willybilly30

um what i said was silly. goodnight all

I like this journal. I have tried to start to many habits at once as well, So, much i want to do but, I just don't have the motivation for a long list yet i guess. I read once that everyone has a motivation meter inside, it gets lower the more you do and so, focusing on one thing at a time is great I think i will take a week to write things i want to do, why, make plans and possible obstacles Can you explain the linking triggers like at bed time? I don't know i am not fully getting what that is. I would like to learn more cause it seems like you have some hang ups i have had. I thought about exploring why i want to do the habit..like smoking...i mean what am i getting out of it? Why do i need a cigarette with my morning coffee...that sort of thing. I don't know seems to make sense i mean there has got to be something i get out of it. Great Journal can't wait to see where you go with this.

Sigh, I did not get around to working on my courses or exercise yet. been kind of a busy day. But, i did do something this morning. I decided to write in my journal. I got in a fight with my mom this weekend. I wrote about it and decided to see why i got angry. I asked why i got angry? I tried to see my mom's side of things. It was pretty interesting and I asked how i can control my temper next time. I talked about it with my mom. I thought about doing the same thing with smoking. Why do i smoke? then Why after that answer. Seems asking why a lot gets to the heart of the matter. Also. asking how i can quit. I usually look for answers in other places. But, I think i should listen to myself as well. I wish i could mention the courses cause i would like this to be a home base i guess. A place to say ok, i did this...this,,,this,,,,.i guess i could use my note book for that. I don't want some one to think i am trying to promote some thing. I have seen sneaky spammers go to a site pretending they love it and then bragging about some course. Well, i am gonna get started on stuff i been wanting to do tomorrow. see you later

I am not sure what to call my journal but, this sounds all right. I was here along time ago, made a journal and was gonna get into it all. But, I had an annoying friend who kept messaging me, taking up my time and it was nothing really interesting. He was a freaking sexaholic...why not just say it....constantly,. 24/7 sex talk and did not give a crap about anything i was interested in. You know i had a lot going on...i got therapy classes at the mental health center, got in a fitness course, and a few others but, I don't want to look like some spammer and i know what they are. Then i mop the floor and break my leg.....i end up in the hospital of course...told i got border line diabetes so, no more sugar, can't smoke, drink water, exercise before bed and on waking up, very little caffeine i mean they didn't give me sodas all day lol I don't think my friend really cared... just talked about all the loving he was missing and when i got out and was off the walker to cane he wanted to go the woods. I finally broke it off...i told him goodbye and blocked him...i told my mom and sister about my gay relationship....even tho they hated this they said he was using me. At the mental health center we been learning coping skills, doing art and talking about journals. I got a note book and been writing my thoughts and daily stuff...then a thought popped in my head...I wonder what ole Leo on Actualized.org is doing? he still around? He very much is still around and got a video on journals...i mean right there in front of me like i was meant to see it lol He says something like search for answers in yourself and ask questions...sounds good. I like how he made a comment about people look on youtube or books for answers....Man, do i do that....gee, i wonder what would happen if i asked myself anything? i have a few times here and there but, i don't really practice it. How many of us go to google before we do anything? like if i thought of hoola hooping today i would see if people do that still. I don't know i kind of wonder what would happen if i used my own head for a change? Why do i do the things i do any way? Why after i gave all the toxins up in the hospital for a month am i smoking again? got to be a reason right? Sure, i can read books, watch videos and Maybe Leo has done one on smoking...i dunno has he?....but, i think it would be a big help to see why i want it? and maybe, ask myself how to stop it.... I will still use my note book but, i may come here and write what to did down or give thoughts or some thing i don't know what all i will do. Now, that my distraction is gone i want to pursue what i want to work on. So, here i am lol

He certainly had some good ideas. I like to tell people who insult me "What you see in me is what you see in you" it shuts them up. I like his other quote "I am God and I am the devil" In his interviews he did seem to know a lot and have spiritual knowledge. He certainly had the potential to be a spiritual teacher. Whether there was a helter skelter belief or caused the tate la bianca killings I have heard enough to write another book to add to the collection. he was not a saint but i take the good with the bad with people. rip charlie

I feel the need to please people as well. I have such a hard time saying "no" . I don't know how many times I did what i did not want to or got in trouble cause of it. Since, I started the journal Leo talked about I been writing about my childhood seeing why i did this or what i could of done. I know one problem is I am afraid of peoples anger I think. I had a very controlling friend who I am glad has moved. My family blamed me for everything to and my sister is still a goddess to them. It is what it is I guess. I can't change them and fighting never works. Really, all you can do is change your self and remeber a quote my dad used to say "No matter what you do you will piss some one off"

Thank you for them links it sounds like what i need as well.

I don't see a tutorial on self inquiry but, i will ask google. I need to study the blue print and cheat more maybe that will help

The thought has crossed my mind. Maybe, go in a cabin, meditate in nature, do a lot of journal writing, watch a river. Maybe, some yoga? sounds good

OK, I will. tell me how to do self inqurey and i will make you all a video. my phone makes black bars on youtube tho, Hey, can i make videos based on his stuff? That would be cool. I will mention him. This weekend at william's creek. funny the creek two miles from me has my name lol.

1.I watched Leos latest video on deception and I really don't get it....I got a feeling I need to read some thing or study some thing to get what Leo is talking about. So, where do i begin? 2. I heard about self inquiry in his retreat but, I can not find the video explaining what that is or how to do it. According, to the red line i guess I am not even spelling it right...ok, fixed...Where do I learn that? How about contemplation that in those videos to? To be honest I was kind of disappointed in the retreat videos..the you tube video had a bird, a woods, a river, Leo meditating...but, the retreat videos was just Leo talking....Come on Leo I know you can be more cooler than that. How about sitting by a river telling us what self enqirey is and how to do it, then do it in front of us, or tell us how to mind fully swim then go swim. Also, tell me how to spell enquirey cause i get a red line and click it and it still is wrong. Don't get offended please, I mean if you guide and help us and We don't do it for you in return then what kind of students are we? not good ones in my opinion

i can think of all of reasons I want to quit. I been mediating a lot I think it will help. The do nothing meditation I am trying to practice cause when i sit still i usually smoke. I want to enjoy life with out it

i need to look up that video. I been thinking of exploring my childhood more I got a note book for memories

I seen a post on here about carrying a note book to write thoughts in. I knew Leo had a video on journals and watched it. I found out about one note and this cool journal has been sitting in my lap top this whole time I made tons of diaries one for thoughts, daily stuff, goals, book notes and healthy stuff i dunno I got one for everything and pages to store all i get. It is a cool journal i don't think i want to devote a whole blog to it so, i will post the link Leo talks about it I decided to make a section on health topics and on each one explore what are the reasons for the healthy things and why i want to them. like on quitting smoking why do i want to quit and why i don't. I can put notes from here too cause I found some topics on quitting and the link leads to it. It has all kinds of cool stuff I am surprised it is free. I used to love google drive and use it but, one note I think is totally cooler. I made a section for meditation and it has a link to a topic i made. i got it on my phone too. I think this will be good to motivate me.