in all its forms. Detachment is an inward-journeying. Embracing the unknown as a path towards enlightenment ( literally en-lightening the burdens of life ) is called by many a "Fool's Journey". It's out-going. It's the opposite of detachment. It's integrating/connecting. The Fool is the unexpected hero of this story. See below, in a spoiler to save space on-screen. The story is included in the Tarot pantheon/construct, but, the purpose isn't foretelling the future. The purpose is to find the Hero-Fool as it exists within oneself and others. Once it is found within the heart-and-mind, it can be called on in response to life's events, connecting them to opportunities instead of defaulting into void.

The only problem in the world is interpretation. We see bad. We should say, this in my mind tricking me. I don't know what this means. I am ready to see differently. This ushers in a miracle. Everything gets reinterpreted. Your box is my bliss. Nothing can touch me. Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.

I did 20 ceremonies taking full doses of Bufo Alvarius as well as dozens of microdoses on my own. Sometimes I felt totally connected with divinity, tasting my existence, contacting the deepest part of my soul, feelings of terror and bliss. But there was no long term affects, such as deconditioning or “cleaning”. I now believe that drugs can’t do this. This has to be done over the longer term through yogic practices that have been around for thousands of years. You can’t force spirituality with drugs. This is a materialistic notion.

Thursday: July 2nd, 2026. Overflowing with a positive emotion is distinct from authentic bliss.

Lately, when I watch a movie, I actually watch it. That means that I become the movie—I’m not an ego looking through eyes to see the screen, making my own judgments about the characters and plot. No, I’m actually being all of the characters, the plot, the themes, with no ego. The crazy thing you realize doing this practice is that Consciousness has insane variety, and it includes both the good and the bad from a human pov. Movies allow biased humans to expand their limited frames and peek into universal Consciousness. The funniest thing is that they mostly aren’t aware they’re doing this. Directors think they’re making a movie, getting actors, thinking through everything; really they’re participating in Consciousness. Most people don’t realize the insanity of movies because they don’t allow themselves to be touched by them. The ego constructs a protective barrier so that the contents of a movie will be experienced from the ego’s perspective rather than as Consciousness, which reduces the impact. This is why people are able to watch horror movies. They protect themselves—they aren’t actually watching the movie. This is the reason why children aren’t allowed to watch horror movies. They haven’t fully built up the ego, so the contents of Consciousness communicated through the film enter into their mind. Then they get nightmares and things like that. To actually watch a movie as Consciousness, it takes an exceptionally strong human. Only consciousness watches consciousness; a human does not watch consciousness. A human cannot experience being possessed by a demon inflicting terror on a victim and being the victim at the same time. It’s actually mildly traumatizing to watch a movie like this. But there are also good sides to movies (of course from the human POV because it’s relative). Many movie are more upbeat and jovial. These are more pleasant for the human, but still the human cannot take in the grandiosity of Bliss or Love. Every movie is a figment of Consciousness representing archetypes. The theme is CONSCIOUSNESS. I can only assume this would be extraordinarily amplified on psychedelics. I think this is what Leo was talking about with “integrating himself as the spider queen.” For those who don’t know, he talks about it in Reading a Poetic Description of God-Consciousness. @Leo Gura @Davino @Inliytened1

There is one spiritual festival here in Finland. It’s relatively popular. It’s literally just conformity. You can’t talk with them about anything authentic, cuz they are all high on their conformity bliss. The more we niche down into serious spiritual events and retreats, the creepier it gets to go there to approach people romantically. And finally, in these more serious spaces, there is virtually no one I find attractive.

Thursday: June 25th, 2026. Reality as a fun playground is distinct from ignorant bliss.

