willybilly30

I got a lot of addictions smoking tabbaco, drinking soda, and I would say internet but, I seen a recent topic on that. One problem with internet is i don't exercise i spend time on internet. tabbaco and nicotine is the hardest cause I always want it.

um what i said was silly. goodnight all

I am not sure what to call my journal but, this sounds all right. I was here along time ago, made a journal and was gonna get into it all. But, I had an annoying friend who kept messaging me, taking up my time and it was nothing really interesting. He was a freaking sexaholic...why not just say it....constantly,. 24/7 sex talk and did not give a crap about anything i was interested in. You know i had a lot going on...i got therapy classes at the mental health center, got in a fitness course, and a few others but, I don't want to look like some spammer and i know what they are. Then i mop the floor and break my leg.....i end up in the hospital of course...told i got border line diabetes so, no more sugar, can't smoke, drink water, exercise before bed and on waking up, very little caffeine i mean they didn't give me sodas all day lol I don't think my friend really cared... just talked about all the loving he was missing and when i got out and was off the walker to cane he wanted to go the woods. I finally broke it off...i told him goodbye and blocked him...i told my mom and sister about my gay relationship....even tho they hated this they said he was using me. At the mental health center we been learning coping skills, doing art and talking about journals. I got a note book and been writing my thoughts and daily stuff...then a thought popped in my head...I wonder what ole Leo on Actualized.org is doing? he still around? He very much is still around and got a video on journals...i mean right there in front of me like i was meant to see it lol He says something like search for answers in yourself and ask questions...sounds good. I like how he made a comment about people look on youtube or books for answers....Man, do i do that....gee, i wonder what would happen if i asked myself anything? i have a few times here and there but, i don't really practice it. How many of us go to google before we do anything? like if i thought of hoola hooping today i would see if people do that still. I don't know i kind of wonder what would happen if i used my own head for a change? Why do i do the things i do any way? Why after i gave all the toxins up in the hospital for a month am i smoking again? got to be a reason right? Sure, i can read books, watch videos and Maybe Leo has done one on smoking...i dunno has he?....but, i think it would be a big help to see why i want it? and maybe, ask myself how to stop it.... I will still use my note book but, i may come here and write what to did down or give thoughts or some thing i don't know what all i will do. Now, that my distraction is gone i want to pursue what i want to work on. So, here i am lol

I like this journal. I have tried to start to many habits at once as well, So, much i want to do but, I just don't have the motivation for a long list yet i guess. I read once that everyone has a motivation meter inside, it gets lower the more you do and so, focusing on one thing at a time is great I think i will take a week to write things i want to do, why, make plans and possible obstacles Can you explain the linking triggers like at bed time? I don't know i am not fully getting what that is. I would like to learn more cause it seems like you have some hang ups i have had. I thought about exploring why i want to do the habit..like smoking...i mean what am i getting out of it? Why do i need a cigarette with my morning coffee...that sort of thing. I don't know seems to make sense i mean there has got to be something i get out of it. Great Journal can't wait to see where you go with this.

Sigh, I did not get around to working on my courses or exercise yet. been kind of a busy day. But, i did do something this morning. I decided to write in my journal. I got in a fight with my mom this weekend. I wrote about it and decided to see why i got angry. I asked why i got angry? I tried to see my mom's side of things. It was pretty interesting and I asked how i can control my temper next time. I talked about it with my mom. I thought about doing the same thing with smoking. Why do i smoke? then Why after that answer. Seems asking why a lot gets to the heart of the matter. Also. asking how i can quit. I usually look for answers in other places. But, I think i should listen to myself as well. I wish i could mention the courses cause i would like this to be a home base i guess. A place to say ok, i did this...this,,,this,,,,.i guess i could use my note book for that. I don't want some one to think i am trying to promote some thing. I have seen sneaky spammers go to a site pretending they love it and then bragging about some course. Well, i am gonna get started on stuff i been wanting to do tomorrow. see you later

