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@pluto how do you experience these downloads? Thoughts, images, or just pure insight?

Don't be fooled. It is not back there in the past. This high feeling, the feeling of it passing, the depression - that is it! That is life!

Loosing control The thing is, that when I started out with personal development, I thought it would be different. I thought, that I would develope a strong will and conquer the world along with my own self. It worked to an extend, but I have seemed to reach a limit. It is scary to let go of the strong, actualized identity I formed in the last few years. A healthy individual! Very wise and mature! Very calm and spiritual! Disciplined! And now it has to go. It ultimately stems from fear. "...to let go of the idea - me against life - which is what victim consciousnes is. There is me, I need to guard and defend myself, cause I don't really fully believe in God."

Concerning the belly I don't know about others, but I don't usually feel my belly area too much. What is happening in my stomach? In my intestines? How does my liver feel? It's a bit of a dead zone for me. This is a good guide to liven up your gut area and bring awareness in there.

I'd guess he might be turquoise. He is back to the collective mindset a lot.

The class of insight - report I decided to try out the the door of growth technique I made up in last post. Here is what happened: I intended to get the lesson I needed most at the moment. I was standing in front of the door. A being of light appeared next to the door and asked me if I am ready for a class of insight. After I said I am, he opened the door. I walked into a room. It had a big window and was bright. There was a desk and a chair on which I sat myslef. I looked down at the desk and realized that there was a mirror on it. The reflection was a me-like figure. It had horns and an angry expression. It grabbed me and pulled me inside the mirror. We appeared in a hell-like dimension. The hurt version of me demanded to know why I left him in there all alone. Plenty of memories of the time I was hurt in my life started coming up. After a moment I hugged the hurt version of me and told him I love him. Right away he started transformig. The devilish figure changed into my child form. It was crying ans crying, getting smaller and smaller and then I ate him and he went into my heart I came back to the room with the big window and met the bright figure. This time I started crying (also in reality) and the figure was hugging me. After I got consumed into the bright figure's heart I appeared in a wonderful forest. An antelope came to me and started playing with me. It was so much fun, I felt like a child. I was laughing (also in reality). And bang I came back, out of the door which were closed by the bright figure. "That's it for now" - it said.

@Quanty Seperating from society and concetrating on meditation is what I had primarily in mind. Not neccecerily India. @cirkussmile I have done a Vipassana retreat before and I did love it. I did not want to leave after 10 days! @Moreira I find that being in society can be a bit distracting. E.g. flatmates diaturbing my practice. @Prabhaker Thanks for the inspiring article. By yogi I ment yogi/meditator/... I might check out the books in the future.

You seem to know some deep shit, but nobody speaks your language.

Imagination On the spiritual path we often try to shut the mind up. That is a valid goal for the mindless monkey-mind. But if we can also learn to use the mind properly, we can create wonderful things. To those who are open to the power of imagination, anything is possible. This is an example of healing with the use of imagination/vizualization. The trick to creating with the use od imagination is faith. The picture in the mind doesn't have to be perfect, there is even no need for a picture! Just a simple belief that what you imagine is coming. Ideas for creating with imagination: The golden pig. Create a golden pig in your mind. Make him alive. Feed it and tend to it, watch it grow knowing that he represents your external wealth, which will grow at the same rate. Be rich. Deity. Create a deity in your mind that is suitable for you. Worship it, pray to it, ask it for samadhi. Attain samadhi. The door of growth. Imagine an ancient door in your mind. Walk through it knowing that when you will be on the other side, you will recieve the most important lesson that you need at present time. Grow like crazy. Astral travel. Imagine a path going up, up a mountain. Walk the path knowing that when you reach the top you will leave yoir body and astral travel. Explore. Of course all of these could be done with no images in your mind. But we are visual creatures and it helps.

Nicely said.

@Viking it is the book that discusses gurus in lenght, but there is a very good explanation of the practice and techniques too.

Caring for your temple 2 Notes: explores eggs, meat and fish. Reminds the listeners of the unbelievable ways the big corporations treat animals. Points out that a lot of fish are on the verge of extinction and should be avoided. Reminds the listeners how we "vote" with each shopping.

@Pure Imagination I totally agree. I experienced 5-MeO onec and although it was lightning fast and I remember almost nothing, it has been coming back consistently when I am falling asleep or just randomly. It opened some kind of magic gate inside of me for sure.

@Viking I have been practicing Kriya according to "Kriya Yoga Exposed" by SantataGamana for about a month. Either it is a coincidence or it is really working, because my awareness has never been as sharp and consistent as it is now. The main point he stresses is changing the final concentration for "being aware of being aware". When I do that final practice/non-practice, I get very deep and it tends to stay with me effortlessly for some time afterwards.

@Viking It got you. It convinced you to give up. Don't get tricked so easily Listen what Leo has to say about this:

@ajasatya Of course, the point "it's here and now" is most valid. But still, if I have an option to choose my life circumstances, I want the ones most supportive of my goals.

Caring for your temple This is actually a very good lecture. Talks about the basics of feeding our bodies. Most inspiring. Notes: explains the importance of eating fruit and vegetable. Stresses cooking for yourself, as otherwise you have no idea what is in your food.

@kieranperez I don't have the book list... @Erlend K McMindfulness

@kateaa It looks like there is a possibility to stay in Hridaya as a karma yogi, but spanish is required. That's not an option for me then. Thanks for sharing the monastery. Looks good.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-GLeSSXgFk06Qx2xjVnrZw This whole channel is focued on what he calls "Continual Breath Awarness". Quite a few videos that can motivate you. But basically just stay aware instead of studying it more

Some of the books I read and would consider green: "The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help" - a biography of a very green artist "Last Chance to See" - a travel report exploring endangered species "Vagabonding: An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel" - a guide to a hippy way of traveling "Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End" - a book exploring limitations of modern medicine in the final days

It's settled, bugs. I started this journal with a crusade in mind. I was determined to crush my illness and the fungi which caused it, in my mind. In this short time I understood a lot. It is not as simple as killing of a fungi in my stomach. The issue is much more subtle. The root goes much deeper. I will continue this journey with a new paradigm and with a new journal. See you there

I have been meaning to start this journal for a while now, but kept putting it off. Now there is a challenge in my life that I need to face and I hope this journal can help me out with it. Fungal infection is no joke. There is fungi living off of every one's of our bodies, but if it gets out of control and they overdevelop, it can be an issue. I have been having a lot of issues with my digestion lately, a lot of sugar cravings, dandruff appeared. It seems that step by step, my body has been pointing out to me, that I am not exactly healthy and that there is an issue. What is the plan to get rid of the fungi? cut out ALL sugar (including fruit) cut out refined graines start using probiotics start using antifungals Mind infection is no joke either. My mind is infected with unhealthy patterns of thoughts. Tons of fear, insecurity, judgment... you name it. Well, there is no one to blame really. I have been deeply unconscious for a long time and whatever was thrown at me I just took in without examining. Now that consciousness is arising in this life, I have the opportunity to inquire into all of this and purge all that is not real. What is the plan to free the mind? mediation kriya yoga (soon) bioenergetics psychedelics mindfulness Basically the mission is to stay conscious and get off of sugar Good luck to myself! You can do it!