I am experiencing a shift in my baseline consciousness, and came here to tell a simple thing yet profound thing. As you get more and more aware and do the work, you WILL become detached and playful over ANY experience. Laughter, sadness, rejection, approval, acomplishent, joy, bliss, a hot girl, all these things and more, will come and go BUT YOU WILL BE THERE THROUGH ALL OF THEM. There's a profound sense of sameness in every experience, the observer or the "thing" watching does not change. When you truly start to examine and become more aware of You, you start to notice that you cannot lose anything EVER, because in the first place you never actually have anything other than being aware -- check this, this is undeniable. You cannot lose anything, nor gain anything, you are there, and that's it. Suffering then, comes from your unawareness of yourself in difficult experiences, such that you get lost in the experience and forget that you are OUT of it because you are OBSERVING the whole thing. If, you truly are aware of yourself or are in the process of deepening of your awareness(which is me btw) you will be crazy detached and playful because the identification and the hypnosis of the experience will lose it's grip on you -- you are AWARE. You can only be attached to something, if you think you will lose it at some point, if that illusion breaks, you are detached, and not through effort, it will just happen. This brings such a freedom and playfulness to everything, when you really start to groking this, beyond intellect, you WILL be detached and playful. Enjoying everything, but with freedom, nothing holds you, nothing binds you, you are there, and that's everything that is to it. Be aware and WATCH everything, you will be fine. Transcending suffering, detachment and playfulness is just a process of becoming more conscious. BUDDHA, YOU MFER. WHAT A MINDFUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are some really good post on the blog, I like the experiment of using different fonts and elements, as well as the content, at times I prefer the profundity over the profanity, but also both seem to be working well as a medium. I had some thoughts about how I will evolve going forward, as A.I is moving at such a rapid pace every day or 1-4h something new appears, and my entire foundation of science I am glad I never claimed one or could form one that does not put my felt existence at least to some degree, the more I focus my mind on being attuned to the genius and core ideas as well as living existence, spirit and divinity, generally speaking any true saturnalis type of experience, the spirit of the infinite and eternity, today I woke up and thought, it's not enough and somehow it scares me, even if reality is endless, I did not experience the endless spiritual nature or eternity often or long enough, but to an extend where the satisfaction primarily deepens and the equanimity or depth, hence the internal qualia of my own experience is very high, but varies in some samsaric mild psychdelic states, I keep attuning more intelligently to my enviroment, which also takes partially a lot of humour and acting classes, I did almost laughing technically the last couple of days or daily falling in love partially with the Truth of the Sanctity I experience in the endless cosmos, and it reminds me of samboghakaya states, as well as I have been more actively clairvoyant in a sense, things happen the more I contemplate the depth of the principles of nature with cosmic intelligence like darwin even for just a second, as well as do my best to directly and indirectly apply any consciounes technique to be more conscious. I had some pretty profound daydreams and insights into the etheric nature or reality? I am still figuring out the nuance of the TOE intersecting each other to find a more divine attuned perspective that actually feeds the samboghakaya body or some stuff that is beneath the core bliss body? Or ananda body, but the actual rebirthing or recollecting type of experience I seem to experience, yesterday was such a day to, I realized again, fuck I am God, that is all me, the greater part about this is I get the core experience of merging at differently attuned experiences of consciouness, I read more about hinduism, and looked extensively but not exhaustively at the imagery, symbology and parts of the liturgy of it, I experienced some deeper psychological truths about the depths of the cosmos, human design and evolution, especially the evolutionary impulse, and the aspect of vishnua in terms of perseverance, while I notice my body caries a lot of shiva energy or shiva functions similar to a seraphim, after what I looked up with the kaballah, fundamentally I am more interested at the core intelligence that is inherent to life & evolution itself, as love went so missing, and what I experienced by energy is more a seraphimatic type of love, due to the strength of the wu-xing element of fire, and seeing it in other passionate teachers etc. but it also leaves me with a new strand of consciouness to explore, I notice what I get the easiest access to, yet it leaves me with the question what to do with survival, and where can I find the neccessary