He certainly had some good ideas. I like to tell people who insult me "What you see in me is what you see in you" it shuts them up. I like his other quote "I am God and I am the devil" In his interviews he did seem to know a lot and have spiritual knowledge. He certainly had the potential to be a spiritual teacher. Whether there was a helter skelter belief or caused the tate la bianca killings I have heard enough to write another book to add to the collection. he was not a saint but i take the good with the bad with people. rip charlie

I feel the need to please people as well. I have such a hard time saying "no" . I don't know how many times I did what i did not want to or got in trouble cause of it. Since, I started the journal Leo talked about I been writing about my childhood seeing why i did this or what i could of done. I know one problem is I am afraid of peoples anger I think. I had a very controlling friend who I am glad has moved. My family blamed me for everything to and my sister is still a goddess to them. It is what it is I guess. I can't change them and fighting never works. Really, all you can do is change your self and remeber a quote my dad used to say "No matter what you do you will piss some one off"

Thank you for them links it sounds like what i need as well.

I don't see a tutorial on self inquiry but, i will ask google. I need to study the blue print and cheat more maybe that will help

1.I watched Leos latest video on deception and I really don't get it....I got a feeling I need to read some thing or study some thing to get what Leo is talking about. So, where do i begin? 2. I heard about self inquiry in his retreat but, I can not find the video explaining what that is or how to do it. According, to the red line i guess I am not even spelling it right...ok, fixed...Where do I learn that? How about contemplation that in those videos to? To be honest I was kind of disappointed in the retreat videos..the you tube video had a bird, a woods, a river, Leo meditating...but, the retreat videos was just Leo talking....Come on Leo I know you can be more cooler than that. How about sitting by a river telling us what self enqirey is and how to do it, then do it in front of us, or tell us how to mind fully swim then go swim. Also, tell me how to spell enquirey cause i get a red line and click it and it still is wrong. Don't get offended please, I mean if you guide and help us and We don't do it for you in return then what kind of students are we? not good ones in my opinion

The thought has crossed my mind. Maybe, go in a cabin, meditate in nature, do a lot of journal writing, watch a river. Maybe, some yoga? sounds good

OK, I will. tell me how to do self inqurey and i will make you all a video. my phone makes black bars on youtube tho, Hey, can i make videos based on his stuff? That would be cool. I will mention him. This weekend at william's creek. funny the creek two miles from me has my name lol.

i can think of all of reasons I want to quit. I been mediating a lot I think it will help. The do nothing meditation I am trying to practice cause when i sit still i usually smoke. I want to enjoy life with out it

i need to look up that video. I been thinking of exploring my childhood more I got a note book for memories

I seen a post on here about carrying a note book to write thoughts in. I knew Leo had a video on journals and watched it. I found out about one note and this cool journal has been sitting in my lap top this whole time I made tons of diaries one for thoughts, daily stuff, goals, book notes and healthy stuff i dunno I got one for everything and pages to store all i get. It is a cool journal i don't think i want to devote a whole blog to it so, i will post the link Leo talks about it I decided to make a section on health topics and on each one explore what are the reasons for the healthy things and why i want to them. like on quitting smoking why do i want to quit and why i don't. I can put notes from here too cause I found some topics on quitting and the link leads to it. It has all kinds of cool stuff I am surprised it is free. I used to love google drive and use it but, one note I think is totally cooler. I made a section for meditation and it has a link to a topic i made. i got it on my phone too. I think this will be good to motivate me.

