Truth Addict

Yes, but I don't know any better for now. What would you do?

Yes. Yes, yes. I'll wait and see.

Frankly, that's the case. No ah-ha moments anymore, nothing surprises me anymore. I remember one of my biggest ah-ha moments when I was watching the first part of Leo's self-deception, I was quite shocked at how much I deceive myself. But that was like a year and a half ago. Now I realise stuff, and I'm like: "okay, so what?" I mean the things that I realised recently are quite radical to the average person, like I realised that I don't exist, and that everything is love, etc... But my reactions never are how I expect them to be. When I saw Leo crying as he was talking about God, I knew I'm missing something. Also, most of the stuff that teachers talk about make sense to me, it's like I'm not really sure that everything they say is true, but also I try to doubt them and I don't succeed. So, what is the problem? Or is that normal? What am I missing here? Is there a practice(s) for feeling more? My questions are not neurotic though, I don't know if they seem so, but I'm just double-checking my experience with yours. Even when I'm posting this thread, I'm like: "okay, so what?" @Leo Gura I would be grateful if you could shed some light on this.

If I could be certain of the story, that would make it the truth. And, well played!

Of why am I? I want a story. The story.

Yes. And the other story is that the real snake made the fear arise.

Absolute certainty.

I'm still practising, I haven't given up or come to conclusions. I'm just being honest with what I believe in the present moment, I surely want to discover that I am eternal, why would I not want that? Yes, I noticed that there was never a beginning, and that's why I say that truth is from truth's perspective. I don't trust my memories either, so the answer would be a belief. Hopefully not forever.

I'm not sure I understand your question perfectly. But to give a general answer, every answer to "why questions" is a story.

Why? I already know that I don't know. Letting go will produce happiness, which I am. Unless it produces other things, I don't want it right now.

I am aware of it, to me "I" means the ego. No I haven't, if I go under anaesthesia, I stop existing. How do I know that? I don't, but I have no other option than to believe that (yet). That's funny

The truth is the present moment, from the present moment's perspective. That's a belief.

Of course, that's why I don't resist my thoughts.

And even if I do pick it up, when I put it down, I don't even know if I picked it up in the first place, could be fake memories. All of this is pointing to the present moment, but the present moment itself is not a single moment, it's connected seamlessly with the future and the past. To be accurate, the concept 'present moment' does not exist. There only is an experience. That's all I know right now. It's very obvious stuff. But how would I know that there is no future? You'd say: the future is a concept that exists in the present moment. We can't know anything outside of the present moment. Yes, but we can't either disprove anything outside of the present moment. My thoughts of the future might become correct. You'd say: if you think about the future, you'll lose the present moment. And here I don't know what to say or how to answer.

That's a story. The actual experience is fear, no matter the explanation. How could thought possibly cause the experience to exist? I'm very suspicious that the whole reality is a thought (of a different kind). Or you can say: it's all mind stuff, nothing actually exists but the mind itself.

Why should I not-know? I told you I'm already happy, the only point of not-knowing is becoming happy. So, the answer is: I don't know any damn thing, yet. I was wondering if I can know.

@David Hammond Okay. Stay well my friend

You mean I should become comfortable with not-knowing?

This is the third time you speak from your own beliefs about me and my intentions and my relationship with the mind. I can't see how someone who is too much identified with his beliefs is going to help me stop identifying. Please, I'm not here to argue or debate or to kill time. I'm here to learn, if you have anything of value, show it with respect, and I'll be grateful for you. If you don't, then excuse me, I don't like wasting my time.

It's not there, but this is irrelevant. (hint: I haven't experienced a high).

If I imagine a fearful situation, my body reacts accordingly. If I imagine whatever thing which is not really there, my body reacts accordingly. Sure not always the same, but that gives a hint. If something imaginary affects the body, doesn't that mean that the body itself is imaginary, or at least made of the same substance as illusion?

I thought it was about not-knowing.

I understand that you're talking about happiness, but I already have happiness (present moment). I'm looking for security (future) if possible. I'm surrendered, I could preach to others about surrendering, there is no struggle here. But thank you for the care, I appreciate it. ? That makes it more interesting to me.

And that also is still another model, if you don't follow what the model is pointing to in the actual world. A model is a pointer, nothing more. And yet if you believe it, it will act almost like the real thing. But that's irrelevant to the point I was trying to make. My intention was to hint that everything is an illusion, both what we call 'real', and 'illusory'. The bug is persistent everywhere, and nothing is real, though it looks and feels like it is. If reality itself is a strange loop, where am I going to run to?

@Nahm oh, I've gone through a lot, a lot of stuff, besides I never realised my limitations, I always pushed myself out of my limits until I've burned out. I'm ready to get back already, but the time is not right, so I'm waiting. Thanks for the support, I always find relief in your words I sure am gonna go on, but this time I know better.