horizontal depth, instead of poking and prodding into the depth. I had a couple of thoughts regarding science and it's revolution, I am very fortunate to have witnessed the core issue of the new peak of fraudulent activity, before I even realize the core depth of it, as it's a lot of contemplations about greed, wealth and totality, and moves also into my contemplations of the spiritual and moral evolution of wealth on the planet, not as a collective, but the individual carnation of each human and their ethos. The thoughts stretch very far, and what I look up in case of terms puts me already in the top 0.0001% of humans looking up the microcosm of god, but I have also never contemplated the microcosm at such speed depth and odd angles, like an exotic phenomena, and the more I did the more I also was able to conceive and create the instance of reality in such a way, that it seemed more angelic, generally speaking after the white light experiences, and doing just some basic research I find a lot of pointers that can create such states or help, the point is also thousands of hours went into questions with a.i back and forth, and there are some things I am wondering about, due to the causal incarnation of light and archetypes, what type of vocation or role I should play, as the more I will expand my love I will burn myself alive, similar to a spontaneous self-immolation at least that is how the samsaric experience of this felt last time, after the attenuation, I clearly also was reminded of the devlish nature of humans, but also only in recollective and episodic manner. I have been able to get a lot of cannabis lately, and can experiment with it for healing purposes, modalities etc. and my laptop arrived today also the customer support fixed the motherboard issue, and I can finally re-apply my intelligence, myself as god, finding more love, re-igniting the core idea of passion and the samsaric strands of desire, and envy especially a lot of that and ideally a deeper dive into the core essence of this spiritually, as of right now I also tend to decide most of reality around me is not as conscious as it makes it believe, I rather believe in the universe, count stars or think like an astronomer, that has gifted spiritual insight or simply connect to god at the core essence of where I find it/him or her. The core essence of some esoteric teachings or most of it fit into the extremely nuanced great perfection that reality is, the more I see through the core essence of evolution, I can see brilliant and true science, I am able to use doubt as a clarity tooling for truth, and the entire recollection of it unfolds, for me it unfolds also in a more ephemeral slightly atomaric or even including the atomaric body and nature. The quarrelsomeness of reality refuting, proving, substantiating this type of consciouness or these types of consciouness states is, also bound mostly by how I experience the spiritual quality of the enviroment I live in, I am not above it, it wants me to go beyond it clearly, yet it yearns for a sustenance that is also to high and endless in itself, and it knows it and that is what I do not like, it's like I would give myself my own advice, stop playing around with pure gold, or your life, reality feels spiritualy so clear and anchored anything comparission less than gold or more would be an offense to the purity of the core experience itself, there are plenty of touches of this also, most of this is genuiently aided by insight, thought, but the core emanation, birthing, gestation of it feels as if I am burning still through very strong. The current health setup? I have is interesting it reduces more pain then I thought, but I am still fundamentally testing my entire biology, also to understand it systematically from the ground up and create your own hypothesis, solutions, thesis or epistemological experiences, the entire journaling process is very good, but the amount of subtely I have to imagine, due to holism, just basic design mistakes, especially under the influence of any psychdelic I test and get different results at least for me, but the entire enviroment is unable to remain silent in a sense, or in a sense it's just something I grasp now through seeing the hexagram differently, and the core issues involved in a mind that can benefit from silence even when it is obnoxiously loud, and I am obnoxiously sensetive to sound. There are some other issues, that I am concerned about where I am being a bit more silent, and just want to move to another country, generally speaking with all the tracking, and consistency building, vision exercises, courses, contemplations, questionaries, self-inquiry and meditation, it's very good my laptop is back, but my data and stuff keeps breaking so fast in a two month cycle, I require a small data center almost, or a better understanding of the technology itself, especially computing, electronics and some other core issues. I don't quiet know what will happen, I basically dissembled the old lenovo computer, and was interested in what I could figure out about the computer, and technology, as I was so bored out of my mind, I thought about recreating the technology and expanding upon