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@Joseph Maynor that's a lot to take in @Shadowraix @tsuki I am actually happy with the way I am. There is just this belief "I should be doing something more" coming up consistently, and that motivated me to start this topic.

Love him to death.

@Healingheart As @peanutspathtotruth said, Matt Kahn is your man

Ramana Maharshi's Self-Inquiry: Zen Koans: I have been practicing Self-Inquiry in that way for some time. Zen Koans seem really similar but this strong internal pressure (gidan) is something I have not experienced so much with Inquiry. What do you think? Are these methods basically the same or are they fundamentally different in some way?

Basically contemplation. Think about what you want and leave spaces of silence in between the thoughts. Insights will come out of these spaces.

Meditate and Slowly strategize about my life without succumbing to distractions or procrastinations.

@Preetom Thanks for the reply

THE END This journal was based on selfish motives. It won't do.

Making wisdom my own For the last 3 years I have been passionately devouring books, videos and other types of media full of wisdom. I have learned a lot. It was a long time ago when I saw Leo's video about contemplation. I did not take it really seriously and only lately have I realized what a power-tool it is. This journal is devoted to my notes and insights which will come up from contemplating the teachings that I studied across the years and the teachings that I will study in the future. My contemplation will be based on Jnana Yoga theory of Advaita Vedanta: Pasted from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jnana_yoga The purpose: Make a habit of deep understanding and expressing myself. The method: Take in the information Contemplate Meditate on the experience gained + Express in the journal

Hitchhiking and living in the wild for extended periods of time. Traveling to culturally different countries. Reading and Watching and Listening. Experimenting with psychedelics. Interacting with enlightened people.

This course really changed entirely how I approach spirituality. A complete system of Yoga designed for Self-Realization.

The ekaH Yoga Course by Sri Ramana Devi [10/10] "Sri Ramana’s ekah Yoga provides a comprehensive introduction to all of the major concepts and practices contained within Advaita Vedanta. The concepts and practices are introduced in a way that is simple and clear and are made accessible to those with no prior knowledge of the subject." WHAT IT IS: This online course provides you with the teachings of Yoga created by Sri Ramana Devi. Sri Ramana Devi is a guru of the Hindu Advaita Vedanta tradition. The course teaches the basics of Advaita Vedant philosophy as well as the practices witch lead an individual to Self-Realization. THE PROCESS: The course is free. It starts of with a conversation with a trained teacher of ekaH Yoga, who will guide the individual through the course. The requirements to finishing the course are returning written answers and returning recordings of practices being implemented. MY EXPERIENCE: I personally have benefited very much from this course. The ekaH Yoga is a very comprehensive system, including the four Yogas: Raja Yoga (develops concentration), Jnana Yoga (purifies the mind), Bhakti Yoga (purifies the heart) and Karma Yoga (purifies the actions). The big change it had on my life was the introduction of a heart-based (bhakti) practice, which really filled a hole in me, that I was unsuccessfully trying to stuff with all kinds of hedonism before. I cannot recommend this teaching enough! http://www.sriramanadevi.org/courses.html

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Stepping into Freedom (30 min) This short quote is a description of a particular state of consciousness. There is nobody doing anything in this state. Feelings and thoughts come and go, but are not the focus. The breath is the director in this state. Just as we don't have to continually check and make sure that the anchor is holding, we don't have to worry about the conscious breathing being there for us. A certain faith is held that the breath will be there. There is zero fear of the wind, there is infinite trust in the anchor. It is a state of relaxed concentration where the breath is either at the center constantly or keeps coming back to the center by itself. The clouds are a beautiful scenery to the life of breath.

Are you familiar with Ken Wilber's concepts of Waking Up, Cleaning Up, Growing Up? Do you think spiritual awakening will still leave the shadow intact?

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Stepping into Freedom (30 min) This short quote is a meditation manual. Each sentence represents a step of mediation. Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. - This invites us to look at our experience. What are we focusing on? Is it a thought? An emotion? If so, we can recognize it is like a cloud in the sky. Gone with the wind. With this recognition, we can let go of it and become empty, free. Conscious breathing is my anchor. - This invites us to choose our point of focus. Once we are empty and free, we can consciously choose an anchor for the mind. An anchor holds tightly, doesn't let go even for a moment, it is a continuum. Breath is a good anchor. Once we are empty and anchored to our breath, the breath slowly takes of its mask of being only a pump for air. It reveals its ability to be deep, not meaning strong and full, but deeply penetrating to the subtle dimensions of the body.

