okulele

This is my solo retreat report. I hope it will inspire you to do something like this yourself. Over a month ago I started my 4 week solo retreat. I was quite ready for this. I rented a tiny cabin with no electricity, no water. Spartan conditions, but it was extremely cheap and all I could afford. It was not easy. I quickly found myself in an ocean of suffering and bliss. These two would swap back and forth, varying in intensity and duration. It didn't take me long to realize that the greater the challenge I faced, the more profound the insight at the end and the stronger the bliss following it. This kept me going through the hellish phases. Just a day or two in, I realized that no meditation technique would do. I was not in charge. All I could do was be quiet and watch as life expressed itself through me by spontaneously contemplating the right questions, than inspecting the body, then forgetting all and surrendering completely, then other activities still. I think it was day 3 when the kundalini stuff started to happen. Good thing I heard about all this many times. If I didn't, I'd probably go crazy. In my meditations unspeakable stuff was happening in my body, visions more real than reality would come to mind and I had problems discerning what was true and what was false. Many times my body got so blocked up I thought I would die, only to be forced into an even deeper surrender. Nights were no relief either. Lucid dreams full of trials and challenges awaited me. Alien abductions and meeting gurus, sages and stuff like that. In short, it was a hell of a ride. Fortunately, after about 3 days this subsided. Deep contemplations started to take place uncovering old traumas, unmet desires and such. It was beautiful. On day 14 I had the biggest insight of the retreat. I was contemplating Consciousness itself, when I realized that it is no different from Love. Than I remembered the Hindu concept of Sat-Chit-Ananda (Being-Consciusness-Love), looked closer, and sure enough, this Consciousness-Love was not different from Being either - meaning me. I bathed in this unbounded state for a couple of hours looking over a beautiful pond nearby. I came to the conclusion that I was done here, after 2 week out of 4. It has been 16 days since I came home now. A lot has changed, and nothing at all. I am clearer than ever about what I want, need and value. My life has a much deeper sense of purpose and authenticity. My contemplation skill just sky rocketed. I realized what contemplation is, and it is such a joy to do it even hours a day, as I now know that I can go all the way to the truth of anything I want to know. And since I believe, I make it happen. I have had issues with eating for a long time, even though my diet was good. A lot of shame and guilt always plagued this arena of my life. After a particularly bad meal on the retreat and a deep introspection afterwards, I asked desperately - "How the fuck do I solve this?". And the answer came - "Just ask.". I realized the ability to ask about any food and I will get an answer from inside - it tells me if I should or shouldn't eat. Quickly I realized this works for any question with yes and no. I can ask about anything and know if it is 'yes' or 'no', but it's not always easy to ask and follow the answer. This often takes balls and and losing a fat piece of ego is common here. Soooo... go do it. Spend time alone. Forget it all. Immerse yourself in yourself. You won't believe how much bullshit you are buying into. Thank you Leo, you were one of the ones who inspired me to do this!

Thanks

what will it feel like?

“The winds of God's grace are always blowing, it is for us to raise our sails.” ― Ramakrishna

Take up a sport

Culture is fine, but when it comes to culture or love, we must choose love.

amazing

You are looking for yourself. The rule is, anything you are aware of can't be you... Get it? Make sure you get it. Now that you understand, start looking for yourself. Anything you come across - feeling, sight, thought... - anything and everything, you negate as not you and move on. Keep seeking and negating until there is nothing left.

Sounds really tough. Don't settle for this, it could even be dangerous. Maybe you could ask your school for scholarship explaining your situation? Is there anyone else who could help?

Consider that much more knowledge might not be helpful. You don't neccecerily need words, you need consciousness. Wherever consciousness "appears", healing follows. One great book on healing is - Letting Go by David R Hawkins.

It's about faith. It's about knowonh for sure that you can do it and 'just doing it'. If for some reason you cannot do it now, you can read about it, do vizualization and that might help you. But in the end, all that stuff will only bring you to the faith of "smiply healing".

No, I'd recommend to go with what I told you. Try not to know how to do it and just experiment. You don't need to know how, really. Just heal.

Psychedelics as a spiritual practice I have been doing psychedelics for years, but only recently I think I hit a really nice way of working with them. It's a mindset thing. The important point I see is - look at psychedelics as a spiritual practice. What does that mean? Don't do it once. Do it again and again. Make a habit out of it. Just like mediation. Strive to be good at tripping, just like any other skill. Be smart about it. Make it a practice. An idea of how this could work: 1. Choose a substance to experiment with. 2. Get enough for ... let's say 20 strong doses. 3. Try out a light, medium dose. 4. Dose up until you hit a point were it is really going deep into the mystery, but you are still conscious and clear - you don't pass out or loose your track totally. 5. When you get that dose, do it repeatedly. Let's say, every week. 6. What will probably happen is this - you will be busting through a lot of baggage and very soon (if not right away) you will start hitting mystical states. 7. Keep at it. Keep at it. See where it takes you. Be open. Be curious. This is a post to myself.

Via intention. Via imagination. Via faith. Play with it.

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"One's own dharma, however imperfect, is better than another's, however perfect. Even death in one's own dharma is to be preferred, because another's dharma can deceive and degrade." - The Bhagavad Gita Dharma meaning way, or life purpose. As Leo mentioned, although awakening is a lofty goal, it might not be for me. Gotta follow my dharma above all.

? Prayers for the planet Earth. Anyone with me?

Cool, go for it

@Damien Yeah, I wanted to serve there also, but mentioning self-inquiry banned me from that The rule is - vipassana only, or no serving.

Most of these seem really safe. Look at the reports online if you are worried. From my experience 1P-LSD is definitely fine.

Psychedelics. Mushrooms, if I remember correctly. Just deep deep into the experience and suddenly... this!

"Opening to Channel" by Sanaya Roman I haven't read it, but I know other books from the author. It's channeled material from an entity called Orin. It's pretty good.

Yes. It happened to me a couple of times. Even into consciousness of inanimate objects.

If you mean literally enlightenment intensives, the ones where you do dyads for 3 days and ask the question 'Who am I', then there is a great place in Bath, England. Highly recommend. The site is amazing, the facilitators wonderful. http://ei-bath.info/ If you mean just a general retreat (like the one with Rupert), there's a lot all around.