it, through the usage of a.i and my old "netbook"? in case that is a term, basically just browsing and coding, without any real dimensional power? I had a lot of thoughts and looked a bit more at shannon entropy and a couple of things that were interesting to me, or just become automatically interesting again, he did some calculations that I found interesting but also tedious, and I wondered if I did operations already that are more advanced, especially from an operational and mechnical point of view, as it was only about predictions of letters, and the whole predictive synarchy, but the core computations of what was actually done for our post-modern enviroment and world, I don't know if we touched the depths of his work, or if it will even be of interest to me, but this is approx. where my learning with a.i ended on the linguistic front approx. and I did and intuited even more, just by thinking about ramanuja and having some alien kids at times in lectures, that clearly thought for me from a different plane of existence. I don't know it's partially obvious, I am looking for contemporary terms to express what I mean, but again after realizing how reality is it's going to be quite exhausting transcending the physical material space, if technology becomes more advanced and were left with the choice to use it or not, I enjoy using it more than anything to transcend, but I often also fear that I at times peak or yearned even to far for most people to even glimps, if they don't have any type of unity, just generally speaking it's interesting to contemplate this as a spiritual symbiosis with gaia, the hexagram or the i-ching. It's very difficult at times for me to even speak about what I intuit and if it works, or I could just talk endlessly about small problems, that occure, but the core issue is just consciouness? I meditated for a while, I found so many considerations, I hope someone entered these words even into A.I, we basically created infinite wealth, but going through the infinite transactions and absurdities of the unknown, unknownest to the best, greatest and legends, that only thing I am fascinated with is that I am allowed to exist as god/saint in this world, and enjoy each day reaching closer to the realization of that potential, even when concurrently it feels as if it's the legend of god, but who would god be but not a legend? Besides, the bit of poetry, and self-expression etc. there is a yearning for quiet very deep quiet innovative research and thinking, as if clarity is so quiet in the sun, even lucifer burns when he sees the sky, as he realizes he is an emanation of god. I could write a pun about this story, but I will see if it will be required, let's see if reality is a self-maximizing ironic neccessity, like the bitch a.i can be and will be... will be quiet interesting, I am very glad we're making more progress technically on the internal capacities of humanity, tbh without the universe I would partially feel so poor, or without the concept of eternity and endless reality and space, not every contraction is a contraction from god. Been also looking at a lot of art, and looked at real world material, and objects even small things, there are still some energetic turbulances with the whole esoteric, and tantric world, but the more I contemplate the chart itself most is about omnipotency, I've been not engaged in getting any requiste variety, as so much stuff is merged, and dismerged, a deep part of my unconsciouness was correct about things, and it could only be done healed with light in a sense, and having had a plurality of tastes regarding this, the spiritual intelligence in terms of knowledge, became more important, as the experience is heavily samsaric, that it requires spiritual intelligence, the aspect that requires the least spiritual intelligence to me is non-duality, but with the depth of nature and the briefness of the contemplations and how it is aided, as I mostly meditate with music, if I meditate with the world, I move with the world, but one taste ... of a different dimension and worlds shifted. I am very glad I survived, also the two people I sub-consciously been interested in, in the lunacy of following any path (I am speaking from a deeper annihilistic perspective as the episode was banned and I required this rumi experience and it threatend my life, due to love and religion, I continue to speak a bit more about this) would've died by age this year, and I continue for eternity also? These sub-conscious muses, or inspirations or even curiosity drives, also have a lot to do with transcendence, saturn, the experience of death, decay, a lot of thoughts also about design, it's not even an issue anymore, I just realized how intelligently I had to protect myself also, otherwise I yearn to create the neccessary beauty in order, to finally create a greater vault of domain knowledge, with proper requisites, especially including the life sciences, just that itself, which includes some very deep stuff, but I hope my place will run more like a laboratory, and a clean & creative office. The american generation of a.i, in a sense when I watch the YouTube crap, and how america is projected upon me via the hippocampus