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On being a fool "I will surrender, I know I'll do! I'll try so hard, I'll break right through. With all my strength, with all my skill, I'll give away my own damn will. And so I sit, and so I try, And nothing works, I want to cry. So I give up, can't take no more. I see no way to reach my core. And right this moment, something is gone. It's I that's missing, life is a song."

Being perfect Actualized.org changed my life in a dramatic way. It gave me the desire and the will to do something with this life. And it is amazing. However, often times I fall into the trap of needing to be perfect. My need to be perfect is a very subtle occurrence. From outside it seems like a very noble thing. I am planning out, strategizing, pushing myself. And that would be nice, but in the background, there is a certain feeling. It is not pleasant. Where is the issue? The issue is the reason for which I choose to act. When I have the need to be perfect, the reason lurking behind the scenes is the old, anxious guy - Mr. Fear.

Have a piece of peace I would like everyone to feel this peace. All I want is for everyone to be able to live this peace. It is what everyone wants. It is what everyone CAN have! It is right here for me, then it has to be here for you also. And for him. And even for her. All I want to do is share this peace. Is to show this peace. So... here you go! A piece of peace! Take it, enjoy it

There is a treasure inside you. Just have a look

Expressing myself "I see beauty all around me I know peace is here. How to show you, my dear friends What I really feel?" I have a need to create. I am sure a lot of you, dear readers, can relate. Upon examining, this need stems from my awe of the world. This world, this reality is not an ordinary place. In fact it seems most extraordinary! And that is still a word not strong enough. When I look at the world I see amazing, fascinating masterpiece. There is a mystery here. One would think that if I look closer, the mystery will be solved. It is not the case in my experience! The closer I look, the more mysterious the mystery gets. The deeper I go, the less I know. And the more I want to show my awe to the world.

Care to share your "4 months to enlightenment" recipe?

The willingness to be Since the end of the darkness retreat something has changed. It is not a big change, it's more like a shift. I am much more conscious. I am aware of my being more deeply and more... let's say frequently. I do not get dragged too deeply into my mind usually and if I do, it doesn't last long. What happened? What made the difference? I just became willing to be. Being became much more interesting than my problems.

Anti-fungal diet It has been almost 3 weeks since the start of the diet and I see great improvement in my health. Mostly my gut health. Although it is not perfect at all, it has become tolerable. Cutting sugar and grains helped me a lot. A few times I had some fruit (raisins yesterday), but that seems to be ok. I am using probiotics now to help healthy gut fauna to grow again. Soon I will start with using citrus seed extract, which is supposed to crush the fungi!

Yes, HD vision happens to me from time to time. Sometimes it seems more 3D than 3D

“I become a transparent eyeball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part of God.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Double slit experiment I was inspired to look into this experiment by a topic created on this forum about quantum mechanics books. This is kind of crazy. That is what I am experiencing. It seems like a crazy, mystical thing that I discovered, yet it was revealed to science! My god! How come our society is still the same if this is taught in schools? Well I know how. Nobody gets it. I remember the time my high school teacher was telling us about this experiment. It baffled me and I asked - "How?". He said he had no idea. So it was revealed to the public, but I think it is mostly seen as just a weird thing and not many people take it seriously. But it should be taken VERY seriously. It proves that we are in a dream world. This world is NOT solid. Matter is a joke! Oh my god!

The chi master - Paul Chek It is mind blowing for me to see this different side to spirituality. Enlightenment is not the only thing out there to explore. There seems to be a whole world of possibilities connected to a balanced 6th chakra.

My notes on genius from David Hawkins' book "Power vs Force" "Genius is by definition a style of consciousness characterized by the ability to access high-energy attractor patterns." "Genius and creativity, then, are subjectively experienced as a witnessing." "From our studies, it appears that the alignment of one’s goals and values with high-energy attractors is more closely associated with genius than anything else." "A formula followed by all geniuses, prominent or not, is: Do what you like to do best, and do it to the very best of your ability." Not sure if it tells you much without the context of the book though...

Purpose vs Purposelessness My two previous posts show my two selves. One is of the beauty, of the being, of the peace and of the all. The other is a self which wants to be human, wants to interact and give, wants to be a badass and show the world what it is about, wants to make a difference and wants to be seen and heard. Both of them are me it seems, although each in it's own way. How do I strike a balance between the two?

Walking, Being I am walking, yet I am just being. I am sitting, yet I just am. All is flowing, all is being. All is beauty, all I am?

The crushing lack of purpose The only real purpose I seem to have is consciousness work. And that really is a kind of purposeless purpose. At times, this becomes very crushing and I see the incredible value of a life purpose. Of a compass, a mission, a dream. If I don't really focus my attention on a predetermined goal what is there to keep me going in times of trouble? What is there to keep me going when everything seems to be meaningless? Well, nothing. I have been resisting looking deeply into the matter of life purpose for a long time. A part of me is saying, that it is just a mind game and I should focus on consciousness. And it is a mind game! But it does not make it inferior in any way. I have this mind, I have this life, I have the opportunity to act and create. And I clearly see that it does not REALLY collide with consciousness work. These are two different levels. I can be conscious and at the same time allow myself to create something meaningful inside of this beautiful illusion. What would be the point of playing, if I am not taking part really?

Noticing the nothingness where my face is supposed to be.

The play of the mind "The mind is racing peace is here. So much chatter, but it's still. All this chaos, amongst order. Feeling bound, without border."

Thank you all. I see it is just more doubts and drama from the mind. It got me again

In the past I have been very deliberate about my mediation. I would choose a technique and a set time and be very sure to bust it out. Lately I allow it to be more free. I sit down with no real technique in mind. I mostly just sit, sometimes scan my body if I feel like it, sometimes go into inquiry or some sort of contemplation if that seems attractive. It feels very good, but am I not missing out on some huge gains by being strict with one particular method? What are your thoughts about it?

That's kind of what I have been doing I guess. Well of course, it is so pleasurable to sit in my own being. That is why I am reluctant to do for example labeling or concentrating, as that seems like a drag. But my concern is whether it would not be also beneficial to develop a skill like deep concentration on an object or something of that sorts.

I am free Beautiful words. Thank you for the reminder!

Boredom Sometimes a state comes, where I feel bored. There is nothing to do. Nothing worthwhile at least. There is really nothing. And it is terrible. Or is it? -What is so terrible? -Well, the nothing. The lack. The emptiness. -Ok, let's have a look. When I have a look at the ugly, terrible emptiness, it is not so bad at all. It is just empty. And with time, it becomes even quite cozy. So what was so painful, if not the emptiness? Well, the thought of it.

I am not exactly in the infinite-depth-love-mode 24/7, but there is greater self acceptance present even when some of my shadows are coming up. Also I have started doing a little loving-kindness meditation and with that I can access my heart energy very strongly now. No, the trauma is all healed up. But during the experience and some time after I was sure I have been scarred for life. Can't wait to see The retreat was in Czech Republic.

A message to my little scared self "Here, everything is ok. Can I stay for just a while? please don't send me back out there. There are problems thousands issues millions choices to consider... Let me stay here for a little. You can stay my little darling, you can stay all day long, but if life keeps on calling, you must go, oh you must go. Just remember, little child, you can come at any time. Here, everything is ok."