Well, Let's see what do i put here? I like all the stuff Leo listed in the pinned post i mean I want a place to write about everything. I been watching his videos for awhile and thought I should join this forum, get them in order and do this stuff. But, too be honest I am a bit scared I mean so, many rules what is allowed what is not allowed...I think one said no religion...Will I get banned for mentioning God? I study a lot of different religions but, you know there are plenty of places for that. I got on disability and I wanted to get into stuff I used to not have any time for and I knew existed. I wish I started two years ago I got an evaluation in may I am so scared I will get started only to have to go back to work. but, I gotta make it work right? I bet other people work and are here I been just looking around and there is some interesting stuff going on here. I guess I better jump right in but, I may break a rule lol I seen something about not mentioning other courses. I kind of wish I could talk about everything in one place. I guess I can make a personal diary on my google drive that way no one thinks I am trying to promote some thing. I never can get in the habit of journal writing and know I need too. I like Leo's videos and will be using this as a place for notes on them. I looked up smoking awhile ago too see topics on it. I seen one on quitting pleasures. I seen a video that our addictions are cause of fear of being by yourself I think it was. I live alone but, I guess it might be hard to just do nothing. Funny thing is i thought oh, I would just day dream! yea, i am on a beach...then he said no fantasizing. Hmmm....no thinking either? he even said you can be addicted to thinking...I probably, am too. I wish I was not so addicted to cigarettes and soda I mean if I can't have them I am miserable I don't want my happiness to depend on that. My happiness is so, conditional I must have sodas, must have cigarettes, must have internet, must have coffee, must have money, I see stuff on amazon must have it. I wish I could be like my grandpa he never bought anything and enjoyed what he had...he was rich too he could of had anything but, he would not even buy a modern phone cause his rotary phone worked. Oh, and sitting alone doing nothing...he did that,,Now, he might have been thinking but, he did nothing but, that alot of times. My grand parents are dead now but, the way they lived are still in the files of my mind. Well, guess I will stop here I just wanted maybe a little intro on my journal

I have heard of saying each thing you do as a form of meditation. I tried this and it really is different. I never learned to inhale so i gotta add"coughing" . I listened to Leos video on making a journal and made one. I been exploring healthy things and why i want to do them as motivation. I decided gto explore why i want to smoke and why i want to quit. I will put this exersize in there

I wanted to do a topic on this I guess cause I have not really done much but, my journal. I decided to play Leo's play list on meditation cause I thought I am just starting this and this seems like a good place to start. When I heard about this meditation I thought it would be easy cause I sit and think all the time. But, thinking about I don't really do that cause i may smoke, drink a soda, scratch or move..Also, my minds usually on something not just flowing free. At first when sitting I thought wouldn't it be wonderful to be happy doing nothing? My happiness always depends on something cigarettes, internet, reading whatever. If for some weird reason I had to sit in a room with nothing in it not even windows I would be one bored and depressed person. It got a bit hard later my mouth twitched for some reason, I wanted to look at my timer, I noticed I was looking around I thought no, I am staying meditating I want to do this. I felt relaxed tho my body was relaxed but, my mind wanted attention I think. I tried some labeling hearing, seeing, thinking, feeling. I got this one thought that was so horrific I wont mention it but, I thought this is just a thought...It wont hurt anyone and I will let it play out. I constantly fight stuff...If i itch take medicine, depressed smoke a cigarette, bad thought I bat away but, when i think about t it is facing the un comfortable things that make you strong. I can be blissful, happy and meditate easy in a good setting but, life is not always good so, I want to be at peace what ever happens What are your thoughts on this?

I better practice that as well, I don't want to miss that.

i did not know i had onenote on my laptop i looked to download it. I love it i got a journal set up like his now but, my stuff not his lol.

I love this idea. i use google docs for notes and I made a blog folder but, i never daily write thoughts and I thought about writing daily stuff. Hey, I think Leo has a video on journaling i seen once I think i will go find it.

I could add this too my list of addictions. One problem is my phone I got a person i wont mention who wants to chat all the time. I try to read self help books, do courses I am in and ever minute the notification goes. Is internet a bad thing if your doing good stuff like that? I turn off notifications but, them apps find a way some how and I don't even know how to turn them off on my lap top. I hate them banners and noises. expecially the banners, Imagine trying to read and some one sticking a little card in front of your face all the time.

I kind of like thinking of the mantra Om Shanti when i get distracted or stressed can i add that too the Meditation where you do nothing or would that mess it up? I don't practice it as much as I should but, it brings me peace when i do.