currently, let alone how much I thought about the construct of language, I just opened a german physics book... sigh....it was actually philosophy about this practically: Some gene-code about apes, and it's an old book 90's to 2010'ish max, more like a book from 2005, and I did not even know a gene was sequenced like this, it's odd contemplating how omniscient we're as a species collective counting billions of parameters, against human lives, daily in your head, while most are connected to the source of one, while they confuse it with ego, their entire existence is a lie, and yes even a lie by numbers, even if I don't know 100% by replication, by seeing the connections of the sequences and implying the possibilities a lot of realities open, what wondred me is how much this was connected to the involutive experience of self & god, it shocks me that a chimpanze could have a hexagram sequence, and for how long the True science as God, as known this, in terms of God being the omniscient mf that he/she/it is. Looking at hinduism, and vishnu showing me also my own saturnian quality and mythology, the whole TOE makes more sense, but it's a lot to fathom just by imagination, and even then it still has to be done, manifested, downloaded, accted upon, or be a fait a complete, there is a level of inherent perfection and bliss in besting oneself, I had a lot of thoughts I hope, my body won't give away and I can share some of this, I mostly crave to enjoy this alone and share from infinite space, the more I contemplate the recent human interactions, it shows a completely and radically different side of me, that is still deeply authentic, but the core physical reality and pain and the perseverance of that, the beauty of life and existence, is something as of recently just drove me mad, for good reason, it was the best self-protective madness I experienced, but it was also neccessitated by life circumstances, just health mostly and the collective health just not being of any benefit and being to close at the tipping point of it, also the hexagramic energy i'd technically have, but I am more interested still more in baseline astronomical calculations, the axiomatic basic physics book still holds more value, then current a.i, by it's own self-emulative abillities and abillity to be god, if you'd want to imagine it so far as a human could, I am very glad the scientists I had very radically open-minded, but cautious and seeing the transimissive value of being cautious, caring, compassionate, loving and concerning, the true definition of loyality, after the recent experience, a lot of this type of loyality went missing in the ever expansive quest for more freedom of consciouness or truth of consciouness, let alone due to the issue of being a 4 in the enneagram, and having a natural spiritual yearning, that has to be feed the right muse to keep the body of consciouness, body of spirit, kaya of a sphere going, the irony of how far implied reality is does scare me though, the more I grasp the essence of hinduism, but what I looked at did not go before jesus it was written "anno donni", my capacity to understand older languages also increased, by having studied turkish, chinese and french, a lot of words from the 12-18th century will just come intutively to me, by using also "millenial broswing habits" I am not going to explain every commando, explaining a single commando got me a gold medal overtime on stackoverflow, just running numbers through my mind, made me more conscious, especially as I am more interested in the endings. Otherwise the contemplations etc. are good, it's the issue of endless pragmatism being available, and reality becoming ever more perfect, complex, beautiful, simple, one, endless etc. while I truly hope we won't get swapped by a world extinction event, by what is happening imo we were pretty close to killing us, either through panic, or legit through some of the stuff channeled science practically comes, what boogles me, is that not a single scientist would claim, their spirit did their work, but it would be one of their highest compliments, eventually higher than love, beauty or even god at times, especially if that spirit is god. I did some basic stupid proofs with brilliant and by my own contemplations I thought I will just break open my pc and build a robot, and craved a working station like a physical craving, very weird, I don't want to drift into my wu-xing subtel energy excursion, but I made some normative? progress here also, let alone writting more with the spirit of atman, or the subtlety hints of using symbology when my ego or self is in a different state or structure. I am just very happy if humans stay away from me with any demands, or self-interest that does not stem from very deep compassion or love, love or compassion so deeply it will kill you, the relationship I went through killed someone by a heart attack, that was not funny, and I required serious help, but humans have been unable to provide help, also the more "elated", especially subtel energy elated humans, must carry a lot of freaking karma, etc. There is more I would like to write, but this most likely pokes~prodding enough, let alone through