Truth Addict

@Nahm if you say so, I mean if I say so ??

Said the ego. (The quote above is a technical mistake.) @Nahm @now is forever I'm starting to lose you guys!

@karkaore The ego is an immature, selfish, untamed beast. It doesn't really care about your survival, it cares about keeping you unconscious, which in some way means its own survival. It's neither positive nor negative. It's just unconscious, uncaring, unloving of others. Which eventually fires back at it, and makes it want to die. And there where the spiritual journey begins. Ego does not neef to be blamed or killed or tortured. It just needs to know its role in life. And as the saying goes: The ego is a bad master, and a great servant.

@Shin Okay, now I know better. I should expect more jokes from now on. And perhaps I should cut loose a little bit too. Hey, I noticed you've been asking a lot about Leo's video. Good news, it's out, and 3:35 hours long. Awesome!

I just woke up from a dream that didn't feel like a dream at all. It felt something like a bad psychedelic trip (I don't know, but I think so). I still feel a tightness feeling in my chest and high pressure in the top of my head. I don't remember how it started, but I remember that I was sitting in my room, and then suddenly, and out of nowhere, death came in. The thought of Allah punishing me for not being a good Muslim popped up instantly. And the nightmare began.. I was being held from my hair and spinned around in a circle, getting faster and faster. Or, that's how I felt like anyways. I accepted that punishment, and let go. Then it stopped for a while. A man with no head (I didn't see the head, cuz I didn't dare to look), came closer to me and started beating me up and throwing me around on the ground. (kind of weird, cuz I never imagined Allah to be a man since I was a little kid, when my parents first told me about Allah). Then another thought popped up: maybe that's the Devil trying to prevent me from seeing Allah. I accepted that, and I refused to fight back, I surrendered. He held me up again from my hair and stared to spin me around again, and this time I noticed hearing screaming voices, which I thought are my inner demons burning. The "spinning" occured many times, and every time it would get stronger and then stop for a while, unil the last time when I surrendered myself completely to it, it stopped altogether. Then as the "spinning" was going to occur again, I remembered a girl I once loved. She was so pure and innocent as she is in reality. While I felt the love for her, it protected me from the torture. And then the dream-experience ended, right until now. ... Now I'll list a few points and lessons for me: - It was certainly not a dream, I was awake the whole time but I refused to stop it. It's something like sleep paralysis, if I moved my fingers it would immediately stop, I'm used to that. - I had a dream a week ago, and I saw the Devil. That was certainly a dream, and the Devil was red and had horns, we had an argument, he was trying to convince me of doing something I don't remember, and I was refusing, and aware not to be deluded, I succeeded back then. - I now see how hard it is to deconstruct beliefs, I don't believe that Allah or the Devil are some kind of human-like creatures, or, apparently I still do, deep down. - I still believe in death, although I waited for death to occur during the "spinning", but I noticed that I was always there, steady, while the whole world was spinning around. - Fear wasn't the major theme of the dream. It was something like unsatisfaction. - Funny thing is, I remember that when Allah came to me as a headless man, I tried to prepare answers for the questions I assumed that He would ask me. Like: why didn't you believe in me? My response was: you didn't give a clear sign. He would reply: I gave you clear signs but you were blind, I reply: but you created me exactly how you wanted me to be and I didn't really have a choice, and then He seemed convinced but still not gonna stop punishing me. Now I appreciate how hard it is to deconstruct old beliefs, or maybe they're just surfacing because of the practices or from cutting my addictions. - I don't seem to have any negative thoughts or feelings, just the tightness feeling in my chest and the high pressure in the top of my head, both of which I do accept and I didn't and still don't even want or care to get rid of. - I'm still experiencing something like light consistent euphoria, since almost a week ago. So I guess this could be an ego backlash. ... Thank you for reading if you did, and I would really appreciate it if you give any insights on this.

@Shin I'm aware of that, I guess, but I'm implying the arrogance that I perceived in your words.

Said the ego.

There's a reason why I said "yet". Am I not allowed to have a break, sir?

@Shin in the dream, some shift in awareness occured, then I woke up to the other level. I guess that needs to happen here too, and it's out of my control. You're talking like you're the most awake person on earth.

@tedens I know that this might sound like a lie. But I slept for an hour, and I just woke up right now. I dreamed that I was dreaming and waking up several times in the same dream, and now I woke up to the most stable one I know. Strange things happening with my dreams lately.

Okay, but what am I exactly? I don't know, yet.

@Shin thank you man my original post was the right action. @tedens I do this all the time, but I still don't know. I realised that it's one thing, but what is this thing?

@Mikael89 that's exactly my point of the original post. The question is: how do I deconstruct my deep rooted beliefs?

@tedens thank you so much @Shin @Shadowraix no, I know that all distinctions are mind-made-up (practical distinctions), how would we communicate and share our thoughts in a way other than that? But thanks for pointing that out to me anyways ? I'll look into my judgements about dreams.

@Shadowraix @Nahm I thought about it a little bit right after I typed the comment. What else could there be but a dream? (dream implies infinite possibilities). A dream machine (dreamer) and a dream, is a concept. There just is the isness of whatever the hell It is.

For Leo to start such a thread, it was the biggest mistake in his life.

@Merch No, there is no force. There is only what you experience (without the concepts about experience). Your direct experience is prior to theory and explanation and science. And to be more precise, there are no two things to be attracted to each other, that is just a thought. A relatively valid one. When Leo talks existentially, he is always pointing to the Absolute existential Truth. Stop thinking about the universe as a strictly-following-the-rules-machine. Instead, appreciate how little we know about the universe and how everything could possibly change in a blink of an eye. Just because gravity worked perfectly for let's say from your birth until now, does not mean that it's absolute (or as Leo put it, doesn't exist).

@Anton Rogachevski ?

"God is a lazy guy" -- Leo Gura

@Nahm if you are talking literally, then I have to ask: how is the dream machine bound to only dream and do nothing else? Doesn't that make you suspicious that the machine is not the ultimate Truth?

Okay, thanks. What is your advice then?

@Rilles yeah, that is quite a problem for me too. I can't benefit anymore from the question "who am I?" because I already know this experience is one and not two. But what is this experience? I'm kind of failing to make a progress there. Still, I live life with the sense that I am the body, etc... @Anton Rogachevski Nice!

@Victor Mgazi Thank you. Yeah, I'm trying my best not to delude myself. I don't suppose my dreams must have meanings, but this one in particular felt very differently from normal dreams, because I was conscious the whole time. I just wanted to hear other views about that, so thank you again

@SQAAD No, that's just a concept that requires time in the equation, which turns out to be an illusion. It's better put: everything is infinitely intelligent.

@TisDoney I don't think enlightenment and unconditional happiness are the same thing. Do you think so? I understand that enlightenment is Truth realisation, and with it comes true happiness. Happiness alone is not called enlightenment, rather it's called unconditional happiness. Anyway, are you Truth-realised?