okulele

Meditate on this. Quite a bit came up for me.

Anything in life I can think about... is not so. It's not like this, it's not like that. There is not a way it is. And this statement is not so either. There is nowhere to stand. Free-fall for all!

Watch, listen, meditate and ask yourself this question (it's explained a bit in the beginning of the video)

Who is this know-it-all inside of me? The one who knows what's right and wrong. The one who knows what other's thought? It's not me, that's for sure. I don't know much of these things. I don't what I will say, I don't know my next move! Just for once I'd like to see the true face of this know-it-all. Then I could judge for myself, if it truly knows it all.

@bejapuskas Good luck

Keep meditating, but what is your greatest problem in life? You have stuff to solve? What is worrying you? Get your life straight and your meditation will become much, much easier.

I have this super-persistent-doubt. I've had it for a long time. It doubts this moment, it doubts this life. However many time I see that "yes, this is fact it!", the super-persistent-doubt comes back saying, "ehhhh maybe... it's not it?". Is that what awakening is about? Proving the super-persistent-doubt wrong?

@bejapuskas I think if you all agree on the fact that a 20 minutes a day for listening only and no fighting is beneficial, you will all do your best. Of course, you won't be perfect. Many times my brother gets upset during these talks and walks out (he's 16), but we do our best to learn from this and try to honor the listening only and no fighting time the next day. It's a learning, healing process. I think the crucial thing is that all of you get just how good it could be to have this common ground every day. If all of you get it, you will try again and again, each day and you will be getting better and better at understanding and accepting each other.

@bejapuskas The idea is that every one addresses these 4 points: General experience of the day. Something pleasant that happened that day. Something unpleasant that happened that day. Something learned that day. There is no discussing problems with each other for once. There is no discussing in fact. It's one person at a time talking about what his life is like from his perspective. The rest is there just to listen. The idea is for everyone to express themselves however they like in these four simple points and the rest just to listen. Simple! Very simple! Just telling your story and listening to the story of others. Seeing the humanness in your family

Every moment is IT, regardless of what we say. What else would it be? We can be in great confusion, lost and struggling so much! But if we are honest, there is always a part of us, deep inside smiling mischievously. Being thrilled with this joke we are playing on ourselves again. Let's admit it, folks. We are all jokers inside.

@bejapuskas It's a systemic problem Your family lacks the ground for good communication. Mine had the same problem, we were arguing and every time we talked it was just pointing fingers and lecturing each other. Here is what I suggested and what we are practicing together every day: Each day at 8 PM we all get together. One by one we talk about: our day generally, what good thing happened to us that day, what bad thing happened to us that day, what we learned that day. Each person's turn takes usually about 5-7 minutes. The others don't comment much, for sure don't criticize. Everyone knows that this is a time for expressing ourselves and giving our attention to the other. This is making a big change a lot. I am not saying our relationships are perfect now, but getting together each day and allowing this space for hearing the other person out and recognizing that there is a real human being in there, is so valuable. I explained when suggesting this that I see that our communication sucks and would like to make it better. My family agreed with me on this. I suggested that we do this and make it easier for everyone of us. It was not me imposing this on the family, all of us see the value. Even when we are not getting along well that day and don't want to talk, someone gathers the courage everyday and starts this process because it is important for us. Maybe try it out?

Yes. Cold is the way.

What do you think is the role of a guru in all of this? Did you have one?

Great stuff! Thanks for sharing

Check this book list out, if you want to learn about mysticism in all the great religious traditions and more. https://www.centerforsacredsciences.org/index.php/library/recommended-reading.htm

Yes! That's what the game seems to be about!

Awakening doesn't solve anything. Chasing and chasing the mystical enlightenment, I realize it will not solve my issues. My issues with career, relationships, health, they are here just as they have always been. Untouched, standing in the same place with a mocking smile and a "What cha gonna do now?" on their lips. Awakening solves everything. The issues that have plagued me for so long turn out to be nothing but ghosts. There is no issue with an issue. It's not my problem anyway, as it comes it's being sent to its original master.

The work seems to be this: letting the insight flood every part of my experience. Going through life without avoidance, with great courage and gratitude for the opportunity to live. Being very careful to discover each hidden part of myself that is still covered in darkness. Appreciating the successes and accepting the failures with the same inner smile full of compassion.

Slowly this new realization of innate peace is becoming a norm. My life is much easier, much more smooth, much more flow. Yet, there is still a fundamental part of me that is concerned with survival and seeking. Today I grasped (probably for the first time) a simple thing that I heard many great teachers talk about. Mainly, when I wake up the ego kicks in. It is not there just before I wake up, but as soon as I do the struggle to survive begins! What a thing! Right away! I can say - "oh, today is a good morning, the struggle is not that strong!", but it is there nonetheless. All throughout the day it persists, until I finally go to sleep again. At the moment of recognition of the struggle, I tried to let it go. Obviously, I could not. That was just more struggle. How do I stop struggling for good, if whatever I do is more struggle? Can I break the habit? Can I forget how to struggle? Can I just go full blown amnesia on the struggle for survival?

My great, noble mission was to hold onto consciousness and avoid unconsciousness at any cost. The realization was, that it is not possible not to be conscious. How could that even be a thing? It was all a misunderstanding. I correctly assumed that being conscious is what I want, but I thought that being conscious is something else than what it actually is. I thought it is an experience of feeling open, clear. That can't be true. Consciousness must exist for me to experience the unpleasant states also. How could I experience them otherwise? So, every time a thought saying, "this is not it" ,comes up, something knows that that's bulshit.

As SantataGamana stresses again and again, the kriyas are not the important part. The abiding is.

good stuff

The mind was not dramatically changed. It even took it a while to notice, that something changed. So what has changed? In a way, nothing at all. The mind still has its worries and hopes. The only thing that has changed is, that the struggle is gone. And I am not even sure if that is a change since the only way I can know that this is a no-struggle-state is by remembering the state full of struggle. The mind can go full person mode or really open and no-self, but the no-struggle-state is constant. I cannot point to it, since it's just the absence of struggle. There is nothing to point.

Yes, that's exactly what it is. Blank space where my motivations had been. Nothing to replace them yet. I love this. In a sense it's all done, in a sense it's just started and there is so much to learn. @Angelite Cool I recognize I am not the self, but at the same time I feel like I am the self also. Hence the confusion. But as you say, I am keeping up the practice and trusting that clarity will come out of that. @aurum Sure, I am still alive and stuff happens. Just the psychological life is falling apart. @XYZ Actually I think that my personality is quite strong and developed, it's just that it is kind of crumbling down. (at least a lot of aspects of it, I am still perfectly recognizable on the outside)

Thanks. This was very helpful.