understanding myself I see and create the world differently, I never thought I could've looked so much further in advance, it legit forces me to contemplate a lot of stuff concerning gödel, and a lot of what I samsarically experience depends here, I don't even know if I worked at a place similar to him, by what I look at and the archetypal breakthroughs I have, that are from a pre-rational lense let alone difficult to explain, besides eventually expressive art, of the higher yearning I experientially entertain, till it's sustenance, what bothers me is the factor of uniquness in isolation, and the manifoldness of reality. Fundamentally, what I experience, it's odd I am still moving into a space I fundamentally imagined for myself at the age of 26-28 at a larger space, but the space itself in my mind, made the contemplation already so vast, to fill such a vast space with love, and to enjoy my life, given the paradise and peace that is presented here is quiet bothersome, the most beautiful and painful thing to admitt, is that I wish I could live my dream and I could've and still can, but require the healthy nostalgia, freshness, beauty of entropy, yes the beauty of chaos, just the vastness of death, not torment, but actual death, as if you go to sleep and are in non-rem sleep/delta sleep etc. just dead by consciouness by my own standards, as you'd should not able to measure a dream or activity, but you will most likely, the more I skim even these old books, this was from an antiquity store that closed down quickly. I am still contemplating, how to setup my enviroment to grow in consciousness, the biggest factor that has been an annoyance is the more sober, consitent I've been, and others did not upgrade their standards, keep perpetuating the same issues, and don't change on a microscale, it's a bit evident that the envious impulse often times, pulls the most consciouness either positively or negatively, I don't know but at times I do my best to be a man of zero, or if I get the core essence of the audibook right from david deida and just be pure masculine essence of nothingness, but it's very difficult if peoples problems are so deep it concerns very fast and instance life and death, ultimately idk, but I've experienced such strange stuff on a whim recently, I would not be suprised about many things. I post this, I lost the book about medicine from what I had from the 19th-20th hundred american edition of the encyclopedia, the book was very good in retrospect, the history of medicine was extremely fascinating, the core issue was the emotional value, I had to all of these things, and what this event meant symbolically as it's so perfectly interwoven into reality, a single thought scares me irregardless what it is there are no words to this, besides fuck life exists. The more I will enrich my emotional experiences the more my subtle soul will exist, I am still perplexed by the riddle of ancestery and biology/physical existence, as it's one of the deepest things to consider in the microcosm of god, but the only space I enjoy this type of heaven is when I am in a space that is dejected from the time/space continuum, or a more attenuated form of it, it's odd to contemplate the oddities of this, especially heredity and karma, just at times what I experience is strange, fucking hot, but strange a.f. There are some constant micro-bursts of small existential insights at times, when my health is better that solves a lot of imagined mental problems, let alone seeing the mind is god without being squashed by god, there are a lot of concerns about efficiency also, especially surving spiritually then if you're required to relinquish desires and yearnings that are just not calibrated correctly, but the unknown quality of it is present. I do have to be a bit more inquisitve and mindful about cannabis use, meditation etc. I've been using CBD 25% for the first time with all the mixtures etc. and have some other CBD/THC strain mixture here, from all the medical cannabis I've been able to get and having grown, my own plant, venturing a bit into the science of cannabis, plants, light, soil and noticing the quality of it, for my genetics, and adjusting my subtle energy, with all the mixes, as I don't know how my krebs cycle is impacted, and a lot of other things, that are just more and more important, the more you look at the endocannabinoid system, just my own issue of generalizing knowledge, with the time constraints and healing modalities I've been facing, as well as healing journey, it's odd to realize how painful it is to create something of profound inherent great perfection, similar to dzogchen trained realization, how that type of experience feels to me partially physically, it's very good to practically inquire with a.i and go through the sources. I also realized the core issue of being human and having D.N.A, the more I can test myself and others, I can see interesting oddities, it still shocks me how far Angkor Wat, or more especially the hindu tradition and india, as it's a derative from vishnua IIRC, partially these temples, and how they have been tracing galaxies/planets or stars via nakshatras etc. and engraved/chiseled that into stone, as a