Karma Yoga (30 min) The Karma Yogi wakes up not knowing what he will do. He knows one thing only. He will serve Life. He goes through his day with this thought and humbly awaits orders. Karma Yoga is the realization that there is something greater at play here than our own little plans, ambitions, dreams and hopes. There are great principles waiting to be honored and fought for. These principles are truth, justice, goodness, love and freedom. Completely abandoning any ideas about what my life should be and focusing on serving these principles at every moment is Karma Yoga. We don't do what we want to do, what we think we should do, what someone told us to do or what we read we should do. We do what must be done. Some Karma Yogis in movies: Frodo decides to go take the ring to Mordor with no regard to his life. Dragonet gives his life for his fellow warriors. Spartans march towards death for their land, for their families, for their freedoms. "I am the knight of Light, with no will of my own. I am the servant of Love, only your orders I know."

Bhakti Yoga (40 min) Bhakti Yoga is the science of developing worship. Worship seems to have three very useful functions. One, it open's up the gateway of emotion, which can flow freely. Two, it brings forth the capacity to dissolve emotion in a safe way. Three, it brings great joy resulting from the release of emotion. Worship is not a thing but a process, a continuous movement. It is the feeling of being small, insignificant, and ultimately forgotten in the face of something great. The breath changes automatically , becomes a sigh, full of relief and release, the focus is on the exhale. As the heart is bared, life instantly becomes sweet, warm and every object is glistening with beauty. The state of worship, of having one's emotions unstuck is a bit like a continuous orgasm. There is an impulse in an individual to worship. It is instinctual, not intellectual. It happens by itself when allowed or encouraged. If an individual is not in touch with this impulse, Bhakti Yoga advices to develop it by first worshiping something more tangible, easier to concentrate on, like a picture of a saint or god. After it becomes more natural, worship can be sustained without an object.

If your sole purpose is to get awakened, one way to go about it is to build up total fucking faith and dedication to something. Being too skeptical and jumping from one flower to the next does not help in this method.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Stepping into Freedom (30 min) Feelings are quite exciting. They come in countless colors, tastes and varieties, and it is very natural to get charmed by them and get pulled in into their little world. But ultimately, they are like clouds in a windy sky. Even the prettiest, most precious feeling quickly disintegrates, is harder and harder to recognize and ultimately gets replaced by another one, which might not be desirable at all. After recognizing the patter of excitement and disappointment that always comes with feelings, something in us can start to long for something more reliable. At that moment, the breath comes to the scene. We make a decision. The decision to put our breath to the forefront of our experience, regardless of how we feel. And then magic can start to happen. The breath introduces itself as the feelings of air touching the organs, but soon reveals that this is only the gateway to its true nature. This gateway leads us to another dimension, a dimension of dynamic life in the body. The breath is the boss here, conducts the process. The person is quite oblivious to the rules of this dimension and all he can do is watch with fascination the breath's immense intelligence in awakening the body. The clouds in the windy sky are left far behind...

I am always with you, body

A new relationship with the body This was my previous journal: The title of that journal itself showed the paradigm from which I tried to heal my body. It was a paradigm of lack. I had a feeling that something was very wrong and I had to fix it. In actuality that attitude itself is the very thing creating the problem. Here I would like to pay tribute to Abraham Hicks, whose videos helped me tremendously to grasp the point. The title of this journal itself shows the new paradigm I am embracing. It is a paradigm of love. A paradigm of care and of gentelness. I want to build a new relationship with my body. I have been out of my body for a long time. Out in the mind. I have been abusing it, basically mindlessly raping it with poison. That's what it feels like. It is hurt and it deserves to be loved now. The new relationship will involve recognizing the body not as a dumb object, but rather as a sensitive and living life-companion. I see the future in a very positive light. I encourage anyone reading this to bring awareness to your body right now and give it a nice, warm thank you for all these years of service

Gratitude “Gran’ma, I feel so sad seeing you like this…” “Don’t be silly, little one. I am old but I am blessed, sweetest feeling warms my heaving chest. Yes, great pain is eating me, yet I see it clear. It’s a gift from Mighty Lord, to help me disappear. For when I see how perfect all this struggle is, the voice bows, settles down, and praises Emptiness!”