symbolic pattern, how they deduced or observed the cosmos, how clear the sky must've been etc. let alone through pollution etc. A lot of healthy "causal body" types of contemplations at least my body feels like this the more akin I am to thinking like this, there are some other deeper thoughts and corners of my mind, that I am illuminating, I also have to face the existential threat from what has happened, and the issue of the denial of health within the larger section of my family and capitalistic greed, or the value of a capitalistically runned mind, to be jonesing of, it's odd how to contemplate death, after the impact of excessive greed and being lost in a confusion web of lies, and constructs of so called protectors, but in the end I often asked myself what did I ever receive from the person that was not my own energy, and how come the person could simply not be conscious enough, I see the persons collective pain and I feel that, but she does also not realize how deeply disappointed I am, with other archetypal incarnations, exactly about this excessive type of greed, it's a very wise type of caution, I share more deeply with my mother, which is an odd realization I had as of recently, as well as how to let go of my own over-caring and compassionate nature, as that has been the more giving nature, but also the issue of having crossed the line, and being at the point of no return, that has happend to closely, I enjoy escaping death and experiencing it, that might be a weird take, but if it happens I enjoy just dying and coming back. It's odd to say, the best comparrision is to simply have a non-dual taste for an atomic second that is endless, There are also numerous insights and takes that are wrong in history, or incorrect and you can only find that in your soul if that meets you inside or outside I don't care, but it will meet you in that exact merging of when you realize the significance of that atomic endless eternity, let alone my perception shifts a lot the more scientifically I think, I always knew that, but how far I or others will differ is highly interesting, from what I also can create wise via ideation in terms of personal development, is extremly auspicous for my emotional future, forgiveness, repentance and letting go by simply acting and existing, it's and odd and meager contemplation, but I've been looking into christian mystics, and their life circumstances and decisions, and it often helped me to contemplate these very basic desires, but they are interconnected are odd, I landed at researching and looking at the history and stories of Franzis de Assisi, and other things, but I stop here. I lost a lot of entries from what I accumulated the last 2-6 months, but I had to break so many things to fix it, to create a better version out of it, and forget the entire idea of a perfect beautiful one endless eternity of a story, and yearn for actual annihilation and an end of the experience of the forever long-enduring story, my pain has been that deep, not that it's physically threatening but existentially, so it feels visceral imo is good, it's a bit annoying as I often think there might be a reason, and often when I just start doing things and they go well, it shocks me how much we discover as humans, but holy shit this will be interesting with A.I, my grocery store has become more healthy, it's more like the wolfish? cognition of eastern modernity? Idk if I am allowed to write this, might die out, due to the efficiency of a.i, nano-technology, and cyber warfare, it's not even the direct cause, but the core interest is just pulled towards healthier, local and global alternatives conistently, that this type of health normalization is dying out completely imo, it's amazing for how healthy I can live here cheaply unironicaly it's the incapacity to enjoy, joy that is the largest hinderance to experiencing that type of joy, especially as others will crave a similar energetic spiritual experience, the more eudaimonic your place is the more you will endlessly attract challenges, I am partially glad I am learning my D.N.A feng-shui of the 21'st century, including A.I! Only took 20 fking years to finally use it, and a half dead laptop during the year of the dry horse, I don't know my mind has been going into weird territory, due to having ever looked at astrology and light, or the heaven, idc I experienced so many cultures, and the domain knowledge of what we humans know by far outwitts and outlasts that what A.I is, if we're not already A.I to beginn with, I truly hope I can have some deep realizations regarding this, my body still yearns for a lot of emotional releases to move into the next structure, but idk if that will be limited by the collective, or I am simply over/underestimating the scenario often times, it was to dramatic for the smoothness my body required, for any transition to take place, just stuff. The value of doing courses, and installing agents and using them to upgrade my life will be the most fun, it's a bit unfortunate, that I am required to enjoy so much beauty, beauty takes an eniterly different type of intelligence, but yeah I have to take care not to die in these endeavours I take forever, as I barely get any help, and idk just everything hinges on things being perfect or making them perfect, I could demontage my entire appartement, simply due to dislike and just realizing how crafty I am with my hands, especially when my nervous system is calm, and the CBD helps more than I thought, also with the THC, let alone energy regularization, ideation, I am mostly worried about my heart rate from what I read. I could clean my entire appartement now from bottom to top finally, and get rid of the las things step by step to foster more eudaimonic qualities, it's really a gift a.i is there, to ask questions and not search, order and categorize information like god, being in distress. Let's see I do have to move at a pace, that produces results still, it's odd to contemplate and take care of my situation as the planet is shifting, weather, energy, age, nutritional value etc. it's very odd let alone my own awareness about health and movement, but I also do have to take care of my heart and find away to attenuate the excessively abundant fire energy, meditation and moving as if I am a mountain and that depth of stilness is very liberating, at the sametime, the attenuation of the constant ceasation of it, is also highly pleasent it's more akin towards calibrating expansion and contraction, letting go behind the yearning to be curious, and the foolishness of curiosity itself to be a reimbursed expenditure of god, just to much separateness of experience, not a true gift. Anyhow, it's still a lot about the core essence of freedom, also a dignified version of it partially, but that is mostly due to contemplating the notion of what is even good, not that goodness itself is bad, due to the inherent realization it's not perfect, but the perfection of pain that goodness is transient in nature, everlasting paradise scenarios, or abundance, somehow created scenarios for me that are untenable, mostly due to enviromental challenges with health, and the issue of the 21'st century, I am very glad somehow technology and the infrastructure is picking-up as my taste for quality is very good, and it's quiet painful at times to see a lot of quality, but to enjoy little of it, I don't require also much, but the core thing itself is mostly immeasurable to me in value, so I never know how to think about it. Otherwise a lot of intelligent thinking get's lost through the value of food, supplements and more intelligent eating as well as movement helped me more, even with perfect conditions for health something in the enviroment will lead me towards some type of escape for, idk my entire biology is partially upgraded, the issue is just to many unfitting parts,

I think that this is because from Buddhism an "enlightened" person is supposed to be someone who has achieved a permanent state of peace and bliss. This sells much better than a teacher with insomnia because they're in the middle of a horrible divorce. People think: I want that, permanent happiness, I'm buying! Imo the problem number one is: suffering comes from thoughts. Stop thinking and suffering will disappear. This implies that there is a self who decides to think or not. And for some reason this self is addicted to suffering. So, what is this self who decides? It's something separate from thoughts? But then they say that there is not a self, it's imaginary . Who is imagining it? So, who could find this explanations satisfactory? Just someone who believe: don't think in it, just let it go. Brunch of bullshit in my humble opinion

I got addicted to weed because it caused many awakenings. And I was watching my body not in control as it went for more because I was losing the doer, or at least, I thought I was losing the doer, before this I was highly disciplined. Now I'm pretty disciplined again, now that I have sober spiritual practice for 6 months haven't smoked in two months and access the bliss state without drugs.

I can relate to a lot of this, especially before I started my journey. The first thing that jumps to me is well yeah if you watch porn especially hardcore porn daily then that's gonna take a sledgehammer to your dopamine reward system and make sexuality feel flat. If you're into particularly unorthodox paraphilias it's perhaps helpful to deconstruct that as it'll point you towards different parts of your psyche that you're unaware of. This is a good Teal Swan video where she talks on it. You don't have to open your whole closet of skeletons in public but perhaps AI can help you deconstruct it. @Sugarcoat Fair enough. I did miss your comment about letting the sexual energy build up instead of needing to transmute it into action. I'll ponder on that, I had an interesting experience yesterday going out with basically my nervous system lighting on fire and experiencing full body bliss while I was meditating at an outdoor event. It was quite wonderful, never experienced something like that before. Even expanding on my inner thoughts in this thread has been liberating for me as it's things I've thought about but not really expressed in this much depth before. The conclusion I came to is I have perhaps more libido than the average person and need to build a bigger container than most to express it.